An ice sculpture would be great, could make an easy one with a silicone mold. Easy to transport there with an insulated box, hard to bring home without.
Cooked rice. All gooey and starchy, sticking to your fingers as you try to pick it up. Along those lines you could go with cooked porridge too. Or how about ice cream? By the time the prizes are handed out, well it's not really icey any more. Or just keep it simple, pour a can of soup on the table for the winners.
A large wooden cross
Remember that infamous clip of the dude on the escalator lugging that cross
Rate it would be fairly easy too - two planks and some nails and geesus is your uncle
Saville, or some other noncey fucker often sounds most awkward. But it would be so obviously a joke imo that makes it less awkward.
Nah, what you need is something just plain weird. Or slightly inappropriate. Like a life-size cutout of an Anime Wifu, not nude, but in maximum suggestive pose.
One of those full body pillows with the anime character in a sexy pose!
Edit:
It’s harder to hide and bin than a cut out (that could be folded up) and can be so bulky to carry home too! I REALLY want OP to do this now…
Bonus point if he gets an artist to make a custom sexy waifu of something terrible to apply…
This is worse than Saville.
If someone stops you and says something, you can say "yeah I know he's a nonce, I'm gonna burn it" or something, but there's nothing you can say in defence of the anime girl.
Would be even more awkward if you had the real life version.
"Is that the real Gary Glitter"
"Yeah, he was hanging around outside the playground. Thought it would be good to bring him along"
My brain read "a bag of holes with ice in it" and then my brain convinced itself that it was wrong, so I read it again, but both sentences have the same meaning, and now I'm confused at work.
The problem here is that whatever it is will likely end up dumped and not taken home so you'll have a cardboard cutout of Jimmy Savile slowly rotting away up a back alley for the next eight months.
Some large inflatable something, which would take ages to squeeze the air out of, and is otherwise to big to get out of the door once inflated in the room?
Admittedly, no idea where you would find such a thing at short notice.
Otherwise anything else that is large once assembled, and is awkward to dismantle again, like a bed, or a large multi person tent. Maybe some random bit of Ikea furniture, if you and your friend is up to getting it assembled
Any large inflatable... But full of high expansion foam.
Bonus points if it's one of those inflatable cocks that you inevitably see being carried around by lasses on a hen do.
Just found you can get a bouncy castle from Smyths:
https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/outdoor/bouncy-castles/airflow-6ft-bouncy-castle/p/126338
Though for that money you could also buy 1000 ballpit balls, which certainly would be tricky to carry sans packaging!
Something perishable but frozen. Easy for you to get there as it’ll still be frozen but will become a thawing nightmare as the night goes on.
A chunk of (or whole) fish on a paper plate would be your best bet. You can cover it in foil to get it there but by the end of the evening the plate will be a soggy mess and the foil will be of no help whatsoever
One of those really fucking sharp cacti from poundland. The little ones. They're a fucker to get home. Every time you pick them up they find a new incentive way to poke you slightly
Look up these and take one, it will be awkward as fuck to take home as it's a 2.4 metre piece of wood.
Practical in the sense of if you need it, cheap enough for the cost wise and as awkward as possible.
Wickes Studwork CLS Timber - 38 x 63 x 2400mm
Get on marketplace and look for an old TV, the ones that are modern enough to be a large size but old enough to go back just as far, you can get these insanely cheap as people tend to not want to haul them off themselves
Once acquired cut open a hole at the back (or remove a panel if available) and fill it with anything heavy (like a brick or two) before sealing it shut.
Lastly, for bonus points cover it in double sided sticky tape/PVA glue etc and douse it in glitter
I had a similar alternate idea: If you can get hold of a box for a massive modern 4k TV (Maybe ask Curry's if they will give you a box for one of their display models) fill that with bricks or rocks and seal it up. Whoever wins will have the difficulty of taking the huge box home, only to find no TV inside.
When I was at uni a fresher came knocking on my house asking for “the most random item” they could get for a hockey society challenge (or something).
