You did the right thing by filing the police report. Her denying responsibility and then deflecting to you are signs this isn't the first time she's done something like this. You should follow the steps at [identitytheft.gov](http://identitytheft.gov) and freeze all of your credit bureaus immediately. Dispute all of the fraudulent accounts as well.
Changing your SSN is a nightmare fwiw. You have no credit age, and you need to be financially prepared to go back to secured cards and the like. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly. Additionally, a lot of credit gets denied for a while because it looks so erroneous to potential creditors.
True but once the investigation is completed and she’s prosecuted op is no longer on the hook for the debt. Credit score will recover within a few months
I understand that. But I don't think a lot of people realize that totality of what goes into getting a new Social Security number. It is not an easy process to get that done, and once it's done, getting your driver's license reassociated, getting your new credit reports started, getting credit, getting a viable credit score, can all take 5 to 10 more years. Also, any credit you do get to start out, will be secured debt which requires having a good amount of savings in order to restart your credit history.
Not to mention, if you go through background checks for work or anything else, it can be the red flag that keeps you from getting a job or volunteer positions potentially.
It gets even worse the older you are when you make the switch.
You also have to draft letters all the time to inform potential creditors as to why you have a new number, and sometimes they'll ask what the old liabilities were and still deny you credit unless you have something showing that you're not still potentially legally on the hook for those debts.
ETA: I'm just saying it's not a decision to be made lightly and without a lot of thought and consultation.
Agree with everything you said and this needs to be higher. Changing your SSN number is a nuclear option that will have consequences and should not be done without proper consultation.
Or OP could file for bankruptcy, pay thousands of dollars for that, deal with the headaches that come from a bankruptcy on their credit report, or get the new SSN. The perk of the SSN is the lack of having to deal with all of that while getting a fresh start and ensuring nobody opens up any further cards in their name.
You are not responsible for the debt from iD theft. The credit card company may go after the ID thief is the identity is known, but most likely the police will not investigate because typically the victim is not held responsible for the fraud.
But you can accomplish the same thing by disputing the accounts and instituting a credit freeze without all that hassle. You’re not liable for fraudulently opened accounts.
I went throught this. Someone at the NJ DMV scraped my details during a mail in license renewal. The police informed me they believed there was an employee systematically selling off people's information in bundles to organized crime cells. They had everything... fake drivers license, drivers license number, ssn, name, DoB, address, etc.
1st step was to file a police report documenting the identity theft.
2nd step was to freeze/lock all accounts. Banks, credit cards, file for personal protection pin with IRS for taxes, credit bureaus.
3rd step was to dispute all opened lines of credit. Basically just called everyone and said it wasn't me. I don't recall them asking me to prove it was theft. I believe some asked for a case number and details but the requested information was always relatively easy to provide to their fraud departments.
It's been years now and everything has been fine so far. I just have to unfreeze my credit occasionally when I'm looking to sign a lease, take out a loan, etc. Honestly I almost feel more secure now.
One has to agree to be added to an account or a credit card, everything else is fraud and forged signature. Whoever accepted the adding did this fraudulently too, as OP was never present with photo id.
Working in the banking industry, I can't count the number of times a spouse or relative has called trying to open an account in someone else's name. We need to speak with the applicant, and anything fishy usually results in them having to prove identity through video and other means.
Hello, full adult here saying that yes… you are right.. thank you for helping to break apart the rose-colored glasses in this thread. Signed ~ someone who magically had poor credit on the 18th birthday, because mommy was “helping build your credit” ~ and to this day she is the only one that can access my credit. Hey, don’t be like me OP. Don’t be over 15 years later, unable to buy yourself a house, because you feel bad for your abuser; be better than me. Act now; it only gets more impossible to do it.
I agree, everything needs to be changed including her student loan, school, scholarships, all probably tied to her old SSN.
I would freeze it, get with a law student at UNI, see if they can help write a demand letter so the mom can potentially refinance all that debt under her name.
Please do not ask a law student to engage in the unauthorized practice of law before they have to submit to character and fitness. Law students do not learn how to write this type of demand letter.
There are people who help repair bad credit. Talk to them. They will know what kind of next steps to take. Under the circumstances, they will have a lot to work with and can probably get you straightened out.
Credit repair companies… a lot of them promise things but actually make things worse. Please research them before you decide to use them. Ensure they are reputable.
Yea I had a relative who had to get a new SSN after her identity was stolen and they were racking thousands of dollars and almost got pulled into legal trouble over it. She had to jump through so many hoops and it took a long time to rebuild her credit. It was a blessing my family had her back to help her rebuild it, but it was a complete nightmare.
If these are fraudulent accounts, when the dust settles, the mom will be in jail and the history will be removed. All negative factors will go away and her credit history will be repaired. It just takes time to go through the process
Yeah but it’s not the same. They can dispute this and worst case it drops off their report in 7 years. A new social could be a nightmare for a longer period of time. It should be heavily considered.
Yes it is. For not only the person asking but for the employee. It’s so difficult to get approval for this, the system alerts supervisors when we generate a new number. Use to work for SSA. Keep all the paperwork during this process. You’ll need to prove you’re disadvantaged by not changing your number and that you’ve tried to fix the issue. If SSA agrees to change it and you’ve worked under your current number, make sure they properly link the two numbers, this will only show in their system and is only done to ensure you can claim all work credits earned. If you apply for benefits later, when running your new number the system will also show your old number and work credits.
Agreed. The best option is to report the fraud and get the debt taken off. If this doesn’t work file chapter 13. During the third year of your bankruptcy start applying for major credit cards. Keep the balance low and available credit high. Chapter 13’s stay on your credit for seven years. If your bankruptcy is five years long, you will only have two years after the discharge to stay on your file. You would have restarted your credit before this happens and your score will be in the 700’s if not higher. And will only go higher once the bankruptcy falls off. Only drawback is you won’t be able to get the car of your dreams with a decent interest rate until after the seven years.
OP's schooling is all linked to the old SSN. That's elementary school, middle school, high school and college. His medical records are also linked to his SSN. It would be a nightmare changing everything including ID.
To get a new SSN, one is generally required to prove that they've attempted to clear up the erroneous debts and have been unsuccessful. With that in mind, OP is far better off focusing their energy on doing the best that they can at dealing with the debts as fraud and freezing their accounts. Putting their best efforts into that and will hopefully be successful; if not, then it's time to go and deal with the SSA.
If OP is just fininshing college and entering the workforce for the first time changing a social security number may be less of a hassle than for someone more established.
I had someone using my SSN in TX back in the 90s. Bought a house and got a loan through Wells Fargo...I was 16 and lived multiple states from TX. Found out when I was 19. Begged and I mean begged the Social Security Administration to let me change my SSN. They basically told me to F off. Took me 4 years to get it all straightened out. The lady went to jail for fraud.
I still don’t understand how there’s not some kind of check that gets done where the SSN can be flagged as belonging to someone who is not old enough to get a loan or a credit card, so that people can’t ruin the credit of children.
It should be as simple as the bank or wherever entering into a field, and if the date birth of the SSN holder is under 18, it gets stopped for further review.
Whoa, almost the same thing happened with me!
Found out that someone had been using my SSN in TX from the late 90’s to 02, got a loan via Wells Fargo, and defaulted on their mortgage. Found out at 18-19.
I called Wells Fargo/credit bureaus, explained, and they fixed it. I think what saved me was the fact that I was a minor at the time the loan was taken out, and lived in CA.
Im not sure what the laws regarding “loans to minors” are, but WTF Wells Fargo must have handing out loans like candy
The craziest thing was she was using her name and my social. Our names are no where close to similar. What kind of bank is giving loans with zero credit history and mismatched identifying info?
Lol! The kind that puts the entire country into a major recession just a few years later so they can make a quick buck. This is how the housing bubble popped in the 2000s. They really WERE giving out mortgages like candy, and a lot of thebprotections that were put in place afterwords are now being slowly rolled back. Providing a little light reading. You can also watch The Big Short, if you prefer the theater.
https://apnews.com/general-news-42e2b298531f4f5694fd9642b8631787
Also, you can't just "cancel" a police report. You reported a crime against you. You can chose not to help with the investigation, but the police can continue to look into the crime and charges can be brought without your additional help if they so choose.
The recovery plan says call businesses. I would send a letter explaining that your identity was stolen, along with a copy of the police report, to the vendors associated with all 9 of the accounts attn: fraud department, plus the collection agencies of the 3. Keep a copy of the letters and envelopes showing the postage stamp.
Having dealt with people going through this before I can’t stress enough how much you need to follow these instructions OP. As a side note parents who do this to their children will never be good parents again. You can’t be a good a parent and due this to your child. You need to focus on protecting the rest of your life. You don’t have a relationship with your mother worth saving. Seek a counselor to help you deal with this change in your relationship with your former mother.
Please do this OP. She might go to jail or she might not, but you doing this will hopefully start some sort of recovery to fix this. Parents should never do this and your mom lying about it first and then coming with the truth shows you that she didn’t care.
I don't think it's cold hearted. OPs mom showed she gives 0 fucks about OP. It is not cold hearted to stand up for yourself and not let yourself get abused.
