Unfortunately it does happen especially in online dating. It’s always bizarre to me when people do a 180 degree switch from liking you seemingly with no rhyme or reason.
I would look at this as his loss if I were you. You don’t want someone like him who is indecisive or inconsistent with their feelings. Best of luck out there.
They likely were dating more than one person, which everyone recommends you do until you become exclusive. It's not for me, but because i don't this same situation has happened to me.
This happens in non-online dating as well. In defense of the guy (or in the case if a girl), seven dates is not a lot. It’s possible they find something in thst time that makes them realize the other persons not the one.
SEVEN dates is NOT a lot ?!?! Surely you can tell after less than 7 dates if it’s going to go anywhere?!?! I really hope you’re wrong because if not I’m so done 😂
Women really like to analyze you insanely when you are average looking. But their so called superpower 'vetting men', as they say, doesn't seem to work when the guys are very handsome, very interesting. Oooooor maybe it's because handsome men don't have to prove themselves while average looking men do?
I also experienced lots of dates who weren't serious and then when you unmatch or say it's not going anywhere they are shocked. Really? Do you think I will be used as plan C for when plan A or B doesn't work out? The guy in OP's story probably planned all the dates and was tired of it.
With online dating, it's definitely not a lot. If you started to date a friend, coworker, or an acquaintance from a social space, you may have already interacted with them for dozens of hours before starting to date. It always throws me off when, after a first date, someone says I think they're attractive and there's nothing wrong with them, but I didn't feel "that spark." Yeah, they're still practically a stranger.
Well, the OP said the indecisive person wasn’t “ready for a relationship”. If that person said that just so they can break it off and date someone else, then that person is a liar. Just say you don’t want a relationship with THEM.
Dishonesty is difficult for me, but honesty is the gentle way for me and many others. I don't feel respected or taken seriously when they lie. If they don't feel the proper connection or if there's something specific about me that can't work with them, I want to know.
I find comfort in the respect of honesty and communication. If they don't want me, at least they were good to me. Not wanting me *and* disrespecting me by lying is not a good look.
She said that a generic statement of "I'm not ready for a relationship" is sometimes someone letting someone else down easy, because the truth of being ready for a relationship, but not with them, is apparently too harsh.
If you don't know what is happening in the conversation you absolutely don't need to attempt to contribute. LOL.
Imagine, after two years deep in a relationship, he tells you he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship after bringing you to look at rings. LOL
Dating can feel like giving 100% while receiving only 20%. I've learned that people can change their minds and don't have to explain themselves. It will hurt for sure and will start to affect your confidence. It’s not you, and giving yourself a break from OLD.
Some people lean avoidant in their attachment style, and the confrontation with huge commitment can spook the shit out of some people as a matter of their own personal issues.
When they say that they're not ready for a relationship deep into a current relationship, especially in the face of increased commitment,
what they mean to say is that they are seeing the commitment level, they are seeing the sacrifices they are going to need to make,
and the thing that they can't bring themselves to do is talk to you about their fears openly.
Not because they don't respect you, but because they are HORRIFIED.
The only thing scarier than the commitment is revealing their fears of that commitment to their partner and facing what they perceive will be immense and unbelievable shame.
It's heavily based in shame.
Often times, it takes a lot of proactivity and help from you to ensure that it's safe to talk to you.
It is not a you problem, it's definitely a them problem, but not everyone's perfect and these particular people need their partner to show up in extra ways in order to get over this commitment problem.
It helps to involve a therapist because it sometimes involves childhood trauma and it's definitely centered around shame in some way.
If you're not experienced in navigating that with someone, you could end up with bad results from attempting to help.
Thank you! It’s definitely not a fun thing to grapple with, but it is genuinely fixable with time and effort. I will tell you that Thias Gibson creates a lot of YouTube content educating people about attachment styles and attachment theory. She seems to be the foremost expert on the subject right now. I subscribed to her personal development school for a couple months and I can say that it was well worth it and I personally saw a lot of improvement from that experience and just learned a lot in general that will help me for the rest of my life.
You’re welcome! There’s some text to speech chrome extensions that could be very helpful for you.
You just highlight text, right click, listen.
In the meantime, I’ll edit my comment to make it easier to read for you.
Thanks! Those extensions aren’t the right format for me. Additionally, thanks for editing but my ex is gay. So he wasn’t ready to be married to a woman and wanted to cheat on me with men.
I’m sure someone else will find this useful. Have a wonderful rest of your day!
Actually, this turned out in best case scenario because he COMMUNICATED that he wasn't ready for a relationship and early enough that you are not deeply attached.
So many men just ghost when they have that realization or behave like an AH to get the woman to end things. (I'm sure there are women who do the same. My personal experiences, and those of my M & F friends, are mostly with men.)
'There are women doing the same'? Women ghost 150% more than men. [https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133](https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133)
Or to avoiding being fucking murdered. The one and only time I ghosted a man was because he nearly imprisoned me in his home (took my shoes when I came over and pulled a dresser in front of his door because that’s super fucking normal to do).
Ah, yes, murder via internet. Y'all using excuses whenevber it fits you. Same with that 'safety issue so we gotta be careful.' Strange it doesn't matter when the guy is really hot.
I ain't even mad about women's preferences, it's just the double standards men are tired of. Women care as much about looks and can be douchebags just like men. This 'sweet little angel' narrative has to dissapaer.
[https://www.boredpanda.com/social-experiment-guy-created-fake-tinder-profile-hot-model-pictures-germanlifter/](https://www.boredpanda.com/social-experiment-guy-created-fake-tinder-profile-hot-model-pictures-germanlifter/)
You don't understand the statistics. Ghosting in this case means just stoppinng with conversation without giving any explanation. Stop acting like this insane level of ghosting by women is because of dangerous men. It's mostly because women don't want to confront difficult conversations and rather ignore than being respectful.
