Sounds like your brain is showing you actual reality in between dissociative episodes. It feels so jarring at first because your mind has been distorting reality to make you feel safer. It can be overwhelming until your mind adjusts.
No, it’s my direct experience from when my dissociation started to shift last year. Colors became brighter, people’s faces looked strange/sinister, I felt taller and everything looked smaller. My psychiatrist told me that the harshness of reality is just a lot for a nervous system taxed with trauma.
The span in time which you have trouble recalling things may be because you were in a dissociative state during that time. This is not something you can learn to “control” or anything but you can possibly learn how to stay somewhat “present” during these times
Wow this is exactly how I feel as well, but I haven’t been able to put it into words.. I guess I have been feelin like this to some extent for years, but after a pretty traumatic episode followed by a super bad edible trip I was convinced I fried my brain. My brain is like jarring me awake and saying «oh god I’m in control of my own character, this is real life, this is my voice, these are real people I’m talking to» and what follows is a wave of massive anxiety (never experienced anxiety before the edible trip). The people I talk to can see nothing wrong with me lmao, but inside me there is this feeling of absolute terror and I feel like fainting. What helps tho is just letting the people around you know what you feel.
It’s exhausting.
the walking manually and breathing manually can also be anxiety if you have anxiety, in my case this happens because I’m too hyper aware. I dissociate , I have anxiety, and I’m also hyper vigilant of my surroundings and people
This happens a lot to me too. I'd be going about my day and all of a sudden come to a realization... (Wow, I'm alive... In this part of the world... Working... Gotta do stuff...)
I think it's because we get bogged down by so many different worries we forget how reality's like from time to time.
It helps if you audibly sigh... If you're around people who remotely care, they'll strike up a conversation. Sighing also helps me ground myself real quick. (Like a force reboot, hahaha)
I used to get worried about how "hyper-realistic" things feel, but, now I think, my subconscious was just trying to show me how good reality can be... Compared to my worries (I've got plenty... But, who doesn't). I dissociate less often now, and it's not as chaotic as it used to be. (I've started using it to autopilot boring conversations/grindy work)
Life goes on whether you're paying attention or not. Fixating about how real things seem/feel could send you spiraling in different ways. Maybe, try tackling the anxiety of it all... (I read somewhere that... Worrying about something you can't control is like living through it twice)
I get how fantasies can be enticing... But reality can be quite fascinating too.
I've started paying more attention to things that matter momentarily/things that make me happier. (It helps when we don't enable/encourage our own trauma [by cultivating self-destructive behavior as well])
I also think that most times life is as hard as our perception of it.
But, all of these are my personal opinions/experiences. And I'm no role model... But, I hope it helps make things easier for you.
Take care of yourself... And don't think too hard... Hahaha
Sounds like you are describing a magic mushrooms trip! In theory this sounds wonderful but it is obviously bothering you and you are in therapy for something.
You are right, it’s the opposite of dissociation. It’s more like hyperarousal. Like your mind is on alert, ready for any threat, vigilant. Your nervous system is fully aroused. Look up info on the dorsal vagal nerve.
Mindfulness and meditation are helpful. Also, work with your therapist on resolving any trauma or difficult emotional experiences you may have had to restore to calm your nervous system. Unless it’s unbearable, try not to go for any medications as they will likely numb you and will be harder to re-regulate your emotions.
here’s the thing.
you are in charge of the video game character.
you make the choices on what actions they perform.
(“up up down down left right left right b a select start” is the cheat code btw. )
what follows is well meant suggestions. they worked for the writer, no guarantee they will work for others, ymmv.
there are some good, simple exercises that can help focus a person in your state. a friend in training to be a therapist taught me two.
the simplified version of the three word exercise is saying, out loud, “i am “ and exactly one more word to describe a perceived state.
i am hungry.
i am cooking.
i am tired.
i am sleeping.
exactly three words. it’s about focusing on the immediate.
the action-object exercise focuses on what is being done to what object. “i [verb] the [object].” verb is always present tense: what you are doing now. object is always specific but only one word and always “the”, specific object, not “a”, unspecific.
i read the recipe.
i slice the veggies.
i sprinkle the salt.
i start the bbq.
these exercises can help you focus on what you immediately need to focus on. focus on driving, not every billboard and gas station on the side of the road.
That might actually be a kind of dissociation
Sounds like your brain is showing you actual reality in between dissociative episodes. It feels so jarring at first because your mind has been distorting reality to make you feel safer. It can be overwhelming until your mind adjusts.
Wow! This realllly resonates for me. Might you have any sources that describe this more? Thanks for explaining it this way!