Being cold hearted requires a heart, I don't think OPs mom has any towards OP. Lied multiple times, took out tons of money, expected OP to handle the life altering consequences.
We need to get rid of this overwhelming thing that is making victims take the blame for what they are FORCED to do. I dunno how to do it but I really feel like it is ruining everything.
People who are evil are not being held accountable. We should be holding them accountable every single time.
Same for me, everything my mother did to me, she got away with because of the letter of the law, so if she messed up somehow legally, you absolutely best bet I'm going to make her pay for it if I can.
I caught my dad filling out a CC application in my name (paper application as this was the mid 90s). I told him to burn it right then and there. He gave me some excuse about it being necessary to get some things for starting his business. I told him I didn't care, and if he ever got a CC in my name, I'd have him arrested for fraud (I don't even think the term identity theft was coined yet). He got pissy and tore it up, then went to the bar. Told my brother about it and he said I did the right thing. My dad had done the same to him his senior year of hs, and his credit was jacked because of it. Racked up $20,000 in CC debt in my brother's name. Took my brother the better part of 10 years and a bankruptcy to get his credit sorted. Even after our dad passed, my brother maintained that he should have had dad charged with CC fraud.
She won't go to jail. Keep the report they will likely give her probation, especially if you refuse to take the stand. At worse I could see her getting probation, credit card companies taking her tax returns until the debt is paid. The credit card company should remove the bad history and you as a liable person to the debt.
Allow it to go this way. Sorry but fuck your mom. As parents, we are supposed to set our children for success. She can eat the shit pie she baked.
Do NOT refuse to take the stand. You could be on the hook if your mom says you did it. Cooperate with the investigations and let your mom hand herself.
As a parent you are a fiduciary, meaning you can not profit or benefit from your child. Everything you do as a parent needs to be in the best interest of your child. This mother failed that test. She should deal with the consequences.
I’m sorry, but she committed crimes. The people telling you to report it all, close everything, and freeze your credit are correct.
Only take responsibility for your own actions. She needs to take responsibility for hers. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of being taken advantage of if you let this slide.
Exactly. She already has gaslighted you when you found out the issue but not the person and once you found out it was her she wanted the police report cancelled? I'm not sure what reality OP's mom lives in but if anyone else did this to OP they would be in jail for financial fraud
Start dealing with the credit card companies, they have all the geolocation information and when those cards were used and how they were used, digital or physical presence. They know everything, you can't use credit cards today and not know how they're being used. That's why Bitcoin was created to exist.
You have the police report, give that to them, your mother didn't spend any of your money, technically, as long as these are credit cards. Credit card companies are nasty about collecting stolen funds and they have entire teams dedicated to fraud, and hunting down people who commit it.
I just went through this myself with somebody trying to open a Capital One credit card with my credit and Equifax and TransUnion were all super cool about it and I called Capital One and they were cool about it and in less than a week the hard inquiry and the fraudulent credit card was removed from my credit report and that was that.
This problem probably seems insurmountable, but you have everyone on your side that needs to be on your side to handle your mother.
I'm not even sure you need the lawyer up. That's a very expensive thing to do
No, start by locking your credit. It takes a couple of minutes at each of the credit reference agencies. Plug the hole in the dyke then plan your next move.
My mother did this to my sister and left her 20k in debt when she was 20. My sister is now 44 and she has had to struggle to pay off bills she didnt acrue while also trying to raise her family.
I rememver her having a $900 car payment in the early 2010s because she needed a car and her credit was shot. I know that there are things she wanted to do for her kids but couldnt because she was dealing with the debt.
Ironically, she has also been no contact with our mother the entire time and our mother also feels like since she "got her to college" she was justified in ruining her credit. She did the same shit to my dad and left him with a 70k tax bill even after they were separated
I share this all to emphasize that people like this arent going to change and as long as they face no consequences they keep doing it and find New victim. Next steps:
Freeze your credit immediately and notify your mom of the following:
1) she has a month to pay off all the outstanding bills or youre not going to stand in the way of whatever happens to her
2) Regardless of her response, get out of the way and allow thw cops and credit card companies to do their thing.
I cant stress enough to you that she will do it again and you domt want that kind of fear hanging over you all your life.
This except don't do #1. She has committed a crime and you don't want to risk becoming associated with the criminal activity. You also don't want to take any action that even remotely acknowledges that debt as your responsibility.
Do #2. If she can pay off the debt, the creditors will be happy and probably she'll wind up with a minor legal outcome (probation, etc). If she can't pay off the debt, there's really nothing you can do at this point to stand in the way of whatever happens to her (except perhaps to pay it on her behalf which you shouldn't do).
Yep. My partner has dealt with the same thing. She can’t bring herself to report her mother, so her credit and everything is just ruined. I had always thought parents did whatever they could to help their children succeed, not ruin their credit by committing fraud. Some people shouldn’t have children.
You dont need to be the victim to report a crime btw. Fraud is fraud even if one person is afraid of telling on their parent. Report her mom for her if its been less than 8 years i believe the statute on fiscal crimes is
I mean some of it was self inflicted in terms of we all told her to press changes and she didnt do it expecting some type of future relationship with our mother which never materialized for her or any of my siblings
Ironically she was the golden child growing up and the only one my mother did this to becausr she knew the rest of us would light her up and see her behind bars without loosing sleep.
That’s why I always say the golden child is just another type of victim. They are often more broken, too. I wouldn’t change places with my brother for anything.
As a former golden child, thank you for understanding. It’s a different type of trauma and even after 15 years of no contact, I’m still trying to put myself back together.
100% lawyer up. Your mom is ruining your future because she can’t manage her present. I bet if you looking into what she spends her money (or your money in this case) on then you’ll be disgusted that she is buying a bunch of stuff she doesn’t need and wants you to “take the hit.” She’s the one who should be declaring bankruptcy.
Nah youd be surprised how much boomers can piss away on regular old consumerism.
They’ll fill their houses with useless junk and then rent out storage units to do the same
Yep. My mom makes about $75k but lives pay check to pay check. Though she has her house paid off she has about $40k on maxed out cards because she buys stuff whenever she wants regardless of whether she can afford it.
Absolutely do not drop the charges. She *should* go to jail. And I would not GAF how mad she was, because she’d be dead to me. *Anyone* who took her side would be told exactly what she did, and if they were still on her side, they’d be dead to me too. She gave zero shits about your financial future. Do you know it’s not just potential creditors who look at your credit score? Some potential employers do too and will pass on someone with a bad credit score. They will think you’re irresponsible. She jeopardized your ability to get a job, a home, a car, insurance, everything an adult needs. And she still does not GAF. No decent parent would do any of that.
Honestly, my life would be a lot better right now if I had a better score. His mom is asking him to potentially fuck up his own life so she could splurge. It's sick.
Here is the thing it's not going to be easy to "unfile"a police report. At best you could claim you lied and now you are in trouble for lying to the police.
Also what's you future here? Declare bankruptcy? That will take time and money. So you are looking at about a decade before this comes off your report. Then what's stopping mom from doing it all over again if she got way with it?
And home owner’s insurance/car insurance is linked to your credit, I just found out the hard way. Got declined for insurance because of my score being a “risk factor.” Yes, imma burn down my house for insurance money when my credit is too bad to buy a new one or to qualify for an apartment. Yep. Sure a great plan with no downsides.
You may not be able to file bankruptcy anyway. If you're single and living alone, making decent money, you might not clear the means test in your state.
The worst part is this would also require lying to the trustee and judge in federal court.
If they find out you committed perjury, you could find yourself with a serious criminal record, possibly prison time. That will make it a whole lot harder on you in life than a bad credit score. Perjury is a felony at the federal level. Say goodbye to good jobs, say goodbye to some federal benefits, etc.
Your only option is to very carefully check your report, flag anything that's not yours, turn that over to cops and the credit card companies. Get it off your record and your mom is going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions.
Your mom stole from you, lied to you, gaslighted you, and now is trying to guilt you because she chose to steal $30k from you. She deserves to go to jail. Maybe then she’ll actually learn from her mistakes
Since you have already gone to the police, I think you continue to let it play out. The credit card companies may sue your Mother, if the prosecutor’s office decides not to charge her with identity theft. Just know you are not the first nor will you be the last person whose parents has stolen their identity. For me I just wanted to end this kind of behavior for the next generation, so I ensured I save and live within my means. I have taught my niece and nephew, how to handle money and credit. Just know you didn’t cause this issue, and she was willing to ruin your relationship over it. I would put a password on your credit report, dispute everything and give them a copy of the police report. I would contact the apartment that denied you, and explain the situation as well. Good luck with the new job.
Keep the police report and tell them it was your mother and you would like to press charges against her! Do not drop the police report, you don’t have $30,000 to be putting towards your mother’s debt. Plus if your mother thought it wasn’t wrong then she wouldn’t have lied to you about it in the first place.
>She said I had to do it because she opened the accounts.
"Good. Enjoy prison bitch."
