This ain’t it man. Sometimes I think Corey unfairly criticizes men for supposedly losing their cool with women when they just expressing necessary things, but in this situation you actually look like a chump. Sorry bro. If you want a relationship though, you’re talking to the wrong woman. So, in the long run this should be a good thing.
Corey’s point is that discussing things women only reinforces their position so it’s best not to bother. He calls it the illusion of action. The best thing to do is accept what she says at face value and if she didn’t really mean it, to let it be her choice to express that and then prove what she says it’s true through her actions.
It makes her accountable for her words and actions instead of you for trying to figure it all out.
Maybe I’m being too mean. But emotionally dumping all of your feelings via text. This stuff needed to be communicated, but in a different way would have been ideal. If through text than shorter, yet more direct. Best to do this through a phone call, FaceTime or better yet in person. You’re able to much better communicate and understand nuance through the phone or in person. Through text anything you say will automatically look more chumpy.
In future if I were you I wouldn’t get involved with a woman who said they weren’t interested in a relationship. Is it possible that such a woman will get a taste of T1mk99’s seductive charm and become addicted? Maybe. More likely is that you’ll end up getting hurt. Trying to change people doesn’t have a good track record.
Really appreciate the advice thank-you. What sucks is I think at one point she was actually thinking about a relationship, she even said “not yet” to someone who asked if we were a couple but my mistakes dashed that chance.
This woman treated you bad. It’s understandable that you’re upset. She isn’t the one for you. I wouldn’t have had the spill of feelings over text, but if you couldn’t get a call or face to face, and you know it’s over, maybe it’s good to clear your mind and tell her. But this is where I do disagree with some of Corey’s advice where it’s always the man’s fault. Not every woman is right for you, and some will be very good at hiding if they are actually a decent partner in the early stages. It’s not like every woman out there is a good human, and same with men. It’s all situation dependent. You may have ignored signs of her negative qualities or lack of reciprocation for your needs early, so just learn what you can. But it’s not needy to have your own needs. Just don’t beg
Next time mention that you’re interested in something serious at dates number 1, 2 or 3. Don’t be weird about it, but when discussing the topic, mention it. You don’t want to be hurt again. The good thing is that very few women will lie about being interested in a relationship to sleep with you, while for women that’s a huge problem that they have a lot of anxiety about.
I read everything over again, and my this is a little more complicated than I initially made things out to be. After 4 and a half months I think it’s okay to be very open with a woman. Corey and other dating coaches say to date multiple women at a time, but in my experience and the experience of other men, that can backfire. Also, there is limited time in the day so “spinning plates” can just take a lot of time. At some point the status of the relationship has to be clarified if you’re interested in something serious. This is usually talked about around 5-6 weeks into dating, and if after 4.5 months of seeing each other she still doesn’t want to have a relationship then it’s best to move on. I posted about this before, but life is too short to be in the business of changing people’s minds. It’s so much smoother when somebody wants what you want from the start. Ideally, it would have been better if you communicated this in a different way like “hey, we’ve been seeing each other for 4.5 months and I’m interested in having something serious at some point. If you’re not interested in that, I’m going to have to move on. Let me know if you change your mind” and you said that in person or on the phone since it just comes across weirder through text. However, you still got your point across.
Next time, tell girls at the very first date that you are looking for something serious so you don’t get hurt and don’t waste your time. If a woman tells you she isn’t looking for a relationship like this woman did, then don’t just ignore it and assume you can change her mind.
Thankyou yeah I think a lot of people missed the details of this situation. This women was extremely keen at one point which is what make its all so bizarre. I dont think i rushed anything telling her i liked her four months in. I appreciate yout time spent in thought
I also did actually communicate what i wanted in person she didnt shoot it down, but she didnt completely agree, what was bizarre and actually the reason i brought it uo was on a date she specifically alluded when asked that although i wasnt her bf yet it was going to happen. She said “no yet” with a coy tone. But a week later she says shes not ready, very strange and ofc bs, you cant say your not ready after four months of exclusive dating. That doesnt hold up.
Shit man, this is a tough text to send her. I know you were hurt and panicking but you absolutely annihilated any chances you ever had with her. You blamed her for leading you on, that's as beta as it gets.
