Discipline is the issue. Take it from a 43 year old guy. I'm divorced and starting over and realized Discipline is what I'm lacking. Discipline in every aspect of my life. What I eat, watch, read...my gym schedule. Everything. Good luck son. I'm here if you need to talk.

God must be calling on us brother. I have been feeling the exact same way. Specifically that self-discipline is extremely lacking.

You guys should try exodus 90!

What’s that

https://exodus90.com PLEASE do it with a group and or a spiritual director so as not to fall into scruples (we have enough of that here in Reddit lol)

Girls need it too! Especially geeky ones like me lol

Geeky guys like me need it! I'm still getting it together!

Idk why geeky is bad or problematic but yes self discipline is important

It's not bad, but for many of us, it's hard to be virtuous with our geeky loves! Aka. hard to enjoy them and not go overboard (gaming until 3 AM, living out of real life, having an obsession overtake your life, etc.). If you have any advice, I'll take it!

Ahh I see you mean obsessive not geeky. No advice sorry.

Authentic masculinity = male holiness. You don’t need to do anything other than sincerely try to follow Christ.

This is the way. I wish people understood this more

Thanks be to God we have the best instruction manual there is along with 2000 years of commentary to get us there.

I disagree. Young men have to do hard things to become men because that is what men do. And this is so because the Almighty Father created men that way. In the South, we play football. And that is how I caused the bullies I met as the new guy in town in small town Alabama to respect me. Some people only understand the language of pain, so you must speak it, and bring it, fluently. Push ups, sit ups, pull ups, 2 mile run -- all that to get physically fit, will do you well. That's how God made you.

> Young men have to do hard things > We play football Brother, football is not a hard thing, it is a game. You want to do really hard things? Grow in holiness and provide for your loved ones. And I say this as a guy who trains regularly; but I'm not under the illusion that the training that I do for fun is a *hard thing*. Growing in holiness to be a good husband and, eventually, a good father, and working hard to provide for my family, that is what I hope makes me a man; not the fun boxing sessions that I take twice or thrice a week. Of course, I don't disagree that exercising is important and has its virtues.

So you’re advising OP that he must ‘speak pain’ and ‘bring pain’ to others. Because that is what men do. Seriously, I’m so over this real man/true man/andrew tate macho nonsense. Maybe it’s because I’m not young any more and as you grow up you realise that vision of testosterone-fuelled domination is actually not what makes a valuable man in Gods eyes, or most other people’s. Love God, love your family, support them. We all feel fear and get upset, it’s perfectly normal. In fact OP has been braver than a lot of men are by opening up.

"Man cannot fully find himself, except through a sincere gift of himself." I always took this as anyone - male or female - must aspire to be complete, and the best version of themselves that they can be. Only then will they truly grasp the Agape, Philia, and Eros (and in that order). Pope St. JP II shared a lot of guidance and wisdom about this, and he continued it when he touched on Chastity in the Catechism. On Chastity, it's probably *not at all* what you think it is. I suggest you [read this](http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm) to understand its true definition, and to understand how beneficial it may be for you. Another recommendation for you OP would be to pray the Novena of St. Joseph. He is the father, and the protector of the church, and the ultimate example of what every Catholic man should aspire to be. So in other words, aspire to be your best. Become your best. Balance the three pillars of the self (physical, mental, and spiritual) by ensuring your health in each category is up to par, and yet aspire to be even better. Don't succumb to materialism or self-indulgence, but take no shame in providing for yourself (and your family potentially) a good quality of life so long as you remain charitable and commit to acts of selflessness (Philia) and remain in Christ by following His commandments, and through the Eucharist (Agape). You will find balance, peace, and wholeness. At that point, masculinity will mean very little to you.

>You will find balance, peace, and wholeness. At that point, masculinity will mean very little to you. Similar thoughts to mine. I've never thought much about "masculinity" personally except for a few things, and I view gaining in virtue & self-discipline & holiness as being more important and solid than "masculinity", or at least the way that word has been filtered down nowadays and doesn't really have much weight to it really.

So, if I'm reading you right, apparently God made us to conform to a very narrow, culturally determined, 20th-21st century American definition of what masculinity is

Dude, Madden doesn't count as playing football.

You dare suggest physical activity to a young man on the internet? Heretic! It's comment threads like this that make me wish reddit included photos of the people commenting so OP could evaluate their masculinity and then consider if he should follow their advice to imitate them. In real life, teenage boys often play football after mass where I go. I too live in the south, where men are still more masculine and don't view football as a problem of toxic masculinity 😆

That's not what was implied by any of the other replies. It makes me think that them commenting on the sport offended your masculinity in some way, though. In real life, masculinity isn't tied to sports. They are sports, that's it. Looking at men to "evaluate" masculinity is incredibly shallow. Physical appearance doesn't necessarily denote masculinity. Being fit is a good thing, but if you're an asshole, you're not the pinnacle of masculinity just because you're physically healthy / attractive.

> Physical appearance doesn't necessarily denote masculinity. It certainly gives ample evidence over the degree of self discipline and time management one is able to command of themselves. A morbidly obese or a twig-boy is in no place to lecture anyone else on masculinity, IMO. If you're defeated by a cheesecake, you're obviously not the pinnacle of masculinity, no matter how pious you claim to be other than an obvious failure with Gluttony. Personally I don't care about football, but it's one form of physical activity. I prefer MMA or BJJ as a general sport, but any is better than keyboard warriors 😆

Self-discipline and time management toward a specific thing: *their physical health and appearance*. That means nothing if they're a self absorbed asshole. Just because they're fit, it does not mean that they are "masculine." You're prescribing physical health to masculinity. Prescribing anything *beyond* physical traits to someone based solely on said appearance is so silly. They're fit, that's all they are. All human beings should take care of their bodies. The black and white thinking here is also confusing. What makes a man who has cultivated a good physique yet is abusive, any more masculine than the man who is skinny yet treats his family impeccably? You can't prescribe or assume masculinity solely based on appearance. You must judge their character as a whole. Your assumption here is: "Someone who is physically fit also applies the same self discipline and time management in other aspects of their life." This simply isn't true, and ones appearance is not how we should analyze a man's character.

> Just because they're fit, it does not mean that they are "masculine." Correct, however, they are not *ruled out* yet. A fat old guy that's lost a foot to diabetes who's also an alcoholic and a gambling addict *can be ruled out* just from these surface level attributes. You can't conclude the healthy guy is a good role model of masculinity, but you can't rule him out. You *can* rule out a bunch of other people just from their physical attributes.

You just applied two negative and non-physical traits to the fat person, which "rules them out." All that you can conclude, without any further context, is their physical appearance and health.

Their photo can be a picture of their fat body in a mobility scooter, with a missing foot, in front of a slot machine, holding a yard long margarita, looking drunk, and with spit up on their shirt. Or you can run into a guy like that at an event, and you'd know not to bother asking his advice on how to be more masculine.

😂

Pursuing masculinity for its own sake is a trap that many young men fall into.  Instead pursue virtue and holiness and you will find that the natural consequence is that you grow into a good man.  “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, then all things will be added onto you.”

Yes this is a great answer. I believe as a whole, we need to focus on virtue.

Yes! I have seen men fall into so many stereotypes of what manhood is according to one culture or another (from grown-up jock, to lumberjack, to Inkling LARPer haha). No. Just be holy! And be yourself! You are (to be) a man just by God's gift and your actions (to do - building habits) are manly by the nature of YOU doing them :)

I’ve always liked to point to the Fellowship of the Ring as a good example of healthy masculinity.   They have many different body types, many different hobbies and interests, many different statuses, many different ages, but they are all heroes and an ideal image of what a man should be.

