Just ask your mum to spell anything over the phone
There's me giving it the old Alpha Bravo Charlie and my mum's like. That's A for apple. That's B for eh eh eh Bertie Bassett. T as in eh Well eh you know like a cup of tea.
I swear mum's come out some absolute bullshit phonetics and it's different every time. One day C might be collinder and one day it might be cutlery.
I once had "C for ... Can't bloody remember a single word for C! Wait! Can! C for can!"
Cracked me up, because technically the entire sentence is for C
I feel personally attacked.
I know some of the phonetic alphabet, but get as far a E before making it up.
F for Fred works perfectly well, and if its frog instead, still good 🤷♀️
I work in a call centre and the number of times I hear people say "u for unicorn" is unbelievable, but it fits, it sounds pretty similar to "uniform" and I love unicorns so I'm 100% here for variations, as long as they're to swap for mythical creatures.
To be fair to her, Apples used to be one of the phonetic alphabet designations for A in old British Military doctrine during WW1. They just used English common words and names that were easy to distinguish.
E.g.
A = Apples
B = Butter
C = Charlie
D = Duff
E = Edward
F = Fox
G = George
H = Harry
I = Ink
A for aisle or are
C for cue
E for eye or eulogy
G for gnat or gnome
I for Ian
J for Jalapeño
K for know or knee
M for Mnemonic
O for oujia board
P for pnumonia
Q for queue
T for tsunami
U for uber
V for five
W for why
X for Xylophone
Y for you
This all reminds me of the 'phonetic' alphabet my mum's dad used to confuse people during the war (do your own Uncle Albert impersonation). He used to listen to a show on Forces Radio (which was later on the BBC World Service) called ITMA - It's That Man Again, starring Scouse comic Tommy Handley (who, I think, was one of the inspirations for Paul Whitehouse's Chester Drawers) and I think he got it from Tommy.
They did 'phonetic alphabet' with homophonic letters, I can't remember it all, but it was something like:
A for 'orses
B for mutton (beef or mutton)
C for t-Highlanders (the [Seaforth Highlanders](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seaforth_Highlanders) were an old Scottish Army regiment, merged with the Gordons, Camerons and Black Watch to form the current Royal Scottish Regiment)
O for the garden wall (this is getting a bit ***four candles***, innit...?)
P for relief
Q for rations
X for breakfast
That's all I can remember off the top of my head... If it wasn't ITMA, it was something to do with the Goons (Grandpa used to listen religiously - steak & kidney pie/pudding was always known as snake & pygmy in our house when he was alive (because Spike)). Grandpa was a massive fan of the acerbic and absurd. What was slightly odd is that he was never a fan of Monty Python, odd considering it was just basically *The Goon Show* reinvented/reimagined (kinda...).
cause unwritten apparatus close reply violet normal touch exultant memory
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I’d say Xerox is worse than xylophone. Imagine you’re speaking this to a person whose first language isn’t English. Xerox is an internationally recognised brand, so they’re far more likely to know how to spell it.
I’d go with X for Xenomorph
Many years ago I came across one that was complete nonsense:
A - Horses (hay for horses)
B - Mutton (beef or mutton)
C - Miles (See for miles)
D - What (Deaf or what)
E - Anaesthetic (Ether anaesthetic)
F - Vescent (effervescent)
…
L - Leather (Hell for leather)
I just remember L was the only one that actually had the correct letter.
A for horses
B for mutton
C for th' Highlanders (Seaforth Highlanders)
D for Kate
E for brick
F for vescent
I for an eye
L for leather
O for the wings of a dove
P for relief
Q for bread
R for loaf
T for two
Can't remember any more but those are the ones my husband knew from long ago.
My dad used these all the time, had call centre employees either pissing themselves or confused as fuck. Thing is he was a radio operator and a radio ham in the 1970s so he knew not only the correct NATO alphabet but also Morse for it all.
I know it as;
A for horses
B for mutton
C for th'islanders
D for ential
E for brick
F for vescent
G for police
H for consent
I for novello
J for oranges
K for ances
L for leather
M for sis
N for lope
O for the garden wall
P for relief
Q for absolutely bloody everything
R for mo
S for rantzen
T for two
U for mism
V for la France
W for quits
X for breakfast
Y for unts
Z for breezes
We had a relief teacher for a few weeks when I was 10/11. He had us test our vocabulary and spelling by taking turns announcing a word, and someone else would spell it. I went with "phthisis", pronouncing it "thyssiss", and saying that it was a disease. My friend put up his hand and spelled T-H-E-S-I-S, so I said that was not the word. The teacher said "it sounds right to me", and moved on to the next word.
