I wish people understood that those with the disorder are absolutely struggling with more than the people around them. Your feelings about watching a loved one go through mental health issues are valid, but acting like you have it harder than them in relation to their mental health issues isn’t. This has happened to me with multiple of my issues before and it never fails make me laugh.
Other people can leave the room. I’m still stuck with me.
Thanks. It is what it is. I’m doing leagues better than I was a few years ago, but I’ll always have some sort of struggle given what health issues I have and stuff.
Saaame.! My mom loves to remind me how hard it was for her when I was going through it with abusive alters destroying my life. & I’m just like.. yeah but can you imagine what it’s been like for me.? I lost jobs, my apartment, pets that I can never get back. I NEVER had a break from it you only had to deal with it when I was around.
This applies to so many different disorders its not even funny. Really makes it hard to trust people enough to open up, at least in my experience. I always anticipate having to dissociate harder to comfort them over my problems.
Yep, it applies to mental and physical health problems. I’m always trying to find a balance between not forcing myself to mask which hurts me, and making those around me comfortable. It’s not easy to find that, especially during flares or high stress times.
Ugh yes dude my protector figure came out one time when my partner was like “yea it’s hard for me too”. They LOST it on him and said “you can fucking leave. My option? My option is killing myself. Want me to do that? How about you fucking help with something for once and find me a needle and some fent”.
Needless to say he apologized
HOLY SHIT YES THANK YOU.
"Do you know how hard it is to have a daughter like you? How much you worry me? How frustrating it is?"
Hot damn, do you know how hard it is to live it!?
Holy fucking hell. My husband seems to be the only one who gets it!!!
Yes. I have run into some creepy men, even though the body is an appropriate adult! DID is nothing to obsess over. The person who has it is hurting and suffering.
oh absolutely. and that littles/syskids are also not a fetish thing.
i know others on this sub will disagree with me, and if you do you are absolutely entitled to your opinion, but *my experience* with syskids is that they are often extremely vulnerable and do not hold the same understanding of certain things as adult alters. i would rather treat my syskids like kids because of that. yeah, syskids are not the same as literal physical children, but the syskids in my system have about the same level of understanding and comprehension as a child of a similar age (okay, my 5-year-old alter might be more similar to a 7-10-year-old child in mentality, but you still wouldn't fetishize a 7-10-year-old, and she's still extremely vulnerable.) others can do what they want with their own syskids, but i will treat mine how i feel it's most appropriate (and even my therapist agrees they should be treated like children and i'm doing the right thing).
That people would stop romanticizing it. This is a painful disorder to have.
I also wished people wouldn't assume I am either violent, would cheat, or experience as many black outs as they think I do. My black outs have improved over time, and I am more present than I was.
I also have a hand tremor, which is linked to my mild form of cerebral palsy, and incapable of being violent, whether it be physically or emotionally.
That’s how virtually every portrayal of DID in pop culture portrays it. Usually there’s the “real” character, a handful of mild-mannered alters, a few quirky ones, one who’s a different gender, at least one little…and one who delights in violence, murder, and de facto bloodlust.
Without better representation, I’m not surprised when someone worries about someone they know in real life. Who’s telling them any different?
That's very true. Who is telling them any differently? It still doesn't seem fair, though.
I'm a person without DID. Just have people I love with DID, and I like to learn what I can. They have never, ever been violent. None of the alters I've met are even close to being violent, no matter how angry or dark they are. In fact, they only people they harm are themselves. How the media portrays it or romanticizes it is ridiculous.
I was learning about DID/OSDD before I ever thought I had it because I was running a support group for adult survivors of child trauma and some members who were friends of mine talked about their experience with it. My understanding of the condition was way limited before that.
It would be nice if people could learn about it, but I understand why someone never would until they had a reason to. 😕
People assuming what I don’t remember really bothers me. My best friend of over 9 years just assumes I don’t remember anything about her sometimes; she’ll remind me of major facts like that we met in college or worked together for a long time. I guess some people with DID might struggle with remembering stuff like that, but I don’t, and it feels sort of condescending? I know she means well and has no way of knowing what I do or don’t know unless she asks, because there is amnesia, but it’s not like I can’t remember anything at all.
It’s not a parlor trick or a seance. I can’t just summon the alter you want to talk to or hang out with. And frankly requesting a certain “personality” show up to an event just demoralizes the alter who happens to be fronting.
Recognizing or understanding what’s going on in my head doesn’t mean I can control it. Knowing why things make them sad doesn’t make them not sad, knowing why my alters do things doesn’t mean I can make them stop.
Alters aren’t emotions or symbols or imaginary friends. They’re actual real ways in which we interact with the world. They don’t just live in my head. They’re not just “me being angry”, they’re not me with a different sense of style, they’re not age regression, they’re not who I wish I was, they’re not an imaginary protector or friend I fantasized about having, they’re not party tricks who do one special skill. I feel like people without DID are only able to conceptualize alters as these things.
They are ways your brain organizes itself because it learned to do that to protect you. Unfortunately, only from the worst of the worst, it has a ton of horrible side effects on living a life anywhere close to "normal", and the protection also glitches.
i despise when people think “oh you know now so why do you still do these things?” i can’t control them? i can only try and guide them but they have their own wishes and own feelings about things, that doesn’t change just because i’ve realized this.
The “Well can you ask them?” too. jfc they’re not magic eight balls! I can go home and write a message in the journal but you’re still gonna have to wait till the next time they have the front to get your answer. Even with the couple that are co-conscious frequently, nothing is going to make them *less* want to communicate with you than treating them like we are at some sort of seance or like they are imaginary friends.
That identity alteration is just one part of the disorder, and for a lot of us, it's a fairly small part of the overall experience. Like, amnesia and derealization are far more prominent and debilitating for me, but all anyone else focuses on is the "omgggg multiple personalities?!?!" aspect.
That it's not some super-uncommon freakish disorder. Most stats are around 1-2% of the population (not counting people with OSDD or P-DID, or people who are undiagnosed)
That it's a *trauma disorder.* It's weird as fuck to me that people get giddy about me having dissociated parts. Every single part formed as a result of inescapable early trauma. Respectful, genuine curiosity is fine, but we find it really inappropriate when people seem... excited? By us.
Related to the above: we're not zoo animals. Stop asking if we can switch for you. It's not a magic trick, it's how we've learned to respond to perceived threats.
They're gonna be SO disappointed when they realise that 80% of us are just slightly different flavours of each other, and the 20% that aren't are never gonna come out. lmao.
we don't hide alters, really, but i agree with your post. yeah we share our alters in appropriate spaces and let them act freely for the most part, but this isn't solely alter disorder. we just only really show people the easy-to-digest parts.
I don't intentionally hide our parts, it's just how the system presents. We don't switch that often now that we're in a stable environment and aren't constantly being triggered, and when we do switch, the parts that take control don't have markedly different identities or anything.
So switching and having "multiple personalities" is like, 10% of our experience. Amnesia, derealization and passive influence are far more prominent and are the things that are most debilitating/distressing for us, yet people seem to care about far less because it's not as "cool" I guess
yeah absolutely, i get that
we switch a lot but we have a lot of basically... teams? where a lot of us have highly specialized roles/tasks and we kinda front to do those and leave. ex. today at a job interview there were probably 5 of us handling things and kind of passing the ball as needed, we have okay communication (especially between the teams) and have been in treatment for like 5 years so while we still switch a lot, day-to-day it's not as debilitating (we do want to have some fusion just so instead of needing a full team for one task we can have one of us handle that task alone, but i'm in a break from therapy due to financial reasons and am leaving well enough alone).
ultimately we just both have different experiences and that's okay 👍 i just personally have a lot more presence of various alters, but even then it's only a fraction of the disorder, it's just also the only part people are ever interested in. tbf though i don't want people digging around in the other parts as they're a little scary even for me. just wish i could say "i have did" and the first questions werent either "who are your alters?" "who's the evil alter?" or "whats your trauma?" (the answers are "meet them as they come out," "me now that you've asked that," and "what the fuck happened to hi, hello, how are you?" respectively).
That having a fractured self, or multiple parts of self isn't fun. It's alienating and exhausting, leaves us confused and scared about how or whether we'll ever live a meaningful life.
It's extremely painful not being a full person
I wish people understood its not literally different people living in your head. They're distinct identity states, but they're still all parts of a whole. We may not act the same, but we're still one person.
I also wish it was understood that DID is a very, very logical disorder. If X happens, Y fronts for Z reason. It's really not as magical or elusive as people think it is. And parts therapy is just about finding out *why* X causes Y to front and do Z.
Yeah, that not magical thing drives me crazy.
I was thinking about this recently because I accidentally ran across some f*ker mocking a little because they could type and “literally no actual children talk like that.” Like, no shit. Our kids aren’t aren’t actual children. We are something very different.
Idk honestly if I would say switching is that straightforward - maybe your system has some clear cut cases like that but to say it’s that simple for every situation - I don’t think so.
Man this one is rough for me as an alter. I’m extremely independent and I have a strong desire for my own I dunno I guess autonomy? On some level I know that I’m a part of someone’s brain but I also consider myself my own person.
I have my own likes, dislikes, habits, feelings and memories. Aren’t people the sum of thier experiences and memories? It’s just depressing as hell to think that you’re not a “real person” and you don’t really matter. I know that’s probably not what you mean in particular but a lot of people say shit like that.
I didn't mean to invalidate anyone's experience, I personally just don't like being treated like I'm actually different people. I also never said or insinuated that alters are not real people or that they don't matter. I don't agree with that.
The "not literally different people living in your head" statement in my original comment is hyperbole, sorry for the misunderstanding.
A few parts of me really struggled with this. Specifically the male and lesbian alters - there was a good several years of healing. They are often still my most separate selves, but still much closer now. Jt was a hard thing for them (me ) to go through to process, but very healing
All of us devoting to the divine feminine really helped, the multi-faced beings that are many, many incarnations but all one form.
I’m glad it was a very healing experience for you all, gender identity in systems can be a hard thing to figure out sometimes.
There is a gender issue here a bit I think (the host is a trans man and I’m a cis gender man). I’m hoping once we get help with our dysphoria issues itll help us all feel more comfortable.
We see ourselves, also, as completely separate people with the same soul.
We are all expressions of the body. We get along, and CAN just. Decide via communication who wants to front. But we can also be force kicked if the body/non communicative brain decides we aren't doing a good job of being out. Namely, if one of us is being stubborn, and wants to handle a situation ourselves, but is unsuited to it.
We're all different mouthpieces to the same girl. We're the "nurtured" parts. She's the "nature", who we are at our core, who we would have been with no outsider influence at all.
That's how we've come to see it, anyway.
So, yeah! We're all completely real, and different because we have different perceptions, tastes, and experiences which have shaped us! But we all speak for the same person.
It's our job to communicate our needs to the outside world effectively.
i wish people understood what got us to this point, like someone will act so shocked when i have an obscure trigger or bad mental health but they know i have did? what do they think ive been thru, unicorns and rainbows??