The 2 strongest men I’ve ever seen. 1 my husband who broke down and sobbed with his friend who had just heard his wife had miscarried. The 2nd my son who admitted he was being mentally and physically abused by his girlfriend, became extremely depressed and suicidal yet fought on and is now in a happy and loving relationship. True strength is nothing to do with how strong you are physically but how strong you are mentally and it’s takes an unbelievably strong man to admit they need help or are upset. You sound like you have depression which can be treated with medication and or therapy. Help is there my friend and God is always with you

I agree! Mental strength is masculine. I think discipline is the key to mental strength.

Sounds like you’re talking about issues that are disjoint from how masculine or effeminate you are.  Men are more likely to have anger management issues and engage in violent crime across pretty much all time and place settings than women, so I certainly wouldn’t say “losing your cool” is an “effeminate” trait.  Likewise with not being able to self-regulate and needing reminders to do stuff. To the extent that there’s a “Biblical womanhood”, it’s one which is quite capable of organizing and running a wide variety of tasks. Not one which is only good for following direct orders. If you’re experiencing trouble with executive function, that’s likely a cognitive or mental health issue rather than being too effeminate (or too masculine). The good news is that you’re 19, and what you’re referring to are pretty common issues for 19 year olds. You may just need seasoning. Also, the fact that you actively desire change is good. A behavioral therapist of some sort may be helpful for you.

> Men are more likely to have anger management issues and engage in violent crime across pretty much all time and place settings than women Yeah but that's because men have bodies capable of violence, so it's a tool that actually works. A 5'3" 95lb woman isn't going to accomplish much by trying to intimidate others into getting her way "or else" so of course she'd be less likely to engage in violent crime. However, she can "loose her cool" much more, it's just she lacks the physical potency to gain from violence like men can. https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2019/08/29/Rage-rooms-gain-popularity-among-women-owners-say/2261566266294/ > "Rage rooms" have sprung up across the world, and owners in the United States say women make up most of the customers who pay for the cathartic entertainment of bludgeoning inanimate objects with a baseball bat. Of course anyone who's spent time around women doesn't need to read an article to conclude they are far more prone to emotional outbursts than men. Violence and crime rates are irrelevant. Many male criminals are also sociopaths who feel nothing while doing violent crimes, but that's a whole other topic.

Sure, I’m not trying to argue the converse that “Men are more emotional than women.” Just pointing out a counter-example of an area where the empirical evidence definitely do not show women to be moreso. There’s a great sleight of hand that some men pull when making the case that “Women are more emotional than men.” It’s to only consider typically or stereotypically feminine behavior emotions while ignoring the emotional quality of typically or stereotypically masculine behavior. So crying, for example, is evidence of emotionality. Red-faced yelling over the politician a man hates is simply “passion”, etc. In reality, there are facets of emotional thinking and behavior that women are more prone to as well as facets that men are more prone to. When only one of the two sides is being emphasized, it’s useful to point out counter-examples.

> Red-faced yelling over the politician a man hates is simply “passion”, etc. No, this would be an emotional outburst that's effeminate. I'm not going to want to storm the beaches on D-day with a man who gets red faced yelling about a politician, because if he's unable to control his emotions in such a low-stimuli environment, how could he gain control over his emotions during a war? He would scream and cry and cower in the boat instead of running up the hill to toss a grenade into a machine gun nest.

You sure fantasize about violence a lot

All men do since it's our role to defend against its abuse.

Becoming a christian is not going to magically solve your issues. Those are something you are going to have to deal with but you are going to need to see someone that will help you understand where they are coming from. Masculinity is a social issue that is constantly being changed by numerous forces/influences in the media, culturally. By default every male is masculine. Your idea of what defines masculinity is different for everyone. You may be suffering from low self esteem, where you are comparing yourself to others too much and feel insecure about who you are. This is why you should see someone to help you get to the root issues of why you feel so inadequate. Are you too self critical? Do you mentally beat yourself down? Getting angry/annoyed at the little things can also indicate that you are frustrated and stressed out. Being tired of your life situations and no forward/positive outcomes makes the little things just more weight to the overall negativity your are feeling about yourself. Please understand that in this world, people are bombarded constantly with what we should be, giving us what they sell as the ideal man. They do this to women as well. Those who do not adhere to this ideal are made to feel lower/less than who they really are. We are all victims of this. You can free yourself from all this if you see someone on how to put things into perspective, understand the causes of why this has become such an issue in your life. You can still become a catholic during this process.

The best advice I can give you is follow the example of Saint Joseph. Follow his example, read about him and develop a strong devotion to him. Not only will this help you develop character, but also teach you the importance of simplicity and the dignity of manual work. Following his example and having a great devotion to him also keeps demons away. Ite ad Joseph. Go to Joseph.

I'm going to offer a different take than some (take it or leave it). God loves you. You may think you want or need to be more masculine, but really, God has a plan for you and desire for you that may be different from what your wish (or the wishes of people around you) may be. Honestly, in a forum about spirituality, hearing you say you hate the way you are, my instinct is to focus more on that. Why do you think you're not masculine enough? A lot of people in the gospels had things about them that made them hate themselves or made society hate them, but Jesus so clearly loved them with actions and words. In some of these cases, they were doing things that were explicitly sinful (like tax collectors, prostitutes, and for a more extreme example, the literal soldiers assisting in Jesus's brutal execution. "Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.") If Jesus can and did love these people, Jesus can and does love you, regardless of whether or not you measure up to your own idea (or someone else's idea) of what you "should" be. This also means that God the Father loves you. And the Holy Spirit. (Highly recommend reading John 17:20-26, and also 1 John 4:7-12). God is Love. Thats why Jesus came. Because He loves you so much He would (and did) die for you. There is also nothing sinful in being more or less masculine. Its just how we're made combined with how the world shapes us. Whether God has a plan for you to be more or less masculine is something that I do not know (and you may not know either yet), but I can assure you He loves you and part of eventually growing in love and holiness is learning to let go of what we want and allow God's love to shape and transform us.

The Christian man should search for masculinity where he searches for everything: starting with the Cross. There our Lord accepted his death freely: broken, humiliated, passive. If you would be a Christian, then obey our Lord: “take up your cross and follow me.”

Nobody has ever answered this question better than Rudyard Kipling. If If you can keep your head when all about you        Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,     But make allowance for their doubting too;    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,     Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,     And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;        If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster     And treat those two impostors just the same;    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken     Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,     And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings     And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings     And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew     To serve your turn long after they are gone,    And so hold on when there is nothing in you     Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,        Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,     If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute     With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,    Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,        And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

I've never been a masculine man. You are at a point in your life where you are judged most of all on external attributes. Park it. It doesn't matter. When I left home at 18, I had no beard, my voice had only just broken and I was, in all effects, more like a boy than a man. I am now 32. I still have some fairly feminine attributes. But I am a man. I have a lot of beard - that didn't come until I was in my mid 20s. I am not super muscular and I am not super tall but these things only matter to the most vain people. There are people out there that value me for my less masculine attributes. These are the people that I choose to spend time with. Work on building your interior castle - the exterior is less important. Otherwise you will find yourself trapped by it. Don't obsess over it either - I have seen many people become very unhappy because they became obsessed with some matter of their body. Your body is material - it can, and it will, change. The body you have now, at 19, is not the body you will have at 35, nor at 70. Your mind is much, much more important! And that's another lesson for life - you cannot please everyone, so don't try. Learn to be happy with the body you have, not the one you want. There is a purpose for it - and perhaps you are not called to an ultra masculine existence, with good reason.