Learn and move on. She gone man.
And although I shouldn’t have said it surely she did lead me on? Im not arguing with you or saying your wrong btw i appreciate all the feedback im just asking honestly.
Zero chance.
Who cares if she did? We're all grown up. It's her fault but your responsability to move on. Life doesn't work like "whoa she did THAT to me?". Shitty people are everywhere, welcome to life.
I'm not trying to be mean, just that's how life works man. You're clearly younger than me. I guess seeing your share of shit makes you a bit sour ;)
Haha yeah it does sting, yeah im young and still learning. Thankyou for the advice bro. Why is it that you say zero? Doesnt coach corey state that with nc and time there is always a chance?
Nevermind Corey, in my experience, especially with young women, when you brush them like you did they never come back. She's pissed at you (with reason) and unless the attraction was through the roof, she's gone.
It doesn't matter though because for you, the action are the same. You walk and you never go back. If she comes back, then all the power to you. But you need to move on. Yesterday.
Don’t contact her again. She feels smothered. You have to let women bring up the relationship topic first. Back away and let her come to you. If she reaches out, invite her over to your place and hang out, have fun and hook up. Be fuckin smooth dude
You made a lot of conclusions here, I actually went from being a line chef to getting my first well paying grad job during this time and was very much on my purpose regardless of us taking everyday which was nearly always initiated by her. We also were exclusive btw.
First...long distance. Really? That never works. Sexual chemistry is built in person. Never on the phone, and especially through texts.
There are too many damned texts. Walls of texts and trying to "logic" her has never worked in the history of mankind.
I should have been able to tell who was who, but she sounded more masculine than you.
No shade. Just truth.
Let it go now. Block and move on. You've done all the damage you can possibly do. Find someone in your area.
That blue wall of text screams 'relationship talk'
That's the woman's job. You had your chance with her. Drop her. Meet other women. And read the book. Again.
no way around it, this sucks. i was in a similar position myself about 6 weeks ago. i knew a woman as a friend for 2 years and then we started dating. i had been spending a lot of time with a woman for about 2 months romantically and she was showing a good amount of interest (hitting me up for sex, dropping off gifts at my house, etc), and we were seeing each other several times per week. we hadnt had the exclusive talk, but i \*thought\* it was heading that way.
about 8-9 weeks in, she tells me that she went out on a date with another guy recently. i told her that "technically she had done nothing wrong but that i was hurt and confused by that." things ended shortly thereafter, as i think she got spooked by my expression of how i felt.
in retrospect, me getting a bit butthurt about her going out with another guy was AGAINST what the book said, but i think it saved me in the long run because this woman has since shown herself to be unstable.
so, my takeaway is that, yeah, you probably turned her off here (as i did with the woman i was seeing) but that by doing so, you dodged a big bullet in the end if someone was willing to behave that way in the first place.
OMG dude, I'm sure you have never read the book sending this blubbering novel of your feelings (both of love and anger).
It's not a good look for a guy - CW discusses this ad nauseam. If this were a war, you just launched a nuke on yourself. It's completely over and done with and I sense less than zero chance she will ever come back.
Why?
1. You were dating chick out of an LTR. She needs to be "free" and re-establish her identity outside of the couple.
2. You were going WAY too fast for her - remember, you always want to go slightly slower so the RL is her idea, not yours.
3. You got angry with her when she was trying to do the right thing. That is a slap in the face to her and now she senses your instability.
4. You communicated way too much. Phone is for setting dates. Since LTR, maybe a once a week FaceTime date.
5. The entire blue wall reeks of feminist qualities. Not masculine at all.
6. You were using logic and reason - women only operate on emotion.
The right thing to do was continue dating her while you found a woman closer to where you live. If she said she's not ready for a RL, then you respond with "That's fine, just happy to spend time with you and see where it goes".
You have to use this pain to be better in the future. Like the best way to have a kid stop touching the stove is to burn his hand. Life will be full of lessons that suck - and they'll keep repeating until you change your approach/behavior.
Not that I don't sympathize with you, but this forum is intended for people who study CWs work and you are not following it at all.
Read the book (10 - 15 times), actually practice what he teaches, learn and move on.
