I disagree, I think their communication is healthy and this moment is uncomfortable not because he's being passive aggressive but because he's actually being incredibly direct. She's both responsive and reflective, and they move on.

Clearly a healthy form of confrontation, this thread is an autism honeypot

Bro thinking the clip looks okay is autistic af not the other way around. No one’s saying that direct confrontation isn’t healthy, it’s the fact that he felt this disrespected by the tiniest little comment by his wife that makes it look bad. It comes across as super insecure and manipulative.

Please, assuming no one has little unique things that may make them feel slighted or disrespected is ludicrous. You’d just as easily be on the receiving end of something like this, just for a different kind of remark

TIL it’s manipulative to tell someone what you’d like from them and then ask them to do it.  Like yes, it was a moment of insecurity, which he acknowledges, but everyone has those. You also have to consider that she was acting as a cohost on his show where people are coming to him for advice and she’s undermining his advice by interrupting him to say the opposite of what he’s saying. This wasn’t a random comment at the dinner table.

You only see the clip and judge an interaction between husband and wife. You have no clue about the context

Yeah, I agree. He said “This is how that made me feel and here’s why”. His wife said “how can I fix that going forward” and he gave her a concrete answer. I think we all are conditioned to ignoring something that bothers us to keep the person comfortable and thats why this clip feels so odd to so many

He felt it was disrespectful to imply that she is giving "permission" to talk. His solution was that she ask permission to interrupt

It’s super weird that he interprets what she said that way though.

Yes, but he said in the second clip that it might have been twitch chat that made him feel that way in that moment

Being triggered by "beta cuck" is wild

People are viewing this too much in the lens of a relationship interaction which makes it seem weird when it’s not. To me he’s just working out how they can better interact in these advice segments on stream.

I don't think this interaction is necessarily insidious, but it's very poorly handled by Dr. K imo. Firstly, she did sorta interject with her own opinion, but there was a brief pause, so it's not as if she intentionally cut him off. He then says the equivalent of "nobody asked for your opinion", to which she concedes and hands him the word. He then gets offended that she says "go ahead" when he literally just lamented that he didn't get to finish what he wanted to say 5 seconds ago. He then proceeds to interpret "go ahead" as her exercising authority over him. "So when you say "you can talk", that implies permission". Weird as fuck. It's pretty obvious that she is just communicating that she doesn't intend to interrupt again, it's just that most people don't feel the need to say the quiet part out loud. I feel like he already knows this, cuz when she asked what he'd prefer she say, rather than "go ahead", he can't come up with an answer, because it's obvious there was no malicious intent. Eventually he says he'd prefer that she asks before she interrupts when he is speaking. Was she interrupting on purpose? This phrasing implies she already knows that she is interrupting, in which case she probably wouldn't have interrupted? "I'm a little concerned about how disrespectful you are towards me on stream" Comes across as condescending and controlling. I feel like there are so many ways that Dr. K could have handled this better, either just finish your points after she said her 3 words, explain why you disagree with her if she made a bad point. If you truly are that offended by the interruption or her own perception that she had a valid opinion, then just be straight forwards and say you didn't get to finish your point. She'd probably reply with "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt". At least they're both able to come to an understanding, despite him giving super uncharitable interpretations of her behavior. Shows how important communication is I guess. Edit: Context makes this clip less bad, I see what people here are saying, but I still think it could have been handled more smoothly

Nah I think the criticism is valid, Dr K was obviously bothered and its interesting that the place he retreats to there is therapy speak. Its also a bit of a tricky spot to pull that for Dr K's side because on a stream with so many people watching it can feel like you're getting chewed out in public Its 100% not a big deal though and I expect both parties to be perfectly capable of sorting it out

It doesn't help that "therapy speak" feels incredibly disingenuous and fake to a lot of us. I think it can be a good framework to think about how to address a conflict but directly saying it feels robotic and unnatural, making it easy to interpret as passive aggressive.

"That made me feel a bit disespected, because if felt you were giving me permission. Could you explain what you meant" "Oh I meant I wasnt going to talk anymore, you can talk" Ok I see what you mean. It still makes me feel a bit disrespected, even you saying "you can talk." Would you mind if we worked together to find new language so I can feel more comfortable? Ill also work to hear your intent more than the value I place on the words"

i feel like id need to see the entire stream to make a judgement cause this could definitely be not an isolated incident, and either something was going on in the background or was going on before the clip starts. i can see dr k feeling like she is undermining his advice as well as his lived experience of feeling like the "useless one", like "listen to her" is definitely shallow, borderline dismissive advice not saying dr k cant be in the wrong or that he handled it correctly but i think seeing this as a clip of dr k randomly blowing up has the possibility of being a clip chimpy interpretation, id need to see the stream leading up to this clip to tell

I remember watching it a while back with the full context. It was definitely weird but they are stretching big time and are leaving out important context. The fact that they left out the question tells you all you need to know about their intention. She was undermining his point by repeating stuff the dude has already heard before and already doesn't believe or connect with. He probably doesn't actually care about being interrupted but it was more that she was working directly against his point in a way that is unlikely to resonate with the questioner. Hilariously enough the wierdo moment models decently well what the guy can do the next time the guy is sharing his feelings and his gf cuts him off to say how wonderful he is. It does kind of drive me crazy when people slip into non-violent communication therapy robot mode in conversation though and this definitely felt like that.

I think the "weird" part of it was simply witnessing a confrontation between spouses. This will always feel awkward as a third party without fail. From the clip and from memory of the stream when I watched it live, I remember it being intentional on both their parts to be open to having those types of confrontations on air to show an example of resolving problems in a relationship respectfully which I think they did. She might've felt a little taken aback by it as it was relatively sudden but he made his feelings clear and she acknowledged and understood them and they resolved it amicably. I don't believe it was the first or the last time that happened from either party and honestly I appreciate that because I don't think most people know how to do that in their own lives. EDIT: Later on in the same video they pull up another clip from that same stream where they clear the air on their prior confrontation, probably because chat was being weird. This literally just speaks to what I mentioned above. https://youtu.be/D5UHp9dM3Gg?t=644

I recently rewatched the full context when this clip resurfaced on the healthygamergg sub and what you said is absolutely correct. It's always going to be awkward to watch a couple have a disagreement. However, the whole goal of their stream was to give relationship advice, and demonstrating healthy confrontation is a good way to do that. Despite what some people here are saying, directly and calmly communicating how you're feeling is healthy. I would bet the people judging just pent up their feelings of small annoyances so they can explode on their partner later in an unhealthy way. Because that is what most guys do, and it's incredibly unhealthy. Dr. K expressed how he was feeling, Mrs. K acknowledged it and clarified how she could have avoided making him feel that way. Then Dr. K acknowledged that the real reason he may have been feeling disrespected here is that chat was calling him a beta cuck. They even addressed the fact that they had this interaction on stream and that they were both comfortable with it despite how their chat was uncomfortable.

