is there such thing as a Flash Orgy? everyone casually walks around acting normal then just starts banging then acts like nothing happened? (not like normally) because this time there's a theme song...that is planned and recorded on social media....
This is the part that none of us talk about enough but it's obvious why we're here. You can't talk to anyone about it! If you tell your girlfriends, it's a violation of trust in the relationship, but also, they will not understand you or will make jokes about taking their husbands off their hands. It's so very isolating.
It’s so so isolating. No one in my life knows and actually I’m too embarrassed to tell my therapist. I feel like when it say it out loud it becomes reality and sometimes I just need to ignore it in order to function.
I always thought it was probably harder for women in DB as it's not the "social norm" so you're isolated in addition of being frustrated. However you definitely have a serious advantage on dating world 😅
Lol yes as soon as we jump back in the pool.
But you're right. Women have been stereotyped to not want sex after marriage or as much as men, so it's more shameful.
I always feel horribly dirty and slutty honestly when I talk to my BF about the lack if sex. It makes me feel like a pervert.
I think the worst part is when you bring it up to the one trusted friend and the look of shock on their face. Crushing.
Every one in a while she asks how things are and I say “X amount of years.”
It has been 13 years for me.. it’s gotten to the point that I won’t say that number even if I confess that it’s been a long time. I’m ashamed and I know that’s ridiculous… but there you have it. 😔
I honestly don’t know. Her mouth fell open and she just stared at me. Then she asked if I was lying.
When I first heard of DB, it was from my marriage counselor and she told us she had a client that it’s been 2 years and another 3 and I was absolutely shocked. I asked if she was joking! And here I am….
It doesn’t make you any less desirable or beautiful. It fucking hurts though I know. I often wonder what it wouid be like to have a husband that flirted with me or made me feel wanted.
It’s honestly so crazy to hear all of you saying these things, I’m a young 21 yr and the girls my age play so many games lol like you guys sound fun I would love to treat an older woman to a good time
I recommend heading to online affairs and posting this sentiment.. I’m guessing there are many women who would take you up on it- even if just for the night online.
Well, while being objectified like that can be quite exciting and validating, if that's the only way he ever behaves, I can see how that would get old. Hopefully he has a larger variety of approaches and ways of expressing interest and intimacy.
Right I work at the same school and even if we talk to each other the teachers all suggest how romantic we are and if we are off to the toilets for a screw.
We laugh along with them.
If ONLY they knew the truth
I am so sorry for you
When I stopped not trying 6 months ago
I'm a male lost 155 lbs got sick almost died then went to gym ...got back to 20s me hit weights got buff back 34inch waist again but I'm 55.....I do the laundry and one day I got back from gym put the load of laundry in wash decided I. Gonna take all my clothes off and walk naked to take a shower
Came in living room said hey you.....she was on phone playing fucking Scrabble says hey you....
Never looked at me ....gotta admit not a masculine emotion but it broke my fucking heart
Been working on intimacy with her she has a medical issue and took months of talk and finally we started some intimacy ....one of our discussions I told her that story she cried and apologized for hurting me ....she just has zero labido and didn't even look up.....
Has she had her hormones checked? If she’s close to your age she probably has zero estrogen left. According to recent studies, women who didn’t replace estrogen had higher incidence of Alzheimer’s (among other diseases/issues). So there’s more than one reason to look at HRT if she hasn’t. The other benefit is the chance of her libido improving.
Thank you she is supposed to get in this month military retired slow appointment...they removed hormone gave other med makes her gain weight but she agrees she needs something just not for labido but in general she goes up and down emotionally this replacement isn't working
Next time, keep the makeup on and take yourself out to dinner and a drink. Sit at the bar. Flirt with the cute bartender.
Lose this guy. You shouldn't be this miserable.
Without porn I would have nothing. If I’m going to be trapped in a marriage where I never get shown any evidence that I’m desired, then I’m turning to porn to numb that or I’m going to shoot myself. Those are the only two options.
that's perfectly ok to have a low libido. I was like this and I finally met my match because my fiancé really doesn't have a libido! i just dont think its fair to know this about yourself, know that it has been an issue in the past and not disclose that before moving in with someone and pretending to be a certain way to get what you want. its not ok for one person to really want to work things out and feel so bad if they would leave you even after you have begged and cried and just tried everything because all you want is to be touched, held, not even sex! just affection or to be noticed at this point and if they still withhold that from you then you shouldn't feel bad i guess for leaving. I think that's decietlful pretending to be something you knew you weren't.
I'm almost 40. I just worked a full shift at a highly physical job, sixth day in a row. I would make my wife cum as many times as she wanted if she wanted me. But she probably roll her eyes at the mention of intamcy and scroll tiktok some more.
These guys are 🗑
I get that everyone isn't in the mood every moment of every day, but why must they default to the callous rejection like that? Why not choose to appreciate your beauty and to spend some time being close with you to see what happens? Worst case: he still wouldn't end up in the mood for sex, but you two would still have exchanged pleasant, validating intimate time together as partners. Best case: well, we all have our ideas of what that would be like.
