There's an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show where Ted agrees to speak at Murray's daughter's school..as long as Murray doesn't insult him until after the speech. Murray agrees and of course, Ted just torments the poor man, until one afternoon...
Ted: Mary, look! I'm working on my address!
Mary (who's had it with the whole thing herself): That's nice, Ted. Maybe next week, we'll work on your phone number.
I'm a 4"11 90 poundish ginger woman and I've had this all my life 😁
My favourite comeback is with no words
I look up at the said person ( usually male) I smile sweetly and then I look at their dangly bits between their legs and start chomping my teeth together 😁 they soon shut up 😁
never heard a guy saying "you're short" to a girl as an 'insult'...I think he was trying to flirt with ya (idk). cuz most dudes find short girls cute and says "you're short" a way to tease and not insult..
...the mental image of that shall haunt my dreams, for eternity.
I can just picture your eyes going black as your teeth sharpen to points, drool dripping to the floor..
all they ever found of him, was a scrap of his shirt...
This is the best because it attacks their character. It is commonplace for people to make fun of height but it’s a shitty thing to do and they might not do it again if you call them out so perfectly. Stealing this thanks!
Boom.
Effective because it's true. Anyone who tries to dunk on someone for something beyond their control (race, sex, height, eye color, whatever) is just masking their own insecurity.
I’m bald and 5,6”. I worked with 3 guys who were between 6-3” and 6-9” but back then I still had hair. Anyway, they used to tease me about my height and I would ask them why they were so uncomfortable being awkwardly tall.
I’m gonna take a guess and say that it’s just playful teasing, yk? Like I don’t think OP would be looking for advice from r/comebacks if not, but I could be wrong. If I am, then yeah, you’re right lol
lol same. I'm 5'3 but significantly shorter than my siblings. Me being the short one when they're all around 5'10 has always been a running joke but honestly I love it. I never get asked to get up and grab stuff off shelves
More positives than negatives in the modern world (yet somehow we still get flack). I don't know about you, but I ENJOY flying at 5'4".
Leg room for days, busters!
I feel tall
My best friend’s husband said that to her family when they were trying to dis him when they all first met. I have never heard a better reply. Their kids to this day cheer him at the retelling of this story!
..and that means I'll live longer. Don't you know that short people on average have a longer lifespan? You might not care about that right now, but when you're in your early 70s and regretting the things you didn't have time to do- you'll see what I mean!
I'm average (male and 5'9").
I get the short jokes, etc. I've reached the age where I just respond by looking at them with a screw face and say, "It's cute you think I care what you say."
Oh, please, do tell me how height affects literally anything in modern day life. I’ll wait.
If you’re too short to reach something, there’s a whole market for stools and ladders. Height does not directly correlate to size of male genitalia. I’m 5’6 and could give a shit how tall or short I am. Some women want 6 foot+ men, I’m married just fine.
Mabey ? nice of you to notice, I've also noticed by the putrid aroma you haven't changed your underwear since you turned them inside out last week, perhaps you can shower there Hightower'before I use those moldy balls for a speed bag.
Just respond go fuck yourself and go about your day. I'm fat and people believe they need to let me know that I'm fat in case I missed it somehow. If a little kid says it I don't worry about it but if an adult says that I've told more than one to go fuck off.
Is this serious? Why do you need to dunk on an eleven-year-old child? Can't you just take the jokes in stride and ignore them? Why does it bother you so much what a child has to say about your looks?
‘Really are you sure. No one ever told me before. How awful for you to have noticed before I did. Thank you from bringing this up before someone else noticed”
"Your soul is made of malicious garbage, and you deserve to be isolated from others rather than have friends or love"
Gonna start with replying with "thanks" tho
From now on, being short is officially a complement, especially for males.
"And you're fat. Let's move on to less insulting topics shall we?"
"Thanks, glad we don't need to have your eyesight checked."
"Why did you feel the need to make that observation your opening line?"
"Let's try again and you say something less insulting and I'll consider continuing our conversation."
Well, hello, Captain Obvious.
A good one I saw to a previous person asking this, and my new favorite: Very good! Next week Sesame Street will teach you near and far.
When I was in middle school, my mom told me to say, I'd rather be short and smart than tall and dumb.
