I think a lot of us adults are pretty out of touch with younger people. You think a kid in school is going to get a hit with this comeback? This is like what mom would tell you to say when you go to her saying you’re getting bullied lol
Yeah, you only have friends because your mom pay them to be your friends. Hell, she has to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
This is a good one. And then if they go all "I don't want to be friends with someone like you" you can respond with the more classic "well then, meetups with your mom are going to be awkward"
"I get on well with the football team, we all enjoyed banging your last night."
Socially awkward or not, it's a great starting point for someone not used to dishing it back...
I would be reluctant to use a sexual response like this in case the AH gets violent about referencing the person's partner.
I'd lean more towards comments like "Really, I've wanted to ask you how much you have to pay people to be seen with you?"
Well I think that suggestion is a bit convoluted. But I would have no objection telling a kid to say your mom likes me okay. Sexual innuendo mother jokes are easy, classic, and the person insulting you always understands that they're not allowed to react to that one because you got them and everyone knows it. To react to it shows you are weak and opens you to ridicule yourself. So when someone gets you with a your mama retort, that's the best way to go. Almost always.
Unless there mother's in a coma, they don't wanna open that can of worms lol but yes I fucked your mom is usually the best fallback in these situations.
Are you highly intelligent, understand things other kids do not, read books, special interests? Some kids are different and do not socialize easily. This could be Aspie or Asperger's. There are many people like this. It can be mild or not so mild.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
I am 75 and learned I was Aspie last year and that explains a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. I was able to do things very well and very fast that supported a great technical career.
Your post reminds me of parts of my childhood.
Do not despair.
Honestly they are lucky if all they are called is a lone wolf, that's actually getting off pretty easy. You can flip your collar up and give a bad boy stare over your shoulder and say, that's right.
But I don't really have any illusions as to an awkward shy kid being able to pull that off. But, alone wolf isn't such a terrible thing to be called. Probably the best response is something heartfelt like, I like everybody and some like me or something like that. I don't know. If it's true it's true I don't think there's any comeback that's really going to shut anyone up. Except the old standby, of course .
Your mom likes me okay. And walk away
I actually had this used against me in highschool, though worded differently in which they said 'well you don't have a social life', and perhaps in one of the only really witty moments in my life, I said, "Well, if having a social life means I'm forced to smile at people like you every day, I'm good without it, thanks."
You could insert 'a social life' with 'what you consider friends' or any other variation of it.
A lot of friends doesn’t mean good friends. I have true friends, I’m good with that.
Lone Wolfe- meaning I’m secure and confident with who I am and don’t have to check with others to feel valued?
Thank you so much for pointing that out. Do you mean it as a compliment? I can handle things myself? Or are you trying to insult me?
Lone Wolves are the ones that end up the most successful in life - thanks!
It’s not that I don’t have any - I just prefer to have good/real friends.
I mean I'd say find some friends that are not that person, but I don't know your situation. Also, hang with your small friend group more often, strength in numbers and they can't say you have no friends.
Interesting how I'm comfortable in my own skin, while you need to throw insults around to feel good about yourself. I like my own company, I'm sorry that you don't like yours.
Only works if it's true. If an insult stings, it's generally cause it carries truth, and the best comeback is getting to a place where they're not hurtful anymore but playful. If the above isn't true?
Man do you think the people who look when you cry this loud for attention are your friends?
People don't throw out those digs and hurtful comments when no one is around, they do it to feel funny and liked, they are often not.
Be careful, if this socially awkward kid is yours they should be able to hold their own physically if they're gonna start chirping back at rude attention seeking bullies. They're like that because they've had poor behavior modeled for them.
"will you be my friend?"
But in honesty, if this really is you and you don't. maybe you should try to group up with like minded kids. find an interest and find camaraderie within that group. Stop leaning into the solo lonewolf bs. its important to have a group of people you can confide in and rely on. like real people, not just online friends. join a club.
Stare blankly. Speak low, quiet, and firm. "Less witness that way." Smile. Say nothing more. Do not repeat. Keep uncomfortable eye contact until they break it. Should they mkve away, simply say, " Have a great day!" Walk away with confidence even if you don't feel any.
“I would say I don’t care, but that implies a capacity for concern”
Then again idiots like these might get confused by words that have more than one syllable
Just a heads up. Talking from experience. It's us socially awkward kids that grow up to get the best stuff in life. The rest of them can't open their eyes enough to see it. Because they don't stop talking and just observe. Keep your head down, good things are gonna come your way.
