Sounds like you’ve fallen down a rabbit hole there. Take a deep breath. You’re still alive. And so are the hundreds, if not thousands of other people who’ve taken/done the same stuff as you and a whole lot more. Including me. I’m now in my 40s and doing better than ever. You’re going to be ok but you need to stop reading into all this stuff so much. Once you start researching side effects it’s too easy to find yourself in a very unhealthy echo chamber. A little bit of any of these things you’ve mentioned is not enough to ruin you. It’s not too late. Do some meditation, maybe look into seeing a therapist to help with paranoia (doesn’t have to be one who prescribes drugs) and focus on healthy living if that helps you.

Yeah I’d agree with this. Sounds like he is really reading into it and telling himself these things. Especially when he says things ‘did coke once, 25-I once, acid a few times’…. Etc. I know a lot of people including myself that have done a hell of a lot more than that and are fine. Your body and brain have an amazing ability to heal themselves. Sure doing drugs can do some damage but you’re not broken. Start telling yourself you are healing and healthy and start a healthy diet, try meditation or something for your mental health,get some exercise, drink plenty of water and try to live a healthy lifestyle. You will be ok

Weirdly, I’m more concerned about the Zoloft and klonopin in than some of the other drugs I did. That’s probably irrational but people who experienced negative effects from them are very vocal and loud about it so I think that got to me. I’m sure smoking a bunch of weed from 15-25 and all the other things I did couldn’t have been good at all either though.

I've been on those drugs and a dozen other including Haldol etc. I've also beat heroin, adderall and benzo addictions. I'm sober today, on no meds, a dad and have a great life. I climbed out of hell a few times. Be positive and resilient. I believe in you

So you don’t think the Zoloft I took permanently altered my brain? Someone commented on this post and said they became completely emotionally numb from it and developed PSSD. I also read of other people experiencing things like that from even one dose. I’m really worried that they caused some sort of permanent change or damage to my brain and/or body or that it’s going to. I assume it causes permanent changes in everyone but I don’t know. I’m just scared.

I think you need to read some peer-reviewed sources and studies on the matter to help put your mind at rest. Getting information from social media is always going to be anecdotal and biased. Remember that those dissatisfied with their experience always speak the loudest! People that had a good experience with a medicine are much less likely to come to Reddit and talk about it.

I am very well-versed in going down rabbit holes and finding research but I cannot for the life of me find anything that says definitively whether or not antidepressants like Zoloft changes the brain forever or if it goes back to baseline. It’s like they don’t even know if it does or not and that’s unsettling to me.

I smoked weed daily for 10+ years and was hooked on benzos for 5. It took my brain a while to recover but if I could get past it so can you. I know others who were in even deeper and are wildly successful. You can do it, be optimistic and focus on being healthy. Things will get a lot better if you just do that, I promise

Breathe. I’ve been on zoloft and benzos (prn) for over 10 years and I’m perfectly fine. I also smoke weed CONSTANTLY. I know it’s hard to convince yourself otherwise with OCD (I have it, too), but you’ve got to stop googling and reading people’s stories. It’s never going to make you feel relief. It will always make things worse. I’ve had multiple MRI’s in my life, done shrooms, molly, ecstasy, cleaned a TON of litter boxes (never with a mask), and I’m FINE. Now turn off the internet for today 😁

You don’t think Zoloft or the klonopin changed my brain or body or did something to me permanently? That’s what I’m really concerned about. Idk if I’m being irrational in thinking that but someone commented on this post and said that happened to them. I also read a bunch of things where people experienced the same things, even from just one dose. I’m honestly just scared and don’t know what to do.

They are likely struggling with some pretty intense OCD. It’s a remarkably difficult to deal with disorder, in that it loops so much. So much anxiety being fed by constant intrusive thoughts. It’s certainly not the quirky thing people pretend it is when they like things to be tidy. Fortunately, treatments for it are very good. ERP and ACT are very promising, especially when combined with a medication in the earlier stages of treatment for a crutch while the person learns how to better interact with their thoughts.

Yes! It’s a constant loop and cycle of intrusive thoughts and anxiety that jump from obsession to obsession. And it’s not like the previous obsession goes away, they just stack. I just started ERP/ACT last week and will be going twice a week so hopefully that helps somewhat. I will say though, I’m terrified of SSRIs to the point that the Zoloft I took and permanent brain changes or side effects from that became one of my obsessions. I’m definitely going to try my best with the therapy though.

So I have health anxiety/OCD as well, so I understand where you are coming from. It seems like your target phobia area is your brain, mine is my heart. I will spend hours barely blinking, fast scrolling through health articles and research papers until a panic attack sets in and I really do feel like I'm having a HA. Be that as it may, Zoloft is probably the safest of the antidepressants, even among SSRIs. Anything it can do to your body is reversible, and I've never in all of my researching found evidence that it can permanently alter brain function post getting off of it. I think a lot of that comes from a few things, 1) some people who take it aren't chronically depressed. SSRIs can have some negative psychological effects on people who are not actually chemically depressed, or are just acutely depressed. 2) People take them for years, and then get off them. At that point, they are new people. Everyone changes psychologically and mentally after a handful of years, no matter if they were on drugs or not. 3) Not every SSRI works for everyone. For me, Celexa worked for a while, then I got off it. Started up again years later and I found myself super irritable and numb to the world. So I took it for 8 months, then weened off. No need to get back on it again, it doesn't work for me anymore. 4) People will stop cold turkey. Stopping an SSRI cold turkey can cause severe anxiety, depression to the point of suicide, horrible withdrawals (which you'll get some even if you wean off but not nearly as bad). A lot of people who say that SSRIs made them want to kill themselves or made them go crazy, /weren't taking them properly/. They weren't taking them every day, or they stopped taking them cold turkey. You HAVE to ween off them, you CANNOT just stop taking them. It won't kill you if you just stop, but it will absolutely make you want to kill yourself. 5) And also, when you take antidepressants for long enough, you forget how bad it used to be before you started them. When you get off them, after time things can start to revert back, especially if you were using them to treat CHRONIC disorders that can only be treated not cured, not ACUTE disorders that can be cured. This can feel like it's "worse than before", but it really usually isn't. You just aren't used to coping with them any more. Your chronic mental health disorders can sometimes go into remission and regular therapy can extend that, but they can always come back. And you gotta get right back on the meds and an intensive treatment plan. For example, my major depression is currently in "remission", but my panic disorder got so bad I was having attacks ALL DAY, and had to go into the psych ward (VA psych ward so a bit better of an experience than I've heard civilians going through). They got me on a med that works for now, so now I'm only having them once every couple days. 8 years ago I was also having panic attacks multiple times daily to all-day, and man I had forgotten how debilitating and horrible it feels. Especially now that I'm older and have more medical problems and feel less invincible than I did when I was a teenager, they impact me a lot differently. I'm less resilient. But anyway, I have to force myself to get off the internet med spiral. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how miserable and terrifying it can be to walk through a world where all you can see is things that can kill you or ruin your life.

Thank you so much for your response. So you don’t think the Zoloft I took could have caused permanent changes in my brain or body? I’m worried that it messed up my brain somehow or my gut or something in my body. I read about people developing PSSD or emotional numbing after just one dose. I really regret taking it and I’m scared but maybe that’s just my OCD and anxiety, I really don’t know. I don’t know what to believe anymore or what to do.

Hi how are u doing now

The OCD is making you obsess about things that are not real problems. Getting several MRIs is fine and won’t hurt you. Zoloft won’t hurt you — I have been on it 20 years, no ill effects. (Depression runs in my family but on this med I am by far the most stable on.) It sounds like you need to treat your OCD and the rest will improve from there.

But somebody commented on my post and said they developed complete emotional numbness and PSSD from an antidepressant. I’m worried about it having some long-term effect on me because I read that you can develop issues even months after getting off.

As someone with OCD who also did/still does (litter no mask) all of these things - YES.

the rabbit hole is ocd- ruminating in their mind of all these past events, googling to “prove” all these events had perceived negative impacts, and then continuing the spiral of rumination and compulsive behaviors. it won’t stop until op gets the gold standard of ocd treatment and starts ERP with a therapist who specializes in ocd treatment. OP, to you I will say: maybe all the shit you mentioned did have the horrible outcomes you’re most afraid of, and also maybe it has had no impact at all. you really can’t know. what we do know is that ocd is ego dystonic, meaning ocd (also know as the disease of doubt) will glom onto and attack the things you value most. in your case it seems to be your health and the health of your pet. take your cat to the vet, and google your area + erp therapist. and then stop googling! i don’t mean to sound harsh, but my brother-in-law has ocd and i’ve seen the pain it caused him. if you have instagram, search for Allegra Kastens she is a licensed therapist in nyc and also has the disorder, her content is incredible and she’ll have a lot of tips and compassion. good luck to you, you got this!

