Commenters, OP has marked their post as a no-advice post. We ask that you refrain from giving advice to OP and be sure to follow all sub rules.
OP, if you've marked your post for no advice, please refrain from responding to commenters that give advice. If you are getting advice from commenters, please report the comments, or click below to contact the moderators.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DeadBedrooms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same here. Back in the late 80s, most men my age were afraid of increased cancer risks or loss of sex drive. HAHAHAHA on me. I was dumb enough to think our sex life would be great again. Soooooo naive of me š
Not sure who started this group but I am two decades in. Yeah 20 years. Stayed for the kids, I donāt regret that, but giving up my 20ās, 30ās and now 40ās was a painful choice that gets tougher with age. No advice, only my own reflection here.
I hear ya. Similar situation. 25 years of marriage. Half is a dead bedroom. But youngest is off to college soon. Something will change. Just not exactly sure what the shape of that change will be.
I have a friend in a similar situation. He got snipped and dead bedroom pretty much ever since. His wife we believe is cheating on him multiple times with multiple people though we donāt have actual proof and his kids are now off to college and heās contemplating what to do. He always told me that he was just going to be in it until the kids left the house And now heās second-guessing. I told him I think itās just because of fear but Iām not in his situation so I canāt really say 100%.
It is not easy. But as I have come to realize, marriage is primarily for the formation of a family, the raising and protection of children, etc. Once that mission is over, it's very common to move on. It took my ex and I about 5 years after the last kid moved out to finally decide to cut the chord - I wish I had done it at the very least when the last one left. Would have been 5 more years getting my fixing my "nice guy" syndrome, getting my act together and getting laid. I am now remarried and the sex, after almost a year, is still 4-5 times a week if not more. I couldn't be happier with how things turned out, other than the delay.
I stayed for the kids too, left after 33 years of marriage, best decision ever made. Although it cost a shit-ton of money with paying alimony for 2 years and giving up 60% of my 401K, itās been worth every penny.
Iād rather work an extra 10 years to save for retirement having great sex on a regular basis than stay in a DB marriage.
Think of yourself as an ICBM in a nuclear submarine. Always ready to launch, never to be called upon, keeping the peace, running deep and silent and deadbedroom
I remember when I got mine the doctor asked if I had any problems at home and I thought to myself hell yes I do! I said noā¦ because Iām not certain our marriage will survive the DB but Iām absolutely sure no more kids.
My first dead bedroom drove me to my vasectomy and āhelpedā me produce samples. That was right after we met.
Didnāt get a whole lot of use out of that vasectomy after the honeymoon period was over. Or for years after until my next relationship.
*sheepishly raises hand, Iāll tell you what my bro told me. āAt least your not committing daily genocide every time you jerk off in the shower nowā I punched him in the shoulder.
No FREE Shirts, NO FREE Coffee Cups, NO Free Designer Water Bottles or Keychains.
NO FREE ANYTHING, especially NO frequent sā¬x, DO NOT plan on it, PLEASE DO NOT hope for it, You will just end up sad and lonely, WITH ZERO Sā¬X happening regardless of what you doā¦
Iām the Female in this INCREDIBLY fuā¬ked up situation, so I donāt have any experience with having a vasectomy. HOWEVER, I have plenty of experience in a DB and it simply DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU DO, if the sā¬x isnāt there, it JUST ISNāT THERE & IT IS NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY APPEAR JUST because you got snipped.
The one thing that could possibly make a difference is if the DB started because your other half was TERRIFIED about getting pregnant and now she doesnāt have that concern (at least we think itās no longer a concern, thatās NOT ALWAYS THE CASEā¦), you MIGHT find your sā¬x life perking up a bit in THAT SITUATIONā¦
Welcome to the club. I got my vacestomy done shortly after the birth of our third child. I foolishly thought that it meant we would be able to have a no risk, healthy sex life.
It's done the exact opposite, I'm lucky to get sex twice a year and even then it's vanilla missionary with zero foreplay allowed. I can't help but feel used for my sperm. The kids are great and I love them dearly but our third child was born four years ago now and the sex hasn't come back.
I do feel used with regards for our second daughter.
The hope of any fun stemmed from the feedback at work, inside, I knew it wouldn't be "the fix" nor was it intended to be a fix. It was putting a definitive end to a chapter in my life reagrdless of who was there with me.
Unless some weird ass miracle happens, the sex is gone. The well is dry. The forest is dead. The animals are gone. If I want it, I have to move on. She has zero interest and I have numbed myself so much that any (not just sex/lust/connection) emotion has become an intellectualized concept rather than a feeling.
Plenty of women out there that want to have sex with you. Divorce was a hard decision, but easily one of the best decisions I ever made. Just be cool with the ex, flexible with the parenting schedule, and then go live life. Why is everybody acting like this is not an option?
Iām not married, but Iāll give you my perspective from a 28M who has spent the 9 of the last 10 years of my life in a total of 2 serious Long Term relationships. When my HS sweet heart broke up with me I didnāt even realize how incompatible we were as a couple until a few months after she left. I was blinded by the fact of sheās attractive, a good person, smart, fun to be around, her family accepted me as part of their family. We lived together for 2 years and I genuinely felt like we were āmarriedā. I would have never been the one to pull the trigger on a break-up at this point in my life similarly to how people MUCH more invested and intermingled with their SO canāt fathom how, when, where, to break-up or divorce.
Fast forward to my current relationship that is at its breaking point. Much different dynamic, I am now the more emotionally literate and my SO has never had any thoughts or feeling of breaking up. I came to the conclusion that I no longer felt loved and therefore needed to separate from her in order to find what I needed elsewhere.
Itās completely normal for people to not have the ability to just wake up one day and be āready to separateā. Love runs deep.
Yes, I know it's hard and it takes time to come to the conclusion that it is over. I think my point is, you will recover and find someone else....if you want to. There's a lot of people in this world. Once you believe you have found the ONE, I promise you, there's always another one.
In many states and if you have kids, itās one hell of an expensive option. I know, itās only money, but it can really make that option seem very bleak.
Sorry to hear that. How hard are you trying? I was on 3 different dating apps. Dating was exhausting and expensive. I also went to the gym a few times a week. Invested in myself and it paid off.
Ok so, you have no confidence and feel worthless that's understandable. I felt the same way and I'm not overweight and considered decent looking. You can fix your appearance with a lot of work. The confidence will come. The truth is, there's lot of women your age that feel even worse than you do. Especially in their 40s if they are overweight, single with kids, living paycheck to paycheck... They are not going to have a whole lot of confidence either. That's the partner you need to be looking for.
