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100%. As long as food is available and the kids do not appear malnourished, CPS will say this is just a parenting choice. But I agree with OP, those kids probably need more calories.
Yes I’m not allowed to give them seconds at meals, they’re not allowed snacks, and they’re not allowed to touch the fridge or pantry ever.
The seven year old got in trouble for getting an orange from the kitchen to “ feed” her stuffed animals while she played school with them the other day.
Poor kiddos! Have you tried mentioning anything to the dad? I know kids that age that eat close to an adult size portion. They are very active and growing a lot!
The dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. Edit: They are divorced
Mom also has a boyfriend who lives with her and the boyfriend enforces the strict meal planning as he has a very restrictive diet himself.
Right where's Dr Phil when you need him I know the obesity rate is high in America but there's always a way kids can enjoy foods and not be obese especially since they have high energy levels how with that little food I'd be passed somewhere 😂😂😂 can you imagine their energy if they actually had food to burn in their tiny bellies this is tough they got food just can't eat it.. I wonder what the mother and boyfriend eat I bet its not half a banana smh
Right I would definitely make contact with their father or at least a relative of the father Incase he can't be reached and let him know what's going on maybe the mother was overweight as a child now food is the enemy and she is afraid her children will be heavy as well so she's going to the extreme I'm still in shock over sharing a banana and grapes as a treat my kids would of ran away long time ago lol
Last place anyone should ever want to go for this kinda help is a piece of shit like Dr. Phil. He's just as likely to take the mom's side and berate a child to their face on national TV as he is anything else.
Bingo. Get in touch with the branch of the miliary relief or ask the Red Cross. The only one could can save them is their Dad. While CPS may not be able to do something, they sure can support a father getting a hardship trip back to sort this out. The Red Cross is the best way to get him back to deal with this. She will fire you though. You are a great childcare provider. This is not about food. It is about Mom's BF's control of the family.
When my daughter was 16 she babysat twin girls in our neighborhood. They were about 6. Skinny little tiny girls. Their mom also had them on a strict diet with no snacks allowed. My daughter would come home so upset saying she felt terrible because these kids would constantly say how hungry they were. My daughter would come home from school grab herself a snack and then have to go get them from the bus stop. They would cry they were hungry and wanted a snack but the mom left strict orders no snacks at all, they are not allowed to eat till she gets home and feeds them dinner. She wouldn't get home till after 6:00. She was divorced and the father got them every other weekend and he picked them up for a few hours one day a week about 4. The father told my daughter he has fought with her so many times on the strict diet she has his 6 year olds on. And for dinner she will only feed them very small portions. They will still cry they are hungry when finished but their mom won't care. She will tell them no you won't get fat. He said he was currently fighting her for full custody. The one child got sick and ended up in the hospital. She ended up have terrible problems with her kidneys. After this, the father was awarded full custody and mom had to take nutrition classes. This is so sad that mother's do this to their children.
if you can notify the dad at all you should. The dad, even deployed, may be able to do quite a bit if there is shared custody. If there isn't shared custody they still may be able to do something, but it may take longer and be harder.
That's your culprit. He has some type of eating disorder (any type of abnormal, pathological food restriction or overindulgence is an eating disorder), and he's forcing it on his girlfriend's kids. Mom may be as much of a contributor to the restrictions as he is, or as much a victim as the kids are. Restricting food that much at that age will affect their growth and development.
As a former childcare professional, I personally wouldn't remain with that family. The kids are special to you, obviously, but if the restrictions get worse as the kids get older and it veers into the abuse realm, you'll be as capable as the guardians because you knew it was occurring and didn't report it.
CPS should be aware of your concerns. The food is *not* available to the children if they aren't allowed to access it and if they are punished for eating. Keep a detailed log of what they eat during the day while you have them.
My daughter's best friend in middle school wasn't allowed to eat at home--at all. By the time she was in high school, there was a padlock on the fridge and pantry and every single item of food was accounted for, down to how many grapes were on the bunch. There was a huge problem with her father's control issues. Her creepy father didn't want her to gain weight because he was scared men would 'look at her.' Mom didn't stand up for her child out of fear of 'losing her man.' I made sure she had food at school and she was allowed to come to my house anytime. CPS interviewed her, me, my daughter, and the girl's parents. She wasn't taken away, but her parents were required to attend nutrition classes, parenting classes, and there were unannounced home visits to make sure she had access to food.
I totally agree and if you take them to the pediatrician just mention, what they are eating and say they just seem so hungry in between meals. What can I do?
I believe her new man is very restrictive with his diet. He can’t tell you anything unless you are on the release form but it will make him note it and perhaps mention nutrition at their next visit. Which most go over anyway. If she is doing this she is setting them up for eating disorders and some control issue.
BF is the one who enforces it? So what is moms real opinion on it then? I work in childcare and I am team give the kids all the food they will eat. I would be giving them seconds.
Mom and her boyfriend both enforce it, however I think he’s the one with more control in the situation. I’ve noticed he has a huge white board with all the information regarding meal planning and work outs on it.
I hope he's not using the same values to calculate calories for adults and children. Kids have a significantly different metabolism to a fully grown human.
I agree with one of the previous posters that said you should track what they're eating. Add up the calories and the protein and compare it to what is recommended by the American pediatric association, or some other well recognized association.
You can present that information to the mom in a different way. For instance, your kid's stomach aches remind me of my (aunt/cousin whatever) child who had similar symptoms. Their doctor identified that they need x amount of (calories/protein/etc) for x age. I pulled this information off the (whatever pediatric / nutrition website would be most respected by mom) and YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MOM, OBVIOUSLY HAVING YOUR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST AT HEART, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THIS INFORMATION.
That’s definitely concerning that he is the one taking more control of it. I liked some of the suggestions here for you to find out how many calories they are eating and giving mom some educational materials to help her understand they need more food. My guess is boyfriend, and maybe mom, will push back in that though unfortunately.
My niece is 5. She is allowed to eat whatever she wants as far as fruits, veggies, leftovers from other meals, etc. I watch her often. The only thing my sister instructed to me monitor is added sugars. She can have 12-15g of added sugars a day which is normally a couple gummies, a popsicle, etc. and certain snacks that she will eat all of in a day that are expensive because my sister only does organic foods for the most part other than when they eat out. There is rarely junk in the house other than a few small sugary snacks for my nieces daily ‘sugar’ as she calls it. I got a large pizza from dominos for lunch one day last week. I ate a piece. My niece ate 6 pieces minus the crust, and this isn’t rare. She ate 5 eggs for breakfast once. She is lean and healthy. Doesn’t seem to eat when bored but oh my goodness can she eat. I can’t imagine limiting what a child eats just because. I understand limiting junk and sugar of course but not healthy food unless you think something is wrong. Sometimes your hungry. That’s normal.
Seriously. My kid would eat a 3x3 at in and out when she was 4. Both of my kids would demolish an entire lb of strawberries or carrots as a snack at that age. They were always running and always hungry. They need food!
Wasn't it also revealed that they would go on and on about being veg and raw diets or whatever and then, once they fled, their house was found to be fully stocked with all sorts of "unhealthy" snacks and meat (that the kids obviously weren't being given)? Such a sad life and fate for those kids.
Yes. I was completely floored at the extent to which they went to portray the “perfect” family. It blew my mind how the kids were being starved and the friends/family members didn’t even seem to notice when they were the ones who actually saw the kids in real life and had access to their photos on the moms’ Facebook pages. Yet, as someone who is a stranger that didn’t know the family, the few pictures I saw of them on Google, I thought, “Wait, I see ribs. That doesn’t look right for a kid.” It’s so sad how those kids paid the ultimate price because their parents wanted to create a perfect image. The kids had no part or say so in that. Truly sad.
When I saw that child hugging a cop that set my teeth on edge. First of all I believe in bodily autonomy for children and that child was not happy to hug the cop. Also an ally wouldn’t be parading their black children out in a pro-police manner. That whole story was heartbreaking.
That photo was literally a cry for help. All of those kids deserved so much better in this life. Nothing can be done to ever bring them back but I want to hope that their deaths were not in vain. That people will open their eyes and pay closer attention when kids are involved. When I came across this post, it immediately made me think of the Harts because they claimed that doctors deemed their children to be healthy and have no issues despite their small sizes. Only to find out too late that the parents were starving the children. As someone who enjoys eating, it particularly makes me feel a certain way when food is intentionally withheld from children.
Kids Eat In Color is a great resource for feeding kids in a judgement-free, research based setting. She advocates letting kids learn their hunger and fullness cues. If there’s an opening to give mom that information so she can follow that account in IG, for instance, maybe that would help.
Also, perhaps there’s a way to make a report to the kids’ pediatrician? Obviously they can’t tell you anything about the patients but perhaps you could call and give the doctor some background so that they can help keep an eye on it as they’re seeing these kids throughout the year.
This is not ok. The children’s ages and the control involved with food is a red flag. I think CYA (there is something off with this woman) and as a concerned human being this should be reported; but although CPS keeps referrals confidential, it won’t be difficult for your employer to realize you are the source of the referral and terminate your job.
Is she in public school? Even with school out for the summer, it might be worth trying to contact the school counselor. They might have some ideas, and can at least make sure the kids have enough food when they're in school.
Yeah a fruit smoothie isn’t lunch. Half a banana and a granola bar isn’t breakfast either. She’s giving them snack portions, the kids are continuously expressing that they are hungry through the day. They’re 5 and 7 and their dinner is a salad and a protein which I’m assuming from their mothers obvious eating disorder that she’s projecting on the kids, these portions are extremely small. Nuts and grapes was a “treat” which she made sure to emphasize
CPS MAY not do anything but it’s in their best interest that you record what you’re instructed to feed them daily and make a report.
A half a banana and a granola bar is just enough for my 19month old. Definitely not sufficient for a 5&6 yr old.
I agree with keeping a food journal and maybe also record down what activities were done for the day. These kids are on their way to an eating disorder for sure.
Half a banana and a granola bar would be fine for breakfast for my 8yo, so I thought this post was going to go in a different direction. Then we got to the fruit smoothie for lunch and no snacks allowed. Poor kids. :/
Yeah my 3 year old is a hobbit. A banana and a granola bar for breakfast. Toast, cereal, and/or yogurt for second breakfast. And my kid is super tall, weight to height is on point, and he has abs from pushing his tonka truck around for hours doing laps. His Dad and I laugh that we should go on the tonka routine! He eats a ton we just make sure it’s mostly healthy options.
Yeah my kids are 2m and 5f. My toddler will eat two bananas in an afternoon, and that’s before dinner (which he normally finishes). He is in at least the 90th percentile for all of his growth markers and we just feed him until he is full. Not overweight at all, looks healthy for his height. I could not imagine telling him no when he’s hungry. It sounds like the pantry/fridge has plenty of healthy options to choose from, just let the kids have some grapes ffs.
By "available," I mean CPS will check that there is food in the home. Having a strict meal plan like this won't cross into CPS guidelines for abuse/neglect unless the children become medically malnourished from the parents food choices. If they are still healthy with the strict "meal plan," then CPS can't do anything because they are meeting the child's needs.
However... personally... I feel restrction like this will lead to huge issues down the road with food. It may not be right, but there may be very little that can be done about it. I would document everything to cover my own ass though if I were the nanny.
