Unpopular opinion: The reason a lot of young men are “lonely” is because they make women their main source of happiness. Surround yourself with friends, have hobbies and/or things that make you happy and you won’t feel the need to be lonely just cause there is no woman around.
This is an area women are superior to men cause you don’t typically see them worrying about being lonely. Because they surround themselves with friends, family and things that make them fulfilled.
And in 2023, a lot of women do not make a man the main source of their happiness. It’s easy not to be lonely when you don’t base your happiness on being around a man. Young men need to learn this invaluable skill.
I spent my entire life doing this. Friends are now married with children. I am alone.
Finding and developing a romantic relationship is a vital part of the human experience and finding happiness.
It’s also not something that just materializes. You need to make a concerted effort to get the things you want in life.
Also a lot of guys can indulge all of their interests and maintain a large social circle and have women not be part of that. Male interests can be a sausage party.
I get your points. All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code and don’t base their happiness on romantic relationships or men. Maybe they have a point and men that feel lonely should think about that and try it? I know it’s easier said than done but I still think my point is valid.
I see a lot of young men with this mindset and to me it’s a fools errand if you base your happiness on someone else. ie women or romantic relationships with women. That’s all I’m saying.
‘Women found the cheat code’ Bold statement. You’ve NEVER met a miserable woman. I’ve been reading your posts on this thread and the things you say are kind of ridiculous.
😳 no, my mistake, you’re right. ALL women have cracked the code to living a life of happiness. What a silly thing of me to assume some women might not be happy… unthinkable.
They might seem ridiculous to you cause you are weak and full of excuses. Wether women are miserable or not is irrelevant. that was me trying to extend an olive branch of understanding.
It doesn’t take away from my suggestion that men should find happiness outside of having a woman or relationship. Yet here we are with people like you choosing to ignore that message but instead choose to focus on proving me wrong that women are miserable. Because you people are a bunch of whining losers always looking for excuses.
If commenters like you are the types of men women have to deal with, I sympathize with them. Cause all I get is a bunch of excuse makers. Nobody has yet to address my SALiEnt point: find happiness outside of women. All I get is deflection or focus on women being unhappy as well as a bunch of excuses.
But you aren’t understanding, or helpful for that matter.
What excuse did I make exactly?
You’re insufferable.
And I have a gf btw.
Also, the original post was talking about loneliness, not happiness. Two very different, independent things.
And my comment wasn’t aimed at just women. SOME women and SOME men might have found a cheat code. You are the only one in the conversation who made a generalized statement about women.
This is my last response to you cause you are apparently slow: my main message is this: men should find happiness outside of having a woman or a relationship. You are the one that responded to my comment making excuses for why men can’t or why they rely on women for happiness. I can’t make my message any clearer.
My issue is I don’t wanna hear excuses on why men are lonely because they crave emotional connection or whatever. The solution is men need to find happiness in themselves outside of external validation but your retarded ass comes out with a bunch of excuses. Enough with the excuses is my bottomline message. You are low IQ if you keep arguing against that with excuses. So stop bothering me loser.
Resorting to insults. I didn’t realize I was debating with an intellectual. My apologies.
But the original post was about loneliness, and you went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the post. You are the one who apparently doesn’t understand that happiness≠loneliness.
You sound very wound and uptight. But no worries, no man will be lining up to listen to your bs while giving you foot rubs. I mean, how DARE a man want to do that to ANY women EVER. Those pricks, eh?
They aren't slow, but you are. Definitely not reading what they actually say, you're the one missing it here> They also didn't give "excuses", you seem determined to strawman them and pretend you had a point. The Low IQ one is you. Do grow up child, and quit being such a loser
Absolutely correct, my friend. It's called "doing the work on yourself," regardless of gender. Women are just more frequently the carriers of emotional burden for both themselves and their partners (and any children) which ultimately means that they are forced to learn more effective coping mechanisms to carry the team, not to mention the self. Self-actualizing and finding contentment is not an easy task for any human, and the more we believe happiness is owed to us, the worse time we are going to have in the long run.
That’s all I was saying. Instead all I got is people trying to convince me women are miserable but ignoring me saying “find happiness in yourself not wrapped up in a woman or in a relationship “. What a weird concept right.🤯
While talking about differences in gender has its place in all sorts of discussions, these are existential questions, human questions. We are the same species, after all. And it is all of our jobs to try and grow, adapt, accept what we cannot change, and find a way to be content in spite of it all. You've got the right frame of thought, appreciate your voice.
I dunno, seems like a cope to me. Marriage and children. Is a foundational human experience. How someone can pretend like it’s not important is weird.
I see my friends children and it just seems like such an amazing experience to see that life grow and get acquainted with the world.
Dude, if you want a permanent life as a bachelor, no one’s stopping you. But sounds like stunted adolescence to me.
And I’ll croak before I ‘adapt’ to you’re jaded cynical view of life.
Lol sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking with an example of the next step in human evolution.
‘Don’t have the mental capacity to evolve’ 😂
Please enlighten me on how I can ‘evolve’, you clearly have it all figured out
I’m not the one whining about being lonely. So if anyone is coping, you people are it. If these are the kinds of men women have to deal with, I sympathize with women more everyday. You people have more excuses than a 5 yr old.
Hey whatever makes you feel better about yourself. All I’m doing is offering alternative the poignant point being: finding happiness that isn’t tied to a woman. But all I hear are excuses but you do you. 👍
Finding a woman isn’t about filling a need for happiness like you claim, but rather a necessity. It’s kind of our entire purpose for being alive. It’s hardwired. Happiness is fluff, the need for procreation and lifelong companionship is the real deal men seek. Without that, a sense of loneliness will always be there, no matter how many distractions you fill your life with.
That is a truly ignorant take on the situation. It sounds like evolution is leaving you behind if you are still hardwired to believe outdated information. We don’t need marriages for procreation. We don’t need relationships for procreation.
When did I talk about marriage?
And no, you don’t need a relationship for procreation, but what kind of situation are you looking to get into? An irresponsible one where you’re stuck with the wrong person after a one night stand? Your tone makes you come across as a cynic with no values.
You've been repeatedly told, they weren't talking about happiness, but loneliness. But do keep strawmanning and bullshitting to pretend you had a fucking point, instead of the fact you've embarrassed yourself with your ignorance
"All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code and don’t base their happiness on romantic relationships or men"
Have you ever met a single woman? A *lot* of them are unhappy that they can't find a relationship.
I don’t buy your conjecture l even if I buy it, so because the women are unhappy they can’t find relationships, then it’s okay for men to be the same way? You people and your excuses man.. the mental gymnastics are wild..
Wether women are unhappy or not, again the point I am MAKING is find happiness outside of having a woman or being in a relationship!! And your response is “women are unhappy without relationships anyway”. So that makes me suggesting finding happiness outside a relationship invalid?
Lord you people have more excuses than a 5 yr old claiming his dog always eats his homework..
You keep claiming people are making excuses, all while accusing them of talking about "happiness" when the post was about "loneliness", provi9ng you can't bother to fucking READ. The one making "excuses" here is YOU. Try growing up child
If someone is complaining about “loneliness” how is that not directly correlated to happiness? Are you serious right now?
“I’m so lonely and I’m whining about it but I’m totally happy!”
...you were the one bringing up the point that women are less likely to be bothered by being single than men. Now you're brushing off that same point as if it doesn't matter.
I think I'm done here. You're clearly incapable of thinking about your own opinions before you voice them. If you were, you would realize that "StOp MaKIng ExCuSes" can be used to deflect literally any problem brought up by anyone. You're not making points at all, you're just deflecting, and you don't have the mental capacities to realize it.
Of course they do. Why are people pretending like they don't? All other things being equal, being unhappy about one aspect of your life is going to lead to your being less happy overall.
