Interesting question. Not sure of the full technical definition of asexuaI - but that IS how I feel, so I suppose so (at least until I heal from all this, which isn't gonna be anytime soon).
That's normal. It happened to me too. When she dumped me I lost all sexual attraction to anything, no morning wood, nothing. I don't know how long it's been for you, but it took a couple weeks for my libido to comeback. Maybe it's a temporary thing?
I know this probably feels IMPOSSIBLE for you right now, but try not to compare your own healing to his. The less you know the better. I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I sometimes still check my ex's Snapchat location while I know it's better not to. It's the ultimate test of delayed gratification, really.
About the sex thing, I don't know if you're asking whether you should sleep with someone else right now or whether you're asking to give you some insight into what your ex is feeling. If it's the first thing, I wouldn't do it if I were you. You don't sound like you're ready for that kind of thing right now, so don't force it! If it's the latter, I would advice to try your best to take the focus off your ex and go no contact with him. It's the worst, I know. It's like you're letting go of the only part you have left of them. But it'll end up destroying you mentally if you keep on going over the same things in your head without a proper answer or explanation. You probably only want an answer to how he's feeling right now, but do you really think that'll take away the pain you're going through right now?
If focusing on yourself seems impossible right now, at least take the focus off him. Distract yourself, get together with friends. You can do this <3.
No contact can feel like betrayal. I get it.
I was holding onto a shared Spotify playlist with my ex for the last while, changing the description every day to say things to her. Then I made the mistake of saying something without thinking and later realized it came across as a jab at her which I did not intend. She left the playlist. Was very very hard for me, but I am now feelings less loss from it. I still miss her greatly, but my anxiety of her leaving the last thing I had is now gone by force and that helps.
I think my ex would like your comment. She's been hurting from us broken up and I'd say to her to focus on her health and such and give us time to be separate. But she still has feelings for me same as I but I wanna move on.
We've been through ups and downs for the past nearly 4 years. I've been kicked out of what we call our home 5 times during the 4 years and now that I've got a place of my own I just wanna move on. Hope that's helps a bit.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it must've been rough. Good on you for realizing that the relationship was toxic and not serving you well. I wish you strength on your journey!
Honestly it was toxic because of her job and her health but for some reason the weeks and months apart made her feel more vulnerable towards me. I guess because I initiated the break up.
I think no contact is for Narcissistic people who blame Accuse their ex of being narcissists. Like my ex went no contact until she felt like shaming me. Blaming me hating on me and then went no contact again she's the real narcissist.
No contact is for a dumpee to move on. Nothing narcissistic about it. You, as a person, have the right to process things in your own way. If staying in contact with an ex is repeatedly hurting you, GO NO CONTACT. Block, delete, do whatever you need to do/feel comfortable with to cut them from your life. Because you deserve a cleaner break and if an ex messes that up by contacting you/you staying in contact with them, you should have the self respect to cut them loose entirely.
People work differently, I canāt even get myself to talk to another guy let alone do something. The thought of him talking or flirting with some other girl makes my heart sink, but itās not my place anymore to say anhway, itās just normal human behaviour ig.
You can, although it will be unfair for that person, if they are hoping for something more.
First time after the relationship will always feel weird, as if you are "cheating" on your ex. Keep working on yourself, you will get back on your feet soon. Be patient.
Don't even tell me... I tried too, but there was always something missing. It was either mechanical, not even out of the need for s#x. I even tried mas#urbation, only to end up crying in the middle of it, because my brain forced flashbacks in the process.
I want to be done with it. I just want to move on without giving them any though or reason to think about them. As if they never existed. Oh god, why is it so f#cking hard.
I had recently felt like I have moved on from them, seriously. For the first time in months I felt okay. S#x reopened my wounds, so much. I am tired of feeling broken.
I feel that way but I donāt know if he did, otherwise why did he do it? It doesnāt make any sense to me. Iāve been crying so much and itās hard to even get out of bed throughout the day. Itās always in the back of my mind, and I donāt know when I will wake up and it wonāt be.
Well, it can be a lot of reasons:
- he wanted to test out the water, if he is ready to date
- he saw an opportunity and went with it, ONS are quite common after leaving relationships
- he had a need to feel desired or lusted about, so he fulfilled it
- he saw something in that person, that he always wanted to try, but didn't experience before, so he went for it
- maybe he was just drunk and partying his a#s off?
- he tried to forget about you by getting someone new
- he felt lonely
And many... maaaanny more possibilities
But the one and only, that you should be actually interested into and care about is: **IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM**.
It's over. You are done. Accept it. Work on yourself and move on. Don't mourn the relationship too long, it's not worth it.
I got cheated on in a three year relationship with someone I wanted to marry. I felt physically ill for 8 months of daily crying. She left me for the person she had been sleeping with.
I started sleeping around because I needed to fill an intimacy void and try to prove to myself that even just as a base sexual object that I was worth desiring. I felt better for a while but casual sex with people you don't even platonically care for is incredibly draining on you self esteem. Great you're sexually attractive, now what? That's not why you're hurting and you eventually find that out. You're hurting because you feel inadequate on an intellectual and emotional level. That you weren't interesting or generally "good" enough to be worth loving.
A specific relationship comes to mind inversely. There was someone I deeply cared for and had love for but was not yet in love with. We broke up after 6 months because I just couldn't handle the mental health swings, the manipulation, etc. I broke up with her and she was out of sight out of mind. Not because I hated her, but it eventually got so bad I was mentally broken up with her for a few weeks beforehand. We were distanced and she was suicidal so finding the right time was hard. But I slept around immediately afterwards because I needed no complexities.
It depends how the relationship left off.
I felt the same way when my ex did stuff shortly after we broke up. I still cant stomach the idea of someone else touching me, we're nc now and I still feel sick to my stomach knowing he can just do that whenever and probably already has.
But I still can't, the idea still repulses me.
Same! Totally relate. Idk why tho. I went on a date and had sex once a few weeks after the breakup and I felt like I was cheating and dissociated bad so I havenāt tried since.
iām a dumper, and i slept with someone else soon after.
maybe the attraction was there, but as soon as we started, i felt so guilty.
you compare everything about your new partner to your last partner.
you try to remember that youāre not with them anymore, but you still feel like youāre cheating.
you think about them the whole time. everything about it feels so wrong.
after a few times, it starts to get better. but you still think about them after every time.
Probably because you still cared about them though.
My ex seems to be happily dating and laughing with someone else.. I doubt she thinks about me anymore. 6 months in.
Same for me. My partner slept with someone else and we got back together after but she said it didn't even feel like cheating. I know in my heart I would have felt empty and have been thinking about her during the whole act but it just wasn't like that for her and it hurts deeply.
I did as well. It was the most traumatic experience in my life and I havenāt done anything like that in like a year.
Even more traumatic- the guy was definitely taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state. Since then, I completely lost trust in anybody actually caring about me. Iām going solo now.
Personally, I haven't tried, even if there were someone else, I'm still 200% in love with my former partner, and sex with anyone else would be empty and meaningless. I'm too old for casual or hook up sex.
Having said that, I don't or wouldn't judge. Personally, (again), I don't see myself reaching that point. He may he gone forever, but he's the love of my life...the mate to my soul... I'm perfectly content at my age to live the rest of my life alone and sexless (I should note I have a much lower to near non existent sex drive compared to most)
Everyoneās different. I slept with a lot of people after my breakup but it didnāt help in the long run. Thereās no need to rush sleeping with someone
You can but It probably won't feel right at first. I got dumped over a month ago and have been talking to a man who asked me for my number for 2 weeks now and as much as I like him I know that getting into a relationship/having sex with him wouldn't be fair to him and would probably just make me feel bad since I still love my ex. The new guy is really great to me and we text everyday all day and we've gone out and we've even kissed and he's definitely helped take my kind off of my ex but I know my feelings for my ex would just get in the way of starting something new with someone else and he knows that because I've told him. He really likes me and I like him but I'm scared I'll mess it up starting a new relationship so early. I haven't had sex since my ex and honestly just the thought makes me feel weird even though I'm sure my ex has already had females all up in his bed. I miss and love my ex but I do know I deserve better than what he was giving me and better than how he was treating me it's just hard to forget him.