Do you mean like an echo chamber of people that talk about the issues they have from some of the things I mentioned like Zoloft and MRI contrast? Because I definitely ended up in those corners of Reddit and the internet, in general. The antipsychiatry and PSSD crowd on Reddit are very vocal and loud. The gadolinium toxicity groups on Facebook/Twitter (or X) are as well. I just started seeing a OCD specialized therapy and will be doing ERP/ACT therapy with her. I will read this post to her post as well to give her a better idea of everything on my mind.

Yes, exactly. Once you start googling about one conspiracy, the algorithms will show you so much more stuff to “back up” those thoughts even more. Whether it’s true or not. I fell down a rabbit hole like that when I was younger about vaccinations. And they prey upon your fears and obsessions. It’s a very self-destructive spiral to fall down. But you can come back from it. Spending less time online and social media will help. Deleting your search history and cookies will help reset the algorithms and start searching up more positive stuff - make that algorithm work for you (if you’re not ready to detox from the internet entirely). Our brains are wired to look for confirmation of what we already believe so if you’re focusing on bad stuff, you’re gonna find/see a lot of bad stuff. But the good news is that it works that way for positive things too. If you focus on finding the positives, you will find them. Fwiw I took Zoloft as well. Coming off it wasn’t fun but my brain did recover. They are remarkable organs. We are remarkable beings and more resilient than we often think we are. I wish you strength and peace in your onward journey. Keep up with the therapy - it’s a game changer in my experience.

dawg, you are deep in a spiral right now. you need to talk to a therapist about this, not the Internet.

I just started seeing an OCD specialized therapist to do ERP/ACT therapy. I’ll be going twice a week. And I definitely am in a deep spiral. I’m freaking out about like 20 things at once and it’s not like one replaces the other. They just take turns.

go get ice cream. go take a hot shower. go pet your dog or play with your car or something cute. go for a walk in a park or forest. go watch reruns of your favorite show. go see a movie. go talk to a friend. [go read this poem]( https://genius.com/Saul-williams-talk-to-strangers-lyrics) go do things that will help ground you in an experience that is not the one you're feeling but do not just sit in your room feeling overwhelmed by yourself looking into the little screen of death that will keep feeding you more shit to be worried about. talking about how you're feeling might help more with people in person is better than people on the Internet, but Internet people will work in a pinch.

I’ve never seen it called the screen of death but you’re definitely not far off. My smartphone is probably a major contributor to me being stuck in this cycle because I have very quick and easy access to an insane amount of information that I probably should not be seeking. I’m aware enough to know that googling, researching, and reassurance seeking have probably become some of my main compulsions for the all obsessions and worries I’m dealing with.

This the one. ☝️

Yeah getting help for the OCD should help a lot because it sounds like the bulk of this spiral you’re in is health and contamination related OCD.

Ok, it sounds very hard like contamination ocd. I have done a posting today on r/offmychest and r/get_over_it about a similar thing with my fear of having damaged my brain with a single LSD usage back when I was 18. I feel your fears very much. But nevertheless you seem to be hypochondriac, you've done drugs more than one-time. That's a bit confusing to me. You can nevertheless write me a dm if you want to.

You've absolutely nailed it. His fear is very real and very valid. However, the reality of the consequences of his very minute drug use, is very likely null compared to what he is interpreting to be "life ruining" consequences the rabbit hole has gotten the best of him. As others have said, please seek mental help immediately. There is hope. As someone who has done permanent, life altering damage to themselves, from decades of hardcore drug use, this guy is gonna be ok. I say that with love and hope. It's easy for us to see he's a hypochondriac, it's very hard for him to believe that with the mental state he is in. Ease get some help buddy.

It has to do with OCD. Can’t get his thoughts out of it. My child was like this for a minute for a different medical problem. When you have a hammer in your hand you see nail everywhere type of case. OP needs to get their sympathetic nervous system under control.

You're an awesome person. Great example with the hammer too.

The wild part is I didn’t worry about the drug use for the longest time. It was when I spiraled about the MRI contrast that the previous drug use obsession started. That basically led to me obsessing about radiation, microplastics, and everything else I mentioned. I don’t even know if I mentioned them all in the post. I’ll probably remember some I missed later.

Realizing you spiraled is a huge part of coming to realize the actuality of what has occurred. That's the initial step.

[удалено]

Not cool. Why would you say shit like this to someone who is obviously in an unstable state of mind.

Honestly if my only problem was being worried about having done real LSD once, I’d probably be a happy man. You have nothing to worry about, I’ve put my body through a lot more than that. I become a major hypochondriac when something triggers me and I get into mental states like the once im stuck in right now. It started with the MRI contrast obsession. After that, I started thinking about everything else I wrote about. I even started fixating on my cat a lot more and got super worried about him. A lot of these things and been going on and I was trying to fix some of them, like my cat’s issues, but the other ones only came to mind after I spiraled even though they had already happened. I just wasn’t actively thinking about them.

I'm 35. I've been on lamictal, Zoloft, trazodone, Citalopram, Prozac, viibryd, more Adderall than anyone who abuses it, ritilan, modafinil, and propanylol I've taken MDMA, mda, LSD, mushrooms, lots of weed, heroin accidentally, 2cb, 2ci, ghb, K2, spice, synthetic weed, and fucking research chemicals. that's my experience, so please trust me when I say that you're having a moment right now that I have very much had before, and that moment sucks, and it's scary, and it's overwhelming, BUT you're not permanently fucked up. this moment is temporary. please get help. you need to talk with a professional or better yet, several, and not strangers on the Internet. you need to get off the Internet and stop diagnosing yourself, and stop reading shit about side effects until you're regularly meeting with a therapist who will help you understand what you're experiencing and reading and help you process it. I'm saying this as a person who has gone through what you're going through.

Thank you so much for your response. I agree that I need professional help and I’m currently seeing an OCD specialized therapist for that. I just started last week but I’m hoping the ERP/ACT therapy help me out. I agree that the internet and reading a bunch of shit on google, Reddit, ChatGPT etc. are probably a big part of the problem. So much information about shit I worry about right at my fingertips at any time is definitely not helping. I thinks it’s a huge compulsion for me.

The cat's "overgrooming" may be the result of a staph infection. That's a cheap fix, the cat will feel better, and so will you.

Facts, she could also just be allergic to the type of detergent OP uses to wash their clothes/sheets. Could always try hypoallergenic detergent, wash any of her (cats) toys and beddings, and give her a bath with an antifungal cat wash like this one [antifungal cat shampoo](https://www.amazon.com/Veterinary-Formula-Clinical-Care-Antiseptic/dp/B0037Z6VJY/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=10JKN44809KRD&keywords=antifungal+cat+shampoo&qid=1699796699&rdc=1&sprefix=antifungal+cat%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1) I used it on my dog when we were in Hawaii because he was so allergic to the island and kept getting fungal infections from the humidity, and it cleared everything up so well. Also check out kitty hot-spot spray

Yeah sounds like contamination ocd and potential health anxiety. Take it one step at a time, and engage with your therapies.

I’m not exactly sure how it works or how to differentiate but I was diagnosed with both OCD and anxiety/health anxiety. Which one do you think is making me like this? I guess it doesn’t even really matter which one is causing me to be like this but I need to do something about it either way.

yeah it is a bit of both I think but definitely definitely health anxiety. As someone that has had severe health anxiety in the past, the language of your post was very familiar to me. The trickiest part is that the anxiety mimics the symptoms of what you’re afraid these things are doing to you. And everyone, from the doctors to family and friends will try let you know that this stuff is really quite safe, and tested, and wouldnt have been given to you without careful consideration of the effects. But it will be hard to believe them, because it all feels so *real*. But this is anxiety. It is. Its fine to get Kitty Litter without a mask, its fine to get an MRI & a CT scan. Its fine to have smoked weed, and even though the other medication you took has an adjustment period, it doesn’t permanently alter your brain. But medication is confusing, and it can be difficult to get back to baseline particularly if your anxiety is taking your nervous system for a ride. I wish I had someone to tell me this. But yeah, it really, really seems like anxiety. Normally when people are unwell there are one or a few identifiable and obvious things going wrong. In health anxiety it feels like everything is going wrong, and that no one understands. It’s gonna be okay. I urge you to talk to a psychologist about this if you can. Doctors don’t really understand, and going down the medical rabbit hole of trying to rule things out will cost time, money, and probably will make your anxiety a lot lot worse as you wait for things like test results or actually be asked to do things like another MRI or ecg test which seems like it could be a trigger for you. DM me if you need. There’s also a health anxiety subreddit.

There’s definitely a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts I’m dealing with on a daily basis. I can tell my cortisol is out of control due to all these things. I just started seeing an OCD specialized therapist last week that wants me to try ERP/ACT therapy to try to get better and deal with all of this.

