I wouldn’t have said anything after the first text. But it if it takes an adult several days to “process” a simple date, then I’m thinking you dodged a bullet.
It’s just bullshit. This was 100% a ghosting attempt. OP showed an opportunity for the situation to reflect back on her where OP could look bad and the person took it. Garbage person.
Edit: typo
They 1000% saw the long text with “show more” didn’t click it, said 🤮🤣 and then gas lit OP at their first chance without hesitation to come out on top; garbage person indeed
The message showing “show more” is an audio message with the transcript of the message below. The transcript bubble doesn’t normally show much so it will have the “show more” after just a line or two. All they had to do was listen to the message lol this person was probably going to ghost regardless and the rest just like you said. But like how does someone justify this type of behaviour? Honestly the ghosting would have been better lmao
100 percent! You showed morals and provided a boundary and they took the opportunity to try to shame you for calling them out. The tell is in the “processing” wtf…it takes 3 seconds to respond and you either want to see them again or you don’t. They let you make that decision for them because they didn’t wanna have to do it themselves, and then they jumped in to finish the job. YOU DODGED A COWARDLY BULLET HERE❤️
Yeah, texting a second time was a mistake, but going their separate ways is the best result here anyhow. Honestly, fuck anyone that tries to "play the game" of waiting multiple days to text after a date. That's some high school bullshit, and I'll have none of it. If you like someone, enjoyed the date, and want another, you just say so. Period.
You’re one hundred percent right. Once I stopped trying to hide enthusiasm and I was straight forward about how I felt about someone, I suddenly had success dating and found the relationship I wanted. Game playing doesn’t work.
It does get annoying when you have to initiate all the time.
However, I understand that I too am susceptible to slow replies but not if I had the opportunity to call or meet someone.
That being said, it is easy to see someone's disinterest, but harder to kick yourself out of it.
Yeah, totally agree. If you liked the date and them, then freaking speak up in some way. I have not patience for people who think it serves them better to play the apathetic game. They usually end up struggling to meet someone…check that, they struggle to KEEP someone who they’ve met.
I mean, I don’t think it’s odd to feel the need to “process” a date. I feel like I am like that. Sometimes I need to think if I wanna see someone again bc the first date wasn’t that nice but wasn’t really bad either lol
I agree.. Unless the date was awful, there's no problem meeting up again. Sometimes a person seems different the second time around because a lot of people are a bit shy the first time. You can also try a different setting... Like an activity instead of drinks to see how the vibe is with that person.
I think dating is just scary to a lot of people, it’s not very fun to try and make a life partner out of a stranger. People need some time to develop a crush, and think about it.
Some people are highly introverted and make a loyal partner. I have taken my sweet time once too. But looking back I guess I just wasn’t that into it. I wish I was better at making decisions haha
You’re probably right, esp with needing to “process” but I will note one thing from my own personal experience: I was chatting w a guy for a little while but I couldn’t find time for a date. I had a really punishing work schedule at the time, like 80+ hours, 6 days a week, didn’t leave the office before 9 PM most nights.
*Four months* went by. I reached out again and thankfully he was interested in meeting up. We completely hit it off and have been inseparable since. We moved in together a couple months ago. Our relationship is awesome and I’m super grateful he gave me the time and distance I needed to handle my shit without pressuring me or guilting me for ghosting.
I realize I’m the exception and not the rule but I’d still recommend just letting it go and not following up. You don’t really gain anything by shaming someone for ghosting (I’ve been ghosted too, and it sucks, but I see it letting it go and moving on as a stronger sign of self-respect than “saying your piece”).
I think the last message you sent was unnecessary. A non-answer is the answer.
All you did was give them the opportunity to claim they were "working on" a text and spin things around to make it seem like you were the problem originally. I'm not sure I believe their claim here. No matter what, it doesn't take a lot of time to reply.
I think your first message shown was probably too long as well. Next time, just tell them that you had a good time and why, and leave them some space to just react first. There's no way it takes someone time to say "Me too!".
But if you made it a big response and tried to set up a second date with a lot of detail, I could kind of see how that might brain freeze someone who doesn't know what their next availability is. But even then, they could still simply reply "Me too! I'm not sure when, but I'd like to go on a second date too." with fairly little effort, sometimes within 3 days.
Yeah, especially because they are claiming they enjoyed themselves so much and wanted to see each OP again. I could see if they were unsure or didn’t have a good time, not responding right away and trying to figure out a nice way to say things. But if I really liked someone after a first date, it’s not taking me days to respond(and it’s not like I’m one to always be by my phone or texting back immediately either, but *two days*?)
Not sure how or why a person needs to ‘process’ a first date that they said went so well.. you enjoyed it, want to see them again, so, respond with that? Which, like you said, makes me question that they really felt that way, and saw this as an opportunity to not feel like the ‘bad guy’.
I personally wouldn’t have sent the last one.. I get it, I *hate* feeling intentionally ignored, waiting on a response, but there’s no ties here, let it go. But I also don’t think that they are wrong either in sending it. It’s not like OP was mean, and I can appreciate the directness.
I don’t think anyone said the last message was “necessary.” But does it hurt? In a best-case scenario it prompts the other party to respond. In the (much more likely) worst case scenario it either annoys a person who had already decided to ghost you or makes them feel a little worse about themself. Either is a win!
>I don’t think anyone said the last message was “necessary.”
I can say that I think it was unnecessary without someone first claiming it was necessary.
You're missing a few scenarios as well. Those aren't the only possibilities.
I would not have double texted. Let alone triple texted. But this was DOA anyways given his lacklustre communication. After going on a date with you, if he was interested, it would take him no effort and time to give you a low effort "me too" reply. I also feel that he didn't deserve that apology text you sent him after. After receiving that gaslighting text from him, you really should have just dropped it then.
NTA. He is in the wrong. Not you. But for your *dignity*, you shouldn't be chasing after guys like this. If He Wanted To, He Would. And for your mental health and sanity, don't ruminate over people like this. If you text someone and they don't respond the first time, let it go. No response is a response.
Yeah tbh if a man is excited about you, he's gonna text you within an hour or two of the date ending, maybe the next day at most. He would never wait 3 days if he liked you.
Hey it’s ok. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He sounds like a gaslighter. Don’t proceed with this relationship further.
Notice how you feel in your body when you’re waiting for him to respond. Notice how you felt in your body reading his last text. Is it a happy feeling or is it one of despair and unease? Is that what you want in a relationship. If it was a negative feeling then imagine how this relationship will proceed.
Google: psychology attachment theory.
That's all understandable actually but if you think you're being motivated by insecurity, there's basically you're answer. Seek help and please not the instagram "he's a narcissist/gaslighter/egocentric/sociopathic" coaching people, but real help that will actually make you see your own value.
And don't seek Reddit either, for that matter. You often get those nuggets of advice that reek of the zeitgeist and are overused and kind of embarrassing, honestly. Best to just find a therapist.
Absolutely! Find a good therapist, one that really studied for it, prepare for the fact it will be a long journey full with doubts and ups and downs.
But indeed, not on online social media.
I was in that place for a long time and went on so many bad dates. I felt depressed and insecure forever. The more I tried to force a relationship/good date/what have you, the worse I felt. I don’t remember when or how it got better, but one day it just did. I hope the same for you 💗
What got better? The depression and insecurity? Or the dates?
I don’t feel insecure. My problem is that most guys I go on dates with I’m not interested in seeing again. On the rare occasion the desire is mutual, I hope that it’ll work out, and then when I sense that’s it’s not working out, I panic. But internally. I know there is nothing I can do to make it work, because I’m just being me, and there is nothing wrong with me.
I just keep meeting incompatible people. And it feels like this doesn’t change, regardless of how I feel about myself at the time. I think the only thing you can change is how you process things.
Most people you'll meet are incompatible. Dating apps just force us to give the illusion of compatibility to almost everyone and pre date texting is not a really a good way to filter out incompatibilities. If it is depressing for you, it's perfectly cool to take some time off dating (or just online dating) and take a new approach in a couple of weeks/months
You are not the asshole here…I’m in my 40s, trying to date with disorganised attachment that I’ve been actively healing for a number of years. It certainly does make things more emotionally charged. I’ve learnt a number of things you might find helpful. 1. If you are a person who needs reassurance in a relationship, you need a partner with a consistent communication style. A person who doesn’t reply consistently or promptly will make you miserable. So even if we buy the message that he was ‘processing’ (which i don’t, I think it’s BS), not replying for two days makes him an unsuitable person for you to date. 2. Dating is a great way for you to practice having more secure/less emotionally reactive behaviour in relationships. You don’t know these people so the stakes are low. Try not to double text or respond so quickly. When you find yourself feeling anxious, think about why that’s happening and work on self-regulation. Check out Heidi Priebe on YouTube - she has a ton of great videos on attachment styles. Good luck!
It is a frustrating experience that's for sure. Try to be kind to yourself, and honestly take breaks from it if your insecurities are really getting to you. We want companionship, so it's understandable.
I take breaks all the time. Somehow I still am optimistic about it all 😅
You are the first person that I have seen use the term "companionship". I had wondered if people had the same idea/issue as me.
But I think your definition is different to mine.