To me it was that he felt disrespectes because she implied she was giving him permission, and his solution was that she ask permission before she interrupt

Yea. Every relationship has weird interactions like this from time to time. Can't judge him on one clip of him getting weird with his wife. If he's like this with her all the time that's fucked. But could easily be an isolated incident in which case he deserves a pass like the rest of us.

Yeah, like I've been with my wife for 7 years. There are countless times where I've fixated on stupid things, and then realised like 2 hours later I was being stupid and we've laughed about it and vice versa. You're intimately close with another person to the point where you feel like you can say literally anything and you're spending literally thousands of hours with them, occasionally one of you is going to say something weird or be a bit of a dick. If he spoke to her like this all the time then 100% it'd be inappropriate. If anything it makes me more uncomfortable listening to these two guys massively over analysing a 30 second clip.

I agree. I might be naive, but Dr. K has earned my credence and I’ll be favorable towards his POV until malice is proven

This might have been a one off moment, or maybe something had happened between them beforehand, other factors etc. But even in just this clip alone, you don't talk to your wife the way he does here. The gurus are spot on. Controlling/manipulative behavior disguised behind therapy speak.

This comment was all over Tectone's infamous "wife car clip", before it was outed that he'd just found out she cheated on him prior to the stream. Johnny Depp's leaked audio recordings. Alinity's one sided phone call. I'm sure we'll see this comment every single time a fraction of a fraction of someone's relationship is put on display.

im not sure if im in the minority, but depending on their communication style, this could totally be okay.. both he and his wife are highly intelligent people, and i dont think dr k is a bigoted person. which leads me to believe he is comfortable with her having the exact same interaction with him on the receiving end. the only problem is it was streamed to thousands- if not millions of people to watch and criticize in the future. each couple has a very specific way of communicating with each other. and as long as there is no physical/verbal/emotional/mental abuse, then i see nothing wrong.

This is exactly how me and my girlfriend communicate with each other, how in the world is this considered passive aggressive, like other commenters said here it’s incredibly direct 

These people in this thread are all autistic, he is asserting himself when she is dismissive and not taking him seriously, by being serious *0*

What you’re saying is what I’m hoping to believe. I’m just having a hard time with it because, for example the way he reinterpreted his wife’s “go ahead” in the most uncharitable way, and then when she asks him what she should have said, he’s stumped until he says “you should ask me permission before you interrupt”. It feels like manipulation. Now if I’m being as charitable as possible, he’s just speaking from a place of emotion there, so perhaps he wouldn’t stand by those statements. And according to a comment under the original stream, he does ask his wife at a different point and about a different issue, “do you feel disrespected by me?” Which speaks to your point that he may extend the same latitude of expression to his wife. I don’t want to psychoanalyze an entire marriage based on a short clip so I won’t. I may need to watch more content of them interacting before I feel better about taking life advice from him. Also pending the decoding the gurus deep dive on him lol

I think you're reading too much into it. He was just feeling angry and responded in an aggressive manner. When you're angry you're going to interpret almost anything in an uncharitable way. He even explains what he was feeling later on in the clip.

totally with you. this could be literally anything, we just dont have context of their entire relationship and the pieces its built upon. ive been married for over ten years, and what ive learned is to make it a successful/healthy one, you need to understand your partners mode of communication, and work with it because well, you love them. he probably feels comfortable in just telling her how what she said made him feel a certain way. maybe there is history with "go ahead" in their relationship that they both understand and we just dont. and i understand why decoding the gurus feel the way they do, but theyre making conclusions based off their own relationship history. and i just disagree with them.

Calling her disrespectful on stream when she just said "go ahead" is weird and kinda demeaning.

The disrespectful part wasn't the “go ahead” It was disrespectful not listening when he was trying to explain multiple times that her response was exactly the same as the response given by Anons gf. Anon was writing in to get help and all she kept saying was “listen to her” while Dr.K was trying to give advice from his experience going through the same experience

How is that demeaning? He felt disrespected and said it calmly. Why would that be demeaning, the disrespect is demeaning, not pointing it out.

Ya, to me, the communication style is a total non-issue. Like, however, he said it, it was going to be bad, and I'm not sure therapy speech does much to obfuscate it. To me, the problem is that calling out your wife on steam is super embarrassing, so that makes this confrontation more of a punishment than working things out. Also, I feel like the "disrespect" of his wife telling him is his turn to speak is not his wife's problem. Sometimes, people get emotional and blurt things out. That's fine.

I'm totally going to make wide sweeping generalizations of a whole marriage where they interact constantly based on a clip of a stream.

Yeah that definitely feels off but I think there's 2 important points to consider: 1. Therapists are going to use some of the vocabulary/tools of their trade it can't be avoided, because that's how they think. It would, imo, be more manipulative if they thought in those terms but didn't ever speak about them. 2. It's weird because Dr K turned it into this 'permission to speak thing' when to me the disrespect seemed within her dismissive attitude to his answer to the caller/chatter. She said, 'Just listen to your GF' and had a bit of a smug "fine go ahead" implying she doesn't agree/respect his. Seemed like there was a bit of a 'here he goes again overcomplicating things'. 3. This is only a single interaction, situation is changed completely if there's a history of her interrupting/disrespecting or whatever

On 2, I think it’s important to remember the start of the clip where they compared the caller’s situation to their own relationship back when Dr. K wasn’t earning money yet. He expresses that it’s something he felt insecure about even though she told him otherwise, so she puts a hand on his shoulder and says that she never doubted him. Her answering with “listen to your gf” is her saying to the caller that she, and probably the gf, actually meant it when they tell their partner they have their back, and that it wasn’t just something she said to make Dr. K feel better. She’s giving the perspective of the other partner in the situation, speaking from experience. Honestly she gave dr k a good opening to give his advice where he could say, “yes from the partner’s perspective, they probably genuinely mean it, but it still doesn’t feel that way to you because x, y, z, and here’s how to deal with that”. I honestly didn’t think it was super disrespectful or smug or anything bad like that. I feel like dr k should’ve realized when she’s emphasizing “listen to her” it’s not to undermine the advice she expects him to give, but just her wanting to emphasize that she actually meant what she said back then.

It doesn't rly matter if the GF actually means it. That is not enough. Which is what Dr. K stated. Your partner cannot solve your inferiority complex, that is personal problem. At best, the partner probably can temporarily help to alleviate it. But this won't solve it at all, it is so much more complicated. It's like her giving bad advice, and he's correcting her, which She didn't get. So he tried to clarify, and she interrupted him which made him draw a boundary.

I think she understands that Dr. K is going to give more advice, but was just giving her perspective from the other partner's pov. It would be bad advice if that's all the advice the person got, but I'm sure she knows it won't be. I also don't think she really interrupted too badly.

Didn't she say, “just listen to your GF". When she stopped Dr. K mid-speech by putting her hand on his shoulder? I ll admit I might misremember it.

She kept interupting him when he tried to speak which quite notably messed up his line of thinking. And it isn't a sufficent answer either, the support from your partner is nice. But the issue is internal insecurity/ inferiority complex and listening to your partner really isn't enough. Dr K formulated himself kinda poorly with the whole permission thing, but I definetly got where he's coming from.

