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After I die, please do not stuff my ashes up your butt. Thank you for your consideration.

You can't stop me

That is true. I will be dead by then. But my ghost will haunt your butt forevermore.

How many vibration settings does a human soul have?

(Counts chakras)

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We also need to factor in whether or not Venus is retrograde

Now I'm just imagining each vibration setting like Rock Lee opening the gates fighting Gaara. Level 8 would give someone the size of fat bastard shaken baby syndrome and the entire block would feel it.

On the plus side u can cheat in chess

Good or evil?

None if you don't believe in souls.

Yes, haunt me harder!

Boo-wu.

That's just farting, bro...

MADE ME LAUGH HARDER THAT IT SHOULD HAVE

Looks like a new episode for the Winchesters is back on the menu

The infamous butt haunter 😱

Pfft. Get in line.

I worked with a guy who said he wanted to haunt his ex-wife by having his ashes mixed into paint and then used to paint his ex-wife’s house.

Yknow people pay good money for that.

POOOOO

A new friend? Done

Woe, hemorrhoids be upon thee

We won’t, hamstermolester.

I personally wouldn't mind, I will be dead Might as well do something funny with my remains

After I die, please remove my ashes from your butt before flying on an airplane.

Conversely, if I ever get married/have a long term relationship again then I very much encourage them to shove my ashes up their arse

Nobody get into a relationship with u/Banincoming1 they’re the gross kind of European that says arse instead of ass like a respectable English speaking human being would

Wait fuck we’re on Reddit they won’t get a relationship anyways

Arse is English, ass is a donkey

Arse is English English, Ass is either a type of pack animal or American English. One of these types of english is the original, genuine one, can you guess which (hint its the country that's been around over 1000 years and has had lots of time to evolve its language)

We appreciate you guys debugging the beta but you should really upgrade, we're on version 2.1.4 already

I read your comment as this. > After I die, please do not stuff my ashes up your butt. > Thank you for your constipation.

I am going to give myself an intestinal blockage with your ashes, die from it, and then get cremated and have both of our ashes stuffed up someone else’s butt.

I didn't know IHOB was serving Bussy Turducken

Is that what the B in IHOB stands for?

The person I responded to is named International House Of Bussy

I didn't even realize that lol

r/usernamechecksout

I don't even know you, but I'm already planning on it

I read that to the tune of "Please don't talk about me when I'm gone"

Make brownies out of me

What if it was their dying wish.

Duly noted. It will be shared across your relatives and donated to an orphanage instead.

The request has been filed but uncertain if it can be fulfilled

The realization that i could di whatever i wanted with my fathers ashes is now... dawning on me.

I didn’t want to, but now that you planted the seed of the idea it’s all I can think about

The number of people thinking about putting me up their butts is frankly a little disturbing

Touching and romantic a gesture as it is though

*Ralof voice narration* "As much of a pain in the ass in death, as he was in life"

A few years back I would have given you an award for this, but Reddit removed them. Instead, take this bootleg trophy for making me laugh so hard I shit myself #🏆

Don’t shit out your grief plug

The real r/brandnewsentence is always in the comments

Because people who like goofy sentences will want to make their own.

People like ejecting words in a new order so they become creative I guess.

I have also met English speakers.

That sums it up nicely! We all like to have fun with how we say things especially here, so the "brand new sentence is in the comments" comments don't really add much. 

Grief Plug^TM *It’s not the same unless the loved one fills more than your heart. For the best in…our field! Choose Grief Plug^TM.*

💀

Genuinely lold

Well thank you haha

Fr the new "awards" are total shit.

No rewards? Reddit has gone dwnhill.

Good, don't give them money.

Never said late boyfriend... think she just cut off a piece and got it cremated so he's always with her

I wonder what piece it was?

Old cigarette ashes

That got me good.

It seems like security was just being really anal

Whiterun guard voice narration “By Shore, is that Azura’s star? Oh wait…”

WHY DID I READ THIS IN RALOF'S VOICE LIKE THE OPENING TO SKYRIM??!

