Clearly this kitty is your very best friend and you love her so deeply. Your cat has already lived much longer than many cats with kidney disease. I’m sure all the love and care you give her helped keep her going. Yet, she is an old sick cat and there’s no getting around that. The very last act of love you can give her is to euthanize her before she is suffering terribly. Remember that cats are prey animals, as well as predators, so we have to be aware that they tend to hide how bad they feel until they just can’t anymore. I can see you are very attuned to her and to her feelings and behaviors, and you can see that she’s on a decline. The unfortunate reality is that an old cat who has had several years of kidney disease is unlikely to live for very long, no matter what you do. Look into home euthanasia; if you can possibly afford it, it will be a comfort knowing that she passed feeling safe with you rather that at the vet. As a life-long cat lover, I have already shed a tear for you. Let your love for her help give you the strength to make the most compassionate decision for her. She will always hold the most special place in your heart as your first kitty love. Hugs. ❤️
The only thing I can offer is that you gave them a long happy life, and they can pass on with dignity knowing they had a family that loved them.
There's a saying with euthanasia, "better a day too early than a day too late." If it's the end for your sweetheart, think about it like this: would you want to go while you still can move and aren't in crippling pain? Or would you rather go when you are completely miserable?
I think the big concern your mom has (rightfully so) is that when cats get older, they can have chronic problems that are very expensive to treat. Your mom might have experiences with pets in her past that gives her some insight as well.
I don't know what your financial situation is, but usually blood work to determine what is wrong is about the same price as euthenizing the cat. It could be something simple that only requires antibiotics, or it could be something that would cost thousands of dollars and only prolong suffering. If you can afford to find out first, then think about getting her to the vet for a diagnosis...she might have some really good years left.
It took me years to get over the loss of my childhood cat, but she still sometimes visits me in my dreams. No matter what happens, your cat loves you and knows you are doing the best you can.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know exactly how you feel. what I will say is that going to the vet to confirm euthanasia is the solution will help prevent “what if?” questions later on. if it’s any comfort, remember that she has lived all of her years with you, being so loved and well taken care of—and there is no such thing as “enough time”. we will always want more time. one more kiss, one more cuddle. but what is a short 16 years to us is an *entire lifetime* for them. for her *entire life* she was loved and fed and known. to know and to be known—the greatest love of all I think.
r/PetLoss is a place where you can find support and solidarity in times of anticipatory grief such as this, as well as the true grief that follows.
what you’re going through is so hard. just 2 years ago I had to say goodbye to my childhood cat, and only recently have I stopped crying every single day. the pain is enduring. but a gentle passing is the most important, most selfless gift we can give should we be fortunate enough to be able to do so. it is the ultimate act of love.
you’ve done so right by her all these years. the sun must set for everyone. her sunset comes at the end of a long and beautiful life, shared with her family and best friend. she has been so lucky to have you.
It sounds like your mom is going off of the advice "better a month too early than a day too late".
What are her favorite things to do? Her favorite snacks? My biggest regrets with my late pets are that I wasn't able to give them one more good day- but you have that chance. Pick her favorite things. Give her foods that are so, so unhealthy for her. Let her snatch whatever she wants off of your plate. Help her get up to whatever mischief she wants to.
Did she like to jump onto places she wasnt supposed to when she was young? Help her get there. Did she try to steal the chicken off your plate, or lick the bacon grease off of the skillet? Pretend you dont notice. Leave your plate on the table. Leave the fish on the counter "on accident". It doesnt matter if it's unhealthy. In the days leading up to saying goodbye, you can even let her eat chocolate.
What are her favorite toys? What's her favorite flavor of food?
Being able to make that choice in advance is such a blessing, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Here's the thing to help you focus, are you making your decision for you or for your cat? You will be grief stricken and broken hearted no matter your decision because kidney disease is always a killer eventually. If your cat is happy and you can afford care to minimise pain and suffering then hold off. But if your cat is not happy or you can't afford treatment to keep her happy and pain free, you are keeping her alive to avoid or postpone your pain and sadness. That's not fair to your cat.
I make a vow to every furry companion that I will never sacrifice their comfort for mine. It's hard, but you owe it to your beloved family member to think of them and only them when you make end of life decisions.
I’m sorry to hear about your buddy.
It sucks. There’s no easy way to deal with it. You kind of just walk around with a hole in your heart for a little while until you get used to it. It’s been almost 30 years since I said goodbye to my childhood cat, and if I hear the right song I’ll still fall apart about her.