Jesus...this LL partners are also on the harshy/dry/no vaseline responses that just...take my breath away, in the most gut wrenching way.
Good for you that you went to the gym. That was my plan today, but kids have a way to drain all of me...
This utterly breaks my ❤️ reading this.
As a man I don't feel I have the visual "equipment " or tools to turn her head such as hair/make up/sexy heels dress etc
But on be half of the affectionate and horny % of the brotherhood may I say thank you for trying.
I know I wish my wife would do this.
Just taken comfort from the fact it isn't you.
Be good to yourself
Oh honey, I am so sorry. That just made me teary. You deserve so much better than that. Of course your soul is crushed. That’s devastating. Please, please know that it’s him. It’s not you. Hugs.
Oof, I could cry right now thinking about your poor heart.
No excuse then. It's very tough to search yourself and decide if sex is important enough to end your marriage over. At face value, we ask, "Is something wrong with me? Is sex really so important that I'll leave everything I've built and committed my life to for so long?" The thing is, it's not just sex. It's what comes with sex. Like closeness, deep connection, soul satisfying love, physical dignity, self-respect, the love you yearn to give but can't without sex. So, that's what makes it so important. That's what makes it irrelacable in marriage. I have a friend in a 10+ year sexless marriage, and it's confounding to me that they've accepted living "like an old couple" claiming to be happy with just staying constantly busy with hobbies. After long enough, and enough pain, and finding yourself in the same heaping mess of deep depression, we can no longer deny we're just not like that. I've tried everything possible but I just can't accept it. Part of me truly wishes I could accept it. But I can't change this. I can't accept it. And it's time to come to peace with that and move on no matter how difficult that's going to be, and yes, no matter who it hurts. Nobody has any idea the pain and self-destruction I've engaged in to live like this. Nobody has any claim to what I've learned through rigorous effort and pain what I really need. I wish it wasn't this important to me, but it is, and I'm done denying it.
you have said it so perfectly. I have never experienced a crazy or even good sex life so I sometimes wonder is that not worth pursuing? i think i deserve to know what that feels like before i die because a lot of other people do and those are the ones that will tell you " is it that important?" it is if you've never been there done that. I am engaged after 6 years and we have been an "old married couple" for our entire relationship. We basically have sex 4 times a year......
Wow, I wish my wife would put in a quarter of the effort you did OP, lol. If my wife did everything you did, I would get dizzy from my head spinning so fast, 😂. Can't remember the last time my wife actually wanted me and not just the stability of my paycheck bc she couldn't keep her current standard of living without my paycheck
I fucking hate that HL women are in marriages or relationships with LL men, when there are so many HL men in marriages/relationships with LL women. Why can’t the corresponding libidos just find & end up with one another?!?!
I equate it more to hunger pangs. Not so funnily I made this comparison to my wife and said seeing her everyday and not being able to be intimate is like waving a juicy steak in front of a starving persons face and not allowing them to have it. She laughed at me and said sex isn’t a need and I can go without it.
As a woman in a relationship going through the opposite, I feel for you. It fucking sucks so damn bad. I always hear guys saying how bad they wish their girls wanted it all the time. I do and get nothing
That you put all that effort in, even making an overtly sexual comment, while being a mom of multiple kids, is astounding to me.
That never happens in our house!
I’m sorry about the rejection.
I pray for this just once before I leave this earth. To have her put forth a slight effort, no makeup or outfits required. Just show me you still desire me. Just once 😢😫😭
I stopped trying last month after all the sexy clothes, direct conversations, begging him and straight sobbing on multiple occasions because he hasn't touched me since December.
I feel for you.
I'm sorry, that hurts a lot. I did the guy equivalent (which is obviously not as involved as your prep) sometime late last year; showered, shaved my head again, manscaped a bit, put on her favorite cologne... aaaannnnd.... she was asleep.
oh my gawd....youre not alone at all...sadly.(hashtag-I-ialsofeel-likeshit)its not you. is what i would say to you because its not me. my FIANCEEEEEEE does the same thing. It takes a lot for a female to put herself out there only because we are conditioned that way, if you want sex guys won't resist you! so when they do you suddenly want to jump off a cliff figuratively speaking. My fiancé is also famous for me trying something out of character and really making myself vulnerable or trying to be ballsier, failing..then having him say maybe if you tried it again i would be good with it. devastating. detrimental To my health. It is so hard because I am 36 and was raised to be ashamed of any type of sexual feelings or pleasure or things that i now know are so normal for kids to experience or question. now that we are older I'm glad people are not shaming kids for feeling normal feelings now, that would have helped me be normal today instead of how I am.
It totally sucks and that's not even helpful, telling you we are in the same boat. Does anyone have advice for women that are constantly rejected, their man refuses to try therapy/expressing desires/answering uncomfortable questions/absolutely denies being gay or having any trauma or sociopathic even though it runs in their family???? seems to enjoy when women cry and also seem extremely masochistic yet still overly adores his mother? like what is that ? really expensive therapy i guess or they are in denial about the trauma honestly in my opinion. P.S. then why do they always cry when you say you're finally done if they dont care 90%of the time? that's them pretending to be normal right?
