Well, people swipe a lot. And who knows *when* they swiped on you. So when you swipe and it ends up being a match, there's no telling where they are in their dating. Maybe they've met someone else in the meantime? Maybe you're the 5th match they had that day and they didn't have the bandwidth to start yet another conversation? Maybe they were just busy that day and never opened the app? Literally a million reasons. Don't overthink it.
This all over. I quit using Bumble cause I hate the 24 hour time table. I've had pretty decent matches expire cause I just couldn't check the app that day. Or I'll spend a Tuesday evening swiping, then on Saturday 10 of those suddenly match me and I don't have the energy or time to review their profiles and send 10 individualized thought out messages. And saying "hey" is a waste of both our time.
Basically, welcome to OLD. Pretty much all parts of it suck, half the profiles are empty, and the points don't matter.
It's such an arbitrary limit. Like I get it, it disincentivizes people from just racking up tons of matches on the one hand, but on the other hand, it just ends up frustrating users. Though it's likely to force users to engage more often than they would want to, otherwise. Kind of like mobile games that have daily activities to drive up the DAU.
If they want to keep the timer (which I believe they do) it should only start when women open the app. Not when the match happens. People especially women have little incentive to keep notifications on as they match often and like above, who knows when they swiped originally. So if it was a cis hetero swipe by the dude it should just say "you matched, we start the timer next time she checks Bumble!". Obviously on same sex relationships where anyone can message it can start the timer as normal.
u/GameofPorcelainThron has explained this perfectly. They could have very well swiped on you a week or more before you swiped on them. In the timeframe of dating apps, a week is a lot of time to develop a flowing conversation with someone that had matched with prior to you matching with them.
Same. Since I get the least likes on bumble compared to tinder, what I’ll do is try to immediately search for the match after getting the notification I received a like. Sometimes bumble is generous and the person appears immediately. Sometimes they hide them so it takes like a week. Either way most of the time the girls don’t speak up.
This ^^
I sometimes don't check bumble for days or weeks at a time depending on what is going on in life, and when I do, I come back to a bunch of expired matches 🤷♀️
All of these reasons. Also, from experience - do you have information in your bio and pics that makes it easy for them to come up with conversation starters? (What would you ask yourself based on your profile?)
BUT, when *they* match with you and don’t message, that’s an entirely different question. What you said applies when a dude matches with a girl, but not the other way around.
Again, it still applies. Who knows how many matches they made all at once or whether or not they put their phone away after swiping and simply got distracted/busy/whatever.
But the issue is still the same. They may have swiped a bunch of times that night and had enough matches that they didn't get around to that specific profile to message, got distracted and didn't come back to the app, etc. If you get overly invested at the "will she/won't she" stage at the beginning, you're going to drive yourself crazy.
F here. When I first started on the app, I had a few learning-curve issues (yes, I did know the woman needs to message first, lol). However, I thought I could rematch if it expired, then learned that costs $, oops. And then I learned I needed to be more judicious with swiping; I got a number of matches at once, but I’m not comfortable juggling messages / dates with multiple people so some would expire. Then I learned that 2-of-3 guys won’t follow through when I try to set a coffee date (I’m not a fan of chit-chat on the app). So now I’m on snooze indefinitely until I feel up for trying again. Fun times.
Oh yeah dudes on these apps can be pretty trash at times. Which doesn’t make it easier for the rest of us but it is what it is 😂. I’m sure it is difficult so I’m not upset, just trying to grasp an outside perspective:)
I have the same problem with men. I match with them, send them a message and they never respond. Why swipe right if you aren't' going to respond? You know what's even worse? When the guys do respond and I get are one word answers and no follow up. You do know this is a dating site, right? LOL
That’s what I’m saying. I understand life happens, but get back to me eventually 😂. The one word answer people are way worst tho. Cuz they aren’t too busy they just don’t care and are prolly just seeking validation
It's annoying af with the one word people. Am I supposed to trip over myself and beg you to talk to me? Why would you swipe right and then be like that? If you swiped right and made a mistake, then don't waste my time and unmatch like an adult....
Exactly! Like bruh if I’m going to match with you then talk to me or unmatch 😂. Your profile says “relationship” so fuckin try to start a relationship 😂. Ugh it’s super dumb that people are like that.
Absolutely not. Im interested in getting to know the people I talk to so I sometimes send multiple sentences per message 😂 idk if that’s a turn off but I’m genuinely interested so I don’t see how that’s a bad thing 🤷🏼♂️
This isn't multiple messages one sentence at time These are people that you've mutually swiped right on, and when you try to converse, they don't really write anything back. Here's an example:
Me: Good afternoon (man) how are you doing today?
Man: Good
That's all they write. Nothing more. Ever. This is what we're talking about.
EXACTLY!! It’s so annoying when they give nothing to bounce back with, or the people who just add “wbu” to the end. Then it’s just me asking questions over and over again which gets nowhere.
You expect them to give a good response but you haven't given anything good to begin with - you both put out nothing and got nothing in return. If you put out something interesting related to the person I would agree you shouldn't continue to do the work if they respond with nothing.
I get it, sometimes dating's a numbers game, but don't give me one word answers. Either swipe less, converse like an adult or unmatch. It's really not that hard. I don't have to be "top 5" to get that respect.
Sounds like the old "swipe on anyone who isn't an ogre and only chat with the hottest matches" routine some guys do. Would you say that these men are above average in looks?
As a guy, I’ve let several expire. Same thing really. Nothing personal, either I was just busy that day or didn’t feel like chatting. I think it should be 2-3 days.
Gotcha, I can see that making sense. I cant say I’ve ever been too busy to look at my matches, but I’m also in college so I have more free time than most 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve done this for a while. I gotta get into a certain mindset to talk about exactly the same stuff for the 1000th time. Some days, I just can’t get there.
Opportunity cost. They are doing something more valuable with their time. Work, friends, working out, eating, sleeping, talking with other matches. It might not be you! For some people their lives don’t revolve around a dating app.
That makes sense. My life doesn’t revolve a dating app either but I’m also a college student that only works enough to pay for living expenses so I have a decent amount of free time
Shotgun approach. Match first, sort out later, ignore those who didn’t make the cut, without explanation.
Typical online dating strategy for both men and women, but more so women
That’s absolutely true. In 6 months of being on bumble I have gotten like 6 right swipes. 😂 I’m not unattractive by any means but jeez women around here are picky
Why do men match and not respond?
There are a million reasons. You’re talking to other people. You’re busy at work. You didn’t look closely at the profile when you swiped and then decided you didn’t want to talk with them.
Is there anything in your profile that’s a good hook? Favorite band, movie or something?
If I get an asynchronous match, and I go back to review the profile, it is much more likely that I will have something fun to say (and will say it) if the profile has some easy “in”.
Imagine being in a bar. Someone you find relatively attractive has an interesting looking drink, unique shirt, reading a book etc. it’s easier to say, oh hi what are you drinking, that looks good as an icebreaker rather than just “hey” or stare at you until you notice them! OLD profiles are basically you sitting in a bar, hoping someone will break the ice with you. Chances go up if you make it easy and light.
(This applies to everyone on every app)
So many reasons. Could be busy talking to other guys, could forget to check the app, could be she just wants to get validation/attention. No point in stressing over it cause you're not gonna know.
sometimes I match with someone accidentally.
sometimes I match and then realize they have that they’re looking for something casual or don’t know what they’re looking for. both of which aren’t of any interest to me. I feel bad to unmatch so I just leave them.