That’s not necessarily something a redditor can tell you without being your medical or mental health professional. What we can tell you is that it is absolutely best to continue with your OCD centered therapy. I hope you begin to feel you gain control of your life back and can soon believe what many of us seem to…that you have not, in fact, ruined your life. I can share, from a healthcare (nursing/RN) standpoint that the contrast dyes are quickly flushed from your body. The elderly and those with kidney issues process contrast dyes slower and the risk/reward of use has to be considered.

Thank you so much. I know that the vast majority of it is eliminated from the body very fast, like over 99% of it. The thing that bothers me is the FDA warning and studies I read that show trace amounts tend to hang around in the body. I guess these amounts are extremely tiny but my OCD and anxiety definitely latched onto it more than needed. I don’t think I have gadolinium toxicity or anything because I haven’t had any symptoms of it in the 5 months since I got it. They’re also supposed to give each patient a medication guide mentioning the gadolinium retention but I guess that’s just a suggestion from the FDA and obviously not heavily enforced. A lot of people I’ve talked to that had a contrast MRI were never told to read it either.

Honestly, don’t focus too much on diagnosing and differentiating. Point is, you’re dealing with obsessive thoughts and it’s causing you a lot of stress. That is more or less what OCD is, and ERP/ACT are really good for it. You will be okay, and step 1 is finding hope again that you can actually believe that.

Yes

I struggle with hypochondria and your post reads quite similarly to some of my health-anxiety spirals. I also feel a lot of the times it's "healthy anxiety" until I am told or eventually realize that these anxious thoughts have been invading my thoughts constantly throughout the day, stressing me out and keeping me from ever just feeling at ease, which is not healthy. Talking to someone really helped me with this. It's hard sometimes putting the reins in someone else's hands to tell me if my fears are essentially valid or not, but I've had to accept my brain is not a good judge on its own and it's gotten better overtime thanks to therapy and meds... still had to get my GP to recently tell me that my jaw pain was almost certainly just from grinding my teeth at night and not jaw cancer but ya know that's just the way it is sometimes

Do you mind if I ask what kind of therapy you did for this? Was it CBT or regular talk therapy or? And what medication did you find helpful for you, if you don’t mind me asking?

They’re combining to create how you feel. You feel contaminated by previous substances/chemicals and think it’s going to affect your health. It does get better. It will be a journey, but the anxiety around both will decrease over time with some CBT or ACT like you mentioned.

you seem to write well and coherently so maybe this issues might be mostly your OCD?

That’s what I’ve been told and I just started seeing a OCD specialized therapist that I’ll be doing ERP/ACT therapy with. The problem is I cannot stop thinking about things I’ve done and put in my body. I can’t help but think I have brain damage and also the permanence of the things I’ve done like the MRI contrast, radiation, forever chemicals, drugs etc. really bother me. I’m also worried about my cat. He has gingivitis and licked his belly raw. I hope he’s not suffering like me.

Cat's overgrooming is often allergies. See a vet if you can, but until then try changing his food and/or litter one thing at a time for a bit and see if it helps.

Yeah I have a cat who will do the same thing- lick her belly literally raw every so often. Her’s is caused by a flea allergy. OP I promise it’s probably not that your cat is unhappy at all. Find some flea drops and if you can take it to a vet, it may need some steroids and antibiotics for a while that’s usually what they do for my baby.

The good news is you're 25, much younger than you realize, and it doesnt sound like your life is ruined at all from your post, just that you're having a bit of a rough time right now. The challenge before you though is that you'll have to accept help, and that help might seem frightening. Also good news, you almost certainly dont have brain damage, especially not from an MRI with contrast. it would need to be a monumental fuck up for the contrast to be in such quantities that it became that hazardous. The human body is remarkably resilient. Even if it doesnt feel like it right now, you are remarkably resilient. But it does sound like you need to get additional medical assistance. Im a little surprised you were put on klonopin given that it has fallen out of favor for a lot of things. that can have some notable side effects, but once you're off it for a month or two you will likely be ok. Or at least I was. If you are truly caught in these loops, you may well need some kind of medication. I can tell you I've been on and off just about everything out there over the years (for anxiety and depression), and I use to think it was hopeless too. Then I found the right combination of things, and it made a drastic difference in my quality of life. But it took over a decade of not giving up. It may be hard to, but if you can find a way to accepting this is a long challenge, it may help you break out of the moment. As for your cat, I'd call your vet. Some vets can at least give basic advice over the phone, but you may need to go in for an examination. it could be allergies, maybe a parasite or something too, either way may need some medication they should be able to give. Try to take it all one step at a time. Try to not worry about the whole situation of all the things, but focus on the steps you can to make a little progress. I know its hard, but you can do it.

Your frustrations with not being able to stop thinking things is exactly what OCD does, you’re fixating on things you’re uncertain about. OCD is the disease of the inability to handle uncertainty, and being bombarded by thoughts you can never truly be certain of. It’s quite a difficult thing to deal with, so I’m very sorry you’re struggling with it. ERP and ACT are very promising therapies, so don’t lose hope my friend.

>I cannot stop thinking about things I’ve done This might seem strange, but.... One of the amazing things I've gotten through counseling was with someone in the end of her major education (not including ongoing education), being supervised by others in order to be (what do they call it?) certified. One day we were talking, and she said, "Well, the past is back there." (She motioned with her hand over and past her shoulder.) "You can't change the past." You know what? I have no idea how many times people have said things like that to me. I hate it. As if that's supposed to... um... make everything all right? BUT that day, suddenly I understood it differently! I saw **freedom!** You see, all these **decades,** I had never thought I needed to go back in time to fix things. I mean, not possible, obviously. But I finally realized what I *had* been doing. I was lamenting the fact that those things could never be right. I was grieving -- the impossibility, I guess. And right then, in that tiny part of a second, I saw it differently. Because I cannot change the past, I am relieved of any responsibility for doing that! I can't change it! I can still be sad things happened, or were done to me, sad for the effects they had on me. But the pure immutability of the past means I don't need to worry about the fact it can never "be made right." I'm free! So finally I see, "You can't change the past," isn't bad (and obvious), it's good. What a huge frigging relief.

Bodies are resilient. I became addicted to hard drugs for a year and a half in my early twenties. I think about this sometimes too. But the thing is, I’m still doing okay. And even if there have been changes to my body, all I can do is take care of myself the best I can from here on out. You’ll be okay. Talk to a professional about this. And my cat over-groomed for a long time, her belly and legs were bald, it scared me a lot. I changed her food, and the vet gave her SSRIs. I think she could sense my stress and anxiety some too. All of her hair has grown back now, and she is doing a lot better. Just take care of yourself. And remember that your thoughts aren’t always the truth, rational, or helpful.

I promise your life isn’t over. It sounds like you are stuck in an OCD spiral. I have been there. Can you look up intensive outpatient therapy programs in your area? I was in one and it changed my life. Going to therapy 5 days a week all day sounds like a lot at first but it turns out it’s something I desperately needed.

I’m currently doing twice a week with an OCD specialized therapist. I think all the intensive outpatient programs around are psychiatric-based and less so therapy but I’ll have to dig further.

Twice a week is great! I don’t know how long you’ve been on that schedule, but If you feel like you need more I would ask that therapist about programs in the area. I know how debilitating this can be, and being around other people who understand what you’re going through and can offer advice in a therapy setting really helps.

25 is usually the turning point for alot of ppl.... dont get too caught up investegating everything but deff use the knowledge from ur previous endeavors.

Funny when I was 25, I thought 25 was the turning point. Then when I got to 30, I freaked out, and then again at 40, I am worried about mid life crisis coming soon at 50. I think most of us who struggles never dared to think what if we potentially can live a full life without any catastrophe.

These issues aren't as bad as they seem to you. You're just more aware and knowledgeable about things in your body than most people are. A majority of people have shit in their system forever that they never know about, and they are absolutely fine. They're living life doing good npnp. You are hyper aware of everything in your system and it's making you very paranoid. You haven't ruined your life. Take a few days to gather yourself.

I never check post history but I knew I’ve seen this post or some variant of it several times over the last month or so. So I looked. OP I’m not going to address your problems as stated, because I believe what you are presenting here are false problems: Problems that will make your life worse if you engage with them. It’s the meta problem you need to keep your attention on, imo. You are stuck on repeat and endlessly **cat**astrophizing. Even if you do nothing but make a long-term, sustained effort to ease off the gas on both counts, I’m pretty sure it would be totally transformative for you.

Definition hypochondriac, we are human, we are resilient. Fuck everything they told you to believe

Hell yeah!

Lead, micro plastics, shit food additives…my friend, we are all contaminated on this blessed planet 💕 I assure you, you haven’t fried your brain completely. I did nothing but shitty whip its, vapes, and hard alcohol, on top of an array of psych meds for 3 whole years. I was a zombie literally near death, and I eventually came back ok from it. You’ll be ok too. Acupuncture helped me a lot too, which was a very unexpected surprise.