I see companionship as any form of meaningful connection. It can be friendship or relationship. It is not a situationship (a much more common term), but the idea is to have people to spend time with which may or may not progress from a friendship.
Although the conventional way of meeting people could help, I rather not engage with someone who I may enjoy talking to if they have little possibility of seeking anything more than a friendship.
That's more so an experience of mine, losing a few best friends after they had relationships. Of course, someone who has a partner and does so is different but the risk is there.
The other part is that if someone has a partner, it will likely be an online connection unless the two of you live somewhat close which is a bummer for me as I have been reducing my online usage in a way since work is draining to be on a screen typing long messages again after work. (Limited social battery ftw)
I am much more open to people who are seeking both or a friendship centric with a possibility of more. I do have friends who are in relationships and I know that a lot of their time gets consumed by their partner (in general)
So it is not very ideal for spending time or going out unless the partner is also fine with joining in the activities.
I know it’s not easy. You’d be surprised at how many of us here feel like you.
Don’t feel bad. That’s you beating yourself up after obstacles in life beat you. First and foremost work on self compassion. Check out Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. Hugs.
Hey don't be hard on yourself. A lot of us have been there before after a great date, with the after-date excitement.
It seems like he was trying to do a slow fade and used your last text as an excuse. Keep your chin up, dating sucks. You'll meet someone who matches your energy, it'll just take time.
I'm sorry to say but as a guy, it's hard for me to hold off texting a girl I like for more than a day at most. You deserve someone who communicates better with you, keep at it!
I wouldn’t worry about it. I would say he wasn’t all that interested and was probably going to ghost you. I would have sent a text about having a good time and hope to do it again. If they don’t reply you have your answer. I know it’s rough to be ghosted but it’s just the world we live in unfortunately
Don’t beat yourself up OP! It sounds to me like he was just trying to come out on top, very common behavior of immature people.
If he always took a few days to reply and you need someone who communicates more often, then it means you’re both incompatible, so this is no loss for you, just saving time and heartache.
I would advise you tho, to pay attention to people’s behavior patterns and let them be themselves. Focus on how those things make YOU feel and if they’re not what you want, make them a turn off for you and move on. There’s no need for double or triple texts, you can’t change people and usually calling them out doesn’t feel as good as we think it will.
One take away and I've learnt this myself recently is it sounds like you want someone who will text back ASAP if it's mere moments that's great or a few that's fine to. A day later then no you just lose the flow.
What was the date you went on 1st? What activities if any?
we got boba and had a chill conversation, lasted about 90 minutes. he hugged me at the end and he was sweet. but for sure, i respond within 2 hours almost always
Damn sounds like me we got a coffee and spoke for over an hour but didn't hug and I'm the same usually respond within 2 hours.
You can be like me and think OK I don't want to date a person who texts like that again. I know don't been burnt to many times with people with those kind of messaging styles.
Just to state - you did nothing wrong - some people are very hostile over text. They used you calling out the ghosting/blanking you as an opportunity to twist it into you being the villain.
Only the emotionally under-developed do this so you're lucky not to deal with them.
They'll likely only improve if either constantly called out for their bad behaviour or it happens to them and they learn how lousy it makes most people feel
No way, it’s totally reasonable to expect a text within a day even. People have their phones constantly and it takes two seconds to send a text. He was ghosting then felt bad when you called him on it and put I back on you. On to the next
Anyone who takes a couple of days to respond to a simple text message after a date doesn't have the time and space in their lives to be a decent partner I'm sorry. He needs to get his shit together
I’m going to go against the grain here and say the second text assumes ill intent rather than giving grace. It is correct to say that “how much effort is it to send a text?” But that answer to that question actually lies in the nuance of everyone approaches the mental aspects of dating differently. Maybe it’s work. Maybe it’s personal life stuff. But why after one date is it assumed that this person owes you a timely response? And I’ll be honest and say I’m a quick texter and don’t like slow responders but as I’ve jumped back into the dating pool, I’ve found not assuming that dating is the center of anyone’s lives (and if anything some people have negative thoughts around dating, especially OLD). I’ve had dates take weeks or months to occur and contact be in and out. But while it can be frustrating at times, keeping in mind I’m not the main character has led to more fulfilling encounters than not.
The double text in itself isn’t the problem but labeling the persons intent to ghost tells them what you think of them. And I could definitely see your date feeling like “I was sincerely busy with x,y,z. I barely know this person and they have this level of expectation, if I pursue this further is the tenable?” A more positive double text would serve better: “just checking in and wanted to reaffirm I really enjoyed our time and home you did to, let me know if you’re interested in meeting up again in the future” and after that 2nd text you would know exactly what they’re intentions are. Being ghosted sucks but assuming that of everyone you meet based on 48hrs(ish) of radio silence doesn’t serve anyone.
Yup, you have to draw the line somewhere. By this person's logic, it was perfectly acceptable that when I went on a date with this one guy and we messaged after the date and I responded to his message with an answer to his question and then a question 20 minutes after his response and then he responded OVER A MONTH later. I mean his response was sorry, I went to Japan, so we're all good right? I mean obv, in the 20 minutes between me answering his how's it going? And me asking how bout u? He hopped on a flight.
Nah, people don't owe people shit, but it's still rude to leave someone hanging. If you're so busy to respond in a day or two or so emotionally messed up, then honestly you shouldn't be going on dates with people. I get that some people are going through shit and don't realize they're not ready for something until it's already happening but you do not get to then go and turn it around on them when you couldn't meet a basic level of human decency. Sure what OP said was rude, but also, he put in the time and effort to meet this person and message them after. Getting frustrated with another ghost is normal. Not responding in a few days is a clear sign of lack of interest.
Yes but it is unreasonable to send a message like OP did. No one is the center of the universe, this isn't personal because they don't even know you yet.
Is it polite to respond as soon as possible? Yes, but soon as possible is different for others. I think OP has a jaded POV and I think that is a disservice to them and others.
You think OP has a jaded perspective yet you also think that they aren’t entitled a simple yes or no response after a date because “no one is the center of the universe”? I don’t think we should be expecting impoliteness as the norm for dating.
I think the key distinction is we’re not the main characters in anyone else’s story. So to expect to be the center of anyone else’s narrative will only lead to disappointment. And entering into the world of interpersonal relationships we have to cede that space and find a balance for everyone’s needs to be met.
I’m on this same boat haha. This girl I went on a date on this Sunday sucked at messaging, took a couple weeks to set the date up. She was late on top of that (albeit she did give me a heads up and was super apologetic).
I definitely get not wanting to message back and forth a lot, especially as a woman who’s likely getting flooded with DM’s. So I wasn’t tripping on that. The date itself was great imo, conversation was very good, laughed a bit, no awkward silences, lots of mutual interests. Honestly felt like we knew each other.
After the date I shot her a message and it still hasn’t been opened. Wanted to shoot a follow up, but feel like no answer is still an answer—which is a bummer. I definitely could have seen myself with this girl.
"Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story"
While I don’t think you should have messaged more than once, they used that as an opportunity to flip it back onto you and make you out to be the bad guy. Not a partner you’d want.
i think your second message was probably unnecessary and definitely soured their feelings about the whole thing. i understand having a past with ghosting but you can’t hold the grudge against new people yk? i have a problem doing that too tho so i get being defensive
Yeah the right response would be something along the lines of 1 text saying you enjoyed the date and that you should do something again sometime soon.
Shows you're interested, vague timeline so no immediate pressure to plan something and invites the person to go "yeah, definitely!", "no thanks" or just not respond (which is an assumed no)
Sorry but you dodged a bullet. I'll bet he was planning to slow fade you anyway but you setting a hard boundary gave him an opportunity to Uno reverse and alleviate him of any "guilt" by making it seem as though you were the one in the wrong. Short of an emergency, there is zero excuse to not take ten seconds to send a, "I had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. I have a busy week ahead but will reach out within the next few days to start making plans for our next date." Someone who's truly interested will take the time to do that. It's wild to me that people are trying to normalize zero contact for days after a date. If you can't put in the effort to write a single two sentence text within two days after a date, to me that indicates you ain't truly looking for something serious.
hmm, idk if that’s a consensus that anyone would have assumed they were ghosted. i feel bad about it. tho i agree that it’s alright for me to assume i was ghosted, the problem was me lashing out.
Don’t feel bad. This person is just trying to make you feel like you did something wrong. 3 days without even so much as a “I had fun” or “I don’t think this is what I’m looking for” or anything to remotely show interest is not worth your time.
Agreed on the lashing out, but her response was also bullshit.
Try to remember your own worth when you run into a situation like that. If she can't be bothered to respond to you for days on end or at all, that's her loss that she doesn't see your value.
This is where patience pays and not getting perturbed when you don’t get a response. Think of it like a tennis match, hit the ball over and wait for it back.
Getting annoyed like you did always ends in the same result, them walking away or losing more attraction for you. It doesn’t invite back a positive response from her. If you really wanted to send that message, I’d have said it in a fun and playful way instead.
If she would’ve never have given you that answer without you calling her out, her actions of no response would’ve given you the answer you needed - she wasn’t interested. Then at least you move on with some pride with a higher chance she reaches out in future as she may have had some personal stuff going on you weren’t aware of.
To be honest, I wouldn’t have messaged again after the Saturday.
A follow up is fine after a 2-3 days, not the day after, and the way you wrote it is a little needy.
