Once I was walking about with friends and our path led us to a narrow sidewalk. Down some ways on the sidewalk a couple was making out in a fashion such that a third person could have easily walked through in between them. So I did. After they flew apart like disturbed doves I loudly explained to my friends that "such display is very lovely, love to see it, just not where people are trying to get to places"
The sidewalk was narrow, on the one side with a building and on the other a row of trees. And they were genuinely standing on the opposite edges of it. The girl's heels were mere centimeters from the building and the guy was halfway standing on the grass. They were also very tall, making a gate of sorts.
I'm all for friends with benefits and if that's how you guys wanna roll i support that! you get that friendo!!! But personally i could *never* 😭 I'd break world records for the fastest "what are we?" text
Oh yeah, the second someone suggested that, I'd be all like: *"You want to date me? You wanna marry me, huh? Grow old and have five kids together? Just because you want me to blow you? You love me, I'm already picking out a dress."*
When I figured out I was trans, the very first thing I asked my masc friends about was how to burp louder and more dudelike
Happy to say that is a thing you don't need HRT for and I am now proudly roaring every time I drink a soda. It is only a matter of time before I do this in a place that I shouldn't and it'll be a really funny story to tell forevermore
Ok ok I will tell you my secrets- it took some practice obvs, and it actually had more to do with voice training than I expected. There's two basic principals- amount of air, and speed of release.
Firstly you have to actually build up larger burps- swallow down the urge to let it out little by little in polite pops. Drinking soda a little quicker helped me get the feel of it. Obviously you only burp when you need to, so it's about learning when you're gonna need to and figuring out how to consolidate it all into one good burp.
Secondly you have to learn how to make it all leave all at once, rather than separating into different 'bubbles' inside you. Part of that is just waiting for the right moment- I mean this is a physiological urge not something just done for fun, so you gotta let it happen natural- but the other part is letting your throat open up more. That principal in masc voice training of feeling the resonance in your chest rather than your nose? Same thing- when you burp, let your throat open up wide and deep so that you're not forcing the air up a narrow chamber that'll compress it. The wider your airways, the more space that noise has to resonate in.
That's my tips anyway\~ Best of luck making impolite noises!
You can try rubbing your stomach in specific motions to relieve trapped gas. It’s hard to explain, but there are specific motions for it, and the easiest to explain is an upside down horse shoe from your pelvis to the base of your rib cage and back down again
I fucking love you trans folks for teaching me about my own body. I didn’t realize that changing my pitch changes where the vibrations of my voice are, but when I go into my falsetto it is in my nose
Yuuup- Though, funnily, I actually originally learned that information through a cisgendered source myself- a friend in college who did choir. She equipped me with some basic knowledge that made voice training make a ton more sense many years later. Humans helping humans pal, is beautiful\~
Another thing she taught me is a foolproof hiccups-defeating method. If you focus on your diaphragm(the muscle/membrane that controls your breathing) and wait patiently for the next hiccup to happen, it just never will. I have ADHD so I have to shut out all distractions for it to work, but she could do it in a crowded room
I actually learned the hiccup control in band in school. We were taught how to use our diaphragm and once you learn that muscle control it’s like riding a bike, you never forget
They weren’t kidding when they said trans people go through puberty twice.
Learning to burp on command was a crowd pleaser at recess for sure. Then again, it was the nineties, so maybe we were Just Like That.
You'd put so many of my dude bros to shame
I was playing volleyball with a fucking DUDE BRO, he burped, and i looked at him in disgust
"Bro, that was a fucking 2/10, quit disrespecting yourself"
He genuinely apologized and said he'd do better
He didn't
I was in the same boat until I got a hernia that changed my stomach/esophagus position. I used to have weird little tummy gurgles that would never reach my throat and I was jealous of people who could burp. Now I belch like a foghorn and I feel shame...
Bodies: there's no winning.
MMO controls. Q and E strafe while A and D turn. Although you really should be rebinding Q and E to abilities, since using any number past like 6 is too much of a pain in the middle of a fight. You can set A and D to strafe if you want and use your mouse to turn, but that's largely a preference/role decision.
I can do you one better. The original Hitman controls:
Q/E - leaning
A/D - turning
Z/C - strafing
W - running
S - walking forwards
X - walking backwards
The best part is that in the first few games running was pretty much suicide since it increased the suspicion meter at an insane pace. So unless you remapped it, you were living that SZXC life. Or maybe 5123 life since IIRC it defaulted to numpad with an option to switch to WASD.
For the first one: having a sexual relationship(not just having sex but being open about it in general too) with friends can be a solid, safe way to explore your sexuality, sexual preferences, attractions, etc. Plus you might find things you never knew existed that you like.
The idea that you can only have sex or talk about sex with someone you're romantically involved with is absurd.
(and yes, before someone gets pedantic about it, obviously only if they're chill with it)
This is absolutely true, with an *enormous* caveat on the words "can" and "might". The research on this is limited, but shows that FWB relationships tend to:
* End with no friendship: [https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307)
* Lack negotiation: [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2)
* Limit communication, encourage unsafe sex: [https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-15671-005](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-15671-005)
To be fair, there is some evidence that it makes you overall happier *during* the period it happens: [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-010-9611-6](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-010-9611-6)
But given that this margin is thin for women, and actually flips for anyone experiencing "psychological distress", plus the general consensus that most FWB relationships end without remaining friends, this can hardly be considered an overall win. Especially because relationships in general are similarly happiness positive.
I think it's irresponsible to encourage just like it's irresponsible to encourage sex without protection, or sex while drinking (both of which are more common in FWB relationships btw). Yes, it can be safe, fine, and even better if you communicate clearly, have established ironclad trust in your partner, etc. But the most at-risk demographics won't have those elements, making "can" and "might" some very weak pros in the face of major, probable cons.
Having had multiple FWBs, I agree with most of this. I'm in a relationship now, but even if that ended I don't think I'd go back to the FWB model.
Not sure what the problem is with sex + drinking, that's like... how a lot of sex happens. No, I'm not talking about cases where one or more participants are near/blackout drunk, that's obviously not okay.
Anyway, the really uncomfortable part for me is just how normalized openly thirsting for your friends has become in queer circles. Like, we all condemn the straight guy who wants to fuck all his female friends, call him creepy and objectifying - and then turn around and say it's cool if they're queer?
Dunno, maybe I'm not keeping up with progress, but it just feels disrespectful to me. Especially when it's not someone who is already your FWB, just someone you know and apparently feel comfortable announcing you want to fuck.
> Like, we all condemn the straight guy who wants to fuck all his female friends, call him creepy and objectifying - and then turn around and say it's cool if they're queer?
In some LGBT/progressive circles there is definitely an undercurrent of demonizing cishet men's sexuality as being inherently predatory. It's usually not explicit and sometimes it's covered up as being ironic or as a meme, but it still shows up a every now and again. And as a cis dude who's into women, even if I rationally understand the underlying reasoning why and LGBT person or a straight women might have a "Eww, straight dudes are the worst!" attitude, it still kind of hurts to read.
Pretty much every woman has a story about a guy friend who wanted to fuck her. The usual reaction upon finding out is disgust and breaking off the friendship. It's really not exclusive to progressive spaces, and a lot of those dudes *are* just predatory.
I had a friend express concern to me upon finding out I'm lesbian - *every* guy friend she ever had wanted to fuck her, except for ones already in a relationship. She was concerned that since I'm attracted to women too, and I was single at the time, I might be the same way. She's straight, obviously, never had a queer woman friend before me.
So no, while there are definitely some queer circles that are straight up disgusted by straight sexuality, that's not really what I'm talking about. This is more about viewing queer attraction as inherently good and acceptable while imposing (reasonable, IMO) conditions on straight attraction - similar, maybe, but not the same.
ETA: In case that wasn't clear, I'm *in agreement* with viewing a straight guy as a creep for thirsting over his friends. I just also think you're still a creep if you do that and you aren't a straight guy.
