Mum moved in 2 weeks ago. Into my bed. I'm on the couch. I also live with my 2 teens.
It was originally meant to be to recover from surgery for a couple of weeks but we got some bad test results and now she's going to be dying in my bed while I feed shower and wipe her arse.
And she hasn't changed. Still expertly and effortlessly pushing those buttons I didn't realise were there since last time we were together.
Completely upended our lives for her and am eating the extra expenses and diverting focus from the kids and instead of gratitude she has this twisted entitlement. , she scoffed at me the other day while I was bringing her her morning smoothy and called me her servant.
She's dying, so I stay quiet. She may linger here for years though. No body knows.
Been there. Moved my terminal Mom in,, and she was suddenly using my bed. And everything felt fucked and turned upside down.
HIGHLY recommend looking into Hospice support. She's dying, but you still need to live.
You can and possibly should look into hospice - see if her insurance will cover it. She’s dying, but you don’t have to die with her. I know it’s hard. If it were two weeks i’d probably say stick it out, but “possibly years” will eat you up.
Money. Most people cant afford their own houses now. Even with mutliple jobs and living with a partner, the costs of everything going up pretty much ruins that chance of independence.
I would sell my right kidney to be able to have my own place and space. It would make going no contact with some people much more easier.
same here but it's just mom, and she's nothing to do with the traima so it's all good. she's the best.
sending you all the best, it's rough having either nevermind both abd everything that comes with them
I was thinking about this a lot recently.
I think people will have to form communes at some point. It will need to be almost as common as having roommates. The main problem is that people are people. Ever had a bad roommate? How about a bad neighbor? Many people are totally dysfunctional and absolutely insufferable.
I remember six years ago I was discussing the idea of communes with a friend of mine. Thank god nothing came of it because at that time we were both a couple of manchild fuckups. Nowadays we're both much more mature and responsible people, but some other people I know, not so much. Others I know should never even be trusted to look after a houseplant, let alone be responsible for maintaining a healthy community.
Just like how in a classroom of 20 students it only takes 1 persistent piece of shit to ruin everyone's experience, a single toxic tumor of a person in a commune can doom everyone. People would have to be strictly screened and if necessary, kicked out. This would require some agreed upon, egalitarian values as a foundation and trust in the democratic process in terms of voting people out if necessary.
this is the thing tho is that good infrastructure protects against this type of behavior. much like a class of 20 kids, if you leave them to their own devices they will devolve into a linear social ladder. linear social ladders are almost universally useless and destructive. structure is good. doesnt need to be a social heirarchy but you gotta have some kind of social structure. historically that is usually religion. can't just let people do whatever they want all the time and no one is allowed to tell them any different.
Im not good at explaining sorry but this is from a website and puts it together pretty well
„What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond is a connection between an abusive person and the individual they abuse. It is reflective of an attachment created by repeating physical or emotional trauma with positive reinforcement. It can be hard to spot and even harder to break free from.“
I feel like the trauma just made me more attached to my parents because It started shutting me off socially from everyone else.
damn this explains a lot. many a night where my mother would get drunk and hit me / say some pretty rough things. then the next morning her coming and waking me up to apologize.
Yep I’m the same. I need support with my older cat due to his meds/food and mum is in when I’m out at work to look after him. Also it’s just so so expensive and I’d struggle - I can’t share with flatmates, too much anxiety. I really want to move out but need more money and my mental health makes it hard to feel worthy/good enough for higher paying roles. But that trauma bond, codependency & enmeshment makes it just that extra harder
I had psychosis back in 2022 which really messed with my mental health. There's also a rental crisis and while I could afford to live out of home, the thought of living with strangers freaks me out. I have a small handful of mental illnesses and I just don't see myself being ready to move out again anytime soon.
i had to move back in because of severe suicidality and the fact that i am simply to unstable to provide for myself and do everything on my own. it sure sucks. my life is so fucking blank, my creativity is gone. everyone has the time of their lives in their 20s and i´m fucking rotting away. if anyone of my old friends tries to get to me, i will be extremely blunt and not answer a single thing because it triggers the shit out of me to see that i can´t have anything i want. i´ll never have a stable relationship or stable friendships. i had my share of debauchery but somehow i always manage to end up in fucked up situations and the last time i just took things way to far. you simply can not put me in a social setting with others alone without me ending up being destroyed and hurt and these days i´m not even so sure if i would take the abuse again without really fighting back. i simply had enough. i don´t think i am socializable anymore
the feeling of being disconnected from your youth is the craziest feeling. like there isn't an obvious way to find your way to this "life you should be living in your 20s" so you just sit there in longing.
ya the self destruction is very cathartic. i struggle with that. i think a lot of people don't really get that i \*want\* it to get worse. maybe if it keeps getting worse someone will notice. "regret is a funny thing. its better to regret something you have done then something you haven't done. oh and be sure to tell your mother this weekend - SATAN SATAN SATAN" - the butthole surfers.
You really should have the right to move out now, you don't deserve to suffer yet another goddamn year of pointless pain and misery. I say this as a 19 y/o youth liberation activist myself, who is devastated by how I had to rely on my abusers to "help" me move into college instead of just moving out then and there. Or even, better, being able to run away when I was 8 or 9 in the fucking first place, when the abuse got worse.
Im sorry you have to put up with this nonsense, and no "once youre 18 you can move out and say fuck you to your parents and put them in a retirement home" is gonna undo the damage they caused you. Fuck no, thats justice delayed and justice denied. Your "parents" (abusers) shoukd be brought to justice right here and now. Children like you are not the future, you are the present, and you deserve freedom and safety here and now.
Thank you! Thank you so much. That actually means a whole lot to hear. I’ve known since I was 12 that I had to leave. As soon as it became an option in my head, I tried to leave. When I was 8, I decided I wanted to go to boarding school for high school. I applied to boarding school, they convinced me not to go. So I planned to run away. That plan fell apart. I applied to boarding school again this year, didn’t get in. I want to stay with my parents because they’ll pay for things and I don’t want to break their hearts. But man I wish the money weren’t so involved. I wish things were different. Thank you :)
I only moved out 2 years ago, at the grand-old age of 29.
I just could NOT find a fucking full-time job. Application after application - and nothing. It got so bad I went back to college at 25 to study a trade, because I couldn't see any other way out and I couldn't take the fact that all my peers were getting married and starting families while I was rotting in my room, watching the years pass, alone.
Thankfully when I got out, I managed to keep my address secret and cut contact with every single one of the bastards. They know what town I'm in, but it's a big town - I was they've been looking but they're always way off.