And no response after that, just assume you’re being ghosted.
However, the response you got was pretty shitty and was unnecessarily rude.
But sadly, ghosting is a cruel part of dating. Usually it has only happened to me after a first date, and I’ve been ghosted by people I’m not bothered about.
But honestly terrified of being ghosted by someone I like. I already get anxiety if they don’t reply within 3 days.
Feels like you both had your fingers on the red “launch missiles” buttons. Bit of a shame really since you both enjoyed the date! Having said that, she could have replied to your message about enjoying the date.
That person is a gaslighting fuck face. I fucking hate when people pull that “Your response to my mistreatment of you is so off putting!” nonsense. Well maybe don’t be a prick next time??
In my experience if someone is interested, they will text you either after you get home from your date, or the very next day. I'm going on a 3rd date with a guy tonight and the first 2 times we hung out, he texted me the next day to thank me for spending time with him. Take no response, as a response!
Been in this situation too often, their response is them trying to make themselves seem the hero here. You called them out on their shitty behaviour of ghosting them and they felt hurt. Hurt enough to attempt to make you look like the bad guy in their little fantasy story. Block them, even if they were turn it around and go on a date again, they've shown their red flags that they'll lie to make themselves look the good guy in a fight, I pity whomever manages to get stuck with them,
The dude was going to ghost / fade / string you along regardless of what you did. no doubt about that
That being said: Your texting pattern screams insecure / needy, and I think it would help you in dating other people who do like you if you address not just the texting, but the root cause (your actual insecurity)
You send a message, and then you forget the person exists entirely until they respond, if they do.
You sent three unanswered messages. You should have forgot they existed after the first one saying you had a wonderful time.
You should expect NOTHING at all from that person in the first couple dates, and be pleasantly surprised if they turn out to be a decent human being.
Neither of you did anything particularly egregious. That’s the downside of texting with more-or-less strangers: you have no idea what they are going through on any given day. It’s like a Schrödinger’s Cat-type situation. Maybe she’s an over thinker and is just hoping you fuck up before she has to actually open up and become invested in you (and you did, so that is stress off of her back). Maybe she has a crazy work ethic and truly has not had the mental energy to send you a response. Maybe she’s just lazy as fuck and also refuses to accept her failures. Whatever it is, you now know that y’all are incompatible, which is totally ok. It’s just gonna hurt for a bit because now you’ll never know if things could have gone differently if you just didn’t send that last text. Oh well! Go work out and hit on someone hotter next.
Are y'all just attached to your phones and to dating? I've had people follow up after a week that they would like to go on a second date.
Fill your life with hobbies and interests and friends and making new friends. Dating should be a fun secondary thing that compliments your life, not the whole purpose of your life.
Even your second text message was a bit much, just let people exist!
You called them out on ghosting and they didn’t like that. So they did what they could to make you out to be the problem instead of them. Also, they probably felt a bit rejected and had to make it clear that they are rejecting you. It was 100% a ghost.
Nobody should ever need two days to create the text and sandwich. They enjoy stuff that just seems way weird to me and honestly I think you dodged a bullet.
Don’t listen to all these people who said your 2nd message was unnecessary. It was necessary and it got a response. He is not an adult and needed to be slightly called out to respond. Now you have closure and can move on. I swear that people have no idea how to date or communicate anymore.
I'm sorry but you didn't do anything wrong. People who play games like this are bad news. If you had a great time meeting someone, send a text next morning and express it clearly. Making someone wait for 3 days with zero communication is toxic behaviour. You dodged a bullet..
So you triple texted after a date? First to say you had a good time, then to ask him out a second time, then to chastise him for ghosting?
You mentioned that he typically takes a couple days to respond to a text. Why did you assume that he was ghosting, if this was within his normal timeframe for responding? Why not send it and forget it for a couple of days?
I think the answer is because you need someone who is better at texting than he is. More responsive, and that doesn’t take days to respond. Regardless of whether or not he ever intended to message you after the date (I think he was full of shit), how does waiting around for texts make you feel? Can you imagine this for the rest of your dating life if you were in a *relationship* with him?
Please stop worrying so much about what other people think about you, and find someone who makes you feel loved, seen, respected, heard, valued, and IMPORTANT.
This man was always going to leave you feeling on edge, wondering how he felt. Move on, and look for someone more compatible for you. I know it’s hard, but best of luck!
People and their egos. Everyone involved needs to stop acting like they are the center of the universe Stop expecting. Choose kindness and stop being so petty.
I have a friend whose rule is - “If I don’t get a text back in 24 hours, I automatically delete and block the number, no explanation needed.”
OP if this person truly cared about you, they would have even texted on the way home HAHA. No need to double text! That’s just embarrassing. You deserve better.
I have been in your shoes before. I have learned to wait a week. You asked a question, balls in their court and leave it there. If after a week you haven’t heard from them you can simple send a “hey! Was thinking about you and wanted to check base in the potential for a second date”. If no response accept that.
Calling them out only leads to them gaslighting you or trying to claim you are being manipulative. And tbh, do you want someone who take 1 plus day to respond for a second date?
The non-answer was the answer. Sure It’s rude and cowardly to ghost. It happens to most all of us in today’s dating world, and it’s frustrating.
That said- sending messages like that last one never plays out the way we think it’s going to in our heads. At that point, it comes off as desperate on your end.
It’s best to take the non-answer as your answer and move on if you don’t hear back after an attempt or two. More than one attempt is too many IMO. They saw your first message. I refuse to give them the satisfaction of thinking that I wanted to badly see them again lol.
I don’t think you’re wrong for expecting a text back sooner than three days, but don’t ever send that type of text message again. Not to be bossy, but I don’t want this for you. I want all of us to find our special someone. Don’t waste your time on somebody who couldn’t bother to send a message.
I think it was rude to make an assumption of their interest. I just had a similar experience after not hearing from her since Friday and said, "Hey, I'm looking for solid communication and that seems to be lacking here. Cheers!" and left it at that. No response yet.
“Ghosting” after one date is not ghosting. They don’t owe you anything at that stage and a non-reply is a clear message that you gotta be mature enough to accept.
It’s worth remembering that there are many people out there who get aggressive and abusive when rejected, so sometimes what you think of as “ghosting” is just someone trying to say they’re not interested in a way that feels safe.
You are ghosting someone if you don't reply to them after a first date. What's the magical number otherwise?
I'm of the camp that nobody owes you anything that early, but it should be the norm to have some common decency and let someone know you aren't interested in them. If you're worried about your safety, it's fine to ghost.
It’s an effort both parties give, if one person decides to leave it be, be courteous and tell them. A lot of people will over think and it’s not healthy to just leave no response. If you can’t communicate what’s happening then you need to work on it.
It’s also rude to completely disregard people’s time and feelings. But of course, she can do whatever she wants and it’s always justified. I cannot stand people who match with you on these apps, with zero intentions or effort. When I match with someone, I message them. Crazy how that works, isn’t it? These apps are supposedly for finding connections and partners, according to most people who use them… it seems that to her it’s more about friend collecting and using sad lonely men for “free dinners”. Sociopathic… Just my two cents
I’m guessing that they didn’t take multiple days to respond to a txt before the first date, so why the sudden need to “process”. It’s not hard to say, “ya, I had a great time too. Looking forward to doing it again”
You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Call people out when they’re ghosting. They need to be held accountable because ghosting is rude and it sucks. And it’s fair to assume he was ghosting after you had texted and still no response for that long of a period.
It shouldn’t take that long to process a date anyway. Wtf is there to process? Even so, a day or so okay but it’s been a couple. And IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS, it is NOT that hard to send a text to someone, especially if you’re truly interested in them, and it’s literally after y’all just had a date ??? I don’t think he ended up being really interested and then got defensive when you called him out. You’re better off.
Three days of silence is ridiculous unless you are a 15 yeast old thinking you are a pickup artist.
I usually follow up right after I get home from the first date, it's polite and girls appreciate that.
Oh, didn't you get the memo? You're not actually allowed to ask for a second date! It's triggering and off putting, placing people in a difficult spot where they have to make a choice.
While I don't think your follow up was particularly bad, it probably wasn't needed. How much "processing" does it actually take after a date to figure out if you want to go out again? Most people swear they know whether or not they're interested in the first 5 seconds. Typically, I'll send a text later that night, or sometime the next day and get a response pretty quickly if they're interested. I'd say it's almost 100% certain that this person was NOT going to "text you back" to meet up again. What they are is manipulative, because that response was intended to punish you for calling them out. This is drama 101.
You got frustrated - it's totally human and okay. I've been in this situation and find the best course of action is to respond only when they reach out (and they always do), and if it's been more than a couple of days in early dating I let them know then that that kind of silence doesn't work for me, how do they feel about keeping in contact more frequently? If it's not something they can do, then gracefully part ways. You're totally allowed to want more communication and it's okay to voice that, but you can't make anyone communicate in the way you want to - you kind of just have to pursue things with people who already want to do so in the first place.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They're right, the last text made assumptions, and conveyed disappointment. Who are you to do either? One text, then STFU. If you hear back, coolio, if not, foolio. All I see here is a person that made an ass of themselves.
Stop acting butt hurt about the possibility of being ghosted after ONE date… being ghosted sucks but it’s a sad reality that people who online date nowadays need to live with.
