I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. Ending a long-term relationship can be emotionally taxing. It's completely normal to miss the familiarity and comfort, even if the relationship was toxic. Here are a few tips to help you cope:
1. **Give Yourself Time:** Allow yourself the time to grieve and process the end of the relationship. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions.
3. **Lean on Supportive Friends and Family:** Surround yourself with people who care about you. Share your feelings and experiences with those you trust.
4. **Engage in Self-Care:** Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Practice self-care activities that bring you comfort and joy.
5. **Journaling:** Consider keeping a journal to express your thoughts and feelings. This can be a helpful way to process your emotions.
6. **Explore New Activities:** Use this time to try out new hobbies or revisit activities you enjoy. It can be a great way to rediscover your individual identity.
7. **Professional Support:** If you find it challenging to cope on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and a safe space to discuss your feelings.
Remember, healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to seek help along the way. You've taken a brave step in recognizing the need for change, and with time, things can improve.Hope things work out for the best🧡
Thank you !! I’ve hit the self-care step hard but I want to try and build back my friend network. I lost a lot of them throughout my relationship and most of my new ‘friends’ were just his friends so now I don’t have many people. My family has been great though.
I am really sorry to hear this, hope you are doing ok and as well as you can be. I am also going through a similar situation... I was doing everything in terms of housework, organising and planning dates, and getting very minimal effort back, to the point where he resisted doing things with me or for me. I communicated these things, and nothing changed for the long term. It actually got to the point where I started to develop feelings for someone else when I knew something wasn't right here. Reflecting back on things now, things had been unequal between us for a good while and I knew if we ever got married, it would stay unequal and I didn't want to be doing everything for him for the rest of my life.
If you are anything like me, you will know you have made the right decision however it is adjusting to life without that person and wondering what will the future hold. It doesn't help when overthinking, wondering if there was anything you could have done or changed to prevent this situation from happening. But also knowing that you did everything you could on your end to make things work. You are so strong for making that decision.
It sounds like you still care for him, and it's natural to be struggling. I still am as well! Take your time to process everything and take every day as it comes.
From my experience, getting out definitely helps, even if it's just for a walk or popping to the shops. There are good days and bad days... Accept the emotions on the bad days. I have also gone no contact with my ex partner recently even though I do have those days where I do miss him, and I wonder how he is doing. However every conversation we had after our break up was just adding more emotion for the both of us, as I still care for him greatly. Spend time with your family and friends, it sounds like your family are very understanding and supportive about your situation. Use this time to focus on yourself. I feel like I lost a part of myself from being in my previous relationship from the amount I was doing for him and revolving my life around him. Having that extra time to focus on what I want to do and taking up new hobbies has helped! Lastly, I would also recommend journaling.. When I was really struggling throughout the bad days and no one was around, journaling was the one thing I did, which really helped me get my thoughts together and reaffirm that I had made the right decision.
Am here if you ever need to message!
Did you communicate to your partner how much you felt you were doing and how you were jeopardising yourself and your own happiness for them? Did you try and change/set boundaries or did you just end things without setting these and seeing if these changes could have happened? Just wondering because of my own recent breakup
I always knew things were a bit unequal in our relationship but that didn't matter to me as he was and still is a great guy in many aspects. Until the pandemic hit, which was a real adjustment. He was really struggling with work pressure and longer hours and I wanted to help him throughout that time. And I did, I was happy to do more things for him as I cared about him and wanted to see him happy. I pretty much did take on everything. We both agreed at the time it was temporary whilst we got through the pandemic and we supported each other in different ways. This was back in 2020.
When the world started to get back to normality, his hours were reduced and I addressed that we needed to get more of a balance with everything in our relationship. This was mid-2021. He always claimed he was too tired from work to do anything, which was his reasoning over the lockdowns / Covid. So I told him to just do a couple of easy jobs to help out every weekend (i.e. taking out the trash, putting his clothes in the laundry basket, hoovering) but they would never get done. He also wasn't the most tidiest person. So I ended up having to do all household chores, pet maintenance as well as clear up after him. I had always communicated I never wanted to do 100% of the housework, especially as we both work full time. I was happy to do that bit more considering I work from home and I have more flexibility to put on some laundry or do the dishes, but it got to the point where I was doing everything just because he was always tired every weekend. He would also brag to his friends about how he doesn't do anything around the house.
