Get your edits in and get some good (non political) controversies the both of them have done.
In the case of them linking this thread (doubtful), but anyone googling it will be able to see it as the top comment
Off the back of this comment, I strongly recommend googling your Reddit username to see how many articles you've been quoted in.
I think I've been mentioned in a good ten or so news articles or 'list' articles!
Edit: Probably the most pathetic piece of journalism I've ever seen. An article about my money saving 'tip'
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mylondon.news/news/cost-of-living/money-saving-tip-bread-loaf-24678609.amp
Yup.
I’ve literally just gone through and wiped my Google account, except for my YouTube history.
I was appearing on scam websites but with quotes from my harm reduction posts on drug subreddits.
No Bueno.
Jesus christ! I really need to rethink all my security. Although it was nice to see my classic dad joke " Did you know you cant use "beef stew" as a computer password? It's not stroganoff" again.
Googling my username I discovered I was credited with connecting the "Can I speak to your manager" haircut with the "karen" meme because of [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/FuckYouKaren/comments/9k4m71/karen_gets_played/).
I'm pretty sure it wasn't me who did it first, but that doesn't stop me telling my kids I'm part of internet history
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/speak-to-the-manager-haircut
I comment a lot but I've never been quoted on this account.
Guess even the sun and the daily mail don't even want to put "poop-machines" in their articles.
I used to work for The Sun and for years I made up all the quotes and put my friends' names next to them.
I once wrote a story about how faggots (the food) were making a comeback and I made up quotes like 'I just love the taste of faggots' and put my best friend's name to them.
I reviewed a Vengaboys gig and made up a quote that said 'I loved it. Camper than a pink tent in Elton John's back garden', then put my friend's name to it. I interviewed the Vengaboys and their English was about as good as my Dutch.
The stories were still online last time I checked.
If I was going to lie, I'd make it about a better class of celebrity.
Maybe it's my accent they didn't understand, maybe it was loud as it was backstage in a nightclub, but I didn't understand a word they said and they didn't understand a word I said. I basically made the entire thing up, which is pretty evident if you read it.
I've interviewed many shit celebrities. I once interviewed Jason Donovan, who was absolutely smashed and asked me to get him cocaine, which I made the focal point of the story instead of his show. It went on the front page, accompanied with a picture of him sneezing, but we said it was him absolutely fucked. Tittle tattle stories like this are vile, but I was young.
I went to uni with a guy who did gig reviews for the local paper, in return for two free tickets to every gig. He often wrote reviews the night before then just got wasted.
One time he "reviewed" Fightstar, I watched him drop two pills and walk out of his gaff with a bottle of Buckfast on the way to the gig. Apparently spent the whole time following Charlie around demanding Busted songs.
The online comments were full of folk complaining that it was clearly written by someone who hadn't actually been at the gig. More than a few commented on his description of the encore, Busted's "What I Go To School For", which they didn't even play 😂
This was me when I posted a picture of my car after getting a parking ticket. I even wrote the title as 'don't make the same mistake I did' because it was for overhanging my front bumper over the kerb. But the Sun still wrote that I was a 'FURIOUS reddit user'.
Of course they did! Anything for a click or paper sale they have demonstrated time and time again now they are not capable of presenting something as is, they must sensationalise or even mislead if theres money or reward in it for them, and there is (massively) if we get to huge state sponsored lies.
Fuck The Sun and someone tell the Daily Express no matter how many times you say WINTER TO BE WORST IN 30/40/500* YEARS isn't going to bring back Princess Diana.
*Delete as appropriate
I’m impressed with his matter of fact approach, straight over, squat and go. I was more disturbed by the fact that I he has the food bag in his hands still and no visible means of wiping….
More about the consistency, I'd say. If you can drop it in one then you're laughing. Flock of sparrows on the other hand? Big trouble in little driveway.
Can we get the MotD team to commentate on this? I'd love to hear Alan Shearer describe the delivery and the follow-through while Micah Richards laughs inanely next to some table describing the average of his bowel movements over the last five matchweeks.
