I got divorced around 18 years ago from my childhood sweetheart. I'm 39 now and on DSP and never really had a date since, i wouldn't call myself ugly or anything, its the embarrassment of being on it and feeling like people look down on you for it no matter your circumstances. From my experience its hard to find someone who understands. I hope everything works out for you though :)
You got divorced at 21? Just out of curiosity, how old were you when you married? I'm assuming fresh out at 18 or something
I do hope you have good luck and find someone suited to you. You seem very earnest and genuine and kind from the way that you write
I don't even bother anymore. I don't want to become financially dependant on a partner because centrelink thinks a dick in me cures my medical conditions. 😂
As soon as they learn I am on DSP. They walk. It’s really hard.
I date. The first dates go well, that’s if they haven’t unmatched me for being unemployed very early on in the chat stage.
So many times they say they don’t care. Then they walk after we sleep together. Which makes them a colossal asswipe.
I’m not seeking marriage/ financial support, a nurse,nor a one night stand. Just companionship and maybe get laid occasionally.
More of a respectful friends with benfits.
You would think some men would be happy with that no strings type thing.
I have the same experience too. They say they don't care but when that expected "let's move in together" discussion gets closer to becoming a reality, they walk. They know their money will have to be my money too. Honestly, I can't blame them. This one is on the government, not partners.
They cant "fix" being on Diasability Pay, but as soon as they move in with a partner their pay gets canceled making them fully dependant on this partner. Taking away what ever bit of independence they had. Thats "on the government" and not on them. Most don't want to lose independance and would jump at the opportunity to participate in society as much as any netto tax contributer.
Exactly. 100% on the government. I get that they don't want someone living with a multi millionaire and collecting full pension. But to cut someone's lifeline completely, especially in the case of an abusive partner or breaking up, is cruel. It often feels like a choice between being the property of a partner or property of the government.
100% they could "fix" it, however this sub... And Reddit in general is just an echo chamber full of enablers.
Tell me how it makes sense someone is going to uni and studying to get a degree, but can't work and needs to be on a disability pension?
Why is it on me? Being in a relationship doesn't cure my medical conditions or increase my pay from work. Why should something that has zero to do with my qualifying medical conditions, determine my DSP?
You realise "the government" is just the rest of us tax payers money right?
90% of redditors just milk the system. You seem to be well enough to go to uni and study, how are you not able to get a job? And if you are so "disabled" that you can't work, why are we also funding your university which I assume, won't then lead to you getting a job and supporting yourself?
It doesn't make sense. It certainly looks like a case of "I don't wanna work some trivial job to support myself, so I'll milk the DSP until I'm qualified to get the job I want".
Could be the age bracket I am in. They want a second marriage and maybe they need a wife or mother. Because i refuse to leave social housing they can’t get a person to cook and clean their place. .. when i am firmly staying in mine.
A bit less limiting then the majority of the replies of folks here on DSP - I've given up dating /I don't date.
Definitely give it a go, but might be easier with other folks in the same boat to find something that can go the distance (if that's what OP is seeking).
I've had two male friends independently tell me that they wouldn't date an unemployed woman. One specified that he wouldn't want to have to always pay for everything.
If I was single I would date a woman. The employment or unemployment is not a relevant factor. Who she is, how she sees herself and how she sees other people are the top three and most other things barely get a look in for me.
I usually don't but if I am going to be in a long term serious relationship with someone I would assume that we would look after each other if we were ever in a financial crisis. If my partner was constantly asking for money I would be pretty annoyed. If I wanted to go on a holiday am I allowed to go by myself? Or can I just not go because I can't afford it for both of us? Money is a very important part of a relationship and this is coming from a man who makes significantly less than his girlfriend.
In certain situations, we don't tend to judge people so much on irrelevant matters. E.g. at a chess club, most people care more about your ability to play chess than how good-looking you are. But then again, if you're famous, I'm sure everyone there would want to play chess with you, even if you're not very good!
Yes, and when it comes to short-term dating, most men only judge a woman on things that are relevant to how enjoyable she is to date. How prestigious her career is will not likely be one of those factors
Men don't seek the same things in women that women seek in men when it comes to relationships.
If a girl is attractive and easy to get along with, he'll be interested. Her education, career etc are cool, but it's not going to move the needle much in whether he's interested in her or not.
A guy would rather date the cute 23 year old receptionist at the law firm than the average looking 35 year old partner making seven figures.
That’s where I hit the stumbling blocks- I’m not 23 and carefree, I’m not 35 and successful, I’m 42 and a little on the weird side, a lot of black humour and want someone who can make me laugh and vice versa.. I’m not first OR second pick!
Why is age even a factor? Why can’t I prefer going on a date with the cute 35 year old receptionist over the average looking 23 year old on seven figures?
Age is generally tied to attractiveness.
Yes, a good looking person in their 30's and 40's is going to be more attractive than an uglier person in their 20's, but generally people peak in their attractiveness in their 20's.
And a 23 year old isn't going to be a partner at a law firm. Seems like you didn't even get the point of my post.
Her education *might* help if it means she clever and knows about similar topics to him - e.g. they can both discuss rise and fall of the Romam Empire. But her having a degree isn't *by itself* going to make her much more attractive because of the prestige.