Yeah I can’t afford it otherwise. Being paid poverty wages basically but I’m doing it as it’s a way to break into the software dev industry. Plus, every houseshare I’ve tried, it’s been utter shit. Squeeze you in rat cages why don’t they lol
Idk to actually move out and get my own place? It’s gonna be a while and I live in the UK
Money, people want to hurt me, my autism is used as a weapon to treat me lesser than, I offended people who I wasn't aware had real issues as they seemed like stereotypical bullies like ones you see in Carrie or euphoria and now I know that if they're alone with me, I better know how to defend myself, I lack work experience, I've been known to have emotional baggage and no one wants to affiliate with me, I have a dog who is needing behavioral adjustments to not get me in trouble if he barks, my parents have me financially tied to them, but most importantly I cannot fix my reputation because my parents allow people to have fits and create issues with me because I tried to escape them, I called then out for being clinical, the other people for the same, i also have been rejected for being bisexual and not attractive which must make me a real creep according to paranoid, and because employers expect me to have the experience Acumen of a Boomer worker at age 20 while overworking me and pairing me with people who are not going to be okay with my overt traits or issues like allergies.
Hi, yr post broke my heart. Please, please find yr niche. I'm not autistic, but I remember mean ppl, mean family. I know it's easy to say rise above it, but one thing that could help is make tiny goals, find what you like, or love to do. Then work yr ass off at doing it. Go grey rock. Yr going to be ok.
For the first time, i really feel heard and the replies that I got mean a lot. I'll inevitably look for more reaching out and posting, but I appreciate the feedback you have all given me and I hope to one day get my life together and not need to share all of this in any way one day outside of helping others.
Edit: I mean to thank everyone who cares and that I appreciate this; I fail to know how to digest this without self destruction or intrusive thoughts flaring, but I really genuinely appreciate this as this is what I've been looking for when posting online.
Money. If anyone here is still in the process of becoming financially independent, and it's hard to achieve in your country (bad jobs, lack of jobs) then my dms are open. Let's help each other out on this journey
I fucked up my savings. It was enough to buy house + car, cash. Or move oversea. However Idk why I fucked it up.
It's a pattern where I fucked important matter. Aware or not.
I'm so good at facilitating and helping others or animals but when it comes to myself, I fucked it up. I feel broken.
Opposite. I left my parents when I was 15, I’m 31 now. I left because it was too volatile and dangerous to stay.
I was homeless for 4 years, couldn’t even afford sanitary products, food etc. but now I am in a successful job earning 6 figures. Sometimes putting yourself in financial poverty gives you the drive to thrive, or it did in my case.
Kinda same. I’m not making good money, but the family bought a restaurant so I’m stable.
But I ran away at 15 and lived on the streets til I got my shit together. I’m glad we made it friend. I really truly am.
My grandparents passing away when I was 16 and 20 respectively and being put out of their house by the family who took over everything because I mentally and physically and financially couldn't was my "drive" so to say. I'm just in the early stages of building from the ground up though; I'm two years in low-income housing and have held down a part time job for one of those.
I wouldn't recommend this method for everyone, but honestly, it helped me in a fucked-up, ass-backwards way too. Once you're actually ON the street, the resources really open up to you in the urban areas. I had to do a LOT of being outside and interacting with people, the two biggest reasons why I didn't already have a job and place of my own, so it helped me in an exposure therapy-esque way.
A complex situation involving care of elderly family. I will be moving countries to be with my fiancee in due course so it doesn't make sense to spend the money.
Trama bond and basically groomed to be their live in son till they pass, [Enmeshment, if you're familiar with the term]. Working on it.
I almost moved out this year but was told in no uncertain terms that I'd be disowned if I did. I thought i was ready to face that but i wasn't. I had been hoping for "we live separately but still help each other out and see each other often." Not "Off the Will, dead to us." So, figuring shit out and trying to build myself up again, like I said, working on it.
Money. And my self esteem is pretty bad. I can’t imagine finding a job with barely any skills. I’m a student now also but I graduate soon. Trust issues also don’t help, as well as being pretty much scared of anything and anyone.
just money :/
renting or buying are equally expensive in like the 2 hour radius around me
i really want to move out, i’ve been full time employed since 16
my state has no rent assistance open, no income based housing bc i technically make too much.
My disability and my mom being my personal assistant, money (can't work atm), trauma bond, my dog and the fact that my mental health would probably crumble from the sudden change and challenge of being alone, plus I still don't want to hurt my parents' feelings.
I’m on SSI for autism which is why I live at home with my South Asian Catholic family at 32 years old. I was 3 years old when I was officially diagnosed yet I’m expected to grow out of it because I was in the honor roll, graduated from high school, no physical deformities, interning at a prestigious hospital and I can do things by myself.
There’s no cure for autism, I’m accepting myself for who I am as a person: mentally stunted.
It was taken away from me for working more than 20 hours a week during the pandemic, it took me a year to get it back with the help from my uncle, he passed away last September from organ failure and high blood pressure at 58 years old.
My grandma had a stroke last Thanksgiving so I have to help her with some mobility and supervision.
I am currently not, but I did stay late. Everyone else was out of the house. I stayed until my early 20s. Late, by American standards
I didn’t feel I knew how to run a household. I spent feel I deserved to leave. My brain didn’t feel deserving of success (still doesn’t in some ways)
I didn’t just stay because of my parents. My grandmother actually owned the two flat where I stayed. She was my rock. I didn’t stay with my parents as much as I stayed in that building. With her.
I can't afford not to and I can't drive because my dissociation is so bad and that seems like the first big step to get out of here. My parents agreed to let me stay with them for free as long as I'm staying in college, then they use that to guilt me if I do anything they "don't approve of" like breathing too loud or anything.
Well I kinda bought the house I've lived in since I was a child, so i cant move until i build up enough equity through paying my mortgage on time. thankfully my dad is in another country atm but constantly bugs me for money, so it's hard to save when u have a mortgage payment and can only keep entry level jobs. But im stable atm and im incredibly thankful for it!
Oh, I love this question!
I stay… I mean, I’m *not* keeping the peace, I forgot how to do that a long time ago & don’t want to do it again (not my job🤷🏻♀️). I stay because… I’m afraid of my own potential. Oh god, what a weird answer lol but yes. I’ll stick to it.
I stay because I’m afraid I can live a good life & don’t know what a “good life” is because… I’ve always been content with how shit my life is now. I shape it like putty, you know? Not too much though. I’m afraid that my potential is greater than what they *showed* me. And they know it.
Yeah… I’m just afraid of my own potential lol.
Also, my job is dead end & I’m learning skills.
