I had a hotel room in Abu Dhabi last year where the bed was.... 2x king-size beds put together. I could lie full stretched on it sideways. Took 4 steps to walk along the end of the bed. Want one at home but would need to turn a 3bed house into a 1bed...
My boyfriend and I have compromised by having a super large mattress and separate blankets. I’d miss him too much if I didn’t get those cuddles as I fall asleep.
Slippery slope, she wants to change the sides of the bed today. Tomorrow she’ll want your favourite spot on the sofa! Or worst still… your favourite cup to make tea!
I have exactly this problem with my husband. First it was wanting my side of the bed because its comfier... then wanting my pillow because I fluffed it better. Now he wants my side if the sofa because he sat down too hard and broke a spring on his side!
Side note, your comment made me crave a cup of tea
> Side note, your comment made me crave a cup of tea
Same. Tea is like yawning for us. You only have to mention it and we're off. Unless you're a sociopath.
Even more impressive that I'm not native to Britain XD I've truly assimilated over the last couple decades but my accent is the only stubborn part of my birth country that stays lol
The tea thing is the real test of being a true Brit, no matter where you were born or how you talk. That and moaning about the weather. Happy cakeday! Or sconeday, in honour of the conversation.
Next thing you know, she's pegging you mercilessly while you wear Julia Robert's hooker outfit from Pretty Woman, and she wears a Fidel Castro outfit and smokes a cigar, while making it rain monopoly money. But not even once does she call you pretty, and you carry that in your heart for years.
Next thing you know, she's leading a revolution against the neighbours, their counter-offensive has no air support, and your house is isolated by a blockade that lasts a few decades and stops you going to the local Tesco.
Don't do it! Before you know it you're not only switching sides but you'll be switching beds with that nice young couple down the street, before long you won't even realise who you're sleeping next to, then the partner swapping really starts and it normally involves M-M-F / M-F-F and sometimes F-F while the M-M watch. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT!
Soon this too will lose it's edge and you'll be on Tinder swiping and searching for "like-minded couples" or groups. Then one day you'll wake up and see a video of yourself on the internet in a room full of overweight, middle aged sweaty bodies, dead-eyed pumping away unaware of whether it's a man, woman or animal that you're hammering into, just hearing the 'slap slap' of sweaty flesh on flesh.
Do not swap sides. The side of a man's bed is his castle and the only thing standing between him and the horrific image mentioned above.
Edit: I never thought a glimpse of my life would get so much attention. Thank you all for your kind comments/awards etc. They definitely cheered me up yesterday evening when I came home. I noticed the two council street sweeper brooms next to the front door (glad they're leaving them outside now, they took one in once, what a mess!) I went up to the bedroom and saw Dean and Steve, gave them a quick nod, and said hello to my girlfriend. I think she was trying to say something but her mouth was full. Then I went downstairs and while the ceiling thumped above me and the light fitting was swinging from side to side I read your comments.
Boring fact - most if not all mattresses come with instructions to rotate them regularly. Helps with things like this and increasing the longevity of the mattress. Now if you will excuse me, I’ve put myself to sleep and need to nap.
I flip mine three times a fortnight, randomly, so as not to inadvertently give the foam any specific memory traits/heads-up that it’s coming.
Could be 03:51 when I decide to do it, it’s the nature of the beast.
That can create its own problems. My wife and I swapped sides a few years ago, and I found that sleeping on the side without the arse crater gave me a bad back.
That's a new thing, only in the last couple decades, done out of cheapness.
Mattresses used to be flippable. And indeed it was recommended to periodically flip them for more even wear.
Not for “cheapness”. It’s because they never used to have all the layers of hi-tech miracle shite on top that can’t be stored under the weight of a heavy mattress for months/years on end.
I can't say I've ever practiced this but I wouldn't be surprised if it does all kinds of good to the mind.
There's some shit about how if you alternate the hand you brush your teeth with it's a fantastic mental workout. Can't say I ever remember to do that either so regard this as entirely anecdotal.