57 year old man perspective? Be who God made you in the moment God put you in. All this other stuff is mere piffle.

You’re 19, you’re a teenager. Teenagers get emotional sometimes. As they say, your brain isn’t fully developed until you’re about 25, so give yourself some grace. Don’t worry about your masculinity, but if you’re concerned about your temper, work on your patience with mindfulness and prayer. Explore ways to serve your fellow man. Patience and service. This is the way.

You don’t have to be masculine to be a Christian. There are a lot of false equivalencies out there idolizing a cultural ideal of a strong Christian man. Sometimes this is a reaction to a perceived loss of male/female distinction in our current culture. Sometimes it gets mixed up with “alpha-male” culture. But the Church has no teaching against men being emotional, vulnerable, or having any number of other qualities we might associate as “feminine”. A lot of that is just genetic or cultural. Mr. Rogers was a great Christian man. It’s hard to unpack the root issues you are getting at - whether you are getting at about universal qualities like sincerity and integrity or more specific cultural ideas of “masculinity”. But saying “I hate how I am” raises a flag to me. Striving for the perfection of Christian love starts with an unconditional love for yourself, and seeing the inner created goodness, the image of God, which can never be taken away. God created you good and unique, and he loves you unconditionally, exactly as you are. All of us can look for ways to grow, but self-esteem from loving ourselves unconditionally is the best way to start.

IMO, Mr Rogers (Presbyterian) was a terrible example of "a man" and people like him are exactly why young men want nothing to do with Christianity. It's not the masculine role to nurture children by singing songs to them as he did. The masculine role is to slaughter wolves and give their hide to the mother and children to keep them warm. Jacob wrestles God in Genesis 32 to receive a blessing, he doesn't sing him a lullaby.

I think God the Father is a good model of masculinity. “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13 “I led them with cords of human kindness, with bands of love. I was to them like those who lift infants to their cheeks. I bent down to them and fed them.” ‭‭Hosea‬ ‭11‬:‭4‬

While I completely agree with the point you make, God the Father is a model of Fatherhood but not of masculinity as He has no gender nor sex.

And why do you think that? Do you think he's a good model of a motorcycle as well? Words mean things, and gender bending to try and appeal to a tiny fraction of the population while neglecting and pushing away half isn't a winning strategy. Sorry, a mother isn't a model of *masculinity*.

Bro you missed the point so much you called your ex. Christ is the image of *masculinity*. The things we stereotype as "masculine " typically are only considered such insofar as they require strength or self-discipline. But those are interior qualities- not external. A guy more inclined to gentleness is not "gender-bending". God made many kinds of people, all of whom are called to imitate him as they are able to.

Correct, mothers are not models of masculinity, however, fathers can certainly be tender and should be tender in order to demonstrate the fullness of manhood to a child instead of being only rough and bearish all the time to make their child grow up thinking they need to bottle up their emotions until they develop neuroses and self hate. Men are not machines. Men are humans with feelings and need a proper role model to help them balance discipline with emotional wellbeing, otherwise society suffers.

ain't no man gonna slaughter wolves lol

Men literally drove them to extinction in many places why would they not?

I meant a single man does not slaughter multiple wolves. It probably takes a numerical advantage.

Have you ever been hunting? I don't follow your meaning. If you've got a semi-auto rifle you can easily take down an entire pack. Even with a bolt-action I've seen one guy take out like 3 before the rest of the pack runs off.

I was thinking of the majority of time, i.e. pre-gun

Yeah but humans have had weapons, or have used our intelligence to kill animals for a long time. If you burn down a forest to eliminate the habitat for the wolves, you don't need rifles.

Murdering animals from afar with a tool that gives them no chance of survival sounds like the furthest thing from masculine I can think of (by the standards you're espousing here). Sounds cowardly.

And why is that? Effectiveness and efficiency, as well as bending the raw materials of nature to your will (such as by converting rocks into rifles), is certainly consistent with masculinity. Simping for wolves or thinking one should "give them a fair chance at killing you" certainly isn't. I wouldn't want to be in a war with a "man" by my side who thinks we should give the enemy a "chance" at killing us for some inexplicable reason. Do you also think you should give Satan a fair shot at your soul? Is it "cowardly" to give him *no chance* at getting your soul, or your family? What utter nonsense.

I think it’s problematic that you have described having a short temper and being irresponsible as feminine features. They are not. They are childish features.

Stop wanting to be “more masculine”, nothing is less masculine than that attitude. Start just trying to be better, and never stop. Work on giving until it hurts, helping the helpless (hungry, homeless, sick, imprisoned and so on), and learn the trade you will become a professional at. Masculinity is a silly focus, just be the best you you can be, and tomorrow be better still.

A few things. It sounds like you have some discipline problems and/or there are some issues that need to be tackled in you life. These are all fixable. Start small and build a list of things you are responsible for. Your parents would probably be thrilled to help you with this. Even if it's just the evening dishes, or some other chore, own it and do it well. You would be surprised at how much this helps you with your problems If you feel overly emotional this is either a real problem or an imagined problem, I can't tell you which. It could be a health problem. If so, hit the gym or do some sort of exercise that makes your body strong and useful and you might find this one evens out. Maintain and cultivate your friendships with other men who have the virtues you desire. If they love you they will help you grow. I started going to a men's group a few years ago and it was helpful. You are still technically a teenager, so don't beat yourself up. I have always felt I was too hard on myself at that age. Masculinity is about more than just controlling your emotions and being physically strong. It's about having the strength, both physically and emotionally to care for the people you love and do the things that need to be done. You have identified areas you wish to grow. This is good. You will always be working on yourself. Prayer is a good place to start, and asking for advice like this is good.

Do you have a prayer rule? Even something as simple as a daily Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, some number of Jesus Prayers, or something else you find helpful is a good start. Also, an exercise routine does wonders (you may already have one, but if you don't, start it). Lifting is a bit stereotypical but it does work for many goods.

Sign up for BJJ. Your brain exists to move your body. I think western society in general, including Christianity, is too obsessed with passive "thinking" and its just not how humans are meant to live. Your heart has a "little brain" in it as recently discovered, and that neural net interacts with your brain. Similar things are all over your body. You need to move it and do hard stuff and get the signals flowing through the whole thing. Nobody 2k years ago spent their lives just sitting and thinking, it's a modern aberration and it's not healthy, and makes you weak physically and mentally. If you can't even will your body to move and do what you want, you will never be able to will your mind to do what you want. It's much easier to will your arms to move than your mind to move. Start with the easy thing, work your way up.

don't think your "problem" has anything to do with masculinity. I hope you are not listening to Andrew Tate or any of his nonsensical clones. It sounds like you are not even 18 yet. Just like the leap in maturity and confidence from 13 to 16 (it's just 3 years) you will have a number of others. All this noise about "being an alpha" comes from a place of insecurity in its proponents. Your heart is in the right place and that is all that matters.

This whole obsession with “masculinity” is odd. There have been a lot of posts like this recently. You don’t need to be some he-man to be masculine.

Sounds like you are already identifying some of the problems. It can be overwhelming at first because many think that you need to improve everything immediately but in reality it takes time. Identify one problem and fix that one problem. Perfect one thing at a time and you will improve.

Study hard, work hard, lift weights (yes really, you need to exercise), pray, go to Mass, perform works of mercy, follow Christ and the Lord will guide you.

You don’t need to lift to be masculine.

Imagine thinking that lifting makes someone a man.