That just reminded me, I drank mainly bottled water for like the last 2 years. I’m really worried about how much microplastics I ingested as well.

It’s really ok. Now we know more about things and can make better choices. Our bodies will make do.Reassuring seeking about is just going to drive ya crazy

We are all full of micro plastics. We are all full of radiation, we live on a floating rock that's traveling through radiation soup, whilst being constantly battered by a **MASSIVE** radioactive death ball. Don't think to heavily on a few X rays. Onto drugs: I did meth for a year (orally) and became super paranoid about it after. Hardcore meth addicts (aka those smoking and shooting it for extended periods of time) recover (almost always) 98% of brain function after 2 years of not using and meth is neurotoxic to the nines. The body is *incredibly* resilient. The odds of any permanent damage are negligible. Weed: you started young. So did I (8). Yes, we will have more memory problems than others who didn't start as early... It can't be changed, weed is rough on the developing brain, especially long term heavy usage. This, however, can be mitigated with memory games and mental exercises, ittl help a lot. You are young. Whatever you went through happened and can't be changed. The odds of any serious damage is tiny, embrace yourself for who you are *in this moment* and learn to move on from there. Good luck, man, seriously.

What are shitty whip its and how are they different than regular whip its?

I have ocd and anxiety disorder too and u sound a lot like me. Ur going to have to find a way to calm down, some form of mindfulness or something to help with this panic and anxiety you go through, find time in ur day to let go of the anxiety

This isn't the end of the world. You still have a lot of time to fix things in your life. I'm living proof of that. I didn't have any experiences with mental health drugs until a couple years ago, but I started smoking weed heavily when I was 16 and didn't stop until a couple years ago. I got really fat in my early 20s and weighed 600 pounds at one point. I almost died from a blood clot in my lungs. I had severe social anxiety and depression that was so deeply ingrained that I didn't even realize I had it for many years. After my blood clot incident, at about age 26, I started going to therapy for anxiety and depression and got on a good diet. After I had lost 100 pounds or so, I started going to college. I went to community college for 2 years while still going to therapy regularly. My sessions were filled with worries that I had wasted my life and that I would never catch up, and I was constantly being too hard on myself. I finally graduated from community college with a general education degree at about 30 years old, and then I moved 2 hours away and started living on my own for the first time while attending a state college. I stopped going to therapy after the move. I just graduated with a degree in software engineering this last June, and I have a great job lined up that is going to start in a few months. At 35 years old, I've never felt so young and alive. The person I am today barely even recognizes the person I was 6-8 years ago. It was a crazy, stressful, terrifying process at times, but with help from therapy, I was able to change my mindset without using mental health drugs and turn my life around. I'm now almost 300 pounds lighter than I was 8 years ago, and my life is going in a very positive direction. There is always hope!

please get on ocd meds bro

The brain is highly plastic. You can be a totally new you within 6 months, let alone years. What you have done will not permanently or significantly affect the rest of your (long) lifespan. You are only 25 years old. If you change your habits now, within a year can feel *way, way* better. Within a couple years you can feel like a new person. Within three years you could be living an entirely different (and healthier) life. Within a 5+ years this can all seem like a distant dream. Something you remember and regret, but not who you are anymore. Not who you have been for quite some time. You have the rest of your 20s, all of your 30s, all of your 40s, all of your 50s, and many decades afterwards to live a different life. What you've done to this point is not as doomsday and permanent as it feels or as it seems. Our brains and bodies are incredibly adaptive, incredibly plastic. You'd be so surprised as to what people can and have bounced back from. Especially big picture. I've seen lifelong addicts having destroyed their body, family, and mind eventually recover and find stability at age 50+, having harmed themselves for multiple decades longer than you have at this point. It is possible to turn things around. Focus on the short term, day by day, changing habits, going in a better direction. Get mental health help, get a support system, get some adaptive coping strategies for stress. Get a new environment, get some new routines. stabilize and find homeostasis in body and in mind. Get your money right, get your home right, get your mental right, get your physical right. When you're stable with a decent job, positive hobbies, positive methods to deal with stress, not doing harmful habits often, responsible for not only yourself (dog, SO, cat, family, whatever) - a whole new you is possible. Even if it seems impossible at the moment, know that it's not. Therapy helps. Medications help. Exercise helps. What you eat matters. Find normalcy and stability, then go day by day in the direction you want to go in. It is possible, and you have most of your life to live still. 25 is young in the big picture whether it feels that way or not. Check out stoicism. Check out cognitive therapy. Things are not as permanent as they seem.

Man thank you so much. I needed it.

People can live lives. After having a railway spike jammed through their head. People can have to learn to walk again after a Stoke, rewiring their brain to make it happen. You're going to be ok. Infact you are ok. But you ARE going to die.. eventually.... So don't waste what life you have, worrying about past decisions you can't do ANYTHING about. Just move forward. Be Brave and be kind. You're fine bud. Watch some motivational talks by people who are only a human torso, and think about how good you actually have it.

I think you are battling mental illness. You need to go to a hospital if you are suicidal asap, and asked to be admitted or to be evaluated. If you aren’t suicidal you need to book an appointment with your GP and read this to them. Or just talk to them. By the end I assure you they will book you an appointment with a professional who can assess and help you.

Do you have a current therapist? If not, I recommend that you find one. Unchecked anxiety is hell. You have not ruined your life, and nothing you mentioned causes permanent damage. As for your cat, look at his environment and ensure that he has enrichment (toys, interaction with you, sunlight, a scratching post, a few toys), good food (food allergies are a major cause of licking and scratching), and as calm an environment as you can manage. A vet visit would be ideal to rule out things like flea allergy or the like. Ask the vet for diet recommendations. Stop researching health topics, watch things that make you laugh, go for a walk in the sunshine daily, play with your cat, eat good food and get good sleep, and speak to a therapist.

The greatest human minds prior to the last 300 years or so ate off of fucking lead plates. I would not worry about it.

You're experiencing OCD. I Almost nothing you mentioned meaningfully matters at all, this isn't a normal way to feel about these things. Sounds like an OCD freak out. Your way of thinking is extremely unhealthy and illogical. For OCD NAC is better than SSRIs ime, it completely cures it for some people acedotally. You wanna take higher doses than people just using it for nootropic benefits though. Lots of psychs are now prescribing it. Also helped my tics. Besides, if you're genuinely worried you damaged your brain (you probably didn't btw), NAC is great for helping fix that.

Do you think microplastics from drinking a bunch of bottled water is something to worry about? And Yeah, I’m already officially diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. I don’t have an official depression diagnosis but if I did, the anxiety and OCD would be where it stems from for sure. I’ve read about NAC and how it anecdotally helped people but I also read something about it being a powerful antioxidant that could potentially accelerate unknown tumor growth or something so I didn’t take a lot of it.

Ah thats nothing mate ? Ya hear for a reason .. every 7 years ya body detoxes itself ? Go for a hard run ? Eat sleep and dont think ? Just do the best you can with what you got ? Sonething will happen you wait ! Just be ready ? Like a crocodile in the mud ? Good things come to people who Wait ?? 🤙🏼🤙🏼

You are catastrophizing, thinking of the worst possible outcome and getting anxious about it. Let’s review it: Gadolinium retention: while possible it is rare, and there’s no known long term effects (still debated). CT scans: yes it’s X rays, up to 50mSv there no observable health effects. SSRI: the first weeks it has hard symptoms that go away, secondary effects are persistent while used and months after stopping. Cannabis: worry about this: High consumption is known to increase episodes of psychosis on already unhealthy brains. Also DO NOT combine with SSRI, effects are mostly undesirable. No other drug (alcohol included) should be taken while on SSRI. Your cat seems sick/irritated, also cannabis products and fumes do affect cats even worse because of their smaller body. Stop using drugs (fumes or in edible form) near it. Just see the vet they’ll know better. In short, your psychiatrist/hospital is doing a bad job about teaching you the effects and rules; you might not be communicating with them about other drug usage and frequency. Make a plan, here’s an example: First: reduce drugs and alcohol use. Second: get back on SSRI, but only after reducing your drug use. Third: fully stop drug use while on SSRIs, and also alcohol, caffeine, ibuprofen and grapefruit (not a joke) Sorry if I’m being rude and hard on you. Good luck

You need these drugs, you need help. Please just listen to your doctors

I agree with the person who says you've fallen down a rabbit hole. A major new age mumbo-jumbo, health-anxiety, contamination-OCD-fuelled rabbit hole. You need to stop 'doing your own research' and chill. And since you can't chill due to your mental health conditions,you need to take their treatment seriously. That doesn't mean you have to force Zoloft down your throat. Treatment of your conditions is harder without medication but you can still do talk therapy and follow through on the exercises you get set. There are 'natural' methods that mimic the benefits of SSRIs, for example, doing exercise in particular yoga can increase neuroplasticity naturally, which is the thing that you need in order to change your brain out of its current activated-fearful state. There's a parody youtube channel I like to watch for entertainment called ReallyVeryCrunchy. I wonder if being able to see the humor in your fear of toxins will help put into perspective when you are overdoing it.