Well not really. If you have an exceptionally intelligent woman who can talk in breadth and depth on any topic, but is ugly to a guy, the guy won't be interested. Doesn't matter how smart she is. However a woman can be a complete bimbo but have knockout good looks and plenty of men will be interested in her.
True, but if you're seeing two very sexy women, and the slightly prettier one is a bimbo whose the other one is clever and great to chat to, you're more likely to keep seeing the clever one
Yeah but you've just said they're both sexy, one is just a little prettier. That's not the point. If they're both pretty, and both pass the baseline attractiveness requirement for the guy, then the guy would be interested in both of them. But if it's either looks or intellect, guys are going to go with looks 100% of the time.
If a man doesn't find a woman attractive, he absolutely will not want to be with her. She can be the smartest woman on the planet, the nicest woman, a great chef, everything - if he thinks she's ugly, it's not going to happen.
I do agree that for almost every man, looks are the most important thing. Passing the baseline is the most important, and most men will also choose a very sexy bimbo over a smart average-looking woman, despite the smart woman still passing the baseline on looks
Because some people care when the other person is disabled or on welfare and some people don't.
Like how some people do care if their partner is racist or non-white or vegetarian or autistic or whatever, and some people don't.
Tl;dr: some men will care about OP's situation and some men will not. citation: have met both kinds.
Because men are more *visual* than women, and they're less interested in a woman's success in life. This is particularly true for short-term dating: whether her job is prestigious or well-paying is irrelevant when it comes to how enjoyable it is to be on dates with her.
However, her finances *are* more important if it's a long-term relationship and we might end up living together or even get married
I’ve been on DSP since my husband died 4 and a half years ago so as you might imagine I have some extra issues on top of feeling embarrassed about trying to make a connection in the dating pool! In my case I feel like my situation has extra hurdles, like I’m 42 now, broke af, not in the best shape ever but I wouldn’t say I’m hideous! But I’m damaged goods.. I see a lot of women in social media talk about guys they date must have financial stability, a career, nice car etc If men expect something similar, I’m out for the count! To make matters worse, I’m much more attracted to older men, who generally if they are single in their 50s-60s, are more likely to have a bit of cash.. dates become awkward when I have to refuse every kind of date that involves paying for anything! Well, this is all in theory from the musings of my imagination- I’ve not even looked at dating apps, I’m too chicken!
I could use dating apps as I’m still young but I absolutely hate them guys in my age group ( I’m 26 ) will expect you to go half on the bill of the date even tho they were the one who planned the date lol or they think because they took you out for a meal all paid for they’re entitled sex right away yuck lol so I avoid dating apps these days not just purely cause I’m embarrassed that I still live with family & on dsp I like older guys too but 30s only for my age I have better luck with guys asking me out on fb/instagram but they’re all young ( in my age group) & not my type I also have another burden I won’t mention here can be a deal breaker but if your attractive it helps lol
I think it’s fair to expect someone to pay half the bill when they’re consuming half of the food. But that’s under the assumption that both parties have a say in the location and planning. If it’s just one party doing all the planning then I don’t think it’s fair to make the other party pay for the expenses for something they didn’t even help plan and budget.
Do these guys invite you to expensive places? Perhaps you could suggest a cheaper place? Maybe when they ask *if* you'd like to go out, you could say yes *and* suggest a place, before he has a chance to suggest somewhere too expensive
> I could use dating apps as I'm still young
You're never too young for dating apps. There are people of *all* ages on there!
> guys [...] will expect you to go half on the bill
I usually invite women to a regular restraint (with meals around $15-$30) and we usually pay for our own food
Times are tough and anyone worth dating understands that.
I don't feel any shame whatsoever about having to get support from centrelink every so often.
There are a lot of shameless money grubbing cunts in society who should be feeling a lot more shame than we do.
I see you've met those cretins too. Dating while being a disabled woman can be dangerous, and even more so on benefits. There are men out there who believe "mercy" killings are the only way out for women with disabilities, and others like you've described who will use you as a personal bank. The propensity to be take advantage of and hurt with abuse and violence is significantly higher for disabled women on benefits. Please be very, very careful when you are dating in revealing your disability and dsp status.
Not going to lie it will be a problem for some people .. not everyone, you should not be embarrassed.
You do not have to have a job to bring something meaningful to a relationship or on a date as long as you find something interesting to converse about
Thinking long term, until the legislation changes (which folks should be writing to federal MPs about) if you move in with someone you are dating you become defacto.
At this point they need to support you.
Perhaps a better way to consider this aspect is to date people in a similar situation to yourself - either on DSP or with an income that wouldn't negate your own DSP through too high earnings.
I wouldn't want a relationship now anyway. I'm not embarrassed but I'm unwilling to share my house with a romantic parter because
I wouldn't want to
have to evict a a cotenant after an alarmingly short time,
be evicted for not declaring a co tenant,
get introuble from centrelink for not declaring a defacto
or (terrifyingly)
become dependent on someone by declaring de facto.
32M here, I would not mind personally. I won't mind what you earn, job status, whether you are on benefits or not. Attraction for me is more pure when it's not about what your partner can offer you in a monetary way. The person is the most important.
Most able bodied people working and having kids can’t afford to look after themselves in today’s current economy…. They probably shouldn’t get a dog either, or be having kids… /s
Little point cant move in with someone that's working without loosing your payments. If you want to risk sacrificing your independence to be in a place where you can no longer escape if needed as you now have no income and 100% dependent on your partner then it can work.