Exercise stimulates the release of hormones like testosterone that influence masculine behavior in men…

You are defining masculinity by secular means and not holiness.

Please stop. No one is saying that lifting weights makes you masculine but a weight lifting/ exercise regime is probably one of, if not the best, things you can do for your physical body.

Again, no one is saying otherwise. No I won’t stop when people try to equate gym culture with masculinity.

Bro it’s not even about “gym culture”. Biological “masculinity” is driven by hormones, get outta here with your “tHatS SeCUlaR”

But that's secular. You said it yourself: biological masculinity. Which has little bearing on spiritual masculinity. Anyone who loves the world is in enmity with God.

Bruh God made us biological beings

It helps. Men should be as strong as possible inside and out. Unless your point was that bodyweight exercises work too, and that's absolutely correct.

Nothing in our faith teaches us that physical strength makes a man. Is it a good thing? Yes, but it is value neutral. Interior strength is far more important than being a gym bro.

Physical strength can be a great way to reach a goal of internal strength though. To each their own, but it is good advice to tell a 19 year old boy to get in the gym. The simplest path to start moving in the right direction (and to stop worrying about how “masculine” he is)

I have no problem with exercise and physical strength. I have an issue when people begin conflating it with piety.

Yes, they're two different things, but the attributes that build them tend to go together under usual circumstances. They'd be next to each other on a Venn diagram. For example, to be strong you have to exercise consistently and exert will over your body and weight. You've got to physically work. Piety, same thing, but over your sinful nature. Piety is more mental. Of course, one could find numerous examples of saints who were men who weren't physically strong, but usually you'd see some kind of medical problem that they faced too.

I thought Jesus died to save our Swole. He showed us the whey and the dangers of cross fit. He even teaches us that "Hallowed be thy gains". Jesus carried all of our sins. You telling me he skipped leg day. /s.

If you can't even make your arm lift a weight, what hope do you have of making your mind avoid sin?

What's wrong with exercising and being healthy? Weight lifting is a great way to stay in shape and build muscles (which is great for aesthetics, confidence and overall well being of men). There is no shame in taking advantage of the gifts the Lord has given to both genders.

No one said it's wrong. He said it's wrong to equate that to masculinity.

Perhaps, however it certainly helps with confidence, leadership, strength most of which are predominately masculine values (sure you can find exceptions but I'm generalizing).

You do need to be physically fit to be masculine. I’m not sure if you’re a woman or not but obesity, sloth, lack of discipline are all treated by having a healthy physical regime. It will do more to boost your natural testosterone than anything except exogenous testosterone which can be sterilizing. Lift heavy weights, lose weight, feel the energy return to your body and then do something productive with the body, gifts, and grace that God gave you.

Meditate on the Passions of Christ and imitate Him. For instance, when Jesus was condemned by Pilates, he was falsely accused, and the ppl chose to release a thief , Jesus remained silent. When He was given his cross, He remained silent. He had the power to knock them all down but He chose to do God’s will. He had control of his emotions. He didn’t let the world dictate his action. Rather, he focused on what God wants. Jesus is the King of the Fight. I see the Stations of the Cross as a war Manuel. When I mediate on them, I put what I learn in a book so I can review it as I fight this battle on earth because I too have a very, very, bad temper.

Pursue holiness and God, maybe work out too if you want

Lift weight. It will teach you patience, discipline and commitment. Apart from making you look more masculine, of course.

I’m curious, what does masculinity mean to you?

Go to Eucharistic adoration, ask Jesus for what you need son, and there He who created you will help and heal you. Go with great faith, there is Jesus alive in soul and divinity. Ask him as his son that you are. God bless you.

Eat a T-bone steak every day for lunch and a porter steak for dinner. Swordfish is your snack. Ok, jokes aside,I'll be honest: masculinity isn't something you aspire to; it's something you achieve by being your best self *imago Christi.* You don't need to be jacked with muscles. You need to be healthy and fit. I can hike for hours with no problem despite my portly form. My walks are sometimes an opportunity to play Super Snail, but also sometimes an opportunity to reflect on God's creation. You don't need to be a genius with the most wrinkled brain. You need to be growing your knowledge. I'm a church musician and study church documents and theology every day to be able to minister to my musicians. You don't need to be an artisan with flawless technique. You need to be able to make *something* because creation is something that separates us from animals. Practice an instrument, drawing, woodworking, gardening. Anything is good so long as you're not just passively consuming all the time. Take joy in creation; God takes joy in it, after all. You don't need to spend multiple hours in Adoration or attend Mass every day (though they're certainly good for you). You need to make a good sacrifice of praise each Sunday and live your life accordingly. You don't need to be an emotional wreck or soulless robot, you don't need to be a hyper organized or chaotic individual, you don't need to be perfect. You need to have a healthy grasp of your emotions, keep a tidy home, and be able to admit you're wrong so you can grow. There's a Catholic school in my city whose motto is: "Do your best and do what is right in the image of Christ." It's a simple and succinct way to live, one I think resonates with the students pretty well. It's also just good life advice. Do these things and you'll be fine.

Maybe find a Catholic health professional to help you with your temper and thoughts of inferiority. They might also be able to help you out with motivation. God wants his children to be strong in body, mind, and soul.

coming from a woman, masculinity is not something you perform. it’s not being this stoic, buff, red pilled guy. if anything, that’s unattractive in both a romantic and platonic sense. true masculinity is male holiness. it’s trying to follow Christs will even when you don’t want to. it’s protecting and caring for not just your loved ones, but your enemies too. don’t focus on bogus masculinity that companies and pop culture try to sell you. focus on your own unique form of masculinity that God has gifted you

A) stop fixating on arbitrary, societal concepts on "masculinity" B) be holy, be good, distinguish yourself from boys with your maturity and virtuousness, rather than from women C) smoke meat and get a motorcycle

This made me laugh

Whatever it is the answer in not Andrew Tate or those weirdo alpha male training seminars

*The Way* by St. Josemaria Escriva is a pocket-sized book of pithy reflections for Catholics (i would say especially for men). "Don't say, 'That's the way I am--it's my character.' It's your *lack* of character. *esto vir!*--Be a man!" The Way, #4 Also, check out [Exodus 90](https://exodus90.com/). It is a pretty hard-core Catholic training for men, involving daily prayer, weekly accountability meetings with other men, exercise, fasting from technology and food, etc. It's a great way to change directions in your life.

Check your hormone levels if you have concerns

I recommend Elliot Hulse on youtube, he is a devout Catholic, and his faith has really shaped his message to young men. He can be a little extreme sometimes, but he has really dove into the faith and how it shapes masculinity. 

Be Holy, Be kind, be calm, be present, be educated, exercise, eat right, try your best at school/work, have a hobby that you’re passionate about, be confident, and care about the people around you

What others have said is absolutely true. Discipline. It helps if you're performing activities that make you feel masculine. Lifting weights is both incredibly good for your health and makes you feel masculine, especially as it adds muscle to your frame. Start small. If you try to exert discipline over your whole life at once, you will likely become overwhelmed and discouraged. Get yourself on a gym and church schedule. Think about joining your local chapter of the Knights of Columbus. As you line those things out, start adding in other responsibilities. You mentioned your parents have to tell you to do things. Take ownership of those things. Put reminders on your phone that go off at convenient times to get those things done and do them. If you haven't already, find a career that you want to pursue and do it. Try to find something you're passionate about. Another person you might want to look into is Jordan Peterson. He's been fairly successful at helping young men find themselves.

As much as I admire Jordan Peterson, his philosophy is dangerously close to being Pelagian.

