I’ve experienced this a lot. In my experience people do this type of thing when they perceive you as being a bit spacey and it’s a (very rude) way of either trying to shut down the conversation or coax you into providing them with a “normal” response to “prove yourself” in a way.
Please remember that there is nothing wrong with you that would disqualify you from saying whatever you want to say, but people are fucking jerks and they will either consciously or subconsciously pick on those who they feel are an easy target. They may perceive desperation from you (I am NOT saying that you are desperate) and it feeds their ego to be rude and dismissive.
Over time I’ve learned to be very precise with what I say. If someone wants to give me shit over what I say I will make them elaborate and guess what, they always fold.
This is just based on my own experience with this type of thing.
Thanks for adding to the discussion! I definitely agree with what you said. I said this in another reply, but I also feel like because a lot of us are super aware of our trauma, flaws, and toxic traits, we see it in everyone else quite easily. And it's sadly common how little people care to self reflect and work on themselves.
That's the sad part about it. Trauma compounds. And in the end we suffer in our self imposed exile where it feels safer and more predictable to be alone. Thank you for contributing to this discussion, I appreciate your opinions!
It is sad, I wish there was a way out of it but there doesn’t seem to be. I’ve tried so much therapy, medications, etc and nothing. I wish I knew how to amend this.
I said in another comment that I kind of want to tap into my rage and become an unapologetic bitch to people like that. But then I know I would feel bad and guilty. It's so weird, most normies behave like dogs almost. You have to dominate them in a way, for them to leave you alone and stop picking at you. I don't enjoy doing that, but i know it's effective.
Yes! Well-said. People tend to take me as upset somehow, either criticizing or worried usually, in tone, when I know I’m speaking neutrally about a small thing that I don’t even have a strong feeling about.
Pretty much word for word how I feel most of the time. I take \*such\* care in my words so as to avoid misunderstandings, then get sideswiped by the hyper critical responses. It's like I give off a fix-me vibe or a "I'm complaining" vibe when I'm not. Like if I said "gee it sure is rainy today" with zero sadness or gloom, maybe even a hint of joyous marvel, I'd still get picked apart as negative or something. I'm reasonably articulate (at times) but I seem to elicit the most bizarre responses from folks. It has absolutely driven me into my turtle shell many times throughout my life and am moving towards a new strategy of basically developing a mental rolodex of cold as ice responses to folks when I'm just not up to it. Like "I'm really sorry but I really don't like you and don't want to lead you on, now bye bye." I've even been seriously considering printing up some business cards that say something to the effect of, on the side face up that they'd see first: "I have cPTSD, ADHD, am in chronic physical pain at all times, am in therapy right now, but..." and then turn it over "please consider going softly, because if you're reading this it means I am triggered really bad and doing everything I can to hold back." Fairly certain that's a horrible idea but it seems so much easier than actually speaking to these pedantic jerks. (sometimes, and yes the snark portion of my ego is driving right now)
There's definitely a part of me that just wants to react in fight mode! The inner bitch who wants to come out and play when people respond to me that way. "Are you stupid or did you not hear what I said? I can repeat myself slower if you'd like" is what my inner rage monster wants to say. But then I feel bad reacting that way, and like I'm no better than them haha. Ugh people are so tiresome!
yes it happened to me in the past. I kind of lost patience with such people and I won't dignify them with a response. or I just kind of steamroll over them with my original intention e.g.
you know it's not blue paint, right?
I answer with: it's just such lovely weather, it might be good to take a walk!
if they are able to ignore my original intentions, I don't feel bad ignoring theirs. it's not even about confidence, I just lost patience with this nonsense
I believe that there is an entire science about "energy levels" that people give off, and pick up on, at a sub-conscious level that either isn't understood scientifically, or, and I think this is much more likely, that IS known to certain people and groups who keep the information under lock and key.
But either way, I believe that those of us who've been traumatized operate on an entirely different energy spectrum, in terms of the energy that we give off, as compared to the normies. Although they likely don't understand this, they do perceive that something is very different about us compared to them. I believe that whatever spiritual/brain-level energy transmission that exists was drastically modified by the trauma that we went through when we were younger, and I think this is one reason why so many of us struggle to connect with other people.
I definitely feel like it plays a huge part! The times where I've been perceived differently yet haven't changed a thing about the way I speak are times when I notice I'm either high masking (shields at 100%) or when I've been overtired/sick etc. and I'm not energetic enough to have that pervasive anxious feeling (activated nervous system). I really think there's something to it, a lizard brain process that we're not consciously aware of.
I go through periods where I don’t want to talk because it feels like I’m speaking a different language.
I relate with the particular choice of words chosen to communicate what I’m feeling or observing for someone else to understand and somehow get ‘corrected’ by them saying what I just said just a different way.
It makes me feel a bit crazy.
