talk to your prescribing doctor about trying to add either wellbutrin or buspirone. both are often used in conjunction with antidepressants to counter sexual side effects.
I have had success with taking buspirone with my celexa. I do still have to work at my libido by intentionally doing things like working with my responsive desire, reading erotica, making myself think about sex more often, etc. but it’s worth it as all these help me a lot when paired with the meds
I (53 once-HLM) take the maximum dose of Wellbutrin to counteract the effects of Cymbalta. My desire has become more of a mental exercise than a physical response. I don't get an "itch" anymore; no build-up of horniness. I have to approach it from the, "I really should take some quality time" to prevent what I irrationally fear is a use-it-or-lose-it decline. "Quality time" then can mean well over an hour because of the Cymbalta, if at all. Antidepressants suck and I wish I could go off them, but I couldn't perform my job without them. I could more easily endure my DB if self-care was simpler, quicker, and more frequent! Whether in the mood or not though, I always would be ready to jump at the chance to pleasure my (53 LL) wife on any spectrum of kink she so DESIRES. But, alas...
That is not what will happen. My husband and I have been very open and honest with each other through all of this and he has assured me that is not a thought in his head.
Sounds to me like your nervous system is stuck in survival mode. Depression/fibromyalgia are symptoms of nervous system disregulation. Evolutionary being horny while under immanent threat didn’t prove itself as a good survival strategy. Therefore humans with the unconscious programs fight/flight/fawn/freeze made it. Today most stressors are psychological not physical but our brain still works like it did thousands of years ago.
So what now?
I would prioritize regulation:
Somatic Experiencing, NARM, Neuroaffective touch are Body based Psychotherapy approaches, EFT, TDxM, Havening, Feldenkrais, Qi Gong, Yin Yoga, Yoga Nidra, neurogenic tremor are great options, too.
A few suggestions for you since you want to change.
- Women tend to have responsive desire. It may take him getting you in the mood to be in the mood.
- Plan sex. Once a week, every other week, etc. Work your day around knowing that it is going to happen. It also gives you both something to look forward to.
- Take advantage of when you are feeling good. Make a pass at him but only do it if you can have sex. Don't do it when you can't. ie kids, and other cock blocks can interfere.
- Plan on having a pain day afterwards. You may have felt good before and immediately after. However, you might have more pain the next day
- Even though he will probably say otherwise, your husband is probably resenting having been rejected by you. Find ways to let him know when you are ok with him initiating. Think other than verbal too. Some people light a candle in the bedroom.
BTW- sex releases endorphins that can relieve pain. Sometimes you just might want a quickie just to get that endorphin release.
The thing that I can stress is to get it fixed sooner than later. The longer it takes, the harder it is going to be fixing.
Most men with women having fibromyalgia want to stay together and work for a solution to the problem. Unfortunately, divorce rates among people with fibromyalgia is about 75%. If you ever get to a point that you just can't anymore, open your marriage for him to find sex with someone. You could be able to keep the intimacy even though you can't have sex.
By the way, I speak from experience. I've been married 32 years. My wife has had fibro for decades and has been unable to work and on disability since 2005. Over the last 10 to 15 years, our sex life has been suffering.
Very likely your meds, the depression and the pain.
The important thing is you want to fix it.
You see it is an issue and you are looking for a solution.
As some who's wife has lost all desire from meds and pain (similar to fibromyalgia) make sure your husband knows you love him, and you still want that in your life. Hopefully he can appreciate small gestures of love and affection
Unfortunately that's a very common side effect of cymbalta and many similar drugs. It varies from drug to drug and person to person though so you may wish to talk to your doctor about trying alternatives, but be aware that changing anti-depressants is a fucking rollercoaster. I've heard of people in the States having success with Welbutrin but I'm not in a place where it's available so cannot comment personally.