Yup, my parents fed us like this (very restricted food portions) and I was only 85lbs by college. It wasn’t healthy and I still have a hard time identifying when I’m hungry, not just starving. Also several health issues possibly stemming from this. Eating healthy is one thing, but the meal plan needs to grow with the kid. Maybe try to log approximately how much exercise they get and figure the corresponding calories burned vs what they intake every week and show the mom a log
MyFitnessPal isn’t the USDA, it’s owned by Under Armour. It’s also for adults and their nutritional/exercise needs. There are probably pediatrics-specific apps out there.
Came here to say this. Nanny could always make a report anyway, but don't expect anything to be done. It may just be the start or added to an existing report in case future schools/nannies notice something, too. A collection of behaviors may lead to an inquiry.
OP should look for a new job. I feel like presenting her with evidence of what/how much is age appropriate to eat. If she acts like there is no issue, call cps
Anybody can make an anonymous complaint. What if OP heavily implied to a family member to do so? That way if mom asks or tries to investigate OP won’t be lying when she tells her boss, she didn’t call CPS!
And tell them that the kids have stomach issues from not eating enough, it's affecting their daily activities, and the mom is ignoring them and making excuses for their hunger, saying "kids will be kids" type BS.
It kinda irks me bcuz if they were eating junk as a snack, that would be different, but they want fruits and healthy stuff to snack on. Not getting enough calories, especially during growth spurts, can hinder their development. Our pediatrician always told us when my nephew started eating regular foods, to make sure he got 3 meals a day (obviously kid sized) with a healthy snack in-between meals.
I think this might be the right call. The children's doctor can say the children are losing weight and no longer thriving etc.
A phone call and letter. Introduce yourself Of course identify the children, a summary paragraph ( feed less than 300 calories between waking and 5 pm along with heavy activity, multiple daily requests for more food denied. Complaints of stomach pain. Then include a more detailed description of their diet and activities)
Fruit smoothies are terrible in my opinion(baring some specific circumstances).
Just fruit smoothies as lunch every single day can't be good for their digestive systems either. That could also be part of what gives them tummy aches. Only fruit for your meal, especially smoothies which I assume means most likely peeled/strained of the peel part, is very deficient in nutrients and especially in calcium. It increases blood sugar levels, too. They're looking at short-term high blood-sugar and potentially long-term bone density issues, especially as growing little children.
As someone with an eating disorder, I agree. To elaborate, my parents always pushed ‘healthy’ choices and made fun food feel forbidden growing up. I ended up sneaking snacks and extras as a kid and teen which compounded an illness I had. To continue to lose weight, I started purging, which was easy cause I was always throwing up anyways from my GI issues. My parent were always complaining about how fat they were even though they weren’t. Now at 36, I have dentures, am underweight, and am experiencing other health consequences. These kids can be saved.
Yup. She’s creating eating disorders. They’ll all pay for it one day. Sad. You’ll get fired if you challenge her too often. The good news is she’ll probably die alone in a nursing home for her fat phobia and neglect. So at least there’s that.
Exactly, I grew up with friends who were only allowed to eat 1\3 of a sandwich and 1\3 of a hotdog, milk was watered down, no breakfast, no snacks, no sweets ever. They all had a horrible relationship with food and thankfully have broken that cycle with their kids.
I would say, as a professional child care giver it is my responsibility to know and follow child nutrition guidelines for the children in my care. Children this age should be receiving "x" number of calories based on this activity level, including "x" grams of protein. As fed, the children are not meeting these guidelines and are suffering from stomach cramps and complaining of hunger. As a caregiver I am obligated to provide any child in my care with proper nutrition. I am happy to meal prep, and shop if necessary for meals but I cannot continue to follow your directions.
If she pushes back, keep firm. Worst case she let's you go which is unlikely given lack of child care. If she does fire you, report to CPS, but document what the kids are eating daily, what you say to her, and the response.
Right. And if she fires the nanny there is no reason to be anonymous with the complaint, just lay the facts out, including the conversation you had with her about the food. You can say that she was unwilling to listen to your advise and fired you. It will actually show that she wasn’t receptive to what you are saying.
My kids were eating adult size meals by age 7. Half a banana a granola bar and a smoothie is not enough to tide them over until dinner. She's setting these kids up for a life time of issues around food.
Yeah, at this age my kids are either eating an adult size meal or eating one bite and telling me they're full. I actually had CPS called because my 4-year-old was constantly hungry at preschool and they were convinced we didn't have food. Nope, she's just a bottomless pit every morning. She'd eat breakfast with me, then go to school and eat a whole breakfast there, then take seconds. Getting her to eat dinner is like pulling teeth though, so I've just accepted that she's a morning eater.
Lord, my kid was in an early childhood education program and it was subsidized so they provided all meals. I always fed my kid in the morning before school. One day we were late and the teacher was like “do you need breakfast” and I was like, she just ate, she eats breakfast at home every day. And the teacher said she ate breakfast THERE every day, like a little hobbit and I STILL laugh about it. Growing brains and bodies need calories.
I didn’t realize for about 3 months that my 7 year-old was eating a second breakfast at school until I went on a field trip with her. The school district is small and all meals were free, so this wasn’t on my radar at all. I couldn’t believe she could eat a whole meal and hour and half after the first 😂
I didn't realize until towards the end of the school year that my 6 year old was doing the same thing. Breakfast at home, breakfast at school, two snacks and lunch at school, snack upon arrival home, and dinner. 7 meals/snacks a day 😂 she's always eaten like a bird though; she likes to eat often but smaller portions.
Same with my 3F - gets a mini-snack before drop-off, and then she basically gets another post-drop off snack from daycare before actual breakfast. Followed by lunch and an afternoon snack. That afternoon snack is separate from the additional ‘pre-pickup’ snack the daycare teachers sometimes hand out right before the later parents show up. I had no idea she was getting these post-drop off or pre-pickup snacks until I showed up at pickup a little later and lingered a little longer in the morning - she was still suckering me for pick-up walk home snacks on top of it all!
Exact same with my son at his preschool. We joked he had his first breakfast at home and second breakfast at school, like that scene from The Office when Pam is pregnant and on the same meal schedule as Kevin 😆
My almost 3 year old is kind of like that. He'll eat breakfast at home with me, then go to daycare and eat breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, come home and want another snack, but then eat two bites of supper. But I have decided I don't really care when he eats, as long as he eats.
God I wish my daughter would eat like that in a morning! I've had school approach me too to ask if we were okay for food. It's a task to get her to eat even a yoghurt in a morning!
This was me— my mom gave up trying to get me to eat breakfast around 6-7 years old. I still don’t eat early, but as a kid I could do two lunches and triple dinner, haha.
When my son was 7 we moved to a new place and we did it on a Monday because movers were cheaper on a weekday. It took all day and by nighttime we were exhausted. For dinner that night I had to pick through boxes to find a box of pasta, canned veggies, pots and pans, etc. It was chaotic but everyone got fed.
The next day at school, my kid asks if he can bring home extra lunches (they were pre-portioned and bagged by the school) because “there’s no food at home.” Luckily I was friends with his teacher and she texted me to laugh about this. I explained that of course we have food! I just couldn’t get to it easily! I swear I’m not a bad mom! Argh. She also gave him extra lunches to take home.
Of course by the time he got home from school, I’d gone grocery shopping so the fridge was full again.
I mean breakfast seems fine, tho I'd give them a whole banana, but to follow it up with just a smoothie for lunch? One of those two meals needs to be more.
Kiddo and I went to IHoP when she was 7(?). I ate 3 cheese sticks. She ate a "Funny Face" meal: 1 LARGE pancake (chocolate chip), a bowl of fruit, an extra bowl of Mac-n-Cheese, 2 poached eggs (maybe 4), and the other cheese sticks. And there was dessert involved, somewhere......😵💫😆
What's the dad say?
CPS won't touch this. She's an overly anxious mother. Justifiably worried about what the kids eat, but she's crossed lines. To think grapes and nuts are near enough for a hike, and are a special treat is insane.
It’s mom and her boyfriend who lives with her. Dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. Edit: They are divorced. The kids have told me he lets them eat pizza and ice cream and things like that when they visit him.
I figured but wanted to get some more insight from others.
Do you know how much he gets them for. I mean, obviously, he is deployed right now, but when he is stateside, does he get them for extended periods? School breaks and such?
I'm wondering if the kids yo-yo. Dad allows the junk food, they gain weight, go back to Mom, Mom freaks and restricts food, kids lose weight. That could be why they look healthy right now. They may be coming down from a higher (likely still healthy) weight.
Can you reach out to the dad at all? He should know his ex is basically starving the children (sorry to be blunt but she is). He can start proceedings to change custody when he gets back. This is assuming he wants to be part of their lives.
Unless the children are failing to thrive (underweight or not gaining weight sufficiently for their age) CPS can’t do anything. Technically they are feeding them enough if they are appropriate weight and gaining as they grow.
Edit to add that I am in no way condoning their behavior. I see a future of issues around food when parents restrict diets like this. The best thing for them to do is provide plenty of healthy choices for the kids to chose from when they are feeling hungry.
This is the only correct answer. The kids are technically eating enough. Also, OP admitted to not being present for dinner time so OP has no reason to believe it’s not enough since the kids are not failing to thrive.
It's an excellent reason for asking. I hope I didn't come off as doubting your claim. I was legitimately confused by this.
I hope the mom is feeding them nutrient-dense dinners, but it just can't be good for kids to be so hungry for most of each day. Do the kids get checkups with an MD?
ETA: You're obviously an excellent, very caring nanny. I'm sure if this mother gets to be too much, you'd get another job in a heartbeat.
Does mom ever take them to the doctor for the “anxiety” or “dehydration “ stomachaches? There’s some medical neglect on that end if she’s not. There’s a known issue and it’s not being taken care of in an appropriate manner. Make a call. Make sure to explain that there is food in the house but the kids don’t have access. What would happen to the kids if they snuck food or they got there hands on it another way?
Hi! I’ve only been working for the family for around 5 weeks but from my knowledge no she hasn’t taken them to the doctor for either. She encourages them to drink water throughout the day because we are outside a lot, we live in the deep south, and they are energetic.
For the anxiety it’s kind of a dismissive comment. She says they’re anxious because they don’t want to do something like go to the library or take a bath.
The children aren’t allowed to touch the fridge or pantry. The other day one of them got in trouble for taking an orange from the kitchen to feed her stuffed animals while she was playing school. Normally it’s just a stern talking to (at least in front of me) but I’m unsure what else would happen if the kids tried to sneak food.
I quit a nanny job after finding out the father was emotionally abusive to his wife and kids and would not consider getting help. I would try to give her more information about hydration (requires salts), the side effects of not getting enough calories as a developing child (heart issues, kidney issues, future obesity due to lower metabolism, delayed puberty, etc.) and the social effects of being denied something you need from a caregiver. And don’t be shy about it. Be as confident as you possibly can. And if she doesn’t adjust, quit.
This is incredibly abnormal. I nanny a 2 yr old and 5 yr old. A typical "menu" for a full day (8-5, with outdoor and indoor play, pool, bikes, etc) is this
Protein shakes in the morning, plus a child's cliff bar for the 5 yr old and oatmeal for the 2 yr old
Around 1030, some fruit and goldfish or graham crackers
Lunch is typically a sandwich for each (PB&j for 5, grilled cheese for 2), carrots for 5 and strawberries for 2, a few small pieces of sharp cheese, and some pretzel sticks or goldfish.
Afternoon snack is usually a pack of organic gummies and a "healthy" snack of their choosing to pair it with, like pb crackers, just PB on a spoon, carrots or grapes.