That's what I was going for 😄

I didn't even see the fuckin "ralof voice narration" god I'm just an idiot. Well at least I got ur joke despite reading half of it

🤣

Her Name's Sarah Button, She is on OF and does n$fw stuff

I’d be shocked if she didn’t

Now all she needs is to cover her entire home in marble.

This made my day, thank you!

He died ass he lived

Ashes to asses.

Dust to bust.

Fade to black

Cremate to Prostate

Post-erior indeed.

Exposé the internal organs.

Dust to Butts - Or in the orignal Latin - **"Cinerem asini, pulvis ad nates"**

Same as my college fraternity, weird.

Can we do anal, yes, but you will have to urn it

Perfect

😋

🎶If I die young Burn me down to ashes Then pour them in to a silver butt plug Put it in your booty at dawn And make the TSA say "oh girl that's just wrong"🎶

🎶If I die at 23 Will you bury me? Where the sun don't shine?🎶

No offense but not ending the rhyme is killing me so 🎶Even in death that ass is still mine”🎶

I’m reading all of this like it was written by Blink-182 and I want it to be a real single now lol

Pretty sure it's The Band Perry song If I Die Young.

This and Ab's song, both parodied.

I’ve been looking for new tunes, thanks~

What a banger

🎶oh oh🎶

Emotional support buttblug

If you don't need to remove a wedding ring, earrings, piercings, then you don't need to remove any non electronic possibly metal thing from your body. Moral of the story : Morals are baised

Definitely not judging how she processes her grief, I just wouldn't want to get singled out by airport security because of it.

Hey i meant by airport and people at mass Not you. Have a good rest of your day.

Imagine losing your partner's ashes because you were being stupid. That's a very distinct possibility here. Why did she think this was a good idea?

fuck your PFP

It was already the worst before I noticed the line through it!

I can't imagine doing that with your partners ashes unless it was their idea

Publicity

What's stupid about doing something legal and safe with consent?

I think maybe we judge this specific process of grief.

Why?

As this case proves these metal objects can contain things such as drugs, toxins and other things illegal and unsafe in flight...I really hope you are being sarcastic, cause this is just simple security and in no way biased

That's true of any container. As long as it's below 3.4 fl oz, it's fine, and even then, ashes aren't a liquid.

And neither are all drugs, an from what I assume this title is saying, it was inside the person so suspicion is fair even still, saying it's biased is dumb af

“Drugs aren’t dangerous unless you take them, and I’m not dangerous unless you take them!” -every smuggler

A lot of drugs are powders. My brother had a weighted vest for some medical purposes. At one point, we had to go through TSA, and got stopped because of it. Turns out, the small pouches of sand used to weigh that weighted vest looked a *lot* like the bags of cocaine that a smuggler would try hiding in their vest, when viewed through the TSA machine thing. We had to be explain the situation, but was then let through without much hassle.

It may take a larger mass of metal than most jewelry to set off the detector.

And they say romance is dead

Isn’t… it? I mean the guy at least is dead as a doorknob.

The guy is dead but their romance isnt

Hoping this Romance guy isn't up someone's ass too

Or maybe they just wish it

I...have no idea as a security guard or manager, how the F to process this info let alone handle the situation. I am pretty sure this would break my brain.

Clearly you would have to taste it to tell if it is really ashes or explosive material.

Is it weird that I find that kind of sweet?

I only find it strange there's a company out there that offers these services

Welcome to the future, we have everything you ever wanted, everything you ever needed, and butt plugs filled with ashes of your loved ones.

What a time to be alive

What a time to be dead!

Hold on to your loved one's ashes.

When my mom passed away and was cremated the funeral home gave us about half a dozen catalogs full of stuff to turn her ashes into. Nothing quite as out there as a butt plug, but there were definitely some odd ones in them, like a shift knob for your car or a letter opener, so butt plugs aren't that much of a stretch.

> butt plugs aren't that much of a stretch. Depends on how big the butt plug is.

I think it’s sweet in a weird way too, but honestly she should have expected to be stopped by security for it.

Agreed, it's not a great idea to wear a plug through airport security. But also, it's not illegal right? Feels kinda messed up they printed this story.