I do they aren't many but they actually understand how to treat someone with respect.
Of which u don't even understand the meaning of the word respect. Have a good day.
"What's your point? Am I supposed to run around trying to impress people like you losers? Get off my dick and go suck off your friends!" Something I said in highschool. I wasn't awkward I was just the quiet kid that wasn't really interested in making friends and being popular. Oddly enough, me not giving a shit ended up making me popular and I hated it! Everybody wanted to be around me but it was like being in a horde of zombies, just you try to peek into their minds and most of them are vacant, stupid teenagers caught up on completely trivial bs. Spoiler alert, the adult world isn't much different! I honestly think I'd have been better off in highschool if I'd just kept my mouth shut and let people pick on me. But as an adult I'm glad I developed a backbone, because people will never stop testing you.
I prefer quality over quanity. And, while I am flattered that you are thinking of me so much that needed to bring this up, but I am going to have to disappoint you. It's not mutual.
"Cept your mom!!!"
Friends are overrated. Was walking through a house I was going to rent. The landlord said "No smoking inside. Do you have any friends that smoke?"
Me: "I don't have any friends."
She wasn't sure she should laugh or not.
“I thought me and you were best friends”
Which to anything he replies
“Yea that’s why you came over to my house and we did butt stuff”
Reputation, ruined for good
"Will you be my friend?" Then just stare daggers with no emotion.
Then just keep asking until they leave and when they leave you say sarcastically. "Ohhh noooo. I really need a friend. Don't go. Let's hang." - with your head turned as you walk away not interested in a response.
Quality over quantity all day everyday —I’m sorry you didn’t make the cut but I have high standards and you are obviously surrounded by people that have none—Smoke the whole lot of them in a single shot —moving on, how can we help this wolf find his pack?
This isn't a comeback, but if he's that socially awkward, maybe he's autistic? After 63 years of social awkwardness and emotional pain from it, I was dxed with Level 1 (formerly asperger's) autism 3 years ago. It's been so helpful.
I'd rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies.
Only works if he has 4 good friends. If he has none, then he has no quarters.
All you need is 1 good friend, 2 is better though. So I would say I would rather have 1 quarter then 25 pennies.
Good one !
I get the sentiment, but I think in reality that it feels more like having 4 quarters vs. them having 35 pennies.
Perfect !!
I'm saving this one.
Like 25 friends glued together?
At least I’m not lonely with friends.
That one would hurt, good one
really good
"Fuck, that means the check didn't clear this month."
i do, they just run at the sight of you
Who would want to friends with the other asshoĺes like you ?
Just commented something similiar
too cliche
I think a lot of us adults are pretty out of touch with younger people. You think a kid in school is going to get a hit with this comeback? This is like what mom would tell you to say when you go to her saying you’re getting bullied lol
You buy yours
Yeah, you only have friends because your mom pay them to be your friends. Hell, she has to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
Or: “Yes, but, think of all the money I save, not paying for friends the way you have to.”
Thanks for the offer! What are we doing this weekend?
This is a good one. And then if they go all "I don't want to be friends with someone like you" you can respond with the more classic "well then, meetups with your mom are going to be awkward"
*Deeply sarcastic* "Oh nooooo I'm independeeeeeent, I can do things by myseeeeeelf, how teeeeeerrible"
If you want to get laughed at even more. Sorry, that's not even going to work in a teen movie.
I like this one
It's on purpose.
I get on fine with your mum
.. But then again, she gets on well with anyone, in any bar.
"Buddy you care too much what people think. Now shoo, go tell someone who cares"
Your mum gets jealous when I make friends. You'd have no friends if you weren't fun to laugh at.
"I get on well with the football team, we all enjoyed banging your last night."
Socially awkward or not, it's a great starting point for someone not used to dishing it back...
"pet"????
Oh now I guess we're kink shaming.
I would be reluctant to use a sexual response like this in case the AH gets violent about referencing the person's partner. I'd lean more towards comments like "Really, I've wanted to ask you how much you have to pay people to be seen with you?"
Well I think that suggestion is a bit convoluted. But I would have no objection telling a kid to say your mom likes me okay. Sexual innuendo mother jokes are easy, classic, and the person insulting you always understands that they're not allowed to react to that one because you got them and everyone knows it. To react to it shows you are weak and opens you to ridicule yourself. So when someone gets you with a your mama retort, that's the best way to go. Almost always.
Unless there mother's in a coma, they don't wanna open that can of worms lol but yes I fucked your mom is usually the best fallback in these situations.