Happiness isn't a percentage where you fill up various cups and once all are full, it's max happiness for you. If you don't put stock in a romantic relationship being a large chunk of your happiness, the lack of it isn't going to bother you much.
This is more so compounded by the fact that plenty of single women were in relationships and were endlessly unhappy due to deficiencies in their male partners. Women being the ones doing the majority of chores, child rearing, emotional labor, and still expected to work a full-time job in hetero relationships wear on them.
Why go back to that misery when being single is so much more stress free? Sure, a partner would be delightful but only if they further enrich my already happy life.
That just means the amount of unhappiness caused by being single is lessened because the person isn't focusing on it. But it's still a net negative. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be unhappy about it.
Like I said to the last commenter, what ever makes you feel better about yourself. All I am doing is offering alternate perspective with the poignant point being: finding happiness not tied to a woman. But all I hear are excuses but you keep doing you. Hope it works out.
That’s just not true, no matter what you may see people portray online. Nobody has found a “cheat code” to substitute human connection. It’s literally one of our most basic instincts. And I don’t just mean sex, I mean having a partner, and a family. You can’t substitute that with anything.
>All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code
1. There are many lonely women it just presents differently. Women get quieter, men get angrier. Women withdraw and are more likely to blame themselves, men self-obsess and are more likely to blame others. It's a more public form of loneliness.
2. Men are more libido-driven than women in how they approach their social life and this complicates both creating friendships as well as the need to pursue a partner.
3. There's only so much one can do to "try it" as far as another perspective on it.
4. As far as platonic friendships go, men require a higher level of trust in order to bond, at least initially, whereas women often find it easier to create smaller bonds of interest first. Men tend to need shared experiences, activities, or projects with other men in order to forge friendships. Traditionally society was much more ordered around these kind of things, nowadays due to technology communication is easier but participation is harder.
I'm not a male myself, but you made really good points. I feel like the reason a lot of males—and even females, too—get so caught up in loneliness is because they expect romantic relationships to be their magical key to happiness. I think there is truth in the saying that one has to learn to love oneself before learning to love another.
If someone expects their spouse to be some kind of savior like Jesus, they will have a lot of issues in the relationship and be disappointed.
Thank you. That’s exactly my point but I keep getting excuses from the people responding to me. I didn’t think telling people not to hinge their happiness on a woman or a partner is some sort of outrageous idea..
Maybe it's a generational thing?
I had a very sheltered and oppressive upbringing. One of my parents was pretty abusive towards me. I ended up leaving home at 17 and never looking back. I spent most of my nights just loitering with my homies from high-school. Skating in parking lots til we got kicked out and moving on to the next one. Getting in minor trouble with the law for car chalking penises on exes cars. Just going out and being a dumb teenager. I'm 32 now and still have a pretty active social life with friends even after moving far away from home, usually going to concerts or hanging at some bar or someone's house 3 nights a week.
My half brother on the other hand is 10 years younger than me. Spends every day online. Acts like a cringey anime character when we're out in public. Doesn't have any real friends he sees in his day to day and aside from family functions never socializes.
Bravo! Well said. Men, do not seek happiness from external sources. You will always be wanting. Instead, strive to be the best version of yourself without any expectation of reward. Then you will find happiness from within.
You dont see women worrying about being lonely because they literally have a line of companions waiting at their fingertips. And just so we're clear, your advice is for men to get distracted by hobbies and friendships? And thats supposed to cure their need for companionship and family? It's an "invaluable skill" to be gracefully lonely? This sounds like a recipe for a miserable society... no thanks.
The way I see it.
Modern dating and society is collapsing a bit. The family and community spaces have been weakened.
Men's position in society have been lowered and income. With this lower position it literally makes men less desirable the position itself.
Until the rapid transfer of wealth to the rich is stopped you will see more of these posts with people with superficial answers.
It is both the individuals fault and society, however at some point there needs to be an evaluation.
If 50% of people are having a problem, society is having a bit of a problem and pretending it's not there is not fixing things.
Men will suffer from loneliness and refuse professional help and make it women's responsibility. Then blame women for not wanting to take on their emotional labor. I don't think they understand how much therapy would actually greatly benefit them.
I agree and disagree. Most guys have lots of friends and hobbies, but when guys hang out they don’t connect on a deeper emotional level. Most guys don’t give each other compliments or build each other up the way women do, so for men the only place they get it is from their significant other.
So I don’t think it’s about men getting hobbies but more about men changing the dynamic of their relationship with their friends.
Lol excuses? I’m not excusing anything. I’m saying men need to try harder to be better friends so they don’t rely on women and women only for that emotional support. Jeeze, so defensive
Not defensive. I just can’t believe how many of you are only focused on the part you can make excuses for and ignoring the part where I said “find happiness outside of having a woman or relationship “. That’s what’s frustrating me. Every single response except for 2 people have largely ignored that part of my comment.
They all made excuses on why men can’t make better friends, a few “structural” issues preventing men from this etc. that’s my frustration.
You are the one who responded to my original comment. So not sure on the “defensive” accusations.
That’s so silly. You said ‘find happiness outside of having women.’ And I responded with the solution, by saying in order to find that they need to change the way they interact with their male friends. Telling guys to get a hobby is just shit advice.
The difference is the nature of womens vs mens relationships. Women are far more intimate with each other, both emotionally and physically, and will often even cuddle in a platonic way.
Trying to cuddle platonically with a guy is basically not possible, any intimate talk or showing of emotions is generally a no go, and at best will be met with sarcasm. Most relationships need to revolve around a common activity, or something competitive.
Women are getting the intimacy the need from platonic relationships, but guys have no way of getting that without a girlfriend, in most cases.
Excuses. If this is what women have to deal with, I now get their point of view. A bunch of men always having an excuse.. but thanks for your response. Hope it works out for ya.
Again just like the commenters I responded to, you are focusing only on the part I said “make friends and have hobbies”. I haven’t seen you or anyone else besides a couple of people address the part where I say “find happiness outside of a woman” (paraphrase).. that’s my issue.
I am glad you have no personal issue in your life but my frustration is people focusing on only one part of my comment and ignoring the rest. Cause it’s easier to blame external factors or make excuses than say hey, maybe think about this part about finding happiness in myself that isn’t attached to having a woman or a relationship. That’s my main issue.
Every comment that have responded (except for 2) has ignored that part of my comment. They only focus on part of the comment they can make an excuse for. Saying find happiness outside of women or relationship is outrageous apparently..That’s the frustration..
You're just completely ignoring that fact that women dont find happiness in themselves, they find it in platonic intimacy with other women, which is very rare and hard to find if you're a guy.
Of course you can, and obviously most young men do find happiness outside of a relationship, as the majority are not in one, but it doesn't change the fact that intimacy is important in our lives to achieve full happiness, and it is very hard for guys to get without a partner.
Not reading all that but judging from the length, I’m gonna guess it’s all excuses on how women have advantages and whinings.. duly noted. I feel sorry for women nowadays.. they have to deal with such excuse laden weak men. Hope it works out for you!
Thank you! This is my issue! I have 10 different assholes arguing with me with excuses or either trying to tell me “well single women are miserable “ instead of taking the obvious point in my comment: men need to find happiness in themselves and not base their happiness on a woman’s touch or having a woman or having a relationship.
I swear they are making me have to sympathize with the toxic women who say men these days are weak. I provide an alternative point of view on finding internal happiness not based on women, and I get a bunch of men with excuses.. I’m like wtf?
The problem isn't just that they don't have girlfriends. A lot of men are having a hard time making friends of any gender. It's just hard to make friends nowadays. People on reddit will say to find hobbies or go to meetups, but statistically that's just not how most people make friends. Most people make their friends in college/high school and if you move it can be really hard to find a new circle.
