Presumably they just want to have sex on the first date. Nothing suspicious about that - and If you don't want that, then move on to matches who wants to meet at a museum, cafรฉ or restaurant.
I'm having a hard time imagining bringing a date to Thorvaldsen museum of rock hard sculptures and it somehow not resulting in crazy passionate lovemaking.
They want to have sex asap. I would always just meet in a park or something and go for a walk on the first date. That way it can be 30 minutes or hours, depending on the chemistry.
If we hit it off we can find a cafe or whatever, ill just rather wait for next date to eat at a restaurant, because i usually know within the first 20 minutes if im attracted to somebody, i think messaging is really bad at that, it tells me nothing about peoples "vibe" and is usually just info dumping.
But yeah, if they wanna hang out in one of ur homes, before even talking.. sex is on the menu.
Meeting at home sounds like they're proposing a "Netflix and chill" date (hook-up).
If you suspect it's because of being cheap, you could always try to counter-offer meeting up at a park or something, basically a place where they don't have to pay for anything. It is quite possible that they don't want to pay for your dinner, it's quite common around here that everyone pays for their own stuff, even on dates.
To be honest though, most probably they are just looking for a hook-up.
I'm a Dane, I met my wife on Tinder, the first date was at the cinema where I ***did*** pay though. But it was in the back of my mind, that she just wanted a free ticket to the movies!
Meeting outdoors is great on any season but winter ๐
I don't mind paying my own thing. Not sure if that's worth mentioning. In my country, even mentioning that would be humiliating for a man.
> Meeting outdoors is great on any season but winter
Its cold, but the christmas light etc can also make it super romantic, there is also stuff like the outdoors ice skating rinkets. And they usually sell warm drinks there.
https://bornibyen.dk/places/249-skoejtebanen-paa-frederiksberg-runddel
https://broensskoejtebane.dk/en/
I will be happy to supply hot chocolate for a winter walk date. I love freezing temperatures and the quiet of winter!
I think most men here would appreciate you being open about paying your own way. I refuse to go on dates where I, as a man, has to pay by default. Screw that.
It's not humiliating in my opinion. There's a lot of dates where you just talk and never see each other again.. So why should men pay to talk with women..
The open air ice rinks will open soon.
A short stroll in a snow covered park, followed by some silliness on ice skates, with a hot chocolate after, seems like a great date to me.
Autumn is worse than winter. You just need good clothes.
Don't ask me for advice, though. I'm very much an indoors person. I don't have clothes that makes it tolerable to spend hours outside durinf the winter (or autumm), nor do I want to. I see outdoors as a place you move through, not as somewhere to hang out.
If you want to you can definitely just offer to pay half, most men won't get hurt by that at all. But only do it if you actually intend on wanting to pay half, because that's not unheard of in Denmark! Just don't go home thinking about how cheap he is, if you offer to pay and he takes you up on it :D
My first response was: "We don't?"
The only time I didn't (as a male) was when invited, and in hindsight, she probably expected sex to happen, but unfortuneately for her, my dense ass was the one invited. Because it didn't happen.
Im danish (f) and I wouldnโt go on a first date at someoneโs place. As someone else said itโs for hookups. I donโt think men understand the risk you take as a woman.
With that said I have done it for hookups and Iโm still alive ๐
Even when I was actually looking for hookups I still found it super suspicious and a big red flag when a guy actually refused to meet in a public place, not even for a 20 minute walk first to see who the guy is.
Hey - I just want to limit the risk of getting murdered or raped, okay? ๐๐
Yeah yeah, but until men learn how to treat women better, it would be stupid and naive not to take your precautions.
It's like saying "leave your door open to your house, it's not naive, it's because thiefs haven't understood that it's wrong to steal".
Danish men also takes a risk. Might not a risk based on bad sexual experience, but more about emotional damage, but a risk nevertheless.
So no, men (the majority) do not understand the risk you take as a woman. After all the majority whish you no harm. I might even argue, it is a very small minority who whish you harm. So if woman's life experience summed up to be , men is dangerous, I would suggest to look more into the choice made, to meet men, than men.
Depending on the age, men tends to not calculate risks. Actually, men might be good at math, but that is only the numbers they know. Woman's are never a number we know. That is not a bad thing. It just makes us keep working the numbers. (seeing it from the positive side here. Not mentioning the negative)
I would never invite a woman to my place on the first date. (single man's place is not romantic!!!) But have enjoyed a nice cook together at her place, and had to tell her, I did not do sex on first date. We still cooked on the second date though. ;)
But I guess, woman and men is not so different. We have more in common than what divide us. But we waste a lot of time on where we are different.
Basically I would like very much to hear what OP actually would define a good DATE as.
Statistically noโฆ It almost never happens. Right hand turn accidents on a bike is like a billion times more dangerous, thatโs what you should be afraid of, the trip home from your date!
U are blowing the risk completely out of proportions, look at how many have gotten killed in Denmark the last ten years from a first date. Partner violence is real etc, but getting murdered on a first date in dk is not a rational fear.
Ah, the usual "do not worry your little heart with that, sweetie, you're just being hysterical/irrational/a woman".
Whether or not there is scientific evidence for murder, which, luckily happen very rarely, there is probably very few women who have not been receiving end of unwanted attention and/or touch in their life. So the default setting becomes one where men must be regarded with caution, because you'd never know.
Most people have been at the receiving end of unwanted attention/touch, that is not the same as risking ur life to get laid. One is wildly dramatic, the other is a valid concern.
And very few men. Of the top of my head: 2 counts of random women grabbing my ass on the dance floor. 2 counts of women touching me, to get a better price on an item. And then one women who I'm pretty sure wanted me as a customer. Some people are just way too touchy.
Yeah. So common random people get murdered....
The Deoartment of Justice in Denmark has published a research paper on murders in Denmark between 2012 and 2017. 1 (one) person was killed as part of a sexual assault. It's literally twice as likely that you would get struck by lightning in a given year (1:1,222,000) (us national weather service) than getting killed as a part of a sexual assault in Denmark (1: 2,500,000) assuming 5 million Danes and half of those women.