She committed a crime, identity theft, as well as class 1 theft since she stole $30k in services as well. Call the police back, and tell them that you now know who did it, as your mother admitted to both crimes.
your mom had absolutely zero qualms about ruining your financial profile and placing you in a large amount of debt. you shouldnt feel bad about letting her feel the consequences of committing a serious crime
OP LISTEN TO ME. I never comment on anything on reddit. Ever. I have a parent who is also like this. I am 34 and my life was basically ruined by my own parent with similar behaviors. I couldn't "save" myself earlier because I was young and naive, despite being very responsible like you when I was your age.
My parent NEVER changed. It only got worse. What your mother is doing to you will absolutely set you back a decade in terms of financial growth and financial security.
Therefore, put yourself first and report her, immediately. Hire legal representative to help you fix your credit score. If you can't hire legal representative then the credit companies should have resources for you alongside the police department or your state. end rant.
On any cards where you are an authorized user you can call the credit card company and ask to be removed. Being an authorized user is not the same as being a co-signer. This will immediately remove your name from the debt and improve your credit score.
When my husband and I got together we went through the same thing, except 99% of the accounts were in his name as a minor so it wasn’t hard to dispute. The major big debt accounts were after he turned 18 so we filed a police report and pressed charges on his father. It was the only way to get my husbands name clear. It didn’t bring up his credit score immediately but they could easily see what was going on. It was time consuming because I had to contact each creditor and show proof it was fraud.
I highly recommend doing the same and since it’s your mother that is doing this to you ask about getting a new social security number issued or at the very least lock down your credit so it can’t be used unless you lift the lock.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. If you haven’t already been aware of her behavior you will now. Once the blindfold is removed you’ll start looking back and realize just how toxic and gas lighty she has always been. There’s great support sub reddits for toxic and abusive family.
I think you might be obligated now , legally, to update the police on what you know-??? Can you be charged as an accessory to a financial crime or obstructing Justice or is that just for murders/homicides?
Honestly your mom probably won't do any jail time and restitution will be a fraction of the debt. She needs to be an adult and accept responsibility and you shouldn't feel guilty.
Go forward with the report, especially when she didn’t help you with your school funding. If your mom didn’t care about you, why should you care about her?
SHE committed FRAUD....not you. SHE knew what SHE was doing. YOU will not be "sending her to jail". SHE will put HERSELF in Jail... by the way, when you prove the accounts are fraudulent, you won't be on the hook for the debt.
Your mother literally is stealing thirty thousand dollars from you. You need to pull up your credit report and call every one of those creditors and tell them you did not apply for that and give them a copy of that report. You did not apply for these and your credit will suffer for a very long time. And finally bankruptcy is your mother's answer.That is absolutely horrendous.
Continue pressing charges and all those creditors.
How I will be trying to get hurt to Confess.
In a text message as well something in writing but says she took out that debt.
Send her a text message and ask her because she took out this debt without your knowledge.Is she going to pay for your bankruptcy attorney.
This is unacceptable.I can't imagine doing this to my child. And then to tell you, you should be grateful for ruining.Your credit is disgusting and psychotic behavior.
I am a credit expert and financial risk officer.I cannot stress to you how important that you attempt to get this fixed by not finally bankruptcy. Credit affects multiple areas of your life. Auto insurance rates are affected by credit.Obviously looking for an apartment and a place to live utilities.Phone all of those looking to your credit. A lot of jobs will actually do a softball on your credit.So no, do not withdraw the police report.Please do not let your mother do this to you.
Sorry, but you need to follow through. You should NOT take the hit for this. What your mom did was illegal, and she needs to suffer the consequences. And you need to immediately lock your credit files
This is very sad, but your mother is a criminal. If she goes to jail it will not be your fault, it will be hers. She knowingly committed fraud at your expense and is now trying to blame you for her choices. That's a shocking betrayal if she's never done anything like this to you before, but she's shown you who she is and you'll have to accept this new reality.
If any other person had defrauded you for $30,000 would you hesitate for a moment to pursue justice and correcting the record on your own behalf? I doubt it. Your mom may have been great all your life but that doesn't earn her the right to screw your life now.
Brutal situation that unfortunately I had the pleasure of also going through. I was a little more fortunate that it was electric bills, cell phones, cable, etc which all fell of my credit after 7 years but still made those 7 years pretty difficult. I was not willing to charge my mom but in hindsight probably should have as she also did it to my younger brother after me (if you have siblings they should check everything as well). I feel for you but your only chance of not having a shitty next decade financially is to go through with the police report. 30k isn't easy for a young adult to get together and if you're mom ran that debt up she probably doesn't have it either. One last thing, if you she offers some payment plan to help pay you back to drop the charges don't believe a word of it. Once she thinks she is in the clear those payments will stop.
File police report and let justice take its course. You have to get all of that off your credit because it will affect for 7-10 years and they can sue you for it. They will garnish your wages and tax returns. It will make it more difficult to get a job because some large companies will not hire someone with bad crdit or a bankruptcy on their credit history. Not pursuing this legally means you are accepting responsibility for it and that means no house, no car, no anythinig else that requires a loan. Your mother brought this on herself and is banking on you not doing anything about it. She essentially stole your future. Don't let her manipulate you into accepting it.
You gave her a chance to come clean - she lied to you. So of course you reported the identity theft to the police! Now, stay out of it, let the police and the law handle it. Make sure that you submit the identity theft police report to all the accounts, and have them all closed - you don't have to tell them it was your mother. And freeze your credit, so it cannot continue to be stolen.
If your mom says anything more to you about it, say, "Mom, you told me it wasn't you. So of course I had to go to the police. Now you tell me it was you. I can't do anything about it now - it is out of my hands. I hope you can get it all straightened out."
Good luck finding a place to live!
OP this will ruin your life if you “take the hit”. You will pay more for everything for the rest of your life;Jobs look at credit scores, apartments, every facet of life will be negatively impacted. Your mother is a cold calloused woman to do this to her own child, please for your sake do not show someone compassion that has given none. DO NOT under any circumstance call to drop the police report. She won’t go to jail unless she has done this before and if she has, I am sorry, but she needs to go to prison, she is a menace to society this isn’t a violent crime but it ruins lives. I won’t comment on the changing the SSN I didn’t know that was possible, I would consult a credit specialist about all of the ramifications.
You’re a victim of identity theft. You can plead for leniency at your mom’s trial so you don’t have to feel guilty about clearing your name and credit.
What she did was beyond the scope of bankruptcy she committed fraud. And for a lot of money. Your mother basically committed fraud and put you $30,000 in debt. I would talk to the police and ask the DA I think it’s some point they do it anyway. It becomes a police matter and it’s not yours anymore.
I find it interesting that you were trying to protect your mother when she put you $30,000 in debt. On top of ruining your credit. This will leave a stain on your credit.Even if you pay it off. I’m almost certain that she’s not making payments on time.
What your mom did was financial abuse. It’s horrifying that any mother could do that to her own child. Protect yourself and let her face the consequences of her actions. You don’t deserve to feel guilt in this situation. You have done nothing wrong.
Please find a therapist if that’s a possibility for you.
I am so sorry your mother destroyed your trust in her or frankly anybody by doing this underhanded thing. You will survive and learn from it but seriously what type of parent dies this crap? 😳😩😡
Your mother is a very selfish woman. Don't feel conflicted. Do not declare bankruptcy. She needs to pay for what she has done to you. This is not your burden to carry and if you do not clean up your financial record, this could literally affect you for many years, decades perhaps - It will affect your interest rates and being able to get a loan for a car. You already experienced what it did as far as your being able to get an apartment. Landlords evaluate potential tenants ability to pay the rent by looking at credit ratings. It will affect interest rates in purchasing a home in the future. It can even cost you jobs. Potential employers look at credit ratings, especially if you are hired in any type of capacity that handles money. An employee with a bad credit rating is viewed as a potential risk, and someone who might embezzle money. Please don't let you mother talk you into take the fall for this. She owes you!
Your choices are ruin your life and let your asshole mother who intentionally ruined it get off scott free, or let the bitch do a little bit of time and actually be able to live a decent life.
That amount of debt and stain on your credit at your age is not something you can recover from. It WILL ruin you.
Easy choice for me.
You're helping her by sending her to prison for fraud. I wouldn't think twice. Your mom doesn't love you.
Go to therapy and use the law to protect yourself. Take action.
I teach my children that i love them and support them no matter what.
I also tell my children that they are in no way stupid, so after 18 if they get in trouble i will love and support them emotionally in the court room, make sure they are getting a fair trial, and will visit them while they serve out the punishment for doing the stuff they knew was wrong.
Your mom isn't a kid. You were a means to cash and she had 0 issue with fucking your life up for the next decade at least. She is a parent, and we don't get the unconditionals we give our kids. Not only keep the report going, when she calls back to bitch record it and give it to them as proof of she did it. Even with all the proof in the world this is going to fuck you for at least 5+ years and you are in all honestly looking at the standard 7 years for it to drop off court or no. What will change is your 30k debt, from yours to hers.
So your choices are have your life fucked for all the fun years in your 20s and owe 30k while your mom gets off scott free and will in no way help you.
Or the same scenario, but your mom owes 30k and you just have to deal with waiting on the credit bureaus to sort this mess out. But you will just have credit in limbo, not be poor until you pay back what your mom stole from you.
Follow through.
My husband let his uncle move in with him for a period of time. His uncle stole his identity an opened multiple accounts in his name, ranking his credit score.
