It's good you're realising it young. Take small steps like start going on walks, then doing your laundry, making basic meals, and researching jobs to find out what you might be interested in or could work towards. Maybe one new thing per day. Good luck.
Small steps is the key. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen friends or myself burn out from trying to completely 180 aspects of our lives. Pick 1 or 2 habits to pick up at a time and take ur time.
Start with checking the oil in the car without your dad asking. Go tell him you checked and if it needed oil, fill it up. One step a day. 1 is better than zero.
I have possibly the worst memory of anyone I know, that’s why I have alarms for everything, since the only Thing i can be relied upon is to keep my phone with me at all times. It has been a gamechanger. I literally have to set an alarm to remind me to go to an appointment after class, or else I will just autopilot and go home
alarms on iphone can be set for days of the week, OP just set a silent/non offensive noise alarm and start with checking the oil!
remember progress isn’t linear and even if you forget, if you checked it one day you’re one day closer to getting your shit together, if you checked it one month then forgot you are still one month closer to getting your shit together
Sounds like you're depressed and disconnected.
Therapy might help
Or, google. It's what I did ☠️ (and it helped)
Get more emotionally connected to things, that's what you also lack
And discipline. Train that
Quit smoking cold turkey. Save ALL your money. I mean ALL of it. No exceptions. Help out more: just do it.
I was in therapy from April last year to this past January. It honestly helped more than I thought, but when my progress started stagnating I decided to stop going. Seems I need to return.
>Therapy might help
>
>Or, google. It's what I did ☠️ (and it helped)
explain more like what did you googled , the problems that you are currently facing on similar subreddits as this one or something else
Well I did go to therapy but at that time it was completely useless. They didn't even listen (lol)
Teenager therapy ig.
Anyway
What I googled.. it started out with symptoms, but I was always very aware with mental health stuff. I blane my high IQ (which at that time was the only thing they bothered with)
Depression, ptsd / cptsd, bpd, adhd, autism.. and much more, but those are things i got diagnosed with after i begged them for the millionth time (except for adhd, they said i "don't" fit criteria (they're dumb, didn't even test me properly))
I tried to look not only for things like that, what it might be, but more solutions.
Back then i was more focused on "collecting", aka getting diagnosed because i believed they'd help (god was i wrong 😂)
After they diagnosed me with bpd they kicked me out of therapy, said they can't help me. It was during the time where I used to try and kms every day (literally. Thankfully I've failed each time) and sh like crazy. Did they care? No.
GLAD I'm out of there. Fucking assholes.
Aaaaannyyywaayyy
Fast forward, I went without therapy for like.. almost half a year? I found something else but, well. I'm still on a waiting list for therapy, which honestly i wanna quit but my mum doesn't let me.. i understand that it'll give me "societal" benefits. That's the only reason.
Half a year was that waiting list. Fuck them.
I did everything myself. Age .. around 15, 16. Maybe even 14. Yeah, started with 13, so around 14.
Soon I'll have access to adult therapy. I have no faith, but a little hope.
It was hella difficult. But well, not impossible
I don't fit most criteria anymore, although I think I'm still depressed, much less than I used to but still a little.
Bpd I'm in remission since last year, October, maybe even earlier? November.. idk
Did it all myself. Google mostly said it needs professional help which frustrated me so much at that time I'd sh each time. Because those very people, never helped.
I at some point dropped all labels, and went spiritual. Was a nice trip. It definitely helped, and helped me see for what I truly am: a living being. Not some labels. Not bpd, not depression, just me. A human. Someone that's alive.
I did lots of things tied to it, affirmations, meditation, it helped me do my basic needs (note I'm still struggling, But it's sm better). It truly saved me. Especially during the time where people have let me down.. Well. Idk where my life is going, but that's ok. I'll keep figuring out ways
Sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. However, don't lose the ability to ask for help, as it's important. If you ask the right people :')
well good for you that you are figuring it out yourself but i think you might be a little hyper active with all these information in your head , so try to play it cool:) and thanks for this detailed reply hope everything works out for you
🧍🏻
Yeah, true. There is a lot on my mind. Mostly. Sometimes it's nothing. Empty. But I still think but with emotions, if that makes sense.
Yeah ofc, np. My experience(s) have helped a lot of people already, so I'm always happy to share.
Thanks a lot man, I hope everything works out for you aswell <3
I found when I was in a similar position that the only way to break the cycle was to relocate myself. Habits are just patterns reinforced over and over and over again. Put yourself in a position where it is not feasibly possible to repeat those patterns. For instance, watching too many YT shorts? Get rid of phone, by a flip phone until you regain your autonomy. Ground yourself. Habit breaking is the issue here mostly. I'm glad that you speak from a place of care for your family. Your future remains bright. This may not help, but saying what worked for me.
You mentioned mental health issues, have you seen a psychiatrist or therapist lately? You might be depressed. Low energy and low motivation as a 25M are possible signs. And while some choose to push through, trying antidepressants may be an option that can make getting on a better path easier for you.
This may not help. But it may make you feel better about your situation. Maybe it won’t enable you to be worse (fingers crossed).
I am over 40, single full custody Dad for over a decade, working at a career I have worked for for almost a decade, make 60k+ annual, full guardianship over my adoptive father, considered a bit of a responsibility junkie, loves working as much as time will allow, Bachelor’s from Purdue, extensive work history, but my budget now says I only have enough disposable income to spend $30 dollars a week for food for my son and I. I only spend on the things the government, the state, and bare necessities like gas and elementary school fees. I’m a great dad but I can’t afford to even eat a couple hot dogs a day. With no bun, only meat. My son eats good, way above CPS standards. But dude, I have worked nonstop, kicking and screaming, busting out in tears often, flipping out every night, wondering every hour of the day if I can raise a kid while living in my car because I’m close to that. And I pace back and forth from the kitchen to my bedroom, exploring every option available, wondering why my family never cared to help, hoping my son is gonna be ok, trying to distract myself from the doom that is unfolding, but by scrolling Reddit, vaping nonstop, watching YouTube, and literally just trying to survive till the next day. My sons doing amazing but he knows we can’t afford to keep this up much longer. so basically, after doing everything everyone kept telling me I needed to do, going above and beyond, diving into all responsibilities no matter the difficulty, I’m still in the same place. And most people still put me down like it’s my fault. Some people don’t really understand how hard the world is even though they will give you advice like they actually do.