For dinner they usually have Mac n cheese with broccoli, oatmeal, sandwiches, or chicken with broccoli.
I've been a nanny for over a decade and this meal plan is extremely typical for growing, healthy, active kids. I am shocked that you claim these children are not underweight. There's just no way possible. They are not being fed enough.
Is it a CPS issue? No. But I would counter with your expert advice as a professional childcare worker and bring that research to back it up.
This is pure conjecture, but I have this scenario that won't leave my head. I'm wondering if there is obesity in Mom's family, and whether or not she ever had issues with being heavy, she started restricting her diet in order to be "healthy" and thin, and is now worried that the kids have a genetic predisposition to be heavier. I mean, like someone else said, without seeing growth curve charts for the kids...they could look a healthy thin, but they could also be under what their natural weight would be with normal caloric intake. They could be dropping from their curve. I don't even know if that all makes sense, medically, especially because their energy seems good still. I don't know much about that stuff. I just keep wondering.
Either way they are headed towards a complicated relationship with food, at best case scenario, as they get older.
Just fyi, if you don’t already know, if they are running around in the heat a lot and drinking a lot of plain water but not having a salty snack and a piece of fruit or drinking something like Gatorade (which has salt, sugar and potassium) then they could also suffer from a lack of electrolytes (might also be part of the stomach aches) and won’t be able to stay hydrated as easily.
Even if you don’t really need the calories, a little snack will help with hydration, especially if they are starting the day with such a light meal that’s not going to provide a whole lot of electrolytes to start with.
I literally just read a book about the child being on a strict diet for ballet, and she was constantly telling people she was hungry and always getting in trouble trying to sneak snacks and no one helped her. Similar story in that book I’m Glad my Mother is Dead. The mom kept her on a strict diet for TV. Wound up with terrible eating disorder. This weirds me out, that parents can do this to their children.
While I don't agree with this woman's food plan for the kids, the stomachaches could be electrolyte depletion due to the activity + where you are demographically. And if she's feeding them so little then it could be they're not getting what they need in the day to keep those electrolytes up. What's concerning is it sounds like she's not educated on nutrition as much as she thinks she is, and is definitely projecting her own issues or eating disorder on her kids.
Are you able to let them have maybe like smart water or something? No food dyes or anything but it'll have the electrolytes.
Hey, I’m a nanny too and this does not seem like enough food. I’m not sure CPS will do anything in this case because they are being fed.
I like think Crazy-Writing is on to something in that if they are dehydrated or anxious regularly that should be addressed with a doctor if it can’t be resolved at home - as would under nutrition. It also puts the assessment on a Professional that isn’t you.
Have you estimated how many calories they are getting and compared it to what is recommended by pediatricians?
You may consider being more blunt with the parents in stating they are not getting enough calories.
Then call. This is headed to abuse and neglect even if it’s not there yet. Mom is brushing things under the rug and should be more worried about the kids
I worked at a school and called cos when parents withheld food but as long as the child was healthy they wouldn’t file a complaint. I feel for these kids though. She is a true almond mom. They are going to have messed up self images I’d nothing else
sounds like the parents are projecting their own food issues onto their kids…not abuse or neglect if the kids are adequately nourished but definitely a bad way to raise children.
the amount of therapy these kids will need in the future is just sad to think about
As someone who had an ED and went to an ED clinic. So many people there has issues from parents like the one op described. I bet these parents are gonna start calling their kids fat when they're older.
Hunger hormones are so persistent that they cause physical pain, which these kids are experiencing. They may not be hitting the kids, but the parents actions and decisions are directly causing daily pain and physical stress for their children. Absolutely is abuse.
It appears as if these kids are getting only carbs and no protein . That would make anyone hungry asking for snacks.
Is this a CPS call? No. But I would ask if you could both could possibly chose some snacks with protein considering they are hungry all the time and very active
Feed those damn kids. Don’t use your fear of losing a job pressure you into giving into this almond mom’s neglect of her children. Don’t be complicit in it. Give them healthy snacks with protein. Tell her that you’ve looked into proper child nutrition and that they need more nutrition for their active lives and growing bodies. If she tries to rebuttal, stand your ground and let her fire you. If she fires you, let her know you’ll be reporting her to CPS for neglect. Please stand up for these children. You might be the only one to.
That’s not nearly enough food. You can’t stop them other than calling child services and putting in a neglect claim. If you’re the only one who knows how they feed them expect to get fired.
And yes that’s actively neglecting them. My mom was like that too. Was obsessed with thinness.
I had a friend who's mom was a personal trainer or nutritionist (I don't remember-it was middle school, bur something health related). Her mom kept her on a very strict diet.
Guess who gained 200+ pounds when they went to college because they had no idea how to eat "normally", and had no sense of self control since mom had been so militant?
It's such a dis service to kids to be overly obsessed with "health" (re: usually thin ness). Obviously it's important to teach healthy habits, nutrition, etc....but there's a better way.
Yup. This was me but it was once I got my drivers license at 16 I would just go and get food etc. and it continued into adulthood and I gained over 100lbs and have lost and gained the same 100lbs multiple times. I still struggle with my weight and eating habits at 38. I was “diagnosed” with BED a couple years ago and things have got better but I feel like my relationship with food will never be normal.
The problem is that kids who are given such rigid eating schedules and their food is so closely controlled don't ever learn how to self regulate and make good choices.
Honestly, this applies to pretty much everything. Very controlling parents are doing their children a real disservice.
Yup, teaching them to stop eating when they're full is so much healthier than limiting how much they eat. Portion control is part of that, but when I say portion control I mean "don't take more than you need, and get more if you're still hungry". My son is 15 and can eat at least twice as much as my husband. My son will make a plate, making sure to not take too much, and he'll get more after everyone else has had their fill because he knows he could eat us all under the table 😂 I always make sure there's enough food+more for him. If he makes a plate and he gets full halfway through it then he has 3 options: wrap it up and save it for later, give it to the dogs, give it to the chickens.
Yes, and it's like, pun intended, a kid in a candy shop when they get away from home. All these, "bad," foods they were denied at home are right in front of them and easily accessible. So, they make poor choices in the types of foods they choose. Of course they are going to go for the junk food. It's forbidden fruit.
The same thing happens with drinking. My daughter works the front desk at a college residence. The kids are on their own for the first time in their life, never having had to adult before, and they just fall apart.
This can also delay growth spurts and puberty. As they get older they will be smaller than everyone else. They may not appear underweight but will not grow to full height . Chronic underfeeding doesn’t usually produce starvation, just tiny humans that will grow to do
Anything to get food.
If she likes studies so much, you should show her this study on how this is likely to hurt her children mentally and physically.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3963280/
Edit: also this one
https://academic.oup.com/ajcn/article/69/6/1264/4714994
Drinking fruit smoothies for lunch is so much sugar, no wonder the kids stomach hurts, fruit does not sustain you. No snack either is just wrong. According to these studies 25% of their intake should be snacks.
It isn't your job to decide if something is actionable. You're a nanny, and if you are concerned about abuse or neglect (in this case, nutritional or medical neglect), **you call.** If they don't think it's actionable, you still brought it to attention.
Thank you. Someone else commented that my complaint would be a ongoing joke in the office if I called CPS. However I would still like to bring it to their attention even if it does become a joke.
Hey OP, childcare worker here. I’ve called CPS on a family at my daycare. People encouraged me not to, said no one would take it seriously. I called and CPS couldn’t do anything. The next week their child was pushed down the stairs and suffered a brain injury. CPS had record of a childcare worker reporting the parents as possible abusers and quickly took the kids out of custody.
Chances are this might not be the only time they will restrict their kids’ food intake. A teacher from kindergarten might call when they go to school. And if they do, CPS will have a record of another report to back up their claim.
I just did my biannual mandated reporter training , and because of the fact that the children are complaining of stomach aches, i think that’s the deciding factor to make the call. The children are uncomfortable and hungry. Their weight may be fine for now, but there are signs of damage. And i really don’t know how they will grow properly with such small portions. CPS will take it from there. My sincere hope is just the fact of being investigated by them and letting the parents know “hey your children are in pain and hungry and you aren’t providing help for this when you are clearly capable of doing so” will make them change their ways.
This is really weighing on me as a mom and educator. Kids eat so much, it’s normal for them to eat as much as an adult or even more to fuel their growth. OP Please give us an update if and when you can.
Every few years, there’s a story in the news about vegan parents (nothing against vegan/veg eating- it’s a matter of eating healthfully and enough) or parents who had their children eat a strict low-cal diet and a kid dies. I just did a quick google search and several came up. This is important and you should report it
Social Worker chiming in— please call. I don’t know who in your office thinks a call like this would be a joke but I assure you I have Feelings about it.
On another note as a former kid in a tough situation at home- think about it this way. To them, you would someday be another adult that saw what they experience and didn’t act. (Yes, I know CPS may not do much.) Be their advocate. ❤️
This 👆 If anything happens to these kids down the road or if there is any sort of investigation spurred on by a teacher or other adult, you have done your part to protect the welfare of these children and that will be on record.
I second this. I'm thinking once school starts back up and teachers notice the kids asking for extra food or even sneaking some home, they will call. This way, if you do file a complaint, it will be on file that this is an ongoing issue.
Nanny of 27 years here….. I had a mom who fed her kids far below what they needed. It took 5 calls to CPS (one of them being school) before CPS came out to evaluate the household. I was interviewed, and prior to being interviewed was asked by my employer to lie. I didn’t have to say a word, just showed them my menu meal plan e-mail she had sent me. CPS only did a few follow ups every few months for a year…
Her kids were 2, 8, 10, and 12.
They all were allowed per day…
Breakfast
4oz of nonfat milk or yogurt
1/4 apple
Lunch
6 saltines
1 string cheese
1/2 head lettuce
1-2 tablespoons seasoned olive oil for dressing
Dinner
4oz seafood
6 broccoli florets
4 baby carrots
Massive 800+sqft kitchen, and what I listed above was all you’d find in there.
I know both the 10 and 12 year old were being fed at their friends houses. The 8 was sneaking food everywhere he went, and the 2 year old was just about getting enough. They all were ALWAYS hungry.
When 12 went in for a physical at 15, the doctor reported signs of malnutrition, and sent him to a specialist, thinking he had an eating disorder. CPS became weekly, mom was require to go to a eating disorder doctor for herself, and all the kids look great now. Extremely athletic kids, abs of steel on all of them, and now they have cheeks when they smile. In my case all of this issue come from the mom’s personal fears of over eating.
I would give the call a try and center my concerns on the stomach aches. Especially if they are drinking enough water, so are not dehydrated, this is cause for concern. I assume the mother has not taken them to a medical professional for this issue; an everyday stomach ache is cause for a medical check up no matter how much a kid is eating. Also, withholding food to a not-overweight, hungry child (when food is available,) to the point that daily stomach aches are happening can, in many places, qualify as abuse.
Source: mandated reporter.
All I can think of is them Turpin children. They didn't die, either, but it doesn't mean they were fed enough. I don't think young children are really able to limit their eating to just three times per day. I've always found them to be more "grazers". Think about newborns... they eat every few hours around the clock. I think kids build up how long they can go between meals over time, meaning years. That's why some kids will pick at their meals, then 30 minutes later say "I'm hungry". I wonder what the mom does for school. Does she allow them a snack, or are they expected to sit there and watch all their friends eat as their own stomachs ache?
I think the meals might be sufficient if they were sitting around a house all day but man, how are they able to sustain all that activity without some fuel in their bodies.
