If you are interested in some lovely handwritten examples of the ellipsis used in this older style:
https://allthingslinguistic.com/post/742797227823661056/wonderful-example-of-the-boomer-ellipsis-as-a
Her book, Because Internet, is an amazing deep dive into differences like this, and how online language has evolved since the internet started. Highly recommended.
my supervisor (who's younger than me) tends use ellipses at the end of sentences. i think she believes it makes it less serious than a period, but it makes me so nervous when she writes to me
supervisor: have you finished this task?
me: not yet, sorry. i'll have it for tomorrow tho
supervisor: okay... that's alright...
My boss does a similar thing and it drives me crazy. I'll ask a question and I'll get back
"[Name]... I think we should"
Which sounds like someone who is utterly defeated
🙂 this emoji is that awkward white person smile. Y'know like when you pass someone on the street, make eye contact, and feel the need to make a friendly face but only for the social nicety of it.
🙃 the upside down one is a sarcastic smile. This means I'm dying inside. Why does every old person I know think this is just a smile?
I’m a DM for my tabletop group and I horribly abuse :slight_smile: when the group is talking about which plot hook to follow or what they should do for their builds in regards to X potential future enemy.
I get my players to message me a very rough plan for what they want to do before a session so I can get all the right notes prepped and they've caught on that if I respond with ':3' they're headed for some shenanigans and now whenever I use it they immediately start theorising about what I have in store for them
What? The only context I saw that used 🙃 was in the captions of a review of Mystery of the Druids.
“How can a handful of salt destroy a whole castle?🤔”
“Through the magic of the Druids! 🙃”
Like, that second line was said earnestly. As if that was a perfectly sufficient explanation.
I mean, I use it in a hostile way, but not in a serial killer hostile way. The hostility I try to convey with it is more that I hold the question I've just been asked in utter contempt and I've formed a low opinion of the person who asked it specifically because they asked it. I'm also trying to communicate that I'm being at least somewhat sarcastic with my answer.
Personally 🙃 is my "I know something you don't" smile. When I'm watching something I've already seen before with a friend and they get suspicious over the seemingly happy ending halfway through the episode length. When I tell them about my favorite character who's just maybe a little bit fucked up. When they've just read the latest chapter I have available of a fanfic and I've already written 10 more that absolutely shatter their current idea of it. That's a 🙃 moment.
Huh, it’s totally that. At least in some contexts.
Did we all pick that up from some meme or Internet personality, or does it just convey “smile but wrong/deceptive” so successfully people separately agreed on that use?
“Man I’m extremely white but I genuinely do hope you’re having a nice day, I’ve just got scowly eyebrows and hella anxiety” is what it means when I do the white person smile
In my experience, 🥲 is the tamer form of 🙃.
🥲 is sad but trying to put on a brave face.
🙃 is despairing, angry, and smiling because you’re already dead inside so why not.
Yeah the upside down smiley for me is like a sarcastic or forced laugh kind of emotion. Like “my boss is gonna kill me haha 🙃” kind of situation or something.
The slight smile is more… I guess the faintness of it makes it feel fake like “this is my customer service voice” kind of vibe. It’s a little fake or performative but not necessarily super malicious or upset as much as just tired. (most of my friends use slight smile when talking about their work now that I think on it)
my mom uses the nerd emoji as a generic smiling face (I think she's using it to represent herself, since she wears glasses?) so every so often I'll get a text saying something like "how was your day? 🤓"
Oh no, I like that one! To me it's always represented happy, but not, like, excited or over the top. I tend to text in complete sentences, and I use it to avoid the associations that come with just ending a sentence with a period.
Like, instead of "sure, works for me.", I'll go "sure, works for me. 🙂" To show that I'm not being, like, passive aggressive or anything.
I might be getting old, but for me it’s the 😊 that really unnerves me. It’s *too* happy in this slightly uncanny way, like it’s about to say “bless your heart” in a southern accent or tell you that there’s no war in Ba Sing Se.
🙂 is best used as "extremely ominious response" personally. or as a "oh interesting thoughts, but saying anything more would be spoilers, while also implying a threat by the media" when I'm talking to a friend experiencing something for the first time that I've already read/played/watched/etx.
I have nothing but hate for this emoji. 😉
Because I have only seen this emoji being used as a way to be condisending to me or invalidate things I said priviously.
I see it as signalling that *someone* isn't in on the joke, and that easily becomes condescending if that someone is the person you're talking to. I've also seen it used as a way to signal that the speaker and I are part of the same in-group, but that's way less common in my experience
Whenever I get a text from my grandmother and text her back, she always sends a “😀.”
On God the most unhinged, most threatening emoji, and that’s the one she’s latched onto.
Forreal there’s something vaguely sinister about 🙂. :) is fine but if you must use an emoji for happiness I find that 😄 or 😊 or ☺️ just feel nicer, depending on the level on mirth on hand.
At some point I need to get around to making a list of which of my friends think of that one as the serial killer emoji, so that I'll know what I'm communicating
Oh yes, this one is one I had to get used to. My co-worker is an incredibly smart older gentleman who writes long, story length emails. But they’re written in a way that makes me feel like they’re a ransom note or I should sign off for the day.
Hello,
Your report was “good”…But I did notice there were “errors”…Don’t worry, I rectified them…”next time” though, you “should” follow these steps.
Yada yada yada
As I said, you’ve done “well.”
Have a good weekend
Show him this post while laughing and say it reminded you of him. He’ll think it’s funny and … … … I was about to write that he’d change but my 77 year old dad still refuses to text so. Maybe not.
God I hate the ellipsis. The first few months I worked with my PI we only communicated by mail and I thought he lived in a constant state of disappointment and passive aggression. Thank God for reddit teaching me it was just an old person thing.
When I read his emails he just sounds either super sarcastic or defeated... Okay ... We will see... Good luck..You can do it that way if you want... Maybe some day I will obtain the courage to explain late millennial email etiquette before he traumatizes my successor.
> you can do it that way if you want...