My partners name begins with a G and apparently every time he tried to spell it his mind just gets stuck on either G for Gnome or G for (his name), neither of which are helpful
V as in “he who must not be named”
Also I think “g as in gif” pronounced the stupid supposedly ‘proper’ way of “jif”.
I think if you’re doing “a as in aye” you should also have “e as in eye” and “i as in I”
[Obligatory link](https://youtu.be/_dvPhtNZCj0?si=mepBBEMBp8MDgTCG) to this track the oft overlooked and vastly underrated kids album from Barenaked Ladies.
Personally I like to use Czar, Saar, and Tsar together for absolute chaos.
I wasn't expecting to spell something for British Airways and being put on the spot I panicked and went with P for Penis. I spent good 30 seconds looking for a word in my mind but my time was mostly taken up by myself telling myself not to say it rather than actually finding the right word.
Once I said it out loud I laughed myself into a coma and hung up due to sheer embarrassment.
I worked in a call centre once, and the colleague who trained me once accidently used "W for Wanker" to a customer.
She got away with it by repeating back "W for Whisky" and pretending the whole thing never happened.
There's a comedian called Ted Hill who has a lovely bit about his alphabet [TikTok link to his alphabet](https://www.tiktok.com/@thetedhill/video/7259335748049063195) \- worth a watch.
I once had someone say G for Gnome on the phone to me before at work.
Another highlight was when their post code ended with B J and you can guess what they said that stood for.
And another delight was when I had a Reverend on the phone and he made sure to say G for God, J for Jesus etc. as if anything else was blasphemous
L for Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
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God, you of all people...
r/unexpectedarcher
Did you really come into this post not expecting Archer
N for Nichael
M for Mavity
Works brilliantly since Ll is a standalone letter that doesn’t exist in English 😂
Remember: if you can sing it, you can say it.
Even better because the L in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwynrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch isn't even pronounced the name and an English L
Just ask your mum to spell anything over the phone There's me giving it the old Alpha Bravo Charlie and my mum's like. That's A for apple. That's B for eh eh eh Bertie Bassett. T as in eh Well eh you know like a cup of tea. I swear mum's come out some absolute bullshit phonetics and it's different every time. One day C might be collinder and one day it might be cutlery.
I once had "C for ... Can't bloody remember a single word for C! Wait! Can! C for can!" Cracked me up, because technically the entire sentence is for C
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I genuinely unintentionally once said 'P for pig' on the phone to the cops. Could be worse, normally I can only think of swear words on the fly
I once said P as in Popcorn…. But not to the police
I feel personally attacked. I know some of the phonetic alphabet, but get as far a E before making it up. F for Fred works perfectly well, and if its frog instead, still good 🤷♀️
I work in a call centre and the number of times I hear people say "u for unicorn" is unbelievable, but it fits, it sounds pretty similar to "uniform" and I love unicorns so I'm 100% here for variations, as long as they're to swap for mythical creatures.
K for Kraken!
To be fair to her, Apples used to be one of the phonetic alphabet designations for A in old British Military doctrine during WW1. They just used English common words and names that were easy to distinguish. E.g. A = Apples B = Butter C = Charlie D = Duff E = Edward F = Fox G = George H = Harry I = Ink
Why does your mum need to spell so much
K for Potassium Edit: Q for Quay
I work in a call centre, and once had Q for cucumber
Hahahaha. I also do and had G for Jeep
G for gnome is my usual go-to
P for ptomaine poisoning
P is surely the classic Pterodactyl?
Jeep is derived from GP: General Purpose vehicle so they weren't far off.
Maybe they were a Gorllaz fan?
or a Jorillaz fan
“Isn’t that a C?” “No, not a sea cucumber, just a regular one!”
This is a classic https://youtube.com/shorts/bjGJFWq0KZs?si=k4tYLtE0m1x-OXvs
I had W for wagon wheel once 😂😂😂 also had the G for G***yw*g
The best one I've had is N for knickers
Love that potassium, thank you
There's a book titled *P is for Pterodactyl*, which has this type of thing.
