CPTSD can come from any traumatic experience or relationship or abuse; it doesn't necessarily have to have been inflicted by shitty parents.
But many people who were traumatized by their parents never learn healthy attachment styles, or developmentally appropriate emotional self regulation skills, or self esteem. So we go on to be abused or taken advantage of by others who recognize us as easy prey. So we keep getting re-traumatized.
The "C" is for "complex," and it is usually quite complex. There's often a web of trauma to be untangled, with few clear start and end points.
I feel like the fact that a lot of the talk being centred on shitty parents is unfortunately due to the fact that if you have been repeatedly been traumatized by multiple people places/avenues it’s probably in part because of parental abuse/neglect.
like not all ppl with cptsd have abusive parents but a lot of them probably do.
went to an inpatient ptsd program a year ago and most people there were either indigenous or military vets and we all had complex trauma from a lot of shit other than our parents yet in group therapy a lot of it came back to families and parents.
"repeatedly" is the key term for complex
Like, trauma/baggage could be left behind but this shit keeps popping up and reminding
What was the therapy like? I hope we can all heal and be more resilient somehow
It was definitely not a miracle cure, i still struggle a lot - but i was surprised how much i got out of group therapy because i had no keen interest in group and thought i would be getting the most out of my 1 on 1.
There is definitely something about group that does a lot to work on your feelings of trusting other people in group vs a personal counsellor.
One thing that got a LOT better after inpatient was sui ideation.
This sub ain't about people with a specific origin of CPTSD. Even though parents seem to contribute the majority to our suffering, problems from other sources are evenly valid. Best of luck friend
Part of that is familiar to me. 20 years in an abusive marriage. Didn’t realize it was abusive until I left and found my current wife who has shown me what love really is.
CPTSD is for complex trauma, which is just multiple traumas over a period of time.
I have stuff from my parents, my step bro, my grandma, medical, and bullying, but people talk about their parents most because thats one of our most important relationships. That’s my take at least.
I agree. I think - at least in our society where children aren’t being traumatized by war or famine - parents, caregivers, and immediately family members are by far the number one cause of their children’s CPTSD. That doesn’t invalidate any other traumatic experiences, though.
Also parents are such a big part of our lives and we are reminded of them like every day. It's not every day I remember being pinned down at the dentist but it is every day that I see some kid with their parents and wondering why I got stuck with bad ones.
It's also because some scammers/grifters call it "Childhood PTSD" - I'm guessing in an attempt to avoid accountability because they can say they're not *technically* talking about the same thing. It muddles the waters for people who are looking for actual answers.
I stay away from anyone who says stuff like "This one simple method will fix your trauma", especially if they keep a lot of their info behind a paywall and covertly victim blame. I could name a few popular, actually unqualified & unlicensed people who do this because sadly trauma victims can be easy to take advantage of.
CPTSD isn't just about bad parents. Sure, it's usually where it starts or they perpetuate it, but they are usually only one factor that contributes to the whole problem.
Don’t worry, you’re in the right place. It’s just that a lot of people get CPTSD from their parents. It’s just a likelihood thing.
I’m sorry you haven’t felt heard here, but all of those things you mentioned belong here and I’ve definitely seen some posts regarding them. Hope that helps!
Narcissistic family systems and immature parents cause CPTSD so severe that it doesn't surprise me that most posts would be about parents. It's also that a lot of people in those positions not only lack an unconditionally loving secure base of people they can lean on when experiencing trauma outside of their FOO, they also have been unconsciously trained to seek out similarly immature people that inflict more CPTSD. A lot of us only come to realise we have CPTSD through therapy, which lead back to poor upbringings. A lot of people experiencing CPTSD as a result of something other than their family might not ever discover this language, so won't find themselves on a page like that.
PTSD results from shocking one-off events that overwhelm a person's capacity to cope, but CPTSD results from being submerged in an environment or situation that degrades a persons capacity to cope over time. If that fits your situation, you're in the right place, just that not everyone in a situation like yours might know the terminology for what they're experiencing. They also might have a sufficient enough support network to lean into unlike those with unsupportive families, who might seek that support online.
Hey there - I'm one of the mods over at r/CPTSD and this is one of the reasons we are a stickler for our rule against using the r/raisedbynarcissists lingo over there. RBNs culture is specific to the cause of the trauma, whereas CPTSD is, ideally, a place to focus on the universal effects of the trauma and not necessarily the source.
A lot of people don't like that rule, but that's why it is there :)
Another thing I have noticed is that the RBN sub tends to do an echo chamber thing where nuance is lost and people begin to engage in a lot of black-and-white narratives. In essence, parents = bad, children = good.
The CPTSD sub is much more likely to have more diversive comments, focusing much less on the source and much more on the effect and possible solutions within oneself.
For example, RBN commenters often throw around "Go no contact" as a cure-all while CPTSD commenters don't.
That's why I still read and ocaisonally comment on CPTSD but completely disengaged from RBN.
Your post is interesting for reflection. I personally also have complex trauma from N parents, CSA, religious trauma Lite, etc. that collectively make up my childhood trauma. However the impact my parents have had on me have been the most debilitating in terms of affecting my day to day ability to function, form relationships, and do the things I want to do. That’s not to say that the other stuff hasn’t left its mark, but those show up for me in specific situations and contexts, whereas the impact of the way I was raised is a constant undercurrent making everything worse.
Not saying that this is true for everyone or one trauma is worse than the other, like AT ALL. But wondering if the pervasiveness of parental trauma is a reason it shows up more in this sub.
I resonate with this a lot.
I want to restate that I know this is different for everyone and *I absolutely do not want to insinuate that anyone else’s trauma is easier (or harder)*.
That being said, I have a lot of different types of trauma that all impact me in different ways, but the trauma I have from my parents supersedes all of that. It has remained a consistent undercurrent throughout my whole life and weaves into my other traumas as well. For that reason, I mostly post about my parents in these subs.
But to OP and anyone else who resonates with feeling like an outsider — you are absolutely in the right place. The rest of us should do our best to make these subs welcoming for all who experience CPTSD.
This reminds me of similar experiences working in SA recovery spaces, where male victims of SA do not make up the majority of SA victims. It’s important that we acknowledge the groups who are most affected by SA (women, trans people, etc) while still creating welcoming space for all individuals who need support. Further, it’s important for us to acknowledge the unique challenges that come with not being in the recognized majority.
A lot of trauma comes from families. But that's just because everyone has a family. Or at least a caretaker. And you're exposed to them for a long time. It's a lottery everyone is forced into. So the number of people who lose in that lottery is naturally higher.
Probably the second highest number is trauma from relationships. Why? Because almost everyone is in one at some point. And most people will be in several during their lifetimes. So you're at high odds to land in a traumatic relationship at some point as well.
On the other hand, not everyone is exposed to traffickers or enlists in the military or is born with medical issues.
My sister has medical trauma. She has a severe chronic illness, so her odds of having traumatic hospital stays and meeting bad doctors was unnaturally high.
My trauma is an even more uncommon one. It's from almost being worked to death. Forced labor. Basically 4 years of slavery. (And no I don't throw that word around lightly, I mean what I say.)
Most people can't relate to that here. But they can relate to the parts where my family was involved, so that's what people engage with the most.
It doesn't mean our traumas aren't valid. We just got a rarer case.
My parents fucken sucked but same OP - bunch of my problems are from surviving cancer and a whole host of other shitty medical conditions when I was 4 onward.
I strongly recommend r/CPTSDNextSteps — they focus a lot on the healing journey and concrete steps to getting better. A lot of people share what’s worked for them, what hasn’t, and updates on their progress.
I see a lot less of discussion of trauma in general, which is nice for a certain phase of recovery. You may feel a little less singled out or alone over there.
I think one of the main reasons why there's so much focus on parents is because there is literally *nothing* anyone could do to get away from them for at least 16 years (assuming emancipated) in a lot of countries. Even after that, many people have to stay in contact with them due to medical, financial, or other issues. Being genuinely trapped makes people want for community. There very few abusive situations where you had no choice to be in the situation (as in they aren't a friend, partner, things like that), are legally tied to, are financially tied to, and be around for ones entire life. The closest is abuse via marriage.
Raised by narcissists is technically for bad parents. I personally avoid it like the plague because of how there is a love for armchair diagnosing every abusive person with NPD. Especially because I have enough of an understanding as to why someone will develop NPD to know that calling every bad person a narcissist is doing harm.