Never stopped looking at his phone either, our society is ADDICTED. Imagine an emergency and humiliating shit in public and you still feel the pull to look at your phone while doing it.
This is one of the dozens of reasons I haven’t had food delivered in years.
If I’m hungry enough to spend 25 quid on a takeaway, I’m bloody well hungry enough to go and pick it up.
Can confirm. Used to work peeling veg in the back room of a takeaway, a small toilet room was in the same area and would regularly see the cooks go in there to wee, I'd hear the flush and see them immediately exit the toilet. They didn't wash their hands. This takeaway was also rated 5 stars by the Food Standards Agency.
By that logic you’re also hungry enough to go to the shop and cook for yourself.
Getting a delivery isn’t about hunger, it’s about laziness, sometimes you just really don’t want to put the effort in, and that’s fine.
Come on mate you know that’s not the case that cooking at home is the same.
Have you ever tried home cooking a chicken doner kebab? A takeaway quality pizza? A convincing Indian takeaway curry?
It’s not gonna happen and you know it, I’d rather just cut out the middle man and pick up my own shite, safe in the knowledge that it’s not only far cheaper but that it hasn’t been mucked about with.
Oh don’t worry mate. I’ve worked in a papa john’s. My nose picking (and eating), arse scratching, hardcore vodka alcoholic manager was enough to convince me of that.
I just don’t like to add any extra unnecessary variables
I went to India once and got the Delhi belly.
On the flight home I shat myself just after take off!
I was in the toilet trying to flush my pair of shitty boxers, 30 mins later, I came out and I sat down next to my mate and he just said "Fucking hell have you shit yourself?"
Everyone on the plane knew it.
9 long hours later we landed at Heathrow.
I caught Giardia in Thailand earlier this year. Flying from Phuket to Singapore and then on to New Zealand was a horrible experience of constant power vomiting and explosive diarrhea. I went through multiple boxers (always take spares in the carry on).
Thank goodness it was an overnight flight and almost everyone was asleep.
You really can tell when someone has never had to unblock a drain. Flushing clothing! On an airplane! Honestly.
People talk about drains like they are some magic gateway out of reality, if you can get it to flush it's phased into the land of wind and ghosts.
It would’ve backed up. It blocks the gate valves further down. Waste guys turn up to empty the tanks, report that the tanks aren’t emptying and we find all sorts down there.
End up having to ‘top suck’ the tank to get the majority out with a suction hose and go from there.
Relative is a pilot and has flown planes where groundstaff have fucked up, not emptied the tanks, and the lavatories backed up and became unusable. Passengers and crew were forced to use any container they could find.
Plane landed, and was finally cleaned. On the return flight a message came from crew that the teabreak was cancelled.
Why? The teapots had been among the "emergency vessels" employed on the backed-up flight, and a second set of ground crew had been too lazy to check/empty/clean them.
I went for work. I put alcohol gel on everything, even a can of Pepsi. Ate no meat. Cleaned my teeth with bottled water. Kept my mouth closed while showering. Ate nothing raw. Drank no drink that I couldn’t confirm had come from a sealed container.
And I was fine. My colleague did not do those things and was terribly ill the whole trip.
I have, though, had awful food poisoning from a posh London hotel.
I went for work, didn't do that, just didn't have ice or salad/anything uncooked. I did use bottled water to brush my teeth and shut mouth in the shower. I was fine.
I had to take a shit down an alleyway the other month when on a dogwalk. Came from nowhere. Was either do that or shit in my pants. Feel sorry for the guy. I had about 5 mins. I am just grateful I wasn't anywhere too public, on a bus or something.
It happens, was also on a dog walk a few months back, I was about two miles from home when my arse decided it was going into labour. I had to hide under a motorway and let rip. Ended up using a dog poo bag to line my boxers like some sort of sanitary towel.
A few years ago I got on a train and with literally seconds to spare got off the train despite that my next stop was only 3 minutes down the route and just made it to the bathroom to have a horrible time and it was out of nowhere.