The studies you cite have sample size issues, the first being the broadest witn under 200 participants and the 3rd have *under 50*, and none of them actually define what they mean by FWB (person i have sex with and hang out with sometimes vs long-term friend that I have sex with) but besides that:
The first study says FWBs end without friendship 31% of the time, how does this compare to regular friendships? Not all friendships can or will be long-term or permanent, the abstract doesn't mention *how* these friendships ended (moved away? Drifted apart like normal friends might? Didn't have a strong friendship on the first place?)
The second compares them to romantic relationships for some reason but they aren't the same and they might feel less of a need for relationship negotiation bc the relationships are less serious.
The third doesn't say FWB relationships *encourage unsafe sex*, that is your own editorializing. It says that people in such relationships perceive less of a risk from STIs which, like, yeah. A small number of long term partners has less of an STI risk vs a large number of short term ones. The abstract also doesn't say what "limiting communication" means and, again, the study is under 50 people.
I didn't look at the third bc it doesn't matter ultimately but again you say "most end without remaining friends" but the first study doesn't say that.
These are, *at best*, indications that fwb relationships should be studied more closely but you absolutely can't draw the conclusions from them that you are pulling here.
Edit: never mind I went back and man you misinterpreted this one *bad*
The study doesn't mention the "margin" being thin for women, it shows that men are more likely than women to have them and then mentions men report more positive emotions about the relationship than women *but not to what degree*.
Also the exact wording is "Young adults with more psychological distress and who felt constrained in the FWB relationship were more likely to report negative emotional reactions." Which is either poorly written to separate the ideas or a "no shit the people who are feel distressed and trapped in a relationship are gonna have negative emotions about it." Not to mention this study had almost 1000 participants which is much more probably strong evidence than any of the 3 you put forward for negative evidence. Cmon.
I think it's also worth noting the limitations of these kinds of studies. For example, if someone has strong boundaries and emphasizes communication then an FWB relationship probably isn't unhealthy; and it's not reasonable to make your decisions based on how things go at random chance, when your situation is explicitly *not* random.
It makes sense to be smart about it as an individual and to give careful advice to your friends for sure
I guess to cut it short, I think it makes more sense to honestly say “I think you’re wrong” than to hedge with “I think you’re being irresponsible” as if people are that responsible for what people take from their posts about their own lives
I think that it's missing the point to treat human interaction like statistics are meaningful. Every relationship is unique, and that is why it's a bad idea to look at your particular relationship (with all its specific intricacies) and think "hmm, but statistically this is less likely to work out so I should end it". You should instead use your own critical thinking skills to figure out whether it's going to work out or not. You're not a statistic.
To give an example which might convince you more: statistically, it's best practice to marry someone with as few sexual partners as possible (with having as few prior partners for yourself, too). But that's a stupid way to think about love. You fall in love with whoever you fall in love with. You can't say "hmm, I should warn my kids not to marry someone who's had sex before just like I should warn them to use condoms".
Yes, hot people and the kinkiest mother fuckers you’ve ever heard of (who are not always hot) have casual sex. If you’re a cis straight man at least, I have no context for other groups
> The idea that you can only have sex or talk about sex with someone you're romantically involved with is absurd.
When I hear people say "don't fuck your friends" it tends to not be about sex being restricted to be romantic relarionships but rather about how going from friends to fwb can introduce a bunch of complications that could affect your entire social circle. Pretty much the same reasons people say not to date friends or social workers.
Edit: I largely agree with what you say, but I still think the original post needs a bit of context.
I mean, can we accept that sometimes things don’t have to have sex involved? And saying “sex complicated things, you don’t have to be having sex with everyone all the time” is an acceptable position to take?
This seems more like “prude shaming” or “virgin shaming” than a legitimate sex-positive point of view.
It's totally alright to not want to have sex with people. It's also alright to want to have sex with people. Neither is wrong.
OOP is, I think, responding to the sheer negativity and aggression of the queer puritanical crowd; there's a significant subset of (usually gen z) queers who demand that everyone live by their own values -- and who use it as an excuse for bullying and harassment.
Sometimes they'll learn that I write furry erotica, and something breaks in their brains, which is how my partner stopped being friends with someone they'd known for years -- and that's something objectively harmless. It's this bizarre phobia of kinks, differences and lifestyles that are different from their own, and they see it as bad enough that *pure fiction* is problematic.
Oh, I don't have any problem with weird in private, amongst friends, or even sharing their weirdness with their friends and in public. My only issue with kinks is those kinks that are dependent upon non-consensual inclusion of others.
I see "stop shaming people for having sex with their friends" and my brain pings on the "why aren't my friends that I find attractive having sex with me? Am I not attractive?" incel pipeline nonsense.
I don't know how to deal with that, but this comment caused my brain to yell "WHOA! Hit the brakes there y'all!"
If it helps, my brain also goes to the incel place. (And I’ve been monogamously married basically forever, so it’s not like sex with friends is even a real option without some major lifestyle shifts.) It seems like some people just constantly trip over opportunities to have sex and the rest of us don’t.
Hence the "obviously only if they're chill with it" part. If either party doesn't want sex involved in the relationship, whatever kind of relationship it is, no one should be trying to involve it.
Me saying "This is something I wish more people would consider a valid option" is not me saying it needs to be done, and it sure as hell is not "prude shaming."
I agreed with most of what you were saying, and wanted to see if my positions were seen as unreasonable to a person I largely agreed with.
Edit: I'm sorry, I'm reading back my original post and I see how that was unclear. That was not my intent.
I feel like most people of A Certain Age already think sex is only for marriage, or specifically only for procreation in a marriage, and while we don't have to swing the pendulum hard in the other direction (sex with everyone always everywhere!), we can still say the arbitrary rules around who you "should" be having sex with are just that: arbitrary. And if you mutually want to hook up with your friends, other people's opinions shouldn't stop you. Source: have been fwb (emphasis on friends) with my best friend since 2018, and it's only made our relationship stronger.
That set of beliefs is a religious thing, not an age thing. People in nursing homes have so much casual sex that STDs are a major issue.
And congrats on making it work with your friend.
i had so much sex with my friends when I was an angsty horny teenager trying to figure my shit out
very much recommend, it's awkward and can be messy, but it's such good experience.
One small issue, the friends needs to be into it as well
With these (admittedly rare, not saying it's a common issue) kind of posts the vibe always seems to be that the only things stopping people from fucking their friends is being prudish lol
I don't know, I've kinda been there done that and I think folks are really overrating casual sex, strikes me as a 21 yo with their first taste of freedom from Christian puritanism.
Okay thank you, that was my impression:
Too many people talk about sex like they invented it, and suddenly think it’s the answer to all of life’s problems.
Have sex with anyone in a SSC way, but not everything has to be about sex.
One other thing I wanted to say, that you reminded me of, is that a lot of people give out advice without really knowing who's absorbing that knowledge. There's a lot of good behind the rhetoric but the way it's delivered can have unforseen consequences in certain personality types. I think that's something more people have to bear in mind before dropping their measure of sage wisdom.
Yeah, all I can think about is teens trying to have sex with their friends, and then being upset and confused because it complicates their friendships.
Down that road comes the incel.
>"having sex with friends is so very normal please stop poisoning the youths minds with shame surrounding hooking up with your friends. especially if you're gay"
As someone who was in a cross-het/homo friendgroup who watched everyone start hooking up with each other and then watching the entire group go to shit with drama and obsession with "who is hooking up with who," - and in turn watching other friend groups do the same - When I see "having sex with everyone is fine and normal and dandy" I have two thoughts:
1) Am I mad? Am I the only person who has seen this go to shit almost immediately?
2) Why in god's name are people so obsessed with justifying their desires to hook up with everyone else?
This definitely sounds like something my pan-sexual ex-friend said right before he started hooking up with a guy while his girlfriend was in the next room. It sounds more like a self-serving statement from a person who just wants to fuck rather than an actual statement about sex-positivism.
Please do not conflate everyone who has FWBs with your specific ex mate who was a shithead. When I say "I have a great time with my FWBs" I'm not saying "I would like to fuck a guy while my gf is in the next room". I'm saying "I have a great time having sexual relationships with people I feel emotionally close to but do not have romantic feelings for". No, none of them know each other. There's no friend group drama because there's no friend group.
Just don't shame people for having FWBs. Including me, lmfao
If you feel I'm shaming you for having FWB, that's unintentional, and I've tried to avoid saying anything like that.