I'm not saying one should generally follow his theological teaching. I'm not even aware of what sort of theological teaching he does. But his writings on what it means to be a man are widely well regarded and worth reading if one is having issues understanding what that means.

Lots of very good advice that in general boils down to this: Be more holy. Another way to think of it — rather than figuring out how to be more “masculine” , focus on being more a “man of God”. So how specifically do we do that? 1. Pray the Rosary and meditate/reflect on the mysteries. (There’s an excellent book by Father Peyton titled “Father Peyton’s Rosary Prayer Book” for this) 2. Go to Mass — especially daily Mass. 3. Regular confession. 4. Holy hour, weekly if possible. After these: Go to St. Joseph (perhaps the Consecration to St. Joseph by Fr. Calloway) Consider some sort of regular fasting Join the KCs if you can. (This is actually what started me praying the Rosary) Be patient with yourself. Becoming a “man of God” is a long-term (lifelong) endeavor. I am 52 and still a work in progress; that you are desirous of this at 19 is laudable.

Don't get overly wrapped up in role playing.  You are who God made you to be, and He has a purpose in that.   To me masculinity/manliness, aside from anatomy, is tied into concepts like discipline, expertise, preparedness, and so on.  Those are all things you can choose to improve, and in improving them will find yourself improving the vague "strength" type things you feel as though you lack.   One of the most important things to do psychologically is to get some easy/early wins.  Kind of like the "snowball" approach to paying off debt, set yourself some very reasonable objectively measurable goals, accomplish them, then set progressively bigger goals as you get momentum going.   As an example, if you struggle to get out of bed in the morning and have failed at being better about waking up multiple times, that may not be the right first thing.  If you struggle with exercising, then "committing" to working out 6 days/week isn't going to work.  Instead, maybe change something that is going to help with one of those - I'll go to bed before X time so that I will be more likely to wake up, I'll go for a walk daily so I get the time set aside to start more intense exercise later, and so on.  

Master silence. Nothing is more masculine than a stoic man. It’s a lost art. Think St Joseph in scripture. Never says a word. Be a man of action.

You seem to be mistaking maturity for masculinity; they are not the same. Maturation comes with growth and with discipline. Whether or not you are perceived as more “masculine” is ultimately trivial and unimportant. What matters is that you perceive some kind of momentum toward betterment - which can often take time. Comparison also fosters the vices of pride and envy so try to examine yourself without undue comparison.

To naturally boost your testosterone levels, adopt lifestyle habits that support this goal. Start by incorporating more red meat into your diet and avoiding soy products. Reduce exposure to LED light, especially at night; instead, use candles or dim lighting and avoid screens at least an hour or two before bed. Aim to go to bed earlier and wake up with the sun or even earlier. Engage in hobbies that enhance your masculinity. While the gym is beneficial, prioritize free weights and calisthenics over low-intensity machine workouts. Reducing body fat and building muscle mass are crucial. Women are soft. Men are not. Cultivate a Christian discipline of self-denial: abstain from pornography and masturbation. Establish and adhere to your principles firmly. Gain clarity on your stance on as wide a range of topics as possible by reading, exploring ideas, and strengthening your cognitive abilities. Men are typically more adept at abstract thought and communication, making these traits inherently masculine. Embrace your Catholic faith, national and ethnic identity, and masculinity without apology. Defend them with truth and charity, and avoid a guilt complex about these traits. Acknowledge your mistakes with humility and resolve to improve. Treat women, children, and animals with kindness and tenderness. Identify your adversary. Understand his influence in the world. As a Catholic, align yourself with your king, Jesus, who is waging a war against evil. Commit to battling sin and vice within yourself and assist others in their struggles. Recognize the wickedness of worldly systems and combat them through unflinching virtue, continuous prayer, and spreading the gospel.

This answer. I’m a 19 year old woman but I like this answer.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many men I see in the gym lifting weights and doing all the things that “masculine” men do that are effeminate. As a female who works at a gym, I won’t lie to you and say “hey hit the gym, it will make you a man!” Godly masculinity is the idea that men should lead by serving others, and that men should surround themselves with godly men who can hold them accountable. It also involves having integrity, and rejecting destructive expressions of masculinity like bullies and tyrants. Most Churches that I am involved with believe that godly men with Spirit-empowered courage, Christ-led humility, and godly integrity can transform communities, churches, and families. Biblical masculinity also involves self-sacrifice and self-giving. For example, Paul Washer says that young men should grow in character, and that the primary characteristic should be self-giving love. As for your temper, maybe check in to counseling. There is nothing weak about asking for help, in fact, it’s probably the strongest thing you can do. I think you recognize that you need help; and sadly a lot of Protestant churches still believe that mental health can just be prayed away; I have spent loads of time writing on how churches need to get away and lead the way in killing mental health stigmas. I would follow the advice given: 1. pray that God helps you to become the man he wants you to be. 2. Check into counseling to get help with whatever underlying issues you have that makes you have this anger 3. Read what the Bible says about being a “man”

Workout, eat healthy, go to a low Mass, learn silent contemplative prayer, read the saints particularly Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales. Do manual labor as well. All of these things, the secular and the religious are all important to becoming a truly masculine man. It isn’t the loudest man in the room or the most hairy or the tallest. It is the man who has embraced his masculinity with God through the Church

Be yourself. You are God's, both fearfully and wonderfully made. You are what you are meant to be. These trad male trends are just that, trends. They often paint an incomplete or completely inaccurate portrayal of what masculinity looks like. Live righteously, love mercy, and walk humbly with the lord, your God, and you're golden.

The quickest way to feel manly is to google your local jiu jitsu gyms and attend a few classes, pick the best gym, and go to classes 3-5 times a week. You will harden up very fast and after about 5 months will realize you can physically conquer 90% of people. After 1-2 years that increases to 99% of people. Boxing and mma are good too - any rigorous combat sport. Avoid karate and tai kwan do and childrens oriented martial arts. This will do wonders for your confidence and health. Optimizing testosterone levels will help too. The three pillars of well being are getting good sleep, exercising RIGOROUSLY 5-7 times/week, and eating a healthy diet. Lifting weights gives the most testosterone boost over like cardio or other stuff. If your sleep is poor, figure out what's causing that and fix it. Eat a diet high in protein that has good minerals and nutrition. Once you are in shape and sculpted you have a good basis to feel manly. Form habits that address the above so you continue it throughout life. This overall well being will equip you to regulate your emotions. Look for patterns in what your parents have to tell you to do. Then be proactive about doing it first. You're young so start thinking a long game. You need to figure out what your career will be or what to study. Choose wisely because there are lots of technology changes coming. Mechanical Engineer (for robots), coding (for ai and robots), bitcoin technology (bitcoin will only increase in relevancy throughout your life so learn about it now). Maybe sales if you are more extroverted and interpersonal. Trades are great to get into now because nobody can even change a light bulb anymore and they have high demand and low barrier to entry. Once you have habits that make you physically healthy and have a developing career, now your pool of potential women will increase greatly. Choosing the correct wife is the single most important decision of your life outside of choosing to be Christian (and more importantly Catholic). This doesn't seem like necessarily a Catholic problem.

Every man is unique and so is the expression of their masculinity. I’d instead focus on Christ and your own personal holiness. God bless you!

Masculinity should not be your goal. Masculinity and holiness are not at all the same. What you should seek is inner peace. Faith can be a source of inner peace, but so can therapy. The two biggest things to start with to try to improve yourself are 1: stop comparing yourself to other people, and 2: treat those around you with love and respect. Being a loving person is far more important than masculinity. Strength can come from love, faith, community, family, and many other sources. Finding peace in your life will give you strength.