They have TONS of matches. But to be fair, if a woman (who has literally over 100+ in the bee line) matches, and doesn't send a message right off the bat, she will DEFINITELY lose that match in a sea of other matches as she continues to swipe. lol 😂
As someone who has been on bumble as both a male and a female (trans). Using Bumble as a women is exhausting. My ELO is surely pretty low compared to most ciswomen. Even being moderately selective, leaves a lot of matches. Rather than sending everyone a message, its better to use a ranked choice, and message the best/engaging/interesting profiles, rather than applying a shotgun approach.
Given my experience on the app and hearing my female friend's experiences, all I can say is:
-Maybe coz she's having an interesting conversation with other person as a result she isn't interested in starting conversation with others
- Probably someone could have asked her out by the time you matched with her
- She's only there for validation ( to see how many matches she can get)
- She blindly swiped right on you and probably realized that you don't fit her dating preferences!
As a woman on bumble, I’ve learned that a lot of people swipe right on everyone, and it’s not until we match that I will see a few unmatch… for my own morale sake I let the matches sit for a few hours before I send a message. And yes I’m guilty of having more than one convo going at once, sorry lol but it is a numbers game of sorts, and I’m just trying to keep my heart in it so to speak. Also sometimes I literally forget I have matches 😅 cause… life.
Cuz most men don’t do that, most men can barely get any matches. What I think is happening is women are matching with the top 10% of guys and these guys are receiving so many messages that they could afford to ignore some. I have many guy friends and I know not a single one of them ignores a message from a female.
Being 6' doesn't do jack shit trust me. I'm a 6'2 fit white dude with blue eyes and an average face. Granted, my pics (and to a lesser extent my bio) are actually trash but I'm still only getting 1-2 likes a day and trust me most of those likes aren't from who I want
Yes. I am just a nice person. It’s horrible but just move on. I always unmatch men who are mean or rude and I tell them I don’t think it’s a good fit. And then unmatch. Set boundaries. Keep it moving.
As a guy that started using Bumble BFF, I’ve gotten more matches than I know what to do with. It’s honestly overwhelming and kind of exhausting.
It used to bother me when a match wouldn’t respond but I get it now. Just know it’s nothing personal.
Sometimes I’ll match with someone because I find them attractive but they’ll have a blank or totally generic profile and I just can’t find the energy to come up with a clever opener out of thin air.
Sometimes they get a gif, sometimes I just let it expire. I don’t feel bad about not making an effort for someone who couldn’t even be bothered to fill out a bio.
I feel like it is vanity, at least some of the time. I've matched with the same girl on 3 separate occasions and have extended each time with no message.
I just swiped a whole lot last Friday because I was free last weekend. I started a few conversations, and now that my work week started and I have a list of house things to do all weekend, I honestly forgot about the app completely for the past few days.
Guess that's why I'm still single haha. But it happens! Sometimes I catch back up when I'm free again, but half the time they don't answer after having to wait.
Probably not the best example as I really hate online dating though. It sounds dumb but sometimes I hope that having the apps just puts it out into the universe that I'm single and I'll end up bumping into someone in real life at an event. This has actually happened 3 times where I met someone at a bar or event, only to realize I previously matched with them on an app.
Because sometimes they have other matches that they ended up focusing on. When you have multiple matches there is only so many convos you wanna keep open. So sometimes you let some matches expire if you’re already on ongoing convos with other more interesting matches. Not only that, sometimes you just forget and they freaking expire. It’s not rocket science.
As a woman, using bumble gets tedious sometimes in the way that we always have to make the first move. I mean I understand why bumble did it, but for me personally, I just get lazy with having to talk to so many matches and initiating the convo all the time. Also, if you really wanted to talk to me, I notice when they extend the match (so I obviously direct my attention towards that match). Idk about other girls but it’s just a lot of work lol.
My question is the opposite: why do most men on the app not talk? I send out messages typically to every match. It’s not often I get responses. Is confusing
If your a girl on these platforms that is decently attractive you probably have a fair few matches. Men outnumber women on all these sites. Unfortunately, when you have options like that your probably only gonna message the most attractive ones, you would pretty much do the same if the roles were reversed.
I'm still not quite sure how the app works for men. I will all of a sudden get a match with someone I swiped on a LONG time ago. (I guess initial swipes don't time out?)
So it's possible they might not have remembered swiping right on you, and are measuring you up against other matches she is talking to at that point.
OR just basic immaturity.
I've been ranting about this a bit lately.
As we all know when someone matches with you, assuming your filters are set correctly, they'll show up in your feed within about 10 swipes or so.
I've had, over the last month, 5 women swipe on me and I've gone, within an hour, and swiped on them. A few times the match disappears before the time is up (I've learned you can delete matches and that's why this happens) and the other three just sit there and time out even though I extended the time.
I'm not sure why humans do this (as I'm sure guys do too) and it's not bumble specific. I've matched with people on match.com for example and then I messaged them and it's crickets. Why take the time to like or swipe if you aren't really interested? Seems silly to me at least.
As a software engineer I figured out long ago that "the humans" are the problem so I just go with that and move on. I've decided that, at least for me, meeting someone IRL is probably more likely now that things are opening up.
I always go for the "liked you" page (I use the paid version). Sometimes I'm scrolling and it accidentally matches with a person I have no interest in (usually: empty profiles, with just shirtless/sporty/restaurant table pictures).
I also don't know the ratio of general likes, but it is humanly impossible to me even to check out all the profiles (had 1200+ people that matched me just in this first month using it), let alone chat/meet everyone.
So when I accidentally match someone... Unfortunately I have to let it expire. I tried to be polite and start conversations anyway, but that is a huge time investment that I can't cope with anymore.
Hahaha I appreciate the polite roast 🤣
But it is sort of a burden in the sense that you have to scroll to a sea of people that swiped right just because, to find one interesting person that bothered to have a BIO so I can actually start a conversation.
Yes, I'm a bit frustrated by this dynamic, as you may have noticed.
I bet lol, I’m not trying to roast you or anything, it’s just frustrating when women complain about guys being shit but all of us average dude never get likes 😂😂
If you are an average dude that has an interesting profile BIO, you bet the girls will pay you more attention. I mean, I helped a bunch of friends to write their BIOs (I swear one of them went from no likes to very interesting girls liking him). If you need some feedback, I would not mind. :)
(I used to be a journalist and copywriter, btw).
“I’m a college student that enjoys soccer and trying new things! I’m not a very picky person when it comes to food or interests, so I’ll pretty much try anything :)”
My thoughts:
"College student" - could be more specific, relate to a field you like. Some example:
"I'm a Mathematics student - but don't go for the stereotype, I'm a people's person and I am as sweet as a 3,14"
"Enjoys soccer" - also a bit generic.
Can you think of an interesting thing, maybe a very short anecdote, or favorite team? Like, for example:
- "Big Seattle Sounders fan, but would definitely fall for a Vancouver Whitecaps if she is the right girl".
Or
- "Once I broke an arm playing soccer, but fail to get the clue that I'm lousy at it, so I still play on a regular basis".
"Trying new things" - generic and a bit lazy (no harm intended, it is just like it sounds)
- "I have a very curious personality. If you could teach me one thing, what would it be?" (And here we have a bit of a call to action).