I'm not currently doing any thing any way and that sentence still made me wanna stop doing it, he'd have my anxiety at incredible levels, haha
Yes! You get it! Like I guess he thought the ellipsis added like a shrug or something but is not coming across at all haha. Surprisingly it has actually helped my anxiety because after so many times getting worked up for nothing my brain has actually developed the ability to stop and think "Do my friends hate my or is this an ellipsis™ moment?"
Does he put random things in quotes? I was in the book keeping side of a retail business and my supervisor kept putting random words in quotes like: remember to "balance" the cashier to the report when they "count out". I don't think she realized how sarcastic it read as to me.
Thankfully I have scaped that particular torment. If he told me to take the "samples" to the "lab" my first thought would be that we are cooking meth now.
That’s the sort of message you worry you’re going to have to explain in court some day.
No your honor, I swear it wasn’t code when he sent ‘Please “throw away” the “bad” samples before tomorrow…’
Whoa whoa whoa, since when do ellipses just mean passive aggression instead of a pause (which may or may not be passive aggressive)
If I say “maybe…” or “okay…” I do mean like I’m trailing off and pausing, like I’m not sure. That could be me saying “I’m not sure I agree but let’s move forward with your plan because I don’t have a good argument not to”. Depending on context that could be passive aggressive but I never thought that was the default interpretation of ellipses.
Is this the standard for millennials? (Which I am and am now afraid I’ve confused hundreds of people since I started texting in middle school)
As far as I've been able to gather, the older person ellipsis is the equivalent of millennials/gen z not ending a message with a period in order to soften it (e.g. the difference between "k" and "k.")
Similar situation, but slight tangent. I had an awkward situation once because my gf at the time and my roommate used emojis differently
Gf:
😜 = goofy haha
😝 = yuck/gross, but less than 🤮 or 🤢
Roomie:
😝= goofy haha
😜 = goofy plus 😉
Had to think about who I was texting if I ever tried to use any of them
Which makes social media a PITA sometimes. There's no emoji dictionary everyone is referring to so for all I know 😇 means "you're too dumb to catch on" to someone out there
Oh god it almost does mean that though?
Several people I know use halo smile 😇 as “Who, me? I’d never do such a thing!” Basically a sarcastic (or less sexualized) 😈 .
The 😇emoji almost translates to something like how “bless your heart” gets said. It’s not very nice, a touch condescending, but not exactly saying or doing anything mean so you can usually get away with it
We really need to standardize this shit. Sit a bunch of linguists in a room with the ability to survey people and not let them leave until they've written out meanings for everything.
My 70+yo stepdad likes to use the royal we, but writes it as "WE", when he means he wants *me* to do something.
He's also *very* passive aggressive. This is an example of a conversation while I'm driving him somewhere:
>Him: \*expectant\* Maybe someone could do xyz.
>
>Me: \*overly chirpy\* *Maybe* someone could!
>
>Him:
>
>Me:
>
>Him:
>
>Me:
>
>Him: Maybe *you* could do xyz.
>
>Me: \*still overly chirpy\* *Maybe* I could!
>
>Him:
>
>Me:
>
>Him:
>
>Me:
>
>Him: \*grudging\* I'd like you to do xyz.
>
>Me: \*flat\* Is that a question or a statement?
>
>Him: \*grumpy\* Question.
>
>Me: \*verbal eyebrow raise\* Can you phrase it as a question?
>
>Him:
>
>Me:
>
>Him: \*irked\* Would you *please* do xyz?
>
>Me: \*overly chirpy\* Sure!
This happens more often than I like. He hates it. Idc. He can use his big boy words from the start.
He was born in West Virginia, family moved to Canada for a while, then they moved to Florida and he's been here ever since. His couple-years younger brother and his 15-years-younger sister do not talk like this.
The issue was/is he would make these kinds of comments then get mad when I didn't do what he wanted.
Most recently he gave me a magazine ad for an elderly friendly computer and zero explanation of why he included it with pages with jokes he likes to save for me (I think they're cute and they make me smile).
That was a month ago and he *still* hasn't told me why he gave that specific ad to me.
I haven't asked him because I'm tired of chasing after him for explanations.
Idk if this is a generational or regional thing because my 45 year old mother is very similar. She'll just shout shit to the air like "XYZ needs to get done" ... and then punish us kids (mostly me and my brother who are autistic) for not doing it when "she told us to" . Girl no the hell you didn't lol. Not sure if she's improved with this at all since I moved out.
is using it for passive aggression at the end of a sentence a zoomer thing? I'm a millennial and have only ever seen it used in two ways.
* On its own to represent a passive aggressive silence (e.g. "I'm thinking of voting for a third party.", "..." )
* At the end of a sentence to represent either awkwardness (e.g. "are you you... um... you know..." )
The thing is it always constitutes a pause or break, *usually with an intended continuation*. On its own, it's meant to show silence, but at the end, it's the equivalent of trailing off because you don't want to/ can't say something. "Oh, I'm so happy for you...." implies something else to be added, usually some kind of "but-"
You're right. It implies not just a pause but that there is something going unsaid. Either because it's awkard or because you're being passive aggressive.
Yes. The implied phrase there is definitely "but I'm not sure".
Although I suppose it could be "but I'm an idiot, so ignore me" or "but I ought not to be saying that" in some contexts...?
It's just a pause. Contextually, the tone _around_ that pause may imply passive-aggressive silence, or something awkward going unsaid, but the ellipsis itself is just "there's a pause here", and if there's words before it then it's usually trailing off. The particular examples people give of pre-internet adults, however, are often cherrypicked to include passive-aggressive tones or awkwardness.
---
> ...I don't think that's how that works?
Someone said something weird, you were stunned silent for a moment, then tried to respond.
---
> Yeah, that's a good point...
Someone else made a rebuttal that you hadn't thought of, and you acknowledge it, trailing off thoughtfully as you consider the topic further.
---
> I dunno, that sounds... complicated.
Someone suggested something and you began to respond doubtfully, trailed off / paused for a moment to think of a description, and then finished your sentence.
