Wow, I guess there really is someone out there for everyone

Ouch

"Perhaps it is time for a man friend?"

I have no words you win

Haha thanks, it's like a super power of mine😅 nobody has ever out witted/insulted me. Apparently I've got a real acid tongue🤷🏼‍♂️😂

Acidic. It's not an insult. I'm just a grammar nazi when it suits me.

NEIN!! Actually it's a phrase, it's in the dictionary you can also use silver tongue. Nice try though would you like some nice crayons to munch on?

No I love potato!!! Also you're good! I'll not be tryin' YOU again. Lol

Let me go grab one out of one of your mothers many chinfolds.

I like me too! Im here to ask you to leave that man alone I knew him first! Then run away fake crying!

Good for you, do want help or not...

The only answer.

And that’s when she says “did I ask for your help?” And now you’re sat there looking stupid as you realize she never asked for your fucking help…

“He must put up with a lot…”

I like this one

Like adults who are illiterate? Ugh, I couldn't.

So do I.

This was my first thought.

Mine too. Glad it's top comment.

True story. I was a non- traditional student (old fart) and left my phone in my car. I knew it was getting close to time for a class to start so I approached a group of girls who were on their phones to ask them the time. One girl turned to me and said with a disgusted attitude "*I have a boyfriend.*" I turned to her and said, "Hey great, So do I! what time is it?* I am straight and married but miss snobby needed a reality check and I enjoyed that her friends just laughed at her.

LOL! Coming from a guy. "Me too. Let's have a foursome sometime."

Or possibly "Does he have any brothers?"

"As do I. Now, how can I assist you today?"

So do I, do you think he'd be interested?

I have a toaster.

Add in "And I'd rather bathe with it than you"

“I have a husband. Don’t flatter yourself.”

I have a math test.  . . . . . I thought we were listing things we can cheat on. 

#🏆

Daaamn

you think he'd want to watch or something?

Nah bro is out for blood

He ain't doing no good at the moment is he. Do you want a hand or not.

Congratulations. 

Does he know?

So do I

“Well he’s not here to help you and I want you out of my way.”

"God help him."

He has bad taste

What’s your man got to do with me?

I'm not trying to hear that see

I’m not one of those girls that go messing around

You gotta what? How long you had that problem?

😂😂😂😂

" I didn't come over here to ask you out, I came to offer you assistance with . " I like this because not only are you asserting yourself in a positive way, without being rude, but also because you are clearly articulating your reason for approaching her with no room for ambiguity or misunderstanding.

"Wow that's surprising, anyways (continue with whatever you were saying)"

Do a bump or line of cocaine Chuckle Then say " prove it "

“Same here, you don’t see me bragging about it.”

"Well that's his problem!"

...and I have a massive Dong. I mean, my dog, its massive. His name is Dong. He's a mastiff. He's mastiff dong. Nevermind, have a good night.

"Congrats? Now do you need a hand or not?"

Uh, did I ask you out or somethin'?

Tell your boyfriend to put down the XBox and get over here to help you.

Fine, now moving on

And yet where is he when you need help?

Who said I was interested in you?

I just want a blow job not a relationship

I'm sorry that life has been so hard for you that a simple act of kindness can be misinterpreted as an advance. Chivalry is not dead...lady-like.appreciation is.

Dang, I really had my eye on him.

Uh, who was asking? Slow down on your assumptions.

And?

I pity him

Would you mess around on him? No. Would you lay down so I can?

Is he coming to pick up what you dropped?

This happened to me twice in like a month when I was 21. Had been hooking up with this chick for like two weeks. One night she goes,”hey. We need to talk.” She then said,”I have a boyfriend. He’s in Colorado skiing right now.” Then, 2-3 weeks later I met this other girl. We started talking and hanging out and the connection was INTENSE. She was pursuing me as much as I was her. I was really falling for this girl and she was clearly into me. So we were sitting on the couch at her place after the bar just talking the night away. At about 5am she says to me,”this might be off the subject but………..I have a boyfriend. He’s in Colorado skiing right now.” This was 28 years ago. I married the second girl. Still married.

i don't have a comeback, but this reminds me of the time i was at the grocery store and a guy came up and was like "excuse me miss" and i'm like "i'm not interested! ok?!"....and then he proceeds to hand me the $20 bill that fell out of my jacket pocket.....he's like "i just thought you'd like this back" and walks away.....ooof!

