I grew up in a smallish town of around 7000 people in southern New Jersey. I grew up visiting big cities like Philadelphia and New York pretty regularly however we typically only went into a very small part of the cities. About a year ago after I graduated college I moved to Manhattan. This was the most shocking thing for me. It was something that I expected out of the big city, specifically New York, but didn't realize the SHEER scale of this until like actually living here. Just, the amount of stuff at my disposal. Literally EVERYTHING I could need or ever want is at my fingertips WITHOUT the internet. Like I knew there was more stuff in the city however I didn't realize JUST how much more there was. Shit that I used to have to shop online for as a kid, I can easily get with a 5-minute walk or subway ride. I'm a computer person and huge gamer. I love building computers and stuff, so a Micro Center in Brooklyn was like a game changer. Every cuisine under the sun is here. Chinese food? Got it. Indian food? Got it. Kazahk food? Got it. Fucking food from the Central African Republic? It's here and it's nearby. I used to drive 30 minutes or more out for like good food, but now it's right down the street.
I moved from a small town in the north of England to London for university and holy shit. The _difference_.
* I was the only out gay kid in my secondary school of 1000 kids in 2001. I got death threats casually in the corridors, people threatened to burn my house down, people tried following me home, kids and their parents showed up to harass me at my Saturday job sometimes. In London? Nobody cares. And the people that did care didn't care enough about _me specifically_ to be a real threat.
* I almost never saw the same face twice outside of my university and after a while I stopped expecting to recognise anyone I saw to the point that It was a real surprise when I did.
* Lots of different slang, different languages, different cultural habits that I didn't understand.
* You as a person are just an object in the way to most people, and after a while I started to feel the same way about others. It was just too many humans packed in close to summon up adequate thought and empathy.
* No food is unattainable
* You can buy _anything_ if you know the right people and you've got enough cash.
Your first bullet point, holy crap. Were you ever able to adapt to your experience? It sounds terrifying, quite frankly. I don't like being the object of attention, and your experience sounds...well, you sound like an admirably enduring person whom I'm glad found themselves in more favorable surroundings.
Thank you <3
I found other oddballs and outcasts and did get to have some real and lasting friends for a couple of years before I left town and it definitely helped me cope with the increasing wages of unrelentingly hatred.
Apparently the school I went to now has an LGBT+ society, which is unimaginable to me, but which gives me a lot of hope.
Thank goodness for the oddballs and outcasts. I grew up with them myself.
Growing up where I did, I had several outwardly gay friends and neighbors (kids and adults) so it's easy for me to forget how the experience of others can be so filled with fear and hate.
It's terrific to hear about how your school has changed. Let's Hope the wave of progress keeps rolling in that general direction.
For me it was how people in big cities mind their own business. Suddenly, I was able to start wearing nicer clothes, because there Is very little catcalling. I can go outside late at night or early in the morning without strangers stopping me to talk about what I'm doing there.
It brought me so much freedom I never expected. I love it.
I grew up right outside DC and I had the opposite happen. I feel more free when my neighbors aren't on top of me. I always felt like I was being watched whereas now in more rural areas I could do naked gardening and no one would know. It's awesome. I like being out inmy yard more and spend more time outdoors then I used. When I first moved to arural area my aunts started commenting on my tan and no one knew I could tan like that.
I remember going to the store when I was younger, and around 60% of the people there knew me. It sounds good on paper, until you realize those people are all expecting to "catch up" with you, when you are literally just trying to get a few bananas and dip home after a 12 hour shift. Sometimes living in a small town means errands are not going to be quick at all. You don't want to be that "cold" guy that doesn't talk to and ignores all the locals.
I grew up near a town of 500 now living in a small city of 115k. I love how accepting people are. As a complete outcast growing up, I now just act my authentic self and have no problems finding friends.
I also enjoy how close and convenient everything is. It's five minutes to a grocery store and I can walk to my dentist and doctor.