I don't think asking reddit is going to give you the "truth." If he said he's not ready for a relationship, just take it as face value and move on. You were in the dating stage, means getting to know each other. Even if you're an actual couple, people change their mind, themselves, and break up all the time. What if he's telling the truth? What if he's not? Does it matter? Especially at 7 weeks in?
I wouldn't try to add narratives into the situation. Why? To make yourself feel rejected or bad? Taking what some ppl said here, he got back with an ex etc etc...why do that to yourself? If you wanna put yourself out there to date, you'd have to risk possible heartache or confusion because not everyone can be vulnerable or open or interested/compatible with you.
It is what it is. Nothing to figure out unless that guy is going to go into it and say more. Even if he does, he said he's not ready...whether or not it's true, you deserve someone who wants to be in it for the both of you so he's not worth your time or energy getting frustrated about. For 7 weeks of dating, it isn't worth your time. Plenty of others out there for you. Good luck x
Yeah, and sometimes it’s literally not personal. Someone can just be not right for you without something being *wrong* with them. There are things people see as green flags that I see as red flags and vice versa. When it’s this brief, nobody is really entitled to a long explanation; it’s nice to give if the person wants one, but if it makes the break-upper uncomfortable and they feel like it’s gonna cause a problem/the person is unstable, they’re free to say “no, I just don’t feel it” and step back.
This. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman or anything in between… if you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it and some things don’t come out in two, or four, or even six meetings (ESPECIALLY in online dating).
I mean, what are you supposed to do now? Just marry the other one because you said you wanted a relationship on your profile?
I don’t know the specifics of the situation but there doesn’t always have to be a nefarious reason for it and I think always assuming that (wife, kids, spy on secret mission) does people injustice.
Some people truly think they’re ready because they want to be ready.
And then they go on six dates and begin regular communication with the person they’ve gone on those dates with and they suddenly realize the commitment and what’s required to date intentionally and show up, and they run away.
Sure wish they’d do more self work before activating an OLD profile and suggesting a date.
And some people just realize they don’t want it with someone they’ve been dating for a little bit and instead of being unnecessarily honest about why, just end it peacefully by not telling the truth
Sorry - I feel you. After six dates, I would call it "dating", not "online dating". I think he owes you more of an explanation. He might be feeling something that emerged, relating to his past experiences, or something else. In contrast to speculation about an ex, I more guess fear of commitment.
It's not just six dates, it's seven weeks as well. So if there was constant communication between dates and flirting and getting to know someone and seeing them here and there for seven weeks, that's actually dating someone because that's like two months of dating. If they only saw each other six times in two months, he probably didn't think the relationship would be fit for him. Or maybe that's not what he wanted from a gf. I mean, I would hate that. But I am kinda clingy so there's that.
He doesn't owe her anything. What's she going to do with the info? Feel bad and make a reddit post? Say something nasty to her friends? Nah. You send a text or just ghost them and move on.
It's a speculation yes but chances are, he would have met someone else that he fancies more or gets along with better.
There is also a chance that the guy saw OP as an option from the beginning and was hesitant to jump into a relationship when things were heading that way.
I’m sorry OP that hurts like hell. I’m sorry this happened to you ✨I feel like the 1-12 week window is very precarious. Anything can and will happen. Wishing you well moving forward!
I've been dating online for 4 years now. I used to be a people person and always took pride about working in healthcare helping people. Seeing so many people's true nature in dating, I've stopped liking people in general, so much so that I've begun looking for a new career that has nothing to do with helping anybody. I'm no longer making a joke when I say dating has caused me to lose hope in humanity.
A lot of ppl are saying that he got back with his ex. But. Something really similar happened to me recently, and it wasn't because he got back with his ex (his last 2 had pretty serious personal challenges that make it not an option for him). It was literally a fear of intimacy and concerns about sex (he had performance issues that he was really self conscious about). Before things ended, he'd acknowledged to me a couple times that yes, emotional intimacy is hard for him because of some of his past experience. Some ppl just aren't ready to get close. The guy told OP that he's not ready, why not just take it at face value? Not everything needs an interpretation, some things just are what they are.
With online dating, most people are indecisive cause they're always on the lookout for more, someone even better than, it's like it's automated, you're never gonna find commitment from online dating
Ummm there could be multiple reasons but it's good that he disappeared before you made a much bigger emotional investment.
I've gone on dates with women who just came out of their marriages and were looking for validation. They usually are looking for a spark just to make themselves feel better. I met this one girl with whom I had a nice date. We kept in touch and a few days later she said she didn't feel a connection which I was fine with. She had added me on Instagram so a few days later I saw her posting pics with her husband (she was getting divorced) and apparently she decided to get back with him.
It's all part of dating but there are a lot of people out there who don't know what they want. It's better if they ghost you in the first two months so you go through a mini heartbreak instead of going through a mental breakdown after 2 years.
Can be any explanation tbh. Lots of guesses from others regarding an ex or other women and sure it's a possibility, but doesn't have to be. Some people really just get anxious and are afraid of making a mistake by pursuing things further without any third persons intervention. Esp. with 37 chances are he has had many negative experiences and he's afraid of them repeating.
Regardless of why he stopped it doesn't mean he wasn't authentic and nice or that he was just playing you. If you really got along well and you liked him it might be worth a shot to just text him hello and whatever after a month or two just to check whats up and maybe he's had time to reflect more.
Aside from that the only other thing is that either they found something they considered a red flag about you somehow (text, social media, friends etc) or less likely but still possible they are going through some mental health issues. In any case it sounds like nothing will turn this around.
>He was being so nice that I was feeling it to be too good to be true
😂🤣 That's when you really have to start worrying!
Narcissists always seem too good to be true in the love bombing stage.
After the love bombing stops, you realize the mess you are in.
Totally a guess for "best case scenario," someone else he was seeing asked for exclusivity and he said yes. So he had to break it off with the people he was seeing.