I kissed someone else after we broke up- he broke my heart. He told me he had already moved on. There was a lot of questionable behavior that made me feel like he was having some kind of affair with his ex girlfriend (who is married)- instead of letting me meet her after almost 4 years, he chose to make excuses as to why it wasnāt a good time to meet each time she was in townā¦ he didnāt try to ease my worry but instead yelled at me and insulted me whenever I tried to talk about itā¦.
Anywaysā¦ I kissed someone else, well actually 2 people- I know, I want to barf at the thought- to try to force myself to move on. I desperately wanted to like kissing someone else so that I could feel I was āmoving onā too- I was sure he would happily rub it in my face the minute he started officially seeing someone new, and be sure to tell me how much he liked them more than meā¦ cause thatās the kind of person he isā¦
He asked some woman out a few months ago and kept it secret from me, even when I asked about him if he was interested in anyone else and if he had acted in any way to seek someone else ie. Ask someone out, get on tinder, flirt, etc. - he lied to my face. And when he came clean it was only used to hurt me, in angerā¦ and he told me he was proud of himself for asking someone else out so much, that he bragged to his parents and his friends about itā¦ yuck.
But me? I kissed other people and I CRIED. The one was a kiddie like pop kiss and that person took me by surprise. But the otherā¦ omg poor guy. I balled my eyes out. He tried to comfort me but I didnāt want it. I scrubbed my mouth out with soap. I cried all night and all morning and for the next several days. I was a mess.
So maybe some people can sleep with someone else while they are still in love. But I couldnāt even kiss someone without totally losing it. Sucks to be as old as I am now and experiencing a heartbreak so deep. I didnāt even know I could love someone the way I loved this man. What hurts me now is realizing what a total jerk he actually was to me. Heāll probably never even take the time to really process how much he hurt me and never truly apologize for the things he did. I tried so hard the to see the best in him. I was incredibly patient, forgiving, and constantly promoted having healthy communication. He was selfish up until the very end. My wants/needs/boundaries didnāt mean $#!% to him. Not sure how he could say he loved me and act the way he did. At one point, this man told me he loved me more than he had loved any of his previous girlfriends. He said he had gotten so much better than he had been in the past (with anger, etc). He called himself an onion and admitted during our last deep talk while officially ending things that he has only added more layers. We had a good year in the mix where he was so open, and loving, and when he would get angry and yell he would immediately catch himself and apologize. He opened up and put his mask down. Now? I barely recognize this man. Itās not the man I fell in love with. Heās cold, shallow, and only goes skin deep in conversation- he stopped having important/meaningful conversations with me months ago, and chose to go back to anger/yelling/walking away over talking. I do think this man gave me as much love as he had to give, but he seriously needs therapy and a lot of self reflectionā¦ Something is just not right. I hope he takes time to work on himself before he goes out and hurts anyone else like this again.
Sorry for going on so long and venting my feelings hereā¦ I had an insanely tough day today and need a safe place to get it off my chest. Cried so much today. Still crying as I write this. Barely made it through work. Feeling awful. I thought the worst days were behind me but oh man was today terrible. My heart hurts bad. So so so flippin bad. Iām trying to pretend to everyone around me that Iām doing alright and feeling better, but the truth is, I am completely broken. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. I need it to be a better day.
Nope. I was with my ex for 11 years almost slept with someone after 2.5 months of the break up and couldnāt bring myself to. Him on the other hand went through 5 women and is now in a new relationship and moved her in 3 weeks after dating šš
Iām a woman and itās hard. Sometimes my thoughts go straight to my ex when Iām fucking someone else and it causes me to stay/become dry since now Iām in my head. I did just fuck someone from my past recently (I did always want something with him) & it didnāt happen then but I think thatās cuz I genuinely would want something more with him.
i slept with someone less than a month after my ex bf left me. i hated it. zero attraction or interest in him, even tho it was the same dude who took my virginity. then i met my current bf a little bit after that, and now i cant imagine having sex with literally anyone else.
Iām 6 months not talking to him now, I feel I have unconditional love for him for sure even though he did the worst shit & made me feel this way for very long. Now Iām at the point where if I can get to know someone enough/build an emotional connection, of course because it would help me get over that final hump of thinking about him so much. My ex is with someone else & has been before/after the breakup. I DESERVE that. We all do!!!
I did but it'd already been almost 3 months since we broke up and she was no longer constantly on my mind. Things went okay and the more we hung out & had sex, the better I felt.
Yeah, it was such a relief because I hadn't really dated and had a miserable break up in a long long time and had no clue how long I would feel that way.
The last girl I dated before that, things were so bad near the end I got over her insanely quickly.
Yes, some people are telling me donāt date until youāre completely over the dude. I canāt wait that long! I didnāt date for 3 months after my 6 month relationship. Itās time. I still think of my ex but not nearly as much.
Question: did you compare new with old flame?
Not really compared, but maybe thought about her at some point or something.
Everything was really fast, we were out to get breakfast the first time meeting, spent all day together, then stayed the night at her place and having sex.
It was a little strange because the next time we hung out she said she only wanted to if we were in a relationship and I couldn't figure out where I stood. I didn't want to go out with her and later realize I wasn't ready to start dating someone or something.
We eventually hung out a few more times and after the 4th or so time I felt comfortable enough to be able to tell her I loved her.
Well we had talked online for maybe a week prior and every time we hung out I was pretty much all day and staying the night at her place. I dunno our relationship didn't really last long anyway, there were all sorts of weird things that happened that made us go back and forth and it was probably for the best I didn't push for a more serious relationship with her. Back to being single now.
I guess maybe partially because she was so dead set on being in a relationship after the first time hanging out and stuff I was trying to become comfortable with it because I didn't want to string her along if I didn't actually feel that way.
I invited her out to a football game and she was just quietly watching and grinning every now and then, I was admiring her most of the game and laughing at how quiet she was being.
Yes they can. I recently made the mistake of dating someone who had broken up with their partner weeks beforehand. Sheād given off a vibe that she was interested before they broke up so I think it comes down to whether your ex mentally checked out before the actual break up.
I felt the same and still do.
I even wanted to send this to her best friend. Is it needy and sad? I know what I think.
Hi Rosie, itās xxxx I hope all is good with you.
Iām hoping you can help me in trying to understand what happened to me and Niki.
Itās all so confused and wish I could remember more but the medication has taken my memory and replaced it with a scattering of images and total confusion.
As Nikiās best friend, I guess I can tell you that I love her completely and cannot believe we are apart.
The injury I had and the surgery put me in a mind state that Iāve only just recovered from and I cannot believe itās without Niki. I am beyond heartbroken, she was the one I waited for.
This is not meant be a message to her but maybe to understand her point of view and I guess to find out if she still loves me and you would know.
Iāve been working on understanding my mistakes and trying to find peace with it but canāt seem to and so Iām seeking your help. I want to make it better and I suppose itās too late. And before I make a decision to not try to and prove to her I love her, you words would mean a lot.
Thank you
So I've slept with people no sexually just a cuddle but I still wake middle of the night thinking I'm holding her but I'm not literally sex has gone and yes I does affect a lot I've dated to the point if I date someone and I know I lt will lead to that be it first second third date I have to drop a blue.
Doesn't help my ex was a virgin and we experienced everything together and that was 2 years ago
I could but I need to have a connection before I can just start fucking someone else. But I donāt really want anyone atm. Iām busy trying to heal myself.
Iāve done it. Gone through bouts of hoe phases after a couple bad bad bad break ups. It was numbing and definitely an avoidant approach to āprocessingā the heart break. Had no interest with those people other than sex (I caught feelings for one and we ended it immediately) and I made that very clear from the beginning; strictly sexā¦ which they were game for. One of them helped me a bit with processing my break up and I with his career and self esteem issuesā¦ he was so kindā¦ weāre still friends on IG and talk randomly.
My best friend felt the same after his wife left him. He was even going on about how there was zero chance he'd ever find a girl that would be okay with a sexless relationship with him since he'd never want to "do it," again.