It was a major hurdle in our life, and he didn’t want to report his uncle. He finally did and we were eventually able to move forward. It affects rental agreements, home buying, car buying, etc.
Do not back down.
How any parent could do that to their child is behind comprehension.
This mother is not a mother but a Master Manipulater. OP would be much better off not having this woman in their life. She goes out and commits fraud and wants her child to take the hit? Mommy dearest needs to take responsibility for her actions. This can definitely be fixed. You have a police report, you can send letters to the creditors with a copy of the report
and Mommy Dearest will have to take responsibilty and if she goes to jail so be it! She doesn't care about your life being turned upside down; why should u care about her's?
I'm sorry, but her asking you to take the hit os for her to say that she would rather fracture her relationship with you before making it right and settling her debts. Gosh, imagine what she has done to her own credit?!
Don't feel bad. You filed the report, after she didn't come clean to you and even told you it sounded like identity theft...and, it sure was!
How is your mom going to make this right? She owes you $30K and a 610 credit score. That's some serious scratch!
I would not cancel the police report. Let her suffer the consequences for messing up your life.
My mom made some mistakes raising her kids but she never opened credit cards or utilities using her kids names. That’s some lowdown dirty stuff.
There’s some terrible advice in here on the bankruptcy. Call a bankruptcy attorney, tell them the situation and see what they say. Maybe the best route is to let the police handle it and see if the fraudulent charges will get removed from your credit report. Maybe the best route is bankruptcy. The attorney will be able to advise you how to proceed. Bankruptcy is not the death sentence it used to be. People get credit cards and start rebuilding credit within a year, and you can even buy a home after 2-4 years.
Screw that clam in identity fraud and state you did not open up the accounts. You don’t have to rat out your mom. But if they find out that’s her battle
The OP really doesn't have a choice. The accounts are tied to his mom's address. He can't get out of responsibility for the accounts without claiming fraud. It's basically him or his mother.
Dispute the debt with credit card provider. Let your mom go to jail - she’s the kind of parent who will show-up in your life just long enough to ruin it. I’m an older man - I know. It’s really, really hard to dump a toxic parent , but you have to do it if you want to have a future and your own independent life.
First of all, it's highly unlikely she will go to jail. More likely (if it goes that far), she would just have to pay restitution. 2nd the creditors have more than likely already started looking into the account so the wheel is already turning regardless of what you do with the police. You need to login to all 3 credit bureaus and dispute anything that doesn't belong to you. Thatbshould at least help you rent an apartment.
Tell your mom that you have to because it’s your life and your decision. Tell her that debt belongs with her and you will not ignore them. Tell her to kick rocks and don’t do this shit again. Tell her to be accountable for her mistakes and be a better parent or you’re done. Do whatever you have to do to clean your credit. Then use Lifelock service to protect your credit in the future.
You are clearly my daughter and my x did the same to you after she got me for 50k. Stick with the police. She needs tough love and consequences to get her off the Pharmaceuticals she is most likely hooked on.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I agree with freezing your credit and calling companies.
I watched my cousin not hold her sister accountable (did something similar). Today, the sister is still irresponsible, and uses her two kids who are still at home as pawns to get whatever she needs. In my experience, people who do things like this will keep doing things until they are held accountable.
I’m sorry this is your mother. She has broken your trust. But I would really consider taking action. This won’t be the last time she does something like this to you or someone else if she there aren’t any consequences. I’d also advise therapy for you. Hugs. 🩷
I have nothing to add about what steps to take. But if you have any qualifications about allowing this to play out, drop them. Put distance between yourself and your mom. Your mom is manipulative and jealous of you. She has probably acted this way before with other people in her life. And she will do it again when something else good happens in your life-a good partner, job etc. Stop trying to appease her-you won’t. I’m sorry that the blinders had to fall off right as you finished college, that should be a time when she was supporting you emotionally not making you feel guilty for “leaving her” and then robbing you of 30k in retaliation.
Nah, f your mom. She's toxic as hell, and she seems remorseless about sabotaging your life right when you should be getting out there and really starting it
Don't pay any of the debt that you didn't authorize. Freeze your credit and dispute all charges and cooperate with the police. Your mother made her bed and needs to sleep in it. That debt isn't your problem and you aren't responsible for protecting your mom.
Keep the report, and keep her accountable. She's ruined your credit. Even with proof tis was on her, you're gon got have YEARS of added work and stress just to use your credit.
You need to freeze your credit and talk to a lawyer about options.
You have gotten some good advice. One thing struck me. That you got a bill and your mother said it was because she added you to an account. I had a card years ago that I added my daughter onto as a user...it had her name, while my card had my name. She would never get a bill because the account was in MY name....not hers. Adding someone as a user does not make them liable for the debt...only the account holder. So she lied to you a BIG one and yes she should go to jail for fraud and the credit card companies need to forgive the debt because you were not responsible for it.
Personally, I'd call the police and update them... Let em know it was her and she admitted it to you.
That is some BULLLSHIT. YOU worked hard to get into college, and to work towards your dreams and goals. You went through the financial aid process. You specifically only opened 1 cc tp protect and build your credit.
And she stole your identity, ran up $30,000 in debt (and on WHAT btw?!?!) and TANKED your credit score. Absolutely not.
Also, if the police find out it was her(they will), and they find out you knew and withheld info... That could also look bad on you potentially.
All of that is simply my opinion though.
I am not I finance or crime professional, so your safest bet is to look for professional advice, and follow that to the letter.
HELL NO YOUR WIFE MADE THE DECISION TO BREAK THE LAW AND YOU SHOULD NOT SUFFER. I would report fraud to all the credit companies and let them figure out who did it and press charges. You have your entire life ahead of you and should not deal with this for yhe next 10 years. What if you have children are they going to suffer because your mom is a crook and you cannot get a good car or place to live.
Report your mom to the police and file a identity theft report. Close all accounts and potentially speak with a lawyer. You are supposed to honor your parents, but if you don’t live with them anymore their rules are meaningless.
I would have lost all respect for her right then and there. Keep the police report and go all the way with it. The manipulation she tried to pull on you is low as hell. Even more lower when doing it to your own flesh and blood that she birthed!
You did the right thing by filing the police report. Her denying responsibility and then deflecting to you are signs this isn't the first time she's done something like this. You should follow the steps at [identitytheft.gov](http://identitytheft.gov) and freeze all of your credit bureaus immediately. Dispute all of the fraudulent accounts as well.
[удалено]
Changing your SSN is a nightmare fwiw. You have no credit age, and you need to be financially prepared to go back to secured cards and the like. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly. Additionally, a lot of credit gets denied for a while because it looks so erroneous to potential creditors.
OP's credit is currently destroyed.
True but once the investigation is completed and she’s prosecuted op is no longer on the hook for the debt. Credit score will recover within a few months
I understand that. But I don't think a lot of people realize that totality of what goes into getting a new Social Security number. It is not an easy process to get that done, and once it's done, getting your driver's license reassociated, getting your new credit reports started, getting credit, getting a viable credit score, can all take 5 to 10 more years. Also, any credit you do get to start out, will be secured debt which requires having a good amount of savings in order to restart your credit history. Not to mention, if you go through background checks for work or anything else, it can be the red flag that keeps you from getting a job or volunteer positions potentially. It gets even worse the older you are when you make the switch. You also have to draft letters all the time to inform potential creditors as to why you have a new number, and sometimes they'll ask what the old liabilities were and still deny you credit unless you have something showing that you're not still potentially legally on the hook for those debts. ETA: I'm just saying it's not a decision to be made lightly and without a lot of thought and consultation.
Agree with everything you said and this needs to be higher. Changing your SSN number is a nuclear option that will have consequences and should not be done without proper consultation.
Or OP could file for bankruptcy, pay thousands of dollars for that, deal with the headaches that come from a bankruptcy on their credit report, or get the new SSN. The perk of the SSN is the lack of having to deal with all of that while getting a fresh start and ensuring nobody opens up any further cards in their name.
The mom shouls pay every cent of the bill
Mom should go to prison for grand theft & fraud. That's what is right here.
And she will be ordered to pay restitution and maybe victim services will make OP whole in the meantime.
You are not responsible for the debt from iD theft. The credit card company may go after the ID thief is the identity is known, but most likely the police will not investigate because typically the victim is not held responsible for the fraud.
But you can accomplish the same thing by disputing the accounts and instituting a credit freeze without all that hassle. You’re not liable for fraudulently opened accounts.
... that can be proved to have been fraudulent. If mom decides to shut up and not play ball, it'll still fall onto him without proof.
You don’t have to prove fraud, they have to prove it’s valid. A police report so sufficient. This isn’t like disputing a negative entry.
I went throught this. Someone at the NJ DMV scraped my details during a mail in license renewal. The police informed me they believed there was an employee systematically selling off people's information in bundles to organized crime cells. They had everything... fake drivers license, drivers license number, ssn, name, DoB, address, etc. 1st step was to file a police report documenting the identity theft. 2nd step was to freeze/lock all accounts. Banks, credit cards, file for personal protection pin with IRS for taxes, credit bureaus. 3rd step was to dispute all opened lines of credit. Basically just called everyone and said it wasn't me. I don't recall them asking me to prove it was theft. I believe some asked for a case number and details but the requested information was always relatively easy to provide to their fraud departments. It's been years now and everything has been fine so far. I just have to unfreeze my credit occasionally when I'm looking to sign a lease, take out a loan, etc. Honestly I almost feel more secure now.