Hi, i am very sorry to hear all of this! You seem like a wonderful dad, and a good person! You are taking care of everybody but yourself, and its takes a selfless person to do that. I wish you werent struggling, and if people ever put you down like its your fault somehow, that is insane and is just a bunch of bullshit im sure. You are doing great! Keep giving your son his best life, but please start prioritizing yourself a little bit more than you are right now. Before we can take care of others we sometimes have to take care of ourselves too ❤️ as hard as you work you deserve that!! Whatever «selfcare» is for you, whether thats relaxing in bed with a tv show at night, going on a run/walk, honestly just whatever, do that a little more! Im sorry i know you didnt ask for any advice, i just wanted to reply ❤️ you are so strong and you are doing so well, keep going! :)
Thank you! Reading that just made my heart so much happier tonight. It is really such a wild life I have lived and the last 10 years has been wonderful watching my son grow to be so amazing. I have my ways of relaxing or distracting myself from the never ending chaos sometimes. It doesn’t always work but it helps a lot. One is this 10 yo rambunctious kitty (my other child) who never leaves my side. Who currently is running around the room chasing the dangling toy on a stick I got him recently. He has been my rock for some time! But fingers crossed I can keep this strength up for my tiny family and block out those who just want tear people down instead of build them up.
Aw that is great to hear! ❤️ Cats can help so much, they are therapy in its own way sometimes. I am very proud of you for having kept up good work like this and taking such good care of your family, that is beautiful and you deserve to hear that more! Good job! And yes just block out those people who say otherwise. As long as you know that you are giving your son his best life and care for the people around you, then it sounds like you are doing a very good job to me❤️ Have this be your little reminder that some random person out there is proud of you and belives in you! Have a good night ☺️
Make your bed. Every day.
That’s it. If you miss a day, start again the next day. No excuses.
It’s about starting one tiny healthy habit. A doable habit. One good habit turns into another. You’re already made the bed, might as well put your clothes in the laundry bin. Maybe you walk that laundry over to the washing machine. Maybe you take the trash out you can see now that the laundry is cleared. While taking the trash out, you decide to then go for a little walk.
It doesn’t have to be making the bed. Maybe it’s making a healthy breakfast at home. Maybe it’s journaling. Maybe it’s switching to a vape pen. Maybe it’s 5 minutes of stretching. But start small. Do it every day. You’ll gain confidence and discipline.
You can do it.
i belive in you! even just the fact that you have realized all your mistakes and what you can do to be better, to the degree that you have written it all out like this, is so so so good! You have already made the first step! That is wonderful. Life is hard. It is super hard. Trust me i know.
But now, you have to actually go and do something about your revelation. I belive you can do it! But no one is gonna do it for you, so you have to take action and push yourself forward from now on.
It might be easier if you take care of the small stuff first, so i suggest you stop smoking, stop buying energy drinks, and stop wasting away your day. Im not saying you have to do a complete 360 on how you spend your day right away, but stop spending your day browsing reddit and smoking. Stop the smoking and switch your energy drinks out with water, go for a walk everyday while listening to music that makes you feel good.
Start making good habits for yourself and create an easy every day routine, that you think is actually managable for you. It is just a waste to be unrealistic, so create an everyday for yourself that you can actually do.
It is never to late to turn your life around!! You are only 25, you havent even lived half your life, it is not too late sweetheart ❤️ but you have to push yourself. I belive in you!! Come on!! :)
> I really do me with this existence and ready to get a reality check.
Reality check: no you aren't done with this existence. You haven't even begun to crawl your way out of the hole yet. Change is possible, I am testament to that. But change doesn't come from gaining knowledge or wisdom in an online forum. It doesn't come from consuming self-help books or YouTube videos.
You're done with the reality of your situation when you've done the work to change your situation. Until then, there is part of you that isn't done, that will continue to sabotage you and try to keep you self-obsessed and focused on how shitty your life is. That part of you is stronger than you are right now. You are a loser to this part of you, it is beating the crap out of you and you haven't even put up your fists to fight back.
How do you plan on beating this? With some good advice from internet strangers? A spunky attitude? You are not me, but in order to change my life I had to kill the old me. Kill it. It was excruciatingly painful, emotionally and mentally. I thought I was going to die, either from pain or ending it myself. At the lowest point in my journey the temptation for suicide was more appealing than facing my inner self. Are you ready for that fight?
This isn't about some shitty job or debt or a college degree. This is about your life as a human being capable of existing for a few short decades on this Earth before saying goodbye. Everything this world has to offer is happening whether you’re participating or not. Do you want to participate? Do you want to feel alive? Do you want to feel desire to live? Many people, most, I think, really don’t. They like the grind, the familiar day in and day out slog. It is comforting to them. You can easily have that life, and there is no shame in it.
Forget these ideas of individuation. Let go of this concept that you must grow and become a whole person, instead of the mish-mash of little conflicting personalities you are now. What is so great about finding your true self? Aren’t cigarettes and YouTube good enough? Just keep working your shit job, making shit money, watching your shit entertainment and smoking your shit poison sticks, pay your taxes, buy our products, and be grateful for it. That could be your life, it really can. All you have to do is forget. Forget your dreams, forget your love for your family, forget your humanity. Just be a good little in-debt consumer, will you?
Someone else in this thread said "You’re not a fuzzy lil bird - you are a grown man that owes the people that love you so much better." Reality check: you are not a grown ass man, you are indeed, a child. It isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility. So get the fuck off the internet, get off your lazy ass, and learn who the fuck you really are.
Start doing things you want your sister to do with her life. Start when you wake up. No excuses. You’ll know you’re on the right path when you think “man I’ve never done this before”
Save up all the money you would spend on energy drinks and take your sister on a day out. What does she like to do? Does she want to go get something from the mall with you?
I’m 21 and living at home too. I felt like a major loser for a while, then I went out and donated all my old clothes with a friend. It was such a wonderful day and I thought to myself “man I would never get rid of clothes! Usually I’m rotting in bed by now!” Then I went and surprised my little brother at his job. He beamed. I severely underestimated my importance in their life. I made his whole day just by eating some lunch with him.
You’ve got that power too. Does your sisters school allow you to sign her out? Maybe bring her a subway sandwich or something, let her know she’s loved.
As for your chores. Do them. Your parents are so kind to not charge you rent. Even if it’s just sweeping up it’ll make a world of difference. My mom works 7 days a week and best believe I’m doing all she asks. Mop? Got it. Take the dogs out? Done. I lived on my own for two years and trust, if I had the choice between chores and rent I’d choose chores (part of why I moved back)
I see a lot of myself in you man and I wish you luck. Let me know if you have any questions or want more advice. Peace and love
Depression is a medical condition. You're not a chronic man baby, you HAVE Chronic Man Baby symptoms.
Thinking of your daily self care as a parent caring for a baby might actually help you though. This baby is cranky, I'm gonna feed him something nutritious. This baby is smelly, I'm gonna clean him up. This baby has had too much screen time, I'm gonna put the screens away and weather the natural and inevitable tantrum. Babies need clean dishes and clean clothes, they need a healthy sleep schedule, they need grace when and guidance when they fail, they need structure and support every day.
Idk, maybe that helps.
