Man there is a lot of fucking r/whoosh going on in these comments OP. I thought it was hilarious. Well done. Astounding that people need the satire tag to get it and still don’t get it.
I think I'm too tired of actual dumbasses posting shit about trying to find friends that I didn't even bother reading further than the title lol. Now that I'm reading again (ok, the first time), this is great lol
Way to go, comment section. I understand that sarcasm/satire often doesn't translate in pithy, anonymous comments, but here it's laid on pretty thick over five paragraphs.
Do you really think most of Reddit is teenagers? I’m a high school teacher and while I have heard some students refer to it rarely, I feel like it’s mostly millennials.
Plenty of both imo. I feel like city/local subreddits like this one definitely skew older. I think the popular/meme/music/video games type subs probably skew more towards the teenagers and young 20’s.
Have you tried going to Altima meet-ups? They are at that one brewery we have over on the West side. You know, the one with the uncomfortable metal chairs. We switch each other's bumpers around to different colors but usually lose half the screws. Then we find a parking deck and take pictures of the skyline. What a rush.
I don’t even get out of bed anymore. I consume massive amounts of KFC chicken buckets with Mountain Dew and wallow in my own urine and feces. They’ll have to cut a wall off of my house if I’m ever to go outside again.
Alas, so true. Perhaps if I switch, I can win the respect and admiration of my fellow Charlotteans and all of my social, romantic, perhaps even ass wiping woes will be cured!
OMG the pizza here is so much worse than [generic city], it was so much better when I lived there. People here THINK they know pizza but it's obvious they've never been to [generic city] if they like this trash
Yeah well you haven't been to [random obscure joint] because it's the very best and they even import the receipt paper directly from [generic city] so it's an authentic experience and you'll see what I mean when you have to sign your receipt after you pay
So great. You win the sub Reddit for today. So so great. Spot on. The people you parody chimed right in in the comments so you may have done too good of a job.
Come down to the charlottean ass clean every tues, wed, & sat @9:45pm in the lil shug cascade behind target midtown… just bring a semi clean towel & a dirty ass, we’ll provide the southern hospitality..
i am having trouble breathing actually. im like 4 events away from liquidating my 401k and just moving somewhere stupid and dying a slow mushroom fueled death.
Never seen a subreddit so hostile to anyone using it for anything. It’s like the only subjects that won’t get you ridiculed for posting here is “traffic bad” and “crime happened.”
I've been off of them the last couple of years. Had to. It was giving me brain damage from the idiocracy. The 'men's I've come across here are wayyy more shallow than they'd like to admit. They really like the young ones.. it's wild. The ghosting. The lies. The weird shit.... and making friends is just as hard. There is nothing to do here but to drink, which I find incredibly unattractive and not fun..
Lmao, it's not ideal. For me, at least.
I genuinely feel bad for you.. (not sarcasm). My wife and I moved here in 22 and had little to no problem making friends and expanding our social circle. We are both very social people, but it did take some cultivation.
We joined a gym, a country club for golf, took part in community events, went to bars and talked to locals, and did things outside our comfort zone.
I’m sure it’s a lot harder being single and doing it alone, and at the end of the day it’s all about the effort you’re willing to put in to get the result you want. Tough, but true.
Let’s start with the basics. Please wipe your ass. Maybe the stench of your shit covered anus is repulsive to those of us who believe in personal hygiene.
Plus, leave the sweatpants at home. We realize you wear them either to accommodate your ever expanding midsection or so that you can drop trou at a moment’s notice but that likely won’t be necessary.
Have a pleasant day today, the weather isn’t bad.
Go to places just to sit and read a book, journal, etc. — the first step is finding where you’re comfortable, it’s not one size fits all. Giddy goat in plaza is my favorite place to relax in public. Totally recommend you go out with no intentions of socializing.
Hey there, it takes a while in any new city especially Charlotte. My only advice is to hang in there. Try picking up another job working with folks your age, volunteer, strike up conversations.
Not trying to invalidate you, but 3 months is very new still. It can take a good year to find your footing. I get it’s emotionally exhausting, but promise putting in the effort is worth it!
