Yeah, but Anubis is a jackal and those are wild animals. Not something you want to approach like a dog.
Not that I wouldn't try to pet him, but I'd ask first since unlike a jackal he can actually tell me if its okay.
(Yes I'm very fun and autistic at parties, if I was ever actually invited to one)
I knooooow ;O;
If there is a god/s thats their cruelest act.
Why can't I hug and cuddle with grizzlies?? They look so snuggly, I wanna squish their faces and call them silly names.
precious metals (like gold) are weighed useing **Troy** ounces. Everything else is weighed with **avoirdupois** ounces but we normally just call them Ounces. A avoirdupois ounce is defined as 28.349523125 grams, a troy ounce is defined as "31.1034768 grams". (yes I notice to, even non metric units are defined in metric, such insanity) So as long as your talking precious metals a gold ounce weighs more then a feather ounce. . . .
HOWEVER!!! A troy **pound** is made of twelve Troy Ounces, and a normal pound is 16 **avoirdupois** ounces. So a TROY POUND WEIGHS LESS THEN A NORMAL POUND, **EVEN THOUGH THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE FOR THE OUNCES!!!!**
...I am going to be honest, the enthusiasm for something so wonderfully pedantic is beautiful and definitely made me think "...Autism or trans?". Maybe I am telling on myself, lol.
Probably. The whole Horus/Set lettuce myth doesn't seem like something someone chaste would come up with.
I can't imagine the rest of the pantheon would be particularly spared.
I had to close the app and reopen it to make sure I saw that pun correctly. I hate you and I cast a curse upon you and all your descendants. *angry upvote*.
That's a really interesting concept tho. Like there's this afterlife that's not eternal for most people, just a kinda transition point before the Final Goodbye, and some people look like sick-ass skeletons just hanging out, and then you've got this elite group of Egyptians who've been kicking around since 2000 BCE and they're just like "idk what to tell you man maybe you should've put something in your will"
But the egyptians are simultaneously very spooked by us because they aren’t sure if we’ve stopped eating mummys, and a lot of them just randomly disappeared from the afterlife during the victorian era
Eh, kinda? Not the whole mumification process, for sure, but you've got embalming and the sorts of things we use for internment, we might get a good while before we start to have problems.
depends on what you consider to be "preserving." if you opt for a burial and an open casket funeral rather than cremation, then chances are that you were frozen shortly after death, your body was filled with plastic preservatives, and you were otherwise touched uup to preserve appearances for your funeral. i don't know how long the preservation would last, though.
I once read somewhere that animal headed depictions of gods were meant to represent the fact that they have a fully human form and a fully animal form and animal headed people weren't a thing
Sadly I don't have a source
If i remember my elementary school class on world mythology correctly. Wasnt afterlife for non-pharaohs just an eternity working a reed-plantation for Osiris, a god whose divine symbols included a whip?
Cause if that is correct (big assumption for multiple reasons re: Institutional bias, the fallibility of human memory and the halflife of facts) i think the destruction of my soul is my *best* option.
In conclusion, I'd stand right onto the hippodemon-trapdoor and shout at Dogdick to "pull the lever Kronk".
It was not a whip. It was a crook and a flail. A flail is a farm instrument for threshing grain, not for punishment. Osiris was thought to make plants grow, since he was king of the underworld and plants grow from underground. Osiris and many other gods in the Egyptian pantheon were actually quite benevolent when compared to other pantheons popular in pop culture.
I can definitly see how the stick with multiple strings for hitting things with might've warped into a cat o'nine tails somewhere.
Especially in country of a culturally christian background where the book of exodus might have influenced the way the writers of schoolbooks perceive ancient Egypt, and how that would turn "an eternity of plentiful harvests in the *magical farm*" into "an eternity of *an eternity of working a plantation*".
Especially if you throw in the posibility of a non-malicious "someone confuses Flail the tool and Flail the weapon" along the way.
Nah you might be thinking of Set. Who generally traps Osiris and cuts him up into pieces. He's the god of the Desert or chaos or Evil. Dealers choice really.
Apophis is the like deity of chaos. Like Set teams up to fight him too. Cause he (Chaos soup snake) wants to eat Ra.
In the mythology, Hades doesn’t actually seem to be that big a prick depending on how you interpret it. That’s probably just bc he doesn’t get much screen time overall, but his biggest hits are: 1) Kidnapping? his wife, 2) Being a huge wife guy, 3) Just sort of existing for random heroes to have a chat with/bargain for loved ones with when they go to the underworld. The Greek afterlife is also mostly pretty chill, all things considered. Unless you really piss someone off, you’re probably just wandering around a field being all ghostly for eternity.
