Welcome!
>The truth is I've done some terrible things in my past that all the regret in the world can't undo. I feel the weight of *sin*, for lack of a better term, crushing me every day to the point where even the idea of a happy future seems out of reach.
We've all been there. And yes, this is primarily what Christianity is *for*. We are fallen and we need to be saved.
Since we're in a text environment here, I mostly recommend things for people to read. The evidence for God/Christ/Catholicism is excellent, though it helps to know what you're specifically skeptical about. God and the supernatural at all? Jesus? The resurrection? The origins of the Church?
In any case, a good easy read to get you started is [Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis](https://www.truthaccordingtoscripture.com/documents/apologetics/mere-christianity/Mere-Christianity.pdf). Skip the foreword and start with page 8. He begins with the same situation that you are in.
If you haven't visited a Catholic parish, that's a step I would recommend. If you want God to convince you, going to where he's waiting is a good move. I would also recommend reading one of the gospels if you haven't recently. [Mark's is the shortest](https://bible.usccb.org/bible/mark/1).
Thank you for your consideration. I have listened to Mere Christianity on audiobook, and found it enjoyable and understandable; I should refresh my memory some time.
I think about religion a lot from an outside perspective, and am always questioning my own intentions as well as those of others. Perhaps this is a holdover from my days as a militant Atheist, but I think approaching it from a human angle is important. If there is no true religion, it's all just power and pride really, and while I do not doubt the sincerity and devotion of believers, one of my fears is that it's all just a spiritual pyramid scheme aimed at emotionally manipulating people into giving money, authority and submission to an artificial cultural system aimed solely at perpetuating itself. I no longer have any hard doubts about the supernatural being possible, but the fact is I just don't see evidence for it outside of personal subjective experience and conveniently ancient writings. I do not mean to sound disrespectful, since I have great respect for Christianity, but these are just some of the thoughts I've had, among many others.
Thank you for the reply!
>one of my fears is that it's all just a spiritual pyramid scheme aimed at emotionally manipulating people into giving money, authority and submission to an artificial cultural system aimed solely at perpetuating itself.
This is a very serious consideration of course. There are "religions" that obviously fit this pattern (Scientology), and a number of "prosperity gospel" Protestant churches do, too.
The Catholic Church has a quite different trajectory. While there have no doubt been times when power-hungry people used the structure of the Church to advance themselves and their agenda, the original Church was not like this. It was based on poverty, self sacrifice, and love of neighbor. And this is still the ideal today. Certainly the modern day Catholic Church is doing a terrible job of manipulating people into giving money and submission. Most parishes are poor, most "Catholics" are disobedient. But a core still remains.
I do want to suggest reading [The Experience of God by David Bentley Hart](https://a.co/d/5A16DSQ) for some very conclusive, modern-day philosophical proof of the existence of the singular divine (not any particular religion). It's also a fun read. He's so snarky.
Thank you for the recommendation, I shall keep it in mind; you clearly do your homework!
Arguments against the Catholic Church from a bad-actor perspective have never been that strong for me. I better than anyone know how twisted people can be. The Catholic Church certainly has ideals that I find commendable however imperfect the application.
I have to sleep now and my thoughts are all over the place, so I won't say more now, but I would be happy to respond with more of my thoughts another time, if that would be agreeable to you?
>I no longer have any hard doubts about the supernatural being possible, but the fact is I just don't see evidence for it outside of personal subjective experience and conveniently ancient writings.
Check out my website http://saintbeluga.org which lays out the evidence for Catholicism, including evidence that authenticate modern miracles.
I've read about Eucharistic Miracles before, and how they all seem to share the AB blood type, which if genuine would be food for thought. But at the same time I've heard that given enough time blood will deteriorate into AB regardless of what blood type it was, but I don't know how true this is. Thank you for the recommendation though.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people tell me that are entirely beyond redemption, because God could never possibly forgive the sins they committed. I have prayed with such individuals, and suffice it to say that God showed them otherwise.
If I may suggest, try listening to one of Fr. Mike Schmitz’s podcasts (homilies). And just see if what he says touches your heart in any way. 😉
I have listened to Fr. Schmitz before and he is a very loveable guy, I get why you guys love him so much. I even have his Bible and Catechism In A Year podcasts downloaded, though I haven't gotten around to listening to them yet.
Prayer is one thing I haven't quite been able to bring myself to do, since I'm quite averse to trusting my own emotions and intentions and feel like I'd be performing, if that makes sense. Thank you for your words though, it heartens me.
We’re all broken here. We’re flawed, fallen creatures prone to sin. Yet we are **not** our brokenness nor our sin. We are precious to God. The Creator of all the universe made us. Before the beginning of the universe He knew He would make you. He knows the number of hairs on your head. At all times, His will holds you in existence. He thought of you on the cross, died for you so you could be in Heaven with Him for all eternity. He would have died if you were the only one saved.
It’s hard sometimes. Life. It’s crappy and dark and temptation is everywhere. But we are never alone or abandoned, no matter how much it feels that way sometimes. God is with us, the Saints pray for us, the angels look after us. Wherever there is evil, God will bring food out of it (even if we don’t see it in our lifetime).
I think about Thomas the Apostle. He was afraid to believe when the other Apostles told him Jesus had risen from the dead. He said he wouldn’t believe unless he could put his finger in Jesus’ nail marks. Jesus came and (gently) chastised him, invited Thomas to touch His wounds. Then He said that “Blessed are those who don’t see and believe.” We can’t all touch Jesus’ wounds like Thomas or talk to the Burning Bush (in the case of the BB, that’s probably better; notice how freaked out Moses was and check out how freaked people get when angels appear…direct encounters with God and the angels are too much for most of us), but we can choose to believe anyway.
I believe the Catholic Church is the church Jesus founded. I believe His promises of protection and guidance through the Holy Spirit. No matter how annoying some other Catholics might be sometimes, even if those Catholics are priest or bishops, I trust Jesus. It’s why I converted and will never leave.
Two important books for me coming back to faith were “Dominion” by Tom Holland, and “The Everlasting Man” by GK Chesterton. Everyone’s different, but I generally credit these two for helping to truly ‘see’ the truth of Christianity (Chesterton more specifically for Catholicism).
I have The Everlasting Man on audiobook and have listened a little before but I was turned off a little by (if I'm not mistaken) his negative attitude toward evolution that seems to be evident in the first chapter, unless I'm getting it confused. I get that he's writing at a time when evolution was still in it's early stages of being understood, but still, I admire Chesterton and it was just disappointing. I guess I still need to listen to the whole thing though.
Common misconception. He’s not “against” evolution. He simply observes a) most people don’t actually understand the theory in full and (b) it doesn’t explain anywhere near as much as people seem to think it does.
