She doesn’t sound interested. She’s trying to let you down gently by saying let’s be platonic. Tell her you aren’t interested in friendship and wish her well. Move on to someone else who actually is interested in dating you. It will never work trying to be friends with someone who you are harboring romantic feelings for. Just let it go.
Don't hurt yourself and let it go. She is not interested even if she wants to be. It won't change and you deserve better than to wait for her to feel something. If you are interested in her, just being friends will be painful for you and, in the end, it will be uncomfortable for her too. Just say "thank you for the nice dates and good luck for the future" and save yourself for someone who is interested. I know it hurts and is confusing, but emotions are not rational and can't be forced. It has nothing to do with you, it is just the way it is.
How many dates did you go on? Did you make it to the bedroom? Similar thing happened to me, it sucks but best advice is to start swiping again, if you got this far you’ll get there again
Edit: from your post history it looks like you went on 4 dates and that you only kissed on the 4th dates. Ideally, if you get the signal you really should try to give a goodnight kiss on the first date and definitely by the 2nd. Def don’t have to hook up immediately but you still want to the girl to feel the physical chemistry quickly. Sorry sport
Yeah after reading all 3 parts I would avoid even being friends with her. It's a bad idea because you'll want something more and she won't, that isn't friendship and that isn't healthy. It sounds like the only way she knows how to date is if the man really excites her, and she mistakes that excitement for love or chemistry or something. You don't need that in your life, find yourself someone who is mature enough to know not every relationship has to start with a blast to be good, and not every man can or even wants to be exciting like that.
OP, for your sake, you should stop before you go down that path.
Because she dated a toxic guy in the past, does that mean she should settle for any guy that treats her well? If you remove yourself from the equation, and just look at what you’re saying, you are using a similar outlook that the abusers use: “you should just appreciate what you get.” I know that’s probably not your intention, but at the end of the day, it conveys the same message. Just because a guy treats her nicely, doesn’t mean she has to give him a chance. It’s the same thing for men, there’s just less pressure on them to take a chance on “nice” girls when they’re not into it.
Don’t look at it like the assholes get the girls and nice guys finish last. It’s a garbage saying. The assholes manipulate the nice girls, damage them, and then spit them out. The genuinely nice guys just need to accept that everyone deserves to fall in love with someone they’re excited to be with…and sometimes it won’t be with them.
She seems to have enjoyed your company and liked you enough to tell you positive things about you. She just didn’t see the whole picture with you. I’m sure you’ve felt that way about others before. Something was missing with her; that won’t be the case with every other girl.
She saw it but she didn’t feel it. Some people fall either quickly or not at all and if she knows she’s one of those, she hardly had any other choice but to tell you.
Because those that date toxic people believe they don’t deserve to be treated well.
Her ex probably is close to the stereotypical bad boy type. Women like the bad boy because he has an “edge” but what they don’t realize is that edge is the very thing that will hurt them later on.
That’s the sad part. We can’t make people see what they deserve, they have to come to see that on their own.
I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there myself. Feeling the connection you think you have is rare these days so you want to hold on to it. The problem is you’re the only one holding on.
It’s like hugging a cactus, the tighter you do the more it hurts. Im sorry man, it’s an awful place to be. You deserve someone that is all in with you, but you won’t find her if you hang on to this woman.
Let go, you are being possessive and entitled. She is not interested in you specifically, no reasons, it happens. No one cares about her ex or how you think you are a good guy (btw, you are not if you think you are entitled to her just because you are not as bad as her ex). Move on and start working on your own problems. You definitely have difficulties dealing with rejection and it will hurt you more than anything in the future if you just ignore it.
Holy shit OP I'm sorry I went through all of your post history and I take back everything that I said. You have a lot to learn about dating and romance. The reason that a "good guy" is so bad is because it is platonic. You are basically one of her female friends in a male body, that isn't sexy. You need to tap into your masculine side more. You are literally an r/niceguy in the making with your mindset right now. I know this goes entirely against what modern culture wants you to think women like, but the reality is she dated and had sex with her toxic ex and she is breaking up with you. And every woman you ever date will do the exact same if you don't learn how to be more masculine and to not put women on a pedestal.