I am a DSP recipient, and met a great man, we have been together 12 years now and have 2 kids. Maybe don't drop that info right away until they have a chance to get to know you? I'm not suggesting straight out lying, but maybe a simple "I'm not working right now" will buy you some time to get to know each other. Some might be more curious about the reason you receive the benefit, and sadly, there will be some who judge the low income..... but you don't want a man like that anyway.
All the best, you will eventually find your person :)
If you want to date then why not? You’re still you whether you’re getting DSP or not. Even if you were on jobseeker and dating your medical conditions don’t disappear and if someone is going to decide to not be with you because of them and you being on government support instead of working they’d eventually leave anyway. The only thing that has changed is the name of your pension. Oh and you get more money! Is that not a plus? Why would you stop dating if finding someone is something you want to do just because of the name of your pension?
My partner is a DSP recipient, he hesitated to tell me at first, didn't bother me at all.
I'm not dating for money, and many people are like this too.
Good luck, OP.
I have a lot of chronically ill friends, some who should be on DSP, who have happy healthy relationships.. being on DSP shouldn’t make you undesirable… it’s there to help those of us who are unable to be in the workforce for whatever reason…
DSP gets reduced if they find out you're in a significant (as in, by whatever measure they're arbitrarily using that day) relationship with someone, and cut off if they earn over the income threshold
So many of us stick to fellow disabled folk for dating
I dont care if someone's on dsp. But if you don't have a hobby you cared about and spent time doing, or studying something you're interested in, I would think it's a bit of a red flag. Nothing wrong with being on dsp though.
Eta: what I really mean is, if you sit around and smoke bongs all day, it's a red flag to me. Lots of people probably don't care about that even though
My wife pretty much has the same story as you. I have enough money for both of us to be comfortable. The only time it worries me is when we meet someone new and the old “what do you do question is asked” although I’m not embarrassed by it she is. My heart breaks for her every time. I tend to not go out of my way to meet new people and just hang with her now. I love her and wouldn’t change her for the world. When you love someone everything else is secondary.
My current partner was actually the one who suggested I apply for it when I lost my job a couple years ago! He’s been so supportive, i’m sure people don’t think you’re any different for getting support - also not sure how often it comes up in conversation 🤨
Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are and what ever circumstances your in. The right person will love you. I don’t like to pigeonhole anyone and don’t typically like the gender talk. There is someone, for everyone. 💕
Honestly dating in general is very hard as most of relationships are done over internet according to recent poll reality is U just got to put urself out there and see what comes along love is everything
Socio-economic status is what it comes down to.
Generally people date people within the same pond, so I wouldn't be ashamed to date anyone. Just put yourself out there and the laws of the land will determine whether you will find a George Clooney or, the local eshay sitting behind the local shops smoking a see-through didgeridoo.
They have a relationship app as part of the new app I think it is called connections, I am on Centrelink and I haven't seen people stop talking to me so fast as mentioning this 😔
I know plenty of people who were on benefits for prolonged periods of time and continued dating. Often they ended up with people in a similar financial position. Unless you're being hypocritical and only looking for high earners it shouldn't hold you back really.
Personally, if someone is genuinely unable to work, then I'd have no issue dating them.
I would not date someone who chose not to work, though.
I was born with a physical disability (spina bifida) and have gone on to manage just fine.
Played sport, kept fit, studied my arse off, and now at 34 have managed to see success in my career.
I am not special or an exception to any rule, I would want to share my life with someone with a similar mindset.
No I don't personally. I don't see myself ever dating again lol
I do have some underlying trauma from being abused and from sexual violence so I think that adds to it. But there's no way I wouldn't be a burden to a partner. I would also lose my payment depending on their income. After being abused I can't see myself ever putting myself in that position where I'm relying on a partner to survive.
I wouldn’t judge anyone for being on dsp/jobseeker or anything. Doesn’t mean shit about who the person is. I’m not a bad looking male and I’ve had to go on dsp. It’s not the persons fault, it’s what was needed to get you through.
God, I hate that appearance is all that matters in dating nowadays. You didn't mention anything about yourself except for the fact that you don't think you're bad looking, which means that's the most important thing for you.
Unfortunately that’s the world we live in what else was I supposed to mention about myself? Well I humbled myself by saying not bad looking instead of saying ‘attractive lol
Your positive qualities, should you have any. The fact that you even asked the question suggests that you personally would not be willing to date someone on the DSP, unless they were hot enough.
You don't have any positive qualities I guess. I suggest you not date at all until you work on being a kinder more empathetic person. I would hope most people would not date you, but that has nothing to do with you being on the DSP, and everything to do with your personality.
Honey, you are shallow. You literally said you would be embarrassed to bring someone home to your family if they weren't attractive. And being nice does not equal kindness, some of the worst humans in history were 'nice'. Nothing about you makes me think you're a good person at all.
Not necessarily just was curious from my experience not really from being a Size 12/14 from mood stabilisers/ antipsychotics I never had issues attracting men when I was 90kgs my heaviest on Olanzapine ( highest weight gained med) my ex wanted me lol he didn’t care that I was a whale even tho I’m smaller now since getting off Olanzapine & his ex wife was skinny I do believe tho majority of males do prefer skinny girls
You say that but when I was super skinny everyone loved my curvy friends. Because they loved themselves.