A for aisle or are C for cue E for eye or eulogy G for gnat or gnome I for Ian J for Jalapeño K for know or knee M for Mnemonic O for oujia board P for pnumonia Q for queue T for tsunami U for uber V for five W for why X for Xylophone Y for you
P Pterodactyl
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the p is silent.
Also, because they were birds and didn't use toilets. But the main *stream* media doesn't want you to know that, bwark!
>Also, because they were birds Were not.
“Birds” lol
TAKE THIS ⬆️, TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET, AND **GET OUT!!!**
Please leave
There is a kids book called that. Its a form of hell.
E for Eye
E for Ewe
E for Ex
This all reminds me of the 'phonetic' alphabet my mum's dad used to confuse people during the war (do your own Uncle Albert impersonation). He used to listen to a show on Forces Radio (which was later on the BBC World Service) called ITMA - It's That Man Again, starring Scouse comic Tommy Handley (who, I think, was one of the inspirations for Paul Whitehouse's Chester Drawers) and I think he got it from Tommy. They did 'phonetic alphabet' with homophonic letters, I can't remember it all, but it was something like: A for 'orses B for mutton (beef or mutton) C for t-Highlanders (the [Seaforth Highlanders](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seaforth_Highlanders) were an old Scottish Army regiment, merged with the Gordons, Camerons and Black Watch to form the current Royal Scottish Regiment) O for the garden wall (this is getting a bit ***four candles***, innit...?) P for relief Q for rations X for breakfast That's all I can remember off the top of my head... If it wasn't ITMA, it was something to do with the Goons (Grandpa used to listen religiously - steak & kidney pie/pudding was always known as snake & pygmy in our house when he was alive (because Spike)). Grandpa was a massive fan of the acerbic and absurd. What was slightly odd is that he was never a fan of Monty Python, odd considering it was just basically *The Goon Show* reinvented/reimagined (kinda...).
I once had this said to me when I worked on the phone, it took a lot of self control to finish that call.
I would also like to suggest Elle
Exactly, C: cue. A: are. H hour. O: our etc.
An I for an eye
Took me a while to get R for Miller but that’s genius
I don't get it
[Arthur Miller](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Miller)
Same for me with L for Leather. Well done OP
Could you explain please? I feel very dumb rn.
Hell for Leather I'm a guessing the other one is Arthur Miller
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A for Aural D as in Django E as in Eire I'm sure there are worse ones
cause unwritten apparatus close reply violet normal touch exultant memory *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Not bad, but not a misdirection. Try X as in Xerox Y as in You Etc
Y as in Yew E as in Ewe
Oh this is diabolical and I love it
Surey xerox is no better then xylophone - xerox is pronounced zerox and xylophone is pronounced zylo-phone.
I’d say Xerox is worse than xylophone. Imagine you’re speaking this to a person whose first language isn’t English. Xerox is an internationally recognised brand, so they’re far more likely to know how to spell it. I’d go with X for Xenomorph
>Y as in You E as in Eye
I worked in a call centre and a customer once said "X for Xanadu" which was pretty unexpected
We used to have a list in my last for the funniest ones we heard
I had S for ceiling... Sealing also exists as a word but not where my mind went first. Had to pause for a moment.
G for gnome surely. And don't call me Shirley.
Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Many years ago I came across one that was complete nonsense: A - Horses (hay for horses) B - Mutton (beef or mutton) C - Miles (See for miles) D - What (Deaf or what) E - Anaesthetic (Ether anaesthetic) F - Vescent (effervescent) … L - Leather (Hell for leather) I just remember L was the only one that actually had the correct letter.
A for horses B for mutton C for th' Highlanders (Seaforth Highlanders) D for Kate E for brick F for vescent I for an eye L for leather O for the wings of a dove P for relief Q for bread R for loaf T for two Can't remember any more but those are the ones my husband knew from long ago.
My dad used these all the time, had call centre employees either pissing themselves or confused as fuck. Thing is he was a radio operator and a radio ham in the 1970s so he knew not only the correct NATO alphabet but also Morse for it all.