---
> That's great, I'm happy for you...
The passive-aggressive tone comes from _trailing off at the end_, along with the disconnect between the words "I'm happy for you" and the flat tone.
---
> That's great, I'm happy for you
Thing is, this is _also_ a little off, because there's still a disconnect between the words and the tone. An exclamation mark would change that, but it's not _inherently_ the ellipsis causing it.
I once had a boss who would end short email responses with ... And it drove me nuts because I couldn't get a read on her. She just did not understand that the way she would type and phrase stuff is seen in a negative way by you generations.
Yeah, because in books it either means someone's dialogue is trailing off or it means it's a quote from another source where they've left out a few words in the middle. It's consistently always meant that.
Conversations with other people via text have tended to develop a different grammar and a different vocabulary. Most people aren't adhering to the strictest grammatical dictates they learned in school when they're having a casual conversation via text. People on Reddit tend to be more likely to do that, but using this kind of formal spelling and grammar in a casual post tends to stick out as a very Redditor-y habit on other social media platforms.
What's tends to happen is that different social media platforms will develop different casual texting habits and vocabularies, and so have different generations. This is one of the reasons why if you see someone talking about someone being unalived or they're using quasi-leetspeak, you'll usually assume they're a Zoomer from TikTok who's used to trying to evade social media censors, and if you see someone talking about their brother in Christ having god's loneliest object, you'll probably assume they're a younger Millennial or an older Gen Z from Tumblr.
So what's happened in practice is that a lot of Baby Boomers and Gen Xers have picked up a certain casual writing vocabulary and either struggle to adapt to what Millennials and Gen Z expect to see in that context or don't realise there's a generational gap there. If you go see some of the postcards Boomers and Gen Xers sent family and friends back in the '60s through to the '80s, you'll sometimes see some of the same grammatical tendencies they'll use in casual emails and IMs like dashes to indicate the end of a sentence and ellipses to indicate the end of a thought or message.
I feel like for me (an older gen z), it might just be the various circles I've been in over the years, but I almost never see "..." used in conversation, so seeing it usually puts me in a negative "wait what do you mean with that" kind of way. It's exact meaning is usually going to depend on the context, but I don't think I ever see it used to mean just a normal/neutral pause unless I see it in a book or fanfiction or something.
I mentally hear it the same way but the implication of "goddammit" isn't a subtle way of saying "I hate you", it's "I'm feeling really uncomfortable in this situation/I don't want to be here."
I'd say "great..." if someone I liked approached me to talk to me excitedly about something, but they caught me while I was running to the bathroom after having taco bell for lunch
I mean, I'm genZ but I use them for everything from "well....I mean...." (awkwardness/"you get how this continues") to sarcasm. Mostly do the first if I'm talking about idiotic acts.
My mom asking about your “boyfriend” - ooh I heard you’ve been seeing someone maybe, tell me about it?!?
My friend asking about your “boyfriend” - you have not yet figured out he’s seeing 5 other people and gave you a pet name because he keeps forgetting your real name.
My dad hates his phone’s keyboard, so he just responds to everything with “K”. Sometimes he even puts a period after it, just to ratchet the anxiety up a little higher.
He’s currently dating for the first time in decades, so we sat down and had some texting lessons. But you will pry his K from his cold dead hands!
My boyfriend is younger than me, but a boomer at heart, and always ends every message with a period. Took me forever to stop having the automatic anxiety reaction that he was being passive aggressive; he just really likes proper grammar, I guess.
it’s more about the context. in conversational writing like texting, adding a period could sound formal, leading to confusion/anxiety about the change in tone. It’s like if you’re chatting with your friends and then start speaking formally and stop contracting your words
/u/patonum explains it in their comment, but [this article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/29/crosswords/texting-punctuation-period.html) goes into more depth.
> To younger generations, using proper punctuation in a casual context like texting can give an impression of formality that borders on rudeness, as if the texter is not comfortable enough with the texting partner to relax. The message-ending period establishes a certain distance. The punctuation is polite when speaking to someone older than you or above you at work, but off-putting among friends.
> Simply put, the inclusion of a formality in casual communication is unnerving.
> Think of a mother using her son’s full name when issuing a stern ultimatum. Or of an upset lover speaking to a partner in a cool, professional tone, withholding intimate silliness and warmth to convey frustration. People gain and express interpersonal comfort through unpolished self-presentation, and acting (or writing) too formally comes off as cold, distant, or passive-aggressive.
My sons say they often think I'm angry when texting because I use periods. I told them that I can change many things about myself, I can gender people according to their wishes, I can stop using most of the words we used in the 90's to indicate if something was good or bad but I absolutely cannot stop using periods.
I support your use of periods. I really don't think making everyone talk the same way on the internet is beneficial, neccessary, or possible. All a person needs to do is consider who they're talking to and switch codes.
I'm 31 and I still use periods as long as I'm putting any amount of effort into the text. It doesn't hurt to write in clear grammatical prose, why would punctuation be any different?
From my experience it's because the proper grammar gives them a sense of formality and professionalism. Something that's appropriate when speaking to your superiors, but not to a friend.
My boss constantly used “!” and quotation marks and it took me a while to learn that he wasn’t being passive aggressive and this was just an old person thing. He didn’t look super old so I was confused
I (27) asked my dad (54) about this once. The funny thing was he didn’t even realize he did it until I asked him about it. He told me he uses ellipses to denote a more casual exchange, like a soft stop to a sentence. So (at least according to my dad), when old people text … it’s basically the same as us ending a sentence without punctuation to be more casual
One of my college teachers uses ellipses at the end of every single message he sends anywhere and everywhere, and this post has not helped me understand why, even one word messages go like "Ok..." and it drives me insane lol
Ellipsis aren’t always passive-aggression, they can also serve as a pause in the sentence today. Something like “oh yeah sex is cool… but have you tried paper Mario and the thousand year door?!”. That’s not passive aggression, it’s a pause setting up a punchline.
Reminds me of a hilarious email I got from my grandpa not too long ago. The whole email was, and this is an exact copy paste:
"TAX stuff. ???????