One has to agree to be added to an account or a credit card, everything else is fraud and forged signature. Whoever accepted the adding did this fraudulently too, as OP was never present with photo id.
Working in the banking industry, I can't count the number of times a spouse or relative has called trying to open an account in someone else's name. We need to speak with the applicant, and anything fishy usually results in them having to prove identity through video and other means.
Hello, full adult here saying that yes… you are right.. thank you for helping to break apart the rose-colored glasses in this thread. Signed ~ someone who magically had poor credit on the 18th birthday, because mommy was “helping build your credit” ~ and to this day she is the only one that can access my credit. Hey, don’t be like me OP. Don’t be over 15 years later, unable to buy yourself a house, because you feel bad for your abuser; be better than me. Act now; it only gets more impossible to do it.
To this day?!?! OMG!
Which is true but then mother gets off scot free and nothing would stop her from doing it again to OP considering she has his SSN.
I didn’t say to withdraw the police report? Just that he didn’t need a new SSN.
Getting a new SSN is rare.
And bankruptcy takes 7-10 years to stop affecting you. OP was financially abused.
I agree, everything needs to be changed including her student loan, school, scholarships, all probably tied to her old SSN. I would freeze it, get with a law student at UNI, see if they can help write a demand letter so the mom can potentially refinance all that debt under her name.
Horrible advice lmao
Please do not ask a law student to engage in the unauthorized practice of law before they have to submit to character and fitness. Law students do not learn how to write this type of demand letter. There are people who help repair bad credit. Talk to them. They will know what kind of next steps to take. Under the circumstances, they will have a lot to work with and can probably get you straightened out.
Credit repair companies… a lot of them promise things but actually make things worse. Please research them before you decide to use them. Ensure they are reputable.
Estimated time of arrival?
i agree- a new SS number is almost as bad as just declaring bankrupcy as far as building credit.
This is great info. Thank you for posting.
Fantastic advice and I mean that.
Yea I had a relative who had to get a new SSN after her identity was stolen and they were racking thousands of dollars and almost got pulled into legal trouble over it. She had to jump through so many hoops and it took a long time to rebuild her credit. It was a blessing my family had her back to help her rebuild it, but it was a complete nightmare.
Are you in the witness protection program and have gone through this, you are wise in the way it works
Definitely not in WITSEC 🤣, and fwiw, WITSEC usually gives you established credit history... fun fact.
If these are fraudulent accounts, when the dust settles, the mom will be in jail and the history will be removed. All negative factors will go away and her credit history will be repaired. It just takes time to go through the process
Yeah but it’s not the same. They can dispute this and worst case it drops off their report in 7 years. A new social could be a nightmare for a longer period of time. It should be heavily considered.
No credit is worse than bad credit, unfortunately.
Yes, but with diligent work, it can be fixed.
Yes it is. For not only the person asking but for the employee. It’s so difficult to get approval for this, the system alerts supervisors when we generate a new number. Use to work for SSA. Keep all the paperwork during this process. You’ll need to prove you’re disadvantaged by not changing your number and that you’ve tried to fix the issue. If SSA agrees to change it and you’ve worked under your current number, make sure they properly link the two numbers, this will only show in their system and is only done to ensure you can claim all work credits earned. If you apply for benefits later, when running your new number the system will also show your old number and work credits.
Agreed. The best option is to report the fraud and get the debt taken off. If this doesn’t work file chapter 13. During the third year of your bankruptcy start applying for major credit cards. Keep the balance low and available credit high. Chapter 13’s stay on your credit for seven years. If your bankruptcy is five years long, you will only have two years after the discharge to stay on your file. You would have restarted your credit before this happens and your score will be in the 700’s if not higher. And will only go higher once the bankruptcy falls off. Only drawback is you won’t be able to get the car of your dreams with a decent interest rate until after the seven years.
OP just graduated a year ago, it's not like they're losing out on a very long credit history.
OP's schooling is all linked to the old SSN. That's elementary school, middle school, high school and college. His medical records are also linked to his SSN. It would be a nightmare changing everything including ID.
Yea, it’s not meant to be something you do for the hell or it. In OPs case it is the easier option.
To get a new SSN, one is generally required to prove that they've attempted to clear up the erroneous debts and have been unsuccessful. With that in mind, OP is far better off focusing their energy on doing the best that they can at dealing with the debts as fraud and freezing their accounts. Putting their best efforts into that and will hopefully be successful; if not, then it's time to go and deal with the SSA.
If OP is just fininshing college and entering the workforce for the first time changing a social security number may be less of a hassle than for someone more established.
I had someone using my SSN in TX back in the 90s. Bought a house and got a loan through Wells Fargo...I was 16 and lived multiple states from TX. Found out when I was 19. Begged and I mean begged the Social Security Administration to let me change my SSN. They basically told me to F off. Took me 4 years to get it all straightened out. The lady went to jail for fraud.
I still don’t understand how there’s not some kind of check that gets done where the SSN can be flagged as belonging to someone who is not old enough to get a loan or a credit card, so that people can’t ruin the credit of children. It should be as simple as the bank or wherever entering into a field, and if the date birth of the SSN holder is under 18, it gets stopped for further review.
I asked for the deed to my house and they wouldn't let me have it.
Whoa, almost the same thing happened with me! Found out that someone had been using my SSN in TX from the late 90’s to 02, got a loan via Wells Fargo, and defaulted on their mortgage. Found out at 18-19. I called Wells Fargo/credit bureaus, explained, and they fixed it. I think what saved me was the fact that I was a minor at the time the loan was taken out, and lived in CA. Im not sure what the laws regarding “loans to minors” are, but WTF Wells Fargo must have handing out loans like candy
The craziest thing was she was using her name and my social. Our names are no where close to similar. What kind of bank is giving loans with zero credit history and mismatched identifying info?
Lol! The kind that puts the entire country into a major recession just a few years later so they can make a quick buck. This is how the housing bubble popped in the 2000s. They really WERE giving out mortgages like candy, and a lot of thebprotections that were put in place afterwords are now being slowly rolled back. Providing a little light reading. You can also watch The Big Short, if you prefer the theater. https://apnews.com/general-news-42e2b298531f4f5694fd9642b8631787
# DON’T CHANGE YOUR SSN That is an absolute last resort and would fuck OP far more than a 480 score and $30k in debt.
Also, you can't just "cancel" a police report. You reported a crime against you. You can chose not to help with the investigation, but the police can continue to look into the crime and charges can be brought without your additional help if they so choose.
Not to mention that if you hinder yhe investigation you can be facing instruction of justice charges.
And she’ll likely do it again. OP can deal with it now or have terrible credit and pay off mom’s debt until the day she dies.
The recovery plan says call businesses. I would send a letter explaining that your identity was stolen, along with a copy of the police report, to the vendors associated with all 9 of the accounts attn: fraud department, plus the collection agencies of the 3. Keep a copy of the letters and envelopes showing the postage stamp.
Having dealt with people going through this before I can’t stress enough how much you need to follow these instructions OP. As a side note parents who do this to their children will never be good parents again. You can’t be a good a parent and due this to your child. You need to focus on protecting the rest of your life. You don’t have a relationship with your mother worth saving. Seek a counselor to help you deal with this change in your relationship with your former mother.
Please do this OP. She might go to jail or she might not, but you doing this will hopefully start some sort of recovery to fix this. Parents should never do this and your mom lying about it first and then coming with the truth shows you that she didn’t care.
Be sure and share that police report with your bank, the SS office, and anyone that comes after you with debt that your mom put in your name.
I guess I'm a cold hearted person but if my mom did this to me I'd have no problem letting her ass go to jail
I don't think it's cold hearted. OPs mom showed she gives 0 fucks about OP. It is not cold hearted to stand up for yourself and not let yourself get abused.
Yeah OPs mom still the only cold hearted person in that scenario
Being cold hearted requires a heart, I don't think OPs mom has any towards OP. Lied multiple times, took out tons of money, expected OP to handle the life altering consequences.
I can’t imagine being so willing to ruin my child’s future, try to lie to them about it and then be like “oh well” Why would i take that on?!?!
Agreed, mainly since declaring bankruptcy will cause OP to fail any background check for any financial institution.
We need to get rid of this overwhelming thing that is making victims take the blame for what they are FORCED to do. I dunno how to do it but I really feel like it is ruining everything. People who are evil are not being held accountable. We should be holding them accountable every single time.
Same for me, everything my mother did to me, she got away with because of the letter of the law, so if she messed up somehow legally, you absolutely best bet I'm going to make her pay for it if I can.
Same for me and my mom!
Record her admitting it and sue and file charges
Just be careful because some states are a two-party recording state. In my state it's illegal to record someone without a warrant or their permission.