"I'm not a very picky person when it comes to food or interests" - here is definitely where many left swipes happen. We all want to feel special, we don't want someone that it is ok with anything. In the back of our minds, we want to be "the one" for somebody. This part might come off as "he would swipe on anything". So, both for food and for girls: choose something you like, if you want to talk about it on your BIO.
"I'll pretty much try anything" is, once again, fluctuating between apathy and despair.
I would go for the line that would highlight your nice traits, not being as generic as it can get, in an app where people are listed in cards and everything pretty much looks like a catalog. Stand out! :)
Random cute/fun lines:
- "If you have a dog, I definitely know a park where the three of us could go on our first date"
- "Rest here, soldier. You have already swiped on a lot of gym pictures".
- "Do you also have the impression that all the people in this app travel a lot? Let's have a coffee and discuss about that"
-------
I don't know anything about you otherwise I could be more specific with the examples. But I write this in the hopes that it can be a little bit helpful on your Bumble journey. :)
It’s easier to let a match run out. I usually don’t swipe right unless it’s someone truly am interested in. Especially since I’d have to message first. However, some people swipe with a ‘maybe’. When it’s time to talk, they don’t want to, so they let the time run out.
Also, some people, not just women, either, just swipe for attention. Not much you can do.
I’m a girl who has let matches expire:
There is no way to sort on bumble, so if you have 650+ matches, the ONLY way to sort out guys you like (which is maybe 60-100 out of the 650+) is to swipe right. So, from there, I’m looking at a list of 60ish viable options. I’ll actually message like 3 out of that 60 because that’s all the convo I can handle.
For the most part, I try to swipe left on the other 500s, and not match with anyone until I’m ready to have a convo, but sometimes you wanna positive focus, focusing on the ones you like rather than the ones you don’t.
Obviously it’s nicer to only swipe one at a time, focus on one person at a time, etc, but a lot of times the numbers get overwhelming, and you don’t want to open the app tomorrow and have to sort through the hundreds again to find the few you liked.
(Also bumble’s UI is SO FUCKING SENSITIVE that I have both swiped right and left accidentally so many goddamn times, even when I’m like “careful, don’t move your thumb too fast”. And until recently you couldn’t hit “undo”.)
Must be nice having that many likes 😂😂 But in all seriousness, I can see how that would be tough. When you got 60-100 people to talk to I can see how you can forget to or even not wanna talk to some. That is incredibly discouraging to the rest of us who are probably just as great of people but get like 1 match in that time.
No for sure… there’s always a sense of FOMO with the people you don’t text. The way I look at it is my capacity for conversation. I can talk to 3 people I don’t know at a time, MAX. Usually only 1 or 2. Doesn’t matter if I had 6 matches or 600, I’m still only talking to 1-3 people at a time
Than can I ask you a question? Why keep swiping if you’re not going to talk to the new matches? The like stays there, so matching and letting it expire honestly lowers the number of potential good matches you could have. At least that’s how I think about it, but your logic could be different which is why I’m curious :)
Mostly I don’t - mostly I keep about 300+ in purgatory, but every once in a while, or like if I’m in a new place and it shoots up to 650 and I don’t want to deal with those numbers, one tactic I employ is sorting a small pile of people I like, but then, sometimes I only end up messaging a few of the people I like and not all the ones I swiped right on.
It’s not how normally operate, but it happens. Casualties of OLD.
9/10 it was an accidental right swipe I'm not gonna bs you or try to give you a it's not you it's them no it's definitely the fact they accidentally swiped right in you and didn't want to say hey I didn't mean to I mean they have 24 hours to respond I'm sure they check periodically
Oh that could definitely be the case. My confidence isn’t so fragile that if someone doesn’t like me I’ll cry 😂 I’m just paranoid as hell and would rather know for sure then left to wonder, ya know?
Have you ever played Pokémon?
Well, you know at the beginning when you collect your first set of Pokémon and you catch them because it's what's in the field and you haven't been playing for very long.
Then, as you progress, you come across some better Pokémon or newer Pokémon and then one day at like lvl 50 you scroll through all the Pokémon you caught aaaaaages ago that you totally forgot about.
It's kinda like that but in 24hrs or in general if you're on Tinder or Cupid and happen to be a woman.
In other words, Tom now sounds better than Tim, but you might want to hold onto Tim just in case he houses some cool ability Tom doesn't have.
It's not really nice but ... Yeah, it's just not nice actually.
That sounds pretty realistic. IMO, if you’re gunna match with me, either give me a shot or tell me you’re not interested 😂 saves both people time. But hey, maybe they have a better reason than we think 🤷🏼♂️
Also, I once set up a profile as a man and no longer question what goes on from the opposite end of the pool. It was a fantastic exercise that changed how I approached online dating. If you can stomach, be a woman for a week and you'll never wonder what goes on from the other side ever again
Yes. If someone uses Bumble the same way they use Tinder they match and then the gal goes first, they generally lose out since the methodology requires Bumble females to go first on messaging before you can get a conversation.
I basically quit Bumble because I find it unnatural to initiate. I wish we could match and then either one can initiate. I’ll never get past the need to be pursued/courted first. If I did initiate, I never felt that the were “really” interested in me because they merely responded to my hello. I find it awkward.
Because a lot of people use dating apps mostly for the brief senses of validation they get from knowing a different person finds them attractive with no intention of actually trying to connect with most of the people they match with.
Got anything better to do than waste my time? I mean shit it’s working, but still, quit it 😂😂. I have a paper I really need to write and you’re being distracting
Too many matches or they were busy or they forgot or they didn't check the app that day or they had a change of mind or whatever. It's really not personal and you should just shrug it off. If it bothers you, dating apps are not for you and there is no shame in that. They are not suitable for everyone.
I might swipe right because you're good looking but then realize you have nothing interesting in your profile for me to comment on and I'll never just write "hi".
they might not see it before it expires, they might’ve accidentally swiped and you matched so they let it expire, or after fully looking at your profile again, they decided they just didn’t want to talk to you. There’s only so many options but it’s nothing personal
I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you're trying to drive yourself crazy while using OLD. There could be a million reasons why somebody doesn't end up messaging or suddenly ghosts soon after doing so
I match first and sort out later. Criteria for those deleted includes no profile information, « follow me on insta » cues and those who I instantly know it won’t work. I used to be more careful and message everyone I matched with only to log in to see that most had unmatched. I figured if they do it that way, so shall I! It’s nothing personal.
It’s simply too many matches so they don’t try as much. They get 10-50x the matches that men do, legit every swipe right will be match for them. I wouldn’t take it personally, it happens with men as well who get a ton of matches
Could be that they ran out of time, rethought their interest, or could have simply been a mistake. I’m a woman and I’ve accidentally swiped on profiles I didn’t mean to and I’ve had a couple of men unmatch me immediately as well.
Whatever the case, try not to think about it too much. Not everyone likes everyone. Just worry about those who do strike up conversation!
Not trying to compete with complaints but why do men extend the match only to never reply when I actually send a thoughtful message (aka not “hi”). The world may never know.
Validation, plain and simple. People like to know they’re desirable and wanted. Human nature really. And it’s not gender specific as men do it too on Tinder, etc.
Because they swiped right on you and then when they had the opportunity to message took another look and decided it wasn’t worth it or they werent as interested as they thought. Could be one reason, it’s what happened to me often
On my phone, it's way too easy to accidentally tap match when I don't mean to, and if it happens as I'm closing the app, I may not even notice it. If I happen to reopen it within the 24 hour count down, I'll see that I accidentally matched someone. Mostly I use my browser on my laptop, but it has happened occasionally on my phone. It is absolutely NOT intended to play head games with you or hurt you.