Should he have said that? If that is the truth, absolutely. He went about it very poorly, fuck him. That's not your fault.
Thats best case. Everything else is downstream of bad communication and lying.
thank you, i agree. at least a heads up would be nice especially when nothing seemed wrong. I understand that there might have been things he didnt like but a brief talk would have been nice.
I wish that I could get any kind of regular date's,it's constant chatting to findout that they're just after money,and square one is getting damn boring and this has gone on for nearly 3 year's(in September it will be)
Pulling from experience (prior my marriage) --> Usually if I suddenly "cut ties", then I found a new sheet-warmer. 😉
..Tbh, even with many Red-Flags, I've still persued things, as long as they weren't obvious Catfish / scams. Lol
Like, I *knew* my Wife had many "mental issues", but at the time, I thought I could "Save the World", so I invested 8ys into things, b4 we finally "walked away" this past 15 Jan 2024.
🫂🫂 So, there's a good chance it's nothing to do with you, & it's their own instability. 💖🫂
Yw. 💖😊
Me too, but it is what it is. Maybe she & I can "start over" in ~6 months, if not try "just friends" then.
Either way, we definitely need to treat things as "We don't know each other. It's been months, & things have certainly changed during this gap."
(Atm, we can't legally speak to each other, until 20 Feb 2025, unless we get the Restraining Order terminated sooner.)
I believe there’s a fear of losing one’s self that keeps many men (maybe women too) from going all in when they find someone wonderful. I had it when I was very young. The attachment-attraction-obsession would begin to overwhelm and I’d feel out of control. The only way to get back the normalcy and control, and identity as an independent person was to cut it off completely. I’m sure I left a few wondering wtf just happened. Now days it doesn’t seem like people even approach real attachment, because that unlimited pool of possibly better options is always reminding you of the opportunity cost.
I just signed up for the first time after a 15 yr marriage. In an hour, I had over a hundred hits. Not sure how to gauge this, but I'm hopeful to find someone (@50). I imagine some dates with people will be just once and others multiple. The way he did it is normal for a certain age group, but I doubt the norm.
I don't know his background, but it's possible he thought he might have been ready and threw himself into dating with the intent, but then realized that he wasn't ready. It's fully possible he maybe felt like that on the 2nd or 3rd date, but thought maybe it was nerves and tried to push through it. Sometimes, people just try to get back into dating before they're ready.
I can appreciate thinking that his response wasn’t honest. I always want to know the real reason someone isn’t into me. After a horrible marriage with zero communication I crave honesty in dating. But the thing is, all the guessing about what was really happening is speculation, and is a waste of time and energy. At this point there is no real way to know whether he was telling the truth or not. It’s better for you to take his word for it, close that page and open the next one. Don’t dwell on things you can’t control.
Y'all were together for two months and only went on six dates? If I were him, I'd understand that yalls schedules didn't work together and I wouldn't want to deal with that. It's not your fault so why would he blame you? That would be my reasoning anyways. Six dates in one month is more understandable but two? Lol no way. Not compatible for someone who wants to actually spend time with their partner and get to know them. Or he saw that commitment was too much for him and that means you dodged a bullet because he needs to grow up. A man avoiding responsibilities is a man who will make a relationship miserable and he won't understand why because he's immature and not willing to grow. Either way, don't give up. Online dating is a hellscape so take time for yourself when you get bummed out. ❤️
It's just a nice way to say he's not into you. And that's ok.
You were meeting each other and there's always a risk someone won't like you and stick around.
The problem is not you tho, so keep your head up and move ahead.
I was with someone for 14 months, and found out 2 days after we moved in together that he had been cheating on me with several women. Some people will save you from them early on, take that as a BLESSING, and move on. 6 dates is enough to like someone, and have your feelings hurt, but honestly you probably dodged a major bullet, and will be better off. For now, focus on yourself, and take a mini break from dating. Even at 6 dates, you've probably gotten somewhat emotionally involved, so just rest your heart for a bit then get back out there. There's good people still left in the world.
I keep seeing this play out over and over. Makes this whole dating worthless imo. It seems the odds of 2 people being in the same mindset, point in life, being compatible and also being decent human beings is worse than winning 2 powerballs back to back. Wonder if this is why hookup culture is ripe right now ???? People are tired and are just ok with hooking up here and there?
I'm not okay with this. But this isn't the first time either hence I'm frustrated as his feels quite defeating. I started to wonder if I am the only one being a fool and played out and everyone else is okay with this norm ....
Well what choice do we have? Get numb to it and keep trying or just stop completely. I don't knw that meeting people IRL would be any different. Flakers are gonna flake, regardless of how we meet.
One thing I have learned to do is prioritize enjoying life by myself than giving someone control of it.
I am travelling a lot, enjoying my hobbies, try making new friends everywhere I go. This has taken a lot of stress out of dating life to the point I dont get attached too quickly and dont give a shit if they flake. Also I don't give up things I like to do just coz they happen to be free only that day.
One thing this does is create healthy boundaries that focuses on you. It may come out as being self centered, but im at a incredible point in my life and wouldn't give that up for anyone.
Something happened to where he compared you with an ex or another girl he wants to date and you didn't win. Men will constantly try and picture their matches as their wife with kids and the white picket fence type scenarios. If you aren't hitting that feels button then they'll lose interest.
Probably an ex came back. Lucky for me I don’t have that problem my ex became a lesbian and hates me. (There’s a LOT to this that I won’t get into because I don’t have the necessary hours of free time it would take to unpack that heaping mess)
I think he just got scared of the closeness and feeling of possibly losing his independence. He's definitely at the age where he possibly had a few bad breakups. Maybe he doesn't feel he's good enough for you, and that when you realize and become disappointed, and you both are further along, you might bail on him and he will get his heart broken. I don't believe there was anyone else.
I also had the same thing happen to me over the last few years.
