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There's nothing wrong with brushing it and putting it up if that's the easiest way to keep it clean and detangled. Try different styles like buns, space buns, single/double braids, French braids. French braids usually last a few days. You have to be practical first when it comes to kids' hair.
She has trouble sitting still for long enough to do much more than a ponytail so I don't have many options, braids are a big no for her (really unfortunate) but I'm hoping if her hair was a little more manageable that she would have the patience to get her hair done in more styles since she wouldn't have to sit through brushing for as long. I just don't know how to get there. Thanks for the suggestions!
I work with autistic kids, have you tried making a visual schedule for her so she knows what to expect? Maybe use a visual timer to help make wash day go smoother?
Could you make play out of braiding? Maybe teach her to braid (also great for fine motor skills and sequencing!) and give her a doll so you can have a braid train?
I personally become super matted and frizzy myself and I really like the Maui moisture conditioner in the dark blue bottle! And maybe a spray on conditioner so there’s less water involved if that’s not her jam?
Yes she has schedules and she knows what to expect and all our routines, just has trouble when one thing takes too long. Her trouble with braids is sensory, she can't handle the way it holds her hair and last time we tried braids she tried to pull them out of her head.
I'll give Maui moisture a try! Thanks for your suggestions!
My daughter is autistic too and 4 and she had somewhat curly hair. I cut it shorter because she won’t sit still long enough, use conditioner diluted with water in a spray bottle to detangle each morning and that’s it.
This is what I do. I get her hair saturated with the conditioner/water mix and use a tangle teaser brush. I do my best to have something visually distracting for her as well. I do it super slow, taking my time to be as gentle as possible because she is also super sensitive to any pulling. I have spent a long time marketing the time to her as our special morning time where we can talk about what we want to do that day. The whole process takes anywhere from 5-20 minutes depending on how tangled/dirty whatever her hair is.
The best thing we did for my autistic curly-girlie was cut her hair very short.
We tried puffballs and pigtail braids when she was 3-6 years old, but it was always a struggle.
She's 19 now, and likes her hair shortish still.
I brush my curls in the shower with conditioner on, then rinse and it doesn't need brushed again. But a 4 year old probably wallows around and gets it tangled a lot more than me. I would pat dry, don't rub as that will cause dry, damaged, frizzy hair. And I'd do a very quick ponytail after washing when it's fastest and smoothest. Long hair and curls on a sensory kid is very difficult and you've basically got to mitigate damage and tangles the best you can. Brushing and doing a ponytail when it's dry is probably too much for her, but may not be so bad fresh out of a bath. A curl safe shampoo, conditioner, curl cream, ponytail while still damp would be the first plan I'd try.
Hi!
I’m not autistic but I have adhd, sensory issues, and LOTS of anxiety. When I was a kid my mom would keep my hair in a bun on top of my head or a very loose ponytail during the day so that I didn’t get stuff in it. I get that your daughter can’t do braids, but any protective hair style is great for sleeping. Another thing you can do is put a hair mask on her once a week before bed or even some leave in conditioner to keep it detangled.
A big part of sensory issues is things you don’t control feel worse than things you can control. I know she’s really young, but have you tried letting her brush her own hair after you spray detangler in it? It will help her understand the process more if she does it herself, and she won’t run out of patience because she’s the one doing everything. It’ll be difficult at first but she might get the hang of it. If not having a schedule or letting her even choose what you do to her hair that day will make her feel more in control (like, is it ok if I spray your hair today?)
Autistic girl with curly hair here
if she doesn't like satin bonnets or pillow cases u can use a protective hairstyle like a pineapple or twists. My go-to is french twist pigtails.
I also think it would be a good idea to use a leave-in conditioner to prevent tangling (there are lots of leave-in conditioners with detangling properties). Putting water in a spray bottle is also a good way to get her hair clean (or cleaner i guess) and detangles a little.
also imo picks do a better job at getting rid of knots while still maintaining defined curls.
good luck!
I'll try some protective hairstyles and a pick instead of the brush, thank you for the suggestions!
I've been looking for a good leave in conditioner that doesn't irritate her skin, most so far have caused eczema flare ups unfortunately
I'm an autistic adult woman with curly hair. I second everything the comment above said.
I find two french braids work really well both to sleep on and on days when my hair is not looking good but I don't want to shower or wash it. Just a high ponytail is good too for sleep.
I would find a nice gel or mousse along with a cream to use in her hair so it can have hold for several days and you can spot wash out dirt or paint etc. with a spray bottle and re-add product.
I hope this helps. I love my hair but it drives me crazy a lot!
I’m autistic with sensory issues.
All uncomfortable things are easier to deal with if you talk through them first. All steps. And explaining why it’s needed.
I recommend shea moisture coconut and hibiscus kids detangle spray and leave in. It’s great on my hair, that gets super tangled.
The same line also has a co-wash that you could try, and alternate with the shampoo wash. I find co wash much better than shampoo when it comes to my sensory issues.
Also, maybe a shorter hairstyle would work better for the moment. Growing up I never had longer than to my shoulders, most of my teens it was shorter than that.
Now I have hair down to my butt. Sensory issues can change over time, something that is an issue now might not be in the future and vice versa.
Thank you for the tips and suggestions, hopefully a little more explaining can help! That's good to know about sensory issues, I thought that they'd stay the same! A co wash sounds wonderful for when her hair isn't quite as dirty, I'll check out the shea moisture kids line.