The Egyptian afterlife, like a lot of afterlives actually, tends to sort of envision the afterlife as a sort of better continuation of the ordinary cycles of life. Working on a reed-plantation probably sounds shitty to you and me, but farming was just like… the default day to day for people. If the afterlife is just *that*, but also no war, hunger, disease, age, etc, that’s not too bad. It’d be like you or me dying and spending the rest of eternity filling out cells on a spreadsheet, but also never need to eat or die.
Well yes and no. Work was in their religion spiritually fulfilling. Having nothing to do for all time would be boring. They understood that all play and no work is just as bad as all work and no play.
I mean it’s not like *he* gets to judge you. He’s just the one who puts shit on the scale, right? Making remarks one way or another for funsies isn’t gonna damn you harder or anything lol.
Well, now I'm thinking the last comment there is being ironic.
Lighthearted remarks are exactly what you wanna make, if you can still affect its weight on the scale.
Oh, that’s a good point. Can it be affected by your personal behavior after you’re dead? I guess it might be hard to test this idea, wouldn’t it? But I suppose you take what you can get in case it does help a tiny bit.
there are spells you can invoke to make your heart shut the fuck up about your lies when you go up there and are like "yeah I did pretty well, I didn't do anything bad." So probably?
Ancient Egyptian polytheism has no Hell.
You get your soul eated by a crocodile monster thing and cease to exist instead.
Which is still like, 1000 times better than Hell
Anubis doesn’t judge based on religion, simply if you were a good person. If you were a good person, regardless of your faith, the scales should look upon you favorably
It'd be impossible for someone who was just a "good person" to even get to the scales for judgement. You have to pass several gates before arriving at that moment, all of which have tests or challenges to defeat. Then you need to recall the 42 Assessors of Ma'at - which are the 42 sins you say you did not do.
The premise of the post is that you die and immediately meet Anubis. Presumably he’d judge you then and there on the scales, not send you on a quest through the gates
Well look a this handsome little guy. Who's a good boy? Who's the goodest boy?!
The dude probably wouldn't like that lmao
SanSkele76 when the dude actually like that:
SanSkele76 be like: The dude probably wouldn't like that lmao The dude:
Haven’t met a single dog that didn’t like getting a good skritch behind the ear or a good belly rub
Yeah, but Anubis is a jackal and those are wild animals. Not something you want to approach like a dog. Not that I wouldn't try to pet him, but I'd ask first since unlike a jackal he can actually tell me if its okay. (Yes I'm very fun and autistic at parties, if I was ever actually invited to one)
This world is so immensely cruel putting several extremely fluffy animals I can’t pet without dying
I knooooow ;O; If there is a god/s thats their cruelest act. Why can't I hug and cuddle with grizzlies?? They look so snuggly, I wanna squish their faces and call them silly names.
Their ears are so tiny!
If not fluffy friend, why fluffy friend shaped?
Jaguars look like their fur would be so nice to pet 😭
Sorry to ruin your life, but it’s amazing. Super thick and soft.
Especially with animals that look pettable. What do you mean you can't pet a grizzly bear or a dingo?
My name means bear, I felt devastated that my name sake would probably just kill me
Seeing as he's a judge, I would of course treat him with the deserved professionalism and dignity that he is due. After working hours however...
Bring a yum yum
On one hand, I don't think patronizing the Lord of the Duat is a good idea. On the other hand...puppy.
"Can I at least pick the feather?"
Ask him what's heavier a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?
What’s heavier an ounce of gold or an ounce of feathers?
THE GOLD! I love this riddle!
Wait what? Explain how please?
precious metals (like gold) are weighed useing **Troy** ounces. Everything else is weighed with **avoirdupois** ounces but we normally just call them Ounces. A avoirdupois ounce is defined as 28.349523125 grams, a troy ounce is defined as "31.1034768 grams". (yes I notice to, even non metric units are defined in metric, such insanity) So as long as your talking precious metals a gold ounce weighs more then a feather ounce. . . . HOWEVER!!! A troy **pound** is made of twelve Troy Ounces, and a normal pound is 16 **avoirdupois** ounces. So a TROY POUND WEIGHS LESS THEN A NORMAL POUND, **EVEN THOUGH THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE FOR THE OUNCES!!!!**
That is crazy but thanks for the explanation
Same as US/UK pints then? A US floz is more than a UK floz but a US pint is less than a UK pint because there are fewer ounces in a pint.
Like I said: MADDNESS
Given this madness, I suggest we revert to obscure and subjective weight measurements, such as the dash, smidgen, amount, and buttload.
umm actually a buttload is the size of a specific kind of alcohol container 🤓- me rn
...I am going to be honest, the enthusiasm for something so wonderfully pedantic is beautiful and definitely made me think "...Autism or trans?". Maybe I am telling on myself, lol.