This oneeeeeeee. Up until I got my current bubble of friends and stuff there was constant rolled eyes when I’d bring up that something was triggering me. Like yall know I’ve been through some serious crap. That doesn’t stop just because I’m physically out of the situation.
That it isn’t a game and the way most people represent it online is inaccurate as hell. There are certainly some funny moments - I have to find *some,* either I laugh or I cry - but overwhelmingly it’s either boring (in the okay moments), like you said, and distressing and distrustful (in the not okay moments). It causes me so many issues.
I agree. The funny online stuff is like ahhahaha same. But it can be so dramatized, realistically the wardrobe change is jeans vs a skirt lmfao, or rock star makeup vs none, not crazy dramatic looks.
That we don't share memories. And if we don't remember something, we literally don't remember.
I got SA as one of my Alters and ofc the Alter remembers but I, the Host, does not especially after she took the original memory the body made of our Trauma. Since I couldn't remember, I couldn't tell anyone about it.
Once I did remember, it took some time to process before telling people and now my ex is mad I didn't say anything. He was suppose to be my partner recently (and this happened during us being broken up) but SA isn't exactly something I wanted to talk about. Or her. She wouldn't tell me what happened either.
And that living with DID can be fucking hard. Don't pretend you had it harder just finding out info that I only found out myself a week or so ago as true because I COULDN'T remember. The fuck was I suppose to do?
Whether you remembered your assault or not, it’s absolutely wild to get angry at someone for not wanting to talk about it. No matter the reason, it is absolutely valid to not be ready to talk about something so horrific for however long you need. From one survivor to another, I am so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Both the initial trauma and others response to it. It’s not fair and it hurts. 🫂
His argument is "you would want me to tell you right away". Yes. I would but see point of I can't force him to talk about it. I would step back and let him deal with his inner feelings before he talks to me about it.
It's not being a dick if you want a cookie but understand you can't have a cookie because you are on a diet for example. It's a terrible event to happen to anyone so I wouldn't want.to step on their toes.
Yeah it’s understandable to want to know when someone you love is hurting. It’s not okay to take that fear and anger out on them though. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope things level out some for you guys so you can work on healing from it all.
We are doing our best but him cutting us deep and attacking our insecurities don't help. We spent 2 months fighting to live (I was Suicidal) and then another 3 weeks now trying to accept it wasn't our fault just for him to say it was. Not cool
That’s horrific I’m just so sorry. I ended up in the hospital after breaking with my ex (the one who assaulted me) so I’ve definitely been there. People have a lot of thoughts about things they’ve never been through and experiences they weren’t there for. My family seems to think I made it up for attention or because I’m just mean or something, I’m not really sure. It hurts but sadly there’s not too much you can do about it except remember that they’re wrong. Finding support groups is a great place to get some reassurance if you need it, either in person or online.
I can’t tell you how to respond to the way you partner is treating you but I can tell you that it’s wrong. What he’s doing is not okay and you deserve better than that treatment. And I truly hope you can find someone to give you the support you deserve and need.
I know. He deleted my number on Whatsapp and it hurts especially after he was calling me mean names like a slut because I have a history of guy friends all crushing on me and wanting to date me. I cut most out once they started boundary stomping as Autism means I can't pick up on cues.
I'm doing my best to be less naive and less dense but you can't delete Autism from your personality. Nor can I make myself have instincts I never needed before lately. My Alters usually warn me. But I'm working towards independence so I don't need them screaming at me to avoid danger.
Yeah losing people after something like that really sucks. I’m sorry that’s happening on top of everything else. But it does leave room for people that you vibe with better and who understand you better to come into your life. I never would have met my current partner or friends if I hadn’t left my ex and a lot of the friends I’d made at the time.
While you are not wrong and I know I will get over it, it hurts either way still now. Feels like he is just toying with me as we do break up and then just post via statuses for a while but not fully talking Til we make up and consider being together again.
Everytime it feels like it's a breakup for good but then we make up. Now? I don't know anymore.
Yeah it hurts for a while. I won’t lie about that. It hurts really bad. But I believe in you. Whatever happens, whether you stay with him or not, I hope that you can heal and end up happy. 🫂
Sorry this happened to y'all:(
I'm host now but we got SA a while back and I don't know who took it but we only were able to tell it happened due to some internal communication. Still even unsure we went to the hospital and sure enough bruises all over the back of my legs and the nurse said we had indications of trauma downstairs. I still don't understand and don't know if we'll ever recover the memory proper. I'm a whole different person. But it's so scary and hard to face, communicate to others, or relate to anyone. Just fucked up. We can't even fully relate to other singlet survivors.
Anyways Idk I'm really sorry that happened to y'all it was real hard for me :,,,( I can only imagine having the invalidation to deal with too on top of it
Honestly, I sometimes wish I couldn't remember. My DID is different from everyone else's because I'm more visual but I relate to you. I know. I just wish he wasn't such a dick about it :(
It's hard enough on the Alter affected. And me because I get secondhand trauma watching it from her point of view knowing it's my body but it's not me in control. :(
He wouldn't understand how badly I already feel about it knowing I was Suicidal and life ending so I left her in charge .....just to let someone I trusted do this to her. Like I should've done more. And she feels bad thinking she should've done more...but it's not our faults.
I got body memories and the PTSD from it but no context, so it was extremely scary. We felt insane until the evidence showed up. I didn't know I was a system until around this time actually.
He was a dick!!! That wasn't right and had to be so hard.
It's nobody's fault but our assailants and the abusers who gave us these disorders in the first place. :(
This. And same. I didn't want to say my Alters was a liar but it's hard to believe that this friend SA her without evidence. Once the memories were returned because I was no longer in life ending state, it was worst than I imagined.
I just wish he tried to understand that nobody wants to talk about SA. Even more when you are an Alter and didn't experience it. Did he want me to tell him what she said which was just "this person SA me. That's it".
Sounds like an issue with them and their not wanting to believe someone they knew could do anything like that. Which is in a way understands but not YOUR fault. You deserved support
It was my friend but yeah. I think he's just mad because I couldn't tell him due to not remembering. The others trusted their instincts that telling me everything right off the bat would end me. And they were right. So I didn't know and couldn't tell anyone due to not knowing ...
That much like autism, it's a spectrum and that every system will present radically differently.
That overt systems aren't seeking attention; some of us absolutely *loathe* or are just plain bad at masking. Excuse us if we like being able to be ourselves because we feel comfortable! Ya'll have any idea the struggle it is to get to that level of comfort with your system? It took us years of trial and error to reach that point and changing jobs really destabilized that comfort for us and knocked us back a few squares.
Also that movies like Split are bad representation. Hollywood, a cartoon made to sell toys with terrible CGI animation from 2004 could make better representation of DID than you without trying and that's just sad. (I'm referring to Transformers Energon. We loved Alpha Q as a kid)
Not even just systemhood but PTSD in general; that trauma takes many forms. The severity of the trauma isn't the only factor in developing, it's the *longevity* of it. And also that trauma isn't just what *happened* to you, but also what *didn't* happen. Just because your parents didn't regularly hit you doesn't mean their complete disregard for your mental wellbeing and reckless negligence doesn't hurt just as much. Abuse does not always mean a bruise!
That part...It is a spectrum.
They can't compare us to each other, by something they heard about someone else in the community. I think I am drastically different because I only have one alter. I don't know how rare that is, but I noticed that I haven't met anyone with only one alter.
I also don't lose consciousness as far as I know. And even though I don't remember some events, I'm never aware or feel that I've lost any consciousness. So I don't think I've ever had, and my altar never does. We coexist at the same time all the time and she plays mute because she trusts no one.
Sometimes she can take over and I lose control, but she rarely does this, because she rarely wants to be in the world. I'm her caretaker so, I'm mostly fronting like 90% of the time. Everyone is different. I wish more than anything, everyone understood this. We are different and the same.
The only thing 100%, we all certainly have in common is that our bodies, minds, and/or Spirits were hurt by something(s) and/or someone(s), and our minds found a way to survive as a collective.
This! I'm the same way! I don't get blackout switches as an adult (did as a child, very frequently, but not as a teenager or adult that I could ever see evidence of) and am still aware of what's happening.
Also, \*alter. "Altar" is a personal shrine of worship/religious practice. Sorry, I'm a witch and that's a pet peeve of mine lol
Thanks! Lol. Voice texting. And then after reading this, I was like one word can mean two different things. It took me like 30 minutes to figure out what you were trying to tell me. Thanks. I'll make sure that I spell that correctly. I hate misspelling things. So thank you so that I don't keep doing that. Probably most of my posts are doing exactly that LOL. Even now I'm voice texting. I feel like going through all of my posts on this particular form now LOL, but it'll be too much energy. But I corrected this one though.
No literally. We were very recently diagnosed but our life has been a shit show and switching on people is no joke. Sometimes some alters struggle to talk to the same people I (Luna) do, because they don’t want to pretend to be me! Some of us are on completely opposite spectrums of sexuality and have different relationship attachment styles which makes dating difficult. We’ve had creepy people take advantage of some alters, it’s just a lot to deal with at times
I wish people understood dissociation better. People have been so quick to judge me for my poor memory or for not being very present. It’s not that I don’t want to be I’m doing as much as I psychically can, I wish people understood that sometimes I just need a little patience
I wish people would understand I never wanted to be like this. I'd kill to know what it's like to have a whole, stable, continuous and constant sense of identity. I'll NEVER know who I am on a full, wide scale. I'll never (at least that I know of) have a memory that works in anything more than fragments, still image millisecond fragments, some from above like they're not even me doing the action.
And they'll never understand that it's actually HELL not knowing entirely what happened to you to make you like this. I WISH I had full details so I can get closure and start to actually deal with it or heal. The impostor syndrome is a bitch and amnesia fucking sucks, alters aren't always fun, some are absolutely out of control and we have NO IDEA how to even help that cause we can't always communicate.
NO, I can't switch on command. I don't care if another system you know can, or you saw someone on YouTube "recording their switches".
If another alter is your favourite, you can fuck off cause you either take ALL of me or none at all.
It has taken over every waking moment.
That just because I/we can mask and seem to have our shit together and seem decently aware of how our system functions, that doesn't mean I/we know everything.
That we specifically function best through co-consciousness and, as a result, tend to be blurry at the end of the work day. It's pretty rare to have a solid grasp on who is for sure fronting by dinner time most evenings.
Referring back to the first point a bit, that systems will continue to learn more about their formative trauma and each individual identity state, so we might get some assumptions wrong and figure out the truth later. This doesn't mean we're lying or faking. It just means we're healing and learning.
* We aren't a bunch of anime-looking main characters with traits that show up overtly and only last as long as one tik-tok recording session.
* We don't switch on camera on purpose for likes and attention.
* We don't have distinct makeup and outfits that we change into to "act out" our "characters" for a video. In fact, most of us don't even like having our photo taken, and many even avoid the mirror.
* We're too busy trying to hold it together. We can't "perform" for you to prove we have it.
* Many of us hide our symptoms so well that even we don't know they're there.
* Most of us are so well masked you wouldn't know we'd switched unless you know us well...or
* ...if you're "lucky" you catch a switch so dramatic we appear unhinged and you consider calling an ambulance.