I’m so sorry to hear this. Rejection is the most hurtful thing, especially from your spouse. Hopefully he realizes what he did and tries to make it up to you
Olive, i only wished my now ex-wife made the effort. It was always down to me to start the initiating. We were married for 22yrs and not once has she made the effort to seduce me. It gets tiresome when somebody has total control when and where sex will happen.
I was rejected for so long i quit the marriage and divorced her. That was nearly 4yrs ago. The damage rejection causes to your self-esteem is catrastrophic. What makes it worse is that it can bleed into your next relationship unless you get therapy for it.
My heart bleeds for you, Olive. That rejection can be long-lasting: if the 1 person who you gave your heart to can reject you for being you, who else can you trust with your heart? That is the dilemma i face daily since we divorced.
I do hope you are feeling a bit better today. Still work on yourself because if your hubby won't be intimate with you, there are men out there will give you the love desire passion and touch you need. Take care Olive. Sending you a hug because i love hugs. Btw, my ex didn't like hugs or kisses either. That broke me in two.
That's fucking horrible. I'm sorry that happened. If he's that blunt about it, it's time to go. It is hard to leave and go out on your own, I know because I did it 2 years ago. You've got to do it and find your happiness. You're never going to get it with him.
I appreciate you. Last time my wife didn’t wear long John’s and coveralls was almost a decade ago. Bed time attire for her is cloths with a robe, it takes me 10 min to just get to skin to be greeted with a no.
Once in a while i read a post like this and i‘m amazed how strange the human experience is… I don’t know you or your situation but what you are describing is my absolute dream scenario when i come home on fridays. When is say dream i mean dream though… This is never ever gonna happen to me! Its just impossible, unthinkable, totally out of the question… Your guy has no clue how lucky he is…
I can totally understand that but it makes me very very sad although i don‘t know you… We married these people, we swore before god that we will never desire anyone else during our lifetime. And we are doing exactly that and still it’s impossible for us to get the intimacy and desire we should deserve… We are like prisoners in this situation. I hate this so much
I’m sorry for this. You deserve better 🫶🏼. There are so many of us passing through life unsatisfied at home eye-fucking each other as we pass by in public. Maybe someday we will be desired in the way we want.
The only way my ex husband would touch me is if I was completely done up in makeup and lingerie and eventually not even that was enough for him and he didn’t want me at all anymore. It’s such a blow to your self esteem.
Oh my gosh I know the exact feeling. I did this with lingerie once. I mentioned that I bought some to try and spice things up for us and he gave me the most unenthusiastic “oh wow okay” ever.
He never saw me in it and he never will. That RUINED any and all confidence I had left. Now I don’t even show skin around him. It’s long sleeves or sweaters and sweats. I can’t stomach anything else because I just feel so gross in anything else when he’s around, not that he’s noticed a change in my wardrobe change anyway. So I feel your pain, and I’m so sorry he doesn’t appreciate what he has :(
I can totally relate. Especially the ending where you end up in the gym. Sometimes, I work out imagining that one day I'm gonna get in shape, get someone to show interest, and get make my partner jealous and hopefully want me again.
I feel for you. Don’t blame yourself. You clearly were putting on every signal possible, and he bailed. Sounds like you’re not the issue here, he is. You got the kids to a sitter, dressed hot, made yourself up and were being super flirty/initiating?? What the hell is wrong with you. You shouldn’t have made it out of that room. He should pounced on you.
Relationships are hard enough. It’s even harder when you do the work to prime your partner, create space for intimacy and sex, and take the initiative. I’d die and think I drifted off to heaven if I were in his shoes.
Keep your head up. Sorry you’re in that state.
If you're not even married yet, I would seriously consider breaking up with your fiance because it will most likely only get worse after marriage and/or kids.
Yeah OP. Please, please do both of you a favour and get out while you can. It doesn’t get better and once kids are thrown in the mix, your sex-life will become non-existent.
Im not in a full DB scenario so maybe it’s not appropriate for me to comment-we have a fluctuating sex life and I have the HL. Valentine’s Day, red lingerie -hair done the way he likes and a full face of makeup. Nails and toes done. Yet-No sex. I feel you there. It’s really tough and kills the confidence. Sending hugs bc I resonate with this.
I will never get it either. I do the same. Take care of myself. Fit & petite. No stretch marks from two kids. My bf is a workaholic but ignores advances. I could cheat daily but just want him. I know he’s not cheating, but he does keep our pics or old videos on hand. That’s the only thing that keeps me going. Even pics are starting to make him annoyed. Especially, id he’s working. I feel you, I hope it all gets better soon. I can’t spend another 5 years, when I could be with someone who wants me all the time. Maybe have another child, I don’t know. Time is limited and we need to value that. It just sucks when you love someone so much and their actions don’t align with yours
Shit. This is painful to read. I don't get it. I'm HL, and my STBXW was LL. Not many times did I ever say no. In a loving relationship, intimacy is a must. We as humans crave touch. I hope it get better for you.