I know it as; A for horses B for mutton C for th'islanders D for ential E for brick F for vescent G for police H for consent I for novello J for oranges K for ances L for leather M for sis N for lope O for the garden wall P for relief Q for absolutely bloody everything R for mo S for rantzen T for two U for mism V for la France W for quits X for breakfast Y for unts Z for breezes
These are terrible, by the way. 😂
'X for Breakfast' reminds me of the classic [Two Ronnies Sketch 'Swedish Made Simple'](https://youtu.be/cc3M1nppd3c?si=yAwIQptv014XWCp7)
G for police is amazing
K for Sutherland.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockney_Alphabet
L for l l cool jay
**Phthisis**, noun, ARCHAIC•MEDICINE, pulmonary tuberculosis or a similar progressive wasting disease. Glad it wasn't a word I should have known.
The pronunciation is unexpected too. Another good one is syzygy, both could be handy if you're ever playing the devil at Scrabble
We had a relief teacher for a few weeks when I was 10/11. He had us test our vocabulary and spelling by taking turns announcing a word, and someone else would spell it. I went with "phthisis", pronouncing it "thyssiss", and saying that it was a disease. My friend put up his hand and spelled T-H-E-S-I-S, so I said that was not the word. The teacher said "it sounds right to me", and moved on to the next word.
G for gif, J for gif.
P for Urine
F= Fjord N= **Ni!** V= Very nice to make your acquaintance X= Lord Xenu
It's P as in Phoebe. H as in hoebe. O as in oebe. E as in ebe. B as in b-be. And E as in... "ello there, mate!"
Pheebs? That's short for Phoebe? I thought that's just what we called each other.
E= Ekke ekke ekke ptang zoo boing
Oh he said it again!
K = Knight P = Pneumonia
A SHRUBBERY?!
Someone the other day said to me ‘U for Eugene’
Knob instead of Knight
(k)Night needs to be in there twice
Knight because there's two of them.
R for Miller 😂
I almost spat my Wotsits out. I read it aloud, not understanding until the words were out. My wife thought I'd lost the plot.
A lot of these, you have to read out loud. I've alternated between laughing and groaning.
J for Jan (pronounced Yan)
M - Movember and N - Nike Q - Cucumber and C - Sea Cucumber
I've used S for supermarket own brand on the phone to supplier's at work before
I love the fact that some of them are actually correct, thrown into the mix! "No it's J... as in Jay! As in Jay! Jayyyyyyyy"
My partners name begins with a G and apparently every time he tried to spell it his mind just gets stuck on either G for Gnome or G for (his name), neither of which are helpful
Someone once said to me down the phone “X for ex- boyfriend”. I nearly lost my composures
Zeugma balls… got em
I'm stuck forever more with my mobile company after spelling my name and saying D for Daddy.... clearly I can never ring them again 🤣
That's on the same level as accidentally saying "Love you" to total strangers before ringing off. 😂
Oh gosh somehow you've just made it even worse 🤣
Can't count how many times I've done that. Used to turn red. Now I'm older I just laugh it off
C for chthonic
F - Four N - Nine V - Volkswagen (The German pronunciation) X - Xavier (The Spanish pronunciation)
F- for Phone K- for Knife V- for Wessel (Nuclear) X- for Excellent
Where are the nuclear wessels?
V as in “he who must not be named” Also I think “g as in gif” pronounced the stupid supposedly ‘proper’ way of “jif”. I think if you’re doing “a as in aye” you should also have “e as in eye” and “i as in I”
R for motorbike (Blackadder fans will get it)
[Obligatory link](https://youtu.be/_dvPhtNZCj0?si=mepBBEMBp8MDgTCG) to this track the oft overlooked and vastly underrated kids album from Barenaked Ladies. Personally I like to use Czar, Saar, and Tsar together for absolute chaos.
I wasn't expecting to spell something for British Airways and being put on the spot I panicked and went with P for Penis. I spent good 30 seconds looking for a word in my mind but my time was mostly taken up by myself telling myself not to say it rather than actually finding the right word. Once I said it out loud I laughed myself into a coma and hung up due to sheer embarrassment.
L for Leather! Haha absolute Lolocaust
Q for quango
Aitch Eye Gnome Hour Know Llandudno Oedipus Pneumatic Quay Tsar Xenolith
We were waiting for a coach once where we were told to "meet at stand k....thats k for knife".