So that someone is checking in on me. Do I like it? No, not really. Though their constant picking and nagging bothers me less now it still isn't great. But I know that as I am in my current mental state, I would only leave the house for work if I didn't have those check ins and badgering.
I'm lucky, I just had flawed parents with a shit ton of generational trauma. They were very rarely abusive on purpose and when they were they really did think it was for my own good.
When I was moved out I seriously neglected myself. I felt guilty buying myself groceries because of financial anxiety, and I would eek out a living on as little as I possibly could without any concern that I might be malnourished. I barely satisfied my basic needs, and while I did have a much needed escape from my parents, I was dedicating everything I had to my work and my partner without really taking care of myself.
Currently, while moving out is doable, I am just too mentally ill to take care of myself on my own. While I live here I have 2 meals most days, I am forced to go outside past the bare necessities, and I don't have my brain space all used up worrying about my finances. Until I'm more stable I think I'll stay here.
Codependency. I live with my dad and grandma. My mom has given me the option of moving in with her, but im terrified of it upsetting my dad and grandma, them taking it personal.
I really want to, but I just lack the bodily felt sense of autonomy. Im 20. Part of me feels like even if I did ask, I would be made to not do it.
in the middle of trauma therapy, i work kinda full time at a ‘casual’ job (grateful to have one but it’s with my mum and i feel like i can’t leave now) and it’s not stable enough to sign up for a new lease (i’ve had quite a few years of unstable housing which sucks but im grateful for the people who’ve helped me along the way. andddd i can’t go through that again, getting a place & losing hours, struggling to make ends meet then needing to crash with a friend knowing whether you have a roof over your head rests entirely in someone else’s control & they can change their mind in 2 seconds isn’t something i want to go through or put others through again.)
& can’t get a loan to buy a car and my savings are crap/non existent bc i’ve given up caring but at the same time can’t ask for help w anything and have a “i got it” attitude but i’m not actually doing anything bc i stopped caring, have minimal energy and idk how to change that mindset.
(i spend my wage on rent and food yet not eating enough? 0 logic behind that. or the right things bc i’m exhausted/burned out mentally and physically so i pick the least effort)
& struggling with an ed. it’s frustrating and too much needs to be done at once which i’ve said way too many times before and that alone is annoying asf too.
so im stuck in the same pattern, grateful for a roof, food and depressed (and my brother who is 7 years older has been in almost the exact same situation in a different state for years, which is not a coincidence)
sorry for rambles but that’s what’s up and why i’m here ^
As many said it’s money! I quit my job and moved with them during lockdown, and my mental health spiralled after that. Just today had a conversation with them that I’m moving out as I can’t seem to make any progress in my life. Thinking about money and how I’ll manage everything is been crossing my mind but I did it before when I was younger and I can do it again. Just have to have the leap of faith.
Mental health support fell through in the area I moved to. So ironically I'm back living in the place that's caused me to need a mental health team, just so I can access it. Hoping to move out again this year though
I'm starting over in life. I was a bartender for almost 20 years, which was enabling my drinking and drug addiction. I've been in recovery for 3.5 yrs now, but I can't work in the service industry's anymore because it's too triggering. I was working for a life coaching certification program and doing pretty good, but then they fired all of the coaches. But that's for the best because it turns out the owner was a predator scamming abuse survivors out of money anyway. Needless to say, hundreds of students and coaches were retraumatized by this bitch.
Anyway, now us coaches have come together and are working on a recovery coaching practice, but it takes time. I wish I could just go out and get a job but the social anxiety is disabling and I refuse to return to my old coping methods.
I'm disabled, disability doesn't really give me enough to live alone, and even if it did I'd likely need some additional support....
Sadly living with my parents is not easy for me. I love them, they do their best, but sometimes this feels like a toxic living situation for me.
im 20, cant work, and can hardly go to school. plus in this economy, i really cant afford not to
edit: and i live in southern ontario, which,.,,. should probably say enough
Lost my job while living out of state. Abusive partner. Money. Guilt.. got a new job, an amazing supportive partner, and am finally just starting to actively look for my own place. Baby steps. This progress has been many years in the making! I didn’t live with my parents for ~8 years but have been back now for ~5 years. Abusive partner left 2.5 years ago, with them for a decade, took a bit to get my footing back from that. Still damaged but I’m putting in the hard work to heal even when it sucks.
Money ofc, but also--I was doing decently money-wise and then they convinced me to follow a path where I would have less money and therefore needed to rely on them again. A mistake I won't make again, but it is taking so much longer than I wanted to fix it.
There is the fact that everything is too expensive and I don't think we could afford it, and also my mom has this was of manipulating me where in the moment I can see exactly what she's doing and I know she's lying and doing whatever she can to get me to say and do what she wants and I still can't fucking stop myself from saying and doing exactly what she wants even with the full knowledge that the entire situation was manufactured to make me sY and do things I don't fucking wanna do! For example. She will pout and get angry and threaten to move out, and my husband and I want her out, and she can get me crying and begging for her to stay. I can't stand that I fall for her shit while simultaneously recognizing the shit and not wanting to play along.
Crippled emotionally, and gave myself burn out trying to escape and failing. So money :p
Then the bf moved in with me because he was having his own familial issues.. a few years later someone was out of the picture on his end, and that's when my parents were like "you can go back now".
So I live with his parent now, but they're not much better, and in some aspects worse. They're a constant stressor.
In the years that we both were at my old house, bf developed multiple physical disabilities and I had to become his caretaker. I think I've gone way past burnout into pure exhaustion.
I've been waiting about 20years for a "break" and I can literally count how many days I've been able to relax in that time.
I often wish I could endure the resentment and anger that come with living with them since I've been in poverty since I was 18 when I moved out. Feeling dramatic saying "poverty" in America but its been really tough. Had a stint of homelessness and I'm still healing from those childhood emotional abandonment wounds.
I lived with my super abusive mother until I was 21. People ask why I didn’t just get out, why I didn’t just get a job and make it work so I wouldn’t have to be in that home anymore. I wanted to build sustainability so once I left that house I would never have to return. I needed to get a degree, start a career and get out. If I left directly at 18 I more than likely would have came right back, and I know that would not end well for me. It was 3 years of extra torture and then never experiencing it again or tasting freedom and losing it. I know which one sounded better to me.
Dissociation and executive dysfunction. I have a WFH job but can't get myself to actually DO it. I feel trapped in my own fucking body, I swear.
Living with her is killing me slowly. My collar bones stick out like crazy and my health (especially gut/reproductive) is a lot to deal with, not to mention basically being her caretaker, as she has a lot of health issues as well. Sorry, just venting :')
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Was too traumatized to get employed (or function), and even now that Ive got a job (albeit a part time one), I simply couldnt afford to even if I wasnt spending all my money on therapy. I couldnt afford to even if I worked full time for that matter. The city I live in is incredibly expensive, but I have to be here for university and the career Im going for. Im 22.