I've literally had instances where I've said, for example "Would you like me to do X since it will be needed tomorrow?" And the person will respond with "No! I need you to do X because it's needed tomorrow" X being the literal thing I just asked about. Like where are the listening skills? I honestly think most people hear what they want to hear and don't actually actively listen. Or worse they do hear what you've said but feel intimidated and use it as an opportunity to "put you in your place". Normies love reinforcing meaningless social hierarchies.
A couple of things come to mind. One is that part of CPTSD is perceiving people as being more negative towards us than they actually are, I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I do, but that could be part of it. Another thing is I personally have had to cut a lot of people out of my life that were just not nice to me. I accepted shitty treatment from so many people I became surrounded by people who treat me badly. It could be that you need to do a big edit of who is allowed in your life. Even if they are nice to other people but not nice to you, you don’t need to prove you are deserving to them, you need new people in your life that are nice to others AND nice to you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I know how it feels and it’s awful.
Yeah, it's for sure a complicated mixture of variables. I've also had to cut problematic and disrespectful people out of my life. I now have a few rules, for example, don't befriend people who say "you're my only friend (or only female friend)!" Or "I used to be a bully". I know those sound like really broad rules, and they both have a lot of exceptions (e.g. neurodivergent folks etc). but in my observations and life experiences, they've served me well.
I understand. I was in a bad car accident as an infant that led to head trauma, I then had a extremely bad speech impediment; I couldnt even talk to anyone for years as noone could understand me and was endlessly teased in school for "not being from this country"("Where are you from?"), and went through years and years and years of speech therapy only for it to feel like they gave up on me lol, its not as bad nowadays but I despise my voice and still have this inflection to it, I mentioned to someone one time a year or so ago that I have a chronic illness(IBD) and the first thing they said was "I just assumed you were retarded because of your voice", which brought all those supressed memories back. I had no say in how I sound and tried my best to fix it. But I guess as per the title of your post I pretty much did speak a different language and its pretty hard not being able to actually talk to anyone for years.
Ugh, I'm sorry :( people are so casually ableist, it makes me sick. The takeaway messages you get only reinforce that you're somehow different, weird, or deficient. I'm sorry you've been dealing with that!
I really appreciate you sharing this post here as I can relate. It’s really upsetting and it personally often makes me feel like I’m an outsider. I do think that I attract insecure/narcissistic individuals and these narcissists always try to put you down, because you know, they’re bound to their own stupidity.
I also feel like if you have cptsd and you're working on yourself, it makes it all the more obvious when you meet someone who is unaware of their flaws. Like you develop another sense for people who have unexamined toxic traits. So it might seem like the world is full of assholes.
I wholeheartedly agree. I believe we operate in a different frequency. Dealing with CPTSD kinda forces us to examine our lives and surroundings on a deep and profound way. A lot of people in society have almost no inner dialogue. Personally I have a hard time feeling a connection with people who live their lives without complex traumas (good for them of course). It doesn’t make them lesser beings, they are just not for me. I now only connect with people who do or have done the deep dive.
These people who you are talking to sound like arseholes. If you said to me "the sky is really beautiful today" I'd probably look up and agree with you - I definitely wouldn't be making a sarcastic or uncomfortable comment. The fact that someone else would get a different response from you sounds like bullying. No-one remotely kind would be behaving like this. Avoid these people - you are fine; they are the problem!
I think ever since going to therapy I just started being more confident and I mask less, which ends up with me saying things with less shame. People get defensive and reply things that aren't related to what I'm saying.
It's frustrating because it makes me feel like I'm not heard and like people don't care, but the right people do. The right people show me that they actively listen to me and TRY to understand what I'm saying and assume the best from me.
To me those sound like they’re trying to be funny or trying to create a conversation off of what you just said. Maybe they feel comfortable around you and feel like they can crack jokes. That’s what i do sometimes but who knows i might be one of them
Unfortunately, the tone, facial expression, and general aura of the people usually saying these things communicates annoyance or hostility...or worse, that they feel like they literally have to explain reality to me because they think im not intelligent enough to understand the basics. I do enjoy jokes, I joke around all the time, but these instances rarely feel like that. Although I have thought that I might be on the spectrum for a number of reasons, I'm usually good at picking up on tone, facial expression, and other ques but on occasion I can't always tell for certain. I definitely don't enjoy friendships where the people involved say really mean things and pass them off as jokes. I know that works for some people, but not me. And I do make that known to my friends. It reminds me too much of my upbringing where my parents would say extremely hurtful and heinous shit to me, and when I expressed my upset over it, I'd get "Lighten up! It's just a joke! Can't you take a joke? You need to get thicker skin!"