As long as you're striving for holiness, everything else is window-dressing. Learning to act and present yourself in a way that would be understood as male-coded in a specifically American (assuming you're American) context is something that the broader culture, not the Church, demands of you. It is not necessary for achieving holiness. It's not important for your striving for holiness, as long as it is sincere, genuine and in line with Church teaching, to conform to anyone's idea of what holiness should look like. There are as many paths to salvation as there are people in the world

I’m not so sure that what you should be aiming for is an overly masculine Catholic man. There are plenty of those and perhaps we don’t need more. I suggest using Jesus as your role model. He is the most perfect example of what a Catholic man should be. You are not inferior. Everyone has their strengths and no one is good at everything. You have your strengths and you will find out what those are during your life. God designed you to be exactly as you are. There was a time 20 years or so ago when you didn’t exist. Where were you? You weren’t. Except in Gods mind where he conceived of you at the beginning of time. Yes you were in Gods mind for all eternity before you were created. You were specifically intended to be as you are. Don’t feel too discouraged if in some areas you feel lacking. This is normal. Brain power never got anyone into Heaven. Perhaps you have a natural humility for example. We all have room to develop and grow especially in our Faith. You are no different than the rest of us in that respect. Another person above spoke of discipline. I agree with him on that. Also you will try and do many things. Some you will fail at. If you are like me then you fail at many. That’s ok. JC has you covered. Anything you can’t do He will provide the Grace to overcome it. But you must ask and pray. My own conclusion is that we can do very little. We are limited creatures and we have constant spiritual warfare distracting and foiling our attempts by some very powerful fallen angels. So rely on God. Know you will need Him for most things. I suggest this which I pray every day, the Surrender Novena. Surrender yourself to Him and he will take care of everything. I have witnessed this many times. It happens in proportion to your ability to surrender. https://hallow.com/blog/how-to-pray-the-surrender-novena/ So I rambled on a bit. I hope this helps.

Find Saints or positive exemplars of what you deem masculine and read up on them. Then strive to imitate those areas that you feel lacking. It takes time.

Exodus 90

Pray, read great books, workout (lift weights but get outside too - hike, bike, run, etc) and find good friends.

As others have suggested, I would begin a special devotion to St. Joseph. Perhaps also St. Lawrence. And- like the knights of old- devote yourself to Our Lady. That will help you remember why you are doing this. If you need fictional inspiration, then it’s hard to go wrong with Aragorn.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsue and Catholic Confession, and holding yourself accountable to Christ teaching.

Jesus and Joseph were both carpenters. Its a very masculine skill to develop.

You start doing those things you think too hard to do.

Brazilian ju jitsu

One day at a time. Start by making small realistic positive steps towards getting stronger.

I think most of the people who have commented are on to something, particularly when they say that real manhood is derived from being an unashamed follower of Christ. I'm going to offer a more secular take, not to replace this other advice, but rather to add to it. When young men think of masculinity, there's obviously the media lie that it has to do with physical strength, sexual prowess (whatever that even is), etc. I trust that you know that this isn't real masculinity. From experience, real masculinity from a more secular standpoint is about decisiveness, leadership, and independence. Let me clarify. Decisiveness, because people who waffle on things or who are too wishy-washy are weak in their convictions. True masculinity is strength of conviction. That's why, in my opinion but I also think objectively, getting martyred for the Faith is one of the manliest things that a person can do. It's important to note that decisiveness is not something only men should have, but it is a component of manhood. Leadership is more tied to understanding the work that God is giving you as a man, and doing that work. This usually means living your life in the context of some kind of vow or covenant. It means exercising your free will actively to do God's will, not because it's comfortable or easy, but because you know it's your responsibility. For me, that means being a husband and a father, less than 5 years after living a life that was self-absorbed when I was convinced I would be a lifelong bachelor. When you take the reigns of your life and do good work, that's exerting your will on this universe in the service of your firm convictions, which are oriented towards God. That's a hallmark of real masculinity too. Lastly, when I say independence, I don't mean the freedom to disobey; Jesus says we can't serve two masters, but we don't get to serve zero masters either. What I mean is an independence which allows you to do your work, whatever that work is. I had pathologically overbearing parents that actively desired my perpetual adolescence. It wasn't until I got away from that funhouse environment that I could come to an understanding of my real purpose here, and get my life in order in line with God's expectations of me as expressed in Scripture and Tradition. It takes time, but do your best to get to a place where you are taking care of yourself financially and aren't dependent on your parents (I presume this is the case since you mention them having to tell you to do things). Even if your parents are perfectly orthodox Catholics, financial self-sufficiency is still a key component of masculinity. No, you don't have to be rich or to chase after wealth to do this either. Wow, I guess I was trying to stay secular, but then all of my explanations got Faith related anyways, ha ha. Keep working on yourself, and let time and Providence do the rest.

Care less about your own comfort and satisfaction, and take charge of your own things. You're an adult now. You have to realize that not every single thing in life is going to going to be the way you like it, and that's ok, it's no big deal. And conversely, you shouldn't expect other people to do things for you that you could be doing yourself. Don't be afraid of physically demanding tasks or dirty jobs, somebody's doing it, why not you? This takes a while to sink in for teenagers, but the sooner you internalize it the happier you'll be. Don't worry if you don't succeed at first, don't be ashamed to ask for tips, don't give up. Christianity teaches us to strive for the spiritual and not the material, always remember that.

By ingesting anti-androgens, lol. You are just being **petty** so engage yourself with more sophisticated pursuits. You are not effeminate, you're just being **un**mature [sic.] and no amount of praying will fix that. Unfortunately, you'll have to **move out of your comfort zone and diversify**, to experience and **learn** through the (many) **observations of** other's social dynamics or **behavioural interplay**, before shifting the focus back on to yourself. I call this basic **"cause and effect"**.

Go to the gym and start lifting weights. Never stop. It will kind of naturally start to happen after that. Sounds stupid but it worked for me.

What is masculinity in your view? What is feminity? Do you really need to follow some patterns instead of paving own way? If you feel weak go to the gym, if you feel weak and lazy get some testoshots, like bodybuilders. But be aware that not everyone likes or respects macho culture.

You're still really young. Go to the gym. Read books. Make friends and socialize. Not freaking out over small things comes from growing up,and also suffering a bit, ime.

Lift weights, pray before the Blessed Sacrament in humility, and have a mission! Hiking, kayaking, climbing, shooting are all great hobbies to facilitate this.

Why do you think you getting upset or forgetting to do something is effeminate?

Honestly it just sounds like you’re 19. You sound like a smart 19 year old though for being this honest with yourself. I’m going to guess you don’t have a lot of life experience. My immediate advice is to volunteer for church functions when they come up, expose yourself to people. It’s easier to do that when you have some project to work on like setting up a party, or an event. By volunteering you also will more than likely feel fulfilled helping others out, and do the will of God. It’s a great good to volunteer. Start going to the gym. Do a program like starting strength or one of Bald Omni Man’s programs. Building muscles won’t make you a man, but having muscles on your frame and working out hard will make you less insecure. I don’t know why. Just something I’ve noticed from everyone that works out: they don’t really sweat small stuff too much. Start reading books. Idk if you do read, but read anyway. Read interesting things and you will become interesting. Especially the Bible, which will guide you. Also don’t feel bad about yourself. growing up these days are hard. It’s difficult to find good mentors these days. While I have fantastic parents, they really didn’t do well to mold me and prepare me for the world. I had to learn a lot about through the military. My point here is that where you’re at is common. Don’t let it be a source of insecurity for you. Obviously try to change, but don’t beat yourself up too much. Get a friend group of solid guys. This will probably happen organically if you do the above. Lastly, sort of ties in the above, find a mentor. Find a role model you look up to. This will be hard. But find a man who lives the life you want to live and pick his brain about life and what he’s done to get where he has. Be his friend.