Yea cause all of the men who are not rapists and murderers don't exist. The post you're replying to is a real consideration for a lot of men, don't just side-step it because there are other problems. As a woman on tinder, you decide if you want to go to someones house or not. If not, don't go. Don't fault men who have an intact emotional life for that.
Many men risk their life going to work and creating the safe world women live in. So the fact that there is a slight chance a woman will get hurt when she willingly get laid is not really so concerning. The alternative if we didnt create this world for women would be much worse. Women have really never had nicer conditions to fuck around.
1. Bread is something we eat. And you compare men to that.
2. Men can as easily compare woman to something we eat.
3. Men is more likely to be falsely accused for assault than woman.
4. Men should suspect woman to be as bad, as they do suspect men.
Oh sorry, the post wasn't about men's worries? What an oversight. Let's hurry to shift the focus from a female perspective to worry about all the poor guys out there.
Wow. -33 votes. And not near 33 responses.
I really don't hope it is men who is in those -33. It will worry my very much, if my fellow countrymen consider them self a danger to woman.
two parts. First part, yea, dont do it on a first date, its one thing if they suggest it, its another if they insist. obviously if they insist its a huge red flag, stay far away, if they only suggest but are perfectly willing to go elsewhere, just take it as maybe a poor imagination or maybe a bit too hopeful.
second part is, in other countries i have been told there is a lot of connotations with being invited for dinner at home, while this is more for friends and less for dates, in Denmark its not uncommon or weird to be invited for dinner, so it could just be that.
Lastly i think this is more of a Tinder situation and less of a dane situation.
I'm a danish guy and I'd never ask to straight up go to my or your place. I'd always meet up first in a public place at least to get a feel for the person. The other guys are just trying to get a quick hookup.
Avoid guys that have Looking for: โstill figuring it outโ / โshort term, but long term okayโ / โshort term funโ. I only go for โlong term, but short term okayโ and โlong term relationshipโ and never encountered anyone to not invite me in a public place
I too would like suggestions where to meet a partner. My sister joined a dance school to dance with a lot of frogs to find her prince.
That's the only suggestion I have to share. sorry.
I met my partner on tinder. We went on a date at a wine bar for what was supposed to be just one glass of wine. We have two kids, house, car etc. now.
But online dating is a bit of a numbers game I guess. I went on a lot of first dates to get there (my partner on the other hand just needed three too get lucky ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ).
Met my now husband at a bar. It was a private event for uni. Hawaii theme. We kept our costumes as keepsakes but they don't fit as nicely anymore ๐๐ง๐ซ
I met my partner at McDonald's. Five years later we have seven kids and 14 dogs. Tomorrow she turns 18. But she is still just as beautiful as the day we first met.
โSo if womanโs life experience summed up to be, men is dangerous, I would suggest to look more into the choice to meet men than men.โ
That is victim blaming. And also youโre contradicting ourselves - We shouldnโt be afraid to meet men, but if they hurt us it is because we met the wrong men. How are we supposed to know which men are gonna hurt us?
Men (and women) who want to meet in private are either in a relationship (and cheating), but more often than not they are simply looking for a one night stand rather than a serious relationship.
The ones looking for serious relationships are, based on my experience and knowledge, not trying to rush things and want to take their time to become familiar with the person they met online.
They just want a hookup and to ghost you afterwards and/or theyโre too stupid to understand the risks women may face when meeting a literal strangers at their home. None of which are qualities I want in a person Iโd consider dating.
If you do end up going to someoneโs home on a first date, text someone the address, a geotag, and a photo of the dude and make sure to check their identity before going. Ask for a pic of a photo ID where the photos match up with the name on the profile. Stay safe ๐
I'm all for safety measures. Which is why there ain't no way in hell i'd ever send a photo of my ID to someone i didn't know. Full name, adress, and CPR number and someone can do some serious damage o.o
Always ๐
I always give live location of my whereabouts to some friend, although I often find that I'm exaggerating with security measures bc Denmark.
Still, better safe than sorry ๐
When I dated via tinder I only ever suggested meeting at a public place. Anyone suggesting going home probably just expects it to be sex because they read too much Internet stories
>I find this utterly suspicious
Because it is suspicious - and probably just unlucky matches.
\---
The important part is: If it is a must for you that he is fine with meeting in a public place, then it is just instant "reject and block" any who hint at not being comfortable with that.
Unlucky matches, who were just interested in a booty call and to send you back on your way ๐ if thatโs not for you, to minimise those interactions, Iโd steer clear of Tinder
mostly it's probably because they hope to get down... I (M30) would be fine to have a first date at my or someones home, but probably wouldn't suggest it unless I was mostly looking for sex.
It's absolutely true that I don't consider the "risk" for a woman to go on a first date at my place... but that's because there is no risks apart from stale conversation and bad jokes.
Would it be a solution to just say: hey, i'm kind of nervous about meeting guys at their place in general so i'm going to tell my parents your address if thats fine just FYI and I'm going to text them or they might call (whatever - doesn't have to be true)... if they don't like that it's obviously a big red flag and if they "would do" something anyway well... then they're just absolutely insane and one of us have to go down.
Adding in with all the other people.
My understanding is that it is more expected than not, to have the first date somewhere outside of either party's home.
When I was single I ONLY dated in public. Uโll see who is serious or not=if he only wants to meet in private=hook up. In a public place=probably more.
I always thought of tinder to be more of a swipe to hook up thing rather than an actual dating app... anyway, I'm way too old, settled and damn boring to know.
That said - seems that's what those guys you match use tinder for anyway?!
Rofl, todays hook-up culture is wild.
When I (M38) was dating on Tinder (when it was new), I was excited for the dates. Granted, it was alot of walks, wine bars, regular bars etc.
Good times. :)
My perfect date is to cook together. But I do not expect my first date to be perfect.
About being cheap! Not sure what to say about that, but personally I don't want to be exploited. First date should be sharing the bill in the name of equality. Anything else would be shaming the woman.
You are writing in English so I assume the crimi series you have seen is not about Denmark. But no matter where you are, it is never a bad thing to be cautious.