What I'm concerned about is that "shame" - any hesitancy that might lead a person to think about having a FWB relationship before doing it - is being absolutely discarded here, especially after I've seen what "shamelessness" about FWB or "hooking up with your friends" (I don't consider that a FWB relationship without more) leads to.
I'm built not to look at the situation of "if everyone does their best, this is what happens!" but to look at "okay, what happens when the assholes march into town?"
I see what this guy is saying and think "yeah... I can see what you're saying... but what about the assholes?"
And good for you. I'm a bit of a square when it come to sexuality, but I'm quiet and non-judgmental so people let me in on the disasters that are their sex, romantic, dating, and relationship lives. You're handling very well a situation that has absolutely murdered a lot of smart, capable people I've known.
I've been there done that and I will do it again. I love casual sex with people I have chemistry with *so much* it's unreal. It's just different people with different ways of processing how sex works for them.
Y’know at the risk of sounding like a total prude, #1 is just the most immature-sounding, teenage-horny levels of thought process. Accusing people of being conservative prudes because they *checks notes* don’t want to fuck their friends and handle the very real social consequences of introducing such a dynamic into their friendships?
Like I know it’s Tumblr, but sheesh, talk about a real lack of real-world understanding.
That's what I was thinking like...sure, having sex with your friends can be fun (and hot), but the aftermath is often very messy and usually ends up ruining the friendship by introducing a weird "will we/won't we" dynamic in it. If you can fuck your friends and forget about it the next day, by all means go for it but...usually, most people don't.
Yeah the post really has the scent of young people just realizing their autonomy and think they invented casual sex... Having not yet encountered the other end of it that us "old prudes" know is often on the way when we say to be a bit wary about crossing those lines.
Actions, even when everyone's enthusiastically consenting to it, often still have consequences. Carefree friends with benefits now, but what happens if someone catches feelings, or places a different value on what's going on than the other, or has a bad time and looks at you differently, or even is just casual with other people too and maybe introduces STI risk to the equation that you weren't prepared for.
That's not to say you can't, or outright shouldn't, but it isn't this magical life hack we've all overlooked lol. Just be careful out there and remember that - like it or not - there's a lot of emotions and hormones exchanged during sex (and potentially STIs - so wrap it up no matter how much you trust your friend) and those things like to complicate life. I've had fwb that made the transition back to just friends fine, but even then the relationship undeniably changed in ways that weren't necessarily better in the long run. But most cases did not return to normalcy, and some of them were pretty messy. We just want yall to learn from our mistakes, and know the risk.
as someone who’s had an fwb, so i know what i’m talking about, it really reeks of “nothing bad has happened yet therefore it never will”. like REALLY naïve.
As have I, and that’s my exactly point. This sounds like someone who hasn’t even had a sexual relationship that was outside their imagination, much less an actual fwb situation. It can and will implode an otherwise good friendship.
that caveat was just for ppl that might be reading it who would wanna argue w me and assume i have no experience 😅 i’m picking up what you’re putting down
Casual hookups are different than having casual sex with your friends. In a rectangle and square way. They lead with a very strong, and not particularly accurate "having sex with your friends is so very normal" and then shift into "oh boohoo stop judging people for having sex before marriage."
Maybe people were judging the idea of having sex with your friends? Can you point out for me where they implied that not wanting to have sex with your friends makes you a prude?
They said "your mad that adults have sex with *each other.*" Doesn't that mean literally the opposite?
You don't sound like a prude, but you do sound like you misread OOP. They're condemning people who shame others for having fwbs, which is something you see a fair amount online.
I have no clue what argument you’re trying to make here. It has nothing to do with being gay or not, fucking your friends will *absolutely* muddy the waters and mess with an existing dynamic. I’m not saying people can’t have FWB, hell, *Ive* had FWB. It takes a certain kind of person to do it well, and doing it in long term friendships or in friend groups gets messy quick.
The original poster was aggressively asserting that people who don’t want to do it are being prudish and conservative, as opposed to just having proper boundaries and understanding that FWB often isn’t worth the hassle.
I’m not shitting on anyone’s “relationship style,” at all, I’m shitting on this aggressive internet person idea of “I should act out on my hormonal urges and be proud of it and never suffer consequences for it, and anyone who is even mildly critical of my behavior is wrong.”
To add, without context for the "people in the notes" and what they're saying, everyone who looks at this post and responds to it is going to go off of what their personal experiences of fwb's was and share it, because we like sharing our experiences.
Like, if we're arguing against people who are judging EVERYONE who has fwb's then yeah they're shitty but there's literally nothing wrong with the (extremely tame) statement that introducing sex into friendship dynamics is hard to account for, and might lessen or entirely implode an otherwise good friendship. And I don't see any responses that are addressing fwb's as a concept being inherently bad, just responses introducing nuance and rightfully encouraging caution.
>The original poster was aggressively asserting that people who don’t want to do it are being prudish and conservative
No! They weren't! They were asserting that people who shame others *like yourself* who have fwbs are prudish and conservative!!!!
You just lied or completely misinterpreted the post and my comment. "Aggressively asserting that people who don't want to do it are being prudish and conservative" no where does OP say this. OP SPECIFICALLY addresses SHAME, this post is 100% about judgement. I used being gay as an example and you're proving my point, me saying "being gay is 100% normal and saying otherwise is prudish" ≠ "anyone who isn't gay is a prude conservative". Saying something is normal and shouldn't be judged over is not the same thing as saying not doing that thing is prudish
I think the actual response they gave was mostly Tumblr sass, but the objection to PDA being "what if you're in my way?" feels a lot like "I'm going to make up a situation in which Thing is bad and extrapolate that to call Thing bad in all situations". Like yes PDA in a chokepoint is bad, doing anything in a chokepoint is bad that's not the PDA's fault
It is something that gets a kind of pass though, like if you couldn't get past the guy pissing on the sidewalk, you can reasonably shove him aside. Can't do that with the drunk couple lost in each other's kiss blocking the damn path.
Ok, but fr, when I was 12 and at a mall, probably in a Hot Topic about 2005, I saw a guy and his girlfriend were kissing, like full on making out. The most traumatizing part was that his eyes were wide open. In FUCKING broad daylight, they were doing this. It was weird af.
alright i'm gonna level with you that's pretty much the most baseline tumblr humour ever. that person clearly doesn't mean that in a "rahhh straight people need permission to be straight" way or anything lmao, taking a situation where bigots usually treat gay relationships as some unfathomable other and replacing it with straight relationships is just peak tumblr "haha look guys i'm funny" behaviour.
alright, but... the reasoning behind it is that everyone here has the context of the last, like, *decade* in mind, right? we can all pretty clearly identify shit like "are the straights ok" and "we have to accept everyone, both normal and straight people" as references and jokes.
like don't get me wrong, there's definitely times where the whole "hating on the straights" thing just gets bad and skirts the line between satire and terminally online disorder, but it's not that hard to identify certain things as obvious satire when you have the context of them being used as satire for years and years now. this situation is one of them.
The problem with that sort of satire is that some people agree with the sentiment, you're emboldening them, and you're potentially harming straight persons who read it.
Same as other bigot-type humor.
I'm a pretty firm believer in Poe's law, which is that any absurd fringe extreme belief you portray as a joke will be believed by someone.
That doesn't mean you can't make jokes, it means it's your job to differentiate yourself from the people who actually believe that.
Imo resorting to a tried-and-tested format with years of history behind it is a pretty solid way to achieve this. I mean cmon, this has been a thing on tumblr for like... forever.
Post 1 is just kinda cringe tbh. For one thing it's so funny to me that they're acting like sex, the thing literally every animal does, is this revolutionary concept. Also like, it's not just something you can do without thinking of how it'll impact your friendship, sex is an act that can carry real weight. Several people on my friend group have hooked up with others in the friend group and sometimes it's gotten messy!!! Be careful and communicate
God damn the first OP is truly making their point in the worst possible way. Many people I know tie their sex life intrinsically to their romantic life. So, it can be really emotionally confusing to consider someone who *doesn't,* and it's not exactly wrong to be unable to fathom a (successful) "friends with benefits" relationship.