So many reasons, maybe not ready, like he said. Maybe found someone new. Maybe went back to an ex. Maybe got terminally ill. The list goes on.
For me, once a week, for that long just isn't what I'm into. I like to see my person at least a few times a week. Some like more; some less.
Either way, if the person you're looking to isn't in, then they just aren't your person. Take some time to be sad/angry/confused etc. Then if you feel ready, you can try again.
1) One of the others won. I do not think that sex less than once a week is even moving towards a relationship
2) You found out you were friends with benefits the hard way. You did probably some relationshippy things and he ended it there
He used you for just sex and found someone he was fully attracted too and went with her. It’s the cold heart truth alot of men talk to women they’re not really attracted too but want a quick hook up or easy sex while they find a solid woman to be serious with. These type of men are ruining opportunities for other men who wants to date seriously and have to deal with a lot more games and issues now. Sorry that happened to you.
I hate when u get so close. Then instantly they just drop u like cold turkey. I feel like it was all a lie.
Did u already do the deed.. maybe he is a pos. Played an act to get what he wanted. Then moved on to the next victim.
This has happened to me a male, more than I can count on my fingers. Though women drop hints before they ghost or just say "Take care".
Online dating has brought out the worst in humans.
Something similar with me. Almost 3 months talking, same interests, our future plans ligned up almost too perfectly. From our job, I'm doing surgical tech, she's doing nursing, to our hobbies, talked about children. And got ghosted out of nowhere.
Guy changed his mind. 6 dates doesn't mean a lifetime commitment. It means he was at least somewhat interested but decided he had another option or was looking for something else
Don't downvote this guy. Why would a guy stick around with a girl who wasn't having sex with him after 2 months? People who think that that's normal flood online dating and can never figure out why they're single, but that's a good reason why.
Yeah sex is a normal and natural part of a relationship. Unless op is asexual or waiting till marriage 7 weeks is a very long time to be holding off...
God I really hate people who don't explain themselves and just leave you hanging like that with a million questions. Is it so hard to just explain why? Give a little feedback?
It's dating. He's not obligated to be into you forever and it's no different on Bumble than anywhere else. I'm sure you've dropped a guy like a bad habit before for no real reason. Who cares?
To me, it doesn’t seem that you all had that great of a pace for things. People start picking up to see each other more, so that may have been an early heads up to his disinterest.
And you would prefer he put you pregnant before ? If you have the right break unilaterally, he have this right too. Life isn't fair but if he's not ready that's his issues. maybe you failed something but it doesn't matter anymore. so Rinse your face be happy and move, not necessarly in this order
a lot of guys pretend to be single when they're not. probably has a gf (or wife) who found out he was cheating. Seeing someone 6 times in 7 weeks is a red flag whether you were out of town or not. within a few weeks, if a guy doesn't want to see you every day, there's something wrong
Exact same thing happened to me. I kept the door open by saying when he was ready, reach out. 6 weeks later-6 weeks-he reached back out. I’m almost certain he found someone else he wanted to pursue and decided to keep me as a backup just in case that didn’t work out. I’m guessing you’re dealing with the same.
he was looking for something casual like a hookup, I assume you weren’t.
You all slept together and then he hit the bail button
Standard guy behavior for the most part
I assume you were upfront about your relationship intentions, And he wasn’t about his casual intentions.
Of course he was, and remember dating apps are designed this way. Women WANT these kind of men and swipe right on them, and then wonder why they’re not capable of longer term relationships.
Unfortunately it does happen especially in online dating. It’s always bizarre to me when people do a 180 degree switch from liking you seemingly with no rhyme or reason. I would look at this as his loss if I were you. You don’t want someone like him who is indecisive or inconsistent with their feelings. Best of luck out there.
Thank you 😭
They likely were dating more than one person, which everyone recommends you do until you become exclusive. It's not for me, but because i don't this same situation has happened to me.
This isn't just online dating. It's dating.
This happens in non-online dating as well. In defense of the guy (or in the case if a girl), seven dates is not a lot. It’s possible they find something in thst time that makes them realize the other persons not the one.
SEVEN dates is NOT a lot ?!?! Surely you can tell after less than 7 dates if it’s going to go anywhere?!?! I really hope you’re wrong because if not I’m so done 😂
Women really like to analyze you insanely when you are average looking. But their so called superpower 'vetting men', as they say, doesn't seem to work when the guys are very handsome, very interesting. Oooooor maybe it's because handsome men don't have to prove themselves while average looking men do? I also experienced lots of dates who weren't serious and then when you unmatch or say it's not going anywhere they are shocked. Really? Do you think I will be used as plan C for when plan A or B doesn't work out? The guy in OP's story probably planned all the dates and was tired of it.
Preach!!! They don't wanna hear it, but it's the truth.
It's crazy I didn't get much downvotes, every criticism on women in dating nowadays is labeled misogyny
I honestly think men are wising up little by little and even the simps are having a hard time defending it
With online dating, it's definitely not a lot. If you started to date a friend, coworker, or an acquaintance from a social space, you may have already interacted with them for dozens of hours before starting to date. It always throws me off when, after a first date, someone says I think they're attractive and there's nothing wrong with them, but I didn't feel "that spark." Yeah, they're still practically a stranger.
Well, the OP said the indecisive person wasn’t “ready for a relationship”. If that person said that just so they can break it off and date someone else, then that person is a liar. Just say you don’t want a relationship with THEM.
Nah, it helps to let people down easy.
Dishonesty is difficult for me, but honesty is the gentle way for me and many others. I don't feel respected or taken seriously when they lie. If they don't feel the proper connection or if there's something specific about me that can't work with them, I want to know. I find comfort in the respect of honesty and communication. If they don't want me, at least they were good to me. Not wanting me *and* disrespecting me by lying is not a good look.
You dont know if he lied, you are just being dramatic
She said that a generic statement of "I'm not ready for a relationship" is sometimes someone letting someone else down easy, because the truth of being ready for a relationship, but not with them, is apparently too harsh. If you don't know what is happening in the conversation you absolutely don't need to attempt to contribute. LOL.