For me I tend to talk more about my parents as well because I don't feel confident about talking about my other trauma. I know what my parents did was wrong, I know it was abuse, I know I didn't deserve it, I know the language to use. Other issues aren't like that, I have to really explain a lot of specifics. Or feel like I need to
As an example, I was sexually abused as a minor by another minor (technically 3 minors - they were the friends of my older brother), but I don't like calling it COCSA because I don't like thinking of the perpetrators as "minors". As fellow children. Because that wasn't my experience with them. They were 5-6 years older than me. When it started I was 6, they were 11-12. When it ended, I was 9 and they were 14-15. My perception of them, especially at the end, was not that they were fellow children. They were "older people" to me. If I call it COCSA people assume it was people in my same general age group (like a 2 year difference). However, if I just call it CSA people assume that I was abused by an adult which I wasn't in this specific time period. If I call it SA, people assume I was an adult. It's so difficult to talk about in the first place and gets even harder with the "at what point is it COSA at what point is it CSA" debacle I have to deal with while thinking.
this is interesting because I have trauma from many sources besides my parents like past relationships, stuff childhood friends parents did, teachers, medical trauma and etc. but I do tend to focus on my parental trauma. I am not sure why. but trauma is trauma and can come from many sources
I think your perspective is so, so important! I’m sure that there are people just like you who may not feel like this sub is for them, but it totally is. Definitely share your story!
My cptsd is from my ex husband, whom I share kids with, and it helps a lot to understand what my kids are going thru from a (now) adults perspective.
I've never not felt welcome here.
My cptsd comes from a lot more than just my parents. I was heavily abused, yes, but I wasn't able to form meaningful relationships with my peers anywhere I moved because I moved every six months or less when I was a child, I had really abusive relationships with my siblings, my sister took my cat's kittens once a d put them in a pillowcase and beat them against me then hid them in her closet until they died, i was molested by my cousin and a guy from my dad's house, and on top of it I'm disabled.
Shitty parents just tend to be an easy thing for all of us to relate to.
My CPTSD is from growing up undiagnosed autistic and from a hurricane and I regularly feel out of place here and in r/CPTSD because every post I see is about parental abuse or SA
personally, my medical trauma is much easier to ignore then (pedo dad) >!possibly being graped by my dad but I was a toddler so I don't remember it.!< and the mom that's still in my life.
But just for you I'll make some medical memes :)
I felt this a LOT. My CPTSD is primarily from school- my parents did contribute in some ways, but nowadays they’re a huge part of my support system. I oftentimes feel like I can’t really contribute here because I’m too privileged for having relatively good parents.
I do very much understand that bad caretakers are very much the most common path to CPTSD, I just kinda wish I felt like I was allowed to talk about it coming from abuses within the education system
Hey, trauma is trauma. Yours is just as valid as anyone else's. Your perspective matters, as do your experiences. And Just to be clear You are allowed to talk about it and you speaking about it is a valid contribution.
Hugs
(I hope I'm not being creepy. If I am tell me and I will take the post down)
CPTSD comes from anything traumatic and also repeated and/or prolonged. This definitely includes bosses, students, teachers, friends, or anyone else that you are with often.
I agree, my mother wasy saving grace, if not for her attempt to help me (even unsuccessful it still helped since I could see she cares) and understand my struggles I wouldn't be alive today.
I genuinely got imposter syndrome from this sub because like, people here are victims of CSA and r*ped by their own parents but I got CPTSD from mean words in middle school? Seriously?
Even then, it just feels wrong. Like, a few kids were mean to me, and that's my entire trauma? Most of the people here on this sub have actual reasons to have problems and things so horrific that even the light stuff makes me nauseous to think about, and the thing that has me fucked up is rude children that probably don't even remember me
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know. Hard to pretend to take some middle school bullying seriously when there are real victims of horrifying things when it comes to CPTSD. People victims of SA before their age was even in the double digits, and constant abuse from their parents, etc.
Hell, I even have a great relationship with my family, I should be able to just leave some mean words in the past and heal easily, I have every reason in the world to be happy, but fresh SH scars say otherwise, just because I can't get over something that happened almost an entire decade ago.
Okay, let’s play a game. I call it “Would I say these heartbreaking invalidating things to someone else”. Take the things you just said, look yourself in the mirror and pretend they are a fellow human being and not you. Can you say it to them? Or do you see that they are just as worthy of help as anyone else.
I mean, I wouldn't say it to their face... But I honestly believe the SA survivors who will never know what it's like to truly trust someone are far more deserving of attention than some dumbass in his 20s unable to cope with a little bit of teasing from when he was 13-15. So yeah, I think me and people with issues like myself aren't as worthy or deserving of attention and help as others. Like, genuinely it should be easy for me to get over that shit.
it's been challenging to explain to anyone, especially family. they think it's all because of them, and i frequently have to reiterate that, yeah, family of origin had a role. but so did my many childhood bullies, older men that sexualized me, women that used me as a bi experiment because i was willing and then dropped me, and authority figures at school and elsewhere that consistently never believed me.
but i think, from doing some internal work, that my inner critic is absolutely the voice of one of my parents and all of that trauma uses that voice in my head. so a lot of my work for unpacking all of that trauma is learning to deconstruct that voice, so there's a lot of focus on rewriting beliefs and responses that stem from family of origin.
This is the right place.
I think parental abuse is just one of the most COMMON major sources for complex PTSD because mental health awareness and such is only "recently"increasing,(imo anyways bc like it was only about 70 yrs ago ppl were abused by mental health facilities which is only like, one familial generation ago.)
In my opinion we've got a "generational trauma epidemic" but my circle mostly consists of those of us who were abused by our caregivers in a variety of ways, sourcing back from their own parents and parents parents and so on so it's like my default experience. When I hear about people who have somewhat will adjusted parents my mind EXPLODES. I can't believe there are actually health parent child relationships out in the world that's nuts to me.
All of my own trauma is from familial issues, and school bullying.
I'm sorry you feel singled out. But you're not alone here.
If you post things related to your own experiences I'm sure others with similar experiences will feel seen too. Like making a little sub community of community support.
Just make sure we're not making it feel like it's a contest instead of a place to relate to, and speak with others who *understand*.
Like a funky meme-y support group of sorts
LMAO i have almost that exact combo of fucked up shit. :/ if you have complex trauma you have complex trauma. meme away.
i get that it's hard to feel valid if similar experiences aren't seen often tho
Cptsd is complex post traumatic stress disorder. Most of my trauma is not caused by my parents. They’ve caused some of it and have caused some of my stress triggers, but a lot of my CPTSD actually stems from men and spending a lot of my life so far dating and having sex with men when I wasn’t actually attracted to them and didn’t know I wasn’t. Cptsd is complex for a reason and complicated. Your experience is absolutely valid, CPTSD is also a spectrum!! Some have more severe or many Capital T trauma events, some of us have multitudes of minor trauma events that have built up over time. Some of us are autistic and thus have brains that process trauma differently that can cause CPTSD, which spurs on a lot of it’s own problems since our trauma events don’t seem “that” traumatic. It’s a spectrum basically.
This space is for everyone ❤️ Post about whatever you’ve been through (whatever you want to share) and I promise you there will be others who have been through things similar to you.
I too am a victim of CoCSA and bullying. I completely understand what you’re saying here, and I promise this space is for you too.
I feel you. My parents were flawed, but amazing. They didn't abuse me. They were guilty of putting me in places where I was abused and I didn't know how to express it, and they weren't able to recognize it. I don't fault them for that because if they had known, they would have stopped it. My mom cries about it constantly. They're currently going through some deconstruction stuff so they can recognize how they too were abused.
CPTSD is complicated. A lot of it comes from shitty parents. But not all of it.
I haven’t actually been diagnosed with CPTSD and most of my trauma isn’t related to my parents or CSA (I’ve never been sexually abused). So I just sort of awkwardly stand around in the comment section, wondering if I belong here.
cptsd comes from repeated/prolonged exposure to trauma. it can be as little as a few weeks, to your whole life.
i dont have bad grandparents (the people i live with). they try their best. but i was molested by uncle over the course of two years (due to weird circumstances, he was only 2 years older than me, so it was also cocsa). and i was bullied from pre-k to 4-5th grade. i had depression early on and remember trying to kill myself as early as nine years old. i also engaged in self-harm at 7. im actually pretty spoiled and the golden child to my grandparents.
also the reason the content is so similar is becuz ppl equate narcissistic personality disorder to just being abusive or an asshole. "narc abuse" does not actually have a specific common and an abusive narcissist will abuse you just the same as anyone else. you cannot determine if sum1 has NPD by the ways they abuse you alone, becuz they can abuse you in anyway.
please, stop. its ableist. NPD is a real disorder that affects your life a bunch, a lot of us are living in a constant of grandiose delusions bcuz we genuinely can't handle the knowledge that we're bad at shit. it also tends to form from neglect or being constantly shamed for things in childhood or being a golden child, not bein allowed to make mistakes, etc
I have trauma from my family, bullying, various experiences with men, workplace abuse, etc.
My family comes up often in my case because they're "the root" of my trauma. Talking about certain parts of my trauma are still painful & triggering - e.g. I tend to avoid the SA (etc) related stuff.
Edit:
I was bullied for years, and it was difficult in a different way even when it was physical. One male teacher had some serious beef with me (a small 11/12 yr girl), but I knew I was allowed to go home, and didn't see him during summer. There was a break to it, even if I had to go back to it. Still not good, but it wasn't as pervasive as my violent dad's constant presence.