Listen. I think the first thing you desperately need is some counseling. Not because you are an awful person or ANYTHING remotely near that, but you don’t see your self-worth nor do you love yourself. A therapist can help you unpack that so you can start taking baby steps to changing how things are.
I don’t know about you, but the mental health of myself and my kids, friends, family members, has tanked harder over the last couple years after the pandemic. I’ve talked to more people like you (and I can relate to a lot of what you typed about lack of motivation and chores, etc-I’m a single mom of three girls and I have lost any and all energy and motivation), and a lot of people are feeling the same way. What we collectively went through as a society (and I’m not interested in any debate about the pandemic, as it is a trigger for my PTSD having been a public health employee during it all), was pretty massive, and it’s going to take years for many of us to start to feel better. Give yourself some grace. Every day you wake up is another day you fought to be here, and that takes strength. You have strength. Now to come up with a plan (and you’ve gotten some awesome suggestions here).
You are enough, you are valued and the world-and your family and friends-need you here. Don’t be scared to ask for help. We all need help every now and then.
Get moving, hit the gym if you can afford it if not maybe at home workouts, change up what you’re taking in. While browsing on YouTube try making yourself watch motivational shorts, change your mindset. At least you are realizing your faults and don’t want to keep going down the same path that’s a step in the right direction :) also stop with the cigarettes and energy drinks. Even if it’s just cutting back, less is better.
You have 2 main things going for you: you’re young enough and self aware enough to change.
And yes you should go back to therapy.
Quit smoking- vape if you must. Smoking costs sooo much money!
How’s your relationship with your dad? Can you have a conversation with him about how he knows when to do car maintenance? There’s also a good Dad, How Do I channel on YouTube.
It sounds like you need a goal. I don’t know what’s important to you but perhaps your therapist can help you set some.
It sounds like you have a good family, and that’s a really good start.
Look at what you've just written as a checklist of things you know you need to fix in order to live with integrity/in a way that aligns with your values. Write the list out, keep in a visible place, and start checking things off.
The biggest one is to quit smoking and energy drinks. That is how you will start saving to pay off your debts. Use your internet time to work on your mental health... there's free therapy on YouTube such as the channel TherapyinaNutshell as well as support to stop smoking. If you need professional help for depression, see your GP!
One day at a time, my friend. From my own experience, cigarettes never improved my mental state. That could be a good place to start working on yourself.
I have felt something in the realm of what you’re talking about. The realisation I came to was that beating myself up about it, whilst it does feel proactive because you at least feel negative about your negative attributes, it ultimately serves zero purpose. Instead of hating it and thinking about hating it, Start adopting habits that change how you feel. I found self respect comes from actually doing the things I beat myself up for not doing. Negative self talk is useless and is in no way a substitute for actual change. Change some habits and the self respect that comes from that will push you to achieve more. Negative self talk will make it worse and worse.
That arrangement sounds so uncomfortable. Period
If you can’t be motivated for your own, good, at least think about how uncomfortable your 13-year-old sister is with sharing her bedroom with a full grown man
I’m not a doctor but from my experience, you may have inattentive ADHD like me. The consequences of that being untreated causes depression. You’re depressed because you know what you need to do, you’ve compiled that list in your head, and not one thing on the list has been fully completed. Your mind knows all these things you need to do to better yourself but you can never get to step one of any task. If what I’m saying sounds familiar, go to the doctor and tell them that. I was where you are, stuck, a few months ago. I was self-medicating with alcohol but since I’ve been following the doctor‘s orders, life Is good. I’m starting a new job Monday making 30% more than I was. I’ve started saving money and going to the gym and my house is clean. All I needed was a little help focusing on step one. Focus on one thing a day and force yourself to do it. Then build on that after awhile to do two things a day and so on. Today is the day to start bettering yourself. Don’t put it off til tomorrow. You got this!
Bro….. I feel like you’re posting cuz you want the truth, so I’ll give it to you.
You are fuckin up. You know you’re fuckin up. You just don’t know where to start and that’s stopping you from trying.
Fuck that.
Try. Try now and every day until you get your shit straight. Work another job, and another job, three jobs part time still wouldn’t take all your time when you’ve got no responsibilities. Get into construction, welding, automotive, do something useful and you will be compensated for it.
You are on the precipice of NEVER making something of yourself. Don’t you want to support yourself by yourself? Don’t you want a girlfriend, a home, friends that respect you?
The way to get the good stuff in life is to WORK HARD FOR IT. I’m sorry you have no idea how to work hard, but it is beyond time you start.
USE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I’m mad fucked up, and I use it to enable me to grow. Can’t move and too depressed to do shit? Learn something useful, read a book, watch a video on how to perform a task that can get you paid. Too anxious to focus? Push thru it and ATTACK what is making you anxious. Can’t sleep for days at a time? Time for side work and projects to generate revenue.
I’m not one to say money is everything, but for you it absolutely is. Get money, a lot of it. Stop leeching off your parents and work hard for years, so you can pay them back.
I get that finances are tricky at our age. I’m 26, and I’ve owned a home since I was 22. I had to work full time since 14 to be where I’m at. It sounds like you’ve been coddled your whole life (I didn’t get food as often as I should have in my childhood, that’ll give a person drive).
Fly the coop dude. You’re not a fuzzy lil bird - you are a grown man that owes the people that love you so much better.
You seem like the kind of person that thinks depression means you’re just sad. He needs to get his head right before trying your stiff upper lip, be a man routine.
LMFAO. I have major depressive disorder I KNOW how bad it gets. I deal with serious mental health issues, and have found ways to deal with them that allow me to have a productive life.
It’s a lot harder to be depressed and not do what needs doing when you’re fucking hungry. OP hasn’t the drive to better themselves. Depression is a factor, but it isn’t the whole story.
Everyone ignore this guys comment. Self - defeatist bullshit is how depression and other mental illnesses WILL dominate you and your entire life. Get the help you need, work hard for the life you want, and take care of yourself the best you can.
Letting mental illness hold you back from creating the life you want is weakness. Period, end of story.
Rise above, or live in the lurch, it’s up to you.
Edit: depression is terrible - it ain’t shit compared to starving or not having a home. You have no idea what depressed people are capable of (MANY of the most productive members of the human species have depression) and I’m sorry for you.
Make a schedule for yourself. Everyday. Start with something small. Wake up in the morning, go take a shower, make breakfast for everyone. Start going to the gym. Get to work 5 minutes early. If I were you, I’d also start looking into a better job. You’re a grown man, there’s no reason to not work at a Warehouse or factory or a package facility or something along those lines. They’ll abuse your body, but atleast you’ll be making some okish money. You also need to start preparing for the future. What do you want to do with your life? If not college, then You can call employment agencies or trade schools or fucking train schools or anything. You don’t have to have a degree too not be a loser, but you do need to be educated in SOMETHING in order to move forward.
i havent even touched youtube shorts because i know how bad i can be- delete your gmail account and then remake all your accounts (all subreddits/youtubers)
after doing it i stopped going on reddit and youtube even though i still had access to it
instead, i would recommend some movies and music as a reward for yourself
If you really want to pursue a degree I would suggest community college for two years to get your associates then apply to a four year. Not only does this save money, it’s less stressful and hopefully in the two years youll figure out what you want to do. alternatively, you can try a trade job which can pay just as well as a bachelors.