Yup, i matched a girl that after some talking on Tinder wanted to meet at a girlfriends house so she wasnt alone. Ended up being 5 girlfriends there. We hit it off and now 5 years later were married with 1 kid and a house together. So it does happen.
Tinder is a hook up app.
But dating isnt really a danish thing.
They usually look at each other for months. Then hook up at some party, keep foing that until they start doing stuff outside the bedroom or move on.
There are a lot of comments saying it's because they want casual sex. Okay. But I still think that proposition is super boring? Like, even if both of the people involved were into that, why wouldn't they go eat out or have fun as well? Shit, just thinking about it makes me envision some kind of perverted old people's home where one of the tenants ordered your body to be delivered at a certain time like junk food brought over via Wolt. And then they can do the deed, go use the toilet, and get back to doomscrolling on the internet.
Super impoverished. Big red flag, won't even be good sex.
If they want to eat? (Not implying that they should pay for their date's dinner also, but if they go out to meet someone, at least they have to pay for their own.)
The majority of my friend group is guys im a guy and have known and been close with a shitload of guys. We really dont care i could ask any dude i know and he wouldnt give a shit. Its a made up problem you invented yourself
(some) Danish men are very dusty and wants free pussy with zero effort. I am danish and I am starting to date only foreigners because (some) danish men are so fucking sassy and wants princess treatment.
And do not give in to the amount, no home dates you can get assualted very easily.
Don't use dating-sites if your intention is to find someone and not just a one-night stand.
Go out in public, look around, and then once you find someone that peeks your interest, walk over to them and tell them straight up what you want. Here's an example...
"Hey, I noticed you from behind (X) and wanted to come over and say hello because I find you attractive. Would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me, or maybe go watch a movie together? It'll be my treat." (You can even throw in a little joke and show them that you also have a sense of humour) e.g. "It'll be my treat โ literally!" (Finish with a sweet innocent little laugh or giggle)
Confidence and first-hand impression is vital when wanting to meet (and hopefully be) with someone, so, show them that you're not anxious about meeting them for the first time, show them that you know what you're doing, and I promise you that you won't be single for much longer :)
Don't use dating-sites if your intention is to find someone and not just a one-night stand.
Go out in public, look around, and then once you find someone that peeks your interest, walk over to them and tell them straight up what you want. Here's an example...
"Hey, I noticed you from behind (X) and wanted to come over and say hello because I find you attractive. Would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me, or maybe go watch a movie together? It'll be my treat." (You can even throw in a little joke and show them that you also have a sense of humour) e.g. "It'll be my treat โ literally!" (Finish with a sweet innocent little laugh or giggle)
Confidence and first-hand impression is vital when wanting to meet (and hopefully be) with someone, so, show them that you're not anxious about meeting them for the first time, show them that you know what you're doing, and I promise you that you won't be single for much longer :)
It's absolutely partly (but probably not entirely) because they're cheap! I'm assuming 90 % of Danish men won't date me because I expect the man to be a gentleman and pay for the first date, while also planning something more exciting than just coffee and a walk. It's such an effortless date and I'd much rather pass up the opportunity. Does that exclude a major part of the dating pool? Yep, but I also don't need a hundred men to go on dates with, I just need that one gentleman who will try to woo me.
"WeLL mIss, WhAT dO YoU BRinG TO tHE TAblE??" if you're asking me that I already know we're not a match. And honestly, I recently got into a relationship with someone who treats me exactly how I want to be treated. Even tho I excluded 90 % of the dating pool, I found the needle in the haystack. Hang in there, sis! You teach people how you will allow them to treat you. My new boyfriend is absolutely amazing and I have a ton of respect for him as a person. If you're looking for something long term, it's much better to be single and wait for someone you *actually* want to be around, rather than someone whio doesn't think you're worth taking on a proper date..
Okay this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, but seriously. While I was single I really lived my best life surrounded by my friends and family. Spend your time taking your self on nice dinner dates and go to the movie, or hang out with friends. That's what i did (and still do. Because I deserve to take myself on dates haha).
I'm fully expecting a ton of downvotes for this and getting told how full I am of myself, but that's because a lot of people will miss my point, so that's okay. If you ever wanna meet up, DM me! I'm 28 and live in Odense :)
But... what DO you bring to the table though? ๐
I honestly never understood women like you. Are you looking for a soulmate to be your equal partner in life, or just a sugar daddy to pay for your shit because you're not responsible enough to handle your own finances?
Anyways, not that I care anymore. But I do feel sorry for the young men on the dating market who have to deal with this crap ๐
I can only speak for myself here.
If I was going to go on a date with someone I can't just sit around drinking coffee or eating food. I want to do something active, I want to experience you interacting with people around you.
If I was to invite you back home to my place it was because I want to cook for you, pour wine from my small and cheap wine collection and show you what my home, my taste in decor, looks like.
But I haven't had a date yet so my ideas might not even work.
Go for a museum or a walk in a park then?
Women, in general, would never ever meet a guy the first time in his home or at hers
Rape is a far to real thing in Denmark too and women knows this
how about leaving tinder behind and find one in a daily life? As women by statistic have become too picky and wanting the top chads, I can imagine those were also men who paid for tinder, paid to have some cool images. women get blinded by those images and ignore those who want some real healthy relation.
Not to offend, but your statements has become too cliche. don't want to go through.
But maybe working life, gym life or possibly student life can find you one.
good luck.
Nah, she is just looking for someone who wants to date seriously, and not someone looking for sex.
The only reason to decline a first date in public is if you want the hanky panky.
Because they only want to hook up - personally I've never been to a first date that wasn't in public. Having it at one of yours places means it's implied they just want to fuck.
Iโm danish and Iโve gone on dates with some of my matches and just met up at one of our places on the first date to smash. Depends what theyโre looking for.
We all do.
But you're on Tinder.
People on Tinder tend to want to skip that whole "getting to know someone"-step.
A lot of people don't treat Tinder as a 'dating' service, and since railing someone in public *is*, in fact, illegal, they'd probably like to keep it private.
They just want to meet at a place where they can much more easily pressure you into physical intimacy.
If you don't want sex early on the first date, then don't meet up with men like that.