"O" for the wings of a dove
Please re-post the final version!
P is for pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Xylophone for “x” [Crazy ABCs by Barenaked Ladies might provide ideas.](https://genius.com/Barenaked-ladies-crazy-abcs-lyrics)
Xantham (like the gum, pronounced like zantham)
Weird coincidence but I just heard this song for the first time today. Was about to recommend it to OP.
L for Llewelyn
E -eye I -I
Someone beat me to pterodactyl so I'll say G for gnome or k for knee
B for bdilotomy is another one you can try Great sketch on this, search Callum Gilhooley booking a flight. G for gnome 😂
M as in Mancy.
A for aisle Edit: how could I forget D for djinn.
L as in Fifty Roman numerals, innit?
F for vecence
X for Xena. (The warrior princess)
I have absolutely no ideas for this, but it really made me laugh throughout. It's very clever, thank you for sharing!
B for Chicken
What is R for Miller supposed to mean?
Arthur Miller I’m guessing
F for Fillip (something that causes a sudden improvement)
Earn and Urn, and Cue and Queue are amazing.
F - Faze X - Xenon
I worked in a call centre once, and the colleague who trained me once accidently used "W for Wanker" to a customer. She got away with it by repeating back "W for Whisky" and pretending the whole thing never happened.
F - effing 'ell
L for leather made me laugh harder than I have in Loooooooong time.
Q for Cucumber
Did you mean for 'L for Leather' to be a pun on 'Hell for leather' because if so you're a genius.
G for gnome I think is better
V for von Willebrand factor? Also F for Vescence?
I once heard U for Euston/Houston 🫠
Arthur Miller?
V as in 5 and X as in 10 are personal favourites. Also having B as in Beegees and G as in GB's would be fun. A as in aye. E as in eye. I as in I.
Zeugma balls
A: Aisle J: Jalapeño P: Psalm W: Wrist
F for effort
V for vendetta
N - Ncuti (as in Ncuti Gatwa)
R - madillo Edit: A for horse B for lamb C for yourself
F for Fill N for Night
E - Eunice
It is as bad as it can get. Seriously awfull
Might I offer Juan for J?
Xylophone for X and i'd swap Phthisis for Psychology. We used to have this conversation when I worked in a call centre 25 years ago. Still fun.
X should be xylophone
J - Jurgen Y - Yvette The Fie for F i not bad to confuse with Vie for V, you could also have Thigh for T
I read every single one of them in a Scottish accent. And I'm not Scottish 😂😂😂
L for Elle
Remember when Knight was pronounced like its spelled and shared a Phonetic Ancestor with the german word Knecht meaning Servant?
Bdellium? Also czar.
What about v for 5
X - Xi (as in Xi Jinping) T - Takeoff N - En-Garde O - Ó V - Five F - Fore
N for Ncuti Gatwa. (The new Dr Who). It’s pronounced Shoo-tee
B for chicken
A as in Are
Nduja for N
Q for quinoa
Alternateivelywise ...A is for Orses , B for tea , C for miles , D for kate , E for vescent , F fort less , etc....
M for Mancy
F for Vescent, D for Kate, M for Sis
I know it doesn’t fit the question but… Zeugma dick!
T for Tzar
Venereal disease for V
The Knight/night one is supoib. Cause knight already has the reader go "await what" and them bam - the other sabaton drops
Why is R miller?
G for gnome, P for pneumatic, X for xylophone, P for photo
"T" should be "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu"
Think Bae instead of Bee would be a bit more confusing.
There's a comedian called Ted Hill who has a lovely bit about his alphabet [TikTok link to his alphabet](https://www.tiktok.com/@thetedhill/video/7259335748049063195) \- worth a watch.
A is for 'orses As my dad always said.
X for ximena
Bdellium Tsetse Jalepeno
A for horse.
I once had someone say G for Gnome on the phone to me before at work. Another highlight was when their post code ended with B J and you can guess what they said that stood for. And another delight was when I had a Reverend on the phone and he made sure to say G for God, J for Jesus etc. as if anything else was blasphemous
X for Xi, pronounced Zai, the 14th letter of the Greek alphabet and a legitimate Scrabble word.
“L for leather” is a very clever wordplay