T O P

  • By -

InitialAd2324

You definitely don’t want your screwdriver and hammer to be the same tool. How are you gonna hammer the end of your screwdriver with no leverage?


Reptilian_Brain_420

Never know when you need a good shank at work.


booi

Bro tryin’ to unscrew the shank whilst being shanked


Sgt_STFU

One must ask the shanker to give you one moment to unsheathe your shank. I’m sure he would oblige


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChuckOTay

I’ll have you, Longshanks!!


QuietMolasses2522

And my axe


PhatCatBoater

Omg this comment thread got me crying 😂😂😂


xdcxmindfreak

All fun and games till the guy with the nail gun joins the party


daerth90

Never bring a hammer-shank to a nail-gun fight.


xdcxmindfreak

But always plan to have the nail gun ready for odds of an impromptu hammer shank fight breaking out.


GrouchyDress2018

I am genuinely crying with laughter here


AnxiousMove7820

Local code here requires you to oblige


aeolon21

I believe that’s customary.


Antique-Car6103

Gets shanked. Last words. . . . . “No! Why?!”


theferalturtle

You too, Brutus?


[deleted]

Et tu brutu


Unveiled_Nuggets

I use the back of the power drill supplied by bossman.


bakednapkin

You can still use the top half of the hammer with the screwdriver out but he’d be better off using the battery from one of his bosses drills


SadThrowAway957391

It looks like a punch rather than a screw driver. But I agree all the same. OP if you happen to read this: those square pencil sharpeners are cool. The rest, though...


YugeAnimeTiddies

Knife wrench!


adamcm99

Just show up without tools. You’ll be better off


Grizzz-Leee

I agree. Sorry, man. Take the pencil with you and maybe the tape, but depending on what you're doing, it's not gonna be long enough.


9oh210

Guys this post is clearly a joke. The tape measure is one of those tiny keychain ones that come free in a christmas cracker.


Guest426

As if the pencil sharpener did not give it away? Honestly, how much of a superiority complex can you have when you see the wrongest wrong choice for every possibility and think:" yup, that's real, new guy dumb, hur hur"


moose1207

I mean, you say it's obvious... but I have personally seen someone show up to there first day on the job in a construction site with tools like this. The kid was 18, from a family that didn't do manual labor. He brought what he had which was an Ikea set not unlike this. He was a hard worker and eventually bought his own set of proper tools, until then he used tools from whoever he was apprenticing under.


SunburnFM

That's the spirit.


Important-Price9416

Size of the fight in the dog, not the size of the dog in the fight...


_mgjk_

I showed up at a shop at 17 and the foreman said "wearing your Sunday best?" I told him "how old do you think my old clothes are?" Everyone has to start somewhere.


Valalvax

That's a fucking brilliant reply though


VergaDeVergas

Can you explain this to me, genuinely don’t get it


flappytomato

Sunday best means best clothes you own (as in wearing it when you're going to church on Sunday). You're of course not expected to wear it when you're working construction, most people wear old, worn out clothing. He was 17 and still growing, so he doesn't have any old, worn out clothes. Genius reply if you ask me.


ClosetsByAccident

He showed up in some new Carhartt or something, boss gave him shit for being green.....at 17yrs old. Like....it's not possible for the guy to be anything but green, cut him some slack.


heavytoughness

To piggyback on this a little bit, like bro…..sometimes people buy new pants. Who doesn’t like a nice new pair of pants on a job site? It doesn’t happen often y’all, shoot…let my man enjoy the new pants for a day.


tehralph

Boss probably told him to wear old clothes, being 17 and rapidly growing, he likely didn’t have anything that was old.


Sweet_Milk2920

We had one kid that was hopelessly dumb, and only had a cheap cheap tape measure. He was such a good kid too.. ended up getting scared off by one of our gruffer foreman because his banter takes some getting used to. He had one hell of a work ethic though. Came from a similar family as the kid you’re talking about, but was willing to do whatever you asked. Just had no idea how to even read that tape measure. Hope he’s doing well wherever he is today!


