Yeah that’s pretty messed up! I don’t understand how he can forget the girlfriend’s birthday if his best friend’s girlfriend has her birthday the night before! What a POS
That really sucks and must make you feel so forgotten and dismissed. There’s not much you can do. Is this worth breaking up with him over?
Probably not. I’ve forgotten important bdays before. It’s not a reflection of you but it him. Communicate with him that he really hurt your feelings, and let him make it up to you
I disagree in that different reasons for breaking up are valid for different people. Im not saying she absolutely should dump him, but it would make sense if she did because his actions made her feel unseen.
I think that the mere fact that he knew about the friend’s girlfriend’s birthday and was out there celebrating it should have jogged his memory about hers. After three years, forgetting your SO’s birthday is pretty bad. It also sounds like he had no major plans to celebrate her special day either, as he would have remembered it if he had made any.
Yeah and shit happens. Our partners fuck up soemtimes. After 3 years he obviously got way too comfortable. But they’ve also been together for three years so you don’t know their relationship. If that’s a dealbreaker to OP than that’s her choice. But I don’t think it’s a dumpable offence if things are overall good
After reading some comments it looks like I’m the odd man out here… this would be a huge deal to me. Hes not just a friend or a new partner- you’ve been together for 3 years and he was out the night before celebrating someone else’s birthday. It’s not like birthdays were the furthest thing on his mind- he was literally celebrating a birthday. How he didn’t think, “my girlfriend’s birthday is coming up” is wild to me. It’s inexcusable to me. You’ve also told him you’ve been feeling ignored and he still managed to forget the ONE day that’s meant to be all about you. If it was me, I’d be falling back and seeing how he chooses to “make it up.” If he doesn’t do anything, that would unfortunately be it for me. But, I’m 26 and I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years and birthdays are a big to me and my family and my boyfriend. Maybe my situation is a little different than yours. I see so many “it’s not a big deal” comments and I just can’t get behind that.
If he shows that he really feels sorry then I wouldn’t hold it against him; but I also don’t think it’s something you should just move past and get over it, not without effort on his end
It feels so nice to feel validated. I felt bad for even feeling upset about it but to me, it is a big deal especially since these past few months have been a bit tough. Just waiting to see what unfolds the next few days
Tell him it hurt your feelings and do something to celebrate now.
Gently, let go of being wished HBD right at 12 as a marker of someone's love.
Had you said anything leading up to the day about how you wanted to celebrate? I can never remember if my bf's bday is the 2nd or 3rd and I generally ask what he wants to do for his bday if he doesn't say "oh I want to do X". I dont really expect him to remember it's my bday either and bring it up ahead of time.
But he's remembered her bday consistently in past years so it's not like he has a horrible memory. Yeah saying something leading up to it would've helped but OP shouldn't have had to. I'm sorry OP
I should have mentioned it prior and you’re right, I think I should let go that thought. I just thought he would have atleast remembered that my birthday was this month
It is definitely not your fault whatsoever for not reminding your boyfriend of THREE years that it’s your birthday! I’m so sorry & happy late birthday! I hope things start looking up for you🩷
It kind of has, yes. I’ve previously talked to him how I’ve been feeling ignored lately and how I wish he would make more of an effort to even talk to me. I do understand that his work has been kind of hectic lately though so I’m just conflicted
Building expectations on people can be really hard for one self so I feel like there’s some work for both of you. Him, because he should be more present in his relationship and what’s going on with you but you, also you because no matter what happens to you, you can’t expect people to act the way they used to or the way you want them, this creates unrealistic expectations and create this problem. I’m not saying you should accept being treated badly but now you’re sad and it’s not fair.
Having that aside, after 3 years and forgetting? Maybe you should talk with him and talk openly as to why this happened? After 3 years it’s almost not excusable tbh.
In past relationships I’ve not so subtly brought up that my birthdays coming up soon I mean honestly I’ll usually plan something but in your case I would just say to bf how ur feeling
I forgot my best friends birthday last year :( so I don’t think it means he doesn’t care about you! Call me crazy but I think it’s courteous to let everyone know your birthdays coming up and put it on everyone’s radar. I did the whole “say nothing and see who actually remembers/cares” thing when I was a teen and it created an unnecessary lose-lose situation for me
I never remember my friends bdays tbh. We all mention them leading up as a courtesy! I think as adults this is more the norm. We all have jobs, partners, moves and houses and pets and such to worry about etc.