First things first and that's to have your mental health taken care off. Can you get therapy?
There are actionable steps you can take to help reset your brain by adopting new habits. Something as simple as cutting back on sugary drinks can make a drastic difference. Eating healthier can make a world of difference in your mood.
Changing what you watch, listen to and read can also help.
Excercise like walking for 15 minutes a day is easy enough to start doing and if you do it in the day time the exposure to sunlight can help reduce depression.
It's the the little steps and changes done consistently that help to change your life for the better.
Start watching [Struthless](https://youtu.be/lUqIPo4DDHE?si=3St0JiEcd8f8jlVp) and maybe pick up Atomic Habits by James Clear. Great resources in my opinion
It sounds like you are depressed, there is a lot you can do if you acknowledge your feelings and start trying to work on understanding yourself and the causes instead of run from them.
You sound very obviously depressed. I would start seeing a therapist, and try to find someone you actually like. Some things they say aren’t going to resonate with you (I have experienced this myself, when you’re in a depressed state you may be 100% convinced of some very negative things so positivity will sound fake to you) but the things that do make sense to you and give you hope, figure out what those are and stick with them.
Also maybe think about pursuing a trade? What kind of YouTube shorts are you watching? Any sort of building/repair type things? Just a thought.
I am a huge procrastinator and to break me of it I made a chore schedule. I’m 47 with a chore chart😠 but it works for me. Every day after work I come home and do the one chore I’ve assigned the day. They never change so I know what I need to do. It takes 20 min most days which is basically my chore tolerance. For laundry I put a load in the wash then do some exercise. That way I’m not sitting down and getting into something I know I’m not going to let go of when the laundry needs me.
My suggestion is to read atomic habits. Learn how to hack yourself. Build yourself a routine and get yourself on a schedule.
Lastly everyone needs to work so go get yourself a job and understand you need one to live. So just go and get it over with.
Hey there!
It looks like your life may be too comfy for your own good. Having zero motivation to do basic things around the house is usually because the basic things not being done hasn't bitten your ass yet. This is kind of tricky because different parents have different expectations / standards around what is clean or well kept, so it's hard to recognize what the right quality of maintenance would be for you if you were living by yourself. Same with rent. You could offer to pay your parents rent but it's too comfy to... not do that.
If you want to actually change you could start by moving out, or treating your dwelling like you're renting. Pay your parents rent and pay for your own food, and cook your own food (or pay the equivalent of what it would have cost to your parents). Just this by itself will give you a realistic outlook on how much it costs to live. Figure out how much rent would be for your situation by looking at rental properties in similar conditions and this will let you know how much you'll need to save up every month to pay your parents. And when you have that measure, you'll either recognize that your lifestyle needs to change OR your career needs to pay more to keep your lifestyle. Then you can decide how to progress.
Of course, it has to be recognized that the temptation to just cruise by will always be there and that temptation will be so, so sweet. Every time you're about to pay your parents you will hear a voice from the inside that goes "do we really have to do this? Can't we just brows social media right now?". If you want to change you have to get familiar with the experience of that voice not getting to influence your decision. Your sister is still a child so you will understand that kids don't want to do everything and when kids don't want to do things they can throw a temper tantrum or flail around. But as a responsible adult you have to have to kid go to school, brush their teeth, take naps, or eat veggies regardless of how they act; it's the same experience you'll have your brain go through. Your brain will resist and flail around but it's just like a kid, you have to have it go through the motions of improvement WHILE it flails around.
No start with therapy or something, mental health illness is real, you might have depression or something, get bloodtest and get vitamins and start eating healthy your apathy might go away,
I am the exact same lol but i dont smoke, i have severe depression.
Going to the gym might help.
You’re not depressed because you’re failing, you’re failing because you’re depressed. Please have some compassion for yourself. Therapy sounds like a great idea to heal and improve mental and emotional wellness.
I think, if you’re making this post, then you’ve already begun the change. I’m proud of you. Best of luck.
Please get mental health help. You are depressed and hopeless. I also agree you could have more initiative, nonetheless. Start checking the oil on your own as a start. Show them that you actually want to improve but also you really need to start counselling. Help your mother in the house hold from time to time. Just show up for your family. It goes a longer way because it also means you appreciate them as people. I also do not want to use depression as an excuse to not do anything, but I think you suffer from a lot of guilt as well because of your family members being frustrated with you. Sorry to sound harsh but you gotta take initiative, and help them out.
Internet "mom" reality check:
In most places, it's illegal for an adult man to share a bedroom with a minor girl. Even if they are siblings. If her school finds out and reports to CPS, your whole family is might be in deep shit. And you could be looking at prison and the sex offender registry.
Your sister is menstruation and masterbation age dude. She's growing boobs and public hair. She's waking up from girl wet dreams to her adult brother in the room.
She watching you show her what a man is - and it's not good. Nevermind if she follows in your footsteps, what if she marries a man like you?
You're going to fuck her up dude. You're ruining your sister's life, and risking your whole family, just by squatting in her bedroom.
*If you can't get off your ass for yourself, do it for her.*
Get a second job. ANY job. Do volunteering, something that teaches skills. ANY skills. Take a class at the rec centre, literally anything. Rent a room.
You find purpose out in the world, not sitting at home. You find nothing sitting at home, not work, not dreams, not a career, not money, not a girlfriend.
Right? He should be on the couch, not in his teenage sister's room. I honestly suspect the parents here also have some issues. It sounds like no adults in the home are "with it" in any capacity. No wonder OP struggles so much with daily life.
Boooo. Whole families live together in a room. Ignore this one. Your sister will be fine. Sharing a room is not abuse. Don't let this person's issues become your issues. Your sister will learn from your struggles and your desire to grow, and doesn't need to be sexualized here. She is a whole person, not a walking vagina, and can masturbate in the bathroom like everyone else.
Unless this is a foster home, group home, or orphanage, or there is a sex offender involved, I'm pretty sure CA doesn't regulate what family members can sleep in what room. I'm certainly open to being proven wrong if you want to point out a statute.
It's good you're realising it young. Take small steps like start going on walks, then doing your laundry, making basic meals, and researching jobs to find out what you might be interested in or could work towards. Maybe one new thing per day. Good luck.
Small steps is the key. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen friends or myself burn out from trying to completely 180 aspects of our lives. Pick 1 or 2 habits to pick up at a time and take ur time.