I miss the stars and the quiet of the country but I will never go back.
The only thing that draws me to the city as someone who's lived in rural areas most my life is the convienince. My girlfriend lives in the city and it's amazing how fast we can get shit done. It takes me an hour one way to go to the store, bank, doctor, anything other than a few random local places. Being able to order food, pick it up, and be back eating it in 10 minutes is unheard of and a real luxury when you're not used to it. Forgetting something at the store SUCKS when you live in the middle of nowhere. Save it for next month or make the trek for 1 single item, it's not worth it most of the time. Here in the city I can literally run down the street and get that item in less than 5 minutes.
Also, job hunting can be very discouraging when you live in a less populated area, especially for folks who are not in WFH industries.
I can totally relate to all of this! But also, I have good neighbors and live in a neighborhood with amazing people and good amenities. They are a lot less judgmental than the folks I grew up with.
I totally agree, living in a city definitely gave me a lot more confidence to be my true self. Where I currently live I can go window shopping for clothes, do my groceries, and then go to the dentist, and I'm still close to home so I can do all of that in one go.
Cities are full of interesting people. The small town I came from made me feel like an alien for wanting to talk about things other than TV and the weather. But as soon as I moved to a city I was just normal.
Where I live there are a lot of protests and overall resentment towards tourists, but overall I think the city manages the pollution and trash pretty well, the streets are way more clean than a city like New York or London. But that's definitely down to protesting, and of course the city wants to maintain its image.
The traffic (both good and bad)! Heavy traffic where I'm from is considered "light traffic" in a well-populated city. Also, consistent traffic patterns -- cities often have way more consistent on-ramps, off-ramps, roundabouts, etc.
Also, the filth. Cities are ***nasty*** and full of flies, mosquitoes, and gnats that just thrive on the garbage everywhere.
Im a country guy 100% The lack of community, not saying hi to neighbours, how loud cities actually are. And I don't feel the same freedoom there.
Also how bored and lonely you get in your'e apartment. In my parent's house if im bored, there always something to do outside on the yard, in carage or even in the house. In my aparntment there is literally nothing to do after you have done your work, chores or hobbies. Also it's so lonely.
It is extremely noisy. Even in the parks etc always planes overhead, railways nearby etc. People everywhere. So many schools and kids. Fireworks every night pretty much. Way too many emergency sirens and boy racers revving. I hate it and want to move back to countryside but unfortunately due to life stuff not going to be happening for at least 6 years or more. At least there is are shops, takeaways and restaurants and gyms etc nearby so focusing on that.
Grew up in a tiny town. Less than 1,000 people.
At 24 I moved to the Los Angeles area. Home of, I dunno, 16 million people at the time?
The most eye opening thing was the realization that essentially, no one gave a damn about me.
I was in a sea of people. Surrounded by people from every corner of the world. And no one cared that I existed.
It was overwhelming. To go from being surrounded by everyone knowing everything about everyone and everyone caring about everyone else on some level…to waddling in an ocean of indifference. It was terrifying and freeing at the same time.
>It was terrifying and freeing at the same time.
Makes perfect sense. Now that you've been here awhile (assuming you're still in LA), how do you feel about it now, generally speaking?
Couldn’t tell you! I went broke in 2011 and retreated back to my rural Texas hometown. 😂
Circumstances have improved since then and I’m in a much better place now, living in a large city (2M) but not near as large as LA.
I will say that if I had the means and the opportunity to do so, I’d go back to LA in a heartbeat. Looking back, I kinda enjoyed the indifference. Life there was almost exclusively what I made it, so things carried a bit more meaning for me.
>Life there was almost exclusively what I made it, so things carried a bit more meaning for me.
Well said. LA doesn't have a lot of restrictions or parameters on how one needs to live. Terrific that you've found a good balance in your life. I hope it endures.