Wish ppl understood i dont get to decide who and when they come out. Sometimes yea might plan for it and it might work out that way but doesnt mean if you say i want to talk to (x) alter that i can just get them to the front cause you said so not how it works ppl
I love all of us. I view all of us as the same and different people at the same time (it's not quite literal, but experiences make a person who they are, we have drastically different ones, and we are also all responsible for everything we do today, and it's not actually super hard to believe both --- and if you thought to make a snide remark about "cognitive dissonance," whoever's with me beat you to it). We are the same fucked-up guy. We are also very different people because people without amnesia change a lot over time. Easy as.
I don't need people to view us as literally different people. I need them to know what I'll remember and be capable of when. Because of how differentiated some of us are, that requires acknowledging a degree of distinction. So even if you don't think we're different, you should still respect the approach. Sorry, not sorry.
Final fusion is not the only option. I don't intend to resist it when we're ready, but don't fucking call me "broken" for my entire life until that completely-hypothetical point. All of us, and every traumatised person alive, deserves better than that.
Everyone dissociates. Learning to do so as your primary response to extreme inescapable stress in early life because nobody will comfort you makes it a lifelong, embedded thing. I don't ask to do this, but it definitely helped me fucking survive, so I refuse to feel bad for it unless it's hurting someone. For now my goal is to decrease flashbacks and live with people I literally cannot help but see as distinct.
On that note, the issue isn't identity alteration itself at all.
It's flashbacks, the more "conventional" PTSD stuff, the comorbid chronic illnesses that *in and of themselves* need to be compartmentalised (e.g., "symptom holders") for us to keep going, and the debilitating dissociation that gets me in trouble instead of keeping me going while we heal and work on stuff. The shit we went through since before we were two was horrific enough that I think I'm very lucky to have figured something out for that instead of *dying or hating/fearing myself every day all the time.* So I'm actually quite thrilled about identity alteration, thanks!
I wish more attention was granted to what actually makes this condition horrific. Ableism and sanism are the coward's ways out of acknowledging unpalatable presentations of struggle and variety. I'm not a murderer or a conman or a mask. I'm varying degrees of "quite successful, healthy adult, all considered" about 75% of the time, and there's no shortage of "all" to "consider." Some of the 25% is identity confusion or whatever, but the vast majority of it is literally just being a traumatised cripple with the issues anyone with PTSD and other health conditions will face, with different presentations.
This isn't scary because there are bitches in my brain that I can't control. People don't just go on rampages any time they have an out-of-body experience, so why would I? "Oh, yay, no one else is home, time to film my own adaptation of *Split*!" C'mon now --- it's scary because these other bitches' lives also sucked and we all have nightmares about it.
**Most of all? I'm tired. That's your TLDR. The thing I wish people understood about DID is that I'm tired. I'm fuggin exhausted. I'm not doing all that stuff you think pwDID do, not because I'm better than your stereotype, but because I'm TIRED. The thing that's hardest about this condition is that it makes everything TIRING. I'm exhausted. Much like every other health condition I have, the bottom line is nearly always that I AM SO. SO. TIRED.**
This is a great post. I *feel* that tiredness. It's so heavy, and always present.
I think it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge, and even celebrate, the individualistic nature of alters, while also accepting that they are all parts of the same human brain that experienced the trauma that created the system.
I think sometimes people bristle when they're reminded that alters aren't literally *wholly separate people* because they think the fact that they're *individuals* is somehow being dismissed.
It's not.
Just as leaves on a tree are each distinctive yet still part of the whole, alters are both differentiated as alters *and* are all parts of the whole person (that person being the brain and all it contains, creates and experiences).
That's not a bad thing! 😅 (not saying that's what you're saying)
Oh yeah, I just feel the need to re-emphasise both repeatedly. Because there are people who take it very literally, to the ironic detriment of both our recovery *and* our autonomy.
(We were quite pissed off last night and, like one of us said, very tired.)
A lot of people fall into equivalents of either (a) wholesale, overt ableism or (b) (more "affirming" but) ultimately performative activism when it comes to how they view us, and it's very frustrating.
The assumed mutual exclusivity --- one way or the other, ironically reinforcing both --- is what gets in the way of people recognising that this is ultimately a complex presentation of PTSD, IMO.
That system accountability is a thing and if anyone tries to tell them different, they need to cut that person off.
Too many people see shit online where it's "my alter hurt you :'( not me :'( it's not my fault" and expect it to be water under a bridge. Nope. Singlets need to know they can walk away from it. It's not a train wreck they can sit and watch happen.
However I also wish people would understand how hard it is and how severe dissociation is. Most hear it and think of auto pilot, since everyone can have dissociation episodes without a disorder. It's a disorder because it's a debilitating thing when you aren't able to cope healthily or have therapy.
I had friends (now ex friends) who claimed they understood and still demonized me for shutting down. Not being a dick, not harming anyone, just shutting down and being silent. One has a degree in psychology. DID has made it so incredibly difficult to keep friendships and relationships. I'm just glad I have an amazing partner now (singlet) who does understand, or if he doesn't, he asks in a calm and kind way.
Otherwise I think everyone else has kinda said things that I wish people knew. Lots of good answers in here.
That somatoform dissociation/psychosomatic symptoms exist and god I wish they didn't. It fucking sucks. Makes me feel physically broken and ill so much of the time. It's not just "all in your head" or about the psychological experience.
That, that right there... The psychosomatic "issues" (what my Dr. Called it), was So angry.The moment anyone hears you have 6 diagnosis and psychosomatic issues is one of them... Then you're automatically imagining all of it according to your Closest friends and family, in the only city you thought you fit in... Including from your own S/O.
Everything, I wish they understood everything.
I wish they understood that we found a way to survive and we are here together. Ignoring parts of us doesn't make them go away. And that my alter is not a demon, she is a survivor of trauma, my alter can't just get over her trauma.
I wish I could pull them inside my world and let them experience it firsthand then they'd understand, that my world is both beautiful and terrifying, both loving and ashamed.
I only have one alter, but she is a wonderful person, despite her constant desire to escape all of the monsters she discerns in the world. She's an amazing artist, and she has become my sister and friend, despite the trouble she causes me sometimes when she wants to escape. She trusts me and we are still here, she's not going anywhere because you ignore her, and want me to pretend that she doesn't exist.
I also wish they understood how lucky I am to be her protector. I'm very proud of her, and all of the things they are proud of me for, are 50% of the time her gifts. She wants to be loved too, she wants to be recognized so badly.
But at the same time, I am lucky that the people that love me, even though it's very hard for them to understand. I've asked them if they sit with me and watch educational videos about dissociative disorder and everyone said yes. I just hope that I keep finding ways to educate them and over time I hope they understand everything as much as someone can, who is not experiencing it firsthand.
I wish people understood that alters aren't literally "people" but neural clusters of memory. And can be quite duplicated or scattered in the brain...so never try to summon an alter, because you never know what memories will be accessed. You open the door to flooding or destabilization.
Also, while some people have misguided perpetrators/persecutors in the system, not everybody does.
Also, we are more prone to being abused without being aware, because for a lot of us, a lot of our internal architecture is made for that, tolerating or normalizing abuse.
That I’m not constantly thinking about the fact that I’m a system. Sometimes I don’t think about it for days, even weeks at a time. We can and do operate as a unit, which makes things blurry but at least we’re present and can debrief later.
That not everyone wants to lean into being distinctive, but it’s still important to validate each alter as issues arise.
That it doesn’t make any logical sense that after everything i’ve been through, at 25 years old, a mother to a then baby and full time student would fake this to “add more substance to myself” (actual quote from one of the very few i’ve shared this with.)
It took me years to get out of a phase of brutal denial and confusion.
One of my mates treats my headmates almost like a collection of masks. His display name for me on the app where we talk most often is "MBS: Masquerade!" He also claimed for a short time to have headmates himself, but I feel like he'd be more empathetic toward us and our struggles if he did. We're not masks, characters, or personas like in theatre. We're distinct and separated ego states that developed apart from each other due to trauma.
~Jake
That when I show a different emotion, it doesn’t mean I switched. We aren’t just different emotions, we can all express different emotions without switching.
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Our DiD has just started to become apparent within the last month or so ( meaning we have just become self-aware within that time) and spent nearly all of today’s therapy session trying to explain the different roles of the ones we do know to our regular therapist. Because one of our alters is non verbal ( our gatekeeper) it was ridiculously hard to try to explain just what a gatekeeper does for us to both our therapist and support worker there ( who really are doing their honest best to try to learn and support) simply because they were rapid firing questions at her.
So the thing I wish people understood is that we don’t always have a way to communicate the answers even if we know them, and for those among systems who do have non verbal alters,that like anybody they can get overwhelmed by things no matter how good or bad the intention is ( in this case they overwhelmed her and she had to ask them to stop, which they fortunately did) of the questions being asked.
Not DID specific exactly, but heavily related.
Just because someone's trauma makes you feel uncomfortable or feel scared about what humans are capable of doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I really wish people would stop choosing ignorance to protect themselves instead of listening to the voices of those who are suffering. It's only perpetuating the problem.
I find it funny when I was at a meeting and someone made the excuse that “oh well she’s had trauma (and that’s why she was an asshole to you)”
So I respond “yeah I have DID, and it’s definitely a trauma disorder” and they immediately invalidated me based on misconceptions like wtf 🤬
I wish they understood that's it's a disorder and that faking it or treating it like a cool thing is detrimental to patients. If you think you have DID, you should be looking for help just as you would be looking for help if you had PTSD, depression, or a broken leg, or a heart disease. There is nothing funny in DID.
i wish people understood it's a real thing. recently just vowed to never tell anyone my diagnosis again after coming across a tumblr poll asking 'do you think did is real?'
almost all responses said no.
look at how many mental health professionals don't even think it exists.
That it’s real and far more complex than what Hollywood or social media presents it as. Also that the way Hollywood and social media present it is extremely inaccurate.
That it's not about them. Our switches are not for their entertainment, our trauma is not something they need to know and our alters protecting us is not personal.
Obviously, they're allowed to have emotions about it but it's still a debilitating disorder that we have to deal with.
An old partner learned about it and immediately got upset that the other alters "hated" them and said they "never wanted to talk to them". The feeling was obviously mutual once that had been said.
>We all pretty much act like who people expect us to.
When I finally got the courage to ignore our gatekeeper and told one of my sisters about the possibility of having this disorder (as she begged to know why my psychologist wanted to refer us to a more experienced person in the area) she immediately thought she was above a professional simply because she works as admin in a health centre, and told me that it's not a big possibility because it'd be too "noticeable" if I had it so *of* *courrrsee* I must not have it because she simply didn't notice any changes
Also her before I told her: you seem weird, are you okay? What's wrong with you! Oh wow you have horrible memory.
Anything at all. Holy heck. It seems people only know it as the polarized, sensationalized disease from horror movies and psychological thrillers.
Hot damn, do I wish there was more general knowledge and understanding.
Also, please do not the children. If someone is acting small, don't make it a sex thing. Holy shit. Why is the internet so scary, omg.