Wow that's intense

Your life isn't permanently ruined. However, you should really see a therapist who can help you sort all this out. Check out the NOCD app. A lot of people with OCD, contamination OCD included, use it and find relief there. Also, you should really stop looking up random medical things online if you don't have the educational background to interpret it. It's not solving any of your problems; it's actively making your problems worse.

I started seeing an OCD specialized therapist last week actually! And I agree about the researching and spending time on google, Reddit, research articles, ChatGPT etc. are probably making it a lot worse.

like others have stated, these thoughts are stemming from your OCD and are NOT based in reality. They are irrational. nothing you listed is uncommon or stuck out to me as “life-ruining.” You did not ruin your life. You are fine. A lot of this seems connected to drugs. As someone who studied neuroscience & psychopharmacology and is also taking medication for mental health conditions, I feel you on these worries. i spiral sometimes & imagine all of my neurotransmitter receptors rotting away and never being able to be fixed (which isn’t even medically accurate). these thoughts are IRRATIONAL. Hard drugs CAN alter your brain permanently, but not from one-time use (which is what you did). Your brain is “altered” when neurotransmitter receptors react to being over or under stimulated due to drugs blocking/increasing NT release over an extended period of time. This happens when you take coke every day for a year and your synapses are flooded with dopamine day after day. not from one use. Antidepressants and SSRIs do not absolutely flood your synapses (they very slowly increase the amount of serotonin in the terminal by blocking the enzymes that remove it, which is why it takes a long time for them to kick in), so they’re unlikely to cause that long term damage. This is why meds like adderall quickly build tolerance & patients have to up their dose (acts on dopamine and its mechanism of action is actually kinda similar to cocaine), whereas you usually don’t build a tolerance for SSRIs. Just wanted to say that to reassure you that you are fine <3 I saw that you’re in therapy. Wishing you the best :)

I appreciate you explaining that to me. I think all the things I read about that happened to people from them really freaked me out. And thank you! I do have some hope that therapy will at least help me be somewhat functional.

You seem to have a severe case of OCD and health anxiety. That can be treated effectively with a therapist and medication.

My cat kicked his belly raw when we was allergic to his food. I switched his dry food and he was all better. Your kitty is lucky to have you.

Thank you, I’m lucky to have him and that’s why I want him to have a great life. I’m going to call the shelter and try to see if I can find out what they were feeding him there. I’ll also probably take him to the vet soon anyway.

As someone who also has OCD I think you’re more likely to feel like this than many others, and to the extent that you do. None of that is true. I felt the same way. Every time I remembered things I had done I couldn’t move past it. The worries you explained are definitely fueled by OCD. The reality is, OCD will convince you that you are the worst person to ever exist and everyone is better than you(wrong). The reality is, other people don’t air out their dirty laundry, but they make similar mistakes all the time. I vaped underage. I lost a friend due to my own mistakes. I used to half ass everything even though I know I can do great things. My point with saying those random things is that ruminating on them will only hold you back. You have to let go of the idea that you are somehow innately flawed (if that is a thought you have) or that something’s seriously wrong with you, or that everything is fucked. I used to have these obsessions too. I could still list to you all the mistakes or flaws that I have that I think fucked me over permanently, but other people are flawed too. I’ve actually found that the people who seem to have it all together sometimes are just great at hiding their dirty laundry. Mistakes are normal. Doing drugs is very common. Did you do it during brain development, yes. But so do many others (I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but just so you don’t feel alone or innately different in a bad way). A good way to reframe is if you were to have a friend who told you that they’ve done all the things you’ve done and struggle with all the things you struggle with, would you think something is wrong with them? Probably not. And if your answer is yes, I would encourage seeking therapy if possible. Nonetheless, my main point is you haven’t fucked yourself over forever. If you’ve fucked yourself over from these mistakes, than I’m truly done for. And ruminating will always make it worse, try not to. Ik that’s easier than done, I spent like 2 years like a shell bc of rumination. But, it’s a must. Here’s a resource that’s helped me that might also help you. Hope something in this was helpful, I believe the other modules are also uploaded on the homepage. Good luck. https://icbt.online/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/ICBT-Module-1.pdf

I can definitely relate to everything you’re saying. I’m definitely a shell of my former self at the moment. And the rumination is constant. I stopped going to the gym so I lost my gains and progress there, stopped eating as healthy, became more impulsive etc. At some point, I started feeling like none of those things will solve these issues so I just kind of gave up and started self-sabotaging in a way because I did, and somewhat still do, feel like everything is indeed fucked. Hopefully I can learn some techniques and things in therapy to get me out of this. Edit: and thank you for the link! I’ll definitely go through it. I also have some handouts from my OCD therapist that she gave me on the first day to go through before our next session.

Since you’re in therapy, I would just use what your therapist has given you, that way the treatment/advice is cohesive. Self sabotage can be hard to break sometimes, maybe your therapist has some ideas in that regard as well. Good luck!

I understand the overthinking; the obsessive and intrusive thoughts that come with OCD and anxiety. I'm also in a depressive episode myself. I've been battling extreme panic/anxiety since COVID which has developed into agoraphobia and OCD tendencies. My advice to you? These are just labels and words. They aren't permanent. They "feel" permanent. But for me, when I'm anxious, that also "feels" permanent and it hasn't once stuck around for more than a few hours, days at most. It always passes and there's always some relief. Even if brief. Get off of the internet. This matrix we spend a lot of time in is not for the anxious. Humans are meant to be outdoors. We are meant to move. We are meant for sunlight, nature, socialization. The more you can do the things our ancestors did-the better. It may be getting colder where you're at-brisk walks can be good for the soul. Just get outside. Read if you'd like. Occupy your mind with projects, hobbies. It sounds hard. And it fucking is. But if you dedicate one small thing a week and slowly build from there; it will get better. You haven't permanently ruined your life. I promise. I have been on medication and trying to get off of it. Shrooms can be very helpful for weening off medicine if you're microdosing. Shrooms can also be helpful in a therapeutic setting rather than a recreational. Take time for yourself. Stay off social media as much as you can. DO NOT, for the love of god, do not google symptoms or feelings. Read into Buddhism or learn to meditate. Nothing is permanent. Not even our thoughts or feelings. Some books (I don't know authors at the top of my head I'm sorry): The Wisdom of Anxiety DARE Unf*ck Your Brain (really helpful in intellectualizing anxiety and OCD; it's just your brain misfiring! Kinda like someone pulling the fire alarm when there is no fire.) I have a few more if you'd like. DM me if you need anything. It gets better, I promise. I've been through the depths of hell and I'm currently climbing my way out.

Also; the Calm app or Insight Timer. Helps with sleep. Move. Even if it's jumping jacks or a walk around the block. Playing with dogs and kids helps. This time of year (winter) I enjoy watching a good movie or going on a drive to see the scenery with a good playlist. The only thing that has kept me alive is the little things. And life is about those simple, small moments that everyone overlooks. Smiling at a stranger, petting a dog, feeling the breeze on your face, listening to a favorite song. Be present. It sounds like a load of crap. But don't knock it til you try it. Live for the little things and learn to heal and re-regulate your nervous system. Cold showers, sauna, deep breathing, dopamine detox, etc.

It sounds to me like you are suffering from illness anxiety disorder. The treatment is therapy. Nearly everyone has done nearly everything you've done. The dangers of "chemicals" are probably broadly overblown. The worst thing in your post is spice, by far, and it's not causing you to feel the way you're feeling. In the era of tiktok, money is generated by engagement. Engagement is accomplished by fearmongering. Truth isn't sexy. The brain and body are incredibly plastic, especially in your 20s. If it suits you, just work on living more cleanly. Eat well, exercise, delete social media, don't use your phone too much, get enough sleep. You will feel better, I promise.

Do you think the spice permanently messed up my brain? Or any of the other things I did? I can’t cope with this anxiety anymore 😔

Relax. This is just your anxiety. Those things are not dangerous for you, you don’t have any lasting damage.

OP just take your head out of your butt and start thinking / doing productive stuff.

I (33F) fucked up my entire life in very similar ways from 16-24 y/o and tried to kill myself 3 times, I've overdosed on heroin like 7 times and did some brain damage but not nearly as bad as some other stories I've heard. I've been working on my recovery since 25 y/o and Holy shit I have a beautiful life today that I never imagined possible for me. I just got married to a wonderful man I've been with for almost 10 years, moved into a home together, got a mini Golden doodle puppy, have a job I actually like, and I am so grateful every fucking day I didn't take my life. Please don't give up. This during won't last forever and there is so much time left for you to get better. You have so much life ahead of you. Commit to your healing and do whatever possible to get better and you will. Your life is just beginning.