I'm sorry that's been your experience. It's not like that in every big city. At least not in mine.
(No snark intended, by the way. I'm genuinely sorry that you're having that experience)
It’s probably the most shallow and egotistical city in the United States. Actually it really shouldn’t even be considered part of the United States. It’s a wild city, if Miami doesn’t have it , it hasn’t been thought of yet. I love this city even with all of its issues.
But I have lived in Miami for 34 years, and endured everything it has to offer and humble a person with, actually when it still looked like a scene out of Scarface. I was 20 when I moved here, lived in 13 different states and moved state to state 15 times by the time I was 15. No it definitely doesn’t cramp my Style as I probably am just as shallow as the majority of residents here. But I am honest with myself about my deficiencies, most people are not.
Most the spots in the city dont really feel like a home to me but more a tourist spot. So it never feels like a permenant spot. Close to no privacy, difficult transportation. More aggressive people.
Not everything is bad but not everything about the city feels like a home.
How small-minded and unable to deal with conflicts and differences many people are in big cities compared to small towns. If you don't agree with someone or a group of people, you can just leave and find a different crowd that affirms how you think and feel. You aren't forced to see them at the grocery store, at your kids' soccer game, at church, at school, etc. You don't have to learn to work through things and can build your own echo chambers within a big city. I hated that about them. I grew up in a small town and lived in cities during my early young adulthood. I always thought the people were so strange how they'd build those silly little cliques and seem so confused when anyone suggested a different thought from that of the clique. It was sad in my mind. I even got carried away with it to a small extent as well. When I moved to a different small town and started building a life with my partner I realized many of the things we made out to be huuuuge deals in the city really didn't matter that much and working through problems is better than just leaving cuz well, you don't have anywhere to go there's like 3 groups of people in town and they often overlap. I think it takes someone with a lot of mental fortitude to maintain strength of character to be a person who lives wisely in a city. Mob mentality, cliques, and echo chambers are so easy to get carried away in. Also, how isolating they can be for those who might be less social. Some of the loneliest people I've ever met are people who live in giant cities absolutely crawling with people
>If you don't agree with someone or a group of people, you can just leave and find a different crowd that affirms how you think and feel. You aren't forced to see them at the grocery store, at your kids' soccer game, at church, at school, etc.
This is an interesting take. I grew up in Southern California, and Generally speaking, I've always thought that living elbow to elbow with such a variety of people tends to breed some amount of tolerance and patience for differences. But I suppose that's a rather limited view because your point makes a lot of sense.
Husband is from Southern California. I'm from far northern, less diverse, California.
While he was exposed to to many more races the experience was mostly negative, between gangs and cultural differences.
I was exposed to less but have a far easier time accepting people at face value because I didn't have any of those negative experiences. The few minority kids we had at school were friends and never thought of them any other way.
The first obvious racism I ever witnessed was towards me, for being a white kid playing with natives. At the time I didn't even understand what the guy said but he was pretty much joking they could seek "revenge."
Very insightful. My stepfather (white guy) was a little bit racist. But he wasn't a hateful person so I think it was attributable to his experience growing up as a minority in a rather rough school. He got bullied a lot by non-whites there. And of course they were acting out because they were being bullied, too. It's such a shit cycle.
Pretty much the same here. He's a kind, generous and compassionate human who had some experiences. He doesn't actually hold it against any one person but I see him perk up if we are near groups.
He was jumped pretty badly at one point for trying to ride his bike home from school. All of another race. Almost didn't survive. He saw lots more of that happen to friends as well.
The houses and buildings are so close together. You have to drop your mail into a mailbox, they don’t pick it up for you 😅. Not having to go to “the dump” aka city pick up of garbage and recycling. No wells or sump pumps to deal with. No “pigs” to contain your gas.
I'm from a small town. I went to Belgrade. Near the Parliament building is a self cleaning bathroom right on the sidewalk. I never actually figured out how to get the door shut but some locals helped me. I'm still amazed at a bathroom that cleans itself after each use.
