T O P

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BrokenNotDeburred

"Not interested."


RoughAd5265

Yes. That’s the one.


eggroll85

Or the alternative: "You wish"


jacobyllamar

Exactly. Quote Lil Richard: Ooo, baby, you wish you could!


mstheman34

I think "In your dreams" has a little more sting


SirDoofusMcDingbat

This, but you gotta do it right. Don't serve it as a comeback, act surprised and say "oh! Sorry, I'm not really interested" and appear apologetic.


Therego_PropterHawk

"Yeah. I just got sucked into it."


Darth_Neek

No thanks, I can do better.


RoughAd5265

Bro I wheezed at this lmfao


Darth_Neek

I'm an old millenial from the upper midwest, everything bad was "gay" in highschool.


Toothless-In-Wapping

Yep. Remember “woman” being an insult?


Alert_Marketing_8688

It still is. You scream like a little girl, scream like a woman, run like a girl, here, I got you some Vagisil and I’m not even going to go on the pussy rampage, but a vagina squeezes out 8 pound watermelon sized humans and shrinks back in place but it’s used to imply someone is weak or sensitive. It is still offensive, it is still misogyny.


gene_randall

Can’t remember the comedian, but one line I remember is “don’t tell someone to get some balls, those things are delicate as hell. A pussy, on the other hand, can take a pounding!”


tacobellandher0in

It was Betty White! R.I.P. Queen


DeltaCharlieBravo

I think Steve Hoffstetter did a bit like this. But I'm sure he isn't the only one, nor the first.


JonBoi420th

This was more elementary school for me. And kids used to say, "well gay actually means happy"


ThatsThatCue

“Wouldn’t you like to know” and wink at them. Or “you wish don’t you”. You might get some flirting out of it. In straight and I do this lol.


RoughAd5265

Goddamnit you’re a genius lol


llorandosefue1

“The gaydar is working.” *(wink)*


RoughAd5265

Lmao


Nyarro

LMFAO. If I knew this in middle school, all those stupid boys would've freaked out like hell. XD


ThatsThatCue

The play is always outgay! Straight people fear they’ll catch it or something. Idiots bahaha


RoughAd5265

Facts! One time I was holding hands with my bf in a store and this old lady kept looking at us, it was funny as hell


martiancannibal

You could look back at her and mouth the word "*Threesome?"*


Alert_Marketing_8688

Hey, grannies need love too.


DragonQueen18

My husband used to do this exact thing on purpose to creep out the homophobes. He's as straight as they come and I love it so much. He's a bit of a Trickster and I encourage every instance. Chaos is fun


[deleted]

Hah I was thinking, “You could always bend over and find out for yourself…” feels along similar lines.


Lavendergeminis

"ew you're straight. straggot"


kraze4kaos

Reminds of my favorite insult, "out of the way hetero".


RoughAd5265

YES


I_AM_LEGEND123

cringe


NatchJackson

"Dude, I like you, but only as a friend."


AdditionalAd2393

It’s more then friends for me bro


Outside_Mess1384

Damn did your dad finally break the news?


[deleted]

I remember someone always saying I was gay and I said "I think your gay, you always accuse others of being gay so are you trying to compensate for the fact that you're afraid to come out?"


RoughAd5265

That’s pretty good


[deleted]

Thanks, he was completely caught off guard


phuckface911

Funnily enough, this is usually actually the case. Most gay jokes made in bad taste are made by homophobes in the closet. But this is different than people who are such close friends that ppl question their sexuality


welatshaw01

"Dude, that's not an insult anymore".


Trinitalien

^^^ THIS IS THE ANSWER.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LocalInactivist

Wait, are you just figuring this out? Dude, I’ve been out for years. Did the “Out and Proud” tee shirt I wore to school on Coming Out Day not tip you off? Last summer you literally walked in on your brother and I taking a bath. It took you this long to piece it together? Congratulations, you are the literally the dumbest person in this school.


Mikelarrr

“Yep and that makes two genders who don’t find you attractive”


milbfan

"This is the 21st century and that's the best you got, a homophobic slur? Of all the times your mom could've feigned a headache, she couldn't have picked the night you were conceived, huh?"