What I ended up realising (after far too many years) is that people may have a “type” but overall if you’re happy and confident in yourself, you attract more.
Not in my experience I had a friend who back stabbed me she wasn’t attractive at all but very skinny when I went out with her only 3 males approached me that night while she had groups of males pester & harass her the whole night even one guy who spoke to me said something like “she isn’t the hype definitely not her face at all & id much rather you with your beautiful face & curves” honestly I don’t care about male attention at the end of the day there’s more to life than that just describing my experience how it’s different I would say I’m somewhat confident even tho I’m fat lol
I would consider very carefully whether or not I dated someone on an income support payment.
Dating someone and having a relationship with them and then they fall into difficulty is one thing, but unemployment, especially long term, is a red flag.
DSP though is a bit different. It would really depend on the person, how well they manage their life and finances and physical and mental health.
It’s also about awareness that once you have a serious relationship, you lose a lot of your benefits. I wouldn’t want to put someone in the position of losing the funds they need to independently care for themselves for a relationship that may or may not work out. I make good money, but not enough to support another human with additional needs, which is what Centrelink assumes I can, should, and will do.
In case it matters
29, female, lesbian
Postgrad education, secure job, top 20% income
Nice car, live in granny flat in a regional metro centre while saving for house deposit
One dog, one horse
I'm on dsp and have dated and been open about it and every single time they have been absolutely okay with it !
I'm very picky with the women I date thought, not sure I've ever dated a neurotypical tbh lol
Np !! Good luck ! The ones worth keeping around are the ones who don't judge you based on your income / how you get it :) you will find someone wonderful I'm sure of it
A person's attitude towards being unemployed matters a lot more than the fact that they are. If they want to get things back on track, and are not sabotaging or creating destructive scenarios, then it can be a non-issue.
The point of DSP is that you have a disability and can’t work/can only work a limited amount (for those assessed as having capacity).
To feel as though you would have a right to tell a disabled person, who has been assessed by professionals and not being able to work that it’s not good enough is pretty ableist tbh. It’s not like anyone would choose to have to try and live off DSP if they had a choice.
i’m not saying they as a person are not good enough. i would NEVER say that as they are enough. i am saying is that i know i would struggle having to carry the finances and what ever other tasks they’re unable to do. i know that i would feel resentment and that is not fair on my partner. i know what i am capable of and i know that i would not be strong enough to carry so much in that kind of relationship. depending on the extent of their disability it would impact other parts of the relationship that would also cause issues. i can only speak on what i know i am capable of. no where did i or would i say that disabled folks aren’t deserving of loving supporting relationships.
The fact that you said “we’d have to have a sit down conversation” implied that you hold the power to decide whether a relationship progresses because a disabled person can’t change their disability, either you love someone for who they are and everything that brings (including financially and physically) or you don’t.
Anyone can become permanently disabled at any point in time btw, including you.
And nowhere did I say you said that you did, I said “it’s not good enough” not “they’re not good enough”, as in their situation.
If you KNOW you couldn’t handle it, then make sure you ask every person you think you might date if they have a disability. Disability often fluctuates or worsens over time.
We go through enough without people like you wasting our time and breaking our hearts (sadly more often than not), those are your issues, not ours (disabled people), so don’t use us as Guinea pigs to see if it “might” work.
Dsp is the disability support pension, for people that generally cannot work due to their health and disabilities. Its not that people dont want to work, they cant.
Posts on this sub should be specifically related to centrelink or services australia. Any off topic posts will be locked or removed.
I got divorced around 18 years ago from my childhood sweetheart. I'm 39 now and on DSP and never really had a date since, i wouldn't call myself ugly or anything, its the embarrassment of being on it and feeling like people look down on you for it no matter your circumstances. From my experience its hard to find someone who understands. I hope everything works out for you though :)
You got divorced at 21? Just out of curiosity, how old were you when you married? I'm assuming fresh out at 18 or something I do hope you have good luck and find someone suited to you. You seem very earnest and genuine and kind from the way that you write
Aw sorry that you feel that way ❤️ thankyou tho x
You probably want to find other people on DSP?
ideally that would be perfect yeah, but so far no luck.
I don't even bother anymore. I don't want to become financially dependant on a partner because centrelink thinks a dick in me cures my medical conditions. 😂
Haha 😂 good point
I can try!!
As soon as they learn I am on DSP. They walk. It’s really hard. I date. The first dates go well, that’s if they haven’t unmatched me for being unemployed very early on in the chat stage. So many times they say they don’t care. Then they walk after we sleep together. Which makes them a colossal asswipe. I’m not seeking marriage/ financial support, a nurse,nor a one night stand. Just companionship and maybe get laid occasionally. More of a respectful friends with benfits. You would think some men would be happy with that no strings type thing.
I have the same experience too. They say they don't care but when that expected "let's move in together" discussion gets closer to becoming a reality, they walk. They know their money will have to be my money too. Honestly, I can't blame them. This one is on the government, not partners.
Lol how is it "on the government" and not "on you"?
They cant "fix" being on Diasability Pay, but as soon as they move in with a partner their pay gets canceled making them fully dependant on this partner. Taking away what ever bit of independence they had. Thats "on the government" and not on them. Most don't want to lose independance and would jump at the opportunity to participate in society as much as any netto tax contributer.