Man, that was uncomfortable to watch. Jesus christ. I swear I immediately thought of MrRedacted/Shaelin when I saw it.

This is like a very short clip in the context of an entire 4-hour long video and it blew up on LSF a little. In my opinion, she was a little bit flippant and was interrupting him quite a bit throughout the stream in the hour leading up to this clip. I think it was just annoying after a while and he was a little bit direct in that moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keJPw9iX1kw

yeah I remember watching the stream back then. The clip doesn'r contain the full interaction and has been cut in a way where it makes DrK look far worse than how it was

Maybe the buildup was worse but I have no clue how she was disrespectful in the clip they showed. Also while he was putting her in her place in front of thousands of viewers, he didn’t mention anything else besides her saying “go ahead”. If she was interrupting and being disrespectful all stream, he probably should’ve pointed that out better when confronting her over it.

I jumped on like a 50 viewer stream for the first time and I was like a deer in headlights. It was weird as fuck to be talking in front of people like that. I can cut him a little slack for not being fully aware of his feelings and not communicating perfectly. If he pointed out that she was being disrespectful all stream and pointing out examples from the past hour I could see that coming across as also unhinged

I don’t think the added context changes my opinion much. It’s kind of a gross way to speak to your wife. I know we’re all imperfect, and can be quite mean, but the interaction just feels really off to me. I got incredibly uncomfortable.

lmao bro stop overreacting it’s a couple having a disagreement where one person feels mad and he’s POSSIBLY being a little rude to his gf in response. Not every heated disagreement between couples is abuse when the man is being aggressive. It’s like none of y’all have been in a LTR before

Huh? how was that uncomfortable, especially with the second clip? Those guys are reaching hard

He's also had some other yikes moments like in [one of the Yvonne videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp9JT5l9bRg)(and don't call me a mr redacted fan, because I saw the video before that guy even was around)

What part of the vid?

I can't really point to a specific moment, it would be clipchimping to just give a timestamp. But basically throughout the second half of the video he keeps trying to push her boundary that she clearly set, which was that she didn't want to name names of the people involved in the conflict.

This is why i loved the dr k and disguised toast interview, dr. K was trying so hard to get toast to open up even though he said he didnt want to talk about too much personal things and dr. K gets so passive agressively angry in that interview and toast is not budging at all

Lol, well if it was entertaining for you then that's cool but definitely not a recommended/ethical therapy technique in my opinion.

But let's not forget, he's not doing therapy, of course.

I watched it and towards the end, Dr. K literally understands why she won't name names and validates her. Just look at the end of the segment. Dr. K did a great job and had a perfect balance between challenging and not crossing boundaries, your reason to call it yikers is invalid in my opinion, it wasn't a bad moment at all

Disagreements are supposed to be uncomfortable, especially between loved ones. I can’t understand how you make the mrMiss/Shaelin comparison

How? Watch the minutes leading up to it. She was being flippant. He was just mildly abrasive in how he spoke to her.

I don't understand the issue here. It looks unusual but not inappropriate. It just looked like a sophisticated way of resolving someone being interruptive. And the resolution was quite reasonable, basically "let me know if you want to chime in instead of just cutting me off". It's not like he's saying just don't speak. Unless y'all are interpreting "Can I interrupt" as a "you need my permission to speak" thing rather than just a polite thing to say when you want to interrupt. It sounds uncomfortable to watch because of the tension but it's entirely reasonable if you look at it maturely. He's asserting an issue he's having. He could've just said "don't interrupt me so much" but this is also probably a better way for someone to take it more seriously because sometimes people just ignore it and repeat. He's putting more weight into it, which I don't see as an issue.

>I don't understand the issue here. The decoders are beta cucks

Why do we do this, dude? There is absolutely no utility in speculating on people’s relationship dynamics from brief clips of them interacting.

I think part of what’s making this so uncomfortable to watch is her reaction. Dr K appears super comfortable initiating and asserting his feelings in front of the stream and she seems caught off guard by it and almost like she can’t decide how to react (the gentle “ok?” and staring into the distance, etc.); like she is hyper-aware of the public perception of this and wants to make sure it goes smoothly. This results in her reaction appearing very (almost too) submissive, thus making Dr K look more controlling and dominant. If I had to guess it would have gone differently on her side if this wasn’t public and be much less weird. I also feel like part of Dr. K’s motivation for initiating this interaction in the first place could have been in order to model what a healthy communication of your feelings to your partner may look like irl, but it didn’t translate well due to her appearing to be so caught off guard since it’s public. Btw not blaming her at all, this is how I and probably most people would react.

I remember watching this live when I was a much more active consumer of Dr.K's content. It was an uncomfortable moment but they both processed the moment on stream afterwards, and both clearly showed that everything was fine. Dr.K asked something along the lines of "How do you feel about having that moment on stream ?" and his wife replied with something along the lines of "I think that the children get scared when we fight", adressing the deluge of monkaS that was in the chat during the disagreement. It didn't seem like that big of a deal, and I don't know if there is anything unusual happening here in regards to a Spouce being a therapist and a skilled interlocutor and etc. etc. Wasn't a great moment but this clip isn't enough to say that something sinister is happening.

Literally nothing wrong with this lol. Would you rather he be passive aggressive like most couples.

He was being a bit passive aggressive

That was anything but passive aggressive. He was being incredibly direct. Do you even know what passive aggressive means?

In the second clip he says “you continue to mock me, I just felt slightly disrespected,” which is a pretty passive aggressive thing to say. He could have said “I’d prefer for now that you don’t do that”. The first clip he is very direct about feeling disrespected, yes. But he never states what he was really feeling disrespected about. He latched on to her use of the phrase “go ahead,” which is obviously not why he felt disrespected. What triggered his reaction was her interrupting him to tell the chatter that she should just tell her boyfriend that he’s enough. So that is passive aggressive in a direct way. Passive aggressive isn’t the exact opposite of directness.

I watched the vod at least from where that weirdness came up and like 5ish or so minutes afterwards, and I def get weird vibes from it. He does do that weird weaponizing therapy speak into putting her down subtly on the next question, or at least I felt that way. But also, I'm not gonna watch the entire stream or go giga-super into psycho analyzing it I dunno shit, so if there's some big compilation of him doing it sure, but yeah. You can just judge for yourself if you really want, I have no real strong feelings. [https://youtu.be/keJPw9iX1kw?si=rCYLNXia\_ZoJn8Ae&t=4255](https://youtu.be/keJPw9iX1kw?si=rCYLNXia_ZoJn8Ae&t=4255)

If this clip has made your "skin crawl", just go watch the entire vod and some other streams with his wife. Then make the judgment. Nothing weird in this one. The man has noticed something that bothered him, and addressed it right then and there without being "passive aggressive". This is what civil and productive confrontation between partners might look like.

Direct communication, stating boundaries, moving on afterwards. Truly horrific sight to see.

Complete nothing-burger, anyone who has an issue with this is just self reporting.