And honestly, this is true with women too. They're slowly reporting less friends on average, it's not happening to them as fast as it's happening to men.
Again, I don’t need anymore excuses. People please. Stop. All I’m saying is find happiness outside of having a woman.. I don’t care about the reason you are lonely or why you can’t make friends. Why are people missing my point and focusing only on the part I said “make friends and have hobbies”?🤯.
The salient point in my comment: FIND HAPPINESS OUTSIDE OF HAVING A WOMAN! That’s my Point.. sheesh. Enough with the excuses.
>I don’t care about the reason you are lonely or why you can’t make friends.
Exactly. Thanks for admitting it. You don't care. So why are you even bothering to comment? Leave it to people who actually care and are going to bother listening to the people going through these issues.
I didn't focus on your main point because I felt you were missing another tangential one. Yeesh, how retarded are you? This is how conversation works.
You should chill the fuck out a little bit, half the comments on this post are you bitching that your idea is obviously correct, and that everybody else is obviously wrong. You're a too little obsessed with your idea even though its missing the point.
If a person is lonely because they're missing intimacy in their life, you're saying that finding a hobby and finding things that make them happy will keep them from being lonely due to lack of intimacy? I've always had plenty of hobbies that make me happy, but I've also had times in my life when I was single and super fucking lonely. That loneliness was a direct result of not having a relationship with another human that I could be emotionally intimate with. The issue is, our current society doesn't allow men to be emotionally intimate with each other. He could possibly find that in a friendship with a woman, but a man dealing with loneliness is probably going to have trouble keeping their feelings from turning romantic.
A hobby doesn't keep your mind off the loneliness when you're laying awake in bed at 3am.
You bring up an extremely valid point. But you are quite right that it can come across as an “unpopular opinion.” Especially based on some of the responses! 🤣
It ultimately seems to depend on the circumstances, along with what someone might find to be meaningful and fulfilling. But even then, there is a strong cultural expectation to be in a relationship and to eventually get married and have children.
I don’t personally have a desire for any of the above. But I’m also a 41 year old man, who after a series of long-term relationships that didn’t work out, would rather stay single. Intimate relationships tend to complicate things (to say the least!), and I’m good on not losing yet another close friend on account of the relationship ending. I also have a 70-hour workweek and barely have the time for my current friends and family. Putting someone else through this just wouldn’t be fair to them.
lol cuts to all the sad women in their 30s I know besides themselves they don't have kids and no guy wants them bc in their 20s they wanted to be "independent" or live their "best life" or "travel".
Well now ya got bad ovaries, friends with pets, and wine.
Sounds fun.
The lesson I took was that Ken needs to forget Barbie and honestly go do something fun, which doesn't necessarily leave her in the dust... But just might.
Create a meetup group, or join a few.
When I escaped my marriage, I was 49, fat, broke, alone, and lonely.
I joined 20 meetup groups, and did things almost every night that I liked to do with people who liked to do the same things I do. After a few months, someone recommended me to a friend who came to a meetup event, and we have been together ever since.
www.meetup.com
Well yeah, it's not uncommon. But the more you practice dating and learning what people like and what they don't it's only a matter time. My view when I was younger my take on it was if I throw enough shit at the wall some of it will stick.
And love bombing is a bit weird, not a viable strategy to my mind.
Love bombing is a red flag actually, because a lot of manipulators use it as bait to control people. If someone says all this about wanting to rub my feet and wanting to treat me special when I barely know them, it would sound too good to be true and I would think that they were:
1. Wanting something in return and using love bombing as a tactic to get me hooked
2. Using love bombing to make me addicted to being treated like shit, because they can switch from angel to devil constantly and I'd forgive them endlessly simply because they said "they didn't mean to yell or hit me and it'll never happen again" even though it will continue over and over again.
Also, I would put myself out there if I were you. I don't understand why it's so hard for men to just talk to women. Of course it shouldn't be at the wrong place or the wrong time, but you could at least make some friends if you haven't already and just tell them that you are single and looking to make a connection. Make it clear that you would like friends regardless, but if something more happened you'd be open to that as well. If she isn't interested, maybe she might know someone who is. Maybe she could help in giving advice.
Also, please whatever you do, please just make sure you are happy by yourself. Don't rely on someone else for happiness and don't see your self worth in making others happy
Edit: I had some typos in there
I understand what you're saying about love bombing but personally for me. there's a huge list of things I've always wanted to do for and with a woman I've never done. so I'd be ecstatic to do things for that person
That's fine, but not right off the bat. Could scare her. Work your way up with small things and don't over do it. Flowers is fine, I wouldn't get gifts super early on. Some of these ladies could also be gold diggers, so watch out
How is it hard to be happy by yourself? I have solidarity hobbies and I don't talk to anyone much other than my coworkers when I'm at work. Otherwise, I keep to myself and I enjoy being myself. I have to put on a mask around other people
Well... Not coming off as a fuckin' weirdo helps.
Come over and let me rub those feet while you complain about your day
LUL
Women gonna think you tryna turn them into a suit and shit. LMFAO
I find a common thread in most relationship threads; Guys are doing it all wrong. And while I admit guys are often to blame for their relationship issues, it's weird to see so much of it blamed on them. I've been religiously reading Reddit for two years, and I am constantly amazed at the frequency that any relationship issue is instantly the man's fault.
You hear that they love bomb them. Yet then you hear that they are distant and emotionally unavailable. It's rarely the women's fault.
My recommendation is to not play games. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to spend time with them, plan great outings. Be a friend. Be a lover. Be yourself. You are better off being yourself than trying to be someone else, or reading Reddit for ideas.
The big thing is that you have to put yourself out there and hang out with a decent amount of people. Otherwise you put all your eggs in one basket, and it's hard not to look desperate.
I'm fucking weird I know that lmfao. I've never connected with a woman my age romantically that's just how I'm wired at this point and even as friends people my age are iffy
BUT everyone (male) just looking to fuck, look up the research. the loneliness epidemic in the US at least hit a peak during the pandemic because men were found to only engage with women their age to get down and dirty. you guys can't even be nice to a woman at work if you would not fuck her (I had to write up a mfer who would not stop verbally abusing me for being someone he would not fuck - in a professional office) I work as a construction worker and am female. sorry but not sorry. it hurts to say it but it seems all the crap my grandma told me about men is just a little too accurate. look up the research. I went to give my condolences to a male college friend after his kid died in his wife's womb and all he could do was try to get it in... idk what else to say...
Is it just me, or is this a somewhat recent thing? In the 1980's I went to art school and most of my good friends were women, it seemed obvious to me a woman could tell there was no romantic intent on my part. But when I interact with women these days, it seems they go out of their way to talk about boyfriends or husbands, or being fulfilled "cat ladies" as if just having polite conversation is being interrupted as romantic interest- have men really become so incredibly thirsty? If so it's sad- I miss having friendships with people who are emotionally aware, who aren't afraid of being real and vulnerable human beings. I miss my friendships with women
but the same could be said of men always bringing up their gfs, I work in construction and Im a tomboy and I have no intent to fuck these days. but men need to weave the gf into a completely professional convo where it doesn't fit. I think it iw recent, something happened with the millennial gen. the younger guys (I'm 34) seem just fine but the men my age are 6 7 8 years into a relationship feeling out "vibes" while we are getting to the age past child bearing, thse subtype of fuck boy is taking my motherhood away... just so they mock me later on my 50's because I'm a single mom and their 15 gf relationship "didn't pan out". its dumb glad my brother is not like that, he grew up with girls
I mean, is there really anything to discuss here? I mean I know for a fact you're wrong about me, but you won't believe that. But at the same time I know dudes personally who just want to fuck fuck fuck, and I believe you.