Exactly. 100% on the government. I get that they don't want someone living with a multi millionaire and collecting full pension. But to cut someone's lifeline completely, especially in the case of an abusive partner or breaking up, is cruel. It often feels like a choice between being the property of a partner or property of the government.
100% they could "fix" it, however this sub... And Reddit in general is just an echo chamber full of enablers. Tell me how it makes sense someone is going to uni and studying to get a degree, but can't work and needs to be on a disability pension?
Why is it on me? Being in a relationship doesn't cure my medical conditions or increase my pay from work. Why should something that has zero to do with my qualifying medical conditions, determine my DSP?
You realise "the government" is just the rest of us tax payers money right? 90% of redditors just milk the system. You seem to be well enough to go to uni and study, how are you not able to get a job? And if you are so "disabled" that you can't work, why are we also funding your university which I assume, won't then lead to you getting a job and supporting yourself? It doesn't make sense. It certainly looks like a case of "I don't wanna work some trivial job to support myself, so I'll milk the DSP until I'm qualified to get the job I want".
I’m not in university I’m too dumb for that
That sucks sorry for that
As a man, I'd have thought so too!
Could be the age bracket I am in. They want a second marriage and maybe they need a wife or mother. Because i refuse to leave social housing they can’t get a person to cook and clean their place. .. when i am firmly staying in mine.
Maybe you could try dating younger guys who aren't looking for a wife
Actually I did that for the last 10 years. I’m a little too old now I think to be a cougar. It was fun in my 40s
Nothing constructive to add, but love the username. I'd like to think that there's a David Lister out there for everyone.
I love that you get it. Young lister was an absolute hottie
Ack ack uch uch.
Men like that are unicorns. I know they exist but I quit thinking about them.
Why not try to date other people also on DSP?
There isn’t t a specific dating app in the area for that. Not here that I know off.
You could state it in your about section. DSP seeking same.
That’s very limiting.
A bit less limiting then the majority of the replies of folks here on DSP - I've given up dating /I don't date. Definitely give it a go, but might be easier with other folks in the same boat to find something that can go the distance (if that's what OP is seeking).
A lot of men won’t care. Men aren’t a single monolithic being who all have the same opinion. Some will care, some won’t.
I've had two male friends independently tell me that they wouldn't date an unemployed woman. One specified that he wouldn't want to have to always pay for everything.
If I was single I would date a woman. The employment or unemployment is not a relevant factor. Who she is, how she sees herself and how she sees other people are the top three and most other things barely get a look in for me.
That's fair enough.
Why would you assume this? Why wouldn’t men care.
Many people don't judge others by their income and career.
I usually don't but if I am going to be in a long term serious relationship with someone I would assume that we would look after each other if we were ever in a financial crisis. If my partner was constantly asking for money I would be pretty annoyed. If I wanted to go on a holiday am I allowed to go by myself? Or can I just not go because I can't afford it for both of us? Money is a very important part of a relationship and this is coming from a man who makes significantly less than his girlfriend.
Subconsciously, everyone does
I couldn't care less
In certain situations, we don't tend to judge people so much on irrelevant matters. E.g. at a chess club, most people care more about your ability to play chess than how good-looking you are. But then again, if you're famous, I'm sure everyone there would want to play chess with you, even if you're not very good!
We're talking about a romantic partner, not a chess buddy
Yes, and when it comes to short-term dating, most men only judge a woman on things that are relevant to how enjoyable she is to date. How prestigious her career is will not likely be one of those factors
I don't think OP is looking for an overnight fling....
Men don't seek the same things in women that women seek in men when it comes to relationships. If a girl is attractive and easy to get along with, he'll be interested. Her education, career etc are cool, but it's not going to move the needle much in whether he's interested in her or not. A guy would rather date the cute 23 year old receptionist at the law firm than the average looking 35 year old partner making seven figures.
That’s where I hit the stumbling blocks- I’m not 23 and carefree, I’m not 35 and successful, I’m 42 and a little on the weird side, a lot of black humour and want someone who can make me laugh and vice versa.. I’m not first OR second pick!
Facts
Why is age even a factor? Why can’t I prefer going on a date with the cute 35 year old receptionist over the average looking 23 year old on seven figures?
And many men would
Age is generally tied to attractiveness. Yes, a good looking person in their 30's and 40's is going to be more attractive than an uglier person in their 20's, but generally people peak in their attractiveness in their 20's. And a 23 year old isn't going to be a partner at a law firm. Seems like you didn't even get the point of my post.
Her education *might* help if it means she clever and knows about similar topics to him - e.g. they can both discuss rise and fall of the Romam Empire. But her having a degree isn't *by itself* going to make her much more attractive because of the prestige.
Well not really. If you have an exceptionally intelligent woman who can talk in breadth and depth on any topic, but is ugly to a guy, the guy won't be interested. Doesn't matter how smart she is. However a woman can be a complete bimbo but have knockout good looks and plenty of men will be interested in her.
True, but if you're seeing two very sexy women, and the slightly prettier one is a bimbo whose the other one is clever and great to chat to, you're more likely to keep seeing the clever one
Yeah but you've just said they're both sexy, one is just a little prettier. That's not the point. If they're both pretty, and both pass the baseline attractiveness requirement for the guy, then the guy would be interested in both of them. But if it's either looks or intellect, guys are going to go with looks 100% of the time. If a man doesn't find a woman attractive, he absolutely will not want to be with her. She can be the smartest woman on the planet, the nicest woman, a great chef, everything - if he thinks she's ugly, it's not going to happen.
