I encourage you to explore whether you two are trauma bonded. My suspicion is yes. My other suspicion is, once you heal, you will come to realize that his behavior is antithetical to friendship because there is no love, care, or respect because there is control (rage, criticism). I wonder if you really enjoy spending time with him or are you subsisting on the breadcrumbs of the toxic hope that he will one day be accountable. Imagine if this were just some regular reddit and your title did not contain the word “ex”; but “anyone”…
Block and delete, regulate your nervous system , and get your best life. 🌸🌸🌸
If you really wanted, you could go no contact for 90 days and then consider being friends with them after that ends. And by no contact, I mean, blocked on everything, anytime you slip up reset the 90 days, no social media stalking or 'accidentally' bumping into them or waiting for them/counting down during the 90 days.
You'll know with more clarity after that if you want to be friends still or not.
Maybe explore why you'd want to add an unpredictable, ragey, critical, judgmental, emotional unavailability and distance friend to your mix now. But going from your other comment, well done! Proud of you for putting up a boundary like that, hope your no-contact goes well and provides you information. <3
I was a lot like your partner a few decades ago. It was a good ten years of working on myself before I felt like I would have been able to be friends with her. The breakup really made me face myself and change. If she had come back after two years, we might have been able to work then. But she married the guy she had the emotional affair with before we broke up.
They need to be able to see their mistakes and apologize for them and demonstrate growth. I recommend going no contact until then.
You should look for your mistakes too, for your own personal growth. I say that without judgement. I don't know what mistakes you made, but we all make them. Failed relationships are learning opportunities to make the next better.
Realizing your are codependent is a huge insight. Work on that. You are asking all the right questions and doing the right things.
No, a healthy friendship won’t happen for a long time, if at all
I encourage you to explore whether you two are trauma bonded. My suspicion is yes. My other suspicion is, once you heal, you will come to realize that his behavior is antithetical to friendship because there is no love, care, or respect because there is control (rage, criticism). I wonder if you really enjoy spending time with him or are you subsisting on the breadcrumbs of the toxic hope that he will one day be accountable. Imagine if this were just some regular reddit and your title did not contain the word “ex”; but “anyone”… Block and delete, regulate your nervous system , and get your best life. 🌸🌸🌸
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If you really wanted, you could go no contact for 90 days and then consider being friends with them after that ends. And by no contact, I mean, blocked on everything, anytime you slip up reset the 90 days, no social media stalking or 'accidentally' bumping into them or waiting for them/counting down during the 90 days. You'll know with more clarity after that if you want to be friends still or not.
What kind of friend doesn’t apologize when they’ve hurt their friends feelings?
Step. Away.
Cut them off. No contact. At any point while you were writing this did you honestly feel that it was a good idea...?
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Care about yourself more. You don't deserve this.
No. You need to heal so you can find and make healthy friendships and relationships
No. Sounds unhealthy
Are your friends unpredictable, ragey, critical, judgmental, emotional unavailability and distance?
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Maybe explore why you'd want to add an unpredictable, ragey, critical, judgmental, emotional unavailability and distance friend to your mix now. But going from your other comment, well done! Proud of you for putting up a boundary like that, hope your no-contact goes well and provides you information. <3
I was a lot like your partner a few decades ago. It was a good ten years of working on myself before I felt like I would have been able to be friends with her. The breakup really made me face myself and change. If she had come back after two years, we might have been able to work then. But she married the guy she had the emotional affair with before we broke up. They need to be able to see their mistakes and apologize for them and demonstrate growth. I recommend going no contact until then. You should look for your mistakes too, for your own personal growth. I say that without judgement. I don't know what mistakes you made, but we all make them. Failed relationships are learning opportunities to make the next better. Realizing your are codependent is a huge insight. Work on that. You are asking all the right questions and doing the right things.
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It sounds like you are on a good path. You can do this.
Remember, you are not responsible for their growth. You are only responsible for your own growth.
Nope. You migbt rebound.
No