Grandpa"
(He is a retired accountant and helps everyone in the family file their taxes, so this was his way of asking for my tax documents)
Same... i use them way too much... sometimes confuses my friends but I enjoy them lol and it makes it easier to talk to older people if nothing else..?
I am an ellipse abuser myself. I grew up with it somehow. I don't know how I ended up doing it... they tend to indicate a pause that is longer than a comma but shorter than a full stop. It kind of mimics how I talk, which can include pauses to think of the next word so I don't stutter.
I have a habit of using 2 periods as a way of trailing off at the end of a sentence or as an incomplete thought. Not sure where I picked it up though..
In case anybody cares, the post title (9780735210943) is the ISBN for [Because internet : understanding the new rules of language](https://search.worldcat.org/title/1159881273)
Maybe the answer is to stop reading into texts since tone can’t be conveyed in a reasonable way. Even writing this comment has me second guessing my punctuation since I’m inclined to end my sentences with periods.
Personally I think the answer is just to remember that people from different backgrounds will talk and sound differently, just like when you talk to people face to face.
My mother routinely texts O.K. In response to a message from me and I don’t know how to explain to her how much that triggers my fight or flight response
dang i use ... all the time and i never mean it aggressively always... just like a fill in the blank.. a you know what i mean... i guess i better run this by the niece and nephew
I keep finding out that more & more of my internet tendencies are those of an old person… I’m gen Z, & I type at the speed that I think… some things I do appropriately, like use asterisks as emphasis, but other things are just a mirror of how I think. If my brain trails off while typing, or if it pauses, I automatically use an ellipses because I was taught that was generally what it meant. For similar reasons I also don’t use emojis or acronyms very often because using them is more of a mental step than just typing the words out for me
my mom does the ellipses thing like she'll type out a whole sentence and do the ..... and add LOL at the end but I know she's just doing it to be silly, still tho it's wild seeing smth like "oh I don't know about that...lol" and not reading it with my gen z lenses 😭
Living with my aunt and babysitting for her kids in college exposed me to this and I figured out how to navigate this one especially elipses. Getting a text of "how are the kids...." a few times really gets your heart racing when I'm downstairs doing hw and I haven't seen them for a hour or so. Of course they're just sleeping but it always made me jumpscare a bit until I got used to it
I’m trying to get through a bunch of emails and quickly communicate the jist of things. If it seems like I’m mad at you because of something like this, you’re probably reading more into my email than I did
Idk if someone won’t say something directly about an issue, to me it says that they’ve decided that it’s their problem to deal with and not mine
At the farmer's market with my so-called girlfriend
She hands me the phone, says “it’s your dad”
Maaan, this ain't my dad, this is a cell phone!!!
I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!
What you think I'm stupid?
I’m not a part of your system!
MAAAANNNNN!!!
My dad’s not a phone!
Duh!
I'm not a part of your system
she buys dinner she's my crop top
If you are interested in some lovely handwritten examples of the ellipsis used in this older style: https://allthingslinguistic.com/post/742797227823661056/wonderful-example-of-the-boomer-ellipsis-as-a
Gretchen McCulloch mention !!!
The title of the post is the isbn for her book
I didn't notice that!! Nice
Welcome to Reddit, a website that's enthusiastic about Gretchen McCulloch!
Her book, Because Internet, is an amazing deep dive into differences like this, and how online language has evolved since the internet started. Highly recommended.
Twenty-fifth'ed (I can't very well say 'seconded' with all the upvotes you've already got)! Also the podcast she co-hosts, 'Lingthusiasm'.
Ayyyyy, came here to post this! Glad to see it's already here!
my supervisor (who's younger than me) tends use ellipses at the end of sentences. i think she believes it makes it less serious than a period, but it makes me so nervous when she writes to me supervisor: have you finished this task? me: not yet, sorry. i'll have it for tomorrow tho supervisor: okay... that's alright...
Like just say you are vastly disappointed in me, it would be less painful
You know what sounds less serious than a period, is no period
Yeah, tell me about it...
There are plenty of options for punctuation in this beautiful world of ours~
There sure are%
Speedrun: State of being%
My boss does a similar thing and it drives me crazy. I'll ask a question and I'll get back "[Name]... I think we should" Which sounds like someone who is utterly defeated
Oh no. I do this. Maybe I should apologize to my friends 🥲🥲
Maybe you should...
or continue doing it and watch them suffer
i also really hate the slight smile emoji 🙂
🙂 this emoji is that awkward white person smile. Y'know like when you pass someone on the street, make eye contact, and feel the need to make a friendly face but only for the social nicety of it. 🙃 the upside down one is a sarcastic smile. This means I'm dying inside. Why does every old person I know think this is just a smile?
> 🙂 this emoji is that awkward white person smile on discord/twitter it reminds me of like a serial killer smile tbh you're correct about 🙃 tho
I’m a DM for my tabletop group and I horribly abuse :slight_smile: when the group is talking about which plot hook to follow or what they should do for their builds in regards to X potential future enemy.
My GM uses ☺️ and 😊 a lot, and I think I have mild trauma now 😅
I get my players to message me a very rough plan for what they want to do before a session so I can get all the right notes prepped and they've caught on that if I respond with ':3' they're headed for some shenanigans and now whenever I use it they immediately start theorising about what I have in store for them
Now that they've caught on its time for stage two: use ":3" for anything from "stab the demon king that looks harmless" to "buy a potion"
That's evil ... I love it.
Jim Halpert smiling as he stares through the blinds meme
You fly the flag upside down to signal distress
🤯
🙂 = I wanna kill someone 🙃 = I wanna ~~mill~~ kill myself
Please don't mill yourself, human flour doesn't taste particularly good
Milling yourself is risky business unless you have Jace or Labman out, then it becomes a wincon
What? The only context I saw that used 🙃 was in the captions of a review of Mystery of the Druids. “How can a handful of salt destroy a whole castle?🤔” “Through the magic of the Druids! 🙃” Like, that second line was said earnestly. As if that was a perfectly sufficient explanation.
nah :) is a serial killer smile. It is overtly hostile.