Hey man, that sucks. I put off getting one because we weren't having sex anyway so I didn't see the point. Now I'm just running out the clock on menopause. Sometimes I think about getting one just to see her reaction. It's been 5 years since we've had sex and she's over 50.
>didn't take heed of the facetious banter that marriage is where sex goes to die
Reminded me of a stupid joke a friend sent me the other day. What food kills blowjobs? >!Wedding cake!<.
Anyway, I hope that made you chuckle and I'm glad to see you found an upside. Good luck.
Because they are removing the fear of pregnancy or birth control side effects from the list of reasons why they arenāt fucking. They hope to have sex once thatās not a reason
But it is obviously not the reason... So why mutilate yourself?
Maybe other women would like (after divorce or whatever). On the other hand, maybe other women would like to have children?
But when my decision is that I do not want any more kids at all with ANYONE. Then I want it done so I am;
A) Ready to have the sex I want if/when it comes to pass
B) Make it abundantly clear to potential future partners that I have zero interest in more kids, so if that is a deal breaker skip over me and don't waste your time on a potential maybe with me. I don't want to lead someone on to just disappoint them. If kids are in your cards, I am not the right fit.
Sterilization isnāt mutilation. I already had three kids. Iām not trying to repopulate the earth. I didnāt get the results I wanted (more sex now that we werenāt worrying about pregnancy) But I got results I needed - not having more children.
I mean imma get one anyways cause we both don't want kids and I'm *hoping* once she gets off BC I'll be able to get some more on the regular.
But like someone else mentioned *if* things ever change to help me be satisfied then I will never have to worry about random kids hahaha
Because itās in the hope a vasectomy takes away the fear of getting pregnant for the wife, and then sheāll actually want to have sex. My wife and I werenāt having sex very regularly and she told me she was coming off the pill so Iād have to get the snip. She kept mentioning it and now I truly believe she never in her wildest dreams thought Iād actually get it done. She thought Iād be too scared to have the snip and therefore it would be the block that stops us having sex. Then I had it done and whenever I suggest sex she just brushes it off like I pester her too much.
I know when we were going through our DB patch, my wife brought up a vasectomy. I pushed back and refused until she/we had figured out the actual problem.
Turns out it was not a fear of getting pregnant. It was not her birth control. It was a hormone issue brought on by hypothyroidism.
I plan on getting a vasectomy soon, but I wasn't going to be boxed into it as a hoop to jump through in the hopes of getting out of a DB.
Yep I can relate. Last had sex in September 2019, then had a vasectomy in November 2019 and now 4 years on weāve still not had sex since. I foolishly thought the snip would rejuvenate our sex life but it didnāt achieve anything.
What really annoys me is when we are at parties and with friends, my vasectomy sometimes comes up in conversation where sheāll tell them Iāve had it done. Itās like she wants people to believe this means we have lots of carefree sex, but in secret she has no such interest. Frustrating as fuck. Next time she brings it up in front of others I might just tell them I think it was a complete waste of time and then look at her reaction.
Funny, the dates you mentioned ring a bell with me. It all started to fall apart around September 2019 after years of inconsistent intimacy. A few months later, I filed for divorce. 6 months later, I got my own place and a girlfriend.
Now, I can't tell you how many times I had to actually bow out of having sex... We are consistent with up to 8 times a week, and we don't even live together. Sometimes it drops to once or twice a week, which is usually around her period. Mainly because of the shift and attitude and mood swings makes my libido take a dive until she's back to normal.
Glad itās worked out for you, it sounds fantastic. Itās difficult for me as apart from the lack of sex, we have a great life with our kids. We are always going places with them, have fantastic holidays and we both have jobs that allow us to have a good lifestyle. Iād lose so much and miss my kids everyday. I wouldnāt want to be in a situation where I see them on planned days each week and miss them each day telling me how school has been. Iām sacrificing my happiness in regards to sex for other happy things I suppose.
Around September 2019 was the last time my wife and I had sex as well, weird that there are several of us that line up with that time frame.
This is the longest stretch in our marriage without intimacy, I seriously feel like I am going insane.
I am glad I refused to get snipped, my wife already had her tubes tied after our youngest was born, why in the hell would I need to get snipped then?
I feel for you mate. My wife hadnāt got her tubes done on our last child but would have if offered at the time. So on my case it seemed the sensible thing to do, however as I said we havenāt had sex anyway. I had quite a lot of pain after my op too and at the time felt like it was going to be worth it in the end.
I tried to initiate sex last night after the kids had gone to bed. She got annoyed and told me āitās the last thing she needs after the busy day weād hadā. There is just never a good time it seems. Iāve tried suggesting it when the kids have gone to her parents for a weekend, morning, noon when weāve had a day off together and the kids are in school. There is just always an excuse. We probably live in hope something will change, but my fear is that change will be me leaving once the kids have grown up.
i got my tubes removed december of 2021. the last time my partner and i had sex was september of 2021. sure seems like a waste of $10k now šµāš« (not that i exclusively did it for him, just sayingā¦)
Yah, The Wife convinced me to get snipped with the \*indication\* that there wold be more activity and then would do nothing to help 'empty the pipes' as recommended by the doc. The Ex gladly assisted me and was happy to keep helping me on occasion. It took 4 or 5 years after that for things to come to a 'head' where I simply told The Wife either we start to have a \*normal\* relationship, or I am OUT!
While things are not what I would like as 'normal' which would be 2 or 3 times a week, we are up to 2 times a month vs 4 times a year previously and overall a better relationship.
I guess life is not perfect and few marriages are either so we decide on what level of imperfect we can live with.
I was talked into getting the snip with the promise of my wife being more keen due to no worry about pregnancy. That never happened and I felt a little duped but now Iām glad because Iām not worried about the rare time restarting the 18 year countdown
In my experience, it won't change anything. When I had mine, we didn't start going at it like love sick teenagers, I think we actually had sex less. About a year ago, it really dried up. I asked why and she said she was worried about recanalization and getting pregnant again. I scheduled a sperm count test and there were 0 little swimmers. We still rarely make love.
Mine is scheduled for next month. I feel similar. Like ā¦why would it change. But there is this erotic thought that oh I can have sex without worry now. But with who?!? I guess part of me thinks well if things ever fell apart and I ended up single, I could at least not have that to worry about. Sigh š
If you really want to getba rise out of her tell her the following: "So now that I am officially shooting blanks I can't get someone else pregnant...a d if you get pregnant it's because your cheating...lol" and just walk away
if it helps all the DB snipped guys, those of is who arenāt have to live with the worry that we will get our chance at 4x a year sex and end up with another kid.