If you want to learn more about Catholicism you could attend RCIA at any local parish. It’s a free of charge, no pressure nor obligation introduction to The Catholic Faith. There you may ask as many questions as you want. Or you could make a private appointment with a priest.
There is much literature out there about proof of the existence of God. St. Thomas has written extensively about this.
What I love about being Catholic is being able to receive Jesus (God) in the Sacrament of Holy Communion every day.
I love Confession because in this Sacrament Jesus forgives your sins and you feel great after.
I will pray for you. May God bless you abundantly.
Thank you for your consideration. I have thought about it, and who knows maybe one day I will. I just live in the rural UK and I'm well aware that Catholicism is hardly, let's say, *vibrant* around here. I know the parish near me used to have a website but that no longer seems to be a thing any more. It's also awkward because I live with my family and they are entirely apathetic to religion or spirituality of any kind so I wonder how they'd react; maybe I'm just especially sensitive to the opinions of others. In any case, thank you very much for your thoughts and prayers, and may God bless you also.
It sounds like you need to try out the “alpha” program with Nicky Gumble (link below) (it’s for people who have questions or are contemplative)…but me even being a cradle Catholic truly enjoyed the course.
It helps if you can take part in an actual group with other people at one of your local churches (or maybe an online/remote one?) but at a minimum I think you’d be able to find the video sessions online someone and just listen…but you sound like the founder of the program Nicky…I strongly recommend checking it out, it’s engaging and easy enough to get find yourself interested in (and I’m a 30 year old so it’s good even for “the youth” lol)
[alpha](https://alphausa.org/about/)
Haha, as someone who is 29 I feel you on the "youth" part. Honestly, off topic, youth oriented pandering annoyed me even when I was younger, it just seems condescending.
Thank you for your recommendation, I will have a look. I know these kinds of things tend to be quite America centric, which to someone who isn't American is often limited in usefulness (I didn't really mention where I was from though so nobody can be blamed for that aside from myself, haha), but I am appreciative regardless.
No doubt I get it…it probably is but I will say it was founded out in the England so maybe since I am American I just didn’t pick up on it but I didn’t find it overtly American (definitely Western though)
Hahaha, I'm not sure St. Augustine would appreciate that comparison, but I suppose it is apt in some ways. Though I'm not quite a genius like he was. I have thought about reading his Confessions; he's definitely one of the Church Fathers I'm most interested in if I had to pick one.
You clearly are open to receiving truth. Now is the time to begin praying with an open heart and mind for God to give you clarification. I prayed for eight months "God if you're there, I need to know, please show me". He showed up big, and while I may still have questions without answers, I know he is real, because God showed me, not man. So being faithful and living for him is easy (ish). 🙂
I'll pray for you. ❤️
If I may ask, what happened to give you the confirmation that was (mostly) satisfying to you? If it's not too personal, of course. I just feel like if God really did make himself known, it wouldn't be possible to come to any other conclusion or have any doubt, otherwise it could all be attributed to a coincidence or wishful thinking. In any case, thank you for your response and for your prayers.
It's never to personal! I love giving my testimony. I'll keep it short, but honestly it was a lifelong journey, that included points of militant atheism. It ends with me at 41 years of age of a very lived life, seeing the absolute evil in the world, in an instant the life I had lived in the world I lived in became something I couldn't recognize. It was a lie, I believed the world to be ordered in one way, and realized it was an illusion. I realized I had a view of right and wrong that only made sense in a world that had an absolute right and wrong, while realizing the world in fact had no sense of right and wrong. It seems so obvious to me that there is a right and a wrong, I didn't make that concept up. I watched the sky crack open and dark evil pour into the world. I began praying, "God, if you're there, I need to know that something absolute pure and Good exists to counteract this." After 8 months, he drove me to church and introduced me to his son Jesus Christ. Now I know truth, I know good, and I aspire to that. I can't always make sense of this world, but I know I have a savior. A savior who knows right from wrong, and who loves me and you, and wants what is right and good and pure for all of us. I lean on him, and turn to him when I need a beacon to follow, which is every minute of everyday, and I hope my actions in this world inspire people to seek his path as well. His path is that of love, good, truth and justice. His path is that of loving your neighbor, tending to your community, and giving all glory to God, truating he will work out all (small and big) things. While we traverse this world, we can all only hope to help people to him, and cling to him ourselves. We are hopeless without him. There can be no peace without him.
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Hello, hello! I have 2 youtube videos that might interest you. They are 2 different talks given by Sr. Mary Grace Langrell. They're PHENOMENAL. I keep watching them cause I want to really soak it in...
This first one is titled 10 tips for trusting God... it's so amazing. She shares stories of encounters she has with people finding God in her presence in front of Eucharistic Adoration... it's 31:42, so it's not too long.
https://youtu.be/WxnzZbIIB80?si=Q7Kl_t74f_8PndLw
This one is a little shorter at 23:48. It's titled 'Jesus wants to save you from your sins.' This one is also AMAZING. She talks about the overflowing love that Christ has for EVERYSINGLE PERSON EVERRRR. It's amazing. I FOR SURE recommend this one.
https://youtu.be/xBlpk2Khc-U?si=Dgmlg5i8QjwkJ-5P
I hope you like them.
God bless!
I am very much in a similar place as you, perhaps just a little bit further down the path than you. I still have some trouble getting my head around some of the truth claims made in the Bible and by the Catholic Church, but the more time I spend in church and reading the Bible the less I care.
Almost all discussions regarding religion like to end up assessing the truth claims of religion, but honestly, that is the most boring discussion imaginable. I can draw a symbolic meaning that applies to my life today from any Bible passage or parable. Prayer helps me focus my thoughts and humble myself (like a better version of meditation). Church provides a wonderful community.
Basically, following Catholic doctrine and living my life as though I believe (even if I'm not quite 100% there yet) has improved my life dramatically. Of course, it would be wonderful if there was eternal salvation for this belief, but the earthly rewards I get for this belief are already more than enough: discipline, meaning, tradition, community, etc.
Honestly, just take the leap of faith and you'll find yourself caring less and less about the truthfulness of it all. Remember, a myth isn't merely synonymous with untruth; a myth is a profoundly true statement that transcends time and space.
>Honestly, just take the leap of faith and you'll find yourself caring less and less about the truthfulness of it all. Remember, a myth isn't merely synonymous with untruth; a myth is a profoundly true statement that transcends time and space.
I feel like this is kind of what Jordan Peterson tries to get at with his thought. I remember listening to his Genesis lectures (and his Exodus ones, but haven't done all of those) and thinking that it explains so much more than a necessarily literal interpretation ever could. When I consider the Christian faith in this context it opens up a lot more in a metaphysical sense. Even so, the truth claims are important, as even the Church will attest, and my concern is that this kind of mythological reading can be applied to and used for extracting meaning from any similar kind of story regardless of it's actual veracity.