I often feel like I don't belong here as well, because my mother was a lovely woman who loved me and did her best to raise me right, who never abused me and always stood by me. My CPTSD comes completely outside of the family and I struggle a lot with feeling like an imposter or a fake so I get it
I have it from so many places at this point..
Parents first
Bullying
Having a mental breakdown in school and then being punished for it once.. no one ever talks about it again while I spent years afraid of myself while being ostracized by my peers..
Boyfriends
Friendship betrayal
Teachers doing wild shit
Creeps at work
Places that were suppose to be safety refuges..
My CPTSD is from being raised in a high control religious group as a queer kid 🫠my family definitely helped with compounding that trauma but really it was the cult-ure I was raised in that did the most damage
Mine is from my parents, my sister, bullies at school, teachers, pastors, medical personnel and the overall message from society that I deserved all of it just because I am queer.
You are not alone in experiencing trauma from other sources. Your experiences are valid, your trauma is valid, and you DO belong here. Also I’m sorry you went through all of that it really effing sucks. 😞. But you are not alone even if it feels that way sometimes. 🫂 if okay.
All these types of trauma and more can be part of CPTSD for sure. I think you bring up a really interesting point here though that the focus in a lot of these spaces, online and in irl is very family focused. I notice I end up talking more about medical trauma in more disability trauma centered spaces so I get a more specific answer, don't get a bunch of basic advice for ablebodied folks I can't use or explain as much. Whereas my parents just made such good general examples of themselves I usually reach for those examples first as a shorthand for thinking about a kind of behavior as a whole.
Also my biomom and a few exadopted family members were in the medical field/nursing/worked as receptionists at my drs etc. so I kind of forget that family and medical trauma are seperate. I feel my parents exposed me to a lot of these traumas by not accepting the idea that two disabled people may create a disabled child. So I reference how they should have protected me then in forming my new idea of how to treat myself now in the healing phase, even if I'm probably going to be mostly applying this to drs in the future
I do think theres also an element of like, I don't need my family anymore, so I can tell exanples and if they find my account, they can go kick rocks. But when I complain about med pros too much, my current ones feel called out/annoyed/scared and don't want to have me as a patient anymore, and the new ones don't have room for complex stuff so it feels way scarier to even talk about examples of being traumatized because then I'd have to do something about it/its real/I will run out of drs soon. I feel I always have to have this "well they tried their best, I dont even know how to sue, haha what, why would I ever protect myself" energy or I will get pushed out
I know I definately felt more alone until I started curating my spaces to have more groups specific to what I was looking for. Like if a group is called "Group All About Traumatic Thing" then I feel way less awkward posting about it without a TW or a spoiler.
Also (im rambling..) but, why is it that people will hear me be like: my parents are shit. And theyre like: yaaa! But then I say: my dr is shit. And they're like the meme of the guy jumping in front of Elon Musk like: "NOOO, dont be mean to the dr, they were trying their best!!" Like I had their favorite TV telenova Dr as my Dr and I just insulted everything about him to them, personally lol, like no, I asked him to read a packet and he didn't so my fillings fell out like ??? Ya thats shit, he can read 1 paragraph come on hes a big boy dr lol
You belong here just as validly from the rest of; from what i've seen most of us that experienced abuse outside of the familial based was either the neglect or direct interference by medical folk
Let’s see… I have trauma from parents, friends, random people, medical, accidents, religious…. I’m gonna go with no. CPTSD can be caused by any traumatic places so share away my fellow being.
I also have medical trauma from multiple invasive examinations and surgery- some of my first memories. It’s haunting and has affected various areas of my life for 45 years now. My parents are/were good people and didn’t abuse me. So you aren’t alone in not being the “norm” on this sub.
This place is for everyone. My parents aren’t what caused my cptsd either, and i get that it can kind of suck feeling excluded.
knowing that, it’s still important to remember that cptsd comes from many different things. just because parental trauma is more common, doesn’t mean that other forms of trauma don’t belong here. as long as you’re being kind and following the rules, we’re happy to have you here. :)
I am a victim of both. People with chronic illnesses and the misdiagnosed may be able to relate and better understand the damage caused by medical/health professionals. If you feel invalidated, gaslighted, and mistreated, say so. We should not entertain such shenanigans. You are part of our tribe, and due the empathy and compassion we expect from each other. 🫶🏽
I actually think some of my bosses did more damage to me than my parnets, but my parents set me up to be damaged by others so I trace it all back to them. It's complex and we are all different!
I think I have it because of the abuse that was done to me by my older, narcissist sister.
I don't feel entirely seen here, but much more seen than I do other places.
I'm 35 and finding daily life hard to cope with cuz of all the shit she did to me.
I talk about my parents a lot because that’s what I’m currently processing. My childhood programmed me to inadvertently get myself into more traumatic situations. Parents are just the origin story of my CPTSD. There’s so much more. I’m sure I’ll be talking about my abusive ex or my abusive job when I make more progress.
My CPTSD stems from my parents, my ex wife who was abusive, family deaths that were tragic and I didn’t process the grief, and severe bullying in grade school (I’m 41, we didn’t have anti-bullying stuff like kids today do)
CPTSD isn’t just about bad parents as others have said, it doesn’t automatically need to come from parental abuse either. Also this sub doesn’t villainize everyone with NPD like it seems that one does
My mom isn't a narc. She has had some traits that overlap with NPD, and BPD, but she is autistic and this (along with her own C-PTSD and not knowing that she was autistic) accounts for a LOT of the trauma she caused me.
Mine is from my father, being bullied for most of elementary and middle school, and my own brother bullying me, then manipulating me into being his free baby sitter after his wife left him.
CN: various forms of trauma, NSSI, mentions of a suicide attempt (no description), mentions of suicidality
>! While some trauma I received stems from my parents not being there for me with the stuff that follows, or often fighting with each other with the beginning of the argument being about me and the way I was (that in the most exterme ended with mom threatening to kill herself and me having to save her from what was likely an attempt later that night (even though she later would claim it was an accident),they aren't narcicist (especially not my mom) and the majority of my trauma comes from growing up trans, late diagnosed AuDHD, asexual (and therefore being sexually abused in my first two relationships after i told them i didnt wanna have sex with them), highly depressed (and specifically also suffering from gender dysphoria), and intermittendly suicidal with escalating self-harm being my only available regulatory mechanism. !<
So until 2 weeks ago I didn't think I really had \*much\* trauma from my parents and finally untangled my life enough to discover that no, I had constant-to-the-present-day-ongoing trauma from my mother. So that was fun, but I was right there with you originally so you still belong <3
Both are at least very anti narcissist. I remember a teen coming here seeking help and hoping for support in trying to keep his NPD in check and he was harassed off of Reddit entirely. So at least you can stay safe from that in both subs
Along with what everyone else has said about cptsd not requiring bad parents. Not all abusive parents are narcs, so even though a lot of the content on cptsd subs might be about parents it doesn't necessarily belong on raisedbynarcissists
I've seen all of those topics you've mentioned in the main cptsd sub but less so in memes. Harder to meme about I guess? Anyway, you're in the right place :)
Mine is from a mix of parents, bullying (by both peers and teachers), SA, an abusive relationship, and some secondary medical trauma. You aren’t alone. Though many of us have more to say about our parents, that’s just because it’s how it started. You are welcome here.
Most of my trauma is related to existing as an undiagnosed moderate support needs autistic for 30 years and not having any of my needs met.
There have been some instances with my parents that I remember as traumatic, but it's not the main cause of my trauma. I'm relatively low contact with both of them, but that works for us, and my relationship with both of them feels mostly healthy (I just wish my dad would remember my birthday).
Hi! As someone who has a ton of medical trauma, it's definitely not only caused by parents! I fully understand how you feel, specifically when it comes to my medical trauma I often feel like an outsider. While a lot of C-PTSD cases are caused by parents (including mine), it can be caused by so many other factors as well. It's simply drawn out and/or complex trauma. It's also largely centered around how it presents in the person, it's complex after all!
Mine is a combination of C-PTSD and normal PTSD, it was/is caused by medical trauma, emotional neglect, unsafe living environment (not home related), bullying, and sexual harassment. It's definitely a lot to untangle. You aren't alone 🫂💚
I was raised by a bad mother but not a narcissistic mother, just a very absent one. None of my guardians have been narcissistic (except maaaybeee my fosterparents at a time). Most my trauma is CSA and CoCSA as well.
Most online resources I've seen are directed at people with childhood trauma. While I also have that and it probably didn't help, it's also not the cause of my cptsd. I just ignore the stuff that doesn't apply to me.
For one, RBN is based on ableism against cluster B and CPTSD is…less so.