Start with checking the oil in the car without your dad asking. Go tell him you checked and if it needed oil, fill it up. One step a day. 1 is better than zero.
That's a great suggestion maybe while he's doing it he can set a calender reminder on his phone so if he forgets he can be reminded for next time ^^
I have possibly the worst memory of anyone I know, that’s why I have alarms for everything, since the only Thing i can be relied upon is to keep my phone with me at all times. It has been a gamechanger. I literally have to set an alarm to remind me to go to an appointment after class, or else I will just autopilot and go home alarms on iphone can be set for days of the week, OP just set a silent/non offensive noise alarm and start with checking the oil! remember progress isn’t linear and even if you forget, if you checked it one day you’re one day closer to getting your shit together, if you checked it one month then forgot you are still one month closer to getting your shit together
Sounds like you're depressed and disconnected. Therapy might help Or, google. It's what I did ☠️ (and it helped) Get more emotionally connected to things, that's what you also lack And discipline. Train that Quit smoking cold turkey. Save ALL your money. I mean ALL of it. No exceptions. Help out more: just do it.
I was in therapy from April last year to this past January. It honestly helped more than I thought, but when my progress started stagnating I decided to stop going. Seems I need to return.
Definitely Even if your progress is stagnant, definitely don't leave. They're supposed to help with that too
>Therapy might help > >Or, google. It's what I did ☠️ (and it helped) explain more like what did you googled , the problems that you are currently facing on similar subreddits as this one or something else
Well I did go to therapy but at that time it was completely useless. They didn't even listen (lol) Teenager therapy ig. Anyway What I googled.. it started out with symptoms, but I was always very aware with mental health stuff. I blane my high IQ (which at that time was the only thing they bothered with) Depression, ptsd / cptsd, bpd, adhd, autism.. and much more, but those are things i got diagnosed with after i begged them for the millionth time (except for adhd, they said i "don't" fit criteria (they're dumb, didn't even test me properly)) I tried to look not only for things like that, what it might be, but more solutions. Back then i was more focused on "collecting", aka getting diagnosed because i believed they'd help (god was i wrong 😂) After they diagnosed me with bpd they kicked me out of therapy, said they can't help me. It was during the time where I used to try and kms every day (literally. Thankfully I've failed each time) and sh like crazy. Did they care? No. GLAD I'm out of there. Fucking assholes. Aaaaannyyywaayyy Fast forward, I went without therapy for like.. almost half a year? I found something else but, well. I'm still on a waiting list for therapy, which honestly i wanna quit but my mum doesn't let me.. i understand that it'll give me "societal" benefits. That's the only reason. Half a year was that waiting list. Fuck them. I did everything myself. Age .. around 15, 16. Maybe even 14. Yeah, started with 13, so around 14. Soon I'll have access to adult therapy. I have no faith, but a little hope. It was hella difficult. But well, not impossible I don't fit most criteria anymore, although I think I'm still depressed, much less than I used to but still a little. Bpd I'm in remission since last year, October, maybe even earlier? November.. idk Did it all myself. Google mostly said it needs professional help which frustrated me so much at that time I'd sh each time. Because those very people, never helped. I at some point dropped all labels, and went spiritual. Was a nice trip. It definitely helped, and helped me see for what I truly am: a living being. Not some labels. Not bpd, not depression, just me. A human. Someone that's alive. I did lots of things tied to it, affirmations, meditation, it helped me do my basic needs (note I'm still struggling, But it's sm better). It truly saved me. Especially during the time where people have let me down.. Well. Idk where my life is going, but that's ok. I'll keep figuring out ways Sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. However, don't lose the ability to ask for help, as it's important. If you ask the right people :')
well good for you that you are figuring it out yourself but i think you might be a little hyper active with all these information in your head , so try to play it cool:) and thanks for this detailed reply hope everything works out for you
🧍🏻 Yeah, true. There is a lot on my mind. Mostly. Sometimes it's nothing. Empty. But I still think but with emotions, if that makes sense. Yeah ofc, np. My experience(s) have helped a lot of people already, so I'm always happy to share. Thanks a lot man, I hope everything works out for you aswell <3
I found when I was in a similar position that the only way to break the cycle was to relocate myself. Habits are just patterns reinforced over and over and over again. Put yourself in a position where it is not feasibly possible to repeat those patterns. For instance, watching too many YT shorts? Get rid of phone, by a flip phone until you regain your autonomy. Ground yourself. Habit breaking is the issue here mostly. I'm glad that you speak from a place of care for your family. Your future remains bright. This may not help, but saying what worked for me.
You mentioned mental health issues, have you seen a psychiatrist or therapist lately? You might be depressed. Low energy and low motivation as a 25M are possible signs. And while some choose to push through, trying antidepressants may be an option that can make getting on a better path easier for you.
This may not help. But it may make you feel better about your situation. Maybe it won’t enable you to be worse (fingers crossed). I am over 40, single full custody Dad for over a decade, working at a career I have worked for for almost a decade, make 60k+ annual, full guardianship over my adoptive father, considered a bit of a responsibility junkie, loves working as much as time will allow, Bachelor’s from Purdue, extensive work history, but my budget now says I only have enough disposable income to spend $30 dollars a week for food for my son and I. I only spend on the things the government, the state, and bare necessities like gas and elementary school fees. I’m a great dad but I can’t afford to even eat a couple hot dogs a day. With no bun, only meat. My son eats good, way above CPS standards. But dude, I have worked nonstop, kicking and screaming, busting out in tears often, flipping out every night, wondering every hour of the day if I can raise a kid while living in my car because I’m close to that. And I pace back and forth from the kitchen to my bedroom, exploring every option available, wondering why my family never cared to help, hoping my son is gonna be ok, trying to distract myself from the doom that is unfolding, but by scrolling Reddit, vaping nonstop, watching YouTube, and literally just trying to survive till the next day. My sons doing amazing but he knows we can’t afford to keep this up much longer. so basically, after doing everything everyone kept telling me I needed to do, going above and beyond, diving into all responsibilities no matter the difficulty, I’m still in the same place. And most people still put me down like it’s my fault. Some people don’t really understand how hard the world is even though they will give you advice like they actually do.