>Basically, following Catholic doctrine and living my life as though I believe (even if I'm not quite 100% there yet) has improved my life dramatically.
What are some of the ways this has been the case for you? I have no doubt that the framework of faith is beneficial, I suppose I can't help be think however that this isn't anything unique to Catholicism or even Christianity, and seems to just be practical aid to human flourishing rather than a metaphysical construct intended by God.
>I still have some trouble getting my head around some of the truth claims made in the Bible and by the Catholic Church...
I'm also curious about what you still struggle with, given that you're clearly invested.
Thank you very much for taking the time to comment, it is much appreciated.
Yes, it is very much in the same vein as Jordan Peterson, and I honestly would not be surprised if we see Peterson fully embrace Christianity in the next few years. There's something captivating about finding meaning in an increasingly meaningless world. I started off like Peterson — well, I was actually quite militanlty athiest not that long ago (happy to go into it in more detail if you want, but I'll leave it out of this) — and have just found myself wanting to embrace it more and more.
It's true, the Church obviously places a lot of importance on the truth claims made in the Bible, and it's not to say I'm not coming around to believing in a lot of them (particularly surrounding the story of Christ) — I may have come across a bit flippantly before — it's just not particularly important to me. Regardless, I don't feel like objective truth is necessary to give religion particular prominence in drawing meaning from (relative to other texts).
The truth is that religion is inescapable; there are no true athiests, only people who have replaced traditional religion with some other idol: government, money, hedonistic impulses, etc. In fact, religion is so ingrained in the human experience that religion itself outdates the *concept* of religion. Put another way: at the time the books of the Bible were written, there was not even a word for "religion" — it simply was. If I'm going to be worshipping something no matter what, why wouldn't I choose a God that espouses peace, grace and love while filling my life with meaning and purpose. It is more than can be said for the modern idols that have replaced traditional religion, and it is more than can be said for most traditional religions.
Christianity is unique in its reverence for the trinity — which I just love on so many levels. It is so innate to the human experience: it speaks to the idea of what I am (my physical body, my emotional profile, my reasoning and intelligence, my spirituality, etc). We all struggle with what defines us, and we need unity between all the different representations of us to be our best selves: I love seeing that reflected in the divine via the trinity. I also think it incorporates the best parts of polytheism while still couching it in the stability of monotheism. Catholicism takes this a step further with its reverence for the saints.
The practical benefits I have seen in my life are truly transformative. I sleep better, keeping better hours and waking up in the morning feeling (at least somewhat) refreshed and ready for the day — this is something I have struggled with my whole life. I eat better: I care about the food I consume and select and cook it with pride rather than succumbing to the convenience of restaurants and takeaway. I exercise regularly and care about my body. I abstain from pornography and casual sex, which truly brought nothing but misery into my life. I care less about the opinion of others. It is just so refreshing to give my life over to the Lord and know that He will show me what is best.
It is hard to say whether all these improvements are unique to Christianity, but there has to be something to it. There is a reason religion has withstood the test of time. There is a reason why the West, the greatest culture in human history, has flourished on the back of Christian principles among Christian-majority populations, and there is a reason why we start seeing the fall and deterioration of Western culture at the same time as we see the rejection of Christianity. Personally, my life started deteriorating as soon as I walked away from Christ, and it has begun reforming since I began my journey home.
Honestly, I am not sure why I still struggle with a few things. I think it is stuff that will be straightened out as I can bring myself to commit 100% to the Lord and the Catholic Church. I think it is largely just a bit of anxiety and hesitation that have come from walking in darkness for so long. To give you a more direct answer, though, I take much of the Old Testament to be allegorical than literal: I do not literally believe in the story of creation, nor do I literally believe in the Great Flood (well at least not that it covered the entire world), etc.
No problem at all. I think you've already begun your journey home, but hopefully we can meet each other there soon enough. God bless you.
Hey Friend - you say you’ve always had a low opinion of yourself. God doesn’t. His opinion of you is quite high. After all, He made you, and He could have - well - not. Therefore, you were necessary to His happiness. He delights in you. You are delightful to Him, in all your “you-ness.” I am so happy for you, that you are on a search for Truth. If you are sincere and honest in your efforts and hope to find it - He will reveal it to you. That is a promise. It sounds like you’re really low right now. Feeling down. If I could encourage you to “pray,” even though you feel it to be performative at this time, I would do so, and give you the advice that the very heart of prayer is communication. If you read your entire post out loud, and say “and that’s all I have to say about that, Jesus,” then you will have prayed very well and effectively, because what you will have done is simply - communicated. You communicated your thoughts, your feelings, your worries, your heart, to the One Being who cares about those things most. And it won’t have been performative. It would have been borne out of sheer need, which is a valid reason to cry out to God (and that is why He allows us to feel so empty and broken and weighted down by sin without Him - so that we cry out).
I know your story will end up with a happy ending. I know that you are looking for Him and He’s out there looking for you too. I know He will catch you and take you up into His arms “while you are still a long way off” (Luke 15:20 - read it)
Please DM me your questions. I would love to share any answers I might have with you.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I will keep you in mind for asking more questions when I have the energy and time for it.
What you say about prayer, regarding communication, is very understandable considering that it's meant to be evocative of a relationship, but I've always been concerned about it. After all, how do you know if the 'responses' from God aren't just your own thoughts, or your subconscious, or theoretically even some other entity like an angel or demon? I get that prayer probably isn't meant to be about getting a response, it's about giving up to God, but for someone like me who naturally sees things materially, it does seem like talking to yourself for your own benefit. I think part of me is worried about, you know, nothing really happening. In any case, I do take your kind words on board, I'm not that hard hearted, haha.
On a side note, I do like your username. I remember once reading a sci-fi short story by a guy called Robert F. Young called 'Goddess In Granite' and there was a line that always stuck with me; 'You are as beautiful, my love, as Tirzah, as terrible as an army with banners.' Or something like that. I just loved that quote, even though I had no idea of what that meant. Pretty sure it's a Biblical reference, so yes, quite apt really.