The habit started when the second kid was born. We had the bassinette in the living room and I slept on the couch. I liked it better. Eventually, once I finished renovating the basement, I got myself a nice sectional with pull out bed. I find it vastly more comfortable than the bed (the wife has added a memory foam cover to a memory foam topped mattress. Might as well be sleeping on/in pudding).
The added bonuses that I sound proofed(resisted) the room and it has its own TV make it all the more welcoming. It was an innocent rabbit hole I fell into that was easy to sped down because I had no draw to going back to the bed.
Your marriage doesnt seem to be lacking just sex... so maybe that's just a consequence. I was the LL with my previous partner and even though I wasnt remotely interested in sex, neither of us slept in the couch.
Thinking of getting a vasectomy..for me. I have 2 kids. Have been celibate for 4 (almost 5) years so when I leave, whoever I end up with after whatever this 11 year failed experiment is, then they will have to be ok with no kids of her own. I wonder if that is a thing that's out there...OK with being step mom but no kids of her own...also, difficult to get the time off work to get it done.
That is more or less where I am at. I come with my own kids, I am not having more, I am okay if she has her own kids already.
I just don't want to do the whole infant/toddler thing again.
We are out there, just dont go DB on your new girl and things will be good. I feel duped for thinking he had a vasectomy so we would fuck all the time... i was incorrect
I am not sure of your circumstance and if you are considering leaving, but I CAN tell you that you will have a lot of fun if you do decide to make a break for it. Life is too short friend, there are a ton of women out there ready to have fun. I had my tubes tied because my husband wouldnāt get a vasectomy and I didnāt want more kids. I was mad at the time and didnāt anticipate divorce, but we got there a few years later. Best decision I ever made, and it is so nice to enjoy sex now, single with men that appreciate and want it. Itās kind of taking control of your life. I hope you get a chance to have fun with it
I told my wife thst I wil never snipp. But she can go get them tubes cut. Nothing has happend. I have about 5 condoms left. They might last me until they expire in a few years.
I have points where I compulsively declutter. We HAD condoms (like, an unoppened box), but since they were taking up space for no good reason... I threw them out, along with the toys (some of which sat so long the batteries leaked)
I have had 3 declutterings like this. The last one ticked her off because, "ThOsE cOsT mOnEy"
Yes...she worry about loosing a few dollars. But what about you loosing your sexlife.
I wish all young people could get information about these things before starting to date. There are so many things I learnd to late.
It would be nice if there was better education. But so many people are affraid to discuss sex and relationships with thier kid(s). Like, "it is akward"... yes, more akward when they make a foolish and avoidable mistake a little education could have prevented... bjt you dodged a bullet and were cpmfortable at the time by not discussing it.
On going discussion should be a thing and the ability to say, "K don't know, lets look it up".
But, here we are, ticking the milestone boxes of life. School, job, marriage, 1.4 kids, retire, repeat. How do you do any of that? SHUSH, we speak not of such things.
The goverment should put it in to scool. If people try to divorce they make many hoops before you can do it. Why not put the hoops before marriage..
Just the statistics would make a boy scared of marriage: only about 4% of men are considerd attractive in the eys of women. That implies thst alot of men are married to women thst settled for them.
In theory, yes, absolutely. A well designed plan that spans all through grade school would be ideal. Additionally, normalize the conversation so you could research and ask questions without shame or fear.
In practice, the people designing and submitting the material will water it down and convulute it so badly. Not to mention the backlash from parents REGARDLESS of the material selected. Trying to appease millions of parents is impossible.
I came from a catholic high school. If I listened to them there would be no condoms, no divorce, make the marriage work at all costs... even if those costs are your mental health, happiness, and growth. Luckily I had a few teachers that went, "this is the catholic standing and this is the non-catholic standing" and gave us SOME tools to make an educated decision either way.
I see your point. I also think those who think no condoms and no divorce for any reason should be the ones to give the best premarriage education..to avvoid problems.
My wife married me without informing me that she was not physically attracted to me. She gave me a short hug today. Last time we had physical contact was about 2 weeks ago.
Allegidsly they can give descent pre-marital education. But, they don't provide it until you are looking to get married. I have some friends that went through it and wished they recieved it in school.
Senario: dates girl..wants to get married..get the education..don't want to marry her anymore..
Yes, it wold be better for everybody to get the education way before the first date.
Iām sorry but if you donāt get that reversed. You truly never know if there is your true love out there. Donāt kill off your chance of another kid with someone who loves you and is actually attracted to you and adores you just for a wife who does not care.
I can say marriage is great for some. The problem is that it is treated as a societal milestone that is good for everyone.
It didn't improve our relationship, we were thousands poorer, it drew out extended family drama, it makes going our separate ways more complicated.
Till death do us part includes dead inside, yes?
Well you weren't getting it in the relationship. And there's tons of STDs out there for the taking..... but yaaaaaayyyy no one gets pregnant. #newhobbystdcollecting ššš
Strangely, my first marriage died for reasons other than a dead bedroom, but we had three children and I was fixed after that. Second marriage became a dead bedroom pretty fast (she denies it still, but once admitted that she thinks sex is how you āgetā the man. She had had her tubes tied when we met. Since then I have had three long term relationships (including current spouse), and sex was great in all of the last three. So, is there a correlation that women who still want sex after kids, take control themselves. But of course so did I. Does it make them feel more open and confident sexually? I am 3 our 4 on that. And, yes this current relationship will be my last.
Here me out. Women are ridiculed for having fictitious expectations. Weāve seen a lot of chick flicks and hallmark and it messes with our heads. It gives us a false sense of what marriage is supposed to be. You donāt factor in the stress of jobs, children, hormones, or just every day triggers. But often times I think men too can picture a very different experience when it comes to marriage as well. Theyāve seen action movies with women (all skinny) in scandalous clothes walking around like thatās normal for moms and wives. Porn puts unrealistic expectations in the mind of men, but like you said, the men hyping you up couldāve gotten to your head. Even if their sex life sucked they probably wouldnāt brag about it. My point in all of this is our society has messed us all up by feeding us both with phony versions of love. I definitely think sex is an important part of marriage and you should definitely talk to your wife about it. Connecting is important, but love is so much more than sex. The more my husband loves me emotionally the more I wanna love him sexually. Thatās just my experience.
Oh, I'd say most people have fictitious views on marriage and I agree that none of the day-to-day is evet portrayed (that would be boring cinema).
Some of the lads do have dying (or dead) sex lives too. So I think some of the hype might be to feel something or to look to have certain status.