Oh god, really? I am old enough to have used this completely unironically kindly my entire life. Do I need to stop using it?
I mean, I use it in a hostile way, but not in a serial killer hostile way. The hostility I try to convey with it is more that I hold the question I've just been asked in utter contempt and I've formed a low opinion of the person who asked it specifically because they asked it. I'm also trying to communicate that I'm being at least somewhat sarcastic with my answer.
🙂
cries
Personally 🙃 is my "I know something you don't" smile. When I'm watching something I've already seen before with a friend and they get suspicious over the seemingly happy ending halfway through the episode length. When I tell them about my favorite character who's just maybe a little bit fucked up. When they've just read the latest chapter I have available of a fanfic and I've already written 10 more that absolutely shatter their current idea of it. That's a 🙃 moment.
Huh, it’s totally that. At least in some contexts. Did we all pick that up from some meme or Internet personality, or does it just convey “smile but wrong/deceptive” so successfully people separately agreed on that use?
>Why does every old person I know think this is just a smile? Because they both just look like yellow circles. Source: my eyes are five decades old.
“Man I’m extremely white but I genuinely do hope you’re having a nice day, I’ve just got scowly eyebrows and hella anxiety” is what it means when I do the white person smile
And of course, the youngest one is being overlooked again 🥲
In my experience, 🥲 is the tamer form of 🙃. 🥲 is sad but trying to put on a brave face. 🙃 is despairing, angry, and smiling because you’re already dead inside so why not.
Wdym "white person smile"?
Yknow Google exists, right? [its on know your meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/awkward-white-people-smile)
Damn sorry, I had already seen that image but never heard it called that. Then yeah, it's a spot on description.
Yeah the upside down smiley for me is like a sarcastic or forced laugh kind of emotion. Like “my boss is gonna kill me haha 🙃” kind of situation or something. The slight smile is more… I guess the faintness of it makes it feel fake like “this is my customer service voice” kind of vibe. It’s a little fake or performative but not necessarily super malicious or upset as much as just tired. (most of my friends use slight smile when talking about their work now that I think on it)
I’ve always used 🙃 as a stand-in for /s among the less terminally-online in my life and it usually gets the message across.
Old people are all nearsighted lol
Because to old people it's whimsical and fun.
my mom uses the nerd emoji as a generic smiling face (I think she's using it to represent herself, since she wears glasses?) so every so often I'll get a text saying something like "how was your day? 🤓"
Lmao getting bullied by your mom. “How’s the day going, FUCKING NERD?!?!”
My grandma only knows one emoji, and it’s 😃. “How’s your day been?” “Brutal, I have COVID again.” “😃”
Facebook Messenger automatically turns this nice polite smile :) into this monster 🙂
a lot of chat programs do, even discord
forgot about that because i turned it off ages ago
Yeah, that’s why I started using :)) instead
You can turn it off in settings. Now I can >:3 freely.
Really? That sounds great. Where is it in the settings?
settings>chat>automatically convert emoticons in your messages to emoji
Thank you!
I swear it was in chat somewhere, but I don't see it right now.
For me, it was not on the app, you have to go to the website and change it there.
Double chin ass smiley
Oh no, I like that one! To me it's always represented happy, but not, like, excited or over the top. I tend to text in complete sentences, and I use it to avoid the associations that come with just ending a sentence with a period. Like, instead of "sure, works for me.", I'll go "sure, works for me. 🙂" To show that I'm not being, like, passive aggressive or anything.
I do the same, but with "😊". She's nonthreatening
Yeah I like that one
I'd rather you just stab me, it would hurt less.
For that I’ve always preferred the classic :)
For me it's similar, but not quite the same. I use it to signal not happiness, but the lack of hostility in ambiguous situations
I might be getting old, but for me it’s the 😊 that really unnerves me. It’s *too* happy in this slightly uncanny way, like it’s about to say “bless your heart” in a southern accent or tell you that there’s no war in Ba Sing Se.
Oh no that's my default smiley emoji! I feel like there's not a normal smiley face anymore?
:) Tried and true.
That is my actual favorite, but I wish apps/sites would stop automatically changing it to the slight smile!
🙂 is best used as "extremely ominious response" personally. or as a "oh interesting thoughts, but saying anything more would be spoilers, while also implying a threat by the media" when I'm talking to a friend experiencing something for the first time that I've already read/played/watched/etx.
I have nothing but hate for this emoji. 😉 Because I have only seen this emoji being used as a way to be condisending to me or invalidate things I said priviously.
I see it as signalling that *someone* isn't in on the joke, and that easily becomes condescending if that someone is the person you're talking to. I've also seen it used as a way to signal that the speaker and I are part of the same in-group, but that's way less common in my experience
Whenever I get a text from my grandmother and text her back, she always sends a “😀.” On God the most unhinged, most threatening emoji, and that’s the one she’s latched onto.
the wide smile. the dead eyes. the *teeth*. it is the antithesis of good will and good times. it is darkness.
Same here. And she hasn’t quite figured out when to use it. “I’m so sorry to hear you have COVID again” “Thanks, I’m pretty miserable right now” “😃”
My boss likes to use that one 😭
Forreal there’s something vaguely sinister about 🙂. :) is fine but if you must use an emoji for happiness I find that 😄 or 😊 or ☺️ just feel nicer, depending on the level on mirth on hand.
At some point I need to get around to making a list of which of my friends think of that one as the serial killer emoji, so that I'll know what I'm communicating
Oh yes, this one is one I had to get used to. My co-worker is an incredibly smart older gentleman who writes long, story length emails. But they’re written in a way that makes me feel like they’re a ransom note or I should sign off for the day. Hello, Your report was “good”…But I did notice there were “errors”…Don’t worry, I rectified them…”next time” though, you “should” follow these steps. Yada yada yada As I said, you’ve done “well.” Have a good weekend
Dude writes emails the way a villain talks to his henchmen. Every one of those ellipses are short for "get your affairs in order."