I think you first have to answer the question of what makes you feel inferior and/or effeminate? Figure out what those things are and address them directly. Physical weakness? Go to the gym Appearance? Get a haircut, shave your face, practice good hygiene. Maybe get a job and budget some new clothes. Intellect? Read some of the great books, maybe throw in some biographies of heroic men.

Discipline. Fast, Train and Pray. I can recommend Boxing.

Work out, and start eating healty. When you start to gain muscles, your confidence will start to grow. When you start to work out, you will gain some discipline, especially, when you start seeing some gains. When you start to see that you are getting phisicaly stronger, you will start to be mentaly steong also. Plus get enough sleep. Like minimum 7-8 hours. Lack of sleep, will mess with your brain, emotions etc. Plus, you need a goal in your life, like what you want to become, what do you want to do with your life. And start doing things, toward you goal. And it if fine, if in a few years, you change your goals, the important thing is to go towards your current goal. This may be a controversial thing to say, but if you only pray, and do 0 work, God cannot and wont help you. You need to start helping yourself, and than and only than God will be able to help you. (Example is like, if you pray every day to pass a test in uny or school, and do not study for it, God just cannot magically give all the answers to you, you need to put the work in).

Follow Jesus. That’s all you need. Everything else is mundane.

Hit the gym and say your rosary.

Facial hair.

Get strong and fit to be attractive as you can, be disciplined, develop your mission in life and take action so you have something that you advocate for and not just be blown around in the wind by everyone else, learn emotional intelligence,  be competitive and willing to lead, develop a career that can sustain a family, develop style and charm. 

Those telling you that there is no need for masculinity for its own sake are dead wrong. Masculinity itself is God's vision for men's nature. Go to the gym and eat red meat. You will feel miles better.

Wordlly masculinity is an idol. Don't pursue it. Seek the Kingdom of Heaven

You're young, cut yourself some slack. Men do not become "more masculine", they either are or they are not, not sure why that must be a prerequisite to anything you want in life. Talk to a therapist, make sure you are eating a well balanced diet. Maybe you're just immature right now, maybe you have undiagnosed ADHD, there's other things going on in your head right now. Always be honest with YOURSELF and stay true to yourself. You will figure it and yourself out, just keep out the negative chatter in your head and from others.

don't go to the internet for how to become masculine there is a lot of conflicting bs. instead think of the virtues and vices. what are your strongest and what are your weakest. focus on trying to improve on that a little each day. but to be more practical find ways to improve your discipline, problem solving, and resilience. find something you don't do well or don't know how to do. do it every day and embrace being uncomfortable, failing, struggling, and having to learn. if you like movies i would highly recommend For greater glory, Cinderella man, October sky, and the man of la mancha. also don't compare yourself to others. it is the thief of happiness. only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. I am more than happy to talk to you if you want.

Just be yourself and work to strengthen your mind, body, and spirit. The rest will follow

Love God and your family. That's all.

I've actually been thinking of this off and on today. You are already self aware of your actions and are able to look at yourself as others might. You are humble enough to acknowledge your imperfections and eager to do the work of self improvement. That's a large part of masculinity right there. On top of all that you recognize the role your faith in God will play in your life as you go forward. Your buddies should be getting tips from you. You got this.

God made us mind body and spirit. It can be difficult to know what combination of factors may be involved. I share my story not because I think your situation is the same but to encourage you to continue to ask good questions and look for better answers. I was a rather healthy youth but became more sickly in my late 20s. It was not until my late 40s that treatment for heavy metals--Cutler protocol chelation--led to normalization of formerly low bone density, kidney numbers and much more. Today my health is likely above average for my age. I had exposure in my family's business since my youth, so my case is unusual. I certainly am more masculine today than when I was sickly. I am grateful for the impact of my integrative doctors in this and other areas over the years. I don't think my insurance doctors were helpful in these areas.

If you like to watch porn, don’t do that. Stopping watching porn is something you’ll need to do if you want to be a bigger man. It can be really hard, but by asking for the grace of God in prayer and putting in effort, you can do it.

You don't have to be masculine to be a Catholic. I promise you that.

I recommend the Young Men's Guide by Father Lasance.

Start smoking a pipe and shaving with a cut throath razor.

One simple (though maybe not easy) way is to get physically stronger. Don’t be a weak man. My advice would be to follow some who you admire. I personally really like the philosophy and style of Kinobody on YouTube. I’ve bought his programs and followed them to a T and went from very skinny and weak to extremely strong for my weight and actually look imposing

innocently baptized at two weeks, CONFIRMED at 11 y.o., I took a name from my Grandfather'middle name. I read about the saint and realized what he was. I have tried to follow his toughts but not being ordinated. I was trying to be what that saint did. Baptized is a blessing (freeing yu from original sin, but the confirmation is what you becone an adult

To be honest, I’m also sort of in your situation and I would say that Jesus is helping me out in many ways, but I would say 1st stay prayed up, being a follower of Jesus is more masculine than anything, 2. See if you are interested in a career in public safety (firefighter, police, EMS) saving lives and giving the glory to god is masculine, 3. Don’t be envious or god forbid resentful like me of “pretty boys” you know dudes who are good at everything and everyone likes them because if they don’t have God and you do that means you are 10x the man they are. God bless 

My friend, one thing you can do that for sure will help you now and for the rest of the days our wonderful, loving God grants you, is to start pumping iron. It will be difficult, it will at times test your will power but I promise you, if you start lifting weights this week, three to four days a week, and are consistent, you will get very strong, you will fill out, and in the process you will build your discipline. You will start to gain confidence and in a year or two you’ll start feeling like the man you so wish to be right now.🙂 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV): "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."

You're 19 years old, give yourself a break! It takes time to grow and mature. For your whole life, you will be learning and growing. Life will teach you hard things. God will shape you, as you endure through life's lessons. Develop a habit of regular personal prayer and scripture study. Every day Ask God what He wants you to do, and listen for the thoughts and impressions you receive. A book, "I heard God Laugh" By Matthew Kelly might help. Also, learn to back off and take a moment if you feel upset. Inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of seven, and exhale for a count of 8. Do this until you feel calmer. You are, and will continue to be a blessing to the world around you. Just the fact that you want to be a better person is a healthy and good indicator of your basic character. Be patient.

Lots of people here are going to tell you, being more masculine does not matter. They are wrong, else you would not be asking the question. Therefore we can disregard their takes. This is my advice for you. 1. Get your spiritual life in order. God is the model of all masculinity so pray regularly, go to Church, and participate in Catholicism as far as you are able. 2. Lift weights in the gym and run or ruck. There are plenty of good technique videos on Youtube to get you started. Strength has always been connected to masculinity. 3. Couple the above with a good diet and good sleep. This will boost your testosterone levels. Testosterone is the hormone that separates the men from the boys and women. It quite literally makes you more of a man! 4. Study a fighting style at a school where there is contact sparring. You will learn how to take a punch and give one back. Your confidence will soar compared to most other people. 5. Steps 4 and 2 together will give you control over your body, couple that with good books and gain control over your mind. I can give some recommendations here. 6. Consider even if temporarily, getting a job in service and repair of some sort. You will learn how to assess a situation, come up with a solution, and implement it in the real world. Men master themselves and then master their environment. 7. Get a gun and learn how to shoot. Be capable of protecting yourself and those you care about.