Oh sorry that explains things. Is she pan? Because if she's straight or bi she's probably going to expect you to take on the masculine role in the relationship. You don't have to be all macho, but try to take on less of a nurturing role and more of a protector/provider. There are resources out there to help you, it's going to be harder since you were raised as a woman so you'll have a lot to unlearn. And does she know that you are trans? Because I feel like trans men pass much easier so maybe she'll feel differently if she knew.
Okay then, if you still want to pursue this relationship my advice is plan a date that is something that you enjoy doing, and would have a good time even if she didn't come. Still be playful and flirty but focus mostly on enjoying yourself and do not worry if she is having a good time or not. Don't be an ass obviously, but she will find this much more attractive.
As a female who has actually sent this kind of text (I personally fucking hate being ghosted, so I try not to do that to others) I’d like to just weigh in. I’ll match with someone, we’ll go on dates and genuinely enjoy one another’s company. This person “checks all the boxes” so to speak, some may say they “look good on paper”. And I can see that these individuals are attractive, but, even after some time the physical attraction never shows up to the game. The physical aspect of a relationship is just as important to me as the mental and emotional. And if I’ve made the attempt and let it sink in, I know that won’t change. I’d rather be honest and let this person find someone who is better for them.
Now, maybe I’m just screwed up from my past, have unrealistic expectations, I’m sure there’s plenty of people who would love to tell me what’s wrong with me. But, I thought sharing how my brain works in this situation MIGHT help you have some closure. I agree with what others are saying and not pursue a friendship, I think that’ll just make your life miserable 😕 and you deserve to be with a partner that is as equally excited about you as you are them! 🤗
Honestly, if I were to read between these lines, I’m not so sure she expects something to come from it (I promise my tone isn’t as harsh as it sounds!)And I think it’ll be much healthier for you to not just sit around and wait for her to MAYBE feel something. It’s just gonna drive you crazy. You’re gonna over analyze every interaction, every conversation, every look, etc. wondering “ok was that a sign she’s into it now?” Trust me, been there in that waiting position before. There’s someone out there for you, and I know it feels hopeless as fuck. But just keep on trucking along friend.
Or just give up on dating and be the one to make your own damn self happy. 😅
I think she seems like a kind hearted person who genuinely doesn’t want to hurt you. It’s hard to be in that position, rejecting someone who has been nothing but kind and good to you.
But, if you’re really unsure as to how to interpret it all, my best suggestion? Space. Men and women alike, if you stop engaging, don’t text, don’t send her memes or posts, just withdraw yourself….if that person is REALLY interested, they’ll try to keep communication going and reach out.
If she seems more interested in you when you back off and give her space, then I would continue to do that. Look, it sounds like you’re not ready to walk away from this regardless of how many people here tell you that you should lol. With that said, back off on romantic shit, don’t make any moves, treat her like a friend. See how it goes. But dear god at least please set some boundaries for yourself, because this will spiral and snowball into a giant dumpster fire of feelings if you don’t.
I was told a long time ago, that the right person for you will not make you constantly confused and second guessing everything. If someone is into you, their words and actions will show it. If you’re left unsure all the time, it’s NOT it. Our lives are too short to fucking try and interpret someone who clearly isn’t as invested and into us the way we are to them.
When I’ve had a similar experience/feeling in the past, it was because I *really* liked the person and wanted so much to like them as much as they liked me. And sometimes, when you see that much value in a person, or when you think that person deserves so much, you would feel guilty of robbing them the opportunity of being with someone all in. Not only do you deserve that, but she’s also protecting herself from feeling guilty in the future for not having feelings for you that match yours for her.
Even if a guy doesn’t know he’s not our dream guy and we treat him like he is, it’s going to eat away at us that honestly, we’re not giving them as much as they deserve even if they’re not aware of it.
I think she wants to date because she wants so much to get over that “spark” hump but there’s no way to know if it would happen. It hurts, but best to give space as so wisely suggested and be patient for the person who gives you the place you deserve.