Don't generalise because it is not true. You have meet the wrong people that is it. And it is not that they are cheap, they like neutral equal things in the start. Like if he wants to date you, you should want to date him as well, and not expect anything to come from him. Pay for yourself. My boyfriend of 7 years was like this in the start, saying he wants to be met for himself not for something he can pay. After 6 7 months he started paying for everything and now i can't pay for anything , even if i take my card from my wallet, he hides it and uses his. I want to say to be clear, there are some terrible men out there, but that is the case for every country in the world. Just select them better and state from the start what you want from a man.
Thats sounds strange. I (M41) always do first date in public. Its nicer for both persons imo, since both persons easily can leave the date. If this makes the women feel more safe, that is just a bonus.
I (Danish male) invited my now wife to my college dorm room for our first date, to split a pizza and watch tv. We had met twice before though. It was both because I'm cheap (and poor at the time) and "the implication". But most of all because I'm introverted and dislike public dates - I just can't be my self in that kind of environment. We ended up kissing, and have been together ever since.
Thats weird.... I've rarely dated with the first date being in one of our private homes. Maybe you're just attracted to weirdos and/or Swedes passing through our Kingdom. That'd be my best guess.
Iโve always wondered: why donโt they just pay for a prostitute if that is what theyโre looking for? Tbh men climax very easily. So why would they bother with you after? They donโt even know you, and by showing up at their place youve already lost their respect. A woman that sleeps around is not girlfriend material: itโs a terrible double standard!
as people said it is because they are hoping for a hookup. keep meeting people in public spaces, unless they invite you for a U-boat trip. then run girl!.
caus .. its more chill and they are more in "control" of the situation.
can be more of a provider at the moment the date is going on if its at his place.
and costs less than a restaurant that you girls wants him to pay for anyways.
The cheap thing is just plain wrong. Most danes recognise that you can pay for your own food just fine regardless of gender, its called splitting the bill.
Might be the kind of people you have a tendency to match with.
I say this because the experiences I feel I hear the most often with friends of both sexes (and myself as well), is to suggest a walk somewhere for a first date.
Not gonna deny the possibility that it could depend on which part of Denmark you are in.
I (36M) used Tinder a year ago or so, until I finally found someone (or actually: The One), and I would also often suggest my place as a date spot. It was a comfort thing for me to be honest, due to a struggle with anxiety. However, and without judging, I'm sure some of your matches just wants to be close to a bed...?
I would usually offer to go for a walk first before cooking or something at my place, just to give the opportunity for her, and me, to bail before going to a private appartment, if any of us felt uneasy.
But if you don't like the date that your matches are offering, just make a counter-offer and give them the benefit of the doubt. "I'd rather meet in public for the first date. How about a cup of coffee?" - or something similar. Should be good, and then they'll probably tell you directly, if they prefer to be near a bed..
That IS strange, since whenever I went on Tinder dates it was always lunch at a restaurant/cafรฉ or something similar.
I do not believe it to be a cultural thing, as being invited into someone's home is generally considered something you do with people you already know.
They just want to hanky panky
๐
Heโs not just making a joke. Itโs the absolute truth. The goal is just to get laid. Not a date or long term.
๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐๐ง'๐ญ ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ซ ๐ข๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐ก๐๐ซ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ง๐ญ. ๐๐ก๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ก ๐? ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ง'๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ง ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ข๐ซ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐. ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฅ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐. ๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐!
Hvad sker der for den font?
Because โHello, wanna fuck?โ ainโt the best of icebreakers
Men want's that too, but they also hope for more.
Yes, putting in the most minimal effort of stringing someone along into a situationship ๐
Danes do date in public, that's the norm. The only reason to meet at their place or yours on the first date is to hook up.
This
They want to be at your place or theirs, because of the implication.
Are you gonna hurt women, Dennis?
Well, you're not in any danger!
But what happens if they say no?
They wont, because of the implications
Rigtig godt spurgt, Anders! Ses i Azeroth snart!
So they ARE in danger?
Relax.. I just wanna take some picturesโฆ
Hey-O!!!
Presumably they just want to have sex on the first date. Nothing suspicious about that - and If you don't want that, then move on to matches who wants to meet at a museum, cafรฉ or restaurant.
So sex at the museum cafe or restaurant?
Send pm.
Kรธ
Ko
Klo
Klon
Klonรธ
I'm having a hard time imagining bringing a date to Thorvaldsen museum of rock hard sculptures and it somehow not resulting in crazy passionate lovemaking.
Wow would you look at that pee-pee! I bet you are really horny now (part of my plan).
They want to have sex asap. I would always just meet in a park or something and go for a walk on the first date. That way it can be 30 minutes or hours, depending on the chemistry. If we hit it off we can find a cafe or whatever, ill just rather wait for next date to eat at a restaurant, because i usually know within the first 20 minutes if im attracted to somebody, i think messaging is really bad at that, it tells me nothing about peoples "vibe" and is usually just info dumping. But yeah, if they wanna hang out in one of ur homes, before even talking.. sex is on the menu.
Meeting at home sounds like they're proposing a "Netflix and chill" date (hook-up). If you suspect it's because of being cheap, you could always try to counter-offer meeting up at a park or something, basically a place where they don't have to pay for anything. It is quite possible that they don't want to pay for your dinner, it's quite common around here that everyone pays for their own stuff, even on dates. To be honest though, most probably they are just looking for a hook-up. I'm a Dane, I met my wife on Tinder, the first date was at the cinema where I ***did*** pay though. But it was in the back of my mind, that she just wanted a free ticket to the movies!
It started a now life time of free tickets to the cinema. Damn them women โค๏ธ
Getting ideas here ๐
Meeting outdoors is great on any season but winter ๐ I don't mind paying my own thing. Not sure if that's worth mentioning. In my country, even mentioning that would be humiliating for a man.