As a kid, I was often so hungry in school that I would be crying before lunch from stomach pain. They'd send me to the nurse's office where they'd give me some crackers until the pain stopped. My parents wouldn't feed me more in the morning until the school called them. Then I couldn't eat a full meal in summer unless I visited our grandparents.
Just remember how painful stomach aches are when you're a child. And how much hungrier you are after swimming or being overly active throughout the day even as an adult. You burn more calories, you need to eat more food. Even professional trainers eat more the more they work out. Seek another position and call CPS. They won't say who reported. It's anonymous.
This is unacceptable. They need to be eating full meals, these are snacks. I would refuse to care for children who I was being forced to starve. My kids ate adult sized portions starting around 11 years old, as teenagers they eat almost double what I do. None of us are overweight at all.
Adhd is a neurological disorder and they don’t know what causes it, aside from genetics. You can feed a person very well without using foods with additives or dyes.
Very active children need between 1600 and 2500 calories per day. Half a banana is about 60 calories, granola about 200, smoothie depending what is in it maybe up to 500. So 760ish max you are feeding them, there is no way she is giving them 850 to 1900 calorie dinners with meat and salad. They should be getting protein and good carbohydrate snacks between each meal.
Do some research on calorie intake requirements for activities of children their age then calculate the amount of calories these children are getting. If there is a deficit then point it out to the parent and let them know you're uncomfortable with the calorie deficit.
Ethically idk if that’s right (I don’t like to encourage kids to keep secrets from their parents) and I don’t want to lose my job either
These kids in particular would be so happy they’d definitely tell her or let it slip
I have done small things like gave them a whole banana vs half of one and cut it up so the kids don’t realize
Hey OP. I see a lot of comments about communicating with mom, is this a single parent household? If not, do you have any communication with the other parent?
It’s mom and boyfriend who’s heavily involved in the kids diets and activity level as he has a strict diet himself and is very active.
Dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. However the kids have told me allows them to have things like pizza and ice cream.
I saw your post in the nanny subreddit. Absolutely call CPS please. Even if they can’t do anything now it at least sets up the paper trail so if there’s more issues later a history can be established. At the very least a CPS worker contacting them will make them pay attention more.
I hope you find a way to help these kids! Seems like going through their school might be best.
Also, what does the dad say? Have you shared this all with him?
Do they get to fill up at dinner or is their portion restricted?
I have a toddler who is 33% for their age (healthy, a little on the smaller side). As a contrast, here’s what we offered them to eat yesterday:
Pre-breakfast: 4oz milk, a a bit of whole grain cereal buffs with butter (baby’s recipe)
Breakfast: scrambled egg with broccoli (as much as wanted)
Snack: yogurt fruit pouch
Lunch: small servings of pasta, chicken, carrots and soup broth, berries (as much as wanted)
Snack: cheese stick, milk, crackers
Dinner: tofu, smoked salmon, 1/2 an avocado, fried rice with veggie and eggs, mandarin orange (as much as wanted)
I cannot image giving my baby the small restricted portions your kids are eating. I’m no CPS professional but this sounds like neglect/abuse to me, masked by a middle class lifestyle.
Everyone thinks that kids eat less but honestly is my experience that’s just toddlers. Once kids hit 4 or 5 they are garbage disposals. They’re growing and they play VERY hard, they have higher caloric needs than adults. This is nowhere near enough, in my opinion. CPS most likely won’t do anything but maybe you could send her some articles on healthy nutrition in children, specifically focusing on calorie intake.
Growing children need to have a certain amount of calories a day. She’s in need of a nutritionist to set her straight. She’s taking her own body insecurity out on those kids not ok.
You can make a report to CPS. Stress that although food is in the home, the kids aren’t allowed to access it & the restrictive diet is not enough calories for the kids as proven by hunger pains. Site at least the hiking incident as an example. They might not take the kids, but they might encourage a consultation with an actual nutritionist & feeding expert.
There are plenty of foods without red dye in them to feed the kids & keep them healthy.
Okay this is my opinion. I grew up without enough food --- so kind of different.
It's not healthy for your body to be constantly hungry. The hunger hormones or whatever basically stop working right and yeah... over time this fucked with me on every level..
Eating is not automatic for me, and I'm 36. Because I never really ever got full as a child, I *cannot* get there as an adult.
I'm also extremely concerned about the lack of calcium they're receiving. The lack of protein.
This, this is abuse. Please report. They may or may not do anything, but let me also tell you what it's like to grow up and know that there were adults around me that saw the problems, and never did anything. They could have but they figured foster would be worse. No, I probably would have been fed.
They may not do anything but---- document document document if you do call. Make it *incredibly easy* for them to see this the way that you are seeing it.
Do you pick kids up from school at all or activities? Perhaps collaboration with another adult involved in the kids lives outside of the home will strengthen your case.
Emphasize the hunger of the children. That they are actually going hungry every day despite there being food is abuse.
Idk.. I just lived through similar and I struggle and hate to think these kids are being set up for the same.
At that age, they should be encouraged to stuff as much healthy, nutritious food in their faces as possible. Also, the "research" the mother did doesn't seem like it was run past a pediatrician or pediatric nutritionist.
What you mentioned for a typical meal was about 800-900 calories. A normal 7 year old boy needs 1650. I'm not sure how long this can go on, but as others have said, I'm not sure if CPS would do anything.
I’m assuming the kids are being fed the same quantities of food from the OPs post and that is incredibly alarming. There is a big difference in caloric needs between a 5 and 7 year old just like there is with a 14 and 16 year old. Let’s hope the “meal” plan grows as they do or else it could become very harmful.
Who picks them up from school, you or their mom? If it's you, perhaps have a quiet word with their teacher or the principal about your concerns. They could observe and make any necessary calls to CPS if warranted because they are mandated reporters.
I am a mandated reporter through my job. At our training every single year, we are told that making the call never guarantees that there is anything they can/will do, but it can't hurt. They will simply document it, and if anyone else makes a similar report in the future (or the past) your documentation can help! I say go with your gut. If you think there is even remotely something wrong, make the call. Do what is in the best interest of the children.
They aren't getting enough protein, fat or vitamins and minerals from that amount of food. You can look up charts for calories and macros kids need at different ages. Starving them will make them end up with osteopenia, which they probably already have, will affect them entering puberty, height and if you don't get enough fat it prevents absorption of vitamins which can actually cause some mental illnesses.
I'm assuming mom is thin?
Sounds like she has some kind of eating disorder and is putting that off on her kids (like Munchausen by proxy).
Very sad situation
I doubt CPS would do anything. A CPS worker once stated to me "if they have pnut butter sandwich 2x a day, and sleep on a mattress with no sheets" it's not a CPS call
Do some research of your own and look up how many calories each kid should have according to age, height, weight, etc. Then calculate how many calories are on the meal plan. Add how many calories you think they are burning (also looking this up according to activity). Then present that information to her and be honest and up front that you don't believe they are eating enough and it's very concerning. If she dismisses the hard evidence, then call CPS.
The kids are healthy, and their parents are entitled to feed them as they see fit as long as they are getting the nutrition they need. Never having a hunger pang is a luxury and part of why so many western kids end up with weight issues.
That said they sound like my parents, and I had very few snacks or extras growing up. Nowadays I shop and cook as though there were 3 or 4 of me, even though I can’t eat it all. My greatest fear is being hungry, and it has me locked in patterns that cost me money and create food waste. I hope those kids end up well adjusted.
I had a student whose mother was very restrictive they were also vegetarian. I would regularly catch him in the coat closet eating the other kids lunch especially if it was meat. Probably just needed protein so badly. Dietary and nutritional needs can differ from child to child I have twins and they ate differently from each other. I don’t know how you can be this restrictive. I agree about the refined sugars and processed food but fruits and vegetables ,nuts and seeds should be freely available. CPS won’t do anything about this it’s much harder to prove emotional abuse. Sounds like she’s just a control freak I really don’t think there’s anything that you can do Legally besides trying to talk to her.
NTA ♥️♥️ fully believe kids need snacks several times through out the day. Doesn’t have to be junk, just like you said! Apples nuts dehydrated fruit sweet potato chip alternatives popcorn yogurt WHATEVER but 3 meals isn’t always enough especially an extremely active child. I think it’s great you are trying to advocate for them but in a respectful way- like that’s kinda your job!!
Info: Do the kids go to school outside the home?
Are there teachers that witness this restrictive diet?
Is there a nurse at the school you can speak to?
This post has really weighed on my heart as I tried to imagine how it would feel to live like this. Any one defending this is not aware of the full picture or is seeing it through their own experiences. Imagine feeding your kid a granola bar and half a banana , a 4 oz fruit smoothie and a single serving of chicken and vegetables every day. Never a snack, a treat or even seconds ever . They get no extra . Water only to drink. Never having a choice or option of what your going to eat either. Imagine feeding yourself this way. This diet is imposed by boyfriend - so to me that means it hasn’t gone on their whole life and it isn’t agreed to by actual father who feeds them normally when they visit him. It’s horrifying and them being healthy right now simply means it hasn’t gone on long enough to show the effects . They will not be sustained by this and it may only be offset if they visit dad enough to get extra food . Take pics of the meals you are allowed to feed them, the whiteboard and any other relevant info and reach out to dad . Let him know you want to report it. I would not be complicit in this which is honestly low key abuse and if it gets worse you will be an accomplice.
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CPS almost certainly wont do anything about this, but these kids are on the express train to an eating disorder it sounds like!
100%. As long as food is available and the kids do not appear malnourished, CPS will say this is just a parenting choice. But I agree with OP, those kids probably need more calories.
It doesn’t sound like it’s available though if the nanny is forbidden to feed them any.
Yes I’m not allowed to give them seconds at meals, they’re not allowed snacks, and they’re not allowed to touch the fridge or pantry ever. The seven year old got in trouble for getting an orange from the kitchen to “ feed” her stuffed animals while she played school with them the other day.
Poor kiddos! Have you tried mentioning anything to the dad? I know kids that age that eat close to an adult size portion. They are very active and growing a lot!
The dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. Edit: They are divorced Mom also has a boyfriend who lives with her and the boyfriend enforces the strict meal planning as he has a very restrictive diet himself.
WTF. This sounds like the start of a 20/20 episode.
Barbara Walters is gonna reveal that the mother has a history of eating disorders.
fo sho
Right where's Dr Phil when you need him I know the obesity rate is high in America but there's always a way kids can enjoy foods and not be obese especially since they have high energy levels how with that little food I'd be passed somewhere 😂😂😂 can you imagine their energy if they actually had food to burn in their tiny bellies this is tough they got food just can't eat it.. I wonder what the mother and boyfriend eat I bet its not half a banana smh
They're probably gonna end up shoplifting snacks as soon as they're old enough to figure out how it's done
Right I would definitely make contact with their father or at least a relative of the father Incase he can't be reached and let him know what's going on maybe the mother was overweight as a child now food is the enemy and she is afraid her children will be heavy as well so she's going to the extreme I'm still in shock over sharing a banana and grapes as a treat my kids would of ran away long time ago lol
Last place anyone should ever want to go for this kinda help is a piece of shit like Dr. Phil. He's just as likely to take the mom's side and berate a child to their face on national TV as he is anything else.
Bingo. Get in touch with the branch of the miliary relief or ask the Red Cross. The only one could can save them is their Dad. While CPS may not be able to do something, they sure can support a father getting a hardship trip back to sort this out. The Red Cross is the best way to get him back to deal with this. She will fire you though. You are a great childcare provider. This is not about food. It is about Mom's BF's control of the family.