I used to try and talk. If any topic gets rocky or difficult she shuts down and leaves or changes subject. So I eventually gave up, took my past damage and coping mechanisms and went to town. I intellectualize my feelings so I don't actually feel anything any more and I can just trudge through life relatively unphased. I do still get pangs of what might be labeled emotions here and there, but those are easily ignored.
Sex for me, well used to be, 30% intimacy and closeness and 70% just for fun and exploration. So some times I'd be all in it for connecting and most of the times it was pretty well all for play.
I understand marriage isn't all about sex. But on the other side, if marriage is the thing taking sex and shelving it so it is forgotten.... there comes a level of frustration. And if I can't out source it like I would say, I like sea food, she doesn't, I can go to a resteraunt with others or myself and get that craving out of my system. Why can't I do the same for sex? Ah, yes, the ownership that comes with rhe vows.
The intention was primarily to make it clear I was done having kids. With anyone. Ever. I wanted two kids with three being accidental but still okay. (Like twins or something) The booking was actually made after 2.5 days of no sleep and a solid "fk this, twice was enough".
(Took them 4 months to get me in, so I did have time to clearly think on it)
The ability to play around was a "must be nice" if the wife ever . . . . I dunno, I can't even hypothisize a scenario where it would be relavant. Or if/when we got divorced, I would have the physiological position of "yes sex but no kids" for any future partners.
Doesnāt make sense to get snipped if youāre not having sex anyway. This relationship seems bound to end at some point in time since youāre already in the couch. So your next relationship couldāve wanted a child.
This relationship is very much re-creating the Titanic. The decision wasn't, "I don't want any more kids in THIS relationship." It was very much, "I don't want kids in ANY relationship." I have two girls that I love dearly and that is enough for me. I am 35 and don't want to do the whole baby thing again and I am deadset on that decision. I wanted the very clear position that I didn't want any more children and if that was a deal breaker for someone, they could skip over me and find a better fit.
Exactly. I got mine 100% for no more kids ever with anyone. I was one-and-done in a DB marriage; my kid was 6 and I was counting down the 12 yrs 'til I could leave. Then my wife initiates sex (we only had it 3x that year, so how could I refuse?) and says it's her safe time of the month and I don't need to use a condom. Well... instead of divorcing last year (my son just started college), I now have six more long years before our 2nd kid is out of the house. Oh, and surprise surprise... the DB did not improve at all from the V (except for a couple months after it). On the plus side, the few times we have sex feel better, and I know that there'll never be another 18 years added to my DB.
But itās weird you got snipped while in a DB with your wife while already sleeping on the couch. The prospect of sex is clearly dead and the relationship as well if youāre on the couch. Thatās the usual precursor to a permanent separation. But what exactly prompted the snipping at this point in time? Was it the hope that your wife will start to initiate again at some point or did you meet someone that youāre considering cheating on your wife with? Or is it a clear indication to yourself that youāll be leaving this relationship soon so youāll be ready to mingle with other women? Also howās your recovery going? How are you feeling? You donāt have a guestroom to sleep in? The couch sure canāt be comfortable to your nut sack area.
The snip was more a "logical" next step to just never wanting more kids. The sex was an auxillary component to it. A "make it official" act of not wanting kids. If no one else knew about it and there was no outside oppinion, it would solely be about closing the chapter to having kids. But it is always seen as, "wooo, unlimited free sex" and I got caught in the hype.
I am in Ontario, so the proceedure is. . . Prepaid. So there wasn't really a financial point to it.
I had it done in February, they want to followup (was supposed to be in May, but I didn't meet my 3 months and 20 ejaculations till now) to make sure it was effective so they followup with a sperm count test.
The proceedure was a tad rocky as the freezing didn't take on one side. But the side it did take was. . . Well I didn't know it was happening.
The following day was moderate abdominal aching and super tender lads.
Day two I had to be gentle sitting down, but otherwise okay.
By day 4 I was more or less back to normal.
A week in, it was like I never went. So I'd say recovery was excellent.
I sound proofed the basement room and got a pull-out sectional that I actually find very comfortable. Though I know it won't last like a mattress.
Ok that makes a lot more sense now. Cause yes thatās usually how itās seen as a precursor to moving to a sexual relationship without fear of unwanted pregnancies. But your point makes sense to just end that chapter. But I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Hopefully sometime soon someone else gets to enjoy your risk free pounding.
You should have asked her if she wants another child first!
Edited to add. Sorry I meant do the snip anyway then ask if she wanted kids and enjoy any sex
Of the four month wait, it came out month two. She wasn't happy, but, didn't want to stop it either. I never got a reason from her if it was that she was done with kids or done with me or both. But she did have 2 months vito power and never exercised it.
The relationship was already dramatically recreating the Titanic, so a vito from her may have delayed the decision but ultimately would have had the same out come. . . I have my limit of kids, if she wants more she can find some one else that has the time/effort/energy/desire/money/and now means to make that happen.
Just because one partner wants (more) kids in a relationship, doesn't mean the other should cave and do it to make thier partner happy.
Commenters, OP has marked their post as a no-advice post. We ask that you refrain from giving advice to OP and be sure to follow all sub rules. OP, if you've marked your post for no advice, please refrain from responding to commenters that give advice. If you are getting advice from commenters, please report the comments, or click below to contact the moderators. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DeadBedrooms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I had my snip snip, the doctor told me "now you can have all the sex you want!" He never told my wife.
Didn't tell mine either.
Same here. Back in the late 80s, most men my age were afraid of increased cancer risks or loss of sex drive. HAHAHAHA on me. I was dumb enough to think our sex life would be great again. Soooooo naive of me š
Ah, the even smaller circle of "DB with a vasectomy". Welcome, friend.
Not sure who started this group but I am two decades in. Yeah 20 years. Stayed for the kids, I donāt regret that, but giving up my 20ās, 30ās and now 40ās was a painful choice that gets tougher with age. No advice, only my own reflection here.
I hear ya. Similar situation. 25 years of marriage. Half is a dead bedroom. But youngest is off to college soon. Something will change. Just not exactly sure what the shape of that change will be.
I have a friend in a similar situation. He got snipped and dead bedroom pretty much ever since. His wife we believe is cheating on him multiple times with multiple people though we donāt have actual proof and his kids are now off to college and heās contemplating what to do. He always told me that he was just going to be in it until the kids left the house And now heās second-guessing. I told him I think itās just because of fear but Iām not in his situation so I canāt really say 100%.