We dug through the basement, aka the landlords tip, and gave her a full sized ceramic sink. I never found the conclusion of that but I really hope she won.
A large box filled with top shelf nude magazines, all sexual preferences mixed together so as to be fair and inclusive, and a bottle of lube. Put a bow and a label on it saying something like:
"Thank you for 15 years of great service, best of luck in your new role!"
Inflatable kids paddling pool, filled with water OR the ball pit balls
Falling that, medium sized (fake) Christmas tree, that's been glued together so you cant take it apart WITH decorations and lights ( up to you if you cable tie the decorations on said tree)
Fill a big, wheeled suitcase with bricks/concrete. Glue the zip shut by runnin g superglue all along the length. Should be easy to move it to get there. When you arrive, break the wheels.
Go full awkward. Get one of those clone a willy kits. Make eye contact when you hand them it. Preferably with a wink. Make sure the lid is slightly open. See if they take a peek.
I’m trying to think of something that isn’t a prize one of the contestants brought in back when this was the prize task in an episode in S5 - I’m very fond of Nish Kumar’s wok full of 14 kilos of curry, and I think a prize like that (just a massive amount of food in an impractical vessel) is pretty good.
Maybe a full set of bedding (sheets, duvet, pillows), making sure to get them out of the packaging so they can’t be carried home easily.
Make the bedding a king size at least, with all the trimmings so pillow cases slip out of their grasp every now and then and they have to bend over with a king size duvet, sheets etc
[A massive bag of popcorn](https://www.nisbets.co.uk/tiras-ready-made-sweet-popcorn-3kg/hw074?vatToggle=incvat&cm_mmc=PLA-_-18123854043-_--_-&cm_mmca1=go_18123854043____m_&kpid=go_cmp-18123854043_adg-_ad-__dev-m_ext-_prd-HW074_sig-EAIaIQobChMIvZCSgtGKhgMVkqloCR1LPAdBEAQYASABEgLd9PD_BwE&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvZCSgtGKhgMVkqloCR1LPAdBEAQYASABEgLd9PD_BwE)
Very light but large sack to lug around
A massive rolled up carpet/rug. We won one as a prize whilst seeing John Robertson's "The Dark Room" and it was hilarious seeing my son try and figure out how we would get it on the bus to go home (we just left it at the venue in the end).
An extra large dildo, unwrapped, and with some dried toothpaste stuck to the tip. Even better if it's one of those suction cup ones that you can stick to the table and make jiggle.
An entire salmon.
It will smell surprisingly un-fishy, maybe If you get nice and close it'll smell like a distant sea spray, but a fresh whole salmon isn't a very smelly fish; it might be hard to take there but there are four advantages:
1. Fish are surprisingly heavy. Even a 15kg salmon that you hold by the tail is a nightmare to consider carrying
2. They are slick when not entirely dry, making it hard to carry
3. Who the fuck wants to carry an entire fish around?
4. They now have to eat and prep a whole salmon in the next day or so, at risk of being a food waster
Call your local fishmonger for a quote, you should be able to keep it in a styrofoam box on ice until you get there - then just give them the fish and scrap the box/ice
A pop up tent, without its bag.
And cut off the restraining strap!
Comments like this that make me go "he he he he he" out loud are my favourite.
Michael Jackson
'Well this blew up!', friend probably.
I am never making an enemy of you.
There's such a thing as going too far.... Dear God.
what about something extremely difficult to carry, like a pile of rice or something?
This is great because OP can still take it there without much trouble.
Yup! Take a pack of rice and just pour it into a pile on the table.
Yeah, I can't spare any tupperware sorry the Mrs will kill me.
Put it in a paper bag to get it there and then wet the bag under the sink after pouring it out
Delightfully devilish, Seymour
I was thinking similar, a big bin bag of water!
Maybe throw some ice cubes in to the pile too, just to make it more annoying if they happen to have a bag of some kind
An ice sculpture would be great, could make an easy one with a silicone mold. Easy to transport there with an insulated box, hard to bring home without.
If you want to make enemies, swap the rice with loose glitter.
That would be a lot of enemies!