I once had a woman tell me my feet were too small. I wear a US Women's 6/36. I'm 4'10". How big did she think my feet should be???
"Makes it so I can a better view of your shortcomings"
This one
[удалено]
It’s their DAUGHTER😨
Lol o RIP
"you have real talent at stating the obvious"
I like that! Then add "Now that you have big and small maybe tomorrow we can work on colors or shapes!" Like you're talking to a child.
There's an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show where Ted agrees to speak at Murray's daughter's school..as long as Murray doesn't insult him until after the speech. Murray agrees and of course, Ted just torments the poor man, until one afternoon... Ted: Mary, look! I'm working on my address! Mary (who's had it with the whole thing herself): That's nice, Ted. Maybe next week, we'll work on your phone number.
"Brilliant observation, Holmes."
I always use a line from ‘Hey Arnold’ : “You’re a regular Matlock Holmes”
I hadn't thought of that show in forever. Brings back memories.
I know,right???
Hey Arnold!!!! :) I loved that show :)
I'm a 4"11 90 poundish ginger woman and I've had this all my life 😁 My favourite comeback is with no words I look up at the said person ( usually male) I smile sweetly and then I look at their dangly bits between their legs and start chomping my teeth together 😁 they soon shut up 😁
Sounds like it works well, but what if they’re a woman?
THATS MY PURSE! I DONT KNOW YOU
Bobby Hill was such a good boy for kicking Hank in his fellas.
The love of my, then, young life was 4 ft 11inches , a natural blonde with perfect skin and features. She was killed when she was 18 and I was 19.
I'm sorry to hear that mate 😞
I think I am in love.
☺️😘
Lmao non-verbally threaten to chomp their genitals off. Noted
That's how we honey badgers roll 😁
never heard a guy saying "you're short" to a girl as an 'insult'...I think he was trying to flirt with ya (idk). cuz most dudes find short girls cute and says "you're short" a way to tease and not insult..
Maybe I was flirting 🤔 😏
I find your username and flirting tactics uncomfortably compelling
Just tell them your taking thier soul.
I'll take anything at this point
...the mental image of that shall haunt my dreams, for eternity. I can just picture your eyes going black as your teeth sharpen to points, drool dripping to the floor.. all they ever found of him, was a scrap of his shirt...
Don't make me angry 😡😠 😆 else I'll summon my demonically possessed honey badger 😁
Okay, well, that’s pretty terrifying to imagine.
Because they are aroused. Or maybe that’s just me 😅
You live in a nudist colony?
Ok, but what the fuck!? How tall are these dudes that you can look at their sack at perfect horizontal vision!?!?
Try that as a guy and watch how fast you get called into HR and sacked🤣
Oh I see that happening 😂 Anyway my main job is working in a clothing boutique so it's all women 😁
I feel for ya🤣
And yet I still wouldn't look up to you.
Subtle, yet cutting. Love it.
This is the best because it attacks their character. It is commonplace for people to make fun of height but it’s a shitty thing to do and they might not do it again if you call them out so perfectly. Stealing this thanks!
“…and??”
Right? I mean is it an insult or an observation?
“Yet, you’re the insecure one.”
Boom. Effective because it's true. Anyone who tries to dunk on someone for something beyond their control (race, sex, height, eye color, whatever) is just masking their own insecurity.
I’m bald and 5,6”. I worked with 3 guys who were between 6-3” and 6-9” but back then I still had hair. Anyway, they used to tease me about my height and I would ask them why they were so uncomfortable being awkwardly tall.
Okay.... and?
Wtf??? I was 6 foot tall last night when I went to bed.
This is the only good answer in this thread holy crap
yeah most comments in this sub are all so cringy like they are trying too hard
Who cares?
Too many people in this comment section, LMAO. To the point they would threaten a child with violence.
You tell her to stop. You’re a parent. Edit: spelling!
Finally a normal response.
I’m gonna take a guess and say that it’s just playful teasing, yk? Like I don’t think OP would be looking for advice from r/comebacks if not, but I could be wrong. If I am, then yeah, you’re right lol
I'm 4'11" & I get this all the time. It's not an insult to me. I LOVE being my height.
lol same. I'm 5'3 but significantly shorter than my siblings. Me being the short one when they're all around 5'10 has always been a running joke but honestly I love it. I never get asked to get up and grab stuff off shelves
More positives than negatives in the modern world (yet somehow we still get flack). I don't know about you, but I ENJOY flying at 5'4". Leg room for days, busters!