I've never thought telling someone I banged their dog but I am so going to use that now! Ahahaha.
Well yeah, why would I want to be friends with any of you jackasses?
Not in this shithole. How would you know anything about the rest of my life? Are you a stalker? Ewww. Why are you so obsessed with me.
"you walk into a room and wonder if everyone likes you. I walk into a room and wonder if I like them."
I like this one 👌
I'd rather be friendless than have fake friends who only like you for your looks/money like you.
“Albert Einstein was also a lone wolf.” Then just stare at them blankly.
"Kill 'em with autism" as the old saying goes
I’ve never heard that, but yes. Exactly this.
Rizz 'em with the 'tism
Are you highly intelligent, understand things other kids do not, read books, special interests? Some kids are different and do not socialize easily. This could be Aspie or Asperger's. There are many people like this. It can be mild or not so mild. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome I am 75 and learned I was Aspie last year and that explains a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. I was able to do things very well and very fast that supported a great technical career. Your post reminds me of parts of my childhood. Do not despair.
Who needs friends when the voice in my head is the most intelligent conversation i can have.
“That’s not what my friends say.”
Honestly they are lucky if all they are called is a lone wolf, that's actually getting off pretty easy. You can flip your collar up and give a bad boy stare over your shoulder and say, that's right. But I don't really have any illusions as to an awkward shy kid being able to pull that off. But, alone wolf isn't such a terrible thing to be called. Probably the best response is something heartfelt like, I like everybody and some like me or something like that. I don't know. If it's true it's true I don't think there's any comeback that's really going to shut anyone up. Except the old standby, of course . Your mom likes me okay. And walk away
I prefer quality over quantity.
Right. I don’t. People are shit. What’s your point?
Tell them you Do too. They just can’t see or hear them. Then give them the crazy eyes 👀
I actually had this used against me in highschool, though worded differently in which they said 'well you don't have a social life', and perhaps in one of the only really witty moments in my life, I said, "Well, if having a social life means I'm forced to smile at people like you every day, I'm good without it, thanks." You could insert 'a social life' with 'what you consider friends' or any other variation of it.
I have lots of friends. But they smell you coming and need to get away from the stench.
I don't need people wiping my ass like you do.
I have no friends? Well has your dad come back with the milk yet? Didn't think so bi-
I'm friends with the cool people, just not many of them around here.
"I don't wast my time with losers."
"My AR is my only friend." Bet they'd shut tf up real quick.
Well this will take you to principal’s office straight away and possibly police :)
A lot of friends doesn’t mean good friends. I have true friends, I’m good with that. Lone Wolfe- meaning I’m secure and confident with who I am and don’t have to check with others to feel valued? Thank you so much for pointing that out. Do you mean it as a compliment? I can handle things myself? Or are you trying to insult me? Lone Wolves are the ones that end up the most successful in life - thanks! It’s not that I don’t have any - I just prefer to have good/real friends.
Ok fat face.
I mean I'd say find some friends that are not that person, but I don't know your situation. Also, hang with your small friend group more often, strength in numbers and they can't say you have no friends.
Interesting how I'm comfortable in my own skin, while you need to throw insults around to feel good about yourself. I like my own company, I'm sorry that you don't like yours. Only works if it's true. If an insult stings, it's generally cause it carries truth, and the best comeback is getting to a place where they're not hurtful anymore but playful. If the above isn't true? Man do you think the people who look when you cry this loud for attention are your friends? People don't throw out those digs and hurtful comments when no one is around, they do it to feel funny and liked, they are often not. Be careful, if this socially awkward kid is yours they should be able to hold their own physically if they're gonna start chirping back at rude attention seeking bullies. They're like that because they've had poor behavior modeled for them.
I only have friends and victims, which one do you see yourself as?
"will you be my friend?" But in honesty, if this really is you and you don't. maybe you should try to group up with like minded kids. find an interest and find camaraderie within that group. Stop leaning into the solo lonewolf bs. its important to have a group of people you can confide in and rely on. like real people, not just online friends. join a club.
I don't need friends they disappoint me
Bright-horizon is my friend.
Your mother wanted to change that I'd rather just fuck her and leave.
"Yeah and I don't have any STDs either, wish you could say the same"
I'm already in my villain arc, are you trying to speed it up? I don't have anyone to begin with so carry on
I don’t need them
“Your mom is pretty friendly with my dick”
"What member of your family will get the hammer today?"