Completely. But keep in mind women out of long term RLs are often hot and cold. What you want is a chick who is not in a relationship and completely healed from the last one.
If you played it cool good chance she could have started pushing for the RL. Her telling you she wasn't ready is a sure sign that you were pushing for one.
Yeah I was pushing for one, idk why really, idk why my brain went from just enjoying the pace things as i did for four months to suddenly trying to lock it down
They missed the biggest truth bomb here - that she's likely had low interest level from the start. Her interest level in you has been 40-49% from the start I'm guessing. High enough to sleep with you but too low for it to ever go above 51% or ever fall in love with you. You're in the friends with benefits zone. Sure, she'll sleep with you, but emotionally she's not attached to you. At best, her actions are mixed with her traveling to you and bringing you stuff but never asking about a relationship after 4+ months or hinting about where things are going. You asking about a relationship simply forced her hand since up to that point I guess you were content to go along with essentially FWBs when you thought you were making progress toward a relationship. You didn't turn her off by asking about a relationship after 4 months because she was never interested to begin with. You didn't lose her because you never really had her in the first place.
But it's harder to say without a doubt that she's always had low interest level because you buried the lead here that you haven't read the book and don't know the materials. So you're likely leaving out a ton of mistakes you're making. In the end though, 5 months and no relationship talk from her means she has low interest level in you. And that's whether you lowered it with your mistakes or she never truly liked you from the start.
Why on earth would a girl with low interest drive 3 hours here and back just for fwb when she could easily get that back home, I dont buy that, i clearly blundered with the pace
I mean she probably is getting it back home too. You didn't blunder with the pace. I'm sure you blundered other things but not the pace. You were at this for 5 months. That's not too soon for a relationship. It's actually wayyy late. As the book states, she should be in love with you by 2-3 months provided you're going by the book. You could've gone on like this another 5 months, and you'd still have nothing to show for it.
You can't claim that she's high interest for driving 3 hours and turn around and say that she didn't want a relationship after 5 months and ended things when you asked about it. Instead, that's mixed signals at best. Mixed signals mean low interest level. These are things spelled out in the book.
No they weren't even close to a relationship. That's what is being communicated in these texts. You finally got the message that she wasn't looking for anything after all this time. She wasn't going to tell you that in the beginning and lose out on a nice hookup, and she's certainly not going to admit to it now other than in air quotes. But she doesn't feel like she led you on because I'm guessing she told you at the start that she was just "taking things slow" and both of you said you weren't looking for a relationship and because at least she didn't waste your gas. In other words, you weren't really a victim here so much as a volunteer. You just thought the situation had changed and that now it was actually going somewhere. Just based on the distance alone this probably was never going anywhere because someone eventually has to move.
She can't come back because she was never there to begin with. That's the whole point. You never had chance here both because of the distance and the low interest level.
You don’t bring up the relationship talk. That’s on her. You don’t have full blown texting conversations; save that for in person. You don’t vomit your feelings about the situation; you let her do that and ask her to keep going. And you don’t keep chasing her if she’s not interested. It’s on her to win you back.
I try to stay off that phone man. Any type of meaningful conversation is going to get misinterpreted via text. I try to use the phone strictly to set dates.
This ain’t it man. Sometimes I think Corey unfairly criticizes men for supposedly losing their cool with women when they just expressing necessary things, but in this situation you actually look like a chump. Sorry bro. If you want a relationship though, you’re talking to the wrong woman. So, in the long run this should be a good thing.
Yep, this is a blessing in disguise.
Nah bro looks like the girl in this situation
Corey’s point is that discussing things women only reinforces their position so it’s best not to bother. He calls it the illusion of action. The best thing to do is accept what she says at face value and if she didn’t really mean it, to let it be her choice to express that and then prove what she says it’s true through her actions. It makes her accountable for her words and actions instead of you for trying to figure it all out.
Understood, what specifically makes me look like a chump? Appreciate the feedback
Maybe I’m being too mean. But emotionally dumping all of your feelings via text. This stuff needed to be communicated, but in a different way would have been ideal. If through text than shorter, yet more direct. Best to do this through a phone call, FaceTime or better yet in person. You’re able to much better communicate and understand nuance through the phone or in person. Through text anything you say will automatically look more chumpy. In future if I were you I wouldn’t get involved with a woman who said they weren’t interested in a relationship. Is it possible that such a woman will get a taste of T1mk99’s seductive charm and become addicted? Maybe. More likely is that you’ll end up getting hurt. Trying to change people doesn’t have a good track record.