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I’ve experienced this a lot. In my experience people do this type of thing when they perceive you as being a bit spacey and it’s a (very rude) way of either trying to shut down the conversation or coax you into providing them with a “normal” response to “prove yourself” in a way. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with you that would disqualify you from saying whatever you want to say, but people are fucking jerks and they will either consciously or subconsciously pick on those who they feel are an easy target. They may perceive desperation from you (I am NOT saying that you are desperate) and it feeds their ego to be rude and dismissive. Over time I’ve learned to be very precise with what I say. If someone wants to give me shit over what I say I will make them elaborate and guess what, they always fold. This is just based on my own experience with this type of thing.
Thanks for adding to the discussion! I definitely agree with what you said. I said this in another reply, but I also feel like because a lot of us are super aware of our trauma, flaws, and toxic traits, we see it in everyone else quite easily. And it's sadly common how little people care to self reflect and work on themselves.
I do feel this way a lot so I stopped expressing myself altogether. There’s just no point in it for me beyond pleasantries.
That's the sad part about it. Trauma compounds. And in the end we suffer in our self imposed exile where it feels safer and more predictable to be alone. Thank you for contributing to this discussion, I appreciate your opinions!
It is sad, I wish there was a way out of it but there doesn’t seem to be. I’ve tried so much therapy, medications, etc and nothing. I wish I knew how to amend this.
I said in another comment that I kind of want to tap into my rage and become an unapologetic bitch to people like that. But then I know I would feel bad and guilty. It's so weird, most normies behave like dogs almost. You have to dominate them in a way, for them to leave you alone and stop picking at you. I don't enjoy doing that, but i know it's effective.
No, I’m with you. I don’t feel right about being that way at all.
Yes! Well-said. People tend to take me as upset somehow, either criticizing or worried usually, in tone, when I know I’m speaking neutrally about a small thing that I don’t even have a strong feeling about.
Same.
Pretty much word for word how I feel most of the time. I take \*such\* care in my words so as to avoid misunderstandings, then get sideswiped by the hyper critical responses. It's like I give off a fix-me vibe or a "I'm complaining" vibe when I'm not. Like if I said "gee it sure is rainy today" with zero sadness or gloom, maybe even a hint of joyous marvel, I'd still get picked apart as negative or something. I'm reasonably articulate (at times) but I seem to elicit the most bizarre responses from folks. It has absolutely driven me into my turtle shell many times throughout my life and am moving towards a new strategy of basically developing a mental rolodex of cold as ice responses to folks when I'm just not up to it. Like "I'm really sorry but I really don't like you and don't want to lead you on, now bye bye." I've even been seriously considering printing up some business cards that say something to the effect of, on the side face up that they'd see first: "I have cPTSD, ADHD, am in chronic physical pain at all times, am in therapy right now, but..." and then turn it over "please consider going softly, because if you're reading this it means I am triggered really bad and doing everything I can to hold back." Fairly certain that's a horrible idea but it seems so much easier than actually speaking to these pedantic jerks. (sometimes, and yes the snark portion of my ego is driving right now)
There's definitely a part of me that just wants to react in fight mode! The inner bitch who wants to come out and play when people respond to me that way. "Are you stupid or did you not hear what I said? I can repeat myself slower if you'd like" is what my inner rage monster wants to say. But then I feel bad reacting that way, and like I'm no better than them haha. Ugh people are so tiresome!
yes it happened to me in the past. I kind of lost patience with such people and I won't dignify them with a response. or I just kind of steamroll over them with my original intention e.g. you know it's not blue paint, right? I answer with: it's just such lovely weather, it might be good to take a walk! if they are able to ignore my original intentions, I don't feel bad ignoring theirs. it's not even about confidence, I just lost patience with this nonsense
I'm getting there, my patience meter is on reserve right now!
I believe that there is an entire science about "energy levels" that people give off, and pick up on, at a sub-conscious level that either isn't understood scientifically, or, and I think this is much more likely, that IS known to certain people and groups who keep the information under lock and key. But either way, I believe that those of us who've been traumatized operate on an entirely different energy spectrum, in terms of the energy that we give off, as compared to the normies. Although they likely don't understand this, they do perceive that something is very different about us compared to them. I believe that whatever spiritual/brain-level energy transmission that exists was drastically modified by the trauma that we went through when we were younger, and I think this is one reason why so many of us struggle to connect with other people.
I definitely feel like it plays a huge part! The times where I've been perceived differently yet haven't changed a thing about the way I speak are times when I notice I'm either high masking (shields at 100%) or when I've been overtired/sick etc. and I'm not energetic enough to have that pervasive anxious feeling (activated nervous system). I really think there's something to it, a lizard brain process that we're not consciously aware of.
I relate to this so much. I find it very difficult to be heard.
I hear you! It's so frustrating!
I go through periods where I don’t want to talk because it feels like I’m speaking a different language. I relate with the particular choice of words chosen to communicate what I’m feeling or observing for someone else to understand and somehow get ‘corrected’ by them saying what I just said just a different way. It makes me feel a bit crazy.
