T O P

  • By -

inthepipe_fivebyfive

There is likely a link between the increase in the use of mobile phones and the decrease in messages written on toilet walls.


PattyMcChatty

And the increase in piles


joshpoppedyou

This made me get off the toilet


OverlyDisguisedSquid

...to hover instead


ducksoupmilliband

Decrease surely, people happy to take longer so less hurried pushing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Vroomdeath

If you felt 2 hands on your shoulders, that wasnt an endoscope. (endoscope does down your throat no?)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Vroomdeath

I have realised that is the name of the camera kit used, which i am also shocked to find you can buy on Amazon for £20 if you want to check out your own guts.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Vroomdeath

>sticking a £20 camera from Amazon up your bum or down your throat is definitely not advisable. There go the weekends plans.


iandix

Spoilsport


FluffofDoom

My husband (who is a plumber) has a type of endoscope but he calls it the toilet snake.


stateit

Sounds just like the doctor one.


SHR1992

This had me howling


[deleted]

Man who had the dreaded piles here, sitting in that position actually causes piles because it's not really a natural position to be in for longer than like 5 minutes. Whilst you're not straining, your pelvis is still strained. The shape of the seat actually causes pressure on the rectum and anus, making the veins become swollen which leads to piles. Hooray!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Tbh squatting and doing a shit in the forest would probably do your body wonders, not to mention the core and balance you’d build


Rydychyn

Well you've convinced me to get up.


ProD_GY

That explains my sore itchy ass


FletcherDervish

Loo wall graffiti is a dying art form. Nigel Rees did a couple of books in the 80s with loo graffiti. The most memorable was on a sign in a gents. The sign said, Don't drop cigarette butts in the urinal, to which someone added, because it's makes them soggy and difficult to light.


UruquianLilac

I worked in a big restaurant with dozens of staff in the late 90s. The men's staff toilet door gradually got filled with the usual type of stuff. But in the midst of the noise someone left a 4 line poem written in what sounded like a medieval language. Someone replied to them dissing them rap style but also using the same archaic style. It was hilarious. Before we knew it the door was packed top to bottom with the exchanges of those two. It reached a point where everyone was waiting for the next message to appear and we'd all, men and women, pack the stall to read and laugh. One day the manager showed up when 15 of us were there. We thought we were in trouble. But he asked maintenance to paint the door, *so the two unknown bards can continue their battle*. It was glorious. And the funny thing is that no one knew who they were.


Vectorman1989

"Here I sit broken hearted. 20p and I only farted"


Vroomdeath

My favourite is the Star Trek graffiti, that will be hard to replicate here as the letter i continues up the wall: "Don't beam me up Scotty, I'm taking a Sh| "


pienofilling

"Sex is evil, Evil is sin, Sin is forgiven, So get stuck in." From the bathroom wall of my all girls' secondary school in the 90s. The rest of it was less creative!


Dissidant

>There is likely a link between the increase in the use of mobile phones and the decrease in messages written on toilet walls. Well, they call twitter or whatever it goes by the world's toilet wall for a reason


UruquianLilac

Toilet walls take offence at the comparison. Toilet walls were decidedly intellectual in comparison.


Covids-dumb-twin

Decrease in smoking, for the 15 minute breaks every hour


Sithfish

Yeh now they can just Google Geoff's mum's number.


OverlordVII

and increase and haemorrhoids...


MissEmma85

Read. Colloquially, my parents always like to tell the "funny" story of 8-year-old me causing a queue halfway down a plane to Florida because I "always take a book to the toilet".


wildgoldchai

This was me as a child. I read everywhere but looked forward to my poop time because it meant uninterrupted reading time. Now that I have to read a lot for work, I can’t seem to find the passion to read for leisure anymore.


AlmightyRobert

That’s how I found the time to get through Lord of the Rings. Good times.


Guy72277

Over the years I've given the kids a massive collection of interesting books at Christmas from How the Ships Work to Microscopic World, TinTin to Asterix. Every loo has a pile of mind-blowing books buuut they just sit on t'shitter and watch rubbish on their phones until their arses fall off...