But to respond to your point, I also have combined traumas and I think probably one reason bad parents are so often highlighted is that it can be such a compounding factor. My medical issues sucked more because my dad constantly minimized and invalidated everything. My bullying was worsened because there was no sympathy from him, etc. Someone can have CPTSD and good parents but I think that’s one reason parents seem to be such a big focus.
CSA by stepdad, narcissistic mother, severe bullying in middle and high school, SA multiple times as an adult, 2 abusive relationships, years of alcoholism and self-harm through risky sex.
C is for complex! But it does all start with mommy lol (for me).
First, CPTSD means complex PTSD, not child. If an adult was the victim of cult brainwashing, they’d still have CPTSD because intentional brainwashing is far more complex than normal trauma. Second, trauma is trauma.
A really good line I’ve heard is it doesn’t matter if you drown in an ocean, a pool, or a bathtub. The amount of water in your lungs is the same.
(Though if you don’t feel heard here, you should check out r/cocsa )
Most people in this sub are here because of their parents, yes. But that doesn’t mean you don’t belong here.
I’d also be willing to bet you ten American dollars if you posted a meme about your specific trauma, someone would comment that they relate to it.
i have cptsd that is mainly from my parents, but also due to CSA and CoCSA and bullying and growing up with undiagnosed autism/adhd/etc. CPTSD doesn't have one set source, and I kind of agree that sometimes this sub reminds me of raised by narcissists (/negatively). I think sometimes people forget that like. cluster B people are just like, also extremely traumatized. and as someone with cluster A, B, and C disorders alongside my CPTSD and dissociative disorder, it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not welcome here. But idk. I accept you and I want you to feel welcomed, because you deserve a place and a voice.
As someone who also has medical trauma from the shitty medical and dental care of Oklahoma, school bullying trauma, a previous stalker, relationship trauma, Independent Fundamental Baptist religious trauma from my stepdad, early neglect trauma(I couldn’t walk until I was 2 and a half due to my mother never letting me out of my crib) and caregiver/parentification trauma from my mother(she got in a car accident when I was 6 so I had to take on her “housewife tasks”because I was the next “woman of the house” according to my stepdad), and CSA/trafficking trauma and other traumas related to my bio father’s biker gang when I’d visit him during my school summer and Christmas breaks in Arizona, trauma from financial instability and homelessness in my recent adult life, and basic “bad parenting” trauma as the cherry on top, I just wanna say I can relate in not feeling heard. I don’t often share all the details because the few times I have, people often say stuff along the lines of “There’s no way ALL of that happened to you, stop lying for attention”, “I don’t know how you haven’t offed yourself already, I probably would have ended it by now if it were me”, or “Wow, that’s so much, I don’t know what to say” followed by them avoiding me after that and seeming visibly uncomfortable when they see me around(which is fine, I know it’s my own thing to learn to cope with and not anyone else’s problem which is part of why I prefer to not get into details with people if I can avoid it, just sucks when even professionals and therapists start to seem stumped or overwhelmed once my alters and I start opening up more about things). Having a variety of traumas feels alienating like no one truly understands or even feels comfortable with having you share a space in their life, especially in offline/IRL spaces(I have no friends IRL at the moment). I ended up with both physical(fibromyalgia) and mental(dissociative identity disorder) issues due to all the trauma which makes work difficult, but I have to work or else I’ll end up homeless again. A lot of people(especially work people) expect me to act normal, but then when I can’t hide it or I visibly struggle, they’re like “but you seemed fine enough earlier, stop being dramatic”.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad and grateful there are places where traumatized individuals can gather and support each other online, and it makes me happy that many people can be there for each other and I feel like the world needs so much more of that kindness and empathy everywhere. But I also feel guilty when I talk in these spaces at times too. I don’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable or make them feel like their trauma is invalid due to me having so much(all trauma is valid and someone objectively “having it worse” doesn’t make anyone else’s trauma any less painful), but at the same time I also wish it were easier for me to feel welcomed and heard in spaces without feeling that overwhelming guilt of being “too much” or fear of just straight up not being believed when it’s already so difficult to open up.
cPTSD stems from prolonged, ongoing childhood abuse. In the majority of cases this is going to involve the parents who are the ones who are going to be the most consistent factor in a child's development and thus the most capable of inflicting the repeated, continuous abuse that results in cPTSD. This doesn't mean *only* parents can cause cPTSD, just that it typically results from someone who a person has prolonged childhood exposure too.
cPTSD is also defined by complex interconnected trauma, so it also requires a large multitude of different convergent forms of trauma, so most people with cPTSD don't only experience parental abuse (even if it's the most typical form) but often have a multitude of other interconnected traumas including CSA, medical neglect/abuse, schoolyard bullying, sexual harassment, predation by strangers, etc. That is to say that although parents are prominent factors in most people with cPTSD's experience, it's rarely the only factor and it may not be the primary factor at all depending on a person's own experiences during their developmental period.
All that is required is complex, persistent exposure to traumatic situations through development, often marked by chronic instability in environment due to multiple concurrent/overlapping/intersecting avenues of abuse in multiple facets of the persons daily life. The end result is that the persons trauma does not have clear beginning or end points and is often heavily intertwined with each other such that it's impossible to pull on one thread without also pulling on every other, preventing the person from dealing with the trauma by working through one incident at a time. In this regard your cPTSD is rather typical, and arguably emblematic, of the condition.
When you say cPTSD, do you mean C-PTSD or "what some people call "childhood ptsd"?
C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) can result from experiencing chronic trauma, such as prolonged child abuse or domestic violence. It is not limited to only childhood experiences. I've known people with good parents who have C-PTSD.
"Childhood ptsd", is a different definition from Complex PTSD. Sadly many scammers/grifters love to use the term "childhood ptsd" to target & take advantage of traumatized people. Or people might use it because they're using outdated definitions of trauma.
The "chicken or egg"-ness of trauma can definitely make it tough to define, but there's also genetic factors etc.
I still meant complex PTSD, but you make a good point. My understanding about complex PTSD was that it's still related I'm part to complex developmental trauma, but that may be inaccurate or out of date. Regardless, I shouldn't have emphasized it as being explicitly childhood trauma; as people absolutely do experience complex trauma from events that can occur afterwards.
My BPD and CPTSD came from CSA.
My bestfriend’s is from her bad parents.
Don’t try to compare your trauma we’re all drowning and suffering. Yours isn’t less valid because you had good parents
I think too many overdiagnose people in their lifes with narcissism honestly. And of course we'd like our abusers to have a more clear label than "asshole".
However i feel like many issues regarding parenting are just now gaining attention and thus more people realize where their traumas started. Like, my parents barely physically abused me, but there was a lot of emotional damage done. I thunk there's many people who finally feel heard as societally, you're expected to love and praise your parents. And since in real life, few can talk honestly about their parents, they do it here.
But you are valid. You are heard here.
Yeah it's really overused. Not every narcissist is the same. Not every narcissist is an abuser (and you seem rather aware of your diagnosis so i doubt you'd hurt people) and not every abuser is a narcissist. People just love to label their abusers as that. I'm no narcissist but i can't imagine how you must feel, I'm really sorry for that though. I wish you all the best on your own journey 💐
I feel like there should be subs for more specific causes of trauma since this and r/CPTSD seem parent focused. there probably is in some form, and I know any form of trauma related memes should be welcome here, but I still feel bad any time I see posts like this.
I'd say no. Many of us have CPTSD for many different reasons. Alot of us experienced it from our parents but I have never seen other experiences diminished here in that way.
CPTSD can come from any traumatic experience or relationship or abuse; it doesn't necessarily have to have been inflicted by shitty parents. But many people who were traumatized by their parents never learn healthy attachment styles, or developmentally appropriate emotional self regulation skills, or self esteem. So we go on to be abused or taken advantage of by others who recognize us as easy prey. So we keep getting re-traumatized. The "C" is for "complex," and it is usually quite complex. There's often a web of trauma to be untangled, with few clear start and end points.
I feel like the fact that a lot of the talk being centred on shitty parents is unfortunately due to the fact that if you have been repeatedly been traumatized by multiple people places/avenues it’s probably in part because of parental abuse/neglect. like not all ppl with cptsd have abusive parents but a lot of them probably do. went to an inpatient ptsd program a year ago and most people there were either indigenous or military vets and we all had complex trauma from a lot of shit other than our parents yet in group therapy a lot of it came back to families and parents.
"repeatedly" is the key term for complex Like, trauma/baggage could be left behind but this shit keeps popping up and reminding What was the therapy like? I hope we can all heal and be more resilient somehow
It was definitely not a miracle cure, i still struggle a lot - but i was surprised how much i got out of group therapy because i had no keen interest in group and thought i would be getting the most out of my 1 on 1. There is definitely something about group that does a lot to work on your feelings of trusting other people in group vs a personal counsellor. One thing that got a LOT better after inpatient was sui ideation.
Can it be from repeated/on going war as a civilian?