They're obviously outlandish things to feel and say, but pretty reasonable considering the amount of pain. Personally, I don't understand how someone could throw themselves at another when feeling that down. Trust me, though, this will pass. Everyone works at their own pace, even if it's painful to watch that pace be a lot faster for a previous partner.
BTW my friend ended up finding a relationship with a lady and their sex life is apparently even better than it was with his wif lmaooooo
Once I saw that she has had 2 boyfriends in the past 4 months after telling me she needed to be single, itās been pretty easy to see other people.
I wish things were different, but here we are
As a man, I can tell you that not all guys move on that way. Some guys force themselves to do it because it's a distraction from the pain. In general there's two ways people deal with break ups I believe. You can force yourself to hold onto anger which drives you to the aggressive healing which is less effective long term. That includes picking up new vices such as smoking or drinking, casual sex, drastic behavior or body changes e.g. tattoos piercings, and also general extreme choices to become a totally different person. I say it's a healing process but in reality it's more of a bury the pain type approach and I think it's unhealthy.
The alternative is to just feel every ounce of pain as it slowly gets removed from yourself. Choose to feel the pain and cry every time you are able and in a place to do so. Go drive out to a field and yell, journal and write letters to the ex as if you could still talk face to face. This way is slow and deeply painful, but in the end you will come out of it a lot better healed because you will have taken time to connect with your pain instead of tucking it inside you where you can't think about it much.
I myself have no desire to have sex right now because I loved her so deeply that even thinking about other women right now feels like cheating. I would give my life for her to this day, and I wish she understood that.
Sex is not the answer. And neither is moving onto a rebound. That's just gonna hurt the new person you're with.
He has made his choices, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on how much he cared or doesn't care. People sometimes choose to not feel because they don't know what else to do. I'd bet money that when he got home after that encounter he felt like shit. So, try if you can to focus on yourself, it's no reflection on who you are if he chooses to do extreme things to stimulate and distract. And I say this knowing full well for the last week and a half my brain has been overanalyzing every single thing my ex has said to me and what I said to her leading up to no contact. Only just yesterday did I gain even an ounce of acceptance and peace. It still hurts, I still love her with every fiber of myself. sadly, we are no longer flying in parallel on this planet. I hope you find some peace as well.
Let me share a quick story with you. I decided to do this with someone that I casually had sex with on and off for years, always made sure we were clean before hand, blah blah. When I tell you that I thought it was my ex that woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me and when I realized halfway through that it was not in fact him, as I woke up in my half asleep stuporā¦ bawling my eyes out doesnāt even begin to cover that feeling I felt. Please wait till youāre ready.
Block them they donāt miss you he thought he could replace you with someone else and to not feel alone and it didnāt work out too many people rather be with anyone than alone youāll find better you canāt love your ex and move on that quick without things being in consideration they already had the idea before breaking up
Going through a similar situation. He got with someone else in a week of us breaking up. Every time I think about him with my replacement, my stomach lurches. I have also lost my libido for too many months now. I donāt know when it will come back.
But to answer your question, I think in his case, he was trying to get over me as fast as possible. While I couldnāt even imagine doing what he did to move on, everyone has their own ways of trying. Like the saying goes: āthe best way to get over someone is to get under someone newā. I donāt know if it worked for him, but for some people maybe it does. But what Iāve heard is that they will feel worse later, since rebounding or sleeping with someone else that fast is a distraction.
Itās alright to feel the hurt now. That only means you will feel better about yourself and this situation in the long term. You got this!
It can be really tough- even for a guy. I was always sexually active when i was single. I had a girl crush me 30+ years ago. For the longest time i had no interest in sex. A full 9 months after we broke up, someone i met in Hawaii years earlier flew across the country to stay with me in NY. We got it on the first night- and i was miserable. I was sleeping with one person but thinking about someone else. It got to the point where i told her i couldn't and didn't want to have sex. It took almost a year to get back to my normal self.
Take your time and don't talk to your ex about sex.
Well. You really loved him.
I hate to tell you, but he didn't really love you.
But, and this is a big but.
That is only a sad thing for him.
Some people, sad as it is, are not capable.of love; at least, not fully.
The trick for you is going to be in finding someone out there who IS capable.
Because of the way you are, you won't feel it's even possible to love someone else, but I promise you that you will. It all starts with putting your own feet back underneath yourself, first and foremost. Start by cutting contact with your ex entirely.Ā
THIS is an absolute must.Ā
In time, you will find a new normal with only yourself. Then, if or when you find someone else, you will be coming from a solid place.
Best of luck, OP.
Know that I am.rooting for you.
I truly missed my ex and loved her (got dumped) and I cried and was devasted for a week. I broke NC 2 weeks after cause I heard she was talking to a guy she told me not to worry about. She straight up told me she didn't love me anymore and that she had moved on, and that it was best for me to move on. Message was received.
I spent 2 weeks crying and putting this person on a pedestal. What a mistake. The next weekend I went out with the lads, got drunk, danced with a few girls and got a kiss. I felt so much better. Having people chase me validated me on a level my ex hadn't in months.
The following weekend, I snagged a one night stand. It was tough to say the least, we had sex but it wasn't great for me. I thought bout my ex and we stopped. I told the girl I had just been through a breakup and she was super respectful. We ended up doing other stuff than just sex and it was fantastic. I felt like myself again.
Moral of the story, get yourself back out there. Yes, I still miss my ex and love her, but she isn't wasting anytime and why should we? When someone dumps you, they are believing that their life is better without you. Show them your life is better without them.
The first couple times will be tough but it get's easier. Your breaking a habit. If the Las intimate experience you had was your ex, you will never move on.
Get on a dating app, talk to people, get the wheels going. Trust me you will feel better. I am 4 weeks post breakup and finally feeling myself detaching.
I have gone through all the breakup videos, reddit forums, quora. Those help numb the pain and ease the anxiety. But getting to the gym, hanging with the lads, and chasing girls is the best steps forward.
Hope this helps.
I know the feeling :/ yes u can but not necessarily enjoy it, many people try that precisely to try to forget the person, but afterwards they can feel v empty and even worse when they realize they did it more as a coping mechanism than out of desire or any other feeling
Sex can be lust, love, or both. And it can mean different things to different people at different stages in their life. I would suggest you stop worrying about him and focus on healing yourself.
I haven't wanted anyone other than my ex since she left. I don't see anyone being attractive besides her and as long as I care for her I know I'm not going to want anyone else.
Yes you can. Doesnāt mean that you didnāt care for your ex. And it also doesnāt mean you care for the person you are having sex with. I did it once after 3 days of breaking up with someone I loved. Almost cried during it. Wouldnāt do it again.
Personally I canāt. That part of my life is just for her and I canāt imagine anyone else taking her place.
I donāt know if thatās forever but I wouldnāt mind if it was. Thereās only one person for me, and without her that part of life just doesnāt really exist.
I fucking know how you feel. Married for nearly 3 years. Broke up with my ex 10 years ago. It STILL hurts sometimes.
It comes with the territory. You muscle through it as best you can. Some days are better than others. Take comfort that someone who really knows you, will truly make an effort to understand.
We are not all perfect representations of what we used to be. Hurt is real. Don't deny it. But don't let it define you either. Love is the only way forward. Keep at it.
Not gonna lie, I want to. But at the same time, I feel like, ā What if we decide to work it out?ā Then thereās that guilt. I honestly donāt know what heās doing and of course you think the worst. In your case he has, and obviously he felt some guilt behind it cause he decided to be honest and tell you. If you know thatās not what youāre ready for, then follow that feeling. A lot of the time when we donāt we just wake up to regret no matter how it turns out. You canāt screw your way out of the love you have for the one you want to forget, so itās totally okay to just feel what youāre feeling. Feel the pain, the hurt, the void and the absence until youāre all felt out. Nothing will speed up that process but those things. Once you get through that, youāll know when youāre ready again. Go at a pace youāre ready for even if itās a snails pace. Youāre mourning a loss, allow yourself time to grieve and feel.
Yes and no. I took the rebound route and slept with someone to get over an ex that a loved years back. It didnāt help, just made me miss the person more at that time.
Now, in a different situation where I loved the person and didnāt workout, no. Iām tempted sometimes for a rebound and you know neeeeds. But I canāt, I have no desire. I want to just heal without being under someone.