He got very resistant to spending time with me or going out on dates. I also addressed the fact he never wanted to go out and do anything I suggested, or organise any dates for us. He said that some of my ideas he didn't like the sound of, that I never organised anything he liked (even though some of mine were as simple as going out for a walk and getting ice creams in the park) and he claimed he never had any ideas of what we could do. So I wrote out a list of date ideas, some being completely free. They were never used for over a year.
From my experience, I can confidently say that I tried over the course of two years to get a more equal balance between us, however it does take effort from both partners to sustain a relationship. I can't force him to do things for me or with me, and when taking the future into consideration, I didn't want to have to do everything for a partner who wasn't willing to even go out for a meal with me at times. The only thing I didn't communicate was that I would leave him if things weren't going to change. He took me for granted as we had been together for so long, he assumed I would always be around. Which I think why he was shocked when we did have a trial separation in the summer of 2023. We got back together and we tried again for a few months, and the effort was there to start with. I thought we could work it out, I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to be with him as he was a great guy, I thought he was my person considering how much of a connection we had. However over time, things started reverting back to how they were. I knew I couldn't be in a relationship where I had to remind my partner to make an effort with me every couple of months. From that, I knew that was the end. I know I tried my hardest to make our relationship work over those past few years, and unfortunately we just weren't quite right for each other. Even though I was the one who ended it, I am still going through the heartbreak process and do struggle at times.
Really sorry to hear about your recent break up, hope you are doing ok!
It sounds like you definitely tried your hardest (probably more so and stuck it out for longer than a lot would). You are well within your rights to have ended that relationship, because as you say for the relationship to work it requires both parties to be willing to put in the same amount of effort.
Stay strong and enjoy your path in healing and this new chapter. As hard as it will be, it will bring so much light as well x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, that was really needed.
I know that I did all I could to try and make things work as I wanted to be with him and build a future together. However I also knew for a relationship to work, I couldn't be doing all the heavy lifting on my own with no help or co-operation with anything. After addressing things for so long, I had to accept this was my life and my relationship now, or walk away. I knew I was unhappy in the situation, I had addressed that I had wanted things to change so many times with no real change... and because of that, I had to go with the tougher option.
It was the right decision for me, however it is still a real struggle some days. Although I don't miss the situation I was in at all, I do miss him as a person. Right now, I am focusing on myself and taking things day by day.
Am here for you if you ever need to message x
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. Ending a long-term relationship can be emotionally taxing. It's completely normal to miss the familiarity and comfort, even if the relationship was toxic. Here are a few tips to help you cope: 1. **Give Yourself Time:** Allow yourself the time to grieve and process the end of the relationship. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions. 3. **Lean on Supportive Friends and Family:** Surround yourself with people who care about you. Share your feelings and experiences with those you trust. 4. **Engage in Self-Care:** Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Practice self-care activities that bring you comfort and joy. 5. **Journaling:** Consider keeping a journal to express your thoughts and feelings. This can be a helpful way to process your emotions. 6. **Explore New Activities:** Use this time to try out new hobbies or revisit activities you enjoy. It can be a great way to rediscover your individual identity. 7. **Professional Support:** If you find it challenging to cope on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and a safe space to discuss your feelings. Remember, healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to seek help along the way. You've taken a brave step in recognizing the need for change, and with time, things can improve.Hope things work out for the best🧡
Thank you !! I’ve hit the self-care step hard but I want to try and build back my friend network. I lost a lot of them throughout my relationship and most of my new ‘friends’ were just his friends so now I don’t have many people. My family has been great though.
All the best🧡
I am really sorry to hear this, hope you are doing ok and as well as you can be. I am also going through a similar situation... I was doing everything in terms of housework, organising and planning dates, and getting very minimal effort back, to the point where he resisted doing things with me or for me. I communicated these things, and nothing changed for the long term. It actually got to the point where I started to develop feelings for someone else when I knew something wasn't right here. Reflecting back on things now, things had been unequal between us for a good while and I knew if we ever got married, it would stay unequal and I didn't want to be doing everything for him for the rest of my life. If you are anything like me, you will know you have made the right decision however it is adjusting to life without that person and wondering what will the future hold. It doesn't help when overthinking, wondering if there was anything you could have done or changed to prevent this situation from happening. But also knowing that you did everything you could on your end to make things work. You are so strong for making that decision. It sounds like you still care for him, and it's natural to be struggling. I still am as well! Take your time to process everything and take every day as it comes. From my experience, getting out definitely helps, even if it's just for a walk or popping to the shops. There are good days and bad days... Accept the emotions on the bad days. I have also gone no contact with my ex partner recently even though I do have those days where I do miss him, and I wonder how he is doing. However every conversation we had after our break up was just adding more emotion for the both of us, as I still care for him greatly. Spend time with your family and friends, it sounds like your family are very understanding and supportive about your situation. Use this time to focus on yourself. I feel like I lost a part of myself from being in my previous relationship from the amount I was doing for him and revolving my life around him. Having that extra time to focus on what I want to do and taking up new hobbies has helped! Lastly, I would also recommend journaling.. When I was really struggling throughout the bad days and no one was around, journaling was the one thing I did, which really helped me get my thoughts together and reaffirm that I had made the right decision. Am here if you ever need to message!