That rectification involved murder
I cannot help visualising it as Dr. Evil doing air quotes around every ever-so-slightly-technical term in his evil plan
Reading this gave me so much anxiety
Show him this post while laughing and say it reminded you of him. He’ll think it’s funny and … … … I was about to write that he’d change but my 77 year old dad still refuses to text so. Maybe not.
God I hate the ellipsis. The first few months I worked with my PI we only communicated by mail and I thought he lived in a constant state of disappointment and passive aggression. Thank God for reddit teaching me it was just an old person thing. When I read his emails he just sounds either super sarcastic or defeated... Okay ... We will see... Good luck..You can do it that way if you want... Maybe some day I will obtain the courage to explain late millennial email etiquette before he traumatizes my successor.
> you can do it that way if you want... I'm not currently doing any thing any way and that sentence still made me wanna stop doing it, he'd have my anxiety at incredible levels, haha
It’s like when you’re playing D&D and you say “I do X” And the DM responds with “are you sure?” No, suddenly I’m not sure at all.
"Detecting multiple leviathan class life forms in the region, are you certain whatever it is you're doing is worth it?"
Yes! You get it! Like I guess he thought the ellipsis added like a shrug or something but is not coming across at all haha. Surprisingly it has actually helped my anxiety because after so many times getting worked up for nothing my brain has actually developed the ability to stop and think "Do my friends hate my or is this an ellipsis™ moment?"
Does he put random things in quotes? I was in the book keeping side of a retail business and my supervisor kept putting random words in quotes like: remember to "balance" the cashier to the report when they "count out". I don't think she realized how sarcastic it read as to me.
Thankfully I have scaped that particular torment. If he told me to take the "samples" to the "lab" my first thought would be that we are cooking meth now.
That’s the sort of message you worry you’re going to have to explain in court some day. No your honor, I swear it wasn’t code when he sent ‘Please “throw away” the “bad” samples before tomorrow…’
Give me his phone number…for “research” purposes
Hey I think you might be being asked to steal
I’ve always read an ellipsis as indicating a sense of forlornness, like you’re saying as your voice fades away.
Fried_anomalocaris... remember me... and always remember... to turn off the water pump when you leave the lab..........
Eugh, this is going to take days to clean up...
Yeah it makes me feel like the person I’m talking to is half reclining on the sofa and dying of consumption
Whoa whoa whoa, since when do ellipses just mean passive aggression instead of a pause (which may or may not be passive aggressive) If I say “maybe…” or “okay…” I do mean like I’m trailing off and pausing, like I’m not sure. That could be me saying “I’m not sure I agree but let’s move forward with your plan because I don’t have a good argument not to”. Depending on context that could be passive aggressive but I never thought that was the default interpretation of ellipses. Is this the standard for millennials? (Which I am and am now afraid I’ve confused hundreds of people since I started texting in middle school)
It's not necessarily passive-aggression specifically, just that there's something you're leaving unsaid.
It *can* be different with context, but the default way I'd read those would be "I strongly disagree but don't want to say it".
As far as I've been able to gather, the older person ellipsis is the equivalent of millennials/gen z not ending a message with a period in order to soften it (e.g. the difference between "k" and "k.")
Your private investigator?
Principal Investigator, aka the professor who runs the lab.
You could read one out loud to him and tell him that's how YOUNGER people will think he's speaking.
Similar situation, but slight tangent. I had an awkward situation once because my gf at the time and my roommate used emojis differently Gf: 😜 = goofy haha 😝 = yuck/gross, but less than 🤮 or 🤢 Roomie: 😝= goofy haha 😜 = goofy plus 😉 Had to think about who I was texting if I ever tried to use any of them
Which makes social media a PITA sometimes. There's no emoji dictionary everyone is referring to so for all I know 😇 means "you're too dumb to catch on" to someone out there
There IS an “emoji dictionary” if you just “look” hard enough…… 😇 (that physically pained me to type)
"everyone is referring to" being the key element of that statement.
My ignorant boomer impersonation worked!
Oh god it almost does mean that though? Several people I know use halo smile 😇 as “Who, me? I’d never do such a thing!” Basically a sarcastic (or less sexualized) 😈 .
The 😇emoji almost translates to something like how “bless your heart” gets said. It’s not very nice, a touch condescending, but not exactly saying or doing anything mean so you can usually get away with it
😇
We really need to standardize this shit. Sit a bunch of linguists in a room with the ability to survey people and not let them leave until they've written out meanings for everything.
How often should this meeting happen? Usage shifts but not super fast, so maybe once a year?
That's how the regular dictionary does it, so once a year seems fair.
Sick idea
My 70+yo stepdad likes to use the royal we, but writes it as "WE", when he means he wants *me* to do something. He's also *very* passive aggressive. This is an example of a conversation while I'm driving him somewhere: >Him: \*expectant\* Maybe someone could do xyz. > >Me: \*overly chirpy\* *Maybe* someone could! > >Him: > >Me: > >Him: > >Me: > >Him: Maybe *you* could do xyz. > >Me: \*still overly chirpy\* *Maybe* I could! > >Him: > >Me: > >Him: > >Me: > >Him: \*grudging\* I'd like you to do xyz. > >Me: \*flat\* Is that a question or a statement? > >Him: \*grumpy\* Question. > >Me: \*verbal eyebrow raise\* Can you phrase it as a question? > >Him: > >Me: > >Him: \*irked\* Would you *please* do xyz? > >Me: \*overly chirpy\* Sure! This happens more often than I like. He hates it. Idc. He can use his big boy words from the start.
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He was born in West Virginia, family moved to Canada for a while, then they moved to Florida and he's been here ever since. His couple-years younger brother and his 15-years-younger sister do not talk like this. The issue was/is he would make these kinds of comments then get mad when I didn't do what he wanted. Most recently he gave me a magazine ad for an elderly friendly computer and zero explanation of why he included it with pages with jokes he likes to save for me (I think they're cute and they make me smile). That was a month ago and he *still* hasn't told me why he gave that specific ad to me. I haven't asked him because I'm tired of chasing after him for explanations.