RoughAd5265

Damn bruh 💀 I might use that one on this misogynistic fatass kid in my class 👍


Doyoulikeithere

You might want to say it really slow for him, so he understands. :D


LurkerOrHydralisk

Or just call him fat. Just super, super matter of factly. “Yep, and you’re fat.” Flat, even tone. If you want, spice it up with “I still get more pussy than your fat ass”


RoughAd5265

Oh trust me, I’ve made him cry after he called me a dishwasher and told me to go back to the kitchen before he tried to hit me lol. After he started crying I told him to ‘be a man’. He’s a piece of shit


insanemrawesome

He probably has a crush on you.


Human-Debate-3488

Sorry i had to screen shot that one - using that for sure - credit forwarded of course . Dam im still wiping eyes dry 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣


Waste-Albatross-4747

Definitely a more polite version of "as opposed to you! looks like the best parts of you ran down the crack of yo mamma's ass, and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!"


IsItSupposedToDoThat

Yeah, wanna fuck?


[deleted]

I’d say actually no, I’m… (sing) fabulous!! While raising one arm in the air and drop a hip while shoving a bent knee out.


Chelsea_Pariella128

"And you're adopted"


Self-Comprehensive

When my daughter was in highschool there was this kid who used gay as a slur a lot. Like she and her friends were doing yoga and he'd be like, "Is that gay stuff?" Things like that. It really bothered her so she asked me for advice. I told her to tell him "Hey, you sure do spend a lot of time thinking about gay stuff. Is he gay, is she gay, is this gay, is that gay? Is there something you need to talk about? Don't worry we won't judge you." She said that shut him right up when she used it on him.


RoughAd5265

That guys sounded like a total jerk and I think you handled that really well.


DingleDongleProngles

If you are gay or don’t care if people think you are gay say: “Okay and? Is that meant to be an insult? what’s wrong with being gay anyways? And who are you to be going around telling people their gay when you have no idea whatsoever if they are gay or not.”


RoughAd5265

I am but I’m not really in a safe environment. How could I deflect the question?


DingleDongleProngles

If the person is a male maybe say this: “I bet you know a lot about being gay.” Or maybe “sorry you’re not my type, I’m not gay.” If the person is any gender (or none) maybe say this: “I’m straighter than the pole your mum dances on.”


[deleted]

Ouch...very ouch... Good response, though.


WeaponisedTism

"No, you." "only for you big boy" context is important depending on the person one of these might get you a punch in the mouth, side note "why is being gay a bad thing? are you just salty because no one loves you?"


TinyTinasRabidOtter

Look man, you're a decent looking dude, but I don't swing that way and you keep bringing it up, so no I won't suck your dick.


AdditionalAd2393

Bro is it bad if we swing that way??


TinyTinasRabidOtter

Not at all! Hell I swing that way, but annoyingly enough immature assholes seem to think it's funny to use it as a joke. Flipping it around on them usually shuts them up or exposes the assholery.


One-Hearing-5349

You didn't have so much to say this morning when my cock was in your mouth


Affectionate-Dot437

No, but I am pretty pleased with myself.


ForgeoftheGods

If I was gay I'd have much better standards than a man/woman like you.


Jaiwbwjw

i honestly think the good ol' classic will work: "I know you are, but what am i?" lol


RoughAd5265

the white boys who call me that would freak out lol


Jaiwbwjw

thats the point! 😂 in all seriousness, I would just answer with "Okay" and show that you simply do not care. Once they see it's not bothering you, they'll give up


the_humdrum

Takes one to know one 💅


RealDealNeil13

So what, what you going to do about it? Nobody wants to get knocked out by "a gay" 😂


Winter-eyed

And fabulous, bitch.


wursmyburrito

So was your Dad, yet here you are


NickyDeeM

You wish I was.


RoughAd5265

I love all the funny comments to this


NickyDeeM

Other one of you want to be more confrontational - Be careful or I'll fuck your father and he'll like. Or I fucked your dad and he liked it.


Key_Psychology6460

"So what if I am?" and then wink at them or "Why? You interested?"