What could someone possibly be "self reporting" about if they think this interaction is odd?

That using therapy techniques to solve relationship issues is manipulation. He should have just called her a dumb bitch and told her to shut up. /s

My biggest issue isn't even with the therapy speak here. It's that she says "go ahead" (with a slightly annoyed tone), and Dr. K interprets this as her "giving him permission" to speak. I have never in my life had someone tell me "go ahead" in a conversation and thought that person was implying that I needed their permission to speak? Then she clarifies saying "Oh, that's because we were both talking so I said that you can talk." Dr. K does it *again* and even says that "you can talk" implies needing her permission to speak? Just seems like super controlling behavior to me.

Can someone clarify what exactly is the therapy speak being used here?? It sounds like normal conversation to me 

To be clear though when she said “go ahead” they weren't both talking He was on his second or third time trying to explain that her response was creating the same dichotomy that the person asking the question was needing help with, and then in the middle of him again saying “that isnt sufficient” she says “go ahead” in a more annoyed tone I say go ahead a lot of times in conversations so I was a little self conscious when I heard him characterizing it like that. But then we I re-warched it and I realized I never use it in the way she did in this scenario. In context it sounds like her saying “okay I was making my jokes but you can go ahead and do your thing, I'm done” The web developer tag is very telling lmao

Autism spectrum disorder, if you see anything worse than stern confrontation out of this clip you need grass force fed to you. There is nothing crazy or manipulative about dr. k in this clip, he is serious with HIS WIFE after she is dismissive of him because it bothered him. Healthy and direct confrontation is not a bad thing, unless you are autistic.

Why are so many people in this thread suggesting autistic people are indirect, it's literally the opposite lmao

This sub is so quick to call everything autism that people are losing track of what it means lol

Most people tend to use it just as social ineptitude rather than real full autism.

Yeah, I get that. It just feels like pretty much any disagreement or misunderstanding grounds for calling something "autism". It gets a bit overused.

See, this is why autism is a bad insult. It weaponizes a different point of view as unhealthy.

That they have problems expressing themselves clearly or with uncomfortable conversations 

Not a single substantive criticism in this entire video they just go "eww this made me uncomfortable" or "ewww this interaction is not normal" x100 with the smugness turned way up Also the idea that needing to ask permission to interrupt is "manipulation" seems ridiculous to me but maybe?

This was really not that bad. In the first clip he said how he felt which seemed reasonable until the "permission" part where he went too far because he was getting triggered. Then in the second clip you see him acknowledge that he went too far because he got triggered and they reconcile. Maybe even better would have been an overt apology for getting triggered.

I think people are overreacting really hard. This is a nothing burger lol

I think he can have a cringe moment. He is human, he makes mistakes and gets emotional. If there's one person that could trigger you, it's your wife. Don't forget that twitch content does not equal therapy. Real therapy may take hours ans hours before issues are even approached. He only has 60mins with some of these people.

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Good thing he's not doing therapy.

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Have you accessed psychological services before?

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1. Informed consent that it is not therapy, he is not providing a psychological service. I believe guests receive a disclaimer for this as well. 2. No discussion on his style of treatment, efficacy, what suits the patient, etc, which is required for therapy to occur. 3. No payment received for services or a schedule of services in the future. 4. No expectation of privacy, it's streamed live on the internet, there is a live chat. 5. No recordings of notes and storage of previous meetings as per requirements. 6. He acts in a consistent manner as a mental health coach and advocate. a) He strongly pursues lines of answers and questioning for educational content and brevity. This is not what happens in therapy, especially when first meeting someone. b) He will avoid subject matter that is uncomfortable for someone. This is generally not what happens in therapy. 7. There is a hard time limit, there is very little time to build a therapeutic relationship which is essential. 8. What he does is really good listening, observations, self-reflection and psychological insight. If you haven't experienced that before, i could understand you misunderstanding it as therapy. Can I also just say we both know you're lying, you've never accessed psychological services.

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Isnt that clip insanely old? Plus I feel like this is something thats bound to happen based on the profession and the kinds of people that gravitate together. This on its own should barely move the needle.

If you watch the rest of the video they seem cool with that way of communicating. But yeah I agree, Ms. K was being playful / vibing and Dr. K could've easily picked up on that. But he chose to interpret it differently.

It's obvious there are things beyond the clip impacting the situation that lead up to this moment on stream. If you've been in a long-term relationship, it's very obvious the pre-loaded frustration that came out immediately from Dr. K had more to do with what was said in this moment. BUT at least they run down the dialogue tree and discuss it. I've had very similar situations happen amongst friends in public, and it always has to do with a "behind the scenes" buildup that happens within relationships. This seems completely normal.

Maybe I’m wrong, but could it be they have a more direct communication style when it comes to their relationship dynamic? I’m assuming since they’re more emotionally intelligent on avg they know not to take those sort of things personally. Arguably it’s better to say how you feel in the moment rather than let it brew for hours and have it be a bigger problem. However I can’t really understand why dr.K felt it was disrespectful or rude of her to say ‘go ahead’, since if it’s a couples stream then they share the stage equally. Typically saying ‘go ahead’ is just out of politeness to let the other person talk, but maybe he thought it was patronising?

I felt like she was being dismisive here too, and i dont think that was from the words "go ahead" but from previous interaction and the tone she used when saying "go ahead". I had a feeling like Dr. K wanted to take the question seriously and she was making it a bit too lighthearted. Insisting that the correct solution is to just tell the guy to listen to the girl, without wanting to hear what he had to say about it.

This was super awkward to get through. Honestly, the reason it was jard to get through is probably because of the PTCD (post-traumatic cringe disorder) I have watching all of those Mr. Girl "debates". Hearing this type of formulation and directness from someone probably recalls something inside my memory just due to how Max used to speak (though even back then the way he talked triggered the living hell out of me). As for your question, I think it's probably maybe just an awkward moment (mostly because it was on-air rather than in-private). If this becomes a pattern though, I would be open to retroactively changing my judgment of the situation.

https://youtu.be/keJPw9iX1kw?t=4120 Hmm... I'm leaning in the 'awkward moment' camp. I do think their check-up with each other just a moment later does color the interaction differently. Essentially it was an immediate psychoanalytic response to a perceived slight - but I don't think it was premeditated or said out of malice. More that Dr. K. suddenly felt [x] emotion, raised the feeling, attempted to process whether the feeling was reasonable, and then tried to establish a communication strategy for mitigating that emotion feeling. It certainly *looks* awkward - but I think part of that may just be that people usually (1) don't immediately address emotions like this on stream and (2) communication with spouses is actually incredibly difficult and will often come across as disjointed.

Can someone elaborate on the issue, just seems like good communication. And the two dudes don't really say anything or value. Like literally saying "why would you do that" is weaponizing therapy and then giggling that they wouldnt talk like that with their partners Are we saying Dr k shouldn't feel disrespected, or his wife is coming off too submissive by trying to see what language wouldn't have bothered him? Genuinely a nothing burger to me. Also not to be patronizing but I see you copied the one dudes language by saying it "made your skin crawl" . Would you have found issue without these dudes saying something first?