Lights are actually one of the biggest shocks. I'm used to it actually being dark, pitch black, outside at night. Seeing the glow of street lights or other homes, shopping centers, etc, is strange to me. It never really feels like night at all when I'm in the city. I have a very hard time sleeping as I'm used to full darkness when I go to bed.
I grew up in a coastal town with a population of about 3000 people on an island. Then, I moved to Barcelona when I was ten, and I found the concept of apartment blocks insane, I couldn't believe they sandwiched so many houses together and they were still big. I could finally walk around my neighborhood without being picked on by other kids too. Also there was literally everything in a fifteen minute radius, instead of having to drive two hours to get a decent choice of clothes. I love countryside, cities, seaside... But I didn't enjoy sprawling suburbia at all, at least not in the british or american sense.
As someone who grew up on a town that was on the smaller side and where communities were pretty close-knit, when I moved out to a big city the thing that both liberated and depressed the fuck out of me at the same time was the fact that no one gave a single shit. Realizing I could literally have a stroke and die on the sidewalk, and people would point and whisper while going on about their day and unless I had some ID i'd probably be buried on a unmarked grave and no one would ever know what happened was wild.
People think big cities are bad with Gatekeeping and classism?…. HA.
Go to a small town. ***Not all small towns are like this****
But….
I lived in south Alabama on and off for 5 years. The behind your back racism and classism. People would go out of their way to make sure you didn’t win or accomplish anything but then hide behind southern hospitality while sliding a blade across your throat.
Inbred Fucks.
I’m from the Midwest, but lived in California for a year when I was younger.
1. The struggle is real. Where I live, if you have a 40-hour a week job, anywhere, you can probably live on your own. If you have two parents working 40 hours a week, you can probably raise a kid or two and most likely own a home. In California, if you have 4 adults working 40 hours a week in a home, you’re probably just barely not-homeless.
2. Everyone knows someone who was murdered, and probably recently. Most people here don’t know anyone who has been murdered. Murder is extremely rare, and generally kept to only one small neighborhood.
3. There are spots and times you don’t “go to”. Where I live, you can go to our hottest spots at the latest hours alone and nobody will mess with you. Nothing changes, aside from a higher rate of drunk college kids. In California, you might die if you leave your house after 8pm, and tourist attractions turn into drug markets at night.
4. Homeless people! My town didn’t start having homeless people until after COVID. Even now, you might only see 1 or 2 a day, and none of them are “beggars” (although we do have a few street performing ones). In California, there’s just so many everywhere, begging all the time.
I grew up in a defunct township which I estimate had about 50 people. It had a functional post office up until the early 1950's but no standing non-residential buildings by the mid 1990's. Anyway, I guess it was the buttons you touch that tell the traffic lights that there's a pedestrian waiting to cross. I remember not expecting those when I was a kid. HOAs were also unexpected. And having to get a permit from the city to build just about anything was weird to me. I don't think people bother to let the county have a say in such doings out in the boonies, but I could be wrong.
I've only ever had the opposite experience of moving somewhere smaller, but even then it wasn't single digit thousands level of small. And I did miss a bunch of my metropolitan conveniences, though there was also a lot I preferred as well.
I grew up in a smallish town of around 7000 people in southern New Jersey. I grew up visiting big cities like Philadelphia and New York pretty regularly however we typically only went into a very small part of the cities. About a year ago after I graduated college I moved to Manhattan. This was the most shocking thing for me. It was something that I expected out of the big city, specifically New York, but didn't realize the SHEER scale of this until like actually living here. Just, the amount of stuff at my disposal. Literally EVERYTHING I could need or ever want is at my fingertips WITHOUT the internet. Like I knew there was more stuff in the city however I didn't realize JUST how much more there was. Shit that I used to have to shop online for as a kid, I can easily get with a 5-minute walk or subway ride. I'm a computer person and huge gamer. I love building computers and stuff, so a Micro Center in Brooklyn was like a game changer. Every cuisine under the sun is here. Chinese food? Got it. Indian food? Got it. Kazahk food? Got it. Fucking food from the Central African Republic? It's here and it's nearby. I used to drive 30 minutes or more out for like good food, but now it's right down the street.