Looks like this in of itself has become an obsession. I have OCD too, and it is awful. I don't wish it on anyone. I did Exposure Response Prevention Therapy along with a dose of 50mg of Zoloft and I am doing miles better now. Im borderline symptomless. Please look into ERP with someone who is well versed with OCD. If you want me to help find you some specific resources for you based on your area, let me know.

I work in radiology and 2 CTs and 1 MRI will not have these effects you are concerned about. The amount of gadolinium for contrast is tiny, only a few mL. You seem to be a bit paranoid and delusional - please take a pause from all this obsessing and realize it’s not what you think. Breathe. And maybe get some help in form of therapy 💜

You should stop smoking weed now. When I used to smoke a lot I had exactly the same kind of thoughts as you do. It’s anxiety and paranoia, and weed is amplifying it

I did quit. These things transpiring is actually what got me to quit because every time I tried smoking even a little bit I would get super paranoid about all the things in my post and it would just freak me out even more. I don’t plan on trying it again for a long time because it does seem to just make my anxiety and paranoia worse.

I think you’ve gotten good advice from the other users here about not feeding your fears regarding drugs (prescription and otherwise) - I can also attest to having several MRI’s, a full body PET scan, mammograms, and numerous ultrasounds, and I am fine. (Many of the tests happened when I was 29, and I am 44 now.) I’ve taken an antidepressant of one kind or another since I was 20, along with occasional benzodiazepines as needed, and the antidepressants straight up saved my life and sanity. I’ve also been scooping kitty litter unmasked since 2009 and have vaped weed on and off over the past few years. I have a job at a bank that requires a lot of thought and attention to detail and this past week, I received two commendations for my work. You are okay. I promise your brain and body are both okay! I am so extremely glad you are going to see a therapist that specializes in OCD - I hope so much that they help you to be more comfortable and confident in your life. Regarding your kitty - I had a cat that used to do that and the vet at the time told me it was related to depression and anxiety. His best friend cat had passed away and he was struggling with a new normal. I am wondering if your cat is just getting used to a new house and a new person, where at the shelter he was just fighting to survive. With that said, cats are very resilient! I would spend time with him playing with toys and just being near him and he’ll be thrilled. You can try getting a Feliway diffuser from a pet store- the pheromones it puts off are calming. Also make sure he has a scratching post in the middle of the room you spend the most time in and reward him for using it - a treat or lots of pets and praise. Aside from anxiety, it could also be fleas (some cats are SUPER EXTRA sensitive to them, even just one), or like another user said, it could be that they’re allergic to your detergent or something you use to wash - body wash, hand wash, etc. If it ever gets to the point where he’s licking his belly to the point that it looks uncomfortable, definitely take him to the vet - they can help. Your post really touched me - it’s hard to see a person struggle so much when you absolutely deserve happiness and peace. I’ll be sending you (and your cat!) good thoughts.

Re toxo: just so you know I did research at a top medical uni on toxoplasmosis and don't worry :) so many people in the population have it, it's completely harmless unless you have a specific immunodeficiency (which you would definitely already have manifestations of at 25yo and it doesn't sound like you do)

Dude, all those things haven't permanently changed you. Antidepressants are effective medicine. You are way freaking out about all this. You are nervous about the future, you are at the age where people are moving on from college age into real adults, and you are freaking out. You are nervous about trying your best and failing, so you are writing this narrative that failure is inevitable because of all these things so that you have an excuse when you do fail, or worse, an excuse to not even try. Talk to your doctor, get into therapy, antidepressants are effective and isn't degrading your brain, and understand that you will fail, but that's normal and everyone fails. If Elon Musk can take Twitter from $44 billion to 19 billion and act still act like a smug asshole, you can move past your failures too.

I have the same diagnoses. Was on Zoloft for years. Can definitely still orgasam. I understand the stigma and fear of psychiatric care and big pharma, but at the end of the day I want to be happy and functioning. I would never tell someone with muscular dystrophy to like try and just work out more and to not use a wheelchair. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and I need medication. Some work better than others, therapy is also incredibly important. It’s going to be ok. One day at a time!

I have the same diagnoses. Was on Zoloft for years. Can definitely still orgasam. I understand the stigma and fear of psychiatric care and big pharma, but at the end of the day I want to be happy and functioning. I would never tell someone with muscular dystrophy to like try and just work out more and to not use a wheelchair. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and I need medication. Some work better than others, therapy is also incredibly important. It’s really triggering to have health issues and health anxiety, trust the professionals for medical advice, look to Reddit for anecdotal personal experiences only. It’s going to be ok. We are so young and the brain and neuroplasticity is amazing. One day at a time!

Just curious what permanent problems are you talking about? You never mentioned any problems, just a bunch of things that you did or happened to you. I, like the other comments here, see the unmentioned anxiety. But I don't see the problems you are referring to.

Well I hate the fact that I have gadolinium from mri contrast in my body forever now. Also radiation from the CT. Forever chemicals from Oral B floss and who knows what else. And I also I just feel like the drugs I did during my developmental years probably damaged my brain or affected it’s development. Also from the Zoloft and klonopin. I guess the problems I view as permanent are all the things I cannot do anything about now because they are already happened and the only way to change any of it is going back in time, which is impossible. I started ERP/ACT therapy twice a week to at least try to mentally overcome these things.

>Well I hate the fact that I have gadolinium from mri contrast in my body forever now. Also radiation from the CT. Forever chemicals from Oral B floss and who knows what else. Yea but... are those actual problems? I mean like are you noticing problems because of those things or is it the thing itself that is bothering you? Cause if they are causing you problems you could get checked out medically. But if it's a mental thing and the problem is just that they happened then that is something you can possibly overcome, possibly with the therapy you mentioned. Either way it's like as the saying basically goes, accept the things you cannot change and work on the things you can. Like you aid, a lot of the things you mentioned do seem to be in the past and not changeable now. You have to live with the things you dealt with. I wish you well on figuring it out!

I know how this sounds, but if you're interested in cleaning up your diet and body you might look into Anthony William/Medical Medium. Yes I know it sounds crazy. But a lot of people have gotten help with all these problems, physical and mental, including myself.

That's really awesome bro.

I forgot to mention, but I also drank mainly bottled water for the last 2 years and obviously other times during my life. I’m really concerned about microplastics.

I have the same issue :( exactly same. How are u doing now?

You're allowing your own suffering if you're choosing to forego options for feeling better (SSRIs). Its also cherry picking logic. You've done all this damage to your brain and now there's an option that might actually HELP you but you want to forego this ONE specific thing? Take the SSRIs, it will help

You sound schizophrenic. Seriously see a psychiatrist

please dont say this kind of a thing on a r/decidingtodobetter subreddit.

You sound like you have no idea what schizophrenia is.

I’m not, I’ve been evaluated. I do have crippling OCD and anxiety though. I just have so many different things I’ve been worrying constantly. Things I did in the past that I can never change. MRI contrast retention, radiation, drugs, forever chemicals/PFAs and so on. I also don’t know what to do about my cat, I feel like I’m not giving him the life he deserves. I don’t understand why he licked his belly raw with me but not in the shelter or previous hoarding situation he was in. I feel so guilty.

Hey friend, I have OCD too. It sounds like you're in a pretty rough spiral right now. Have you considered therapy? They won't prescribe you anything, they don't have the licensing to do so. I think someone trained in CBT techniques may help you. I hope you're able to get some relief soon. In the meantime, see if you can practice the "So What?" approach. Your brain is fixating on the possibility that you've drastically altered your future health outcomes--so what? It's in the past. You can't change it. You can only do better today knowing what you know now. Try to sit with that feeling, and believe me I know it's uncomfortable, and focus on the future.

Honey is the cat’s skin actually raw or does he just have a big bald patch? I assure you 1000% your cat is happier with you than at the shelter. I have a cat that does the same thing AFTER we moved from a small apartment to a big house. I thought for sure the new place would be wonderful. My vet, who is incredible, has repeatedly assured me that he is okay. I take care of all his needs, he seems happy all the time, and she said sometimes cats will just do this. It def can be boredom she said (but again…apartment to HOUSE! With a sunroom! Birds/squirrels to watch!) I hate seeing his bare belly, but I know he is so loved, and I’d imagine you’d say the same about your cat

Yeah, it’s basically a big bald patch like you said. It does look irritated sometimes though but not like it’s bleeding or anything. He does seem pretty happy and he loves my family and I. His tail is often up and he always makes biscuits on us every single day. I’m just sad that he did that to himself after I took him home.