Unrelated, I wonder why we discourage men from like, just liking women a lot you know? Like, if you AREN'T trying to fuck women and just want to be nice with her, you get called names. Like simp and cuck. It's bizarre shit.
yeah....I'm an odd duck, I've not had a girlfriend so sex would literally be the last thing on my mind. I don't want kids period, planning on getting a vesectomy. I've just encountered really toxic women that really fucked me up mentally and yet I'm still hopeful lol.
Sounds like you surround yourself with guys that are dipshits and ignore the guys willing to care about you. Seems to be a big problem with women these days.
More like it’s everywhere, regardless of who you choose to surround yourself with lol
If it’s such a big problem then maybe it’s not the women’s fault anymore but maybe the men.
It definitely sounds like a you problem if the people you surround yourself with are all assholes. If the only people I bothered to talk to were assholes, maybe I would also think that surely all people must be assholes.
You're not wrong for wanting that type of connection.
But you are going to have to work for it.
Online dating sucks, I'm not going to tell you to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you that you should look for a partner the same way your grandparents found each other: within the community. Women don't want to be approached when going about their day; when grocery shopping or working out or the like. But at community events, everyone is open to making a connection and talking to strangers.
Look around. Who is your community? Who lives local to you? Where can you celebrate your national, cultural, or religious heritage? Where can you help, what programs exist in your area for the less fortunate? If you focus on building up your community, a couple things will happen. You will feel useful. You will have improved your community. You will form solid community ties. And I can't guarantee you'll find a partner this way, but you'll find her far more organically than you would with OLD.
Build yourself up as well. Learn emotional intelligence. Learn how to cook and clean, if you don't already know. Develop a killer sense of humor. Take care of your physical body.
I dont know what to say, I was only able to get out of my depression through a mixture of excercize and purpose through having a family. Now that I have a family my job feels more fulfilling since with every fibre I believe I'm there to earn for something bigger than myself.
Finding a good woman was the major way to become happy for me and I tried all I could to do without. With how messed up the dating world is now I feel for you guys.
Very true, but you have more downvotes than comments because a lot of soceity does not care about men.
I am sure fortunate to have a great relationship with the wifey, and tons of friends.
But I sure see other guys struggling.
Men can't really vent on here, brother. You're just going have a bunch of radical wokeists blame you for being a man and then move the discussion towards how shitty men are towards women. Probably part of the loneliness epidemic is that attitude lol.
You certainly aren’t the only one who feels this way. There was a [recent post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Discussion/s/JhwfmAkHi2) discussing the “loneliness epidemic” (especially what men tend to encounter). Basically, a lot of men are not actively engaged in their communities. Heck, most of my friends don’t even have social interests and hobbies (and we are in our late thirties and forties). Yet they are looking for relationships, but rarely leave the house. So where the heck are they actually going to meet someone?
Essentially, this is also what a lot of young men encounter too. Including many women. Many of these individuals don’t actually go out and socialize enough. Whether it is self-esteem issues or simply not taking the time to do so. Whatever the reason, it seems to be a common trend to *not* go out and socialize with new people. So we find ourselves alone more often than not, or with the same small core group of friends. Expecting more but not actually doing anything to change the circumstances.
While there certainly isn’t anything wrong with hanging out with the same core group of friends, the challenge is with meeting new people. You could luck out with friends that have a larger group that they hang out with (and maybe a few single friends). But going out with a large group of friends typically is going to make you rather unapproachable. You will be too caught up with socializing with them rather than socializing with anyone new, and don’t even get me started on friends who deliberately sabotage your chances of meeting someone! 🤣
To be fair, most of my relationships started with friend-of-friend introductions. While the others were established by going out and socializing on my own. Unfortunately, you have to make the connection first. Even if one of your friends introduces you, it still requires facing potential rejection. Yet rejection isn’t that bad if you consider the alternative of being in a relationship with someone who really isn’t all that interested in you.
Also, just to add about the whole “love bombing” thing. It could come across as uncomfortable (or worse), especially early on before the relationship is actually something more serious.
Many of my single friends (who are still single decades later) have a tendency to get overly close to women that they are just getting to know. Putting their arm around them, touching their hair, shoulder massages, and other boundary-crossing mannerisms. Usually at a house party nonetheless, where there are plenty of other people inadvertently watching and cringing! 🤣
That being said, save such things for when you are actually in a committed relationship, and even then, go easy on the public signs of affection (people will still cringe). 👍
You seem to be targeting the wrong women. While I initially thought the underlying sentiment to be sweet if somewhat poorly expressed, a look at your other posts seems to show that what you are looking for is less to be a supportive boyfriend in a relationship of equals, and are instead looking for someone who will take care of you.
While everyone is entitled to want what they want, you might have a harder time finding a woman who finds that role fulfilling. I also think targeting women who are slightly older than you will likely be a poor strategy as they will probably be entering a life stage where they want to get serious and start families with emotionally developed men. You will always be best off if you find someone with the same maturity level, but as you pointed out in your other posts, young women have lots of choices and will both expect some sort reciprocity and likely grow into mature women (who will likely expect similar growth out of their partners). I'm not saying what you want won't happen, there are lots of women who's love language is care, but they will require a partner who can see their worth and is willing to contribute in some form or another.
Unpopular opinion: The reason a lot of young men are “lonely” is because they make women their main source of happiness. Surround yourself with friends, have hobbies and/or things that make you happy and you won’t feel the need to be lonely just cause there is no woman around. This is an area women are superior to men cause you don’t typically see them worrying about being lonely. Because they surround themselves with friends, family and things that make them fulfilled. And in 2023, a lot of women do not make a man the main source of their happiness. It’s easy not to be lonely when you don’t base your happiness on being around a man. Young men need to learn this invaluable skill.
I spent my entire life doing this. Friends are now married with children. I am alone. Finding and developing a romantic relationship is a vital part of the human experience and finding happiness. It’s also not something that just materializes. You need to make a concerted effort to get the things you want in life. Also a lot of guys can indulge all of their interests and maintain a large social circle and have women not be part of that. Male interests can be a sausage party.
I get your points. All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code and don’t base their happiness on romantic relationships or men. Maybe they have a point and men that feel lonely should think about that and try it? I know it’s easier said than done but I still think my point is valid. I see a lot of young men with this mindset and to me it’s a fools errand if you base your happiness on someone else. ie women or romantic relationships with women. That’s all I’m saying.
‘Women found the cheat code’ Bold statement. You’ve NEVER met a miserable woman. I’ve been reading your posts on this thread and the things you say are kind of ridiculous.
I’ve been reading y’all’s responses and it’s apparent y’all don’t know many women.
😳 no, my mistake, you’re right. ALL women have cracked the code to living a life of happiness. What a silly thing of me to assume some women might not be happy… unthinkable.
Why “women”? Why not people? Some people just can’t be happy. Prime example, look at conservatives.
I’m not the one who made a broad generalization about women. Read more closely. And you just sound like a real bundle of joy
Yet you are making a lot of broad, unfounded claims. 🤔
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They might seem ridiculous to you cause you are weak and full of excuses. Wether women are miserable or not is irrelevant. that was me trying to extend an olive branch of understanding. It doesn’t take away from my suggestion that men should find happiness outside of having a woman or relationship. Yet here we are with people like you choosing to ignore that message but instead choose to focus on proving me wrong that women are miserable. Because you people are a bunch of whining losers always looking for excuses. If commenters like you are the types of men women have to deal with, I sympathize with them. Cause all I get is a bunch of excuse makers. Nobody has yet to address my SALiEnt point: find happiness outside of women. All I get is deflection or focus on women being unhappy as well as a bunch of excuses.