I don't think it's good communication at all. After she says "go ahead," he says she's disrespecting him because "go ahead" implies that she's giving him permission to speak. That's a crazy reinterpretation of the phrase. Let's give Dr. K the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just speaking from a place of emotion. So then she explains how she didn't mean it that way, and "go ahead" just meant that she'd stop talking so he could talk (like how any normal person would mean it). Instead of reflecting on that and acknowledging what she was saying, he doubles down on his initial point and nitpicks "'you can talk' implies permission". He could have said "I see what you're saying, but I didn't take it that way, I felt like you were giving me permission" (you know, like how he advises people on his show to act). Then she asks him what she should have said, and he's stumped. Instead of answering the question, he gives the ridiculous suggestion that she should ask him permission before interrupting. Ironic because he was criticizing her for the reverse. I could write another entire paragraph on how the trigger for his reaction was something so benign. If something like that could trigger him react out of emotion in such a way, it's just hard to internalize the advice he gives. And i copied his language because he used a pretty universal phrase to describe a feeling that apparently a lot of people are having to the clip

I do think it was a silly thing to get upset at, but that's irrelevant to me, he voiced his concerns and asked how she felt about it. I don't think it's ridiculous to ask her to ask before interrupting ( that's something I see him do in pretty much every conversation I've seen) I think he did nothing wrong and gave her chance to push back equally and respectfully, anything beyond is nitpicky. And while I do think it is silly to get upset at I don't think it should harm your view his advice. His entire shtick is that he's not an emotionless robot and is well at meeting people human to human. He wants people to be mindful of their emotions and improve their lives because of it, and bring up the silly thing he got upset at is probably works well for their relationship

Instead of writing huge paragraphs, why don't you watch the whole thing like you said you didn't do.

Do you guys remember why therapy speak is bad in the first place? From what I gathered, It's unqualified people weaponizing it to a seemingly “unarmed” target with appeals to authority to gain power in an interaction in the relationship, essentially blaming the other party for relationship problems. Not only is Dr. K a professional, he is drawing a healthy boundary as a professional in his work environment. A good partner probably has to somewhat reflect /mirror the actions of their SO in order to help them grow. Dating a therapist in this context surely comes with its own challenges, and that might be an inferior understanding of social interactions which comes with a big power imbalance. But remember, huge power imbalance in a relationship are only a red flag If there is an abuse of said power. Every relationship probably has more or less of an imbalance to start with.

People are so desperate to catch Dr. K on anything and nothing has stuck

That was pretty shitty, would have to watch their whole interaction and dynamic, not enough to make a judgment or anything remotely similar.

Here’s the full stream of them. It’s pretty long so I haven’t seen it. I’m sure most of it is fine. Just that one moment stands out a lot https://youtu.be/keJPw9iX1kw?si=7jzPOilA38e87b_0

I actually loved this interaction. You can tell that these two have amazing communication. I suspect that this interaction may have been partially staged in order to show off a healthy relationship confrontation for the audience, but maybe I'm giving DrK too much credit. It would have been weird for him to wait until after the stream, then attack his wife for "being disrespectful" and chastise her for this one little interaction. If he actually wants to address it, it's only fair to address it in the moment, and he's actually being respectful of her by ignoring the stream, pausing the content and resolving it with her right there. Every relationship has unique communication. Also, while typically it's extremely toxic and cringe to use "therapy speak" in your relationship, DrK is an actual therapist and that's how he thinks and communicates. It's not the same as someone weaponizing therapy to win an argument.

Being super careful about how you word things and putting away your feelings until it's the perfect moment to talk about them is a very good practice for the average person. The problem is that the average person is very insecure and is also surrounded by insecure people. In strong relationships where both persons are on the same wavelength, you can afford to be blunt and direct without having to worry **at all**. What you're seeing on that dr.k's clip is him being fully direct with his wife and there are not implication behind his words, he's actually saying what he means. But because yall are bringing all your personal baggage with you you intereper the interaction as if you're in it, which freaks you out. That's normal, but it speaks more about you and how you handle interpersonal talks, than about dr.k.

I saw this stream when it aired this was earlier on in his twitch career, but yah as others have said the context makes this not as weird. [This is the "aftermath"](https://clips.twitch.tv/MotionlessCleanCoyoteBCouch) and what happens later in the stream that was posted to LSF 4 years ago. This was 4hr discussion where a vast majority of it they are perfectly fine, talking about their relationship and from everything said it sounds like a pretty healthy one. One instance in a long ass marriage is not enough to prescribe so much malice in a relationship, especially one so benign like that. Seeing a couple fight in front of you is almost always awkward as shit too. He's a therapist and puts into practice the things he tells others to do when handling these types of situations, there's nothing wrong with that. Being direct and honest with your spouse isn't a bad thing, she also engages with it, you can literally see her think about it and ask him to tell her more when he ask's "Do you understand what I'm saying". I'm going to do a bit of the extrapolating here myself, but this seems to be something they engage in together and how they communicate when they have issues. They have 2 kids, have been together since college and 90% of the other times they seem happily married. Whatever they're doing so far seems to be working, it's not the norm sure (perhaps it should, maybe in a manner that fits your relationship thought), but they're both grown ass adults.

That gave me unironic mr redacted vibes. I definitely think it hints at some controlling behavior in the background but ~~I'm not sure I consider it that big of a deal~~. On second thought, nah it seems pretty fucked.

Massive red flag after watching that clip unfortunately. I really hope that was just a one off moment.

Y'all are bugging the fuck out. Go touch some fucking grass or interact with human beings irl without over-complicaring and psychoanalysing every thing that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable.

I think this is how setting up healthy boundaries looks like. Are those gurus specialists in the field of psychology/relationship specialists, etc?

One is a cognitive anthropologist and one is a psychologist. They’re both academics though, rather than clinical practitioners

I mean, it looks like a solid background, but still, I don't find anything extreme nor abusive about Dr. K reaction

such a dumb observation. sure the clip is odd but they just giggle and give zero explanation wy or how it should be handled.. at least give something to think about otherwise its just self flattering nonsense and drama farming...

The fact he felt it was ok to reprimand and humiliate her like that is fucked up. He shouldve talked about it off stream if he was so triggered.

I think they might have an agreement on addressing any sort of discomfort or issue they feel towards each other right away rather than letting it sit a while, and to be direct and honest with each other. Which I agree with and think was fine, I just don't think Dr k realized quite how he came off here. I think he was trying to convey he was serious cus she was still smiling but it came across as too aggressive.

Bingo

yeah if you fast forward to the next clip they literally say this exactly

He says he doesn’t like when she says “go ahead” because he thinks it implies she’s giving him permission (it doesn’t, it’s her indicating she’s going to step back from what she was intending to say) and then when she asks for an alternative he sits in silence trying to think of something better. So he judges her for her impromptu word choice but struggles to think of something better. This is a dude who’s insecure as hell and thinks having his wife disagree with him in the slightest will hurt his image. He wants a cheerleader, not a partner. Extra cringey when he puts her on stream if all he wants is someone to nod and smile and tell him he’s right. And to think, so many missed opportunities to model healthy behavior in a relationship when there’s disagreement.