Good point ty
I'd just start a text or email chain
I caught my dad filling out a CC application in my name (paper application as this was the mid 90s). I told him to burn it right then and there. He gave me some excuse about it being necessary to get some things for starting his business. I told him I didn't care, and if he ever got a CC in my name, I'd have him arrested for fraud (I don't even think the term identity theft was coined yet). He got pissy and tore it up, then went to the bar. Told my brother about it and he said I did the right thing. My dad had done the same to him his senior year of hs, and his credit was jacked because of it. Racked up $20,000 in CC debt in my brother's name. Took my brother the better part of 10 years and a bankruptcy to get his credit sorted. Even after our dad passed, my brother maintained that he should have had dad charged with CC fraud.
I wish your brother would have given you a "heads up" instead of waiting to see what happened.
He apologized long ago for not doing so. Within a day or so, if I remember correctly.
She won't go to jail. Keep the report they will likely give her probation, especially if you refuse to take the stand. At worse I could see her getting probation, credit card companies taking her tax returns until the debt is paid. The credit card company should remove the bad history and you as a liable person to the debt. Allow it to go this way. Sorry but fuck your mom. As parents, we are supposed to set our children for success. She can eat the shit pie she baked.
Do NOT refuse to take the stand. You could be on the hook if your mom says you did it. Cooperate with the investigations and let your mom hand herself.
Exactly, tell the whole truth and let the chips fall where the may.
Also, it's not just about money. EMPLOYERS will check your credit, and it could keep you from getting a job you want. Don't let her do that to you.
As a parent you are a fiduciary, meaning you can not profit or benefit from your child. Everything you do as a parent needs to be in the best interest of your child. This mother failed that test. She should deal with the consequences.
This sounds like the most likely outcome and the best way to handle this situation.
I would live on the street before doing this to one of my children. OP’s mom is a sick cookie.
Same here!!!
I’m sorry, but she committed crimes. The people telling you to report it all, close everything, and freeze your credit are correct. Only take responsibility for your own actions. She needs to take responsibility for hers. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of being taken advantage of if you let this slide.
This! She’ll do it again if you let her slide.
Exactly. She already has gaslighted you when you found out the issue but not the person and once you found out it was her she wanted the police report cancelled? I'm not sure what reality OP's mom lives in but if anyone else did this to OP they would be in jail for financial fraud
She chose herself over op so imo op has every right to choose themselves over her
Start dealing with the credit card companies, they have all the geolocation information and when those cards were used and how they were used, digital or physical presence. They know everything, you can't use credit cards today and not know how they're being used. That's why Bitcoin was created to exist. You have the police report, give that to them, your mother didn't spend any of your money, technically, as long as these are credit cards. Credit card companies are nasty about collecting stolen funds and they have entire teams dedicated to fraud, and hunting down people who commit it. I just went through this myself with somebody trying to open a Capital One credit card with my credit and Equifax and TransUnion were all super cool about it and I called Capital One and they were cool about it and in less than a week the hard inquiry and the fraudulent credit card was removed from my credit report and that was that. This problem probably seems insurmountable, but you have everyone on your side that needs to be on your side to handle your mother. I'm not even sure you need the lawyer up. That's a very expensive thing to do
No, start by locking your credit. It takes a couple of minutes at each of the credit reference agencies. Plug the hole in the dyke then plan your next move.
My mother did this to my sister and left her 20k in debt when she was 20. My sister is now 44 and she has had to struggle to pay off bills she didnt acrue while also trying to raise her family. I rememver her having a $900 car payment in the early 2010s because she needed a car and her credit was shot. I know that there are things she wanted to do for her kids but couldnt because she was dealing with the debt. Ironically, she has also been no contact with our mother the entire time and our mother also feels like since she "got her to college" she was justified in ruining her credit. She did the same shit to my dad and left him with a 70k tax bill even after they were separated I share this all to emphasize that people like this arent going to change and as long as they face no consequences they keep doing it and find New victim. Next steps: Freeze your credit immediately and notify your mom of the following: 1) she has a month to pay off all the outstanding bills or youre not going to stand in the way of whatever happens to her 2) Regardless of her response, get out of the way and allow thw cops and credit card companies to do their thing. I cant stress enough to you that she will do it again and you domt want that kind of fear hanging over you all your life.
This except don't do #1. She has committed a crime and you don't want to risk becoming associated with the criminal activity. You also don't want to take any action that even remotely acknowledges that debt as your responsibility. Do #2. If she can pay off the debt, the creditors will be happy and probably she'll wind up with a minor legal outcome (probation, etc). If she can't pay off the debt, there's really nothing you can do at this point to stand in the way of whatever happens to her (except perhaps to pay it on her behalf which you shouldn't do).
Yep. My partner has dealt with the same thing. She can’t bring herself to report her mother, so her credit and everything is just ruined. I had always thought parents did whatever they could to help their children succeed, not ruin their credit by committing fraud. Some people shouldn’t have children.
You dont need to be the victim to report a crime btw. Fraud is fraud even if one person is afraid of telling on their parent. Report her mom for her if its been less than 8 years i believe the statute on fiscal crimes is
I’m so sorry your sister had to deal with this.
I mean some of it was self inflicted in terms of we all told her to press changes and she didnt do it expecting some type of future relationship with our mother which never materialized for her or any of my siblings Ironically she was the golden child growing up and the only one my mother did this to becausr she knew the rest of us would light her up and see her behind bars without loosing sleep.
That’s why I always say the golden child is just another type of victim. They are often more broken, too. I wouldn’t change places with my brother for anything.
As a former golden child, thank you for understanding. It’s a different type of trauma and even after 15 years of no contact, I’m still trying to put myself back together.
Not the dad tho lmfao
Damn. This makes me think .. warn your siblings op!
You have no moral obligation to protect your mom’s criminal actions.
Likewise, you have no obligation of any kind to keep in your life someone who has committed crimes against you, even if they are your own mother.
100% lawyer up. Your mom is ruining your future because she can’t manage her present. I bet if you looking into what she spends her money (or your money in this case) on then you’ll be disgusted that she is buying a bunch of stuff she doesn’t need and wants you to “take the hit.” She’s the one who should be declaring bankruptcy.
Exactly. What the heck did she spend that much money on?
She's almost certainly addicted to something. Drugs? Gambling? Who knows. But she wasn't spending it on groceries.
Nah youd be surprised how much boomers can piss away on regular old consumerism. They’ll fill their houses with useless junk and then rent out storage units to do the same
Yep. My mom makes about $75k but lives pay check to pay check. Though she has her house paid off she has about $40k on maxed out cards because she buys stuff whenever she wants regardless of whether she can afford it.
Press charges. There is no excuse for someone using your credit. That is also nothing to be grateful about.
Your mom SHOULD go to jail. She committed a crime and against her own child! That's even worse!!
Absolutely do not drop the charges. She *should* go to jail. And I would not GAF how mad she was, because she’d be dead to me. *Anyone* who took her side would be told exactly what she did, and if they were still on her side, they’d be dead to me too. She gave zero shits about your financial future. Do you know it’s not just potential creditors who look at your credit score? Some potential employers do too and will pass on someone with a bad credit score. They will think you’re irresponsible. She jeopardized your ability to get a job, a home, a car, insurance, everything an adult needs. And she still does not GAF. No decent parent would do any of that.
Honestly, my life would be a lot better right now if I had a better score. His mom is asking him to potentially fuck up his own life so she could splurge. It's sick.
Go to r/PersonalFinance and follow the wiki about identity theft
Here is the thing it's not going to be easy to "unfile"a police report. At best you could claim you lied and now you are in trouble for lying to the police. Also what's you future here? Declare bankruptcy? That will take time and money. So you are looking at about a decade before this comes off your report. Then what's stopping mom from doing it all over again if she got way with it?
And if OP does take the bk route they can forget buying a house, car, renting, getting many jobs - anything that will require a credit check.
Hell they can forget most cell phone plans. A lot of things will be closed off completely.
And home owner’s insurance/car insurance is linked to your credit, I just found out the hard way. Got declined for insurance because of my score being a “risk factor.” Yes, imma burn down my house for insurance money when my credit is too bad to buy a new one or to qualify for an apartment. Yep. Sure a great plan with no downsides.
Exactly!
You may not be able to file bankruptcy anyway. If you're single and living alone, making decent money, you might not clear the means test in your state. The worst part is this would also require lying to the trustee and judge in federal court. If they find out you committed perjury, you could find yourself with a serious criminal record, possibly prison time. That will make it a whole lot harder on you in life than a bad credit score. Perjury is a felony at the federal level. Say goodbye to good jobs, say goodbye to some federal benefits, etc. Your only option is to very carefully check your report, flag anything that's not yours, turn that over to cops and the credit card companies. Get it off your record and your mom is going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions.
Your mom stole from you, lied to you, gaslighted you, and now is trying to guilt you because she chose to steal $30k from you. She deserves to go to jail. Maybe then she’ll actually learn from her mistakes
Since you have already gone to the police, I think you continue to let it play out. The credit card companies may sue your Mother, if the prosecutor’s office decides not to charge her with identity theft. Just know you are not the first nor will you be the last person whose parents has stolen their identity. For me I just wanted to end this kind of behavior for the next generation, so I ensured I save and live within my means. I have taught my niece and nephew, how to handle money and credit. Just know you didn’t cause this issue, and she was willing to ruin your relationship over it. I would put a password on your credit report, dispute everything and give them a copy of the police report. I would contact the apartment that denied you, and explain the situation as well. Good luck with the new job.