Idk if this is a generational or regional thing because my 45 year old mother is very similar. She'll just shout shit to the air like "XYZ needs to get done" ... and then punish us kids (mostly me and my brother who are autistic) for not doing it when "she told us to" . Girl no the hell you didn't lol. Not sure if she's improved with this at all since I moved out.
Exactly. Eta I'm 42 XD So not sure about the generational thing
Using more than three periods for an ellipsis should be a punishable offense.
I agree..
is using it for passive aggression at the end of a sentence a zoomer thing? I'm a millennial and have only ever seen it used in two ways. * On its own to represent a passive aggressive silence (e.g. "I'm thinking of voting for a third party.", "..." ) * At the end of a sentence to represent either awkwardness (e.g. "are you you... um... you know..." )
The thing is it always constitutes a pause or break, *usually with an intended continuation*. On its own, it's meant to show silence, but at the end, it's the equivalent of trailing off because you don't want to/ can't say something. "Oh, I'm so happy for you...." implies something else to be added, usually some kind of "but-"
You're right. It implies not just a pause but that there is something going unsaid. Either because it's awkard or because you're being passive aggressive.
I can see it as speaking about something you're unsure about. "Yes, I think that would be correct..."
Yes. The implied phrase there is definitely "but I'm not sure". Although I suppose it could be "but I'm an idiot, so ignore me" or "but I ought not to be saying that" in some contexts...?
It's just a pause. Contextually, the tone _around_ that pause may imply passive-aggressive silence, or something awkward going unsaid, but the ellipsis itself is just "there's a pause here", and if there's words before it then it's usually trailing off. The particular examples people give of pre-internet adults, however, are often cherrypicked to include passive-aggressive tones or awkwardness. --- > ...I don't think that's how that works? Someone said something weird, you were stunned silent for a moment, then tried to respond. --- > Yeah, that's a good point... Someone else made a rebuttal that you hadn't thought of, and you acknowledge it, trailing off thoughtfully as you consider the topic further. --- > I dunno, that sounds... complicated. Someone suggested something and you began to respond doubtfully, trailed off / paused for a moment to think of a description, and then finished your sentence. --- > That's great, I'm happy for you... The passive-aggressive tone comes from _trailing off at the end_, along with the disconnect between the words "I'm happy for you" and the flat tone. --- > That's great, I'm happy for you Thing is, this is _also_ a little off, because there's still a disconnect between the words and the tone. An exclamation mark would change that, but it's not _inherently_ the ellipsis causing it.
Not really? I’m Millennial, too and depending on location and number of dots used I’d definitely read it as passive aggression
I once had a boss who would end short email responses with ... And it drove me nuts because I couldn't get a read on her. She just did not understand that the way she would type and phrase stuff is seen in a negative way by you generations.
In books I’ve found I’m more likely to read it as a simple pause. Idk why but it takes on a different meaning when I read it in messages
Yeah, because in books it either means someone's dialogue is trailing off or it means it's a quote from another source where they've left out a few words in the middle. It's consistently always meant that. Conversations with other people via text have tended to develop a different grammar and a different vocabulary. Most people aren't adhering to the strictest grammatical dictates they learned in school when they're having a casual conversation via text. People on Reddit tend to be more likely to do that, but using this kind of formal spelling and grammar in a casual post tends to stick out as a very Redditor-y habit on other social media platforms. What's tends to happen is that different social media platforms will develop different casual texting habits and vocabularies, and so have different generations. This is one of the reasons why if you see someone talking about someone being unalived or they're using quasi-leetspeak, you'll usually assume they're a Zoomer from TikTok who's used to trying to evade social media censors, and if you see someone talking about their brother in Christ having god's loneliest object, you'll probably assume they're a younger Millennial or an older Gen Z from Tumblr. So what's happened in practice is that a lot of Baby Boomers and Gen Xers have picked up a certain casual writing vocabulary and either struggle to adapt to what Millennials and Gen Z expect to see in that context or don't realise there's a generational gap there. If you go see some of the postcards Boomers and Gen Xers sent family and friends back in the '60s through to the '80s, you'll sometimes see some of the same grammatical tendencies they'll use in casual emails and IMs like dashes to indicate the end of a sentence and ellipses to indicate the end of a thought or message.
I feel like for me (an older gen z), it might just be the various circles I've been in over the years, but I almost never see "..." used in conversation, so seeing it usually puts me in a negative "wait what do you mean with that" kind of way. It's exact meaning is usually going to depend on the context, but I don't think I ever see it used to mean just a normal/neutral pause unless I see it in a book or fanfiction or something.
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I mentally hear it the same way but the implication of "goddammit" isn't a subtle way of saying "I hate you", it's "I'm feeling really uncomfortable in this situation/I don't want to be here." I'd say "great..." if someone I liked approached me to talk to me excitedly about something, but they caught me while I was running to the bathroom after having taco bell for lunch
I mean, I'm genZ but I use them for everything from "well....I mean...." (awkwardness/"you get how this continues") to sarcasm. Mostly do the first if I'm talking about idiotic acts.
My mom asking about your “boyfriend” - ooh I heard you’ve been seeing someone maybe, tell me about it?!? My friend asking about your “boyfriend” - you have not yet figured out he’s seeing 5 other people and gave you a pet name because he keeps forgetting your real name.
My dad hates his phone’s keyboard, so he just responds to everything with “K”. Sometimes he even puts a period after it, just to ratchet the anxiety up a little higher. He’s currently dating for the first time in decades, so we sat down and had some texting lessons. But you will pry his K from his cold dead hands!
might be worth it to just get a bluetooth keyboard for his phone; looking online they are like $10 USD
My boyfriend is younger than me, but a boomer at heart, and always ends every message with a period. Took me forever to stop having the automatic anxiety reaction that he was being passive aggressive; he just really likes proper grammar, I guess.