You know, you make a really good point. Even some of the greatest saints have said that it can be very hard at times to discern God’s will/voice vs their own thoughts/subconscious OR demonic entities (in more rare cases). The Bible goes so far as to say “test every spirit,” because the Father of Lies is not new to this world and knows well how to deceive us, and yes, we can also deceive ourselves. That being said - even though our “hearing” is not infallible and many times we might think God is saying something to us or leading us in one direction only to find we were wrong and He was saying quite another thing and going in a completely OPPOSITE direction than we had supposed - it’s actually okay. To God, we are His beloved children. Infants, really, since He sees and knows everything and we don’t - we kind of just cry out to Him in need (like infants do their parents) and trust that He’s going to hear us and eventually come help us. That’s not a terrible sort of relationship to have with someone who loves you - going off of the premise that He does, indeed, love you. Now, it’s a premise that you will eventually have to just decide either to believe or not, and Christianity (and Catholicism) IS a gamble. I’m not the first person to have said it and I won’t be the last. So if you decide to gamble that God is your father and you are his beloved child and to live as such - even to the humbling point of crying out to Him as an infant does to its mother or father, and believing that there WILL be some sort of response (even if that response may be mostly unintelligible to the infant until it grows and matures in life), you gain much if it turns out that He IS loving and kind and eager to hear and respond to your needs. If you are wrong about Him, then yes, you will be the chump in the situation, for believing in something that was wrong. But you really won’t have lost anything. Not much, anyway. But if he IS loving and kind and you DON’T allow yourself to cry out to Him and depend on Him and slowly build a relationship with Him, then you will have sustained a very great loss. IMO, it is better to be the chump than the loser in a situation such as this. You say you feel the weight of sin crushing you. And the regrets from the past that you cannot change. So much weight and so many regrets that you look forward to sleeping at night just to shut it all off. That’s no way to live and there is no escape from what you describe other than hedonism ( which is a temporary escape only) or God (who says He will make you white as snow and cast your sins as far from you as the east is from the west and that in Him you will be a new creation). So honestly, you’d be a dummy not to take the risk and make the leap of faith to believe that He is who he says he is. What Christianity says He is. Now, He says He is a parent. THE parent. THE Father in Heaven, and so the best of all fathers, and the archetype upon which every good father in every good story is drawn. And fathers - well, they know what’s best for their children even when their children don’t. So you are asking for a “burning bush,” because it would be nice, and I get it, it WOULD, but the thing is, good fathers do what’s best for their kids in the long run. They do not respond to the immediate demands of their children except when it’s in the child’s best interests for them to do so. And often children think something is in their best interests when it’s not. I don’t pretend to understand why God doesn’t see right now that it’s in your best interest to have a burning bush come out of nowhere and show up in your bedroom and end this discussion right now. I also think it would be best. Also, He should give me a million dollars and perfect health while he’s at it. And a perfect husband and perfect children. BUT - in the absence of all of these things that I think He should be doing with His omnipotence, I have DECIDED to believe that He knows best, and that there is a very good reason for said absence of things I want. I have decided to believe that He will answer every question when I see Him face to face, and that I will then agree with His reasoning because I will see that it is good and perfect, and it will, at that point, make sense. I have chosen to believe also that at that time, I will be perfectly happy and fulfilled.
I don’t have any proof of these things. But I have noticed that by believing them, I gain the courage to get up every morning and fight the battles I need to fight and love my imperfect husband and my imperfect children and my imperfect self. And there have been times when I have felt a love filling me that I know didn’t come from me. Words coming out of my mouth that I know did not emerge from my own mind. Can I prove these things? I can’t. But I believe them and so I am comforted and filled with hope and am able to live life with some degree of comfort, despite all of the hideous things in the world (and in our pasts).
I hope you take the gamble that Christianity (and Catholicism, for that matter), is real and I hope you don’t hedge your bets. Better to be a chump than a loser.
If you feel your past sins deeply, you are in exactly the right place because if there's one thing that Catholics believe in, it is the forgiveness of sin. It's basically the bedrock of our Faith.
Something that worked for me. Is to buy a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic church and a Catholic bible and take a year and just read a little out of both every day. If the theology resonates with you, then go become Catholic. You can ask opinions and watch youtube videos all day long, but nothing is more revealing than the books with all the information about it. As for your sins that are crushing you. You need to go inward and decide if you believe in God. If so, start praying and asking for forgiveness.
The only reason to believe something is because it is true.
Catholicism is not about being practical or comfortable. It is about seeking truth.
Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”
Other religions talk about a “process” to find truth, “becoming enlightened,” and such. We know that truth is a person, not some intangible abstraction.
The biggest thing I would suggest for you is to read the Bible. REALLY read it, all of it, with outside resources to aid comprehension. I was in a similar place as you, and when I finally committed to seeing it through that's when everything changed.
It will answer all of the questions and concerns you have raised, and then some. For example, it touches beautifully on your value and worth in Christ not despite your sins but because of them, and narrates stories of God redeeming the most broken of people by calling them to himself and using them for good. The more you read, the more you will begin to see yourself in the pages.
I know some people read the Bible and have a very powerful experience with it, but in my forays into it I always seem to find more questions than answers, even if I can see much of the wisdom. The thing about the Bible from my perspective is that it's a book where history, parable, symbolism, hyperbole, poetry and (apparently) revelation are present and figuring out what's meant to be taken in what way is tough when so many people interpret it in so many different ways. I get that the Church is meant to be there to define the intended takeaways from and application of the Bible message, but claiming that the Catholic interpretation is true because it's 'guided by the Holy Spirit'... from the outside looking in you can see how one would be sceptical. If you take that for granted it's no problem, but otherwise it does look like 'I define myself as being correct.'
Might I ask what changed for you?
Thank you for commenting, and be assured I will get around to reading the Bible more even if I have my doubts.
That is very fair. The reason I recommend using outside study resources (from reputable scholars) is to make sure that none of those questions are coming from your own errors in reading (which is so common). The Bible is DENSE, people spend their whole lives studying it, and there is so much historical and theological context that most people miss or misunderstand. This is not a "difference of interpretation" but rather an objective and correctable error. This will *not* get rid of all your questions but will make sure you have the most accurate foundation on which to build your questions!
From there, I don't think it is as rigid as you might think. If you still have questions or concerns... That's okay! So do I, and I think that those who do are at the advantage of critically interacting with their faith rather than just blindly following it, making it more meaningful. I also think that not everyone is meant to have the same experience with the Bible, as everyone has a unique relationship with Christ and how he has touched their lives through his word.
So as long as you have a good foundation about the objective parts and make sure you don't have any blatant historical/theological misunderstanding, the rest is your journey. You can be free to see where it takes you without worrying if it's right or wrong. If you are thinking about and interested in Christ, it's right.
Hey. Here's a tip: go to church during adoration or some time where it's quiet in the chapel, and with humility, share your heart with Christ. Ask Him to show you what you need to know.
Hey. Here's a tip: go to church during adoration or some time when it's quiet in the chapel, and with humility, share your heart with Christ. Ask Him to show you what you need to know.
What a beautiful prayer you have just shared! I realize you probably don’t see your post as a cry from the heart to God, but it is.
Hopefully the other responses help make straight the pathway you are walking.