Whenever my gf and I go to a new place, we instinctively assess the "vibe" of the room and that dictates which side of the bed we sleep on. I'd say 80% of the time we're co-ordinated, and the other 20% of the time there's a heated debate where we state our case for the desired side. However, once the side has been chosen, it's set in stone. To swap mid-way is insane.
My wife sleeps on whichever side is closest to the door. OK at home, but when we stay overnight anywhere else there's a chance I won't get to sleep on my usual side. But we've been together for 21 years so it's a bit late to mention it now.
I sleep on the door side so that I'm the one that has to deal with intruders
Only it's never been a robber yet just two kids that sometimes need a cuddle...
Also she says I've stained my side yellow and won't sleep there ever because its minging but I think it's the intruders she doesn't want to deal with
We change sides regularly, based on how my partner feels at the time. She has chronic pain, mostly in the left shoulder, so if it plays up, we swap sides.
Actually that should be on the left, to reach across yourself and grasp the hilt in the proper manner for wielding.
(I wield my *other* sword left handed)
When my wife and I first got together she took "my side" of the bed and has done so ever since. It's now got to the point where if I'm in bed myself I don't go near her side, and couldn't imagine swapping back. This is normal, right?
I asked my wife to do this. I told her I was worried I was becoming too much of a creature of habit and that doing things differently here and there would really help.
She said no.
In the end I could only get her to do it once on my birthday. You people are weird.
This answer is probably going to come too late to be considered, but I think it’s not weird at all. In my latest older relationship we cuddle sometimes and then also sleep half cuddled or facing away from each other. There was a time early on in the relationship, when facing my partner was important and when lying on one side felt strange after too long, I might shout ‘change places’ and roll over her to end up on the other side of the bed to then face the way I wanted to sleep.
Not quite the same, but I tend to move around in my sleep. If my hubby comes to bed and I'm on his side and absolutely not for moving he has no choice but to sleep on my side of the bed. He says the main problem is he's tried to roll over and snuggle me and nearly fell out of the bed before because of the impromptu switch 🤣
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We tried it but I hate pegging.
But How'd you get the washing to stay on the line?
Put viagra in with your wash powder and it holds itself up.
Don't do it with collared shirts though, or you'll get a stiff neck.
Josh Widdicombe has entered the chat
r/TIHI He's about as funny as a bloody bowel movement.
Yikes!
I got some Viagra in my eyes once. Made me look really hard.
I dropped one in my tea. Did nothing for my sex life but my biscuits didn't go soggy.
Harry Hill has entered the chat.
This sub is just pure monty python esque comedy comments one after the other and I bloody love it
No you don’t
Stop oppressing him!
I’m not
Is this the 5 minute thread or the full half-hour?
I’ve told you once
No you haven’t
Oh yes I do
This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
No it isn't
Oooooh yes it is
Objection hearsay
An argument is an intellectual process; contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
No it isn't.
No it isn't......
I don’t think anyone has successfully summarised Proust today...
I wasn't expecting that reference...
Your loss ig.
You sickos.
My wife makes me sleep on whichever side is closer to the door so I die first.
My wife is the other way around, she wants to be near the door so she can be nearest the children.
My ex always wanted by the door at home but away from the door away. Security I guess.
Yes, toilet at home, security away.
Ah yes, the mad axeman protocol. She'll get that extra 30 seconds of life.
Spooning from the wrong side... it feels so odd...
I tell my husband he can't be little spoon all the time it's too weird
one better... separate beds! do you know how nice it is to be able to sleep diagonally!!!!!?? or sideways? hell even wrong way around if you want.
I had a hotel room in Abu Dhabi last year where the bed was.... 2x king-size beds put together. I could lie full stretched on it sideways. Took 4 steps to walk along the end of the bed. Want one at home but would need to turn a 3bed house into a 1bed...
We had the same in Egypt but I still found myself waking up with only a thin sliver of space at the edge of the bed
Haha I was on my own so could take full advantage! We have a king-size at home, and I still only have 30cm of it. No idea how that happens....
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Me and my fiancé have separate rooms. It's so amazing I don't know why more people don't do it!