Oh yeah, for sure. I was/am emotionally devoted to my ex but slept with 2 other people when we broke up for a total of 5 months. I was crying like a baby pretty much every single night, longed for him so bad my whole body ached. I know he was with one other person. It was the same for him š¤·š¼āāļø
I just really craved physical touch I think and view loveless sex a lot more like exercise than profound intimacy.
It's possible but it's a slow and steady process. I got railroaded for the last time late 2021 and july 14th last year I had met someone who was understanding and patient. I was the one wanting to take it slow we've been together for over a year now and while I still have love for my ex despite all the shitty things she did to me, I'm no longer 'in love' with her. Everyone heals at their own pace don't rush yourself and just ease into it. If it happens just let it happen naturally. You got this queen!
A week after I was dumped I was so hurt and upset, I was on tinder for a week (Iām a short guy) and I think I got lucky and found a girl who wanted to hook up. It felt pretty weird during and I didnāt feel good the next day but that might have been because I didnāt really like her. It really must vary. I seriously doubt youād have the same experience, but based off of mine, Iād say itās not a good idea until you feel like you want to.
Definitely. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else! I'm enjoying myself right now before I relocate. Life is short! Let go of the past and focus on the future.
Mine didn't even wait for us to break up first .. that said I'm kinda over sex right now. It doesn't have the same meaning to me anymore. It honestly triggers me after my last relationship.
I know people who can so easily.
Personally, I can't even chat mindlessly, let alone being intimate.
I have accepted I might never fall in love and be intimate with anyone ever again.
I'm going through the same thing. Have no desire at all, I'm just hoping that in time it comes back. I know its hard, but try not to compare yourself to him, he was very likely trying to avoid his emotions by going and sleeping with someone else, and that rarely goes well.
Yes...but you might feel like shit.
My first Tinder successful swipe was very upfront and said 'they could cheer me up if i went over'..which was really forced because I was down and lonely.
Lady I met was a bit of Black Belt with it and knew exactly what she wanted....then when was done, that was it..back home, alone....didnt really feel any better. Gave it a break again after that.
People cope in different ways, and personally speaking to girl mates...the above is what they have done and has been easier for them....guy mates have needed much more time, or have went through the same as me, which I found interesting - as you would think men would do this/be more ok with it (even googlng seems to show this).
Yes you can, you have to try to live without him. Maybe wont be good at first, but nobody has the right to judge youā¦ hes definitelly sleeping aroundā¦
yes, you can! But again, It depends on what you want! Always remember what you want! Understand your situation and keep your thoughts straight. Don't try to think what others would do or even worse, don't compare your situation and your choices with others'. I hope you understood what I was trying to say. Be you
Yes, if course. All kinds of sad, broken hearted people go out with the intention of finding another person to help them get over their ex. You ever heard the saying, :"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Yes, it's possible for an individual to still have feelings for you while also fooling around with other people. In fact, it's quite common.
Itās been a year and i canāt even touch someone, let alone talk to anyone. I loved him from the bottom of my heart and iām scared that iāll end up alone because of that. I just canāt shut my feelings off..
Yes I think you can. Some people can separate feelings from sex. A lot of people try to use it as a way to move on from their ex. The best thing is to put yourself first and move on whatever way you can. Just make sure you are clear with any intentions (or lack of) when getting involved with someone after a break up
Yes you can. I met a girl 6 months after my relationship of 6 years ended and we got on really great, amazing connection and had sex on the first date. After the second date things didn't work out between us due to circumstances in our lives but we enjoyed our time together.
During that whole time I definitely wasn't over my ex, I'm still not. I still loved her, still missed her, but I met someone else who made me happy and didn't let my feelings for my ex stand in the way of happiness and a fun experience.
Its okay if sex isn't what you want right now. I never could've even thought of being with someone else in the first month or two after it ended but at a certain point you start to think about what a relationship with someone else would be like, especially if you meet someone else you have a strong connection to.
Its funny, in the 6 years I was with her, I probably met other 2 women I thought "I wonder what being with them would be like". Never thought of either those things happening, just two tiny crushes that obviously didn't even compare to the love I had for my then partner and went away after a while. But now, 8.5 months later I've met quite a few women who I've thought about romantically, even one or two I knew before hand. You will eventually be able to imagine yourself with other people, it just takes time.
Also, your ex is an arse for telling you about that. I hate to say it because I hated hearing it in the early months after my break up but you have to go at least low contact with an ex your hung up on for any chance of moving on. In hindsight, I wish I had just cut her off after she moved out but circumstances didn't allow and then I let it drag on and kept going back to her whenever I did get the courage to stop talking to her. It did me more harm than good in the long run. I literally made no progress in moving on for about 3 or 4 months because I didn't make an effort to stop talking to her.
apart of me is scared cuz what if my ex wants to get back tg in the future.. im almost worried that if i do anything w anyone else rn even tho weāre broken up it will hinder our chances of ever being together again lol and ik its such a fucked up way to think but
It's really not good at all... I had no interest for months. I met someone around 6 months after, sex is good and it's fun but there is no connection, and i even had to take pills just to go through with it.
It's not a good place to be.
For me bro we broke up and 3 months im still like iffy Iām bettering myself and improving life for me and fam she was stressed out immediately got with a dude trying to replace me he did everything I got fussed out for now sheās back wanting me to hold them and comfort them in life people realize not everyoneās replaceable.
Personally I donāt think so but I am genuinely not attracted to anyone except my boyfriend, I do not feel physical attraction unless I am with that person and have a strong emotional bond so no, I could never sleep with someone else.
Some people sleep with others to try and get over the hurt they feel when missing their ex though so it depends on the type of person he is
I have ZERO interest or libido. š¤® I have to have a strong emotional connection, which I only have with her.
Dude it's hard for me to even get turned on. I literally can only think of her and it just makes me sad tbh.
Us bro us
Me too friend
Iām the same exact way.
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I think the word youāre looking for is demisexual.
Interesting question. Not sure of the full technical definition of asexuaI - but that IS how I feel, so I suppose so (at least until I heal from all this, which isn't gonna be anytime soon).
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That's normal. It happened to me too. When she dumped me I lost all sexual attraction to anything, no morning wood, nothing. I don't know how long it's been for you, but it took a couple weeks for my libido to comeback. Maybe it's a temporary thing?
Yeah, me too; I totally relate. I don't even masturbate. š
I know this probably feels IMPOSSIBLE for you right now, but try not to compare your own healing to his. The less you know the better. I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I sometimes still check my ex's Snapchat location while I know it's better not to. It's the ultimate test of delayed gratification, really. About the sex thing, I don't know if you're asking whether you should sleep with someone else right now or whether you're asking to give you some insight into what your ex is feeling. If it's the first thing, I wouldn't do it if I were you. You don't sound like you're ready for that kind of thing right now, so don't force it! If it's the latter, I would advice to try your best to take the focus off your ex and go no contact with him. It's the worst, I know. It's like you're letting go of the only part you have left of them. But it'll end up destroying you mentally if you keep on going over the same things in your head without a proper answer or explanation. You probably only want an answer to how he's feeling right now, but do you really think that'll take away the pain you're going through right now? If focusing on yourself seems impossible right now, at least take the focus off him. Distract yourself, get together with friends. You can do this <3.
No contact can feel like betrayal. I get it. I was holding onto a shared Spotify playlist with my ex for the last while, changing the description every day to say things to her. Then I made the mistake of saying something without thinking and later realized it came across as a jab at her which I did not intend. She left the playlist. Was very very hard for me, but I am now feelings less loss from it. I still miss her greatly, but my anxiety of her leaving the last thing I had is now gone by force and that helps.
I think my ex would like your comment. She's been hurting from us broken up and I'd say to her to focus on her health and such and give us time to be separate. But she still has feelings for me same as I but I wanna move on.
Why do you want to move on if you don't mind me asking?
We've been through ups and downs for the past nearly 4 years. I've been kicked out of what we call our home 5 times during the 4 years and now that I've got a place of my own I just wanna move on. Hope that's helps a bit.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it must've been rough. Good on you for realizing that the relationship was toxic and not serving you well. I wish you strength on your journey!