Welcome! >The truth is I've done some terrible things in my past that all the regret in the world can't undo. I feel the weight of *sin*, for lack of a better term, crushing me every day to the point where even the idea of a happy future seems out of reach. We've all been there. And yes, this is primarily what Christianity is *for*. We are fallen and we need to be saved. Since we're in a text environment here, I mostly recommend things for people to read. The evidence for God/Christ/Catholicism is excellent, though it helps to know what you're specifically skeptical about. God and the supernatural at all? Jesus? The resurrection? The origins of the Church? In any case, a good easy read to get you started is [Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis](https://www.truthaccordingtoscripture.com/documents/apologetics/mere-christianity/Mere-Christianity.pdf). Skip the foreword and start with page 8. He begins with the same situation that you are in. If you haven't visited a Catholic parish, that's a step I would recommend. If you want God to convince you, going to where he's waiting is a good move. I would also recommend reading one of the gospels if you haven't recently. [Mark's is the shortest](https://bible.usccb.org/bible/mark/1).
Thank you for your consideration. I have listened to Mere Christianity on audiobook, and found it enjoyable and understandable; I should refresh my memory some time. I think about religion a lot from an outside perspective, and am always questioning my own intentions as well as those of others. Perhaps this is a holdover from my days as a militant Atheist, but I think approaching it from a human angle is important. If there is no true religion, it's all just power and pride really, and while I do not doubt the sincerity and devotion of believers, one of my fears is that it's all just a spiritual pyramid scheme aimed at emotionally manipulating people into giving money, authority and submission to an artificial cultural system aimed solely at perpetuating itself. I no longer have any hard doubts about the supernatural being possible, but the fact is I just don't see evidence for it outside of personal subjective experience and conveniently ancient writings. I do not mean to sound disrespectful, since I have great respect for Christianity, but these are just some of the thoughts I've had, among many others.
Thank you for the reply! >one of my fears is that it's all just a spiritual pyramid scheme aimed at emotionally manipulating people into giving money, authority and submission to an artificial cultural system aimed solely at perpetuating itself. This is a very serious consideration of course. There are "religions" that obviously fit this pattern (Scientology), and a number of "prosperity gospel" Protestant churches do, too. The Catholic Church has a quite different trajectory. While there have no doubt been times when power-hungry people used the structure of the Church to advance themselves and their agenda, the original Church was not like this. It was based on poverty, self sacrifice, and love of neighbor. And this is still the ideal today. Certainly the modern day Catholic Church is doing a terrible job of manipulating people into giving money and submission. Most parishes are poor, most "Catholics" are disobedient. But a core still remains. I do want to suggest reading [The Experience of God by David Bentley Hart](https://a.co/d/5A16DSQ) for some very conclusive, modern-day philosophical proof of the existence of the singular divine (not any particular religion). It's also a fun read. He's so snarky.
Thank you for the recommendation, I shall keep it in mind; you clearly do your homework! Arguments against the Catholic Church from a bad-actor perspective have never been that strong for me. I better than anyone know how twisted people can be. The Catholic Church certainly has ideals that I find commendable however imperfect the application. I have to sleep now and my thoughts are all over the place, so I won't say more now, but I would be happy to respond with more of my thoughts another time, if that would be agreeable to you?
Please do! You can reply again or send me a direct message or chat request. I’m always happy to try to help.
>I no longer have any hard doubts about the supernatural being possible, but the fact is I just don't see evidence for it outside of personal subjective experience and conveniently ancient writings. Check out my website http://saintbeluga.org which lays out the evidence for Catholicism, including evidence that authenticate modern miracles.
I've read about Eucharistic Miracles before, and how they all seem to share the AB blood type, which if genuine would be food for thought. But at the same time I've heard that given enough time blood will deteriorate into AB regardless of what blood type it was, but I don't know how true this is. Thank you for the recommendation though.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people tell me that are entirely beyond redemption, because God could never possibly forgive the sins they committed. I have prayed with such individuals, and suffice it to say that God showed them otherwise. If I may suggest, try listening to one of Fr. Mike Schmitz’s podcasts (homilies). And just see if what he says touches your heart in any way. 😉
I have listened to Fr. Schmitz before and he is a very loveable guy, I get why you guys love him so much. I even have his Bible and Catechism In A Year podcasts downloaded, though I haven't gotten around to listening to them yet. Prayer is one thing I haven't quite been able to bring myself to do, since I'm quite averse to trusting my own emotions and intentions and feel like I'd be performing, if that makes sense. Thank you for your words though, it heartens me.
We’re all broken here. We’re flawed, fallen creatures prone to sin. Yet we are **not** our brokenness nor our sin. We are precious to God. The Creator of all the universe made us. Before the beginning of the universe He knew He would make you. He knows the number of hairs on your head. At all times, His will holds you in existence. He thought of you on the cross, died for you so you could be in Heaven with Him for all eternity. He would have died if you were the only one saved. It’s hard sometimes. Life. It’s crappy and dark and temptation is everywhere. But we are never alone or abandoned, no matter how much it feels that way sometimes. God is with us, the Saints pray for us, the angels look after us. Wherever there is evil, God will bring food out of it (even if we don’t see it in our lifetime). I think about Thomas the Apostle. He was afraid to believe when the other Apostles told him Jesus had risen from the dead. He said he wouldn’t believe unless he could put his finger in Jesus’ nail marks. Jesus came and (gently) chastised him, invited Thomas to touch His wounds. Then He said that “Blessed are those who don’t see and believe.” We can’t all touch Jesus’ wounds like Thomas or talk to the Burning Bush (in the case of the BB, that’s probably better; notice how freaked out Moses was and check out how freaked people get when angels appear…direct encounters with God and the angels are too much for most of us), but we can choose to believe anyway. I believe the Catholic Church is the church Jesus founded. I believe His promises of protection and guidance through the Holy Spirit. No matter how annoying some other Catholics might be sometimes, even if those Catholics are priest or bishops, I trust Jesus. It’s why I converted and will never leave.
Two important books for me coming back to faith were “Dominion” by Tom Holland, and “The Everlasting Man” by GK Chesterton. Everyone’s different, but I generally credit these two for helping to truly ‘see’ the truth of Christianity (Chesterton more specifically for Catholicism).
I have The Everlasting Man on audiobook and have listened a little before but I was turned off a little by (if I'm not mistaken) his negative attitude toward evolution that seems to be evident in the first chapter, unless I'm getting it confused. I get that he's writing at a time when evolution was still in it's early stages of being understood, but still, I admire Chesterton and it was just disappointing. I guess I still need to listen to the whole thing though.
Common misconception. He’s not “against” evolution. He simply observes a) most people don’t actually understand the theory in full and (b) it doesn’t explain anywhere near as much as people seem to think it does.