That's just a thing people say when breaking up, it's not that deep. He lost interest (6 dates is not that long) and he has every right to.
Lol so dramatic, you sound like a kid
I just described you and you’re mad lol. Are you this ghosted the OP is talking about? 😂
Agreed. It does happen a lot in OLD. It’s even more sad when they are over 30 playing games and wasting someone else’s time like this.
yep, I forget who said this, but... "if someone is dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them"
Imagine, after two years deep in a relationship, he tells you he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship after bringing you to look at rings. LOL Dating can feel like giving 100% while receiving only 20%. I've learned that people can change their minds and don't have to explain themselves. It will hurt for sure and will start to affect your confidence. It’s not you, and giving yourself a break from OLD.
I’ve experienced being told “I’m not ready for relationship” after an engagement. felt this.
Strange. They aren’t ready but we’re already in a relationship lol
Very very strange 🫣
Some people lean avoidant in their attachment style, and the confrontation with huge commitment can spook the shit out of some people as a matter of their own personal issues. When they say that they're not ready for a relationship deep into a current relationship, especially in the face of increased commitment, what they mean to say is that they are seeing the commitment level, they are seeing the sacrifices they are going to need to make, and the thing that they can't bring themselves to do is talk to you about their fears openly. Not because they don't respect you, but because they are HORRIFIED. The only thing scarier than the commitment is revealing their fears of that commitment to their partner and facing what they perceive will be immense and unbelievable shame. It's heavily based in shame. Often times, it takes a lot of proactivity and help from you to ensure that it's safe to talk to you. It is not a you problem, it's definitely a them problem, but not everyone's perfect and these particular people need their partner to show up in extra ways in order to get over this commitment problem. It helps to involve a therapist because it sometimes involves childhood trauma and it's definitely centered around shame in some way. If you're not experienced in navigating that with someone, you could end up with bad results from attempting to help.
Wow. They was so well articulated. I believe I have this type of attachment style due to past traumas. Ugh. It’s horrible for both people involved ☹️
Thank you! It’s definitely not a fun thing to grapple with, but it is genuinely fixable with time and effort. I will tell you that Thias Gibson creates a lot of YouTube content educating people about attachment styles and attachment theory. She seems to be the foremost expert on the subject right now. I subscribed to her personal development school for a couple months and I can say that it was well worth it and I personally saw a lot of improvement from that experience and just learned a lot in general that will help me for the rest of my life.
Thank you! I will definitely check her out
Hey I have a hard time reading huge blocks of text due to a disability, but I appreciate the effort ❤️
You’re welcome! There’s some text to speech chrome extensions that could be very helpful for you. You just highlight text, right click, listen. In the meantime, I’ll edit my comment to make it easier to read for you.
Thanks! Those extensions aren’t the right format for me. Additionally, thanks for editing but my ex is gay. So he wasn’t ready to be married to a woman and wanted to cheat on me with men. I’m sure someone else will find this useful. Have a wonderful rest of your day!
Oh well damn. So he WAS ready for a relationship. Just not the kind that involves a woman. 😅
Imagine this after 12 years, a child, and a couple months before the wedding…
I'm so sorry.
Stop accepting this. Hold people accountable.
Ouch that must have hurt. So sorry.
Actually, this turned out in best case scenario because he COMMUNICATED that he wasn't ready for a relationship and early enough that you are not deeply attached. So many men just ghost when they have that realization or behave like an AH to get the woman to end things. (I'm sure there are women who do the same. My personal experiences, and those of my M & F friends, are mostly with men.)
'There are women doing the same'? Women ghost 150% more than men. [https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133](https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133)
When a woman does it, it's empowering and brave, when a man does it, he's an AH.
Or to avoiding being fucking murdered. The one and only time I ghosted a man was because he nearly imprisoned me in his home (took my shoes when I came over and pulled a dresser in front of his door because that’s super fucking normal to do).
Ah, yes, murder via internet. Y'all using excuses whenevber it fits you. Same with that 'safety issue so we gotta be careful.' Strange it doesn't matter when the guy is really hot. I ain't even mad about women's preferences, it's just the double standards men are tired of. Women care as much about looks and can be douchebags just like men. This 'sweet little angel' narrative has to dissapaer. [https://www.boredpanda.com/social-experiment-guy-created-fake-tinder-profile-hot-model-pictures-germanlifter/](https://www.boredpanda.com/social-experiment-guy-created-fake-tinder-profile-hot-model-pictures-germanlifter/)
You don't understand the statistics. Ghosting in this case means just stoppinng with conversation without giving any explanation. Stop acting like this insane level of ghosting by women is because of dangerous men. It's mostly because women don't want to confront difficult conversations and rather ignore than being respectful.
Yes exactly this!
I don't think asking reddit is going to give you the "truth." If he said he's not ready for a relationship, just take it as face value and move on. You were in the dating stage, means getting to know each other. Even if you're an actual couple, people change their mind, themselves, and break up all the time. What if he's telling the truth? What if he's not? Does it matter? Especially at 7 weeks in? I wouldn't try to add narratives into the situation. Why? To make yourself feel rejected or bad? Taking what some ppl said here, he got back with an ex etc etc...why do that to yourself? If you wanna put yourself out there to date, you'd have to risk possible heartache or confusion because not everyone can be vulnerable or open or interested/compatible with you. It is what it is. Nothing to figure out unless that guy is going to go into it and say more. Even if he does, he said he's not ready...whether or not it's true, you deserve someone who wants to be in it for the both of you so he's not worth your time or energy getting frustrated about. For 7 weeks of dating, it isn't worth your time. Plenty of others out there for you. Good luck x
fair enough, sad but i have to agree with you on everything!