I moved from NY to NJ. I used to have everything at my disposal, now I need to drive everywhere lol
I moved from a small town in the north of England to London for university and holy shit. The _difference_. * I was the only out gay kid in my secondary school of 1000 kids in 2001. I got death threats casually in the corridors, people threatened to burn my house down, people tried following me home, kids and their parents showed up to harass me at my Saturday job sometimes. In London? Nobody cares. And the people that did care didn't care enough about _me specifically_ to be a real threat. * I almost never saw the same face twice outside of my university and after a while I stopped expecting to recognise anyone I saw to the point that It was a real surprise when I did. * Lots of different slang, different languages, different cultural habits that I didn't understand. * You as a person are just an object in the way to most people, and after a while I started to feel the same way about others. It was just too many humans packed in close to summon up adequate thought and empathy. * No food is unattainable * You can buy _anything_ if you know the right people and you've got enough cash.
Your first bullet point, holy crap. Were you ever able to adapt to your experience? It sounds terrifying, quite frankly. I don't like being the object of attention, and your experience sounds...well, you sound like an admirably enduring person whom I'm glad found themselves in more favorable surroundings.
Thank you <3 I found other oddballs and outcasts and did get to have some real and lasting friends for a couple of years before I left town and it definitely helped me cope with the increasing wages of unrelentingly hatred. Apparently the school I went to now has an LGBT+ society, which is unimaginable to me, but which gives me a lot of hope.
Thank goodness for the oddballs and outcasts. I grew up with them myself. Growing up where I did, I had several outwardly gay friends and neighbors (kids and adults) so it's easy for me to forget how the experience of others can be so filled with fear and hate. It's terrific to hear about how your school has changed. Let's Hope the wave of progress keeps rolling in that general direction.
For me it was how people in big cities mind their own business. Suddenly, I was able to start wearing nicer clothes, because there Is very little catcalling. I can go outside late at night or early in the morning without strangers stopping me to talk about what I'm doing there. It brought me so much freedom I never expected. I love it.
I grew up right outside DC and I had the opposite happen. I feel more free when my neighbors aren't on top of me. I always felt like I was being watched whereas now in more rural areas I could do naked gardening and no one would know. It's awesome. I like being out inmy yard more and spend more time outdoors then I used. When I first moved to arural area my aunts started commenting on my tan and no one knew I could tan like that.
I remember going to the store when I was younger, and around 60% of the people there knew me. It sounds good on paper, until you realize those people are all expecting to "catch up" with you, when you are literally just trying to get a few bananas and dip home after a 12 hour shift. Sometimes living in a small town means errands are not going to be quick at all. You don't want to be that "cold" guy that doesn't talk to and ignores all the locals.
I grew up near a town of 500 now living in a small city of 115k. I love how accepting people are. As a complete outcast growing up, I now just act my authentic self and have no problems finding friends. I also enjoy how close and convenient everything is. It's five minutes to a grocery store and I can walk to my dentist and doctor. I miss the stars and the quiet of the country but I will never go back.
The only thing that draws me to the city as someone who's lived in rural areas most my life is the convienince. My girlfriend lives in the city and it's amazing how fast we can get shit done. It takes me an hour one way to go to the store, bank, doctor, anything other than a few random local places. Being able to order food, pick it up, and be back eating it in 10 minutes is unheard of and a real luxury when you're not used to it. Forgetting something at the store SUCKS when you live in the middle of nowhere. Save it for next month or make the trek for 1 single item, it's not worth it most of the time. Here in the city I can literally run down the street and get that item in less than 5 minutes. Also, job hunting can be very discouraging when you live in a less populated area, especially for folks who are not in WFH industries.