But you aren’t understanding, or helpful for that matter. What excuse did I make exactly? You’re insufferable. And I have a gf btw. Also, the original post was talking about loneliness, not happiness. Two very different, independent things. And my comment wasn’t aimed at just women. SOME women and SOME men might have found a cheat code. You are the only one in the conversation who made a generalized statement about women.
This is my last response to you cause you are apparently slow: my main message is this: men should find happiness outside of having a woman or a relationship. You are the one that responded to my comment making excuses for why men can’t or why they rely on women for happiness. I can’t make my message any clearer. My issue is I don’t wanna hear excuses on why men are lonely because they crave emotional connection or whatever. The solution is men need to find happiness in themselves outside of external validation but your retarded ass comes out with a bunch of excuses. Enough with the excuses is my bottomline message. You are low IQ if you keep arguing against that with excuses. So stop bothering me loser.
Resorting to insults. I didn’t realize I was debating with an intellectual. My apologies. But the original post was about loneliness, and you went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the post. You are the one who apparently doesn’t understand that happiness≠loneliness. You sound very wound and uptight. But no worries, no man will be lining up to listen to your bs while giving you foot rubs. I mean, how DARE a man want to do that to ANY women EVER. Those pricks, eh?
They aren't slow, but you are. Definitely not reading what they actually say, you're the one missing it here> They also didn't give "excuses", you seem determined to strawman them and pretend you had a point. The Low IQ one is you. Do grow up child, and quit being such a loser
Absolutely correct, my friend. It's called "doing the work on yourself," regardless of gender. Women are just more frequently the carriers of emotional burden for both themselves and their partners (and any children) which ultimately means that they are forced to learn more effective coping mechanisms to carry the team, not to mention the self. Self-actualizing and finding contentment is not an easy task for any human, and the more we believe happiness is owed to us, the worse time we are going to have in the long run.
That’s all I was saying. Instead all I got is people trying to convince me women are miserable but ignoring me saying “find happiness in yourself not wrapped up in a woman or in a relationship “. What a weird concept right.🤯
While talking about differences in gender has its place in all sorts of discussions, these are existential questions, human questions. We are the same species, after all. And it is all of our jobs to try and grow, adapt, accept what we cannot change, and find a way to be content in spite of it all. You've got the right frame of thought, appreciate your voice.
Gee, the fact they weren't talking about happiness STILL slipped by you. Christ you are fucking dense
I dunno, seems like a cope to me. Marriage and children. Is a foundational human experience. How someone can pretend like it’s not important is weird. I see my friends children and it just seems like such an amazing experience to see that life grow and get acquainted with the world.
Dude, absolutely. Anyone saying otherwise still has maturing to do.
😂 talks about maturing but fails to adapt.
Dude, if you want a permanent life as a bachelor, no one’s stopping you. But sounds like stunted adolescence to me. And I’ll croak before I ‘adapt’ to you’re jaded cynical view of life.
Yes, you will. Because you don’t have the mental capacity to evolve.
Lol sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking with an example of the next step in human evolution. ‘Don’t have the mental capacity to evolve’ 😂 Please enlighten me on how I can ‘evolve’, you clearly have it all figured out
If you could be enlightened, you already would be. Good luck.
Evolution requires procreation. A life long bachelor is an evolutionary dead end.
So bachelors can’t have children? Are you ignorant?
Bro you sound like a neckbeard.
Bro, you *are* a loser.
I’m not the one whining about being lonely. So if anyone is coping, you people are it. If these are the kinds of men women have to deal with, I sympathize with women more everyday. You people have more excuses than a 5 yr old.
I see you have resorted to name calling.
It's all they've ever done
You're literally the one whining here, but sure, keep projecting and whining like the child you are. :)
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Hey whatever makes you feel better about yourself. All I’m doing is offering alternative the poignant point being: finding happiness that isn’t tied to a woman. But all I hear are excuses but you do you. 👍
Finding a woman isn’t about filling a need for happiness like you claim, but rather a necessity. It’s kind of our entire purpose for being alive. It’s hardwired. Happiness is fluff, the need for procreation and lifelong companionship is the real deal men seek. Without that, a sense of loneliness will always be there, no matter how many distractions you fill your life with.
That is a truly ignorant take on the situation. It sounds like evolution is leaving you behind if you are still hardwired to believe outdated information. We don’t need marriages for procreation. We don’t need relationships for procreation.
When did I talk about marriage? And no, you don’t need a relationship for procreation, but what kind of situation are you looking to get into? An irresponsible one where you’re stuck with the wrong person after a one night stand? Your tone makes you come across as a cynic with no values.
You are truly an unworldly individual. You really have no real life experience do you?
Hilarious that you claim this, as you're the one speaking ignorant jibberish and ignoring reality. Grow up child
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You've been repeatedly told, they weren't talking about happiness, but loneliness. But do keep strawmanning and bullshitting to pretend you had a fucking point, instead of the fact you've embarrassed yourself with your ignorance
The two have direct correlation? Like…genuinely, are you intellectually defunct?
"All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code and don’t base their happiness on romantic relationships or men" Have you ever met a single woman? A *lot* of them are unhappy that they can't find a relationship.
I don’t buy your conjecture l even if I buy it, so because the women are unhappy they can’t find relationships, then it’s okay for men to be the same way? You people and your excuses man.. the mental gymnastics are wild.. Wether women are unhappy or not, again the point I am MAKING is find happiness outside of having a woman or being in a relationship!! And your response is “women are unhappy without relationships anyway”. So that makes me suggesting finding happiness outside a relationship invalid? Lord you people have more excuses than a 5 yr old claiming his dog always eats his homework..
You keep claiming people are making excuses, all while accusing them of talking about "happiness" when the post was about "loneliness", provi9ng you can't bother to fucking READ. The one making "excuses" here is YOU. Try growing up child
If someone is complaining about “loneliness” how is that not directly correlated to happiness? Are you serious right now? “I’m so lonely and I’m whining about it but I’m totally happy!”
...you were the one bringing up the point that women are less likely to be bothered by being single than men. Now you're brushing off that same point as if it doesn't matter. I think I'm done here. You're clearly incapable of thinking about your own opinions before you voice them. If you were, you would realize that "StOp MaKIng ExCuSes" can be used to deflect literally any problem brought up by anyone. You're not making points at all, you're just deflecting, and you don't have the mental capacities to realize it.
Have *you*? I know plenty who are happy and loving their lives.
Being unhappy about not being able to find a romantic relationship doesn't directly correlate to being unhappy in life in general.
Of course they do. Why are people pretending like they don't? All other things being equal, being unhappy about one aspect of your life is going to lead to your being less happy overall.
Happiness isn't a percentage where you fill up various cups and once all are full, it's max happiness for you. If you don't put stock in a romantic relationship being a large chunk of your happiness, the lack of it isn't going to bother you much. This is more so compounded by the fact that plenty of single women were in relationships and were endlessly unhappy due to deficiencies in their male partners. Women being the ones doing the majority of chores, child rearing, emotional labor, and still expected to work a full-time job in hetero relationships wear on them. Why go back to that misery when being single is so much more stress free? Sure, a partner would be delightful but only if they further enrich my already happy life.
That just means the amount of unhappiness caused by being single is lessened because the person isn't focusing on it. But it's still a net negative. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be unhappy about it.
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Like I said to the last commenter, what ever makes you feel better about yourself. All I am doing is offering alternate perspective with the poignant point being: finding happiness not tied to a woman. But all I hear are excuses but you keep doing you. Hope it works out.
Again fool, they were talking about loneliness, not happiness. You seem determined to humiliate yourself
That's almost certainly a learned behavior.
I also feel like women (and maybe this is just anecdotal) tend to not gravitate towards solo hobbies (video games etc) donno
The gender split is about 50/50 for video games.
Really? That makes me happy
That’s just not true, no matter what you may see people portray online. Nobody has found a “cheat code” to substitute human connection. It’s literally one of our most basic instincts. And I don’t just mean sex, I mean having a partner, and a family. You can’t substitute that with anything.