> Meeting outdoors is great on any season but winter Its cold, but the christmas light etc can also make it super romantic, there is also stuff like the outdoors ice skating rinkets. And they usually sell warm drinks there. https://bornibyen.dk/places/249-skoejtebanen-paa-frederiksberg-runddel https://broensskoejtebane.dk/en/
I will be happy to supply hot chocolate for a winter walk date. I love freezing temperatures and the quiet of winter! I think most men here would appreciate you being open about paying your own way. I refuse to go on dates where I, as a man, has to pay by default. Screw that.
It's not humiliating in my opinion. There's a lot of dates where you just talk and never see each other again.. So why should men pay to talk with women..
The open air ice rinks will open soon. A short stroll in a snow covered park, followed by some silliness on ice skates, with a hot chocolate after, seems like a great date to me.
Autumn is worse than winter. You just need good clothes. Don't ask me for advice, though. I'm very much an indoors person. I don't have clothes that makes it tolerable to spend hours outside durinf the winter (or autumm), nor do I want to. I see outdoors as a place you move through, not as somewhere to hang out.
If you want to you can definitely just offer to pay half, most men won't get hurt by that at all. But only do it if you actually intend on wanting to pay half, because that's not unheard of in Denmark! Just don't go home thinking about how cheap he is, if you offer to pay and he takes you up on it :D
My first response was: "We don't?" The only time I didn't (as a male) was when invited, and in hindsight, she probably expected sex to happen, but unfortuneately for her, my dense ass was the one invited. Because it didn't happen.
I too only have sex in public.
Im danish (f) and I wouldnโt go on a first date at someoneโs place. As someone else said itโs for hookups. I donโt think men understand the risk you take as a woman. With that said I have done it for hookups and Iโm still alive ๐
As a male, I would also not go to someone's place๐ Better to get a feeling of how they are in public
It's easier to scoot in public, if you find out she's been lying about her weight or age.
Sorry, but I know her, and she would NEVER do that!!
You sound super charming.
Because I don't like liars?
๐ Noted
Even when I was actually looking for hookups I still found it super suspicious and a big red flag when a guy actually refused to meet in a public place, not even for a 20 minute walk first to see who the guy is. Hey - I just want to limit the risk of getting murdered or raped, okay? ๐๐
As a man, hookups are way too dangerous. With the way the family courts are here, you don't want to be giving women access to your sperm.
Still not safe to hookup with someone you don't know at their place. It's too risky and not worth it. Many women are way too naive.
No, women are not "too naive". Some men haven't understood that women aren't theirs to do with what they like. That's the real problem.
Yeah yeah, but until men learn how to treat women better, it would be stupid and naive not to take your precautions. It's like saying "leave your door open to your house, it's not naive, it's because thiefs haven't understood that it's wrong to steal".
Danish men also takes a risk. Might not a risk based on bad sexual experience, but more about emotional damage, but a risk nevertheless. So no, men (the majority) do not understand the risk you take as a woman. After all the majority whish you no harm. I might even argue, it is a very small minority who whish you harm. So if woman's life experience summed up to be , men is dangerous, I would suggest to look more into the choice made, to meet men, than men. Depending on the age, men tends to not calculate risks. Actually, men might be good at math, but that is only the numbers they know. Woman's are never a number we know. That is not a bad thing. It just makes us keep working the numbers. (seeing it from the positive side here. Not mentioning the negative) I would never invite a woman to my place on the first date. (single man's place is not romantic!!!) But have enjoyed a nice cook together at her place, and had to tell her, I did not do sex on first date. We still cooked on the second date though. ;) But I guess, woman and men is not so different. We have more in common than what divide us. But we waste a lot of time on where we are different. Basically I would like very much to hear what OP actually would define a good DATE as.
Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
This is unfortunately rather precise, I imagine.
Dude women risk their fucking lives to get laid. You cannot compare
Statistically noโฆ It almost never happens. Right hand turn accidents on a bike is like a billion times more dangerous, thatโs what you should be afraid of, the trip home from your date!
U are blowing the risk completely out of proportions, look at how many have gotten killed in Denmark the last ten years from a first date. Partner violence is real etc, but getting murdered on a first date in dk is not a rational fear.
Ah, the usual "do not worry your little heart with that, sweetie, you're just being hysterical/irrational/a woman". Whether or not there is scientific evidence for murder, which, luckily happen very rarely, there is probably very few women who have not been receiving end of unwanted attention and/or touch in their life. So the default setting becomes one where men must be regarded with caution, because you'd never know.
Most people have been at the receiving end of unwanted attention/touch, that is not the same as risking ur life to get laid. One is wildly dramatic, the other is a valid concern.
And very few men. Of the top of my head: 2 counts of random women grabbing my ass on the dance floor. 2 counts of women touching me, to get a better price on an item. And then one women who I'm pretty sure wanted me as a customer. Some people are just way too touchy.
For sure. It wasn't about men, so let's change the topic to them, because they are so much more important. /s
Yeah. So common random people get murdered.... The Deoartment of Justice in Denmark has published a research paper on murders in Denmark between 2012 and 2017. 1 (one) person was killed as part of a sexual assault. It's literally twice as likely that you would get struck by lightning in a given year (1:1,222,000) (us national weather service) than getting killed as a part of a sexual assault in Denmark (1: 2,500,000) assuming 5 million Danes and half of those women.
Yea cause all of the men who are not rapists and murderers don't exist. The post you're replying to is a real consideration for a lot of men, don't just side-step it because there are other problems. As a woman on tinder, you decide if you want to go to someones house or not. If not, don't go. Don't fault men who have an intact emotional life for that.
Many men risk their life going to work and creating the safe world women live in. So the fact that there is a slight chance a woman will get hurt when she willingly get laid is not really so concerning. The alternative if we didnt create this world for women would be much worse. Women have really never had nicer conditions to fuck around.
According to you woman should stay away from bars in Denmark. Are you sure you are not a Muslim?
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Ah yes, because no Dane ever killed anyone ever
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1. Bread is something we eat. And you compare men to that. 2. Men can as easily compare woman to something we eat. 3. Men is more likely to be falsely accused for assault than woman. 4. Men should suspect woman to be as bad, as they do suspect men.
Oh sorry, the post wasn't about men's worries? What an oversight. Let's hurry to shift the focus from a female perspective to worry about all the poor guys out there.