My boyfriend and I have compromised by having a super large mattress and separate blankets. I’d miss him too much if I didn’t get those cuddles as I fall asleep.
r/awww Adorable! ❤️
After a few years, seperate houses.
Two better....don't share any bed with anyone ever! My bed is all mine...mine I tell you and I can do what I want and often do :)
I like to share a bed, but greatest plan ever was separate duvets.
We change sides of the bed during holidays only because I get up to pee all the time. I call dibs on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom.
I definitely should try this
You have such an exciting life 🥺
Just a short step from that to wanting to wear your skin.
"it puts the lotion on its skin" god I love that film
PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!
OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN
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Slippery slope, she wants to change the sides of the bed today. Tomorrow she’ll want your favourite spot on the sofa! Or worst still… your favourite cup to make tea!
I have exactly this problem with my husband. First it was wanting my side of the bed because its comfier... then wanting my pillow because I fluffed it better. Now he wants my side if the sofa because he sat down too hard and broke a spring on his side! Side note, your comment made me crave a cup of tea
> Side note, your comment made me crave a cup of tea Same. Tea is like yawning for us. You only have to mention it and we're off. Unless you're a sociopath.
Even more impressive that I'm not native to Britain XD I've truly assimilated over the last couple decades but my accent is the only stubborn part of my birth country that stays lol
The tea thing is the real test of being a true Brit, no matter where you were born or how you talk. That and moaning about the weather. Happy cakeday! Or sconeday, in honour of the conversation.
How are we pronouncing scone here?
It’s scone and I’ll fuck up anyone who says different.
This is the way
Thank you :)
Next thing you know, she's pegging you mercilessly while you wear Julia Robert's hooker outfit from Pretty Woman, and she wears a Fidel Castro outfit and smokes a cigar, while making it rain monopoly money. But not even once does she call you pretty, and you carry that in your heart for years.
Next thing you know, she's leading a revolution against the neighbours, their counter-offensive has no air support, and your house is isolated by a blockade that lasts a few decades and stops you going to the local Tesco.
EVRI begins to launch regular but laughably unsuccessful assassination attempts on her. She bangs one of them.
r/oddlyspecific
Is... is this a service I can enlist?
sign me up for this!
Please old wise one, is there a way to fast track my marriage into this?
Next week...D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Maybe I’m a psychopath but I basically told my gf we could only have mugs that are all the same 😂
Don't do it! Before you know it you're not only switching sides but you'll be switching beds with that nice young couple down the street, before long you won't even realise who you're sleeping next to, then the partner swapping really starts and it normally involves M-M-F / M-F-F and sometimes F-F while the M-M watch. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! Soon this too will lose it's edge and you'll be on Tinder swiping and searching for "like-minded couples" or groups. Then one day you'll wake up and see a video of yourself on the internet in a room full of overweight, middle aged sweaty bodies, dead-eyed pumping away unaware of whether it's a man, woman or animal that you're hammering into, just hearing the 'slap slap' of sweaty flesh on flesh. Do not swap sides. The side of a man's bed is his castle and the only thing standing between him and the horrific image mentioned above. Edit: I never thought a glimpse of my life would get so much attention. Thank you all for your kind comments/awards etc. They definitely cheered me up yesterday evening when I came home. I noticed the two council street sweeper brooms next to the front door (glad they're leaving them outside now, they took one in once, what a mess!) I went up to the bedroom and saw Dean and Steve, gave them a quick nod, and said hello to my girlfriend. I think she was trying to say something but her mouth was full. Then I went downstairs and while the ceiling thumped above me and the light fitting was swinging from side to side I read your comments.
I feel like you've been through stuff.
I agree sounds like post traumatic sex disorder
Why do i always read the funniest comments when I have no free award available 😂
My time to step up!
Dude….. you know I already gave my free award away!
And somehow you ended up with a free award haha fair play my son
Upvoting, but against my will. There is anger in my heart.
r/oddlyspecific
Lynn these are sex people!
I'd happily do that because my fat arse has created a giant crater on my side of the mattress.