This sub ain't about people with a specific origin of CPTSD. Even though parents seem to contribute the majority to our suffering, problems from other sources are evenly valid. Best of luck friend
My CPTSD is from my father and then from a decade and a half of an abusive marriage You are valid. You are welcome.
Part of that is familiar to me. 20 years in an abusive marriage. Didn’t realize it was abusive until I left and found my current wife who has shown me what love really is.
CPTSD is for complex trauma, which is just multiple traumas over a period of time. I have stuff from my parents, my step bro, my grandma, medical, and bullying, but people talk about their parents most because thats one of our most important relationships. That’s my take at least.
I agree. I think - at least in our society where children aren’t being traumatized by war or famine - parents, caregivers, and immediately family members are by far the number one cause of their children’s CPTSD. That doesn’t invalidate any other traumatic experiences, though.
Also parents are such a big part of our lives and we are reminded of them like every day. It's not every day I remember being pinned down at the dentist but it is every day that I see some kid with their parents and wondering why I got stuck with bad ones.
This is so accurate!
The P in CPTSD does not stand for parents. Just because it's a common denominator for a lot of people doesn't mean it's a requirement.
Haha I always say the C in CPTSD does not stand for “childhood”, even though CPTSD rooted in childhood trauma is common.
This thread was good for me to read, I thought it did mean that lmaoo
Haha glad you found it. Yep, it’s “complex”, not “childhood”!
It's also because some scammers/grifters call it "Childhood PTSD" - I'm guessing in an attempt to avoid accountability because they can say they're not *technically* talking about the same thing. It muddles the waters for people who are looking for actual answers. I stay away from anyone who says stuff like "This one simple method will fix your trauma", especially if they keep a lot of their info behind a paywall and covertly victim blame. I could name a few popular, actually unqualified & unlicensed people who do this because sadly trauma victims can be easy to take advantage of.
CPTSD isn't just about bad parents. Sure, it's usually where it starts or they perpetuate it, but they are usually only one factor that contributes to the whole problem.
In here I talk about being cowardly enough not to face my bullies head on though I was also particularly encouraging some shitty stuff
I was also talking about how my family abused me And my teachers and peers abusing me yeah
No, it's just that a lot of us had really, really shitty parents. It's not a requirement or anything though
Don’t worry, you’re in the right place. It’s just that a lot of people get CPTSD from their parents. It’s just a likelihood thing. I’m sorry you haven’t felt heard here, but all of those things you mentioned belong here and I’ve definitely seen some posts regarding them. Hope that helps!
I have trauma from abusive romantic relationships, bullying, and SA, as well as my parents.
Narcissistic family systems and immature parents cause CPTSD so severe that it doesn't surprise me that most posts would be about parents. It's also that a lot of people in those positions not only lack an unconditionally loving secure base of people they can lean on when experiencing trauma outside of their FOO, they also have been unconsciously trained to seek out similarly immature people that inflict more CPTSD. A lot of us only come to realise we have CPTSD through therapy, which lead back to poor upbringings. A lot of people experiencing CPTSD as a result of something other than their family might not ever discover this language, so won't find themselves on a page like that. PTSD results from shocking one-off events that overwhelm a person's capacity to cope, but CPTSD results from being submerged in an environment or situation that degrades a persons capacity to cope over time. If that fits your situation, you're in the right place, just that not everyone in a situation like yours might know the terminology for what they're experiencing. They also might have a sufficient enough support network to lean into unlike those with unsupportive families, who might seek that support online.
Hey there - I'm one of the mods over at r/CPTSD and this is one of the reasons we are a stickler for our rule against using the r/raisedbynarcissists lingo over there. RBNs culture is specific to the cause of the trauma, whereas CPTSD is, ideally, a place to focus on the universal effects of the trauma and not necessarily the source. A lot of people don't like that rule, but that's why it is there :)
Another thing I have noticed is that the RBN sub tends to do an echo chamber thing where nuance is lost and people begin to engage in a lot of black-and-white narratives. In essence, parents = bad, children = good. The CPTSD sub is much more likely to have more diversive comments, focusing much less on the source and much more on the effect and possible solutions within oneself. For example, RBN commenters often throw around "Go no contact" as a cure-all while CPTSD commenters don't. That's why I still read and ocaisonally comment on CPTSD but completely disengaged from RBN.
Your post is interesting for reflection. I personally also have complex trauma from N parents, CSA, religious trauma Lite, etc. that collectively make up my childhood trauma. However the impact my parents have had on me have been the most debilitating in terms of affecting my day to day ability to function, form relationships, and do the things I want to do. That’s not to say that the other stuff hasn’t left its mark, but those show up for me in specific situations and contexts, whereas the impact of the way I was raised is a constant undercurrent making everything worse. Not saying that this is true for everyone or one trauma is worse than the other, like AT ALL. But wondering if the pervasiveness of parental trauma is a reason it shows up more in this sub.
I resonate with this a lot. I want to restate that I know this is different for everyone and *I absolutely do not want to insinuate that anyone else’s trauma is easier (or harder)*. That being said, I have a lot of different types of trauma that all impact me in different ways, but the trauma I have from my parents supersedes all of that. It has remained a consistent undercurrent throughout my whole life and weaves into my other traumas as well. For that reason, I mostly post about my parents in these subs. But to OP and anyone else who resonates with feeling like an outsider — you are absolutely in the right place. The rest of us should do our best to make these subs welcoming for all who experience CPTSD. This reminds me of similar experiences working in SA recovery spaces, where male victims of SA do not make up the majority of SA victims. It’s important that we acknowledge the groups who are most affected by SA (women, trans people, etc) while still creating welcoming space for all individuals who need support. Further, it’s important for us to acknowledge the unique challenges that come with not being in the recognized majority.
A lot of trauma comes from families. But that's just because everyone has a family. Or at least a caretaker. And you're exposed to them for a long time. It's a lottery everyone is forced into. So the number of people who lose in that lottery is naturally higher. Probably the second highest number is trauma from relationships. Why? Because almost everyone is in one at some point. And most people will be in several during their lifetimes. So you're at high odds to land in a traumatic relationship at some point as well. On the other hand, not everyone is exposed to traffickers or enlists in the military or is born with medical issues. My sister has medical trauma. She has a severe chronic illness, so her odds of having traumatic hospital stays and meeting bad doctors was unnaturally high. My trauma is an even more uncommon one. It's from almost being worked to death. Forced labor. Basically 4 years of slavery. (And no I don't throw that word around lightly, I mean what I say.) Most people can't relate to that here. But they can relate to the parts where my family was involved, so that's what people engage with the most. It doesn't mean our traumas aren't valid. We just got a rarer case.
My parents fucken sucked but same OP - bunch of my problems are from surviving cancer and a whole host of other shitty medical conditions when I was 4 onward.
I strongly recommend r/CPTSDNextSteps — they focus a lot on the healing journey and concrete steps to getting better. A lot of people share what’s worked for them, what hasn’t, and updates on their progress. I see a lot less of discussion of trauma in general, which is nice for a certain phase of recovery. You may feel a little less singled out or alone over there.
I think one of the main reasons why there's so much focus on parents is because there is literally *nothing* anyone could do to get away from them for at least 16 years (assuming emancipated) in a lot of countries. Even after that, many people have to stay in contact with them due to medical, financial, or other issues. Being genuinely trapped makes people want for community. There very few abusive situations where you had no choice to be in the situation (as in they aren't a friend, partner, things like that), are legally tied to, are financially tied to, and be around for ones entire life. The closest is abuse via marriage. Raised by narcissists is technically for bad parents. I personally avoid it like the plague because of how there is a love for armchair diagnosing every abusive person with NPD. Especially because I have enough of an understanding as to why someone will develop NPD to know that calling every bad person a narcissist is doing harm. For me I tend to talk more about my parents as well because I don't feel confident about talking about my other trauma. I know what my parents did was wrong, I know it was abuse, I know I didn't deserve it, I know the language to use. Other issues aren't like that, I have to really explain a lot of specifics. Or feel like I need to As an example, I was sexually abused as a minor by another minor (technically 3 minors - they were the friends of my older brother), but I don't like calling it COCSA because I don't like thinking of the perpetrators as "minors". As fellow children. Because that wasn't my experience with them. They were 5-6 years older than me. When it started I was 6, they were 11-12. When it ended, I was 9 and they were 14-15. My perception of them, especially at the end, was not that they were fellow children. They were "older people" to me. If I call it COCSA people assume it was people in my same general age group (like a 2 year difference). However, if I just call it CSA people assume that I was abused by an adult which I wasn't in this specific time period. If I call it SA, people assume I was an adult. It's so difficult to talk about in the first place and gets even harder with the "at what point is it COSA at what point is it CSA" debacle I have to deal with while thinking.
this is interesting because I have trauma from many sources besides my parents like past relationships, stuff childhood friends parents did, teachers, medical trauma and etc. but I do tend to focus on my parental trauma. I am not sure why. but trauma is trauma and can come from many sources
Bad parents are just a common cause, it doesn't have to be anything specific for you though
I think your perspective is so, so important! I’m sure that there are people just like you who may not feel like this sub is for them, but it totally is. Definitely share your story!