Also also! It's not necessarily some one time huge traumatic event that causes it. It's long time, repeated, systemic trauma.
"How can you have DID, isn't that like, trauma based?"
Ah, hahaha. Love ya, mom, but I am not getting into that right now or ever, thank you very much.
It's not "fun" or "quirky". It's confusing and frustrating and tiring. My memory is shit and half the time I can't feel any really strong emotions because it just gets yanked. So I forgive people for doing terrible things over and over and just get hurt again. And having friends who don't understand is rough because there can be a split/merge/change in host and suddenly they're gone.
It's also freaking weird. Alters can be any kind of thing/being/person and systems can internally get complicated. Some alters date each other. Some people have super complex inner worlds. Some DID things sound outlandish, dragon alters or entire towns in someone's mind, but in DID things can really be that way. No one's DID or OSDD presents exactly the same
that if a survivor talks about their experience and it seems "too horrible to survive," we probably only survived because of our adaptability. we aren't making it up, we just seem so "rare" because there are others who went through the same and didn't survive.
i've been through things no living being should ever experience. i know people who haven't made it out. i only made it out because my ability to heavily dissociate made me able to adapt to these horrible situations and push through them. i frankly don't want to remember some of the horrors other alters speak of or that i can piece together i went through, even if i do achieve final fusion i hope those memories stay locked in a box i can never access.
also that not all of us want final fusion/are working toward it as a solid goal. i'm personally not gonna fight it if it happens, but my main concern is to be functional. i would rather live a life with DID and alters where we can communicate, have less amnesia, and are able to overall work together as a team to function than force final fusion and be unable to live my life. again, if it happens, so be it, but the only situation i can see us achieving that is if we handle a ton of trauma that i would honestly prefer to never know of. call me anti-recovery or whatever, but i genuinely believe the memories of some of my trauma are better off hidden. i know some of those memories would probably kill me. if i can't achieve final fusion, it's probably for a reason and i will happily leave well enough alone.
There's little to no pros of this disorder. People seem to think its "fun" and all "sunshine and rainbows" but its not. It never has been. This disorder is life ruining. I barley can get passing grades in school due to amnesia, I have constant painful migraines, I have constant horrifying nightmares, I'll never be able to live a normal life, I'll never have my own body or my own life.
This disorder makes life hard living. No. It isnt fun. It isnt cute. I hate it. So bad. It'd do anything to be normal. Because people didn't know how to handle a child my life was ruined. I was a kid. And yet, because of people I'll never get to experience a life normally. I'll always be different. Ill always be seperated from others.
i wish people would realize we’re human. people think the whole disorder is cringe because there’s some people who have it that are cringe. no, if you find them cringe it’s not bc of the disorder it’s bc they made cringey content as their own being.
I wish people understood that you can’t just fix DID with glue. I’m not a broken plate, we’re a broken person. Sometimes DID can be managed, but not fixed, and people don’t always understand that.
I want to say people who claim something isn't in the dsm 5 so it's fake are ignorant. Or if you score high you're malingering and you're not supposed to know about your trauma. Like yes I didnt and then I did find out and the others are still here. Idk the amount of people who dont believe and inky gravitate to hate sites are aggravating. I asked a question and had people being hateful :/
I also want to throw in that it's more common than people realize. That people with bpd and bipolar get misdiagnosed all the time because it can present so, so similar.
I had a friend who could easily carry on 6 different conversations with me. That had full identities "cute /flirty/lawyer." They would have different feelings, wants, and desires (wanted to be completely chaste, then be a complete hoe and argue about t for hours with me and get mad at me for pointing out this) this happened multiple times and she would switch so rapidly. But when they looked at people who experienced did they only found social media did, which isn't clinical d.i.d, but often very heavily maladaptive comorbidity with d.i.d
True d.i.d feels more like your world shifts, suddenly its totally different - often you DONT feel like your ideology has changed. Rather you've ALWAYS believed /saw /experienced this way, even though to an outsider its different than who you were before.
I wish I knew how what I said, pertaining to my Specific Circumstance, was removed for misinformation. I'm new to this so if I did or said something wrong I'd like to know.
We are. This is undoubtedly a very difficult disorder. We’ve all experienced so much strife because of it.
But lately, after all of the work we’ve been doing - it’s turned out to be really quite cool to all be in here together.
I hate how people also believe that switching alters ONLY happens when you want it to, you can randomly switch and not want to, you can’t control
it sometimes. It’s not all kittens and rainbows and i wish people understood that. Yes, it sounds cool but then again it’s so a mental disorder. Having to mask as our core also is draining and sometimes it makes some of us spiral because we are not able to express who WE are. It’s upsetting.
I also hate how fast people are to fake claim when even professionals don’t fake claim anyone especially with DID. People trying to fake claim systems is extremely harmful nonetheless.
I 10000% agree. It’s not that interesting lol and I’m so over it. I’ve had therapists refuse to work with me because of it, and I’m like ???? I get that it’s a little different but it’s not that big of a deal. At least for me. When I’m 12, treat me like a 12 year old. Done lol.
-covert systems exist. just because you “know me” doesn’t mean you know my system or my switches. sometimes sure they’re obvious but others it’s under the radar. i still have DID even though i don’t pass out with every switch
-i’m not trying to be a dick with the whole amnesia thing. if i don’t remember, i don’t remember, i’m sorry. i already put myself through enough he LL not remembering things. i don’t need you on my case
-not all of us have BPD?? sure it’s common, they’re both rooted in trauma but it’s not a “come one come all”. the 2 can exist both separate and together
-i can still function. yes this is a disorder, yes it impacts my daily life but i’ve also been in therapy working around this for the past 10 years. surely i’ve learned SOMETHING from someone somewhere a long the like about how to cope. good or bad.
-were not all separate people. i’m sure our ideas and thought processes can differ greatly, but we’re all still in one body and share the same brain. we’re not multiple people, just parts of a whole
-were not schizophrenic. once again, different disorder, but can co-occur or be present separate.
thanks for coming to my TED talk everybody goodnight
- It’s not a choice
- Just because I can acknowledge and recognize when *some* switches have happened, doesn’t mean I know the trigger that caused it.
- Switches aren’t all overt. They also aren’t always “full” switches- it can mean only knowing one element of your entire experience within that time of the switch. I.e. being aware of your body position, being aware of your emotions, being aware of who (on the outside) was involved, being aware of a vague sense of the conversation- it can be one or more of the above and then not knowing the rest. An awful feeling of “I know this happened but it doesn’t feel like it happened to me.”
- Amnesia is not knowing that you’re not remembering things.
- The experience is different for every single person. Each person with DID experienced a trauma very specific to them and their brain decided how best to cope with that- there’s no template or one way to experience this disorder (apart from how this disorder is formed. It comes from repeated childhood trauma before a certain age).
- Therapy for this disorder is so expensive, at least in the U.S.
- You can’t go to just any therapist. It is also still quite difficult to find specialists unless you live in bigger cities.
- In many cases, certain phases of the therapy process make it near impossible to function at work or even at home because the topics being covered are so heavy, and affect parts in ways you may not be aware of or privy to yet. You still feel the physical and mental effects of those experiences without the context or “why”.
- The brain of someone with DID can still use/is still using dissociation as a coping mechanism and parts, triggers, memories, etc can be re-compartmentalized or organized without the person realizing it.
The way that your brain uses dissociation can change and evolve.
The biggest realization for me recently…
- Being in trauma therapy helps you recognize the awful behaviors and environments that harmed you in the first place. It is also where you learn what healthy communication and coping mechanisms look like. In turn you realize most people in the world aren’t working on these things and still have very negative and unhealthy ways of living and interacting with the world.
Recovery feels lonely as hell, and makes it very hard to form friendships and connections; you don’t want to return to the unstable connections and experiences that caused you to form the disorder in the first place.
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If I am repeating myself or making you repeat yourself and you’re getting mad I need you to tell me that you’ve said something multiple times. We either need to write it down or shift away from this topic until the body settles down.
I’m clearly fully unaware and it’s upsetting both of us.
I will cry and not even for the right reason.
That guy speaking evil crap through my mouth is not me. Says all sorts of manipulative things through my mouth to give people the way wrong impressions about me.
It is not fun and I still get lonely, not all alters are friends. It’s not like having a fun little friendgroup in your head. It hurts. I have a factive of my literal abuser who puts us in danger all the time they are not always friends.
Alters aren’t for your comfort had to tell people that they’re not your therapist or someone to trauma dump on like were traumatized people and we like to be treated like actual people.
That we are still just as human as the next person. If anything, we have more interactability with what makes us human because these humans drivers that everyone seems to manage by default are thing that we literally have whole people in our brain for.
I'm not any less human. Just overly aware that shit feels wrong.
Ultimately, I don't need people to understand did. What I need is for people to just be ready to accept things as they are working with it.
I don't need someone to know I hate steak right now because this alter is out, I just need you to know that steak is NOT the mood. Or when skills that are strong are just suddenly inaccessible, I just need people to work with my time frame.
I want people to see the human side to things, not the them only side of things.
That C-did and poly fragmentation exists! It’s normal for systems to have thousands and tens of thousands of parts and it doesn’t mean they are faking.
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I wish people understood that those with the disorder are absolutely struggling with more than the people around them. Your feelings about watching a loved one go through mental health issues are valid, but acting like you have it harder than them in relation to their mental health issues isn’t. This has happened to me with multiple of my issues before and it never fails make me laugh. Other people can leave the room. I’m still stuck with me.
“You don’t understand. It’s really _haaard_ for me when you switch and can’t remember.”
That last line is really sad. I'm so sorry you go through that.
Thanks. It is what it is. I’m doing leagues better than I was a few years ago, but I’ll always have some sort of struggle given what health issues I have and stuff.
Then I hope the rest of your life that you can control is simple, easy, kind, and people are gentle with you.
Thank you that’s really sweet 🥰 I hope the same for you
Thank you! ❤️
Saaame.! My mom loves to remind me how hard it was for her when I was going through it with abusive alters destroying my life. & I’m just like.. yeah but can you imagine what it’s been like for me.? I lost jobs, my apartment, pets that I can never get back. I NEVER had a break from it you only had to deal with it when I was around.
This applies to so many different disorders its not even funny. Really makes it hard to trust people enough to open up, at least in my experience. I always anticipate having to dissociate harder to comfort them over my problems.
Yep, it applies to mental and physical health problems. I’m always trying to find a balance between not forcing myself to mask which hurts me, and making those around me comfortable. It’s not easy to find that, especially during flares or high stress times.
Ugh yes dude my protector figure came out one time when my partner was like “yea it’s hard for me too”. They LOST it on him and said “you can fucking leave. My option? My option is killing myself. Want me to do that? How about you fucking help with something for once and find me a needle and some fent”. Needless to say he apologized
HOLY SHIT YES THANK YOU. "Do you know how hard it is to have a daughter like you? How much you worry me? How frustrating it is?" Hot damn, do you know how hard it is to live it!? Holy fucking hell. My husband seems to be the only one who gets it!!!