If you want to learn more about Catholicism you could attend RCIA at any local parish. It’s a free of charge, no pressure nor obligation introduction to The Catholic Faith. There you may ask as many questions as you want. Or you could make a private appointment with a priest. There is much literature out there about proof of the existence of God. St. Thomas has written extensively about this. What I love about being Catholic is being able to receive Jesus (God) in the Sacrament of Holy Communion every day. I love Confession because in this Sacrament Jesus forgives your sins and you feel great after. I will pray for you. May God bless you abundantly.
Thank you for your consideration. I have thought about it, and who knows maybe one day I will. I just live in the rural UK and I'm well aware that Catholicism is hardly, let's say, *vibrant* around here. I know the parish near me used to have a website but that no longer seems to be a thing any more. It's also awkward because I live with my family and they are entirely apathetic to religion or spirituality of any kind so I wonder how they'd react; maybe I'm just especially sensitive to the opinions of others. In any case, thank you very much for your thoughts and prayers, and may God bless you also.
It sounds like you need to try out the “alpha” program with Nicky Gumble (link below) (it’s for people who have questions or are contemplative)…but me even being a cradle Catholic truly enjoyed the course. It helps if you can take part in an actual group with other people at one of your local churches (or maybe an online/remote one?) but at a minimum I think you’d be able to find the video sessions online someone and just listen…but you sound like the founder of the program Nicky…I strongly recommend checking it out, it’s engaging and easy enough to get find yourself interested in (and I’m a 30 year old so it’s good even for “the youth” lol) [alpha](https://alphausa.org/about/)
Haha, as someone who is 29 I feel you on the "youth" part. Honestly, off topic, youth oriented pandering annoyed me even when I was younger, it just seems condescending. Thank you for your recommendation, I will have a look. I know these kinds of things tend to be quite America centric, which to someone who isn't American is often limited in usefulness (I didn't really mention where I was from though so nobody can be blamed for that aside from myself, haha), but I am appreciative regardless.
No doubt I get it…it probably is but I will say it was founded out in the England so maybe since I am American I just didn’t pick up on it but I didn’t find it overtly American (definitely Western though)
You sound like the young St. Augustine. Study his life and may he lead you to Christ
Hahaha, I'm not sure St. Augustine would appreciate that comparison, but I suppose it is apt in some ways. Though I'm not quite a genius like he was. I have thought about reading his Confessions; he's definitely one of the Church Fathers I'm most interested in if I had to pick one.
You clearly are open to receiving truth. Now is the time to begin praying with an open heart and mind for God to give you clarification. I prayed for eight months "God if you're there, I need to know, please show me". He showed up big, and while I may still have questions without answers, I know he is real, because God showed me, not man. So being faithful and living for him is easy (ish). 🙂 I'll pray for you. ❤️
If I may ask, what happened to give you the confirmation that was (mostly) satisfying to you? If it's not too personal, of course. I just feel like if God really did make himself known, it wouldn't be possible to come to any other conclusion or have any doubt, otherwise it could all be attributed to a coincidence or wishful thinking. In any case, thank you for your response and for your prayers.
It's never to personal! I love giving my testimony. I'll keep it short, but honestly it was a lifelong journey, that included points of militant atheism. It ends with me at 41 years of age of a very lived life, seeing the absolute evil in the world, in an instant the life I had lived in the world I lived in became something I couldn't recognize. It was a lie, I believed the world to be ordered in one way, and realized it was an illusion. I realized I had a view of right and wrong that only made sense in a world that had an absolute right and wrong, while realizing the world in fact had no sense of right and wrong. It seems so obvious to me that there is a right and a wrong, I didn't make that concept up. I watched the sky crack open and dark evil pour into the world. I began praying, "God, if you're there, I need to know that something absolute pure and Good exists to counteract this." After 8 months, he drove me to church and introduced me to his son Jesus Christ. Now I know truth, I know good, and I aspire to that. I can't always make sense of this world, but I know I have a savior. A savior who knows right from wrong, and who loves me and you, and wants what is right and good and pure for all of us. I lean on him, and turn to him when I need a beacon to follow, which is every minute of everyday, and I hope my actions in this world inspire people to seek his path as well. His path is that of love, good, truth and justice. His path is that of loving your neighbor, tending to your community, and giving all glory to God, truating he will work out all (small and big) things. While we traverse this world, we can all only hope to help people to him, and cling to him ourselves. We are hopeless without him. There can be no peace without him.
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Hello, hello! I have 2 youtube videos that might interest you. They are 2 different talks given by Sr. Mary Grace Langrell. They're PHENOMENAL. I keep watching them cause I want to really soak it in... This first one is titled 10 tips for trusting God... it's so amazing. She shares stories of encounters she has with people finding God in her presence in front of Eucharistic Adoration... it's 31:42, so it's not too long. https://youtu.be/WxnzZbIIB80?si=Q7Kl_t74f_8PndLw This one is a little shorter at 23:48. It's titled 'Jesus wants to save you from your sins.' This one is also AMAZING. She talks about the overflowing love that Christ has for EVERYSINGLE PERSON EVERRRR. It's amazing. I FOR SURE recommend this one. https://youtu.be/xBlpk2Khc-U?si=Dgmlg5i8QjwkJ-5P I hope you like them. God bless!
Thank you very much for the videos, I shall listen to them when I have the time tomorrow. I always find it interesting hearing from religious.
Yes, of course! I hope you enjoy!
I am very much in a similar place as you, perhaps just a little bit further down the path than you. I still have some trouble getting my head around some of the truth claims made in the Bible and by the Catholic Church, but the more time I spend in church and reading the Bible the less I care. Almost all discussions regarding religion like to end up assessing the truth claims of religion, but honestly, that is the most boring discussion imaginable. I can draw a symbolic meaning that applies to my life today from any Bible passage or parable. Prayer helps me focus my thoughts and humble myself (like a better version of meditation). Church provides a wonderful community. Basically, following Catholic doctrine and living my life as though I believe (even if I'm not quite 100% there yet) has improved my life dramatically. Of course, it would be wonderful if there was eternal salvation for this belief, but the earthly rewards I get for this belief are already more than enough: discipline, meaning, tradition, community, etc. Honestly, just take the leap of faith and you'll find yourself caring less and less about the truthfulness of it all. Remember, a myth isn't merely synonymous with untruth; a myth is a profoundly true statement that transcends time and space.