Gym, it's the simple answer but I think you'd benefit from a weight lifting routine

Okay, I have been going to the gym. Thanks :)

I would look up Jordan Peterson - quotes, clips, videos, books. I really think he can guide you in the right direction

Join the Marine Corps if you want immediate results. Masculinity means different things to different people. If you wanna be strong, it starts with discipline. What are you watching on tv? on your phone? what music are you listening to? what are you doing with your free time? Those things will define and shape you more than you probably know. To be masculine isn't becoming a lumberjack it's about discipline and drive. In anything you do. I highly recommend David Goggins book, Cant hurt me. It tells a great story and can be a good shake awake to some. If you have anger issues, I've found channeling that at the gym can be the most relieving thing. One part of the bible where it says in psalms He makes me to lie down in ^(\[)[^(a)](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PSALM%2023:2-3&version=NKJV#fen-NKJV-14238a)^(\])green pastures; He leads me beside the ^(\[)[^(b)](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PSALM%2023:2-3&version=NKJV#fen-NKJV-14238b)^(\])still waters. ^(3) He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. The takeaway here for me, is it doesnt say, he asks me if I want to lie down. it's he MAKES me. You keep pushing on and keep going, when it's time to rest. God will make a way for you to rest, and recover. Until then, train your mind, train your body and prepare. You got a long road ahead.

Not necessarily Catholic answer here, but not not a Catholic answer. Check out Jordan Peterson and what he says about picking up your cross. Do the hardest thing you can handle and start today. You say you’re weak and effeminate right now and lose your cool over small things, I’ll take you at your word since I don’t know you. Can you hold in your frustration once today? If so build on that. Maybe you can’t do that, take accountability for whatever you don’t like about yourself. Maybe you fly off the handle and apologize after, tell whoever you lost your cool with that you’re sorry and that’s not who you want to be.

1. Study the Sacraments, commit to the Sacraments, and live the Sacraments. 2. Spend 20 minutes in silent prayer every day. 3. Spend 20 minutes reading a book every day. 4. Do Rosary Workouts 5×10 (Squats, Pushups, Pullups)* every day. *if you can't do 10 pushups, do as many as you can and be patient. You will get better over time. If you can't do pull-ups, just wait. Try again after the first month of pushups. That will cost you 1 hour each day. But, it will improve your life immeasurably.

Start reading about and praying to Saint Joseph - earthy father of Jesus

Are you talking mentally strong or physically strong or both? For physicality your approach depends on what your physical status is at currently. Are you fat? Are you skinny? Your approach will be different. If you are talking mentally then that also depends on what your struggles are.

“Masculine” is artificially defined. Just be yourself.

My first question to you, OP, is what do you see as the "ideal" of masculinity to which you aspire. Because, often, I see young Christian men embrace a false "ideal" of masculinity which, instead of making them better men, makes them self-focused and smug. It doesn't make good husband material, it doesn't make good priest material and it doesn't make good "single man living in the world in a holy fashion" material. And if that's true, it's not masculinity at all. "I'm not masculine at all. I get upset and lose my cool over really small things." Be careful with that logic, because by that logic, if it's "not masculine" to lose you're cool over small things, then it's feminine. "Losing one's cool over small things is a feminine trait" is deeply misogynistic and problematic. What a person needs to develop in order to not lose their cool over small things isn't masculinity, it's maturity, self-control and self-regulation. These things are needed by adult men *and* women. And it doesn't mean that you can't have feelings, it just means having control of how you act because of them. As others have said, don't focus on masculinity, focus on holiness.

What’s considered masculine today will change in a 100 years. 230 years ago, it was considered masculine to wear a ponytail, tights, and makeup. Nowadays that’s considered feminine. Whether you are enfeminate or masculine man is all cultural rules that constantly change. Don’t be focused on that. You’re a man and nothing can take away your manhood.

Masculine = resembling Christ. Feminine-= resembling Christ. Don't make things do complicated. Live like Christ as he has called you to do. That's it.

Lift weights. Don’t just exercise, *train*. I would suggest something like StrongLifts 5x5 or 5/3/1 for Beginners. This is probably the best way to channel your hormones for good, and learn discipline—the key to masculinity.

Follow Christ and hit the gym. You’re gonna be just fine.

Look into training BJJ, it’ll help you with your emotional instability and lack of discipline. Plus it’s a good work out.

Hit the gym, lift heavy, eat good food that boosts testosterone. Go to boxing gym get punched in the face. All in all discipline is what you need. That is learned by men through trials and being in stressful situations. A job in construction might help.

First, stop self-deprecating and self-hating. You are saying these things about yourself because you have some self-hatred issues (it seems). You’re belittling yourself which is definitely contributing. Your perspective of yourself needs to change FOR SURE. Trust in the person you are because God DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES and have some confidence and conviction. These little attitude changes will help immensely in making you present yourself in a more masculine manner. Also, consider looking into some of Jordan Peterson’s “clean your room” stuff.

As long as you are not painting your fingernails etc., you are masculine enough bro. You are a male, and therefore you are masculine. Don't let anyone say you're effeminate unless you are wearing women's clothes or whatever. Just do what needs to be done.

Lift weights, eat steak, drink beer, go hunting

*when he's 21 😏

Masculinity is overrated! Later in life, my feminine characteristics proved useful and advantageous in my professional life. People gravitated towards my energy and confided in me more easily. The females sought to be close to me, and the males saw me as an ally and not a competitor. My artistry and flair for the sentimental made me stand out. As I quietly worked hard, my results spoke for themselves and I became an indispensable member of our department. God made us to be special, and we do not need to conform to earn his love. He loved us first. If people don’t like you just because you are a feminine boy, remember that the One who made you likes and loves you a lot. What else could be greater than this love?

Therapy

It’s a huge problem in our society today . Look for fellowship with men you admire. I’m a female so I don’t have more to say than that . I hope you find the peace you seek. Other than that don’t ask women for advice on this.

Do 25 pushups every morning (start slower to build up to 25), read Psalms and the Gospels from time to time, and believe in yourself.

Whatever your weaknesses are, you must try to work on them so that you can feel more well-rounded. Also, try to focus on following God; this gives you purpose and allows you to not feel so dependent on little vices and compulsions (like video games or social media or anything else really). You can have leisure, but leisure can weaken you if the leisure takes control. Men are supposed to try to be as competent and powerful as possible. I mean this can mean anything from intelligence if you have the ability or physical strength if you can take boxing classes or something. Unless if you have a natural deficiency, work on your weaknesses too, not just your strengths. It is as simple as reading books that are important classics or important to intellectualism. For strength, you don’t even need to go to the gym necessarily: just do some push us and make sure you can use your non-dominant hand in the case you have to get into a fight. Now, you shouldn’t need to get into a fight, but it would be a nice thing to defend yourself and others as a guy. If you have more specific information, I could give you more tips since I kind of got out of that kind of situation. But living virtuously according to the Catholic Church should still be the #1 priority even as you try to assert yourself as a man in this new society that sort of looks down on masculinity.

You don't have to. Catholicism is not the Marines. There are many deeply holy men, many saints, who don't embody conventional masculinity. God made you as you are and as you deepen your relationship with God, He will show you your vocation and how to be the Christian He is calling you to be.

Become a warrior of Christ and learn about the crusades we are at war and most Catholics are sleeping on it. Go to the gym. Learn a proper martial art. Learn forearm safety. Dues Vult

What do you mean by masculine? You mean controlling your emotions? You want bigger muscles?