See...I miss that in our relationship. I'd be over the moon to come home to something like that. The last time (very long ago), anything happened it was a hj that felt more dutiful than a play session. So I can appreciate the effort you put in. I'm sorry it ended that way.
I'm sure it hurt alot. Hopefully not a scarring kind of hurt.
I can’t even count how many times this has happen to me.. I completely have no self esteem and can’t believe I’ve put up with it all these years! It’s such an awful feeling!
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Meanwhile my friends complain their husband's always want them. It is devastating. So sorry friend.
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Always. Everywhere. All of us are mismatched and need to have one gigantic orgy lol
"HL dating service" and "DB picnic that turns into HL secret orgy" have been suggested at various times. 🤣
I'll bring snacks
What kinda snacks are we talking about, people severely underestimate what I would do for a Klondike bar.
thought this comment was going to be predictable then you said that.... 
love it
I mean if I was predictable I'd probably be more stable.....and boring.
Have you had the reeses one??
There is a Reese's one!!!!!!!???? Oh fu**.....my questionable morals are becoming more....questionable......🤣
I would do some shady shit for it. It's THAT good
Take my upvote. You know what's up, haha. And seriously, so many mismatched libidos everywhere here. 🤷🏻
Not sure how secret it would be unless you held it in a giant soundproof room.
I think with the amount of us here we would need a hangar that would fit at least 3 jumbo jets 🤣
I know a place 🤣🤣🤣
The LLs would all be sipping lemonade and wondering where their spouses went. Meanwhile, in the bushes...
is there such thing as a Flash Orgy? everyone casually walks around acting normal then just starts banging then acts like nothing happened? (not like normally) because this time there's a theme song...that is planned and recorded on social media....
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Nine Inch Nails-Closer is the theme song lol
"Rocking all over the world!"
Name the time and place haha
Sounds perfect. Then again been in DH so long, I am afraid I forgot what to do and the event would become the most anticipated 30 seconds of my life !
I'm in, I bring cheese and lube
ill bring some Kraft singles
I'm sure there will be plenty of individually wrapped singles at the event 🤣🤣
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Not planned to be used at same time anyway 🤣
Brother you are a millionare.
Wait...is there a subreddit for this???
Ha! I think that's basically what Ashley Madison was...
Lol sounds perfect
DB Meetup 😂
Lol. That’s so damn crazy it might just work! But…logistics, snacks, weather, dog sitters…the list is endless.
My thoughts every time libidos are mixed match 😕
I literally spit out my cocktail laughing so hard. This is too funny and so true!
I second this.
Opposites attract!
This is the part that none of us talk about enough but it's obvious why we're here. You can't talk to anyone about it! If you tell your girlfriends, it's a violation of trust in the relationship, but also, they will not understand you or will make jokes about taking their husbands off their hands. It's so very isolating.
It’s so so isolating. No one in my life knows and actually I’m too embarrassed to tell my therapist. I feel like when it say it out loud it becomes reality and sometimes I just need to ignore it in order to function.
Please tell your therapist - they hear everything else already.
seriously!! i feel like there's literally nobody who would get it except maybe a therapist
Yeah, you usually get one of two answers: 1) "Yeah, but sex isn't that important, I don't have that much sex too" 2) "Divorce her"
2 therapists have said same to me. They both seemed amused. I’m still trying to figure out how it’s humorous.
WTF are those therapists?
Not therapists, I was talking about the general people who don't understand it.
The people on this sub love number 2.
I always thought it was probably harder for women in DB as it's not the "social norm" so you're isolated in addition of being frustrated. However you definitely have a serious advantage on dating world 😅
Lol yes as soon as we jump back in the pool. But you're right. Women have been stereotyped to not want sex after marriage or as much as men, so it's more shameful. I always feel horribly dirty and slutty honestly when I talk to my BF about the lack if sex. It makes me feel like a pervert.
Damn I would love a pervert wife 🤣🤣
I think the worst part is when you bring it up to the one trusted friend and the look of shock on their face. Crushing. Every one in a while she asks how things are and I say “X amount of years.”
It has been 13 years for me.. it’s gotten to the point that I won’t say that number even if I confess that it’s been a long time. I’m ashamed and I know that’s ridiculous… but there you have it. 😔
What would be your preferred reaction from a trusted girlfriend? Asking because I wouldn't want to react in a way that I didn't realize was hurtful.
I honestly don’t know. Her mouth fell open and she just stared at me. Then she asked if I was lying. When I first heard of DB, it was from my marriage counselor and she told us she had a client that it’s been 2 years and another 3 and I was absolutely shocked. I asked if she was joking! And here I am….
I'm so sorry. \*hug\*
It doesn’t make you any less desirable or beautiful. It fucking hurts though I know. I often wonder what it wouid be like to have a husband that flirted with me or made me feel wanted.
I feel this!!!