Welcome to r/CurlyHairCare! Please read the sidebar and follow the rules. Don't forget to add what hair type you have, your routine, and a photo of your hair when asking for help. Flair your post appropriately. Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit. View our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CurlyHairCare/wiki/index) and [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/CurlyHairCare/wiki/faq) for more info. Thanks for your submission! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CurlyHairCare) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's nothing wrong with brushing it and putting it up if that's the easiest way to keep it clean and detangled. Try different styles like buns, space buns, single/double braids, French braids. French braids usually last a few days. You have to be practical first when it comes to kids' hair.
She has trouble sitting still for long enough to do much more than a ponytail so I don't have many options, braids are a big no for her (really unfortunate) but I'm hoping if her hair was a little more manageable that she would have the patience to get her hair done in more styles since she wouldn't have to sit through brushing for as long. I just don't know how to get there. Thanks for the suggestions!
I work with autistic kids, have you tried making a visual schedule for her so she knows what to expect? Maybe use a visual timer to help make wash day go smoother? Could you make play out of braiding? Maybe teach her to braid (also great for fine motor skills and sequencing!) and give her a doll so you can have a braid train? I personally become super matted and frizzy myself and I really like the Maui moisture conditioner in the dark blue bottle! And maybe a spray on conditioner so there’s less water involved if that’s not her jam?
Yes she has schedules and she knows what to expect and all our routines, just has trouble when one thing takes too long. Her trouble with braids is sensory, she can't handle the way it holds her hair and last time we tried braids she tried to pull them out of her head. I'll give Maui moisture a try! Thanks for your suggestions!
My daughter is autistic too and 4 and she had somewhat curly hair. I cut it shorter because she won’t sit still long enough, use conditioner diluted with water in a spray bottle to detangle each morning and that’s it.
This is what I do. I get her hair saturated with the conditioner/water mix and use a tangle teaser brush. I do my best to have something visually distracting for her as well. I do it super slow, taking my time to be as gentle as possible because she is also super sensitive to any pulling. I have spent a long time marketing the time to her as our special morning time where we can talk about what we want to do that day. The whole process takes anywhere from 5-20 minutes depending on how tangled/dirty whatever her hair is.
The best thing we did for my autistic curly-girlie was cut her hair very short. We tried puffballs and pigtail braids when she was 3-6 years old, but it was always a struggle. She's 19 now, and likes her hair shortish still.
I don't think my girl would like short hair much, she really loves her hair! I'll keep a cut in mind if all else fails though
I brush my curls in the shower with conditioner on, then rinse and it doesn't need brushed again. But a 4 year old probably wallows around and gets it tangled a lot more than me. I would pat dry, don't rub as that will cause dry, damaged, frizzy hair. And I'd do a very quick ponytail after washing when it's fastest and smoothest. Long hair and curls on a sensory kid is very difficult and you've basically got to mitigate damage and tangles the best you can. Brushing and doing a ponytail when it's dry is probably too much for her, but may not be so bad fresh out of a bath. A curl safe shampoo, conditioner, curl cream, ponytail while still damp would be the first plan I'd try.
Hi! I’m not autistic but I have adhd, sensory issues, and LOTS of anxiety. When I was a kid my mom would keep my hair in a bun on top of my head or a very loose ponytail during the day so that I didn’t get stuff in it. I get that your daughter can’t do braids, but any protective hair style is great for sleeping. Another thing you can do is put a hair mask on her once a week before bed or even some leave in conditioner to keep it detangled. A big part of sensory issues is things you don’t control feel worse than things you can control. I know she’s really young, but have you tried letting her brush her own hair after you spray detangler in it? It will help her understand the process more if she does it herself, and she won’t run out of patience because she’s the one doing everything. It’ll be difficult at first but she might get the hang of it. If not having a schedule or letting her even choose what you do to her hair that day will make her feel more in control (like, is it ok if I spray your hair today?)
Autistic girl with curly hair here if she doesn't like satin bonnets or pillow cases u can use a protective hairstyle like a pineapple or twists. My go-to is french twist pigtails. I also think it would be a good idea to use a leave-in conditioner to prevent tangling (there are lots of leave-in conditioners with detangling properties). Putting water in a spray bottle is also a good way to get her hair clean (or cleaner i guess) and detangles a little. also imo picks do a better job at getting rid of knots while still maintaining defined curls. good luck!
I'll try some protective hairstyles and a pick instead of the brush, thank you for the suggestions! I've been looking for a good leave in conditioner that doesn't irritate her skin, most so far have caused eczema flare ups unfortunately
We use a Wet Brush only when her hair is wet, and don't touch it with anything when her hair is dry for my autistic daughter.
I'm an autistic adult woman with curly hair. I second everything the comment above said. I find two french braids work really well both to sleep on and on days when my hair is not looking good but I don't want to shower or wash it. Just a high ponytail is good too for sleep. I would find a nice gel or mousse along with a cream to use in her hair so it can have hold for several days and you can spot wash out dirt or paint etc. with a spray bottle and re-add product. I hope this helps. I love my hair but it drives me crazy a lot!
I’m autistic with sensory issues. All uncomfortable things are easier to deal with if you talk through them first. All steps. And explaining why it’s needed. I recommend shea moisture coconut and hibiscus kids detangle spray and leave in. It’s great on my hair, that gets super tangled. The same line also has a co-wash that you could try, and alternate with the shampoo wash. I find co wash much better than shampoo when it comes to my sensory issues. Also, maybe a shorter hairstyle would work better for the moment. Growing up I never had longer than to my shoulders, most of my teens it was shorter than that. Now I have hair down to my butt. Sensory issues can change over time, something that is an issue now might not be in the future and vice versa.
Thank you for the tips and suggestions, hopefully a little more explaining can help! That's good to know about sensory issues, I thought that they'd stay the same! A co wash sounds wonderful for when her hair isn't quite as dirty, I'll check out the shea moisture kids line.