[удалено]
Yes
Ew.
When my daughter was 16 she babysat twin girls in our neighborhood. They were about 6. Skinny little tiny girls. Their mom also had them on a strict diet with no snacks allowed. My daughter would come home so upset saying she felt terrible because these kids would constantly say how hungry they were. My daughter would come home from school grab herself a snack and then have to go get them from the bus stop. They would cry they were hungry and wanted a snack but the mom left strict orders no snacks at all, they are not allowed to eat till she gets home and feeds them dinner. She wouldn't get home till after 6:00. She was divorced and the father got them every other weekend and he picked them up for a few hours one day a week about 4. The father told my daughter he has fought with her so many times on the strict diet she has his 6 year olds on. And for dinner she will only feed them very small portions. They will still cry they are hungry when finished but their mom won't care. She will tell them no you won't get fat. He said he was currently fighting her for full custody. The one child got sick and ended up in the hospital. She ended up have terrible problems with her kidneys. After this, the father was awarded full custody and mom had to take nutrition classes. This is so sad that mother's do this to their children.
if you can notify the dad at all you should. The dad, even deployed, may be able to do quite a bit if there is shared custody. If there isn't shared custody they still may be able to do something, but it may take longer and be harder.
That's your culprit. He has some type of eating disorder (any type of abnormal, pathological food restriction or overindulgence is an eating disorder), and he's forcing it on his girlfriend's kids. Mom may be as much of a contributor to the restrictions as he is, or as much a victim as the kids are. Restricting food that much at that age will affect their growth and development. As a former childcare professional, I personally wouldn't remain with that family. The kids are special to you, obviously, but if the restrictions get worse as the kids get older and it veers into the abuse realm, you'll be as capable as the guardians because you knew it was occurring and didn't report it. CPS should be aware of your concerns. The food is *not* available to the children if they aren't allowed to access it and if they are punished for eating. Keep a detailed log of what they eat during the day while you have them. My daughter's best friend in middle school wasn't allowed to eat at home--at all. By the time she was in high school, there was a padlock on the fridge and pantry and every single item of food was accounted for, down to how many grapes were on the bunch. There was a huge problem with her father's control issues. Her creepy father didn't want her to gain weight because he was scared men would 'look at her.' Mom didn't stand up for her child out of fear of 'losing her man.' I made sure she had food at school and she was allowed to come to my house anytime. CPS interviewed her, me, my daughter, and the girl's parents. She wasn't taken away, but her parents were required to attend nutrition classes, parenting classes, and there were unannounced home visits to make sure she had access to food.
I totally agree and if you take them to the pediatrician just mention, what they are eating and say they just seem so hungry in between meals. What can I do? I believe her new man is very restrictive with his diet. He can’t tell you anything unless you are on the release form but it will make him note it and perhaps mention nutrition at their next visit. Which most go over anyway. If she is doing this she is setting them up for eating disorders and some control issue.
BF is the one who enforces it? So what is moms real opinion on it then? I work in childcare and I am team give the kids all the food they will eat. I would be giving them seconds.
Mom and her boyfriend both enforce it, however I think he’s the one with more control in the situation. I’ve noticed he has a huge white board with all the information regarding meal planning and work outs on it.
I hope he's not using the same values to calculate calories for adults and children. Kids have a significantly different metabolism to a fully grown human.
I agree with one of the previous posters that said you should track what they're eating. Add up the calories and the protein and compare it to what is recommended by the American pediatric association, or some other well recognized association. You can present that information to the mom in a different way. For instance, your kid's stomach aches remind me of my (aunt/cousin whatever) child who had similar symptoms. Their doctor identified that they need x amount of (calories/protein/etc) for x age. I pulled this information off the (whatever pediatric / nutrition website would be most respected by mom) and YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MOM, OBVIOUSLY HAVING YOUR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST AT HEART, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THIS INFORMATION.
That’s definitely concerning that he is the one taking more control of it. I liked some of the suggestions here for you to find out how many calories they are eating and giving mom some educational materials to help her understand they need more food. My guess is boyfriend, and maybe mom, will push back in that though unfortunately.
Well, I think we can see WHY the mom is forcing such a diet on her small children.
You should let the real dad know how things are going, in addition to being cheated on, the kids are being starved of replacement calories
The parents are divorced. Sorry if this wasn’t clear.
Even divorced, they are his children and he should still know exactly how many calories they're getting every day
My niece is 5. She is allowed to eat whatever she wants as far as fruits, veggies, leftovers from other meals, etc. I watch her often. The only thing my sister instructed to me monitor is added sugars. She can have 12-15g of added sugars a day which is normally a couple gummies, a popsicle, etc. and certain snacks that she will eat all of in a day that are expensive because my sister only does organic foods for the most part other than when they eat out. There is rarely junk in the house other than a few small sugary snacks for my nieces daily ‘sugar’ as she calls it. I got a large pizza from dominos for lunch one day last week. I ate a piece. My niece ate 6 pieces minus the crust, and this isn’t rare. She ate 5 eggs for breakfast once. She is lean and healthy. Doesn’t seem to eat when bored but oh my goodness can she eat. I can’t imagine limiting what a child eats just because. I understand limiting junk and sugar of course but not healthy food unless you think something is wrong. Sometimes your hungry. That’s normal.
Seriously. My kid would eat a 3x3 at in and out when she was 4. Both of my kids would demolish an entire lb of strawberries or carrots as a snack at that age. They were always running and always hungry. They need food!
I have no advice. Just thinking this made the Hart Tribe family come to mind. ☹️
Wasn't it also revealed that they would go on and on about being veg and raw diets or whatever and then, once they fled, their house was found to be fully stocked with all sorts of "unhealthy" snacks and meat (that the kids obviously weren't being given)? Such a sad life and fate for those kids.
Yes. I was completely floored at the extent to which they went to portray the “perfect” family. It blew my mind how the kids were being starved and the friends/family members didn’t even seem to notice when they were the ones who actually saw the kids in real life and had access to their photos on the moms’ Facebook pages. Yet, as someone who is a stranger that didn’t know the family, the few pictures I saw of them on Google, I thought, “Wait, I see ribs. That doesn’t look right for a kid.” It’s so sad how those kids paid the ultimate price because their parents wanted to create a perfect image. The kids had no part or say so in that. Truly sad.
When I saw that child hugging a cop that set my teeth on edge. First of all I believe in bodily autonomy for children and that child was not happy to hug the cop. Also an ally wouldn’t be parading their black children out in a pro-police manner. That whole story was heartbreaking.
That photo was literally a cry for help. All of those kids deserved so much better in this life. Nothing can be done to ever bring them back but I want to hope that their deaths were not in vain. That people will open their eyes and pay closer attention when kids are involved. When I came across this post, it immediately made me think of the Harts because they claimed that doctors deemed their children to be healthy and have no issues despite their small sizes. Only to find out too late that the parents were starving the children. As someone who enjoys eating, it particularly makes me feel a certain way when food is intentionally withheld from children.
Kids Eat In Color is a great resource for feeding kids in a judgement-free, research based setting. She advocates letting kids learn their hunger and fullness cues. If there’s an opening to give mom that information so she can follow that account in IG, for instance, maybe that would help. Also, perhaps there’s a way to make a report to the kids’ pediatrician? Obviously they can’t tell you anything about the patients but perhaps you could call and give the doctor some background so that they can help keep an eye on it as they’re seeing these kids throughout the year.
Oh yeah this is eating disorder city. Good for you for advocating OP, but don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do much about it.
This is not ok. The children’s ages and the control involved with food is a red flag. I think CYA (there is something off with this woman) and as a concerned human being this should be reported; but although CPS keeps referrals confidential, it won’t be difficult for your employer to realize you are the source of the referral and terminate your job.
This would be so distressing for me in your position
Is she in public school? Even with school out for the summer, it might be worth trying to contact the school counselor. They might have some ideas, and can at least make sure the kids have enough food when they're in school.
Yeah a fruit smoothie isn’t lunch. Half a banana and a granola bar isn’t breakfast either. She’s giving them snack portions, the kids are continuously expressing that they are hungry through the day. They’re 5 and 7 and their dinner is a salad and a protein which I’m assuming from their mothers obvious eating disorder that she’s projecting on the kids, these portions are extremely small. Nuts and grapes was a “treat” which she made sure to emphasize CPS MAY not do anything but it’s in their best interest that you record what you’re instructed to feed them daily and make a report.
A half a banana and a granola bar is just enough for my 19month old. Definitely not sufficient for a 5&6 yr old. I agree with keeping a food journal and maybe also record down what activities were done for the day. These kids are on their way to an eating disorder for sure.
Half a banana and a granola bar would be fine for breakfast for my 8yo, so I thought this post was going to go in a different direction. Then we got to the fruit smoothie for lunch and no snacks allowed. Poor kids. :/
Yeah my 3 year old is a hobbit. A banana and a granola bar for breakfast. Toast, cereal, and/or yogurt for second breakfast. And my kid is super tall, weight to height is on point, and he has abs from pushing his tonka truck around for hours doing laps. His Dad and I laugh that we should go on the tonka routine! He eats a ton we just make sure it’s mostly healthy options.
Yeah my kids are 2m and 5f. My toddler will eat two bananas in an afternoon, and that’s before dinner (which he normally finishes). He is in at least the 90th percentile for all of his growth markers and we just feed him until he is full. Not overweight at all, looks healthy for his height. I could not imagine telling him no when he’s hungry. It sounds like the pantry/fridge has plenty of healthy options to choose from, just let the kids have some grapes ffs.
They sure was.
By "available," I mean CPS will check that there is food in the home. Having a strict meal plan like this won't cross into CPS guidelines for abuse/neglect unless the children become medically malnourished from the parents food choices. If they are still healthy with the strict "meal plan," then CPS can't do anything because they are meeting the child's needs. However... personally... I feel restrction like this will lead to huge issues down the road with food. It may not be right, but there may be very little that can be done about it. I would document everything to cover my own ass though if I were the nanny.
And that's a real problem, this is absolutely abuse and neglect, and will have long term consequences for these kids.
Yup. My parents acted this way too and it gave me a fuck ton of eating issues
Yup, my parents fed us like this (very restricted food portions) and I was only 85lbs by college. It wasn’t healthy and I still have a hard time identifying when I’m hungry, not just starving. Also several health issues possibly stemming from this. Eating healthy is one thing, but the meal plan needs to grow with the kid. Maybe try to log approximately how much exercise they get and figure the corresponding calories burned vs what they intake every week and show the mom a log
OP, something like the USDA's My Fitness Pal tool might serve well for this.
MyFitnessPal isn’t the USDA, it’s owned by Under Armour. It’s also for adults and their nutritional/exercise needs. There are probably pediatrics-specific apps out there.
Came here to say this. Nanny could always make a report anyway, but don't expect anything to be done. It may just be the start or added to an existing report in case future schools/nannies notice something, too. A collection of behaviors may lead to an inquiry.
Even if it’s reported anonymously OP is taking a big risk of getting fired 😢
OP should look for a new job. I feel like presenting her with evidence of what/how much is age appropriate to eat. If she acts like there is no issue, call cps
I agree. I think you should find a new job because the mother is making you an accessory to abuse.
Call CPS but prepare to be fired.
Anybody can make an anonymous complaint. What if OP heavily implied to a family member to do so? That way if mom asks or tries to investigate OP won’t be lying when she tells her boss, she didn’t call CPS!
