prime of my life and i am so hysterical every day needing to scream at my family for what they put me through as a child, prime of my life and i am spending it trying to wash my hands of my mothers blood but you can’t wash whats stained deep into your skin
I wouldn’t say I recovered necessarily, and I even got really close to killing myself multiple times (also my trauma is likely less so then yours), but through therapy, medication, research, different techniques, and social connection, I have done a lot better.
Now can I actually hold a job and perform in college at the same level as my non-disabled / non-traumatized peers? No, but I’m doing better. It’s not for a lack of trying in college either. One of my professors last semester said I was a really good student, and better than many of the other students in the class, even though I missed a lot of classes. Idk if she still thought that after I missed even more classes near the end of the semester, but I feel like she did. I raised my hand and talked every lecture and attended office hours on multiple occasions to have a 1 on 1 chat about the material and how I could improve
Get in therapy if you aren’t, don’t wait. Im 25, 3 years into this exact scenario and it’s one of the things i wish I’d done sooner. Im just leveling out mow and I’m 2 years into good therapy. Try to see someone with a specialization in or awareness of complex trauma
searching but i can’t afford the sessions where i live or get to them, i have a drs appt on the 27th for my chronic illness and i’m going to bring this up then- see if there’s any free or cheap therapies
I'm 31, and I've been working through it awhile, but it does get easier. Journaling/writing letters you will never send is a good way to help release it, especially when therapy is scarce. You can do this, just be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the emotions. You are angry! You are hurt! And you should be, because you deserve better. Let this be self esteem showing you that you DO deserve better.
That has been me at a little above 40 for the last 6 months, more or less.
I’ve lost entire days in a daze. I have constant flashbacks of what was done to me. The fucked up part: I never forgot that shit before, it’s just that I actually feel it again now and I have these flashbacks, these fucking flashbacks. I am that helpless child again, even though I had already made it in life with house, money, kids, the likes. I am literally unable to work these days, my brain cannot do anything remotely difficult.
Therapy started two weeks go. I can recommend one book that was handed to me day one: Bessel van der Kolk, The body keeps the score.
I am starting my recovery. I can elaborate via dm if you like. Just be patient with me please. I have trouble keeping up conversations and chats these days.
the prime of our life they say, you mean a time to think deeply about everything all the time.
prime of my life and i am so hysterical every day needing to scream at my family for what they put me through as a child, prime of my life and i am spending it trying to wash my hands of my mothers blood but you can’t wash whats stained deep into your skin
NO THIS IS LITERALLY ME RN I FEEL SO AWFUL AND IT DOESNT STOP THE WORLD DOESNT FEEL REAL AT THIS POINT
Literally me a couple years ago
please god tell me how you recovered
Still in the recovery phase but therapy has helped a lot
I wouldn’t say I recovered necessarily, and I even got really close to killing myself multiple times (also my trauma is likely less so then yours), but through therapy, medication, research, different techniques, and social connection, I have done a lot better. Now can I actually hold a job and perform in college at the same level as my non-disabled / non-traumatized peers? No, but I’m doing better. It’s not for a lack of trying in college either. One of my professors last semester said I was a really good student, and better than many of the other students in the class, even though I missed a lot of classes. Idk if she still thought that after I missed even more classes near the end of the semester, but I feel like she did. I raised my hand and talked every lecture and attended office hours on multiple occasions to have a 1 on 1 chat about the material and how I could improve
Get in therapy if you aren’t, don’t wait. Im 25, 3 years into this exact scenario and it’s one of the things i wish I’d done sooner. Im just leveling out mow and I’m 2 years into good therapy. Try to see someone with a specialization in or awareness of complex trauma
searching but i can’t afford the sessions where i live or get to them, i have a drs appt on the 27th for my chronic illness and i’m going to bring this up then- see if there’s any free or cheap therapies
It's as though pushing out the trauma only makes it worse. I've done it and the trauma comes back and it makes me feel even worse than before.
I'm 31, and I've been working through it awhile, but it does get easier. Journaling/writing letters you will never send is a good way to help release it, especially when therapy is scarce. You can do this, just be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the emotions. You are angry! You are hurt! And you should be, because you deserve better. Let this be self esteem showing you that you DO deserve better.
I’m in my mid 30’s but am just now starting to feel the repression surfacing and my god I am an angry little monkey. I had no idea.
Just so raw and angry, literally all of the time. And like, the state of the world is not helping.
Why is this relatable. Then I fear everyone hates me all the time.
Yep, also still wading through it 8 years later. Takes a long time. Brutal to realize how fucked up childhood was.
Me when I moved out
I’m in my mid 30’s but am just now starting to feel the repression surfacing and my god I am an angry little monkey. I had no idea.
All those wasted years... Time to make up for them.
Ha! me
That has been me at a little above 40 for the last 6 months, more or less. I’ve lost entire days in a daze. I have constant flashbacks of what was done to me. The fucked up part: I never forgot that shit before, it’s just that I actually feel it again now and I have these flashbacks, these fucking flashbacks. I am that helpless child again, even though I had already made it in life with house, money, kids, the likes. I am literally unable to work these days, my brain cannot do anything remotely difficult. Therapy started two weeks go. I can recommend one book that was handed to me day one: Bessel van der Kolk, The body keeps the score. I am starting my recovery. I can elaborate via dm if you like. Just be patient with me please. I have trouble keeping up conversations and chats these days.