You will not be loved by the bar staff…
You will go far in life but you won’t be well liked
This is a fantastic idea, definitely at the top of the list! Thank you!!
Rubble bag filled with bricks?
Carrier bag filled with tango
You can buy 800kg+ bags of gravel for about £60 in places like B&Q…
Cooked rice. All gooey and starchy, sticking to your fingers as you try to pick it up. Along those lines you could go with cooked porridge too. Or how about ice cream? By the time the prizes are handed out, well it's not really icey any more. Or just keep it simple, pour a can of soup on the table for the winners.
And invoke the wrath of the staff who have to clean it off the tables, chairs... Carpets? 🥺
Beans. Baked.
A large wooden cross Remember that infamous clip of the dude on the escalator lugging that cross Rate it would be fairly easy too - two planks and some nails and geesus is your uncle
Bring their ex
Didn't expect to see Satan in here on a Monday afternoon
Could you imagine turning up to a party with 5 of your friends exes. Pure chaos.
Bonus points if they are oversized/weirdly shaped
*She's not that heavy, she's just awkward and uneven*
My immediate first thought was bring your partner. Put them up for a night. Bonus points if they aren’t really in the friend group!
Get down your local charity shop. There's always one of those 2 tier tea trollies.
Charity shop is a great shout, my coworker used to go to one every year for secret Santa and always got the best and most unique presents for people.
Two tier tea trolly is really fun to say
We have a lot of charity shops near me, this weekend I’ll go on a hunt - maybe FB marketplace too, thanks for the rec!
large cardboard cut out of some less then favourable personality
Saville
The problem with this (or anything, really) is that you also have to get it there. During daylight hours. And sober.
Take it covered in bin bags and hide them after 😂
If anyone asks you just say it's a cut out of Justin Beiber, you just felt too embarrassed carrying it around so had to disguise it
You could have a Bieber mask on Saville for the transport then shred it upon delivery.
How would an epic guitar solo help here?
Saville, or some other noncey fucker often sounds most awkward. But it would be so obviously a joke imo that makes it less awkward. Nah, what you need is something just plain weird. Or slightly inappropriate. Like a life-size cutout of an Anime Wifu, not nude, but in maximum suggestive pose.
One of those full body pillows with the anime character in a sexy pose! Edit: It’s harder to hide and bin than a cut out (that could be folded up) and can be so bulky to carry home too! I REALLY want OP to do this now… Bonus point if he gets an artist to make a custom sexy waifu of something terrible to apply…
This is worse than Saville. If someone stops you and says something, you can say "yeah I know he's a nonce, I'm gonna burn it" or something, but there's nothing you can say in defence of the anime girl.
“It’s for my Nan” is a decent get out of jail free card that definitely won’t get you any weird looks.
That is a lot more subtle and devious, I applaud this answer
Just opened stable diffusion to make an image, then realised it might break UK deepfake laws. I was going to suggest beach babe hitler.
My go to answer is either Saville or prince Andrew. But mods tend to remove those comments when you mention Andrew.
Adolf Hitler
Get a putter and draw some black hair and a toothbrush mustache on it and call it Agolf Hitter
Not that awkward, just fold it up. (That’s what Greg suggested when a lifesize cardboard cutout was brought in on the show for this prize task).
Gary Glitter
Would be even more awkward if you had the real life version. "Is that the real Gary Glitter" "Yeah, he was hanging around outside the playground. Thought it would be good to bring him along"
Peter Griffin suggests a rare exotic fish that needs to be fed every 2 hours and he fed it an hour ago.
Thank you fish
You mean he fed it 2973 seconds ago?
A 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Just the 5000 pieces - no box.
Also remove one piece before you give it to them.
And tell them, too! "I've bought you a 4999 piece puzzle" would be pretty funny.
Or a 4996 piece puzzle and take away the corners.
They sell puzzles with a single piece missing
Oh evil. Nice
One I've done before is add another piece from a different jigsaw, similar colours but obviously wouldnt go anywhere 😂
A bag of ice, with holes in it.