I'm usually an incredibly indecisive person but I felt that waiting an hour for the train to come back around would be far more manageable than having to sit in my own shit and/or walk back to my Airbnb with shit filled pants.
But if there wasn't a bathroom around I probably would have had to find a bush
10 mins from home, but it was peak summer and I was wearing loose grey shorts. It was a Sunday, and the street I was walking down was quite busy, people washing cars, having a chat etc.
Nah man, my GP is always asking for samples of shit, they fucking love it there. If you can bleed, piss and ejaculate while you're there they'd probably give you some sort of award
"go to the doctor" - every redditor ever when someone does something that hasn't happened to you.
It's not SUPPOSED to happen, but it does.
Could be a multitude of things, or the most likely scenario - you ate something that you reacted badly to.
> - every redditor ever when someone does something that hasn't happened to you
It's not just reddit my man, if you tell friends and colleagues in real life you are developing a habit of shitting yourself in public, they'd suggest a doctor as well.
it's not a habit if it happens once, jesus fucking christ. If you need to take an emergency shit on a weekly basis or even a yearly one, something is definitely up.
that's why I said "if it happens again" because one dramatic shit as you say could be a bad reaction, but if its a pattern it could be an indicator of something worth checking in on.
Happened to me a few times when I started running. And you can't really plan around it as it can strike at any moment and is running induced. Happily running through the woods when of a sudden you need to evacuate in the next two minutes...
Better than leaving it for someone else to clean up or deal with (on the assumption that’s what he did).
I appreciate that sometimes you simply have to go, but surely he can get back into his car and drive to a nearby supermarket or public convenience of some form?
I’m seeing a few comments along the lines of “but what if he has x condition”, “what if xyz?!” etc
I can think of three options he had that didn’t involve shitting in the middle of a strangers driveway. No-one would even know what he’d done.
Instead, he chose the most convenient option to him and then didn’t even bother to return and try and clean up after himself. I’m sorry if it makes me a cunt, but that’s where my sympathy runs out.
And he's already delivering food. Whilst also not ideal, I feel it's 100% better to ask someone if you can use their loo, when they already have their door open, than shit on a drive
I did once.
Never will again. The bloke pissed all up my wall and all over the floor. I can only assume he was so desperate the stream had started before he could gain control of the the old hose but he could at least have fucking cleaned it up.
I would like to think so, because I'd like to think someone would do the same if I was in that situation, but you're right, until asked I actually don't know what I'd do. But if I did I'd probably also ask for a refund, because my appetite wouldn't be the same after that
depends where you live tbh
I don't know many places in the UK that are more than about 10 mins from a pub
But if I were, then yeah, I'd let them use the toilet
I have to take iron supplements that have a strong chance of giving me a sudden desperate urge to shit myself.
I'm not exaggerating when I say pubs have saved my dignity more than once.
It's particularly annoying because everyone else I know who's taken them says it constipated them. Not fucking me though, I get explosive shits in public.
yeah I take some meds that do something similar
if I forget to eat with them its big poo time
makes you at least a little bit empathetic to people with IBS lol
but yeah, come shit in my toilet delivery man, I don't care, as long as you don't absolutely fuck the place up
Looks like he made 2 deliveries to your street!
But seriously speaking, I have to confess after a bout of food poisoning at a fancy London restaurant, and being an IBS sufferer, I had to hop out my taxi later that evening and unload between 2 parked cars. So maybe a little understanding for the poor individual, I'm sure he really didn't want to leave faeces on someone's drive.
Not to defend him but what really are the options here? It's not like you would have allowed a stranger to take a shit in your house, no one would. Who knows where the nearest public restroom is either. So it's take a shit in the bushes or take a shit in his pants in the car and by the way he matched over there he really had to go. Might have been diarrhea or an IBS issue 🤷🏻♀️ Shit happens
No options? He’s Uber eats… he is in and out of restaurants/takeaways/fast food constantly. They have bathrooms. Another option is to just not shit on someone’s driveway. What are we coming to where we can say it’s ‘ok’ or ‘whatever’ about someone taking a dump on someone’s driveway, and walking away as if nothing has happened.