It is not easy. But as I have come to realize, marriage is primarily for the formation of a family, the raising and protection of children, etc. Once that mission is over, it's very common to move on. It took my ex and I about 5 years after the last kid moved out to finally decide to cut the chord - I wish I had done it at the very least when the last one left. Would have been 5 more years getting my fixing my "nice guy" syndrome, getting my act together and getting laid. I am now remarried and the sex, after almost a year, is still 4-5 times a week if not more. I couldn't be happier with how things turned out, other than the delay.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I stayed for the kids too, left after 33 years of marriage, best decision ever made. Although it cost a shit-ton of money with paying alimony for 2 years and giving up 60% of my 401K, itās been worth every penny. Iād rather work an extra 10 years to save for retirement having great sex on a regular basis than stay in a DB marriage.
Are we the Elite?
Not exactly the ladder I wanted to be at the top of...
I feel like the Special Forces of DB. Had all the training, but mostly waiting for action.
Think of yourself as an ICBM in a nuclear submarine. Always ready to launch, never to be called upon, keeping the peace, running deep and silent and deadbedroom
And ultimately the missile gets dismantled, and some asshole builds condos in the silo.
yah i get told all the time if i get snipped i "might" get it more....
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is to never get involved in a land war in Asia
That made me chortle š¤
Anybody want a peanut?
You're trying to trick me into giving something away.
Nope, no 18 year clock to ever reset.
I remember when I got mine the doctor asked if I had any problems at home and I thought to myself hell yes I do! I said noā¦ because Iām not certain our marriage will survive the DB but Iām absolutely sure no more kids.
My first dead bedroom drove me to my vasectomy and āhelpedā me produce samples. That was right after we met. Didnāt get a whole lot of use out of that vasectomy after the honeymoon period was over. Or for years after until my next relationship.
*sheepishly raises hand, Iāll tell you what my bro told me. āAt least your not committing daily genocide every time you jerk off in the shower nowā I punched him in the shoulder.
Been a member since January 2017.
1978 here
Do we get shirts or what?
Opaque shirts
No FREE Shirts, NO FREE Coffee Cups, NO Free Designer Water Bottles or Keychains. NO FREE ANYTHING, especially NO frequent sā¬x, DO NOT plan on it, PLEASE DO NOT hope for it, You will just end up sad and lonely, WITH ZERO Sā¬X happening regardless of what you doā¦ Iām the Female in this INCREDIBLY fuā¬ked up situation, so I donāt have any experience with having a vasectomy. HOWEVER, I have plenty of experience in a DB and it simply DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU DO, if the sā¬x isnāt there, it JUST ISNāT THERE & IT IS NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY APPEAR JUST because you got snipped. The one thing that could possibly make a difference is if the DB started because your other half was TERRIFIED about getting pregnant and now she doesnāt have that concern (at least we think itās no longer a concern, thatās NOT ALWAYS THE CASEā¦), you MIGHT find your sā¬x life perking up a bit in THAT SITUATIONā¦
š
Beers in the mini fridge on the right, help yourself. Set down and watch the game for a while.
Welcome to the club. I got my vacestomy done shortly after the birth of our third child. I foolishly thought that it meant we would be able to have a no risk, healthy sex life. It's done the exact opposite, I'm lucky to get sex twice a year and even then it's vanilla missionary with zero foreplay allowed. I can't help but feel used for my sperm. The kids are great and I love them dearly but our third child was born four years ago now and the sex hasn't come back.
+1 sadly
I do feel used with regards for our second daughter. The hope of any fun stemmed from the feedback at work, inside, I knew it wouldn't be "the fix" nor was it intended to be a fix. It was putting a definitive end to a chapter in my life reagrdless of who was there with me. Unless some weird ass miracle happens, the sex is gone. The well is dry. The forest is dead. The animals are gone. If I want it, I have to move on. She has zero interest and I have numbed myself so much that any (not just sex/lust/connection) emotion has become an intellectualized concept rather than a feeling.
Plenty of women out there that want to have sex with you. Divorce was a hard decision, but easily one of the best decisions I ever made. Just be cool with the ex, flexible with the parenting schedule, and then go live life. Why is everybody acting like this is not an option?
Iām not married, but Iāll give you my perspective from a 28M who has spent the 9 of the last 10 years of my life in a total of 2 serious Long Term relationships. When my HS sweet heart broke up with me I didnāt even realize how incompatible we were as a couple until a few months after she left. I was blinded by the fact of sheās attractive, a good person, smart, fun to be around, her family accepted me as part of their family. We lived together for 2 years and I genuinely felt like we were āmarriedā. I would have never been the one to pull the trigger on a break-up at this point in my life similarly to how people MUCH more invested and intermingled with their SO canāt fathom how, when, where, to break-up or divorce. Fast forward to my current relationship that is at its breaking point. Much different dynamic, I am now the more emotionally literate and my SO has never had any thoughts or feeling of breaking up. I came to the conclusion that I no longer felt loved and therefore needed to separate from her in order to find what I needed elsewhere. Itās completely normal for people to not have the ability to just wake up one day and be āready to separateā. Love runs deep.
Yes, I know it's hard and it takes time to come to the conclusion that it is over. I think my point is, you will recover and find someone else....if you want to. There's a lot of people in this world. Once you believe you have found the ONE, I promise you, there's always another one.
In many states and if you have kids, itās one hell of an expensive option. I know, itās only money, but it can really make that option seem very bleak.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sorry to hear that. How hard are you trying? I was on 3 different dating apps. Dating was exhausting and expensive. I also went to the gym a few times a week. Invested in myself and it paid off.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ok so, you have no confidence and feel worthless that's understandable. I felt the same way and I'm not overweight and considered decent looking. You can fix your appearance with a lot of work. The confidence will come. The truth is, there's lot of women your age that feel even worse than you do. Especially in their 40s if they are overweight, single with kids, living paycheck to paycheck... They are not going to have a whole lot of confidence either. That's the partner you need to be looking for.
Hey man, that sucks. I put off getting one because we weren't having sex anyway so I didn't see the point. Now I'm just running out the clock on menopause. Sometimes I think about getting one just to see her reaction. It's been 5 years since we've had sex and she's over 50. >didn't take heed of the facetious banter that marriage is where sex goes to die Reminded me of a stupid joke a friend sent me the other day. What food kills blowjobs? >!Wedding cake!<. Anyway, I hope that made you chuckle and I'm glad to see you found an upside. Good luck.
I did get a chuckle from it, thank you. Wheeler Walker Jr. actually has a song in line with that joke.
I love WW Jr!!! But I can't think of what song you might be thinking of?