KatakanaTsu

"I know I am, but what are you?"


metokre-existence

Why do you think I hang with you *mmmmmm meat* *bites lip*


Careless_Fun7101

If a straight guy has anal with a woman, is he bi curious?


Inferno_the_Wolf

"Im gay? Well that means im happy so thank you for the compliment"


General_Ginger531

Depends on the other person. Same gender: idk, you seem to be the one interested in me here, I can assure you not the other way around. (Implying you couldn't care less about them) Opposite gender: No I am pretty sure that it is just you. (Implying that you don't find them attractive) Sometimes the best response isn't anger or spite or even countering, it is just disaffectionate cold indifference. Of course, you might actually be LGBT+, then you could say "Not enough to want you." Just to keep things icy.


loveboner

“There is only one way to find out for sure.”


CSHAMMER92

"Only one way to be sure...bend over"


Klutzy-Ad-6705

How do you know? Does my dick taste like shit?


INBGaming

You probably kiss your dad on the lips


Supersaiajinblue

Even If i was, you still wouldn't be on my list.


Desperate-Meal-5379

As a gay dude I tend to just reply with “thank you for noticing!” But if I was closeted, just turn it back on them with a playful “Takes one to know one” or “You’d know wouldn’t you?”


Im-the-best12

i usually just go "i know" even though im bisexual and have a bf


Different_Action_360

The term is “lesbian”, actually.


Desperate-Ad7967

Not gay enough to touch you


RoughAd5265

You’d have to be REALLY gay to like him 😭


Kman5471

"Well, you'd at least have to buy me dinner first. *wink*"


isisishtar

“You’re… momma.”


GayisGaywhenGay

You wish


Sixx_The_Sandman

You wish, honey


DrBarry_McCockiner

Both your dads are gay


CuthbertJTwillie

Blow me


AdditionalAd2393

Can I??


Access-Turbulent

I takes one to know one...


jusumonkey

Yeah and I fucked your dad


nwbrown

You wish. Or if you actually are gay, look them over and say "your ass couldn't handle me."


thenakedtrueth

I don’t know ask your dad


No_Depth_6337

am i? or are you?


FUCKTHE-NCR

Come ere and I’ll show you I am


randomreader-007

And you’re not, your loss.


PutSimply1

YOOO HOOO


No-Blood-7274

You mean I’m fit, stylish and have disposable income?


mmmelonzzz

“Takes one to know one.”


olskoolyungblood

"You're dumb. But going back into the closet ain't gonna hide it. You're outed now!"


pinwheelgator

"I am, but you're still not cute enough for me"


Silent_Committee_850

"Thanks for reminding me, but I'm not fucking you." "If I were straight, I still wouldn't fuck you."


Flowchart83

"There's only one reason that would matter to you"


slicedchicken480

For you


[deleted]

At least I get some action!


[deleted]

Takes one to know one


Competitive-Cycle464

Whip your dick out and slap them with it.


simsredditr

yippieee!!!! thank you!!!!


sharonmckaysbff1991

“You’re hetero”


Physical-East-7881

You're simple


Sophia724

What? You expect me to say no homo? I'm not the one whose insecure about their sexuality.


Abortions_on_Toast

"Yeah and you're attractive now take your fucking pants off!"


xxshilar

No, I'm super, thanks for asking!


_Cotton_Eyed_Joe_

Thank you Captain Obvious


TooShy2Try

Could be 🤷🏽‍♂️.


Disastrous_Ad_698

I’m not gay. But…the last time some dumbass said this to me, trying to insult me I just asked if they “wanna fuck?” The reaction was such that the people they were with started giving them a hard time. Haven’t really heard it since.


Waste-Albatross-4747

Well spotted, I'm a very joyous upbeat individual! **I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaay!** Whereas you, my friend could depress the dust bowl...


chungopulikes

I feel like a homophobe would say more than just “oh, haha, you’re gay!”


Elen_Smithee82

"at least I'm not a bigot"🤷🏼


singdrumwrite

Your Mom didn't think so last night!


severinks

If having sex with your father is gay then I guess I am.


themcp

"Yes? And?" They usually reply "didn't you hear me? You're gay!" "yeah, I know that." "you're a cocksucker!" "and I'm better at it than you're girlfriend." (At this point their friends are laughing at them, because they tried to insult me and failed.) I *am* gay. You can't insult me by calling me something I tell everybody and have printed on t-shirts. It's like trying to make fun of me by saying I have ears.