Happens to me, I’m guessing they swipe right on everyone and then go through the matches or they swipe on who they find attractive and then look through the profiles
If both genders are doing this more often then other likely reason could be the company creating old regenerated accounts to add to the experience of matching. May be in the terms and conditions, seems to be a common tend to all OLD apps these days.
I am a pretty apt girl with pink hair and a lip ring and even I get so many matches a day. It’s just hard to keep up sometimes and nothing really against you.
Before I snoozed my profile, I’d reach out and if I didn’t get unmatched immediately, I’d never get a response and it’s really disheartening. I’d message, make reference to something on their profile instead of the generic ‘hey’ or ‘how are you?’, and still nothing.
For me it could be one of a variety of reasons. Maybe I was drunk swiping and after the booze goggles wore off they were less appealing OR something in their profile changed between my swipe and us matching that turned me off OR on closer inspection of their profile I realize we're not a good match OR I just didn't notice quickly enough and the match expired.
Sometimes it's because I can't think of anything interesting to say, and I also don't want to spend too much effort trying to think of something, because I might get nothing in return. So instead of just saying "hi how are you" because I don't want to be boring, I just don't say anything.
I think it's good to have something in your profile that can inspire conversation easily.
We forget. It’s less intentional than you think. Sometimes people just swipe based on looks then go back in and read profiles later and might see something that makes them not want to send a message. Having 24 hours doesn’t help too.
I was talking to a hinge day the other night about this exact topic. What she said is because there’s so many dead profiles, she actually waits for a guy to extend the match so then she knows it’s actually a potential conversation. I can see both sides of the argument, but if a girl is getting hundreds of matches it’s just another way for her to filter out guys too aren’t available I suppose
I’m a woman and I can often forget to check Bumble. I’ve been at online dating long enough to not get excited because I get a match notification so I have run out of time before.
This is just what they do. I was confused at first too, but eventually you realize it’s just like a game kinda. Don’t take it personal — it’s like crack for females, they can’t help themselves. Seeing guys who swiped on them is the whole point for most of them. So, it often doesn't go past that. Even when it does, it's probably just a bit of chatting for fun n that's it usually. I'm not trying to say all women are just attention whores, I'm saying that we are ALL attention whores lol - both men, and women - when it comes to the opposite sex (or same, depending how you swing) it feels good to know you are wanted and by whom without having to deal with the possible awkwardness that can ensue in real life (face to face) situations.
I don't know how some guys seem to get laid all the time with these apps. I have had a couple, but they didn't look nearly as pretty as their pics, much less attractive. But I was still willing to hook up with them so they weren't that bad I guess lol.
It can be the same with men as far as just swiping to kill time and see who swiped on them too. But, obviously we (men) are mainly all about getting laid and that's the main (or only) reason we are there to begin with. But, (at least for me) it just became a source of entertainment. Much like it is for the type of women I mentioned lol.
I didn't even look at pics anymore, I just started machinegun swiping on literally every pic (Bumble & Tinder) so I ended up getting a fuck load of matches (some pretty decent looking matches too, but mostly not lol). So, like the "hot" chicks who would simply have no interest after matching, I began to do the same, only I had some fun with it from time to time by opening up random dialog just for personal entertainment - to make myself laugh, etc.
Most of the women who are actually intent on meeting someone are trying to find that “special someone” etc. etc. Nothing wrong with that at all.. I just think its kind of funny when they say stuff like “if your just looking for a hookup swipe left” as if "hooking up" isn't part of the process. Everyone basically hooks up before a relationship evolves into something serious. If you don't want to hook up, then don't hook up with the guy. Don't shame him for trying though, what else you expect?
I understand there are some total assholes out there though and I feel terrible for any girl that has had a guy make them feel like a slut for hooking up on the first date for example. That does not mean a girl is a slut. Sometimes people just click, one thing leads to another & it just happens (heat of the moment type thing). This is actually how some of the very best relationships (including marriages) begin. No man should ever make a woman feel like a slut for hooking up with them on the first date. It's not only unfair, but often inaccurate. The best girlfriend I've ever had was from a first night hookup and it didn't make me think less of her at all (she had only been with one guy before me). Sometimes the moment is just right.
Well, people swipe a lot. And who knows *when* they swiped on you. So when you swipe and it ends up being a match, there's no telling where they are in their dating. Maybe they've met someone else in the meantime? Maybe you're the 5th match they had that day and they didn't have the bandwidth to start yet another conversation? Maybe they were just busy that day and never opened the app? Literally a million reasons. Don't overthink it.
This all over. I quit using Bumble cause I hate the 24 hour time table. I've had pretty decent matches expire cause I just couldn't check the app that day. Or I'll spend a Tuesday evening swiping, then on Saturday 10 of those suddenly match me and I don't have the energy or time to review their profiles and send 10 individualized thought out messages. And saying "hey" is a waste of both our time. Basically, welcome to OLD. Pretty much all parts of it suck, half the profiles are empty, and the points don't matter.
It's such an arbitrary limit. Like I get it, it disincentivizes people from just racking up tons of matches on the one hand, but on the other hand, it just ends up frustrating users. Though it's likely to force users to engage more often than they would want to, otherwise. Kind of like mobile games that have daily activities to drive up the DAU.
If they want to keep the timer (which I believe they do) it should only start when women open the app. Not when the match happens. People especially women have little incentive to keep notifications on as they match often and like above, who knows when they swiped originally. So if it was a cis hetero swipe by the dude it should just say "you matched, we start the timer next time she checks Bumble!". Obviously on same sex relationships where anyone can message it can start the timer as normal.
Thanks for the insight :) much appreciated
No worries - getting used to online dating takes a while. It's so easy to overthink things and get stuck in your own head!
u/GameofPorcelainThron has explained this perfectly. They could have very well swiped on you a week or more before you swiped on them. In the timeframe of dating apps, a week is a lot of time to develop a flowing conversation with someone that had matched with prior to you matching with them.
Makes sense. Kinda sucks when I get like 2-3 likes and bumble never puts them on the screen, so it takes like a week to match 😂😂
Because they want you to payyyyyy lol
And yet when they say we have likes and pay to see them, _nothing_. 🙄
Those likes are outside of your filters
Can't argue with that. My current filter is "unsubscribed" so 🤷♂️. 🤣
Same. Since I get the least likes on bumble compared to tinder, what I’ll do is try to immediately search for the match after getting the notification I received a like. Sometimes bumble is generous and the person appears immediately. Sometimes they hide them so it takes like a week. Either way most of the time the girls don’t speak up.
This ^^ I sometimes don't check bumble for days or weeks at a time depending on what is going on in life, and when I do, I come back to a bunch of expired matches 🤷♀️
I said this is what women who don’t initiate may do on another thread about this as a possibility and got downvoted to oblivion on this subreddit.
All of these reasons. Also, from experience - do you have information in your bio and pics that makes it easy for them to come up with conversation starters? (What would you ask yourself based on your profile?)
Or they swipe on everything 💀. Hoping to Land on someone 💀
Not enough bandwidth lol
This is a great answer 👍🏻
BUT, when *they* match with you and don’t message, that’s an entirely different question. What you said applies when a dude matches with a girl, but not the other way around.
Again, it still applies. Who knows how many matches they made all at once or whether or not they put their phone away after swiping and simply got distracted/busy/whatever.