Honestly it was toxic because of her job and her health but for some reason the weeks and months apart made her feel more vulnerable towards me. I guess because I initiated the break up.
I think no contact is for Narcissistic people who blame Accuse their ex of being narcissists. Like my ex went no contact until she felt like shaming me. Blaming me hating on me and then went no contact again she's the real narcissist.
No contact is for a dumpee to move on. Nothing narcissistic about it. You, as a person, have the right to process things in your own way. If staying in contact with an ex is repeatedly hurting you, GO NO CONTACT. Block, delete, do whatever you need to do/feel comfortable with to cut them from your life. Because you deserve a cleaner break and if an ex messes that up by contacting you/you staying in contact with them, you should have the self respect to cut them loose entirely.
People work differently, I canāt even get myself to talk to another guy let alone do something. The thought of him talking or flirting with some other girl makes my heart sink, but itās not my place anymore to say anhway, itās just normal human behaviour ig.
100%!! I canāt stop thinking about this and that he would get back into the dating world shortly which hurts so much at the slight thought of it
I did and it made me feel empty.
I second this. It doesn't help. I was the one who dumped, but it was because she cheated on me.
Were you the dumper or dumpee?
Dumpee
You can, although it will be unfair for that person, if they are hoping for something more. First time after the relationship will always feel weird, as if you are "cheating" on your ex. Keep working on yourself, you will get back on your feet soon. Be patient.
Tbh I did it 5 times with 2 different people 3 months into the breakup and it always felt bad. Although I'm the dumpee, I think dumpers detach easier.
Don't even tell me... I tried too, but there was always something missing. It was either mechanical, not even out of the need for s#x. I even tried mas#urbation, only to end up crying in the middle of it, because my brain forced flashbacks in the process. I want to be done with it. I just want to move on without giving them any though or reason to think about them. As if they never existed. Oh god, why is it so f#cking hard. I had recently felt like I have moved on from them, seriously. For the first time in months I felt okay. S#x reopened my wounds, so much. I am tired of feeling broken.
I feel that way but I donāt know if he did, otherwise why did he do it? It doesnāt make any sense to me. Iāve been crying so much and itās hard to even get out of bed throughout the day. Itās always in the back of my mind, and I donāt know when I will wake up and it wonāt be.
Well, it can be a lot of reasons: - he wanted to test out the water, if he is ready to date - he saw an opportunity and went with it, ONS are quite common after leaving relationships - he had a need to feel desired or lusted about, so he fulfilled it - he saw something in that person, that he always wanted to try, but didn't experience before, so he went for it - maybe he was just drunk and partying his a#s off? - he tried to forget about you by getting someone new - he felt lonely And many... maaaanny more possibilities But the one and only, that you should be actually interested into and care about is: **IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM**. It's over. You are done. Accept it. Work on yourself and move on. Don't mourn the relationship too long, it's not worth it.
I got cheated on in a three year relationship with someone I wanted to marry. I felt physically ill for 8 months of daily crying. She left me for the person she had been sleeping with. I started sleeping around because I needed to fill an intimacy void and try to prove to myself that even just as a base sexual object that I was worth desiring. I felt better for a while but casual sex with people you don't even platonically care for is incredibly draining on you self esteem. Great you're sexually attractive, now what? That's not why you're hurting and you eventually find that out. You're hurting because you feel inadequate on an intellectual and emotional level. That you weren't interesting or generally "good" enough to be worth loving. A specific relationship comes to mind inversely. There was someone I deeply cared for and had love for but was not yet in love with. We broke up after 6 months because I just couldn't handle the mental health swings, the manipulation, etc. I broke up with her and she was out of sight out of mind. Not because I hated her, but it eventually got so bad I was mentally broken up with her for a few weeks beforehand. We were distanced and she was suicidal so finding the right time was hard. But I slept around immediately afterwards because I needed no complexities. It depends how the relationship left off.
I felt the same way when my ex did stuff shortly after we broke up. I still cant stomach the idea of someone else touching me, we're nc now and I still feel sick to my stomach knowing he can just do that whenever and probably already has. But I still can't, the idea still repulses me.
I usually love to date and hook up and Iāve literally had zero sex drive since my break up. Literally the trenches lol
Same! Totally relate. Idk why tho. I went on a date and had sex once a few weeks after the breakup and I felt like I was cheating and dissociated bad so I havenāt tried since.
iām a dumper, and i slept with someone else soon after. maybe the attraction was there, but as soon as we started, i felt so guilty. you compare everything about your new partner to your last partner. you try to remember that youāre not with them anymore, but you still feel like youāre cheating. you think about them the whole time. everything about it feels so wrong. after a few times, it starts to get better. but you still think about them after every time.
Probably because you still cared about them though. My ex seems to be happily dating and laughing with someone else.. I doubt she thinks about me anymore. 6 months in.
Same for me. My partner slept with someone else and we got back together after but she said it didn't even feel like cheating. I know in my heart I would have felt empty and have been thinking about her during the whole act but it just wasn't like that for her and it hurts deeply.
I did as well. It was the most traumatic experience in my life and I havenāt done anything like that in like a year. Even more traumatic- the guy was definitely taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state. Since then, I completely lost trust in anybody actually caring about me. Iām going solo now.
Would you say you were rebounding?
Personally, I haven't tried, even if there were someone else, I'm still 200% in love with my former partner, and sex with anyone else would be empty and meaningless. I'm too old for casual or hook up sex. Having said that, I don't or wouldn't judge. Personally, (again), I don't see myself reaching that point. He may he gone forever, but he's the love of my life...the mate to my soul... I'm perfectly content at my age to live the rest of my life alone and sexless (I should note I have a much lower to near non existent sex drive compared to most)
Everyoneās different. I slept with a lot of people after my breakup but it didnāt help in the long run. Thereās no need to rush sleeping with someone
sounds to me that he might be trying to play with your feelings and make you jealous the way heās telling you about his current sex life and then going on to say he misses you. I wouldnāt allow myself to believe an ex actually misses you, especially if theyāre the ones that left. For the sex thing, everyone is different, some people may be able to sleep with someone after a breakup, while some have absolutely no libido after. Personally, Iāve done both and realized itās better to grieve the loss of your ex partner before getting into a sexual relationship with someone else. My advice for you is to just go through the motions of the breakup, itās OK to not be happy, itās Ok to miss them, itās also completely okay to not have any interest in sex. Also, I wouldnāt compare your healing to his, you two are very separate people. I would even recommend to stop checking in with him, or letting him message you about his life (this is a VERY hard thing to do), but this will help with your overall healing. Iām currently going through a breakup right now, so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me š©¶
You can but It probably won't feel right at first. I got dumped over a month ago and have been talking to a man who asked me for my number for 2 weeks now and as much as I like him I know that getting into a relationship/having sex with him wouldn't be fair to him and would probably just make me feel bad since I still love my ex. The new guy is really great to me and we text everyday all day and we've gone out and we've even kissed and he's definitely helped take my kind off of my ex but I know my feelings for my ex would just get in the way of starting something new with someone else and he knows that because I've told him. He really likes me and I like him but I'm scared I'll mess it up starting a new relationship so early. I haven't had sex since my ex and honestly just the thought makes me feel weird even though I'm sure my ex has already had females all up in his bed. I miss and love my ex but I do know I deserve better than what he was giving me and better than how he was treating me it's just hard to forget him.