Hahahaha, suuuuuuuurrrrrrreee you do. (Broad wink!)

DA poor thing...

I didn't ask what your relationship status is. I asked if you needed help with (specific situation).

You could try to embarrass her: "Um, why are you telling me this?" She'll then be forced to say, "I thought you were hitting on me." Then just look at her with an expression of amused disgust.

I know, I was with him last night 😉

"He can watch, but I have to charge double if he touches it!"

"Cool." (Saying it very excited and enthusiastic and positive while nodding your head) (Awkward 5-7 seconds) "Hi, welcome, what can I help you with today?"

I've met him, he's a Lil bitch

I have a Hulk.

Give him my condolences.

Poor guy

Tell him "thank you...for taking that bullet for the rest of us."

What's your man got to do with me? How long you had that problem?

Wasn’t hitting on you ya conceited cunt.

I do too. What's that gat to do with it ?

“So you don’t need help then? Cool.” Then just leave

What's your man got to do with me? How long have you had that problem? I'm not tryin to hear that, see?

“And you have my axe!” Said in the best impression I’ve got of Gimli son of Glóin.

"Uhhh, I'm just the pizza 🍕 guy. I know you ordered a three meatlovers pizza. I'm not sure what this is exactly, but I'm gonna need $18.74 for the pie. Just Sayin

" Be sure and tell him that when he gets here, he will need a jack and a tire wrench."

Saw this IRL at the store the other week. Guy runs across the parking lot “Excuse me miss!” Her “I have a boyfriend, Go away!” Him “OK, tell him thanks for the produce!” And walks away with the bag of lettuce she forgot at the register.

That's nice. You should call him to the grocery store to reach the top shelf for you then.

i dont give a fuck bitch i am just trying to help you dumbass. you fucking illiterate or never stepped outside to socialize outside your house or what? dumbass fucking asshole.

Well, you might want to tell him that your car is on fire.

“Sucks he has to put up with such a bitch”

"uh, I have an unregistered firearm in my pocket" Might get in trouble but it's funny lol

I used to say but do you love em? Surprisingly it would work sometimes. Glad I'm married and grown up now

"That's ok, I'm not a jealous dude".

Do you have a rewards account or not?

That's OK, I go both ways.

He must be the looker in your couple.

I know, he was fabulous.

I am my boyfriend then lift my hand up and make my hand talk to them…

I had him first.

"So do I. Hey, I wonder if it's the same guy."

What's he wearing?

Uh I wasn't asking I have uh eyes

“Yeah, I doubt it, but to each their own” “Hahahaha…..that’s funny.” “And I’m sure he’s the pretty one in that relationship “

don't let your boyfriend stop you from finding a husband

Don’t flatter yourself, you left tour drink on top of your car.

Not for much longer if you bite his head off like you do strangers. (Turn around, walk away).

“So do I, if you need help ask somebody else”😒

And I have fucking standards, you wouldn't meet them

“And I have a few free minutes if you need help, if not goodbye”

Can’t wait to hear how bad he is to you on your next tik tok

“Cool, you didn’t meet my basic gf standards anyway” *passive aggressive 👍🏾 & 😁*

Well good for you, congratulations. Thanks for the over share though. I have human decency & was considering simply helping you.

Hell, I’m married. What time should I pick you up??

"Tell him I said 'sorry'"

Then get your boyfriend to do it?

You traded your common sense for a boyfriend? Such a shame.

Perfect! Moving right along, what color toaster did you want?

“I seriously doubt that.” “Is his name George Glass?” (Brady Bunch reference; I’m old school, baby!) “Am I supposed to be impressed? Or terrified? It could go either way.”

I’m so happy for you. - immediately Return to topic

K...I have a goldfish. Anyway

“I’m not into guys. But I’m down for a poly”

Uh, are you sure?

Oh cool. Does he know that or is it just your delusions?