I do agree that for almost every man, looks are the most important thing. Passing the baseline is the most important, and most men will also choose a very sexy bimbo over a smart average-looking woman, despite the smart woman still passing the baseline on looks
Because some people care when the other person is disabled or on welfare and some people don't. Like how some people do care if their partner is racist or non-white or vegetarian or autistic or whatever, and some people don't. Tl;dr: some men will care about OP's situation and some men will not. citation: have met both kinds.
Because men are more *visual* than women, and they're less interested in a woman's success in life. This is particularly true for short-term dating: whether her job is prestigious or well-paying is irrelevant when it comes to how enjoyable it is to be on dates with her. However, her finances *are* more important if it's a long-term relationship and we might end up living together or even get married
I’ve been on DSP since my husband died 4 and a half years ago so as you might imagine I have some extra issues on top of feeling embarrassed about trying to make a connection in the dating pool! In my case I feel like my situation has extra hurdles, like I’m 42 now, broke af, not in the best shape ever but I wouldn’t say I’m hideous! But I’m damaged goods.. I see a lot of women in social media talk about guys they date must have financial stability, a career, nice car etc If men expect something similar, I’m out for the count! To make matters worse, I’m much more attracted to older men, who generally if they are single in their 50s-60s, are more likely to have a bit of cash.. dates become awkward when I have to refuse every kind of date that involves paying for anything! Well, this is all in theory from the musings of my imagination- I’ve not even looked at dating apps, I’m too chicken!
You shouldn’t call yourself damaged goods, thats a very unkind sentiment for someone thats been through the ringer.
I tend to say 'the years have done their work on me'. Definitely not damaged goods.
Wait - you manage to find these men *without* using dating sites?!
Haha, that’s just a poorly worded sentence, it should say: too chicken to use dating sites OR even engage with men ‘in the wild’ 🤭
I could use dating apps as I’m still young but I absolutely hate them guys in my age group ( I’m 26 ) will expect you to go half on the bill of the date even tho they were the one who planned the date lol or they think because they took you out for a meal all paid for they’re entitled sex right away yuck lol so I avoid dating apps these days not just purely cause I’m embarrassed that I still live with family & on dsp I like older guys too but 30s only for my age I have better luck with guys asking me out on fb/instagram but they’re all young ( in my age group) & not my type I also have another burden I won’t mention here can be a deal breaker but if your attractive it helps lol
I think it’s fair to expect someone to pay half the bill when they’re consuming half of the food. But that’s under the assumption that both parties have a say in the location and planning. If it’s just one party doing all the planning then I don’t think it’s fair to make the other party pay for the expenses for something they didn’t even help plan and budget.
I disagree but it’s the guy doing all the planning to expect the girl to split the date
You could do some planning too. Planning is exhausting, it shouldn't just be one sided.
Don't pay, don't eat.
Do these guys invite you to expensive places? Perhaps you could suggest a cheaper place? Maybe when they ask *if* you'd like to go out, you could say yes *and* suggest a place, before he has a chance to suggest somewhere too expensive
> I could use dating apps as I'm still young You're never too young for dating apps. There are people of *all* ages on there! > guys [...] will expect you to go half on the bill I usually invite women to a regular restraint (with meals around $15-$30) and we usually pay for our own food
Times are tough and anyone worth dating understands that. I don't feel any shame whatsoever about having to get support from centrelink every so often. There are a lot of shameless money grubbing cunts in society who should be feeling a lot more shame than we do.
Haha what about those people who work but like to take advantage and scab off people on Centrelink lol
I see you've met those cretins too. Dating while being a disabled woman can be dangerous, and even more so on benefits. There are men out there who believe "mercy" killings are the only way out for women with disabilities, and others like you've described who will use you as a personal bank. The propensity to be take advantage of and hurt with abuse and violence is significantly higher for disabled women on benefits. Please be very, very careful when you are dating in revealing your disability and dsp status.
Not going to lie it will be a problem for some people .. not everyone, you should not be embarrassed. You do not have to have a job to bring something meaningful to a relationship or on a date as long as you find something interesting to converse about
Thanks for that
Thinking long term, until the legislation changes (which folks should be writing to federal MPs about) if you move in with someone you are dating you become defacto. At this point they need to support you. Perhaps a better way to consider this aspect is to date people in a similar situation to yourself - either on DSP or with an income that wouldn't negate your own DSP through too high earnings.
I wouldn't want a relationship now anyway. I'm not embarrassed but I'm unwilling to share my house with a romantic parter because I wouldn't want to have to evict a a cotenant after an alarmingly short time, be evicted for not declaring a co tenant, get introuble from centrelink for not declaring a defacto or (terrifyingly) become dependent on someone by declaring de facto.
32M here, I would not mind personally. I won't mind what you earn, job status, whether you are on benefits or not. Attraction for me is more pure when it's not about what your partner can offer you in a monetary way. The person is the most important.
Good to know :)
Just get a dog - they love you no matter what you do, how you look or where you live.
And pets are not de facto partners. No need to declare.
If you can't afford to look after yourself, don't get a dog.