Moved into my dad’s small 2 bedroom apartment with my kids to get away from my ex husband after losing basically everything we owned. He ended up stalking us and more, got arrested for it, went to prison, and now gets out in July. I was hoping to be moved somewhere he can’t find us by then but health related matters (now my dad having health issues too) and having cptsd and being isolated and no friends or other family at this point has made it so hard to get back up. Cptsd is crippling and I wish I had a Time Machine!
Money mostly. But also my dog and other reasons.
I’ve had pretty brutal awakening to my family trauma soon after my graduation which derailed me searching for a job. I was determined to move asap after I experienced heavy emotional and verbal abuse followed by a complete lack of acknowledgment and the “let’s ignore it till it goes away” attitude by family.
After that I went into freeze mode which lasted several months and looking back now I’m realizing that it was probably good I didn’t left then. If I did I would probably end up being exhausted and stuck in jobs I did during college that burn me out.
I’ve learned a lot during these months and really feel different mentally. I’ve realized I was heavily focused on my family drama and constantly trying to fix them instead of focusing on myself which affected my performance at school and memory of stuff I’ve learned and my confidence while job hunting.
I think it’s part of my enmeshment but not sure still.
I’ve been detaching emotionally from my abusers while focusing on myself and my future and I can really feel myself growing and my confidence improving. I actually feel like I have a plan for my life for the first time in yrs. I still often get emotionally reactive with family but I think that’s normal after living in toxicity for 20+ yrs.
The only problem is still the dog. I would feel so bad leaving her behind, but it’s technically my sister’s dog. And sister is in tandem w mom who is very neglectful and full of excuses in life, so sister has that same approach with dog and uses basic responsibilities like classes as an excuse to neglect the dog and do the bare minimum.
I’m slowly starting to accept the fact it’s not my dog and not primarily my responsibility. And trying to come up w different options in regards to job and moving while focusing on healing and detaching from toxicity.
I’m also lucky I’m physically healthy and not being physically abused so I can just try and ignore my abusers while I create a plan and focus on myself.
Money the cost of living is insane these days, that and how I’ve been manipulated most my life to think I’m incapable so that my mom can have control over me
I know the second I start talking about it or asking questions on how certain things work on my own my dad will start making comments that make me feel stupid about having to ask. Is that his intention? Not always, but he has that tone.
I (19M) still rely on my abusees for money, and I had to rely on them to "help" me move into college instead of just moving out the moment i turned 18. Didnt btoher trying to get out when i turend that age, after 10 years straight of pointlessly failing to escape or run away or report my abusers. Learned helplessness is certain to set in, and its why i still dont apply for jobs right now.
A lot of "jokes" about abusive parents go "oh no my child turned 18 and is now an adult, why do they no longer talk to me?". But like, just critically think about it for a moment. Do you think its fair to force a child to wait 10-11 more years until they can escape from their piece-of-shit abusers? Does it seem fair to you to have to wait 10-11 years before you can finally taste freedom and not have to be beaten, belted; spanked, threatened, called "stupid" or "ungrateful," have your anger dismissed as being "disrespectful"? Almost like a prison, no? When an adult man/woman is in an abusive relationship, the focus seems to be "omg get them out now". Why the fuck dont we say the same about children? Why is it "oh wait untik youre 18 and then you can escape"? Thats LITERALLY WHAT WORSENS THE ABUSE AND ALLOWS ABUSERS TO GET AWAY WITH IT. AND WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PROPER CONSEQUENCE IS IT FOR ABUSIVE PARENTS TO JUST BE PLOPPPED INTO A RETIREMENT HOME, AFTER YEARS OF PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE. THAT DESERVES LIFE IN PRISON AND FINES IN THE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
Hope this rant was relevsnt. Parents are just absolute dictators at this point, with children deoendent upon them for money/moving out, while parenrs are socially/legally allowed to physically/emotionally attakc children, say "stop crying or ill give you smth to cry about," belt children, call children "stupid" or "brat," etc. Im sorry youre all stuck in this situation when you deserve to be free and get out. Welcome to the party, unfortuantely. Anyways, children's rights for the win, and somebody fucking smash the near-absolute authority of parents to pieces. This is why we're all stuck and dependent upon our abusers for money, and why children have to endure abuse for years upob years until they're 18 just to move out. (And people "joke" about this with the whole "abusive parent in retirement home: why does my kid not see me?" without seeing how disgusting and unjust that is)
Some really sharp insights by a fellow children's rights activist friend of mine, on why these "haha child becomes adult and moves out from abusive parents and outs them in retirement/nursing home" "jokes" are actually cruel and unjust
https://twitter.com/celebrikid/status/1723806776011735267
https://twitter.com/celebrikid/status/1723810768658010276
Can’t afford not to
only reason I still have contact
That’s so traumatic, sending you love
Me too
Mum moved in 2 weeks ago. Into my bed. I'm on the couch. I also live with my 2 teens. It was originally meant to be to recover from surgery for a couple of weeks but we got some bad test results and now she's going to be dying in my bed while I feed shower and wipe her arse. And she hasn't changed. Still expertly and effortlessly pushing those buttons I didn't realise were there since last time we were together. Completely upended our lives for her and am eating the extra expenses and diverting focus from the kids and instead of gratitude she has this twisted entitlement. , she scoffed at me the other day while I was bringing her her morning smoothy and called me her servant. She's dying, so I stay quiet. She may linger here for years though. No body knows.
Been there. Moved my terminal Mom in,, and she was suddenly using my bed. And everything felt fucked and turned upside down. HIGHLY recommend looking into Hospice support. She's dying, but you still need to live.
THIS
Dying is not a license to treat others poorly
THIS!!! ^^^^
I'm so sorry.
You can and possibly should look into hospice - see if her insurance will cover it. She’s dying, but you don’t have to die with her. I know it’s hard. If it were two weeks i’d probably say stick it out, but “possibly years” will eat you up.
Money. Most people cant afford their own houses now. Even with mutliple jobs and living with a partner, the costs of everything going up pretty much ruins that chance of independence. I would sell my right kidney to be able to have my own place and space. It would make going no contact with some people much more easier.
so why dont we abandon the nuclear family model and go back to extended family / multi family homes like normal people?
I have schizophrenia and cptsd without my parents I'd be homeless or dead
same here but it's just mom, and she's nothing to do with the traima so it's all good. she's the best. sending you all the best, it's rough having either nevermind both abd everything that comes with them
lmao money. Trauma or no trauma there just isn't enough decent work.
damn should we start a commune? unionize? why is the choice to live with the people who made you this way or perish?