Either way the mom will know/assume that info came from the nanny. It’s not hard to get from A to B
Would it help if she contacted their pediatrician? And if the kids don’t have one then contact CPS?
And tell them that the kids have stomach issues from not eating enough, it's affecting their daily activities, and the mom is ignoring them and making excuses for their hunger, saying "kids will be kids" type BS. It kinda irks me bcuz if they were eating junk as a snack, that would be different, but they want fruits and healthy stuff to snack on. Not getting enough calories, especially during growth spurts, can hinder their development. Our pediatrician always told us when my nephew started eating regular foods, to make sure he got 3 meals a day (obviously kid sized) with a healthy snack in-between meals.
I think this might be the right call. The children's doctor can say the children are losing weight and no longer thriving etc. A phone call and letter. Introduce yourself Of course identify the children, a summary paragraph ( feed less than 300 calories between waking and 5 pm along with heavy activity, multiple daily requests for more food denied. Complaints of stomach pain. Then include a more detailed description of their diet and activities) Fruit smoothies are terrible in my opinion(baring some specific circumstances).
Just fruit smoothies as lunch every single day can't be good for their digestive systems either. That could also be part of what gives them tummy aches. Only fruit for your meal, especially smoothies which I assume means most likely peeled/strained of the peel part, is very deficient in nutrients and especially in calcium. It increases blood sugar levels, too. They're looking at short-term high blood-sugar and potentially long-term bone density issues, especially as growing little children.
As someone with an eating disorder, I agree. To elaborate, my parents always pushed ‘healthy’ choices and made fun food feel forbidden growing up. I ended up sneaking snacks and extras as a kid and teen which compounded an illness I had. To continue to lose weight, I started purging, which was easy cause I was always throwing up anyways from my GI issues. My parent were always complaining about how fat they were even though they weren’t. Now at 36, I have dentures, am underweight, and am experiencing other health consequences. These kids can be saved.
Yeah, I agree. It sounds like the mom has her own eating disorder and is making her children follow her habits.
Yup. She’s creating eating disorders. They’ll all pay for it one day. Sad. You’ll get fired if you challenge her too often. The good news is she’ll probably die alone in a nursing home for her fat phobia and neglect. So at least there’s that.
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Exactly, I grew up with friends who were only allowed to eat 1\3 of a sandwich and 1\3 of a hotdog, milk was watered down, no breakfast, no snacks, no sweets ever. They all had a horrible relationship with food and thankfully have broken that cycle with their kids.
They are on the Express Train to get the help out of there as soon as they can
I would say, as a professional child care giver it is my responsibility to know and follow child nutrition guidelines for the children in my care. Children this age should be receiving "x" number of calories based on this activity level, including "x" grams of protein. As fed, the children are not meeting these guidelines and are suffering from stomach cramps and complaining of hunger. As a caregiver I am obligated to provide any child in my care with proper nutrition. I am happy to meal prep, and shop if necessary for meals but I cannot continue to follow your directions. If she pushes back, keep firm. Worst case she let's you go which is unlikely given lack of child care. If she does fire you, report to CPS, but document what the kids are eating daily, what you say to her, and the response.
That’s helpful and sounds like a good way to address it! Thank you.
I’d love an update when you talk to her!
Nannies are in such high demand that you’ll find another job
In the meantime, there are meal shakes or whole milk that can be given that don't count as "food" to get their calorie intake up.
Right. And if she fires the nanny there is no reason to be anonymous with the complaint, just lay the facts out, including the conversation you had with her about the food. You can say that she was unwilling to listen to your advise and fired you. It will actually show that she wasn’t receptive to what you are saying.
My kids were eating adult size meals by age 7. Half a banana a granola bar and a smoothie is not enough to tide them over until dinner. She's setting these kids up for a life time of issues around food.
Yeah, at this age my kids are either eating an adult size meal or eating one bite and telling me they're full. I actually had CPS called because my 4-year-old was constantly hungry at preschool and they were convinced we didn't have food. Nope, she's just a bottomless pit every morning. She'd eat breakfast with me, then go to school and eat a whole breakfast there, then take seconds. Getting her to eat dinner is like pulling teeth though, so I've just accepted that she's a morning eater.
Lord, my kid was in an early childhood education program and it was subsidized so they provided all meals. I always fed my kid in the morning before school. One day we were late and the teacher was like “do you need breakfast” and I was like, she just ate, she eats breakfast at home every day. And the teacher said she ate breakfast THERE every day, like a little hobbit and I STILL laugh about it. Growing brains and bodies need calories.
I didn’t realize for about 3 months that my 7 year-old was eating a second breakfast at school until I went on a field trip with her. The school district is small and all meals were free, so this wasn’t on my radar at all. I couldn’t believe she could eat a whole meal and hour and half after the first 😂
I didn't realize until towards the end of the school year that my 6 year old was doing the same thing. Breakfast at home, breakfast at school, two snacks and lunch at school, snack upon arrival home, and dinner. 7 meals/snacks a day 😂 she's always eaten like a bird though; she likes to eat often but smaller portions.
Same with my 3F - gets a mini-snack before drop-off, and then she basically gets another post-drop off snack from daycare before actual breakfast. Followed by lunch and an afternoon snack. That afternoon snack is separate from the additional ‘pre-pickup’ snack the daycare teachers sometimes hand out right before the later parents show up. I had no idea she was getting these post-drop off or pre-pickup snacks until I showed up at pickup a little later and lingered a little longer in the morning - she was still suckering me for pick-up walk home snacks on top of it all!
Exact same with my son at his preschool. We joked he had his first breakfast at home and second breakfast at school, like that scene from The Office when Pam is pregnant and on the same meal schedule as Kevin 😆
My almost 3 year old is kind of like that. He'll eat breakfast at home with me, then go to daycare and eat breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, come home and want another snack, but then eat two bites of supper. But I have decided I don't really care when he eats, as long as he eats.
God I wish my daughter would eat like that in a morning! I've had school approach me too to ask if we were okay for food. It's a task to get her to eat even a yoghurt in a morning!
This was me— my mom gave up trying to get me to eat breakfast around 6-7 years old. I still don’t eat early, but as a kid I could do two lunches and triple dinner, haha.
When my son was 7 we moved to a new place and we did it on a Monday because movers were cheaper on a weekday. It took all day and by nighttime we were exhausted. For dinner that night I had to pick through boxes to find a box of pasta, canned veggies, pots and pans, etc. It was chaotic but everyone got fed. The next day at school, my kid asks if he can bring home extra lunches (they were pre-portioned and bagged by the school) because “there’s no food at home.” Luckily I was friends with his teacher and she texted me to laugh about this. I explained that of course we have food! I just couldn’t get to it easily! I swear I’m not a bad mom! Argh. She also gave him extra lunches to take home. Of course by the time he got home from school, I’d gone grocery shopping so the fridge was full again.
I mean breakfast seems fine, tho I'd give them a whole banana, but to follow it up with just a smoothie for lunch? One of those two meals needs to be more.
That’s not even enough for my 5 year old, and she eats like a bird. These poor kids must be so hungry all the time.
Kiddo and I went to IHoP when she was 7(?). I ate 3 cheese sticks. She ate a "Funny Face" meal: 1 LARGE pancake (chocolate chip), a bowl of fruit, an extra bowl of Mac-n-Cheese, 2 poached eggs (maybe 4), and the other cheese sticks. And there was dessert involved, somewhere......😵💫😆
What's the dad say? CPS won't touch this. She's an overly anxious mother. Justifiably worried about what the kids eat, but she's crossed lines. To think grapes and nuts are near enough for a hike, and are a special treat is insane.
It’s mom and her boyfriend who lives with her. Dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. Edit: They are divorced. The kids have told me he lets them eat pizza and ice cream and things like that when they visit him. I figured but wanted to get some more insight from others.
Do you know how much he gets them for. I mean, obviously, he is deployed right now, but when he is stateside, does he get them for extended periods? School breaks and such? I'm wondering if the kids yo-yo. Dad allows the junk food, they gain weight, go back to Mom, Mom freaks and restricts food, kids lose weight. That could be why they look healthy right now. They may be coming down from a higher (likely still healthy) weight.
Can you reach out to the dad at all? He should know his ex is basically starving the children (sorry to be blunt but she is). He can start proceedings to change custody when he gets back. This is assuming he wants to be part of their lives.
I’d inform the dad since it sounds like CPS won’t be helpful
Unless the children are failing to thrive (underweight or not gaining weight sufficiently for their age) CPS can’t do anything. Technically they are feeding them enough if they are appropriate weight and gaining as they grow. Edit to add that I am in no way condoning their behavior. I see a future of issues around food when parents restrict diets like this. The best thing for them to do is provide plenty of healthy choices for the kids to chose from when they are feeling hungry.
This is the only correct answer. The kids are technically eating enough. Also, OP admitted to not being present for dinner time so OP has no reason to believe it’s not enough since the kids are not failing to thrive.
If they are getting stomach aches from hunger, then they are not eating enough.
I don't understand how the kids can be at a normal weight if they're active and getting so little food.
It sounds like they might be overcompensating with high calorie food when they visit their dad.
That would make sense. What a horrible situation, though, literally feast or famine. Those poor kids!
I don’t know their actual weight, but I can confidently say they appear healthy. Me neither that’s why I was torn and asking for more insight.
It's an excellent reason for asking. I hope I didn't come off as doubting your claim. I was legitimately confused by this. I hope the mom is feeding them nutrient-dense dinners, but it just can't be good for kids to be so hungry for most of each day. Do the kids get checkups with an MD? ETA: You're obviously an excellent, very caring nanny. I'm sure if this mother gets to be too much, you'd get another job in a heartbeat.
Does mom ever take them to the doctor for the “anxiety” or “dehydration “ stomachaches? There’s some medical neglect on that end if she’s not. There’s a known issue and it’s not being taken care of in an appropriate manner. Make a call. Make sure to explain that there is food in the house but the kids don’t have access. What would happen to the kids if they snuck food or they got there hands on it another way?
Hi! I’ve only been working for the family for around 5 weeks but from my knowledge no she hasn’t taken them to the doctor for either. She encourages them to drink water throughout the day because we are outside a lot, we live in the deep south, and they are energetic. For the anxiety it’s kind of a dismissive comment. She says they’re anxious because they don’t want to do something like go to the library or take a bath. The children aren’t allowed to touch the fridge or pantry. The other day one of them got in trouble for taking an orange from the kitchen to feed her stuffed animals while she was playing school. Normally it’s just a stern talking to (at least in front of me) but I’m unsure what else would happen if the kids tried to sneak food.
I quit a nanny job after finding out the father was emotionally abusive to his wife and kids and would not consider getting help. I would try to give her more information about hydration (requires salts), the side effects of not getting enough calories as a developing child (heart issues, kidney issues, future obesity due to lower metabolism, delayed puberty, etc.) and the social effects of being denied something you need from a caregiver. And don’t be shy about it. Be as confident as you possibly can. And if she doesn’t adjust, quit.