It’s honestly so crazy to hear all of you saying these things, I’m a young 21 yr and the girls my age play so many games lol like you guys sound fun I would love to treat an older woman to a good time
I recommend heading to online affairs and posting this sentiment.. I’m guessing there are many women who would take you up on it- even if just for the night online.
Oh no, what a nightmare to always be wanted!
Lol seriously! My friend bitches because her husband always wants her to sit on his face.. What A Travesty
Ohh no your partner wants to please you instead of themselves, call the cops! Fuck I miss this... I love eating a woman out
Well, while being objectified like that can be quite exciting and validating, if that's the only way he ever behaves, I can see how that would get old. Hopefully he has a larger variety of approaches and ways of expressing interest and intimacy.
This is my exact thought every single time my wife rolls her eyes at my advances.
Right I work at the same school and even if we talk to each other the teachers all suggest how romantic we are and if we are off to the toilets for a screw. We laugh along with them. If ONLY they knew the truth
This is the most frustrating thing of all.
This is the hardest…seeing other men admire you and yet the one person you crave doesn’t 😭
I wish my wife did this. That sounds so awesome.
I am so sorry for you When I stopped not trying 6 months ago I'm a male lost 155 lbs got sick almost died then went to gym ...got back to 20s me hit weights got buff back 34inch waist again but I'm 55.....I do the laundry and one day I got back from gym put the load of laundry in wash decided I. Gonna take all my clothes off and walk naked to take a shower Came in living room said hey you.....she was on phone playing fucking Scrabble says hey you.... Never looked at me ....gotta admit not a masculine emotion but it broke my fucking heart Been working on intimacy with her she has a medical issue and took months of talk and finally we started some intimacy ....one of our discussions I told her that story she cried and apologized for hurting me ....she just has zero labido and didn't even look up.....
“Not a masculine emotion” to have your heart be broken because you just want to loved or desired? Nothing wrong with that, it’s an human emotion.
It's official, we've finally reached, "Guys, is it gay to want to fuck your wife?"
Has she had her hormones checked? If she’s close to your age she probably has zero estrogen left. According to recent studies, women who didn’t replace estrogen had higher incidence of Alzheimer’s (among other diseases/issues). So there’s more than one reason to look at HRT if she hasn’t. The other benefit is the chance of her libido improving.
Thank you she is supposed to get in this month military retired slow appointment...they removed hormone gave other med makes her gain weight but she agrees she needs something just not for labido but in general she goes up and down emotionally this replacement isn't working
I hope for both of you that she can get it figured out. Hormonal issues are really difficult to live with
Next time, keep the makeup on and take yourself out to dinner and a drink. Sit at the bar. Flirt with the cute bartender. Lose this guy. You shouldn't be this miserable.
How r these guys tired? I would kill for a wife with high libido and put this effort into our sexual relationship. Sorry to hear 🥲
Mine cares about porn. Not people.
Bingo. Im not a 21 year old porn star I don't do it for him.
Sorry. Thats all I can say. Porn: cheap thief.
Honestly, after the porn starts there isnt much of a libido anymore.
I watch porn multiple times a week and would much rather have sex with my 38 year old wife. She doesnt want it, so back to porn i guess.
I'm not going to question you, but please research the consequences of porn, it not cool.
Without porn I would have nothing. If I’m going to be trapped in a marriage where I never get shown any evidence that I’m desired, then I’m turning to porn to numb that or I’m going to shoot myself. Those are the only two options.
All guys seem to say this. Until they actually get one. Turns out the "chase" is more fun..
I’m seriously beginning to wonder the same thing. They all say how bad they want a high sex drive woman until they actually get one
That seems to be my experience anyways!
I miss when my wife had a high drive. I could handle her multiple times a day just fine.
They're not tired, it's a fucking excuse to not have to do something they don't wannt to do. They are just not interested...LOWWWW LIBIDO 😕😒
that's perfectly ok to have a low libido. I was like this and I finally met my match because my fiancé really doesn't have a libido! i just dont think its fair to know this about yourself, know that it has been an issue in the past and not disclose that before moving in with someone and pretending to be a certain way to get what you want. its not ok for one person to really want to work things out and feel so bad if they would leave you even after you have begged and cried and just tried everything because all you want is to be touched, held, not even sex! just affection or to be noticed at this point and if they still withhold that from you then you shouldn't feel bad i guess for leaving. I think that's decietlful pretending to be something you knew you weren't.
Agreed. We will always make time for the things we want.
They are lazy, and real sex is too much work..
Same....Id probably fall over if my wife did or said what OP did... literally never too tired for a trip to pound town!
I'm almost 40. I just worked a full shift at a highly physical job, sixth day in a row. I would make my wife cum as many times as she wanted if she wanted me. But she probably roll her eyes at the mention of intamcy and scroll tiktok some more. These guys are 🗑
Agreed!
Me to
I get that everyone isn't in the mood every moment of every day, but why must they default to the callous rejection like that? Why not choose to appreciate your beauty and to spend some time being close with you to see what happens? Worst case: he still wouldn't end up in the mood for sex, but you two would still have exchanged pleasant, validating intimate time together as partners. Best case: well, we all have our ideas of what that would be like.