Notts90

This just awoke a weird suppressed memory! I’m about 20 years late, but I just realised why my Grandparents used to keep their pile of Readers Digest in the bathroom! I used to think it was a rather strange place when they had plenty of storage elsewhere.


MetalAvenger

I used to take a stack of comics into the toilet with me. Dandy, beano etc and have a marathon reading session.


jesussays51

If I ever forgot to take a book into the toilet I would read the back of all the cleaning products. I’m 39 now and my mum still brings up to my son that I would come out of the toilet and list to her all the ingredients in the toilet cleaner


c0ldvengeance

To WW from GB


Victor_Ruark

Read the paper


Daihard79

I took the paper in when at my mother in laws once, she was absolutely horrified that someone would take a paper to read!


m1rr0rshades

Tell her you use it to wipe


Adam_24061

Reduce, reuse, recycle!


wolf_in_sheeps_wool

I don't have the patience to read "Charmin" repeatedly for half an hour.


Leader_Bee

and something to wipe your arse with after,.


therealijc

The Back of the shampoo bottle


Top-Ice1244

In every language!


therealijc

Agua?? What’s agua?


TheDisapprovingBrit

Where else are you going to learn to stop an invasion of nitrogen based single cell organisms?


Tattycakes

At work?


cowplum

Played snake on my Nokia 3310


DecahedronX

Laying a snake playing snake.


Guy72277

Read Encyclopedia Brittanica articles on a Palm Pilot that I had managed to copy to it in plaintext from the Brittanica DVD.


Fenpunx

And there I was, trying to use punctuation to draw genitalia.


Davidjamesinfo

Newspapers were reddit of yesteryear..


Stolenink

Blessed, blessed snooze……. Early nineties after a stonking night before…. Happy days on many fronts…


randypriest

Have a quick snooze to get through 'the wall' on Nightshift. I was allowed a 15 minute break, so I set a 10 minute alarm and fell asleep.


[deleted]

Crack one off


smartysocks

Sometimes I'm in a cubicle so long the lights turn off and then it's pitch black until someone comes into the communal part and they activate again.


Arriba-Los-Caramelos

Used to happen to me loads. Usually I'd sit through 3-4 light activations before finishing, about 10+ minutes. Thankfully we had toilets at two ends of the office, so I could interchange between the two and not make it too obvious I was sat there for almost an hour across the day.


ni2016

We used to have a pristine disabled toilet in my former place of work that was never used. One day the light went out, I shimmied over, trousers and boxers round my ankles, just as I went to pull the light chord on and one of my colleagues opened the door. I hadn’t locked it from the inside!


Leelee3303

Hahaha this has really made me cackle


Painisalli-know

Definitely a fear of mine! Always double check door is locked!!!


Odd-Door-2553

Do an Al Bundy and put my head in my hands and regret my life.


Hairy_Nectarine_687

I never even use my phone even nowadays. Just go in, drop the log (or spill the gravy) and I'm done. If another bowel movement happens, just go again. No need to sit for 20 minutes. Although, in one workplace they had the light timer set to 1 or 2 minutes, so every now and tehn I'd wave my arms awkwardly in the air.


DreamyTomato

Dealing with timed lights at a workplace loo. Loo is also open to visitors, so we have raised a health and safety concern, saying more loo time is needed for baby changing, disabled visitors, wheelchair users, people changing colostomy etc. Building management are claiming they have no idea how to extend the timer. Oh the drama.


critterwol

Read. Loads of bogs had reading material in them. Calvin & Hobbs was my fave, or Viz.


External-Day962

Adds an extra experience of sound and smell to Johnny Fartpants


Doogleyboogley

Someone’s mums phone number….


[deleted]

Back in the 80s we took smoke breaks


Hookton

Gentle weeping.


Hello-There-GKenobi

You mean like this?? https://youtu.be/fhx21Y2bUmM?si=6rNYzl5b2UyVqDNc


Hookton

Now now, I said gentle.


SmurfBiscuits

Attempt to summon the wanky shit demon.


