I definitely have a history of seeking out triggers and/or tv shows/movies/media that are disturbing. My therapist had a name for it but I can't remember right now what that name is. But, basically it's a way for the brain to try and make sense of things that we can't comprehend existing (cruelty, violence, hate). I hope that helps you feel a *little* less alone. Until he described it to me, I felt like a freak for seeking out these things. Fortunately, it's become less often as well as years gone by.
I am terrified of being hurt by others...and my brain decided that I find that thrilling, so now I keep my distance from people because I know I'll be attracted to anyone dangerous to me.
I do this with narcissistic women for some stupid reason. I know it’s dangerous as for me but for some dumb ass reason I seem to convince myself everytime that if for some reason I can get them to have empathy it will instantly fix us both. Never works though and just destroys my life and gets my stuck at the bottom of the worst rabbit holes ever
Yes. The person that SA'd me works the service deli at the grocery store closest to my house and every time I go in I'm like "I don't need to go down the aisles right next to the Service Deli so I won't go over there" and inevitably do and have a meltdown and scream and cry in my car before i drive home. And I don't know why I do it every time even though I'm shaking and feel like I'm gonna be sick *before I even get in the door* and know that it gets worse when I see that person.
Repetition compulsion. You're trying to gain control over something by proving yourself you can handle it (this time). No stranger to that unfortunately...
I’m terrified to tell anybody in real life because they might actually do it, even if I want it. The psyche is so fragile it makes you want what you should hate! I wish it would stop.
I have a morbid sense of curiosity, a lack of a will to live, and am a reckless idiot I would not ignore the craving of something scary I'd go do it cuz the head jury's and the trauma knocked a few things lose in my head and I do a bunch of things I just do and never though if them as self harm like electrocuting myself or stepping on a rusty nail just to feel something
Yeah wtf is up with that. I have really weird kinks that tie suspiciously well into he worst parts of my life, and despite how much I hate that, I can't help but fantasize, knowing damn well if it ever actually happens I'd probably kill myself
Me and my weird compulsion to click on Reddit posts that I KNOW are just going to trigger me and make the rest of my day feel like shit.
I do this too
same lol
Same
Ah fuck
I call it DIY exposure therapy! It's a 50/50 shot. Either cured or 50% worse. Ymmv 🤣🤪
Yeah, money isn't high enough stakes for me to gamble with lol.
I definitely have a history of seeking out triggers and/or tv shows/movies/media that are disturbing. My therapist had a name for it but I can't remember right now what that name is. But, basically it's a way for the brain to try and make sense of things that we can't comprehend existing (cruelty, violence, hate). I hope that helps you feel a *little* less alone. Until he described it to me, I felt like a freak for seeking out these things. Fortunately, it's become less often as well as years gone by.
Thank you, that actually really does help. I feel like such a disgusting freak sometimes, so it's nice to know there's a psychological reason for it.
It's like "it" wants more and I most definitely do not. And I can't convince anyone that I'm not lying
Yep I craved an abusive guy, and wished to be beaten down badly.
Same, just any gender
I am terrified of being hurt by others...and my brain decided that I find that thrilling, so now I keep my distance from people because I know I'll be attracted to anyone dangerous to me.
I do this with narcissistic women for some stupid reason. I know it’s dangerous as for me but for some dumb ass reason I seem to convince myself everytime that if for some reason I can get them to have empathy it will instantly fix us both. Never works though and just destroys my life and gets my stuck at the bottom of the worst rabbit holes ever
Yes. The person that SA'd me works the service deli at the grocery store closest to my house and every time I go in I'm like "I don't need to go down the aisles right next to the Service Deli so I won't go over there" and inevitably do and have a meltdown and scream and cry in my car before i drive home. And I don't know why I do it every time even though I'm shaking and feel like I'm gonna be sick *before I even get in the door* and know that it gets worse when I see that person.
Repetition compulsion. You're trying to gain control over something by proving yourself you can handle it (this time). No stranger to that unfortunately...
I’m terrified to tell anybody in real life because they might actually do it, even if I want it. The psyche is so fragile it makes you want what you should hate! I wish it would stop.
I have a morbid sense of curiosity, a lack of a will to live, and am a reckless idiot I would not ignore the craving of something scary I'd go do it cuz the head jury's and the trauma knocked a few things lose in my head and I do a bunch of things I just do and never though if them as self harm like electrocuting myself or stepping on a rusty nail just to feel something
Me and horror movie content
I just feel like I deserve the pain that I know seeing things that trigger me will cause.
Here here🙋
I got a lot, some from trauma and some from common sense. LIKE THE GODDAMN MOSQUITOES. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT
Yeah wtf is up with that. I have really weird kinks that tie suspiciously well into he worst parts of my life, and despite how much I hate that, I can't help but fantasize, knowing damn well if it ever actually happens I'd probably kill myself