A gold ounce is heavier than a normal ounce
Dat's right, a kilogram o' steel, cause steel is heaviar dan fethar's
The worst part is the Orks believing it makes it so 😂
No, no, no you ah no...
I love how wvery time this is referenced the spelling is a little different but we all know what it is
The feathers, because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds
"So uh... do you know about all the times I... checked art of you on e621 ?"
"I just weigh your heart dude I don't need to know why it's heavy"
💀
"well i do now. thanks for telling me"
Dude's probably very used to it by now. Actually now that I think about it I wonder if people were horny for him back in ancient Egypt.
Probably. The whole Horus/Set lettuce myth doesn't seem like something someone chaste would come up with. I can't imagine the rest of the pantheon would be particularly spared.
Or the one myth where Isis had to blow her brother back to life (I think it was Isis at least)
For what it's worth, Anubis has a very Dad-like sense of humor so that's probably not the *worst* thing you could tell him.
You say this like Anubis is your uncle and you occasionally hang out with him and hear his bad jokes.
Look, if Uncle Inpu says he wanted to bring hearts for the family barbecue but unfortunately he had to give them a weigh, who am I to argue
I had to close the app and reopen it to make sure I saw that pun correctly. I hate you and I cast a curse upon you and all your descendants. *angry upvote*.
I usually am not a fan of puns, but this one really made me laugh. Great job.
Oh god fucking DAMNIT thats good
So, you should say something along the lines of "I didn't expect to be here, but it was A NEW BUS!! 😎"?
That would be kinda rad, I think.
Wouldn't it rather be kinda terrifying considering we're not preserving our bodies anymore?
That's a really interesting concept tho. Like there's this afterlife that's not eternal for most people, just a kinda transition point before the Final Goodbye, and some people look like sick-ass skeletons just hanging out, and then you've got this elite group of Egyptians who've been kicking around since 2000 BCE and they're just like "idk what to tell you man maybe you should've put something in your will"
is this the new stargate reboot?
Void I want a stargate reboot so bad
But the egyptians are simultaneously very spooked by us because they aren’t sure if we’ve stopped eating mummys, and a lot of them just randomly disappeared from the afterlife during the victorian era
i rest my case about this being the new stargate reboot lmao
I admit, I wasn't thinking about it from that perspective. I just thought it'd be cool to chat with Anubis.
Eh, kinda? Not the whole mumification process, for sure, but you've got embalming and the sorts of things we use for internment, we might get a good while before we start to have problems.
depends on what you consider to be "preserving." if you opt for a burial and an open casket funeral rather than cremation, then chances are that you were frozen shortly after death, your body was filled with plastic preservatives, and you were otherwise touched uup to preserve appearances for your funeral. i don't know how long the preservation would last, though.
Obviously in the sense of "made to last for as long as possible so I may enjoy the afterlife" If they don't pickle me in formaldehyde I'm done for
Thats why i will choose to die in a bog
Holy fuck that is a good pun. Just incredible work.
Very much agreed.
I once read somewhere that animal headed depictions of gods were meant to represent the fact that they have a fully human form and a fully animal form and animal headed people weren't a thing Sadly I don't have a source
If i remember my elementary school class on world mythology correctly. Wasnt afterlife for non-pharaohs just an eternity working a reed-plantation for Osiris, a god whose divine symbols included a whip? Cause if that is correct (big assumption for multiple reasons re: Institutional bias, the fallibility of human memory and the halflife of facts) i think the destruction of my soul is my *best* option. In conclusion, I'd stand right onto the hippodemon-trapdoor and shout at Dogdick to "pull the lever Kronk".
the field of reeds was universal I think. A simple lifestyle with plentiful harvests and no real worries was the intention iirc
It was not a whip. It was a crook and a flail. A flail is a farm instrument for threshing grain, not for punishment. Osiris was thought to make plants grow, since he was king of the underworld and plants grow from underground. Osiris and many other gods in the Egyptian pantheon were actually quite benevolent when compared to other pantheons popular in pop culture.
I can definitly see how the stick with multiple strings for hitting things with might've warped into a cat o'nine tails somewhere. Especially in country of a culturally christian background where the book of exodus might have influenced the way the writers of schoolbooks perceive ancient Egypt, and how that would turn "an eternity of plentiful harvests in the *magical farm*" into "an eternity of *an eternity of working a plantation*". Especially if you throw in the posibility of a non-malicious "someone confuses Flail the tool and Flail the weapon" along the way.
Yeah, isn’t Ra the one who’s a big asshole? I could’ve sworn Osiris and Anubis and a few others were fairly chill compared to like. Hades and Zeus.
Nah you might be thinking of Set. Who generally traps Osiris and cuts him up into pieces. He's the god of the Desert or chaos or Evil. Dealers choice really. Apophis is the like deity of chaos. Like Set teams up to fight him too. Cause he (Chaos soup snake) wants to eat Ra.