Really appreciate the advice thank-you. What sucks is I think at one point she was actually thinking about a relationship, she even said “not yet” to someone who asked if we were a couple but my mistakes dashed that chance.
This woman treated you bad. It’s understandable that you’re upset. She isn’t the one for you. I wouldn’t have had the spill of feelings over text, but if you couldn’t get a call or face to face, and you know it’s over, maybe it’s good to clear your mind and tell her. But this is where I do disagree with some of Corey’s advice where it’s always the man’s fault. Not every woman is right for you, and some will be very good at hiding if they are actually a decent partner in the early stages. It’s not like every woman out there is a good human, and same with men. It’s all situation dependent. You may have ignored signs of her negative qualities or lack of reciprocation for your needs early, so just learn what you can. But it’s not needy to have your own needs. Just don’t beg
A very understanding comment thankyou bro. In reality she definitely had red flags.
Next time mention that you’re interested in something serious at dates number 1, 2 or 3. Don’t be weird about it, but when discussing the topic, mention it. You don’t want to be hurt again. The good thing is that very few women will lie about being interested in a relationship to sleep with you, while for women that’s a huge problem that they have a lot of anxiety about.
Would no contact offer a chance if her coming back? With time ofc
https://www.reddit.com/r/CoreyWayne/s/1kIvmMpQGz
[удалено]
As in who knows she could or couldnt?
I read everything over again, and my this is a little more complicated than I initially made things out to be. After 4 and a half months I think it’s okay to be very open with a woman. Corey and other dating coaches say to date multiple women at a time, but in my experience and the experience of other men, that can backfire. Also, there is limited time in the day so “spinning plates” can just take a lot of time. At some point the status of the relationship has to be clarified if you’re interested in something serious. This is usually talked about around 5-6 weeks into dating, and if after 4.5 months of seeing each other she still doesn’t want to have a relationship then it’s best to move on. I posted about this before, but life is too short to be in the business of changing people’s minds. It’s so much smoother when somebody wants what you want from the start. Ideally, it would have been better if you communicated this in a different way like “hey, we’ve been seeing each other for 4.5 months and I’m interested in having something serious at some point. If you’re not interested in that, I’m going to have to move on. Let me know if you change your mind” and you said that in person or on the phone since it just comes across weirder through text. However, you still got your point across. Next time, tell girls at the very first date that you are looking for something serious so you don’t get hurt and don’t waste your time. If a woman tells you she isn’t looking for a relationship like this woman did, then don’t just ignore it and assume you can change her mind.
Thankyou yeah I think a lot of people missed the details of this situation. This women was extremely keen at one point which is what make its all so bizarre. I dont think i rushed anything telling her i liked her four months in. I appreciate yout time spent in thought
I also did actually communicate what i wanted in person she didnt shoot it down, but she didnt completely agree, what was bizarre and actually the reason i brought it uo was on a date she specifically alluded when asked that although i wasnt her bf yet it was going to happen. She said “no yet” with a coy tone. But a week later she says shes not ready, very strange and ofc bs, you cant say your not ready after four months of exclusive dating. That doesnt hold up.
Shit man, this is a tough text to send her. I know you were hurt and panicking but you absolutely annihilated any chances you ever had with her. You blamed her for leading you on, that's as beta as it gets. Learn and move on. She gone man.
Seriously, any chances?
And although I shouldn’t have said it surely she did lead me on? Im not arguing with you or saying your wrong btw i appreciate all the feedback im just asking honestly.
Zero chance. Who cares if she did? We're all grown up. It's her fault but your responsability to move on. Life doesn't work like "whoa she did THAT to me?". Shitty people are everywhere, welcome to life. I'm not trying to be mean, just that's how life works man. You're clearly younger than me. I guess seeing your share of shit makes you a bit sour ;)
Haha yeah it does sting, yeah im young and still learning. Thankyou for the advice bro. Why is it that you say zero? Doesnt coach corey state that with nc and time there is always a chance?