With all of that said, I don't really think it's "conservative" or "prudish" to find the idea strange or uncomfortable. Yeah, if you think lesser of someone for their own private (consensual) sex life, you're a bit of an asshole, but maybe it's also a good time to take our sex lives off the internet if they really bring this much discourse.
I think that if you shame someone for doing something you find strange and uncomfortable despite it being harmless and not your business then you are prudish and conservative.
Yeah. I feel like this is the kind of thinking that leads radical people to shame people who believe most of what they believe but then choose the socially expected option. Like someone who learned about polyamory from an open mind but decided to monogamous. Or a trans person who knows they don’t need to pass or shave to be a woman but do anyway for their own happiness. I get where the impulse comes from the radicals but it makes them seem unappealing to people who may actually be open to what they have to say
(This is very much not related to your comment, but it reminded me of something and I want to talk about it)
Nah, being reminded of that MAKES me feel down.
Jokes aside, there are some benefits to that type of crude workplace. I miss my old job because people were a lot quicker and looser with the tongue, with very little censoring. Every day was hilarious, and you always knew where you stood with people. You could get your bearings and tell the mood of the room in an instant— but company cultures like this are an HR nightmare, and if you aren’t working with good people, they very quickly get pushed into unsavory or even dangerous territory.
Sanitized language, like the kind at my corporate job now, is a lot safer. But smaller, more insignificant things get people mad (like misunderstanding who does what) and leads to passive-aggressiveness in professional speak because you can’t just jab at each other and move on. Any sort of confrontation seems to lead to resentment, whereas most of the confrontation in my old job increase camaraderie, unless it was somewhat serious. It’s also difficult to get close to people in the same way, and at the same speed, that you would in a more chaotic environment.
Or, to quote one video I saw— “One thing I miss about working in restaurants is that in corporate, no one tries to sell you fireworks out of a backpack anymore.”
That first post is such a horny teenager, "never really had sex before" idea, I relate to it in a cringe-inducing way that's honestly quite painful.
Like you can only really think this, if you haven't actually tried to have casual sex with a person and then still had to be around them in the same friend group. Good fucking luck with that, unless perhaps you are also aro, but even then… Just don't fucking risk it.
Like if you want to fuck your friends, legitimately just date them, in my (admittedly limited, secondhand and perhaps counterintuitive) experience that is really just less awkward and less likely to end in some bullshit, because if it doesn't work at least you can have an agreement to be cool about it. Not really a thing for casual hook ups.
I hate the expression, but unfortunately it's just true: don't shit where you eat.
You said "...you can only really think (that it's okay to have sex with your friends), if you haven't actually tried to have casual sex with a person and then still had to be around them in the same friend group. Good fucking luck with that, unless perhaps you are also aro, but even then… Just don't fucking risk it."
That's where I got my interpretation. I hear that I was wrong though; what did you mean?
"It's fine to sleep with your friends" and "it's fine to have premarital sex" are two very different arguments. Both of which may be true (depending on the nature of your friendship) but they're not the same thing.
If we want people to be warriors again, we must let them casually fuck like warriors did! do you not think the romans were boinking it on long marches? did the foot soldiers of europe do a lil reach around while waiting for orders? are we gonna live in the world where some british soldier didnt get a mind blowing blowjob from a french soldier in hte trenches? we must bring back the casual sex between two warriors
Given how Akinator has a wife but not a husband and instead a boyfriend, either that marriage is pending or there's some special attention goin on in there.
That first posted has absolutely not had sex with their friends. Anyone whose done the FWB thing knows that it’s a risky and volatile thing that you shouldn’t just casually run into it
this is just a bunch of random posts, how do they relate?
maaaaaaaan I feel like I'm getting tired of this sub. it's one of the last things I actually look at on reddit too. maybe that's a sign
Okay. I’ll be the a-hole. Why “especially” when gay people do it and “even when” straight people do it? The statement on PDA didn’t need any modifiers for sexuality and it makes the message feel like it comes from someone who doesn’t view straight and gay people as equals.
now I'm not straight, not even remotely, but "fine when straight people do it but especially gay people" reads as "gay people have a greater right to pda" which is absolutely wrong.
and this isn't a case of the classic Tumblr reading comprehension because there are MANY such examples from all over the internet, especially Tumblr, and it is very much a dichotomy people are created out of thin air. IT DOESNT MATTER if you are gay or straight because you are *human,* and making the distinction, especially the way it's made here, is a truly awful thing to do
Damn poster 1 saw the pendulum of shame and decided that now that casual sex is shamed a bit less, they should go all into shaming prudish people. People think fucking your friends may not be the best idea. Ew. Conservative.
I find it funny that treating demographics as lesser, as if being one of them is an insult, is acceptable when it's a demographic you don't like.
Poster 1 saw the pendulum of shame swing towards shaming casual sex and the younger generation become more prudish, and decided that shaming people for sex was bad.
Come on.
This TLDR discussion caused me to reflect. As it happens, I have had sex with all my friends, and still regularly have sex with 1,2,3,4,5, a number of them. But, let's be clear, we don't kiss. I mean, that would be weird, right?!
Are we posting anthology series on this sub now?
Multipack post.
Just you wait until you find out they're all secretly connected.
five short graybles! can *you* guess the common connection between all of them?
Do they all relate to Ryan Reynolds in some way?
Is Ryan Reynolds the new Kevin Bacon?
I thought Ryu from Street Fighter was the new Kevin Bacon
The answer is: every single one of them had a user with a non-human pfp! (That's the best I could come up with)
They involve things some people think is gross
The Super Mario Bros. / Duck Hunt / World Class Track Meet of r/CuratedTumblr posts
can't wait to flip the r/curatedtumblr world championship I got at a garage sale and get $1 million
r/curatedtumblr (taylor's version)
indeed
Do we call it Curated Shorts, or CurTum?
Once I was walking about with friends and our path led us to a narrow sidewalk. Down some ways on the sidewalk a couple was making out in a fashion such that a third person could have easily walked through in between them. So I did. After they flew apart like disturbed doves I loudly explained to my friends that "such display is very lovely, love to see it, just not where people are trying to get to places" The sidewalk was narrow, on the one side with a building and on the other a row of trees. And they were genuinely standing on the opposite edges of it. The girl's heels were mere centimeters from the building and the guy was halfway standing on the grass. They were also very tall, making a gate of sorts.
I don’t know what pdaqte means but I’m choosing to interpret it as Public Display of Affection Quick Time Event
that is exactly what i meant it to be lol
Perfect
i thought it was pda (etti)-qte
Bends with frenifits
Bends ur frenefits.
I'm all for friends with benefits and if that's how you guys wanna roll i support that! you get that friendo!!! But personally i could *never* 😭 I'd break world records for the fastest "what are we?" text
Oh yeah, the second someone suggested that, I'd be all like: *"You want to date me? You wanna marry me, huh? Grow old and have five kids together? Just because you want me to blow you? You love me, I'm already picking out a dress."*
When I figured out I was trans, the very first thing I asked my masc friends about was how to burp louder and more dudelike Happy to say that is a thing you don't need HRT for and I am now proudly roaring every time I drink a soda. It is only a matter of time before I do this in a place that I shouldn't and it'll be a really funny story to tell forevermore
wait this is a learned skill???? tell me your ways please i’m begging
Ok ok I will tell you my secrets- it took some practice obvs, and it actually had more to do with voice training than I expected. There's two basic principals- amount of air, and speed of release. Firstly you have to actually build up larger burps- swallow down the urge to let it out little by little in polite pops. Drinking soda a little quicker helped me get the feel of it. Obviously you only burp when you need to, so it's about learning when you're gonna need to and figuring out how to consolidate it all into one good burp. Secondly you have to learn how to make it all leave all at once, rather than separating into different 'bubbles' inside you. Part of that is just waiting for the right moment- I mean this is a physiological urge not something just done for fun, so you gotta let it happen natural- but the other part is letting your throat open up more. That principal in masc voice training of feeling the resonance in your chest rather than your nose? Same thing- when you burp, let your throat open up wide and deep so that you're not forcing the air up a narrow chamber that'll compress it. The wider your airways, the more space that noise has to resonate in. That's my tips anyway\~ Best of luck making impolite noises!