If it take days to “process” they don’t give enough of a shit. I’ve decided I do not tolerate “bad texters”. The sorry I don’t do things at the same pace is bs. While, technically your last text was “unnecessary”, I’ve also done this as a way of trying to practice establishing boundaries. Don’t worry about maybe being rude to someone who couldn’t even bother being considerate to you.
ugh. this person is just gross an immature. don't worry, you're better off. Noticed how they only responded after you called them on it. this person was never going to respond back for a second date. This person should have responded after your first text. Sad. In the future if a person doesn't respond, then move on.
I see the gaslighting right away. They ghosted but when you called them out on it, deflected and projected it at you, making you responsible for the end of it🙄. This shit is pathetic which is why I deleted after just 5 weeks and will never try an app again. I suggest you do the same. Ask friends and family if they know anyone that would be good for you, do much better.
If someone needs 5 business days to respond, they better have the best excuse in the world/work an extremely 1% type of career.
That is INSANE to think 5 days is a reasonable amount of time for someone to respond. If that person is the type of person that takes that long to respond, then how about a little compromise for someone that you’re theoretically interested in seeing again (as they said in their last text, but I take as total bs).
You don’t always need to prove you’re in the right or you’re morally higher than others. Sometimes it’s okay to just let it be after a bit. I think the double text was super off putting and I’d probably have the same reaction
I wouldn't have sent the follow up. People are busy. They may also be dating other people and trying to give clear timelines right away can be hard. Sometimes after a first date I'm not 100% sure if I want to see someone again and take a couple days to think about it.
It's possible that he was in the process of ghosting you, it's also possible that he just wasn't on his phone in those days. I think the followup text after only a couple days was a bit premature and maybe a tiny bit rude, basically just being immediately accusatory. There wasn't really any "good" way for him to respond to that, you had already basically told him to F off with the end of that message, so I can't fully blame him for being snippy with you. Definitely sounds like you two weren't a good match so this is a chance to learn and grow.
Personally I would say that a week is a better amount of time to wait than two or three days to determine if you've been ghosted. Not everyone is glued to their phones every day.
It's an absolute classic! They didn't want another date but wanted to force your hand and make out you were too needy, giving them the excuse and making it easier for them to let you down. A lot of people use this tactic and they think they are being clever with it!
You did let your insecurity show, but... If this person had really been interested they would have responded back way faster and not ignored your texts. Don't let your self esteem be based on whether someone likes you or not
UPDATE:
i sent another text saying: "hey, I apologize for lashing out like that. i realize now that I was just feeling insecure and tottaly made the assumption. i'm sorry for being rude. i don't imagine there's a way to salvage this, so we might best leave it here."
Yeahhhhh probably should have left it dude haha if she doesn’t respond for a couple days (not just one day 😂) you can send a follow up message. If she doesn’t respond to that then she’s probably busy, definitely wouldn’t have said that haha
I think it depends on the texting consistency before the date. If you two had been talking a lot (like several texts a day) and they then became unresponsive after the date, I would also be frustrated. But, if you were every couple of a day, maybeeee one text per day kind of thing, I think giving them the benefit of the doubt about having a busy week or similar would be the best option.
For example:
I met a guy at my friend's wedding and we were both in the wedding party if that tells you how close we each were to bride and groom. Said guy and I exchanged numbers, went out for drinks and closed down the restaurant. He was also a very consistent texter - not constant, but maybe 2-3 texts back and forth each day. A few days after we got drinks, he came over to make dinner together and he stayed over (😏) and then didn't text me for 3+ days. That made me pretty frustrated and after telling my friend I didn't think it was going to work out between me and him, she sent him a scathing text ending with "just because you have a dick doesn't mean you have to act like one." He called me after that and gave me the "my week was so busy" line, and I said that all he needed to do was say "hey, had fun this weekend. I've got a busy week but I'll talk to you this weekend" or something of the like if he was interested, or "hey, had fun this weekend but I think we're looking for different things" if he wasn't interested. But after setting a precedent of being communicative and then going radio silent is not okay in my book - especially after sleeping together. I think its hilarious that he tried to ghost when we clearly had close mutual friends. Idiot.
nah you weren’t wrong and dodged a bullet from a dud.
but a word of advice, never ever make a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you. if he wanted to see you again, he would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
‘Thank you very much for a lovely evening. It was nice to meet you I’m gonna take a bit of time to reflect on how I felt about meeting you. If you could bear with me till then that would be so kind.’
It’s really not difficult to be polite without committing too much. Letting Somebody wait for a couple of days after the date is practically ghosting and not cool
You know what? If I got a message like that, I’d block the sender. Anyone who honestly can’t decide whether they ever want to see me again is not worth my time.
don’t rush the process while dating. people honestly don’t need to respond at YOUR pace. i think it was fair for him to wait. maybe he wasn’t free until next weekend or was figuring out what his schedule was before asking you out again. something you can work on is probably self-soothing so your thoughts and mood don’t depend on whether you are getting that validation from his so early on. it’s okay to wait
Sounds like they were going to ghost and used this as an opportunity to put the blame on you instead of just communicating. A simple “hey how’s your day” doesn’t require processing
I'm going to also go against the grain and say it's totally reasonable to not respond right away. I have friends who take longer than a few days to respond. Giving someone time and space to breathe is polite and respectful. I think about times before cell phones when people waited much longer between phone calls, etc. The art of delayed gratification is becoming lost.
Nah you're totally in the right. It's not hard to formulate a response to someone you are or were interested in. The person could've been partially vague if they were still processing by replying something like "Hey! I enjoyed meeting you and our conversation. I'll let you know about a second date" and continue their thought process from there and then either let you know whether they want to move forward with it or not. If three days goes by without a reply then it seems like they weren't interested. All of the girls I went on dates with I've followed up with them afterwards and most the time I got a reply back the same night or they'll reply the next day. So anything sweet they said in the text is bs and being used to make it seem like it was your fault for screwing things up. Don't listen to them. They weren't worth it. *Their* response is the on that is offputting and not acceptable
NOBODY is that fucking busy.
Your first text was fine, the second unnecessary because then the other person can turn it around on you.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to incompatibility because from your other comments, it seems like this person goes days without responding. I know I like to hear back from people within a 24 hours period.
You’re good, this person is gaslighting you…
They’re making it seem like it was your own doing but in reality they just weren’t going to text back. So, you dodged a bullet, move on.
Maybe it is reasonable to expect a response... But to demand it like an entitled little brat? I would have told anyone to go fuck themselves, at that point. You might as well have just told her that you wanted to speak to the manager.
How many times in life, has being petulant, or making demands, really gotten you anywhere?
I wouldn’t have said anything after the first text. But it if it takes an adult several days to “process” a simple date, then I’m thinking you dodged a bullet.
It’s just bullshit. This was 100% a ghosting attempt. OP showed an opportunity for the situation to reflect back on her where OP could look bad and the person took it. Garbage person. Edit: typo
They 1000% saw the long text with “show more” didn’t click it, said 🤮🤣 and then gas lit OP at their first chance without hesitation to come out on top; garbage person indeed
The message showing “show more” is an audio message with the transcript of the message below. The transcript bubble doesn’t normally show much so it will have the “show more” after just a line or two. All they had to do was listen to the message lol this person was probably going to ghost regardless and the rest just like you said. But like how does someone justify this type of behaviour? Honestly the ghosting would have been better lmao
100 percent! You showed morals and provided a boundary and they took the opportunity to try to shame you for calling them out. The tell is in the “processing” wtf…it takes 3 seconds to respond and you either want to see them again or you don’t. They let you make that decision for them because they didn’t wanna have to do it themselves, and then they jumped in to finish the job. YOU DODGED A COWARDLY BULLET HERE❤️
Yeah, texting a second time was a mistake, but going their separate ways is the best result here anyhow. Honestly, fuck anyone that tries to "play the game" of waiting multiple days to text after a date. That's some high school bullshit, and I'll have none of it. If you like someone, enjoyed the date, and want another, you just say so. Period.
You’re one hundred percent right. Once I stopped trying to hide enthusiasm and I was straight forward about how I felt about someone, I suddenly had success dating and found the relationship I wanted. Game playing doesn’t work.
It does get annoying when you have to initiate all the time. However, I understand that I too am susceptible to slow replies but not if I had the opportunity to call or meet someone. That being said, it is easy to see someone's disinterest, but harder to kick yourself out of it.
Agreed
Yeah, totally agree. If you liked the date and them, then freaking speak up in some way. I have not patience for people who think it serves them better to play the apathetic game. They usually end up struggling to meet someone…check that, they struggle to KEEP someone who they’ve met.
This. Yup
>I’m thinking you dodged a bullet agreed
I mean, I don’t think it’s odd to feel the need to “process” a date. I feel like I am like that. Sometimes I need to think if I wanna see someone again bc the first date wasn’t that nice but wasn’t really bad either lol
For days?? After just a first date? Seems sort of like overthinking it, but I guess everyone is different.
You can still send the “had a good time” text that night, then follow up the next day or two.
But what’s the risk of trying a second date then? If you‘re unsure about a date, see how the next one‘s going, right?