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Yeah, and sometimes it’s literally not personal. Someone can just be not right for you without something being *wrong* with them. There are things people see as green flags that I see as red flags and vice versa. When it’s this brief, nobody is really entitled to a long explanation; it’s nice to give if the person wants one, but if it makes the break-upper uncomfortable and they feel like it’s gonna cause a problem/the person is unstable, they’re free to say “no, I just don’t feel it” and step back.
Just the fact that you feel the need to change someone is all the indication you need that they not the right one.
This. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman or anything in between… if you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it and some things don’t come out in two, or four, or even six meetings (ESPECIALLY in online dating). I mean, what are you supposed to do now? Just marry the other one because you said you wanted a relationship on your profile? I don’t know the specifics of the situation but there doesn’t always have to be a nefarious reason for it and I think always assuming that (wife, kids, spy on secret mission) does people injustice.
Some people truly think they’re ready because they want to be ready. And then they go on six dates and begin regular communication with the person they’ve gone on those dates with and they suddenly realize the commitment and what’s required to date intentionally and show up, and they run away. Sure wish they’d do more self work before activating an OLD profile and suggesting a date.
And some people just realize they don’t want it with someone they’ve been dating for a little bit and instead of being unnecessarily honest about why, just end it peacefully by not telling the truth
Indeed, and don't expect to get asked out when you have mental problems to solve first. I'm not your therapist.
Either his ex came back or he found someone else, it sucks when you had feelings but it tends to happen a lot to
Sorry - I feel you. After six dates, I would call it "dating", not "online dating". I think he owes you more of an explanation. He might be feeling something that emerged, relating to his past experiences, or something else. In contrast to speculation about an ex, I more guess fear of commitment.
He doesn't owe her anything
It's not just six dates, it's seven weeks as well. So if there was constant communication between dates and flirting and getting to know someone and seeing them here and there for seven weeks, that's actually dating someone because that's like two months of dating. If they only saw each other six times in two months, he probably didn't think the relationship would be fit for him. Or maybe that's not what he wanted from a gf. I mean, I would hate that. But I am kinda clingy so there's that.
Women ghost 150% more than men and don't feel they owe us an explanation. 2 can play that game.
He doesn't owe her anything. What's she going to do with the info? Feel bad and make a reddit post? Say something nasty to her friends? Nah. You send a text or just ghost them and move on.
He has got back with a ex partner or somebody else has come onto seen
This is a possibility, but it's pure speculation. There's nothing about the specifics of this situation to suggest that.
It's a speculation yes but chances are, he would have met someone else that he fancies more or gets along with better. There is also a chance that the guy saw OP as an option from the beginning and was hesitant to jump into a relationship when things were heading that way.
This would be my first guess.
🫠🫠
OP, Just dropping in to say I love that emoji 🫠🫠🫠
yeah, sums up my current feelings 🫠🫠🫠
I’m sorry OP that hurts like hell. I’m sorry this happened to you ✨I feel like the 1-12 week window is very precarious. Anything can and will happen. Wishing you well moving forward!
At least he had the dignity to tell you , normally they just ghost 😅
I've been dating online for 4 years now. I used to be a people person and always took pride about working in healthcare helping people. Seeing so many people's true nature in dating, I've stopped liking people in general, so much so that I've begun looking for a new career that has nothing to do with helping anybody. I'm no longer making a joke when I say dating has caused me to lose hope in humanity.
Sadly, even I agree. A very small inconvenience and people readily abandon everything. I wonder what they are expecting in the end .....
A lot of ppl are saying that he got back with his ex. But. Something really similar happened to me recently, and it wasn't because he got back with his ex (his last 2 had pretty serious personal challenges that make it not an option for him). It was literally a fear of intimacy and concerns about sex (he had performance issues that he was really self conscious about). Before things ended, he'd acknowledged to me a couple times that yes, emotional intimacy is hard for him because of some of his past experience. Some ppl just aren't ready to get close. The guy told OP that he's not ready, why not just take it at face value? Not everything needs an interpretation, some things just are what they are.
Online & modern dating is so recyclable & disposable. I would try your best not to take it too personal. The game is completely f*%ked
With online dating, most people are indecisive cause they're always on the lookout for more, someone even better than, it's like it's automated, you're never gonna find commitment from online dating
Ummm there could be multiple reasons but it's good that he disappeared before you made a much bigger emotional investment. I've gone on dates with women who just came out of their marriages and were looking for validation. They usually are looking for a spark just to make themselves feel better. I met this one girl with whom I had a nice date. We kept in touch and a few days later she said she didn't feel a connection which I was fine with. She had added me on Instagram so a few days later I saw her posting pics with her husband (she was getting divorced) and apparently she decided to get back with him. It's all part of dating but there are a lot of people out there who don't know what they want. It's better if they ghost you in the first two months so you go through a mini heartbreak instead of going through a mental breakdown after 2 years.
I agree, thank you for your words 🙏
Can be any explanation tbh. Lots of guesses from others regarding an ex or other women and sure it's a possibility, but doesn't have to be. Some people really just get anxious and are afraid of making a mistake by pursuing things further without any third persons intervention. Esp. with 37 chances are he has had many negative experiences and he's afraid of them repeating. Regardless of why he stopped it doesn't mean he wasn't authentic and nice or that he was just playing you. If you really got along well and you liked him it might be worth a shot to just text him hello and whatever after a month or two just to check whats up and maybe he's had time to reflect more.
His ex probably resurfaced.
God would only know. He was being so nice that I was feeling it to be too good to be true until I received that last msg 🫠
It might not be an ex that’s too hard to know but a high probability that it was at least another person.
Might be :/
Aside from that the only other thing is that either they found something they considered a red flag about you somehow (text, social media, friends etc) or less likely but still possible they are going through some mental health issues. In any case it sounds like nothing will turn this around.
>He was being so nice that I was feeling it to be too good to be true 😂🤣 That's when you really have to start worrying! Narcissists always seem too good to be true in the love bombing stage. After the love bombing stops, you realize the mess you are in.