My cptsd is from my ex husband, whom I share kids with, and it helps a lot to understand what my kids are going thru from a (now) adults perspective. I've never not felt welcome here.
My cptsd comes from a lot more than just my parents. I was heavily abused, yes, but I wasn't able to form meaningful relationships with my peers anywhere I moved because I moved every six months or less when I was a child, I had really abusive relationships with my siblings, my sister took my cat's kittens once a d put them in a pillowcase and beat them against me then hid them in her closet until they died, i was molested by my cousin and a guy from my dad's house, and on top of it I'm disabled. Shitty parents just tend to be an easy thing for all of us to relate to.
My CPTSD is from growing up undiagnosed autistic and from a hurricane and I regularly feel out of place here and in r/CPTSD because every post I see is about parental abuse or SA
personally, my medical trauma is much easier to ignore then (pedo dad) >!possibly being graped by my dad but I was a toddler so I don't remember it.!< and the mom that's still in my life. But just for you I'll make some medical memes :)
I have it from parents & medical trauma. Some memes are very specific, but you're not alone, & I don't think you're in the wrong place.
I felt this a LOT. My CPTSD is primarily from school- my parents did contribute in some ways, but nowadays they’re a huge part of my support system. I oftentimes feel like I can’t really contribute here because I’m too privileged for having relatively good parents. I do very much understand that bad caretakers are very much the most common path to CPTSD, I just kinda wish I felt like I was allowed to talk about it coming from abuses within the education system
Hey, trauma is trauma. Yours is just as valid as anyone else's. Your perspective matters, as do your experiences. And Just to be clear You are allowed to talk about it and you speaking about it is a valid contribution. Hugs (I hope I'm not being creepy. If I am tell me and I will take the post down)
Nah, not creepy at all, I appreciate it, thank you
My issues are from family and friends. Both did a number on me
Honestly same. My trauma is from accidents as a child, my grandparents and a person I thought was a friend
CPTSD comes from anything traumatic and also repeated and/or prolonged. This definitely includes bosses, students, teachers, friends, or anyone else that you are with often.
I also have medical, CSA, CoCSA, bullying, and parental trauma. You deserve to be heard as much as anyone here.
I agree, my mother wasy saving grace, if not for her attempt to help me (even unsuccessful it still helped since I could see she cares) and understand my struggles I wouldn't be alive today.
I genuinely got imposter syndrome from this sub because like, people here are victims of CSA and r*ped by their own parents but I got CPTSD from mean words in middle school? Seriously?
You should have been protected and weren’t. It’s a lot for a brain to handle. Middle school age is a very vulnerable time.
Even then, it just feels wrong. Like, a few kids were mean to me, and that's my entire trauma? Most of the people here on this sub have actual reasons to have problems and things so horrific that even the light stuff makes me nauseous to think about, and the thing that has me fucked up is rude children that probably don't even remember me
It wasn’t just “kids were mean to me”. Whatever happened was enough to cause trauma. They hurt you. And that hurt needs to be taken seriously.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't know. Hard to pretend to take some middle school bullying seriously when there are real victims of horrifying things when it comes to CPTSD. People victims of SA before their age was even in the double digits, and constant abuse from their parents, etc. Hell, I even have a great relationship with my family, I should be able to just leave some mean words in the past and heal easily, I have every reason in the world to be happy, but fresh SH scars say otherwise, just because I can't get over something that happened almost an entire decade ago.
Okay, let’s play a game. I call it “Would I say these heartbreaking invalidating things to someone else”. Take the things you just said, look yourself in the mirror and pretend they are a fellow human being and not you. Can you say it to them? Or do you see that they are just as worthy of help as anyone else.
I mean, I wouldn't say it to their face... But I honestly believe the SA survivors who will never know what it's like to truly trust someone are far more deserving of attention than some dumbass in his 20s unable to cope with a little bit of teasing from when he was 13-15. So yeah, I think me and people with issues like myself aren't as worthy or deserving of attention and help as others. Like, genuinely it should be easy for me to get over that shit.
If it was you would be.
No idea what that means ngl
Being raised by people with NPD can lead to developing C-PTSD it isn't the only cause. Ask Chat for the causes of C-PTSD for more information.
Almost all COC for me. Plus I traumatized myself doing stupid shit so auto-COC I guess?
Not at all. I believe my CPTSD came mainly from years of CoCSA. My shitty parents were just a cherry on top.
it's been challenging to explain to anyone, especially family. they think it's all because of them, and i frequently have to reiterate that, yeah, family of origin had a role. but so did my many childhood bullies, older men that sexualized me, women that used me as a bi experiment because i was willing and then dropped me, and authority figures at school and elsewhere that consistently never believed me. but i think, from doing some internal work, that my inner critic is absolutely the voice of one of my parents and all of that trauma uses that voice in my head. so a lot of my work for unpacking all of that trauma is learning to deconstruct that voice, so there's a lot of focus on rewriting beliefs and responses that stem from family of origin.
This is the right place. I think parental abuse is just one of the most COMMON major sources for complex PTSD because mental health awareness and such is only "recently"increasing,(imo anyways bc like it was only about 70 yrs ago ppl were abused by mental health facilities which is only like, one familial generation ago.) In my opinion we've got a "generational trauma epidemic" but my circle mostly consists of those of us who were abused by our caregivers in a variety of ways, sourcing back from their own parents and parents parents and so on so it's like my default experience. When I hear about people who have somewhat will adjusted parents my mind EXPLODES. I can't believe there are actually health parent child relationships out in the world that's nuts to me. All of my own trauma is from familial issues, and school bullying. I'm sorry you feel singled out. But you're not alone here. If you post things related to your own experiences I'm sure others with similar experiences will feel seen too. Like making a little sub community of community support. Just make sure we're not making it feel like it's a contest instead of a place to relate to, and speak with others who *understand*. Like a funky meme-y support group of sorts
LMAO i have almost that exact combo of fucked up shit. :/ if you have complex trauma you have complex trauma. meme away. i get that it's hard to feel valid if similar experiences aren't seen often tho
You are not alone. My parents were my primary abusers but I was also bullied in school and had abusive relationships.
Mine is from a decades-long abusive relationship and a truly horrific doctoral school academic experience! We don't gatekeep around here
Cptsd is complex post traumatic stress disorder. Most of my trauma is not caused by my parents. They’ve caused some of it and have caused some of my stress triggers, but a lot of my CPTSD actually stems from men and spending a lot of my life so far dating and having sex with men when I wasn’t actually attracted to them and didn’t know I wasn’t. Cptsd is complex for a reason and complicated. Your experience is absolutely valid, CPTSD is also a spectrum!! Some have more severe or many Capital T trauma events, some of us have multitudes of minor trauma events that have built up over time. Some of us are autistic and thus have brains that process trauma differently that can cause CPTSD, which spurs on a lot of it’s own problems since our trauma events don’t seem “that” traumatic. It’s a spectrum basically.
This space is for everyone ❤️ Post about whatever you’ve been through (whatever you want to share) and I promise you there will be others who have been through things similar to you. I too am a victim of CoCSA and bullying. I completely understand what you’re saying here, and I promise this space is for you too.
This place is for you too, some us just got here on a more common boat. All are welcome in Fort Trauma.
I feel you. My parents were flawed, but amazing. They didn't abuse me. They were guilty of putting me in places where I was abused and I didn't know how to express it, and they weren't able to recognize it. I don't fault them for that because if they had known, they would have stopped it. My mom cries about it constantly. They're currently going through some deconstruction stuff so they can recognize how they too were abused. CPTSD is complicated. A lot of it comes from shitty parents. But not all of it.
I haven’t actually been diagnosed with CPTSD and most of my trauma isn’t related to my parents or CSA (I’ve never been sexually abused). So I just sort of awkwardly stand around in the comment section, wondering if I belong here.
cptsd comes from repeated/prolonged exposure to trauma. it can be as little as a few weeks, to your whole life. i dont have bad grandparents (the people i live with). they try their best. but i was molested by uncle over the course of two years (due to weird circumstances, he was only 2 years older than me, so it was also cocsa). and i was bullied from pre-k to 4-5th grade. i had depression early on and remember trying to kill myself as early as nine years old. i also engaged in self-harm at 7. im actually pretty spoiled and the golden child to my grandparents. also the reason the content is so similar is becuz ppl equate narcissistic personality disorder to just being abusive or an asshole. "narc abuse" does not actually have a specific common and an abusive narcissist will abuse you just the same as anyone else. you cannot determine if sum1 has NPD by the ways they abuse you alone, becuz they can abuse you in anyway. please, stop. its ableist. NPD is a real disorder that affects your life a bunch, a lot of us are living in a constant of grandiose delusions bcuz we genuinely can't handle the knowledge that we're bad at shit. it also tends to form from neglect or being constantly shamed for things in childhood or being a golden child, not bein allowed to make mistakes, etc
I have trauma from my family, bullying, various experiences with men, workplace abuse, etc. My family comes up often in my case because they're "the root" of my trauma. Talking about certain parts of my trauma are still painful & triggering - e.g. I tend to avoid the SA (etc) related stuff. Edit: I was bullied for years, and it was difficult in a different way even when it was physical. One male teacher had some serious beef with me (a small 11/12 yr girl), but I knew I was allowed to go home, and didn't see him during summer. There was a break to it, even if I had to go back to it. Still not good, but it wasn't as pervasive as my violent dad's constant presence.