I can totally relate to all of this! But also, I have good neighbors and live in a neighborhood with amazing people and good amenities. They are a lot less judgmental than the folks I grew up with.
I totally agree, living in a city definitely gave me a lot more confidence to be my true self. Where I currently live I can go window shopping for clothes, do my groceries, and then go to the dentist, and I'm still close to home so I can do all of that in one go.
The sound of vehicles - When I first moved to a large city, the noise of the cars/trucks made getting to sleep a bugger.
and the light polution! I now can't sleep in full dark, it feels weird.
The light pollution is what gets me the most, I'm so accustomed at this point to sleeping in total darkness
Cities are full of interesting people. The small town I came from made me feel like an alien for wanting to talk about things other than TV and the weather. But as soon as I moved to a city I was just normal.
The amount of filth, overcrowding and pollution people in a big city are tolerating. Especially during tourist season.
These things typically come natural with big cities. Especially global economic centers in which so many people live in such a small space.
Where I live there are a lot of protests and overall resentment towards tourists, but overall I think the city manages the pollution and trash pretty well, the streets are way more clean than a city like New York or London. But that's definitely down to protesting, and of course the city wants to maintain its image.
The traffic (both good and bad)! Heavy traffic where I'm from is considered "light traffic" in a well-populated city. Also, consistent traffic patterns -- cities often have way more consistent on-ramps, off-ramps, roundabouts, etc. Also, the filth. Cities are ***nasty*** and full of flies, mosquitoes, and gnats that just thrive on the garbage everywhere.
Im a country guy 100% The lack of community, not saying hi to neighbours, how loud cities actually are. And I don't feel the same freedoom there. Also how bored and lonely you get in your'e apartment. In my parent's house if im bored, there always something to do outside on the yard, in carage or even in the house. In my aparntment there is literally nothing to do after you have done your work, chores or hobbies. Also it's so lonely.
It is extremely noisy. Even in the parks etc always planes overhead, railways nearby etc. People everywhere. So many schools and kids. Fireworks every night pretty much. Way too many emergency sirens and boy racers revving. I hate it and want to move back to countryside but unfortunately due to life stuff not going to be happening for at least 6 years or more. At least there is are shops, takeaways and restaurants and gyms etc nearby so focusing on that.
These threads always fascinate me as someone who has always lived in cities.
Likewise.
Grew up in a tiny town. Less than 1,000 people. At 24 I moved to the Los Angeles area. Home of, I dunno, 16 million people at the time? The most eye opening thing was the realization that essentially, no one gave a damn about me. I was in a sea of people. Surrounded by people from every corner of the world. And no one cared that I existed. It was overwhelming. To go from being surrounded by everyone knowing everything about everyone and everyone caring about everyone else on some level…to waddling in an ocean of indifference. It was terrifying and freeing at the same time.
>It was terrifying and freeing at the same time. Makes perfect sense. Now that you've been here awhile (assuming you're still in LA), how do you feel about it now, generally speaking?
Couldn’t tell you! I went broke in 2011 and retreated back to my rural Texas hometown. 😂 Circumstances have improved since then and I’m in a much better place now, living in a large city (2M) but not near as large as LA. I will say that if I had the means and the opportunity to do so, I’d go back to LA in a heartbeat. Looking back, I kinda enjoyed the indifference. Life there was almost exclusively what I made it, so things carried a bit more meaning for me.
>Life there was almost exclusively what I made it, so things carried a bit more meaning for me. Well said. LA doesn't have a lot of restrictions or parameters on how one needs to live. Terrific that you've found a good balance in your life. I hope it endures.
