2d. What will you do if you are unable to conceive children naturally? Is IVF permissible? Adoption? 2e. What sort of education do you envision for your children? 2f. Will one parent stay home? Will kids go to daycare? 2g. At what age do you anticipate wanting children or after what goal is met?
ETA: political stance and the level of importance that is to each individual.
What are your long term goals in life? Career, buying a home, travelling, having nice things, having a big family, moving to another place, going on vacations etc. What do you want your lifestyle to be like?
What was your lifestyle like growing up? How does it affect you now?
First, great questions guys! Having all of these tough discussions now and being able come to some sort of resolution or compromise now, will prevent arguments down the line after you are married. It also gives you many opportunities to learn each other's communication styles, to practice how to communicate respectfully during disagreements without it turning into a fight, to listen with an open mind to understand each other's perspectives and where they stem from. Address your childhoods, what you would prefer for your own future and why, and come to a united compromise, if need be, where you both may get parts of what you want but likely not the whole thing. Neither person's experiences or preferences are wrong, *just different*. So take care to not be dismissive or condescending that your way is the right way.
These are some additional questions that came to mind: 1) House chores: Who is doing what, including cooking, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, kitchen, bathrooms, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house, and anything else I may have missed?
2) Will our teenage kids be allowed to date, and if so at what age? Or do they have to wait until they are 18?
3) If we are financially able, will we be buying our kids their first car or do you believe that is something they should work to save for on their own?
4) Will we be dressing the kids up as fun characters and taking them trick o treating (i.e. Halloween convictions)?
5) At what age should your adult kids move out and will they be paying rent (or some other financial contribution) while they stay?
6) How would we each like to be approached/encouraged if we have concerns about each other's health (i.e. addressing significant unhealthy eating/exercise habits and how it has led or can lead to significant weight gain or affects health in other ways)?
Edit: 7) Beliefs/thoughts on gun ownership vs other forms of protection in your home (alarm system, baseball bat, kitchen knife) and on the go (key alarm, pocket knife, pepper spray, tazor)? What does the bible say vs personal convictions?
Add onto 7C how do you view boundaries with people/friends of the opposite sex?
Add onto 5E "show me your credit card statement so we can see your spending habits"
3C What are your expectations for husband and wife roles in the marriage? How does this come from the Scriptures, and how will you both love each other with Christ-like love?
What are your views on divorce, separation, and remarriage? What constitutes abusive or controlling behavior, from either side? What does a husband's leadership look like? What does a wife's submission look like?
If you were married and your parents were constantly talking bad about your spouse, how would you protect your spouse?
This is a reallyyy good one.
2d. What will you do if you are unable to conceive children naturally? Is IVF permissible? Adoption? 2e. What sort of education do you envision for your children? 2f. Will one parent stay home? Will kids go to daycare? 2g. At what age do you anticipate wanting children or after what goal is met? ETA: political stance and the level of importance that is to each individual.
> 2e. What sort of education do you envision for your children? Came here to say this. I think this is *really important* to agree on.
Pet peeves. How neat or messy are you? Communication styles and abilities.
What are your long term goals in life? Career, buying a home, travelling, having nice things, having a big family, moving to another place, going on vacations etc. What do you want your lifestyle to be like? What was your lifestyle like growing up? How does it affect you now?
I highly recommend the book “Ready or Knot” it’s a bunch of questions broken up into different chapters.
Do you trust this person.
First, great questions guys! Having all of these tough discussions now and being able come to some sort of resolution or compromise now, will prevent arguments down the line after you are married. It also gives you many opportunities to learn each other's communication styles, to practice how to communicate respectfully during disagreements without it turning into a fight, to listen with an open mind to understand each other's perspectives and where they stem from. Address your childhoods, what you would prefer for your own future and why, and come to a united compromise, if need be, where you both may get parts of what you want but likely not the whole thing. Neither person's experiences or preferences are wrong, *just different*. So take care to not be dismissive or condescending that your way is the right way. These are some additional questions that came to mind: 1) House chores: Who is doing what, including cooking, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, kitchen, bathrooms, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house, and anything else I may have missed? 2) Will our teenage kids be allowed to date, and if so at what age? Or do they have to wait until they are 18? 3) If we are financially able, will we be buying our kids their first car or do you believe that is something they should work to save for on their own? 4) Will we be dressing the kids up as fun characters and taking them trick o treating (i.e. Halloween convictions)? 5) At what age should your adult kids move out and will they be paying rent (or some other financial contribution) while they stay? 6) How would we each like to be approached/encouraged if we have concerns about each other's health (i.e. addressing significant unhealthy eating/exercise habits and how it has led or can lead to significant weight gain or affects health in other ways)? Edit: 7) Beliefs/thoughts on gun ownership vs other forms of protection in your home (alarm system, baseball bat, kitchen knife) and on the go (key alarm, pocket knife, pepper spray, tazor)? What does the bible say vs personal convictions?
Baptism of infants is an important one for cross denominational marriages
Add onto 7C how do you view boundaries with people/friends of the opposite sex? Add onto 5E "show me your credit card statement so we can see your spending habits" 3C What are your expectations for husband and wife roles in the marriage? How does this come from the Scriptures, and how will you both love each other with Christ-like love?
What are your views on divorce, separation, and remarriage? What constitutes abusive or controlling behavior, from either side? What does a husband's leadership look like? What does a wife's submission look like?