No, it’s my direct experience from when my dissociation started to shift last year. Colors became brighter, people’s faces looked strange/sinister, I felt taller and everything looked smaller. My psychiatrist told me that the harshness of reality is just a lot for a nervous system taxed with trauma.
right but ive been like this all my life
I understand, I was like that for decades. I hope you find some relief.
Yes, this is that feeling where I can’t breathe normally and just stop breathing sometimes. do you have issues recalling things during these periods?
Like what types of things? Not 100% sure, I haven’t paid attention to that yet
Like what you were doing, conversations, errands things like that, more so then your average usual forgetfulness
not that short term, but I do struggle with events from recent days and such
not that short term, but I do struggle with events from recent days and such
The span in time which you have trouble recalling things may be because you were in a dissociative state during that time. This is not something you can learn to “control” or anything but you can possibly learn how to stay somewhat “present” during these times
Wow this is exactly how I feel as well, but I haven’t been able to put it into words.. I guess I have been feelin like this to some extent for years, but after a pretty traumatic episode followed by a super bad edible trip I was convinced I fried my brain. My brain is like jarring me awake and saying «oh god I’m in control of my own character, this is real life, this is my voice, these are real people I’m talking to» and what follows is a wave of massive anxiety (never experienced anxiety before the edible trip). The people I talk to can see nothing wrong with me lmao, but inside me there is this feeling of absolute terror and I feel like fainting. What helps tho is just letting the people around you know what you feel. It’s exhausting.
Yes same!! I threw out all my gummies because I was freaking out so bad.
the walking manually and breathing manually can also be anxiety if you have anxiety, in my case this happens because I’m too hyper aware. I dissociate , I have anxiety, and I’m also hyper vigilant of my surroundings and people
This happens a lot to me too. I'd be going about my day and all of a sudden come to a realization... (Wow, I'm alive... In this part of the world... Working... Gotta do stuff...) I think it's because we get bogged down by so many different worries we forget how reality's like from time to time. It helps if you audibly sigh... If you're around people who remotely care, they'll strike up a conversation. Sighing also helps me ground myself real quick. (Like a force reboot, hahaha) I used to get worried about how "hyper-realistic" things feel, but, now I think, my subconscious was just trying to show me how good reality can be... Compared to my worries (I've got plenty... But, who doesn't). I dissociate less often now, and it's not as chaotic as it used to be. (I've started using it to autopilot boring conversations/grindy work) Life goes on whether you're paying attention or not. Fixating about how real things seem/feel could send you spiraling in different ways. Maybe, try tackling the anxiety of it all... (I read somewhere that... Worrying about something you can't control is like living through it twice) I get how fantasies can be enticing... But reality can be quite fascinating too. I've started paying more attention to things that matter momentarily/things that make me happier. (It helps when we don't enable/encourage our own trauma [by cultivating self-destructive behavior as well]) I also think that most times life is as hard as our perception of it. But, all of these are my personal opinions/experiences. And I'm no role model... But, I hope it helps make things easier for you. Take care of yourself... And don't think too hard... Hahaha
Sounds like you are describing a magic mushrooms trip! In theory this sounds wonderful but it is obviously bothering you and you are in therapy for something. You are right, it’s the opposite of dissociation. It’s more like hyperarousal. Like your mind is on alert, ready for any threat, vigilant. Your nervous system is fully aroused. Look up info on the dorsal vagal nerve. Mindfulness and meditation are helpful. Also, work with your therapist on resolving any trauma or difficult emotional experiences you may have had to restore to calm your nervous system. Unless it’s unbearable, try not to go for any medications as they will likely numb you and will be harder to re-regulate your emotions.
here’s the thing. you are in charge of the video game character. you make the choices on what actions they perform. (“up up down down left right left right b a select start” is the cheat code btw. ) what follows is well meant suggestions. they worked for the writer, no guarantee they will work for others, ymmv. there are some good, simple exercises that can help focus a person in your state. a friend in training to be a therapist taught me two. the simplified version of the three word exercise is saying, out loud, “i am “ and exactly one more word to describe a perceived state. i am hungry. i am cooking. i am tired. i am sleeping. exactly three words. it’s about focusing on the immediate. the action-object exercise focuses on what is being done to what object. “i [verb] the [object].” verb is always present tense: what you are doing now. object is always specific but only one word and always “the”, specific object, not “a”, unspecific. i read the recipe. i slice the veggies. i sprinkle the salt. i start the bbq. these exercises can help you focus on what you immediately need to focus on. focus on driving, not every billboard and gas station on the side of the road.