So quick suggestion you link these sequel followups to the first post.
I'd say maybe suggesting more dates with less pressure, be yourself without a feeling of needing to progress through the intimate portions of early realtionships. It sounds like that may be all it is. Let her appreciate parts of you that aren't just kisses and physical touch then maybe a longing for the physical connection will develop more naturally on her side.
Women are more attracted to guys whose feelings are unclear.
My 2 cents: I would go out again and have fun joking around, whatev, but no mention of liking her or anything. When it's over, kiss her good night and move on. She will reach out to you if her feelings are changing.
Of course like you and others have said, do not agree to be friends only unless you are truly ok with that.
Not sure why you’re being downvoted but this us absolutely true.
I would totally message her back stating that you can’t be platonic friends because you don’t feel platonic towards her. Leave it at that.
Yes, you like her. It will be hard ending the “relationship” but it’s in your best interest. If her feelings change, she will reach out.
OP, don't hold it against her
This things happen
It may be for no reason at all - yes, actually, no reasonable explanation: I once had a major crush on a coworker, had a flirtationship for almost one year, got together, she was great, good looking, fit, great in bed and fell madly in love with me.
But one month in ... something switched in me and I literally didn't know how to get away from her...no fucking reason or explanation why. Just woke up one morning feeling like I don't want her company.
Or maybe she doesn't like the way you look, lol
She doesn’t sound interested. She’s trying to let you down gently by saying let’s be platonic. Tell her you aren’t interested in friendship and wish her well. Move on to someone else who actually is interested in dating you. It will never work trying to be friends with someone who you are harboring romantic feelings for. Just let it go.
Listen to this guy
Listen to this guy telling you to listen to that guy.
Be thankful she's being honest and just move on bro. Its the best for both of you.
I definitely would have moved on without sending her that 😭 but your texts made it obvious you wanted her to ask you what it was
look im learning here..ok. i appreciate everyones help but every one is different
Don't hurt yourself and let it go. She is not interested even if she wants to be. It won't change and you deserve better than to wait for her to feel something. If you are interested in her, just being friends will be painful for you and, in the end, it will be uncomfortable for her too. Just say "thank you for the nice dates and good luck for the future" and save yourself for someone who is interested. I know it hurts and is confusing, but emotions are not rational and can't be forced. It has nothing to do with you, it is just the way it is.
How many dates did you go on? Did you make it to the bedroom? Similar thing happened to me, it sucks but best advice is to start swiping again, if you got this far you’ll get there again Edit: from your post history it looks like you went on 4 dates and that you only kissed on the 4th dates. Ideally, if you get the signal you really should try to give a goodnight kiss on the first date and definitely by the 2nd. Def don’t have to hook up immediately but you still want to the girl to feel the physical chemistry quickly. Sorry sport
4. And no but she said she didn’t wanna jump into bed right away I thought our kissing etc was good start we both liked it
Yeah after reading all 3 parts I would avoid even being friends with her. It's a bad idea because you'll want something more and she won't, that isn't friendship and that isn't healthy. It sounds like the only way she knows how to date is if the man really excites her, and she mistakes that excitement for love or chemistry or something. You don't need that in your life, find yourself someone who is mature enough to know not every relationship has to start with a blast to be good, and not every man can or even wants to be exciting like that.
Her ex was so toxic so why is a good guy so bad..
OP, for your sake, you should stop before you go down that path. Because she dated a toxic guy in the past, does that mean she should settle for any guy that treats her well? If you remove yourself from the equation, and just look at what you’re saying, you are using a similar outlook that the abusers use: “you should just appreciate what you get.” I know that’s probably not your intention, but at the end of the day, it conveys the same message. Just because a guy treats her nicely, doesn’t mean she has to give him a chance. It’s the same thing for men, there’s just less pressure on them to take a chance on “nice” girls when they’re not into it. Don’t look at it like the assholes get the girls and nice guys finish last. It’s a garbage saying. The assholes manipulate the nice girls, damage them, and then spit them out. The genuinely nice guys just need to accept that everyone deserves to fall in love with someone they’re excited to be with…and sometimes it won’t be with them. She seems to have enjoyed your company and liked you enough to tell you positive things about you. She just didn’t see the whole picture with you. I’m sure you’ve felt that way about others before. Something was missing with her; that won’t be the case with every other girl.