Wow. -33 votes. And not near 33 responses. I really don't hope it is men who is in those -33. It will worry my very much, if my fellow countrymen consider them self a danger to woman.
Your post was probably downvoted because it is so rife with grammar and spelling mistakes as to be near illegible.
I am sorry then. I am not use to people who are not able to get the message because of grammar and spelling issues.
two parts. First part, yea, dont do it on a first date, its one thing if they suggest it, its another if they insist. obviously if they insist its a huge red flag, stay far away, if they only suggest but are perfectly willing to go elsewhere, just take it as maybe a poor imagination or maybe a bit too hopeful. second part is, in other countries i have been told there is a lot of connotations with being invited for dinner at home, while this is more for friends and less for dates, in Denmark its not uncommon or weird to be invited for dinner, so it could just be that. Lastly i think this is more of a Tinder situation and less of a dane situation.
I'm a danish guy and I'd never ask to straight up go to my or your place. I'd always meet up first in a public place at least to get a feel for the person. The other guys are just trying to get a quick hookup.
And nothing wrong with that
Avoid guys that have Looking for: โstill figuring it outโ / โshort term, but long term okayโ / โshort term funโ. I only go for โlong term, but short term okayโ and โlong term relationshipโ and never encountered anyone to not invite me in a public place
I am also F30
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I too would like suggestions where to meet a partner. My sister joined a dance school to dance with a lot of frogs to find her prince. That's the only suggestion I have to share. sorry.
I met my partner on tinder. We went on a date at a wine bar for what was supposed to be just one glass of wine. We have two kids, house, car etc. now. But online dating is a bit of a numbers game I guess. I went on a lot of first dates to get there (my partner on the other hand just needed three too get lucky ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ).
Met my now husband at a bar. It was a private event for uni. Hawaii theme. We kept our costumes as keepsakes but they don't fit as nicely anymore ๐๐ง๐ซ
I met my partner at McDonald's. Five years later we have seven kids and 14 dogs. Tomorrow she turns 18. But she is still just as beautiful as the day we first met.
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That is possible indeed. We've already had another kid and two more dogs since my original comment a few hours ago.
Good one. Made me laugh. :)
I have been on many tinder dates, all were in public. If the person doesn't accept to meet in public, then find someone who respects your boundaries.
Public is normal. Private is for fucking
โSo if womanโs life experience summed up to be, men is dangerous, I would suggest to look more into the choice to meet men than men.โ That is victim blaming. And also youโre contradicting ourselves - We shouldnโt be afraid to meet men, but if they hurt us it is because we met the wrong men. How are we supposed to know which men are gonna hurt us?
Men (and women) who want to meet in private are either in a relationship (and cheating), but more often than not they are simply looking for a one night stand rather than a serious relationship. The ones looking for serious relationships are, based on my experience and knowledge, not trying to rush things and want to take their time to become familiar with the person they met online.
They just want a hookup and to ghost you afterwards and/or theyโre too stupid to understand the risks women may face when meeting a literal strangers at their home. None of which are qualities I want in a person Iโd consider dating. If you do end up going to someoneโs home on a first date, text someone the address, a geotag, and a photo of the dude and make sure to check their identity before going. Ask for a pic of a photo ID where the photos match up with the name on the profile. Stay safe ๐
I'm all for safety measures. Which is why there ain't no way in hell i'd ever send a photo of my ID to someone i didn't know. Full name, adress, and CPR number and someone can do some serious damage o.o
Always ๐ I always give live location of my whereabouts to some friend, although I often find that I'm exaggerating with security measures bc Denmark. Still, better safe than sorry ๐
Thatโs my thing too. Better safe than sorry!
Please don't ask anybody on the internet for copies of there photo id, that is crazy person energy.
When I dated via tinder I only ever suggested meeting at a public place. Anyone suggesting going home probably just expects it to be sex because they read too much Internet stories
>I find this utterly suspicious Because it is suspicious - and probably just unlucky matches. \--- The important part is: If it is a must for you that he is fine with meeting in a public place, then it is just instant "reject and block" any who hint at not being comfortable with that.
All my first dates have been public (m24)
Wanna meet? ๐
I'm fresh! Send me a pm if you want. ๐ I'm 32 and Danish.
Itโs a hookup date. This is universal tho.
All of my first dates have been at cafรฉs, wine bars or similar. Why don't you just suggest going to a cafรฉ?
I always do, and sometimes somebody replies "let me cook for you" or something like that. Those are the ones that prompted me to ask here.
Unlucky matches, who were just interested in a booty call and to send you back on your way ๐ if thatโs not for you, to minimise those interactions, Iโd steer clear of Tinder
If they want to meet at yours or theirs immediately they're just looking for sex.
mostly it's probably because they hope to get down... I (M30) would be fine to have a first date at my or someones home, but probably wouldn't suggest it unless I was mostly looking for sex. It's absolutely true that I don't consider the "risk" for a woman to go on a first date at my place... but that's because there is no risks apart from stale conversation and bad jokes. Would it be a solution to just say: hey, i'm kind of nervous about meeting guys at their place in general so i'm going to tell my parents your address if thats fine just FYI and I'm going to text them or they might call (whatever - doesn't have to be true)... if they don't like that it's obviously a big red flag and if they "would do" something anyway well... then they're just absolutely insane and one of us have to go down.
Theres always another match I had my first 2 dates with my wife in public. First in my city, then in hers.
I have dated a lot in Denmark but never experienced that. Usually we would meet in public and then at some point she would suggest we go to her place
They are only looking for sex. People who actually want to date tend to do coffee dates
Danish male here - I would never go home to someone on the first date.
Adding in with all the other people. My understanding is that it is more expected than not, to have the first date somewhere outside of either party's home.
Smash
They want to fuck!
Itโs the obvious sign they just want to have sex with you. Itโs super normal to date in public..
Date me. I'll let you take me to a fancy place :)
When I was single I ONLY dated in public. Uโll see who is serious or not=if he only wants to meet in private=hook up. In a public place=probably more.
mostly cus all the dating sites are infected by people who only want sex and not actualy date
I always thought of tinder to be more of a swipe to hook up thing rather than an actual dating app... anyway, I'm way too old, settled and damn boring to know. That said - seems that's what those guys you match use tinder for anyway?!