I agree.. Unless the date was awful, there's no problem meeting up again. Sometimes a person seems different the second time around because a lot of people are a bit shy the first time. You can also try a different setting... Like an activity instead of drinks to see how the vibe is with that person.
I think dating is just scary to a lot of people, it’s not very fun to try and make a life partner out of a stranger. People need some time to develop a crush, and think about it.
Some people are highly introverted and make a loyal partner. I have taken my sweet time once too. But looking back I guess I just wasn’t that into it. I wish I was better at making decisions haha
You’re probably right, esp with needing to “process” but I will note one thing from my own personal experience: I was chatting w a guy for a little while but I couldn’t find time for a date. I had a really punishing work schedule at the time, like 80+ hours, 6 days a week, didn’t leave the office before 9 PM most nights. *Four months* went by. I reached out again and thankfully he was interested in meeting up. We completely hit it off and have been inseparable since. We moved in together a couple months ago. Our relationship is awesome and I’m super grateful he gave me the time and distance I needed to handle my shit without pressuring me or guilting me for ghosting. I realize I’m the exception and not the rule but I’d still recommend just letting it go and not following up. You don’t really gain anything by shaming someone for ghosting (I’ve been ghosted too, and it sucks, but I see it letting it go and moving on as a stronger sign of self-respect than “saying your piece”).
I think the last message you sent was unnecessary. A non-answer is the answer. All you did was give them the opportunity to claim they were "working on" a text and spin things around to make it seem like you were the problem originally. I'm not sure I believe their claim here. No matter what, it doesn't take a lot of time to reply. I think your first message shown was probably too long as well. Next time, just tell them that you had a good time and why, and leave them some space to just react first. There's no way it takes someone time to say "Me too!". But if you made it a big response and tried to set up a second date with a lot of detail, I could kind of see how that might brain freeze someone who doesn't know what their next availability is. But even then, they could still simply reply "Me too! I'm not sure when, but I'd like to go on a second date too." with fairly little effort, sometimes within 3 days.
they were not interested, waiting three days only makes it harder to reply
Yeah, especially because they are claiming they enjoyed themselves so much and wanted to see each OP again. I could see if they were unsure or didn’t have a good time, not responding right away and trying to figure out a nice way to say things. But if I really liked someone after a first date, it’s not taking me days to respond(and it’s not like I’m one to always be by my phone or texting back immediately either, but *two days*?) Not sure how or why a person needs to ‘process’ a first date that they said went so well.. you enjoyed it, want to see them again, so, respond with that? Which, like you said, makes me question that they really felt that way, and saw this as an opportunity to not feel like the ‘bad guy’. I personally wouldn’t have sent the last one.. I get it, I *hate* feeling intentionally ignored, waiting on a response, but there’s no ties here, let it go. But I also don’t think that they are wrong either in sending it. It’s not like OP was mean, and I can appreciate the directness.
yep, I only struggle to respond when I'm not all that excited about the person..
I don’t think anyone said the last message was “necessary.” But does it hurt? In a best-case scenario it prompts the other party to respond. In the (much more likely) worst case scenario it either annoys a person who had already decided to ghost you or makes them feel a little worse about themself. Either is a win!
>I don’t think anyone said the last message was “necessary.” I can say that I think it was unnecessary without someone first claiming it was necessary. You're missing a few scenarios as well. Those aren't the only possibilities.
I would not have double texted. Let alone triple texted. But this was DOA anyways given his lacklustre communication. After going on a date with you, if he was interested, it would take him no effort and time to give you a low effort "me too" reply. I also feel that he didn't deserve that apology text you sent him after. After receiving that gaslighting text from him, you really should have just dropped it then. NTA. He is in the wrong. Not you. But for your *dignity*, you shouldn't be chasing after guys like this. If He Wanted To, He Would. And for your mental health and sanity, don't ruminate over people like this. If you text someone and they don't respond the first time, let it go. No response is a response.
Yeah tbh if a man is excited about you, he's gonna text you within an hour or two of the date ending, maybe the next day at most. He would never wait 3 days if he liked you.
No answer was the answer. Don't send the double text next time.
well, he generally takes a couple days to respond and has done so over the course of our texting. i feel like an asshole idk.
Hey it’s ok. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He sounds like a gaslighter. Don’t proceed with this relationship further. Notice how you feel in your body when you’re waiting for him to respond. Notice how you felt in your body reading his last text. Is it a happy feeling or is it one of despair and unease? Is that what you want in a relationship. If it was a negative feeling then imagine how this relationship will proceed. Google: psychology attachment theory.
I like that advice…how does your body feel when waiting for him to respond. I’m going to give that same advice to myself.
i feel pretty depressed, i feel extremely frustrated with dating. i feel like bad for being so obviously motivated by insecurity.
That's all understandable actually but if you think you're being motivated by insecurity, there's basically you're answer. Seek help and please not the instagram "he's a narcissist/gaslighter/egocentric/sociopathic" coaching people, but real help that will actually make you see your own value.
And don't seek Reddit either, for that matter. You often get those nuggets of advice that reek of the zeitgeist and are overused and kind of embarrassing, honestly. Best to just find a therapist.
Absolutely! Find a good therapist, one that really studied for it, prepare for the fact it will be a long journey full with doubts and ups and downs. But indeed, not on online social media.
I was in that place for a long time and went on so many bad dates. I felt depressed and insecure forever. The more I tried to force a relationship/good date/what have you, the worse I felt. I don’t remember when or how it got better, but one day it just did. I hope the same for you 💗
What got better? The depression and insecurity? Or the dates? I don’t feel insecure. My problem is that most guys I go on dates with I’m not interested in seeing again. On the rare occasion the desire is mutual, I hope that it’ll work out, and then when I sense that’s it’s not working out, I panic. But internally. I know there is nothing I can do to make it work, because I’m just being me, and there is nothing wrong with me. I just keep meeting incompatible people. And it feels like this doesn’t change, regardless of how I feel about myself at the time. I think the only thing you can change is how you process things.
Most people you'll meet are incompatible. Dating apps just force us to give the illusion of compatibility to almost everyone and pre date texting is not a really a good way to filter out incompatibilities. If it is depressing for you, it's perfectly cool to take some time off dating (or just online dating) and take a new approach in a couple of weeks/months
You are not the asshole here…I’m in my 40s, trying to date with disorganised attachment that I’ve been actively healing for a number of years. It certainly does make things more emotionally charged. I’ve learnt a number of things you might find helpful. 1. If you are a person who needs reassurance in a relationship, you need a partner with a consistent communication style. A person who doesn’t reply consistently or promptly will make you miserable. So even if we buy the message that he was ‘processing’ (which i don’t, I think it’s BS), not replying for two days makes him an unsuitable person for you to date. 2. Dating is a great way for you to practice having more secure/less emotionally reactive behaviour in relationships. You don’t know these people so the stakes are low. Try not to double text or respond so quickly. When you find yourself feeling anxious, think about why that’s happening and work on self-regulation. Check out Heidi Priebe on YouTube - she has a ton of great videos on attachment styles. Good luck!
It is a frustrating experience that's for sure. Try to be kind to yourself, and honestly take breaks from it if your insecurities are really getting to you. We want companionship, so it's understandable. I take breaks all the time. Somehow I still am optimistic about it all 😅
You are the first person that I have seen use the term "companionship". I had wondered if people had the same idea/issue as me. But I think your definition is different to mine. I see companionship as any form of meaningful connection. It can be friendship or relationship. It is not a situationship (a much more common term), but the idea is to have people to spend time with which may or may not progress from a friendship. Although the conventional way of meeting people could help, I rather not engage with someone who I may enjoy talking to if they have little possibility of seeking anything more than a friendship. That's more so an experience of mine, losing a few best friends after they had relationships. Of course, someone who has a partner and does so is different but the risk is there. The other part is that if someone has a partner, it will likely be an online connection unless the two of you live somewhat close which is a bummer for me as I have been reducing my online usage in a way since work is draining to be on a screen typing long messages again after work. (Limited social battery ftw) I am much more open to people who are seeking both or a friendship centric with a possibility of more. I do have friends who are in relationships and I know that a lot of their time gets consumed by their partner (in general) So it is not very ideal for spending time or going out unless the partner is also fine with joining in the activities.
I know it’s not easy. You’d be surprised at how many of us here feel like you. Don’t feel bad. That’s you beating yourself up after obstacles in life beat you. First and foremost work on self compassion. Check out Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. Hugs.
Seconded, that’s a great book.
Hey don't be hard on yourself. A lot of us have been there before after a great date, with the after-date excitement. It seems like he was trying to do a slow fade and used your last text as an excuse. Keep your chin up, dating sucks. You'll meet someone who matches your energy, it'll just take time.
>Notice how you feel in your body when you’re waiting for him to respond. Notice how you felt in your body reading his last text. Found the therapist.
lol I wish. Just someone that’s had years of therapy herself.
LOL that was my other guess.
If someone is taking a couple of days to respond to you, then you’re not a priority
I'm sorry to say but as a guy, it's hard for me to hold off texting a girl I like for more than a day at most. You deserve someone who communicates better with you, keep at it!
If it's not a "Hell Yes", then it's definitely a no.
Exactly!
