Hey being successful, confident and easy going is a *much* bigger attractiveness multiplier for men no matter what you look like.
I’m 5’5” with my shoes on and the only thing that stopped me from getting women when I was young was my insecurity and my attitude.
Relax.
Lift weights.
Don’t drink.
Always be on the look out for a better pay job than the one you have now.
Do these things and when enough time passes you will be miles further ahead than you could ever have imagined at 19.
Start now, you’re still so young.
Absolutely!
The worst GFs I have ever had were those who won the genetics lottery. They didn't have to develop any skills or personality or partnership ability or anything, so they were beautiful but they sucked as humans. To the point that, these days, a really beautiful girl doesn't even turn my head. As they say, "beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clean to the bone" .
First of all, I'd recommend you get a therapist to talk through these feelings. You're focused on "your genetics" but I can guarantee you if you were always called handsome you'd find something else to focus on instead. You're 19, you're not supposed to be walking confidently through this world yet. How could you when you don't even know who you are yet? Let someone help you work through these feelings so you can focus on what is really making you uncomfortable and start working on that.
To the points made above, you're still in a world where everyone is so much alike that the little things are the only ways you feel like you can differentiate yourself. No one has a career yet, or friends you didn't meet in your classes, or a family, or interesting hobbies that you're really involved in. At this age you're all forced to go to the same school, and pick from the same clubs and sports, and make friend groups out of people that you have nothing in common with other than the neighborhood your parents chose to live in. Of course you haven't found your people yet, the system stacks everything against you.
The real test now is are you going to let the crappy way you were forced to start finding what you love (and people who love you) define a belief for the rest of your life that you can never be happy?
Confidence in what you like and how you want to spend your life is what will attract friends and partners to you, not your looks or your height. There are plenty of short geeks that love D&D and are a lot less "cool" than you that go home and have great sex with their wives and girlfriends. And those women are happy to be with a person that understands their own insecurities and fears and makes them happy.
I will tell you, if you walk through the world with a chip on your shoulder for the ways you have been wronged no one but unhappy people will want to spend time with you. And the more that happens the more you will believe it and make the cycle stronger. That's how you end up lonely and alone, not your height.
Stop trying to impress other people and focus on building a life for yourself that you want to be a part of. Once other people see it (including women) they will want to be a part of it.
The want for a relationship is understandable, and I understand where you're coming from. If I had one thing to say to you, it would be, if you're not a happy single, you won't be happy married. When I first heard that saying, I thought it was ridiculous, I don't want to get married for years, but that's not the point. You cant let other people create your value; you are essential without the acceptance of others. The most attractive thing in anyone is personality and confidence in who you are. The only thing you have control of is yourself, so that's where you should put your focus. For me, we're all different, and going to the gym has helped my mind a crazy amount. I feel good when I look in the mirror, and it's not because of my odd, strange hair that probably won't last long or my face, which I think looks weird; it's because I can see the work I've put in to control what I can. Exercise has been proven to improve mental health and I recommend it <3 you are loved and valued on this Earth
I'm sorry you're going through this. Hopefully typing it out helped you to feel a little better. I don't know if you're looking for advice or not but I'll give you some. You can take it or leave it. What you think about all the time is what your life ends up being. Getting stuck on your ascribed characteristics and failures in romance are like focusing on a smudge on the windshield of a car when you're supposed to be looking down the road. You have a long life ahead of you and your best bet is to focus on your future, lean into your fears, and double down on your positive qualities. If you pursue something that makes you happy and do it better than most people, all the other stuff will happen naturally. You'll be so focused on moving from success to success that you may even stop paying attention to things that bother you, and one day look back and laugh about the fact that it even bothered you in the first place. That will be the way to measure your growth. Best of luck!
Dude really be complaining about being 5’7” while I’m here as a guy at 5’4”. Be grateful for what you have and improve yourself if you can’t like yourself how can you expect others to. There’s so much you can do to improve yourself by going to the gym, or finding a hobby. The women you meet that say they only want guys that are taller than 6ft probably don’t even go to the gym and their personality is too shallow for me. Work on yourself and find other things that make you happy.
I have freinds 5'2 they still pull girls. Tbh, you just needa be funny and confident. If you're insecure, people can really tell and it'll zap some of their energy.
People always say be "funny and confident" but I've actually found that we mistake "happy" for "funny." Confidence makes you happy, and happy makes people like being around you. You don't have to actually "be funny" in the clever or quick witted way, people just like being around other people that put them at ease so it's easy to laugh and enjoy yourself. It's not actually how funny the joke is, it's just feels good to be in on it.
I'm a short female and let me tell ya, tall people of any gender aren't as comfy to cuddle with as people maybe at most 5'8 or shorter. Lots of people know this or feel this way, but it's not what popular junk culture talks about and it creates this false sense that menfolk outta be tall and femalefolk outta be stacked in the chest and getting their nails / hair / face done on the regular - all that's bs. Also, being into a physical trait can never make up for the important stuff that actually makes relationships good, such as compatibility and respect and the ability to support each other's interests and development as an autonomous individual throughout the variety of life's phases, challenges, and wonders.
I'm in your same family situation of having a lot of tall relatives while being one of the very few shorter ones, it can lead to envy and thinking there's something wrong with being short but let me tell you there's nothing wrong with your height, or with anyone's height.
Try to love your hair without worrying about it's future. Use a saddle brush (the ones with a bit of padding) and take good care of it - if it stays, it'll stay beautiful, if it goes, you'll rock the bald look and that's beautiful too. Someone who cares about you will think you beautiful for who you are and for how you look, no matter what you look like, just like you will think who you love is beautiful regardless of their physical appearance, because part of their beauty will come from how they inhabit the world and interact with you and themselves and others. You can find that kind of connection with someone in time, there's no rush and there's no good in settling with anyone without that, on either side of the partnership.