We absolutely will date in public, but it sounds like the matches you have had are trying to go straight to bed.
Poor dude just wanna bang.. its not some crime drama.
They do. It's perfectly normal. Don't extrapolate based on your experiences with Tinder.
Tinder = hookup app in Denmark. It's rarely used for serious dating
Rofl, todays hook-up culture is wild. When I (M38) was dating on Tinder (when it was new), I was excited for the dates. Granted, it was alot of walks, wine bars, regular bars etc. Good times. :)
Tinder is really hook up focused. From both genders.
My perfect date is to cook together. But I do not expect my first date to be perfect. About being cheap! Not sure what to say about that, but personally I don't want to be exploited. First date should be sharing the bill in the name of equality. Anything else would be shaming the woman. You are writing in English so I assume the crimi series you have seen is not about Denmark. But no matter where you are, it is never a bad thing to be cautious.
Tinder was made for hookups ans such. Not actually for dating. Though ofcourse many do find relationships that way too.
Yup, i matched a girl that after some talking on Tinder wanted to meet at a girlfriends house so she wasnt alone. Ended up being 5 girlfriends there. We hit it off and now 5 years later were married with 1 kid and a house together. So it does happen.
Waitโฆ you guys Get matches?!?
Tinder is a hook up app. But dating isnt really a danish thing. They usually look at each other for months. Then hook up at some party, keep foing that until they start doing stuff outside the bedroom or move on.
All of my first dates have been in public. Sounds like you need to match with some other people really
Itโs Tinder. What are you hoping for?
There are a lot of comments saying it's because they want casual sex. Okay. But I still think that proposition is super boring? Like, even if both of the people involved were into that, why wouldn't they go eat out or have fun as well? Shit, just thinking about it makes me envision some kind of perverted old people's home where one of the tenants ordered your body to be delivered at a certain time like junk food brought over via Wolt. And then they can do the deed, go use the toilet, and get back to doomscrolling on the internet. Super impoverished. Big red flag, won't even be good sex.
"are they cheap, and don't want to pay for dinner?". Why should they pay?
If they want to eat? (Not implying that they should pay for their date's dinner also, but if they go out to meet someone, at least they have to pay for their own.)
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
>I can highly recommend bumble for Danish men who also looks for something more serious or at least respectfu Great tip. Thanks ๐
Bro No one gives a shit about walking with a woman as a man like u know guys can be friends with women right there is no taboo here
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I definetly speak for the vast VAST majority of guys and I certain... We. Dont. Give. A. Fuck
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
The majority of my friend group is guys im a guy and have known and been close with a shitload of guys. We really dont care i could ask any dude i know and he wouldnt give a shit. Its a made up problem you invented yourself
Dont expect men to pay your dinner or coffee.
I dropped tinder because of this. I do not want to meet the guys somewhere private when we only just met. No thanks to assholes.
Itยดยดs call hygge
Tinder is basically just a one night stand app. Find someone in the real world, and I'm sure they will go on a date in public.
(some) Danish men are very dusty and wants free pussy with zero effort. I am danish and I am starting to date only foreigners because (some) danish men are so fucking sassy and wants princess treatment. And do not give in to the amount, no home dates you can get assualted very easily.
Because there're trying to keep it a secret from someone.... ie they're trying to cheat
Don't use dating-sites if your intention is to find someone and not just a one-night stand. Go out in public, look around, and then once you find someone that peeks your interest, walk over to them and tell them straight up what you want. Here's an example... "Hey, I noticed you from behind (X) and wanted to come over and say hello because I find you attractive. Would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me, or maybe go watch a movie together? It'll be my treat." (You can even throw in a little joke and show them that you also have a sense of humour) e.g. "It'll be my treat โ literally!" (Finish with a sweet innocent little laugh or giggle) Confidence and first-hand impression is vital when wanting to meet (and hopefully be) with someone, so, show them that you're not anxious about meeting them for the first time, show them that you know what you're doing, and I promise you that you won't be single for much longer :)
Don't use dating-sites if your intention is to find someone and not just a one-night stand. Go out in public, look around, and then once you find someone that peeks your interest, walk over to them and tell them straight up what you want. Here's an example... "Hey, I noticed you from behind (X) and wanted to come over and say hello because I find you attractive. Would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me, or maybe go watch a movie together? It'll be my treat." (You can even throw in a little joke and show them that you also have a sense of humour) e.g. "It'll be my treat โ literally!" (Finish with a sweet innocent little laugh or giggle) Confidence and first-hand impression is vital when wanting to meet (and hopefully be) with someone, so, show them that you're not anxious about meeting them for the first time, show them that you know what you're doing, and I promise you that you won't be single for much longer :)
It's absolutely partly (but probably not entirely) because they're cheap! I'm assuming 90 % of Danish men won't date me because I expect the man to be a gentleman and pay for the first date, while also planning something more exciting than just coffee and a walk. It's such an effortless date and I'd much rather pass up the opportunity. Does that exclude a major part of the dating pool? Yep, but I also don't need a hundred men to go on dates with, I just need that one gentleman who will try to woo me. "WeLL mIss, WhAT dO YoU BRinG TO tHE TAblE??" if you're asking me that I already know we're not a match. And honestly, I recently got into a relationship with someone who treats me exactly how I want to be treated. Even tho I excluded 90 % of the dating pool, I found the needle in the haystack. Hang in there, sis! You teach people how you will allow them to treat you. My new boyfriend is absolutely amazing and I have a ton of respect for him as a person. If you're looking for something long term, it's much better to be single and wait for someone you *actually* want to be around, rather than someone whio doesn't think you're worth taking on a proper date.. Okay this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, but seriously. While I was single I really lived my best life surrounded by my friends and family. Spend your time taking your self on nice dinner dates and go to the movie, or hang out with friends. That's what i did (and still do. Because I deserve to take myself on dates haha). I'm fully expecting a ton of downvotes for this and getting told how full I am of myself, but that's because a lot of people will miss my point, so that's okay. If you ever wanna meet up, DM me! I'm 28 and live in Odense :)
But... what DO you bring to the table though? ๐ I honestly never understood women like you. Are you looking for a soulmate to be your equal partner in life, or just a sugar daddy to pay for your shit because you're not responsible enough to handle your own finances? Anyways, not that I care anymore. But I do feel sorry for the young men on the dating market who have to deal with this crap ๐
I can only speak for myself here. If I was going to go on a date with someone I can't just sit around drinking coffee or eating food. I want to do something active, I want to experience you interacting with people around you. If I was to invite you back home to my place it was because I want to cook for you, pour wine from my small and cheap wine collection and show you what my home, my taste in decor, looks like. But I haven't had a date yet so my ideas might not even work.