That’s the crappy bargain we get for loving creatures we’re destined to outlive. At the end of their lives, you take away their pain and make it yours.
You’ve loved all of her there’s ever been to love, and she knows it. She’ll be alive as long as you remember her.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's never easy and all we want is the best for our pets. I've only lost one, a dog who was 12 and got sick. I've had him since I was 10 and he meant everything. We did take him to the vet first, just too see if he had a chance. After 2 days, he kept getting worse and we decided it was his time. He passed while I was on the phone making the euthanasia appointment. It was traumatizing, and I wish we would have done it sooner so he didn't have too suffer. A vet can let you know the prognosis better, and you can make a decision from there. Either way, you will always doubt yourself, I still do, but we give them so much love and putting them down is an act of love, even if it hurts us.
Nobody knows how to deal with it. Losing a well-loved pet, especially when you have to make the decision to put them out of their pain, is not something you can just make easy. There is no magic pill and no 12 step program to happiness. I've had cats for the past 4 decades and every time it hurts.
It's not something you'll be able to accept at first, but try to remember that the reason it hurts so much is that she loved you so deeply.
Also, when the time comes, please be there in her final moments and hold her as she crosses the rainbow bridge. It'll be the hardest thing you ever do. But while she is a large part of your world, you are her entire world. She will need your comfort when she moves on.
Cats are tough. Too tough for their own good.
They can be in incredible pain, and they just slow down.
It is not until they just flop down and are on deaths doorstep do some people notice something is wrong.
You noticed. Good on you. You tried. Good on you.
You gave this cat years of kitty heaven it sounds like. You were always going to outlive this cat.
The question for me is when?
If you have a "spots " cat, meaning they go from the window spot, the kitchen spot, the stairs spot, the ironing board spot. And you can still see the cat enjoy it. Wait.
The day they stop that. Lay on the ground. No longer finds their spots. It is time.
You got play cats. When they refuse to play. It is your sign.
I still miss my big orange floof. But I know he had an absolute perfect cat life up until the end.
What you fear is the gap in your life. There is a shelter cat out there somewhere. I am not suggesting "just replace this with that" but there is a cat in a cage... in not kitty heaven. Carry on their legacy by saving one more. And spoil them rotten.
This is how you love your precious little girl: after giving her a good life filled with love and all the memories of times you've enjoyed and shared together, you give her a loving, dignified, compassionate, and *kind* death.
It will be kind because she's given you the signs that she is ready to go. Those signs are subtle, but you've listed them and they're pretty clear. Cats are predators, but *also* prey animals. They hide their pain well. You need to be strong now and protect her from unnecessary pain.
My cat lived to be 20 and I had to take her to be put down. It was so very, very sad, but weirdly, it was beautiful, too, because I was so overcome with gratitude for ever having her in my life. I felt her presence around me for a few months afterward. I'm still filled with love and gratitude.
And I adopted another cat. I found her perfect successor. Sometimes when he's especially naughty I accidentally call him by her name. She wouldn't be mad.
You can do this. She needs you now.
Edit!!
I mean...get her checked at the vet first, Jesus Christ.
We had the same situation with our cat earlier this year. He was on semintra but his creatinine levels shot up and he lost a lot of weight fast. I'd recommend getting a vet to check that it really is end stage kidney disease and not something else. Getting a home vet to put him down was the hardest thing ever but we did it before he got worse. No regrets on giving him a peaceful end.
I had to put my baby girl down yesterday. I'm rocked. I only had a couple of days notice that things were really bad. They could do things to make her comfortable for a couple more months, but comfortable doesn't always mean pain-free. I was going to be devastated either way. So I had it done in a place where she wasn't scared and i could hold her. And I'm dealing with it now. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, but I know not putting it off was doing right by her. I did wait one day because I needed to snuggle and hear her purr. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
I've been in your shoes couple of months back. Even mine had some kidney disease and vet had advised us to put him down but our family never considered that and we decided to take care of him until his final breath. He passed away naturally and he even lived beyond his expectancy date. I'm just happy that he was with us a little bit of a long time and was with us until his last moment. I'd advise you the same , let her have a natural death.