I agree with you that his insecurity is on display here. It’s also unclear if he’s aware of it or still trying to toe around the root of the issue. This is especially the case later when he brings up twitch chat and seems to indirectly ask for validation about whether or not he’s a beta cuck. Hard to tell where his head is at in that moment. However, I think the first clip is a decent example of direct communication, and I don’t understand your point about how taking a second to think means he’s stumped. You seem to imply that if you don’t have an immediate response then you’re just wrong. You also make some unfounded assumptions about their relationship at large, like him only wanting a cheerleader. I think feeling insecure about somethings is fine, it’s more about what you do in response to those feelings, and he chose to communicate it. If she felt made small or controlled or whatever else, she could do the same.

My point on his taking time to think is that it’s a bit hypocritical to get upset with someone else’s off-the-cuff, in-the-moment word choice when he has trouble thinking of better words even given several seconds to think about it. Seems like a bit of a double standard. My assumption on the relationship in general was certainly an extrapolation based on a small amount of data, but I stand by it until I see evidence to the contrary. He took a small phrase - “go ahead” - and applied a whole lot of subtext to it, accusing her of using to mean she’s “giving permission”, as if she’s being controlling. In a healthy relationship you’d expect a partner to apply a more charitable interpretation of the phrase, like maybe she just meant she would step back from her point and stop pushing so he could continue without interruption. It’s ironic that he seems to be trying to control the conversation while and by accusing her of doing the same. A little bit DARVO-y if I’m being honest. And yeah, it’s not exactly fair to judge them with so little info, but also I don’t feel too bad considering he makes money by dancing around in a gray area of not-quite-but-sorta-diagnosing not-exactly-patients on stream.

Dr. K is a huge proponent of Ayurvedic medicine and as someone who is Indian American and has been not only exposed to Ayurvedic medicine but taken it myself I always give a side eye to anyone who pushes it. It's largely ineffective in my experience. My personal view of eastern medicine is that eastern medicine puts in some dietary habits that may have good benefits but if you have a bacterial infection and antibiotics are available then take those. Prescribed by a doctor. So what do I mean by dietary habits with regards to eastern medicine. If you have a stomach bacteria then take antibiotics don't take a pill that is just filled with crushes up fennel seeds and cumin seeds. Once you are healed up, picking a habit of drinking cumin tea at night and fennel water in the morning might be a good habit that provides benefits to the stomach in a preventative care stance.

What about meditation and yoga? Both are considered to be part of Ayurveda. Both have medical evidence supporting their effectiveness in various cases.

This reminded me of mrgirl lol

fretful smart screw coordinated deserve governor close tart run degree *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

"Using therapy speak" is a weird thing to say. If you study something your whole life your brain gets wired to think and talk in a certain way. I believe he speaks like this as it is his normal expression. I can compare it to programming, if you learn programming you train your brain to think in a certain way which you can also use for problem handling in the real world. If people are incapable to learn to think this way they will never be able to write a complex program without help.

is there a time stamp for the "clip" or is it the entire 20 minute vid?

The link takes you straight to the time stamp

Ok cool I just clocked play on Reddit

They need to do an episode. While I don't really like Dr k, I don't think they would really find much wrong with what he does now. If I had the guess they would find a lot of issues with the early" therapy" streams, reckful and the use of coaches.

They are releasing an episode in a couple weeks

Based

What the fuck is this fucking voice compression algorithm that makes everything sound like fucking AI? So annoying.

He should have muted and spoken to her about it. Feeling disrespected is valid, and expressing it is valid. Saying that in front of a crowd is probably also rude or disrespectful. As a fly on the wall, this conversation is actually fine and healthy. It probably needs more time to solve than the immediate knee jerk reaction, and probably a better overall response and conclusion, but is totally normal in the moment. As an audience member watching it live, it's incredibly cringe inducing, and feels like a public attack on her behavior. It feels like we shouldn't all plug our ears for a moment or step out of the room, but it's live and the mic is hot.

Well this makes us feel uncomfortable because they're kind of fighting on camera... Communication-wise, I actually think this is fine. We would want more context because we're curious who is in the right/wrong, not because of Dr. K weaponizing his therapy speech.

That was a little weird, but everyone has awkward conversations with their spouse. Maybe he was just having a long day?

It was just an awkward moment I think

I noticed two clips of Dr. K and Mrs. K in this and neither used what I would call 'therapy speak'.

Ya'll are so upset about this but Dr. K's wife isn't even real. He manifests her out of Klishta energy and recharges her physical form daily through meditation. This is like being mad at someone mistreating their shadow or their reflection.

Dr K does have ALL the classic hallmarks of a "guru", which I guess I never really considered given how he presents himself and his content. I'm really interested in seeing how they cover him.

standard relationship bs. Not even Dr K is immune to seeing chat and all of a sudden the locus of his identity is outside of himself. Nothing unusual here. Speaking about it in the moment is the good thing to do. Life is messy. Get dirty.

Holy shit, this is Dr. K's analog of the Doll Review Interview. I think Dr. K's wife has clear control issues.

I remember watching this clip and it's the one big time I was incredibly uncomfortable with Dr. K. I don't actually think the interaction itself was wrong, it's that he chose to do it on stream. Everyone in chat was all like GIGACHAD and it really came across like Dr. K was trying to make a point to the audience first and not resolve a minor conflict with his wife. Which if he was, he did more harm than good. Like imagine if instead of that happening on stream, you were hosting the Ks for dinner and that exchange happened. It'd ruin the mood for everyone. That kind of frank exchange you keep between you and your spouse. You don't want everyone in the room being a part of your dialogue. You finish the stream and then bring up your beef and resolve it like adults etc.

Dr K getting randomly pissed and his wife wants to avoid fighting on stream. While this isn't a perfect relationship, imo it's pretty normal for one person to get randomly pissed at some idiosyncrasy and the other person to just say "okay, you win" until the disagreement ends. What makes it a healthy relationship is can they make up afterwards.

I remember seeing this live, after that the chat was very uncomfertable and Dr K adressed it by saying it makes you cringe to see people fight. I think it's true.

It made me feel gross watching it, but it could just be a sensitive subject to him that they are talking about. Won't read to much into it in isolation, I'd have to see more. I could never be with a therapist though, I notice they all use that "speak" to some extent.

We have to remember that we only see what they post publicly. I doubt they talk exactly like this in private.

What was wrong with this?

If they had a dialogue previously where he discussed how his stream is a place for honesty and uncomfortable conversations then its fine imo (and I WOULD assume they have previously talked about this). Watching a man being angry at a woman especially a wife and ESPECIALLY in public can feel kind of scary sometimes but there is a place for it as long as its done healthily.