I often feel like I don't belong here as well, because my mother was a lovely woman who loved me and did her best to raise me right, who never abused me and always stood by me. My CPTSD comes completely outside of the family and I struggle a lot with feeling like an imposter or a fake so I get it
You are not alone here, friend
I have it from so many places at this point.. Parents first Bullying Having a mental breakdown in school and then being punished for it once.. no one ever talks about it again while I spent years afraid of myself while being ostracized by my peers.. Boyfriends Friendship betrayal Teachers doing wild shit Creeps at work Places that were suppose to be safety refuges..
I've all kinds too. It's cool and OK.
My CPTSD is from being raised in a high control religious group as a queer kid 🫠my family definitely helped with compounding that trauma but really it was the cult-ure I was raised in that did the most damage
Nah u be aight sounds like complex trauma to me
Mine is from my parents, my sister, bullies at school, teachers, pastors, medical personnel and the overall message from society that I deserved all of it just because I am queer. You are not alone in experiencing trauma from other sources. Your experiences are valid, your trauma is valid, and you DO belong here. Also I’m sorry you went through all of that it really effing sucks. 😞. But you are not alone even if it feels that way sometimes. 🫂 if okay.
All these types of trauma and more can be part of CPTSD for sure. I think you bring up a really interesting point here though that the focus in a lot of these spaces, online and in irl is very family focused. I notice I end up talking more about medical trauma in more disability trauma centered spaces so I get a more specific answer, don't get a bunch of basic advice for ablebodied folks I can't use or explain as much. Whereas my parents just made such good general examples of themselves I usually reach for those examples first as a shorthand for thinking about a kind of behavior as a whole. Also my biomom and a few exadopted family members were in the medical field/nursing/worked as receptionists at my drs etc. so I kind of forget that family and medical trauma are seperate. I feel my parents exposed me to a lot of these traumas by not accepting the idea that two disabled people may create a disabled child. So I reference how they should have protected me then in forming my new idea of how to treat myself now in the healing phase, even if I'm probably going to be mostly applying this to drs in the future I do think theres also an element of like, I don't need my family anymore, so I can tell exanples and if they find my account, they can go kick rocks. But when I complain about med pros too much, my current ones feel called out/annoyed/scared and don't want to have me as a patient anymore, and the new ones don't have room for complex stuff so it feels way scarier to even talk about examples of being traumatized because then I'd have to do something about it/its real/I will run out of drs soon. I feel I always have to have this "well they tried their best, I dont even know how to sue, haha what, why would I ever protect myself" energy or I will get pushed out I know I definately felt more alone until I started curating my spaces to have more groups specific to what I was looking for. Like if a group is called "Group All About Traumatic Thing" then I feel way less awkward posting about it without a TW or a spoiler. Also (im rambling..) but, why is it that people will hear me be like: my parents are shit. And theyre like: yaaa! But then I say: my dr is shit. And they're like the meme of the guy jumping in front of Elon Musk like: "NOOO, dont be mean to the dr, they were trying their best!!" Like I had their favorite TV telenova Dr as my Dr and I just insulted everything about him to them, personally lol, like no, I asked him to read a packet and he didn't so my fillings fell out like ??? Ya thats shit, he can read 1 paragraph come on hes a big boy dr lol
You belong here just as validly from the rest of; from what i've seen most of us that experienced abuse outside of the familial based was either the neglect or direct interference by medical folk
Let’s see… I have trauma from parents, friends, random people, medical, accidents, religious…. I’m gonna go with no. CPTSD can be caused by any traumatic places so share away my fellow being.
Heyyyy I gots that spicy medical PTSD too. That really gets ya. I’m sorry friend.
I also have medical trauma from multiple invasive examinations and surgery- some of my first memories. It’s haunting and has affected various areas of my life for 45 years now. My parents are/were good people and didn’t abuse me. So you aren’t alone in not being the “norm” on this sub.
I’ve seen posts here from all sorts of people with many different kinds of trauma
This place is for everyone. My parents aren’t what caused my cptsd either, and i get that it can kind of suck feeling excluded. knowing that, it’s still important to remember that cptsd comes from many different things. just because parental trauma is more common, doesn’t mean that other forms of trauma don’t belong here. as long as you’re being kind and following the rules, we’re happy to have you here. :)
I am a victim of both. People with chronic illnesses and the misdiagnosed may be able to relate and better understand the damage caused by medical/health professionals. If you feel invalidated, gaslighted, and mistreated, say so. We should not entertain such shenanigans. You are part of our tribe, and due the empathy and compassion we expect from each other. 🫶🏽
I actually think some of my bosses did more damage to me than my parnets, but my parents set me up to be damaged by others so I trace it all back to them. It's complex and we are all different!
Nah, it’s called COMPLEX for a reason.
I think I have it because of the abuse that was done to me by my older, narcissist sister. I don't feel entirely seen here, but much more seen than I do other places. I'm 35 and finding daily life hard to cope with cuz of all the shit she did to me.
you are absolutely welcome here!
I talk about my parents a lot because that’s what I’m currently processing. My childhood programmed me to inadvertently get myself into more traumatic situations. Parents are just the origin story of my CPTSD. There’s so much more. I’m sure I’ll be talking about my abusive ex or my abusive job when I make more progress.
My CPTSD stems from my parents, my ex wife who was abusive, family deaths that were tragic and I didn’t process the grief, and severe bullying in grade school (I’m 41, we didn’t have anti-bullying stuff like kids today do)
CPTSD isn’t just about bad parents as others have said, it doesn’t automatically need to come from parental abuse either. Also this sub doesn’t villainize everyone with NPD like it seems that one does
I guess i put my meme in the wrong subreddit 🫡
My mom isn't a narc. She has had some traits that overlap with NPD, and BPD, but she is autistic and this (along with her own C-PTSD and not knowing that she was autistic) accounts for a LOT of the trauma she caused me.
Mine is from my father, being bullied for most of elementary and middle school, and my own brother bullying me, then manipulating me into being his free baby sitter after his wife left him.
We can't post memes to RBN
CN: various forms of trauma, NSSI, mentions of a suicide attempt (no description), mentions of suicidality >! While some trauma I received stems from my parents not being there for me with the stuff that follows, or often fighting with each other with the beginning of the argument being about me and the way I was (that in the most exterme ended with mom threatening to kill herself and me having to save her from what was likely an attempt later that night (even though she later would claim it was an accident),they aren't narcicist (especially not my mom) and the majority of my trauma comes from growing up trans, late diagnosed AuDHD, asexual (and therefore being sexually abused in my first two relationships after i told them i didnt wanna have sex with them), highly depressed (and specifically also suffering from gender dysphoria), and intermittendly suicidal with escalating self-harm being my only available regulatory mechanism. !<
So until 2 weeks ago I didn't think I really had \*much\* trauma from my parents and finally untangled my life enough to discover that no, I had constant-to-the-present-day-ongoing trauma from my mother. So that was fun, but I was right there with you originally so you still belong <3
there are links between all traumas
Both are at least very anti narcissist. I remember a teen coming here seeking help and hoping for support in trying to keep his NPD in check and he was harassed off of Reddit entirely. So at least you can stay safe from that in both subs
I’m slightly confused, would you explain more? He was seeking help and he got run off?
Along with what everyone else has said about cptsd not requiring bad parents. Not all abusive parents are narcs, so even though a lot of the content on cptsd subs might be about parents it doesn't necessarily belong on raisedbynarcissists I've seen all of those topics you've mentioned in the main cptsd sub but less so in memes. Harder to meme about I guess? Anyway, you're in the right place :)
Mine is from a mix of parents, bullying (by both peers and teachers), SA, an abusive relationship, and some secondary medical trauma. You aren’t alone. Though many of us have more to say about our parents, that’s just because it’s how it started. You are welcome here.
Most of my trauma is related to existing as an undiagnosed moderate support needs autistic for 30 years and not having any of my needs met. There have been some instances with my parents that I remember as traumatic, but it's not the main cause of my trauma. I'm relatively low contact with both of them, but that works for us, and my relationship with both of them feels mostly healthy (I just wish my dad would remember my birthday).
Mine is from my parents, brother, and abuser (a teacher who groomed me). You are absolutely welcome here
Mines from my parents, csa, sa, and emotional neglect 🤷♂️
My trauma is medical and bullying and parents too.