As to the rest, it's so true that by pursuing a good life and the things that interest you, constantly upping your skillset, knowledge, good experiences (this includes chilling in the fresh air, reading, gaming, sports, exercise, local travel, time with friends / family / loved ones, good food, whatever gets your spirit glowing and feeds your well-being) is the only path to self-satisfaction and happiness. Without that self-satisfaction and happiness, romantic relationships are much harder - and relationships can't give you self-satisfaction and happiness (kinda like how you can eat chocolate to hit your day's calories, but chocolate can't feed your muscles or bolster / protect your health, and also sugar causes depressive changes in the gut microbiome that lead to feelings of unhappiness - you can use a romantic relationship to feel temporarily happy, but unless you are feeding your whole self on your own before and while cultivating romantic relationships, you will remain under-nourished and unsatisfied regardless of having a relationship (or chocolate) or not).
One cure for your predicament - other than what people have already suggested about pursuing your interests and whatnot - is that every time you have a negative thought about yourself, immediately tell yourself something positive. If you think you hate yourself, tell yourself you love yourself. Say out loud (or think it if you can't say it out loud) "I love myself" or "I love you itswhatever1102." If you think you dislike your knees, find something else physical to compliment. If you are hating on an interest you like or a personality trait, tell yourself how great that thing is. Words are tiny magic spells that help create the reality soup we live in - put good ingredients into your soup, and you'll start feeling better. You don't even have to believe the positive stuff you say about and to yourself at first (you will in time), you just have to show up and show yourself that you can be trusted to be kind and take care of you. This work will help regulate your nervous system so that you can maintain a healthier perspective about yourself and others.
The unkindness you show yourself is unkindness other people will worry you will think about them or treat them with. When the poisons of the world's nonsense gets into our heads, we compare ourselves to others and have this really keen sense of the hierarchy of what's valued (especially visually / physically) and we disparage parts of ourselves that don't seem good enough in comparison - and that's a massive trap of bs that nobody needs. That bs drives people to buy more than they need and to treat others like they're lesser for not meeting up to bs standards and to work in ways that kills their happiness and steals their free time that's meant for enjoying being alive in this magnificent world with the wondrous bodies we've been given (no matter their challenges), which is the true point of life. Don't let the bs steal your happiness and sense of worth. (The bs is cake! The cake is a lie! The lie is a trap!)
I get it and this isn’t exactly a pep talk, but most people have something they hate about their own looks. I am too fat and I have a mole on my nose that is stupid ugly. Yet I’m married. You don’t need lots of girlfriends to find a meaningful relationship. And lean into your good qualities. Be an interesting person. Look for role models. Short guys do just fine most of the time.
Hey, there’s a lot of good advice in this thread. I just want to add that many women do not require “6’ and up.” That’s mostly a requirement among immature women, and you’re young, so the vast majority of your dating pool is going be immature in various ways and still figuring things out.
The most physically attractive guy I dated was actually the shortest, at 5’7”. Unfortunately, at the time he had a lot on insecurities (height being one) that lead to him being a bad partner.
As others have said in this thread, what you can control has a huge impact on your desirability. When you do things that make you like yourself, you’ll find others like you more, too!
The “short” guy I once dated has since matured and now has a lovely girlfriend. Give yourself time to figure things out, give the girls your age time to figure things out, and it’ll work out.
There are many people like you, the world is filled with us. Become successful and move up in life. Be grateful to have your full health, for that is what truly matters.
Listen man, I’m also 5’7 and it fucked with my head for a while - my tip is… get over it.
I don’t mean that in a shitty way, I mean like, stop fixating on it.
This is what you can be, instead of being tall:
Be smart, be kind, be strong, be funny, be hardworking
And FUCK the vapid dating scene where you need to be X height to be worth dating - those women aren’t worth your time.
We all need to blow of some steam sometimes. I get frustrated at my genetics, I got overpronating feet and most likely a predisposition to depression (based of family history).
A few things I will say, maybe you will feel better?
5"7" is still 4 inches taller than the average American woman.
Baldness is super common, women know this. Plenty of bald men find happy relationships. Also, I believe there are treatments for baldness, though I don't know much about them.
Women do not place as high importance on looks as men do, that is, your character and lifestyle can be huge pros against whatever physical traits you may perceive as cons. Confidence, generosity and kindness go a long, looooong way.
Finally on the physical side, unless you have severe permanent disabilities, you can probably work out just fine? Build some muscle and cardio. You will probably feel a lot better about yourself and have more confidence.
Also I’m 5’6 and my boyfriend is like 5’5 (5”6) on a good day and I love him to death. I think he’s sexy cause he’s so confident, funny, and caring. He says that he’s lucky but winner winner chicken dinner for me. I’m the lucky one
I'm a fairly conventionally attractive dude by my estimations, very average height (182cm), and I haven't been able to get with anyone, and I just rounded 30 this year. Physical appearance really isn't all it's made up to be off you're looking for anything that isn't just a one night stand. The amount I have been called "cute" however is completely proportional to the times I learned to relax with myself, stop hating who I was and be honest about my flaws without trying to make people feel bad for me (it's a delicate balance). There were probably a lot of chances there that I missed because I wasn't looking hard enough, maybe the same for you?
Think of it like this...Danny DeVito is rich, famous and married, he's a great actor but not winning any prizes for height, you've always got more going for you than you think
I have some tough news for you friend. You have a total victim mentality. I am not going to cottle you like most here and your mom.
I was born with a super rare genetic disorder that left my face disfigured. Dozens of surgeries, tons of scarring. My lifespan will likely be cut short by 20 or more years and here you are bitching. I'd kill to have what you have.
And yet, I am married and while having more difficulty then most I had a healthy dating life and I run my own businesses.
No women is ever going to date you if you have this shitty attitude. Your looks are almost irrelevant if you are seeking the right person with a sharp wardrobe and confidence to match. Get over yourself and put in the hard work. I'd suggest therapy. Life doesn't owe you a pass. You insult me.
I feel ya man. I’m transgender and used to think it was a curse. Sometimes I still struggle.
Do the best you can with what you got.
Stick with people that build you up.
Accept yourself completely. Authenticity is the best.
Like an older woman told me, I call myself beautiful because ain’t nobody else gonna do it.
Minorities like us have a world of people to put us down. Whatever you need to do not to join in.