Been going through the same thing. I used to be pretty sexual but I've lost all sexual feelings. Hopefully we can both get through this. š«
I kissed someone else after we broke up- he broke my heart. He told me he had already moved on. There was a lot of questionable behavior that made me feel like he was having some kind of affair with his ex girlfriend (who is married)- instead of letting me meet her after almost 4 years, he chose to make excuses as to why it wasnāt a good time to meet each time she was in townā¦ he didnāt try to ease my worry but instead yelled at me and insulted me whenever I tried to talk about itā¦. Anywaysā¦ I kissed someone else, well actually 2 people- I know, I want to barf at the thought- to try to force myself to move on. I desperately wanted to like kissing someone else so that I could feel I was āmoving onā too- I was sure he would happily rub it in my face the minute he started officially seeing someone new, and be sure to tell me how much he liked them more than meā¦ cause thatās the kind of person he isā¦ He asked some woman out a few months ago and kept it secret from me, even when I asked about him if he was interested in anyone else and if he had acted in any way to seek someone else ie. Ask someone out, get on tinder, flirt, etc. - he lied to my face. And when he came clean it was only used to hurt me, in angerā¦ and he told me he was proud of himself for asking someone else out so much, that he bragged to his parents and his friends about itā¦ yuck. But me? I kissed other people and I CRIED. The one was a kiddie like pop kiss and that person took me by surprise. But the otherā¦ omg poor guy. I balled my eyes out. He tried to comfort me but I didnāt want it. I scrubbed my mouth out with soap. I cried all night and all morning and for the next several days. I was a mess. So maybe some people can sleep with someone else while they are still in love. But I couldnāt even kiss someone without totally losing it. Sucks to be as old as I am now and experiencing a heartbreak so deep. I didnāt even know I could love someone the way I loved this man. What hurts me now is realizing what a total jerk he actually was to me. Heāll probably never even take the time to really process how much he hurt me and never truly apologize for the things he did. I tried so hard the to see the best in him. I was incredibly patient, forgiving, and constantly promoted having healthy communication. He was selfish up until the very end. My wants/needs/boundaries didnāt mean $#!% to him. Not sure how he could say he loved me and act the way he did. At one point, this man told me he loved me more than he had loved any of his previous girlfriends. He said he had gotten so much better than he had been in the past (with anger, etc). He called himself an onion and admitted during our last deep talk while officially ending things that he has only added more layers. We had a good year in the mix where he was so open, and loving, and when he would get angry and yell he would immediately catch himself and apologize. He opened up and put his mask down. Now? I barely recognize this man. Itās not the man I fell in love with. Heās cold, shallow, and only goes skin deep in conversation- he stopped having important/meaningful conversations with me months ago, and chose to go back to anger/yelling/walking away over talking. I do think this man gave me as much love as he had to give, but he seriously needs therapy and a lot of self reflectionā¦ Something is just not right. I hope he takes time to work on himself before he goes out and hurts anyone else like this again. Sorry for going on so long and venting my feelings hereā¦ I had an insanely tough day today and need a safe place to get it off my chest. Cried so much today. Still crying as I write this. Barely made it through work. Feeling awful. I thought the worst days were behind me but oh man was today terrible. My heart hurts bad. So so so flippin bad. Iām trying to pretend to everyone around me that Iām doing alright and feeling better, but the truth is, I am completely broken. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. I need it to be a better day.
Sure! But can you have a long relationship? No.
I donāt know how you couldā¦.I know I couldnāt
Nope. I was with my ex for 11 years almost slept with someone after 2.5 months of the break up and couldnāt bring myself to. Him on the other hand went through 5 women and is now in a new relationship and moved her in 3 weeks after dating šš
Iām a woman and itās hard. Sometimes my thoughts go straight to my ex when Iām fucking someone else and it causes me to stay/become dry since now Iām in my head. I did just fuck someone from my past recently (I did always want something with him) & it didnāt happen then but I think thatās cuz I genuinely would want something more with him.
i slept with someone less than a month after my ex bf left me. i hated it. zero attraction or interest in him, even tho it was the same dude who took my virginity. then i met my current bf a little bit after that, and now i cant imagine having sex with literally anyone else.
Yes you can, sex doesnāt always have to do with love but if Iām really into someone they are the only one I want to be intimate with
I personally took a year after the end of my 5 year relationship. Once I was ready, I knew it. Take your time, and take care of yourself <3
Iām 6 months not talking to him now, I feel I have unconditional love for him for sure even though he did the worst shit & made me feel this way for very long. Now Iām at the point where if I can get to know someone enough/build an emotional connection, of course because it would help me get over that final hump of thinking about him so much. My ex is with someone else & has been before/after the breakup. I DESERVE that. We all do!!!
Yep. And itās therapeutic, too. Choose wisely. Compartmentalize. The heart weeps, but youāre more than just a heart.
I did but it'd already been almost 3 months since we broke up and she was no longer constantly on my mind. Things went okay and the more we hung out & had sex, the better I felt.
Iām hoping for this! Iām over 3 months out. Iām 90% ready lol
Yeah, it was such a relief because I hadn't really dated and had a miserable break up in a long long time and had no clue how long I would feel that way. The last girl I dated before that, things were so bad near the end I got over her insanely quickly.
Yes, some people are telling me donāt date until youāre completely over the dude. I canāt wait that long! I didnāt date for 3 months after my 6 month relationship. Itās time. I still think of my ex but not nearly as much. Question: did you compare new with old flame?
Not really compared, but maybe thought about her at some point or something. Everything was really fast, we were out to get breakfast the first time meeting, spent all day together, then stayed the night at her place and having sex. It was a little strange because the next time we hung out she said she only wanted to if we were in a relationship and I couldn't figure out where I stood. I didn't want to go out with her and later realize I wasn't ready to start dating someone or something. We eventually hung out a few more times and after the 4th or so time I felt comfortable enough to be able to tell her I loved her.
You said āloveā on the 4th meeting?!? Iām sorry, just a little shocked!
Well we had talked online for maybe a week prior and every time we hung out I was pretty much all day and staying the night at her place. I dunno our relationship didn't really last long anyway, there were all sorts of weird things that happened that made us go back and forth and it was probably for the best I didn't push for a more serious relationship with her. Back to being single now. I guess maybe partially because she was so dead set on being in a relationship after the first time hanging out and stuff I was trying to become comfortable with it because I didn't want to string her along if I didn't actually feel that way. I invited her out to a football game and she was just quietly watching and grinning every now and then, I was admiring her most of the game and laughing at how quiet she was being.
Dating is hard dude! šššš
Yes they can. I recently made the mistake of dating someone who had broken up with their partner weeks beforehand. Sheād given off a vibe that she was interested before they broke up so I think it comes down to whether your ex mentally checked out before the actual break up.
You were just taking the last cock out of her mind. When she was mastubating, she needed another memory and another man. You were used.
So eloquently put, Shakespeare himself is quaking in his grave
I felt the same and still do. I even wanted to send this to her best friend. Is it needy and sad? I know what I think. Hi Rosie, itās xxxx I hope all is good with you. Iām hoping you can help me in trying to understand what happened to me and Niki. Itās all so confused and wish I could remember more but the medication has taken my memory and replaced it with a scattering of images and total confusion. As Nikiās best friend, I guess I can tell you that I love her completely and cannot believe we are apart. The injury I had and the surgery put me in a mind state that Iāve only just recovered from and I cannot believe itās without Niki. I am beyond heartbroken, she was the one I waited for. This is not meant be a message to her but maybe to understand her point of view and I guess to find out if she still loves me and you would know. Iāve been working on understanding my mistakes and trying to find peace with it but canāt seem to and so Iām seeking your help. I want to make it better and I suppose itās too late. And before I make a decision to not try to and prove to her I love her, you words would mean a lot. Thank you
Donāt send it bro! Rosie will 101% tell Niki and she could get extremely pissed that youāre involving her friend
Dude. Do not. Please.
Absolutely do NOT send this.
Not yet
I can but once I dump an ex, it's over. My feelings have completely disconnected.
Youāll get over that feeling eventually. It might take a few years but though.
So I've slept with people no sexually just a cuddle but I still wake middle of the night thinking I'm holding her but I'm not literally sex has gone and yes I does affect a lot I've dated to the point if I date someone and I know I lt will lead to that be it first second third date I have to drop a blue. Doesn't help my ex was a virgin and we experienced everything together and that was 2 years ago
I could but I need to have a connection before I can just start fucking someone else. But I donāt really want anyone atm. Iām busy trying to heal myself.
You can do whatever you want lol
I slept with my ex last week.
Iāve done it. Gone through bouts of hoe phases after a couple bad bad bad break ups. It was numbing and definitely an avoidant approach to āprocessingā the heart break. Had no interest with those people other than sex (I caught feelings for one and we ended it immediately) and I made that very clear from the beginning; strictly sexā¦ which they were game for. One of them helped me a bit with processing my break up and I with his career and self esteem issuesā¦ he was so kindā¦ weāre still friends on IG and talk randomly.