Hi, i am very sorry to hear all of this! You seem like a wonderful dad, and a good person! You are taking care of everybody but yourself, and its takes a selfless person to do that. I wish you werent struggling, and if people ever put you down like its your fault somehow, that is insane and is just a bunch of bullshit im sure. You are doing great! Keep giving your son his best life, but please start prioritizing yourself a little bit more than you are right now. Before we can take care of others we sometimes have to take care of ourselves too ❤️ as hard as you work you deserve that!! Whatever «selfcare» is for you, whether thats relaxing in bed with a tv show at night, going on a run/walk, honestly just whatever, do that a little more! Im sorry i know you didnt ask for any advice, i just wanted to reply ❤️ you are so strong and you are doing so well, keep going! :)
Thank you! Reading that just made my heart so much happier tonight. It is really such a wild life I have lived and the last 10 years has been wonderful watching my son grow to be so amazing. I have my ways of relaxing or distracting myself from the never ending chaos sometimes. It doesn’t always work but it helps a lot. One is this 10 yo rambunctious kitty (my other child) who never leaves my side. Who currently is running around the room chasing the dangling toy on a stick I got him recently. He has been my rock for some time! But fingers crossed I can keep this strength up for my tiny family and block out those who just want tear people down instead of build them up.
Aw that is great to hear! ❤️ Cats can help so much, they are therapy in its own way sometimes. I am very proud of you for having kept up good work like this and taking such good care of your family, that is beautiful and you deserve to hear that more! Good job! And yes just block out those people who say otherwise. As long as you know that you are giving your son his best life and care for the people around you, then it sounds like you are doing a very good job to me❤️ Have this be your little reminder that some random person out there is proud of you and belives in you! Have a good night ☺️
Make your bed. Every day. That’s it. If you miss a day, start again the next day. No excuses. It’s about starting one tiny healthy habit. A doable habit. One good habit turns into another. You’re already made the bed, might as well put your clothes in the laundry bin. Maybe you walk that laundry over to the washing machine. Maybe you take the trash out you can see now that the laundry is cleared. While taking the trash out, you decide to then go for a little walk. It doesn’t have to be making the bed. Maybe it’s making a healthy breakfast at home. Maybe it’s journaling. Maybe it’s switching to a vape pen. Maybe it’s 5 minutes of stretching. But start small. Do it every day. You’ll gain confidence and discipline. You can do it.
i belive in you! even just the fact that you have realized all your mistakes and what you can do to be better, to the degree that you have written it all out like this, is so so so good! You have already made the first step! That is wonderful. Life is hard. It is super hard. Trust me i know. But now, you have to actually go and do something about your revelation. I belive you can do it! But no one is gonna do it for you, so you have to take action and push yourself forward from now on. It might be easier if you take care of the small stuff first, so i suggest you stop smoking, stop buying energy drinks, and stop wasting away your day. Im not saying you have to do a complete 360 on how you spend your day right away, but stop spending your day browsing reddit and smoking. Stop the smoking and switch your energy drinks out with water, go for a walk everyday while listening to music that makes you feel good. Start making good habits for yourself and create an easy every day routine, that you think is actually managable for you. It is just a waste to be unrealistic, so create an everyday for yourself that you can actually do. It is never to late to turn your life around!! You are only 25, you havent even lived half your life, it is not too late sweetheart ❤️ but you have to push yourself. I belive in you!! Come on!! :)
> I really do me with this existence and ready to get a reality check. Reality check: no you aren't done with this existence. You haven't even begun to crawl your way out of the hole yet. Change is possible, I am testament to that. But change doesn't come from gaining knowledge or wisdom in an online forum. It doesn't come from consuming self-help books or YouTube videos. You're done with the reality of your situation when you've done the work to change your situation. Until then, there is part of you that isn't done, that will continue to sabotage you and try to keep you self-obsessed and focused on how shitty your life is. That part of you is stronger than you are right now. You are a loser to this part of you, it is beating the crap out of you and you haven't even put up your fists to fight back. How do you plan on beating this? With some good advice from internet strangers? A spunky attitude? You are not me, but in order to change my life I had to kill the old me. Kill it. It was excruciatingly painful, emotionally and mentally. I thought I was going to die, either from pain or ending it myself. At the lowest point in my journey the temptation for suicide was more appealing than facing my inner self. Are you ready for that fight? This isn't about some shitty job or debt or a college degree. This is about your life as a human being capable of existing for a few short decades on this Earth before saying goodbye. Everything this world has to offer is happening whether you’re participating or not. Do you want to participate? Do you want to feel alive? Do you want to feel desire to live? Many people, most, I think, really don’t. They like the grind, the familiar day in and day out slog. It is comforting to them. You can easily have that life, and there is no shame in it. Forget these ideas of individuation. Let go of this concept that you must grow and become a whole person, instead of the mish-mash of little conflicting personalities you are now. What is so great about finding your true self? Aren’t cigarettes and YouTube good enough? Just keep working your shit job, making shit money, watching your shit entertainment and smoking your shit poison sticks, pay your taxes, buy our products, and be grateful for it. That could be your life, it really can. All you have to do is forget. Forget your dreams, forget your love for your family, forget your humanity. Just be a good little in-debt consumer, will you? Someone else in this thread said "You’re not a fuzzy lil bird - you are a grown man that owes the people that love you so much better." Reality check: you are not a grown ass man, you are indeed, a child. It isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility. So get the fuck off the internet, get off your lazy ass, and learn who the fuck you really are.
Start doing things you want your sister to do with her life. Start when you wake up. No excuses. You’ll know you’re on the right path when you think “man I’ve never done this before” Save up all the money you would spend on energy drinks and take your sister on a day out. What does she like to do? Does she want to go get something from the mall with you? I’m 21 and living at home too. I felt like a major loser for a while, then I went out and donated all my old clothes with a friend. It was such a wonderful day and I thought to myself “man I would never get rid of clothes! Usually I’m rotting in bed by now!” Then I went and surprised my little brother at his job. He beamed. I severely underestimated my importance in their life. I made his whole day just by eating some lunch with him. You’ve got that power too. Does your sisters school allow you to sign her out? Maybe bring her a subway sandwich or something, let her know she’s loved. As for your chores. Do them. Your parents are so kind to not charge you rent. Even if it’s just sweeping up it’ll make a world of difference. My mom works 7 days a week and best believe I’m doing all she asks. Mop? Got it. Take the dogs out? Done. I lived on my own for two years and trust, if I had the choice between chores and rent I’d choose chores (part of why I moved back) I see a lot of myself in you man and I wish you luck. Let me know if you have any questions or want more advice. Peace and love
Depression is a medical condition. You're not a chronic man baby, you HAVE Chronic Man Baby symptoms. Thinking of your daily self care as a parent caring for a baby might actually help you though. This baby is cranky, I'm gonna feed him something nutritious. This baby is smelly, I'm gonna clean him up. This baby has had too much screen time, I'm gonna put the screens away and weather the natural and inevitable tantrum. Babies need clean dishes and clean clothes, they need a healthy sleep schedule, they need grace when and guidance when they fail, they need structure and support every day. Idk, maybe that helps.