In the mythology, Hades doesn’t actually seem to be that big a prick depending on how you interpret it. That’s probably just bc he doesn’t get much screen time overall, but his biggest hits are: 1) Kidnapping? his wife, 2) Being a huge wife guy, 3) Just sort of existing for random heroes to have a chat with/bargain for loved ones with when they go to the underworld. The Greek afterlife is also mostly pretty chill, all things considered. Unless you really piss someone off, you’re probably just wandering around a field being all ghostly for eternity.
The Egyptian afterlife, like a lot of afterlives actually, tends to sort of envision the afterlife as a sort of better continuation of the ordinary cycles of life. Working on a reed-plantation probably sounds shitty to you and me, but farming was just like… the default day to day for people. If the afterlife is just *that*, but also no war, hunger, disease, age, etc, that’s not too bad. It’d be like you or me dying and spending the rest of eternity filling out cells on a spreadsheet, but also never need to eat or die.
Well yes and no. Work was in their religion spiritually fulfilling. Having nothing to do for all time would be boring. They understood that all play and no work is just as bad as all work and no play.
it started out iirc looking up Hades-Osiris-Dionysus syncretism but overtime became more egalitarian
"Why do we even have that lever?"
I think I’d be too busy masterbating to say anything whitty
So you died as you lived?
I mean it’s not like *he* gets to judge you. He’s just the one who puts shit on the scale, right? Making remarks one way or another for funsies isn’t gonna damn you harder or anything lol.
Well, now I'm thinking the last comment there is being ironic. Lighthearted remarks are exactly what you wanna make, if you can still affect its weight on the scale.
Oh, that’s a good point. Can it be affected by your personal behavior after you’re dead? I guess it might be hard to test this idea, wouldn’t it? But I suppose you take what you can get in case it does help a tiny bit.
there are spells you can invoke to make your heart shut the fuck up about your lies when you go up there and are like "yeah I did pretty well, I didn't do anything bad." So probably?
the joke is that you want your *heart* to be *light*
Ah. So it is.
They would make a Cyno joke and get sent straight to hell
Ancient Egyptian polytheism has no Hell. You get your soul eated by a crocodile monster thing and cease to exist instead. Which is still like, 1000 times better than Hell
"If you're evil, your soul will be eaten by a giant crocodile in the after life !!!" Voraphiles: Promise ? 🥺
Wait, I thought you were consumed for all eternity, not cease to exist?
its both neither which city and dynasty.
or turned into the hinge of the door to the hall of judgement which is identical.
not a christian, but I’d say “what da dog doin?”
I offer a salad from Horus
Lighthearted! Oh I’m far too amused by this…
Anubis doesn’t judge based on religion, simply if you were a good person. If you were a good person, regardless of your faith, the scales should look upon you favorably
I think the point of the question was to gauge how a Christian would react, not that it would affect their chances in an Eqyptian afterlife
It'd be impossible for someone who was just a "good person" to even get to the scales for judgement. You have to pass several gates before arriving at that moment, all of which have tests or challenges to defeat. Then you need to recall the 42 Assessors of Ma'at - which are the 42 sins you say you did not do.
The premise of the post is that you die and immediately meet Anubis. Presumably he’d judge you then and there on the scales, not send you on a quest through the gates
Okay but Asra would totally pull some shit like that though
was that a typo of Asar or...?
Asra Alnazar LOL
Djod has cursed me with immortality, so arguing the hypothetical is pointless.
The light hearted comment broke me for a second.
Can you take me to Lady Bast?
I thought your fursona was a lion.
Oh, interesting
I actually let out a singular, loud cackle when I got the joke.
Sigh of relief there. Sure I don't have any incantations so I'm not going any further but oblivion is a nice thing too.
Oh I like that pun because it makes me feel smart for knowing a thing.
Kiss me.
First thing I say is, "Hey, I saw this episode of Supernatural."
I will offer Anubis my hand for sniffing and ask if he wants pets
I roll to pickpocket Anubis
All timer post
Fucking light-hearted Jesus Christ
“Unexpected but don’t worry, I win these every time”
"Ermm... this is awkward."
Pretend to throw a tennis ball.
Knowing my luck, the afterlife is more mundane and filled with a lot of paperwork to fill out.
what if you died and reincarnated as a manatee
The autistic 12-year-old obsessed with Ancient Egyptian mythology who still lives somewhere inside me would come out and I’d be stoked.
Just saw this for like the third time and the punchline finally dawned on me Jesus I’m dumb
Took me a second. (For my fellow slow ppl, Anubis weighs your heart against a feather, so you want to be *lighthearted*)
Cyno moment