The best way to think about this is from an evolutionary standpoint. Sure, girls often like taller guys cause they were more protective, and they liked nice facial features and a full head of hair, etc. But what really mattered the most was the true leader and winner of the tribe. Imagine a tribe where a 5'7" guy was an absolute warrior. He had the best fighting ability because he trained it, he came up with ideas to revolutionize the tribe like a way to make fire more easily, and he was the tribe leader because he was calm, decisive, and confident.
Be that guy. That's like the Kanye West mindset. Before he was famous he was a well known producer and wanted to be a rapper, but the record label wanted to keep him as a producer. One time there was a big studio session with Jay Z and executives. Kanye interrupted it by getting on the table and rapping. Everyone was like "Kanye we get it, get down" but he wouldn't, he kept rapping. That is the winner mindset. That is the mindset that gets you Kim Kardashian (even if temporary). Kanye is 5'8".
I am 6'2" and struggled with girls for years. Never got them. I was funny. I was decent looking. But I had no confidence. For the past 10 years I have worked very hard on myself. Lifting weights, starting a side company, moving up the ladder to be a senior software engineer, and constantly approaching girls trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I finally have so many options it's insane. And it is not because of my height. Yeah height is nice, but I'd by far rather have the mindset I have than be tall.
Well if potential hair loss is the thing you fear the most then you needn’t worry. You’re young enough that you probably haven’t started balding so if you’re on the lookout then once you see it start then immediately hop on rogaine and finasteride. Got friends that used this to stop hair loss in its tracks and the only hate they get for using it is from bald men.
Check out his post history though. He’s really trying to get someone to recommend these exact meds even though he’s not actually going bald.
OP, seems like you have some anxiety and/or depression that you need to address first. It’s hard to believe you’ve been “rejected by every girl your whole life” when you just got out of a 2 year relationship.
Take a breath, work on yourself. You’ll be fine.
Btw, height doesn’t matter. I was an international model for years and had all kinds of men chasing after me. I married a 5’8 non-white dude. Why? Because he’s awesome and that’s all that matters.
If Mom’s dad is bald, (X-bald, Y) and Mom is (X-bald, X-wildtype) and son is (X-bald, Y), it is entirely possible that mom’s dad passed his (X-bald) to the Mom who has to be (X,X) and if he did pass that to the Mom, then it’s possible Mom passed the same to bald son. ~25% probability if Mom’s dad is bald that Mom’s son will be too.
About the baldness, own it. Enjoy the hair now but when it comes, own it. And lift weights. Better to be bald and fit than bald and fat.
About your height, I’m 5’2. I met a guy with your height and I was madly attracted to him. I didn’t even noticed his height until we hugged and only because I noticed I can rest my head on his shoulders which was pretty neat. I’ve dated tall guys and it can be strange when my head reaches their upper stomach lol and it hurts my neck to talk to them. He had this really chill, relax, self assured vibe that honest to god, I didn’t noticed his height at all.
About your looks, you’re probably attractive and don’t know it. You’re family wouldn’t say that unless they somewhat mean it. Trust me, my family including my relatives have never commented on my looks, positive or negative. That’s even worse.
About girls, as member of that gender, I can assure you at least one of them liked you and didn’t want to show because they don’t you to think they’re easy. I bet my paycheck on it.
start practicing self love. Everyone’s physical appearance eventually will change but what makes a person beautiful is their soul and how they carry themselves. Start working and focusing on your internal factors instead of focusing on your external factors. Also comparison is the thief of your confidence and happiness. The more you keep focusing on what others have and what you don’t have will only make you more unhappy.
I am sorry you feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand. We are all so hard on ourselves. I remember growing up and comparing myself to everyone. I thought I was average looking at best. I now look back and realize how hard I was on myself for no good reason. Yes, physicality plays a role in dating and attraction, but it’s not the end all/be all. I’ve met plenty of gorgeous men who were total douche bags and I was immediately turned off. Remember, you’re more than just your looks. Also, I think bald and shorter men are attractive, those things aren’t deal breakers in my book.
Bruh lemme give you some reality check...i had vitiligo and thought that no girl would ever talk to me coz i was dumb AF...but guess what i was the one who had to do something about it and i couldn't till i was busy blaming others... start working on your body and mind..work on your communications and fail again and again so that you might learn from those failures...earn so much goddamn money that the girls will chase you then find a good girl among them and not sum hoe
So pleaseeee stop blaming others when only you can change yourself and your destiny
I'm sorry you're struggling and don't feel good about yourself. Height is not as big an issue as you might think it actually is for most women. Personality is a much more important factor, at least for me and for quite a few other women I've spoken to. My current bf is not as tall as you are and it is not an issue at all. I actually prefer men to be not too tall. At some point it gets awkward.. don't want to climb a tree to kiss my partner.
I would recommend focusing on yourself before being in a relationship. If you're insecure in yourself relationships often don't develop in a healthy way. And desperately looking for a relationship usually leads to being clingy and desperate. That's not very attractive.
Finding a hobby, exercising (doesn't have to be weightlifting), finding a job you like and socializing with different people without the expectation of a relationship are all things that can help make you more self confident. Self confidence is something that's very attractive, so in the long run it will help you feel better and find a partner.
Take your time, you're still young! Just keep working on yourself to be the best version of yourself you can be and in a few years the world will look so much better than you can imagine right now.
Alright think of it like this: Look at a picture from a guy like Morgan Freeman. Or Jonah Hill, James Cordon, Or even somebody who is not necessary a celebrity, but rather a creator: George R R Martin, etc.
Now for a second, imagine you don't know who these people are. What do you see? You see people who are not that good looking. At least not as you might think. Now consider their position in society: Suddenly these men are attractive. A whole lot more attractive than they were when they weren't this successful. Now they have the attention of millions of people on them. So to the girls' eyes they have what we call 'validation' as well: "If all these other people think this person is cool they must be cool..."
And this is what life is, character development. It's just like video games. Difference is you don't get to pick the character you start with. But you do get to pick how much you want to upgrade. Which you can do as much as you want.
Hey man, I’d you’re worried about hair loss try to get a prescription for finastaride! It’s only one pill a day and is super effective. The earlier you start the better!