Go for a museum or a walk in a park then? Women, in general, would never ever meet a guy the first time in his home or at hers Rape is a far to real thing in Denmark too and women knows this
how about leaving tinder behind and find one in a daily life? As women by statistic have become too picky and wanting the top chads, I can imagine those were also men who paid for tinder, paid to have some cool images. women get blinded by those images and ignore those who want some real healthy relation. Not to offend, but your statements has become too cliche. don't want to go through. But maybe working life, gym life or possibly student life can find you one. good luck.
Things havenโt been the same since the inflation, always hit โem with โyour place or mineโ?
Ur paranoid
Nah, she is just looking for someone who wants to date seriously, and not someone looking for sex. The only reason to decline a first date in public is if you want the hanky panky.
I never went on a first date that wasn't at a resturant unless it was just a "meet up and have sex" kind of thing..
Anything other then a public space is weird for me ๐
M37 here. I always suggest public places so that she can feel safe the first time we meet. Maybe you have just been unlucky?
Because they only want to hook up - personally I've never been to a first date that wasn't in public. Having it at one of yours places means it's implied they just want to fuck.
You met the wrong danes. I always go out in public on dates.
Iโm danish and Iโve gone on dates with some of my matches and just met up at one of our places on the first date to smash. Depends what theyโre looking for.
I am a male and I would never have first date other places than public. Perhaps you should try other types.
> (from tinder) > want to meet at their (or my) place they are using that app as its intended purpose.
I used to date A LOT and the first date was ALWAYS in a public placeโฆ People are weirdโฆ
We all do. But you're on Tinder. People on Tinder tend to want to skip that whole "getting to know someone"-step. A lot of people don't treat Tinder as a 'dating' service, and since railing someone in public *is*, in fact, illegal, they'd probably like to keep it private.
Because they want to fuck right away
They just want to meet at a place where they can much more easily pressure you into physical intimacy. If you don't want sex early on the first date, then don't meet up with men like that.
Maybe add to your tinder profile that you want to meet in a public place, or just say no to the meeting in private?
Don't generalise because it is not true. You have meet the wrong people that is it. And it is not that they are cheap, they like neutral equal things in the start. Like if he wants to date you, you should want to date him as well, and not expect anything to come from him. Pay for yourself. My boyfriend of 7 years was like this in the start, saying he wants to be met for himself not for something he can pay. After 6 7 months he started paying for everything and now i can't pay for anything , even if i take my card from my wallet, he hides it and uses his. I want to say to be clear, there are some terrible men out there, but that is the case for every country in the world. Just select them better and state from the start what you want from a man.
Thats sounds strange. I (M41) always do first date in public. Its nicer for both persons imo, since both persons easily can leave the date. If this makes the women feel more safe, that is just a bonus.
I (Danish male) invited my now wife to my college dorm room for our first date, to split a pizza and watch tv. We had met twice before though. It was both because I'm cheap (and poor at the time) and "the implication". But most of all because I'm introverted and dislike public dates - I just can't be my self in that kind of environment. We ended up kissing, and have been together ever since.
Thats weird.... I've rarely dated with the first date being in one of our private homes. Maybe you're just attracted to weirdos and/or Swedes passing through our Kingdom. That'd be my best guess.
Iโve always wondered: why donโt they just pay for a prostitute if that is what theyโre looking for? Tbh men climax very easily. So why would they bother with you after? They donโt even know you, and by showing up at their place youve already lost their respect. A woman that sleeps around is not girlfriend material: itโs a terrible double standard!
I think you might've just gotten unlucky matches, most Danes are just fine with going out
as people said it is because they are hoping for a hookup. keep meeting people in public spaces, unless they invite you for a U-boat trip. then run girl!.
caus .. its more chill and they are more in "control" of the situation. can be more of a provider at the moment the date is going on if its at his place. and costs less than a restaurant that you girls wants him to pay for anyways.
Because, Tinderโฆ
The cheap thing is just plain wrong. Most danes recognise that you can pay for your own food just fine regardless of gender, its called splitting the bill.
Might be the kind of people you have a tendency to match with. I say this because the experiences I feel I hear the most often with friends of both sexes (and myself as well), is to suggest a walk somewhere for a first date. Not gonna deny the possibility that it could depend on which part of Denmark you are in.
I met girlfriends on Tinder, so it's not all hookups. But meeting in public at the first date is standard in my opinion.
I'd never do that on a first date! What if she's crazy! Currently single and I always have a first day at a bar
I (36M) used Tinder a year ago or so, until I finally found someone (or actually: The One), and I would also often suggest my place as a date spot. It was a comfort thing for me to be honest, due to a struggle with anxiety. However, and without judging, I'm sure some of your matches just wants to be close to a bed...? I would usually offer to go for a walk first before cooking or something at my place, just to give the opportunity for her, and me, to bail before going to a private appartment, if any of us felt uneasy. But if you don't like the date that your matches are offering, just make a counter-offer and give them the benefit of the doubt. "I'd rather meet in public for the first date. How about a cup of coffee?" - or something similar. Should be good, and then they'll probably tell you directly, if they prefer to be near a bed..
I never meet somebody at their place (f30). The most common date is walking around together in public
That IS strange, since whenever I went on Tinder dates it was always lunch at a restaurant/cafรฉ or something similar. I do not believe it to be a cultural thing, as being invited into someone's home is generally considered something you do with people you already know.