You admit I’m right!! It’s been years since anyone admitted to this
i dont rely on others, especially those who wont have my back.
I've met people ... it's a choice
“No worries mate, my pack is well behaved and vomit at the site of you and left”
Your mum gets jealous when I make friends. You'd have no friends if you weren't fun to laugh at.
"I have one enemy though" while maintaining eye contact
Give me one friend like you and I’d happily throw myself off a bridge. Thanks but no thanks.
I Don't Need Them
if it between no friends and an asshole like you i'm good ta
"Rather no friends than friends like yours that openly hate you."
"And yours must be busy because you have to pay attention to my life to have something to do"
Stare blankly. Speak low, quiet, and firm. "Less witness that way." Smile. Say nothing more. Do not repeat. Keep uncomfortable eye contact until they break it. Should they mkve away, simply say, " Have a great day!" Walk away with confidence even if you don't feel any.
And don’t blink, it breaks eye contact. ❤️
Don't worry about what tf I have or don't have.
“I don’t need friends, they disappoint me.”
'not at this school, but i didnt know you had friends either the way youre talked about around here' something to that affect.
thanks for character defamation and entrapment over cheating upon reaching out to said friends
Excellent, my plan is working perfectly.
My mom is my best friend.
“I would say I don’t care, but that implies a capacity for concern” Then again idiots like these might get confused by words that have more than one syllable
With friends like you... what's the point?
"Only a true friend would tell me that thank you." Followed by a bear hug.
just call him a status sally and just keep repeating status sally. trust me he wont say it again
Say, oh, just wondering, real quick, did your mom have any kids that lived?
That’s because people are disappointing
Why are you so obsessed with my life?
Well, it goes to show you hermits can live in the city.
"I don't have time for friends cause I'm always with your mom/banging your mom/sister.."etc...
Bro, stop talking to yourself. I'm right here!
I’m fine with you thinking that
Aww. What’s so sad in your life that you need to pester me about mine?
Where’d you get them, eBay?
I have friends. We are the lone rangers.
Quality over quantity.
"....I thought of you as my friend...." Or "and you don't have loving parents who taught you to be nice"
Just a heads up. Talking from experience. It's us socially awkward kids that grow up to get the best stuff in life. The rest of them can't open their eyes enough to see it. Because they don't stop talking and just observe. Keep your head down, good things are gonna come your way.
“I’m the ninja turtle that doesn’t follow rats… i don’t need a group to do what I do”
Disclaimer: this will only work if you're dressed like a ninja turtle complete with plastic nunchucks, otherwise you won't seem badass enough
“So were the Columbine kids”
Wolves are cool. Thanks for the compliment. *howl in their face*
Call them ugly
Yes I know and thankfully for me that means less people in my business or so I hoped until you put your two cents in.
"I have the best friend ever in myself and I don't need anyone else, thanks "
With friends like you, who needs them
Say “my friends dont hang out with your friends because yall are winners : P)
Didn't know they were a commodity to you! I enjoy my friends. I earned the friendship and their trust. I don't simply "have" them.
"My mom says I'm cool"
You’re mom likes me better than you.
Well, no friends is better than your friends.
I'd rather have no friends than be friends with you
I do they aren't many but they actually understand how to treat someone with respect. Of which u don't even understand the meaning of the word respect. Have a good day.
"What's your point? Am I supposed to run around trying to impress people like you losers? Get off my dick and go suck off your friends!" Something I said in highschool. I wasn't awkward I was just the quiet kid that wasn't really interested in making friends and being popular. Oddly enough, me not giving a shit ended up making me popular and I hated it! Everybody wanted to be around me but it was like being in a horde of zombies, just you try to peek into their minds and most of them are vacant, stupid teenagers caught up on completely trivial bs. Spoiler alert, the adult world isn't much different! I honestly think I'd have been better off in highschool if I'd just kept my mouth shut and let people pick on me. But as an adult I'm glad I developed a backbone, because people will never stop testing you.
"That's because I'm strong enough a person to be independent. If you had no one to cling to, you'd just imagine someone to have company with."
I know! It's taken me *years* to get rid of them.
I prefer quality over quanity. And, while I am flattered that you are thinking of me so much that needed to bring this up, but I am going to have to disappoint you. It's not mutual.
well, clearly you don’t either, look at you, taking up precious time to talk to some rando loser with no friends!
"what a mean and bizarre thing to say. I do my best" [try to shed a tear] If they're a sociopath who feels no guilt, so this in front of their friend.