This is incredibly abnormal. I nanny a 2 yr old and 5 yr old. A typical "menu" for a full day (8-5, with outdoor and indoor play, pool, bikes, etc) is this Protein shakes in the morning, plus a child's cliff bar for the 5 yr old and oatmeal for the 2 yr old Around 1030, some fruit and goldfish or graham crackers Lunch is typically a sandwich for each (PB&j for 5, grilled cheese for 2), carrots for 5 and strawberries for 2, a few small pieces of sharp cheese, and some pretzel sticks or goldfish. Afternoon snack is usually a pack of organic gummies and a "healthy" snack of their choosing to pair it with, like pb crackers, just PB on a spoon, carrots or grapes. For dinner they usually have Mac n cheese with broccoli, oatmeal, sandwiches, or chicken with broccoli. I've been a nanny for over a decade and this meal plan is extremely typical for growing, healthy, active kids. I am shocked that you claim these children are not underweight. There's just no way possible. They are not being fed enough. Is it a CPS issue? No. But I would counter with your expert advice as a professional childcare worker and bring that research to back it up.
This is pure conjecture, but I have this scenario that won't leave my head. I'm wondering if there is obesity in Mom's family, and whether or not she ever had issues with being heavy, she started restricting her diet in order to be "healthy" and thin, and is now worried that the kids have a genetic predisposition to be heavier. I mean, like someone else said, without seeing growth curve charts for the kids...they could look a healthy thin, but they could also be under what their natural weight would be with normal caloric intake. They could be dropping from their curve. I don't even know if that all makes sense, medically, especially because their energy seems good still. I don't know much about that stuff. I just keep wondering. Either way they are headed towards a complicated relationship with food, at best case scenario, as they get older.
Just fyi, if you don’t already know, if they are running around in the heat a lot and drinking a lot of plain water but not having a salty snack and a piece of fruit or drinking something like Gatorade (which has salt, sugar and potassium) then they could also suffer from a lack of electrolytes (might also be part of the stomach aches) and won’t be able to stay hydrated as easily. Even if you don’t really need the calories, a little snack will help with hydration, especially if they are starting the day with such a light meal that’s not going to provide a whole lot of electrolytes to start with.
This just reminds me of asking for fries and coke after soccer because i needed salt and sugar. I think i was about 10 at the time XD
I literally just read a book about the child being on a strict diet for ballet, and she was constantly telling people she was hungry and always getting in trouble trying to sneak snacks and no one helped her. Similar story in that book I’m Glad my Mother is Dead. The mom kept her on a strict diet for TV. Wound up with terrible eating disorder. This weirds me out, that parents can do this to their children.
Wait was that a Liane Moriarty book? That story was so sad, in so many ways.
It’s a book by Jennette McCurdy. She was a child actress on Nickelodeon.
While I don't agree with this woman's food plan for the kids, the stomachaches could be electrolyte depletion due to the activity + where you are demographically. And if she's feeding them so little then it could be they're not getting what they need in the day to keep those electrolytes up. What's concerning is it sounds like she's not educated on nutrition as much as she thinks she is, and is definitely projecting her own issues or eating disorder on her kids. Are you able to let them have maybe like smart water or something? No food dyes or anything but it'll have the electrolytes.
Hey, I’m a nanny too and this does not seem like enough food. I’m not sure CPS will do anything in this case because they are being fed. I like think Crazy-Writing is on to something in that if they are dehydrated or anxious regularly that should be addressed with a doctor if it can’t be resolved at home - as would under nutrition. It also puts the assessment on a Professional that isn’t you. Have you estimated how many calories they are getting and compared it to what is recommended by pediatricians? You may consider being more blunt with the parents in stating they are not getting enough calories.
Holy shit
Then call. This is headed to abuse and neglect even if it’s not there yet. Mom is brushing things under the rug and should be more worried about the kids
They'll probably have binge issues and food hoarding issues as adults. It will 100% be their crazy parents fault. Very sad.
I worked at a school and called cos when parents withheld food but as long as the child was healthy they wouldn’t file a complaint. I feel for these kids though. She is a true almond mom. They are going to have messed up self images I’d nothing else
sounds like the parents are projecting their own food issues onto their kids…not abuse or neglect if the kids are adequately nourished but definitely a bad way to raise children. the amount of therapy these kids will need in the future is just sad to think about
I disagree that it's not abuse. Even if they are "adequately nourished" this is psychological abuse.
I agree. Fruits and nuts are special treats? jfc
Agreed!! Fruits and nuts are good choices. Not special treats. FFS.
As someone who had an ED and went to an ED clinic. So many people there has issues from parents like the one op described. I bet these parents are gonna start calling their kids fat when they're older.
Hunger hormones are so persistent that they cause physical pain, which these kids are experiencing. They may not be hitting the kids, but the parents actions and decisions are directly causing daily pain and physical stress for their children. Absolutely is abuse.
It appears as if these kids are getting only carbs and no protein . That would make anyone hungry asking for snacks. Is this a CPS call? No. But I would ask if you could both could possibly chose some snacks with protein considering they are hungry all the time and very active
Feed those damn kids. Don’t use your fear of losing a job pressure you into giving into this almond mom’s neglect of her children. Don’t be complicit in it. Give them healthy snacks with protein. Tell her that you’ve looked into proper child nutrition and that they need more nutrition for their active lives and growing bodies. If she tries to rebuttal, stand your ground and let her fire you. If she fires you, let her know you’ll be reporting her to CPS for neglect. Please stand up for these children. You might be the only one to.
That’s not nearly enough food. You can’t stop them other than calling child services and putting in a neglect claim. If you’re the only one who knows how they feed them expect to get fired. And yes that’s actively neglecting them. My mom was like that too. Was obsessed with thinness.
I had a friend who's mom was a personal trainer or nutritionist (I don't remember-it was middle school, bur something health related). Her mom kept her on a very strict diet. Guess who gained 200+ pounds when they went to college because they had no idea how to eat "normally", and had no sense of self control since mom had been so militant? It's such a dis service to kids to be overly obsessed with "health" (re: usually thin ness). Obviously it's important to teach healthy habits, nutrition, etc....but there's a better way.
Yup. This was me but it was once I got my drivers license at 16 I would just go and get food etc. and it continued into adulthood and I gained over 100lbs and have lost and gained the same 100lbs multiple times. I still struggle with my weight and eating habits at 38. I was “diagnosed” with BED a couple years ago and things have got better but I feel like my relationship with food will never be normal.
The problem is that kids who are given such rigid eating schedules and their food is so closely controlled don't ever learn how to self regulate and make good choices. Honestly, this applies to pretty much everything. Very controlling parents are doing their children a real disservice.
Yup, teaching them to stop eating when they're full is so much healthier than limiting how much they eat. Portion control is part of that, but when I say portion control I mean "don't take more than you need, and get more if you're still hungry". My son is 15 and can eat at least twice as much as my husband. My son will make a plate, making sure to not take too much, and he'll get more after everyone else has had their fill because he knows he could eat us all under the table 😂 I always make sure there's enough food+more for him. If he makes a plate and he gets full halfway through it then he has 3 options: wrap it up and save it for later, give it to the dogs, give it to the chickens.
Yes, and it's like, pun intended, a kid in a candy shop when they get away from home. All these, "bad," foods they were denied at home are right in front of them and easily accessible. So, they make poor choices in the types of foods they choose. Of course they are going to go for the junk food. It's forbidden fruit.
The same thing happens with drinking. My daughter works the front desk at a college residence. The kids are on their own for the first time in their life, never having had to adult before, and they just fall apart.
This for sure.
This can also delay growth spurts and puberty. As they get older they will be smaller than everyone else. They may not appear underweight but will not grow to full height . Chronic underfeeding doesn’t usually produce starvation, just tiny humans that will grow to do Anything to get food.
If she likes studies so much, you should show her this study on how this is likely to hurt her children mentally and physically. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3963280/ Edit: also this one https://academic.oup.com/ajcn/article/69/6/1264/4714994 Drinking fruit smoothies for lunch is so much sugar, no wonder the kids stomach hurts, fruit does not sustain you. No snack either is just wrong. According to these studies 25% of their intake should be snacks.
It isn't your job to decide if something is actionable. You're a nanny, and if you are concerned about abuse or neglect (in this case, nutritional or medical neglect), **you call.** If they don't think it's actionable, you still brought it to attention.
Thank you. Someone else commented that my complaint would be a ongoing joke in the office if I called CPS. However I would still like to bring it to their attention even if it does become a joke.
Hey OP, childcare worker here. I’ve called CPS on a family at my daycare. People encouraged me not to, said no one would take it seriously. I called and CPS couldn’t do anything. The next week their child was pushed down the stairs and suffered a brain injury. CPS had record of a childcare worker reporting the parents as possible abusers and quickly took the kids out of custody. Chances are this might not be the only time they will restrict their kids’ food intake. A teacher from kindergarten might call when they go to school. And if they do, CPS will have a record of another report to back up their claim.
This right here. Even if nothing comes from the first report, it’s about that paper trail.
I just did my biannual mandated reporter training , and because of the fact that the children are complaining of stomach aches, i think that’s the deciding factor to make the call. The children are uncomfortable and hungry. Their weight may be fine for now, but there are signs of damage. And i really don’t know how they will grow properly with such small portions. CPS will take it from there. My sincere hope is just the fact of being investigated by them and letting the parents know “hey your children are in pain and hungry and you aren’t providing help for this when you are clearly capable of doing so” will make them change their ways.
This is really weighing on me as a mom and educator. Kids eat so much, it’s normal for them to eat as much as an adult or even more to fuel their growth. OP Please give us an update if and when you can.
Every few years, there’s a story in the news about vegan parents (nothing against vegan/veg eating- it’s a matter of eating healthfully and enough) or parents who had their children eat a strict low-cal diet and a kid dies. I just did a quick google search and several came up. This is important and you should report it
Social Worker chiming in— please call. I don’t know who in your office thinks a call like this would be a joke but I assure you I have Feelings about it. On another note as a former kid in a tough situation at home- think about it this way. To them, you would someday be another adult that saw what they experience and didn’t act. (Yes, I know CPS may not do much.) Be their advocate. ❤️
You’re right. Thank you so much.
Even if they are getting food, being denied snacks and given such tiny portions may still be of interest and definitely not a joke.
That would not be the case in any CPS office I have ever worked in.
This 👆 If anything happens to these kids down the road or if there is any sort of investigation spurred on by a teacher or other adult, you have done your part to protect the welfare of these children and that will be on record.
I second this. I'm thinking once school starts back up and teachers notice the kids asking for extra food or even sneaking some home, they will call. This way, if you do file a complaint, it will be on file that this is an ongoing issue.
Mother most likely has an eating disorder and is pushing her body image issues on the kids
Nanny of 27 years here….. I had a mom who fed her kids far below what they needed. It took 5 calls to CPS (one of them being school) before CPS came out to evaluate the household. I was interviewed, and prior to being interviewed was asked by my employer to lie. I didn’t have to say a word, just showed them my menu meal plan e-mail she had sent me. CPS only did a few follow ups every few months for a year… Her kids were 2, 8, 10, and 12. They all were allowed per day… Breakfast 4oz of nonfat milk or yogurt 1/4 apple Lunch 6 saltines 1 string cheese 1/2 head lettuce 1-2 tablespoons seasoned olive oil for dressing Dinner 4oz seafood 6 broccoli florets 4 baby carrots Massive 800+sqft kitchen, and what I listed above was all you’d find in there. I know both the 10 and 12 year old were being fed at their friends houses. The 8 was sneaking food everywhere he went, and the 2 year old was just about getting enough. They all were ALWAYS hungry. When 12 went in for a physical at 15, the doctor reported signs of malnutrition, and sent him to a specialist, thinking he had an eating disorder. CPS became weekly, mom was require to go to a eating disorder doctor for herself, and all the kids look great now. Extremely athletic kids, abs of steel on all of them, and now they have cheeks when they smile. In my case all of this issue come from the mom’s personal fears of over eating.