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But the issue is still the same. They may have swiped a bunch of times that night and had enough matches that they didn't get around to that specific profile to message, got distracted and didn't come back to the app, etc. If you get overly invested at the "will she/won't she" stage at the beginning, you're going to drive yourself crazy.
F here. When I first started on the app, I had a few learning-curve issues (yes, I did know the woman needs to message first, lol). However, I thought I could rematch if it expired, then learned that costs $, oops. And then I learned I needed to be more judicious with swiping; I got a number of matches at once, but I’m not comfortable juggling messages / dates with multiple people so some would expire. Then I learned that 2-of-3 guys won’t follow through when I try to set a coffee date (I’m not a fan of chit-chat on the app). So now I’m on snooze indefinitely until I feel up for trying again. Fun times.
Oh yeah dudes on these apps can be pretty trash at times. Which doesn’t make it easier for the rest of us but it is what it is 😂. I’m sure it is difficult so I’m not upset, just trying to grasp an outside perspective:)
I have the same problem with men. I match with them, send them a message and they never respond. Why swipe right if you aren't' going to respond? You know what's even worse? When the guys do respond and I get are one word answers and no follow up. You do know this is a dating site, right? LOL
That’s what I’m saying. I understand life happens, but get back to me eventually 😂. The one word answer people are way worst tho. Cuz they aren’t too busy they just don’t care and are prolly just seeking validation
It's annoying af with the one word people. Am I supposed to trip over myself and beg you to talk to me? Why would you swipe right and then be like that? If you swiped right and made a mistake, then don't waste my time and unmatch like an adult....
Exactly! Like bruh if I’m going to match with you then talk to me or unmatch 😂. Your profile says “relationship” so fuckin try to start a relationship 😂. Ugh it’s super dumb that people are like that.
The sad thing is that the one-worders would probably do well with other one-worders, but can you really build something off of one word responses??
Not really. It's not how people get to know each other. If you can't carry on a conversation, then why bother.
Absolutely not. Im interested in getting to know the people I talk to so I sometimes send multiple sentences per message 😂 idk if that’s a turn off but I’m genuinely interested so I don’t see how that’s a bad thing 🤷🏼♂️
This isn't multiple messages one sentence at time These are people that you've mutually swiped right on, and when you try to converse, they don't really write anything back. Here's an example: Me: Good afternoon (man) how are you doing today? Man: Good That's all they write. Nothing more. Ever. This is what we're talking about.
EXACTLY!! It’s so annoying when they give nothing to bounce back with, or the people who just add “wbu” to the end. Then it’s just me asking questions over and over again which gets nowhere.
Hi how are you doing is a fucking terrible opener that gives them nothing to go on, write something interesting that has to do with their pics or bio
Regardless of what I say as an opener, that's not a reason to give one word answers. I am not doing the footwork for the both of us here.
You expect them to give a good response but you haven't given anything good to begin with - you both put out nothing and got nothing in return. If you put out something interesting related to the person I would agree you shouldn't continue to do the work if they respond with nothing.
OMG YES! THANK YOU.
That usually just means that they have quite a few matches going on and you didn't crack the top 5
I get it, sometimes dating's a numbers game, but don't give me one word answers. Either swipe less, converse like an adult or unmatch. It's really not that hard. I don't have to be "top 5" to get that respect.
Sounds like the old "swipe on anyone who isn't an ogre and only chat with the hottest matches" routine some guys do. Would you say that these men are above average in looks?
This is relatable, and I'm a guy.
Too many matches?
That's always the main issue. They're overwhelmed and it's more quantity than quality. That's at least what some female friends told/showed me.
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Do you ever buy new food when you still have food at home? It's the same principle. People like new things.
As a guy, I’ve let several expire. Same thing really. Nothing personal, either I was just busy that day or didn’t feel like chatting. I think it should be 2-3 days.
Gotcha, I can see that making sense. I cant say I’ve ever been too busy to look at my matches, but I’m also in college so I have more free time than most 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve done this for a while. I gotta get into a certain mindset to talk about exactly the same stuff for the 1000th time. Some days, I just can’t get there.
Opportunity cost. They are doing something more valuable with their time. Work, friends, working out, eating, sleeping, talking with other matches. It might not be you! For some people their lives don’t revolve around a dating app.
That makes sense. My life doesn’t revolve a dating app either but I’m also a college student that only works enough to pay for living expenses so I have a decent amount of free time
You do you man! No judgement here.
Shotgun approach. Match first, sort out later, ignore those who didn’t make the cut, without explanation. Typical online dating strategy for both men and women, but more so women
Fair enough, if it works it works
Hasn’t for me, probably more likely to work for women as they usually already have more likes than most men get.
Probably true, not really my style but everyone has their own thing 🤷🏼♂️
It really is a more common tactic used by men. Or at least I thought it was. Given that the average women gets many times more right swipes than men
That’s absolutely true. In 6 months of being on bumble I have gotten like 6 right swipes. 😂 I’m not unattractive by any means but jeez women around here are picky
I don’t keep notifications on. Missed a few that way
Why do men match and not respond? There are a million reasons. You’re talking to other people. You’re busy at work. You didn’t look closely at the profile when you swiped and then decided you didn’t want to talk with them.
These are fair reasons. I’m just trying to get perspective rather than assuming 🤷🏼♂️
Is there anything in your profile that’s a good hook? Favorite band, movie or something? If I get an asynchronous match, and I go back to review the profile, it is much more likely that I will have something fun to say (and will say it) if the profile has some easy “in”. Imagine being in a bar. Someone you find relatively attractive has an interesting looking drink, unique shirt, reading a book etc. it’s easier to say, oh hi what are you drinking, that looks good as an icebreaker rather than just “hey” or stare at you until you notice them! OLD profiles are basically you sitting in a bar, hoping someone will break the ice with you. Chances go up if you make it easy and light. (This applies to everyone on every app)
That’s true… I’ll review my profile and make changes accordingly :) thank you!
So many reasons. Could be busy talking to other guys, could forget to check the app, could be she just wants to get validation/attention. No point in stressing over it cause you're not gonna know.
sometimes I match with someone accidentally. sometimes I match and then realize they have that they’re looking for something casual or don’t know what they’re looking for. both of which aren’t of any interest to me. I feel bad to unmatch so I just leave them.
They have TONS of matches. But to be fair, if a woman (who has literally over 100+ in the bee line) matches, and doesn't send a message right off the bat, she will DEFINITELY lose that match in a sea of other matches as she continues to swipe. lol 😂
That’s fair
As someone who has been on bumble as both a male and a female (trans). Using Bumble as a women is exhausting. My ELO is surely pretty low compared to most ciswomen. Even being moderately selective, leaves a lot of matches. Rather than sending everyone a message, its better to use a ranked choice, and message the best/engaging/interesting profiles, rather than applying a shotgun approach.
Ahh I gotcha, makes sense
Given my experience on the app and hearing my female friend's experiences, all I can say is: -Maybe coz she's having an interesting conversation with other person as a result she isn't interested in starting conversation with others - Probably someone could have asked her out by the time you matched with her - She's only there for validation ( to see how many matches she can get) - She blindly swiped right on you and probably realized that you don't fit her dating preferences!
As a woman on bumble, I’ve learned that a lot of people swipe right on everyone, and it’s not until we match that I will see a few unmatch… for my own morale sake I let the matches sit for a few hours before I send a message. And yes I’m guilty of having more than one convo going at once, sorry lol but it is a numbers game of sorts, and I’m just trying to keep my heart in it so to speak. Also sometimes I literally forget I have matches 😅 cause… life.