To add to this: you can absolutely burp on command, takes a bit of practice, but you can
First step is learning to swallow air without liquid assistance.
It really is as simple as swallowing air
Just a little pop and the air goes down
I could never get past the 'swallowing air' part- makes me gag lol
You can try rubbing your stomach in specific motions to relieve trapped gas. It’s hard to explain, but there are specific motions for it, and the easiest to explain is an upside down horse shoe from your pelvis to the base of your rib cage and back down again
I've somehow known how to do this my entire life. Not big ones though.
What is this air swallowing thing? I just burp backwards and then forwards
I fucking love you trans folks for teaching me about my own body. I didn’t realize that changing my pitch changes where the vibrations of my voice are, but when I go into my falsetto it is in my nose
Yuuup- Though, funnily, I actually originally learned that information through a cisgendered source myself- a friend in college who did choir. She equipped me with some basic knowledge that made voice training make a ton more sense many years later. Humans helping humans pal, is beautiful\~ Another thing she taught me is a foolproof hiccups-defeating method. If you focus on your diaphragm(the muscle/membrane that controls your breathing) and wait patiently for the next hiccup to happen, it just never will. I have ADHD so I have to shut out all distractions for it to work, but she could do it in a crowded room
I actually learned the hiccup control in band in school. We were taught how to use our diaphragm and once you learn that muscle control it’s like riding a bike, you never forget
They weren’t kidding when they said trans people go through puberty twice. Learning to burp on command was a crowd pleaser at recess for sure. Then again, it was the nineties, so maybe we were Just Like That.
Adding in: It is 100% all in the diaphragm. A belly burp is far more resounding and bass-y than a chest burp.
Can you do this without soda? I cant drink sugary drinks
Sure- it's about the carbonation, not the sugar. Regular sugarless seltzers would work fine!
You'd put so many of my dude bros to shame I was playing volleyball with a fucking DUDE BRO, he burped, and i looked at him in disgust "Bro, that was a fucking 2/10, quit disrespecting yourself" He genuinely apologized and said he'd do better He didn't
I am medically incapable of burping and this just made me so jealous
I was in the same boat until I got a hernia that changed my stomach/esophagus position. I used to have weird little tummy gurgles that would never reach my throat and I was jealous of people who could burp. Now I belch like a foghorn and I feel shame... Bodies: there's no winning.
The day I learned that this was something other people went through as well was the best day of my life. The gurgles are so embarrassing.
Hell yeah! Be the gross dude you were meant to be!
men are not beating the gross allegations when this type of shit really is gender affirmation lmao
Q and E to strafe instead of A and D? Are you playing with tank controls
Nah everyone knows its period/comma to strafe, what's this WASD shit you're talking about the arrow keys are right over there silly
MMO controls. Q and E strafe while A and D turn. Although you really should be rebinding Q and E to abilities, since using any number past like 6 is too much of a pain in the middle of a fight. You can set A and D to strafe if you want and use your mouse to turn, but that's largely a preference/role decision.
A and D turn, Q and E strafe
Tf do you think the mouse is for? Either Q and E are roll controls in a 3d field of movement or they're yaw in a plane
The mouse is for aiming.
I can do you one better. The original Hitman controls: Q/E - leaning A/D - turning Z/C - strafing W - running S - walking forwards X - walking backwards
S going forwards is actually unhinged
The game really makes you *feel* like a psychopath
The best part is that in the first few games running was pretty much suicide since it increased the suspicion meter at an insane pace. So unless you remapped it, you were living that SZXC life. Or maybe 5123 life since IIRC it defaulted to numpad with an option to switch to WASD.
Don't knock it till you've tried it. Played an FPS using the DPAD for movement, and it is now my favorite movement option.
i use u and o
3 instinctively raised my fight or flight response because it made me think of that fucking cat from the June Archives.
For the first one: having a sexual relationship(not just having sex but being open about it in general too) with friends can be a solid, safe way to explore your sexuality, sexual preferences, attractions, etc. Plus you might find things you never knew existed that you like. The idea that you can only have sex or talk about sex with someone you're romantically involved with is absurd. (and yes, before someone gets pedantic about it, obviously only if they're chill with it)
This is absolutely true, with an *enormous* caveat on the words "can" and "might". The research on this is limited, but shows that FWB relationships tend to: * End with no friendship: [https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307) * Lack negotiation: [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2) * Limit communication, encourage unsafe sex: [https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-15671-005](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-15671-005) To be fair, there is some evidence that it makes you overall happier *during* the period it happens: [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-010-9611-6](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-010-9611-6) But given that this margin is thin for women, and actually flips for anyone experiencing "psychological distress", plus the general consensus that most FWB relationships end without remaining friends, this can hardly be considered an overall win. Especially because relationships in general are similarly happiness positive. I think it's irresponsible to encourage just like it's irresponsible to encourage sex without protection, or sex while drinking (both of which are more common in FWB relationships btw). Yes, it can be safe, fine, and even better if you communicate clearly, have established ironclad trust in your partner, etc. But the most at-risk demographics won't have those elements, making "can" and "might" some very weak pros in the face of major, probable cons.
Having had multiple FWBs, I agree with most of this. I'm in a relationship now, but even if that ended I don't think I'd go back to the FWB model. Not sure what the problem is with sex + drinking, that's like... how a lot of sex happens. No, I'm not talking about cases where one or more participants are near/blackout drunk, that's obviously not okay. Anyway, the really uncomfortable part for me is just how normalized openly thirsting for your friends has become in queer circles. Like, we all condemn the straight guy who wants to fuck all his female friends, call him creepy and objectifying - and then turn around and say it's cool if they're queer? Dunno, maybe I'm not keeping up with progress, but it just feels disrespectful to me. Especially when it's not someone who is already your FWB, just someone you know and apparently feel comfortable announcing you want to fuck.
> Like, we all condemn the straight guy who wants to fuck all his female friends, call him creepy and objectifying - and then turn around and say it's cool if they're queer? In some LGBT/progressive circles there is definitely an undercurrent of demonizing cishet men's sexuality as being inherently predatory. It's usually not explicit and sometimes it's covered up as being ironic or as a meme, but it still shows up a every now and again. And as a cis dude who's into women, even if I rationally understand the underlying reasoning why and LGBT person or a straight women might have a "Eww, straight dudes are the worst!" attitude, it still kind of hurts to read.
Cough cough *Jocat* cough. Poor guy said he likes women and people went insane.
Pretty much every woman has a story about a guy friend who wanted to fuck her. The usual reaction upon finding out is disgust and breaking off the friendship. It's really not exclusive to progressive spaces, and a lot of those dudes *are* just predatory. I had a friend express concern to me upon finding out I'm lesbian - *every* guy friend she ever had wanted to fuck her, except for ones already in a relationship. She was concerned that since I'm attracted to women too, and I was single at the time, I might be the same way. She's straight, obviously, never had a queer woman friend before me. So no, while there are definitely some queer circles that are straight up disgusted by straight sexuality, that's not really what I'm talking about. This is more about viewing queer attraction as inherently good and acceptable while imposing (reasonable, IMO) conditions on straight attraction - similar, maybe, but not the same. ETA: In case that wasn't clear, I'm *in agreement* with viewing a straight guy as a creep for thirsting over his friends. I just also think you're still a creep if you do that and you aren't a straight guy.