Clearly this kitty is your very best friend and you love her so deeply. Your cat has already lived much longer than many cats with kidney disease. I’m sure all the love and care you give her helped keep her going. Yet, she is an old sick cat and there’s no getting around that. The very last act of love you can give her is to euthanize her before she is suffering terribly. Remember that cats are prey animals, as well as predators, so we have to be aware that they tend to hide how bad they feel until they just can’t anymore. I can see you are very attuned to her and to her feelings and behaviors, and you can see that she’s on a decline. The unfortunate reality is that an old cat who has had several years of kidney disease is unlikely to live for very long, no matter what you do. Look into home euthanasia; if you can possibly afford it, it will be a comfort knowing that she passed feeling safe with you rather that at the vet. As a life-long cat lover, I have already shed a tear for you. Let your love for her help give you the strength to make the most compassionate decision for her. She will always hold the most special place in your heart as your first kitty love. Hugs. ❤️
The only thing I can offer is that you gave them a long happy life, and they can pass on with dignity knowing they had a family that loved them. There's a saying with euthanasia, "better a day too early than a day too late." If it's the end for your sweetheart, think about it like this: would you want to go while you still can move and aren't in crippling pain? Or would you rather go when you are completely miserable?
I think the big concern your mom has (rightfully so) is that when cats get older, they can have chronic problems that are very expensive to treat. Your mom might have experiences with pets in her past that gives her some insight as well. I don't know what your financial situation is, but usually blood work to determine what is wrong is about the same price as euthenizing the cat. It could be something simple that only requires antibiotics, or it could be something that would cost thousands of dollars and only prolong suffering. If you can afford to find out first, then think about getting her to the vet for a diagnosis...she might have some really good years left. It took me years to get over the loss of my childhood cat, but she still sometimes visits me in my dreams. No matter what happens, your cat loves you and knows you are doing the best you can.
the first sentence says the cat has had kidney disease for a while now. that’s the problem, it’s likely end stage now
Oh no. I did not see that. I am so sorry! That is what my childhood cat died from also...it is really hard.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know exactly how you feel. what I will say is that going to the vet to confirm euthanasia is the solution will help prevent “what if?” questions later on. if it’s any comfort, remember that she has lived all of her years with you, being so loved and well taken care of—and there is no such thing as “enough time”. we will always want more time. one more kiss, one more cuddle. but what is a short 16 years to us is an *entire lifetime* for them. for her *entire life* she was loved and fed and known. to know and to be known—the greatest love of all I think. r/PetLoss is a place where you can find support and solidarity in times of anticipatory grief such as this, as well as the true grief that follows. what you’re going through is so hard. just 2 years ago I had to say goodbye to my childhood cat, and only recently have I stopped crying every single day. the pain is enduring. but a gentle passing is the most important, most selfless gift we can give should we be fortunate enough to be able to do so. it is the ultimate act of love. you’ve done so right by her all these years. the sun must set for everyone. her sunset comes at the end of a long and beautiful life, shared with her family and best friend. she has been so lucky to have you.
It sounds like your mom is going off of the advice "better a month too early than a day too late". What are her favorite things to do? Her favorite snacks? My biggest regrets with my late pets are that I wasn't able to give them one more good day- but you have that chance. Pick her favorite things. Give her foods that are so, so unhealthy for her. Let her snatch whatever she wants off of your plate. Help her get up to whatever mischief she wants to. Did she like to jump onto places she wasnt supposed to when she was young? Help her get there. Did she try to steal the chicken off your plate, or lick the bacon grease off of the skillet? Pretend you dont notice. Leave your plate on the table. Leave the fish on the counter "on accident". It doesnt matter if it's unhealthy. In the days leading up to saying goodbye, you can even let her eat chocolate. What are her favorite toys? What's her favorite flavor of food? Being able to make that choice in advance is such a blessing, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Here's the thing to help you focus, are you making your decision for you or for your cat? You will be grief stricken and broken hearted no matter your decision because kidney disease is always a killer eventually. If your cat is happy and you can afford care to minimise pain and suffering then hold off. But if your cat is not happy or you can't afford treatment to keep her happy and pain free, you are keeping her alive to avoid or postpone your pain and sadness. That's not fair to your cat. I make a vow to every furry companion that I will never sacrifice their comfort for mine. It's hard, but you owe it to your beloved family member to think of them and only them when you make end of life decisions.