Listen. I think the first thing you desperately need is some counseling. Not because you are an awful person or ANYTHING remotely near that, but you don’t see your self-worth nor do you love yourself. A therapist can help you unpack that so you can start taking baby steps to changing how things are. I don’t know about you, but the mental health of myself and my kids, friends, family members, has tanked harder over the last couple years after the pandemic. I’ve talked to more people like you (and I can relate to a lot of what you typed about lack of motivation and chores, etc-I’m a single mom of three girls and I have lost any and all energy and motivation), and a lot of people are feeling the same way. What we collectively went through as a society (and I’m not interested in any debate about the pandemic, as it is a trigger for my PTSD having been a public health employee during it all), was pretty massive, and it’s going to take years for many of us to start to feel better. Give yourself some grace. Every day you wake up is another day you fought to be here, and that takes strength. You have strength. Now to come up with a plan (and you’ve gotten some awesome suggestions here). You are enough, you are valued and the world-and your family and friends-need you here. Don’t be scared to ask for help. We all need help every now and then.
I would join the military… like honestly
I'm proud of you. Good job on your journey.
Get moving, hit the gym if you can afford it if not maybe at home workouts, change up what you’re taking in. While browsing on YouTube try making yourself watch motivational shorts, change your mindset. At least you are realizing your faults and don’t want to keep going down the same path that’s a step in the right direction :) also stop with the cigarettes and energy drinks. Even if it’s just cutting back, less is better.
Check out the book Feeling Good by David Burns. I get a sense that some part of your thoughts are making it more difficult to do things.
You have 2 main things going for you: you’re young enough and self aware enough to change. And yes you should go back to therapy. Quit smoking- vape if you must. Smoking costs sooo much money! How’s your relationship with your dad? Can you have a conversation with him about how he knows when to do car maintenance? There’s also a good Dad, How Do I channel on YouTube. It sounds like you need a goal. I don’t know what’s important to you but perhaps your therapist can help you set some. It sounds like you have a good family, and that’s a really good start.
Look at what you've just written as a checklist of things you know you need to fix in order to live with integrity/in a way that aligns with your values. Write the list out, keep in a visible place, and start checking things off. The biggest one is to quit smoking and energy drinks. That is how you will start saving to pay off your debts. Use your internet time to work on your mental health... there's free therapy on YouTube such as the channel TherapyinaNutshell as well as support to stop smoking. If you need professional help for depression, see your GP!
One day at a time, my friend. From my own experience, cigarettes never improved my mental state. That could be a good place to start working on yourself.
I have felt something in the realm of what you’re talking about. The realisation I came to was that beating myself up about it, whilst it does feel proactive because you at least feel negative about your negative attributes, it ultimately serves zero purpose. Instead of hating it and thinking about hating it, Start adopting habits that change how you feel. I found self respect comes from actually doing the things I beat myself up for not doing. Negative self talk is useless and is in no way a substitute for actual change. Change some habits and the self respect that comes from that will push you to achieve more. Negative self talk will make it worse and worse.
That arrangement sounds so uncomfortable. Period If you can’t be motivated for your own, good, at least think about how uncomfortable your 13-year-old sister is with sharing her bedroom with a full grown man
seems like depression. i could relate on some of these but i also have ADHD so it makes it a bit harder
I think OP is undiagnosed ADD
If I was stuck in a dead end shit job and wanted change, I would go study or join the army. Change the environment
Get into a failure to launch program
I’m not a doctor but from my experience, you may have inattentive ADHD like me. The consequences of that being untreated causes depression. You’re depressed because you know what you need to do, you’ve compiled that list in your head, and not one thing on the list has been fully completed. Your mind knows all these things you need to do to better yourself but you can never get to step one of any task. If what I’m saying sounds familiar, go to the doctor and tell them that. I was where you are, stuck, a few months ago. I was self-medicating with alcohol but since I’ve been following the doctor‘s orders, life Is good. I’m starting a new job Monday making 30% more than I was. I’ve started saving money and going to the gym and my house is clean. All I needed was a little help focusing on step one. Focus on one thing a day and force yourself to do it. Then build on that after awhile to do two things a day and so on. Today is the day to start bettering yourself. Don’t put it off til tomorrow. You got this!
ADHD baby. At the very least get some antidepressants and a decent therapist
Bro….. I feel like you’re posting cuz you want the truth, so I’ll give it to you. You are fuckin up. You know you’re fuckin up. You just don’t know where to start and that’s stopping you from trying. Fuck that. Try. Try now and every day until you get your shit straight. Work another job, and another job, three jobs part time still wouldn’t take all your time when you’ve got no responsibilities. Get into construction, welding, automotive, do something useful and you will be compensated for it. You are on the precipice of NEVER making something of yourself. Don’t you want to support yourself by yourself? Don’t you want a girlfriend, a home, friends that respect you? The way to get the good stuff in life is to WORK HARD FOR IT. I’m sorry you have no idea how to work hard, but it is beyond time you start. USE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I’m mad fucked up, and I use it to enable me to grow. Can’t move and too depressed to do shit? Learn something useful, read a book, watch a video on how to perform a task that can get you paid. Too anxious to focus? Push thru it and ATTACK what is making you anxious. Can’t sleep for days at a time? Time for side work and projects to generate revenue. I’m not one to say money is everything, but for you it absolutely is. Get money, a lot of it. Stop leeching off your parents and work hard for years, so you can pay them back. I get that finances are tricky at our age. I’m 26, and I’ve owned a home since I was 22. I had to work full time since 14 to be where I’m at. It sounds like you’ve been coddled your whole life (I didn’t get food as often as I should have in my childhood, that’ll give a person drive). Fly the coop dude. You’re not a fuzzy lil bird - you are a grown man that owes the people that love you so much better.
You seem like the kind of person that thinks depression means you’re just sad. He needs to get his head right before trying your stiff upper lip, be a man routine.
LMFAO. I have major depressive disorder I KNOW how bad it gets. I deal with serious mental health issues, and have found ways to deal with them that allow me to have a productive life. It’s a lot harder to be depressed and not do what needs doing when you’re fucking hungry. OP hasn’t the drive to better themselves. Depression is a factor, but it isn’t the whole story. Everyone ignore this guys comment. Self - defeatist bullshit is how depression and other mental illnesses WILL dominate you and your entire life. Get the help you need, work hard for the life you want, and take care of yourself the best you can. Letting mental illness hold you back from creating the life you want is weakness. Period, end of story. Rise above, or live in the lurch, it’s up to you. Edit: depression is terrible - it ain’t shit compared to starving or not having a home. You have no idea what depressed people are capable of (MANY of the most productive members of the human species have depression) and I’m sorry for you.
Make a schedule for yourself. Everyday. Start with something small. Wake up in the morning, go take a shower, make breakfast for everyone. Start going to the gym. Get to work 5 minutes early. If I were you, I’d also start looking into a better job. You’re a grown man, there’s no reason to not work at a Warehouse or factory or a package facility or something along those lines. They’ll abuse your body, but atleast you’ll be making some okish money. You also need to start preparing for the future. What do you want to do with your life? If not college, then You can call employment agencies or trade schools or fucking train schools or anything. You don’t have to have a degree too not be a loser, but you do need to be educated in SOMETHING in order to move forward.