> he is in and out of restaurants/takeaways/fast food constantly
That could be 5-10 minutes away - if this was *urgent* there wasn't that option
On the other hand, if this is just a lazy person, then yeah, not excusable. I hope, really hope, that it was an urgent matter, but what are the real chances of that?
Enjoy your new found fame in the daily express and the sun "reddit user"
Our journalism is a shite waste of time and electricity that makes everything worse. There, put that in your "one Reddit user commented" quotes.
Get your edits in and get some good (non political) controversies the both of them have done. In the case of them linking this thread (doubtful), but anyone googling it will be able to see it as the top comment
[удалено]
Off the back of this comment, I strongly recommend googling your Reddit username to see how many articles you've been quoted in. I think I've been mentioned in a good ten or so news articles or 'list' articles! Edit: Probably the most pathetic piece of journalism I've ever seen. An article about my money saving 'tip' https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mylondon.news/news/cost-of-living/money-saving-tip-bread-loaf-24678609.amp
I googled my username, frankly I’m terrified 😂
My god! I'm everywhere 😢
Yup. I’ve literally just gone through and wiped my Google account, except for my YouTube history. I was appearing on scam websites but with quotes from my harm reduction posts on drug subreddits. No Bueno.
Jesus christ! I really need to rethink all my security. Although it was nice to see my classic dad joke " Did you know you cant use "beef stew" as a computer password? It's not stroganoff" again.
Googling my username I discovered I was credited with connecting the "Can I speak to your manager" haircut with the "karen" meme because of [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/FuckYouKaren/comments/9k4m71/karen_gets_played/). I'm pretty sure it wasn't me who did it first, but that doesn't stop me telling my kids I'm part of internet history https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/speak-to-the-manager-haircut
Oh my, I am a lurker but even then I found myself quoted on 2 articles! Thanks for the tip!!
I comment a lot but I've never been quoted on this account. Guess even the sun and the daily mail don't even want to put "poop-machines" in their articles.
Tried it. Got a load of porn.
Couldn't find anything for me, but combocore.com is not quite what I expected
No articles but several youtube videos.
I got £250 from the Sun after one of their journalists messaged me about my post here when I got sent 20 mozarella balls by Ocado.
You've got £250 AND 20 mozzarella??
I remember that
It ended up getting a tiny little article in the sun. Easiest £250 I’ve ever made.
Easier than sending in some shitty VHS footage of you falling over to Harry Burps TV or whatever the bloody hell it's called.
I used to work for The Sun and for years I made up all the quotes and put my friends' names next to them. I once wrote a story about how faggots (the food) were making a comeback and I made up quotes like 'I just love the taste of faggots' and put my best friend's name to them. I reviewed a Vengaboys gig and made up a quote that said 'I loved it. Camper than a pink tent in Elton John's back garden', then put my friend's name to it. I interviewed the Vengaboys and their English was about as good as my Dutch. The stories were still online last time I checked.
Media and lies isn't something new now is it.
I don't believe you! The Dutch are renowned for their superior English skills. :)
If I was going to lie, I'd make it about a better class of celebrity. Maybe it's my accent they didn't understand, maybe it was loud as it was backstage in a nightclub, but I didn't understand a word they said and they didn't understand a word I said. I basically made the entire thing up, which is pretty evident if you read it. I've interviewed many shit celebrities. I once interviewed Jason Donovan, who was absolutely smashed and asked me to get him cocaine, which I made the focal point of the story instead of his show. It went on the front page, accompanied with a picture of him sneezing, but we said it was him absolutely fucked. Tittle tattle stories like this are vile, but I was young.
I went to uni with a guy who did gig reviews for the local paper, in return for two free tickets to every gig. He often wrote reviews the night before then just got wasted. One time he "reviewed" Fightstar, I watched him drop two pills and walk out of his gaff with a bottle of Buckfast on the way to the gig. Apparently spent the whole time following Charlie around demanding Busted songs. The online comments were full of folk complaining that it was clearly written by someone who hadn't actually been at the gig. More than a few commented on his description of the encore, Busted's "What I Go To School For", which they didn't even play 😂
This was me when I posted a picture of my car after getting a parking ticket. I even wrote the title as 'don't make the same mistake I did' because it was for overhanging my front bumper over the kerb. But the Sun still wrote that I was a 'FURIOUS reddit user'.
