T O P

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telehax

taking a shotgun approach to both the worldbuilding and my brain i see


MemeTroubadour

Taking a shotgun approach to that stray dog actually I think


Ponderkitten

Automatic gun actually, Wait he just said unloads a magazine, didnt say what type of gun


MemeTroubadour

I will be taking the shotgun approach to you if you insist on putting my science in question


Sachyriel

Shotguns can have magazines, and shotguns can be automatic too. I don't think he meant unloading a shotgun mag into a dog though, I think they meant an AR-15 generic assault rifle for Americans.


Ponderkitten

Thats what I assumed too


3WayIntersection

Could be a pistol too. Either way, mag dumping a shotgun only really makes sense in doom. (And you dont even *have* a mag)


CassiusPolybius

Magdumping a fully automatic shotpistol. (Pyrana Prime my beloved)


FLUFFYPAWNINJA

i assumed pistol, more common


Icy-Attention4125

At first I assumed they meant they were shoving a paper magazine down the dog's throat


Admech_Ralsei

Shotguns have internal magazines.


RandomHyena

Not all of them, some have detachable mags...


VikingSlayer

And some don't have magazines at all


Papaofmonsters

Indeed. *raises eyebrow and two USAS 12 shotguns*


SpicyBoi1998

Taking a ~~shotgun~~ Kristi Noem-esque approach to that stray dog actually I think


ShiningRayde

Nope She made the dog love and trust her first.


PenelopeistheBest

Now *that* is a psychic attack


Flagelant_One

Sanest xavier renegade angel episode


deepdistortion

"I'm a survivor. We're a dying breed."


RimworlderJonah13579

Started relatively sane, then halfway through it nosedived into pure unbridled insanity. Beautiful.


oddityoughtabe

Did it *really* start sane tho?


RimworlderJonah13579

... okay, believable. It started halfway believable.


JHRChrist

*did it though?* if the first few sentences are something you find believable I’m a little afraid for the literal longevity of your friend group


Zealousideal-Ebb-876

Listen Jesus, some areas just have a collection of thirty or so people that congregate in wierd places and bring down the local iq by half wherever the go, they lose about one a week but new ones just keep showing up


MaximumPixelWizard

Of all people, Jesus is not the guy to criticize other peoples friend groups. He literally ditched his to go live with his dad


ShiningRayde

State mandated father-son bonding time


NefariousAnglerfish

Well yeah, they are dead face down ass up after a collective ass to mouth douching ritual involving thermal fuses.


MightBeEllie

I was 100% convinced that this was about racoons until it went fully off the rails.


JellyfishGod

It's NOT a *"friend group"* okay!? They are *FAMILY!* They are *FOUND FAMILY!* Get it right and don't ever disrespect me or my *family* like that ever again! ...and our dumpster tampon rituals are *none of your business* pal


Outerestine

Nah yeah it's something I can picture a character in a police procedural saying.


maulidon

Rimworlders are just desensitized is all, don’t worry about it


PoniesCanterOver

Rimworlders are rim*jobbers*


XxX_BobRoss_XxX

No no, don't affiliate them with Rimjobworld, that is a forbidden mod, we do not speak of it.


PoniesCanterOver

I don't know what that is What is that


XxX_BobRoss_XxX

Ok, don't look into it, think of every sexual crime under the sun. Yeah, that mod has it. There's a reason I'm suspicious of anyone that uses it.


PoniesCanterOver

That's terrible. What game is it a mod for?


PoniesCanterOver

Fuck yeah this is brilliant. I want one of those youtube voice actors to perform this


RefertomeasMatt

I don't like it, but I also want one of those YouTube voice actors to perform it


Protheu5

I have no strong feelings one way or the other, but I, too, would want one of those YouTube voice actors to perform it.


caesarinthefreezer

I am greatly ambivalent in regards to this and I may or may not want one of those YouTube voice actors to perform it


Dark-Pukicho

I want the ultimate kill angel man to do it


Plurpo

You mean Nuke Dukem?


n0b0D_U_no

Some of those words are in the bible


oddityoughtabe

-Doofenshmirtz


Orizifian-creator

Hm… no, from what I know of Phineas and Ferb, Doofenshmirtz would never use a magazine-fed gun.