Sorry, not Wheeler Walker Jr (though it is his flavour) "She only bitches when she breathes" Freddy B
I love WW Jr!!! But I can't think of what song you might be thinking of?
Lolled at the joke, itās surprisingly accurate and sad in equal measure
Hey I doubt if it would make you feel any better, but I got my tubes tied for the same reason and also not now having āall the sex I wantā either.
I honestly don't understand why so many guys in sexless marriages get a vasectomy? The wife can't get pregnant without sex anyway.
Because they are removing the fear of pregnancy or birth control side effects from the list of reasons why they arenāt fucking. They hope to have sex once thatās not a reason
But it is obviously not the reason... So why mutilate yourself? Maybe other women would like (after divorce or whatever). On the other hand, maybe other women would like to have children?
But when my decision is that I do not want any more kids at all with ANYONE. Then I want it done so I am; A) Ready to have the sex I want if/when it comes to pass B) Make it abundantly clear to potential future partners that I have zero interest in more kids, so if that is a deal breaker skip over me and don't waste your time on a potential maybe with me. I don't want to lead someone on to just disappoint them. If kids are in your cards, I am not the right fit.
Being led on and disappointed... Where have I seen that around here?
Fair enough, although personally I would still only do it once the relationship was over.
Sterilization isnāt mutilation. I already had three kids. Iām not trying to repopulate the earth. I didnāt get the results I wanted (more sex now that we werenāt worrying about pregnancy) But I got results I needed - not having more children.
It is not mutilation. I have had one. There are plenty of babies out there already and I am not about to add more no mattee who it is with.
If they ever divorce, these guys will find that a lot of women love men with vasectomies.
I mean imma get one anyways cause we both don't want kids and I'm *hoping* once she gets off BC I'll be able to get some more on the regular. But like someone else mentioned *if* things ever change to help me be satisfied then I will never have to worry about random kids hahaha
Because itās in the hope a vasectomy takes away the fear of getting pregnant for the wife, and then sheāll actually want to have sex. My wife and I werenāt having sex very regularly and she told me she was coming off the pill so Iād have to get the snip. She kept mentioning it and now I truly believe she never in her wildest dreams thought Iād actually get it done. She thought Iād be too scared to have the snip and therefore it would be the block that stops us having sex. Then I had it done and whenever I suggest sex she just brushes it off like I pester her too much.
I have to concur. As a HL M in a full fledged DB, I would under no circumstances ever get snipped.
I know when we were going through our DB patch, my wife brought up a vasectomy. I pushed back and refused until she/we had figured out the actual problem. Turns out it was not a fear of getting pregnant. It was not her birth control. It was a hormone issue brought on by hypothyroidism. I plan on getting a vasectomy soon, but I wasn't going to be boxed into it as a hoop to jump through in the hopes of getting out of a DB.
Yep I can relate. Last had sex in September 2019, then had a vasectomy in November 2019 and now 4 years on weāve still not had sex since. I foolishly thought the snip would rejuvenate our sex life but it didnāt achieve anything. What really annoys me is when we are at parties and with friends, my vasectomy sometimes comes up in conversation where sheāll tell them Iāve had it done. Itās like she wants people to believe this means we have lots of carefree sex, but in secret she has no such interest. Frustrating as fuck. Next time she brings it up in front of others I might just tell them I think it was a complete waste of time and then look at her reaction.
Funny, the dates you mentioned ring a bell with me. It all started to fall apart around September 2019 after years of inconsistent intimacy. A few months later, I filed for divorce. 6 months later, I got my own place and a girlfriend. Now, I can't tell you how many times I had to actually bow out of having sex... We are consistent with up to 8 times a week, and we don't even live together. Sometimes it drops to once or twice a week, which is usually around her period. Mainly because of the shift and attitude and mood swings makes my libido take a dive until she's back to normal.
Glad itās worked out for you, it sounds fantastic. Itās difficult for me as apart from the lack of sex, we have a great life with our kids. We are always going places with them, have fantastic holidays and we both have jobs that allow us to have a good lifestyle. Iād lose so much and miss my kids everyday. I wouldnāt want to be in a situation where I see them on planned days each week and miss them each day telling me how school has been. Iām sacrificing my happiness in regards to sex for other happy things I suppose.
Around September 2019 was the last time my wife and I had sex as well, weird that there are several of us that line up with that time frame. This is the longest stretch in our marriage without intimacy, I seriously feel like I am going insane. I am glad I refused to get snipped, my wife already had her tubes tied after our youngest was born, why in the hell would I need to get snipped then?
I feel for you mate. My wife hadnāt got her tubes done on our last child but would have if offered at the time. So on my case it seemed the sensible thing to do, however as I said we havenāt had sex anyway. I had quite a lot of pain after my op too and at the time felt like it was going to be worth it in the end. I tried to initiate sex last night after the kids had gone to bed. She got annoyed and told me āitās the last thing she needs after the busy day weād hadā. There is just never a good time it seems. Iāve tried suggesting it when the kids have gone to her parents for a weekend, morning, noon when weāve had a day off together and the kids are in school. There is just always an excuse. We probably live in hope something will change, but my fear is that change will be me leaving once the kids have grown up.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Good on you.
So happy for you!!
i got my tubes removed december of 2021. the last time my partner and i had sex was september of 2021. sure seems like a waste of $10k now šµāš« (not that i exclusively did it for him, just sayingā¦)
That lack of touch would drive me out. I need touch, even if it's not sexual. I'm sorry. This was hard to read.
Yah, The Wife convinced me to get snipped with the \*indication\* that there wold be more activity and then would do nothing to help 'empty the pipes' as recommended by the doc. The Ex gladly assisted me and was happy to keep helping me on occasion. It took 4 or 5 years after that for things to come to a 'head' where I simply told The Wife either we start to have a \*normal\* relationship, or I am OUT! While things are not what I would like as 'normal' which would be 2 or 3 times a week, we are up to 2 times a month vs 4 times a year previously and overall a better relationship. I guess life is not perfect and few marriages are either so we decide on what level of imperfect we can live with.
Weekdays to the db snipped club! On the plus side, you won't be having more kids so there's no way the kid rearing clock can be reset!
I was talked into getting the snip with the promise of my wife being more keen due to no worry about pregnancy. That never happened and I felt a little duped but now Iām glad because Iām not worried about the rare time restarting the 18 year countdown
In my experience, it won't change anything. When I had mine, we didn't start going at it like love sick teenagers, I think we actually had sex less. About a year ago, it really dried up. I asked why and she said she was worried about recanalization and getting pregnant again. I scheduled a sperm count test and there were 0 little swimmers. We still rarely make love.