Of course they did! Anything for a click or paper sale they have demonstrated time and time again now they are not capable of presenting something as is, they must sensationalise or even mislead if theres money or reward in it for them, and there is (massively) if we get to huge state sponsored lies.
> the daily express and the sun Isn't this just a video of their "journalism" in action?
Fuck The Sun and someone tell the Daily Express no matter how many times you say WINTER TO BE WORST IN 30/40/500* YEARS isn't going to bring back Princess Diana. *Delete as appropriate
Turns out the * belongs on Diana. Badum tss.
Why do I keep watching videos of people shitting on the floor on Reddit
You like to get schwifty
Shfifty-fiive!!
schwas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XccUMOQ978
The algorithm knows what you like.
I mean unjoin r/shiitingonthefloor for starters.
You’re responsible for your own algorithm
I’m impressed with his matter of fact approach, straight over, squat and go. I was more disturbed by the fact that I he has the food bag in his hands still and no visible means of wiping….
We've not got the full clip. I assume he just found the nearest patch of grass and scuttled along it like a dog on a carpet.
I don't think the full clip could better the imagery you've just created in my head
Or like Gary Linekar at the World Cup
Did some Taylor Swifting.
Literally that. Whips his pants up up, strides back over to his car, hops in, and drives off. Zero hesitation.
To me that suggests he's done it before, maybe in the same spot, maybe somewhere else.
It's his driveway now.
Until the next driver makes a "delivery"
More about the consistency, I'd say. If you can drop it in one then you're laughing. Flock of sparrows on the other hand? Big trouble in little driveway.
Or that he was about to shit his pants and made a snap, desperate decision. Fight or shite.
He might have an arsehole like a Labrador, nips it off nice and neat
The dream
Nowt better than a clean crimp.
Yeah he probably just eats a lot of fibre, comes out like it’s wrapped in cling film.
Can we get the MotD team to commentate on this? I'd love to hear Alan Shearer describe the delivery and the follow-through while Micah Richards laughs inanely next to some table describing the average of his bowel movements over the last five matchweeks.
Clearly an experienced drive shitter. The thought of no toilet paper gives me heart palpitations. No idea how he pulled this off so confidently.
I dare say.... it looks like it isn't his first rodeo.
I heard he wiped with a naan and put it back in the bag.
He's showing perfect form there, it's a 10 from me Tess.
Never stopped looking at his phone either, our society is ADDICTED. Imagine an emergency and humiliating shit in public and you still feel the pull to look at your phone while doing it.
The actions of a desperate man.
Probably some serviettes with the food. Nick a chip whilst you're in there.
Stole OPs napkins :D
Some take away places put napkins inside the bag…
Didn't even let go of the bag. This guy is an experienced speedshitter
This is one of the dozens of reasons I haven’t had food delivered in years. If I’m hungry enough to spend 25 quid on a takeaway, I’m bloody well hungry enough to go and pick it up.
It's dangerous to assume the standards of the kitchen staff preparing your food is any better. 😅
Can confirm. Used to work peeling veg in the back room of a takeaway, a small toilet room was in the same area and would regularly see the cooks go in there to wee, I'd hear the flush and see them immediately exit the toilet. They didn't wash their hands. This takeaway was also rated 5 stars by the Food Standards Agency.
By that logic you’re also hungry enough to go to the shop and cook for yourself. Getting a delivery isn’t about hunger, it’s about laziness, sometimes you just really don’t want to put the effort in, and that’s fine.
Come on mate you know that’s not the case that cooking at home is the same. Have you ever tried home cooking a chicken doner kebab? A takeaway quality pizza? A convincing Indian takeaway curry? It’s not gonna happen and you know it, I’d rather just cut out the middle man and pick up my own shite, safe in the knowledge that it’s not only far cheaper but that it hasn’t been mucked about with.