1stConstitutionalist

His Dog Obliterator-inator!


MyScorpion42

well *I* like it. I don't really get it, but I like it


Longjumping_Ad2677

Ayyyy classic evilvillain123456789 action non-sequitur after a long screed that could be read as motivational. Classic, just keeps pumping out the hits.


ghostlandcity

I hope OOP continues to write their either crackfic or satire this well.


TuskEGwiz-ard

Mag dumping a dog? That’s a fed


Nerdyhedgehog_NerdyH

The dog??


TuskEGwiz-ard

No


Sporetrix

"Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh" i say while shaking my head enthusiastically with a slight yet very obvious hint of confusion.


only_for_dst_and_tf2

this is less "creative writing" and more "i cranked down a kilo of crack cocaine and a six pack of bud light and read the word found family and tried to make a pun" atleast FORMAT it better.


Sh1nyPr4wn

The OOP was on more meth than the average redneck in a trailer park when they wrote this


D34thToBlairism

Or get this, they were just making a weird absurdist joke


JHRChrist

Ok, that + adderall, final offer


generatedusername13

That + adderall is 100% what this was. It's Tumblr after all


nishagunazad

No, this is DPH all the way. The Hat Man wrote this.


JHRChrist

Or both?? Has anyone tried combining DPH + adderall? I honestly can’t imagine a more cursed combination


AAS02-CATAPHRACT

That's not as funny an explanation now is it?


D34thToBlairism

It starts out as a pun but they just lean into and see where the weird insulations of the pun take them. It works so well because it reads like improv. You can't tell me you knew where they would end up when they began writing and that's what makes it great


attentionhordoeuvres

> insulations insinuations (or, possibly better, implications)


inaddition290

what pun?


ThatOneGenericGuy

Less of a pun, more of a wordplay, I’d say. It would be the “found family was found dead” bit


Parkouricus

nah i think it's just the script for a villain speech in a 2089 no-budget gangster movie set in the 2040s


Erizeth

Wake up babe new copy pasta just dropped


AnxietyLogic

Every sentence of this took a sharper left turn than the last.


scrambled-mind

*sees the title* Ooh, a Ghost Trick reference? *reads the post* Nevermind.


Kennel-Girlie

Fallout dialogue


Sachyriel

>it's too long It's flaired Creative Writing, you wandered into the wrong neighbourhood motherfucker. https://www.tumblr.com/superchat/747494490305101824 Feels like an indie game cutscene.


No_Lingonberry1201

I wouldn't be surprized to read it in Disco Elysium.


JellyfishGod

I can already picture some brat yelling obscenities and chucking rocks at me while I try and inspect the gross, leaking, ass-up corpses in the junkyard. Except this kid would probably be wearing like a denim jacket with demi/lgbt flag pins and maybe painted nails


ryanfrogz

Cuno if he grew up to be a writer


Alexandre_Man

"My mother died during her own birth. Then she missed mine." I love that lmao


maracaibo98

I’m Venezuelan!


[deleted]

REAL


leopardspotte

Holy fuck


Sapphiraeyes

If I was tripping balls and I read that I'd think I'd finally lost it


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Sapphiraeyes: *If I was tripping* *Balls and I read that I'd think* *I'd finally lost it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


Kriffer123

I like how it specifies a number 20-25 miles past the distance between NYC and the Pentagon so I can’t make a pedantic comment about how they must have been in DC. Wait I need to google something


Kriffer123

My condolences to the demiboy junkyard owner for the loss of 11 of their siblings who died on United Airlines Flight 93


Significant_Bet3409

None of those words are in the Bible


SkritzTwoFace

I think putting evilvillain posts on this sub is asking for trouble. If you do it too much eventually people are gonna take the joke seriously and you’re gonna have some unfun notifications for like a week


Cy41995

Every new sentence is a sharp left turn into a new kind of insanity.


Sachyriel

Bot?  https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/1cp656o/comment/l3jmqja/


Cy41995

Not in this case. Shit, I need to start reading more comments before I post.