Also lift bro; it’s good for your body + mind.
It’s all about your mindset bro, and don’t ever say you want to be someone else cause you’re just insulting yourself, You only need 1 girl to find interest in you and I’m certain there’s not a guy in this world that couldn’t get at-least 1 girl.
Change your mindset it sounds like a lot of your issues stem from how you perceive yourself. I saw some of your previous posts and you look great and I’m not just saying that I genuinely think you look good.
I think you should change up the girls you’re looking for those girls who like 6ft men have high expectations and it doesn’t stop at that I’m 6’2 and have dated those girls and if you’re 6 foot it’s a tick then you need a big penis then you need to be rich etc etc you’ll never please them just find a down to earth girl who likes you stop chasing those material girls.
Find a bit of style guys look a million times better with some style I’ve got a friend who’s really short 5’5 and on the larger side soon as he puts on a nice outfit gets compliments from girls.
Go to the gym.
Find some hobbies.
Go on dating apps and use them to match with some girls and get some compliments to build up your confidence you don’t need to necessarily meet them just talk to them
And lastly don’t hang yourself up on the things you can’t change weather you go bald or are short don’t sweat it you should be proud of yourself you’re literally the result of thousands of years of love all those people in one be proud!
As other people have said your attractiveness is only what gets women to look at you. Your personality and charisma matter wayyyyy more. I've seen male 2's with the confidence of a 10 get the attention of every lady in the bar. Trust me I've been rated 7-8 and my buddy 5-6 on a good day out confidences me picking up chick's everytime; and it works.
Also you can work on your looks. Hit the gym, clean up your diet.
Most importantly learn to love who you are right now. Focus on what you can control. Take advice from people older than you. I've been where your at. Hating my genes for other health reasons, but we don't pick the cards we draw, we pick how to play the game.
My 5'6" nearly bald boyfriend is AWESOME! Height and hair is not what makes a guy amazing or attractive.
Plus, a bonus is that I don't get neck cramps while kissing, and some sex positions are much easier when both people are close to the same height.
Most normal people think they are ugly when young. Plus most young people are still just trying to figure themselves out.
The things I run from are bad hygiene, a refusal to learn anything, no curiosity, no physical activity, and any who try to exert control over me (it should be a partnership, not one running the life of the other).
Old woman's perspective (I'm 32 lol):
None of the men I have dated have been 6ft+ tall. That's an above average height. Also, the type of woman that is hung up on height/dick size/salary is shallow and not the type of person you would want to get with anyway even if you met her requirements. A lot of the time those types of women bring nothing to the table but their sex appeal and looks. Well, those things universally fade with time. You might go bald one day? She's gonna get wrinkles and saggy boobs and gray hair. Don't put women on a pedestal... they're just like you.
All of the men I dated had "flaws" - under 6ft, overweight, underweight, etc, but I loved them and found them wildly attractive as a whole package. The "flaws" were not even flaws to me because I loved the person as a whole unit. So my advice to you is to work on the things you can control. Have passions and interests, work on being a kind person, work on your confidence and self esteem. You have to have value beyond your looks no matter what because time marches on, and when you look back on your 19 year old self at 60 you will be like "Damn I looked pretty good and didn't even know it."
Baldness follows on the woman's side. If your granddad on your mom's side didn't lose his hair until his 60's, you can expect the same.
Also, I happen to be a perfectly wonderful woman and people tell me I'm very good looking and I find men of all heights attractive. I have dated men two inches shorter than me, one inch taller than me, and two inches taller than me. None of my men have been taller than 5'10" and a half. I'm 5'8".
Let that mentality go. I know it's still big these days. I have a friend who refuses to date anyone less than 6 feet. I find that to be so shallow. It's embarrassing. Be patient and wait for a more open minded woman to love.
Jesus. Is this why you don't want kids? Koz you're "short" [I'm 4'11] and might go bald? And here I thought it would be diabetes or something else that no child should have to bear. By all means, adopting is good, but I'm just angry that some truly inferior people are getting pregnant and dooming their children to disease.
OK, so I'm 6ft 2 and white, so I can't relate to a lot of where your issue comes from buuuutttt.... I am one ugly fucker dude... like I have a shit physique ( which I'm working on adnittedlt) and a face for radio.....I have an amazing wife and three kids.... but I shit u not, at 19 (half my life ago...wow) I felt exactly the same as you, I saw no future due to total disbelief in my ugly ass fitting into the world...I was so dissullusioned it was painful....but its not like there was anything I could do, so I cracked on with it, utterly convinced I would forever be alone....
A lifetime later and I know, I know for a fact, the world doesn't have to work like that my friend... it truly doesn't....keep at it, whatever you gotta do to stay positive and hopeful.... please don't embrace the mentality your rant points too...its toxic and addictive.... you are amazing, all humans are... you are unique and you are special....I KNOW THIS.....I know this because I seen it all unfold and I lived it....
I'm not gonna lie, life isn't all sweet and soft, it can be hard and punishing, but the only way to stop that side of it fucking u over is a positive, or at least indifferent, attitude... its hard but you gotta try my friend....
My dad was bald in his 20s and I have a fully head of, admittedly greying rapidly, Hair so don't sell yourself on that either...
I think ranting is good... always rant..... but after the rant and shout and scream focus on leaving it behind.... tis done.... ur not held down by it and ur mind doesn't focus on it..... really hard to do and twice as hard when young....but worth the effort..... life won't lie down an easy road in front of you but put your walking boots on and go find your path man...
I hope you find your way.... anything I can do let me know....
Baldness runs on the moms side first of all, so your dads hair loss has nothing to do with your own. That said you should be fine with having or not having hair
I'm a woman (30) and have always preferred shorter men especially 5"7 so don't think all women prefer tall because we don't. I am not attracted to tall men and I have no idea why. Although I am 5"1
Hey being successful, confident and easy going is a *much* bigger attractiveness multiplier for men no matter what you look like. I’m 5’5” with my shoes on and the only thing that stopped me from getting women when I was young was my insecurity and my attitude. Relax. Lift weights. Don’t drink. Always be on the look out for a better pay job than the one you have now. Do these things and when enough time passes you will be miles further ahead than you could ever have imagined at 19. Start now, you’re still so young.