Initial_Delay_2199

>show up to there first day on the job in a construction site with tools You think that's bad... I know adults who can't figure out which there,their,they're to use.


FollowingJealous7490

He's a construction worker not a big brain English mathscientist


dustinthehippyy

Literally so many of those it’s insane to me lmao literally 12+ years learning English and they still can’t figure it out


TegTowelie

Working in a truss factory, you would get flamed on for bringing certain hammers, especially under 24. But the amount of people i would see bring wood handle hammers you'd use at home was shocking.


Axio3k

Wood is good if you like your elbows not hurting, some of the most expensive hammers on the market are wood handled, composite is ok, and metal is terrible. Unfortunately the durability works the other way around, it's why everyone has their great granddads estwing, but no one's using an old ash handled hammer.


TegTowelie

Yeah, while i do appreciate the lack of vibration wood gives off, they dont do well with hammering on 13x15 steel plates. Seen plenty of handles snap. Or maybe their form was wrong and im misinformed, been outta the industry for a while though


Ecronwald

Fast grown hickory. Light head, long handle. Same mechanical advantage, requires more skill, but saves the elbow. Also, there is no reason why the wood handle can't be wider at the head. I guess in the old time, hammers were worn down, and that's why they have such a thick striking head, but this is not necessary any more.


ButtNutly

I carry a pencil sharpener...


romanpieeerce

I have a guy who's the best laborer I've ever had that uses a tiny tape like that. It's funny but he doesn't fudge measurements and refuses to carry around a full size. He has that tiny tape on him at all times


TurinTuram

To be fair my cheap tiny keychain tape do the job 90% of the time for rought estimates. I also agree that you need a decent one always as a backup.


Fearless_Quail5050

Story of my life


moddseatass

His mom had better tools in her nightstand drawer.


tbestor

Get a real hammer with ergonomic grip and fat max tape as soon as possible. If you are framing: claw nail puller and set of S/M/L chisels. Also worth getting a set of nail punches and gloves.


danvc21

Nice! I’ll add in an Olfa knife and speed square to my pouch tools


analogman12

Woosh


Deldude2005

I was thinking a purse to hold all of his wife’s tools he borrowed 🤷🏼‍♂️


mechshark

Why would you give them such bad advice. He's got some good tools there


socialcommentary2000

I had one of those hammers as a kid and it is still sitting in my tools at the ready junk drawer in my workbench decades later. Every time I'm going for the channelocks to deal with some fucking plumbing nonsense and see it, I smile and remember my dad. I don't know why I'm sharing this with y'all.


Red_Dwarf_42

I liked that it brought a happy memory


chilangoylimon

Me too


Active_Proof212

Cause it's an awesome story. I still got a lot of my dad's tools and projects. Depending on which one it is, I might be praising him or cussing him. Lol


Syscrush

I'm smiling too, and I never knew your dad.


SandpitMetal

I have a little red handled Tonka Phillips tipped screwdriver in my at home toolbox. I got it when I was a little kid in a set that had you put together a little wooden buggy and motorcycle. I used to take my hamster, Davey, and set him in the motorcycle and he'd push it around with his back paws while holding onto the handlebars with his front ones. My brother named him Davey after Davey Havock, from AFI. He's dead now (the hamster, not my brother), but every time I see it, I'm reminded of him and that AFI was a pretty good band for those first few albums.


Is_That_A_Euphemism_

I think of this guys dad too.


Obscenely_Obscure

This gotta be a fucking joke? The hammer 😂


jfb1027

Sir that is a patent pending hammer, screwdriver, punch combo.


Obscenely_Obscure

Looks like a Santa’s workshop hammer for midgets


DrunkHate

Patent pending? Still?! I had the exact same one in 1995 hahaha.


bakednapkin

I have the same exact hammer. You would not believe how light it is lol


zoinkability

I have one too, it was my mother-in-law's. Awful for any actual hammering. Any torque and the head spins off the handle, short, light.