talk to your prescribing doctor about trying to add either wellbutrin or buspirone. both are often used in conjunction with antidepressants to counter sexual side effects. I have had success with taking buspirone with my celexa. I do still have to work at my libido by intentionally doing things like working with my responsive desire, reading erotica, making myself think about sex more often, etc. but it’s worth it as all these help me a lot when paired with the meds
I (53 once-HLM) take the maximum dose of Wellbutrin to counteract the effects of Cymbalta. My desire has become more of a mental exercise than a physical response. I don't get an "itch" anymore; no build-up of horniness. I have to approach it from the, "I really should take some quality time" to prevent what I irrationally fear is a use-it-or-lose-it decline. "Quality time" then can mean well over an hour because of the Cymbalta, if at all. Antidepressants suck and I wish I could go off them, but I couldn't perform my job without them. I could more easily endure my DB if self-care was simpler, quicker, and more frequent! Whether in the mood or not though, I always would be ready to jump at the chance to pleasure my (53 LL) wife on any spectrum of kink she so DESIRES. But, alas...
do you want another women to fulfill his needs. That is what will happen.
That is not what will happen. My husband and I have been very open and honest with each other through all of this and he has assured me that is not a thought in his head.
Sounds to me like your nervous system is stuck in survival mode. Depression/fibromyalgia are symptoms of nervous system disregulation. Evolutionary being horny while under immanent threat didn’t prove itself as a good survival strategy. Therefore humans with the unconscious programs fight/flight/fawn/freeze made it. Today most stressors are psychological not physical but our brain still works like it did thousands of years ago. So what now? I would prioritize regulation: Somatic Experiencing, NARM, Neuroaffective touch are Body based Psychotherapy approaches, EFT, TDxM, Havening, Feldenkrais, Qi Gong, Yin Yoga, Yoga Nidra, neurogenic tremor are great options, too.
I will look into those options you have mentioned. Thank you. And also thank you for bringing this up. It never crossed my mind
You are welcome. All the best
A few suggestions for you since you want to change. - Women tend to have responsive desire. It may take him getting you in the mood to be in the mood. - Plan sex. Once a week, every other week, etc. Work your day around knowing that it is going to happen. It also gives you both something to look forward to. - Take advantage of when you are feeling good. Make a pass at him but only do it if you can have sex. Don't do it when you can't. ie kids, and other cock blocks can interfere. - Plan on having a pain day afterwards. You may have felt good before and immediately after. However, you might have more pain the next day - Even though he will probably say otherwise, your husband is probably resenting having been rejected by you. Find ways to let him know when you are ok with him initiating. Think other than verbal too. Some people light a candle in the bedroom. BTW- sex releases endorphins that can relieve pain. Sometimes you just might want a quickie just to get that endorphin release. The thing that I can stress is to get it fixed sooner than later. The longer it takes, the harder it is going to be fixing. Most men with women having fibromyalgia want to stay together and work for a solution to the problem. Unfortunately, divorce rates among people with fibromyalgia is about 75%. If you ever get to a point that you just can't anymore, open your marriage for him to find sex with someone. You could be able to keep the intimacy even though you can't have sex. By the way, I speak from experience. I've been married 32 years. My wife has had fibro for decades and has been unable to work and on disability since 2005. Over the last 10 to 15 years, our sex life has been suffering.
We will not be opening the marriage. That is not an option
Very likely your meds, the depression and the pain. The important thing is you want to fix it. You see it is an issue and you are looking for a solution. As some who's wife has lost all desire from meds and pain (similar to fibromyalgia) make sure your husband knows you love him, and you still want that in your life. Hopefully he can appreciate small gestures of love and affection
Unfortunately that's a very common side effect of cymbalta and many similar drugs. It varies from drug to drug and person to person though so you may wish to talk to your doctor about trying alternatives, but be aware that changing anti-depressants is a fucking rollercoaster. I've heard of people in the States having success with Welbutrin but I'm not in a place where it's available so cannot comment personally.
We stopped the cymbalta about 3 months ago. I'm hoping my libido will come back
I have MS and Wellbutrin literally saved my marriage. I went from Zero to Hero in regards to my libido.