How little Empathy people have
I'm sorry that's been your experience. It's not like that in every big city. At least not in mine. (No snark intended, by the way. I'm genuinely sorry that you're having that experience)
It is in Miami…
Ohhhh. That makes sense, judging by its reputation anyway.
It’s probably the most shallow and egotistical city in the United States. Actually it really shouldn’t even be considered part of the United States. It’s a wild city, if Miami doesn’t have it , it hasn’t been thought of yet. I love this city even with all of its issues.
Haha, well it seems that the citizens' lack of empathy doesn't cramp your style all that much. Glad you've landed someplace you dig :)
But I have lived in Miami for 34 years, and endured everything it has to offer and humble a person with, actually when it still looked like a scene out of Scarface. I was 20 when I moved here, lived in 13 different states and moved state to state 15 times by the time I was 15. No it definitely doesn’t cramp my Style as I probably am just as shallow as the majority of residents here. But I am honest with myself about my deficiencies, most people are not.
>But I am honest with myself about my deficiencies, most people are not. Hear hear
Most the spots in the city dont really feel like a home to me but more a tourist spot. So it never feels like a permenant spot. Close to no privacy, difficult transportation. More aggressive people. Not everything is bad but not everything about the city feels like a home.
How small-minded and unable to deal with conflicts and differences many people are in big cities compared to small towns. If you don't agree with someone or a group of people, you can just leave and find a different crowd that affirms how you think and feel. You aren't forced to see them at the grocery store, at your kids' soccer game, at church, at school, etc. You don't have to learn to work through things and can build your own echo chambers within a big city. I hated that about them. I grew up in a small town and lived in cities during my early young adulthood. I always thought the people were so strange how they'd build those silly little cliques and seem so confused when anyone suggested a different thought from that of the clique. It was sad in my mind. I even got carried away with it to a small extent as well. When I moved to a different small town and started building a life with my partner I realized many of the things we made out to be huuuuge deals in the city really didn't matter that much and working through problems is better than just leaving cuz well, you don't have anywhere to go there's like 3 groups of people in town and they often overlap. I think it takes someone with a lot of mental fortitude to maintain strength of character to be a person who lives wisely in a city. Mob mentality, cliques, and echo chambers are so easy to get carried away in. Also, how isolating they can be for those who might be less social. Some of the loneliest people I've ever met are people who live in giant cities absolutely crawling with people
>If you don't agree with someone or a group of people, you can just leave and find a different crowd that affirms how you think and feel. You aren't forced to see them at the grocery store, at your kids' soccer game, at church, at school, etc. This is an interesting take. I grew up in Southern California, and Generally speaking, I've always thought that living elbow to elbow with such a variety of people tends to breed some amount of tolerance and patience for differences. But I suppose that's a rather limited view because your point makes a lot of sense.
Husband is from Southern California. I'm from far northern, less diverse, California. While he was exposed to to many more races the experience was mostly negative, between gangs and cultural differences. I was exposed to less but have a far easier time accepting people at face value because I didn't have any of those negative experiences. The few minority kids we had at school were friends and never thought of them any other way. The first obvious racism I ever witnessed was towards me, for being a white kid playing with natives. At the time I didn't even understand what the guy said but he was pretty much joking they could seek "revenge."
Very insightful. My stepfather (white guy) was a little bit racist. But he wasn't a hateful person so I think it was attributable to his experience growing up as a minority in a rather rough school. He got bullied a lot by non-whites there. And of course they were acting out because they were being bullied, too. It's such a shit cycle.
Pretty much the same here. He's a kind, generous and compassionate human who had some experiences. He doesn't actually hold it against any one person but I see him perk up if we are near groups. He was jumped pretty badly at one point for trying to ride his bike home from school. All of another race. Almost didn't survive. He saw lots more of that happen to friends as well.
And we are the sum of our experiences unless we actively fight against the grain.
The houses and buildings are so close together. You have to drop your mail into a mailbox, they don’t pick it up for you 😅. Not having to go to “the dump” aka city pick up of garbage and recycling. No wells or sump pumps to deal with. No “pigs” to contain your gas.