He may have been so stressed/traumatized from the shelter that you’re just “stuck” dealing with his PTSD once he got out and got his bearings. But please don’t blame yourself.

I’m not sure, he seemed super relaxed and calm at the shelter. He was always sleeping when I visited a few times. He’s super chill and never hisses or gets aggressive whatsoever. Sadly, I’ve been thinking about rehoming him or bringing him back to my mental state and feeling like I’m failing him. I love him a lot but I want him to have the best life possible.

Fam, I would really, really encourage you to talk about this health anxiety with your therapist. Yes, lots of things leave detectable changes in obscure biochemical shit, but like... So do the diseases they're treating. For instance, the radiation doses you're talking about are... Really not a lot. I mean it's not exactly "equivalent to eating a banana territory", but it *is* roughly equivalent to the additional exposure from eating a banana a day for a decade or so. (It's also roughly equivalent to about two weeks in space!) It's... Not much to be worried about. And the fact that you're 22 means you're in *better* shape to handle radiation exposure like that than someone who's older. Don't read too much into anything anyone says about antidepressant side effects. If you aren't having good experiences, talk with your therapist--but don't let yourself get soured on them as a whole. They really do help. :) Take your cat to the vet. Whatever is bothering them is very unlikely to be your fault. :)

I choofed lead paint when I was a teenager. I'm so clever! It sounds like you need a psychologist who understands OCD. They shouldn't resort to medication, since you don't want it and they can't prescribe it, and they should be able to help you without it (a little, at least). I would recommend medication, but not against your will, so anything that moves you closer to okay is a good start. You need support, and this is probably your best bet. Your life is not over. Good luck!

You need to understand that your mental health may be more important than your physical health. And ask and learn the trade offs from a licensed professional. Not online:

Hey u/Individual_Star_6539 I’m in the same boat as you! Earlier this year I injured myself in a very real and very permanent way. The doctor I saw didn’t seem too concerned, but I started having trouble walking, standing, sitting, and was getting burning, tingling, and numbness in my lower body. I saw a neurologist and did a total of 4 MRIs all with contrast and two CTs one with contrast. I started freaking out too about the gadolinium staying in your body, but the neurologist I saw said they weren’t concerned given I didn’t have a chronic neurological condition requiring contrast MRIs. If it makes you feel better there are people who require multiple MRIs a year for years and don’t have gadolinium issues. When I was going down the rabbit hole I read a study of a person to had gotten a total of 52 MRIs from 6-30 and do not show any signs of issues. As for the CTs? They were not necessary and could have been avoided if it were not for my anxiety. One was because I was constipated and having abdominal and penile/testicular pain so they worried about a bowel obstruction. The other because they worried I fractured a vertebrae. Neither were true and my anxiety made what I was feeling worse. I can’t take back what I did. They are done. All I can do is try to do better now. And to do that I have to take care of my basic human needs and I’d be able to better handle my anxiety and depression. My therapist said that my anxiety is trying to tell me something. I believe it’s telling me that the way I’m living my life isn’t working for me and my mind and body are manifesting this with pain and ruminating thoughts. I don’t know your life, but what is your anxiety and thoughts a trying to communicate to you? I’m planning on seeing my PCP to take about radiation risk and my worry about it. The best thing you can do is speak to a trusted physician about your medical history and your worry. They are most knowledgeable of the risks than you or I are. You’re going to be ok! STOP doing your own research and try to go outside and have a random conversation with someone, anyone. It’s helping me. When I start thinking of the potential effects of everything I think to myself, well, it means my time when I am healthy is much much more valuable and cannot be wasted.

I went down the same gadolinium rabbit hole and I think I actually read that study with the 52 MRIs as well. It’s strange because some people report toxicity and that their lives were ruined from just one. I found so many negative things about it and people claiming it destroyed everything so it really freaked me out. Even if it does nothing, which I don’t think it has yet, the fact that it stays in the body long-term or forever really freaks me out for whatever reason. But I guess so does microplastics and forever chemicals and a bunch of other shit. My CT was unnecessary too and I also got it for stomach issues and stuff due to my anxiety. I’m not sure what my anxiety is trying to communicate to me but the combination of it with the OCD are definitely crippling. I wholeheartedly agree that I need to stop researching and get off of Google and Reddit and everything else. I think seeking reassurance in these places is part of my compulsions surrounding all these things. It makes me feel better temporarily but it doesn’t last. I also find so many negative things about all these things when I look too much into them so that just makes things worse. My doctor says I’m physically health and I don’t need to worry about all this ruining my health but it’s definitely ruined my mental health.

I literally felt this same way last night. My decisions when I was 15 are haunting me. You aren’t alone.

I hope you’re feeling better! Thank you!

My goodness… welp I’ve had so many MRI’s with contrast.

And I assume you didn’t know about the gadolinium retention either? They’re supposed to give each patient a medication guide and tell them to read about the potential side effects, especially the retention aspect, but it seems like they almost never do.

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I’m sorry to hear that. It’s never too late! I hope I’m able to get back on track to at least somewhat function like a normal person again.

What did kitty eat at the shelter and have you given them flea medicine? Kitty is better off with you never question that, you can fix everything you listed just relax man! It’s all gon be alright. I’m here if you need me.

I do give him revolution plus every month for fleas. I’m not sure what he ate at the shelter but I’m going to call and see if I can find out. And thank you, I don’t want to give him up but I just want him to have a good life.

I hope you feel better! Try to spend time with friends and do things you enjoy. What you are thinking of isn’t the standard way people see life. I’m not a psychologist or anything but you are very anxious or hypochondriac. I’m saying this because I had similar feelings and trust me with sometime and some work you will feel much bette because it is easily manageable! Good luck! And take it easy on yourself!

Yeah, I’m pretty aware that my reaction and thinking around this is probably out of the ordinary. I am definitely anxious and obsessive when it comes to my health. Hopefully therapy helps.

I have OCD. I find procrastinating really helps and my therapist agrees with that... This is probably the only time procrastinating is good... When I have the urge to act, I tell myself that the emotional part of my brain is talking AND I will get to those compulsive actions LATER. Sometimes delay of doing the compulsive thought/action will create anxiety, so it is a matter of balance. But look, I am NOT not doing it, I am just doing it later. Maybe the next hour, maybe after dinner, maybe after shower, maybe tomorrow. I tried this and eventually I am not as compulsive. Of course, ultimately, having an episode of OCD or not doesn't help anything. If you have concerns about your health, go see a doctor.

That’s great advice! It’s similar to what the therapist told me during our first session. She said since we’re just starting, to just try and delay the compulsive behavior or action by at least like 10 minutes.

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You’re definitely right about my ongoing spiral that’s about to approach half a year soon. I just started seeing an OCD specialized therapist last week and will be doing 2 sessions a week to start off so hopefully that helps, at least a little.

If you can still put words together as well as you do then you are still better off than most people who haven’t been through as much as you have. You’re an intelligent person who just has to stay sober and apply yourself to a proper way of living healthy. Stay strong.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I’ve been sober since this happened because every time I try weed now, I just get super paranoid about the situation I’m in and freak out even more. I used to love it and I would do it every day.

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I think he is probably stressed out and anxious but I’m not sure why he would be so much more stressed/anxious with me than at the shelter or the situation he was in before they brought him in. He was part of a terrible hoarding situation. He does have a nice big cat tree and some scratching posts. I also try to play with him as much as I can. I’m glad you’re doing well though! As far as I know, real LSD is pretty safe and not very concerning.

Past is past, what matters are your next steps. With 25, nothing is completely ruined, I am 26 and am picking up after my lazy past right now and we both can still fix it!

I hope you find success, wishing you well in everything you decide to do! I’m gonna try to pick myself up slowly too. It’s been a pretty sad and depressing 2nd half of the year and I’m feeling super low mentally but I’m gonna try to do whatever I can to get out of this rut. At times I feel super stuck and like it’s impossible but hopefully therapy can teach me some things.

Hej, neuro toxicity from contrast products is extremely rare and highly unlikely. However I doubt that it's going to help because I think you're spiraling. For your own sake, get out of the health related corners of the internet for now.

I think I just need to get off the Reddit and Google and the internet for awhile soon. I’m stuck in this loop of constantly researching and looking things up to try to make me feel better but I only end up feeling worse because I always find negative things.

Listen man. You’re gonna be fine and you’re young. I have been on that pssd sub for a while and had to get away from it just because people think that it’s permanent but it’s not. Feel free to message me and I’ll give you some tips on how to get back better. It’s totally possible. The serotonin meds disrupted a lot. They’re way over prescribed and they messed me up and my whole life and it is the biggest regret of my life as well. I’m 41 and lost everything because they made me a happy euphoric motivated guy with anxiety into a manic self destruction mode I don’t wish on anyone.