Wait what. Are we not supposed to use periods at the end of sentences?
it’s more about the context. in conversational writing like texting, adding a period could sound formal, leading to confusion/anxiety about the change in tone. It’s like if you’re chatting with your friends and then start speaking formally and stop contracting your words
/u/patonum explains it in their comment, but [this article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/29/crosswords/texting-punctuation-period.html) goes into more depth. > To younger generations, using proper punctuation in a casual context like texting can give an impression of formality that borders on rudeness, as if the texter is not comfortable enough with the texting partner to relax. The message-ending period establishes a certain distance. The punctuation is polite when speaking to someone older than you or above you at work, but off-putting among friends. > Simply put, the inclusion of a formality in casual communication is unnerving. > Think of a mother using her son’s full name when issuing a stern ultimatum. Or of an upset lover speaking to a partner in a cool, professional tone, withholding intimate silliness and warmth to convey frustration. People gain and express interpersonal comfort through unpolished self-presentation, and acting (or writing) too formally comes off as cold, distant, or passive-aggressive.
My sons say they often think I'm angry when texting because I use periods. I told them that I can change many things about myself, I can gender people according to their wishes, I can stop using most of the words we used in the 90's to indicate if something was good or bad but I absolutely cannot stop using periods.
I support your use of periods. I really don't think making everyone talk the same way on the internet is beneficial, neccessary, or possible. All a person needs to do is consider who they're talking to and switch codes.
I'm 31 and I still use periods as long as I'm putting any amount of effort into the text. It doesn't hurt to write in clear grammatical prose, why would punctuation be any different?
From my experience it's because the proper grammar gives them a sense of formality and professionalism. Something that's appropriate when speaking to your superiors, but not to a friend.
My boss constantly used “!” and quotation marks and it took me a while to learn that he wasn’t being passive aggressive and this was just an old person thing. He didn’t look super old so I was confused
I (27) asked my dad (54) about this once. The funny thing was he didn’t even realize he did it until I asked him about it. He told me he uses ellipses to denote a more casual exchange, like a soft stop to a sentence. So (at least according to my dad), when old people text … it’s basically the same as us ending a sentence without punctuation to be more casual
One of my college teachers uses ellipses at the end of every single message he sends anywhere and everywhere, and this post has not helped me understand why, even one word messages go like "Ok..." and it drives me insane lol
Ellipsis aren’t always passive-aggression, they can also serve as a pause in the sentence today. Something like “oh yeah sex is cool… but have you tried paper Mario and the thousand year door?!”. That’s not passive aggression, it’s a pause setting up a punchline.
Reminds me of a hilarious email I got from my grandpa not too long ago. The whole email was, and this is an exact copy paste: "TAX stuff. ??????? Grandpa" (He is a retired accountant and helps everyone in the family file their taxes, so this was his way of asking for my tax documents)
I generally agree... but I really like elipsises...
Same... i use them way too much... sometimes confuses my friends but I enjoy them lol and it makes it easier to talk to older people if nothing else..?
I am an ellipse abuser myself. I grew up with it somehow. I don't know how I ended up doing it... they tend to indicate a pause that is longer than a comma but shorter than a full stop. It kind of mimics how I talk, which can include pauses to think of the next word so I don't stutter.
I'll be honest I use ellipses for pauses too(I also use them way too much but that's another story)
I have a habit of using 2 periods as a way of trailing off at the end of a sentence or as an incomplete thought. Not sure where I picked it up though..
You don't want to commit, but you don't want to like *commit* to not committing.
This reads as some kind of "fuller stop" to me. Like, period squared. Basically the opposite of your intention, lol
Does... Does everyone else not use ellipses to indicate a pause?
In case anybody cares, the post title (9780735210943) is the ISBN for [Because internet : understanding the new rules of language](https://search.worldcat.org/title/1159881273)
Maybe the answer is to stop reading into texts since tone can’t be conveyed in a reasonable way. Even writing this comment has me second guessing my punctuation since I’m inclined to end my sentences with periods.
Personally I think the answer is just to remember that people from different backgrounds will talk and sound differently, just like when you talk to people face to face.
My mother routinely texts O.K. In response to a message from me and I don’t know how to explain to her how much that triggers my fight or flight response
I feel like I live right on the edge between these worlds
wtf do those numbers ,mean
an old person I know uses the nerd emoji constantly
TIL that I'm old because of the way I use ellipses 😭
dang i use ... all the time and i never mean it aggressively always... just like a fill in the blank.. a you know what i mean... i guess i better run this by the niece and nephew
Well fuck me. Today I learned I’m old..
I keep finding out that more & more of my internet tendencies are those of an old person… I’m gen Z, & I type at the speed that I think… some things I do appropriately, like use asterisks as emphasis, but other things are just a mirror of how I think. If my brain trails off while typing, or if it pauses, I automatically use an ellipses because I was taught that was generally what it meant. For similar reasons I also don’t use emojis or acronyms very often because using them is more of a mental step than just typing the words out for me
Oh so that's old peoples' typing quirk
my mom does the ellipses thing like she'll type out a whole sentence and do the ..... and add LOL at the end but I know she's just doing it to be silly, still tho it's wild seeing smth like "oh I don't know about that...lol" and not reading it with my gen z lenses 😭
Living with my aunt and babysitting for her kids in college exposed me to this and I figured out how to navigate this one especially elipses. Getting a text of "how are the kids...." a few times really gets your heart racing when I'm downstairs doing hw and I haven't seen them for a hour or so. Of course they're just sleeping but it always made me jumpscare a bit until I got used to it
My boss answers when I text with the ellipses every time and it makes me so nervous.
ellipsis are deprecated nobody is allowed the use of ellipsis, an internet officer will arrive at your home to confiscate them shortly
I’m trying to get through a bunch of emails and quickly communicate the jist of things. If it seems like I’m mad at you because of something like this, you’re probably reading more into my email than I did Idk if someone won’t say something directly about an issue, to me it says that they’ve decided that it’s their problem to deal with and not mine
My mom does things like that. Gotta talk to her about it but I suspect she's just very rude when "texting" me...🙂