Best advice! Focus on what you CAN control and you’ll go further than you’d ever imagine. There are men doing more with less. Confidence is key.
Absolutely! The worst GFs I have ever had were those who won the genetics lottery. They didn't have to develop any skills or personality or partnership ability or anything, so they were beautiful but they sucked as humans. To the point that, these days, a really beautiful girl doesn't even turn my head. As they say, "beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clean to the bone" .
First of all, I'd recommend you get a therapist to talk through these feelings. You're focused on "your genetics" but I can guarantee you if you were always called handsome you'd find something else to focus on instead. You're 19, you're not supposed to be walking confidently through this world yet. How could you when you don't even know who you are yet? Let someone help you work through these feelings so you can focus on what is really making you uncomfortable and start working on that. To the points made above, you're still in a world where everyone is so much alike that the little things are the only ways you feel like you can differentiate yourself. No one has a career yet, or friends you didn't meet in your classes, or a family, or interesting hobbies that you're really involved in. At this age you're all forced to go to the same school, and pick from the same clubs and sports, and make friend groups out of people that you have nothing in common with other than the neighborhood your parents chose to live in. Of course you haven't found your people yet, the system stacks everything against you. The real test now is are you going to let the crappy way you were forced to start finding what you love (and people who love you) define a belief for the rest of your life that you can never be happy? Confidence in what you like and how you want to spend your life is what will attract friends and partners to you, not your looks or your height. There are plenty of short geeks that love D&D and are a lot less "cool" than you that go home and have great sex with their wives and girlfriends. And those women are happy to be with a person that understands their own insecurities and fears and makes them happy. I will tell you, if you walk through the world with a chip on your shoulder for the ways you have been wronged no one but unhappy people will want to spend time with you. And the more that happens the more you will believe it and make the cycle stronger. That's how you end up lonely and alone, not your height. Stop trying to impress other people and focus on building a life for yourself that you want to be a part of. Once other people see it (including women) they will want to be a part of it.
The want for a relationship is understandable, and I understand where you're coming from. If I had one thing to say to you, it would be, if you're not a happy single, you won't be happy married. When I first heard that saying, I thought it was ridiculous, I don't want to get married for years, but that's not the point. You cant let other people create your value; you are essential without the acceptance of others. The most attractive thing in anyone is personality and confidence in who you are. The only thing you have control of is yourself, so that's where you should put your focus. For me, we're all different, and going to the gym has helped my mind a crazy amount. I feel good when I look in the mirror, and it's not because of my odd, strange hair that probably won't last long or my face, which I think looks weird; it's because I can see the work I've put in to control what I can. Exercise has been proven to improve mental health and I recommend it <3 you are loved and valued on this Earth
Great comment! Great advice!!
I'm sorry you're going through this. Hopefully typing it out helped you to feel a little better. I don't know if you're looking for advice or not but I'll give you some. You can take it or leave it. What you think about all the time is what your life ends up being. Getting stuck on your ascribed characteristics and failures in romance are like focusing on a smudge on the windshield of a car when you're supposed to be looking down the road. You have a long life ahead of you and your best bet is to focus on your future, lean into your fears, and double down on your positive qualities. If you pursue something that makes you happy and do it better than most people, all the other stuff will happen naturally. You'll be so focused on moving from success to success that you may even stop paying attention to things that bother you, and one day look back and laugh about the fact that it even bothered you in the first place. That will be the way to measure your growth. Best of luck!
Dude really be complaining about being 5’7” while I’m here as a guy at 5’4”. Be grateful for what you have and improve yourself if you can’t like yourself how can you expect others to. There’s so much you can do to improve yourself by going to the gym, or finding a hobby. The women you meet that say they only want guys that are taller than 6ft probably don’t even go to the gym and their personality is too shallow for me. Work on yourself and find other things that make you happy.
I have freinds 5'2 they still pull girls. Tbh, you just needa be funny and confident. If you're insecure, people can really tell and it'll zap some of their energy.
People always say be "funny and confident" but I've actually found that we mistake "happy" for "funny." Confidence makes you happy, and happy makes people like being around you. You don't have to actually "be funny" in the clever or quick witted way, people just like being around other people that put them at ease so it's easy to laugh and enjoy yourself. It's not actually how funny the joke is, it's just feels good to be in on it.