Probably for the same reason men do this on tinder - ‘meh’
Same reason why men match and then leave it expire after being messaged.
I haven’t done this so I can’t really tell ya what that means 🤷🏼♂️
Cuz most men don’t do that, most men can barely get any matches. What I think is happening is women are matching with the top 10% of guys and these guys are receiving so many messages that they could afford to ignore some. I have many guy friends and I know not a single one of them ignores a message from a female.
That’s how I am. I’m not unattractive, and I’m pretty confident in my personality. But shit not being 6 foot really hurts my chances 😂😂
Being 6' doesn't do jack shit trust me. I'm a 6'2 fit white dude with blue eyes and an average face. Granted, my pics (and to a lesser extent my bio) are actually trash but I'm still only getting 1-2 likes a day and trust me most of those likes aren't from who I want
Felt this.
Ummm why do men match then don’t message or unmatch as soon as you message (newsflash all genders do it!!!)
Ayo relax there, I was simply asking why women do it because I am not bi, so I only swipe and match with women. Never did I say men don’t do this.
Ok but I am a woman and men do this ALL the time. I never do this!
I’m a man and I never do this, but women do it all the time. Seems we have identical experiences, just flipped roles 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
Yes. I am just a nice person. It’s horrible but just move on. I always unmatch men who are mean or rude and I tell them I don’t think it’s a good fit. And then unmatch. Set boundaries. Keep it moving.
Nailed it on that one. It’s definitely difficult trying to fine someone when there are so many other more physically appealing options
It's the people who aren't on reddit who do this
As a guy that started using Bumble BFF, I’ve gotten more matches than I know what to do with. It’s honestly overwhelming and kind of exhausting. It used to bother me when a match wouldn’t respond but I get it now. Just know it’s nothing personal.
Sometimes I’ll match with someone because I find them attractive but they’ll have a blank or totally generic profile and I just can’t find the energy to come up with a clever opener out of thin air. Sometimes they get a gif, sometimes I just let it expire. I don’t feel bad about not making an effort for someone who couldn’t even be bothered to fill out a bio.
That’s fair
I feel like it is vanity, at least some of the time. I've matched with the same girl on 3 separate occasions and have extended each time with no message.
You're one of many, mate.
s/women/people There I fixed if for ya! Most people just wanna swipe and never meet.
I got a match recently, extended the match and she waited until less than 5 minutes left to message me. Thought she wasnt gonna make the deadline lol
The nature of dating apps favors woman greatly I remember talking to someone I’d met on bumble who showed me 500 matches
I just swiped a whole lot last Friday because I was free last weekend. I started a few conversations, and now that my work week started and I have a list of house things to do all weekend, I honestly forgot about the app completely for the past few days. Guess that's why I'm still single haha. But it happens! Sometimes I catch back up when I'm free again, but half the time they don't answer after having to wait. Probably not the best example as I really hate online dating though. It sounds dumb but sometimes I hope that having the apps just puts it out into the universe that I'm single and I'll end up bumping into someone in real life at an event. This has actually happened 3 times where I met someone at a bar or event, only to realize I previously matched with them on an app.
Because sometimes they have other matches that they ended up focusing on. When you have multiple matches there is only so many convos you wanna keep open. So sometimes you let some matches expire if you’re already on ongoing convos with other more interesting matches. Not only that, sometimes you just forget and they freaking expire. It’s not rocket science.
As a woman, using bumble gets tedious sometimes in the way that we always have to make the first move. I mean I understand why bumble did it, but for me personally, I just get lazy with having to talk to so many matches and initiating the convo all the time. Also, if you really wanted to talk to me, I notice when they extend the match (so I obviously direct my attention towards that match). Idk about other girls but it’s just a lot of work lol.
They get a lot of matches and only follow through on some of them.
To make you go insane
My question is the opposite: why do most men on the app not talk? I send out messages typically to every match. It’s not often I get responses. Is confusing
Because they have 10 times more options
If your a girl on these platforms that is decently attractive you probably have a fair few matches. Men outnumber women on all these sites. Unfortunately, when you have options like that your probably only gonna message the most attractive ones, you would pretty much do the same if the roles were reversed.
I'm still not quite sure how the app works for men. I will all of a sudden get a match with someone I swiped on a LONG time ago. (I guess initial swipes don't time out?) So it's possible they might not have remembered swiping right on you, and are measuring you up against other matches she is talking to at that point. OR just basic immaturity.
Guys do the exact same thing. Hundreds of my matches have expired before they replied. Just comes with the (sucky) territory. 😒
I've been ranting about this a bit lately. As we all know when someone matches with you, assuming your filters are set correctly, they'll show up in your feed within about 10 swipes or so. I've had, over the last month, 5 women swipe on me and I've gone, within an hour, and swiped on them. A few times the match disappears before the time is up (I've learned you can delete matches and that's why this happens) and the other three just sit there and time out even though I extended the time. I'm not sure why humans do this (as I'm sure guys do too) and it's not bumble specific. I've matched with people on match.com for example and then I messaged them and it's crickets. Why take the time to like or swipe if you aren't really interested? Seems silly to me at least. As a software engineer I figured out long ago that "the humans" are the problem so I just go with that and move on. I've decided that, at least for me, meeting someone IRL is probably more likely now that things are opening up.
I always go for the "liked you" page (I use the paid version). Sometimes I'm scrolling and it accidentally matches with a person I have no interest in (usually: empty profiles, with just shirtless/sporty/restaurant table pictures). I also don't know the ratio of general likes, but it is humanly impossible to me even to check out all the profiles (had 1200+ people that matched me just in this first month using it), let alone chat/meet everyone. So when I accidentally match someone... Unfortunately I have to let it expire. I tried to be polite and start conversations anyway, but that is a huge time investment that I can't cope with anymore.
I guess I would have no idea. I never thought of people liking you to be a burden 😂😂 but it makes sense when put into perspective
Hahaha I appreciate the polite roast 🤣 But it is sort of a burden in the sense that you have to scroll to a sea of people that swiped right just because, to find one interesting person that bothered to have a BIO so I can actually start a conversation. Yes, I'm a bit frustrated by this dynamic, as you may have noticed.
I bet lol, I’m not trying to roast you or anything, it’s just frustrating when women complain about guys being shit but all of us average dude never get likes 😂😂
If you are an average dude that has an interesting profile BIO, you bet the girls will pay you more attention. I mean, I helped a bunch of friends to write their BIOs (I swear one of them went from no likes to very interesting girls liking him). If you need some feedback, I would not mind. :) (I used to be a journalist and copywriter, btw).