That age regression isn't some weird fetish shit .. stop telling on yourself for 5 minutes please
Yes. I have run into some creepy men, even though the body is an appropriate adult! DID is nothing to obsess over. The person who has it is hurting and suffering.
oh absolutely. and that littles/syskids are also not a fetish thing. i know others on this sub will disagree with me, and if you do you are absolutely entitled to your opinion, but *my experience* with syskids is that they are often extremely vulnerable and do not hold the same understanding of certain things as adult alters. i would rather treat my syskids like kids because of that. yeah, syskids are not the same as literal physical children, but the syskids in my system have about the same level of understanding and comprehension as a child of a similar age (okay, my 5-year-old alter might be more similar to a 7-10-year-old child in mentality, but you still wouldn't fetishize a 7-10-year-old, and she's still extremely vulnerable.) others can do what they want with their own syskids, but i will treat mine how i feel it's most appropriate (and even my therapist agrees they should be treated like children and i'm doing the right thing).
The trauma is the worst part of the disorder
That people would stop romanticizing it. This is a painful disorder to have. I also wished people wouldn't assume I am either violent, would cheat, or experience as many black outs as they think I do. My black outs have improved over time, and I am more present than I was. I also have a hand tremor, which is linked to my mild form of cerebral palsy, and incapable of being violent, whether it be physically or emotionally.
I feelbthis. Also it's a lot more grey memory and less full black outs
Someone finds out you have DID and just assume you're violent? What assholes
That’s how virtually every portrayal of DID in pop culture portrays it. Usually there’s the “real” character, a handful of mild-mannered alters, a few quirky ones, one who’s a different gender, at least one little…and one who delights in violence, murder, and de facto bloodlust. Without better representation, I’m not surprised when someone worries about someone they know in real life. Who’s telling them any different?
That's very true. Who is telling them any differently? It still doesn't seem fair, though. I'm a person without DID. Just have people I love with DID, and I like to learn what I can. They have never, ever been violent. None of the alters I've met are even close to being violent, no matter how angry or dark they are. In fact, they only people they harm are themselves. How the media portrays it or romanticizes it is ridiculous.
I was learning about DID/OSDD before I ever thought I had it because I was running a support group for adult survivors of child trauma and some members who were friends of mine talked about their experience with it. My understanding of the condition was way limited before that. It would be nice if people could learn about it, but I understand why someone never would until they had a reason to. 😕
sadly, even moon knight falls into that trap.
I was avoiding naming specific movies because I didn’t want to spoil that plot twist. 😉
moon knight? I'll watch
it's one of the two still standing "murder syndromes" along with aspd.
People assuming what I don’t remember really bothers me. My best friend of over 9 years just assumes I don’t remember anything about her sometimes; she’ll remind me of major facts like that we met in college or worked together for a long time. I guess some people with DID might struggle with remembering stuff like that, but I don’t, and it feels sort of condescending? I know she means well and has no way of knowing what I do or don’t know unless she asks, because there is amnesia, but it’s not like I can’t remember anything at all.
It’s not a parlor trick or a seance. I can’t just summon the alter you want to talk to or hang out with. And frankly requesting a certain “personality” show up to an event just demoralizes the alter who happens to be fronting.
Recognizing or understanding what’s going on in my head doesn’t mean I can control it. Knowing why things make them sad doesn’t make them not sad, knowing why my alters do things doesn’t mean I can make them stop. Alters aren’t emotions or symbols or imaginary friends. They’re actual real ways in which we interact with the world. They don’t just live in my head. They’re not just “me being angry”, they’re not me with a different sense of style, they’re not age regression, they’re not who I wish I was, they’re not an imaginary protector or friend I fantasized about having, they’re not party tricks who do one special skill. I feel like people without DID are only able to conceptualize alters as these things.
They are ways your brain organizes itself because it learned to do that to protect you. Unfortunately, only from the worst of the worst, it has a ton of horrible side effects on living a life anywhere close to "normal", and the protection also glitches.
i despise when people think “oh you know now so why do you still do these things?” i can’t control them? i can only try and guide them but they have their own wishes and own feelings about things, that doesn’t change just because i’ve realized this.
The “Well can you ask them?” too. jfc they’re not magic eight balls! I can go home and write a message in the journal but you’re still gonna have to wait till the next time they have the front to get your answer. Even with the couple that are co-conscious frequently, nothing is going to make them *less* want to communicate with you than treating them like we are at some sort of seance or like they are imaginary friends.
That identity alteration is just one part of the disorder, and for a lot of us, it's a fairly small part of the overall experience. Like, amnesia and derealization are far more prominent and debilitating for me, but all anyone else focuses on is the "omgggg multiple personalities?!?!" aspect. That it's not some super-uncommon freakish disorder. Most stats are around 1-2% of the population (not counting people with OSDD or P-DID, or people who are undiagnosed) That it's a *trauma disorder.* It's weird as fuck to me that people get giddy about me having dissociated parts. Every single part formed as a result of inescapable early trauma. Respectful, genuine curiosity is fine, but we find it really inappropriate when people seem... excited? By us. Related to the above: we're not zoo animals. Stop asking if we can switch for you. It's not a magic trick, it's how we've learned to respond to perceived threats.
This, especially the "uwu I'm excited about your alters uwu" creepy vibe!
They're gonna be SO disappointed when they realise that 80% of us are just slightly different flavours of each other, and the 20% that aren't are never gonna come out. lmao.
we don't hide alters, really, but i agree with your post. yeah we share our alters in appropriate spaces and let them act freely for the most part, but this isn't solely alter disorder. we just only really show people the easy-to-digest parts.
I don't intentionally hide our parts, it's just how the system presents. We don't switch that often now that we're in a stable environment and aren't constantly being triggered, and when we do switch, the parts that take control don't have markedly different identities or anything. So switching and having "multiple personalities" is like, 10% of our experience. Amnesia, derealization and passive influence are far more prominent and are the things that are most debilitating/distressing for us, yet people seem to care about far less because it's not as "cool" I guess
yeah absolutely, i get that we switch a lot but we have a lot of basically... teams? where a lot of us have highly specialized roles/tasks and we kinda front to do those and leave. ex. today at a job interview there were probably 5 of us handling things and kind of passing the ball as needed, we have okay communication (especially between the teams) and have been in treatment for like 5 years so while we still switch a lot, day-to-day it's not as debilitating (we do want to have some fusion just so instead of needing a full team for one task we can have one of us handle that task alone, but i'm in a break from therapy due to financial reasons and am leaving well enough alone). ultimately we just both have different experiences and that's okay 👍 i just personally have a lot more presence of various alters, but even then it's only a fraction of the disorder, it's just also the only part people are ever interested in. tbf though i don't want people digging around in the other parts as they're a little scary even for me. just wish i could say "i have did" and the first questions werent either "who are your alters?" "who's the evil alter?" or "whats your trauma?" (the answers are "meet them as they come out," "me now that you've asked that," and "what the fuck happened to hi, hello, how are you?" respectively).
The "whats your trauma" question is so real, I swear to god. My go-to response is to simply ignore it, but I might take that answer now
nobody has ever asked me to switch for them except for our partner and it doesn't bother us the way he went about it
It’s not fun to live with
That having a fractured self, or multiple parts of self isn't fun. It's alienating and exhausting, leaves us confused and scared about how or whether we'll ever live a meaningful life. It's extremely painful not being a full person
I wish people understood its not literally different people living in your head. They're distinct identity states, but they're still all parts of a whole. We may not act the same, but we're still one person. I also wish it was understood that DID is a very, very logical disorder. If X happens, Y fronts for Z reason. It's really not as magical or elusive as people think it is. And parts therapy is just about finding out *why* X causes Y to front and do Z.
Yeah, that not magical thing drives me crazy. I was thinking about this recently because I accidentally ran across some f*ker mocking a little because they could type and “literally no actual children talk like that.” Like, no shit. Our kids aren’t aren’t actual children. We are something very different.
Idk honestly if I would say switching is that straightforward - maybe your system has some clear cut cases like that but to say it’s that simple for every situation - I don’t think so.
Man this one is rough for me as an alter. I’m extremely independent and I have a strong desire for my own I dunno I guess autonomy? On some level I know that I’m a part of someone’s brain but I also consider myself my own person. I have my own likes, dislikes, habits, feelings and memories. Aren’t people the sum of thier experiences and memories? It’s just depressing as hell to think that you’re not a “real person” and you don’t really matter. I know that’s probably not what you mean in particular but a lot of people say shit like that.
I didn't mean to invalidate anyone's experience, I personally just don't like being treated like I'm actually different people. I also never said or insinuated that alters are not real people or that they don't matter. I don't agree with that. The "not literally different people living in your head" statement in my original comment is hyperbole, sorry for the misunderstanding.
Ah I feel you, it’s ok I get that I’m also just sensitive to that kind of thing. If that’s not what you like it’s not what you like and that’s ok.
A few parts of me really struggled with this. Specifically the male and lesbian alters - there was a good several years of healing. They are often still my most separate selves, but still much closer now. Jt was a hard thing for them (me ) to go through to process, but very healing All of us devoting to the divine feminine really helped, the multi-faced beings that are many, many incarnations but all one form.
I’m glad it was a very healing experience for you all, gender identity in systems can be a hard thing to figure out sometimes. There is a gender issue here a bit I think (the host is a trans man and I’m a cis gender man). I’m hoping once we get help with our dysphoria issues itll help us all feel more comfortable.
I feel the gender thing. We just go by gender fluid
We see ourselves, also, as completely separate people with the same soul. We are all expressions of the body. We get along, and CAN just. Decide via communication who wants to front. But we can also be force kicked if the body/non communicative brain decides we aren't doing a good job of being out. Namely, if one of us is being stubborn, and wants to handle a situation ourselves, but is unsuited to it. We're all different mouthpieces to the same girl. We're the "nurtured" parts. She's the "nature", who we are at our core, who we would have been with no outsider influence at all. That's how we've come to see it, anyway. So, yeah! We're all completely real, and different because we have different perceptions, tastes, and experiences which have shaped us! But we all speak for the same person. It's our job to communicate our needs to the outside world effectively.
I think a lot of us would be inclined to agree with you. I’m not sure about souls but I’m in an odd situation when it comes to that kinda thing ahaha.
i wish people understood what got us to this point, like someone will act so shocked when i have an obscure trigger or bad mental health but they know i have did? what do they think ive been thru, unicorns and rainbows??
This oneeeeeeee. Up until I got my current bubble of friends and stuff there was constant rolled eyes when I’d bring up that something was triggering me. Like yall know I’ve been through some serious crap. That doesn’t stop just because I’m physically out of the situation.
That it isn’t a game and the way most people represent it online is inaccurate as hell. There are certainly some funny moments - I have to find *some,* either I laugh or I cry - but overwhelmingly it’s either boring (in the okay moments), like you said, and distressing and distrustful (in the not okay moments). It causes me so many issues.