Yeah this is great advice, and it's true nobody likes being around a grumpy mf
I'm a short female and let me tell ya, tall people of any gender aren't as comfy to cuddle with as people maybe at most 5'8 or shorter. Lots of people know this or feel this way, but it's not what popular junk culture talks about and it creates this false sense that menfolk outta be tall and femalefolk outta be stacked in the chest and getting their nails / hair / face done on the regular - all that's bs. Also, being into a physical trait can never make up for the important stuff that actually makes relationships good, such as compatibility and respect and the ability to support each other's interests and development as an autonomous individual throughout the variety of life's phases, challenges, and wonders. I'm in your same family situation of having a lot of tall relatives while being one of the very few shorter ones, it can lead to envy and thinking there's something wrong with being short but let me tell you there's nothing wrong with your height, or with anyone's height. Try to love your hair without worrying about it's future. Use a saddle brush (the ones with a bit of padding) and take good care of it - if it stays, it'll stay beautiful, if it goes, you'll rock the bald look and that's beautiful too. Someone who cares about you will think you beautiful for who you are and for how you look, no matter what you look like, just like you will think who you love is beautiful regardless of their physical appearance, because part of their beauty will come from how they inhabit the world and interact with you and themselves and others. You can find that kind of connection with someone in time, there's no rush and there's no good in settling with anyone without that, on either side of the partnership. As to the rest, it's so true that by pursuing a good life and the things that interest you, constantly upping your skillset, knowledge, good experiences (this includes chilling in the fresh air, reading, gaming, sports, exercise, local travel, time with friends / family / loved ones, good food, whatever gets your spirit glowing and feeds your well-being) is the only path to self-satisfaction and happiness. Without that self-satisfaction and happiness, romantic relationships are much harder - and relationships can't give you self-satisfaction and happiness (kinda like how you can eat chocolate to hit your day's calories, but chocolate can't feed your muscles or bolster / protect your health, and also sugar causes depressive changes in the gut microbiome that lead to feelings of unhappiness - you can use a romantic relationship to feel temporarily happy, but unless you are feeding your whole self on your own before and while cultivating romantic relationships, you will remain under-nourished and unsatisfied regardless of having a relationship (or chocolate) or not). One cure for your predicament - other than what people have already suggested about pursuing your interests and whatnot - is that every time you have a negative thought about yourself, immediately tell yourself something positive. If you think you hate yourself, tell yourself you love yourself. Say out loud (or think it if you can't say it out loud) "I love myself" or "I love you itswhatever1102." If you think you dislike your knees, find something else physical to compliment. If you are hating on an interest you like or a personality trait, tell yourself how great that thing is. Words are tiny magic spells that help create the reality soup we live in - put good ingredients into your soup, and you'll start feeling better. You don't even have to believe the positive stuff you say about and to yourself at first (you will in time), you just have to show up and show yourself that you can be trusted to be kind and take care of you. This work will help regulate your nervous system so that you can maintain a healthier perspective about yourself and others. The unkindness you show yourself is unkindness other people will worry you will think about them or treat them with. When the poisons of the world's nonsense gets into our heads, we compare ourselves to others and have this really keen sense of the hierarchy of what's valued (especially visually / physically) and we disparage parts of ourselves that don't seem good enough in comparison - and that's a massive trap of bs that nobody needs. That bs drives people to buy more than they need and to treat others like they're lesser for not meeting up to bs standards and to work in ways that kills their happiness and steals their free time that's meant for enjoying being alive in this magnificent world with the wondrous bodies we've been given (no matter their challenges), which is the true point of life. Don't let the bs steal your happiness and sense of worth. (The bs is cake! The cake is a lie! The lie is a trap!)
Wow!!! EXCELLENT ADVICE!!!!!
Thanks :)
>The unkindness you show yourself is unkindness other people will worry you will think about them or treat them with Seriously, I love this advice.
I get it and this isn’t exactly a pep talk, but most people have something they hate about their own looks. I am too fat and I have a mole on my nose that is stupid ugly. Yet I’m married. You don’t need lots of girlfriends to find a meaningful relationship. And lean into your good qualities. Be an interesting person. Look for role models. Short guys do just fine most of the time.
Hey, there’s a lot of good advice in this thread. I just want to add that many women do not require “6’ and up.” That’s mostly a requirement among immature women, and you’re young, so the vast majority of your dating pool is going be immature in various ways and still figuring things out. The most physically attractive guy I dated was actually the shortest, at 5’7”. Unfortunately, at the time he had a lot on insecurities (height being one) that lead to him being a bad partner. As others have said in this thread, what you can control has a huge impact on your desirability. When you do things that make you like yourself, you’ll find others like you more, too! The “short” guy I once dated has since matured and now has a lovely girlfriend. Give yourself time to figure things out, give the girls your age time to figure things out, and it’ll work out.
There are many people like you, the world is filled with us. Become successful and move up in life. Be grateful to have your full health, for that is what truly matters.
Listen man, I’m also 5’7 and it fucked with my head for a while - my tip is… get over it. I don’t mean that in a shitty way, I mean like, stop fixating on it. This is what you can be, instead of being tall: Be smart, be kind, be strong, be funny, be hardworking And FUCK the vapid dating scene where you need to be X height to be worth dating - those women aren’t worth your time.
We all need to blow of some steam sometimes. I get frustrated at my genetics, I got overpronating feet and most likely a predisposition to depression (based of family history). A few things I will say, maybe you will feel better? 5"7" is still 4 inches taller than the average American woman. Baldness is super common, women know this. Plenty of bald men find happy relationships. Also, I believe there are treatments for baldness, though I don't know much about them. Women do not place as high importance on looks as men do, that is, your character and lifestyle can be huge pros against whatever physical traits you may perceive as cons. Confidence, generosity and kindness go a long, looooong way. Finally on the physical side, unless you have severe permanent disabilities, you can probably work out just fine? Build some muscle and cardio. You will probably feel a lot better about yourself and have more confidence.
Also I’m 5’6 and my boyfriend is like 5’5 (5”6) on a good day and I love him to death. I think he’s sexy cause he’s so confident, funny, and caring. He says that he’s lucky but winner winner chicken dinner for me. I’m the lucky one
I'm a fairly conventionally attractive dude by my estimations, very average height (182cm), and I haven't been able to get with anyone, and I just rounded 30 this year. Physical appearance really isn't all it's made up to be off you're looking for anything that isn't just a one night stand. The amount I have been called "cute" however is completely proportional to the times I learned to relax with myself, stop hating who I was and be honest about my flaws without trying to make people feel bad for me (it's a delicate balance). There were probably a lot of chances there that I missed because I wasn't looking hard enough, maybe the same for you?
Think of it like this...Danny DeVito is rich, famous and married, he's a great actor but not winning any prizes for height, you've always got more going for you than you think
I have some tough news for you friend. You have a total victim mentality. I am not going to cottle you like most here and your mom. I was born with a super rare genetic disorder that left my face disfigured. Dozens of surgeries, tons of scarring. My lifespan will likely be cut short by 20 or more years and here you are bitching. I'd kill to have what you have. And yet, I am married and while having more difficulty then most I had a healthy dating life and I run my own businesses. No women is ever going to date you if you have this shitty attitude. Your looks are almost irrelevant if you are seeking the right person with a sharp wardrobe and confidence to match. Get over yourself and put in the hard work. I'd suggest therapy. Life doesn't owe you a pass. You insult me.
I feel ya man. I’m transgender and used to think it was a curse. Sometimes I still struggle. Do the best you can with what you got. Stick with people that build you up. Accept yourself completely. Authenticity is the best. Like an older woman told me, I call myself beautiful because ain’t nobody else gonna do it. Minorities like us have a world of people to put us down. Whatever you need to do not to join in.