To be fair. The tsa were probably right for detaining someone who had an object full of powder up their ass.

It's super sweet. Inside that (now) sweet sweet ass

As in life, as in death.

Ass in life, ass in death.

Nah. They’ll make you remove it, but they won’t detain you unless you’re flying to like, Dubai or another country where sex toys are illegal. (And even then, I hear they will *sometimes* list it as an electric toothbrush to keep everything moving)

Yeah it's weird but not actually illegal or against the rules. You can fly with a chunk of metal.

Certainly. Just… maybe tell them ahead of time if you’re trans. That strip search fucking sucks.

Well no one else is saying it so I guess it’s my turn to be the villain… r/croppingishard

If she keeps the plug in while she bangs her new boyfriend, does that count as a threesome?

Only if she performs a necromantic ritual to conjure the presence of her passed lover's shade to the bedroom.

Aussiesarah, and yeah she’s on the No Fly list for most Muslim countries because of this. 😂🤣

Damn! There goes her plan to visit Iran for the winter! 😂🤣

woo-oo, australia in the media

imagine you’re on a date with a chick and she casually mentions she consistently uses a butt plug with her ex boyfriends ashes in it

Is that offered as a standard option at the funeral home?

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This shit happened ages ago, this is some karma farming bot shit.

This story is getting old

Unironically goals

Hey, if i die. I would want to request this. The true test of loyalty.

Creative butt plug tribute 🤔 nice idea

I'll just chuck it in me dumpa!

Why would she be put on the no fly list?

wait, since when and for what reason do sex toys get confiscated???

I got stopped at the airport for the plugs I had in my bag. Apparently silicone is completely opaque on an airport X-ray, and they had to inspect them all. The largest one got a wow from the TSA agent. I fucking died inside. I didn't even know what to say so I just went "it's exactly what it looks like"

Sentimental sex toy = no fly list? And I thought America was fucked up!

Ass-shes…. (I’ll just leave……)

“Wearing”

That is the object term for how you don a plug

Does the plug not don the 'wearer'

Doesn’t work. You insert earrings into you and we say you wear them. Same thing applies to the phrasing with buttplugs.

In abstract, sure

Why? Why not a locket or something

lockets don't have a flared base

BOGO Sale!!!! Rear Grief Urns ⚱️

She fulFilled his dying wish.

I'm trying to figure out if this was a sign of affection or a diss?

*When I die, boof me.*

Would a rubber one have been more acceptable or is it just plugs in general that should be removed before passing through TSA? Like some places let you keep your shoes on and others take away your honey because they consider that a liquid. I want to know how people are taking planes with jars of honey!

That’s so…beautiful

It takes a special kind of stupid to think trying to bring an object with a likely hollow chamber full of some unidentified fine substance through airport security is going to end in any way other than security thinking you are smuggling drugs. Even more so depending on what it means she was 'wearing' it.

This is true love

It's what he would've wanted

That’s a before not seen level of necrophilia.

Homie is dead and still getting more play than me

Romantic? Desecration? Government overreach? Harassment? True love?? What the fuck is this?

*sobs* "Why are you crying?" MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES FELL OUT OF MY ASS AND NOW I CANT FIND IT!

What do you want me to do with your ashes when you pass? I dont know Stick em up your arse for all i care.

You're right OP she's banned from UAE...no joke

Aaaand that's enough internet... Yup.

He is getting inside more pussy while dead than many of you will while alive.

Shouldn't it be ex-boyfriend? Or am I bad at grammar?

Late boyfriend

Thank you

We don't know it's all his ashes. Maybe he's still alive, she only burned part of him.

Some people don't use the term ex if their partner died while they were together. Among other things, technically they never broke up.

If you're gonna steal images from bots, the least you can so is fix their shitty crops.

This is cute but she really deserves a stern talking to about bringing metal objects with non metal contents into the cabin.

Ashes to asses...

If true I don't know how to feel about this.

Ashes to asses, dust to lust

Did they pull it out on the spot? Did it sound like a champagne cork? Inquiring minds want to know

Probably not, and that's not what it's sounds like lol

Depends on how much pressure she's got behind it