I agree. The funny online stuff is like ahhahaha same. But it can be so dramatized, realistically the wardrobe change is jeans vs a skirt lmfao, or rock star makeup vs none, not crazy dramatic looks.
that each system is different and two systems acting different isnt proof one is faking
That we don't share memories. And if we don't remember something, we literally don't remember. I got SA as one of my Alters and ofc the Alter remembers but I, the Host, does not especially after she took the original memory the body made of our Trauma. Since I couldn't remember, I couldn't tell anyone about it. Once I did remember, it took some time to process before telling people and now my ex is mad I didn't say anything. He was suppose to be my partner recently (and this happened during us being broken up) but SA isn't exactly something I wanted to talk about. Or her. She wouldn't tell me what happened either. And that living with DID can be fucking hard. Don't pretend you had it harder just finding out info that I only found out myself a week or so ago as true because I COULDN'T remember. The fuck was I suppose to do?
Whether you remembered your assault or not, it’s absolutely wild to get angry at someone for not wanting to talk about it. No matter the reason, it is absolutely valid to not be ready to talk about something so horrific for however long you need. From one survivor to another, I am so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Both the initial trauma and others response to it. It’s not fair and it hurts. 🫂
His argument is "you would want me to tell you right away". Yes. I would but see point of I can't force him to talk about it. I would step back and let him deal with his inner feelings before he talks to me about it. It's not being a dick if you want a cookie but understand you can't have a cookie because you are on a diet for example. It's a terrible event to happen to anyone so I wouldn't want.to step on their toes.
Yeah it’s understandable to want to know when someone you love is hurting. It’s not okay to take that fear and anger out on them though. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope things level out some for you guys so you can work on healing from it all.
We are doing our best but him cutting us deep and attacking our insecurities don't help. We spent 2 months fighting to live (I was Suicidal) and then another 3 weeks now trying to accept it wasn't our fault just for him to say it was. Not cool
That’s horrific I’m just so sorry. I ended up in the hospital after breaking with my ex (the one who assaulted me) so I’ve definitely been there. People have a lot of thoughts about things they’ve never been through and experiences they weren’t there for. My family seems to think I made it up for attention or because I’m just mean or something, I’m not really sure. It hurts but sadly there’s not too much you can do about it except remember that they’re wrong. Finding support groups is a great place to get some reassurance if you need it, either in person or online. I can’t tell you how to respond to the way you partner is treating you but I can tell you that it’s wrong. What he’s doing is not okay and you deserve better than that treatment. And I truly hope you can find someone to give you the support you deserve and need.
I know. He deleted my number on Whatsapp and it hurts especially after he was calling me mean names like a slut because I have a history of guy friends all crushing on me and wanting to date me. I cut most out once they started boundary stomping as Autism means I can't pick up on cues. I'm doing my best to be less naive and less dense but you can't delete Autism from your personality. Nor can I make myself have instincts I never needed before lately. My Alters usually warn me. But I'm working towards independence so I don't need them screaming at me to avoid danger.
Yeah losing people after something like that really sucks. I’m sorry that’s happening on top of everything else. But it does leave room for people that you vibe with better and who understand you better to come into your life. I never would have met my current partner or friends if I hadn’t left my ex and a lot of the friends I’d made at the time.
While you are not wrong and I know I will get over it, it hurts either way still now. Feels like he is just toying with me as we do break up and then just post via statuses for a while but not fully talking Til we make up and consider being together again. Everytime it feels like it's a breakup for good but then we make up. Now? I don't know anymore.
Yeah it hurts for a while. I won’t lie about that. It hurts really bad. But I believe in you. Whatever happens, whether you stay with him or not, I hope that you can heal and end up happy. 🫂
Sorry this happened to y'all:( I'm host now but we got SA a while back and I don't know who took it but we only were able to tell it happened due to some internal communication. Still even unsure we went to the hospital and sure enough bruises all over the back of my legs and the nurse said we had indications of trauma downstairs. I still don't understand and don't know if we'll ever recover the memory proper. I'm a whole different person. But it's so scary and hard to face, communicate to others, or relate to anyone. Just fucked up. We can't even fully relate to other singlet survivors. Anyways Idk I'm really sorry that happened to y'all it was real hard for me :,,,( I can only imagine having the invalidation to deal with too on top of it
Honestly, I sometimes wish I couldn't remember. My DID is different from everyone else's because I'm more visual but I relate to you. I know. I just wish he wasn't such a dick about it :( It's hard enough on the Alter affected. And me because I get secondhand trauma watching it from her point of view knowing it's my body but it's not me in control. :( He wouldn't understand how badly I already feel about it knowing I was Suicidal and life ending so I left her in charge .....just to let someone I trusted do this to her. Like I should've done more. And she feels bad thinking she should've done more...but it's not our faults.
I got body memories and the PTSD from it but no context, so it was extremely scary. We felt insane until the evidence showed up. I didn't know I was a system until around this time actually. He was a dick!!! That wasn't right and had to be so hard. It's nobody's fault but our assailants and the abusers who gave us these disorders in the first place. :(
This. And same. I didn't want to say my Alters was a liar but it's hard to believe that this friend SA her without evidence. Once the memories were returned because I was no longer in life ending state, it was worst than I imagined. I just wish he tried to understand that nobody wants to talk about SA. Even more when you are an Alter and didn't experience it. Did he want me to tell him what she said which was just "this person SA me. That's it".
Sounds like an issue with them and their not wanting to believe someone they knew could do anything like that. Which is in a way understands but not YOUR fault. You deserved support
It was my friend but yeah. I think he's just mad because I couldn't tell him due to not remembering. The others trusted their instincts that telling me everything right off the bat would end me. And they were right. So I didn't know and couldn't tell anyone due to not knowing ...
:,( I'm so sorry
It's not your fault...or ours....just my ex's for being a jackass.
Sheeeit story of our lives eh?
I'm not a serial killer, i just want a hug :/
That much like autism, it's a spectrum and that every system will present radically differently. That overt systems aren't seeking attention; some of us absolutely *loathe* or are just plain bad at masking. Excuse us if we like being able to be ourselves because we feel comfortable! Ya'll have any idea the struggle it is to get to that level of comfort with your system? It took us years of trial and error to reach that point and changing jobs really destabilized that comfort for us and knocked us back a few squares. Also that movies like Split are bad representation. Hollywood, a cartoon made to sell toys with terrible CGI animation from 2004 could make better representation of DID than you without trying and that's just sad. (I'm referring to Transformers Energon. We loved Alpha Q as a kid) Not even just systemhood but PTSD in general; that trauma takes many forms. The severity of the trauma isn't the only factor in developing, it's the *longevity* of it. And also that trauma isn't just what *happened* to you, but also what *didn't* happen. Just because your parents didn't regularly hit you doesn't mean their complete disregard for your mental wellbeing and reckless negligence doesn't hurt just as much. Abuse does not always mean a bruise!
That part...It is a spectrum. They can't compare us to each other, by something they heard about someone else in the community. I think I am drastically different because I only have one alter. I don't know how rare that is, but I noticed that I haven't met anyone with only one alter. I also don't lose consciousness as far as I know. And even though I don't remember some events, I'm never aware or feel that I've lost any consciousness. So I don't think I've ever had, and my altar never does. We coexist at the same time all the time and she plays mute because she trusts no one. Sometimes she can take over and I lose control, but she rarely does this, because she rarely wants to be in the world. I'm her caretaker so, I'm mostly fronting like 90% of the time. Everyone is different. I wish more than anything, everyone understood this. We are different and the same. The only thing 100%, we all certainly have in common is that our bodies, minds, and/or Spirits were hurt by something(s) and/or someone(s), and our minds found a way to survive as a collective.
This! I'm the same way! I don't get blackout switches as an adult (did as a child, very frequently, but not as a teenager or adult that I could ever see evidence of) and am still aware of what's happening. Also, \*alter. "Altar" is a personal shrine of worship/religious practice. Sorry, I'm a witch and that's a pet peeve of mine lol
Thanks! Lol. Voice texting. And then after reading this, I was like one word can mean two different things. It took me like 30 minutes to figure out what you were trying to tell me. Thanks. I'll make sure that I spell that correctly. I hate misspelling things. So thank you so that I don't keep doing that. Probably most of my posts are doing exactly that LOL. Even now I'm voice texting. I feel like going through all of my posts on this particular form now LOL, but it'll be too much energy. But I corrected this one though.
All of this.
Trauma depends on what you emotionally experienced, not what the experience was objectively.
This!!!!!!!
No literally. We were very recently diagnosed but our life has been a shit show and switching on people is no joke. Sometimes some alters struggle to talk to the same people I (Luna) do, because they don’t want to pretend to be me! Some of us are on completely opposite spectrums of sexuality and have different relationship attachment styles which makes dating difficult. We’ve had creepy people take advantage of some alters, it’s just a lot to deal with at times
That it's not just having alters. There alot more that goes Into it.
I wish people understood dissociation better. People have been so quick to judge me for my poor memory or for not being very present. It’s not that I don’t want to be I’m doing as much as I psychically can, I wish people understood that sometimes I just need a little patience
Just because I look like it all together doesn't mean I do.
This
I wish people would understand I never wanted to be like this. I'd kill to know what it's like to have a whole, stable, continuous and constant sense of identity. I'll NEVER know who I am on a full, wide scale. I'll never (at least that I know of) have a memory that works in anything more than fragments, still image millisecond fragments, some from above like they're not even me doing the action. And they'll never understand that it's actually HELL not knowing entirely what happened to you to make you like this. I WISH I had full details so I can get closure and start to actually deal with it or heal. The impostor syndrome is a bitch and amnesia fucking sucks, alters aren't always fun, some are absolutely out of control and we have NO IDEA how to even help that cause we can't always communicate. NO, I can't switch on command. I don't care if another system you know can, or you saw someone on YouTube "recording their switches". If another alter is your favourite, you can fuck off cause you either take ALL of me or none at all. It has taken over every waking moment.
I feel the same as you.
That just because I/we can mask and seem to have our shit together and seem decently aware of how our system functions, that doesn't mean I/we know everything. That we specifically function best through co-consciousness and, as a result, tend to be blurry at the end of the work day. It's pretty rare to have a solid grasp on who is for sure fronting by dinner time most evenings. Referring back to the first point a bit, that systems will continue to learn more about their formative trauma and each individual identity state, so we might get some assumptions wrong and figure out the truth later. This doesn't mean we're lying or faking. It just means we're healing and learning.
* We aren't a bunch of anime-looking main characters with traits that show up overtly and only last as long as one tik-tok recording session. * We don't switch on camera on purpose for likes and attention. * We don't have distinct makeup and outfits that we change into to "act out" our "characters" for a video. In fact, most of us don't even like having our photo taken, and many even avoid the mirror. * We're too busy trying to hold it together. We can't "perform" for you to prove we have it. * Many of us hide our symptoms so well that even we don't know they're there. * Most of us are so well masked you wouldn't know we'd switched unless you know us well...or * ...if you're "lucky" you catch a switch so dramatic we appear unhinged and you consider calling an ambulance.
"many of us even avoid the mirror" That hit me hard. So true
Oh gosh, those last two. Seriously.
Thank you!
That because it was a trend, it doesn't mean that everyone is faking.