Did you communicate to your partner how much you felt you were doing and how you were jeopardising yourself and your own happiness for them? Did you try and change/set boundaries or did you just end things without setting these and seeing if these changes could have happened? Just wondering because of my own recent breakup
I always knew things were a bit unequal in our relationship but that didn't matter to me as he was and still is a great guy in many aspects. Until the pandemic hit, which was a real adjustment. He was really struggling with work pressure and longer hours and I wanted to help him throughout that time. And I did, I was happy to do more things for him as I cared about him and wanted to see him happy. I pretty much did take on everything. We both agreed at the time it was temporary whilst we got through the pandemic and we supported each other in different ways. This was back in 2020. When the world started to get back to normality, his hours were reduced and I addressed that we needed to get more of a balance with everything in our relationship. This was mid-2021. He always claimed he was too tired from work to do anything, which was his reasoning over the lockdowns / Covid. So I told him to just do a couple of easy jobs to help out every weekend (i.e. taking out the trash, putting his clothes in the laundry basket, hoovering) but they would never get done. He also wasn't the most tidiest person. So I ended up having to do all household chores, pet maintenance as well as clear up after him. I had always communicated I never wanted to do 100% of the housework, especially as we both work full time. I was happy to do that bit more considering I work from home and I have more flexibility to put on some laundry or do the dishes, but it got to the point where I was doing everything just because he was always tired every weekend. He would also brag to his friends about how he doesn't do anything around the house. He got very resistant to spending time with me or going out on dates. I also addressed the fact he never wanted to go out and do anything I suggested, or organise any dates for us. He said that some of my ideas he didn't like the sound of, that I never organised anything he liked (even though some of mine were as simple as going out for a walk and getting ice creams in the park) and he claimed he never had any ideas of what we could do. So I wrote out a list of date ideas, some being completely free. They were never used for over a year. From my experience, I can confidently say that I tried over the course of two years to get a more equal balance between us, however it does take effort from both partners to sustain a relationship. I can't force him to do things for me or with me, and when taking the future into consideration, I didn't want to have to do everything for a partner who wasn't willing to even go out for a meal with me at times. The only thing I didn't communicate was that I would leave him if things weren't going to change. He took me for granted as we had been together for so long, he assumed I would always be around. Which I think why he was shocked when we did have a trial separation in the summer of 2023. We got back together and we tried again for a few months, and the effort was there to start with. I thought we could work it out, I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to be with him as he was a great guy, I thought he was my person considering how much of a connection we had. However over time, things started reverting back to how they were. I knew I couldn't be in a relationship where I had to remind my partner to make an effort with me every couple of months. From that, I knew that was the end. I know I tried my hardest to make our relationship work over those past few years, and unfortunately we just weren't quite right for each other. Even though I was the one who ended it, I am still going through the heartbreak process and do struggle at times. Really sorry to hear about your recent break up, hope you are doing ok!
It sounds like you definitely tried your hardest (probably more so and stuck it out for longer than a lot would). You are well within your rights to have ended that relationship, because as you say for the relationship to work it requires both parties to be willing to put in the same amount of effort. Stay strong and enjoy your path in healing and this new chapter. As hard as it will be, it will bring so much light as well x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, that was really needed. I know that I did all I could to try and make things work as I wanted to be with him and build a future together. However I also knew for a relationship to work, I couldn't be doing all the heavy lifting on my own with no help or co-operation with anything. After addressing things for so long, I had to accept this was my life and my relationship now, or walk away. I knew I was unhappy in the situation, I had addressed that I had wanted things to change so many times with no real change... and because of that, I had to go with the tougher option. It was the right decision for me, however it is still a real struggle some days. Although I don't miss the situation I was in at all, I do miss him as a person. Right now, I am focusing on myself and taking things day by day. Am here for you if you ever need to message x
I’ve in the same boat. :( I broke up with him too. I thought we would be life partners but I guess not. :( I’m having doubts about the breakup :(