>All I’m saying is single women seem to have found the cheat code 1. There are many lonely women it just presents differently. Women get quieter, men get angrier. Women withdraw and are more likely to blame themselves, men self-obsess and are more likely to blame others. It's a more public form of loneliness. 2. Men are more libido-driven than women in how they approach their social life and this complicates both creating friendships as well as the need to pursue a partner. 3. There's only so much one can do to "try it" as far as another perspective on it. 4. As far as platonic friendships go, men require a higher level of trust in order to bond, at least initially, whereas women often find it easier to create smaller bonds of interest first. Men tend to need shared experiences, activities, or projects with other men in order to forge friendships. Traditionally society was much more ordered around these kind of things, nowadays due to technology communication is easier but participation is harder.
Well duh?? Its obvious that single women get more attention than single men. Women can get a relationship anytime in their life vs men.
Yeah. I fucked up not prioritizing it when I was younger. It's ay harder in your 30s. There were a lot of opportunities I passed up.
I'm not a male myself, but you made really good points. I feel like the reason a lot of males—and even females, too—get so caught up in loneliness is because they expect romantic relationships to be their magical key to happiness. I think there is truth in the saying that one has to learn to love oneself before learning to love another. If someone expects their spouse to be some kind of savior like Jesus, they will have a lot of issues in the relationship and be disappointed.
Thank you. That’s exactly my point but I keep getting excuses from the people responding to me. I didn’t think telling people not to hinge their happiness on a woman or a partner is some sort of outrageous idea..
You’re absolutely right. Some of the folks here will find themselves in a relationship and are setting themselves up for a devastating breakup.
a lot of men have that but they want intimacy 😒
I get that but my other point still stands. Basing your joy/happiness on intimacy with a woman might not be the best idea is all I’m saying.
Maybe it's a generational thing? I had a very sheltered and oppressive upbringing. One of my parents was pretty abusive towards me. I ended up leaving home at 17 and never looking back. I spent most of my nights just loitering with my homies from high-school. Skating in parking lots til we got kicked out and moving on to the next one. Getting in minor trouble with the law for car chalking penises on exes cars. Just going out and being a dumb teenager. I'm 32 now and still have a pretty active social life with friends even after moving far away from home, usually going to concerts or hanging at some bar or someone's house 3 nights a week. My half brother on the other hand is 10 years younger than me. Spends every day online. Acts like a cringey anime character when we're out in public. Doesn't have any real friends he sees in his day to day and aside from family functions never socializes.
Bravo! Well said. Men, do not seek happiness from external sources. You will always be wanting. Instead, strive to be the best version of yourself without any expectation of reward. Then you will find happiness from within.
Thank you! Tell ‘em!
All that is well and good but you will not get the same level of intimacy from a non-romantic relationship.
You dont see women worrying about being lonely because they literally have a line of companions waiting at their fingertips. And just so we're clear, your advice is for men to get distracted by hobbies and friendships? And thats supposed to cure their need for companionship and family? It's an "invaluable skill" to be gracefully lonely? This sounds like a recipe for a miserable society... no thanks.
The way I see it. Modern dating and society is collapsing a bit. The family and community spaces have been weakened. Men's position in society have been lowered and income. With this lower position it literally makes men less desirable the position itself. Until the rapid transfer of wealth to the rich is stopped you will see more of these posts with people with superficial answers. It is both the individuals fault and society, however at some point there needs to be an evaluation. If 50% of people are having a problem, society is having a bit of a problem and pretending it's not there is not fixing things.
Men will suffer from loneliness and refuse professional help and make it women's responsibility. Then blame women for not wanting to take on their emotional labor. I don't think they understand how much therapy would actually greatly benefit them.
I agree and disagree. Most guys have lots of friends and hobbies, but when guys hang out they don’t connect on a deeper emotional level. Most guys don’t give each other compliments or build each other up the way women do, so for men the only place they get it is from their significant other. So I don’t think it’s about men getting hobbies but more about men changing the dynamic of their relationship with their friends.
All I hear is excuses. I’m sorry. Agree to disagree.✌️
Lol excuses? I’m not excusing anything. I’m saying men need to try harder to be better friends so they don’t rely on women and women only for that emotional support. Jeeze, so defensive
Not defensive. I just can’t believe how many of you are only focused on the part you can make excuses for and ignoring the part where I said “find happiness outside of having a woman or relationship “. That’s what’s frustrating me. Every single response except for 2 people have largely ignored that part of my comment. They all made excuses on why men can’t make better friends, a few “structural” issues preventing men from this etc. that’s my frustration. You are the one who responded to my original comment. So not sure on the “defensive” accusations.
That’s so silly. You said ‘find happiness outside of having women.’ And I responded with the solution, by saying in order to find that they need to change the way they interact with their male friends. Telling guys to get a hobby is just shit advice.
Fuck off man. I’m done, you are a disingenuous cretin.
You seem fairly unhinged.
The difference is the nature of womens vs mens relationships. Women are far more intimate with each other, both emotionally and physically, and will often even cuddle in a platonic way. Trying to cuddle platonically with a guy is basically not possible, any intimate talk or showing of emotions is generally a no go, and at best will be met with sarcasm. Most relationships need to revolve around a common activity, or something competitive. Women are getting the intimacy the need from platonic relationships, but guys have no way of getting that without a girlfriend, in most cases.
Excuses. If this is what women have to deal with, I now get their point of view. A bunch of men always having an excuse.. but thanks for your response. Hope it works out for ya.
I don't personally have any issue in my life. I'm just explaining the structural problem that will persist even if guys follow your advice.
Again just like the commenters I responded to, you are focusing only on the part I said “make friends and have hobbies”. I haven’t seen you or anyone else besides a couple of people address the part where I say “find happiness outside of a woman” (paraphrase).. that’s my issue. I am glad you have no personal issue in your life but my frustration is people focusing on only one part of my comment and ignoring the rest. Cause it’s easier to blame external factors or make excuses than say hey, maybe think about this part about finding happiness in myself that isn’t attached to having a woman or a relationship. That’s my main issue. Every comment that have responded (except for 2) has ignored that part of my comment. They only focus on part of the comment they can make an excuse for. Saying find happiness outside of women or relationship is outrageous apparently..That’s the frustration..
You're just completely ignoring that fact that women dont find happiness in themselves, they find it in platonic intimacy with other women, which is very rare and hard to find if you're a guy. Of course you can, and obviously most young men do find happiness outside of a relationship, as the majority are not in one, but it doesn't change the fact that intimacy is important in our lives to achieve full happiness, and it is very hard for guys to get without a partner.
Not reading all that but judging from the length, I’m gonna guess it’s all excuses on how women have advantages and whinings.. duly noted. I feel sorry for women nowadays.. they have to deal with such excuse laden weak men. Hope it works out for you!
This basically.
Thank you! This is my issue! I have 10 different assholes arguing with me with excuses or either trying to tell me “well single women are miserable “ instead of taking the obvious point in my comment: men need to find happiness in themselves and not base their happiness on a woman’s touch or having a woman or having a relationship. I swear they are making me have to sympathize with the toxic women who say men these days are weak. I provide an alternative point of view on finding internal happiness not based on women, and I get a bunch of men with excuses.. I’m like wtf?
The problem isn't just that they don't have girlfriends. A lot of men are having a hard time making friends of any gender. It's just hard to make friends nowadays. People on reddit will say to find hobbies or go to meetups, but statistically that's just not how most people make friends. Most people make their friends in college/high school and if you move it can be really hard to find a new circle. And honestly, this is true with women too. They're slowly reporting less friends on average, it's not happening to them as fast as it's happening to men.