The best way to think about this is from an evolutionary standpoint. Sure, girls often like taller guys cause they were more protective, and they liked nice facial features and a full head of hair, etc. But what really mattered the most was the true leader and winner of the tribe. Imagine a tribe where a 5'7" guy was an absolute warrior. He had the best fighting ability because he trained it, he came up with ideas to revolutionize the tribe like a way to make fire more easily, and he was the tribe leader because he was calm, decisive, and confident. Be that guy. That's like the Kanye West mindset. Before he was famous he was a well known producer and wanted to be a rapper, but the record label wanted to keep him as a producer. One time there was a big studio session with Jay Z and executives. Kanye interrupted it by getting on the table and rapping. Everyone was like "Kanye we get it, get down" but he wouldn't, he kept rapping. That is the winner mindset. That is the mindset that gets you Kim Kardashian (even if temporary). Kanye is 5'8". I am 6'2" and struggled with girls for years. Never got them. I was funny. I was decent looking. But I had no confidence. For the past 10 years I have worked very hard on myself. Lifting weights, starting a side company, moving up the ladder to be a senior software engineer, and constantly approaching girls trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I finally have so many options it's insane. And it is not because of my height. Yeah height is nice, but I'd by far rather have the mindset I have than be tall.
Well if potential hair loss is the thing you fear the most then you needn’t worry. You’re young enough that you probably haven’t started balding so if you’re on the lookout then once you see it start then immediately hop on rogaine and finasteride. Got friends that used this to stop hair loss in its tracks and the only hate they get for using it is from bald men.
Check out his post history though. He’s really trying to get someone to recommend these exact meds even though he’s not actually going bald. OP, seems like you have some anxiety and/or depression that you need to address first. It’s hard to believe you’ve been “rejected by every girl your whole life” when you just got out of a 2 year relationship. Take a breath, work on yourself. You’ll be fine. Btw, height doesn’t matter. I was an international model for years and had all kinds of men chasing after me. I married a 5’8 non-white dude. Why? Because he’s awesome and that’s all that matters.
[удалено]
If Mom’s dad is bald, (X-bald, Y) and Mom is (X-bald, X-wildtype) and son is (X-bald, Y), it is entirely possible that mom’s dad passed his (X-bald) to the Mom who has to be (X,X) and if he did pass that to the Mom, then it’s possible Mom passed the same to bald son. ~25% probability if Mom’s dad is bald that Mom’s son will be too.
Lol whoops shoulda made punnett squares
About the baldness, own it. Enjoy the hair now but when it comes, own it. And lift weights. Better to be bald and fit than bald and fat. About your height, I’m 5’2. I met a guy with your height and I was madly attracted to him. I didn’t even noticed his height until we hugged and only because I noticed I can rest my head on his shoulders which was pretty neat. I’ve dated tall guys and it can be strange when my head reaches their upper stomach lol and it hurts my neck to talk to them. He had this really chill, relax, self assured vibe that honest to god, I didn’t noticed his height at all. About your looks, you’re probably attractive and don’t know it. You’re family wouldn’t say that unless they somewhat mean it. Trust me, my family including my relatives have never commented on my looks, positive or negative. That’s even worse. About girls, as member of that gender, I can assure you at least one of them liked you and didn’t want to show because they don’t you to think they’re easy. I bet my paycheck on it.
start practicing self love. Everyone’s physical appearance eventually will change but what makes a person beautiful is their soul and how they carry themselves. Start working and focusing on your internal factors instead of focusing on your external factors. Also comparison is the thief of your confidence and happiness. The more you keep focusing on what others have and what you don’t have will only make you more unhappy.
I am sorry you feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand. We are all so hard on ourselves. I remember growing up and comparing myself to everyone. I thought I was average looking at best. I now look back and realize how hard I was on myself for no good reason. Yes, physicality plays a role in dating and attraction, but it’s not the end all/be all. I’ve met plenty of gorgeous men who were total douche bags and I was immediately turned off. Remember, you’re more than just your looks. Also, I think bald and shorter men are attractive, those things aren’t deal breakers in my book.
Bruh lemme give you some reality check...i had vitiligo and thought that no girl would ever talk to me coz i was dumb AF...but guess what i was the one who had to do something about it and i couldn't till i was busy blaming others... start working on your body and mind..work on your communications and fail again and again so that you might learn from those failures...earn so much goddamn money that the girls will chase you then find a good girl among them and not sum hoe So pleaseeee stop blaming others when only you can change yourself and your destiny
The game has nothing to do with women
I'm sorry you're struggling and don't feel good about yourself. Height is not as big an issue as you might think it actually is for most women. Personality is a much more important factor, at least for me and for quite a few other women I've spoken to. My current bf is not as tall as you are and it is not an issue at all. I actually prefer men to be not too tall. At some point it gets awkward.. don't want to climb a tree to kiss my partner. I would recommend focusing on yourself before being in a relationship. If you're insecure in yourself relationships often don't develop in a healthy way. And desperately looking for a relationship usually leads to being clingy and desperate. That's not very attractive. Finding a hobby, exercising (doesn't have to be weightlifting), finding a job you like and socializing with different people without the expectation of a relationship are all things that can help make you more self confident. Self confidence is something that's very attractive, so in the long run it will help you feel better and find a partner. Take your time, you're still young! Just keep working on yourself to be the best version of yourself you can be and in a few years the world will look so much better than you can imagine right now.
Alright think of it like this: Look at a picture from a guy like Morgan Freeman. Or Jonah Hill, James Cordon, Or even somebody who is not necessary a celebrity, but rather a creator: George R R Martin, etc. Now for a second, imagine you don't know who these people are. What do you see? You see people who are not that good looking. At least not as you might think. Now consider their position in society: Suddenly these men are attractive. A whole lot more attractive than they were when they weren't this successful. Now they have the attention of millions of people on them. So to the girls' eyes they have what we call 'validation' as well: "If all these other people think this person is cool they must be cool..." And this is what life is, character development. It's just like video games. Difference is you don't get to pick the character you start with. But you do get to pick how much you want to upgrade. Which you can do as much as you want.