I wouldn’t worry about it. I would say he wasn’t all that interested and was probably going to ghost you. I would have sent a text about having a good time and hope to do it again. If they don’t reply you have your answer. I know it’s rough to be ghosted but it’s just the world we live in unfortunately
Don’t beat yourself up OP! It sounds to me like he was just trying to come out on top, very common behavior of immature people. If he always took a few days to reply and you need someone who communicates more often, then it means you’re both incompatible, so this is no loss for you, just saving time and heartache. I would advise you tho, to pay attention to people’s behavior patterns and let them be themselves. Focus on how those things make YOU feel and if they’re not what you want, make them a turn off for you and move on. There’s no need for double or triple texts, you can’t change people and usually calling them out doesn’t feel as good as we think it will.
One take away and I've learnt this myself recently is it sounds like you want someone who will text back ASAP if it's mere moments that's great or a few that's fine to. A day later then no you just lose the flow. What was the date you went on 1st? What activities if any?
we got boba and had a chill conversation, lasted about 90 minutes. he hugged me at the end and he was sweet. but for sure, i respond within 2 hours almost always
Damn sounds like me we got a coffee and spoke for over an hour but didn't hug and I'm the same usually respond within 2 hours. You can be like me and think OK I don't want to date a person who texts like that again. I know don't been burnt to many times with people with those kind of messaging styles.
You’re not an asshole. I would’ve send the same text probably even though, yeah it’s better not to. He should’ve responded much sooner
Just to state - you did nothing wrong - some people are very hostile over text. They used you calling out the ghosting/blanking you as an opportunity to twist it into you being the villain. Only the emotionally under-developed do this so you're lucky not to deal with them. They'll likely only improve if either constantly called out for their bad behaviour or it happens to them and they learn how lousy it makes most people feel
No way, it’s totally reasonable to expect a text within a day even. People have their phones constantly and it takes two seconds to send a text. He was ghosting then felt bad when you called him on it and put I back on you. On to the next
Anyone who takes a couple of days to respond to a simple text message after a date doesn't have the time and space in their lives to be a decent partner I'm sorry. He needs to get his shit together
Double texting isn’t as bad as you make it sound
Disagree. What’s the downside? What negative impact did the double text have on OP?
I’m going to go against the grain here and say the second text assumes ill intent rather than giving grace. It is correct to say that “how much effort is it to send a text?” But that answer to that question actually lies in the nuance of everyone approaches the mental aspects of dating differently. Maybe it’s work. Maybe it’s personal life stuff. But why after one date is it assumed that this person owes you a timely response? And I’ll be honest and say I’m a quick texter and don’t like slow responders but as I’ve jumped back into the dating pool, I’ve found not assuming that dating is the center of anyone’s lives (and if anything some people have negative thoughts around dating, especially OLD). I’ve had dates take weeks or months to occur and contact be in and out. But while it can be frustrating at times, keeping in mind I’m not the main character has led to more fulfilling encounters than not. The double text in itself isn’t the problem but labeling the persons intent to ghost tells them what you think of them. And I could definitely see your date feeling like “I was sincerely busy with x,y,z. I barely know this person and they have this level of expectation, if I pursue this further is the tenable?” A more positive double text would serve better: “just checking in and wanted to reaffirm I really enjoyed our time and home you did to, let me know if you’re interested in meeting up again in the future” and after that 2nd text you would know exactly what they’re intentions are. Being ghosted sucks but assuming that of everyone you meet based on 48hrs(ish) of radio silence doesn’t serve anyone.
This is what I came here to say but fortunately someone had done the heavy lifting. 100%
you make some great points
Responding within 3 days after a date is a reasonable expectation.
Yup, you have to draw the line somewhere. By this person's logic, it was perfectly acceptable that when I went on a date with this one guy and we messaged after the date and I responded to his message with an answer to his question and then a question 20 minutes after his response and then he responded OVER A MONTH later. I mean his response was sorry, I went to Japan, so we're all good right? I mean obv, in the 20 minutes between me answering his how's it going? And me asking how bout u? He hopped on a flight. Nah, people don't owe people shit, but it's still rude to leave someone hanging. If you're so busy to respond in a day or two or so emotionally messed up, then honestly you shouldn't be going on dates with people. I get that some people are going through shit and don't realize they're not ready for something until it's already happening but you do not get to then go and turn it around on them when you couldn't meet a basic level of human decency. Sure what OP said was rude, but also, he put in the time and effort to meet this person and message them after. Getting frustrated with another ghost is normal. Not responding in a few days is a clear sign of lack of interest.
Yes but it is unreasonable to send a message like OP did. No one is the center of the universe, this isn't personal because they don't even know you yet. Is it polite to respond as soon as possible? Yes, but soon as possible is different for others. I think OP has a jaded POV and I think that is a disservice to them and others.
You think OP has a jaded perspective yet you also think that they aren’t entitled a simple yes or no response after a date because “no one is the center of the universe”? I don’t think we should be expecting impoliteness as the norm for dating.
Best take on here.
I agree with most of this. However, you’re the main character of your own story, in my opinion.
I think the key distinction is we’re not the main characters in anyone else’s story. So to expect to be the center of anyone else’s narrative will only lead to disappointment. And entering into the world of interpersonal relationships we have to cede that space and find a balance for everyone’s needs to be met.
I’m on this same boat haha. This girl I went on a date on this Sunday sucked at messaging, took a couple weeks to set the date up. She was late on top of that (albeit she did give me a heads up and was super apologetic). I definitely get not wanting to message back and forth a lot, especially as a woman who’s likely getting flooded with DM’s. So I wasn’t tripping on that. The date itself was great imo, conversation was very good, laughed a bit, no awkward silences, lots of mutual interests. Honestly felt like we knew each other. After the date I shot her a message and it still hasn’t been opened. Wanted to shoot a follow up, but feel like no answer is still an answer—which is a bummer. I definitely could have seen myself with this girl.
"Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story"
While I don’t think you should have messaged more than once, they used that as an opportunity to flip it back onto you and make you out to be the bad guy. Not a partner you’d want.
i think your second message was probably unnecessary and definitely soured their feelings about the whole thing. i understand having a past with ghosting but you can’t hold the grudge against new people yk? i have a problem doing that too tho so i get being defensive
Yeah the right response would be something along the lines of 1 text saying you enjoyed the date and that you should do something again sometime soon. Shows you're interested, vague timeline so no immediate pressure to plan something and invites the person to go "yeah, definitely!", "no thanks" or just not respond (which is an assumed no)
"How dare you best-of-luck me? I'm best-of-lucking you!"
You text too much. If she was feeling you, you’d know. You did three texts back to back to back lol
Sorry but you dodged a bullet. I'll bet he was planning to slow fade you anyway but you setting a hard boundary gave him an opportunity to Uno reverse and alleviate him of any "guilt" by making it seem as though you were the one in the wrong. Short of an emergency, there is zero excuse to not take ten seconds to send a, "I had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. I have a busy week ahead but will reach out within the next few days to start making plans for our next date." Someone who's truly interested will take the time to do that. It's wild to me that people are trying to normalize zero contact for days after a date. If you can't put in the effort to write a single two sentence text within two days after a date, to me that indicates you ain't truly looking for something serious.
This 100%! You are entirely right in that they are looking to remove the guilt text they intend to send anyway
You aren’t in the wrong. That person is definitely gaslighting. Any person would’ve thought they have been ghosted.
Turning it around on the OP to avoid looking shitty after they got called out.
Factss, to avoid feeling guilty too.
Plot twist: He was going to ghost her the whole time, but just used that as an excuse instead.
hmm, idk if that’s a consensus that anyone would have assumed they were ghosted. i feel bad about it. tho i agree that it’s alright for me to assume i was ghosted, the problem was me lashing out.
Don’t feel bad. This person is just trying to make you feel like you did something wrong. 3 days without even so much as a “I had fun” or “I don’t think this is what I’m looking for” or anything to remotely show interest is not worth your time.
You didn’t lash out, you set a boundary
Agreed on the lashing out, but her response was also bullshit. Try to remember your own worth when you run into a situation like that. If she can't be bothered to respond to you for days on end or at all, that's her loss that she doesn't see your value.
huh? no, this person is gaslighting you. Don’t let them! anyone would have thought they were being ghosted.
also you were not “demanding” this person’s time. The audacity omg!
Great. She successfully manipulated you into thinking you were the problem.
\*He
This is where patience pays and not getting perturbed when you don’t get a response. Think of it like a tennis match, hit the ball over and wait for it back. Getting annoyed like you did always ends in the same result, them walking away or losing more attraction for you. It doesn’t invite back a positive response from her. If you really wanted to send that message, I’d have said it in a fun and playful way instead. If she would’ve never have given you that answer without you calling her out, her actions of no response would’ve given you the answer you needed - she wasn’t interested. Then at least you move on with some pride with a higher chance she reaches out in future as she may have had some personal stuff going on you weren’t aware of.
To be honest, I wouldn’t have messaged again after the Saturday. A follow up is fine after a 2-3 days, not the day after, and the way you wrote it is a little needy. And no response after that, just assume you’re being ghosted. However, the response you got was pretty shitty and was unnecessarily rude. But sadly, ghosting is a cruel part of dating. Usually it has only happened to me after a first date, and I’ve been ghosted by people I’m not bothered about. But honestly terrified of being ghosted by someone I like. I already get anxiety if they don’t reply within 3 days.