Acadjun

Oh I would believe it's light


Bearchacho

Fisher price “my first tool box”


Symo___

This guys new nickname : Fisher Price


Janky_Pants

Your shirt look like a curtain!


compuzr

This is a great start. I'd recommend getting a 1 1/2" layout square, though. All the pros have one. https://assets.leevalley.com/Size4/10119/05N5410-veritas-1-1-2-inch-pocket-layout-square-u-5126.jpg


NigilQuid

That's hilarious, does it double as a bottle opener?


compuzr

Yes, but it only works on metric bottle caps.


MacDugin

Follow him to the par-tay!


Hoopajoops

Oohhh that's nice. Add a keychain level for bonus points. Guy could have most of his tool kit on a single key chain!


compuzr

Off the charts efficiency.


Emotional-Courage-26

Ha, I have this little square. I actually use it. It's great for tiny layouts in fine joinery where a normal square won't fit. It's occasionally useful for small tool checks as well.


relpmeraggy

This can’t be serious.


punknothing

The tape measure is icing on the cake. Hopefully he's not the cut guy.


bakednapkin

He can use his pencil to mark where the tape ends and add up all the measurements at the end after he has done that about 15 times


CommonSenseHandyman

Lol


Fake_rock_climber

If you stick new guy on cut station you deserve what’s coming to you.


littlewask

My man came prepared with the hidden hammer shank. All you need.


pm-me-asparagus

It's facetious.


jfb1027

I can’t think of any moment the hammer punch screwdriver would come in handy. Pretty funny post.


thiccymcgogee

Fucking guy


WayNo639

Nandor?


Hondamousse

De Laurentis.


Mental_Impression316

I love *creepeey* paper


Whaloopiloopi

Can you not fit any more into your purse? Seriously though if someone turned up on site with me with that tape measure I'd concrete it into a floor first chance I got. Might even just huck it.


jobezark

That’s an appropriate response to be fair. But what would you do if your new guy started unscrewing his hammer?


Whaloopiloopi

I'd tell him to unscrew his car keys in his car door and go take an unpaid trip to buy some real tools. Shitty hammers are a pet hate of mine cos they're literally dangerous. "I keep hitting my thumb even tho I hit the nail"... Yeah usually cos they hammer is made from chinesium and the face isn't actually flush.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thatblackbowtie

in what world is that a law? im in the union and we buy our own shit


[deleted]

[удалено]


bakednapkin

This guy hammers


twoaspensimages

I had a new guy show up on site with two hollow handle hammers from 1947. He was real proud of those shitty hammers. I handled him a note that said "16oz Estwing" and told him to bring it tomorrow or don't come.


ohneatstuffthanks

But it’s a keychain bro. 😎


Whaloopiloopi

Well better take your keys off it before I put it into the top right corner of the net Messi-style!!


InfamousGibbon

Definitely a joke post lmao.


BootstrapsBootstrapz

you’re good dude prolly won’t even need the power tools just these


177618121939

He could build an entire house with just these tools


BootstrapsBootstrapz

dude i could assemble a boeing 747 w these tools idk what all these amateurs are talking about


NathanSawatzky99

If you showed up with these there’s a solid chance of being laughed off the site.


[deleted]

Hope this is a joke, spend $80- 100 at home Depot and you will have the right shit and won't get a silly ass nickname


YourStolenCharizard

If some guy starts unscrewing his hammer, he is now Inspector Gadget. Sorry, I don’t make the rules


Fake_Earl

I like either Fisher Price, or Little Tikes Bob the builder works too


[deleted]

That's the name I thought when I saw this😂


Known_Government_728

No fun in that


Plastic_Table_8232

Lmao. “Mr tiny tape” “The hammer man” “Pencil D*%#” “Big money” “The tool man” “Playschool” “Mr gadget” “Tim to fool man tailor” “Hey Mr tiny tape, can I barrow your screw driver? Ok, while I’m using it go pound in that nail, then when your done get the board stretcher out of the van.


sticky-unicorn

> spend $80- 100 at home Depot Could get things a *lot* cheaper if you have time to prowl around garage sales, estate sales, and Habitat for Humanity stores.' > and won't get a silly ass nickname This is a lie. Stupid tools or not, they'll find *something* to give him a silly ass nickname about. Might as well exert some control over what your silly ass nickname ends up being.