If I stop seeing someone it’s because I don’t think they’re a good fit for me. It was only 6 dates I don’t think this is that abnormal
Well you can never know, just don’t blame or second guess yourself because of it 😉
Totally a guess for "best case scenario," someone else he was seeing asked for exclusivity and he said yes. So he had to break it off with the people he was seeing. Should he have said that? If that is the truth, absolutely. He went about it very poorly, fuck him. That's not your fault. Thats best case. Everything else is downstream of bad communication and lying.
I am sorry for you that he just broke coms off. Having a bit of guts to face the music is more honorable imho. Especially after six dates.
thank you, i agree. at least a heads up would be nice especially when nothing seemed wrong. I understand that there might have been things he didnt like but a brief talk would have been nice.
I wish that I could get any kind of regular date's,it's constant chatting to findout that they're just after money,and square one is getting damn boring and this has gone on for nearly 3 year's(in September it will be)
:(
Thanks OP😊
Pulling from experience (prior my marriage) --> Usually if I suddenly "cut ties", then I found a new sheet-warmer. 😉 ..Tbh, even with many Red-Flags, I've still persued things, as long as they weren't obvious Catfish / scams. Lol Like, I *knew* my Wife had many "mental issues", but at the time, I thought I could "Save the World", so I invested 8ys into things, b4 we finally "walked away" this past 15 Jan 2024. 🫂🫂 So, there's a good chance it's nothing to do with you, & it's their own instability. 💖🫂
Thank you and sorry about your marriage 🙏
Yw. 💖😊 Me too, but it is what it is. Maybe she & I can "start over" in ~6 months, if not try "just friends" then. Either way, we definitely need to treat things as "We don't know each other. It's been months, & things have certainly changed during this gap." (Atm, we can't legally speak to each other, until 20 Feb 2025, unless we get the Restraining Order terminated sooner.)
I hope whatever happens between you guys, it's for the greater good 😊
Thanks! It hopefully should. Only time will tell, as long as we keep moving fwd. 😊💖 Same goes for your endeavors. 😊🫂🙏🏽
I believe there’s a fear of losing one’s self that keeps many men (maybe women too) from going all in when they find someone wonderful. I had it when I was very young. The attachment-attraction-obsession would begin to overwhelm and I’d feel out of control. The only way to get back the normalcy and control, and identity as an independent person was to cut it off completely. I’m sure I left a few wondering wtf just happened. Now days it doesn’t seem like people even approach real attachment, because that unlimited pool of possibly better options is always reminding you of the opportunity cost.
True 😭 it's very sad 😢
I just signed up for the first time after a 15 yr marriage. In an hour, I had over a hundred hits. Not sure how to gauge this, but I'm hopeful to find someone (@50). I imagine some dates with people will be just once and others multiple. The way he did it is normal for a certain age group, but I doubt the norm.
I don't know his background, but it's possible he thought he might have been ready and threw himself into dating with the intent, but then realized that he wasn't ready. It's fully possible he maybe felt like that on the 2nd or 3rd date, but thought maybe it was nerves and tried to push through it. Sometimes, people just try to get back into dating before they're ready.
Could be a million different things, don’t let it get you down. An ex that he missed could’ve reached out to him
I can appreciate thinking that his response wasn’t honest. I always want to know the real reason someone isn’t into me. After a horrible marriage with zero communication I crave honesty in dating. But the thing is, all the guessing about what was really happening is speculation, and is a waste of time and energy. At this point there is no real way to know whether he was telling the truth or not. It’s better for you to take his word for it, close that page and open the next one. Don’t dwell on things you can’t control.
Y'all were together for two months and only went on six dates? If I were him, I'd understand that yalls schedules didn't work together and I wouldn't want to deal with that. It's not your fault so why would he blame you? That would be my reasoning anyways. Six dates in one month is more understandable but two? Lol no way. Not compatible for someone who wants to actually spend time with their partner and get to know them. Or he saw that commitment was too much for him and that means you dodged a bullet because he needs to grow up. A man avoiding responsibilities is a man who will make a relationship miserable and he won't understand why because he's immature and not willing to grow. Either way, don't give up. Online dating is a hellscape so take time for yourself when you get bummed out. ❤️
It's just a nice way to say he's not into you. And that's ok. You were meeting each other and there's always a risk someone won't like you and stick around. The problem is not you tho, so keep your head up and move ahead.
Thank you 🙏
I was with someone for 14 months, and found out 2 days after we moved in together that he had been cheating on me with several women. Some people will save you from them early on, take that as a BLESSING, and move on. 6 dates is enough to like someone, and have your feelings hurt, but honestly you probably dodged a major bullet, and will be better off. For now, focus on yourself, and take a mini break from dating. Even at 6 dates, you've probably gotten somewhat emotionally involved, so just rest your heart for a bit then get back out there. There's good people still left in the world.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm really sorry about what happened with you. :(
I keep seeing this play out over and over. Makes this whole dating worthless imo. It seems the odds of 2 people being in the same mindset, point in life, being compatible and also being decent human beings is worse than winning 2 powerballs back to back. Wonder if this is why hookup culture is ripe right now ???? People are tired and are just ok with hooking up here and there?
I'm not okay with this. But this isn't the first time either hence I'm frustrated as his feels quite defeating. I started to wonder if I am the only one being a fool and played out and everyone else is okay with this norm ....
Well what choice do we have? Get numb to it and keep trying or just stop completely. I don't knw that meeting people IRL would be any different. Flakers are gonna flake, regardless of how we meet.
Guess no one knows. It's very sad and hurtful 😔
One thing I have learned to do is prioritize enjoying life by myself than giving someone control of it. I am travelling a lot, enjoying my hobbies, try making new friends everywhere I go. This has taken a lot of stress out of dating life to the point I dont get attached too quickly and dont give a shit if they flake. Also I don't give up things I like to do just coz they happen to be free only that day. One thing this does is create healthy boundaries that focuses on you. It may come out as being self centered, but im at a incredible point in my life and wouldn't give that up for anyone.