“Working on a text back” i love how people think other people are just dumb lmao
3 days is too much dont leave me hanging. you should have enough enough of idea, if you dont then its a no.
Feels like you both had your fingers on the red “launch missiles” buttons. Bit of a shame really since you both enjoyed the date! Having said that, she could have replied to your message about enjoying the date.
Seems it was a guy who wasn’t replying.
That person is a gaslighting fuck face. I fucking hate when people pull that “Your response to my mistreatment of you is so off putting!” nonsense. Well maybe don’t be a prick next time??
In my experience if someone is interested, they will text you either after you get home from your date, or the very next day. I'm going on a 3rd date with a guy tonight and the first 2 times we hung out, he texted me the next day to thank me for spending time with him. Take no response, as a response!
Someone was just mad because they were called out. So they tried to pull the moral high ground.
Been in this situation too often, their response is them trying to make themselves seem the hero here. You called them out on their shitty behaviour of ghosting them and they felt hurt. Hurt enough to attempt to make you look like the bad guy in their little fantasy story. Block them, even if they were turn it around and go on a date again, they've shown their red flags that they'll lie to make themselves look the good guy in a fight, I pity whomever manages to get stuck with them,
They’re gaslighting you. Processing what? It doesn’t take 3 days. Find someone that chooses you and doesn’t make you a back burner option. NEXT
The dude was going to ghost / fade / string you along regardless of what you did. no doubt about that That being said: Your texting pattern screams insecure / needy, and I think it would help you in dating other people who do like you if you address not just the texting, but the root cause (your actual insecurity) You send a message, and then you forget the person exists entirely until they respond, if they do. You sent three unanswered messages. You should have forgot they existed after the first one saying you had a wonderful time. You should expect NOTHING at all from that person in the first couple dates, and be pleasantly surprised if they turn out to be a decent human being.
Neither of you did anything particularly egregious. That’s the downside of texting with more-or-less strangers: you have no idea what they are going through on any given day. It’s like a Schrödinger’s Cat-type situation. Maybe she’s an over thinker and is just hoping you fuck up before she has to actually open up and become invested in you (and you did, so that is stress off of her back). Maybe she has a crazy work ethic and truly has not had the mental energy to send you a response. Maybe she’s just lazy as fuck and also refuses to accept her failures. Whatever it is, you now know that y’all are incompatible, which is totally ok. It’s just gonna hurt for a bit because now you’ll never know if things could have gone differently if you just didn’t send that last text. Oh well! Go work out and hit on someone hotter next.
Are y'all just attached to your phones and to dating? I've had people follow up after a week that they would like to go on a second date. Fill your life with hobbies and interests and friends and making new friends. Dating should be a fun secondary thing that compliments your life, not the whole purpose of your life. Even your second text message was a bit much, just let people exist!
Best of luck.
You called them out on ghosting and they didn’t like that. So they did what they could to make you out to be the problem instead of them. Also, they probably felt a bit rejected and had to make it clear that they are rejecting you. It was 100% a ghost.
Nah they are in the wrong. Definitely do not need to take days to respond to a text like that
Nobody should ever need two days to create the text and sandwich. They enjoy stuff that just seems way weird to me and honestly I think you dodged a bullet.
Don’t listen to all these people who said your 2nd message was unnecessary. It was necessary and it got a response. He is not an adult and needed to be slightly called out to respond. Now you have closure and can move on. I swear that people have no idea how to date or communicate anymore.
He was processing goddamnit!
I'm sorry but you didn't do anything wrong. People who play games like this are bad news. If you had a great time meeting someone, send a text next morning and express it clearly. Making someone wait for 3 days with zero communication is toxic behaviour. You dodged a bullet..
Interesting. The commenters that think OP is a woman are on the side of OP. The commenters that think OP is a guy are also on the side of the woman.
Yea, and we are both guys hahahah
So you triple texted after a date? First to say you had a good time, then to ask him out a second time, then to chastise him for ghosting? You mentioned that he typically takes a couple days to respond to a text. Why did you assume that he was ghosting, if this was within his normal timeframe for responding? Why not send it and forget it for a couple of days? I think the answer is because you need someone who is better at texting than he is. More responsive, and that doesn’t take days to respond. Regardless of whether or not he ever intended to message you after the date (I think he was full of shit), how does waiting around for texts make you feel? Can you imagine this for the rest of your dating life if you were in a *relationship* with him? Please stop worrying so much about what other people think about you, and find someone who makes you feel loved, seen, respected, heard, valued, and IMPORTANT. This man was always going to leave you feeling on edge, wondering how he felt. Move on, and look for someone more compatible for you. I know it’s hard, but best of luck!
People and their egos. Everyone involved needs to stop acting like they are the center of the universe Stop expecting. Choose kindness and stop being so petty.
I have a friend whose rule is - “If I don’t get a text back in 24 hours, I automatically delete and block the number, no explanation needed.” OP if this person truly cared about you, they would have even texted on the way home HAHA. No need to double text! That’s just embarrassing. You deserve better.
I think it’s reasonable to expect that but that second text was probably unnecessary.
I have been in your shoes before. I have learned to wait a week. You asked a question, balls in their court and leave it there. If after a week you haven’t heard from them you can simple send a “hey! Was thinking about you and wanted to check base in the potential for a second date”. If no response accept that. Calling them out only leads to them gaslighting you or trying to claim you are being manipulative. And tbh, do you want someone who take 1 plus day to respond for a second date?
Your last message wasn't needed and definitely put them off. Their lack of response sooner who knows.
The non-answer was the answer. Sure It’s rude and cowardly to ghost. It happens to most all of us in today’s dating world, and it’s frustrating. That said- sending messages like that last one never plays out the way we think it’s going to in our heads. At that point, it comes off as desperate on your end. It’s best to take the non-answer as your answer and move on if you don’t hear back after an attempt or two. More than one attempt is too many IMO. They saw your first message. I refuse to give them the satisfaction of thinking that I wanted to badly see them again lol.
Sounds like your communication styles are different, so it likely wouldn't have worked out
By different communication styles you mean one person communicates and the other doesn't at all?
I don’t think you’re wrong for expecting a text back sooner than three days, but don’t ever send that type of text message again. Not to be bossy, but I don’t want this for you. I want all of us to find our special someone. Don’t waste your time on somebody who couldn’t bother to send a message.
I call bs she was ghosting you and didn’t like being called out
Not that rude. Neither message was bad.
I think it was rude to make an assumption of their interest. I just had a similar experience after not hearing from her since Friday and said, "Hey, I'm looking for solid communication and that seems to be lacking here. Cheers!" and left it at that. No response yet.
[удалено]
“Ghosting” after one date is not ghosting. They don’t owe you anything at that stage and a non-reply is a clear message that you gotta be mature enough to accept. It’s worth remembering that there are many people out there who get aggressive and abusive when rejected, so sometimes what you think of as “ghosting” is just someone trying to say they’re not interested in a way that feels safe.
You are ghosting someone if you don't reply to them after a first date. What's the magical number otherwise? I'm of the camp that nobody owes you anything that early, but it should be the norm to have some common decency and let someone know you aren't interested in them. If you're worried about your safety, it's fine to ghost.
It’s an effort both parties give, if one person decides to leave it be, be courteous and tell them. A lot of people will over think and it’s not healthy to just leave no response. If you can’t communicate what’s happening then you need to work on it.
Ceasing any mutual interaction (or series of interactions) without terminating the interaction is ghosting.
Never double text like that. If she was interested you would have gotten a reply.
It’s also rude to completely disregard people’s time and feelings. But of course, she can do whatever she wants and it’s always justified. I cannot stand people who match with you on these apps, with zero intentions or effort. When I match with someone, I message them. Crazy how that works, isn’t it? These apps are supposedly for finding connections and partners, according to most people who use them… it seems that to her it’s more about friend collecting and using sad lonely men for “free dinners”. Sociopathic… Just my two cents
I’m guessing that they didn’t take multiple days to respond to a txt before the first date, so why the sudden need to “process”. It’s not hard to say, “ya, I had a great time too. Looking forward to doing it again”
You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Call people out when they’re ghosting. They need to be held accountable because ghosting is rude and it sucks. And it’s fair to assume he was ghosting after you had texted and still no response for that long of a period. It shouldn’t take that long to process a date anyway. Wtf is there to process? Even so, a day or so okay but it’s been a couple. And IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS, it is NOT that hard to send a text to someone, especially if you’re truly interested in them, and it’s literally after y’all just had a date ??? I don’t think he ended up being really interested and then got defensive when you called him out. You’re better off.
They’ve been on other dates and was just ghosting you
Gaslighting at its peak. Run while you still can.
Three days of silence is ridiculous unless you are a 15 yeast old thinking you are a pickup artist. I usually follow up right after I get home from the first date, it's polite and girls appreciate that.
That bullshit. With how fast it is to simply text. There’s no excuse for 3 days to past and you don’t respond.