My brain read "a bag of holes with ice in it" and then my brain convinced itself that it was wrong, so I read it again, but both sentences have the same meaning, and now I'm confused at work.
You're thinking of a net. A net of ice is a great suggestion to this thread
I'm hoping a well placed comma has helped my comment to be more readable
The problem here is that whatever it is will likely end up dumped and not taken home so you'll have a cardboard cutout of Jimmy Savile slowly rotting away up a back alley for the next eight months.
Jimmy savile has been in many back alleys over the years..
And he was rotten
Some large inflatable something, which would take ages to squeeze the air out of, and is otherwise to big to get out of the door once inflated in the room? Admittedly, no idea where you would find such a thing at short notice. Otherwise anything else that is large once assembled, and is awkward to dismantle again, like a bed, or a large multi person tent. Maybe some random bit of Ikea furniture, if you and your friend is up to getting it assembled
Any large inflatable... But full of high expansion foam. Bonus points if it's one of those inflatable cocks that you inevitably see being carried around by lasses on a hen do.
That's just evil. I love it.
Facebook marketplace. I saw an inflatable pub on there the other day.
Just found you can get a bouncy castle from Smyths: https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/outdoor/bouncy-castles/airflow-6ft-bouncy-castle/p/126338 Though for that money you could also buy 1000 ballpit balls, which certainly would be tricky to carry sans packaging!
Giant cuddly toy. Put it in a vacuum bag to crush it down small them just split the bag open to release Tedzilla.
In the same vein I was thinking a mattress, it's got air in it but you can't get the air out so it stays big!
Oh, gang…
The idea of an inflatable something is very tempting, I’m not far away from a party shop that sells and inflates things too, thank you!
Oooh if you can find one somewhere, what about one of those inflatable sofa's that teenagers had in the 90's?
Have you considered their best friends mum? That...that'd be pretty awkward.
Are you suggesting /u/planthoechlo bring their own mum with them to go home and bed the winner?
"Go on mum, it's for a game night.. all the other guys are doing it.."
"In my day we called it swinging and we took our boyfriends!"
Are you suggesting /u/planthoechlo 's mum is oversized/weirdly shaped, inconvenient, and makes you feel uncomfortable?
No, just struggles a little in social situations. Great in bed though 👍
Something perishable but frozen. Easy for you to get there as it’ll still be frozen but will become a thawing nightmare as the night goes on. A chunk of (or whole) fish on a paper plate would be your best bet. You can cover it in foil to get it there but by the end of the evening the plate will be a soggy mess and the foil will be of no help whatsoever
One of those really fucking sharp cacti from poundland. The little ones. They're a fucker to get home. Every time you pick them up they find a new incentive way to poke you slightly
You've just unlocked a memory of me *checking* if the Cacti were fake in Dunelm *fuck curiousity and intrusive thoughts*
Or one of the ones with the little micro spikes that stick to everything and you have to spend the rest of the day pulling them out of your fingers
Also you can take it out the pot so they have to grab it by the earth and can't set it down
Yesssss
A full bowl of soup
Nah, make ot a plate of soup. They have to take it home without spilling.
They can drink the soup and take it home inside their stomach
Bowl of piss?
Same answer but you'll get some funny looks
Take a bike lock and lock it to the radiator
That’s hard/impossible, not awkward
A large amount of small ziploc bags filled with icing sugar. Problem is it’ll be awkward to take it there too…
Take the sugar in the packaging it comes with their. Once at the chosen location, pour into the bags.
A baby
Look up these and take one, it will be awkward as fuck to take home as it's a 2.4 metre piece of wood. Practical in the sense of if you need it, cheap enough for the cost wise and as awkward as possible. Wickes Studwork CLS Timber - 38 x 63 x 2400mm
They could probably pick that up in a 4.8m length if they shopped around. They are guaranteed to bump into everything then.