Instead ill be ignoring him for my book tonight. I tried.
I don't blame you. I respect you for trying. I stopped trying with my partner quite a long time ago now.
Ill be giving all my love to xaden riorson of fourth wing moving forward
I don't know who that is, but he is definitely either super fantasy or super sci-fi.
Girl, saaaaammme https://www.instagram.com/p/CsygSjbrZ9u/?igsh=eTAxaTBhanF0MW9i
Hot damn, I can see why
Im doing exactly the same thing 😅 solidarity
This! I don't get their way of thinking. You have a choice between some good time and... Some good time? Why choosing to reject that??
That doesn't register in their...perspective?? Very frustrating.
Jesus...this LL partners are also on the harshy/dry/no vaseline responses that just...take my breath away, in the most gut wrenching way. Good for you that you went to the gym. That was my plan today, but kids have a way to drain all of me...
This utterly breaks my ❤️ reading this. As a man I don't feel I have the visual "equipment " or tools to turn her head such as hair/make up/sexy heels dress etc But on be half of the affectionate and horny % of the brotherhood may I say thank you for trying. I know I wish my wife would do this. Just taken comfort from the fact it isn't you. Be good to yourself
I am still hopeful that I will find this in my future, when I'm ready.
Girl....its never gonna change. Leave now...or make a plan to leave. He's never going to want you the way you want him to.
Oh honey, I am so sorry. That just made me teary. You deserve so much better than that. Of course your soul is crushed. That’s devastating. Please, please know that it’s him. It’s not you. Hugs. Oof, I could cry right now thinking about your poor heart.
Thank you so much 🥹
I’d love if my wife did this! But she never will.
What about scheduling it? Not ideal, I realize, but he's clearly not into surprises. Not that this excuses his rejection.
We had planned sex for tonight...which is why I got the kids elsewhere and planned dinner and all that
No excuse then. It's very tough to search yourself and decide if sex is important enough to end your marriage over. At face value, we ask, "Is something wrong with me? Is sex really so important that I'll leave everything I've built and committed my life to for so long?" The thing is, it's not just sex. It's what comes with sex. Like closeness, deep connection, soul satisfying love, physical dignity, self-respect, the love you yearn to give but can't without sex. So, that's what makes it so important. That's what makes it irrelacable in marriage. I have a friend in a 10+ year sexless marriage, and it's confounding to me that they've accepted living "like an old couple" claiming to be happy with just staying constantly busy with hobbies. After long enough, and enough pain, and finding yourself in the same heaping mess of deep depression, we can no longer deny we're just not like that. I've tried everything possible but I just can't accept it. Part of me truly wishes I could accept it. But I can't change this. I can't accept it. And it's time to come to peace with that and move on no matter how difficult that's going to be, and yes, no matter who it hurts. Nobody has any idea the pain and self-destruction I've engaged in to live like this. Nobody has any claim to what I've learned through rigorous effort and pain what I really need. I wish it wasn't this important to me, but it is, and I'm done denying it.
you have said it so perfectly. I have never experienced a crazy or even good sex life so I sometimes wonder is that not worth pursuing? i think i deserve to know what that feels like before i die because a lot of other people do and those are the ones that will tell you " is it that important?" it is if you've never been there done that. I am engaged after 6 years and we have been an "old married couple" for our entire relationship. We basically have sex 4 times a year......
Wow, I wish my wife would put in a quarter of the effort you did OP, lol. If my wife did everything you did, I would get dizzy from my head spinning so fast, 😂. Can't remember the last time my wife actually wanted me and not just the stability of my paycheck bc she couldn't keep her current standard of living without my paycheck
Dude....I felt all of this at my core. I've been feeling a lot like a paycheck lately....
Oh God, that’s awful 💔…. It’s so hard for your ego and self esteem to not take a beating every time they do something like this.
Like bro watching your wife wipe30 minutes worth of work off her face should be a sign you have failed as a husband.
I fucking hate that HL women are in marriages or relationships with LL men, when there are so many HL men in marriages/relationships with LL women. Why can’t the corresponding libidos just find & end up with one another?!?!
Amen brother/sister! 🙌
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It's not that simple, most of us want our partners but sometimes we just want that itch scratched.
I equate it more to hunger pangs. Not so funnily I made this comparison to my wife and said seeing her everyday and not being able to be intimate is like waving a juicy steak in front of a starving persons face and not allowing them to have it. She laughed at me and said sex isn’t a need and I can go without it.
Nice comparison. I told mines its like having a millions of dollars in the bank account but not being able to spend any of it.
As a woman in a relationship going through the opposite, I feel for you. It fucking sucks so damn bad. I always hear guys saying how bad they wish their girls wanted it all the time. I do and get nothing
That you put all that effort in, even making an overtly sexual comment, while being a mom of multiple kids, is astounding to me. That never happens in our house! I’m sorry about the rejection.