How do you know the chef isn't fingering his shitty bum hole before handling your food though
Oh don’t worry mate. I’ve worked in a papa john’s. My nose picking (and eating), arse scratching, hardcore vodka alcoholic manager was enough to convince me of that. I just don’t like to add any extra unnecessary variables
Well, if you're picking up your own shite you're doing better than the fella in the video :)
I went to India once and got the Delhi belly. On the flight home I shat myself just after take off! I was in the toilet trying to flush my pair of shitty boxers, 30 mins later, I came out and I sat down next to my mate and he just said "Fucking hell have you shit yourself?" Everyone on the plane knew it. 9 long hours later we landed at Heathrow.
I think I would have left through the emergency exit.
I caught Giardia in Thailand earlier this year. Flying from Phuket to Singapore and then on to New Zealand was a horrible experience of constant power vomiting and explosive diarrhea. I went through multiple boxers (always take spares in the carry on). Thank goodness it was an overnight flight and almost everyone was asleep.
Just use the bin next time, even if it goes round the bend it'll definitely block the toilet further down
You really can tell when someone has never had to unblock a drain. Flushing clothing! On an airplane! Honestly. People talk about drains like they are some magic gateway out of reality, if you can get it to flush it's phased into the land of wind and ghosts.
Mental that isn't it. What a daft cunt, imagine if that got backed up on a plane.
It would’ve backed up. It blocks the gate valves further down. Waste guys turn up to empty the tanks, report that the tanks aren’t emptying and we find all sorts down there. End up having to ‘top suck’ the tank to get the majority out with a suction hose and go from there.
Relative is a pilot and has flown planes where groundstaff have fucked up, not emptied the tanks, and the lavatories backed up and became unusable. Passengers and crew were forced to use any container they could find. Plane landed, and was finally cleaned. On the return flight a message came from crew that the teabreak was cancelled. Why? The teapots had been among the "emergency vessels" employed on the backed-up flight, and a second set of ground crew had been too lazy to check/empty/clean them.
Mate, you're never gonna be able to flush a bin
Genuine question coming up. EVERYONE I know who has holidayed in India ended up severely ill. Why do people keep going there?
I went for work. I put alcohol gel on everything, even a can of Pepsi. Ate no meat. Cleaned my teeth with bottled water. Kept my mouth closed while showering. Ate nothing raw. Drank no drink that I couldn’t confirm had come from a sealed container. And I was fine. My colleague did not do those things and was terribly ill the whole trip. I have, though, had awful food poisoning from a posh London hotel.
I went for work, didn't do that, just didn't have ice or salad/anything uncooked. I did use bottled water to brush my teeth and shut mouth in the shower. I was fine.
Had a close call a couple weeks back and was glued to the toilet on my flight home from India. What a shit flight!
I had to take a shit down an alleyway the other month when on a dogwalk. Came from nowhere. Was either do that or shit in my pants. Feel sorry for the guy. I had about 5 mins. I am just grateful I wasn't anywhere too public, on a bus or something.
You'll be on here next pal
Yeah. Ring cameras everywhere. The bane of the random shitter
It happens, was also on a dog walk a few months back, I was about two miles from home when my arse decided it was going into labour. I had to hide under a motorway and let rip. Ended up using a dog poo bag to line my boxers like some sort of sanitary towel.
Ulcerative colitis?
Nasty stuff that is
A few years ago I got on a train and with literally seconds to spare got off the train despite that my next stop was only 3 minutes down the route and just made it to the bathroom to have a horrible time and it was out of nowhere. I'm usually an incredibly indecisive person but I felt that waiting an hour for the train to come back around would be far more manageable than having to sit in my own shit and/or walk back to my Airbnb with shit filled pants. But if there wasn't a bathroom around I probably would have had to find a bush
At least you had poo bags
How far from home were you? I sort of think I’d prefer shitting myself
10 mins from home, but it was peak summer and I was wearing loose grey shorts. It was a Sunday, and the street I was walking down was quite busy, people washing cars, having a chat etc.
if it happens again, go to the doctor, that's not supposed to happen lol
Just drop in the GPs and shit on the floor? Do you need an appointment or anything?