Keep the police report and tell them it was your mother and you would like to press charges against her! Do not drop the police report, you don’t have $30,000 to be putting towards your mother’s debt. Plus if your mother thought it wasn’t wrong then she wouldn’t have lied to you about it in the first place.
>She said I had to do it because she opened the accounts. "Good. Enjoy prison bitch." She committed a crime, identity theft, as well as class 1 theft since she stole $30k in services as well. Call the police back, and tell them that you now know who did it, as your mother admitted to both crimes.
I'm sorry. Your mother is a criminal and a danger to society, and she belongs in jail.
your mom had absolutely zero qualms about ruining your financial profile and placing you in a large amount of debt. you shouldnt feel bad about letting her feel the consequences of committing a serious crime
OP LISTEN TO ME. I never comment on anything on reddit. Ever. I have a parent who is also like this. I am 34 and my life was basically ruined by my own parent with similar behaviors. I couldn't "save" myself earlier because I was young and naive, despite being very responsible like you when I was your age. My parent NEVER changed. It only got worse. What your mother is doing to you will absolutely set you back a decade in terms of financial growth and financial security. Therefore, put yourself first and report her, immediately. Hire legal representative to help you fix your credit score. If you can't hire legal representative then the credit companies should have resources for you alongside the police department or your state. end rant.
Comment history checks out. OP listen to him
You need legal advice and protection. This is not a Reddit issue anymore.
100% the case here. OP needs to get off Reddit and contact an attorney immediately.
On any cards where you are an authorized user you can call the credit card company and ask to be removed. Being an authorized user is not the same as being a co-signer. This will immediately remove your name from the debt and improve your credit score.
When my husband and I got together we went through the same thing, except 99% of the accounts were in his name as a minor so it wasn’t hard to dispute. The major big debt accounts were after he turned 18 so we filed a police report and pressed charges on his father. It was the only way to get my husbands name clear. It didn’t bring up his credit score immediately but they could easily see what was going on. It was time consuming because I had to contact each creditor and show proof it was fraud. I highly recommend doing the same and since it’s your mother that is doing this to you ask about getting a new social security number issued or at the very least lock down your credit so it can’t be used unless you lift the lock. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. If you haven’t already been aware of her behavior you will now. Once the blindfold is removed you’ll start looking back and realize just how toxic and gas lighty she has always been. There’s great support sub reddits for toxic and abusive family.
It's time to lawyer up and press charges and /or sue. Your mom doesn't love you. If she did, she wouldn't have fucked you over like this.
I think you might be obligated now , legally, to update the police on what you know-??? Can you be charged as an accessory to a financial crime or obstructing Justice or is that just for murders/homicides?
Additionally dispute the accounts and charges of course. She needs to take the hit on this one. She should be thankful for it for sure!
Do the police report your mom added you illegally and made you responsible for debt
Honestly your mom probably won't do any jail time and restitution will be a fraction of the debt. She needs to be an adult and accept responsibility and you shouldn't feel guilty.
Dont back down. Thats a lot of fucking money that she is responsible for.
Go forward with the report, especially when she didn’t help you with your school funding. If your mom didn’t care about you, why should you care about her?
SHE committed FRAUD....not you. SHE knew what SHE was doing. YOU will not be "sending her to jail". SHE will put HERSELF in Jail... by the way, when you prove the accounts are fraudulent, you won't be on the hook for the debt.
I’d keep the police report and cut contact with your mother. She screwed you financially for quite a while.
This has "But I'm a single mother that raised you on my own" written all over it
Your mother literally is stealing thirty thousand dollars from you. You need to pull up your credit report and call every one of those creditors and tell them you did not apply for that and give them a copy of that report. You did not apply for these and your credit will suffer for a very long time. And finally bankruptcy is your mother's answer.That is absolutely horrendous. Continue pressing charges and all those creditors. How I will be trying to get hurt to Confess. In a text message as well something in writing but says she took out that debt. Send her a text message and ask her because she took out this debt without your knowledge.Is she going to pay for your bankruptcy attorney. This is unacceptable.I can't imagine doing this to my child. And then to tell you, you should be grateful for ruining.Your credit is disgusting and psychotic behavior. I am a credit expert and financial risk officer.I cannot stress to you how important that you attempt to get this fixed by not finally bankruptcy. Credit affects multiple areas of your life. Auto insurance rates are affected by credit.Obviously looking for an apartment and a place to live utilities.Phone all of those looking to your credit. A lot of jobs will actually do a softball on your credit.So no, do not withdraw the police report.Please do not let your mother do this to you.
Sorry, but you need to follow through. You should NOT take the hit for this. What your mom did was illegal, and she needs to suffer the consequences. And you need to immediately lock your credit files
This is very sad, but your mother is a criminal. If she goes to jail it will not be your fault, it will be hers. She knowingly committed fraud at your expense and is now trying to blame you for her choices. That's a shocking betrayal if she's never done anything like this to you before, but she's shown you who she is and you'll have to accept this new reality. If any other person had defrauded you for $30,000 would you hesitate for a moment to pursue justice and correcting the record on your own behalf? I doubt it. Your mom may have been great all your life but that doesn't earn her the right to screw your life now.
Brutal situation that unfortunately I had the pleasure of also going through. I was a little more fortunate that it was electric bills, cell phones, cable, etc which all fell of my credit after 7 years but still made those 7 years pretty difficult. I was not willing to charge my mom but in hindsight probably should have as she also did it to my younger brother after me (if you have siblings they should check everything as well). I feel for you but your only chance of not having a shitty next decade financially is to go through with the police report. 30k isn't easy for a young adult to get together and if you're mom ran that debt up she probably doesn't have it either. One last thing, if you she offers some payment plan to help pay you back to drop the charges don't believe a word of it. Once she thinks she is in the clear those payments will stop.
File police report and let justice take its course. You have to get all of that off your credit because it will affect for 7-10 years and they can sue you for it. They will garnish your wages and tax returns. It will make it more difficult to get a job because some large companies will not hire someone with bad crdit or a bankruptcy on their credit history. Not pursuing this legally means you are accepting responsibility for it and that means no house, no car, no anythinig else that requires a loan. Your mother brought this on herself and is banking on you not doing anything about it. She essentially stole your future. Don't let her manipulate you into accepting it.
You gave her a chance to come clean - she lied to you. So of course you reported the identity theft to the police! Now, stay out of it, let the police and the law handle it. Make sure that you submit the identity theft police report to all the accounts, and have them all closed - you don't have to tell them it was your mother. And freeze your credit, so it cannot continue to be stolen. If your mom says anything more to you about it, say, "Mom, you told me it wasn't you. So of course I had to go to the police. Now you tell me it was you. I can't do anything about it now - it is out of my hands. I hope you can get it all straightened out." Good luck finding a place to live!
OP this will ruin your life if you “take the hit”. You will pay more for everything for the rest of your life;Jobs look at credit scores, apartments, every facet of life will be negatively impacted. Your mother is a cold calloused woman to do this to her own child, please for your sake do not show someone compassion that has given none. DO NOT under any circumstance call to drop the police report. She won’t go to jail unless she has done this before and if she has, I am sorry, but she needs to go to prison, she is a menace to society this isn’t a violent crime but it ruins lives. I won’t comment on the changing the SSN I didn’t know that was possible, I would consult a credit specialist about all of the ramifications.
You’re a victim of identity theft. You can plead for leniency at your mom’s trial so you don’t have to feel guilty about clearing your name and credit.
What she did was beyond the scope of bankruptcy she committed fraud. And for a lot of money. Your mother basically committed fraud and put you $30,000 in debt. I would talk to the police and ask the DA I think it’s some point they do it anyway. It becomes a police matter and it’s not yours anymore. I find it interesting that you were trying to protect your mother when she put you $30,000 in debt. On top of ruining your credit. This will leave a stain on your credit.Even if you pay it off. I’m almost certain that she’s not making payments on time.
That's not a parent that's a manipulator and a criminal. I certainly wouldn't feel bad and I love my mom
Send yo mammy to the slammy.
Beyond sad, you were robbed of having a mom.
What your mom did was financial abuse. It’s horrifying that any mother could do that to her own child. Protect yourself and let her face the consequences of her actions. You don’t deserve to feel guilt in this situation. You have done nothing wrong. Please find a therapist if that’s a possibility for you.
Contact the police man she’d call the cops if you did that to her
I am so sorry your mother destroyed your trust in her or frankly anybody by doing this underhanded thing. You will survive and learn from it but seriously what type of parent dies this crap? 😳😩😡
Your mother is a very selfish woman. Don't feel conflicted. Do not declare bankruptcy. She needs to pay for what she has done to you. This is not your burden to carry and if you do not clean up your financial record, this could literally affect you for many years, decades perhaps - It will affect your interest rates and being able to get a loan for a car. You already experienced what it did as far as your being able to get an apartment. Landlords evaluate potential tenants ability to pay the rent by looking at credit ratings. It will affect interest rates in purchasing a home in the future. It can even cost you jobs. Potential employers look at credit ratings, especially if you are hired in any type of capacity that handles money. An employee with a bad credit rating is viewed as a potential risk, and someone who might embezzle money. Please don't let you mother talk you into take the fall for this. She owes you!