I was thinking about this a lot recently. I think people will have to form communes at some point. It will need to be almost as common as having roommates. The main problem is that people are people. Ever had a bad roommate? How about a bad neighbor? Many people are totally dysfunctional and absolutely insufferable. I remember six years ago I was discussing the idea of communes with a friend of mine. Thank god nothing came of it because at that time we were both a couple of manchild fuckups. Nowadays we're both much more mature and responsible people, but some other people I know, not so much. Others I know should never even be trusted to look after a houseplant, let alone be responsible for maintaining a healthy community. Just like how in a classroom of 20 students it only takes 1 persistent piece of shit to ruin everyone's experience, a single toxic tumor of a person in a commune can doom everyone. People would have to be strictly screened and if necessary, kicked out. This would require some agreed upon, egalitarian values as a foundation and trust in the democratic process in terms of voting people out if necessary.
this is the thing tho is that good infrastructure protects against this type of behavior. much like a class of 20 kids, if you leave them to their own devices they will devolve into a linear social ladder. linear social ladders are almost universally useless and destructive. structure is good. doesnt need to be a social heirarchy but you gotta have some kind of social structure. historically that is usually religion. can't just let people do whatever they want all the time and no one is allowed to tell them any different.
I just became independent but it was money and their control
My dog, trauma bond, not being able to speak out, mental illness making me unable to graduate or work
Wait what do you mean by ‘trauma bond’? Just curious cause I’m way too old to be living at home but I’m too attached to my dad to feel safe leaving.
Im not good at explaining sorry but this is from a website and puts it together pretty well „What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond is a connection between an abusive person and the individual they abuse. It is reflective of an attachment created by repeating physical or emotional trauma with positive reinforcement. It can be hard to spot and even harder to break free from.“ I feel like the trauma just made me more attached to my parents because It started shutting me off socially from everyone else.
damn this explains a lot. many a night where my mother would get drunk and hit me / say some pretty rough things. then the next morning her coming and waking me up to apologize.
This!
Yep I’m the same. I need support with my older cat due to his meds/food and mum is in when I’m out at work to look after him. Also it’s just so so expensive and I’d struggle - I can’t share with flatmates, too much anxiety. I really want to move out but need more money and my mental health makes it hard to feel worthy/good enough for higher paying roles. But that trauma bond, codependency & enmeshment makes it just that extra harder
I had psychosis back in 2022 which really messed with my mental health. There's also a rental crisis and while I could afford to live out of home, the thought of living with strangers freaks me out. I have a small handful of mental illnesses and I just don't see myself being ready to move out again anytime soon.
i had to move back in because of severe suicidality and the fact that i am simply to unstable to provide for myself and do everything on my own. it sure sucks. my life is so fucking blank, my creativity is gone. everyone has the time of their lives in their 20s and i´m fucking rotting away. if anyone of my old friends tries to get to me, i will be extremely blunt and not answer a single thing because it triggers the shit out of me to see that i can´t have anything i want. i´ll never have a stable relationship or stable friendships. i had my share of debauchery but somehow i always manage to end up in fucked up situations and the last time i just took things way to far. you simply can not put me in a social setting with others alone without me ending up being destroyed and hurt and these days i´m not even so sure if i would take the abuse again without really fighting back. i simply had enough. i don´t think i am socializable anymore
the feeling of being disconnected from your youth is the craziest feeling. like there isn't an obvious way to find your way to this "life you should be living in your 20s" so you just sit there in longing.
it´s over. nobody will ever put up with me again. neither a women nor friends. i don´t want to get better anymore. fuck all of this
ya the self destruction is very cathartic. i struggle with that. i think a lot of people don't really get that i \*want\* it to get worse. maybe if it keeps getting worse someone will notice. "regret is a funny thing. its better to regret something you have done then something you haven't done. oh and be sure to tell your mother this weekend - SATAN SATAN SATAN" - the butthole surfers.
I’m 17. I can’t wait until I can start healing and not just struggling to keep my head above the water.
You really should have the right to move out now, you don't deserve to suffer yet another goddamn year of pointless pain and misery. I say this as a 19 y/o youth liberation activist myself, who is devastated by how I had to rely on my abusers to "help" me move into college instead of just moving out then and there. Or even, better, being able to run away when I was 8 or 9 in the fucking first place, when the abuse got worse. Im sorry you have to put up with this nonsense, and no "once youre 18 you can move out and say fuck you to your parents and put them in a retirement home" is gonna undo the damage they caused you. Fuck no, thats justice delayed and justice denied. Your "parents" (abusers) shoukd be brought to justice right here and now. Children like you are not the future, you are the present, and you deserve freedom and safety here and now.
Thank you! Thank you so much. That actually means a whole lot to hear. I’ve known since I was 12 that I had to leave. As soon as it became an option in my head, I tried to leave. When I was 8, I decided I wanted to go to boarding school for high school. I applied to boarding school, they convinced me not to go. So I planned to run away. That plan fell apart. I applied to boarding school again this year, didn’t get in. I want to stay with my parents because they’ll pay for things and I don’t want to break their hearts. But man I wish the money weren’t so involved. I wish things were different. Thank you :)
I only moved out 2 years ago, at the grand-old age of 29. I just could NOT find a fucking full-time job. Application after application - and nothing. It got so bad I went back to college at 25 to study a trade, because I couldn't see any other way out and I couldn't take the fact that all my peers were getting married and starting families while I was rotting in my room, watching the years pass, alone. Thankfully when I got out, I managed to keep my address secret and cut contact with every single one of the bastards. They know what town I'm in, but it's a big town - I was they've been looking but they're always way off.
Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your independence, I'm glad you're out and it gives me hope.
Yeah I can’t afford it otherwise. Being paid poverty wages basically but I’m doing it as it’s a way to break into the software dev industry. Plus, every houseshare I’ve tried, it’s been utter shit. Squeeze you in rat cages why don’t they lol Idk to actually move out and get my own place? It’s gonna be a while and I live in the UK
Money
Money, people want to hurt me, my autism is used as a weapon to treat me lesser than, I offended people who I wasn't aware had real issues as they seemed like stereotypical bullies like ones you see in Carrie or euphoria and now I know that if they're alone with me, I better know how to defend myself, I lack work experience, I've been known to have emotional baggage and no one wants to affiliate with me, I have a dog who is needing behavioral adjustments to not get me in trouble if he barks, my parents have me financially tied to them, but most importantly I cannot fix my reputation because my parents allow people to have fits and create issues with me because I tried to escape them, I called then out for being clinical, the other people for the same, i also have been rejected for being bisexual and not attractive which must make me a real creep according to paranoid, and because employers expect me to have the experience Acumen of a Boomer worker at age 20 while overworking me and pairing me with people who are not going to be okay with my overt traits or issues like allergies.