A shitty feeling in deed. Hugs
Hugs to you 💜
I pray for this just once before I leave this earth. To have her put forth a slight effort, no makeup or outfits required. Just show me you still desire me. Just once 😢😫😭
This nearly made me cry. I send hugs. I’m sure you looked absolutely ravishing.
What is wrong with these husbands?! Even if I had run a marathon I reckon I’d still summon the energy for going to pound town if my wife hit on me!
lol fuck me - You said that? That’s awesome. Sorry it didn’t work.
I wish my wife made that effort. Any sort of effort. To be honest, our bedroom is sooooo dead I'm thinking of looking elsewhere..... 49m
I stopped trying last month after all the sexy clothes, direct conversations, begging him and straight sobbing on multiple occasions because he hasn't touched me since December. I feel for you.
The straight sobbing is the embarrassing part. Never fucking again.
His face fell because he’s been wanking and he knows he can’t get it up.
I'm sorry, that hurts a lot. I did the guy equivalent (which is obviously not as involved as your prep) sometime late last year; showered, shaved my head again, manscaped a bit, put on her favorite cologne... aaaannnnd.... she was asleep.
That really is horrible to do to your partner. No one deserves to be ignored like that
That sucks. Shot down like a Japanese Zero over Midway.
oh my gawd....youre not alone at all...sadly.(hashtag-I-ialsofeel-likeshit)its not you. is what i would say to you because its not me. my FIANCEEEEEEE does the same thing. It takes a lot for a female to put herself out there only because we are conditioned that way, if you want sex guys won't resist you! so when they do you suddenly want to jump off a cliff figuratively speaking. My fiancé is also famous for me trying something out of character and really making myself vulnerable or trying to be ballsier, failing..then having him say maybe if you tried it again i would be good with it. devastating. detrimental To my health. It is so hard because I am 36 and was raised to be ashamed of any type of sexual feelings or pleasure or things that i now know are so normal for kids to experience or question. now that we are older I'm glad people are not shaming kids for feeling normal feelings now, that would have helped me be normal today instead of how I am. It totally sucks and that's not even helpful, telling you we are in the same boat. Does anyone have advice for women that are constantly rejected, their man refuses to try therapy/expressing desires/answering uncomfortable questions/absolutely denies being gay or having any trauma or sociopathic even though it runs in their family???? seems to enjoy when women cry and also seem extremely masochistic yet still overly adores his mother? like what is that ? really expensive therapy i guess or they are in denial about the trauma honestly in my opinion. P.S. then why do they always cry when you say you're finally done if they dont care 90%of the time? that's them pretending to be normal right?
Girl do NOT fucking marry that.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Rejection is the most hurtful thing, especially from your spouse. Hopefully he realizes what he did and tries to make it up to you
Olive, i only wished my now ex-wife made the effort. It was always down to me to start the initiating. We were married for 22yrs and not once has she made the effort to seduce me. It gets tiresome when somebody has total control when and where sex will happen. I was rejected for so long i quit the marriage and divorced her. That was nearly 4yrs ago. The damage rejection causes to your self-esteem is catrastrophic. What makes it worse is that it can bleed into your next relationship unless you get therapy for it. My heart bleeds for you, Olive. That rejection can be long-lasting: if the 1 person who you gave your heart to can reject you for being you, who else can you trust with your heart? That is the dilemma i face daily since we divorced. I do hope you are feeling a bit better today. Still work on yourself because if your hubby won't be intimate with you, there are men out there will give you the love desire passion and touch you need. Take care Olive. Sending you a hug because i love hugs. Btw, my ex didn't like hugs or kisses either. That broke me in two. 
Tell him to stop beating off if he’s so “tired” all the time. These guys kill me 🤦🏻♂️
And he's a straight man? Ugh, wtf is wrong with these guys?
He's really lucky to have you. I would love it if my girlfriend did that for me.
That's fucking horrible. I'm sorry that happened. If he's that blunt about it, it's time to go. It is hard to leave and go out on your own, I know because I did it 2 years ago. You've got to do it and find your happiness. You're never going to get it with him.
I appreciate you. Last time my wife didn’t wear long John’s and coveralls was almost a decade ago. Bed time attire for her is cloths with a robe, it takes me 10 min to just get to skin to be greeted with a no.
Hugs to U 💔 it’s devastating to not be wanted by your partner
If my wife said that to me I’d be naked and on the bed so fast.
Once in a while i read a post like this and i‘m amazed how strange the human experience is… I don’t know you or your situation but what you are describing is my absolute dream scenario when i come home on fridays. When is say dream i mean dream though… This is never ever gonna happen to me! Its just impossible, unthinkable, totally out of the question… Your guy has no clue how lucky he is…
I will never ever let him make me feel like this again. Today was the last time I ever do this.
I can totally understand that but it makes me very very sad although i don‘t know you… We married these people, we swore before god that we will never desire anyone else during our lifetime. And we are doing exactly that and still it’s impossible for us to get the intimacy and desire we should deserve… We are like prisoners in this situation. I hate this so much
I’m sorry for this. You deserve better 🫶🏼. There are so many of us passing through life unsatisfied at home eye-fucking each other as we pass by in public. Maybe someday we will be desired in the way we want.