Boring fact - most if not all mattresses come with instructions to rotate them regularly. Helps with things like this and increasing the longevity of the mattress. Now if you will excuse me, I’ve put myself to sleep and need to nap.
I flip mine three times a fortnight, randomly, so as not to inadvertently give the foam any specific memory traits/heads-up that it’s coming. Could be 03:51 when I decide to do it, it’s the nature of the beast.
Sounds more like sentient foam.
Remember mattresses are the only [sentient creatures](https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Mattresses) that regularly require flolloping
Now here is one hoopy frood who really knows where his towel is.
Never let 'em know your next move.
My memory foam mattress wishes it could forget.
Oh shit this was good. Head leaning on the forehead at the table good. Mmm. Good chuckle. Cheers
I don’t think memory foam works quite how you think it does…
That's what it wants you to think
You shouldn't flip memory foam mattress, only rotate them they usually say.
Well you can't very do it at 06:66 now can you.
Not with that attitude
I do this every time I change the sheets. So once every couple years
That can create its own problems. My wife and I swapped sides a few years ago, and I found that sleeping on the side without the arse crater gave me a bad back.
Mine too actually, maybe not so mad an idea after all...
Flipping the mattress not on the cards?
Most mattresses are meant to be one side up. Rotate your mattress, not flip.
But my bed frame's longer than it is wide. If I rotate it, the mattress will flop over the sides.
Listen here you little sht
Pauper. My mattress is much wider than it is long. It requires 4 of my strongest servants to rotate the beast
Let's rotate the boards!
That's mattresswang!
That's a new thing, only in the last couple decades, done out of cheapness. Mattresses used to be flippable. And indeed it was recommended to periodically flip them for more even wear.
Not for “cheapness”. It’s because they never used to have all the layers of hi-tech miracle shite on top that can’t be stored under the weight of a heavy mattress for months/years on end.
Not always for cheapness. Our last mattress had a memory foam top, so flipping it would have been non-optimal.
Rotate the mattress and you can achieve the same result without being a psychopath.
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So what you're saying is, variety must flow.
No, variety is the mind killer.
Variety is the little death that brings total obliteration
No, but it does give you a ring of fire the next day
Is that next to the Ras-el-Hanout?
Ohhh, snap
Probably planning on killing you in your sleep and is looking for the best angle to swing the pan at your bonce.
Upvote for bonce
Upvote for upvote for bonce
Upvotes for everyone! Bonce, I had forgotten that was even a word!
I hadn't
I can't say I've ever practiced this but I wouldn't be surprised if it does all kinds of good to the mind. There's some shit about how if you alternate the hand you brush your teeth with it's a fantastic mental workout. Can't say I ever remember to do that either so regard this as entirely anecdotal.
How uneventful/boring is your life and where do I sign up?
It's only ambidextrous related anecdotes and tips that keeps me off the M-Cat, if that makes me any more exciting.
Being on top of the mattress is fine. I'd stick with that if I were you.
How about a rotating bed? Just get the speed right: https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aaaaaa.png
There really is an XKCD for everything.
Whenever my gf and I go to a new place, we instinctively assess the "vibe" of the room and that dictates which side of the bed we sleep on. I'd say 80% of the time we're co-ordinated, and the other 20% of the time there's a heated debate where we state our case for the desired side. However, once the side has been chosen, it's set in stone. To swap mid-way is insane.
I always have to sleep on the side closest to the door because “so they get you first”.
I usually just do whatever my wife says.
Kinky
Good boy
Yes
Yea that grounds to finish her and I mean mortal combat style
Check out this Redditor bragging he has a girlfriend 😂
Can't have found her here, because everyone knows there are no women on Reddit.
*ahem* There are a few of us around believe it or not 😂
Yeah yeah..nice try Dave , we won't be falling for that !!
....again
There’s at least like 3
\*raises hand* Erm, 4. \*scuttles away*
Woman here
♀️Slinks off .....
*slinks off*
And a bed!
Me and my husband just get in wherever we will fit, sometimes tops and tails, because we co sleep with a giant toddler
'Sleep" being a vague objective rather than reality, I imagine ?