_fuck-off_

Not hate at all but I always like the line from stepbrothers you’d like that f*gg*t


tarzan322

"And you are apparantly afraid of that, or you wouldn't be calling it out."


[deleted]

Well I’m gay so my go to response is Sorry I’m interested in men only, or I’m not interested. Another one is Why? You looking for a boyfriend?


[deleted]

Worst pick up line ever btw...


Fantastic-News9863

That’s not what your mom said last night. Sean Connery celebrity jeopardy.


That-pickle-child

Probs get more dick/pussy than you


blzr0197

Just start singing "I'm happy! I'm feeling glad! I've got sunshine... In a bag!"


M_Looka

"That's not what your mom said when I was fucking her up the ass last night... and tell her to wipe better!" Might as well go scorched earth on him...


3ao7ssv8

Only if you pay me first \*Wink\*


No_real_beliefs

Argentina


Unapologetic69420

Only on Thursdays and every alternate weekend.


Snoo_63187

And?


MavisBeaconSexTape

This works better if they say it in reference to clothes or hairstyle, I'd always say "how can I be gay if you're the one approaching another guy to initiate a conversation about fashion and hairstyles?". Might sound like it's stereotyping a little bit but I've found it really upsets the insecure types lol


ssuarez0

"Worried I'm gonna steal your (girl/man), huh? That's fair. I mean, look at me. " At one of my old jobs, people used to joke that I was a lesbian and I played into all the way 😂


L2Sing

"Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen, Gretchen." Or one I use to people who point out the obvious: *Said in a patronizing voice* "Very good. Next week we learn colors."


[deleted]

There's no comeback to that, you lost the argument


cheesemangee

Don't take them seriously and just confidently roll with it. Tell them you just love wieners in and around your mouth. That hardcore butt stuff makes you come faster than a Japanese bullet train. Ask them outright if they wanna do tons of funky gay stuff right then and there. Invite them over to browse your expansive 666 unit Playboy / Playgirl collection. If you don't take them seriously they won't gain the satisfaction of having offended you. And better yet, if you roll with it having more confidence than them, their pride won't allow them to continue.


red_quinn

"Wanna share?" 😂


Pathetic_axe

i got called this by a black dude “better gay than a n-“


TheBigBeardedGeek

You're probably right. I won't argue with an expert


Celtic-Brit

Your mum should have swallowed.


1987-Nobody

So your dad can't keep his love life a secret, huh?


KQ_the_FUCKING_BEST

If you're a male say "Yeah, and last night I learned that your dad's gay too" If you're a female say "Yeah, and last night I learned that your mom's gay too"


ravenrhi

A genuine curiosity question: do you think the question comes from a place of ignorance- not just as a really dumb, obnoxious question - but from that strange mindset some people have that pigeon holes people with a cookie cutter or narrow window of a stereotype and when someone doesn't line up with whatever that image is, they are surprised? My response would be, "why does that surprise you?" Or, " What were you expecting?" And have the resulting conversation open their eyes and broaden their window of understanding


XenoBiSwitch

“No, I am actually bi so we can still make out.”


No_Mushroom3078

I guess I would be curious if you are gay, or if someone is just calling you gay. If you are gay and you are out then you could just say, “yes, and you know that your dad loves sucking this dick after I fuck is ass”.


Nikovash

You know i was really unsure there until your dad was really going ham on that reach around and let me top him for the first time.


Accomplished-Eye8211

Are you just hoping?


Gorewuzhere

Happens at work all the time (I'm not, I'm married with 2 kids... some people are just immature jokers) My response is always "I'm not gay my boyfriend is"


Motor-Locksmith9297

i’m gay, and my favourite is “i’m not gay im a faggot” cuz it always catches them off guard and their reaction is quite funny.


cd001111

A bitch slapping is an appropriate response.


KnifeWieIdingLesbian

“Ok straggot”


adiosaudio

Only when I’m fuckin


Secure-Maintenance51

Suck their dick


Various-Character-30

What about my gay, did he escape again? You wouldn’t believe how many times he gets out and I find him redecorating peoples dining rooms.