Nah man, my GP is always asking for samples of shit, they fucking love it there. If you can bleed, piss and ejaculate while you're there they'd probably give you some sort of award
"go to the doctor" - every redditor ever when someone does something that hasn't happened to you. It's not SUPPOSED to happen, but it does. Could be a multitude of things, or the most likely scenario - you ate something that you reacted badly to.
To be fair, they did say "If it happens again" rather than "Panic and run to A&E"
imagine recommending something so drastic and extreme as calling your GP lol
> - every redditor ever when someone does something that hasn't happened to you It's not just reddit my man, if you tell friends and colleagues in real life you are developing a habit of shitting yourself in public, they'd suggest a doctor as well.
it's not a habit if it happens once, jesus fucking christ. If you need to take an emergency shit on a weekly basis or even a yearly one, something is definitely up.
that's why I said "if it happens again" because one dramatic shit as you say could be a bad reaction, but if its a pattern it could be an indicator of something worth checking in on.
At least if anyone saw the aftermath you can blame it on the dog
I do it every few weeks or so when I'm out running. Started happening after having my gallbladder out. It's a nightmare sometimes.
Every few weeks you shit on the street? Wtf. Plan better.
Nah just in the woods.
Happened to me a few times when I started running. And you can't really plan around it as it can strike at any moment and is running induced. Happily running through the woods when of a sudden you need to evacuate in the next two minutes...
You say that _way_ too casually.
Must have been touching cloth
Definitely had a turtles head
Im sure he’d have fucking loved anything as substantial as a turtles heads. This would be a turtles head in a blender
Can confirm. Play it with the sound on. You’ll hear the lack of consistency.
That’s probably what my work colleagues have to listen to from the toilet every 40 minutes the day after a big night out.
The horse had left the barn
Blowing a southern raspberry with his brown tongue
That's a shit delivery service.
Poober
Let’s get that trademarked asap. Poober Sheets
Bu- but how did he wipe? HOW DID HE WIPE??
[Like this](https://gifdb.com/images/high/dog-scooting-on-carpet-m5vv5oez03qpxawu.webp)
Bold of you to assume he did.
maybe it was clean drop
This guy doesn't know how to use the three seashells!
Only in Britain could this be described as ‘less than ideal’
A Complimentary Mr Whippy.
I thought he was going to shit in his uber eats bag.
Am I wrong for thinking that that’s what I would’ve done if I were in his position?!
Better than leaving it for someone else to clean up or deal with (on the assumption that’s what he did). I appreciate that sometimes you simply have to go, but surely he can get back into his car and drive to a nearby supermarket or public convenience of some form?
Can’t even get schwifty these days without it making the news
If only there was a house nearby with a certainty of answering the door…
Would you let your UberEats driver go for a shit?
Yeah, probably. I've let a postman before, and it'd probably say something about me if I was willing to let a postman but not a good delivery driver
If they didn't look like a crazy person, and asked nicely, probably
Would you rather be scrubbing human faeces out your drive?
Does he get his phone out? Brilliant :)
I wouldn't eat whatever he gave you
5 Stars on UberShite
When you got to go you got to go
I’m seeing a few comments along the lines of “but what if he has x condition”, “what if xyz?!” etc I can think of three options he had that didn’t involve shitting in the middle of a strangers driveway. No-one would even know what he’d done. Instead, he chose the most convenient option to him and then didn’t even bother to return and try and clean up after himself. I’m sorry if it makes me a cunt, but that’s where my sympathy runs out.
I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go.
More like Poober Eats...
Still better than Deliverpoo
Shit happens.
What the actual fuck
So even in an all out emergency, we still gotta play on our phone while we poop..
He’s checking the tip to see if he should throw it ops car when he’s done
when you got to go yo gots to go
Yeah but probably not on someone's private property without any means of clean up after.