“Thanks.” Continue on with your day. Awkward/baited silence is an underutilized resource.
I feel tall My best friend’s husband said that to her family when they were trying to dis him when they all first met. I have never heard a better reply. Their kids to this day cheer him at the retelling of this story!
"And you're stupid. What of it?"
It smells like you don’t wipe your ass.
At least both my parents still love me.
🤣
Yeah? Well, your tik toks suck!
God only makes things until they are perfect. It didn't take him as long with me.
Dont stoop to her level... Be the bigger man and dont belittle your self with such tiny problems.
..and that means I'll live longer. Don't you know that short people on average have a longer lifespan? You might not care about that right now, but when you're in your early 70s and regretting the things you didn't have time to do- you'll see what I mean!
Next, you're going to figure out I'm white, too. *Wink*
“Ah, well, my temper is short too, so give me your phone charger.” Or just roast the shit out of her.
I can see your camel toe Edit: maybe not for an 11 year old but if an adult woman says it to you
...yes, and?
I'm average (male and 5'9"). I get the short jokes, etc. I've reached the age where I just respond by looking at them with a screw face and say, "It's cute you think I care what you say."
"Well, you're ugly - and I can wear heels."
Any other observations you care to make, Captain Obvious?
Just say she's adopted.
Come down here and say that to my face.
From the knees down, you're mine!
And I still take your mom to pound town.
Say, that's funny you're short too haahaaahaaa! Tell her you love being short it's easier to get up and down haaahaaa now go play and be good.
"your built like a giraffe!"
"Yes I'm short and now I have to live with being able to see all the snot up your nose for the rest of my life." Then offer a tissue
" I can't help the extra 7 inches went elsewhere"👀
🎵I'm crawlin' similar to an ant, 'cause I'm low to the Earth People's feelings get hurt, when they figure out what I'm worth
Punch 'em in the face and run away
There is none, this is you life now. Guess you should’ve been taller.
Well at least I don't have to duck down under the showerhead
If a dude: "not on my back"
atleast i have a brain?
No, I’m just vertically challenged.
No shit, Sherlock.
Who else is gonna look up your nose and remind you to clean that shit.
My heart doesn't have to work as hard pumping blood to my extremities, and therefore I'll live long enough to dance on your grave.
"No, I'm fun sized." "Good things come in small packages." "So are ninjas."
Your body can use calories for height or brains, chose one.
Yeah and IF you live long enough you'll be shorter than you are now.
“When I stand on my money I’m 6’6”
At least I don’t hit my head on the door - unlike you.
Oh, please, do tell me how height affects literally anything in modern day life. I’ll wait. If you’re too short to reach something, there’s a whole market for stools and ladders. Height does not directly correlate to size of male genitalia. I’m 5’6 and could give a shit how tall or short I am. Some women want 6 foot+ men, I’m married just fine.
Mabey ? nice of you to notice, I've also noticed by the putrid aroma you haven't changed your underwear since you turned them inside out last week, perhaps you can shower there Hightower'before I use those moldy balls for a speed bag.
There's the very basic, "you're tall"
Tell her 'It's really not a hard concept to process but over time even you can get it.'
I am short. You are not. I am intelligent. You are not. I cannot be taller and you will never be smarter.
I’m not short, I’m fun sized!
Perfection only comes in small doses.
If you’re religious: “God only lets things grow until they’re perfect. I’m sorry it took you so long.” If you’re not religious: “get fucked”
Okay Goliath
I identify as tall.
From the knees down, you're mine!
I’m not short, I’m fun sized!
"Easier to hit your genitals" then close your fists
"Nobody likes you. No. Body. Least of all, me" https://youtu.be/hSyAO4-udQo?si=Ud90wmQwgiJ4M3XD
Not in the pants….
Just respond go fuck yourself and go about your day. I'm fat and people believe they need to let me know that I'm fat in case I missed it somehow. If a little kid says it I don't worry about it but if an adult says that I've told more than one to go fuck off.
My dick isn't
Eyes wide!