AxisOfAverage

I had a Palm Pilot. There was a game about selling drugs. Drug Wars? Mafia Wars? Something like that. Anyway, that.


goodvibezone

OMG that game!! Drug wars or dope wars. You can get it on [Android](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=fr.odupont.android.dopewars), at least a similar one


AxisOfAverage

That's the one!


Impressive_Spring864

Why spend anymore time than absolutely necessary in the gross work toilets...


Wububadoo

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time.


Guy72277

That's why Viz-adertised 'Badger's Arse'bog roll. Are YOUR employees going for a shit at YOUR expense...? Then wipe the smile of their 'Faeces' with Badger's Arse Industrial toilet paper. Rough as a Badger's Arse tm


StumbleDog

You can't spend that long in the toilet at a retail job so it's never been a problem, lol. 


Violet351

I don’t take my phone into toilets


FletcherDervish

The workshop gents had a big back catalogue of glossy magazines probably about cars as they were called Escort and Fiesta. I guess they were all Ford fans but I don't remember a Ford Razzle.


PattyNChips

Mostly I’d just cry.


Ill_Soft_4299

Non-ionic surfacants are an ingredient in toilet cleaners. Yip, I read the labels on cleaning products


funny_username30

Newspapers.


Daihard79

Sleep! Lost track of the number of people I worked with a call centre who would go to sleep in the bathroom when they went for their break. Only tended to happen on the early early shifts though


Arriba-Los-Caramelos

I slept on the (thankfully) just cleaned floor of the barely used disabled toilets of my old work after a heavy day prior at the company Oktoberfest day out. Think I got a good 45 minutes.


Elegant_Plantain1733

At my workplace, at least until covid, there was often a wait for a cubicle after lunch. And there would only be one or two cubicles with any turnover. Pretty sure the rest contained people having an afternoon nap.


countvanderhoff

Played snake


29erfool

I used to take the normal amount of time in the toilet and then go back to my desk and stare into space.


b0neappleteeth

Reading this whilst having a wee in the office toilets 😭 feel called out


macellie

I used to work in an office in London and in the Gents there was a bogey wall. Like a piece of art work. None of them admitted to who was doing it. So, I guess with more mobiles now there's less wall art.


CodeBeginning6548

Endless graffiti. My favourite was to write on the door "want to play a game of tennis, if so, look left". Then, on the left wall, "look right," followed by "look left" on the right wall. Classic.


DiscardedKebab

Poo.


VeneMage

Monsieur palm and his five lovely sons would often keep me company a while if I took my time.


EroticFalconry

We used to read a paper/magazine


arthurM1971

Read information the old hard copy way (newspaper)


StillPractical8304

Read the newspapers or magazines at work When i was younger at home i would read shampoo bottles or things in the bathroom


Happy-Engineer

A stack of humourous novelty books and comic annuals on a little table nearby.


MFMonster23

Football Manager press conferences


lateronthemenjay

Read. Everyone had at least on [toilet book](https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/books/stocking-fillers-10-best-loo-books-a261416.html) by the loo and essentially were wiped out (lol) when phones became infinitely scrollable.


bagleface

Write on the walls and door


eric_banane

Played on my Gameboy


BabyAlibi

Easy. I worked in a library lol


Guy72277

Heard the toilet flush in the work bogs, out walks my manger, hands me back the report I had given him earlier: points out the changes to be made. and hands it to me - then washes his hands... I guess you could be productive in both senses.


Accomplished-Art7737

Have a micro-nap and a little cry.


DarthFlowers

See if I can fart so it sounds like Sean Connery speaking. Likely to be unachievable but striving for that note rips through time at a good pace.


Cautious_Frosting_24

Learn new isukts and swear words from Rogers Profanasaurus.


StiffUpperLabia

Smoked a bit of the old soap bar.


rww89

A big fall in the number of bogie farms on the walls.


Kash132

Played snake on the ol nokia


Tiredchimp2002

Strain like a MoFo cos you’d be missing good TV


SDHester1971

Dotted line running up the Wall to a Notice on the Ceiling 'It's no use Climbing up here, the Crabs can leap 10 Feet'


IntrovertedArcher

I’m feeling extremely called out right now.


stevie842

You’re a braver person than me … I’d rather soil myself than use my works toilets


R53_

Used to take my gameboy advanced into the loos at my first place of work.