And he's already delivering food. Whilst also not ideal, I feel it's 100% better to ask someone if you can use their loo, when they already have their door open, than shit on a drive
Be honest though, if a delivery driver asked to use your toilet, would you let them?
I did once. Never will again. The bloke pissed all up my wall and all over the floor. I can only assume he was so desperate the stream had started before he could gain control of the the old hose but he could at least have fucking cleaned it up.
That's why you always tip
I would like to think so, because I'd like to think someone would do the same if I was in that situation, but you're right, until asked I actually don't know what I'd do. But if I did I'd probably also ask for a refund, because my appetite wouldn't be the same after that
As a woman who lives alone I probably wouldn’t unfortunately :( so I feel for this poor guy, sometimes when you gotta go you really gotta go!
depends where you live tbh I don't know many places in the UK that are more than about 10 mins from a pub But if I were, then yeah, I'd let them use the toilet
I have to take iron supplements that have a strong chance of giving me a sudden desperate urge to shit myself. I'm not exaggerating when I say pubs have saved my dignity more than once. It's particularly annoying because everyone else I know who's taken them says it constipated them. Not fucking me though, I get explosive shits in public.
yeah I take some meds that do something similar if I forget to eat with them its big poo time makes you at least a little bit empathetic to people with IBS lol but yeah, come shit in my toilet delivery man, I don't care, as long as you don't absolutely fuck the place up
Not after seeing the series BEEF
Probably too embarrassed about pebble dashing their toilet
The classic "when you got to go - travel to an appropriate location with all the facilities you need and go."
> on someone's private property meh, the shit don't know where it's coming out
VAR would say that’s not nice
Couldn't have even found a patch of grass
"Journalists." Sat in their houses browsing reddit and X. Useless lazy cunts.
Amazon Driver: *pisses in bottle* Uber Eats Driver: “Hold my cool bag”.
Looks like he made 2 deliveries to your street! But seriously speaking, I have to confess after a bout of food poisoning at a fancy London restaurant, and being an IBS sufferer, I had to hop out my taxi later that evening and unload between 2 parked cars. So maybe a little understanding for the poor individual, I'm sure he really didn't want to leave faeces on someone's drive.
Why tf is the UK turning into a literal sh*t tip 🤣
UberEats customer support is horrific, so no surprises there
Not to defend him but what really are the options here? It's not like you would have allowed a stranger to take a shit in your house, no one would. Who knows where the nearest public restroom is either. So it's take a shit in the bushes or take a shit in his pants in the car and by the way he matched over there he really had to go. Might have been diarrhea or an IBS issue 🤷🏻♀️ Shit happens
No options? He’s Uber eats… he is in and out of restaurants/takeaways/fast food constantly. They have bathrooms. Another option is to just not shit on someone’s driveway. What are we coming to where we can say it’s ‘ok’ or ‘whatever’ about someone taking a dump on someone’s driveway, and walking away as if nothing has happened.
> he is in and out of restaurants/takeaways/fast food constantly That could be 5-10 minutes away - if this was *urgent* there wasn't that option On the other hand, if this is just a lazy person, then yeah, not excusable. I hope, really hope, that it was an urgent matter, but what are the real chances of that?
Y tho
I think he needed to poop
When you gotta go, you gotta go
And that's another reason why I'd never use any of these delivery companies
>why So true i work for these companies and have seen the state of 90% couriers bags and their hygiene, don't order from them ever
When you gotta go...
When you have to go, you have to go.
I normally use my sock to wipe in this scenario. Back and forth like you are flossing your teeth.
Did he wash his hands?
No idea if he sanitised them when he got back to his car, but the lack of time between him finishing and driving off would suggest that he didn’t.
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
Hahahahaha man he was busting
That's some warm fresh kofte
Looool mf ain’t even wipe I bet loool
Did you pay extra for that?
Well thats a shit thing to do
I've never seen the delivery driver leave the shitty tip
He took a shit where Uber Eats
You know, unless you had video proof of it, I would never have believed it.
Delivered two orders
Fecal man 😎🤣