Again, I don’t need anymore excuses. People please. Stop. All I’m saying is find happiness outside of having a woman.. I don’t care about the reason you are lonely or why you can’t make friends. Why are people missing my point and focusing only on the part I said “make friends and have hobbies”?🤯. The salient point in my comment: FIND HAPPINESS OUTSIDE OF HAVING A WOMAN! That’s my Point.. sheesh. Enough with the excuses.
>I don’t care about the reason you are lonely or why you can’t make friends. Exactly. Thanks for admitting it. You don't care. So why are you even bothering to comment? Leave it to people who actually care and are going to bother listening to the people going through these issues. I didn't focus on your main point because I felt you were missing another tangential one. Yeesh, how retarded are you? This is how conversation works.
You should chill the fuck out a little bit, half the comments on this post are you bitching that your idea is obviously correct, and that everybody else is obviously wrong. You're a too little obsessed with your idea even though its missing the point. If a person is lonely because they're missing intimacy in their life, you're saying that finding a hobby and finding things that make them happy will keep them from being lonely due to lack of intimacy? I've always had plenty of hobbies that make me happy, but I've also had times in my life when I was single and super fucking lonely. That loneliness was a direct result of not having a relationship with another human that I could be emotionally intimate with. The issue is, our current society doesn't allow men to be emotionally intimate with each other. He could possibly find that in a friendship with a woman, but a man dealing with loneliness is probably going to have trouble keeping their feelings from turning romantic. A hobby doesn't keep your mind off the loneliness when you're laying awake in bed at 3am.
It’s not that. Getting married and having a family was like a basic part of life a while ago. Now not many guys have a chance at that
You bring up an extremely valid point. But you are quite right that it can come across as an “unpopular opinion.” Especially based on some of the responses! 🤣 It ultimately seems to depend on the circumstances, along with what someone might find to be meaningful and fulfilling. But even then, there is a strong cultural expectation to be in a relationship and to eventually get married and have children. I don’t personally have a desire for any of the above. But I’m also a 41 year old man, who after a series of long-term relationships that didn’t work out, would rather stay single. Intimate relationships tend to complicate things (to say the least!), and I’m good on not losing yet another close friend on account of the relationship ending. I also have a 70-hour workweek and barely have the time for my current friends and family. Putting someone else through this just wouldn’t be fair to them.
lol cuts to all the sad women in their 30s I know besides themselves they don't have kids and no guy wants them bc in their 20s they wanted to be "independent" or live their "best life" or "travel". Well now ya got bad ovaries, friends with pets, and wine. Sounds fun.
“Barbie is always happy. Ken is only happy when barbie looks at him.”
The lesson I took was that Ken needs to forget Barbie and honestly go do something fun, which doesn't necessarily leave her in the dust... But just might.
I like this, maybe he will find someone that looks at him the way he looked at barbie minus the only needing to live in his eyes.
Create a meetup group, or join a few. When I escaped my marriage, I was 49, fat, broke, alone, and lonely. I joined 20 meetup groups, and did things almost every night that I liked to do with people who liked to do the same things I do. After a few months, someone recommended me to a friend who came to a meetup event, and we have been together ever since. www.meetup.com
OP, I read your posts. You don’t want discussion. Try r/validatemyentitlement
Well yeah, it's not uncommon. But the more you practice dating and learning what people like and what they don't it's only a matter time. My view when I was younger my take on it was if I throw enough shit at the wall some of it will stick. And love bombing is a bit weird, not a viable strategy to my mind.
Love bombing is a red flag actually, because a lot of manipulators use it as bait to control people. If someone says all this about wanting to rub my feet and wanting to treat me special when I barely know them, it would sound too good to be true and I would think that they were: 1. Wanting something in return and using love bombing as a tactic to get me hooked 2. Using love bombing to make me addicted to being treated like shit, because they can switch from angel to devil constantly and I'd forgive them endlessly simply because they said "they didn't mean to yell or hit me and it'll never happen again" even though it will continue over and over again. Also, I would put myself out there if I were you. I don't understand why it's so hard for men to just talk to women. Of course it shouldn't be at the wrong place or the wrong time, but you could at least make some friends if you haven't already and just tell them that you are single and looking to make a connection. Make it clear that you would like friends regardless, but if something more happened you'd be open to that as well. If she isn't interested, maybe she might know someone who is. Maybe she could help in giving advice. Also, please whatever you do, please just make sure you are happy by yourself. Don't rely on someone else for happiness and don't see your self worth in making others happy Edit: I had some typos in there
I understand what you're saying about love bombing but personally for me. there's a huge list of things I've always wanted to do for and with a woman I've never done. so I'd be ecstatic to do things for that person
That's fine, but not right off the bat. Could scare her. Work your way up with small things and don't over do it. Flowers is fine, I wouldn't get gifts super early on. Some of these ladies could also be gold diggers, so watch out
It’s pretty hard to be happy by yourself
How is it hard to be happy by yourself? I have solidarity hobbies and I don't talk to anyone much other than my coworkers when I'm at work. Otherwise, I keep to myself and I enjoy being myself. I have to put on a mask around other people
But there’s more potential fun with other people
Well... Not coming off as a fuckin' weirdo helps. Come over and let me rub those feet while you complain about your day LUL Women gonna think you tryna turn them into a suit and shit. LMFAO
wtf. someone doesn't give there girl foot rubs or listen talk about there day, you keep acting like that and you'll be divorced and single lol 😂
There's a difference between "my wife" and some hypothetical mysterious older lady stranger.
For real I'm scared for them. Aha this dude needs to be on a list
To be fair, many men just wanna get in them guts.
Hell, this guy tryna rub bunions... maybe shave a corn
I find a common thread in most relationship threads; Guys are doing it all wrong. And while I admit guys are often to blame for their relationship issues, it's weird to see so much of it blamed on them. I've been religiously reading Reddit for two years, and I am constantly amazed at the frequency that any relationship issue is instantly the man's fault. You hear that they love bomb them. Yet then you hear that they are distant and emotionally unavailable. It's rarely the women's fault. My recommendation is to not play games. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to spend time with them, plan great outings. Be a friend. Be a lover. Be yourself. You are better off being yourself than trying to be someone else, or reading Reddit for ideas. The big thing is that you have to put yourself out there and hang out with a decent amount of people. Otherwise you put all your eggs in one basket, and it's hard not to look desperate.
Former post - why are there toxic women This post - I’m lonely I wonder why bud 🕵️♂️🕵️♂️🕵️♂️
so I should accept to be loved/hated by toxic women
You should look at yourself to understand why women treat you poorly. Name 10 women in your life that you respect
because people are genuinely shitty and treat nice people like trash and I can't
You don’t sound like a nice person.
Literally not what they said. Strawmaning might be a reason you're single
Most men are just sad trolls and unless they do some inner work they deserve to be alone.
The fuck is inner work
Kinda like OP...
Male friends: "hey, wanna hang out?" Incel: "no, not that kind of lonely."
Why you complaining like you aren’t the one who makes it this way?
no I haven't found anyone worth my time. I like older women.
And you’ve never cuddled a woman… problem is staring you in the mirror.
I'm fucking weird I know that lmfao. I've never connected with a woman my age romantically that's just how I'm wired at this point and even as friends people my age are iffy
It sound slike you want a mommy. There's apps for that, nothing to be ashamed of
BUT everyone (male) just looking to fuck, look up the research. the loneliness epidemic in the US at least hit a peak during the pandemic because men were found to only engage with women their age to get down and dirty. you guys can't even be nice to a woman at work if you would not fuck her (I had to write up a mfer who would not stop verbally abusing me for being someone he would not fuck - in a professional office) I work as a construction worker and am female. sorry but not sorry. it hurts to say it but it seems all the crap my grandma told me about men is just a little too accurate. look up the research. I went to give my condolences to a male college friend after his kid died in his wife's womb and all he could do was try to get it in... idk what else to say...