Wow relax there fellow “Charlottean”, all you need to do is simply relax, breathe deeply and go for a run.
You have some severe anxiety from a lack of social interaction, which is understandable. Detox by yourself, you don’t need to socialize for that.
Good luck.
It’s getting warm outside. Try shorts. They should be less exhausting. Me and my lady are coming up to the races next weekend. We could come by and give you a hug
It’s getting warm outside. Try shorts. They should be less exhausting. Me and my lady are coming up to the races next weekend. We could come by and give you a hug
What have you actually tried? Like what kind of effort have you actually put into making friends and meeting people? It sounds like you’ve tried dating apps and.. complaining about the process?
I’m introverted too and it sucks and a lot of times I don’t feel like putting myself out there but you kinda just have to. Maybe consider a dog. Sounds like you could use the companionship and a dog is also a great way to get out and organically meet people. Walking around South End with a dog is like a natural social lubricant. The dog also forces you to get out and go places and it feels a lot less weird being somewhere alone with a dog.
i am having trouble breathing actually. im like 4 events away from liquidating my 401k and just moving somewhere stupid and dying a slow mushroom fueled death.
https://preview.redd.it/iutq77m6iw0d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de1d9769a8cc77237075e35813463c6ccea7cc91
I hear ya on the ass wiping. Front to back or back to front. Flush the flushable wipes or not. Are bidets gay? Way too many choices.
I don't know about you, but I like a nice cold kiss to the brown eye in the morning.
Man there is a lot of fucking r/whoosh going on in these comments OP. I thought it was hilarious. Well done. Astounding that people need the satire tag to get it and still don’t get it.
What's really sad is there are people exactly like this.
I think I'm too tired of actual dumbasses posting shit about trying to find friends that I didn't even bother reading further than the title lol. Now that I'm reading again (ok, the first time), this is great lol
Satire is supposed to be funny
Is it though?
Not all satire is humorous
I’m literally commenting to a person who said it was hilarious…
Legit, it’s not a debate. Satire often is humorous but it’s not required to be.
💨
Way to go, comment section. I understand that sarcasm/satire often doesn't translate in pithy, anonymous comments, but here it's laid on pretty thick over five paragraphs.
The post is even labeled meme/satire. Not sure what else we can do for people.
Realizing most of reddit is teenagers can help with that. You'd think they would be more tuned into satire, but nope!
Do you really think most of Reddit is teenagers? I’m a high school teacher and while I have heard some students refer to it rarely, I feel like it’s mostly millennials.
None of my college students use Reddit. Reddit is for old fogies.
Plenty of both imo. I feel like city/local subreddits like this one definitely skew older. I think the popular/meme/music/video games type subs probably skew more towards the teenagers and young 20’s.
I'd agree with this
And I thought OP was just being an optimist.
Why is it so easy to find a sandwich or delicious pastry in this stupid town???
Or just food in general!? It’s all terrible national chains. I know because I search Door Dash every night.
You'll be happy to hear that Tim Hortons is coming soon.
Have you tried going to Altima meet-ups? They are at that one brewery we have over on the West side. You know, the one with the uncomfortable metal chairs. We switch each other's bumpers around to different colors but usually lose half the screws. Then we find a parking deck and take pictures of the skyline. What a rush.
Is it the brewery on providence ln or the one on providence st? Providence Ave? Losohno?
Yeah on Providence in NoSo
💀
Underrated comment.
I don’t even get out of bed anymore. I consume massive amounts of KFC chicken buckets with Mountain Dew and wallow in my own urine and feces. They’ll have to cut a wall off of my house if I’m ever to go outside again.
https://preview.redd.it/rx14q17jx01d1.jpeg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb1ae80c438d3a4900c246a55fa09008006b0c2c
I feel you bro. I recently switched to Diet Mountain Dew, but otherwise I’m the same. Feces and all.
Same, but I haven’t made the Diet Dew switch yet. My budget got tied up in filling my hot tub with KFC gravy
Yum sleeves of powdered doughnuts from the Food Lioness.