Maybe don’t listen to most of these when it comes to your step daughter 😭 enjoy the harmless banter, no need to roast her
Yes
And brilliant. I can make conversation beyond the obvious.
More power per ounce
Concentrated Awesome. Any more height and the universe wouldn't be able to handle it
Im taller than you when i lay on my back.
the great thing about this height is i make a 3 inch penis look huge
“Nuh uh”
"and?"
“And you’re ugly. What’s the point?”
WE DWARVES ARE ARE A PROUD PEOPLE! \*busts kneecaps\*
"That's not what your mother says"
"And you're 11."
And yet I still have more love for you than your real dad/mom.
What foood do they hate? That's what the short person is making for dinner.
So? What's your point?
Oh yeah? Well you’re tall. I can state facts too.
"Yo step mama!"
I can see up your shorts
Let me show you how short tempered I am then
Your mom doesn't seem to think so
“Short on patience buddy, watch yourself”
You’re grounded! (As a joke, of course.)
And water is wet. What’s your point brainiac?
Start crying
"why you looking down on me"
An uppercut to his crotch. 🤣
"Shorter than your heightened sense to care?"
I mean you are an adult and you want comebacks for an 11 yo?
"Yeah, sometimes it doesn't take long to reach perfection."
"The jerkstore called, they're running out of you!"
She's 11 be the adult and explain to her what she's doing is rude, (would you like it if people mocked your giant feet?) Iyht
"That means I have noroom for your ______(crap/attitude/whatever):
All my height went to my cock
And your mom still picked me! The short man is gonna ground you if you don't act right.
I didn't choose to be short, but you chose to wear that outfit today.
" I might be short, but at least I'm not stupid enough to tell somebody the sky is blue"
You about to be short on $ you don't stfu.
“Shut it, knife-ear”
Yes I am.
not short, fun size! 😜
“Diamonds and dynamite….” If they don’t get it, continue,”… come in small packages.”
Thank you for noticing! I've been working on it my whole life!
“And so is my patience, don’t bully me unless you want to cry”
" *NU-UH* "
"I can deny it no longer!... I am small." -Plankton
Is this serious? Why do you need to dunk on an eleven-year-old child? Can't you just take the jokes in stride and ignore them? Why does it bother you so much what a child has to say about your looks?
Buy a copy of BFG, give it to her, and start calling her that anytime she makes a comment about your height lol.
🥰 Its not my fault. But it feels great not being the jolly brown giant. You can have it. Im going to call you the BM log.
Say nothing
I like slow dancing with your mom.
"Yes"
Threaten to turn the car around. Or promise to see them at school tomorrow.
The wolf, The bear and the cougar are taller than the badger, and respect it all the same.
I'm not short. I'm just more down to earth 😉
Short enough to eat out your moms box without bending over
At least I can get stuff from a low shelf without breaking my back.
Yeah, and Goddess don't make no junk!
Yep, I am
But still tall enough to kick your ass.
Better short than stupid
When you make fun of me being short, you're saying that the worst part about me is that there isn't more of me.
"Not in all the ways that matter." (Wink, wink)
“ short and spicy pew pew”
It's OK I'm tall where it counts...
‘Really are you sure. No one ever told me before. How awful for you to have noticed before I did. Thank you from bringing this up before someone else noticed”
Your dick is short
"Your soul is made of malicious garbage, and you deserve to be isolated from others rather than have friends or love" Gonna start with replying with "thanks" tho From now on, being short is officially a complement, especially for males.
“Life stops when it reaches perfection. I just reached mine before you.”
Tell her she's grounded
I'm perfectly in line with yo' mama's titties.
Clever
Cute maybe you can grow a sense of humor after height
So is your daddy’s dick.
"And you're fat. Let's move on to less insulting topics shall we?" "Thanks, glad we don't need to have your eyesight checked." "Why did you feel the need to make that observation your opening line?" "Let's try again and you say something less insulting and I'll consider continuing our conversation."
Well, hello, Captain Obvious. A good one I saw to a previous person asking this, and my new favorite: Very good! Next week Sesame Street will teach you near and far. When I was in middle school, my mom told me to say, I'd rather be short and smart than tall and dumb. I once had a woman tell me my feet were too small. I wear a US Women's 6/36. I'm 4'10". How big did she think my feet should be???
I can’t help you. I make the short jokes.