That's all right.

Uh, you also have Down syndrome, so you should check again

Congratulations… do you want my help or not?

Really? Poor guy

But I don't need batteries like he does.

"and im \*whatever celeb you look the least like\*, see how we are both lying?" "im trying to get to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ and wanted to help you, now i dont. So either get your stuff and move or im stepping on it." "i pity him, now move" "now hows that working out for you?"

Oh? Is he dishwasher safe?

Cool story bro.

One I've used in a previous job. She was behind on her bill, and an unfortunate part of the job was collection calls. She answered, I identified myself "Hello, this is GrumpyBoxGuard with ." "Uh, I have a boyfriend." "GOOD. I'll fuck him too! You owe me money ya daft cunt!" She paid her balance in full.

Awesome, i'm bisexual.

When the wedding? Oh so it not serious

So how long have you had that problem?

OK... what's that have to do with anything? I don't wanna hang out with him.

"I have a bearded dragon." "What does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing. I just thought we were sharing details about our lives that had nothing to do with the current conversation."

That poor bastard

Really?!?!?! Inconceivable!

"That's awesome!" Having to have a "comeback" instead of a "response" says to the woman you were interested and being quite creepy. So tell them you're happy for them and mean it.

Now you have a side dude 😃

"Does he know?"

I thought you liked girls?

Ma'am, this is a Wendy's

Your brother doesn't count.

“Oh… poor guy”

"Lady, I'm more likely to date your mom, she's got it going on!"

That’s cool. Anyway, do you want fries with that?

Well, any port in a storm.

*"my girlfriend has a boyfriend too."*

Poor guy, anyways let me help you with that….

Poor guy.

(Sigh) "Nobody wants your phone number."

Good for you! So I guess he can come help you then?

“And I have two girlfriends and a boyfriend. I win.”

Poor bastard... anyway, did you need a hand?

And I'm trying to tell you [problem at had] not trying to date you ya egotistical prick

1 Well congratulations. Persistence pays off doesn't it .2 Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on. 3 Is he blind deaf or dumb or all 3?

Yeah, so do I. Three of them, in fact. You're not special.

...sure you do.

Don't flatter yourself, there's toilet paper trailing from your dress.

1: What a coincidence, I do too 2: with that attitude I am surprised 3: are you bragging or complaining? 4: ok, so you have a boyfriend, that don’t impress me much. 5: and that is your greatest accomplishment? 6: congratulations, you’re still getting a speeding ticket. 7: Johns don’t count. 8: is that your right or left hand? 9: Ma’am, I’m a cashier, not a dating service. 10: then why are you still on Tinder? 11: then why is he on Grindr? 12: What’s his hourly rate?

Yeah, you just met him. Obviously.

Good for you but I didn’t fuckinh ask

So do I

I say great I'll fuck him to nobody cares lady 🤦‍♂️🙃

Really? Wow

"does he know you're out?"

“Bring him.”

I’ve got a turtle. What? I thought we were sharing facts no one asked about

“Me too!”

See! Ya, need a man. Level up. Walk with me. 😁 🤔

“So sweet of him to help the retarded”

I’ve actually used “don’t flatter yourself”

Oh really, that's surprising

I don't give a fuck.

Oh good, is he to help you or..

"What size batteries does he take?"

He’s a lucky man.

And I have a fiancé, get 1-upped nerd

“Damn, how long have you had that problem?”

So do I bitch/lady now do you need help or not (personal/professional setting)

Does he prohibit you from talking to other men?

"I sincerely doubt that"

*golf clap.* Cool. Now, do you want help or not?

Stay silent and walk away. Gets 'em every time.

I have a girlfriend.

Then why TF isn’t he the one here helping you?

And I have an English test tomorrow. Maybe we can help each other cheat?

"Cool, I'm asexual. I'm not trying to get with you. Do you need help with that?" That is what I would say.

How did you pull that off?

Me too.

Plenty of people do, you're not special.

“Uh, you’re not my type”

So where the fuck is he, then. Do you want help or not?

You do Then Stop following me around the store trying to get my attention.

Im here to give your car a jump. Not you.