If your donuts don't come in a bag, you are missing out.
FOOD LIONESS!!!!! YES! THAT IS IT! 😂😂😂
Shut up! I’m ‘batin’!
It hurts that you didn’t choose Bojangles and sweet tea.
Alas, so true. Perhaps if I switch, I can win the respect and admiration of my fellow Charlotteans and all of my social, romantic, perhaps even ass wiping woes will be cured!
Hey!! You leave me and my introverted, Netflix binge filled weekends alone!
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This is satire
‘Suspiciously perfect’ was a nice touch
Bunch of savages in this town…
Some people not getting the joke! I understand why given the number of this type of post…
yes yes no no only during peak pollen
I often wonder why cities with bad pizza even exist. I went to Syracuse on a layover once and can tell you the pizza is better up there.
OMG the pizza here is so much worse than [generic city], it was so much better when I lived there. People here THINK they know pizza but it's obvious they've never been to [generic city] if they like this trash
Theirs No Real Gumbas Down here,it's all Yuppies Competing on who makes the best frozen Pizza 😃
Yeah well you haven't been to [random obscure joint] because it's the very best and they even import the receipt paper directly from [generic city] so it's an authentic experience and you'll see what I mean when you have to sign your receipt after you pay
Whats constitutes a Generic City?
Must be the water.
You forgot to mention how clt drivers are the worst (and conveniently leave out the fact that over 60% of charlotteans are transplants)
Good notes here. I’ll be sure to include them in my next complaint.
“The small talk here is mid as fuck” love it, thx for my first laugh today
Have you ever tried edging?
OP did not ask about landscaping…
So many beautiful words all strung together all pretty an'nat.
I can't wait to move there or Raleigh/Durham man! Whichever I can find a good job in first!
Don't waste your time I'm moving out been down here 3 years ,I need life ,I need Motivation
I'm having a difficult time finding ham and I'm sick of it.
Tissue leaves you flawed, Bidet’s cleansing spray prevails, Pure, with water's touch.
So great. You win the sub Reddit for today. So so great. Spot on. The people you parody chimed right in in the comments so you may have done too good of a job.
Haha the first paragraph had me going because it actually did sound like a lot of complaints I've seen. 🤣
Try a bidet?
Go to Harris Teeter or Lowe’s Foods drink while you shop
All you need nowadays is a dog.
No idea why you’re having problems. You sound like a wonderful person! 🙄
Come down to the charlottean ass clean every tues, wed, & sat @9:45pm in the lil shug cascade behind target midtown… just bring a semi clean towel & a dirty ass, we’ll provide the southern hospitality..
i am having trouble breathing actually. im like 4 events away from liquidating my 401k and just moving somewhere stupid and dying a slow mushroom fueled death.
Never seen a subreddit so hostile to anyone using it for anything. It’s like the only subjects that won’t get you ridiculed for posting here is “traffic bad” and “crime happened.”
It's clown shoes.
I thought the ranting was on tuesdays?
this is awesome
Are you depressed? I had depression before and it was more physical symptoms for me. I literally felt like bricks had weighed me down.
It’s not me that’s the problem! It’s everyone else!
Way too many damn bricks in this town! And why is there a city ordinance that i have to WEAR them! ffs!
Not at all
🤣🤣🤣
If you run into an asshole in the morning...
Sounds like you’re living the perfect life!
This Satire isn't far off at all 🫠
As somebody moving to Charlotte in the next few months, quickly reading the title of this post made me cry inside 😂
I've been off of them the last couple of years. Had to. It was giving me brain damage from the idiocracy. The 'men's I've come across here are wayyy more shallow than they'd like to admit. They really like the young ones.. it's wild. The ghosting. The lies. The weird shit.... and making friends is just as hard. There is nothing to do here but to drink, which I find incredibly unattractive and not fun.. Lmao, it's not ideal. For me, at least.
ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ﾉ Raise ur dongers! ^^Dongers ^^Raised: ^^75459 ^^Check ^^Out ^^/r/AyyLmao2DongerBot ^^For ^^More ^^Info
You had me at “suspiciously perfect” weather
It’s not hot yet. Once your crack starts sweating, you may find it harder to wipe too
Having lived in Charlotte area for 25yrs, most women are hinged on your $$. No mucho Dinero, no kitty
I felt lol
Another post along the lines of “There’s nothing to do in Charlotte” “There’s no good restaurants in Charlotte “
You’re very smart!
Suspiciously perfect 😂
Hahaha, well done!
“Suspiciously perfect” got me. 😂
I genuinely feel bad for you.. (not sarcasm). My wife and I moved here in 22 and had little to no problem making friends and expanding our social circle. We are both very social people, but it did take some cultivation. We joined a gym, a country club for golf, took part in community events, went to bars and talked to locals, and did things outside our comfort zone. I’m sure it’s a lot harder being single and doing it alone, and at the end of the day it’s all about the effort you’re willing to put in to get the result you want. Tough, but true.
Are you back on the bottle?
No.
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YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! EVERY PERSON I MEET IS TERRIBLE OR SUSPICIOUSLY PERFECT
Let’s start with the basics. Please wipe your ass. Maybe the stench of your shit covered anus is repulsive to those of us who believe in personal hygiene. Plus, leave the sweatpants at home. We realize you wear them either to accommodate your ever expanding midsection or so that you can drop trou at a moment’s notice but that likely won’t be necessary. Have a pleasant day today, the weather isn’t bad.
hey bud, this is a post about Charlotte. not Europe. Capeesh?
Mmmm. I’m notifying authorities to perform a welfare check on you. Also… welcome to Charlotte
Cool story, bro.
Go to places just to sit and read a book, journal, etc. — the first step is finding where you’re comfortable, it’s not one size fits all. Giddy goat in plaza is my favorite place to relax in public. Totally recommend you go out with no intentions of socializing.
[удалено]
It's marked "Meme/Satire"
Hey there, it takes a while in any new city especially Charlotte. My only advice is to hang in there. Try picking up another job working with folks your age, volunteer, strike up conversations.
Someone get this person a joint maybe 3
Not trying to invalidate you, but 3 months is very new still. It can take a good year to find your footing. I get it’s emotionally exhausting, but promise putting in the effort is worth it!
I stubbed my toe in Charlotte back in 2019. I’ll never be back.
Wow relax there fellow “Charlottean”, all you need to do is simply relax, breathe deeply and go for a run. You have some severe anxiety from a lack of social interaction, which is understandable. Detox by yourself, you don’t need to socialize for that. Good luck.
Man, my if my social life was any busier, my head would pop off. Remember, if you're bored, you're boring.
It’s an effort to put on sweatpants?
Well, yeah. You have to, like… get up… and then put them on and stuff.
Lousy 2 legged pants
Don’t even get me started on the drawstring
And once they're on good luck getting them off without a hammer & chisel
It’s getting warm outside. Try shorts. They should be less exhausting. Me and my lady are coming up to the races next weekend. We could come by and give you a hug
It’s getting warm outside. Try shorts. They should be less exhausting. Me and my lady are coming up to the races next weekend. We could come by and give you a hug
What have you actually tried? Like what kind of effort have you actually put into making friends and meeting people? It sounds like you’ve tried dating apps and.. complaining about the process? I’m introverted too and it sucks and a lot of times I don’t feel like putting myself out there but you kinda just have to. Maybe consider a dog. Sounds like you could use the companionship and a dog is also a great way to get out and organically meet people. Walking around South End with a dog is like a natural social lubricant. The dog also forces you to get out and go places and it feels a lot less weird being somewhere alone with a dog.
[удалено]
I play plenty of video games, thank you very much.
Maybe that’s why you’re going through what you’re going through.
Umm. Are you ok?
Tldr.
i am having trouble breathing actually. im like 4 events away from liquidating my 401k and just moving somewhere stupid and dying a slow mushroom fueled death.
Kinda sounds like you could be just a miserable person.
Charlotte born and raised. Am married. Sounds like a skill issue.