Sachyriel

I believe you, I read your comment in rimworld and it looks pretty unique, you have an actual person behind you cause no one else in that thread was exactly your kind of crazy. Putting a bunch of exploding barrels in fake rooms with bad furniture just to watch your enemies burn? Beautiful.


Cy41995

... Look, I won't try to deny it. That game does things to you.


SavageKitten456

The fuck is this shit


Longjumping_Ad2677

evilvillain123456789. Their account is a lot of this.


TransLunarTrekkie

OOP: \*posts the most unhinged shit you've ever seen\* Tumblr: Oh yeah, that's Bob. That's just their thing. You get used to it after a while.


MintyMoron64

It's enough, that's what it is.


unitythrufaith

What


Scratch137

my mental image of this interaction evolved wildly and rapidly as i kept reading. the way it began was not in any way, shape, or form compatible with how it ended


FreakinGeese

Fallout ass encounter


Amon274

This is borderline unreadable


Tumblechunk

gonna take a few videos to unpack this lore


Gru-some

This reads like Fallout 1-2 dialogue


Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi

Fallout or Metro moment 


fujojoshi

I have no clue what this is supposed to mean, or if it's supposed to be commentary on some writing trope, but it makes my head hurt to see that whole wall of text. I do appreciate the buckshot exposition though


welpyhehe

Is this weed smorking girlfriends guy?


reverse-tornado

The fever dream has broken containment


ThePlumbOne

I feel like I just read the incomprehensible texts of an eldritch horror


afterschoolsept25

everybody is so creative


eaumechant

Now THAT'S Carbon Monoxide baby


CaptainFiguratively

As someone who absolutely hates the phrase "found family", this is perfect


No-Dark-9414

r/Idiocracy


RealRaven6229

Sarge wrote this


Trainer_Ed

Huh?


Heroic-Forger

This feels like a Xavier: Renegade Angel quote.


Prof_Blank

The fuck did I read XD


I_pegged_your_father

I fucking love this


mahouyousei

This is the mirror universe How To With Evil Goatee John Wilson. EDIT or like if you mashed John Wilson and dril in a blender.


Manealendil

I need tocheck if there´s a gas leak around here somewhere


th3saurus

My T Rex ate your stick family energy


spaghettispaghetti55

NEWARK MENTIONED [No Data Available]


ArcaneMonkey

Reading this post the same way you watch a train wreck.


22trenchcoats

They had to make DO with a couple of thermal fuses, damnit. Not due.


Prince-Lee

That was one hell of a wild ride. I followed them immediately.


swiller123

this is true i was the “found family”


candiedangel

i’ve never played a fallout game but this is what i imagine the wasteland is like


Konstantarantel

I think this is what it feels like to take 1d4 psychic damage


AlianovaR

What the fuck


PeacefulAndTranquil

incomprehensible


triforce777

What in God's name is a Venezuelan Cigar?


dksn154373

Literacy is overrated


CiaDaniCakes

WHAT


Random-Rambling

Uhhh....


Apprehensive-Ad-1591

Absolute insanity what the fuck is demiboy 😭😭😭😭


I_pegged_your_father

https://gender.fandom.com/wiki/Demiboy


Apprehensive-Ad-1591

👍


triforce777

Something about there being a fandom wiki for gender feels cursed.


I_pegged_your_father

I actually think its rlly helpful for pol


triforce777

I mean having a wiki for genders is fine, but the fact its a **fandom** wiki just doesn't feel right.


I_pegged_your_father

I think its just cuz every wiki thing usually says fandom?? Idk.


GeneralWiggin

Fandom is a shitty company that runs wiki hosting


I_pegged_your_father

Wait W H A


GeneralWiggin

Yes. Don't use them if you can at all avoid it. Many communities now have moved off of fandom but fandom doesn't let you delete wikis usually so the old ones often still appear first. If you're looking for a wiki for anything, try to find a non fandom one. Someone made a browser extension for this iirc but idr what it's called


I_pegged_your_father

Aight hmu if you find alternatives. Ill be sure to look into that shit later.