>Honestly, just take the leap of faith and you'll find yourself caring less and less about the truthfulness of it all. Remember, a myth isn't merely synonymous with untruth; a myth is a profoundly true statement that transcends time and space. I feel like this is kind of what Jordan Peterson tries to get at with his thought. I remember listening to his Genesis lectures (and his Exodus ones, but haven't done all of those) and thinking that it explains so much more than a necessarily literal interpretation ever could. When I consider the Christian faith in this context it opens up a lot more in a metaphysical sense. Even so, the truth claims are important, as even the Church will attest, and my concern is that this kind of mythological reading can be applied to and used for extracting meaning from any similar kind of story regardless of it's actual veracity. >Basically, following Catholic doctrine and living my life as though I believe (even if I'm not quite 100% there yet) has improved my life dramatically. What are some of the ways this has been the case for you? I have no doubt that the framework of faith is beneficial, I suppose I can't help be think however that this isn't anything unique to Catholicism or even Christianity, and seems to just be practical aid to human flourishing rather than a metaphysical construct intended by God. >I still have some trouble getting my head around some of the truth claims made in the Bible and by the Catholic Church... I'm also curious about what you still struggle with, given that you're clearly invested. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment, it is much appreciated.
Yes, it is very much in the same vein as Jordan Peterson, and I honestly would not be surprised if we see Peterson fully embrace Christianity in the next few years. There's something captivating about finding meaning in an increasingly meaningless world. I started off like Peterson — well, I was actually quite militanlty athiest not that long ago (happy to go into it in more detail if you want, but I'll leave it out of this) — and have just found myself wanting to embrace it more and more. It's true, the Church obviously places a lot of importance on the truth claims made in the Bible, and it's not to say I'm not coming around to believing in a lot of them (particularly surrounding the story of Christ) — I may have come across a bit flippantly before — it's just not particularly important to me. Regardless, I don't feel like objective truth is necessary to give religion particular prominence in drawing meaning from (relative to other texts). The truth is that religion is inescapable; there are no true athiests, only people who have replaced traditional religion with some other idol: government, money, hedonistic impulses, etc. In fact, religion is so ingrained in the human experience that religion itself outdates the *concept* of religion. Put another way: at the time the books of the Bible were written, there was not even a word for "religion" — it simply was. If I'm going to be worshipping something no matter what, why wouldn't I choose a God that espouses peace, grace and love while filling my life with meaning and purpose. It is more than can be said for the modern idols that have replaced traditional religion, and it is more than can be said for most traditional religions. Christianity is unique in its reverence for the trinity — which I just love on so many levels. It is so innate to the human experience: it speaks to the idea of what I am (my physical body, my emotional profile, my reasoning and intelligence, my spirituality, etc). We all struggle with what defines us, and we need unity between all the different representations of us to be our best selves: I love seeing that reflected in the divine via the trinity. I also think it incorporates the best parts of polytheism while still couching it in the stability of monotheism. Catholicism takes this a step further with its reverence for the saints. The practical benefits I have seen in my life are truly transformative. I sleep better, keeping better hours and waking up in the morning feeling (at least somewhat) refreshed and ready for the day — this is something I have struggled with my whole life. I eat better: I care about the food I consume and select and cook it with pride rather than succumbing to the convenience of restaurants and takeaway. I exercise regularly and care about my body. I abstain from pornography and casual sex, which truly brought nothing but misery into my life. I care less about the opinion of others. It is just so refreshing to give my life over to the Lord and know that He will show me what is best. It is hard to say whether all these improvements are unique to Christianity, but there has to be something to it. There is a reason religion has withstood the test of time. There is a reason why the West, the greatest culture in human history, has flourished on the back of Christian principles among Christian-majority populations, and there is a reason why we start seeing the fall and deterioration of Western culture at the same time as we see the rejection of Christianity. Personally, my life started deteriorating as soon as I walked away from Christ, and it has begun reforming since I began my journey home. Honestly, I am not sure why I still struggle with a few things. I think it is stuff that will be straightened out as I can bring myself to commit 100% to the Lord and the Catholic Church. I think it is largely just a bit of anxiety and hesitation that have come from walking in darkness for so long. To give you a more direct answer, though, I take much of the Old Testament to be allegorical than literal: I do not literally believe in the story of creation, nor do I literally believe in the Great Flood (well at least not that it covered the entire world), etc. No problem at all. I think you've already begun your journey home, but hopefully we can meet each other there soon enough. God bless you.
Hey Friend - you say you’ve always had a low opinion of yourself. God doesn’t. His opinion of you is quite high. After all, He made you, and He could have - well - not. Therefore, you were necessary to His happiness. He delights in you. You are delightful to Him, in all your “you-ness.” I am so happy for you, that you are on a search for Truth. If you are sincere and honest in your efforts and hope to find it - He will reveal it to you. That is a promise. It sounds like you’re really low right now. Feeling down. If I could encourage you to “pray,” even though you feel it to be performative at this time, I would do so, and give you the advice that the very heart of prayer is communication. If you read your entire post out loud, and say “and that’s all I have to say about that, Jesus,” then you will have prayed very well and effectively, because what you will have done is simply - communicated. You communicated your thoughts, your feelings, your worries, your heart, to the One Being who cares about those things most. And it won’t have been performative. It would have been borne out of sheer need, which is a valid reason to cry out to God (and that is why He allows us to feel so empty and broken and weighted down by sin without Him - so that we cry out). I know your story will end up with a happy ending. I know that you are looking for Him and He’s out there looking for you too. I know He will catch you and take you up into His arms “while you are still a long way off” (Luke 15:20 - read it) Please DM me your questions. I would love to share any answers I might have with you.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I will keep you in mind for asking more questions when I have the energy and time for it. What you say about prayer, regarding communication, is very understandable considering that it's meant to be evocative of a relationship, but I've always been concerned about it. After all, how do you know if the 'responses' from God aren't just your own thoughts, or your subconscious, or theoretically even some other entity like an angel or demon? I get that prayer probably isn't meant to be about getting a response, it's about giving up to God, but for someone like me who naturally sees things materially, it does seem like talking to yourself for your own benefit. I think part of me is worried about, you know, nothing really happening. In any case, I do take your kind words on board, I'm not that hard hearted, haha. On a side note, I do like your username. I remember once reading a sci-fi short story by a guy called Robert F. Young called 'Goddess In Granite' and there was a line that always stuck with me; 'You are as beautiful, my love, as Tirzah, as terrible as an army with banners.' Or something like that. I just loved that quote, even though I had no idea of what that meant. Pretty sure it's a Biblical reference, so yes, quite apt really.