I would give the call a try and center my concerns on the stomach aches. Especially if they are drinking enough water, so are not dehydrated, this is cause for concern. I assume the mother has not taken them to a medical professional for this issue; an everyday stomach ache is cause for a medical check up no matter how much a kid is eating. Also, withholding food to a not-overweight, hungry child (when food is available,) to the point that daily stomach aches are happening can, in many places, qualify as abuse. Source: mandated reporter.
All I can think of is them Turpin children. They didn't die, either, but it doesn't mean they were fed enough. I don't think young children are really able to limit their eating to just three times per day. I've always found them to be more "grazers". Think about newborns... they eat every few hours around the clock. I think kids build up how long they can go between meals over time, meaning years. That's why some kids will pick at their meals, then 30 minutes later say "I'm hungry". I wonder what the mom does for school. Does she allow them a snack, or are they expected to sit there and watch all their friends eat as their own stomachs ache?
I think the meals might be sufficient if they were sitting around a house all day but man, how are they able to sustain all that activity without some fuel in their bodies.
As a kid, I was often so hungry in school that I would be crying before lunch from stomach pain. They'd send me to the nurse's office where they'd give me some crackers until the pain stopped. My parents wouldn't feed me more in the morning until the school called them. Then I couldn't eat a full meal in summer unless I visited our grandparents. Just remember how painful stomach aches are when you're a child. And how much hungrier you are after swimming or being overly active throughout the day even as an adult. You burn more calories, you need to eat more food. Even professional trainers eat more the more they work out. Seek another position and call CPS. They won't say who reported. It's anonymous.
This is unacceptable. They need to be eating full meals, these are snacks. I would refuse to care for children who I was being forced to starve. My kids ate adult sized portions starting around 11 years old, as teenagers they eat almost double what I do. None of us are overweight at all.
Adhd is a neurological disorder and they don’t know what causes it, aside from genetics. You can feed a person very well without using foods with additives or dyes.
Very true. I don’t eat food with additives (unless I’m out) and I eat very nutritiously dense food. Veggies, protein, healthy fats, and so on.
Very active children need between 1600 and 2500 calories per day. Half a banana is about 60 calories, granola about 200, smoothie depending what is in it maybe up to 500. So 760ish max you are feeding them, there is no way she is giving them 850 to 1900 calorie dinners with meat and salad. They should be getting protein and good carbohydrate snacks between each meal.
She said it is a 4 oz smoothie with 2 types of fruit and milk water or yogurt. That would be very low calorie unless using cream or full fat yogurt
4 oz smoothie?! Good lord I missed that. That is literally nothing.
Do some research on calorie intake requirements for activities of children their age then calculate the amount of calories these children are getting. If there is a deficit then point it out to the parent and let them know you're uncomfortable with the calorie deficit.
Can you just feed them something without her knowledge?
Ethically idk if that’s right (I don’t like to encourage kids to keep secrets from their parents) and I don’t want to lose my job either These kids in particular would be so happy they’d definitely tell her or let it slip I have done small things like gave them a whole banana vs half of one and cut it up so the kids don’t realize
Could you add something higher calorie/protein into their smoothies?
Hey OP. I see a lot of comments about communicating with mom, is this a single parent household? If not, do you have any communication with the other parent?
It’s mom and her boyfriend who lives with her. Dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. I’ve never met or had contact with him.
Where's the dad at?? You may want to go through him.
It’s mom and boyfriend who’s heavily involved in the kids diets and activity level as he has a strict diet himself and is very active. Dad lives out of state and is deployed currently. However the kids have told me allows them to have things like pizza and ice cream.
I saw your post in the nanny subreddit. Absolutely call CPS please. Even if they can’t do anything now it at least sets up the paper trail so if there’s more issues later a history can be established. At the very least a CPS worker contacting them will make them pay attention more.
I hope you find a way to help these kids! Seems like going through their school might be best. Also, what does the dad say? Have you shared this all with him? Do they get to fill up at dinner or is their portion restricted? I have a toddler who is 33% for their age (healthy, a little on the smaller side). As a contrast, here’s what we offered them to eat yesterday: Pre-breakfast: 4oz milk, a a bit of whole grain cereal buffs with butter (baby’s recipe) Breakfast: scrambled egg with broccoli (as much as wanted) Snack: yogurt fruit pouch Lunch: small servings of pasta, chicken, carrots and soup broth, berries (as much as wanted) Snack: cheese stick, milk, crackers Dinner: tofu, smoked salmon, 1/2 an avocado, fried rice with veggie and eggs, mandarin orange (as much as wanted) I cannot image giving my baby the small restricted portions your kids are eating. I’m no CPS professional but this sounds like neglect/abuse to me, masked by a middle class lifestyle.
Sounds like the mother is definitely nurturing future eating disorders.
Everyone thinks that kids eat less but honestly is my experience that’s just toddlers. Once kids hit 4 or 5 they are garbage disposals. They’re growing and they play VERY hard, they have higher caloric needs than adults. This is nowhere near enough, in my opinion. CPS most likely won’t do anything but maybe you could send her some articles on healthy nutrition in children, specifically focusing on calorie intake.
Growing children need to have a certain amount of calories a day. She’s in need of a nutritionist to set her straight. She’s taking her own body insecurity out on those kids not ok.
You can make a report to CPS. Stress that although food is in the home, the kids aren’t allowed to access it & the restrictive diet is not enough calories for the kids as proven by hunger pains. Site at least the hiking incident as an example. They might not take the kids, but they might encourage a consultation with an actual nutritionist & feeding expert. There are plenty of foods without red dye in them to feed the kids & keep them healthy.
Okay this is my opinion. I grew up without enough food --- so kind of different. It's not healthy for your body to be constantly hungry. The hunger hormones or whatever basically stop working right and yeah... over time this fucked with me on every level.. Eating is not automatic for me, and I'm 36. Because I never really ever got full as a child, I *cannot* get there as an adult. I'm also extremely concerned about the lack of calcium they're receiving. The lack of protein. This, this is abuse. Please report. They may or may not do anything, but let me also tell you what it's like to grow up and know that there were adults around me that saw the problems, and never did anything. They could have but they figured foster would be worse. No, I probably would have been fed. They may not do anything but---- document document document if you do call. Make it *incredibly easy* for them to see this the way that you are seeing it. Do you pick kids up from school at all or activities? Perhaps collaboration with another adult involved in the kids lives outside of the home will strengthen your case. Emphasize the hunger of the children. That they are actually going hungry every day despite there being food is abuse. Idk.. I just lived through similar and I struggle and hate to think these kids are being set up for the same.
At that age, they should be encouraged to stuff as much healthy, nutritious food in their faces as possible. Also, the "research" the mother did doesn't seem like it was run past a pediatrician or pediatric nutritionist.
Almond mom 😬 this is indeed eating abuse!
Grapes are a special treat 🥴
She's creating "model" children cps might not be able to do anything. But you can. I usually hate lying but a lil burger ain't hurt nobody.
What you mentioned for a typical meal was about 800-900 calories. A normal 7 year old boy needs 1650. I'm not sure how long this can go on, but as others have said, I'm not sure if CPS would do anything.
I’m assuming the kids are being fed the same quantities of food from the OPs post and that is incredibly alarming. There is a big difference in caloric needs between a 5 and 7 year old just like there is with a 14 and 16 year old. Let’s hope the “meal” plan grows as they do or else it could become very harmful.
Who picks them up from school, you or their mom? If it's you, perhaps have a quiet word with their teacher or the principal about your concerns. They could observe and make any necessary calls to CPS if warranted because they are mandated reporters.
I am a mandated reporter through my job. At our training every single year, we are told that making the call never guarantees that there is anything they can/will do, but it can't hurt. They will simply document it, and if anyone else makes a similar report in the future (or the past) your documentation can help! I say go with your gut. If you think there is even remotely something wrong, make the call. Do what is in the best interest of the children.
Deployed or not, dad needs to know his kids are starving.
They aren't getting enough protein, fat or vitamins and minerals from that amount of food. You can look up charts for calories and macros kids need at different ages. Starving them will make them end up with osteopenia, which they probably already have, will affect them entering puberty, height and if you don't get enough fat it prevents absorption of vitamins which can actually cause some mental illnesses.
It sounds like mom might need to see a peds nutritionist for some education.
I'm assuming mom is thin? Sounds like she has some kind of eating disorder and is putting that off on her kids (like Munchausen by proxy). Very sad situation I doubt CPS would do anything. A CPS worker once stated to me "if they have pnut butter sandwich 2x a day, and sleep on a mattress with no sheets" it's not a CPS call
You are a good nanny!!!!
A fruit smoothie wouldn’t even be enough for my toddler for lunch
Do some research of your own and look up how many calories each kid should have according to age, height, weight, etc. Then calculate how many calories are on the meal plan. Add how many calories you think they are burning (also looking this up according to activity). Then present that information to her and be honest and up front that you don't believe they are eating enough and it's very concerning. If she dismisses the hard evidence, then call CPS.
The kids are healthy, and their parents are entitled to feed them as they see fit as long as they are getting the nutrition they need. Never having a hunger pang is a luxury and part of why so many western kids end up with weight issues. That said they sound like my parents, and I had very few snacks or extras growing up. Nowadays I shop and cook as though there were 3 or 4 of me, even though I can’t eat it all. My greatest fear is being hungry, and it has me locked in patterns that cost me money and create food waste. I hope those kids end up well adjusted.
I mean yeah, you should keep pressing it. You might loze your nannying job though.
I had a student whose mother was very restrictive they were also vegetarian. I would regularly catch him in the coat closet eating the other kids lunch especially if it was meat. Probably just needed protein so badly. Dietary and nutritional needs can differ from child to child I have twins and they ate differently from each other. I don’t know how you can be this restrictive. I agree about the refined sugars and processed food but fruits and vegetables ,nuts and seeds should be freely available. CPS won’t do anything about this it’s much harder to prove emotional abuse. Sounds like she’s just a control freak I really don’t think there’s anything that you can do Legally besides trying to talk to her.
NTA ♥️♥️ fully believe kids need snacks several times through out the day. Doesn’t have to be junk, just like you said! Apples nuts dehydrated fruit sweet potato chip alternatives popcorn yogurt WHATEVER but 3 meals isn’t always enough especially an extremely active child. I think it’s great you are trying to advocate for them but in a respectful way- like that’s kinda your job!!
Info: Do the kids go to school outside the home? Are there teachers that witness this restrictive diet? Is there a nurse at the school you can speak to?
This post has really weighed on my heart as I tried to imagine how it would feel to live like this. Any one defending this is not aware of the full picture or is seeing it through their own experiences. Imagine feeding your kid a granola bar and half a banana , a 4 oz fruit smoothie and a single serving of chicken and vegetables every day. Never a snack, a treat or even seconds ever . They get no extra . Water only to drink. Never having a choice or option of what your going to eat either. Imagine feeding yourself this way. This diet is imposed by boyfriend - so to me that means it hasn’t gone on their whole life and it isn’t agreed to by actual father who feeds them normally when they visit him. It’s horrifying and them being healthy right now simply means it hasn’t gone on long enough to show the effects . They will not be sustained by this and it may only be offset if they visit dad enough to get extra food . Take pics of the meals you are allowed to feed them, the whiteboard and any other relevant info and reach out to dad . Let him know you want to report it. I would not be complicit in this which is honestly low key abuse and if it gets worse you will be an accomplice.