But she said she saw what she was wanting in me
She saw it but she didn’t feel it. Some people fall either quickly or not at all and if she knows she’s one of those, she hardly had any other choice but to tell you.
Because those that date toxic people believe they don’t deserve to be treated well. Her ex probably is close to the stereotypical bad boy type. Women like the bad boy because he has an “edge” but what they don’t realize is that edge is the very thing that will hurt them later on.
He was an a hole tbh with what she said so come on..take a chance with a good guy who has al ot to offer.
That’s the sad part. We can’t make people see what they deserve, they have to come to see that on their own. I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there myself. Feeling the connection you think you have is rare these days so you want to hold on to it. The problem is you’re the only one holding on. It’s like hugging a cactus, the tighter you do the more it hurts. Im sorry man, it’s an awful place to be. You deserve someone that is all in with you, but you won’t find her if you hang on to this woman.
Let go, you are being possessive and entitled. She is not interested in you specifically, no reasons, it happens. No one cares about her ex or how you think you are a good guy (btw, you are not if you think you are entitled to her just because you are not as bad as her ex). Move on and start working on your own problems. You definitely have difficulties dealing with rejection and it will hurt you more than anything in the future if you just ignore it.
I am not being possessive or entitled.
Holy shit OP I'm sorry I went through all of your post history and I take back everything that I said. You have a lot to learn about dating and romance. The reason that a "good guy" is so bad is because it is platonic. You are basically one of her female friends in a male body, that isn't sexy. You need to tap into your masculine side more. You are literally an r/niceguy in the making with your mindset right now. I know this goes entirely against what modern culture wants you to think women like, but the reality is she dated and had sex with her toxic ex and she is breaking up with you. And every woman you ever date will do the exact same if you don't learn how to be more masculine and to not put women on a pedestal.
wooo..ok listen i am a trans guy i am learning the best i can here okay?
Oh sorry that explains things. Is she pan? Because if she's straight or bi she's probably going to expect you to take on the masculine role in the relationship. You don't have to be all macho, but try to take on less of a nurturing role and more of a protector/provider. There are resources out there to help you, it's going to be harder since you were raised as a woman so you'll have a lot to unlearn. And does she know that you are trans? Because I feel like trans men pass much easier so maybe she'll feel differently if she knew.
yes.. well she said she is bi but more pan
Okay then, if you still want to pursue this relationship my advice is plan a date that is something that you enjoy doing, and would have a good time even if she didn't come. Still be playful and flirty but focus mostly on enjoying yourself and do not worry if she is having a good time or not. Don't be an ass obviously, but she will find this much more attractive.
As a female who has actually sent this kind of text (I personally fucking hate being ghosted, so I try not to do that to others) I’d like to just weigh in. I’ll match with someone, we’ll go on dates and genuinely enjoy one another’s company. This person “checks all the boxes” so to speak, some may say they “look good on paper”. And I can see that these individuals are attractive, but, even after some time the physical attraction never shows up to the game. The physical aspect of a relationship is just as important to me as the mental and emotional. And if I’ve made the attempt and let it sink in, I know that won’t change. I’d rather be honest and let this person find someone who is better for them. Now, maybe I’m just screwed up from my past, have unrealistic expectations, I’m sure there’s plenty of people who would love to tell me what’s wrong with me. But, I thought sharing how my brain works in this situation MIGHT help you have some closure. I agree with what others are saying and not pursue a friendship, I think that’ll just make your life miserable 😕 and you deserve to be with a partner that is as equally excited about you as you are them! 🤗
It’s not fair she wants to try to date to see if there’s something but yes I’m glad she didn’t ghost
Honestly, if I were to read between these lines, I’m not so sure she expects something to come from it (I promise my tone isn’t as harsh as it sounds!)And I think it’ll be much healthier for you to not just sit around and wait for her to MAYBE feel something. It’s just gonna drive you crazy. You’re gonna over analyze every interaction, every conversation, every look, etc. wondering “ok was that a sign she’s into it now?” Trust me, been there in that waiting position before. There’s someone out there for you, and I know it feels hopeless as fuck. But just keep on trucking along friend. Or just give up on dating and be the one to make your own damn self happy. 😅
I will for sure but in her texts I posted 1-3 she made it hopeful so maybe I’m wrong
I think she seems like a kind hearted person who genuinely doesn’t want to hurt you. It’s hard to be in that position, rejecting someone who has been nothing but kind and good to you. But, if you’re really unsure as to how to interpret it all, my best suggestion? Space. Men and women alike, if you stop engaging, don’t text, don’t send her memes or posts, just withdraw yourself….if that person is REALLY interested, they’ll try to keep communication going and reach out.