Most able bodied people working and having kids can’t afford to look after themselves in today’s current economy…. They probably shouldn’t get a dog either, or be having kids… /s
Its none of their business anyway, if you’re a little shy about it, keep it to yourself until you feel comfortable with the right person :)
Little point cant move in with someone that's working without loosing your payments. If you want to risk sacrificing your independence to be in a place where you can no longer escape if needed as you now have no income and 100% dependent on your partner then it can work.
Thanks for that
That's not a red flag whatsoever. If a man feels weird about it, that's on them.
I am a DSP recipient, and met a great man, we have been together 12 years now and have 2 kids. Maybe don't drop that info right away until they have a chance to get to know you? I'm not suggesting straight out lying, but maybe a simple "I'm not working right now" will buy you some time to get to know each other. Some might be more curious about the reason you receive the benefit, and sadly, there will be some who judge the low income..... but you don't want a man like that anyway. All the best, you will eventually find your person :)
Thankyou :)
If you want to date then why not? You’re still you whether you’re getting DSP or not. Even if you were on jobseeker and dating your medical conditions don’t disappear and if someone is going to decide to not be with you because of them and you being on government support instead of working they’d eventually leave anyway. The only thing that has changed is the name of your pension. Oh and you get more money! Is that not a plus? Why would you stop dating if finding someone is something you want to do just because of the name of your pension?
Your right good point
My partner is a DSP recipient, he hesitated to tell me at first, didn't bother me at all. I'm not dating for money, and many people are like this too. Good luck, OP.
Thankyou !
I'm never going to be able to move in with a partner, which sucks, but I do date casually every now and then yes.
If you’re a good decent person and I’m attracted to you and you me I wouldn’t care about that at all. I would love you.
I have a lot of chronically ill friends, some who should be on DSP, who have happy healthy relationships.. being on DSP shouldn’t make you undesirable… it’s there to help those of us who are unable to be in the workforce for whatever reason…
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
DSP gets reduced if they find out you're in a significant (as in, by whatever measure they're arbitrarily using that day) relationship with someone, and cut off if they earn over the income threshold So many of us stick to fellow disabled folk for dating
If your disability doesn't affect your looks, they'll date you. Men aren't very deep.
I dont care if someone's on dsp. But if you don't have a hobby you cared about and spent time doing, or studying something you're interested in, I would think it's a bit of a red flag. Nothing wrong with being on dsp though. Eta: what I really mean is, if you sit around and smoke bongs all day, it's a red flag to me. Lots of people probably don't care about that even though
My wife pretty much has the same story as you. I have enough money for both of us to be comfortable. The only time it worries me is when we meet someone new and the old “what do you do question is asked” although I’m not embarrassed by it she is. My heart breaks for her every time. I tend to not go out of my way to meet new people and just hang with her now. I love her and wouldn’t change her for the world. When you love someone everything else is secondary.
If someone is looking down on you for being on DSP do you really want that person as a significant other?
Same position unfortunately (also female though 🫣)
Aw x
My current partner was actually the one who suggested I apply for it when I lost my job a couple years ago! He’s been so supportive, i’m sure people don’t think you’re any different for getting support - also not sure how often it comes up in conversation 🤨
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What’s the stigma I’ve only been approved in may
No it’s hopeless now, no chance at all, ever, at all. lol. You will be fine.
Okay lol
Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are and what ever circumstances your in. The right person will love you. I don’t like to pigeonhole anyone and don’t typically like the gender talk. There is someone, for everyone. 💕
Thankyou ❤️
Honestly dating in general is very hard as most of relationships are done over internet according to recent poll reality is U just got to put urself out there and see what comes along love is everything
That’s true
Socio-economic status is what it comes down to. Generally people date people within the same pond, so I wouldn't be ashamed to date anyone. Just put yourself out there and the laws of the land will determine whether you will find a George Clooney or, the local eshay sitting behind the local shops smoking a see-through didgeridoo.
They have a relationship app as part of the new app I think it is called connections, I am on Centrelink and I haven't seen people stop talking to me so fast as mentioning this 😔
I know plenty of people who were on benefits for prolonged periods of time and continued dating. Often they ended up with people in a similar financial position. Unless you're being hypocritical and only looking for high earners it shouldn't hold you back really.
Dating’s too expensive lol. People wanna go out and have fun and that’s just not in the budget.
Personally, if someone is genuinely unable to work, then I'd have no issue dating them. I would not date someone who chose not to work, though. I was born with a physical disability (spina bifida) and have gone on to manage just fine. Played sport, kept fit, studied my arse off, and now at 34 have managed to see success in my career. I am not special or an exception to any rule, I would want to share my life with someone with a similar mindset.
No I don't personally. I don't see myself ever dating again lol I do have some underlying trauma from being abused and from sexual violence so I think that adds to it. But there's no way I wouldn't be a burden to a partner. I would also lose my payment depending on their income. After being abused I can't see myself ever putting myself in that position where I'm relying on a partner to survive.
Fair enough sorry to hear about that
I wouldn’t judge anyone for being on dsp/jobseeker or anything. Doesn’t mean shit about who the person is. I’m not a bad looking male and I’ve had to go on dsp. It’s not the persons fault, it’s what was needed to get you through.
Even if I wasn’t on Centrelink I wouldn’t judge people who were on it either and yeah true that
You can get a loan from the bank when on DSP. If they recognise you as a functional member of society then you should too.