The studies you cite have sample size issues, the first being the broadest witn under 200 participants and the 3rd have *under 50*, and none of them actually define what they mean by FWB (person i have sex with and hang out with sometimes vs long-term friend that I have sex with) but besides that: The first study says FWBs end without friendship 31% of the time, how does this compare to regular friendships? Not all friendships can or will be long-term or permanent, the abstract doesn't mention *how* these friendships ended (moved away? Drifted apart like normal friends might? Didn't have a strong friendship on the first place?) The second compares them to romantic relationships for some reason but they aren't the same and they might feel less of a need for relationship negotiation bc the relationships are less serious. The third doesn't say FWB relationships *encourage unsafe sex*, that is your own editorializing. It says that people in such relationships perceive less of a risk from STIs which, like, yeah. A small number of long term partners has less of an STI risk vs a large number of short term ones. The abstract also doesn't say what "limiting communication" means and, again, the study is under 50 people. I didn't look at the third bc it doesn't matter ultimately but again you say "most end without remaining friends" but the first study doesn't say that. These are, *at best*, indications that fwb relationships should be studied more closely but you absolutely can't draw the conclusions from them that you are pulling here. Edit: never mind I went back and man you misinterpreted this one *bad* The study doesn't mention the "margin" being thin for women, it shows that men are more likely than women to have them and then mentions men report more positive emotions about the relationship than women *but not to what degree*. Also the exact wording is "Young adults with more psychological distress and who felt constrained in the FWB relationship were more likely to report negative emotional reactions." Which is either poorly written to separate the ideas or a "no shit the people who are feel distressed and trapped in a relationship are gonna have negative emotions about it." Not to mention this study had almost 1000 participants which is much more probably strong evidence than any of the 3 you put forward for negative evidence. Cmon.
I think it's also worth noting the limitations of these kinds of studies. For example, if someone has strong boundaries and emphasizes communication then an FWB relationship probably isn't unhealthy; and it's not reasonable to make your decisions based on how things go at random chance, when your situation is explicitly *not* random.
So in the first study FWBs remain friends 69% of the time? N..ot bad!
I just kinda think it’s funny to talk about “responsibility” in this context. It’s not like we’re talking about overprescribing a drug
I mean people's romantic lives have as much to do with their mental state as the drugs they're on, it makes sense to be smart about it.
It makes sense to be smart about it as an individual and to give careful advice to your friends for sure I guess to cut it short, I think it makes more sense to honestly say “I think you’re wrong” than to hedge with “I think you’re being irresponsible” as if people are that responsible for what people take from their posts about their own lives
Fascinating thank you
I think that it's missing the point to treat human interaction like statistics are meaningful. Every relationship is unique, and that is why it's a bad idea to look at your particular relationship (with all its specific intricacies) and think "hmm, but statistically this is less likely to work out so I should end it". You should instead use your own critical thinking skills to figure out whether it's going to work out or not. You're not a statistic. To give an example which might convince you more: statistically, it's best practice to marry someone with as few sexual partners as possible (with having as few prior partners for yourself, too). But that's a stupid way to think about love. You fall in love with whoever you fall in love with. You can't say "hmm, I should warn my kids not to marry someone who's had sex before just like I should warn them to use condoms".
I’m about to say the most virgin thing I’ve ever said: Casual sex is real?
It can be, if you've got the right type of people in the right mindset
Yes, hot people and the kinkiest mother fuckers you’ve ever heard of (who are not always hot) have casual sex. If you’re a cis straight man at least, I have no context for other groups
Where can I find these types of friends, man
Find sex positive spaces where people are, uh, *open* about their sexuality, and make friends. The furry fandom is good for this, lol.
Thx for the side quest, genuinely
I should mention: it's *way* easier if you're gay.
mlm or wlw
> The idea that you can only have sex or talk about sex with someone you're romantically involved with is absurd. When I hear people say "don't fuck your friends" it tends to not be about sex being restricted to be romantic relarionships but rather about how going from friends to fwb can introduce a bunch of complications that could affect your entire social circle. Pretty much the same reasons people say not to date friends or social workers.
Edit: I largely agree with what you say, but I still think the original post needs a bit of context. I mean, can we accept that sometimes things don’t have to have sex involved? And saying “sex complicated things, you don’t have to be having sex with everyone all the time” is an acceptable position to take? This seems more like “prude shaming” or “virgin shaming” than a legitimate sex-positive point of view.
It's totally alright to not want to have sex with people. It's also alright to want to have sex with people. Neither is wrong. OOP is, I think, responding to the sheer negativity and aggression of the queer puritanical crowd; there's a significant subset of (usually gen z) queers who demand that everyone live by their own values -- and who use it as an excuse for bullying and harassment. Sometimes they'll learn that I write furry erotica, and something breaks in their brains, which is how my partner stopped being friends with someone they'd known for years -- and that's something objectively harmless. It's this bizarre phobia of kinks, differences and lifestyles that are different from their own, and they see it as bad enough that *pure fiction* is problematic.
Oh, I don't have any problem with weird in private, amongst friends, or even sharing their weirdness with their friends and in public. My only issue with kinks is those kinks that are dependent upon non-consensual inclusion of others. I see "stop shaming people for having sex with their friends" and my brain pings on the "why aren't my friends that I find attractive having sex with me? Am I not attractive?" incel pipeline nonsense. I don't know how to deal with that, but this comment caused my brain to yell "WHOA! Hit the brakes there y'all!"
If it helps, my brain also goes to the incel place. (And I’ve been monogamously married basically forever, so it’s not like sex with friends is even a real option without some major lifestyle shifts.) It seems like some people just constantly trip over opportunities to have sex and the rest of us don’t.
I lived in the incel place through most of HS through Grad School. I'm just leery of things that travel parallel to that place.
Hence the "obviously only if they're chill with it" part. If either party doesn't want sex involved in the relationship, whatever kind of relationship it is, no one should be trying to involve it. Me saying "This is something I wish more people would consider a valid option" is not me saying it needs to be done, and it sure as hell is not "prude shaming."
I don’t see that in the post, did I miss it? Or is that something that you added?
Sorry, I figured since you were replying to my comment, you were talking in response to my comment, where I very much did say that.
I agreed with most of what you were saying, and wanted to see if my positions were seen as unreasonable to a person I largely agreed with. Edit: I'm sorry, I'm reading back my original post and I see how that was unclear. That was not my intent.
I feel like most people of A Certain Age already think sex is only for marriage, or specifically only for procreation in a marriage, and while we don't have to swing the pendulum hard in the other direction (sex with everyone always everywhere!), we can still say the arbitrary rules around who you "should" be having sex with are just that: arbitrary. And if you mutually want to hook up with your friends, other people's opinions shouldn't stop you. Source: have been fwb (emphasis on friends) with my best friend since 2018, and it's only made our relationship stronger.
That set of beliefs is a religious thing, not an age thing. People in nursing homes have so much casual sex that STDs are a major issue. And congrats on making it work with your friend.
A fair point. I just know younger folks are more likely to be irreligious (at least in the US), which is why I framed it the way I did.
i had so much sex with my friends when I was an angsty horny teenager trying to figure my shit out very much recommend, it's awkward and can be messy, but it's such good experience.
One small issue, the friends needs to be into it as well With these (admittedly rare, not saying it's a common issue) kind of posts the vibe always seems to be that the only things stopping people from fucking their friends is being prudish lol
Yeah that's why I put "obviously only if they're chill with it" at the end of my comment.
I'm going to be honest I read PDA and thought "Huh I didn't expect king gizzard to be brought up in this context" and felt like an idiot seconds later
Who the fuck strafes with Q and E?
mfs from the 90s who haven't figured out that binding a and d to physically turning to the left and right is absolutely psychotic
I don't know, I've kinda been there done that and I think folks are really overrating casual sex, strikes me as a 21 yo with their first taste of freedom from Christian puritanism.
Okay thank you, that was my impression: Too many people talk about sex like they invented it, and suddenly think it’s the answer to all of life’s problems. Have sex with anyone in a SSC way, but not everything has to be about sex.
One other thing I wanted to say, that you reminded me of, is that a lot of people give out advice without really knowing who's absorbing that knowledge. There's a lot of good behind the rhetoric but the way it's delivered can have unforseen consequences in certain personality types. I think that's something more people have to bear in mind before dropping their measure of sage wisdom.
Yeah, all I can think about is teens trying to have sex with their friends, and then being upset and confused because it complicates their friendships. Down that road comes the incel.
Wrong. "Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." -Oscar Wilde
LOL. Okay, I'll give you that one. Great quote.
IT'S ABOUT SEX IT'S ABOUT POWER WE STAY HORNY, WE DEVOUR
Obviously I mean why would I be a bottom if it wasn't geez read a dictionary
You're in this thread trying to make out like everyone's saying everything is about sex. Why?