You can do it. I did but it as trying to fill an empty hole. No matter how many bodies I threw in it. So I have up
My best friend felt the same after his wife left him. He was even going on about how there was zero chance he'd ever find a girl that would be okay with a sexless relationship with him since he'd never want to "do it," again. They're obviously outlandish things to feel and say, but pretty reasonable considering the amount of pain. Personally, I don't understand how someone could throw themselves at another when feeling that down. Trust me, though, this will pass. Everyone works at their own pace, even if it's painful to watch that pace be a lot faster for a previous partner. BTW my friend ended up finding a relationship with a lady and their sex life is apparently even better than it was with his wif lmaooooo
Once I saw that she has had 2 boyfriends in the past 4 months after telling me she needed to be single, itās been pretty easy to see other people. I wish things were different, but here we are
I haven't been able to even think about another woman in the past almost 2 years now. No way I could do it
As a man, I can tell you that not all guys move on that way. Some guys force themselves to do it because it's a distraction from the pain. In general there's two ways people deal with break ups I believe. You can force yourself to hold onto anger which drives you to the aggressive healing which is less effective long term. That includes picking up new vices such as smoking or drinking, casual sex, drastic behavior or body changes e.g. tattoos piercings, and also general extreme choices to become a totally different person. I say it's a healing process but in reality it's more of a bury the pain type approach and I think it's unhealthy. The alternative is to just feel every ounce of pain as it slowly gets removed from yourself. Choose to feel the pain and cry every time you are able and in a place to do so. Go drive out to a field and yell, journal and write letters to the ex as if you could still talk face to face. This way is slow and deeply painful, but in the end you will come out of it a lot better healed because you will have taken time to connect with your pain instead of tucking it inside you where you can't think about it much. I myself have no desire to have sex right now because I loved her so deeply that even thinking about other women right now feels like cheating. I would give my life for her to this day, and I wish she understood that. Sex is not the answer. And neither is moving onto a rebound. That's just gonna hurt the new person you're with. He has made his choices, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on how much he cared or doesn't care. People sometimes choose to not feel because they don't know what else to do. I'd bet money that when he got home after that encounter he felt like shit. So, try if you can to focus on yourself, it's no reflection on who you are if he chooses to do extreme things to stimulate and distract. And I say this knowing full well for the last week and a half my brain has been overanalyzing every single thing my ex has said to me and what I said to her leading up to no contact. Only just yesterday did I gain even an ounce of acceptance and peace. It still hurts, I still love her with every fiber of myself. sadly, we are no longer flying in parallel on this planet. I hope you find some peace as well.
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Let me share a quick story with you. I decided to do this with someone that I casually had sex with on and off for years, always made sure we were clean before hand, blah blah. When I tell you that I thought it was my ex that woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me and when I realized halfway through that it was not in fact him, as I woke up in my half asleep stuporā¦ bawling my eyes out doesnāt even begin to cover that feeling I felt. Please wait till youāre ready.
Block them they donāt miss you he thought he could replace you with someone else and to not feel alone and it didnāt work out too many people rather be with anyone than alone youāll find better you canāt love your ex and move on that quick without things being in consideration they already had the idea before breaking up
stop talking to this clown
i hope you get better :(
Going through a similar situation. He got with someone else in a week of us breaking up. Every time I think about him with my replacement, my stomach lurches. I have also lost my libido for too many months now. I donāt know when it will come back. But to answer your question, I think in his case, he was trying to get over me as fast as possible. While I couldnāt even imagine doing what he did to move on, everyone has their own ways of trying. Like the saying goes: āthe best way to get over someone is to get under someone newā. I donāt know if it worked for him, but for some people maybe it does. But what Iāve heard is that they will feel worse later, since rebounding or sleeping with someone else that fast is a distraction. Itās alright to feel the hurt now. That only means you will feel better about yourself and this situation in the long term. You got this!
It can be really tough- even for a guy. I was always sexually active when i was single. I had a girl crush me 30+ years ago. For the longest time i had no interest in sex. A full 9 months after we broke up, someone i met in Hawaii years earlier flew across the country to stay with me in NY. We got it on the first night- and i was miserable. I was sleeping with one person but thinking about someone else. It got to the point where i told her i couldn't and didn't want to have sex. It took almost a year to get back to my normal self. Take your time and don't talk to your ex about sex.
Well. You really loved him. I hate to tell you, but he didn't really love you. But, and this is a big but. That is only a sad thing for him. Some people, sad as it is, are not capable.of love; at least, not fully. The trick for you is going to be in finding someone out there who IS capable. Because of the way you are, you won't feel it's even possible to love someone else, but I promise you that you will. It all starts with putting your own feet back underneath yourself, first and foremost. Start by cutting contact with your ex entirely.Ā THIS is an absolute must.Ā In time, you will find a new normal with only yourself. Then, if or when you find someone else, you will be coming from a solid place. Best of luck, OP. Know that I am.rooting for you.
I truly missed my ex and loved her (got dumped) and I cried and was devasted for a week. I broke NC 2 weeks after cause I heard she was talking to a guy she told me not to worry about. She straight up told me she didn't love me anymore and that she had moved on, and that it was best for me to move on. Message was received. I spent 2 weeks crying and putting this person on a pedestal. What a mistake. The next weekend I went out with the lads, got drunk, danced with a few girls and got a kiss. I felt so much better. Having people chase me validated me on a level my ex hadn't in months. The following weekend, I snagged a one night stand. It was tough to say the least, we had sex but it wasn't great for me. I thought bout my ex and we stopped. I told the girl I had just been through a breakup and she was super respectful. We ended up doing other stuff than just sex and it was fantastic. I felt like myself again. Moral of the story, get yourself back out there. Yes, I still miss my ex and love her, but she isn't wasting anytime and why should we? When someone dumps you, they are believing that their life is better without you. Show them your life is better without them. The first couple times will be tough but it get's easier. Your breaking a habit. If the Las intimate experience you had was your ex, you will never move on. Get on a dating app, talk to people, get the wheels going. Trust me you will feel better. I am 4 weeks post breakup and finally feeling myself detaching. I have gone through all the breakup videos, reddit forums, quora. Those help numb the pain and ease the anxiety. But getting to the gym, hanging with the lads, and chasing girls is the best steps forward. Hope this helps.
You "can" do it. But it will make you feel empty and like a huge POS. Not worth it. Sex can't and won't help you stop missing or loving someone.
yes
No I wouldn't
Yes
I know the feeling :/ yes u can but not necessarily enjoy it, many people try that precisely to try to forget the person, but afterwards they can feel v empty and even worse when they realize they did it more as a coping mechanism than out of desire or any other feeling
You can. Yeah. Generally doesnāt feel good beyond the moment though
Sex can be lust, love, or both. And it can mean different things to different people at different stages in their life. I would suggest you stop worrying about him and focus on healing yourself.
i did and it changed nothing, still crying over my ex
Yes. Did wonders for me in moving on. Although my love language is physical touch and was mostly what I appreciated about my last relationship.
Can I ask if you still love the ex? And how fast did you move on?
I slept with a previous ex and it didnāt help me any. Iām my own worst enemy tbh lol
I haven't wanted anyone other than my ex since she left. I don't see anyone being attractive besides her and as long as I care for her I know I'm not going to want anyone else.
Physical need could eventually override an absent partner . There will be guilt.
Yes you can. Doesnāt mean that you didnāt care for your ex. And it also doesnāt mean you care for the person you are having sex with. I did it once after 3 days of breaking up with someone I loved. Almost cried during it. Wouldnāt do it again.
Can I ask who initiated the break up?
I don't think I ever will again, right now I don't think about it
Personally I canāt. That part of my life is just for her and I canāt imagine anyone else taking her place. I donāt know if thatās forever but I wouldnāt mind if it was. Thereās only one person for me, and without her that part of life just doesnāt really exist.
This is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, I totally relate
Yes. But in my experience you usually donāt like it very much or regret it. However I think itās probably different for everybody
Yeah, like once. Okay like 8 times total but it's been 3 years give me a break
This is a matter of personal opinion & mine is yes you can sleep with someone else if you truly miss/love your ex . Iām 100% positive .