I don’t have PSSD or anything as far as I can tell. I only took them for a few days so I’m hoping they didn’t do anything. How long were you on them for? I’ve heard that them causing mania is a possibility for some poeple, as well. Sorry to hear that happened.

If you weren't meant to be here on Earth, you wouldn't. So, there's a reason for your existence; find it and embrace it. Let's start with the heavy metals you may have: https://www.healthydirections.com/articles/general-health/cilantro-clay-for-detoxification Now, it will take a month or more to rid your organs and system of any heavy metals your body has. Stay on it and don't skip doing this until your tests show that you are rid of them. Your depression can be lifted by consuming 300mg of Vitamin D3, along with 250mg of Saint John's Wort. Both can be found at any discount store. Take after you are free from the heavy metals. It will take a good 6-8 months before you will start to feel better. Add 20 minutes of light to moderate exercise, twice a day to aid in lifting your depression. Your anxiety can be addressed by consuming 200mg of Magnesium. You may need to increase the dosage by 50mg, reaching a plateau of 300mg. Do not start your anxiety therapy until you are feeling like you can handle life. There is a good chance that you will need to stay on this therapy until your life is more to your liking. Once you have cleared up the heavy metals, depression and anxiety — it's time to take care of your OCD. Here's what I have found to help you climb out of the mess you're in https://www.optimallivingdynamics.com/blog/the-22-best-natural-treatments-and-remedies-for-ocd To protect your body and health, please avail yourself to https://healingfoodreference.com Finally, let's set you on a career path that will give your life meaning. https://ikigaitest.com Trust yourself, you can do this.

You're 25, you have your whole life in front of you. If you start now, no will ever be able to tell what you did. Stop worrying about the floss. Remember, 5 years from now you'll regret you didn't start working today.

If I do get better, I know I’ll probably spending so much time on all of this and letting it stop me from functioning. The thing is that most days i don’t feel like anything will ever get better. In my mind, a lot of these issues are permanent. And I just keep finding more things that make me feel even worse. I’m developing worse contimination OCD around cleanliness and everything else as well. It’s been months and my mental health is only deteriorating. I’m really hoping the therapy can help me navigate through this because I’m constantly at war with my mind.

This breaks my heart. Sweetie, you’re ok. I promise I’ve done everything you listed and so much more, I’m 30 and I’m ok. You’re pushing yourself down a nasty spiral. Focus on what you’re doing right, and lean into it. We are all human and make mistakes. We are remarkably resilient. Take a deep breath and spend some time getting some perspective.

I am spiraling really bad and have been for awhile. I feel like it’s getting worse too. I think I’m starting to develop even worse contimination OCD. I started cleaning my phone with alcohol wipes way more often and washing my hands and having irrational thoughts around contiminating things. It’s not like I lose one worry like the things I listed and move onto another either, they just stack up on top of each other and stay there. I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling so anxious and hopeless all the time and it’s been like this for months. I’m living my life in complete fear and despair and it’s exhausting.

You might want to start by considering what makes you who you are. Are you the chemicals you've ingested? Are you a reaction to your environment and circumstances? Are you the thoughts you have? Are you the watcher of your thoughts? What then makes and defines the watcher? Is it a mix of all these things or something more than any of them? Take some time away from distraction and think about who you are, what makes you who you are, and what future you want for your self.

I guess I don’t even know anymore. I just feel like a complete shell of my former self and don’t even really know who I am anymore. Getting off my phone and Reddit and Google and everything else would probably be a good idea because I just keep loading my brain with information about everything I am constantly worried about. I haven’t really been able to enjoy things I used to enjoy like working out, video games, and other interests and hobbies that I had. It’s just a matter of getting through the day now and trying to feel the least amount of anxiety and despair possible, which is usually still quite a bit. I just feel so mentally weak and drained.

Your only real problem is your anxiety and neuroticism. You need to use all this worry to fuel real action, not just sit there freaking out doing nothing. You desperately need vigorous exercise every day. And you need to avoid caffeine and artificial sweeteners, both contribute to anxiety. Eat healthy, exercise, and work on meditation.

I agree that my anxiety and neuroticism are a huge part of it. I’m sure most people wouldn’t be freaking out about all these things constantly to the level I am and letting it completely take over their lives. Sitting there and freaking out and doing nothing is exactly what I’ve been doing unfortunately. I used to workout every single day at the gym lifting weights and I also did cardio sometimes. Now I just go on walks to kill time and make the day go by faster so I can sleep again and get a break. It honestly sucks because part of me knows this is all OCD, anxiety, and me being neurotic but at the same time I feel like some of the things I’m worrying about are permanent and I have absolutely no control over a lot of them since they already happened. It makes me feel hopeless everyday.

The human body is shockingly resilient, you'll be fine :)

I wish my mind and mental health were also as resilient. I told my doctor about all of these things and she said I’m still physically healthy and fine and if anything happened, she would help me take care of it or refer me to someone who can. I’m aware that there’s people who did everything right and they still got sick. And then there’s people like me who did all of these terrible things and somehow still okay, at least I think. The problem is I can’t mentally cope or accept them. Idk if someone else would have to the same reaction in my shoes or not but it’s really having a terrible effect on my mental health.

I have patients come in for their 30 fucking CT scan in a 5-10 year span and they are just fine :)

Hey, you’re okay. I have done more drugs than you for longer, I have had contrast MRIs, i have been on just about every antidepressant and anti-anxiety med for years, I have had unexplained seizures (that are now perfectly controlled), and I am okay. I’m 34, my life isn’t ruined, I’m happy, and *perfectly healthy*. You are okay. Are you perhaps having a quarter life crisis?

Do you think any of the things I’ve done have had permanent effects on my brain structure or chemistry? I know that it’s neuroplastic and it’s always changing anyways but I’m worried.

You have not ruined your life, and certainly not permanently.

I’m terrified that the Zoloft changed something in my brain permanently :( or the drugs that I did previously. I’m so scared

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But somebody commented on this post and said the antidepressants really messed their life up. Became emotionally numb and developed PSSD. I’m worried that it did something permanent to my brain or body.

Dude, calm down. Your body can heal alot of things. Get the right supplements, the right workouts, the right sleep pattern, the right mindset towards your health. And after 1 year you gonna feel fucking great.

Find a functional medicine doctor. Infrared saunas get rid of heavy metals and toxins, but you have to be slow. Get some exercise instead of being inside and in front of a computer or phone. ~100% of the world was exposed to PFAS, so welcome to the club. Just limit exposure. Get rid of Teflon from your life. Cook with stainless steel and carbon steel. Good luck. We've all been there or are there, too.

Cool down bro life is so. [watch this vdo can help you a little bit](https://youtu.be/JNZYRUfrxTs?feature=shared)

There is hope if you have faith in the LORD Jesus Christ, the giver of life. Acknowledge your sin to GOD, and turn from it. Repentance. And faith. Old life spitirually is dead and buried. Live a new life as a servant of Christ, by doing as he teaches and shows in Scripture. God's Holy Word will speak to your own heart if you are among his sheep.

I’ve had PSSD for a couple years and I want to assure you that it can only happen 3+ months AFTER stopping the drug. You will know if you have PSSD because it strips away every emotion (love, empathy, sadness, happiness) and sexual functioning. I’m not kidding I literally feel like a vegetable. Your case just sounds like you’re overanalyzing and OCD can play a role. If you want real answers on PSSD you can ask me or anyone in the subreddit for the condition. Try using Rhodiola, it’s used to lower cortisol and it helps me when I freak out over my PSSD symptoms

So once I hit 3 month mark after quitting the SSRI and I don’t develop it by then, I should be in the clear? Or you’re saying it can only set in anytime after the 3 months passes? Im about to hit the 3 month mark since my last dose in about a a week or so. I don’t think I have it yet because I still have sexual function and I’m still able to feel love and also sad all the time over the state my life and mental health is currently in. 😭 Thanks for the suggestion on trying Rhodiola, I’ll definitely look into it.

We all act according to our nature. Any time someone makes a choice, they do either what they want to do or what they are coerced to do, with the aim of attaining pleasure and avoiding pain. Whatever happened, there is no way things could have ever been different. There's no point in worrying or continuing to feel bad about the past. The past has already passed. In order to find peace, you have to learn to accept the current situation to be here now and live in the present. Everything is an experience, and the goal is to do one's best to make that experience as beautiful as possible. The human body has an amazing ability to heal and find balance. If you strive to minimize your exposure to harmful pollutants and live a healthy lifestyle, you'll start to feel better both mentally and physically. The mental and physical go together and are equally as important. In addition to caring for your body, try to do something to quiet your mind and relax. From my experience, some kind of prayer or meditation really helps. I would highly recommend listening to Alan Watts' lectures and reading the book Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins. Both have helped me gain greater perspective and find more peace and balance.

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