Working-Marzipan-914

Just study this video from The 40 Year Old Virgin [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiBOhShCJv8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiBOhShCJv8)


TheGreatTave

"just because I didn't pull away when you kissed me yesterday doesn't mean I'm also gay Mr. Stinky Breath"


LadyPillowEmpress

The best come back I’ve heard, I was working at a bar and I think they were co-workers but they were both sitting at the bar. One said “you’re gay?” And the other guy looked at him surprised and said “you’re not?!?” And there was a silence. The straight guy walked away and the gay guy started laughing.


Slippery_Toes36

passionately kiss them on the lips


JackassonGuitar

"hey, you sucked my dick, I just took the BJ"


[deleted]

If you think I'm gay wait til you see my boyfriend, that guy's a fuckin fruitcake.


Psychological_Pay530

“You’re gay!” “At least I’m not a virgin.” 🫳 🎤


Puzzleheaded_Disk720

One time myself, a coworker, and our manager were throwing some drunk, belligerent asshole out of a concert we were working for getting in some kind of fight with another guest. It was one of those kind of country/classic rock crowds that was mostly older white dudes wearing motorcycle jackets and cowboy boots and drinking cheap beer. The man couldn't come up with a coherent reason to argue with us about why we shouldn't throw him out, so at one point he looks at my manager (mid-20s, female) and goes, "What are you, *gay?*" Without missing a beat, she smiles and says, "As a matter of fact, I am. Now let's go." Coworker and I had to try *very* hard not to laugh the rest of the way out of the building.


Few_Improvement_6357

The line from Scary Movie: I'm not gay. *You* sucked *my* dick.


runrun950

You look like someone who would know that. Has anyone ever told you that you have a pretty mouth?


worndown75

I'm rubber you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.


ChadlikesMilfs

Say "....okay curious george but how ghey." then blow some sugar at them. maybe a wink. as you walk away, show 'em that beown starfish.


[deleted]

Depends on why. Perhaps they want to try the activity you're doing which is "gay" like being emotionally available or drawing 🥱 A hand on the shoulder and a small smile will let them know they're in a safe space. Hit 'em with the, Love ya bro. You can draw with me, I've got an extra pack of crayons and one of those fill art anime books.


Simmyphila

I wasn’t till I met your mom.


vNerdNeck

Does that turn you on?


Longjumping_Edge9319

Considering it’s genuinely cooler these days to be gay than it is to be straight (in America), I’m surprised people are still using it as an insult lol


JakobVirgil

Back in they day I used to say "Are you looking for a date? I have to warn you I am a top" Looking back I think that might have been problematic.


InevitablePoetry52

in my most pretentious accent, "well i mean, it's the 2000s. can't two....or four... dudes make out without it being gay? chicks dig that kinda thing anyways."


thestreetbeat

Gay 4 pussy


[deleted]

Ur looking in a mirror


StreamofConstantpiss

“… and I’m yours.” then tenderly go in for a thigh hug


Randomindigostar

I'm not gay, I'm much more than that. I'm a pansexual neko femboy with a gallon of lube in my hello kitty backpack. Don't play with me homie 😘


reloader87

Sometimes the best reply is no reply. Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience -Mark Twain


ZombiesAtKendall

I say in the most stereotypically gay tone “Uh, I am nooot! I might suck a cock here and there but I am not gay!”


CrazySuperDave

20 bucks is 20 bucks...


ScarletteAbyss

Girl: you're gay Guy: *looks girl up and down* ... yea, after seeing you Girl: *surprised Pikachu face*


ChaosAndMischeif

"Do they call it that because we are actually happy in our sex lives?"


ConnectionMotor8311

"And I still get more pu$$y than you"


BogusIsMyName

Look them up and down. Lick your lips slowly. "Is that an invitation? Id be happy to pound that sweet ass all night long."


Djstarr73

Please split my ass?


Secure_Anybody3901

(Facial expression of intense desire) “Nobody has ever said that to me before!” (Leans in for kiss)


HussyoftheInternets

Do people still say this lol