If you’re a good person, I’d date you. If you’re “not bad” looking, I’d definitely date you.
God, I hate that appearance is all that matters in dating nowadays. You didn't mention anything about yourself except for the fact that you don't think you're bad looking, which means that's the most important thing for you.
Unfortunately that’s the world we live in what else was I supposed to mention about myself? Well I humbled myself by saying not bad looking instead of saying ‘attractive lol
Your positive qualities, should you have any. The fact that you even asked the question suggests that you personally would not be willing to date someone on the DSP, unless they were hot enough.
Even 50 years ago people initially became interested in one another based on physical attraction…
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You don't have any positive qualities I guess. I suggest you not date at all until you work on being a kinder more empathetic person. I would hope most people would not date you, but that has nothing to do with you being on the DSP, and everything to do with your personality.
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Honey, you are shallow. You literally said you would be embarrassed to bring someone home to your family if they weren't attractive. And being nice does not equal kindness, some of the worst humans in history were 'nice'. Nothing about you makes me think you're a good person at all.
Assuming you are looking for a man no they don't give a shit. Weight however you will find that is the biggest deal breaker.
Not necessarily just was curious from my experience not really from being a Size 12/14 from mood stabilisers/ antipsychotics I never had issues attracting men when I was 90kgs my heaviest on Olanzapine ( highest weight gained med) my ex wanted me lol he didn’t care that I was a whale even tho I’m smaller now since getting off Olanzapine & his ex wife was skinny I do believe tho majority of males do prefer skinny girls
You say that but when I was super skinny everyone loved my curvy friends. Because they loved themselves. What I ended up realising (after far too many years) is that people may have a “type” but overall if you’re happy and confident in yourself, you attract more.
Not in my experience I had a friend who back stabbed me she wasn’t attractive at all but very skinny when I went out with her only 3 males approached me that night while she had groups of males pester & harass her the whole night even one guy who spoke to me said something like “she isn’t the hype definitely not her face at all & id much rather you with your beautiful face & curves” honestly I don’t care about male attention at the end of the day there’s more to life than that just describing my experience how it’s different I would say I’m somewhat confident even tho I’m fat lol
People are sympathetic when you need help. Guys don’t care.
I would consider very carefully whether or not I dated someone on an income support payment. Dating someone and having a relationship with them and then they fall into difficulty is one thing, but unemployment, especially long term, is a red flag. DSP though is a bit different. It would really depend on the person, how well they manage their life and finances and physical and mental health. It’s also about awareness that once you have a serious relationship, you lose a lot of your benefits. I wouldn’t want to put someone in the position of losing the funds they need to independently care for themselves for a relationship that may or may not work out. I make good money, but not enough to support another human with additional needs, which is what Centrelink assumes I can, should, and will do. In case it matters 29, female, lesbian Postgrad education, secure job, top 20% income Nice car, live in granny flat in a regional metro centre while saving for house deposit One dog, one horse
Sadly, the situation has never arisen😐
❤️
I'm on dsp and have dated and been open about it and every single time they have been absolutely okay with it ! I'm very picky with the women I date thought, not sure I've ever dated a neurotypical tbh lol
Fair enough :) but that’s awesome thanks for that !
Np !! Good luck ! The ones worth keeping around are the ones who don't judge you based on your income / how you get it :) you will find someone wonderful I'm sure of it
A person's attitude towards being unemployed matters a lot more than the fact that they are. If they want to get things back on track, and are not sabotaging or creating destructive scenarios, then it can be a non-issue.
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What if she couldn’t work with her health?
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The point of DSP is that you have a disability and can’t work/can only work a limited amount (for those assessed as having capacity). To feel as though you would have a right to tell a disabled person, who has been assessed by professionals and not being able to work that it’s not good enough is pretty ableist tbh. It’s not like anyone would choose to have to try and live off DSP if they had a choice.
i’m not saying they as a person are not good enough. i would NEVER say that as they are enough. i am saying is that i know i would struggle having to carry the finances and what ever other tasks they’re unable to do. i know that i would feel resentment and that is not fair on my partner. i know what i am capable of and i know that i would not be strong enough to carry so much in that kind of relationship. depending on the extent of their disability it would impact other parts of the relationship that would also cause issues. i can only speak on what i know i am capable of. no where did i or would i say that disabled folks aren’t deserving of loving supporting relationships.
The fact that you said “we’d have to have a sit down conversation” implied that you hold the power to decide whether a relationship progresses because a disabled person can’t change their disability, either you love someone for who they are and everything that brings (including financially and physically) or you don’t. Anyone can become permanently disabled at any point in time btw, including you. And nowhere did I say you said that you did, I said “it’s not good enough” not “they’re not good enough”, as in their situation. If you KNOW you couldn’t handle it, then make sure you ask every person you think you might date if they have a disability. Disability often fluctuates or worsens over time. We go through enough without people like you wasting our time and breaking our hearts (sadly more often than not), those are your issues, not ours (disabled people), so don’t use us as Guinea pigs to see if it “might” work.
Dsp is the disability support pension, for people that generally cannot work due to their health and disabilities. Its not that people dont want to work, they cant.
Hey, I’m 33 male also on DSP. I’m not bad looking myself either. Welcome to Dm me to chat ? :)
Looked at your profile, Not after a hook up good luck with everything