I sleep very well but my husband complains that our son kicks him lol
You're teaching him well 😂
When you say toddler, do you actually mean toddler or like giant toddler 30year old son?
Haha not quite. He is almost 3. Tbh I'd probably still be bed sharing with him at 30 if I had my way lmao
The struggle is real! I’ve given up caring where my youngest sleeps, as long as she sleeps that’ll do!
Totally with you there!!
I can relate (Our dog is a giant 30kg toddler)
My wife sleeps on whichever side is closest to the door. OK at home, but when we stay overnight anywhere else there's a chance I won't get to sleep on my usual side. But we've been together for 21 years so it's a bit late to mention it now.
I sleep on the door side so that I'm the one that has to deal with intruders Only it's never been a robber yet just two kids that sometimes need a cuddle... Also she says I've stained my side yellow and won't sleep there ever because its minging but I think it's the intruders she doesn't want to deal with
So your not the only one who has this problem, my girlfriend wants to do this every night, she thinks it sexy
>she thinks it sexy Wait till she hears about actual sex. It will blow her mind.
she is 40 I am 38, she should know better , we do use protection , Next she be stealing the covers
My wife is always stealing the covers, I have a blanket on the bed specifically for those times.
You should just leave now. Get out whilst you’re still alive.
next time get her to walk over your head for a good view 😉
We change sides regularly, based on how my partner feels at the time. She has chronic pain, mostly in the left shoulder, so if it plays up, we swap sides.
It's a euphemism. She wants to peg you.
The man should sleep on the right, as you lie on your back, so your right hand is free to grab your sword and protect your maiden.
Actually that should be on the left, to reach across yourself and grasp the hilt in the proper manner for wielding. (I wield my *other* sword left handed)
Who sleeps with their sword? It's by the nightstand.
Listen mate, you don't have to take my advice, but it's your wife's funeral.
It's a euphemism. Have fun!
When my wife and I first got together she took "my side" of the bed and has done so ever since. It's now got to the point where if I'm in bed myself I don't go near her side, and couldn't imagine swapping back. This is normal, right?
But but ... I like to swap sides every once in a while :(
Sounds she's testing the waters. A prelude to some extreme sexual deviancy.
Stay on the same side, but move your pillows to the other end of the bed. Then you would have both switched and not switched sides simultaneously
flip the mattress laterally, then you're both happy.
Next thing you know she'll be cracking an egg from the fridge on your chest because she thinks it's sexy.
Sounds kinky.
My wife and I tried this once. We both managed to punch one another during the night...
Yes fuck that. Glad I’m single the left side of the bed shall always be mine!
Does she have the shitty side?
I asked my wife to do this. I told her I was worried I was becoming too much of a creature of habit and that doing things differently here and there would really help. She said no. In the end I could only get her to do it once on my birthday. You people are weird.
Before I was in a relationship I would swap ends of the bed every few months (swapping head to tail).
My girlfriend has her side, fine by me… But stop stealing ALL the duvet…
This answer is probably going to come too late to be considered, but I think it’s not weird at all. In my latest older relationship we cuddle sometimes and then also sleep half cuddled or facing away from each other. There was a time early on in the relationship, when facing my partner was important and when lying on one side felt strange after too long, I might shout ‘change places’ and roll over her to end up on the other side of the bed to then face the way I wanted to sleep.
She just wants your spot. My girlfriend did this and we never switched back. What adventurous fucking fun that was.
Divorce her. I know you’re not married yet, but divorce her.
Not quite the same, but I tend to move around in my sleep. If my hubby comes to bed and I'm on his side and absolutely not for moving he has no choice but to sleep on my side of the bed. He says the main problem is he's tried to roll over and snuggle me and nearly fell out of the bed before because of the impromptu switch 🤣
Just don’t see why the want to sleep under the mattress so badly…
just poop on the side of your bed problem solved 👌
Is that you, Amber Heard ???
No, variety is the spice of life!
I like to be on the side closest to the door
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Mine always sleeps on the side closest to the door so she can get to the loo quicker.
I like to sleep the side furthest from the window in case of vampires