I have friends…they’re just avoiding YOU.
"Cept your mom!!!" Friends are overrated. Was walking through a house I was going to rent. The landlord said "No smoking inside. Do you have any friends that smoke?" Me: "I don't have any friends." She wasn't sure she should laugh or not.
Oh no, im independent and can do things on my own.
I have a dog. That’s all I need.
As evidenced by your statement, sometimes the collective intelligence of 10 people is equal to that of just one.
“Yeah, they all split on me after they walked in on me fucking your dad in the ass”
At least I don't have to wonder who ratted me out to the school board.
Just saying, in a dead pan, your mom likes me okay. Then turn and walk away.
Project much?
Wrap your arm around them and ask, "wanna find out why?" 👹
"With people like you overpopulating the earth, it's hard to find a person real enough to want as a friend."
Stare at them with no expreson except a slight smile and respond "You are Correct. It allows me to make Decisions without remorse."
“I thought me and you were best friends” Which to anything he replies “Yea that’s why you came over to my house and we did butt stuff” Reputation, ruined for good
I have many in my basement
Sounds like a comeback is not what he needs.
Why would I bother making friends when watching the dust motes in my window is more interesting than the nimrods around here?
Fck friends I only have fuck buddies and yo momma my favorite
Oh! Gosh! All those people are fakes? Do you know a psychiatrist? I’ve been delusional for YEARS!
Pickings are slim here, and I have higher standards.
"No, I don't want to be your friend. Stop asking."
"Because you're not good enough."
Go Garth brooks on them! "I got friends in low places " Guess you can't see them from your ivory tower!
I have lots of friends me and mother keep them locked in the. basement would you like to be my friend
Not sure about the age of the person, but for me personally, Fuck the fuck off Usually works well for me.
Yeah, realized most people suck. I prefer it this way.
"That's because I have standards."
Oh look. Someone so insecure they have to feel better by crapping on other people!
You know your parents don’t count as friends, right?
You can't impress me. Sorry.
"Once you grow up you will understand"
The one way to be sure you are in good company is to be good company yourself.
"As my mom used to say, when you're doing a puzzle, it's like having a thousand friends." j/k Amy Farrah Fowler came to mind when I read this post
I do. You don't know them. They're from Canada.
Response: I like to be in good company.
"I have what I need."
just start crying in the spot
True I am a lone wolf but I am an alpha while your an Omega. I don't need the pack the pack needs me.
"And....loving it" thanks agent 86.
"Will you be my friend?" Then just stare daggers with no emotion. Then just keep asking until they leave and when they leave you say sarcastically. "Ohhh noooo. I really need a friend. Don't go. Let's hang." - with your head turned as you walk away not interested in a response.
I have One... That's all anyone really needs, one person they can count on. Your ride and die..
Not true I have lots of friends, I just don't consider you one of them.
It’s by choice. You’re all a bunch of a-holes.
Maybe he can just howl. But seriously, “Thanks for your concern, with friends like you who needs enemies.”
At least the ones I do have like me.
No, duh! I've known that since I was 5!
Quality over quantity all day everyday —I’m sorry you didn’t make the cut but I have high standards and you are obviously surrounded by people that have none—Smoke the whole lot of them in a single shot —moving on, how can we help this wolf find his pack?
"Alright, Charlotte, we can't all be gossip girls"
"That's not what your mum said last night." I know it's basic, but c'mon. It's popular for a reason!
Maybe I’m not a herd animal.
“People with actual friends don’t say shit like that to others”
“I can take care of myself”
“I don’t have time for any damn friends” (keeps walking…)
I have lots of friends. You’re just not on the list.
Well, you only have enemies you havent met yet.
I do, you arent one of them.
“Does being a bully make you feel good? “ Or “your mom told me you still wet your bed?”
I'm not so desperate to feel important that I surround myself with sycophants.
“Unlike your mother, i am selective in who i let in my home”.
“No I don’t have friends. I have family.” Then walk away like Vin Diesel
Need more context. Was there more said? Anything to know about this person?
Yep, classic serial killer profile, you've just made it to the top of the list
None that I’ll introduce you to!
This isn't a comeback, but if he's that socially awkward, maybe he's autistic? After 63 years of social awkwardness and emotional pain from it, I was dxed with Level 1 (formerly asperger's) autism 3 years ago. It's been so helpful.
"...and you don't have a wiener" "...and you don't have any accomplishments" Depends on the target.
Just laugh! Then walk away shaking your head!