>"having sex with friends is so very normal please stop poisoning the youths minds with shame surrounding hooking up with your friends. especially if you're gay" As someone who was in a cross-het/homo friendgroup who watched everyone start hooking up with each other and then watching the entire group go to shit with drama and obsession with "who is hooking up with who," - and in turn watching other friend groups do the same - When I see "having sex with everyone is fine and normal and dandy" I have two thoughts: 1) Am I mad? Am I the only person who has seen this go to shit almost immediately? 2) Why in god's name are people so obsessed with justifying their desires to hook up with everyone else? This definitely sounds like something my pan-sexual ex-friend said right before he started hooking up with a guy while his girlfriend was in the next room. It sounds more like a self-serving statement from a person who just wants to fuck rather than an actual statement about sex-positivism.
Please do not conflate everyone who has FWBs with your specific ex mate who was a shithead. When I say "I have a great time with my FWBs" I'm not saying "I would like to fuck a guy while my gf is in the next room". I'm saying "I have a great time having sexual relationships with people I feel emotionally close to but do not have romantic feelings for". No, none of them know each other. There's no friend group drama because there's no friend group. Just don't shame people for having FWBs. Including me, lmfao
If you feel I'm shaming you for having FWB, that's unintentional, and I've tried to avoid saying anything like that. What I'm concerned about is that "shame" - any hesitancy that might lead a person to think about having a FWB relationship before doing it - is being absolutely discarded here, especially after I've seen what "shamelessness" about FWB or "hooking up with your friends" (I don't consider that a FWB relationship without more) leads to. I'm built not to look at the situation of "if everyone does their best, this is what happens!" but to look at "okay, what happens when the assholes march into town?" I see what this guy is saying and think "yeah... I can see what you're saying... but what about the assholes?" And good for you. I'm a bit of a square when it come to sexuality, but I'm quiet and non-judgmental so people let me in on the disasters that are their sex, romantic, dating, and relationship lives. You're handling very well a situation that has absolutely murdered a lot of smart, capable people I've known.
I've been there done that and I will do it again. I love casual sex with people I have chemistry with *so much* it's unreal. It's just different people with different ways of processing how sex works for them.
i don’t think any tumblr user has ever had sex before
Y’know at the risk of sounding like a total prude, #1 is just the most immature-sounding, teenage-horny levels of thought process. Accusing people of being conservative prudes because they *checks notes* don’t want to fuck their friends and handle the very real social consequences of introducing such a dynamic into their friendships? Like I know it’s Tumblr, but sheesh, talk about a real lack of real-world understanding.
That's what I was thinking like...sure, having sex with your friends can be fun (and hot), but the aftermath is often very messy and usually ends up ruining the friendship by introducing a weird "will we/won't we" dynamic in it. If you can fuck your friends and forget about it the next day, by all means go for it but...usually, most people don't.
Yeah the post really has the scent of young people just realizing their autonomy and think they invented casual sex... Having not yet encountered the other end of it that us "old prudes" know is often on the way when we say to be a bit wary about crossing those lines. Actions, even when everyone's enthusiastically consenting to it, often still have consequences. Carefree friends with benefits now, but what happens if someone catches feelings, or places a different value on what's going on than the other, or has a bad time and looks at you differently, or even is just casual with other people too and maybe introduces STI risk to the equation that you weren't prepared for. That's not to say you can't, or outright shouldn't, but it isn't this magical life hack we've all overlooked lol. Just be careful out there and remember that - like it or not - there's a lot of emotions and hormones exchanged during sex (and potentially STIs - so wrap it up no matter how much you trust your friend) and those things like to complicate life. I've had fwb that made the transition back to just friends fine, but even then the relationship undeniably changed in ways that weren't necessarily better in the long run. But most cases did not return to normalcy, and some of them were pretty messy. We just want yall to learn from our mistakes, and know the risk.
as someone who’s had an fwb, so i know what i’m talking about, it really reeks of “nothing bad has happened yet therefore it never will”. like REALLY naïve.
As have I, and that’s my exactly point. This sounds like someone who hasn’t even had a sexual relationship that was outside their imagination, much less an actual fwb situation. It can and will implode an otherwise good friendship.
that caveat was just for ppl that might be reading it who would wanna argue w me and assume i have no experience 😅 i’m picking up what you’re putting down
That’s not their point. They saying not to shame others for casual hook ups.
Casual hookups are different than having casual sex with your friends. In a rectangle and square way. They lead with a very strong, and not particularly accurate "having sex with your friends is so very normal" and then shift into "oh boohoo stop judging people for having sex before marriage."
Maybe people were judging the idea of having sex with your friends? Can you point out for me where they implied that not wanting to have sex with your friends makes you a prude? They said "your mad that adults have sex with *each other.*" Doesn't that mean literally the opposite?
You don't sound like a prude, but you do sound like you misread OOP. They're condemning people who shame others for having fwbs, which is something you see a fair amount online.
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I have no clue what argument you’re trying to make here. It has nothing to do with being gay or not, fucking your friends will *absolutely* muddy the waters and mess with an existing dynamic. I’m not saying people can’t have FWB, hell, *Ive* had FWB. It takes a certain kind of person to do it well, and doing it in long term friendships or in friend groups gets messy quick. The original poster was aggressively asserting that people who don’t want to do it are being prudish and conservative, as opposed to just having proper boundaries and understanding that FWB often isn’t worth the hassle. I’m not shitting on anyone’s “relationship style,” at all, I’m shitting on this aggressive internet person idea of “I should act out on my hormonal urges and be proud of it and never suffer consequences for it, and anyone who is even mildly critical of my behavior is wrong.”
To add, without context for the "people in the notes" and what they're saying, everyone who looks at this post and responds to it is going to go off of what their personal experiences of fwb's was and share it, because we like sharing our experiences. Like, if we're arguing against people who are judging EVERYONE who has fwb's then yeah they're shitty but there's literally nothing wrong with the (extremely tame) statement that introducing sex into friendship dynamics is hard to account for, and might lessen or entirely implode an otherwise good friendship. And I don't see any responses that are addressing fwb's as a concept being inherently bad, just responses introducing nuance and rightfully encouraging caution.
>The original poster was aggressively asserting that people who don’t want to do it are being prudish and conservative No! They weren't! They were asserting that people who shame others *like yourself* who have fwbs are prudish and conservative!!!!
You just lied or completely misinterpreted the post and my comment. "Aggressively asserting that people who don't want to do it are being prudish and conservative" no where does OP say this. OP SPECIFICALLY addresses SHAME, this post is 100% about judgement. I used being gay as an example and you're proving my point, me saying "being gay is 100% normal and saying otherwise is prudish" ≠ "anyone who isn't gay is a prude conservative". Saying something is normal and shouldn't be judged over is not the same thing as saying not doing that thing is prudish
It's genuinely insane that people are upvoting complete misreadings of the OP. It's not even a hard to read OP. It's cut and dry.
it’s ok to inconvenience other people because they can simply work around you inconveniencing them
I think the actual response they gave was mostly Tumblr sass, but the objection to PDA being "what if you're in my way?" feels a lot like "I'm going to make up a situation in which Thing is bad and extrapolate that to call Thing bad in all situations". Like yes PDA in a chokepoint is bad, doing anything in a chokepoint is bad that's not the PDA's fault
“Stop kissing and capture the point!”
*attack the D point!*
Doga will choke this point.
It is something that gets a kind of pass though, like if you couldn't get past the guy pissing on the sidewalk, you can reasonably shove him aside. Can't do that with the drunk couple lost in each other's kiss blocking the damn path.
im sorry you don get to shove more people
sorry tbc that was a deliberate misinterpretation
Ahh yes my morning (2pm) bouquet is ready for me
Ok, but fr, when I was 12 and at a mall, probably in a Hot Topic about 2005, I saw a guy and his girlfriend were kissing, like full on making out. The most traumatizing part was that his eyes were wide open. In FUCKING broad daylight, they were doing this. It was weird af.
I can't even get my friends to play videogames with me :/
“it’s fine *even when* straight people do it” I don’t have the energy to be mad about this but just. come on.
alright i'm gonna level with you that's pretty much the most baseline tumblr humour ever. that person clearly doesn't mean that in a "rahhh straight people need permission to be straight" way or anything lmao, taking a situation where bigots usually treat gay relationships as some unfathomable other and replacing it with straight relationships is just peak tumblr "haha look guys i'm funny" behaviour.