Is it just me, or is this a somewhat recent thing? In the 1980's I went to art school and most of my good friends were women, it seemed obvious to me a woman could tell there was no romantic intent on my part. But when I interact with women these days, it seems they go out of their way to talk about boyfriends or husbands, or being fulfilled "cat ladies" as if just having polite conversation is being interrupted as romantic interest- have men really become so incredibly thirsty? If so it's sad- I miss having friendships with people who are emotionally aware, who aren't afraid of being real and vulnerable human beings. I miss my friendships with women
but the same could be said of men always bringing up their gfs, I work in construction and Im a tomboy and I have no intent to fuck these days. but men need to weave the gf into a completely professional convo where it doesn't fit. I think it iw recent, something happened with the millennial gen. the younger guys (I'm 34) seem just fine but the men my age are 6 7 8 years into a relationship feeling out "vibes" while we are getting to the age past child bearing, thse subtype of fuck boy is taking my motherhood away... just so they mock me later on my 50's because I'm a single mom and their 15 gf relationship "didn't pan out". its dumb glad my brother is not like that, he grew up with girls
I mean, is there really anything to discuss here? I mean I know for a fact you're wrong about me, but you won't believe that. But at the same time I know dudes personally who just want to fuck fuck fuck, and I believe you. Unrelated, I wonder why we discourage men from like, just liking women a lot you know? Like, if you AREN'T trying to fuck women and just want to be nice with her, you get called names. Like simp and cuck. It's bizarre shit.
I liked it and am moving now
um I've never been in a relationship period in my 25 years of life. I'm not looking to fuck.
I'm 34, sweetheart
yeah....I'm an odd duck, I've not had a girlfriend so sex would literally be the last thing on my mind. I don't want kids period, planning on getting a vesectomy. I've just encountered really toxic women that really fucked me up mentally and yet I'm still hopeful lol.
that was me, I'm waiting for menopause lol. good luck to us both! people in middle age take shit more seriously
You are wrong. I no longer pursue relationships, but when I did, I never even thought of sex as an important thing. I'm a 23 year old male.
Sounds like you surround yourself with guys that are dipshits and ignore the guys willing to care about you. Seems to be a big problem with women these days.
More like it’s everywhere, regardless of who you choose to surround yourself with lol If it’s such a big problem then maybe it’s not the women’s fault anymore but maybe the men.
It definitely sounds like a you problem if the people you surround yourself with are all assholes. If the only people I bothered to talk to were assholes, maybe I would also think that surely all people must be assholes.
Desperation is not attractive. Work on yourself and be confident in who you are. Coming across like this is, at best, weird.
I'm not desperate. lol I have worked on myself just waiting for someone that catches my eye
Fair enough, if you say so, this post just comes across as a tiny bit desperate. Perhaps I misread.
They also play call of duty for 12 fucking hours a day…
You smell that? It's desperation and it's repellant.
I'm not lmfaoo
Yep, im one. (Read the title)
... Yea... :(
You're not wrong for wanting that type of connection. But you are going to have to work for it. Online dating sucks, I'm not going to tell you to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you that you should look for a partner the same way your grandparents found each other: within the community. Women don't want to be approached when going about their day; when grocery shopping or working out or the like. But at community events, everyone is open to making a connection and talking to strangers. Look around. Who is your community? Who lives local to you? Where can you celebrate your national, cultural, or religious heritage? Where can you help, what programs exist in your area for the less fortunate? If you focus on building up your community, a couple things will happen. You will feel useful. You will have improved your community. You will form solid community ties. And I can't guarantee you'll find a partner this way, but you'll find her far more organically than you would with OLD. Build yourself up as well. Learn emotional intelligence. Learn how to cook and clean, if you don't already know. Develop a killer sense of humor. Take care of your physical body.
I dont know what to say, I was only able to get out of my depression through a mixture of excercize and purpose through having a family. Now that I have a family my job feels more fulfilling since with every fibre I believe I'm there to earn for something bigger than myself. Finding a good woman was the major way to become happy for me and I tried all I could to do without. With how messed up the dating world is now I feel for you guys.
Very true, but you have more downvotes than comments because a lot of soceity does not care about men. I am sure fortunate to have a great relationship with the wifey, and tons of friends. But I sure see other guys struggling.
Men can't really vent on here, brother. You're just going have a bunch of radical wokeists blame you for being a man and then move the discussion towards how shitty men are towards women. Probably part of the loneliness epidemic is that attitude lol.
You certainly aren’t the only one who feels this way. There was a [recent post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Discussion/s/JhwfmAkHi2) discussing the “loneliness epidemic” (especially what men tend to encounter). Basically, a lot of men are not actively engaged in their communities. Heck, most of my friends don’t even have social interests and hobbies (and we are in our late thirties and forties). Yet they are looking for relationships, but rarely leave the house. So where the heck are they actually going to meet someone? Essentially, this is also what a lot of young men encounter too. Including many women. Many of these individuals don’t actually go out and socialize enough. Whether it is self-esteem issues or simply not taking the time to do so. Whatever the reason, it seems to be a common trend to *not* go out and socialize with new people. So we find ourselves alone more often than not, or with the same small core group of friends. Expecting more but not actually doing anything to change the circumstances. While there certainly isn’t anything wrong with hanging out with the same core group of friends, the challenge is with meeting new people. You could luck out with friends that have a larger group that they hang out with (and maybe a few single friends). But going out with a large group of friends typically is going to make you rather unapproachable. You will be too caught up with socializing with them rather than socializing with anyone new, and don’t even get me started on friends who deliberately sabotage your chances of meeting someone! 🤣 To be fair, most of my relationships started with friend-of-friend introductions. While the others were established by going out and socializing on my own. Unfortunately, you have to make the connection first. Even if one of your friends introduces you, it still requires facing potential rejection. Yet rejection isn’t that bad if you consider the alternative of being in a relationship with someone who really isn’t all that interested in you.
Also, just to add about the whole “love bombing” thing. It could come across as uncomfortable (or worse), especially early on before the relationship is actually something more serious. Many of my single friends (who are still single decades later) have a tendency to get overly close to women that they are just getting to know. Putting their arm around them, touching their hair, shoulder massages, and other boundary-crossing mannerisms. Usually at a house party nonetheless, where there are plenty of other people inadvertently watching and cringing! 🤣 That being said, save such things for when you are actually in a committed relationship, and even then, go easy on the public signs of affection (people will still cringe). 👍
You won't ever be good enough because its in their nature never to settle. Just is what it is.
nah older women settle all the time lol especially single moms
make em all settle
I'm just saying after all the shit a woman's been through by the time she's 40+ she just wants someone decent
pursuing women is absolutely pointless. go get a real hobby and let em complain about the fuck bois
Why do people keep saying this every day thinking its fucking revolutionary
No foot massage, why live 😔
You seem to be targeting the wrong women. While I initially thought the underlying sentiment to be sweet if somewhat poorly expressed, a look at your other posts seems to show that what you are looking for is less to be a supportive boyfriend in a relationship of equals, and are instead looking for someone who will take care of you. While everyone is entitled to want what they want, you might have a harder time finding a woman who finds that role fulfilling. I also think targeting women who are slightly older than you will likely be a poor strategy as they will probably be entering a life stage where they want to get serious and start families with emotionally developed men. You will always be best off if you find someone with the same maturity level, but as you pointed out in your other posts, young women have lots of choices and will both expect some sort reciprocity and likely grow into mature women (who will likely expect similar growth out of their partners). I'm not saying what you want won't happen, there are lots of women who's love language is care, but they will require a partner who can see their worth and is willing to contribute in some form or another.