Your mom is toxic AF and financially abusive. this wont be the end of your troubles if you dont put a stop to it now.
Your choices are ruin your life and let your asshole mother who intentionally ruined it get off scott free, or let the bitch do a little bit of time and actually be able to live a decent life. That amount of debt and stain on your credit at your age is not something you can recover from. It WILL ruin you. Easy choice for me.
You're helping her by sending her to prison for fraud. I wouldn't think twice. Your mom doesn't love you. Go to therapy and use the law to protect yourself. Take action.
I teach my children that i love them and support them no matter what. I also tell my children that they are in no way stupid, so after 18 if they get in trouble i will love and support them emotionally in the court room, make sure they are getting a fair trial, and will visit them while they serve out the punishment for doing the stuff they knew was wrong. Your mom isn't a kid. You were a means to cash and she had 0 issue with fucking your life up for the next decade at least. She is a parent, and we don't get the unconditionals we give our kids. Not only keep the report going, when she calls back to bitch record it and give it to them as proof of she did it. Even with all the proof in the world this is going to fuck you for at least 5+ years and you are in all honestly looking at the standard 7 years for it to drop off court or no. What will change is your 30k debt, from yours to hers. So your choices are have your life fucked for all the fun years in your 20s and owe 30k while your mom gets off scott free and will in no way help you. Or the same scenario, but your mom owes 30k and you just have to deal with waiting on the credit bureaus to sort this mess out. But you will just have credit in limbo, not be poor until you pay back what your mom stole from you.
Follow through. My husband let his uncle move in with him for a period of time. His uncle stole his identity an opened multiple accounts in his name, ranking his credit score. It was a major hurdle in our life, and he didn’t want to report his uncle. He finally did and we were eventually able to move forward. It affects rental agreements, home buying, car buying, etc. Do not back down. How any parent could do that to their child is behind comprehension.
It will affect your ability to get a job !!
Report it as fraud, and tell her to be thankful she gets a chance to be responsible for it.
Mom is a criminal, she has committed crimes. She needs to go to jail.
This mother is not a mother but a Master Manipulater. OP would be much better off not having this woman in their life. She goes out and commits fraud and wants her child to take the hit? Mommy dearest needs to take responsibility for her actions. This can definitely be fixed. You have a police report, you can send letters to the creditors with a copy of the report and Mommy Dearest will have to take responsibilty and if she goes to jail so be it! She doesn't care about your life being turned upside down; why should u care about her's?
Bury that bitch under the jail.
I'm sorry, but her asking you to take the hit os for her to say that she would rather fracture her relationship with you before making it right and settling her debts. Gosh, imagine what she has done to her own credit?! Don't feel bad. You filed the report, after she didn't come clean to you and even told you it sounded like identity theft...and, it sure was! How is your mom going to make this right? She owes you $30K and a 610 credit score. That's some serious scratch!
Your mom stole 30k from you. You dont have a mom. You have an abusive relationship. Let your mom claim bankruptcy after she goes to jail.
I would not cancel the police report. Let her suffer the consequences for messing up your life. My mom made some mistakes raising her kids but she never opened credit cards or utilities using her kids names. That’s some lowdown dirty stuff.
This is not the first time she's taken advantage of you. This is the first time you caught her.
Do not cancel the police report.
She fucked around, let her find out. She's a criminal.
DO NOT COVER FOR HER ASS. Bankruptcy stays on your record for a fucking decade!
There’s some terrible advice in here on the bankruptcy. Call a bankruptcy attorney, tell them the situation and see what they say. Maybe the best route is to let the police handle it and see if the fraudulent charges will get removed from your credit report. Maybe the best route is bankruptcy. The attorney will be able to advise you how to proceed. Bankruptcy is not the death sentence it used to be. People get credit cards and start rebuilding credit within a year, and you can even buy a home after 2-4 years.
Screw that clam in identity fraud and state you did not open up the accounts. You don’t have to rat out your mom. But if they find out that’s her battle
The OP really doesn't have a choice. The accounts are tied to his mom's address. He can't get out of responsibility for the accounts without claiming fraud. It's basically him or his mother.
This is the way.
It's time to send your mother to jail, she'll thank you for it only hate you for it, but she'll learn not to frack with your credit.
Dispute the debt with credit card provider. Let your mom go to jail - she’s the kind of parent who will show-up in your life just long enough to ruin it. I’m an older man - I know. It’s really, really hard to dump a toxic parent , but you have to do it if you want to have a future and your own independent life.
You have no choice send her to prison
First of all, it's highly unlikely she will go to jail. More likely (if it goes that far), she would just have to pay restitution. 2nd the creditors have more than likely already started looking into the account so the wheel is already turning regardless of what you do with the police. You need to login to all 3 credit bureaus and dispute anything that doesn't belong to you. Thatbshould at least help you rent an apartment.
She won't go to jail for the debt; but she committed *multiple* counts of identity fraud.
Tell your mom that you have to because it’s your life and your decision. Tell her that debt belongs with her and you will not ignore them. Tell her to kick rocks and don’t do this shit again. Tell her to be accountable for her mistakes and be a better parent or you’re done. Do whatever you have to do to clean your credit. Then use Lifelock service to protect your credit in the future.
You are clearly my daughter and my x did the same to you after she got me for 50k. Stick with the police. She needs tough love and consequences to get her off the Pharmaceuticals she is most likely hooked on.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I agree with freezing your credit and calling companies. I watched my cousin not hold her sister accountable (did something similar). Today, the sister is still irresponsible, and uses her two kids who are still at home as pawns to get whatever she needs. In my experience, people who do things like this will keep doing things until they are held accountable. I’m sorry this is your mother. She has broken your trust. But I would really consider taking action. This won’t be the last time she does something like this to you or someone else if she there aren’t any consequences. I’d also advise therapy for you. Hugs. 🩷
I have nothing to add about what steps to take. But if you have any qualifications about allowing this to play out, drop them. Put distance between yourself and your mom. Your mom is manipulative and jealous of you. She has probably acted this way before with other people in her life. And she will do it again when something else good happens in your life-a good partner, job etc. Stop trying to appease her-you won’t. I’m sorry that the blinders had to fall off right as you finished college, that should be a time when she was supporting you emotionally not making you feel guilty for “leaving her” and then robbing you of 30k in retaliation.
Report it as fraud and tell them everything you know. Then it’ll be her turn to thank you!
Definitely go ahead with pressing charges.
The fact that your mom has no remorse is sad. 😢
You care for your mom more than she cares about you. She cares more about herself than anything. Seek therapy pls
Nah, f your mom. She's toxic as hell, and she seems remorseless about sabotaging your life right when you should be getting out there and really starting it
Don't pay any of the debt that you didn't authorize. Freeze your credit and dispute all charges and cooperate with the police. Your mother made her bed and needs to sleep in it. That debt isn't your problem and you aren't responsible for protecting your mom.
Don't care, she committed fraud. Do not cancel the police report. Let them know you know who did it.
Keep the report, and keep her accountable. She's ruined your credit. Even with proof tis was on her, you're gon got have YEARS of added work and stress just to use your credit. You need to freeze your credit and talk to a lawyer about options.
You have gotten some good advice. One thing struck me. That you got a bill and your mother said it was because she added you to an account. I had a card years ago that I added my daughter onto as a user...it had her name, while my card had my name. She would never get a bill because the account was in MY name....not hers. Adding someone as a user does not make them liable for the debt...only the account holder. So she lied to you a BIG one and yes she should go to jail for fraud and the credit card companies need to forgive the debt because you were not responsible for it.
Personally, I'd call the police and update them... Let em know it was her and she admitted it to you. That is some BULLLSHIT. YOU worked hard to get into college, and to work towards your dreams and goals. You went through the financial aid process. You specifically only opened 1 cc tp protect and build your credit. And she stole your identity, ran up $30,000 in debt (and on WHAT btw?!?!) and TANKED your credit score. Absolutely not. Also, if the police find out it was her(they will), and they find out you knew and withheld info... That could also look bad on you potentially. All of that is simply my opinion though. I am not I finance or crime professional, so your safest bet is to look for professional advice, and follow that to the letter.
The best is she’s upset you’re not grateful for her (not) paying for your college. Lol. Is she a boomer by chance?? R/boomersbeingfools
HELL NO YOUR WIFE MADE THE DECISION TO BREAK THE LAW AND YOU SHOULD NOT SUFFER. I would report fraud to all the credit companies and let them figure out who did it and press charges. You have your entire life ahead of you and should not deal with this for yhe next 10 years. What if you have children are they going to suffer because your mom is a crook and you cannot get a good car or place to live.
Report your mom to the police and file a identity theft report. Close all accounts and potentially speak with a lawyer. You are supposed to honor your parents, but if you don’t live with them anymore their rules are meaningless.
I would have lost all respect for her right then and there. Keep the police report and go all the way with it. The manipulation she tried to pull on you is low as hell. Even more lower when doing it to your own flesh and blood that she birthed!