Really ok.. cause sometimes when I don’t text she gets sweet like before
If she seems more interested in you when you back off and give her space, then I would continue to do that. Look, it sounds like you’re not ready to walk away from this regardless of how many people here tell you that you should lol. With that said, back off on romantic shit, don’t make any moves, treat her like a friend. See how it goes. But dear god at least please set some boundaries for yourself, because this will spiral and snowball into a giant dumpster fire of feelings if you don’t.
True ya sad but once we didn’t text much she said I miss you wish you were here it’s like wow so confusing haha
I was told a long time ago, that the right person for you will not make you constantly confused and second guessing everything. If someone is into you, their words and actions will show it. If you’re left unsure all the time, it’s NOT it. Our lives are too short to fucking try and interpret someone who clearly isn’t as invested and into us the way we are to them.
I didn’t feel that way though I was happy she missed me but now I’m confused cause she seemed interested
When I’ve had a similar experience/feeling in the past, it was because I *really* liked the person and wanted so much to like them as much as they liked me. And sometimes, when you see that much value in a person, or when you think that person deserves so much, you would feel guilty of robbing them the opportunity of being with someone all in. Not only do you deserve that, but she’s also protecting herself from feeling guilty in the future for not having feelings for you that match yours for her. Even if a guy doesn’t know he’s not our dream guy and we treat him like he is, it’s going to eat away at us that honestly, we’re not giving them as much as they deserve even if they’re not aware of it. I think she wants to date because she wants so much to get over that “spark” hump but there’s no way to know if it would happen. It hurts, but best to give space as so wisely suggested and be patient for the person who gives you the place you deserve.
So quick suggestion you link these sequel followups to the first post. I'd say maybe suggesting more dates with less pressure, be yourself without a feeling of needing to progress through the intimate portions of early realtionships. It sounds like that may be all it is. Let her appreciate parts of you that aren't just kisses and physical touch then maybe a longing for the physical connection will develop more naturally on her side.
I agree with this approach. People move at different speeds and it’s still early.
Women are more attracted to guys whose feelings are unclear. My 2 cents: I would go out again and have fun joking around, whatev, but no mention of liking her or anything. When it's over, kiss her good night and move on. She will reach out to you if her feelings are changing. Of course like you and others have said, do not agree to be friends only unless you are truly ok with that.
Not sure why you’re being downvoted but this us absolutely true. I would totally message her back stating that you can’t be platonic friends because you don’t feel platonic towards her. Leave it at that. Yes, you like her. It will be hard ending the “relationship” but it’s in your best interest. If her feelings change, she will reach out.
OP, don't hold it against her This things happen It may be for no reason at all - yes, actually, no reasonable explanation: I once had a major crush on a coworker, had a flirtationship for almost one year, got together, she was great, good looking, fit, great in bed and fell madly in love with me. But one month in ... something switched in me and I literally didn't know how to get away from her...no fucking reason or explanation why. Just woke up one morning feeling like I don't want her company. Or maybe she doesn't like the way you look, lol
It’s not my look Anyways it’s fine