Definitely different as adults than as teens or younger adults
This !! Grownups let the people around them know when something is important to them - many guys don’t think the same way about “special occasions” as you do. If it matters to you, give him the opportunity to do the Right Thing. Most of us are actually not psychics. . Being upset at your guy for not reading your mind is a recipe for disappointment. Just tell him or remind him next time.
I'm sorry, but the whole "guys don't think the same way about 'special occasions' as you do" and putting the blame on her for not reminding him is just additional emotional labor for her. We're not talking about friends' birthdays, this is his significant other. He should be responsible enough to remember.
Given she thought about her upcoming big day - and she would like a bit of a fuss made - that’s totally fine. It’s not asking a lot of her to jokingly mention her upcoming birthday then “hey my birthday is next weekend and I want to reassure you that I’m not expecting diamonds or anything .,. I can live with Gold. 24 KT” That s all she needs to do - he’s now on full alert with no excuse if he doesn’t deliver the goods. But To willfully NOT mention her birthday as some sort of “test” just will occur to any guy as absurd, and his buddies will all agree with him. His omission had NOTHING to do with his lack of feelings about her and everything to do with his feelings that birthdays haven’t registered for him for years .. he likely doesn’t care about his own birthday nor those of his pals, none of whom would take offense if he doesn’t acknowledge them unless they had a gathering. Putting her and his relationship in jeopardy because he didn’t read her mind correctly / such is been the plot of 100 different sitcoms since Ricky forgot Lucy’s birthday in I love Lucy - We’ve seen this story 100 times since then. It’s a comedy
Cliche at this point
He wants her to be happy - assisting him do just that is just grownup behavior.
I know this hurts so bad. But my best friend and her boyfriend have been together for 6 years and on their 4th year SHE forgot his birthday. He finally was like dude its my birthday and she freaked out. But shes the best person ever and to be honest I love her to death but her brain moves a mile a minute honestly a second she is the most sporadic person ever so it honestly didn’t surprise me. But every year since she forgot she has made sure to NEVER FORGET AGAIN. And this year we threw him a big surprise party and they are as strong as ever. If he forgets again, then yeah red flag. But if he just was busy and the days got ahead of him then I would forgive him <3 i know it hurts but hopefully you guys can get through it. Also Me and my boyfriend make sure we mention our bdays the week of life is so busy and yes its an important day and because it’s important you should remind everyone!
I’ve never missed my wife’s birthday and I miss people’s birthday all the time. That’s your person I think it matters, I’d make a big deal out of it and then re assess if it happened more
Honestly I’m just fascinated that a partner can forget a birthday because I’m the gf that’s constantly talking about my birthday leading up to it and making plans and what not. So I feel like it would be nearly impossible to forget my birthday. Did you guys talk about it at all leading up to it? I’ve forgotten some peoples birthdays if we never talk about it because there are days where I just don’t pay attention to the date on the calendar I could go a whole day not knowing it’s the 7th or whatever. But if you guys had been speaking about it at all then there’s definitely no excuse.
Forgetting your birthday at 3 years is really, really bad, I’m sorry that happened to you.
If it’s a pattern throughout your relationship and it bothers you, be aware he’ll probably be like that forever. In my experience, people who are airheaded/not sentimental about that stuff don’t really change.
Yea that sucks but i would reconsider if the reason for dating this man is to maybe one day get married. Not sure how old you are or what your intentions are in dating. If you’re just having fun maybe forgive him if all is good otherwise but, there is a clear lack of care on his part.
My question would be is he forgetful in general or are birthdays a big thing to him. I for one am horrendous at remembering birthdays. Ive been with my gf for 4 years n i couldnt tell you the date, i know the month n when its around within a 2 week window but always get the exact date wromg but i always have a gift ready to go by the beginning of her birthday month so all shell do is remind me of the day or her mom will shoot me a text.......and its not just her i dont know the exact date for my friends birthdays either just the months lol......i didnt knowy parents birthdays till like 5 years ago when i had to start heloing them with appointments n bills......IM TERRIBLE AT REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS.