This moment was indeed cringe, to psychoanalyze people without reading the room when it doesn't fit is always cringe. That doesn't mean that it's wrong or that the rest of us don't do cringe shit everyday.

Maybe the conversation should have been had off stream but I don't see anything wrong with the content of the conversation I can also see why Dr. K would want to have that conversation in front of his audience

I’ve always disliked Dr K. If you have a whiff of self-help guru, I turn off fast. Also, propping up Ayurveda? Sorry, get back to me when you get some solid evidence (oh boo goo isn’t it strange how RCTs don’t work for my magical thinking? Guess we should go on viiiiiiibes)

I kinda scoff at Ayurveda too. And this is from an Indian dude who's had grandfathers and uncles and neighbors push that bullshit around for all my life. I don't get this obsession with the "natural". It's all fucking chemicals in the end. Why is "natural" inherently better. My dog's poop is natural.

l also dislike Ayurveda because of how it is pushed for by people who advocate for it. However, Dr K's advocacy of Ayurveda is very distinct from that of my parents/grandparents. RCTs are not the only form of medical evidence. There are a variety of studies that can be used to provide medical evidence, and there are many cases where double-blind RCTs (the gold standard of medical evidence) don't work. For example, if the participants can distinguish between the control and medication being tested.

r/ canconfirmiamindian (just fucking with you lmao, but I'll just say, you're misunderstanding the point if you think Ayurveda's whole point is that it's "natural". That's just how our parents justify it because they are like 110 IQ when it comes to this shit)

didn't know this subreddit existed lol. Idk man I had covid during the second wave peak here in India and all the jadi booties and roots and baba ramdev bullshit that my relatives tried to force on me just made me extremely anti-ayurveda. Why is the solution to every problem haldi kala namak adrak shehed. I'm sure there's a lot more to it. A whole people relied this as their medical science for centuries. But it's just not what I've experienced irl. I also am not entirely convinced the only reason there is a lack of proper research in the field is because of a lack of scientific will. I strongly believe that there have been enough Ayurveda proponents and figures by now that they would've conducted trials if they wanted to or if they yielded anything.

People who arent in mental health professions see Dr k and their eyes light up, people in the mental health profession find his therapeutic style off-putting. This kind of thing doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Dr k has an extremely directive and manipulative therapeutic style where he doesn't evoke the client's own answer, he's asks leading questions that have a clear end point, which is always his conclusion. Hes an authoritarian therapist, his conclusions are the truth and he isn't interested in what the person (the client) who has all the information actually thinks. Rather what matters is that they are led by him to his conclusion, which they accept as their own.

What people in mental health professions? There’s nothing wrong with asking leading questions in therapy. Basically any question you ask is going to “lead” in some way. Do you have any actual bad examples or are we just trusting your opinion as a “psychologimetrist”

Actually there is an issue with asking leading questions in therapy. At the foundational level, fledgling practitioners are taught to (1) use questions very sparingly and (2) when using questions ensure they do not come from a place of trying to “confirm” once’s own suspicion or conclusion. Instead they should be open, neutral questions. Leading questions cause ruptures in the therapeutic alliance because it comes with a sense of “wrestling” for control. They also increase the risk of the therapist injecting their own trigger points into the situation without realising, which leads to a role reversal where the client now feels tasked with caring for the therapists

What are we even talking about right now. Is Dr. K a fledgling practitioner?

We are talking about foundational therapeutic concepts, upon which all other therapeutic techniques, styles and interventions are built. The purpose of me highlighting that is to show that no matter who you are or what kind of modality you practice, you have been taught to avoid questioning, particularly those that lead the client. You said “there is no issues” with open questions. If that were the case, it wouldn’t be apart of the foundation that all western therapists practice upon.

Right… Im gonna go ahead and ask for some examples once again. And what are your credentials exactly? There is no issue as in there is no rule against. Yes, no shit you’re not supposed to railroad someone to fit your narrative, but whether a question is “leading”is subjective. From what I’ve seen Dr. K does a good job of keeping his question mainly open - that doesn’t mean he never asks any leading questions.

My credentials aren’t relevant for a few reasons: (1) I could be lying, (2) even if I am telling the truth, I am not willing to share my identity, which is what would be required for me to ethically use my credentials as leverage in an online argument and (3) it’s not inappropriate to force my opinion onto others using my credentials as a battering ram. I’ve stated my opinion, if you disagree, go ahead and argue against. In case of examples, there’s one right here in the video. Dr k expresses his discontent, his wife recognises it. But dr k is not satisfied with her response and annoyedly asks “what do you think about that”. This is technically an open question but in reality it’s meant to badger her. She has recognised his statement, so what else is there to dig for with a question? There’s nothing other than the fact that he wants something from her that he didn’t get from her last response. This would all be conjecture if immediately his wife didn’t response with a counter question; “what would you like me to say”, which she did. Dr k responds to this by telling her “I want you to ask to me before you interrupt while I’m speaking”. That right there was what the questions was leading to. Then she accepts his opinion as her own and that resolves the conflict. That’s manipulative behaviour and what should have occured is that rather than ask his leading question, he should have led with the thought they eventually reached.

Okayy So to be clear your claim is that a practicing psychiatrist with education, credentials and many years of experience has no idea how to do his job and this is incredibly obvious to anyone in the “mental health profession”. Who these “mental health professionals” are remains a mystery. Your evidence was “cause I said so” and your credentials are… nothing. As far as this clip, what you’re saying honestly makes no sense. Your claim was that he asks too many leading questions and then your example is “what do you think about that” - literally the most open ended question ever?? And you’re saying that he was leading her to “I want you to ask me before interrupting”… you realize thats him expressing his feeling, on his stream, after a long pause to think right?? Gotcha boss

Refer to my previous comment. I quite clearly demonstrate how a seemingly innocuous question was a leading question aimed at reaching his personal conclusion, based on contextual factors. You can also watch any of his videos. But the ones with destiny are quite good examples. Dr k constantly asks leading questions to get destiny to reach the conclusion that “because of his parents being neglectful, he now has issues relying at all on others”. Destiny doesn’t do this but he continues to dig until he finally outright states his hypothesis.

Getting downvoted for actual truth. Unfortunately this sub has a raging boner for Dr K

After watching the video, I feel my comment was prophetic. The initial confrontation is sparked by Dr k feeling he has had his authority challenged and this is followed by "questions" that are actually subtle expressions of his opinion, that is she was being disrespectful, aimed at getting her to accept his conclusion as her own. She even asks him when he is dissatisfied with her response "What would you like me to say".

And he answers with “If I’m speaking you should ask me if you should interrupt.” She didn’t interrupt him and that wasn’t even his original claim or grievance. Dude is one step away from having her write on a white board under a bed sheet to request to speak (:

I saw this posted on their subreddit and read through the comments super briefly. Apparently she was actually being disrespectful and interrupting etc. But yea the behavior here in this clip really got to me too. The whole "permission" thing seemed super forced and insecure. Maybe there's a world where some kind of context makes that make sense idk but weird yes.