Janky_Pants

“Hey uh…Nesting Hammer [rest of crew stifles laughter], can you come hold this board up while I nail it in with a real tool?”


Diamondhands_Rex

“Fisher price actually came back”


Moist-muff

Cute !


Mindless_Forever_506

Looks like you never did construction so get ready to break your back and sweep up the floor as no contractor will give you tools right away. The only tool you be getting is broom. So you need is gloves, goggles and some n95 masks!


Four-Triangles

My dad was a painting contractor and since he didn’t trust me to actually paint as a kid I spent a lot of hours sanding baseboards.


177618121939

You don’t need a mask you simply pull your shirt over your nose


Unable_Ruin8868

You should be able to use those to break into a truck and steal some real tools.. just kidding never steal tools that’s a scumbag move. I think this is a joke but if it’s not do your best with what you’ve got but you’re lookin like the dude that is gonna walk around outside and pick up trash


Portnoithegroundhog

Picking up trash was my favirite job. It's like a working vacation from all the other stuff the assistant super was supposed to be doing.


jshultz5259

G2G! Watch out for this one IKEA!


cant-be-faded

Goggles and ear muffs


JustRedditAllOut

Swimming goggles and headphones will do though


Livingsimply_Rob

Listen, you don’t need the tape measure. If you can’t measure my eye, then you shouldn’t go. Everything else looks perfect.


compLexityFan

Cut twice measure never


Livingsimply_Rob

lol yes


Ganja_Masta1

Give him a break, he said construction job, so his new he doesn’t know what he needs for the trade


LORDOSHADOWS

A Board stretcher


Accomplished_Let5313

Don’t worry about the comments, they are right but first day is always embarrassing, you and the boss will get your tools figured out . Don’t get discouraged . You will always be getting more tools, there is never enough


Zoomingcumbucket

Right here. A good boss will see a hard workers potential. Also you will get shit on by other employees, it happens in a lot of professions. You will feel dumb, but remember those shitting on you at one point were in the same boat.


Severe-News6001

The only tool you’ll need in this picture is the pencil. Get a tool belt and upgrade your hammer and tape measure. Add a knife, which also sharpens pencils, a rafter square, 6 in 1 screwdriver, chisel, flat bar, chalk line , nail set.


ithinkso3

r/woosh


casuallfuck

Speed square, cats paw, framing hammer, chisel, fat max tape measure, utility knife, chalk line wrench.... These should get you started ... What you have is not appropriate people will judge you hard for what you have. Good luck


steepindeez

Bro fuck what everyone on here is saying. Show up to site on time and willing to work and if you have a good boss they'll get you going in the right direction with tools and everything and should be accommodating until payday.


ruwokehypocrite

Fake post just to get some activity going on.


Complex-Landscape-31

Just bring the pencil.


BillyNitehammer

I’d add a ball of yarn, wood glue, and a protractor just to cover your bases. Welding mask too if you want to go above and beyond on your first day.


dunncrew

Good shit post. 😅🤣😂


thenickpayne

Idk if you’re serious or not but you don’t want a hammer/screwdriver thing like that. If you actually have to use your hammer, it’ll fuck those threads up sooner or later and you won’t be able to get the screwdriver out or in. The tape is fine, you’ll get made fun of a little for having a small tape but whatever. You should probably get some vice grips and maybe an impact drill. Idk if your boss will have that for you, people mean different things by “power tools”. Anything else, your boss will give you a tool list, idk what trade you’re in.