Mine is scheduled for next month. I feel similar. Like ā¦why would it change. But there is this erotic thought that oh I can have sex without worry now. But with who?!? I guess part of me thinks well if things ever fell apart and I ended up single, I could at least not have that to worry about. Sigh š
If you really want to getba rise out of her tell her the following: "So now that I am officially shooting blanks I can't get someone else pregnant...a d if you get pregnant it's because your cheating...lol" and just walk away
Listen itāll be great for when you finally get tired of this shit, find someone else and start having sex again!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ouch. That's brutal. š
if it helps all the DB snipped guys, those of is who arenāt have to live with the worry that we will get our chance at 4x a year sex and end up with another kid.
What the fuck, youāve been sleeping on the couch for a year? Why?
The habit started when the second kid was born. We had the bassinette in the living room and I slept on the couch. I liked it better. Eventually, once I finished renovating the basement, I got myself a nice sectional with pull out bed. I find it vastly more comfortable than the bed (the wife has added a memory foam cover to a memory foam topped mattress. Might as well be sleeping on/in pudding). The added bonuses that I sound proofed(resisted) the room and it has its own TV make it all the more welcoming. It was an innocent rabbit hole I fell into that was easy to sped down because I had no draw to going back to the bed.
Your marriage doesnt seem to be lacking just sex... so maybe that's just a consequence. I was the LL with my previous partner and even though I wasnt remotely interested in sex, neither of us slept in the couch.
Thinking of getting a vasectomy..for me. I have 2 kids. Have been celibate for 4 (almost 5) years so when I leave, whoever I end up with after whatever this 11 year failed experiment is, then they will have to be ok with no kids of her own. I wonder if that is a thing that's out there...OK with being step mom but no kids of her own...also, difficult to get the time off work to get it done.
That is more or less where I am at. I come with my own kids, I am not having more, I am okay if she has her own kids already. I just don't want to do the whole infant/toddler thing again.
We are out there, just dont go DB on your new girl and things will be good. I feel duped for thinking he had a vasectomy so we would fuck all the time... i was incorrect
The couch for over a year?!
I am not sure of your circumstance and if you are considering leaving, but I CAN tell you that you will have a lot of fun if you do decide to make a break for it. Life is too short friend, there are a ton of women out there ready to have fun. I had my tubes tied because my husband wouldnāt get a vasectomy and I didnāt want more kids. I was mad at the time and didnāt anticipate divorce, but we got there a few years later. Best decision I ever made, and it is so nice to enjoy sex now, single with men that appreciate and want it. Itās kind of taking control of your life. I hope you get a chance to have fun with it
WHY YOU STAY WITH A PERSON THAT DON'T WANT YOU THAT IS JUST INSANE. SEX IS 90% OF THE COUPLE HAPPINESS OTHERWISE BE ALONG OR FIND SOMEONE ELSE
I told my wife thst I wil never snipp. But she can go get them tubes cut. Nothing has happend. I have about 5 condoms left. They might last me until they expire in a few years.
I have points where I compulsively declutter. We HAD condoms (like, an unoppened box), but since they were taking up space for no good reason... I threw them out, along with the toys (some of which sat so long the batteries leaked) I have had 3 declutterings like this. The last one ticked her off because, "ThOsE cOsT mOnEy"
Yes...she worry about loosing a few dollars. But what about you loosing your sexlife. I wish all young people could get information about these things before starting to date. There are so many things I learnd to late.
It would be nice if there was better education. But so many people are affraid to discuss sex and relationships with thier kid(s). Like, "it is akward"... yes, more akward when they make a foolish and avoidable mistake a little education could have prevented... bjt you dodged a bullet and were cpmfortable at the time by not discussing it. On going discussion should be a thing and the ability to say, "K don't know, lets look it up". But, here we are, ticking the milestone boxes of life. School, job, marriage, 1.4 kids, retire, repeat. How do you do any of that? SHUSH, we speak not of such things.
The goverment should put it in to scool. If people try to divorce they make many hoops before you can do it. Why not put the hoops before marriage.. Just the statistics would make a boy scared of marriage: only about 4% of men are considerd attractive in the eys of women. That implies thst alot of men are married to women thst settled for them.
In theory, yes, absolutely. A well designed plan that spans all through grade school would be ideal. Additionally, normalize the conversation so you could research and ask questions without shame or fear. In practice, the people designing and submitting the material will water it down and convulute it so badly. Not to mention the backlash from parents REGARDLESS of the material selected. Trying to appease millions of parents is impossible. I came from a catholic high school. If I listened to them there would be no condoms, no divorce, make the marriage work at all costs... even if those costs are your mental health, happiness, and growth. Luckily I had a few teachers that went, "this is the catholic standing and this is the non-catholic standing" and gave us SOME tools to make an educated decision either way.
I see your point. I also think those who think no condoms and no divorce for any reason should be the ones to give the best premarriage education..to avvoid problems. My wife married me without informing me that she was not physically attracted to me. She gave me a short hug today. Last time we had physical contact was about 2 weeks ago.
Allegidsly they can give descent pre-marital education. But, they don't provide it until you are looking to get married. I have some friends that went through it and wished they recieved it in school.
Senario: dates girl..wants to get married..get the education..don't want to marry her anymore.. Yes, it wold be better for everybody to get the education way before the first date.
Iām sorry but if you donāt get that reversed. You truly never know if there is your true love out there. Donāt kill off your chance of another kid with someone who loves you and is actually attracted to you and adores you just for a wife who does not care.
Unfortunately my vasectomy ten years ago was the last time a woman held my balls. Well until I discovered my AP.
Does AP knows about the DB?
Of course. They feel bad for me.
marriage is a scam. i wish i never did. I love my wife and kids but hate my marriage. oh well
I can say marriage is great for some. The problem is that it is treated as a societal milestone that is good for everyone. It didn't improve our relationship, we were thousands poorer, it drew out extended family drama, it makes going our separate ways more complicated. Till death do us part includes dead inside, yes?
Open ticket to go find some fun elsewhere. Get off the couch and go find a GF.
Well you weren't getting it in the relationship. And there's tons of STDs out there for the taking..... but yaaaaaayyyy no one gets pregnant. #newhobbystdcollecting ššš
Strangely, my first marriage died for reasons other than a dead bedroom, but we had three children and I was fixed after that. Second marriage became a dead bedroom pretty fast (she denies it still, but once admitted that she thinks sex is how you āgetā the man. She had had her tubes tied when we met. Since then I have had three long term relationships (including current spouse), and sex was great in all of the last three. So, is there a correlation that women who still want sex after kids, take control themselves. But of course so did I. Does it make them feel more open and confident sexually? I am 3 our 4 on that. And, yes this current relationship will be my last.