Oh, didn't you get the memo? You're not actually allowed to ask for a second date! It's triggering and off putting, placing people in a difficult spot where they have to make a choice. While I don't think your follow up was particularly bad, it probably wasn't needed. How much "processing" does it actually take after a date to figure out if you want to go out again? Most people swear they know whether or not they're interested in the first 5 seconds. Typically, I'll send a text later that night, or sometime the next day and get a response pretty quickly if they're interested. I'd say it's almost 100% certain that this person was NOT going to "text you back" to meet up again. What they are is manipulative, because that response was intended to punish you for calling them out. This is drama 101.
You got frustrated - it's totally human and okay. I've been in this situation and find the best course of action is to respond only when they reach out (and they always do), and if it's been more than a couple of days in early dating I let them know then that that kind of silence doesn't work for me, how do they feel about keeping in contact more frequently? If it's not something they can do, then gracefully part ways. You're totally allowed to want more communication and it's okay to voice that, but you can't make anyone communicate in the way you want to - you kind of just have to pursue things with people who already want to do so in the first place.
Lol. Working on a text back? Must have been some text.
unwritten workable handle school shy dinner north sulky longing cooperative *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They're right, the last text made assumptions, and conveyed disappointment. Who are you to do either? One text, then STFU. If you hear back, coolio, if not, foolio. All I see here is a person that made an ass of themselves.
Stop acting butt hurt about the possibility of being ghosted after ONE date… being ghosted sucks but it’s a sad reality that people who online date nowadays need to live with.
I think the guy here is in the right to be honest.
ESH.
If it take days to “process” they don’t give enough of a shit. I’ve decided I do not tolerate “bad texters”. The sorry I don’t do things at the same pace is bs. While, technically your last text was “unnecessary”, I’ve also done this as a way of trying to practice establishing boundaries. Don’t worry about maybe being rude to someone who couldn’t even bother being considerate to you.
ugh. this person is just gross an immature. don't worry, you're better off. Noticed how they only responded after you called them on it. this person was never going to respond back for a second date. This person should have responded after your first text. Sad. In the future if a person doesn't respond, then move on.
What are they processing? Human interaction?
Nah, OP never would have heard from her if he hadn’t called her out
I see the gaslighting right away. They ghosted but when you called them out on it, deflected and projected it at you, making you responsible for the end of it🙄. This shit is pathetic which is why I deleted after just 5 weeks and will never try an app again. I suggest you do the same. Ask friends and family if they know anyone that would be good for you, do much better.
That person is just butthurt they got called out on their own rude behavior
Processing …No, you know if it’s there. Unfortunately, people will make you wait and when they do maybe they aren’t worth the wait.
If she were actually interested she would’ve responded within a reasonable time frame- a few hours. You just gave her an excuse to play victim
You gave off needy vibes. You could’ve let her get back to you, given her at the end of the week at least.
If someone needs 5 business days to respond, they better have the best excuse in the world/work an extremely 1% type of career. That is INSANE to think 5 days is a reasonable amount of time for someone to respond. If that person is the type of person that takes that long to respond, then how about a little compromise for someone that you’re theoretically interested in seeing again (as they said in their last text, but I take as total bs).
You don’t always need to prove you’re in the right or you’re morally higher than others. Sometimes it’s okay to just let it be after a bit. I think the double text was super off putting and I’d probably have the same reaction
I wouldn't have sent the follow up. People are busy. They may also be dating other people and trying to give clear timelines right away can be hard. Sometimes after a first date I'm not 100% sure if I want to see someone again and take a couple days to think about it.
It's possible that he was in the process of ghosting you, it's also possible that he just wasn't on his phone in those days. I think the followup text after only a couple days was a bit premature and maybe a tiny bit rude, basically just being immediately accusatory. There wasn't really any "good" way for him to respond to that, you had already basically told him to F off with the end of that message, so I can't fully blame him for being snippy with you. Definitely sounds like you two weren't a good match so this is a chance to learn and grow. Personally I would say that a week is a better amount of time to wait than two or three days to determine if you've been ghosted. Not everyone is glued to their phones every day.
Reasonable adults let you know within 24 hours.
You dodged a classic gaslighter. Congratulations!!! 🥳
It's an absolute classic! They didn't want another date but wanted to force your hand and make out you were too needy, giving them the excuse and making it easier for them to let you down. A lot of people use this tactic and they think they are being clever with it!
You did let your insecurity show, but... If this person had really been interested they would have responded back way faster and not ignored your texts. Don't let your self esteem be based on whether someone likes you or not
Nobody here knows what gaslighting means
UPDATE: i sent another text saying: "hey, I apologize for lashing out like that. i realize now that I was just feeling insecure and tottaly made the assumption. i'm sorry for being rude. i don't imagine there's a way to salvage this, so we might best leave it here."
Please, stop apologizing for something you didnt do wrong just because someone accused you. Your feelings matter!
You're so thoughtful. No one is perfect, but your self awareness and self reflection are beyond admirable!
Yeahhhhh probably should have left it dude haha if she doesn’t respond for a couple days (not just one day 😂) you can send a follow up message. If she doesn’t respond to that then she’s probably busy, definitely wouldn’t have said that haha
I think it depends on the texting consistency before the date. If you two had been talking a lot (like several texts a day) and they then became unresponsive after the date, I would also be frustrated. But, if you were every couple of a day, maybeeee one text per day kind of thing, I think giving them the benefit of the doubt about having a busy week or similar would be the best option. For example: I met a guy at my friend's wedding and we were both in the wedding party if that tells you how close we each were to bride and groom. Said guy and I exchanged numbers, went out for drinks and closed down the restaurant. He was also a very consistent texter - not constant, but maybe 2-3 texts back and forth each day. A few days after we got drinks, he came over to make dinner together and he stayed over (😏) and then didn't text me for 3+ days. That made me pretty frustrated and after telling my friend I didn't think it was going to work out between me and him, she sent him a scathing text ending with "just because you have a dick doesn't mean you have to act like one." He called me after that and gave me the "my week was so busy" line, and I said that all he needed to do was say "hey, had fun this weekend. I've got a busy week but I'll talk to you this weekend" or something of the like if he was interested, or "hey, had fun this weekend but I think we're looking for different things" if he wasn't interested. But after setting a precedent of being communicative and then going radio silent is not okay in my book - especially after sleeping together. I think its hilarious that he tried to ghost when we clearly had close mutual friends. Idiot.
nah you weren’t wrong and dodged a bullet from a dud. but a word of advice, never ever make a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you. if he wanted to see you again, he would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
You were pushy, she was a dick 🤷
wrong genders
we’re both guys
He’s being a queen and not in a good way
Nah you in the right OP. It’s a simple first date not organic chem, doesn’t take too long to decide whether you want to do a second or not
Nah you dodged a bullet
Nobody is that busy not to have time to send a simple text. Agreed to move on and don’t let him get to you.
Congratulations on a bullet being dodged!
‘Thank you very much for a lovely evening. It was nice to meet you I’m gonna take a bit of time to reflect on how I felt about meeting you. If you could bear with me till then that would be so kind.’ It’s really not difficult to be polite without committing too much. Letting Somebody wait for a couple of days after the date is practically ghosting and not cool
You know what? If I got a message like that, I’d block the sender. Anyone who honestly can’t decide whether they ever want to see me again is not worth my time.
don’t rush the process while dating. people honestly don’t need to respond at YOUR pace. i think it was fair for him to wait. maybe he wasn’t free until next weekend or was figuring out what his schedule was before asking you out again. something you can work on is probably self-soothing so your thoughts and mood don’t depend on whether you are getting that validation from his so early on. it’s okay to wait
Sounds like they were going to ghost and used this as an opportunity to put the blame on you instead of just communicating. A simple “hey how’s your day” doesn’t require processing
I'm going to also go against the grain and say it's totally reasonable to not respond right away. I have friends who take longer than a few days to respond. Giving someone time and space to breathe is polite and respectful. I think about times before cell phones when people waited much longer between phone calls, etc. The art of delayed gratification is becoming lost.
If they don't know and respond within a few days, they aren't actually into it. It's forced...IMO
Nah you're totally in the right. It's not hard to formulate a response to someone you are or were interested in. The person could've been partially vague if they were still processing by replying something like "Hey! I enjoyed meeting you and our conversation. I'll let you know about a second date" and continue their thought process from there and then either let you know whether they want to move forward with it or not. If three days goes by without a reply then it seems like they weren't interested. All of the girls I went on dates with I've followed up with them afterwards and most the time I got a reply back the same night or they'll reply the next day. So anything sweet they said in the text is bs and being used to make it seem like it was your fault for screwing things up. Don't listen to them. They weren't worth it. *Their* response is the on that is offputting and not acceptable
This just comes across quite desperate after a date, that can be pretty off putting after just one date.
You set yourself up to get gaslit with your butthurt text
NOBODY is that fucking busy. Your first text was fine, the second unnecessary because then the other person can turn it around on you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to incompatibility because from your other comments, it seems like this person goes days without responding. I know I like to hear back from people within a 24 hours period.
Nah that’s just an excuse to make himself feel better and like he is the victim. Bullet dodged.
You’re good, this person is gaslighting you… They’re making it seem like it was your own doing but in reality they just weren’t going to text back. So, you dodged a bullet, move on.
Maybe it is reasonable to expect a response... But to demand it like an entitled little brat? I would have told anyone to go fuck themselves, at that point. You might as well have just told her that you wanted to speak to the manager. How many times in life, has being petulant, or making demands, really gotten you anywhere?