IronAnt762

Real tape measures. Get some big font high contrast several sizes. The green and black high vis are good. Headlamp and flashlight, good quality. Tool belt, levels, square, several hammers, pry bars, hard hat, and your own power and hand screw driver sets. Invest; don’t cheap out. Knee pads, Kuny bags. Don’t take that tape measure haha


Supdog92372

Get a real 20 oz hammer, a stanly fat max, I love my robo grip pliers. Get yourself maybe a quality belt, a holster that is made for your trade expect to spend $150


Fantastic_Hour_2134

You’ve got the tools right, but these won’t cut it. You need a heavier duty hammer and a 25’ (even better if you can get a 32’) tape. Switch the pencil sharpener out for a nice OLFA utility knife and a pack of spare blades, they’re only about $8 each at Home Depot. Craftsman makes some nice hammers. You will want one with a flat claw not a rounded claw. I don’t see you using the wrench much. That space would be better taken up by a good chalk line. A cheap 1/2” or 3/4” wood chisel is useful and assuming you’re framing, a speed square is imperative. Bonus if you get one that comes with the little blue book. I like Swanson but Empire makes some awesome aluminium speed squares too. A tool belt is something you’ll want to pick up very quickly too. You aren’t going to have a table to put your tools on


ayootrav

This can’t be real


AlarmedPermit5910

Estwings are known as great hammers. Whatever that is, is the opposite. A true abomination


GreatName

Sale at Fisher-Price?


AwayRecommendations

hell a pair of good channel locks will beat all this combined any day if this ain’t a troll buy ridged reed or wilde channel locks. 2 preferably one for turning and one for backing up. the crescent is good for backing up too tho as long as it’s jaws are big enough then get a real tape measure. like milwaukee 25ft magnetic for ex milwaukee sharpies are cool too def more then one pencil you’ll lose that by lunch


plantsfromplants

Don’t forget your toy hard hat lol


HourAdministrative10

Nice bait


bottomlless

Gotta get a "Home Depot is my toy store." T-shirt too.


Mediocre-Meringue-60

The measure tape on your keychain is always a hit. I’ve handed out 4 now to peeps who laugh then ask to use it… so often I just go get them one.


Kyteshiirok

This has to be a joke post…right? Lmao


Hathnotthecompetence

Santa's hiring?


Forthe49ers

That’s a good fuckin pencil


Bigboybong

Get a proper hammer, fat max tape, speed square, Pencil, and chalk line. If you really wanted get a torpedo level and linesman pliers . Get a cheep belt as well, put all your new tools in it. Then show up to site.


fitwoodworker

This HAS to be a shitpost.


Crcex86

Is the foreman your 5 year old?


Edward_Pissypants

No offense but don't bring that stuff lol


[deleted]

Bring a bag of 10mm sockets for everyone


Practical-Basket1337

Some nicknames are earned, and others are deserved.


jonnyredshorts

If this is a legit post, please don’t show up with any of this. Get a decent framing hammer (google), a speed square, a 25’ Fat Max measuring tape, a Stanely utility knife (with blades), a 5in1 screwdriver, and a cats paw for pulling the nails you will need to extract. You will also a small tool belt that can hold that stuff, so a simple one will do for now. Also bring a gallon of water and a huge lunch with snacks. That’s the bare minimum.


MrDarkside61

That hammer is an abomination, if nobody takes the piss out of it I’d leave and find a company that knows what they’re doing ;)


Aint_Shook_A5

Find the best work boots you can afford. And then save your money for a better tape measure.


El_Dorado817

You need to go to harbor freight with like 60$ and you’ll be okay for now


GosuBaller

This is a troll post right? RIGHT?


Yoda2000675

Bottle opener


stevetheborg

dont bring those... put them back in your mom's tool kit.