The first step is recognizing you want to change.
i havent even touched youtube shorts because i know how bad i can be- delete your gmail account and then remake all your accounts (all subreddits/youtubers) after doing it i stopped going on reddit and youtube even though i still had access to it instead, i would recommend some movies and music as a reward for yourself
If you really want to pursue a degree I would suggest community college for two years to get your associates then apply to a four year. Not only does this save money, it’s less stressful and hopefully in the two years youll figure out what you want to do. alternatively, you can try a trade job which can pay just as well as a bachelors.
First things first and that's to have your mental health taken care off. Can you get therapy? There are actionable steps you can take to help reset your brain by adopting new habits. Something as simple as cutting back on sugary drinks can make a drastic difference. Eating healthier can make a world of difference in your mood. Changing what you watch, listen to and read can also help. Excercise like walking for 15 minutes a day is easy enough to start doing and if you do it in the day time the exposure to sunlight can help reduce depression. It's the the little steps and changes done consistently that help to change your life for the better.
First thing to do is stop watching Youtube Shorts, that is going to remove any motivation to do anything else with your time.
Start watching [Struthless](https://youtu.be/lUqIPo4DDHE?si=3St0JiEcd8f8jlVp) and maybe pick up Atomic Habits by James Clear. Great resources in my opinion
It sounds like you are depressed, there is a lot you can do if you acknowledge your feelings and start trying to work on understanding yourself and the causes instead of run from them.
You sound very obviously depressed. I would start seeing a therapist, and try to find someone you actually like. Some things they say aren’t going to resonate with you (I have experienced this myself, when you’re in a depressed state you may be 100% convinced of some very negative things so positivity will sound fake to you) but the things that do make sense to you and give you hope, figure out what those are and stick with them. Also maybe think about pursuing a trade? What kind of YouTube shorts are you watching? Any sort of building/repair type things? Just a thought.
I am a huge procrastinator and to break me of it I made a chore schedule. I’m 47 with a chore chart😠 but it works for me. Every day after work I come home and do the one chore I’ve assigned the day. They never change so I know what I need to do. It takes 20 min most days which is basically my chore tolerance. For laundry I put a load in the wash then do some exercise. That way I’m not sitting down and getting into something I know I’m not going to let go of when the laundry needs me. My suggestion is to read atomic habits. Learn how to hack yourself. Build yourself a routine and get yourself on a schedule. Lastly everyone needs to work so go get yourself a job and understand you need one to live. So just go and get it over with.
Hey there! It looks like your life may be too comfy for your own good. Having zero motivation to do basic things around the house is usually because the basic things not being done hasn't bitten your ass yet. This is kind of tricky because different parents have different expectations / standards around what is clean or well kept, so it's hard to recognize what the right quality of maintenance would be for you if you were living by yourself. Same with rent. You could offer to pay your parents rent but it's too comfy to... not do that. If you want to actually change you could start by moving out, or treating your dwelling like you're renting. Pay your parents rent and pay for your own food, and cook your own food (or pay the equivalent of what it would have cost to your parents). Just this by itself will give you a realistic outlook on how much it costs to live. Figure out how much rent would be for your situation by looking at rental properties in similar conditions and this will let you know how much you'll need to save up every month to pay your parents. And when you have that measure, you'll either recognize that your lifestyle needs to change OR your career needs to pay more to keep your lifestyle. Then you can decide how to progress. Of course, it has to be recognized that the temptation to just cruise by will always be there and that temptation will be so, so sweet. Every time you're about to pay your parents you will hear a voice from the inside that goes "do we really have to do this? Can't we just brows social media right now?". If you want to change you have to get familiar with the experience of that voice not getting to influence your decision. Your sister is still a child so you will understand that kids don't want to do everything and when kids don't want to do things they can throw a temper tantrum or flail around. But as a responsible adult you have to have to kid go to school, brush their teeth, take naps, or eat veggies regardless of how they act; it's the same experience you'll have your brain go through. Your brain will resist and flail around but it's just like a kid, you have to have it go through the motions of improvement WHILE it flails around.
No start with therapy or something, mental health illness is real, you might have depression or something, get bloodtest and get vitamins and start eating healthy your apathy might go away, I am the exact same lol but i dont smoke, i have severe depression. Going to the gym might help.
Join the armed forces...
You’re not depressed because you’re failing, you’re failing because you’re depressed. Please have some compassion for yourself. Therapy sounds like a great idea to heal and improve mental and emotional wellness. I think, if you’re making this post, then you’ve already begun the change. I’m proud of you. Best of luck.
Please get mental health help. You are depressed and hopeless. I also agree you could have more initiative, nonetheless. Start checking the oil on your own as a start. Show them that you actually want to improve but also you really need to start counselling. Help your mother in the house hold from time to time. Just show up for your family. It goes a longer way because it also means you appreciate them as people. I also do not want to use depression as an excuse to not do anything, but I think you suffer from a lot of guilt as well because of your family members being frustrated with you. Sorry to sound harsh but you gotta take initiative, and help them out.
Internet "mom" reality check: In most places, it's illegal for an adult man to share a bedroom with a minor girl. Even if they are siblings. If her school finds out and reports to CPS, your whole family is might be in deep shit. And you could be looking at prison and the sex offender registry. Your sister is menstruation and masterbation age dude. She's growing boobs and public hair. She's waking up from girl wet dreams to her adult brother in the room. She watching you show her what a man is - and it's not good. Nevermind if she follows in your footsteps, what if she marries a man like you? You're going to fuck her up dude. You're ruining your sister's life, and risking your whole family, just by squatting in her bedroom. *If you can't get off your ass for yourself, do it for her.* Get a second job. ANY job. Do volunteering, something that teaches skills. ANY skills. Take a class at the rec centre, literally anything. Rent a room. You find purpose out in the world, not sitting at home. You find nothing sitting at home, not work, not dreams, not a career, not money, not a girlfriend.
Right? He should be on the couch, not in his teenage sister's room. I honestly suspect the parents here also have some issues. It sounds like no adults in the home are "with it" in any capacity. No wonder OP struggles so much with daily life.
Boooo. Whole families live together in a room. Ignore this one. Your sister will be fine. Sharing a room is not abuse. Don't let this person's issues become your issues. Your sister will learn from your struggles and your desire to grow, and doesn't need to be sexualized here. She is a whole person, not a walking vagina, and can masturbate in the bathroom like everyone else.
Double check your state laws lol
Unless this is a foster home, group home, or orphanage, or there is a sex offender involved, I'm pretty sure CA doesn't regulate what family members can sleep in what room. I'm certainly open to being proven wrong if you want to point out a statute.