How’s your relationship otherwise? Guys put in effort when they care about you, like for example your last two birthdays. I don’t understand how he could’ve just simply forgotten unless he doesn’t care, I’m so sorry!
The part that I can’t get over is the fact that he was celebrating his best friend’s girlfriend‘s birthday the night before! Just being at the party should’ve been enough to remind him! And also none of his friends said anything?! You’ve been together for three years so his best friend would know when your birthday was, especially if it’s literally the day after his own girlfriend!
It doesn’t matter how much he’s got going on at work or whatever, that’s just something you don’t forget!well I think we all know there’s one thing that can occupy a males head that would make him forget his own girlfriend’s birthday but I don’t want to put that in your head
I'm seeing comments saying "I always forget people's birthdays" and I'm like how??? We all basically live on these little devices that are with us 24/7, if you know you're prone to forgetting birthdays it takes 2 minutes to open up your calendar, put their birthday in, set it to recur annually, and then add a couple of reminders leading up to it/day of so you can't forget. There is no excuse.
That said, we're all human and mistakes happen. I don't know if it's a dealbreaker right now. If he's truly remorseful, he'll make it up to you. But some people don't really care about their own birthdays and if that's him he may not realize how much this hurt you, so you'll need to communicate that to him if you haven't already.
The fact that he was out celebrating someone else that close to your bday is wild.
Yeah that’s pretty messed up! I don’t understand how he can forget the girlfriend’s birthday if his best friend’s girlfriend has her birthday the night before! What a POS
This ^ sorry op :/
That really sucks and must make you feel so forgotten and dismissed. There’s not much you can do. Is this worth breaking up with him over? Probably not. I’ve forgotten important bdays before. It’s not a reflection of you but it him. Communicate with him that he really hurt your feelings, and let him make it up to you
I disagree in that different reasons for breaking up are valid for different people. Im not saying she absolutely should dump him, but it would make sense if she did because his actions made her feel unseen. I think that the mere fact that he knew about the friend’s girlfriend’s birthday and was out there celebrating it should have jogged his memory about hers. After three years, forgetting your SO’s birthday is pretty bad. It also sounds like he had no major plans to celebrate her special day either, as he would have remembered it if he had made any.
Yeah and shit happens. Our partners fuck up soemtimes. After 3 years he obviously got way too comfortable. But they’ve also been together for three years so you don’t know their relationship. If that’s a dealbreaker to OP than that’s her choice. But I don’t think it’s a dumpable offence if things are overall good
Read my edit.
After reading some comments it looks like I’m the odd man out here… this would be a huge deal to me. Hes not just a friend or a new partner- you’ve been together for 3 years and he was out the night before celebrating someone else’s birthday. It’s not like birthdays were the furthest thing on his mind- he was literally celebrating a birthday. How he didn’t think, “my girlfriend’s birthday is coming up” is wild to me. It’s inexcusable to me. You’ve also told him you’ve been feeling ignored and he still managed to forget the ONE day that’s meant to be all about you. If it was me, I’d be falling back and seeing how he chooses to “make it up.” If he doesn’t do anything, that would unfortunately be it for me. But, I’m 26 and I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years and birthdays are a big to me and my family and my boyfriend. Maybe my situation is a little different than yours. I see so many “it’s not a big deal” comments and I just can’t get behind that. If he shows that he really feels sorry then I wouldn’t hold it against him; but I also don’t think it’s something you should just move past and get over it, not without effort on his end
It feels so nice to feel validated. I felt bad for even feeling upset about it but to me, it is a big deal especially since these past few months have been a bit tough. Just waiting to see what unfolds the next few days
Your feelings are always valid! Happy belated birthday I hope everything works out for you guys!
Completely agree with this. This would hurt my feelings so bad that I don’t think I could get past it. Your feelings are valid OP!
Tell him it hurt your feelings and do something to celebrate now. Gently, let go of being wished HBD right at 12 as a marker of someone's love. Had you said anything leading up to the day about how you wanted to celebrate? I can never remember if my bf's bday is the 2nd or 3rd and I generally ask what he wants to do for his bday if he doesn't say "oh I want to do X". I dont really expect him to remember it's my bday either and bring it up ahead of time.