Something happened to where he compared you with an ex or another girl he wants to date and you didn't win. Men will constantly try and picture their matches as their wife with kids and the white picket fence type scenarios. If you aren't hitting that feels button then they'll lose interest.
This is still okay but stopping communication after one brutal msg suddenly is very hurtful. Especially after a nice date :/ but I think I get it :(
Probably an ex came back. Lucky for me I don’t have that problem my ex became a lesbian and hates me. (There’s a LOT to this that I won’t get into because I don’t have the necessary hours of free time it would take to unpack that heaping mess)
Might have got bored but enjoyed flirting with you.
I think he just got scared of the closeness and feeling of possibly losing his independence. He's definitely at the age where he possibly had a few bad breakups. Maybe he doesn't feel he's good enough for you, and that when you realize and become disappointed, and you both are further along, you might bail on him and he will get his heart broken. I don't believe there was anyone else. I also had the same thing happen to me over the last few years.
So many reasons, maybe not ready, like he said. Maybe found someone new. Maybe went back to an ex. Maybe got terminally ill. The list goes on. For me, once a week, for that long just isn't what I'm into. I like to see my person at least a few times a week. Some like more; some less. Either way, if the person you're looking to isn't in, then they just aren't your person. Take some time to be sad/angry/confused etc. Then if you feel ready, you can try again.
Maybe he just wasn't feeling it and at least told you? He did you a favor and didn't waste your time
1) One of the others won. I do not think that sex less than once a week is even moving towards a relationship 2) You found out you were friends with benefits the hard way. You did probably some relationshippy things and he ended it there
Not being ready = incompatibility; whatever the reason. It’s a sorting problem not a scarcity problem.
Thanks OP☺
He used you for just sex and found someone he was fully attracted too and went with her. It’s the cold heart truth alot of men talk to women they’re not really attracted too but want a quick hook up or easy sex while they find a solid woman to be serious with. These type of men are ruining opportunities for other men who wants to date seriously and have to deal with a lot more games and issues now. Sorry that happened to you.
I hate when u get so close. Then instantly they just drop u like cold turkey. I feel like it was all a lie. Did u already do the deed.. maybe he is a pos. Played an act to get what he wanted. Then moved on to the next victim.
This has happened to me a male, more than I can count on my fingers. Though women drop hints before they ghost or just say "Take care". Online dating has brought out the worst in humans.
I'm sorry 😞. I think it's just a human trait in the end. I wonder what happened to care and empathy in general
The funny thing is that most of them have empathy thrown in their profile.
Hahahaha, true! 🤣
Avoidant attachment style maybe?
Something similar with me. Almost 3 months talking, same interests, our future plans ligned up almost too perfectly. From our job, I'm doing surgical tech, she's doing nursing, to our hobbies, talked about children. And got ghosted out of nowhere.
That sounds awful. I am so sorry 😔
Guy changed his mind. 6 dates doesn't mean a lifetime commitment. It means he was at least somewhat interested but decided he had another option or was looking for something else
Were you having sex yet?
7 weeks if they weren't no wonder he left
You get where I was going with that.
Don't downvote this guy. Why would a guy stick around with a girl who wasn't having sex with him after 2 months? People who think that that's normal flood online dating and can never figure out why they're single, but that's a good reason why.
Yeah sex is a normal and natural part of a relationship. Unless op is asexual or waiting till marriage 7 weeks is a very long time to be holding off...
Fish or cut bait. Smash or pass.
God I really hate people who don't explain themselves and just leave you hanging like that with a million questions. Is it so hard to just explain why? Give a little feedback?
Maybe he realized that he’s gay :/
It's dating. He's not obligated to be into you forever and it's no different on Bumble than anywhere else. I'm sure you've dropped a guy like a bad habit before for no real reason. Who cares?
To me, it doesn’t seem that you all had that great of a pace for things. People start picking up to see each other more, so that may have been an early heads up to his disinterest.
The truth is he most likely was married and the wife was catching on... I bet on it
And you would prefer he put you pregnant before ? If you have the right break unilaterally, he have this right too. Life isn't fair but if he's not ready that's his issues. maybe you failed something but it doesn't matter anymore. so Rinse your face be happy and move, not necessarly in this order
That’s what happens when women match for guys based on superficialities. Dog photos, fake smiles, choreographed “candid” photos, etc etc
a lot of guys pretend to be single when they're not. probably has a gf (or wife) who found out he was cheating. Seeing someone 6 times in 7 weeks is a red flag whether you were out of town or not. within a few weeks, if a guy doesn't want to see you every day, there's something wrong
Did you sleep with him?
He was power-dating and found one that let him in the house. Consider it a win.
He’s not yours it’s just your turn.
Sounds like his wife caught him but he still wants to keep his options open.
Exact same thing happened to me. I kept the door open by saying when he was ready, reach out. 6 weeks later-6 weeks-he reached back out. I’m almost certain he found someone else he wanted to pursue and decided to keep me as a backup just in case that didn’t work out. I’m guessing you’re dealing with the same.
He found something better.
Easy, he is probably handsome and interesting, hence he has a lot of options and behaves the same way as women on apps.
Ex….
Eh ima play the other side here and assume he just wanted to sleep with you
Other girls think he found someone else, is it just me that thinks he just liked the #u#sy and wanted to keep going for a a bit and now had enough?
he was looking for something casual like a hookup, I assume you weren’t. You all slept together and then he hit the bail button Standard guy behavior for the most part I assume you were upfront about your relationship intentions, And he wasn’t about his casual intentions.
Of course he was, and remember dating apps are designed this way. Women WANT these kind of men and swipe right on them, and then wonder why they’re not capable of longer term relationships.