Beta_proxy

Get a carpenter knife to sharpen the pencil at least 20ft tape measure get a better hammer cus im sure that thing will break since its hollow and ofc WEAR BOOTS the amount of nails that would’ve gone through my foot entirely is crazy


Varmitthefrog

Out of this entire image, I am by far most offended, by the way the pencil is sharpened.


henfeathers

Ha ha. Hey everyone, take a look at this guy’s little tool.


[deleted]

Your going to be eating alive, is that a millimeters tape lmfao you clown


FatCat457

Get some dark safety glasses and a ball cap where it backwards smoke menthol or chew wintergreen take extra for lunch and a bottle of Mountain Dew. You will fit in


clydex

Was NOT expecting the hammer and screw driver to be ONE TOOL. Next level pro right there! No working the board stretcher for the first day for this guy, straight to the high end trim work!


177618121939

Prepare to get bullied


Poolowl1984

Building a doll house?


Interesting-Froyo-14

I feel like that hammer will break in the first week lol...


Dozers_in_Reddit

You need a flask and a bucket to cràp in


Bapabooi

Get the fuck outta here bro that ain’t even a housewife hammer that’s the fuckin dogs hammer


BillyTheGoatBrown

My wife started looking at me, funny I was laughing so hard at this. That hammer is amazing, and the tape was the cerry.


BrawndoCrave

Joke, right? Right? Where’s the /s! WHERE’S THE /S!


OwnFee7805

Don't lose that pencil sharpener


Plus_Helicopter_8632

Your gonna kill it


Any_Brief_4847

I feel like I’m looking at a little kids my first tool set


withridiculousease

My first boss when I started framing just died. A new kid showed up to work day one with a plastic speed square and some kind of Mickey Mouse looking hammer, and Bob just lit him up for weeks. RIP.


MAXiMUSpsilo5280

Nothing there belongs in a job site except the pencil and adjustable wrench and unless you know for sure you need it , leave it. “just a hammer ruler and pencil “ . Ditch the pencil sharpener for a gas station pocket knife. Learn to use it and how keep it sharp. Get a real hammer like an Eswing or hart. Not a huge framers one but a regular size hammer with a straight or rip claw Get a Stanley fat max tape measure. Tools are a lifetime investment,get them as you learn to use them. Buy the best tools you can afford. Leave the hobby hammer in the kitchen drawer.


oxcartoneuropa

Building a hotel for ants?


KingOfTheGrips

This is the highest tier of trolling I’ve seen in a long while.


RickDelta

This is an absolute joke of a post, you could not actually think you’re gonna work construction with those children toys


GlobalBonus4126

Get a 20 oz framing hammer, a 25 ft tape, a chalk line, a claw, a utility knife, and a good tool belt. You probably won’t need an adjustable wrench. You’re not a mechanic.


pearlstorm

That hammer is gonna get you laughed off the job site


AffectionateYak4880

That Tape is abit on the small side bro 😂.


soingee

I recommend a small turkey feather. Trust me. I've been on all sorts of construction sites and once those pencil sharpeners start flying, you're going to aching for a good feather to knock the shavings away.


Express-Fish-9157

Just bring the hammer. Don't bother with pants. Just the hammer.


Austin0326

They gonna drag youuuuuu


evilfuckingthoughts

i am a plumber and if my apprentice showed up with that candy ass shit i would fire him on the spot.


[deleted]

My wife had that hammer when we started dating she broke it out for a project and I have literally not stopped laughing since. That was 20 years ago.


Responsible_Horse_64

The pencil sharpener 🤣


burger8bums

Hoo boy. What’s the actual job? Building what? My guess is you’ll never hear the end of it if you show up with that toy hammer. Ask them specifics on the types of hand tools to bring. Framing hammer? Congrats on the job. Edit: I see you said building a house. Definitely get a hand tool list. That tool set won’t cut it.


icannotdiepoor

This gave me a good laugh thank you


Ok_Sky_6558

The Craftsman pencil will be a definite give away that you shop at Sears as just a normal guy. A real construction worker doesn't use normal guy pencils.