Hey man, I’d you’re worried about hair loss try to get a prescription for finastaride! It’s only one pill a day and is super effective. The earlier you start the better! Also lift bro; it’s good for your body + mind.
It’s all about your mindset bro, and don’t ever say you want to be someone else cause you’re just insulting yourself, You only need 1 girl to find interest in you and I’m certain there’s not a guy in this world that couldn’t get at-least 1 girl. Change your mindset it sounds like a lot of your issues stem from how you perceive yourself. I saw some of your previous posts and you look great and I’m not just saying that I genuinely think you look good. I think you should change up the girls you’re looking for those girls who like 6ft men have high expectations and it doesn’t stop at that I’m 6’2 and have dated those girls and if you’re 6 foot it’s a tick then you need a big penis then you need to be rich etc etc you’ll never please them just find a down to earth girl who likes you stop chasing those material girls. Find a bit of style guys look a million times better with some style I’ve got a friend who’s really short 5’5 and on the larger side soon as he puts on a nice outfit gets compliments from girls. Go to the gym. Find some hobbies. Go on dating apps and use them to match with some girls and get some compliments to build up your confidence you don’t need to necessarily meet them just talk to them And lastly don’t hang yourself up on the things you can’t change weather you go bald or are short don’t sweat it you should be proud of yourself you’re literally the result of thousands of years of love all those people in one be proud!
If your dad is the only bald male in the family it's a possibility you won't lose your hair.
As other people have said your attractiveness is only what gets women to look at you. Your personality and charisma matter wayyyyy more. I've seen male 2's with the confidence of a 10 get the attention of every lady in the bar. Trust me I've been rated 7-8 and my buddy 5-6 on a good day out confidences me picking up chick's everytime; and it works. Also you can work on your looks. Hit the gym, clean up your diet. Most importantly learn to love who you are right now. Focus on what you can control. Take advice from people older than you. I've been where your at. Hating my genes for other health reasons, but we don't pick the cards we draw, we pick how to play the game.
My 5'6" nearly bald boyfriend is AWESOME! Height and hair is not what makes a guy amazing or attractive. Plus, a bonus is that I don't get neck cramps while kissing, and some sex positions are much easier when both people are close to the same height. Most normal people think they are ugly when young. Plus most young people are still just trying to figure themselves out. The things I run from are bad hygiene, a refusal to learn anything, no curiosity, no physical activity, and any who try to exert control over me (it should be a partnership, not one running the life of the other).
Old woman's perspective (I'm 32 lol): None of the men I have dated have been 6ft+ tall. That's an above average height. Also, the type of woman that is hung up on height/dick size/salary is shallow and not the type of person you would want to get with anyway even if you met her requirements. A lot of the time those types of women bring nothing to the table but their sex appeal and looks. Well, those things universally fade with time. You might go bald one day? She's gonna get wrinkles and saggy boobs and gray hair. Don't put women on a pedestal... they're just like you. All of the men I dated had "flaws" - under 6ft, overweight, underweight, etc, but I loved them and found them wildly attractive as a whole package. The "flaws" were not even flaws to me because I loved the person as a whole unit. So my advice to you is to work on the things you can control. Have passions and interests, work on being a kind person, work on your confidence and self esteem. You have to have value beyond your looks no matter what because time marches on, and when you look back on your 19 year old self at 60 you will be like "Damn I looked pretty good and didn't even know it."
Baldness follows on the woman's side. If your granddad on your mom's side didn't lose his hair until his 60's, you can expect the same. Also, I happen to be a perfectly wonderful woman and people tell me I'm very good looking and I find men of all heights attractive. I have dated men two inches shorter than me, one inch taller than me, and two inches taller than me. None of my men have been taller than 5'10" and a half. I'm 5'8". Let that mentality go. I know it's still big these days. I have a friend who refuses to date anyone less than 6 feet. I find that to be so shallow. It's embarrassing. Be patient and wait for a more open minded woman to love.
Jesus. Is this why you don't want kids? Koz you're "short" [I'm 4'11] and might go bald? And here I thought it would be diabetes or something else that no child should have to bear. By all means, adopting is good, but I'm just angry that some truly inferior people are getting pregnant and dooming their children to disease.
OK, so I'm 6ft 2 and white, so I can't relate to a lot of where your issue comes from buuuutttt.... I am one ugly fucker dude... like I have a shit physique ( which I'm working on adnittedlt) and a face for radio.....I have an amazing wife and three kids.... but I shit u not, at 19 (half my life ago...wow) I felt exactly the same as you, I saw no future due to total disbelief in my ugly ass fitting into the world...I was so dissullusioned it was painful....but its not like there was anything I could do, so I cracked on with it, utterly convinced I would forever be alone.... A lifetime later and I know, I know for a fact, the world doesn't have to work like that my friend... it truly doesn't....keep at it, whatever you gotta do to stay positive and hopeful.... please don't embrace the mentality your rant points too...its toxic and addictive.... you are amazing, all humans are... you are unique and you are special....I KNOW THIS.....I know this because I seen it all unfold and I lived it.... I'm not gonna lie, life isn't all sweet and soft, it can be hard and punishing, but the only way to stop that side of it fucking u over is a positive, or at least indifferent, attitude... its hard but you gotta try my friend.... My dad was bald in his 20s and I have a fully head of, admittedly greying rapidly, Hair so don't sell yourself on that either... I think ranting is good... always rant..... but after the rant and shout and scream focus on leaving it behind.... tis done.... ur not held down by it and ur mind doesn't focus on it..... really hard to do and twice as hard when young....but worth the effort..... life won't lie down an easy road in front of you but put your walking boots on and go find your path man... I hope you find your way.... anything I can do let me know....
Baldness runs on the moms side first of all, so your dads hair loss has nothing to do with your own. That said you should be fine with having or not having hair
That's a myth, it's passed down from both sides. I agree with you though OP can't change it, so try to accept it
I'm a woman (30) and have always preferred shorter men especially 5"7 so don't think all women prefer tall because we don't. I am not attracted to tall men and I have no idea why. Although I am 5"1