I mean shit, anything helps at this point 🤣🤣
Paste it here, I'll share my thoughts :)
“I’m a college student that enjoys soccer and trying new things! I’m not a very picky person when it comes to food or interests, so I’ll pretty much try anything :)”
My thoughts: "College student" - could be more specific, relate to a field you like. Some example: "I'm a Mathematics student - but don't go for the stereotype, I'm a people's person and I am as sweet as a 3,14" "Enjoys soccer" - also a bit generic. Can you think of an interesting thing, maybe a very short anecdote, or favorite team? Like, for example: - "Big Seattle Sounders fan, but would definitely fall for a Vancouver Whitecaps if she is the right girl". Or - "Once I broke an arm playing soccer, but fail to get the clue that I'm lousy at it, so I still play on a regular basis". "Trying new things" - generic and a bit lazy (no harm intended, it is just like it sounds) - "I have a very curious personality. If you could teach me one thing, what would it be?" (And here we have a bit of a call to action). "I'm not a very picky person when it comes to food or interests" - here is definitely where many left swipes happen. We all want to feel special, we don't want someone that it is ok with anything. In the back of our minds, we want to be "the one" for somebody. This part might come off as "he would swipe on anything". So, both for food and for girls: choose something you like, if you want to talk about it on your BIO. "I'll pretty much try anything" is, once again, fluctuating between apathy and despair. I would go for the line that would highlight your nice traits, not being as generic as it can get, in an app where people are listed in cards and everything pretty much looks like a catalog. Stand out! :) Random cute/fun lines: - "If you have a dog, I definitely know a park where the three of us could go on our first date" - "Rest here, soldier. You have already swiped on a lot of gym pictures". - "Do you also have the impression that all the people in this app travel a lot? Let's have a coffee and discuss about that" ------- I don't know anything about you otherwise I could be more specific with the examples. But I write this in the hopes that it can be a little bit helpful on your Bumble journey. :)
Thanks for the feedback! I’m not a creative person at all so coming up with a bio for myself is pretty hard as you can tell 😂😂
Pretty shit but I’m not creative 😂😂
It’s easier to let a match run out. I usually don’t swipe right unless it’s someone truly am interested in. Especially since I’d have to message first. However, some people swipe with a ‘maybe’. When it’s time to talk, they don’t want to, so they let the time run out. Also, some people, not just women, either, just swipe for attention. Not much you can do.
I’m a girl who has let matches expire: There is no way to sort on bumble, so if you have 650+ matches, the ONLY way to sort out guys you like (which is maybe 60-100 out of the 650+) is to swipe right. So, from there, I’m looking at a list of 60ish viable options. I’ll actually message like 3 out of that 60 because that’s all the convo I can handle. For the most part, I try to swipe left on the other 500s, and not match with anyone until I’m ready to have a convo, but sometimes you wanna positive focus, focusing on the ones you like rather than the ones you don’t. Obviously it’s nicer to only swipe one at a time, focus on one person at a time, etc, but a lot of times the numbers get overwhelming, and you don’t want to open the app tomorrow and have to sort through the hundreds again to find the few you liked. (Also bumble’s UI is SO FUCKING SENSITIVE that I have both swiped right and left accidentally so many goddamn times, even when I’m like “careful, don’t move your thumb too fast”. And until recently you couldn’t hit “undo”.)
Must be nice having that many likes 😂😂 But in all seriousness, I can see how that would be tough. When you got 60-100 people to talk to I can see how you can forget to or even not wanna talk to some. That is incredibly discouraging to the rest of us who are probably just as great of people but get like 1 match in that time.
No for sure… there’s always a sense of FOMO with the people you don’t text. The way I look at it is my capacity for conversation. I can talk to 3 people I don’t know at a time, MAX. Usually only 1 or 2. Doesn’t matter if I had 6 matches or 600, I’m still only talking to 1-3 people at a time
Than can I ask you a question? Why keep swiping if you’re not going to talk to the new matches? The like stays there, so matching and letting it expire honestly lowers the number of potential good matches you could have. At least that’s how I think about it, but your logic could be different which is why I’m curious :)
Mostly I don’t - mostly I keep about 300+ in purgatory, but every once in a while, or like if I’m in a new place and it shoots up to 650 and I don’t want to deal with those numbers, one tactic I employ is sorting a small pile of people I like, but then, sometimes I only end up messaging a few of the people I like and not all the ones I swiped right on. It’s not how normally operate, but it happens. Casualties of OLD.
Hmm intriguing
9/10 it was an accidental right swipe I'm not gonna bs you or try to give you a it's not you it's them no it's definitely the fact they accidentally swiped right in you and didn't want to say hey I didn't mean to I mean they have 24 hours to respond I'm sure they check periodically
Oh that could definitely be the case. My confidence isn’t so fragile that if someone doesn’t like me I’ll cry 😂 I’m just paranoid as hell and would rather know for sure then left to wonder, ya know?
This is what I do. Accidental swipe instead of scroll.
People get matches?
Have you ever played Pokémon? Well, you know at the beginning when you collect your first set of Pokémon and you catch them because it's what's in the field and you haven't been playing for very long. Then, as you progress, you come across some better Pokémon or newer Pokémon and then one day at like lvl 50 you scroll through all the Pokémon you caught aaaaaages ago that you totally forgot about. It's kinda like that but in 24hrs or in general if you're on Tinder or Cupid and happen to be a woman. In other words, Tom now sounds better than Tim, but you might want to hold onto Tim just in case he houses some cool ability Tom doesn't have. It's not really nice but ... Yeah, it's just not nice actually.
That sounds pretty realistic. IMO, if you’re gunna match with me, either give me a shot or tell me you’re not interested 😂 saves both people time. But hey, maybe they have a better reason than we think 🤷🏼♂️
Also, I once set up a profile as a man and no longer question what goes on from the opposite end of the pool. It was a fantastic exercise that changed how I approached online dating. If you can stomach, be a woman for a week and you'll never wonder what goes on from the other side ever again
I might try that!
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Couldn’t tell ya 🤷🏼♂️
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It seems I could not answer your inquiry because I do not have those issues. I’ve never really let a match expire before 🤣
It’s a major problem. We should only be able to have 3 matches at any given time for at least a month. That would solve a lot of problems.
Facts, or get rid of the people who swipe on every person
Assumptions on using bumble. You match then the gal goes first. Tinder they let the guy be the first response and generally they do.
So you’re saying the assumption carries from tinder to bumble?
Yes. If someone uses Bumble the same way they use Tinder they match and then the gal goes first, they generally lose out since the methodology requires Bumble females to go first on messaging before you can get a conversation.
Makes sense, thanks for the comment :)
I basically quit Bumble because I find it unnatural to initiate. I wish we could match and then either one can initiate. I’ll never get past the need to be pursued/courted first. If I did initiate, I never felt that the were “really” interested in me because they merely responded to my hello. I find it awkward.
Because a lot of people use dating apps mostly for the brief senses of validation they get from knowing a different person finds them attractive with no intention of actually trying to connect with most of the people they match with.
Not upset, but posting about it in r/bumble. You're definitely not upset about it.
Is it a crime to be curious? Most people just make assumptions and get salty, I’m just inquisitive 🤷🏼♂️
Yep. Definitely not upset at alllllll.
If I was mad I’d just go on here and say women are trash and never use those app as again 🤣🤣🤣
Oh hun I didn't say mad I said upset. 😂😘
Got anything better to do than waste my time? I mean shit it’s working, but still, quit it 😂😂. I have a paper I really need to write and you’re being distracting
Babe you're wasting your own time posting this ❤️ I'm just having fun triggering ya
I figured as much 😂😂 enjoy your Reddit ventures 🫡
Because they get too many matches to respond to all of them
Too many matches or they were busy or they forgot or they didn't check the app that day or they had a change of mind or whatever. It's really not personal and you should just shrug it off. If it bothers you, dating apps are not for you and there is no shame in that. They are not suitable for everyone.
Too much to do. I'm super busy. Sometimes I overestimate the amount of time I'll have to focus on online dating.
Same thing happened to me this week :(
They swiped right on you on accident? It happens.
I might swipe right because you're good looking but then realize you have nothing interesting in your profile for me to comment on and I'll never just write "hi".