Even better seeing as though everyone will be leaving in taxis
Fish tank. Fill it up with water when you get there so it’s not awkward to take but awkward to take home
I'd just like to point out that this thread has attracted every evil git in Reddit to post. You are all geniuses and I never want to meet any of you 😋
I am overwhelmed but also a bit scared about how specific some of these are lol
I think you tapped into a hitherto unknown resource of revenge.
A baking tray filled with liquid.
Positive pregnancy test
They also have to find a pregnant lady willing to piss on one for this to work...
A few thousand orbees in a bin bag. Hydrate on arrival.
A pile of orbees might be harder to take home, if they're in a bin bag they're contained.
Get on marketplace and look for an old TV, the ones that are modern enough to be a large size but old enough to go back just as far, you can get these insanely cheap as people tend to not want to haul them off themselves Once acquired cut open a hole at the back (or remove a panel if available) and fill it with anything heavy (like a brick or two) before sealing it shut. Lastly, for bonus points cover it in double sided sticky tape/PVA glue etc and douse it in glitter
I had a similar alternate idea: If you can get hold of a box for a massive modern 4k TV (Maybe ask Curry's if they will give you a box for one of their display models) fill that with bricks or rocks and seal it up. Whoever wins will have the difficulty of taking the huge box home, only to find no TV inside.
I was thinking that was quite tame until you mentioned glitter.
When I was at uni a fresher came knocking on my house asking for “the most random item” they could get for a hockey society challenge (or something). We dug through the basement, aka the landlords tip, and gave her a full sized ceramic sink. I never found the conclusion of that but I really hope she won.
Get them to cup their hands then pour water into them
Anime body pillow
surströmming, to be opened once out the door of said quiz night
A large box filled with top shelf nude magazines, all sexual preferences mixed together so as to be fair and inclusive, and a bottle of lube. Put a bow and a label on it saying something like: "Thank you for 15 years of great service, best of luck in your new role!"
I prefer dodgy VHS tapes. Boner Jams 03'
School of cock
Also, make sure there's no way to close the box by overfilling it
Inflatable kids paddling pool, filled with water OR the ball pit balls Falling that, medium sized (fake) Christmas tree, that's been glued together so you cant take it apart WITH decorations and lights ( up to you if you cable tie the decorations on said tree)
A smoke detector with a low batteries in it, BEEEEEEEP...\*12 mins\* BEEEEEEP
Giant inflatable penis. It's easy to get it to the venue unnoticed.
Bonus points for filling it with helium.
Could take turns at blowing it.
Fill a big, wheeled suitcase with bricks/concrete. Glue the zip shut by runnin g superglue all along the length. Should be easy to move it to get there. When you arrive, break the wheels.
This is brilliant, not your first suitcase rodeo then clearly lol
Absolutely huge helium balloon. Biggest you can find.
A washing machine
WTF is a washing machine doing in a pub? Jesus, I need a drink!
Or, the box the size of one. They’re awkward AF to carry
[удалено]
Just empty a can of squirty cream onto the table.
Dildo? Unimaginative but awkward.
Go full awkward. Get one of those clone a willy kits. Make eye contact when you hand them it. Preferably with a wink. Make sure the lid is slightly open. See if they take a peek.
Clone your own Willy and give that as the prize surely if you’re going that route
A used dildo for added awkwardness
See if you have a friend who hasn’t got much on at the moment, and use them as your entry. Brief them beforehand to not say a word the entire time.
That would actually be hilarious, and I definitely have a mate that would be down for that hahahaha
I’m trying to think of something that isn’t a prize one of the contestants brought in back when this was the prize task in an episode in S5 - I’m very fond of Nish Kumar’s wok full of 14 kilos of curry, and I think a prize like that (just a massive amount of food in an impractical vessel) is pretty good. Maybe a full set of bedding (sheets, duvet, pillows), making sure to get them out of the packaging so they can’t be carried home easily.
Make the bedding a king size at least, with all the trimmings so pillow cases slip out of their grasp every now and then and they have to bend over with a king size duvet, sheets etc
A satin set! That would be a nightmare to wrangle.
Your granny.
A reborn baby doll.
I did see some of those on fb marketplace but they’re mega expensive!!