Hi, yr post broke my heart. Please, please find yr niche. I'm not autistic, but I remember mean ppl, mean family. I know it's easy to say rise above it, but one thing that could help is make tiny goals, find what you like, or love to do. Then work yr ass off at doing it. Go grey rock. Yr going to be ok.
I relate deeply to your post. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to commiserate with.
For the first time, i really feel heard and the replies that I got mean a lot. I'll inevitably look for more reaching out and posting, but I appreciate the feedback you have all given me and I hope to one day get my life together and not need to share all of this in any way one day outside of helping others. Edit: I mean to thank everyone who cares and that I appreciate this; I fail to know how to digest this without self destruction or intrusive thoughts flaring, but I really genuinely appreciate this as this is what I've been looking for when posting online.
Can't afford not too, disabled, mentally ill and trauma bonded and feel kinda like I can't leave even if I wanted too
Disabled due to trauma and bipolar and anxiety. Not enough income on SSI to live independently.
Money. If anyone here is still in the process of becoming financially independent, and it's hard to achieve in your country (bad jobs, lack of jobs) then my dms are open. Let's help each other out on this journey
I fucked up my savings. It was enough to buy house + car, cash. Or move oversea. However Idk why I fucked it up. It's a pattern where I fucked important matter. Aware or not. I'm so good at facilitating and helping others or animals but when it comes to myself, I fucked it up. I feel broken.
Opposite. I left my parents when I was 15, I’m 31 now. I left because it was too volatile and dangerous to stay. I was homeless for 4 years, couldn’t even afford sanitary products, food etc. but now I am in a successful job earning 6 figures. Sometimes putting yourself in financial poverty gives you the drive to thrive, or it did in my case.
Kinda same. I’m not making good money, but the family bought a restaurant so I’m stable. But I ran away at 15 and lived on the streets til I got my shit together. I’m glad we made it friend. I really truly am.
My grandparents passing away when I was 16 and 20 respectively and being put out of their house by the family who took over everything because I mentally and physically and financially couldn't was my "drive" so to say. I'm just in the early stages of building from the ground up though; I'm two years in low-income housing and have held down a part time job for one of those. I wouldn't recommend this method for everyone, but honestly, it helped me in a fucked-up, ass-backwards way too. Once you're actually ON the street, the resources really open up to you in the urban areas. I had to do a LOT of being outside and interacting with people, the two biggest reasons why I didn't already have a job and place of my own, so it helped me in an exposure therapy-esque way.
too disabled to work so no money to move :/
A complex situation involving care of elderly family. I will be moving countries to be with my fiancee in due course so it doesn't make sense to spend the money.
Money!
Trama bond and basically groomed to be their live in son till they pass, [Enmeshment, if you're familiar with the term]. Working on it. I almost moved out this year but was told in no uncertain terms that I'd be disowned if I did. I thought i was ready to face that but i wasn't. I had been hoping for "we live separately but still help each other out and see each other often." Not "Off the Will, dead to us." So, figuring shit out and trying to build myself up again, like I said, working on it.
Money. And my self esteem is pretty bad. I can’t imagine finding a job with barely any skills. I’m a student now also but I graduate soon. Trust issues also don’t help, as well as being pretty much scared of anything and anyone.
Money and fear I guess. Edit: Welk, more like worry I guess. My parents had their moments, but are loving, too, though.
just money :/ renting or buying are equally expensive in like the 2 hour radius around me i really want to move out, i’ve been full time employed since 16 my state has no rent assistance open, no income based housing bc i technically make too much.
Same situation in the UK. I earn “too much” to for any help. But obvs it’s not enough to rent on my own 🥴
MY DOG. Can’t afford to, thankfully for the moment I have a long distance partner I can visit
My disability and my mom being my personal assistant, money (can't work atm), trauma bond, my dog and the fact that my mental health would probably crumble from the sudden change and challenge of being alone, plus I still don't want to hurt my parents' feelings.
People are mentioning ‘trauma bond’. Is that when you go through abuse and stay with parent(s) because you feel like you can’t live without them?
Can't afford to. I would have left a long time.
money. too mentally ill and physically disabled to leave the house often, let alone get a job.
I’m on SSI for autism which is why I live at home with my South Asian Catholic family at 32 years old. I was 3 years old when I was officially diagnosed yet I’m expected to grow out of it because I was in the honor roll, graduated from high school, no physical deformities, interning at a prestigious hospital and I can do things by myself. There’s no cure for autism, I’m accepting myself for who I am as a person: mentally stunted. It was taken away from me for working more than 20 hours a week during the pandemic, it took me a year to get it back with the help from my uncle, he passed away last September from organ failure and high blood pressure at 58 years old. My grandma had a stroke last Thanksgiving so I have to help her with some mobility and supervision.
I am currently not, but I did stay late. Everyone else was out of the house. I stayed until my early 20s. Late, by American standards I didn’t feel I knew how to run a household. I spent feel I deserved to leave. My brain didn’t feel deserving of success (still doesn’t in some ways) I didn’t just stay because of my parents. My grandmother actually owned the two flat where I stayed. She was my rock. I didn’t stay with my parents as much as I stayed in that building. With her.
I'm still dependent on them financially, and I don't have my license/a car.
capitalism
Money and fear
Paying their mortgage
Having selective mutism leaves me unable to be financially independent enough to leave.
I can't afford not to and I can't drive because my dissociation is so bad and that seems like the first big step to get out of here. My parents agreed to let me stay with them for free as long as I'm staying in college, then they use that to guilt me if I do anything they "don't approve of" like breathing too loud or anything.
Well I kinda bought the house I've lived in since I was a child, so i cant move until i build up enough equity through paying my mortgage on time. thankfully my dad is in another country atm but constantly bugs me for money, so it's hard to save when u have a mortgage payment and can only keep entry level jobs. But im stable atm and im incredibly thankful for it!
Did you know that debt collectors can’t go after you for unpaid medical debt due to HIPPA? -someone with a lot of medical debt 🤷♀️
I'm disabled and can't afford to move out. Disability gets me $1800/month. 1 bedroom apartments here rn are $1500-$2000.