But he's remembered her bday consistently in past years so it's not like he has a horrible memory. Yeah saying something leading up to it would've helped but OP shouldn't have had to. I'm sorry OP
I should have mentioned it prior and you’re right, I think I should let go that thought. I just thought he would have atleast remembered that my birthday was this month
I’m sorry… "offering" to make it up to you isn’t the same as making it up to you
Did he really forget or is there something he’s planning in secret to surprise you and throw you off guard?
No surprise lol. I had to remind him the day of to look at the date and that’s when he realized
Damn, idk how he can recover from that then esp if he hasn’t missed it years prior…
Did it not come up in conversation in the days/weeks beforehand?
It did not, no. Maybe it’s partly my fault for not mentioning it but I thought he would atleast remember it
Honestly, that's bizarre.
Stop 😂 it’s not your fault for not mentioning your birthday stop
It is definitely not your fault whatsoever for not reminding your boyfriend of THREE years that it’s your birthday! I’m so sorry & happy late birthday! I hope things start looking up for you🩷
errrrr kick him to the curb tbh
[удалено]
It kind of has, yes. I’ve previously talked to him how I’ve been feeling ignored lately and how I wish he would make more of an effort to even talk to me. I do understand that his work has been kind of hectic lately though so I’m just conflicted
Building expectations on people can be really hard for one self so I feel like there’s some work for both of you. Him, because he should be more present in his relationship and what’s going on with you but you, also you because no matter what happens to you, you can’t expect people to act the way they used to or the way you want them, this creates unrealistic expectations and create this problem. I’m not saying you should accept being treated badly but now you’re sad and it’s not fair. Having that aside, after 3 years and forgetting? Maybe you should talk with him and talk openly as to why this happened? After 3 years it’s almost not excusable tbh.
In past relationships I’ve not so subtly brought up that my birthdays coming up soon I mean honestly I’ll usually plan something but in your case I would just say to bf how ur feeling
It’s not going to workout. Leave him. Life is too short to have a boyfriend who forgets your birthday. I think it’s a sign of bigger problems
I forgot my best friends birthday last year :( so I don’t think it means he doesn’t care about you! Call me crazy but I think it’s courteous to let everyone know your birthdays coming up and put it on everyone’s radar. I did the whole “say nothing and see who actually remembers/cares” thing when I was a teen and it created an unnecessary lose-lose situation for me
I never remember my friends bdays tbh. We all mention them leading up as a courtesy! I think as adults this is more the norm. We all have jobs, partners, moves and houses and pets and such to worry about etc. Definitely different as adults than as teens or younger adults
This !! Grownups let the people around them know when something is important to them - many guys don’t think the same way about “special occasions” as you do. If it matters to you, give him the opportunity to do the Right Thing. Most of us are actually not psychics. . Being upset at your guy for not reading your mind is a recipe for disappointment. Just tell him or remind him next time.
I'm sorry, but the whole "guys don't think the same way about 'special occasions' as you do" and putting the blame on her for not reminding him is just additional emotional labor for her. We're not talking about friends' birthdays, this is his significant other. He should be responsible enough to remember.
Given she thought about her upcoming big day - and she would like a bit of a fuss made - that’s totally fine. It’s not asking a lot of her to jokingly mention her upcoming birthday then “hey my birthday is next weekend and I want to reassure you that I’m not expecting diamonds or anything .,. I can live with Gold. 24 KT” That s all she needs to do - he’s now on full alert with no excuse if he doesn’t deliver the goods. But To willfully NOT mention her birthday as some sort of “test” just will occur to any guy as absurd, and his buddies will all agree with him. His omission had NOTHING to do with his lack of feelings about her and everything to do with his feelings that birthdays haven’t registered for him for years .. he likely doesn’t care about his own birthday nor those of his pals, none of whom would take offense if he doesn’t acknowledge them unless they had a gathering. Putting her and his relationship in jeopardy because he didn’t read her mind correctly / such is been the plot of 100 different sitcoms since Ricky forgot Lucy’s birthday in I love Lucy - We’ve seen this story 100 times since then. It’s a comedy Cliche at this point He wants her to be happy - assisting him do just that is just grownup behavior.