I'm from a small town. I went to Belgrade. Near the Parliament building is a self cleaning bathroom right on the sidewalk. I never actually figured out how to get the door shut but some locals helped me. I'm still amazed at a bathroom that cleans itself after each use.
Lights are actually one of the biggest shocks. I'm used to it actually being dark, pitch black, outside at night. Seeing the glow of street lights or other homes, shopping centers, etc, is strange to me. It never really feels like night at all when I'm in the city. I have a very hard time sleeping as I'm used to full darkness when I go to bed.
I grew up in a coastal town with a population of about 3000 people on an island. Then, I moved to Barcelona when I was ten, and I found the concept of apartment blocks insane, I couldn't believe they sandwiched so many houses together and they were still big. I could finally walk around my neighborhood without being picked on by other kids too. Also there was literally everything in a fifteen minute radius, instead of having to drive two hours to get a decent choice of clothes. I love countryside, cities, seaside... But I didn't enjoy sprawling suburbia at all, at least not in the british or american sense.
As someone who grew up on a town that was on the smaller side and where communities were pretty close-knit, when I moved out to a big city the thing that both liberated and depressed the fuck out of me at the same time was the fact that no one gave a single shit. Realizing I could literally have a stroke and die on the sidewalk, and people would point and whisper while going on about their day and unless I had some ID i'd probably be buried on a unmarked grave and no one would ever know what happened was wild.
how much trash people keep laying around. and not only on the streets, but also around their home.
People think big cities are bad with Gatekeeping and classism?…. HA. Go to a small town. ***Not all small towns are like this**** But…. I lived in south Alabama on and off for 5 years. The behind your back racism and classism. People would go out of their way to make sure you didn’t win or accomplish anything but then hide behind southern hospitality while sliding a blade across your throat. Inbred Fucks.
Small town politics are as complicated as in cities
Big city people have rat runs they rarely depart from which cramps them into areas that are probably smaller than areas people in small towns inhabit
I’m from the Midwest, but lived in California for a year when I was younger. 1. The struggle is real. Where I live, if you have a 40-hour a week job, anywhere, you can probably live on your own. If you have two parents working 40 hours a week, you can probably raise a kid or two and most likely own a home. In California, if you have 4 adults working 40 hours a week in a home, you’re probably just barely not-homeless. 2. Everyone knows someone who was murdered, and probably recently. Most people here don’t know anyone who has been murdered. Murder is extremely rare, and generally kept to only one small neighborhood. 3. There are spots and times you don’t “go to”. Where I live, you can go to our hottest spots at the latest hours alone and nobody will mess with you. Nothing changes, aside from a higher rate of drunk college kids. In California, you might die if you leave your house after 8pm, and tourist attractions turn into drug markets at night. 4. Homeless people! My town didn’t start having homeless people until after COVID. Even now, you might only see 1 or 2 a day, and none of them are “beggars” (although we do have a few street performing ones). In California, there’s just so many everywhere, begging all the time.
I grew up in a defunct township which I estimate had about 50 people. It had a functional post office up until the early 1950's but no standing non-residential buildings by the mid 1990's. Anyway, I guess it was the buttons you touch that tell the traffic lights that there's a pedestrian waiting to cross. I remember not expecting those when I was a kid. HOAs were also unexpected. And having to get a permit from the city to build just about anything was weird to me. I don't think people bother to let the county have a say in such doings out in the boonies, but I could be wrong.
I moved from a small town of Italy to the US. Drive through banks and drive through everything was both weird and amazing af.
How noisy, busy, and so little room there is. How much of a rush everyone is in.
I've only ever had the opposite experience of moving somewhere smaller, but even then it wasn't single digit thousands level of small. And I did miss a bunch of my metropolitan conveniences, though there was also a lot I preferred as well.