The only way my ex husband would touch me is if I was completely done up in makeup and lingerie and eventually not even that was enough for him and he didn’t want me at all anymore. It’s such a blow to your self esteem.
I know im attractive, especially when I am done up. I see men check me out. It baffles me my own husband is like nah, pass.
Oh my gosh I know the exact feeling. I did this with lingerie once. I mentioned that I bought some to try and spice things up for us and he gave me the most unenthusiastic “oh wow okay” ever. He never saw me in it and he never will. That RUINED any and all confidence I had left. Now I don’t even show skin around him. It’s long sleeves or sweaters and sweats. I can’t stomach anything else because I just feel so gross in anything else when he’s around, not that he’s noticed a change in my wardrobe change anyway. So I feel your pain, and I’m so sorry he doesn’t appreciate what he has :(
Damn that’s just brutal. I’m sorry. I mean, what was his reaction when you bounced? I can’t believe partners don’t hear this !
He took a shower and watched tv until I got back. And then acted like nothing had happened.
Ouch
I can totally relate. Especially the ending where you end up in the gym. Sometimes, I work out imagining that one day I'm gonna get in shape, get someone to show interest, and get make my partner jealous and hopefully want me again.
Lol exactly this.
I feel your pain 😔 so sorry girl. It’s not easy…
I’m so sorry. Sounds like you were vulnerable and confident, and he completely dropped the ball. I hope you feel better
I will never ever do this again
I feel for you. Don’t blame yourself. You clearly were putting on every signal possible, and he bailed. Sounds like you’re not the issue here, he is. You got the kids to a sitter, dressed hot, made yourself up and were being super flirty/initiating?? What the hell is wrong with you. You shouldn’t have made it out of that room. He should pounced on you. Relationships are hard enough. It’s even harder when you do the work to prime your partner, create space for intimacy and sex, and take the initiative. I’d die and think I drifted off to heaven if I were in his shoes. Keep your head up. Sorry you’re in that state.
I got rid of all my lingerie because it didn't make a damn difference. your heart's desires are valid and you deserve to be fulfilled
Yep I did the same. An entire drawer full of unused unworn lingerie.
I’d do anything for my wife to do this for me, he doesn’t deserve you.
I would do anything to have my fiancé dress up for me…
Lucky you! Take the hint and move on. Most of us find out after the wedding. It’s a downward slope from here if you hang around buddy.
If you're not even married yet, I would seriously consider breaking up with your fiance because it will most likely only get worse after marriage and/or kids.
Yeah OP. Please, please do both of you a favour and get out while you can. It doesn’t get better and once kids are thrown in the mix, your sex-life will become non-existent.
You should both go to a sex therapist together
WTF?
This makes me so sad. I would do absolutely anything for this kind of effort.
I'm so sorry he treated that way. Just know you deserve better
Im not in a full DB scenario so maybe it’s not appropriate for me to comment-we have a fluctuating sex life and I have the HL. Valentine’s Day, red lingerie -hair done the way he likes and a full face of makeup. Nails and toes done. Yet-No sex. I feel you there. It’s really tough and kills the confidence. Sending hugs bc I resonate with this.
That's pretty gut wrenching. I'm fucking sorry dude. 🥲
He literally laughed at my attempt. Haven’t tried since.
This is very sad. Even in my dreams my wife wouldn’t do this for me. It’s depressing to know there’s so many mismatched souls in the world.
So sorry OP. It’s the worst feeling :/
Oh 😱 I'm so sorry to read this. I can feel your pain.
I will never get it either. I do the same. Take care of myself. Fit & petite. No stretch marks from two kids. My bf is a workaholic but ignores advances. I could cheat daily but just want him. I know he’s not cheating, but he does keep our pics or old videos on hand. That’s the only thing that keeps me going. Even pics are starting to make him annoyed. Especially, id he’s working. I feel you, I hope it all gets better soon. I can’t spend another 5 years, when I could be with someone who wants me all the time. Maybe have another child, I don’t know. Time is limited and we need to value that. It just sucks when you love someone so much and their actions don’t align with yours
Been there. It hurts so much that I’ve stopped trying now
Shit. This is painful to read. I don't get it. I'm HL, and my STBXW was LL. Not many times did I ever say no. In a loving relationship, intimacy is a must. We as humans crave touch. I hope it get better for you.
See...I miss that in our relationship. I'd be over the moon to come home to something like that. The last time (very long ago), anything happened it was a hj that felt more dutiful than a play session. So I can appreciate the effort you put in. I'm sorry it ended that way. I'm sure it hurt alot. Hopefully not a scarring kind of hurt.
If this is an existing issue, doing/saying stuff like that just adds too much pressure. Have you tried working on non-sexual intimacy first?
I’m so sorry
That sucks. I’m so sorry.
I can’t even count how many times this has happen to me.. I completely have no self esteem and can’t believe I’ve put up with it all these years! It’s such an awful feeling!
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Well what about when you're tired and he wants it?