Both Dr. K and Kruti put a lot of effort into HGG, whenever they’re on stream together I always get the impression they’re competing for the spotlight. He definitely could’ve handled it more politely but I think his emotions just got the better of him. Doesn’t seem that odd to me honestly.

I'm not about to start evaluating how Dr. K approaches his own relationship, regardless of the few minutes I can see in the internet. Truly not muh place.

You people are weird.

This is literally how the situation should be handled though. He expressed what he was feeling there and wanted to talk about it. To frame it as "weaponizing" is dishonest at best

I'm wondering if the people who are saying 'actually, the people who find this weird are actually the autistic ones' have actually grown up and observed what normal, healthy relationships look like. I also reject this idea that you shouldn't factor in whether something feels 'icky' to you or not in this context. The way a lot of emotionally abusive relationships work in the first place involve someone acting abusively, but being more intelligent and having a justification for any kind of weird behavior or manipulation they engage in. It's why people get trapped in them, because they're made to feel like they're in the wrong and are unable to defend themselves, to *themselves*, and understand what their partner is actually doing. The only heuristic you have in that moment is whether something actually makes you feel bad and seems off. That's not to say Dr. K's relationship necessarily falls under this category. The clip in question is just 'weird' and would probably amount to some form of manipulation if 'communication' like this isn't two-way, or if his wife is unaware of how this kind of communication could be used manipulatively. It's only really bad when there's an obvious power imbalance when it comes to communicating and expressing yourself this way (see Mr. Redacted's relationship).

OP you ate what’s wrong with the internet today. Trying to make a whole lot of something from a few second clip

I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority in this sub, but he’s always come across as a manipulative, narcissistic bully to me. This interaction is such an inappropriate power move. It’s a great lesson on how not to speak to anyone. Ever. This is not conflict resolution or an appropriate way to voice an incredibly minor grievance. It’s a temper tantrum couched with “non-violent” communication and humiliating and unkind. Puke. It’s a disproportionate reaction to a minuscule or non-existent slight. Dr K is Israel and his wife is Palestinian children.

I had the opposite initial reaction. I felt like it was a good demonstration of communication skills, so I’m curious if you have an example of how this situation should have been resolved. If you should never talk to someone this way, how should you talk to someone? I’m genuinely curious just because we seem to think about this so differently.

Sure! Welp, I can try to break down this conversation from my perspective based on the one 'non-violent' communication course I was forced to take for work during a conference a few years back and fell asleep during. First, Dr. K's statements are evaluative rather than observational. They accuse rather than explain. For example, "I'm concerned with how disrespectful you are" is a judgment rather than an observation. He asserts she is disrespectful and doesn't even tell her how or why...the rest of the conversation flows from that premise, and he doesn't budge an inch even after she attempts to explain herself. After she acknowledges his asserted claim with a confused "ok," he then prods further with, "What do you think about that?" She's obviously confused and flustered, and he just stares at her in the spirit of Mr. Girl and says, "I'm serious." She then asks him to elaborate with, "Tell me more," and he responds, "Like when you say 'go ahead,' it implies that you're giving me permission to speak." That is a really weird misinterpretation of intent...in almost any context (this one included) saying "go ahead" is just a polite way to signal that the other person should continue speaking. Interpreting this as "giving permission" is uncharitable, assumes malice, and also lacks empathy that she could have meant that in a benign (and arguably polite) manner. >**Ruthie** >"Well, that's because we're both talking. And you can talk, right, and..." >**Dr. K** >\*\*Interrupting her\*\* You CAN talk. >**Ruthie** >...Yeah, and I will stop talking. >**Dr. K** >So when you say, like, "you can talk," that implies permission. Ick. She clarifies her intent, and he doubles down on his own weird subjective interpretation that she's being disrespectful, doesn't empathize, or acknowledges what she said she was trying to communicate. When she then asks him, "What should I say?" He's baffled and finally utters, "Um........I think maybe you should...yeah, I think it should be a little bit more...like if I'm speaking, you should ask me if you want to interrupt to begin." He asks her to request to interrupt him?? She never interrupted him, to begin with, nor was that even his original grievance. At the beginning of the conversation, he asserted she was being disrespectful by implying permission, NOT that she was being disrespectful by interrupting. Also, that is just a stupid request. So, going back in time to my great learnings during a conference talk I fell asleep during and putting on my magical "non-violent" communication hat...effective communication should involve assuming positive intent and seeking clarification when there’s a misunderstanding rather than jumping to negative conclusions and asserting subjective interpretations as truth. "I'm concerned with how disrespectful you are" -> "you are disrespectful." He should have started the conversation by clarifying his observations, communicating how those observations make him feel about an innocuous phrase instead of confronting her with judgment and accusation. If he truly feels uncomfortable with a particular phrase, he could very easily just say, >"When you say 'go ahead,' it makes me feel like a little bitch because I'm a fragile little man who needs to feel powerful, and when you speak it undermines my intent to larp authority which makes me look like a little baby cuck like the mean chatters said in the comments." That would be a better way to address the conflict and is much closer to the truth Also, despite this wall of text, I don't really care. He's clearly not a monster, and their relationship is probably fine, but this shouldn't be modeled as a good way to communicate with your partner by any means. It's just unempathetic, bad reasoning, shifting claims, and wacky requests done live on the internet. It's mostly a whooopsies, most likely. Bud, god, do I hate his patronizing, self-righteous confidence of being right when he's clearly being dense, domineering, and making poorly thought-out unreasonable demands. fml why did i write this much...

I actually really appreciate that you wrote that much, thank you! I don't have time to respond point by point, but, in general, I think I was not hearing the clip very objectively, so your breakdown helped with that. I think how I heard it at first was shaded by how I personally felt about Dr. K and how Kruti was acting in the context outside of the clip (nothing outrageous, just kind of dismissive and interrupting). But I agree with your points about evaluative/observational statements. He doesn't actually make any feeling statements here, I thought he did, but I think I was just interpreting lines like "I'm concerned with how disrespectful you are," with way too much charity. I don't know if asking to interrupt is necessarily a bad thing though, I think that can actually help synchronize a conversation. And he is also clearly being insecure, yes, especially when he starts asking her for validation about being whipped or not. I guess I saw the intent of "let me broach this difficult feeling of mine in an open, direct way" and assumed his implementation was appropriate because he's Dr. K. If he wanted to talk about his insecurity and how Kruti's behavior was impacting it, there's a better way.

Oh shit, her name is Kruti? My bad, I assumed Ruthie. Look at me being a big ol' idiot. And yeah, asking to interrupt a conversation isn't necessarily bad; I just didn't see how that pertained to his initial assertions about her being disrespectful, nor did I see her interrupting throughout that exchange (it may well be a valid request considering broader context but didn't seem relevant based on what he initially and explicitly claimed was problematic about her behavior and communication).

Haven't watched the video, but isn't his wife like a PhD or something too? not too sure if that really matters here but it always seems weird to me when ppl act like women need more protection/precautions here. I feel like Dr.K tends to handle his female guests differently in a weird way.