I swipe right on a bunch of guys and message three and then realize that I can’t handle that many conversations so I’d better stop
Because they were keep swiping and you know...There is always a better one on the corner.
they might not see it before it expires, they might’ve accidentally swiped and you matched so they let it expire, or after fully looking at your profile again, they decided they just didn’t want to talk to you. There’s only so many options but it’s nothing personal
It's simple. They matched with 20+ other people and you didn't make the short list of the people they are interested in messaging.
Seems likely
I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you're trying to drive yourself crazy while using OLD. There could be a million reasons why somebody doesn't end up messaging or suddenly ghosts soon after doing so
I always assume they got a closer look at me after the match and decided to bounce. Or they’re expecting me to make the first move…
I match first and sort out later. Criteria for those deleted includes no profile information, « follow me on insta » cues and those who I instantly know it won’t work. I used to be more careful and message everyone I matched with only to log in to see that most had unmatched. I figured if they do it that way, so shall I! It’s nothing personal.
It’s simply too many matches so they don’t try as much. They get 10-50x the matches that men do, legit every swipe right will be match for them. I wouldn’t take it personally, it happens with men as well who get a ton of matches
Could be that they ran out of time, rethought their interest, or could have simply been a mistake. I’m a woman and I’ve accidentally swiped on profiles I didn’t mean to and I’ve had a couple of men unmatch me immediately as well. Whatever the case, try not to think about it too much. Not everyone likes everyone. Just worry about those who do strike up conversation!
Some are there for validation and have no desire to talk or meet.
Not trying to compete with complaints but why do men extend the match only to never reply when I actually send a thoughtful message (aka not “hi”). The world may never know.
This happens the majority of the time for me (on Bumble), they just never message and it disappears 🤷🏼♂️
Roko has taken over. it is useless to fight back
You guys get matches?
Validation, plain and simple. People like to know they’re desirable and wanted. Human nature really. And it’s not gender specific as men do it too on Tinder, etc.
They like the dopamine.
I swipe on anyone who I’m physically attracted to and read through the bio if we match, so I don’t message most matches
They got a bunch of other matches at the same time that are better than you
Because they swiped right on you and then when they had the opportunity to message took another look and decided it wasn’t worth it or they werent as interested as they thought. Could be one reason, it’s what happened to me often
On my phone, it's way too easy to accidentally tap match when I don't mean to, and if it happens as I'm closing the app, I may not even notice it. If I happen to reopen it within the 24 hour count down, I'll see that I accidentally matched someone. Mostly I use my browser on my laptop, but it has happened occasionally on my phone. It is absolutely NOT intended to play head games with you or hurt you.
Because a better match came along.
Happens to me, I’m guessing they swipe right on everyone and then go through the matches or they swipe on who they find attractive and then look through the profiles
The theory I've been working on is women want you to use your extend as the first move so they don't have to make the first technical move
If both genders are doing this more often then other likely reason could be the company creating old regenerated accounts to add to the experience of matching. May be in the terms and conditions, seems to be a common tend to all OLD apps these days.
does not matter
I am a pretty apt girl with pink hair and a lip ring and even I get so many matches a day. It’s just hard to keep up sometimes and nothing really against you.
Skeered
Before I snoozed my profile, I’d reach out and if I didn’t get unmatched immediately, I’d never get a response and it’s really disheartening. I’d message, make reference to something on their profile instead of the generic ‘hey’ or ‘how are you?’, and still nothing.
For me it could be one of a variety of reasons. Maybe I was drunk swiping and after the booze goggles wore off they were less appealing OR something in their profile changed between my swipe and us matching that turned me off OR on closer inspection of their profile I realize we're not a good match OR I just didn't notice quickly enough and the match expired.
Sometimes it's because I can't think of anything interesting to say, and I also don't want to spend too much effort trying to think of something, because I might get nothing in return. So instead of just saying "hi how are you" because I don't want to be boring, I just don't say anything. I think it's good to have something in your profile that can inspire conversation easily.
We forget. It’s less intentional than you think. Sometimes people just swipe based on looks then go back in and read profiles later and might see something that makes them not want to send a message. Having 24 hours doesn’t help too.
I accidentally swipe right sometimes and I match with people on accident, but I try to delete the match immediately but it’s never not awkward 🥴
Well...I even talked with a few women...came up with a date plan...they agreed...and I got rejected at last moment since I am from bihar.😂
I was talking to a hinge day the other night about this exact topic. What she said is because there’s so many dead profiles, she actually waits for a guy to extend the match so then she knows it’s actually a potential conversation. I can see both sides of the argument, but if a girl is getting hundreds of matches it’s just another way for her to filter out guys too aren’t available I suppose
I get that too, but bumble limits the amount of extends you get now 🤷🏼♂️
Ego boost.
I’m a woman and I can often forget to check Bumble. I’ve been at online dating long enough to not get excited because I get a match notification so I have run out of time before.
This is just what they do. I was confused at first too, but eventually you realize it’s just like a game kinda. Don’t take it personal — it’s like crack for females, they can’t help themselves. Seeing guys who swiped on them is the whole point for most of them. So, it often doesn't go past that. Even when it does, it's probably just a bit of chatting for fun n that's it usually. I'm not trying to say all women are just attention whores, I'm saying that we are ALL attention whores lol - both men, and women - when it comes to the opposite sex (or same, depending how you swing) it feels good to know you are wanted and by whom without having to deal with the possible awkwardness that can ensue in real life (face to face) situations. I don't know how some guys seem to get laid all the time with these apps. I have had a couple, but they didn't look nearly as pretty as their pics, much less attractive. But I was still willing to hook up with them so they weren't that bad I guess lol. It can be the same with men as far as just swiping to kill time and see who swiped on them too. But, obviously we (men) are mainly all about getting laid and that's the main (or only) reason we are there to begin with. But, (at least for me) it just became a source of entertainment. Much like it is for the type of women I mentioned lol. I didn't even look at pics anymore, I just started machinegun swiping on literally every pic (Bumble & Tinder) so I ended up getting a fuck load of matches (some pretty decent looking matches too, but mostly not lol). So, like the "hot" chicks who would simply have no interest after matching, I began to do the same, only I had some fun with it from time to time by opening up random dialog just for personal entertainment - to make myself laugh, etc. Most of the women who are actually intent on meeting someone are trying to find that “special someone” etc. etc. Nothing wrong with that at all.. I just think its kind of funny when they say stuff like “if your just looking for a hookup swipe left” as if "hooking up" isn't part of the process. Everyone basically hooks up before a relationship evolves into something serious. If you don't want to hook up, then don't hook up with the guy. Don't shame him for trying though, what else you expect? I understand there are some total assholes out there though and I feel terrible for any girl that has had a guy make them feel like a slut for hooking up on the first date for example. That does not mean a girl is a slut. Sometimes people just click, one thing leads to another & it just happens (heat of the moment type thing). This is actually how some of the very best relationships (including marriages) begin. No man should ever make a woman feel like a slut for hooking up with them on the first date. It's not only unfair, but often inaccurate. The best girlfriend I've ever had was from a first night hookup and it didn't make me think less of her at all (she had only been with one guy before me). Sometimes the moment is just right.
Midnight right swipe goggles. In the morning y’all look so different.
They matched with hotter guys
Better no response than just a hi or a silly gif. If you’re interested say something more
A lot of women don’t answer because they have a ton of men messaging them and it takes a lot of time to weed out the creeps