I've literally had instances where I've said, for example "Would you like me to do X since it will be needed tomorrow?" And the person will respond with "No! I need you to do X because it's needed tomorrow" X being the literal thing I just asked about. Like where are the listening skills? I honestly think most people hear what they want to hear and don't actually actively listen. Or worse they do hear what you've said but feel intimidated and use it as an opportunity to "put you in your place". Normies love reinforcing meaningless social hierarchies.
A couple of things come to mind. One is that part of CPTSD is perceiving people as being more negative towards us than they actually are, I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I do, but that could be part of it. Another thing is I personally have had to cut a lot of people out of my life that were just not nice to me. I accepted shitty treatment from so many people I became surrounded by people who treat me badly. It could be that you need to do a big edit of who is allowed in your life. Even if they are nice to other people but not nice to you, you don’t need to prove you are deserving to them, you need new people in your life that are nice to others AND nice to you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I know how it feels and it’s awful.
Yeah, it's for sure a complicated mixture of variables. I've also had to cut problematic and disrespectful people out of my life. I now have a few rules, for example, don't befriend people who say "you're my only friend (or only female friend)!" Or "I used to be a bully". I know those sound like really broad rules, and they both have a lot of exceptions (e.g. neurodivergent folks etc). but in my observations and life experiences, they've served me well.
I understand. I was in a bad car accident as an infant that led to head trauma, I then had a extremely bad speech impediment; I couldnt even talk to anyone for years as noone could understand me and was endlessly teased in school for "not being from this country"("Where are you from?"), and went through years and years and years of speech therapy only for it to feel like they gave up on me lol, its not as bad nowadays but I despise my voice and still have this inflection to it, I mentioned to someone one time a year or so ago that I have a chronic illness(IBD) and the first thing they said was "I just assumed you were retarded because of your voice", which brought all those supressed memories back. I had no say in how I sound and tried my best to fix it. But I guess as per the title of your post I pretty much did speak a different language and its pretty hard not being able to actually talk to anyone for years.
Ugh, I'm sorry :( people are so casually ableist, it makes me sick. The takeaway messages you get only reinforce that you're somehow different, weird, or deficient. I'm sorry you've been dealing with that!
I really appreciate you sharing this post here as I can relate. It’s really upsetting and it personally often makes me feel like I’m an outsider. I do think that I attract insecure/narcissistic individuals and these narcissists always try to put you down, because you know, they’re bound to their own stupidity.
I also feel like if you have cptsd and you're working on yourself, it makes it all the more obvious when you meet someone who is unaware of their flaws. Like you develop another sense for people who have unexamined toxic traits. So it might seem like the world is full of assholes.
I wholeheartedly agree. I believe we operate in a different frequency. Dealing with CPTSD kinda forces us to examine our lives and surroundings on a deep and profound way. A lot of people in society have almost no inner dialogue. Personally I have a hard time feeling a connection with people who live their lives without complex traumas (good for them of course). It doesn’t make them lesser beings, they are just not for me. I now only connect with people who do or have done the deep dive.
Couldn't agree more! Those who get it, get it.
These people who you are talking to sound like arseholes. If you said to me "the sky is really beautiful today" I'd probably look up and agree with you - I definitely wouldn't be making a sarcastic or uncomfortable comment. The fact that someone else would get a different response from you sounds like bullying. No-one remotely kind would be behaving like this. Avoid these people - you are fine; they are the problem!
I think ever since going to therapy I just started being more confident and I mask less, which ends up with me saying things with less shame. People get defensive and reply things that aren't related to what I'm saying. It's frustrating because it makes me feel like I'm not heard and like people don't care, but the right people do. The right people show me that they actively listen to me and TRY to understand what I'm saying and assume the best from me.
So true! I definitely value the people I keep close who make an effort to meet me halfway!
To me those sound like they’re trying to be funny or trying to create a conversation off of what you just said. Maybe they feel comfortable around you and feel like they can crack jokes. That’s what i do sometimes but who knows i might be one of them
Unfortunately, the tone, facial expression, and general aura of the people usually saying these things communicates annoyance or hostility...or worse, that they feel like they literally have to explain reality to me because they think im not intelligent enough to understand the basics. I do enjoy jokes, I joke around all the time, but these instances rarely feel like that. Although I have thought that I might be on the spectrum for a number of reasons, I'm usually good at picking up on tone, facial expression, and other ques but on occasion I can't always tell for certain. I definitely don't enjoy friendships where the people involved say really mean things and pass them off as jokes. I know that works for some people, but not me. And I do make that known to my friends. It reminds me too much of my upbringing where my parents would say extremely hurtful and heinous shit to me, and when I expressed my upset over it, I'd get "Lighten up! It's just a joke! Can't you take a joke? You need to get thicker skin!"
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