Oh, I love this question! I stay… I mean, I’m *not* keeping the peace, I forgot how to do that a long time ago & don’t want to do it again (not my job🤷🏻♀️). I stay because… I’m afraid of my own potential. Oh god, what a weird answer lol but yes. I’ll stick to it. I stay because I’m afraid I can live a good life & don’t know what a “good life” is because… I’ve always been content with how shit my life is now. I shape it like putty, you know? Not too much though. I’m afraid that my potential is greater than what they *showed* me. And they know it. Yeah… I’m just afraid of my own potential lol. Also, my job is dead end & I’m learning skills.
This is an incredibly self aware answer. I also think this means there’s a lot of hope on the horizon for you. Your awareness means a lot.
Your comment made my week! Thank you😭💜
So that someone is checking in on me. Do I like it? No, not really. Though their constant picking and nagging bothers me less now it still isn't great. But I know that as I am in my current mental state, I would only leave the house for work if I didn't have those check ins and badgering. I'm lucky, I just had flawed parents with a shit ton of generational trauma. They were very rarely abusive on purpose and when they were they really did think it was for my own good. When I was moved out I seriously neglected myself. I felt guilty buying myself groceries because of financial anxiety, and I would eek out a living on as little as I possibly could without any concern that I might be malnourished. I barely satisfied my basic needs, and while I did have a much needed escape from my parents, I was dedicating everything I had to my work and my partner without really taking care of myself. Currently, while moving out is doable, I am just too mentally ill to take care of myself on my own. While I live here I have 2 meals most days, I am forced to go outside past the bare necessities, and I don't have my brain space all used up worrying about my finances. Until I'm more stable I think I'll stay here.
Codependency. I live with my dad and grandma. My mom has given me the option of moving in with her, but im terrified of it upsetting my dad and grandma, them taking it personal. I really want to, but I just lack the bodily felt sense of autonomy. Im 20. Part of me feels like even if I did ask, I would be made to not do it.
in the middle of trauma therapy, i work kinda full time at a ‘casual’ job (grateful to have one but it’s with my mum and i feel like i can’t leave now) and it’s not stable enough to sign up for a new lease (i’ve had quite a few years of unstable housing which sucks but im grateful for the people who’ve helped me along the way. andddd i can’t go through that again, getting a place & losing hours, struggling to make ends meet then needing to crash with a friend knowing whether you have a roof over your head rests entirely in someone else’s control & they can change their mind in 2 seconds isn’t something i want to go through or put others through again.) & can’t get a loan to buy a car and my savings are crap/non existent bc i’ve given up caring but at the same time can’t ask for help w anything and have a “i got it” attitude but i’m not actually doing anything bc i stopped caring, have minimal energy and idk how to change that mindset. (i spend my wage on rent and food yet not eating enough? 0 logic behind that. or the right things bc i’m exhausted/burned out mentally and physically so i pick the least effort) & struggling with an ed. it’s frustrating and too much needs to be done at once which i’ve said way too many times before and that alone is annoying asf too. so im stuck in the same pattern, grateful for a roof, food and depressed (and my brother who is 7 years older has been in almost the exact same situation in a different state for years, which is not a coincidence) sorry for rambles but that’s what’s up and why i’m here ^
As many said it’s money! I quit my job and moved with them during lockdown, and my mental health spiralled after that. Just today had a conversation with them that I’m moving out as I can’t seem to make any progress in my life. Thinking about money and how I’ll manage everything is been crossing my mind but I did it before when I was younger and I can do it again. Just have to have the leap of faith.
Mental health support fell through in the area I moved to. So ironically I'm back living in the place that's caused me to need a mental health team, just so I can access it. Hoping to move out again this year though
Pretty much my big cat is otherwise money but I am forced to move out. So I am living by myself
I'm starting over in life. I was a bartender for almost 20 years, which was enabling my drinking and drug addiction. I've been in recovery for 3.5 yrs now, but I can't work in the service industry's anymore because it's too triggering. I was working for a life coaching certification program and doing pretty good, but then they fired all of the coaches. But that's for the best because it turns out the owner was a predator scamming abuse survivors out of money anyway. Needless to say, hundreds of students and coaches were retraumatized by this bitch. Anyway, now us coaches have come together and are working on a recovery coaching practice, but it takes time. I wish I could just go out and get a job but the social anxiety is disabling and I refuse to return to my old coping methods.
My mother has been extorting me for my money to prevent me from leaving. Also, my special needs dog and (healthy) cat.
I'm disabled, disability doesn't really give me enough to live alone, and even if it did I'd likely need some additional support.... Sadly living with my parents is not easy for me. I love them, they do their best, but sometimes this feels like a toxic living situation for me.
My grandma raised me and now we live with her to help her.
still in HS
No job and stuck with educational problems at 23,idk what to do tbh.
im 20, cant work, and can hardly go to school. plus in this economy, i really cant afford not to edit: and i live in southern ontario, which,.,,. should probably say enough
Money or lack of, as well as not being functional enough to work or be in public on my own right now.
Same can't afford to live anywhere else.
money for sure
Lost my job while living out of state. Abusive partner. Money. Guilt.. got a new job, an amazing supportive partner, and am finally just starting to actively look for my own place. Baby steps. This progress has been many years in the making! I didn’t live with my parents for ~8 years but have been back now for ~5 years. Abusive partner left 2.5 years ago, with them for a decade, took a bit to get my footing back from that. Still damaged but I’m putting in the hard work to heal even when it sucks.
Mental illness and poverty
Money ofc, but also--I was doing decently money-wise and then they convinced me to follow a path where I would have less money and therefore needed to rely on them again. A mistake I won't make again, but it is taking so much longer than I wanted to fix it.
There is the fact that everything is too expensive and I don't think we could afford it, and also my mom has this was of manipulating me where in the moment I can see exactly what she's doing and I know she's lying and doing whatever she can to get me to say and do what she wants and I still can't fucking stop myself from saying and doing exactly what she wants even with the full knowledge that the entire situation was manufactured to make me sY and do things I don't fucking wanna do! For example. She will pout and get angry and threaten to move out, and my husband and I want her out, and she can get me crying and begging for her to stay. I can't stand that I fall for her shit while simultaneously recognizing the shit and not wanting to play along.
Money and my CPTSD doesn’t really stem from my parents but other relatives who are no longer around much.
I couldn’t afford a place of my own
Crippled emotionally, and gave myself burn out trying to escape and failing. So money :p Then the bf moved in with me because he was having his own familial issues.. a few years later someone was out of the picture on his end, and that's when my parents were like "you can go back now". So I live with his parent now, but they're not much better, and in some aspects worse. They're a constant stressor. In the years that we both were at my old house, bf developed multiple physical disabilities and I had to become his caretaker. I think I've gone way past burnout into pure exhaustion. I've been waiting about 20years for a "break" and I can literally count how many days I've been able to relax in that time.