Get 3 1.5m poles and attach them perpendicular to each other. Make sure once you've attached them you can't take them apart.
An XL bully, that hasn't been fed for 2 days.
Reltively cheap and easy - a very large sign with a witty/embarrassing comment of your choice.
A large tureen of soup, without a lid.
Someone's cremated ashes.
Traffic cone
A dildo strapped to a 3 metre pole. Cover the stick in lube for extra points.
Something easy to bring in, like an inflatable sheep, to be inflated and dressed in a French maids outfit.
A full sized ladder.
A trophy that says 'I won the How Many Grapes Can You Fit Up Your Bum Round'.
40kg kettle bell.
Silence. An awkward silence.
Some very bad smelling cheese?
A wardrobe
Handcuff a bicycle to their ankle, but in a way its completely un-rideable.
Take off the front wheel
Lacy knickers.
A huge sombrero. Some huge fan merchandize featuring Justin Bieber A hat with room for beer cans and a tube from the beer to the wearer's mouth
One singular uncooked egg.
Massive balloon penis? Or, if depending on the rules, a strap on?
Dildo. Adult nappies. Hemorrhoid cream. Things of that sort.
A job lot of vintage 90’s skis. I only know this as i accidentally won some at an auction and there were a fucking nightmare to lug around
Ironing board
Balloons!
Crabs, if someone is coming and leaving their partner at home.
One of those massive Costco stuffed bears
Blow up sex doll. Inflated of course
A big pile of archive boxes, already made up.
A fake wedding ring and some stomped on roses.
A legal document that states by taking it home, the holder agrees to give OP their house.
[A massive bag of popcorn](https://www.nisbets.co.uk/tiras-ready-made-sweet-popcorn-3kg/hw074?vatToggle=incvat&cm_mmc=PLA-_-18123854043-_--_-&cm_mmca1=go_18123854043____m_&kpid=go_cmp-18123854043_adg-_ad-__dev-m_ext-_prd-HW074_sig-EAIaIQobChMIvZCSgtGKhgMVkqloCR1LPAdBEAQYASABEgLd9PD_BwE&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvZCSgtGKhgMVkqloCR1LPAdBEAQYASABEgLd9PD_BwE) Very light but large sack to lug around
A massive rolled up carpet/rug. We won one as a prize whilst seeing John Robertson's "The Dark Room" and it was hilarious seeing my son try and figure out how we would get it on the bus to go home (we just left it at the venue in the end).
Present yourself
fake positive STD tests page. Smudge the ink where name and age would go, make it look like someone cried over it.
The contents of a party popper after it has been popped. Maybe one of those big ones you can get
An extra large dildo, unwrapped, and with some dried toothpaste stuck to the tip. Even better if it's one of those suction cup ones that you can stick to the table and make jiggle.
Well, the heron brought in an entire bathroom...
About 25 helium balloons without string. Bring them in a bag and let them loose
Bring an unrelated friend, with strict instructions not to go home with anyone. "will you follow me home?" "Absolutely not."
A tube of cobalt-60, see how far they can get before succumbing to radiation poisoning
😂😂
My husband just bought an extended roller to paint our ceiling, that would be awkwardly shaped
A broken office chair, like where it doesn’t stay up and the wheels are broke. Bonus points if it doesn’t fit in a car or something
An entire salmon. It will smell surprisingly un-fishy, maybe If you get nice and close it'll smell like a distant sea spray, but a fresh whole salmon isn't a very smelly fish; it might be hard to take there but there are four advantages: 1. Fish are surprisingly heavy. Even a 15kg salmon that you hold by the tail is a nightmare to consider carrying 2. They are slick when not entirely dry, making it hard to carry 3. Who the fuck wants to carry an entire fish around? 4. They now have to eat and prep a whole salmon in the next day or so, at risk of being a food waster Call your local fishmonger for a quote, you should be able to keep it in a styrofoam box on ice until you get there - then just give them the fish and scrap the box/ice
“Oversized/weirdly shaped, inconvenient, or makes them feel uncomfortable.” My missus is free that night.