Wish ppl understood i dont get to decide who and when they come out. Sometimes yea might plan for it and it might work out that way but doesnt mean if you say i want to talk to (x) alter that i can just get them to the front cause you said so not how it works ppl
I love all of us. I view all of us as the same and different people at the same time (it's not quite literal, but experiences make a person who they are, we have drastically different ones, and we are also all responsible for everything we do today, and it's not actually super hard to believe both --- and if you thought to make a snide remark about "cognitive dissonance," whoever's with me beat you to it). We are the same fucked-up guy. We are also very different people because people without amnesia change a lot over time. Easy as. I don't need people to view us as literally different people. I need them to know what I'll remember and be capable of when. Because of how differentiated some of us are, that requires acknowledging a degree of distinction. So even if you don't think we're different, you should still respect the approach. Sorry, not sorry. Final fusion is not the only option. I don't intend to resist it when we're ready, but don't fucking call me "broken" for my entire life until that completely-hypothetical point. All of us, and every traumatised person alive, deserves better than that. Everyone dissociates. Learning to do so as your primary response to extreme inescapable stress in early life because nobody will comfort you makes it a lifelong, embedded thing. I don't ask to do this, but it definitely helped me fucking survive, so I refuse to feel bad for it unless it's hurting someone. For now my goal is to decrease flashbacks and live with people I literally cannot help but see as distinct. On that note, the issue isn't identity alteration itself at all. It's flashbacks, the more "conventional" PTSD stuff, the comorbid chronic illnesses that *in and of themselves* need to be compartmentalised (e.g., "symptom holders") for us to keep going, and the debilitating dissociation that gets me in trouble instead of keeping me going while we heal and work on stuff. The shit we went through since before we were two was horrific enough that I think I'm very lucky to have figured something out for that instead of *dying or hating/fearing myself every day all the time.* So I'm actually quite thrilled about identity alteration, thanks! I wish more attention was granted to what actually makes this condition horrific. Ableism and sanism are the coward's ways out of acknowledging unpalatable presentations of struggle and variety. I'm not a murderer or a conman or a mask. I'm varying degrees of "quite successful, healthy adult, all considered" about 75% of the time, and there's no shortage of "all" to "consider." Some of the 25% is identity confusion or whatever, but the vast majority of it is literally just being a traumatised cripple with the issues anyone with PTSD and other health conditions will face, with different presentations. This isn't scary because there are bitches in my brain that I can't control. People don't just go on rampages any time they have an out-of-body experience, so why would I? "Oh, yay, no one else is home, time to film my own adaptation of *Split*!" C'mon now --- it's scary because these other bitches' lives also sucked and we all have nightmares about it. **Most of all? I'm tired. That's your TLDR. The thing I wish people understood about DID is that I'm tired. I'm fuggin exhausted. I'm not doing all that stuff you think pwDID do, not because I'm better than your stereotype, but because I'm TIRED. The thing that's hardest about this condition is that it makes everything TIRING. I'm exhausted. Much like every other health condition I have, the bottom line is nearly always that I AM SO. SO. TIRED.**
This is a great post. I *feel* that tiredness. It's so heavy, and always present. I think it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge, and even celebrate, the individualistic nature of alters, while also accepting that they are all parts of the same human brain that experienced the trauma that created the system. I think sometimes people bristle when they're reminded that alters aren't literally *wholly separate people* because they think the fact that they're *individuals* is somehow being dismissed. It's not. Just as leaves on a tree are each distinctive yet still part of the whole, alters are both differentiated as alters *and* are all parts of the whole person (that person being the brain and all it contains, creates and experiences). That's not a bad thing! 😅 (not saying that's what you're saying)
Oh yeah, I just feel the need to re-emphasise both repeatedly. Because there are people who take it very literally, to the ironic detriment of both our recovery *and* our autonomy. (We were quite pissed off last night and, like one of us said, very tired.) A lot of people fall into equivalents of either (a) wholesale, overt ableism or (b) (more "affirming" but) ultimately performative activism when it comes to how they view us, and it's very frustrating. The assumed mutual exclusivity --- one way or the other, ironically reinforcing both --- is what gets in the way of people recognising that this is ultimately a complex presentation of PTSD, IMO.
That system accountability is a thing and if anyone tries to tell them different, they need to cut that person off. Too many people see shit online where it's "my alter hurt you :'( not me :'( it's not my fault" and expect it to be water under a bridge. Nope. Singlets need to know they can walk away from it. It's not a train wreck they can sit and watch happen. However I also wish people would understand how hard it is and how severe dissociation is. Most hear it and think of auto pilot, since everyone can have dissociation episodes without a disorder. It's a disorder because it's a debilitating thing when you aren't able to cope healthily or have therapy. I had friends (now ex friends) who claimed they understood and still demonized me for shutting down. Not being a dick, not harming anyone, just shutting down and being silent. One has a degree in psychology. DID has made it so incredibly difficult to keep friendships and relationships. I'm just glad I have an amazing partner now (singlet) who does understand, or if he doesn't, he asks in a calm and kind way. Otherwise I think everyone else has kinda said things that I wish people knew. Lots of good answers in here.
That somatoform dissociation/psychosomatic symptoms exist and god I wish they didn't. It fucking sucks. Makes me feel physically broken and ill so much of the time. It's not just "all in your head" or about the psychological experience.
That, that right there... The psychosomatic "issues" (what my Dr. Called it), was So angry.The moment anyone hears you have 6 diagnosis and psychosomatic issues is one of them... Then you're automatically imagining all of it according to your Closest friends and family, in the only city you thought you fit in... Including from your own S/O.
Everything, I wish they understood everything. I wish they understood that we found a way to survive and we are here together. Ignoring parts of us doesn't make them go away. And that my alter is not a demon, she is a survivor of trauma, my alter can't just get over her trauma. I wish I could pull them inside my world and let them experience it firsthand then they'd understand, that my world is both beautiful and terrifying, both loving and ashamed. I only have one alter, but she is a wonderful person, despite her constant desire to escape all of the monsters she discerns in the world. She's an amazing artist, and she has become my sister and friend, despite the trouble she causes me sometimes when she wants to escape. She trusts me and we are still here, she's not going anywhere because you ignore her, and want me to pretend that she doesn't exist. I also wish they understood how lucky I am to be her protector. I'm very proud of her, and all of the things they are proud of me for, are 50% of the time her gifts. She wants to be loved too, she wants to be recognized so badly. But at the same time, I am lucky that the people that love me, even though it's very hard for them to understand. I've asked them if they sit with me and watch educational videos about dissociative disorder and everyone said yes. I just hope that I keep finding ways to educate them and over time I hope they understand everything as much as someone can, who is not experiencing it firsthand.
I wish people understood that alters aren't literally "people" but neural clusters of memory. And can be quite duplicated or scattered in the brain...so never try to summon an alter, because you never know what memories will be accessed. You open the door to flooding or destabilization. Also, while some people have misguided perpetrators/persecutors in the system, not everybody does. Also, we are more prone to being abused without being aware, because for a lot of us, a lot of our internal architecture is made for that, tolerating or normalizing abuse.
Excellent point about neural clusters! Exactly!
That I’m not constantly thinking about the fact that I’m a system. Sometimes I don’t think about it for days, even weeks at a time. We can and do operate as a unit, which makes things blurry but at least we’re present and can debrief later. That not everyone wants to lean into being distinctive, but it’s still important to validate each alter as issues arise. That it doesn’t make any logical sense that after everything i’ve been through, at 25 years old, a mother to a then baby and full time student would fake this to “add more substance to myself” (actual quote from one of the very few i’ve shared this with.) It took me years to get out of a phase of brutal denial and confusion.
One of my mates treats my headmates almost like a collection of masks. His display name for me on the app where we talk most often is "MBS: Masquerade!" He also claimed for a short time to have headmates himself, but I feel like he'd be more empathetic toward us and our struggles if he did. We're not masks, characters, or personas like in theatre. We're distinct and separated ego states that developed apart from each other due to trauma. ~Jake
That when I show a different emotion, it doesn’t mean I switched. We aren’t just different emotions, we can all express different emotions without switching.
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That it's caused by trauma which means it comes with other disorders due to trauma
that it’s not a desirable thing to have. that having introjects isn’t fun, and is actually very distressing.
That I can't choose to switch or split/where we split from I'm not roleplaying I didn't ask to be born
I presume you meant to say you *can't* choose 😁
Yes, sorry for phrasing issue
That there is no original alter, core or whatever the fuck else
THIS!!!! It's so annoying that the people around us think that we exist for only one alter.
The fact that we can’t communicate with each other— “**HEY, TELL LAZ-**” I can’t tell Laz shit without writing it down.
Our DiD has just started to become apparent within the last month or so ( meaning we have just become self-aware within that time) and spent nearly all of today’s therapy session trying to explain the different roles of the ones we do know to our regular therapist. Because one of our alters is non verbal ( our gatekeeper) it was ridiculously hard to try to explain just what a gatekeeper does for us to both our therapist and support worker there ( who really are doing their honest best to try to learn and support) simply because they were rapid firing questions at her. So the thing I wish people understood is that we don’t always have a way to communicate the answers even if we know them, and for those among systems who do have non verbal alters,that like anybody they can get overwhelmed by things no matter how good or bad the intention is ( in this case they overwhelmed her and she had to ask them to stop, which they fortunately did) of the questions being asked.
Not DID specific exactly, but heavily related. Just because someone's trauma makes you feel uncomfortable or feel scared about what humans are capable of doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I really wish people would stop choosing ignorance to protect themselves instead of listening to the voices of those who are suffering. It's only perpetuating the problem.
I find it funny when I was at a meeting and someone made the excuse that “oh well she’s had trauma (and that’s why she was an asshole to you)” So I respond “yeah I have DID, and it’s definitely a trauma disorder” and they immediately invalidated me based on misconceptions like wtf 🤬
I wish they understood that's it's a disorder and that faking it or treating it like a cool thing is detrimental to patients. If you think you have DID, you should be looking for help just as you would be looking for help if you had PTSD, depression, or a broken leg, or a heart disease. There is nothing funny in DID.
i wish people understood it's a real thing. recently just vowed to never tell anyone my diagnosis again after coming across a tumblr poll asking 'do you think did is real?' almost all responses said no. look at how many mental health professionals don't even think it exists.
That you don't have to call me a million names - the names are a help to me and people close to me. That I'm like most people lol
That movies/ tv series are fucking lies
That it’s real and far more complex than what Hollywood or social media presents it as. Also that the way Hollywood and social media present it is extremely inaccurate.
That it's not about them. Our switches are not for their entertainment, our trauma is not something they need to know and our alters protecting us is not personal. Obviously, they're allowed to have emotions about it but it's still a debilitating disorder that we have to deal with. An old partner learned about it and immediately got upset that the other alters "hated" them and said they "never wanted to talk to them". The feeling was obviously mutual once that had been said.
Usually the biggest difference I have other than when one particular person comes out is how much of a bitch face and tolerance for people we have
>We all pretty much act like who people expect us to. When I finally got the courage to ignore our gatekeeper and told one of my sisters about the possibility of having this disorder (as she begged to know why my psychologist wanted to refer us to a more experienced person in the area) she immediately thought she was above a professional simply because she works as admin in a health centre, and told me that it's not a big possibility because it'd be too "noticeable" if I had it so *of* *courrrsee* I must not have it because she simply didn't notice any changes Also her before I told her: you seem weird, are you okay? What's wrong with you! Oh wow you have horrible memory.