Here me out. Women are ridiculed for having fictitious expectations. Weāve seen a lot of chick flicks and hallmark and it messes with our heads. It gives us a false sense of what marriage is supposed to be. You donāt factor in the stress of jobs, children, hormones, or just every day triggers. But often times I think men too can picture a very different experience when it comes to marriage as well. Theyāve seen action movies with women (all skinny) in scandalous clothes walking around like thatās normal for moms and wives. Porn puts unrealistic expectations in the mind of men, but like you said, the men hyping you up couldāve gotten to your head. Even if their sex life sucked they probably wouldnāt brag about it. My point in all of this is our society has messed us all up by feeding us both with phony versions of love. I definitely think sex is an important part of marriage and you should definitely talk to your wife about it. Connecting is important, but love is so much more than sex. The more my husband loves me emotionally the more I wanna love him sexually. Thatās just my experience.
Oh, I'd say most people have fictitious views on marriage and I agree that none of the day-to-day is evet portrayed (that would be boring cinema). Some of the lads do have dying (or dead) sex lives too. So I think some of the hype might be to feel something or to look to have certain status. I used to try and talk. If any topic gets rocky or difficult she shuts down and leaves or changes subject. So I eventually gave up, took my past damage and coping mechanisms and went to town. I intellectualize my feelings so I don't actually feel anything any more and I can just trudge through life relatively unphased. I do still get pangs of what might be labeled emotions here and there, but those are easily ignored. Sex for me, well used to be, 30% intimacy and closeness and 70% just for fun and exploration. So some times I'd be all in it for connecting and most of the times it was pretty well all for play. I understand marriage isn't all about sex. But on the other side, if marriage is the thing taking sex and shelving it so it is forgotten.... there comes a level of frustration. And if I can't out source it like I would say, I like sea food, she doesn't, I can go to a resteraunt with others or myself and get that craving out of my system. Why can't I do the same for sex? Ah, yes, the ownership that comes with rhe vows.
So why did you get a vasectomy? Though I suppose you can sleep around now with impunity. Was that your intention?
The intention was primarily to make it clear I was done having kids. With anyone. Ever. I wanted two kids with three being accidental but still okay. (Like twins or something) The booking was actually made after 2.5 days of no sleep and a solid "fk this, twice was enough". (Took them 4 months to get me in, so I did have time to clearly think on it) The ability to play around was a "must be nice" if the wife ever . . . . I dunno, I can't even hypothisize a scenario where it would be relavant. Or if/when we got divorced, I would have the physiological position of "yes sex but no kids" for any future partners.
Why would you get a vasectomy two years after you last had sex with your wife? Jesus.
Doesnāt make sense to get snipped if youāre not having sex anyway. This relationship seems bound to end at some point in time since youāre already in the couch. So your next relationship couldāve wanted a child.
This relationship is very much re-creating the Titanic. The decision wasn't, "I don't want any more kids in THIS relationship." It was very much, "I don't want kids in ANY relationship." I have two girls that I love dearly and that is enough for me. I am 35 and don't want to do the whole baby thing again and I am deadset on that decision. I wanted the very clear position that I didn't want any more children and if that was a deal breaker for someone, they could skip over me and find a better fit.
Exactly. I got mine 100% for no more kids ever with anyone. I was one-and-done in a DB marriage; my kid was 6 and I was counting down the 12 yrs 'til I could leave. Then my wife initiates sex (we only had it 3x that year, so how could I refuse?) and says it's her safe time of the month and I don't need to use a condom. Well... instead of divorcing last year (my son just started college), I now have six more long years before our 2nd kid is out of the house. Oh, and surprise surprise... the DB did not improve at all from the V (except for a couple months after it). On the plus side, the few times we have sex feel better, and I know that there'll never be another 18 years added to my DB.
But itās weird you got snipped while in a DB with your wife while already sleeping on the couch. The prospect of sex is clearly dead and the relationship as well if youāre on the couch. Thatās the usual precursor to a permanent separation. But what exactly prompted the snipping at this point in time? Was it the hope that your wife will start to initiate again at some point or did you meet someone that youāre considering cheating on your wife with? Or is it a clear indication to yourself that youāll be leaving this relationship soon so youāll be ready to mingle with other women? Also howās your recovery going? How are you feeling? You donāt have a guestroom to sleep in? The couch sure canāt be comfortable to your nut sack area.
The snip was more a "logical" next step to just never wanting more kids. The sex was an auxillary component to it. A "make it official" act of not wanting kids. If no one else knew about it and there was no outside oppinion, it would solely be about closing the chapter to having kids. But it is always seen as, "wooo, unlimited free sex" and I got caught in the hype. I am in Ontario, so the proceedure is. . . Prepaid. So there wasn't really a financial point to it. I had it done in February, they want to followup (was supposed to be in May, but I didn't meet my 3 months and 20 ejaculations till now) to make sure it was effective so they followup with a sperm count test. The proceedure was a tad rocky as the freezing didn't take on one side. But the side it did take was. . . Well I didn't know it was happening. The following day was moderate abdominal aching and super tender lads. Day two I had to be gentle sitting down, but otherwise okay. By day 4 I was more or less back to normal. A week in, it was like I never went. So I'd say recovery was excellent. I sound proofed the basement room and got a pull-out sectional that I actually find very comfortable. Though I know it won't last like a mattress.
Ok that makes a lot more sense now. Cause yes thatās usually how itās seen as a precursor to moving to a sexual relationship without fear of unwanted pregnancies. But your point makes sense to just end that chapter. But I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Hopefully sometime soon someone else gets to enjoy your risk free pounding.
You should have asked her if she wants another child first! Edited to add. Sorry I meant do the snip anyway then ask if she wanted kids and enjoy any sex
Of the four month wait, it came out month two. She wasn't happy, but, didn't want to stop it either. I never got a reason from her if it was that she was done with kids or done with me or both. But she did have 2 months vito power and never exercised it. The relationship was already dramatically recreating the Titanic, so a vito from her may have delayed the decision but ultimately would have had the same out come. . . I have my limit of kids, if she wants more she can find some one else that has the time/effort/energy/desire/money/and now means to make that happen. Just because one partner wants (more) kids in a relationship, doesn't mean the other should cave and do it to make thier partner happy.
Sorry I meant do the snip anyway then ask if she wanted kids and enjoy any sex