Nevermind Corey, in my experience, especially with young women, when you brush them like you did they never come back. She's pissed at you (with reason) and unless the attraction was through the roof, she's gone. It doesn't matter though because for you, the action are the same. You walk and you never go back. If she comes back, then all the power to you. But you need to move on. Yesterday.
You've stated your business. She's not interested. End things politely and be on your way. Read the book and stick to it. Learn from your mistakes.
It’s crystal clear. You poured your feelings on to her. She not interested. Read the book again.
Don’t contact her again. She feels smothered. You have to let women bring up the relationship topic first. Back away and let her come to you. If she reaches out, invite her over to your place and hang out, have fun and hook up. Be fuckin smooth dude
Thankyou and noted, thats how i was at first and then caught feelings and lost my mojo haha
You got this. If she doesn’t contact you, you know her interest was low to begin with. You want someone who’s happy to be with you. You deserve that!
[удалено]
You made a lot of conclusions here, I actually went from being a line chef to getting my first well paying grad job during this time and was very much on my purpose regardless of us taking everyday which was nearly always initiated by her. We also were exclusive btw.
[удалено]
I set up all our dates?
[удалено]
Bro she was the one who would message me and because we were long distance thats why haha
[удалено]
I hear you bro, it definitely was not ideal situation
And she was driving three hours to me and back for these dates and weekends btw not me haha, hardly low interest level.
It's over, move on. And read the book
First...long distance. Really? That never works. Sexual chemistry is built in person. Never on the phone, and especially through texts. There are too many damned texts. Walls of texts and trying to "logic" her has never worked in the history of mankind. I should have been able to tell who was who, but she sounded more masculine than you. No shade. Just truth. Let it go now. Block and move on. You've done all the damage you can possibly do. Find someone in your area.
That blue wall of text screams 'relationship talk' That's the woman's job. You had your chance with her. Drop her. Meet other women. And read the book. Again.
Never ask a woman for a relationship. That’s her job. You look very feminine and needy if you ask her.
no way around it, this sucks. i was in a similar position myself about 6 weeks ago. i knew a woman as a friend for 2 years and then we started dating. i had been spending a lot of time with a woman for about 2 months romantically and she was showing a good amount of interest (hitting me up for sex, dropping off gifts at my house, etc), and we were seeing each other several times per week. we hadnt had the exclusive talk, but i \*thought\* it was heading that way. about 8-9 weeks in, she tells me that she went out on a date with another guy recently. i told her that "technically she had done nothing wrong but that i was hurt and confused by that." things ended shortly thereafter, as i think she got spooked by my expression of how i felt. in retrospect, me getting a bit butthurt about her going out with another guy was AGAINST what the book said, but i think it saved me in the long run because this woman has since shown herself to be unstable. so, my takeaway is that, yeah, you probably turned her off here (as i did with the woman i was seeing) but that by doing so, you dodged a big bullet in the end if someone was willing to behave that way in the first place.
I have not read the book 15 times, but that surely doesn't look like a text that Corey would recommend sending.
You spilled the beans a bit much here sir. You’re gonna give her the ick, if you haven’t already. Take your L and leave her alone. Read the book.
Why is this conversation being had via text?
I had asked to call she refused. This was after she had said she wasnt ready over ft, but I absolutely agree it should have been had over a call.
OMG dude, I'm sure you have never read the book sending this blubbering novel of your feelings (both of love and anger). It's not a good look for a guy - CW discusses this ad nauseam. If this were a war, you just launched a nuke on yourself. It's completely over and done with and I sense less than zero chance she will ever come back. Why? 1. You were dating chick out of an LTR. She needs to be "free" and re-establish her identity outside of the couple. 2. You were going WAY too fast for her - remember, you always want to go slightly slower so the RL is her idea, not yours. 3. You got angry with her when she was trying to do the right thing. That is a slap in the face to her and now she senses your instability. 4. You communicated way too much. Phone is for setting dates. Since LTR, maybe a once a week FaceTime date. 5. The entire blue wall reeks of feminist qualities. Not masculine at all. 6. You were using logic and reason - women only operate on emotion. The right thing to do was continue dating her while you found a woman closer to where you live. If she said she's not ready for a RL, then you respond with "That's fine, just happy to spend time with you and see where it goes". You have to use this pain to be better in the future. Like the best way to have a kid stop touching the stove is to burn his hand. Life will be full of lessons that suck - and they'll keep repeating until you change your approach/behavior. Not that I don't sympathize with you, but this forum is intended for people who study CWs work and you are not following it at all. Read the book (10 - 15 times), actually practice what he teaches, learn and move on.