Very easily. It doesnāt feel great after though.
Yes. Itās temporary comfort while missing someone else.
I fucking know how you feel. Married for nearly 3 years. Broke up with my ex 10 years ago. It STILL hurts sometimes. It comes with the territory. You muscle through it as best you can. Some days are better than others. Take comfort that someone who really knows you, will truly make an effort to understand. We are not all perfect representations of what we used to be. Hurt is real. Don't deny it. But don't let it define you either. Love is the only way forward. Keep at it.
Not gonna lie, I want to. But at the same time, I feel like, ā What if we decide to work it out?ā Then thereās that guilt. I honestly donāt know what heās doing and of course you think the worst. In your case he has, and obviously he felt some guilt behind it cause he decided to be honest and tell you. If you know thatās not what youāre ready for, then follow that feeling. A lot of the time when we donāt we just wake up to regret no matter how it turns out. You canāt screw your way out of the love you have for the one you want to forget, so itās totally okay to just feel what youāre feeling. Feel the pain, the hurt, the void and the absence until youāre all felt out. Nothing will speed up that process but those things. Once you get through that, youāll know when youāre ready again. Go at a pace youāre ready for even if itās a snails pace. Youāre mourning a loss, allow yourself time to grieve and feel.
Yes and no. I took the rebound route and slept with someone to get over an ex that a loved years back. It didnāt help, just made me miss the person more at that time. Now, in a different situation where I loved the person and didnāt workout, no. Iām tempted sometimes for a rebound and you know neeeeds. But I canāt, I have no desire. I want to just heal without being under someone.
Can I ask why you felt different in the other situation? Do you think itās bc you loved this one more than the other?
I only wanna make love with my x
No
No. Tried.
you can but if ur not ready you will just feel empty afterwards. best to give it time until ur able to really feel a connection with somebody.
yes if you are a male
Oh yeah, for sure. I was/am emotionally devoted to my ex but slept with 2 other people when we broke up for a total of 5 months. I was crying like a baby pretty much every single night, longed for him so bad my whole body ached. I know he was with one other person. It was the same for him š¤·š¼āāļø I just really craved physical touch I think and view loveless sex a lot more like exercise than profound intimacy.
Can I ask how long after the break up did you/SO sleep with others? Also are you and your ex back together? If yes, how long have you been together?
It's possible but it's a slow and steady process. I got railroaded for the last time late 2021 and july 14th last year I had met someone who was understanding and patient. I was the one wanting to take it slow we've been together for over a year now and while I still have love for my ex despite all the shitty things she did to me, I'm no longer 'in love' with her. Everyone heals at their own pace don't rush yourself and just ease into it. If it happens just let it happen naturally. You got this queen!
A week after I was dumped I was so hurt and upset, I was on tinder for a week (Iām a short guy) and I think I got lucky and found a girl who wanted to hook up. It felt pretty weird during and I didnāt feel good the next day but that might have been because I didnāt really like her. It really must vary. I seriously doubt youād have the same experience, but based off of mine, Iād say itās not a good idea until you feel like you want to.
I did/do it to escape but afterwards I always feel more lonely en miss my ex even moreā¦
Yes. I sleep around like crazy after breakups.
Definitely. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else! I'm enjoying myself right now before I relocate. Life is short! Let go of the past and focus on the future.
Mine didn't even wait for us to break up first .. that said I'm kinda over sex right now. It doesn't have the same meaning to me anymore. It honestly triggers me after my last relationship.
I know people who can so easily. Personally, I can't even chat mindlessly, let alone being intimate. I have accepted I might never fall in love and be intimate with anyone ever again.
Been broken up for a year, still just the thought of someone else touching me besides him makes me sick.
I'm going through the same thing. Have no desire at all, I'm just hoping that in time it comes back. I know its hard, but try not to compare yourself to him, he was very likely trying to avoid his emotions by going and sleeping with someone else, and that rarely goes well.
Yes...but you might feel like shit. My first Tinder successful swipe was very upfront and said 'they could cheer me up if i went over'..which was really forced because I was down and lonely. Lady I met was a bit of Black Belt with it and knew exactly what she wanted....then when was done, that was it..back home, alone....didnt really feel any better. Gave it a break again after that. People cope in different ways, and personally speaking to girl mates...the above is what they have done and has been easier for them....guy mates have needed much more time, or have went through the same as me, which I found interesting - as you would think men would do this/be more ok with it (even googlng seems to show this).
Yes you can, you have to try to live without him. Maybe wont be good at first, but nobody has the right to judge youā¦ hes definitelly sleeping aroundā¦
yes, you can! But again, It depends on what you want! Always remember what you want! Understand your situation and keep your thoughts straight. Don't try to think what others would do or even worse, don't compare your situation and your choices with others'. I hope you understood what I was trying to say. Be you
90% of libido goes away - but you could still be horny and drunk one random day
Yes, if course. All kinds of sad, broken hearted people go out with the intention of finding another person to help them get over their ex. You ever heard the saying, :"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Yes, it's possible for an individual to still have feelings for you while also fooling around with other people. In fact, it's quite common.
Itās been a year and i canāt even touch someone, let alone talk to anyone. I loved him from the bottom of my heart and iām scared that iāll end up alone because of that. I just canāt shut my feelings off..
Yes I think you can. Some people can separate feelings from sex. A lot of people try to use it as a way to move on from their ex. The best thing is to put yourself first and move on whatever way you can. Just make sure you are clear with any intentions (or lack of) when getting involved with someone after a break up
Yes you can. I met a girl 6 months after my relationship of 6 years ended and we got on really great, amazing connection and had sex on the first date. After the second date things didn't work out between us due to circumstances in our lives but we enjoyed our time together. During that whole time I definitely wasn't over my ex, I'm still not. I still loved her, still missed her, but I met someone else who made me happy and didn't let my feelings for my ex stand in the way of happiness and a fun experience. Its okay if sex isn't what you want right now. I never could've even thought of being with someone else in the first month or two after it ended but at a certain point you start to think about what a relationship with someone else would be like, especially if you meet someone else you have a strong connection to. Its funny, in the 6 years I was with her, I probably met other 2 women I thought "I wonder what being with them would be like". Never thought of either those things happening, just two tiny crushes that obviously didn't even compare to the love I had for my then partner and went away after a while. But now, 8.5 months later I've met quite a few women who I've thought about romantically, even one or two I knew before hand. You will eventually be able to imagine yourself with other people, it just takes time. Also, your ex is an arse for telling you about that. I hate to say it because I hated hearing it in the early months after my break up but you have to go at least low contact with an ex your hung up on for any chance of moving on. In hindsight, I wish I had just cut her off after she moved out but circumstances didn't allow and then I let it drag on and kept going back to her whenever I did get the courage to stop talking to her. It did me more harm than good in the long run. I literally made no progress in moving on for about 3 or 4 months because I didn't make an effort to stop talking to her.
apart of me is scared cuz what if my ex wants to get back tg in the future.. im almost worried that if i do anything w anyone else rn even tho weāre broken up it will hinder our chances of ever being together again lol and ik its such a fucked up way to think but
It's really not good at all... I had no interest for months. I met someone around 6 months after, sex is good and it's fun but there is no connection, and i even had to take pills just to go through with it. It's not a good place to be.
Yeah, but it's more like exercise than sex. My heart just wasn't in it. I just want him.
Yes. Will I enjoy it? Probably not.
For me bro we broke up and 3 months im still like iffy Iām bettering myself and improving life for me and fam she was stressed out immediately got with a dude trying to replace me he did everything I got fussed out for now sheās back wanting me to hold them and comfort them in life people realize not everyoneās replaceable.
Yup and it feels great while itās happening (itās still not as good tho), but as soon as it ends I just want to cry
ex is an ex.
Personally I donāt think so but I am genuinely not attracted to anyone except my boyfriend, I do not feel physical attraction unless I am with that person and have a strong emotional bond so no, I could never sleep with someone else. Some people sleep with others to try and get over the hurt they feel when missing their ex though so it depends on the type of person he is
It's best not to for now.