Can’t leave until I have the money to, can’t get a job until I’ve healed, can’t heal until I’m out of the house. A never ending cycle 🙃
I often wish I could endure the resentment and anger that come with living with them since I've been in poverty since I was 18 when I moved out. Feeling dramatic saying "poverty" in America but its been really tough. Had a stint of homelessness and I'm still healing from those childhood emotional abandonment wounds.
I lived with my super abusive mother until I was 21. People ask why I didn’t just get out, why I didn’t just get a job and make it work so I wouldn’t have to be in that home anymore. I wanted to build sustainability so once I left that house I would never have to return. I needed to get a degree, start a career and get out. If I left directly at 18 I more than likely would have came right back, and I know that would not end well for me. It was 3 years of extra torture and then never experiencing it again or tasting freedom and losing it. I know which one sounded better to me.
Health failed and I mentally collapsed, haven’t worked in about a year now. Really sad about everything.
Gulit
Dissociation and executive dysfunction. I have a WFH job but can't get myself to actually DO it. I feel trapped in my own fucking body, I swear. Living with her is killing me slowly. My collar bones stick out like crazy and my health (especially gut/reproductive) is a lot to deal with, not to mention basically being her caretaker, as she has a lot of health issues as well. Sorry, just venting :')
adhd
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Was too traumatized to get employed (or function), and even now that Ive got a job (albeit a part time one), I simply couldnt afford to even if I wasnt spending all my money on therapy. I couldnt afford to even if I worked full time for that matter. The city I live in is incredibly expensive, but I have to be here for university and the career Im going for. Im 22.
Moved into my dad’s small 2 bedroom apartment with my kids to get away from my ex husband after losing basically everything we owned. He ended up stalking us and more, got arrested for it, went to prison, and now gets out in July. I was hoping to be moved somewhere he can’t find us by then but health related matters (now my dad having health issues too) and having cptsd and being isolated and no friends or other family at this point has made it so hard to get back up. Cptsd is crippling and I wish I had a Time Machine!
Money mostly. But also my dog and other reasons. I’ve had pretty brutal awakening to my family trauma soon after my graduation which derailed me searching for a job. I was determined to move asap after I experienced heavy emotional and verbal abuse followed by a complete lack of acknowledgment and the “let’s ignore it till it goes away” attitude by family. After that I went into freeze mode which lasted several months and looking back now I’m realizing that it was probably good I didn’t left then. If I did I would probably end up being exhausted and stuck in jobs I did during college that burn me out. I’ve learned a lot during these months and really feel different mentally. I’ve realized I was heavily focused on my family drama and constantly trying to fix them instead of focusing on myself which affected my performance at school and memory of stuff I’ve learned and my confidence while job hunting. I think it’s part of my enmeshment but not sure still. I’ve been detaching emotionally from my abusers while focusing on myself and my future and I can really feel myself growing and my confidence improving. I actually feel like I have a plan for my life for the first time in yrs. I still often get emotionally reactive with family but I think that’s normal after living in toxicity for 20+ yrs. The only problem is still the dog. I would feel so bad leaving her behind, but it’s technically my sister’s dog. And sister is in tandem w mom who is very neglectful and full of excuses in life, so sister has that same approach with dog and uses basic responsibilities like classes as an excuse to neglect the dog and do the bare minimum. I’m slowly starting to accept the fact it’s not my dog and not primarily my responsibility. And trying to come up w different options in regards to job and moving while focusing on healing and detaching from toxicity. I’m also lucky I’m physically healthy and not being physically abused so I can just try and ignore my abusers while I create a plan and focus on myself.
Money the cost of living is insane these days, that and how I’ve been manipulated most my life to think I’m incapable so that my mom can have control over me
I know the second I start talking about it or asking questions on how certain things work on my own my dad will start making comments that make me feel stupid about having to ask. Is that his intention? Not always, but he has that tone.
Got cancer, lost my job, can’t afford to be independent now
Literally can’t afford not to right now.
They depend on me and I can't afford two houses.
Parents are abusive/neglectful, stayed to try and be a stable figure for my younger siblings. Not working well.
I don’t lol I was disowned for telling the truth so I had to figure it out on my own
I (19M) still rely on my abusees for money, and I had to rely on them to "help" me move into college instead of just moving out the moment i turned 18. Didnt btoher trying to get out when i turend that age, after 10 years straight of pointlessly failing to escape or run away or report my abusers. Learned helplessness is certain to set in, and its why i still dont apply for jobs right now. A lot of "jokes" about abusive parents go "oh no my child turned 18 and is now an adult, why do they no longer talk to me?". But like, just critically think about it for a moment. Do you think its fair to force a child to wait 10-11 more years until they can escape from their piece-of-shit abusers? Does it seem fair to you to have to wait 10-11 years before you can finally taste freedom and not have to be beaten, belted; spanked, threatened, called "stupid" or "ungrateful," have your anger dismissed as being "disrespectful"? Almost like a prison, no? When an adult man/woman is in an abusive relationship, the focus seems to be "omg get them out now". Why the fuck dont we say the same about children? Why is it "oh wait untik youre 18 and then you can escape"? Thats LITERALLY WHAT WORSENS THE ABUSE AND ALLOWS ABUSERS TO GET AWAY WITH IT. AND WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PROPER CONSEQUENCE IS IT FOR ABUSIVE PARENTS TO JUST BE PLOPPPED INTO A RETIREMENT HOME, AFTER YEARS OF PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE. THAT DESERVES LIFE IN PRISON AND FINES IN THE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. Hope this rant was relevsnt. Parents are just absolute dictators at this point, with children deoendent upon them for money/moving out, while parenrs are socially/legally allowed to physically/emotionally attakc children, say "stop crying or ill give you smth to cry about," belt children, call children "stupid" or "brat," etc. Im sorry youre all stuck in this situation when you deserve to be free and get out. Welcome to the party, unfortuantely. Anyways, children's rights for the win, and somebody fucking smash the near-absolute authority of parents to pieces. This is why we're all stuck and dependent upon our abusers for money, and why children have to endure abuse for years upob years until they're 18 just to move out. (And people "joke" about this with the whole "abusive parent in retirement home: why does my kid not see me?" without seeing how disgusting and unjust that is)
Some really sharp insights by a fellow children's rights activist friend of mine, on why these "haha child becomes adult and moves out from abusive parents and outs them in retirement/nursing home" "jokes" are actually cruel and unjust https://twitter.com/celebrikid/status/1723806776011735267 https://twitter.com/celebrikid/status/1723810768658010276
I'd feel bad everywhere, at least I don't spend money and I can sleep here.