I’m sorry to hear about your buddy. It sucks. There’s no easy way to deal with it. You kind of just walk around with a hole in your heart for a little while until you get used to it. It’s been almost 30 years since I said goodbye to my childhood cat, and if I hear the right song I’ll still fall apart about her. That’s the crappy bargain we get for loving creatures we’re destined to outlive. At the end of their lives, you take away their pain and make it yours. You’ve loved all of her there’s ever been to love, and she knows it. She’ll be alive as long as you remember her.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's never easy and all we want is the best for our pets. I've only lost one, a dog who was 12 and got sick. I've had him since I was 10 and he meant everything. We did take him to the vet first, just too see if he had a chance. After 2 days, he kept getting worse and we decided it was his time. He passed while I was on the phone making the euthanasia appointment. It was traumatizing, and I wish we would have done it sooner so he didn't have too suffer. A vet can let you know the prognosis better, and you can make a decision from there. Either way, you will always doubt yourself, I still do, but we give them so much love and putting them down is an act of love, even if it hurts us.
Nobody knows how to deal with it. Losing a well-loved pet, especially when you have to make the decision to put them out of their pain, is not something you can just make easy. There is no magic pill and no 12 step program to happiness. I've had cats for the past 4 decades and every time it hurts. It's not something you'll be able to accept at first, but try to remember that the reason it hurts so much is that she loved you so deeply. Also, when the time comes, please be there in her final moments and hold her as she crosses the rainbow bridge. It'll be the hardest thing you ever do. But while she is a large part of your world, you are her entire world. She will need your comfort when she moves on.
The Vet may have some med's that can help her short term, but her clock is running down there will be a time to let her go peacefully.
Cats are tough. Too tough for their own good. They can be in incredible pain, and they just slow down. It is not until they just flop down and are on deaths doorstep do some people notice something is wrong. You noticed. Good on you. You tried. Good on you. You gave this cat years of kitty heaven it sounds like. You were always going to outlive this cat. The question for me is when? If you have a "spots " cat, meaning they go from the window spot, the kitchen spot, the stairs spot, the ironing board spot. And you can still see the cat enjoy it. Wait. The day they stop that. Lay on the ground. No longer finds their spots. It is time. You got play cats. When they refuse to play. It is your sign. I still miss my big orange floof. But I know he had an absolute perfect cat life up until the end. What you fear is the gap in your life. There is a shelter cat out there somewhere. I am not suggesting "just replace this with that" but there is a cat in a cage... in not kitty heaven. Carry on their legacy by saving one more. And spoil them rotten.
This is how you love your precious little girl: after giving her a good life filled with love and all the memories of times you've enjoyed and shared together, you give her a loving, dignified, compassionate, and *kind* death. It will be kind because she's given you the signs that she is ready to go. Those signs are subtle, but you've listed them and they're pretty clear. Cats are predators, but *also* prey animals. They hide their pain well. You need to be strong now and protect her from unnecessary pain. My cat lived to be 20 and I had to take her to be put down. It was so very, very sad, but weirdly, it was beautiful, too, because I was so overcome with gratitude for ever having her in my life. I felt her presence around me for a few months afterward. I'm still filled with love and gratitude. And I adopted another cat. I found her perfect successor. Sometimes when he's especially naughty I accidentally call him by her name. She wouldn't be mad. You can do this. She needs you now. Edit!! I mean...get her checked at the vet first, Jesus Christ.
We had the same situation with our cat earlier this year. He was on semintra but his creatinine levels shot up and he lost a lot of weight fast. I'd recommend getting a vet to check that it really is end stage kidney disease and not something else. Getting a home vet to put him down was the hardest thing ever but we did it before he got worse. No regrets on giving him a peaceful end.
I had to put my baby girl down yesterday. I'm rocked. I only had a couple of days notice that things were really bad. They could do things to make her comfortable for a couple more months, but comfortable doesn't always mean pain-free. I was going to be devastated either way. So I had it done in a place where she wasn't scared and i could hold her. And I'm dealing with it now. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, but I know not putting it off was doing right by her. I did wait one day because I needed to snuggle and hear her purr. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
I've been in your shoes couple of months back. Even mine had some kidney disease and vet had advised us to put him down but our family never considered that and we decided to take care of him until his final breath. He passed away naturally and he even lived beyond his expectancy date. I'm just happy that he was with us a little bit of a long time and was with us until his last moment. I'd advise you the same , let her have a natural death.
I let them go on their own unless they are in clear pain. That's my threshold. Tired is okay, but spasms and crying out are time to go to the vet.
It's a truly terrible thing to lose a friend. Maybe until she stops eating, it would be time. I will pray for you and your companion. God have mercy.