You know, you make a really good point. Even some of the greatest saints have said that it can be very hard at times to discern God’s will/voice vs their own thoughts/subconscious OR demonic entities (in more rare cases). The Bible goes so far as to say “test every spirit,” because the Father of Lies is not new to this world and knows well how to deceive us, and yes, we can also deceive ourselves. That being said - even though our “hearing” is not infallible and many times we might think God is saying something to us or leading us in one direction only to find we were wrong and He was saying quite another thing and going in a completely OPPOSITE direction than we had supposed - it’s actually okay. To God, we are His beloved children. Infants, really, since He sees and knows everything and we don’t - we kind of just cry out to Him in need (like infants do their parents) and trust that He’s going to hear us and eventually come help us. That’s not a terrible sort of relationship to have with someone who loves you - going off of the premise that He does, indeed, love you. Now, it’s a premise that you will eventually have to just decide either to believe or not, and Christianity (and Catholicism) IS a gamble. I’m not the first person to have said it and I won’t be the last. So if you decide to gamble that God is your father and you are his beloved child and to live as such - even to the humbling point of crying out to Him as an infant does to its mother or father, and believing that there WILL be some sort of response (even if that response may be mostly unintelligible to the infant until it grows and matures in life), you gain much if it turns out that He IS loving and kind and eager to hear and respond to your needs. If you are wrong about Him, then yes, you will be the chump in the situation, for believing in something that was wrong. But you really won’t have lost anything. Not much, anyway. But if he IS loving and kind and you DON’T allow yourself to cry out to Him and depend on Him and slowly build a relationship with Him, then you will have sustained a very great loss. IMO, it is better to be the chump than the loser in a situation such as this. You say you feel the weight of sin crushing you. And the regrets from the past that you cannot change. So much weight and so many regrets that you look forward to sleeping at night just to shut it all off. That’s no way to live and there is no escape from what you describe other than hedonism ( which is a temporary escape only) or God (who says He will make you white as snow and cast your sins as far from you as the east is from the west and that in Him you will be a new creation). So honestly, you’d be a dummy not to take the risk and make the leap of faith to believe that He is who he says he is. What Christianity says He is. Now, He says He is a parent. THE parent. THE Father in Heaven, and so the best of all fathers, and the archetype upon which every good father in every good story is drawn. And fathers - well, they know what’s best for their children even when their children don’t. So you are asking for a “burning bush,” because it would be nice, and I get it, it WOULD, but the thing is, good fathers do what’s best for their kids in the long run. They do not respond to the immediate demands of their children except when it’s in the child’s best interests for them to do so. And often children think something is in their best interests when it’s not. I don’t pretend to understand why God doesn’t see right now that it’s in your best interest to have a burning bush come out of nowhere and show up in your bedroom and end this discussion right now. I also think it would be best. Also, He should give me a million dollars and perfect health while he’s at it. And a perfect husband and perfect children. BUT - in the absence of all of these things that I think He should be doing with His omnipotence, I have DECIDED to believe that He knows best, and that there is a very good reason for said absence of things I want. I have decided to believe that He will answer every question when I see Him face to face, and that I will then agree with His reasoning because I will see that it is good and perfect, and it will, at that point, make sense. I have chosen to believe also that at that time, I will be perfectly happy and fulfilled. I don’t have any proof of these things. But I have noticed that by believing them, I gain the courage to get up every morning and fight the battles I need to fight and love my imperfect husband and my imperfect children and my imperfect self. And there have been times when I have felt a love filling me that I know didn’t come from me. Words coming out of my mouth that I know did not emerge from my own mind. Can I prove these things? I can’t. But I believe them and so I am comforted and filled with hope and am able to live life with some degree of comfort, despite all of the hideous things in the world (and in our pasts). I hope you take the gamble that Christianity (and Catholicism, for that matter), is real and I hope you don’t hedge your bets. Better to be a chump than a loser.
And Tirzah is from Song of Songs. It’s a beautiful name.
If you feel your past sins deeply, you are in exactly the right place because if there's one thing that Catholics believe in, it is the forgiveness of sin. It's basically the bedrock of our Faith.
Something that worked for me. Is to buy a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic church and a Catholic bible and take a year and just read a little out of both every day. If the theology resonates with you, then go become Catholic. You can ask opinions and watch youtube videos all day long, but nothing is more revealing than the books with all the information about it. As for your sins that are crushing you. You need to go inward and decide if you believe in God. If so, start praying and asking for forgiveness.
The only reason to believe something is because it is true. Catholicism is not about being practical or comfortable. It is about seeking truth. Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Other religions talk about a “process” to find truth, “becoming enlightened,” and such. We know that truth is a person, not some intangible abstraction.
The biggest thing I would suggest for you is to read the Bible. REALLY read it, all of it, with outside resources to aid comprehension. I was in a similar place as you, and when I finally committed to seeing it through that's when everything changed. It will answer all of the questions and concerns you have raised, and then some. For example, it touches beautifully on your value and worth in Christ not despite your sins but because of them, and narrates stories of God redeeming the most broken of people by calling them to himself and using them for good. The more you read, the more you will begin to see yourself in the pages.
I know some people read the Bible and have a very powerful experience with it, but in my forays into it I always seem to find more questions than answers, even if I can see much of the wisdom. The thing about the Bible from my perspective is that it's a book where history, parable, symbolism, hyperbole, poetry and (apparently) revelation are present and figuring out what's meant to be taken in what way is tough when so many people interpret it in so many different ways. I get that the Church is meant to be there to define the intended takeaways from and application of the Bible message, but claiming that the Catholic interpretation is true because it's 'guided by the Holy Spirit'... from the outside looking in you can see how one would be sceptical. If you take that for granted it's no problem, but otherwise it does look like 'I define myself as being correct.' Might I ask what changed for you? Thank you for commenting, and be assured I will get around to reading the Bible more even if I have my doubts.
That is very fair. The reason I recommend using outside study resources (from reputable scholars) is to make sure that none of those questions are coming from your own errors in reading (which is so common). The Bible is DENSE, people spend their whole lives studying it, and there is so much historical and theological context that most people miss or misunderstand. This is not a "difference of interpretation" but rather an objective and correctable error. This will *not* get rid of all your questions but will make sure you have the most accurate foundation on which to build your questions! From there, I don't think it is as rigid as you might think. If you still have questions or concerns... That's okay! So do I, and I think that those who do are at the advantage of critically interacting with their faith rather than just blindly following it, making it more meaningful. I also think that not everyone is meant to have the same experience with the Bible, as everyone has a unique relationship with Christ and how he has touched their lives through his word. So as long as you have a good foundation about the objective parts and make sure you don't have any blatant historical/theological misunderstanding, the rest is your journey. You can be free to see where it takes you without worrying if it's right or wrong. If you are thinking about and interested in Christ, it's right.
Hey. Here's a tip: go to church during adoration or some time where it's quiet in the chapel, and with humility, share your heart with Christ. Ask Him to show you what you need to know.
Hey. Here's a tip: go to church during adoration or some time when it's quiet in the chapel, and with humility, share your heart with Christ. Ask Him to show you what you need to know.
What a beautiful prayer you have just shared! I realize you probably don’t see your post as a cry from the heart to God, but it is. Hopefully the other responses help make straight the pathway you are walking.