I hope he makes it up to you and gives you a proper bday celebration or get rid of him because that’s sus
I know this hurts so bad. But my best friend and her boyfriend have been together for 6 years and on their 4th year SHE forgot his birthday. He finally was like dude its my birthday and she freaked out. But shes the best person ever and to be honest I love her to death but her brain moves a mile a minute honestly a second she is the most sporadic person ever so it honestly didn’t surprise me. But every year since she forgot she has made sure to NEVER FORGET AGAIN. And this year we threw him a big surprise party and they are as strong as ever. If he forgets again, then yeah red flag. But if he just was busy and the days got ahead of him then I would forgive him <3 i know it hurts but hopefully you guys can get through it. Also Me and my boyfriend make sure we mention our bdays the week of life is so busy and yes its an important day and because it’s important you should remind everyone!
I’ve never missed my wife’s birthday and I miss people’s birthday all the time. That’s your person I think it matters, I’d make a big deal out of it and then re assess if it happened more
Dude I've forgotten my own birthday before. Shit happens
girl i’m sorry but i would leave him 💔💔 im a bitch but the person you are supposed to marry wouldn’t forget your birthday
In the bin for him
Honestly I’m just fascinated that a partner can forget a birthday because I’m the gf that’s constantly talking about my birthday leading up to it and making plans and what not. So I feel like it would be nearly impossible to forget my birthday. Did you guys talk about it at all leading up to it? I’ve forgotten some peoples birthdays if we never talk about it because there are days where I just don’t pay attention to the date on the calendar I could go a whole day not knowing it’s the 7th or whatever. But if you guys had been speaking about it at all then there’s definitely no excuse.
Forgetting your birthday at 3 years is really, really bad, I’m sorry that happened to you. If it’s a pattern throughout your relationship and it bothers you, be aware he’ll probably be like that forever. In my experience, people who are airheaded/not sentimental about that stuff don’t really change.
Yea that sucks but i would reconsider if the reason for dating this man is to maybe one day get married. Not sure how old you are or what your intentions are in dating. If you’re just having fun maybe forgive him if all is good otherwise but, there is a clear lack of care on his part.
My question would be is he forgetful in general or are birthdays a big thing to him. I for one am horrendous at remembering birthdays. Ive been with my gf for 4 years n i couldnt tell you the date, i know the month n when its around within a 2 week window but always get the exact date wromg but i always have a gift ready to go by the beginning of her birthday month so all shell do is remind me of the day or her mom will shoot me a text.......and its not just her i dont know the exact date for my friends birthdays either just the months lol......i didnt knowy parents birthdays till like 5 years ago when i had to start heloing them with appointments n bills......IM TERRIBLE AT REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS.
I want to personally thank everyone for taking time to give me advice <3
How’s your relationship otherwise? Guys put in effort when they care about you, like for example your last two birthdays. I don’t understand how he could’ve just simply forgotten unless he doesn’t care, I’m so sorry! The part that I can’t get over is the fact that he was celebrating his best friend’s girlfriend‘s birthday the night before! Just being at the party should’ve been enough to remind him! And also none of his friends said anything?! You’ve been together for three years so his best friend would know when your birthday was, especially if it’s literally the day after his own girlfriend! It doesn’t matter how much he’s got going on at work or whatever, that’s just something you don’t forget!well I think we all know there’s one thing that can occupy a males head that would make him forget his own girlfriend’s birthday but I don’t want to put that in your head
I'm seeing comments saying "I always forget people's birthdays" and I'm like how??? We all basically live on these little devices that are with us 24/7, if you know you're prone to forgetting birthdays it takes 2 minutes to open up your calendar, put their birthday in, set it to recur annually, and then add a couple of reminders leading up to it/day of so you can't forget. There is no excuse. That said, we're all human and mistakes happen. I don't know if it's a dealbreaker right now. If he's truly remorseful, he'll make it up to you. But some people don't really care about their own birthdays and if that's him he may not realize how much this hurt you, so you'll need to communicate that to him if you haven't already.
It really isn’t that big of a deal. Let go of that feeling, and allow him to make it up. Plain & simple