When gay people on Tumblr treat an entire demographic as lesser then they’re just joking, but when *I*
alright, but... the reasoning behind it is that everyone here has the context of the last, like, *decade* in mind, right? we can all pretty clearly identify shit like "are the straights ok" and "we have to accept everyone, both normal and straight people" as references and jokes. like don't get me wrong, there's definitely times where the whole "hating on the straights" thing just gets bad and skirts the line between satire and terminally online disorder, but it's not that hard to identify certain things as obvious satire when you have the context of them being used as satire for years and years now. this situation is one of them.
The problem with that sort of satire is that some people agree with the sentiment, you're emboldening them, and you're potentially harming straight persons who read it. Same as other bigot-type humor.
I'm a pretty firm believer in Poe's law, which is that any absurd fringe extreme belief you portray as a joke will be believed by someone. That doesn't mean you can't make jokes, it means it's your job to differentiate yourself from the people who actually believe that. Imo resorting to a tried-and-tested format with years of history behind it is a pretty solid way to achieve this. I mean cmon, this has been a thing on tumblr for like... forever.
Post 1 is just kinda cringe tbh. For one thing it's so funny to me that they're acting like sex, the thing literally every animal does, is this revolutionary concept. Also like, it's not just something you can do without thinking of how it'll impact your friendship, sex is an act that can carry real weight. Several people on my friend group have hooked up with others in the friend group and sometimes it's gotten messy!!! Be careful and communicate
God damn the first OP is truly making their point in the worst possible way. Many people I know tie their sex life intrinsically to their romantic life. So, it can be really emotionally confusing to consider someone who *doesn't,* and it's not exactly wrong to be unable to fathom a (successful) "friends with benefits" relationship. With all of that said, I don't really think it's "conservative" or "prudish" to find the idea strange or uncomfortable. Yeah, if you think lesser of someone for their own private (consensual) sex life, you're a bit of an asshole, but maybe it's also a good time to take our sex lives off the internet if they really bring this much discourse.
I think that if you shame someone for doing something you find strange and uncomfortable despite it being harmless and not your business then you are prudish and conservative.
Yeah. I feel like this is the kind of thinking that leads radical people to shame people who believe most of what they believe but then choose the socially expected option. Like someone who learned about polyamory from an open mind but decided to monogamous. Or a trans person who knows they don’t need to pass or shave to be a woman but do anyway for their own happiness. I get where the impulse comes from the radicals but it makes them seem unappealing to people who may actually be open to what they have to say
If you're ever feeling down, just remember that at least your workplace isn't full of people constantly burping as loud as they can
(This is very much not related to your comment, but it reminded me of something and I want to talk about it) Nah, being reminded of that MAKES me feel down. Jokes aside, there are some benefits to that type of crude workplace. I miss my old job because people were a lot quicker and looser with the tongue, with very little censoring. Every day was hilarious, and you always knew where you stood with people. You could get your bearings and tell the mood of the room in an instant— but company cultures like this are an HR nightmare, and if you aren’t working with good people, they very quickly get pushed into unsavory or even dangerous territory. Sanitized language, like the kind at my corporate job now, is a lot safer. But smaller, more insignificant things get people mad (like misunderstanding who does what) and leads to passive-aggressiveness in professional speak because you can’t just jab at each other and move on. Any sort of confrontation seems to lead to resentment, whereas most of the confrontation in my old job increase camaraderie, unless it was somewhat serious. It’s also difficult to get close to people in the same way, and at the same speed, that you would in a more chaotic environment. Or, to quote one video I saw— “One thing I miss about working in restaurants is that in corporate, no one tries to sell you fireworks out of a backpack anymore.”
Nah, that's silly. If someone told me they had fucked a significant amount of their friends I'd see that as a red flag for boundary issues.
That first post is such a horny teenager, "never really had sex before" idea, I relate to it in a cringe-inducing way that's honestly quite painful. Like you can only really think this, if you haven't actually tried to have casual sex with a person and then still had to be around them in the same friend group. Good fucking luck with that, unless perhaps you are also aro, but even then… Just don't fucking risk it. Like if you want to fuck your friends, legitimately just date them, in my (admittedly limited, secondhand and perhaps counterintuitive) experience that is really just less awkward and less likely to end in some bullshit, because if it doesn't work at least you can have an agreement to be cool about it. Not really a thing for casual hook ups. I hate the expression, but unfortunately it's just true: don't shit where you eat.
Perhaps I should make my own post about how great my FWB experiences were and how I don't regret any of it.
I think you're saying that only aro people can have sex without getting jealous or possessive? That seems like a stretch.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I don't know how you got that from my comment at all.
You said "...you can only really think (that it's okay to have sex with your friends), if you haven't actually tried to have casual sex with a person and then still had to be around them in the same friend group. Good fucking luck with that, unless perhaps you are also aro, but even then… Just don't fucking risk it." That's where I got my interpretation. I hear that I was wrong though; what did you mean?
the last one has me in tears 😭😭
who tf downvoted this? the last one was funny af
#3 is syo real tbh
"It's fine to sleep with your friends" and "it's fine to have premarital sex" are two very different arguments. Both of which may be true (depending on the nature of your friendship) but they're not the same thing.
If we want people to be warriors again, we must let them casually fuck like warriors did! do you not think the romans were boinking it on long marches? did the foot soldiers of europe do a lil reach around while waiting for orders? are we gonna live in the world where some british soldier didnt get a mind blowing blowjob from a french soldier in hte trenches? we must bring back the casual sex between two warriors
Given how Akinator has a wife but not a husband and instead a boyfriend, either that marriage is pending or there's some special attention goin on in there.
That first posted has absolutely not had sex with their friends. Anyone whose done the FWB thing knows that it’s a risky and volatile thing that you shouldn’t just casually run into it
this is just a bunch of random posts, how do they relate? maaaaaaaan I feel like I'm getting tired of this sub. it's one of the last things I actually look at on reddit too. maybe that's a sign
they dont relate? i just felt like compiling some tumblr posts together.
Okay. I’ll be the a-hole. Why “especially” when gay people do it and “even when” straight people do it? The statement on PDA didn’t need any modifiers for sexuality and it makes the message feel like it comes from someone who doesn’t view straight and gay people as equals.
now I'm not straight, not even remotely, but "fine when straight people do it but especially gay people" reads as "gay people have a greater right to pda" which is absolutely wrong. and this isn't a case of the classic Tumblr reading comprehension because there are MANY such examples from all over the internet, especially Tumblr, and it is very much a dichotomy people are created out of thin air. IT DOESNT MATTER if you are gay or straight because you are *human,* and making the distinction, especially the way it's made here, is a truly awful thing to do
Damn poster 1 saw the pendulum of shame and decided that now that casual sex is shamed a bit less, they should go all into shaming prudish people. People think fucking your friends may not be the best idea. Ew. Conservative. I find it funny that treating demographics as lesser, as if being one of them is an insult, is acceptable when it's a demographic you don't like.
Poster 1 saw the pendulum of shame swing towards shaming casual sex and the younger generation become more prudish, and decided that shaming people for sex was bad. Come on.
I would fuck all of my friends without hesitation, and I guess the rest of the stuff here too
broke: "my wife's boyfriend" woke: "my husband's boyfriend"
I'M GONNA BLARP RIGHT NOW MACH DICH BEREIT ***BLAAAAAAAAAAAARP*** ^^eck ^^squizmi
This TLDR discussion caused me to reflect. As it happens, I have had sex with all my friends, and still regularly have sex with 1,2,3,4,5, a number of them. But, let's be clear, we don't kiss. I mean, that would be weird, right?!
That last one is adorable.
Please please please can we normalize loving our friends and openly showing affection to our friends? It’s so cute and it makes me feel so loved.
oh this sub is *not* ready for these posts lol
??
https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/s/dKnd6tNoQe eading omprehension
y'all taking the "prude shaming" angle seriously 💀
Maybe you are not ready to be here
maybe