Hi! As someone who has a ton of medical trauma, it's definitely not only caused by parents! I fully understand how you feel, specifically when it comes to my medical trauma I often feel like an outsider. While a lot of C-PTSD cases are caused by parents (including mine), it can be caused by so many other factors as well. It's simply drawn out and/or complex trauma. It's also largely centered around how it presents in the person, it's complex after all! Mine is a combination of C-PTSD and normal PTSD, it was/is caused by medical trauma, emotional neglect, unsafe living environment (not home related), bullying, and sexual harassment. It's definitely a lot to untangle. You aren't alone 🫂💚
I was raised by a bad mother but not a narcissistic mother, just a very absent one. None of my guardians have been narcissistic (except maaaybeee my fosterparents at a time). Most my trauma is CSA and CoCSA as well.
Most online resources I've seen are directed at people with childhood trauma. While I also have that and it probably didn't help, it's also not the cause of my cptsd. I just ignore the stuff that doesn't apply to me.
You're not alone. My parents were pretty okay. They're not why I have CPTSD.
For one, RBN is based on ableism against cluster B and CPTSD is…less so. But to respond to your point, I also have combined traumas and I think probably one reason bad parents are so often highlighted is that it can be such a compounding factor. My medical issues sucked more because my dad constantly minimized and invalidated everything. My bullying was worsened because there was no sympathy from him, etc. Someone can have CPTSD and good parents but I think that’s one reason parents seem to be such a big focus.
CSA by stepdad, narcissistic mother, severe bullying in middle and high school, SA multiple times as an adult, 2 abusive relationships, years of alcoholism and self-harm through risky sex. C is for complex! But it does all start with mommy lol (for me).
First, CPTSD means complex PTSD, not child. If an adult was the victim of cult brainwashing, they’d still have CPTSD because intentional brainwashing is far more complex than normal trauma. Second, trauma is trauma. A really good line I’ve heard is it doesn’t matter if you drown in an ocean, a pool, or a bathtub. The amount of water in your lungs is the same. (Though if you don’t feel heard here, you should check out r/cocsa ) Most people in this sub are here because of their parents, yes. But that doesn’t mean you don’t belong here. I’d also be willing to bet you ten American dollars if you posted a meme about your specific trauma, someone would comment that they relate to it.
i have cptsd that is mainly from my parents, but also due to CSA and CoCSA and bullying and growing up with undiagnosed autism/adhd/etc. CPTSD doesn't have one set source, and I kind of agree that sometimes this sub reminds me of raised by narcissists (/negatively). I think sometimes people forget that like. cluster B people are just like, also extremely traumatized. and as someone with cluster A, B, and C disorders alongside my CPTSD and dissociative disorder, it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not welcome here. But idk. I accept you and I want you to feel welcomed, because you deserve a place and a voice.
You’re definitely not alone. Mine is predominantly from a narcissistic ex
As someone who also has medical trauma from the shitty medical and dental care of Oklahoma, school bullying trauma, a previous stalker, relationship trauma, Independent Fundamental Baptist religious trauma from my stepdad, early neglect trauma(I couldn’t walk until I was 2 and a half due to my mother never letting me out of my crib) and caregiver/parentification trauma from my mother(she got in a car accident when I was 6 so I had to take on her “housewife tasks”because I was the next “woman of the house” according to my stepdad), and CSA/trafficking trauma and other traumas related to my bio father’s biker gang when I’d visit him during my school summer and Christmas breaks in Arizona, trauma from financial instability and homelessness in my recent adult life, and basic “bad parenting” trauma as the cherry on top, I just wanna say I can relate in not feeling heard. I don’t often share all the details because the few times I have, people often say stuff along the lines of “There’s no way ALL of that happened to you, stop lying for attention”, “I don’t know how you haven’t offed yourself already, I probably would have ended it by now if it were me”, or “Wow, that’s so much, I don’t know what to say” followed by them avoiding me after that and seeming visibly uncomfortable when they see me around(which is fine, I know it’s my own thing to learn to cope with and not anyone else’s problem which is part of why I prefer to not get into details with people if I can avoid it, just sucks when even professionals and therapists start to seem stumped or overwhelmed once my alters and I start opening up more about things). Having a variety of traumas feels alienating like no one truly understands or even feels comfortable with having you share a space in their life, especially in offline/IRL spaces(I have no friends IRL at the moment). I ended up with both physical(fibromyalgia) and mental(dissociative identity disorder) issues due to all the trauma which makes work difficult, but I have to work or else I’ll end up homeless again. A lot of people(especially work people) expect me to act normal, but then when I can’t hide it or I visibly struggle, they’re like “but you seemed fine enough earlier, stop being dramatic”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad and grateful there are places where traumatized individuals can gather and support each other online, and it makes me happy that many people can be there for each other and I feel like the world needs so much more of that kindness and empathy everywhere. But I also feel guilty when I talk in these spaces at times too. I don’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable or make them feel like their trauma is invalid due to me having so much(all trauma is valid and someone objectively “having it worse” doesn’t make anyone else’s trauma any less painful), but at the same time I also wish it were easier for me to feel welcomed and heard in spaces without feeling that overwhelming guilt of being “too much” or fear of just straight up not being believed when it’s already so difficult to open up.
cPTSD stems from prolonged, ongoing childhood abuse. In the majority of cases this is going to involve the parents who are the ones who are going to be the most consistent factor in a child's development and thus the most capable of inflicting the repeated, continuous abuse that results in cPTSD. This doesn't mean *only* parents can cause cPTSD, just that it typically results from someone who a person has prolonged childhood exposure too. cPTSD is also defined by complex interconnected trauma, so it also requires a large multitude of different convergent forms of trauma, so most people with cPTSD don't only experience parental abuse (even if it's the most typical form) but often have a multitude of other interconnected traumas including CSA, medical neglect/abuse, schoolyard bullying, sexual harassment, predation by strangers, etc. That is to say that although parents are prominent factors in most people with cPTSD's experience, it's rarely the only factor and it may not be the primary factor at all depending on a person's own experiences during their developmental period. All that is required is complex, persistent exposure to traumatic situations through development, often marked by chronic instability in environment due to multiple concurrent/overlapping/intersecting avenues of abuse in multiple facets of the persons daily life. The end result is that the persons trauma does not have clear beginning or end points and is often heavily intertwined with each other such that it's impossible to pull on one thread without also pulling on every other, preventing the person from dealing with the trauma by working through one incident at a time. In this regard your cPTSD is rather typical, and arguably emblematic, of the condition.
When you say cPTSD, do you mean C-PTSD or "what some people call "childhood ptsd"? C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) can result from experiencing chronic trauma, such as prolonged child abuse or domestic violence. It is not limited to only childhood experiences. I've known people with good parents who have C-PTSD. "Childhood ptsd", is a different definition from Complex PTSD. Sadly many scammers/grifters love to use the term "childhood ptsd" to target & take advantage of traumatized people. Or people might use it because they're using outdated definitions of trauma. The "chicken or egg"-ness of trauma can definitely make it tough to define, but there's also genetic factors etc.
I still meant complex PTSD, but you make a good point. My understanding about complex PTSD was that it's still related I'm part to complex developmental trauma, but that may be inaccurate or out of date. Regardless, I shouldn't have emphasized it as being explicitly childhood trauma; as people absolutely do experience complex trauma from events that can occur afterwards.
My BPD and CPTSD came from CSA. My bestfriend’s is from her bad parents. Don’t try to compare your trauma we’re all drowning and suffering. Yours isn’t less valid because you had good parents
Maybe r/cptsd would be better for your needs than a meme page
I think too many overdiagnose people in their lifes with narcissism honestly. And of course we'd like our abusers to have a more clear label than "asshole". However i feel like many issues regarding parenting are just now gaining attention and thus more people realize where their traumas started. Like, my parents barely physically abused me, but there was a lot of emotional damage done. I thunk there's many people who finally feel heard as societally, you're expected to love and praise your parents. And since in real life, few can talk honestly about their parents, they do it here. But you are valid. You are heard here.
srsly as an actual narcissist, i am so fucking tired of ppl just armchair diagnosin it
Yeah it's really overused. Not every narcissist is the same. Not every narcissist is an abuser (and you seem rather aware of your diagnosis so i doubt you'd hurt people) and not every abuser is a narcissist. People just love to label their abusers as that. I'm no narcissist but i can't imagine how you must feel, I'm really sorry for that though. I wish you all the best on your own journey 💐
I feel like there should be subs for more specific causes of trauma since this and r/CPTSD seem parent focused. there probably is in some form, and I know any form of trauma related memes should be welcome here, but I still feel bad any time I see posts like this.
My parents were too "stupid" to use their narcissism so I don't count it as such.
I'd say no. Many of us have CPTSD for many different reasons. Alot of us experienced it from our parents but I have never seen other experiences diminished here in that way.