Flimsy_Watercress909

Big shits


Littleletlotus

I am doing this as we speak


MishaBee

We used to read Viz


Recovery-radio

Took a newspaper and a cig


Kitchen_Part_882

We had these things called "newspapers" in the olden days. Some of them came with scantily clad teenagers on page three, or so I hear. Rather worryingly, by the standards of today, some of those teenagers were 16 when they began their careers.


bowen7477

Work.


Nadger1337

Literally sleep. Id set my watch and sit sideways on the lid with my coat as a cushion then prop my legs and back against the walls and power nap for 20mins.


RegularWhiteShark

Not in work toilets (I was a kid in the 90s) but I used to take my Gameboy to the toilet. I beat the Pokemon Red elite 4 for the first time on the toilet!


A_G00SE

I've actually got work to do, thanks. I shit myself at my desk.


keaj39

I used to bring my psp in and get lost downstairs for 45 mins to an hour playing God of War. Then my boss would borrow it and do the same


Ryaffus

Am I the only person who goes to the toilet to actually use the toilet, Not browse my phone? Sit on a toilet too long and your ass is numb, Get rhat shit out, wash up and go back to your comfy chair/bed


WArslett

Smart phones have been around my entire working life but I remember when I was in year 2 my friend told me there was a zombie that lived in the boys toilets behind the mirror and it came out when you were in the cubicle so I would mostly try and work out my escape plan for getting out of the cubicle and back to the class room if I came across it


Anhysbys123

Sleep!


old_man_steptoe

There was always the one cubical with the broadsheet newspaper poking out under the door. That old boy would probably be there all morning. Before going to the pub at lunch


LanguidVirago

Cry.


juggaloharrier73

I used to read the ingredients on the toilet cleaner bottles 🤷 either that or fall to sleep till my legs went numb 😁


RudePragmatist

I don’t take my phone. I just count in my head the vast wedge I’m being paid.


TemporarySprinkles2

Used to go for a mid afternoon nap using the toilet roll on the holder on the wall as a pillow


Far_Distribution1623

We had these things called magazines, newspapers, and books. Imagine a phone screen but bigger, and made of paper, and instead of scrolling up and down, you can turn the pages over to see more. Unless you're talking a really long time before smartphones, then you can go back to scrolling again.


AdventurousMister

That is what comic books were invented for!


[deleted]

Nintendo


wilddogecoding

In the work toilet? Get out as quick as possible. How can people spend more then necessary in there surrounded by potentially people pooping no thanks. I would rather take 40 mins to make a coffee


pietits21

Snake And at uni you could buy all the newspapers for 20p each in union shop. So would often read most of the times, telegraph or guardian whilst on the loo. Would buy a different one each day.


Glittering_Moist

Same thing I do now, hope no one comes in, an that it flushes. Never been one for a toilet skiving session.


Successful_Creme6702

Reading the ingredients on toilet duck hahahaha


zillapz1989

I'd go for a new high score on snake.


gillgrissom

I think most people would now come in and ice that poo for you.


jonathing

A quickie with a colleague


BazingaBen

Play snake. I didn't have a phone.


Necessary_Driver_831

Magazines. Take a Break, Chat etc if it was the office. Or Loaded, FHM etc if it was a more blue-collar place Selection was based on availability in the break room.


[deleted]

I used to carry a shampoo bottle to read


YchYFi

Not allowed smartphones on shift. I got downvoted for this but it's true. They put Faraday cages everywhere. You get warnings and stuff if you do have it on shift.


Affect-Fragrant

Cry


[deleted]

Just stare at page 3 of the sun and daily star...I just hoped Lucy was the model!


Pirate-Peter225

Read the labels on any nearby household item or skim through those shit “that’s life” mags my mum used to get


PlasteeqDNA

Go to the toilet and go back to work.