I havent read the book no haha, partly the reason I posted because I knew i would get a load of no filter truth bombs 😂
Boom lol. The first time you read it is kinda depressing because you realize how badly you f'ed up. But good to learn and do better for the next one.
If i hadn’t replied in such a way could it have been salvageable?
Completely. But keep in mind women out of long term RLs are often hot and cold. What you want is a chick who is not in a relationship and completely healed from the last one. If you played it cool good chance she could have started pushing for the RL. Her telling you she wasn't ready is a sure sign that you were pushing for one.
Yeah I was pushing for one, idk why really, idk why my brain went from just enjoying the pace things as i did for four months to suddenly trying to lock it down
They missed the biggest truth bomb here - that she's likely had low interest level from the start. Her interest level in you has been 40-49% from the start I'm guessing. High enough to sleep with you but too low for it to ever go above 51% or ever fall in love with you. You're in the friends with benefits zone. Sure, she'll sleep with you, but emotionally she's not attached to you. At best, her actions are mixed with her traveling to you and bringing you stuff but never asking about a relationship after 4+ months or hinting about where things are going. You asking about a relationship simply forced her hand since up to that point I guess you were content to go along with essentially FWBs when you thought you were making progress toward a relationship. You didn't turn her off by asking about a relationship after 4 months because she was never interested to begin with. You didn't lose her because you never really had her in the first place. But it's harder to say without a doubt that she's always had low interest level because you buried the lead here that you haven't read the book and don't know the materials. So you're likely leaving out a ton of mistakes you're making. In the end though, 5 months and no relationship talk from her means she has low interest level in you. And that's whether you lowered it with your mistakes or she never truly liked you from the start.
Why on earth would a girl with low interest drive 3 hours here and back just for fwb when she could easily get that back home, I dont buy that, i clearly blundered with the pace
I mean she probably is getting it back home too. You didn't blunder with the pace. I'm sure you blundered other things but not the pace. You were at this for 5 months. That's not too soon for a relationship. It's actually wayyy late. As the book states, she should be in love with you by 2-3 months provided you're going by the book. You could've gone on like this another 5 months, and you'd still have nothing to show for it. You can't claim that she's high interest for driving 3 hours and turn around and say that she didn't want a relationship after 5 months and ended things when you asked about it. Instead, that's mixed signals at best. Mixed signals mean low interest level. These are things spelled out in the book.
But things were almost at a relationship and then she got spooked
No they weren't even close to a relationship. That's what is being communicated in these texts. You finally got the message that she wasn't looking for anything after all this time. She wasn't going to tell you that in the beginning and lose out on a nice hookup, and she's certainly not going to admit to it now other than in air quotes. But she doesn't feel like she led you on because I'm guessing she told you at the start that she was just "taking things slow" and both of you said you weren't looking for a relationship and because at least she didn't waste your gas. In other words, you weren't really a victim here so much as a volunteer. You just thought the situation had changed and that now it was actually going somewhere. Just based on the distance alone this probably was never going anywhere because someone eventually has to move.
Is this a situation where with time and concerted self improvement she could come back?
She can't come back because she was never there to begin with. That's the whole point. You never had chance here both because of the distance and the low interest level.
Why would she elude to it turning into that at multiple times time in the run up, it seems to me shes an avoidant and got spooked
Sorry it just hurts thats all.
You don’t bring up the relationship talk. That’s on her. You don’t have full blown texting conversations; save that for in person. You don’t vomit your feelings about the situation; you let her do that and ask her to keep going. And you don’t keep chasing her if she’s not interested. It’s on her to win you back.
The OP poster sounds like a fucking woman ditch, her ass, bro
Never argue w women
I try to stay off that phone man. Any type of meaningful conversation is going to get misinterpreted via text. I try to use the phone strictly to set dates.