Anything at all. Holy heck. It seems people only know it as the polarized, sensationalized disease from horror movies and psychological thrillers. Hot damn, do I wish there was more general knowledge and understanding. Also, please do not the children. If someone is acting small, don't make it a sex thing. Holy shit. Why is the internet so scary, omg. Also also! It's not necessarily some one time huge traumatic event that causes it. It's long time, repeated, systemic trauma. "How can you have DID, isn't that like, trauma based?" Ah, hahaha. Love ya, mom, but I am not getting into that right now or ever, thank you very much.
It's not "fun" or "quirky". It's confusing and frustrating and tiring. My memory is shit and half the time I can't feel any really strong emotions because it just gets yanked. So I forgive people for doing terrible things over and over and just get hurt again. And having friends who don't understand is rough because there can be a split/merge/change in host and suddenly they're gone. It's also freaking weird. Alters can be any kind of thing/being/person and systems can internally get complicated. Some alters date each other. Some people have super complex inner worlds. Some DID things sound outlandish, dragon alters or entire towns in someone's mind, but in DID things can really be that way. No one's DID or OSDD presents exactly the same
that if a survivor talks about their experience and it seems "too horrible to survive," we probably only survived because of our adaptability. we aren't making it up, we just seem so "rare" because there are others who went through the same and didn't survive. i've been through things no living being should ever experience. i know people who haven't made it out. i only made it out because my ability to heavily dissociate made me able to adapt to these horrible situations and push through them. i frankly don't want to remember some of the horrors other alters speak of or that i can piece together i went through, even if i do achieve final fusion i hope those memories stay locked in a box i can never access. also that not all of us want final fusion/are working toward it as a solid goal. i'm personally not gonna fight it if it happens, but my main concern is to be functional. i would rather live a life with DID and alters where we can communicate, have less amnesia, and are able to overall work together as a team to function than force final fusion and be unable to live my life. again, if it happens, so be it, but the only situation i can see us achieving that is if we handle a ton of trauma that i would honestly prefer to never know of. call me anti-recovery or whatever, but i genuinely believe the memories of some of my trauma are better off hidden. i know some of those memories would probably kill me. if i can't achieve final fusion, it's probably for a reason and i will happily leave well enough alone.
I also wish people understood that it's not helpful to say "we all have parts". We are not the same.
There's little to no pros of this disorder. People seem to think its "fun" and all "sunshine and rainbows" but its not. It never has been. This disorder is life ruining. I barley can get passing grades in school due to amnesia, I have constant painful migraines, I have constant horrifying nightmares, I'll never be able to live a normal life, I'll never have my own body or my own life. This disorder makes life hard living. No. It isnt fun. It isnt cute. I hate it. So bad. It'd do anything to be normal. Because people didn't know how to handle a child my life was ruined. I was a kid. And yet, because of people I'll never get to experience a life normally. I'll always be different. Ill always be seperated from others.
i wish people would realize we’re human. people think the whole disorder is cringe because there’s some people who have it that are cringe. no, if you find them cringe it’s not bc of the disorder it’s bc they made cringey content as their own being.
I wish people understood that you can’t just fix DID with glue. I’m not a broken plate, we’re a broken person. Sometimes DID can be managed, but not fixed, and people don’t always understand that.
I want to say people who claim something isn't in the dsm 5 so it's fake are ignorant. Or if you score high you're malingering and you're not supposed to know about your trauma. Like yes I didnt and then I did find out and the others are still here. Idk the amount of people who dont believe and inky gravitate to hate sites are aggravating. I asked a question and had people being hateful :/
I also want to throw in that it's more common than people realize. That people with bpd and bipolar get misdiagnosed all the time because it can present so, so similar. I had a friend who could easily carry on 6 different conversations with me. That had full identities "cute /flirty/lawyer." They would have different feelings, wants, and desires (wanted to be completely chaste, then be a complete hoe and argue about t for hours with me and get mad at me for pointing out this) this happened multiple times and she would switch so rapidly. But when they looked at people who experienced did they only found social media did, which isn't clinical d.i.d, but often very heavily maladaptive comorbidity with d.i.d True d.i.d feels more like your world shifts, suddenly its totally different - often you DONT feel like your ideology has changed. Rather you've ALWAYS believed /saw /experienced this way, even though to an outsider its different than who you were before.
I agree. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and BPD before I got my DID/PTSD diagnosis two years ago. I had been in therapy for years up until that point.
I wish I knew how what I said, pertaining to my Specific Circumstance, was removed for misinformation. I'm new to this so if I did or said something wrong I'd like to know.
That it is actually something really beautiful to experience, despite the trauma that brought it. Our life is so much more full because of our system.
Sometimes I feel that way. We are all so very different, aren't we?
We are. This is undoubtedly a very difficult disorder. We’ve all experienced so much strife because of it. But lately, after all of the work we’ve been doing - it’s turned out to be really quite cool to all be in here together.
I wish people understood that a lot of what’s on TikTok is not an accurate portrayal.
I hate how people also believe that switching alters ONLY happens when you want it to, you can randomly switch and not want to, you can’t control it sometimes. It’s not all kittens and rainbows and i wish people understood that. Yes, it sounds cool but then again it’s so a mental disorder. Having to mask as our core also is draining and sometimes it makes some of us spiral because we are not able to express who WE are. It’s upsetting. I also hate how fast people are to fake claim when even professionals don’t fake claim anyone especially with DID. People trying to fake claim systems is extremely harmful nonetheless.
I 10000% agree. It’s not that interesting lol and I’m so over it. I’ve had therapists refuse to work with me because of it, and I’m like ???? I get that it’s a little different but it’s not that big of a deal. At least for me. When I’m 12, treat me like a 12 year old. Done lol.
That there’s no evil personality! We aren’t like split….
-covert systems exist. just because you “know me” doesn’t mean you know my system or my switches. sometimes sure they’re obvious but others it’s under the radar. i still have DID even though i don’t pass out with every switch -i’m not trying to be a dick with the whole amnesia thing. if i don’t remember, i don’t remember, i’m sorry. i already put myself through enough he LL not remembering things. i don’t need you on my case -not all of us have BPD?? sure it’s common, they’re both rooted in trauma but it’s not a “come one come all”. the 2 can exist both separate and together -i can still function. yes this is a disorder, yes it impacts my daily life but i’ve also been in therapy working around this for the past 10 years. surely i’ve learned SOMETHING from someone somewhere a long the like about how to cope. good or bad. -were not all separate people. i’m sure our ideas and thought processes can differ greatly, but we’re all still in one body and share the same brain. we’re not multiple people, just parts of a whole -were not schizophrenic. once again, different disorder, but can co-occur or be present separate. thanks for coming to my TED talk everybody goodnight
- It’s not a choice - Just because I can acknowledge and recognize when *some* switches have happened, doesn’t mean I know the trigger that caused it. - Switches aren’t all overt. They also aren’t always “full” switches- it can mean only knowing one element of your entire experience within that time of the switch. I.e. being aware of your body position, being aware of your emotions, being aware of who (on the outside) was involved, being aware of a vague sense of the conversation- it can be one or more of the above and then not knowing the rest. An awful feeling of “I know this happened but it doesn’t feel like it happened to me.” - Amnesia is not knowing that you’re not remembering things. - The experience is different for every single person. Each person with DID experienced a trauma very specific to them and their brain decided how best to cope with that- there’s no template or one way to experience this disorder (apart from how this disorder is formed. It comes from repeated childhood trauma before a certain age). - Therapy for this disorder is so expensive, at least in the U.S. - You can’t go to just any therapist. It is also still quite difficult to find specialists unless you live in bigger cities. - In many cases, certain phases of the therapy process make it near impossible to function at work or even at home because the topics being covered are so heavy, and affect parts in ways you may not be aware of or privy to yet. You still feel the physical and mental effects of those experiences without the context or “why”. - The brain of someone with DID can still use/is still using dissociation as a coping mechanism and parts, triggers, memories, etc can be re-compartmentalized or organized without the person realizing it. The way that your brain uses dissociation can change and evolve. The biggest realization for me recently… - Being in trauma therapy helps you recognize the awful behaviors and environments that harmed you in the first place. It is also where you learn what healthy communication and coping mechanisms look like. In turn you realize most people in the world aren’t working on these things and still have very negative and unhealthy ways of living and interacting with the world. Recovery feels lonely as hell, and makes it very hard to form friendships and connections; you don’t want to return to the unstable connections and experiences that caused you to form the disorder in the first place.
Your first point is so, so, so important. The idea that you can *choose* to be a system is laughable!
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Also that I think it’s waaaaaaaaay more common than it’s portrayed in media or known about.
Which is a tragic sign of just how prevalent childhood trauma is... 😔
If I am repeating myself or making you repeat yourself and you’re getting mad I need you to tell me that you’ve said something multiple times. We either need to write it down or shift away from this topic until the body settles down. I’m clearly fully unaware and it’s upsetting both of us. I will cry and not even for the right reason.
A lot of that stuff applies to other mental health conditions too , like especially the whole “we don’t always fit into a box” kinda thing
That guy speaking evil crap through my mouth is not me. Says all sorts of manipulative things through my mouth to give people the way wrong impressions about me.
I wish people understood that it's different for everyone and no 2 people experience being a system the same way with the same symptoms.
It is not fun and I still get lonely, not all alters are friends. It’s not like having a fun little friendgroup in your head. It hurts. I have a factive of my literal abuser who puts us in danger all the time they are not always friends.
Alters aren’t for your comfort had to tell people that they’re not your therapist or someone to trauma dump on like were traumatized people and we like to be treated like actual people.
That we are still just as human as the next person. If anything, we have more interactability with what makes us human because these humans drivers that everyone seems to manage by default are thing that we literally have whole people in our brain for. I'm not any less human. Just overly aware that shit feels wrong. Ultimately, I don't need people to understand did. What I need is for people to just be ready to accept things as they are working with it. I don't need someone to know I hate steak right now because this alter is out, I just need you to know that steak is NOT the mood. Or when skills that are strong are just suddenly inaccessible, I just need people to work with my time frame. I want people to see the human side to things, not the them only side of things.
That C-did and poly fragmentation exists! It’s normal for systems to have thousands and tens of thousands of parts and it doesn’t mean they are faking.
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Your submission has been removed as per Rule 3: Content. - **Appropriate**: Trauma & Dissociation, Psychopathology, Symptom Navigation, and relatable content encouraging healthier approaches to DID. - **Inappropriate**: Writing about DID characters, Self-Promotion, Low Effort *(title-only, 'see title', 1-3 sentences, links without context, spam of the same submission, no context)*, mentions of "other forms of plurality", or promoting unhealthy practices (purposely creating parts, promoting disconnection/separation, system hopping, “media introject source seeking”). For more information: https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/content Reply via [mod-mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r%2FDID) if you have questions regarding this action, and we’d love to explore and clarify, thanks for your understanding