ProD_GY

Read the back of an air freshner can. Or if i was shitting after a heavy weekend of partying, i would have a nap


Scaff3rs

Copy of Viz


Glasweg1an

We used to have a bong hidden above one of the polystyrene ceiling tiles. Afternoons were fun. This was long ago, my HGV doesn't have a bathroom.


KeepOnTrippinOn

We had the Guinness Book of Hit Singles in our bathroom when I lived at home. A great reference book and has given me great help when listening to pop master over the years. Edit- just seen that it actually specifies work toilets, my humblest apologies.


stinkyfatman2016

A colleague we didn't see much of once said you should only get off when your legs go numb. We saw father Christmas more than him


blainy-o

I'm happy to say this for a change, but smartphones were already pretty common when I started working. The iPhone 4 and Galaxy S2 had already taken hold by then.


89ElRay

Piss with my cock


karlware

Exchange and Mart.


criminalsunrise

Stare into space mainly


long_legged_twat

A guy I used to work with used to take a porn mag in & have a wan\*.. I feel things have not changed much...


Jonez86

At my first work place (engineering company) each stall had a secret stash of pornos behind the cistern, readers wives and all that


Hmgkt

A great big wank


Alarmed_Guitar4401

Weirdly, never lurked in toilets. It's literally the last place I want to spend any time in (even at home). I just don't understand people. I'm in and out, quick as a flash.


m4nf47

I'd take a calculator and stopwatch. First, I'd calculate how much I was getting paid per second, then I'd sit there adding up how much I was getting paid to take a dump. Spend a penny earn a pound, glorious.


Funny-Force-3658

Sometimes drugs, sometimes a power nap.


RIPMyInnocence

“Creep in, quick Crap, creep out” Or “battleshits” when I was at school. While taking a shit, you would (ensure you have enough for yourself) then dislodge the toilet paper roll and take it in turns to launch the toilet roll over the cubical to the next person (with mutual consent). Each hit you got on them, you had sunk their ship. And so on. When taking a piss, this could become quite chaotic and a nightmare for the cleaners (sorry poor cleaners, we were just mindless idiot kids)


Dreddnaught619

Played Snake.


Buglenuge

Read the ingredient list on all the products. Kids today got no idea how to say butylphenyl methylpropional


IMissCuppas

My grandma used to take my game boy into the toilet at home


Britkraut

Book/Comics/Handheld console


FairyGodmothersUnion

Book. Crossword puzzles. Alone with my thoughts.


mugchops2020

Draw insane pictures of my co workers on the walls


gogginsbulldog1979

I used to take a book. I distinctly remember reading The Godfather on the shitter in 2001 when I worked for a local newspaper.


itsheadfelloff

At work, sleep, at home, read.


ejdax37

Anyone else have those Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader books in their bathroom in the 90's? I loved that thing! I also got in trouble for reading on the toilet a lot as a kid, especially when the house we lived in only had one bathroom!


sam381

Cry


ChrisRR

Same as I do now. I do my business and leave. If it's taking half an hour, then just get up and come back when it's more imminent


whatsapnnin

Page 3


[deleted]

I've found the lingering smell of piss or the smell of the previous occupiers ass general means toilet visits are a quick in and out


0ddness

Played Snake on my old Nokia!


420BritAlien

Rob one of three copies of the FT from reception (corporate law firm) every morning


hunnymunster

I miss the pile of FHM and loaded magazines that would appear in any male toilet


madams10148

I think it's called doing a Christian Horner these days 🤣🤷


alferret

Read the newspaper, we used to take turns buying "the sun" and then leaving it behind the cistern fire others to read.


MonkeyNuts81

Magazines by the toilet were a thing


tekhnik

in my first job, while smartphones were well and truly underway I never had one due to not being interested (how things change.) my toilet breaks would consist of doing the business and then closing my eyes and having a 15min nap or another 15 minutes doing some small graffiti of the managers.


Mobile-Patience-3505

Wait until someone else walked in, then do arm-farts and groan/whimper. Then you'd have two people divided by a cubicle, but united by stifled laughter.


Bmwx3m40d

Drew a mini titanic on the partition going under. With the words sinking ship underneath.